You are a ghost, or rather one ghost in a large gestalt of spirits calling itself Mr. Bones. You first manifested in the real world when a peasant named Ivan was struck on the head, allowing him to hear spirits, and you promptly began using him as your emissary in the lands of the living. Fortuitously, Ivan had in his possession a Grimoire of incredible power, and within it was a soul binding ritual. Through the usage of dark magics Ivan has given you form on the material plane, the skeleton of a man murdered. Now you begin your true quest. To become the mightiest lich in the land/find a working wee-wee.To read the archives check here:http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Obnoxious%20Ghost%20QuestQM twitter feed for those who don’t want to check QTG for updates:https://twitter.com/DickishDeadAnd a brand new character sheet for the protagonists with tentative stat lines:http://pastebin.com/eUUkwaDe
The Professor looks around over your shoulder “Are you bringing anyone else to be here for the planning, Comrade Skeleton?”>No, Katrina and Ivanka both couldn’t make it. Something about choking on a thousand dicks.Becherski is visibly crestfallen to hear that the two aren’t coming, but squirms to the side to allow you into the huddle. There is a rough map sketched into the ground with a stick, depicting the route the Lindwurms are following. Waldheim is marked far to the south of the thick lines you assume are the Wurms’ migration route.“Finally done darning your socks, skeleton,” Asta says, “Cause I was just about to go off on the plan without you.”>Gods know, if anyone puts forethought into his actions, its this fuckin guy.“I am not sure of whom you are talking, Comrade Skeleton. You are being the most impetuous amongst us, da?”>Sorry old man, sarcasm doesn’t translate well over tex-“Anyway, leaving behind your weirdness,” Asta interrupts with an exasperated look, “I’ve got a pretty fucking good plan of attack for dealing with the Lindwurms, or at least one of them. Dagfinn, the skull, if you would.”
The old man nods, and pulls a tarp off of a large… thing… that you had failed to notice previously. The skull is somewhat like a horse’s, except the jaws are longer and have a good deal more teeth, from lethal slicing canines to massive molars. >This a Lindwurm skull? Don’t look so tough. “That, ya nincompoop,” answers Dagfinn gruffly, “Is the skull of a bleedin hatchling. Scale this boy up till those canines are the size a’ yer legs. That’s a bleedin Lindwurm.”>Yo. Shit, yo.->I concur, this does seem rather daunting.“Well that ain’t all, not even by a long shot,” replies Asta, her mouth pulling back in a wolfish grin. “These suckers got scales thicker than some doors. And they overlap, in the thickest armor in the known worlds. And even if you somehow were able to bash, stab, or hack your way past them, they’ve got enough protective blubber, all you’ll be slicing is fat.”>Blubber?“Yeah, blubber. They’re lardy sons of bitches.”->Well, this is quite the conundrum if I do say so myself. How do you propose we circumvent these adamantine defenses?“Easy, we have one of the let us in.”You know where this is going.>So, you want us to get eaten.“Bingo. And then you carve your way up to the brain as it were, and slice it up good. No one’s ever attempted it before.”“The reason is probably being that such activities would be of a suicide!”>What do you say Bones?>Oh, you know I’m fucking down.>Hey Voytek, you want this one?>Other?
>>29364840>Other?Ask Becherski why exactly it would be suicide, and ask for the specifics of Lindwurm anatomy, if anyone knows them. I mean, do they have rocks in their gullet the size of hills that crush their food? Once we're in, how do we know up from down? Or do we just wing it in heroic skellington fashion?
>>29364840If I go in by the mouth, I come out by the mouth, understood?
>Yo dawg, two things. One, if I go in orally, I come out orally, understand? And two, what’s this about suicide?“Well, it is being suicide as much as jumping into any massive monster’s maw is being, da?”>Okay, yeah I can see that. But if I don’t want this to be a suicide mission, what should I be looking out for? Do they have rocks in their stomach the size of godsdamned hills to crush their food? What’s the situation here?“Uhm…” replies Asta, “I dunnno about the rocks thing, but if everything goes according to plan, you won’t be travelling that far into the Lindwurm. The plan is you stay inside the mouth and attack the brain by hacking upwards.”>Cool. So does that mean there’s like a weak point on the Lindwurm’s skull I can hack through?”“...Shit.”->I am going to assume that there is not, Bones.>Me fucking too. Now what?There is a long pause as all five of you mill around the hatchling’s skull, eyeing one another awkwardly. Suddenly, Dagfinn’s face lights up with inspiration.“So, ya’ll have been to an execution right?”“I am not seeing what this is having to do with our current situation,” replies the Professor curiously.“Well, a decapitation,” Dagfinn continues, speech quickening, “they don’t hurt the brain now do they? Or a hanging, they just snap the spine, yeah?”“... Are you suggesting?”“An internal decapitation. Bones and Voytek here go the the back of the throat and cut their way to the spine, and sever the nerves there.”>An internal decapitation… that’s metal as fuck.->Ignoring what ‘metal as fuck’ could possibly mean is there not still a risk of swallowing by the beast?Asta scoffs at that worry, “Simple enough you big baby. We ties you to some ropes or some shit, and you can lasso yourselves to the canines so you don’t get completely swallowed.”>What say the Bones?
>>29365182We could also cut the tongue and have it choke on it own blood, but that seem like a fine plan.
>>29365182We need to work in us riding Voytek as a necessary part of the plan. "Sounds awesome! I ride towards the dragon on my noble steed..."
>>29365226Also (same Anon) I think we should involve Cat rina in this. I know we been wronged, but one more undead in there could save our lives. Let's just trick her into apologizing somehow.
>>29365239I don't think she'd be the one that needs tricking. That be more for Ivan.>>29365030"I always did dream of going Lindwurm throat diving. Now I can others that I lived it."
We should attach knifes to our knees, ribs and elbows to make it harder for us to go down his throat.And it would look rads as fuck.
lube yourself up with something like antifreezeThat is rather poisonous/toxic but palletable
>>29365364I would think that no matter how we coat ourselves, such a small dose won't do shit to the giant almost-dragon.
>>29365364It would take too long to poison it too death.besides, a creature that large would need more than an antifreeze coated skeleton to receive anywhere near a fatal dose.
I wonder if those super thick scales can be fashioned into a full-plate armor.
>>29365451Scale it back a little, that damned greedy assfuck of an armorerwould charge us a fortune for a full plate armor.
>>29365451Maybe but it wouldn't be as light as the titian beetle armor, which is already super tough armor
>Or we could cut the tongue and have the beast choke on its own blood. That’s like, twenty percent more metal.Asta looks annoyed at you, although that probably has more to do with the fact that a skeleton and an old man came up with sounder slaying strategies than she did. “Listen, I don’t much care HOW the Lindwurm is killed, only that it’s dead ass is on the ground in three days.”>Alrighty then, cool. Hey Dagfinn, a word in private, if you please.You walk over to the side of the shack, a hand on the gruff man’s shoulder.>Listen Dagfinn, how many knives do you have lying around here?“Some like ya, I worry what ya’ll do with them.”>I won’t be knifing up the town, just strapping them onto my knees, elbows, ribs, and shit. Should make me harder to swallow, ya dig?“... I suppose I do. Here lemme see what I can scrounge up, alright?”As Dagfinn disappears back into his house, you wander back over to the two remaining humans and skele-bear. You make conversation with the two humans, discussing strategy and generally proposing whatever ideas come to mind. While you’re doing this, you open up the mental connection between you and Voytek.>Hey, Voytek.->Yes, Bones?>I’m thinking we might be well served having Katrina come along with us.->You want for the aid of a traitor?>Eh. Traitor or not, she’s undead too, and we could use all the help we can get with this Lindwurm.->Are you sure of this? I am personally not so quick to forgive her transgressions.>What say the Bones?>No worries Voytek, it’s all good?>You know what Voytek, you’re right. Fuck ‘em.>Other?
>>29365522>>You know what Voytek, you’re right. Fuck ‘em.I am starting to like that bear.
>>29365522Kinda weird for Vol to say this. Didn't he want them to come along before?Anyway,>Yeah, it was a big fucked up thing to do, but I can give them another chance. Can't say I be as forgiving though if that shit happens again yo.
>>29365522>>You know what Voytek, you’re right. Fuck ‘em.The bear knows what's up.>>29365515With our role in the biggest catch in the history of the village I'm sure the price would be symbolic, if not nonexistent. The lightness argument holds merit, but with our new muscle fibers we probably wouldn't even feel it.Now to think of ways to get Ivanochka to apologize to us, keep our moral high ground and have him upgrade us.
>>29365607>With our role in the biggest catch in the history of the village I'm sure the price would be symbolic, if not nonexistent. The lightness argument holds merit, but with our new muscle fibers we probably wouldn't even feel it.Problem is, it probably will take weeks or months of work for the armorer to craft such an armor.He can't just waive the price, he would probably starve to death.
>>29365649>He can't just waive the price, he would probably starve to death.Are Lindwurms edible?
>>29365589did he?yeesh, I really need to check up on my notes...>>29365658Gristly, but edible.
Alright tho. It seems like the majority is leaning is "screw Katrina" at least for now. Writing.Also, Most creatures you bring into the village are edible, and part of Dagfinn's job is butchering the meat, although another citizen of Waldheim, Halldorr, is primarily responsible for this.Since money is rather hard to come by due to their remote location, most things are traded for, either with goods or services. To this extent, making armor is sort of like Dagfinn's way to pay his "employees". At this point, the Professor and Ivan have both commissioned works from Dagfinn, and Katrina is considering one as well
>You know what Voytek, I think you’re right. No point sharing the glory. At least for now.->Indeed. It would be ungentlemanly to hold a grudge for longer than is appropriate.Returning your attention back to the conversation you catch yourself saying >-t’d be like a skele-bear enema, only in reverse!Voytek gives you what you presume to be a look as you catch yourself. >Ah. Uhm. Proceeding from there, I think that the crawl into the Lindwurm’s mouth and strike from within plan seems like the best bet.Asta merely nods numbly. The Professor’s mouth is still hanging slightly open. At that moment, Dagfinn breaks the awkward silence by reappearing, carrying a bundle of knives and rope. “Alright boney boy, all the knives I was working on from that Titan Beetle Chitin. Try not to lose them, People are expecting their commissions to come in soon… what’s wrong with those two?”>No idea! You reply with forced cheer as you take the bundle from Dagfinn. You look back at the two shocked humans.>Ya’ll should probably pull your thumbs out of each other’s asses and get moving.The two humans shake themselves and begin to follow you into the woods. After a few minutes of aimless wandering, Asta takes the lead, and begins to lead the group in the direction of the Wurms, periodically doing woodsy shit like checking the moss or something, to confirm her route.>What will Bones do?>Bother someone? Specify who and how>Initiate timeskip to Lindwurms?>Other?
>>29366004>>Bother someone? Specify who and howBother Asta and ask if we have arrived yet.Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?
>>29366004We should probably strap all that shit to us and Voytek. Make some plans what to do in case one of us gets swallowed or how we'll be proceeding.I assume we'll be tied together with Voytek. We get in the mouth, tie the ropes to the teeth while Voytek gets a foothold and holds on for his dear life until we're done. Might want to ask him what he thinks of the Bitch squad, i.e. when to forgive them. Raises our points with him and helps with the Bitch squad situation.
After a few hours of walking, it is time. You walk up next to Asta. The huntress eyes you warily. For a few minutes you are silent. Then you strike a dervish made of migraines and colic infants.>Are we there yet?“Wha- no of course not. Do you see any massive lizard creatures?”>Are we there yet?“... oh no.”>Are we there yet?(x35. Would post, but triggers spam filter)“NO! For the thousandth FUCKING time, we ARE. NOT. THERE. YET.”Giggling to yourself you scamper back to Voytek, narrowly evading a slash of the infuriated woman’s dagger.
->I see you’ve managed to find a diversion. Just know that if you try the same with me, my irritation will spill over to you.>Eh. that wasn’t really my intent. I wanted to start getting us prepped for the Wurm diving. At that, you pull out the bundle of knives and rope. ->I am not going to pretend to understand what is going on, so do please enlighten me.>Well, these knives and rope are meant to be strapped onto us. That way we’re harder for the Lindwurm to swallow, ya dig?->Consider who I am talking to, that is actually a pretty good idea. Strap away, Bones.As you start tying knives onto Voytek’s spine, you ponder how best to ask him about the situation between you and Ivan and Katrina.->Easy. You should start off with Katrina. I believe she already feels guilty about abandoning you during the Holemulch incident.>Fuck, I always forget you can do that.->Indeed. In fact, I’m quite certain that simply speaking to her will elicit an apology. I think the only reason that she hasn’t sought you out herself is an overwhelming sense of shame.>As it should be.->Ivan is a tougher nut to crack. He seems to resent you on some deep level, and considering he had to deal with you on his own for Gods know how long, it makes sense. Either way, I suggest you start demanding amends once we’re back in Waldheim.
You spend the rest of the afternoon tying knives onto you and Voytek in silence. The sun is starting to set when Asta calls out from ahead of the pair of you. You and Voytek hurry forward to see what has the Huntress so excited. As you run up to the huntress the woods clear suddenly. Looking around in confusion at the sudden lack of trees, you are temporarily blinded by the late afternoon sun. As you shield your eyes you hear Voytek mumble ->By the Gods.As you take in your surroundings more carefully you realize several things. One, you are standing at the edge of a shallow trench in the earth. Two, this trench is filled with shattered and half buried tree trunks. Three, the trench is about one hundred feet wide and continues on in both directions as far as the eye can see.Asta turns and looks at you. “Almost there.”>What say/do you Bones?
>>29366596Damn, I forgot the pic.
>>29366596Ask how we're getting the carcass back because this might require more than what the villagers can offer. Then silently swear to drive Ivan insane if we die here. Fuck Ivan.
>>29366596I'm rather surprised we haven't heard or seen the damn thing yet if it's that damn big
>>29366596Well, that trench reminds me of Ivana's asshole after the incident at the pub a while ago.
>>29366596>Looking around in confusion at the sudden lack of trees, you are temporarily blinded by the late afternoon sunThat's what we've been missing. Cool shades. For both us and Voytek.
>Fuuuuuuuck. That’s a big fucking… How big is a Lindwurm anyway?“Gigantic,” answers Asta.>Then how come we haven’t seen or heard it yet?“This trail is somewhat old and Lindwurms keep low to the ground. If it got far enough away and turned to the left or something it could easily disappear behind the treeline.”>Still though. This thing is huge. How is the village gonna butcher it if it’s so big?“Well that’s why we gotta hurry. We’ll be moving the village to this thing if we bring it down, not the other way around. We probably won’t be able to process all of the meat and perishables, but that’s what we’ll focus on first. The bones, scales, teeth, and other stuff like that we can process at our leisure.”Asta turns to face you, a strange sort of excitement in her eyes. “If we succeed, we can turn Waldhiem into the most important town in the Herwald overnight. Merchants, immigrants, Nobles even, all of them. They’ll come flocking to Waldheim. Do you have any idea how rare a fresh Lindwurm kill is? Most of the time its just a decayed caracas that some lucky hunter happens to stumble across.”>Pretty big deal then?“I wasn’t kidding when I said it’d put Waldheim on the map. A find this big would have the Cartographers Guild scrambling to update their maps.” >So, how much longer until we reach the Lindwurm?“Considering we can’t hear it smashing through the trees, I’d say at least five miles, probably more. Still, Lindwurms travel at a snail’s pace, so there really isn’t a need to rush. Let’s travel until sundown anyway.”>Alright then.
The group continues to march for another few hours before the sun finally disappears behind the horizon. You and Asta make camp amid the devastation of the Lindwurm’s trail while the Professor complains loudly of knee pain. Eventually the campfire is roaring and everyone is huddled around it, Asta and the Professor eating jerky while you and Voytek look on in silence.>What do Bones?>Entertain with bawdy Limerick?>Other?
>>29367152>Entertain with bawdy Limerick?I don't have one at this time, but I'll see what I can do
>>29367152Practice our power swings. Gonna need them when hacking away at the Lindwurm.
>>29367152>>Entertain with bawdy Limerick?Entertain them with limericks about the great adventures of Sir Stretchalot, Ivan's ass.Alternatively, start playing with them a game of cooperative storytelling.
>>29367348>>29367302>>29367279Limerick and power swinging. Writing.
>>29366581>->Ivan is a tougher nut to crack. He seems to resent you on some deep level, and considering he had to deal with you on his own for Gods know how long, it makes sense. Either way, I suggest you start demanding amends once we’re back in Waldheim.What? Fuck him.We're an asshole, freely admitted. But you know what? When push comes to shove, we've fucking ALWAYS had his back. When a pair of guards were trying to kill him, we stepped up to help him out. How about when that direbear attacked our camp? What the fuck did he think they wanted, our meatless bones or the flesh off of his dumb ass? We could have ditched out, but no, we got EATEN to save that ungrateful prick's life. We've never abandoned any of our comrades to die.So you know what Ivan? We may be annoying, and assholish. But we've don't leave our friends. At least now we know, when the chips are down, who's got our back. The professor, And our fucking bearbro. Fuck you you piece of shit.
Deciding the break the ice as only you can, you clear your throat, despite lacking a throat to clear.>There was a knight, sitting upon an ass>Sir Stretchalot, assigned a terrible task>For he was Ivan’s put upon rear>forced to handle the dicks Ivan held so dear>Alas, such a tragedy for this noble come to passVoytek merely projects a mental image of a bear rolls it’s eyes, and the Professor chortles. Asta on the other hand, roars with laughter. After a few minutes of hoots of laughter you begin to grow concerned for her oxygen intake. You aren’t the only one, as the Professor pats her on the back, concern evident on his grandfatherly face. “Are you going to be of the alrightness, Comrade Huntress?”Waving away the concerned old man and wiping away some tears, Asta gasps for air. “Yeah… yeah I’m fine. Just never heard anything like that before, ya know?”>What they don’t have like rhyming or anything like that back at Waldheim?Asta settles back against a half buried log. “I mean of course they do, but most people are too busy trying to get by, you know? And most festival days I was out hunting with the old man, so there wasn’t too much of that either.”
>Sounds like shitty hard work.“Ah, it wasn’t so bad. Wouldn’t be hunting the biggest game in the history of Waldheim if it weren’t for all those nights hanging in trees.”>Speaking of hanging in trees, I need to practice my swording maneuvers.“Wha- What does hanging in trees have to do with balde work?”>Nothing whatsoever.You spend the remainder of the night swinging your sword around in a variety of two handed power attacks. A couple of times you almost hit Voytek as he stumbles around on his hind legs, still trying to regain bipedal posture. He seems to be getting better, you’ll give him that.Eventually the sun rises, and Asta and the Professor appear out of their tents, yawning and stretching. A short breakfast before the four of you begin to stride down the Lindwurm’s trail, hurrying to catch up with the great beast.>Does Bones engage in any skeletal antics?>last chance before Lindwurm fight
>>29367860is that a trick question
>>29367957Is it though?????its notI just can't think of any at the moment
>>29367860>>Does Bones engage in any skeletal antics?Ask the Prof if he has any idea how come we can eat.
>>29368047i got nothing so lindworms ho
>>29368055oh yeah, my bad. That was breakfast for the fleshies. Bones and Voytek were just waiting patiently in the background.>>29368083Lindwurms ho indeed. Writing.
>>29368090>oh yeah, my bad. That was breakfast for the fleshies. Bones and Voytek were just waiting patiently in the background.Then ask him how come we are affected by alcohol.I am pretty sure we don't have any internal organs.
>>29368110I'll save you some time and answer this word of God style, since The Professor would have no idea why alcohol affects you.It's not internally consistent, I know, but the way I justify it is the binding spell was made by a not!Russian necromancer, and he therefore worked in something to make alcohol the only mundane substance that can affect your physical and mental state.I'd go into more detail about why that might be the case, but it involves spoilers
>>29368178Bah, in that case lets just skip to the boss fight.
>>29368178>Skip to WurmingIf this goes well, they might as well rename the town Boneheim
>>29368363>>29368246Sorry about delay, This'll be a longer update
Perhaps on another day you’d spend time jerking Voytek’s chain or asking the Professor why booze gets you white girl wasted, but not today. For the first time since you’ve been bound you actually feel somewhat serious and contemplative as you march towards the massive Lindwurm. You still can’t see the beast, but you can hear the sound of trees cracking in the distance. It’s rather odd. The cracks seem to come in waves, as if the Lindwurm stops for a few minutes before incrementally moving forward. After an hour of brisk walking, you come across a scene of unparalleled devastation. A tremendously large circular patch of the forest has been knocked over in a clockwise direction, trees smashed into the ground like so many matchsticks. Why matchsticks are being smashed into the ground, you have no idea, but that’s not really the point.At the center of the circle is a massive pile of what you can only assume in fecal matter, more than a dozen feet high and thirty feet wide. As you approach the mound you are surprised to notice that it smells not of dung but rather incredibly fresh earth, the kind the appears after winter is gone and spring has taken hold. Already, you can see small green shoots appearing from the hillock, despite the fact that it can’t be more than a few hours old.>Fuckin weird.You hear the Professor’s old voice issue from behind you as he contemplates the pile of lindwurm feces. “Lindwurm leavings are possessing great magical properties of life and fertility. Most of the æther that is being absorbed by the Lindwurm goes to the colon, where it infuses it’s… waste. It is making sure that there is being new growth for the lindwurm to consume when it makes the migration back to the Grosseveld for the mating years.”>How fascinating. Let’s kill one for science.“Absolutely, Comrade Skeleton!”
With that the party begins to move in the direction of the Lindwurm, which is now visible from this angle. It’s big. Of that you are certain. You just weren’t prepared for how much of the bulk seems to be fat. Every once in a while you see the Lindwurm inch forward like some sort of massive scaled slug. After another hour of walking you are standing seventy feet away from the Lindwurm. It’s Big. Like insanely huge. Like “holy shit, I’ve seen landscape smaller than this thing” big.>How the hell are we supposed to get this thing’s attention?“We get in front of it,” Asta replies, “Then I attempt to piss it off.”As the four of you scurry through the woods you can see the head of the Lindwurm. It looks like a weird cross of a dragon and cow head. Draconic features softened by gentle bovine characteristics, stunted horns and sleepy eyes.The four of you are in front of the Lindwurm, hiding behind some trees it has yet to squirm over. You and Voytek have been tied together, creating a bristling ball of bones and knives. Utterly unappetizing. As Voytek stand awkwardly in the middle of a clearing, Asta hands you a rope, a lasso already tied into it’s length. “Try to get this around one of the canines, and whatever you do, don’t let go.”You take the lasso from her, somewhat nervous. >Alright. Now what?The Lindwurm obliterates the last line of trees, revealing its fat form to you. Asta takes out a tall wooden bow a nocks an arrow. “I shoot.”The arrow flies up towards the Lindwurm’s left eye, hissing as it shoots through the air. You can see it strike true against the massive wet orb. There is a pause as the Lindwurm fails to react to the arrow sticking out of it’s eye, then the beast roars in pain, swinging it’s head low, maw wide open.>Roll d20
Rolled 12>>29369020I got this.
Rolled 1>>29369020>>Roll d20
>>29369274>>29369220>>29369056How exciting! I'll need to figure out how I'm going to write this. I'll take more rolls as/if they come in.
Rolled 9>>29369274Now you fucked up>>29369020
Rolled 9>>29369314How many do we get?
Rolled 13>>29369274son of a..
>>29369337>>29369327>>29369320>>29369346Eh. As many as you feel are appropriatejust to keep you guys from panicking, a natural 1, unless it is the first roll, is just treated as an automatic failure, not a critical one. I'm just trying to find the right balance of good and bad for the next post. This is certainly not something to get too concerned about
>>29369383Hmm. Well, the more we roll the more average we become, if every roll is taken into account equally. Right now we're at 10.857, average is 10.5, so... good job everyone?
>>29369485Wouldn't by that math mean it rounds up to 11 and not back down to 10.5?
>>29369596Not sure what you mean. Mean roll on a d20 is 10.5, no rounding. You mean the mean, 10.857? Sure, you can round it up if you like. Not to be mean, I mean I just gave the mean of our rolls to three decimals.>Why did I involve maths in this
>>29369693Don't go to sleep tonight anon. I'm coming after you.
>>29369693I'm just loving all the instances of mean that appeared in your post.
>>29369713That's just... wait for it... cruel.
The Lindwurm swings it’s head low, still wailing in agony. The thick lower jaw splinters trees into wood chips as it follows its arc through the forest. The Lindwurm’s head swings up into the sky, before dropping back down like a pendulum. You know the trajectory the wurm’s head will follow now, and you prepare to leap into it’s mouth. Unfortunately, you are not Voytek, and you are not the one making the leap into the wurm’s mouth. The skele-bear bounds forward a few milli-seconds too early, your screamed orders to stop lost in the roar of noise. Despite your worst fears, the bear does not end up getting both of you splintered against the Lindwurm’s rock hard jaw, instead his early leap of faith merely results in one of the Lindwurm’s canines brushing against your left arm, completely shattering your radius. adding your own howl of agony to the din, the two of you land on the Lindwurm’s fat, soft tongue.>Act fast Bones, that Lindwurm is bucking like crazy! Do you:>Attempt to throw the rope?>Fuck this, let’s just go straight for the throat?>Other?>roll d20 for all choices.>>I'll be shortening my posts down a bit and hopefully posting faster for this fight scene to maximize player control. Good Luck folks!<<
Rolled 12>>29369839>Attempt to throw the rope?>>roll d20 for all choices.What could go wrong?
Rolled 2>>29369839>>Attempt to throw the rope?Rope motherfucker, won't have this chance again
Rolled 15>>29369839Fuck our radius! Um um my first thought is to use the daggers to impale ourselves into his mouth, but that would probably provoke a crushing by the tongue. Throw the rope!
>>29369913>>29369897>>29369894Daggers and rope, got it
You snarl through the pain and pull out the length of rope Asta graced you with. Despite years spent not training with lassos you manage to rope the canine that shattered your radius. You draw the rope tight and grit your teeth as the world becomes a swirl of flesh and slobber as the Lindwurm begins to shake its head up and down. You cling to the rope with all your strength as you bounce around the lindwurm’s mouth, knives pricking the interior of the wurm’s mouth. Eventually a particularly violent jerk leaves both you and Voytek wedged into the lindwurm’s gunline like a bit of popcorn. As you attempt to reorient yourself, you notice a massive wall of pink flesh nearing you. The Lindwurm wants to pry you out of it’s teeth.>Wat do?>Roll d20.>>If anyone has suggestions for tightening up my actions scenes, or just feedback in general, I'd definitely appreciate it.<<
Rolled 8>>29370240Towards the back of the maw we go, along the gums.
Rolled 1>>29370240>>Roll d20.Escape to the back of the throat.Lets deepthroat this bastard.
Rolled 3>>29370323lay off the dice..
>>29370323>>29370308>>29370306>>29370332Let's all just take a moment to appreciate the fact I run a lighthearted quest here. Also, we'll be attempting to reach the back of the throat. Writing.
Rolled 12>>29370240Head towards the back teeth. They be less pointy
Rolled 11>>29370353Light hearted!?I thought this was supposed to be SERIOUS and GRIM.
Rolled 13>>29370240Action scenes seem good. There are lots of different ways to do action scenes, but tight and fast are generally recommended. This means trimming excess words and using sharp, short words instead of languorous, lengthy confabulations. Use "quick" instead of "fast," for example. Quick "feels" sharper. If you like language a lot, this often means germanic words instead of romantic words.In the paragraph presented, I would cut out the word "eventually," it slows the reader down - just say "a particularly violent jerk." This is not intended as a double entendre.Don't be afraid to use run-ons that keep the action rolling as you move rapidly from slice to slice of action-packed derring-do and untoppable steel-edged verbiage. Short's fine too. Vary sentence length, but keep that fast pace.Unless you want to slow down for a reason! Words can reflect a lengthy, tense moment - maybe he hurls us up into the air before snapping his mouth shut on us again. Slow it down for a description of the sceneery we view, upside-down, the setting sun filtering through the shattered treeline, Asta's O-mouth of shock, Becherski grasping his heart, then SLAM! darkness.You're doing really well by keeping it entertaining, that's why I read, 10/10. All that's just one anon's thoughts, take it with a grain of salt.Rollan to scramble along the gumline.
You struggle furiously against the Lindwurm’s gums as the tongue near you and Voytek. Unfortunately, the knives you strapped onto your body are holding both of you firmly in place. By the time the wurm’s tongue reaches both of you, you are both still trapped between the gum and tooth. The mass of flesh presses against you, and your knives stick into it. You hear muffled roar of pain from the Lindwurm as it drags both of you free from it’s gums. The tongue wriggles, dislodging both of you. At some point the ropes holding you fast to Voytek were severed, and you fall from the skele-bear. >Voytek!You bellow, trying to find the skele-bear. You are standing on the gumline once more, hand holding you upright on a molar. You scan around the Lindwurm’s mouth, trying to spot the skele-bear. Then in your mind: ->Bones. Don’t worry about me Bones. Just know it was quite the adventure with yo-Voytek’s mental connection with you breaks as the Lindwurm swallows convulsively. You rush forward, the Lindwurm’s tongue is lifted away from the base of it’s mouth and it’s jaws are gaping open. You have a clear shot to the back of the throat. You notice the throat is no longer a gaping chasm but a small pinhole. It is constricted shut as the Lindwurm gags on one particularly noble skele-bear.>what do?>Roll d20
Rolled 1>>29370777Towards our destination. Voytek will be fine as long as we kill this thing fast and cut him out before he can get a swim in the stomach acid.
Rolled 2>>29370777Voytek noooooo!Do that thing they always do in the movies to make the giant animal hack up whatever is in the throat. Tickle that thing that hangs down before the throat, whatever the fuck it's called. STAB it.
Rolled 10>>29370777We go towards our destination. His sacrifice won't be in vain.
Rolled 4>>29370777>>Roll d20Climb up the back of his throat!
Rolled 13I think the dice hate us. Like really hate us.
Rolled 5>>29370870>>29370887>>29370899This is a travesty.
Rolled 9>>29370870Okay seriously, what the hell?
>>29370870FUUUUCK I have to leave to drive home. Somehow don't die!
Rolled 16>>29370870nat 20s can cancel nat 1s...
>>29370948>>29370919>>29370914>>29370906>>29370899>>29370895>>29370887>>29370870Alright, this'll update will take some time to do, so bear with me.
Rolled 3>>29370777Sigh... Man the dice are cruel todayI say we need to finish it quick... If the dice would ever let up
Rolled 20>>29371191This isn't the picture I posted.
You look down into the pinhole of the Lindwurm’s throat, in awe at the impact one pointy skele-bear could have. You need to act fast if you want to kill this thing before if crushes Voytek, you draw your blade and charge the Lindwurm’s throat.KkkraktchYou know that sound. That is a bad sound. That is not a sound you wanted to hear. Before you can do anything else the world slows down. The Lindwurm’s throat ceases convulsing and begins to undulate gently. Drops of spittle hang in the air, the sunlight filtering in through the beast’s open mouth striking them, transforming them into stars of refracted light. The world is oddly silent as sound waves slow to a pitch beyond your auditory range. Finally the world goes black as light itself reaches a complete standstill. You are alone. Alone in the darkness.H̲͈͕̝̓̉̍͆͂ȅ̮̜̳̟̞̖ͫ̓́̔ͩ͆l̼̝̥͎̗̩̄̓͆̾͑̐̚l͓̼̲̫͉̤͙͌͊ͥ͛̄͛o̱̱͙͓͎̓̚ͅͅ,̜̟̺̘̱̇͐̒̇̀ ̲̦̥̭͓B̋̉ͭ̊͑ȍ̉ͣ̔̋̉̏n͓̓̐ͦͭe͔̰͍̝̾ͪ͑ͪ̄̔̚s̟̺̮̞ͨ̿̆̚.̮͔̫͚͙̭͎̄͛͐ͣ̇You look around, confused. That strange rasping voice is the first sound you've heard in what seems like hours.̯̰̯̰̏́̊̏́̊ͅͅ
>What's going on? Why is this happening?̦̽͂́O̳͚̰͗̒͐ͣ̈́̐h̖̠̝̣̬ͦͭ̏ͭ̈̍ ̦͉̤͉͉͕̳n̻̪͈̑̾̈͆̍̃o͎ͤt̖͈̬͑̌͊͐̏̄h̉ͤͩ͛͆i̟̗͖̥͈̣̳͌̈ṇ̬̝̥̠̫̗̐̆ͬͤͪĝ ̠͚̳̙͂ͭ͑̚m̖̆̍̃͋͆̐̔u̫̯͕͉̟̲ͤc͕̱̞͛̏̃͊ͮ̆̍h̊̽̂̽͊ͪ̚.̤̝̖̝̍̋̔̒ ̈̇ͮ̄ ̖̘͕ͦ͂͋̐ͫĨ'͉͔̻͙̑̚m̪̘̤̤̭̹͖ͦ̿̀̇͋̅͂ m̉ͬ̈͛͋̌ẽ̽͗ͦͫ̚ȑ̫͎̞̜̏e̓ḷ̻̔̋͛̾͑y̬͛ͣͨ͒̿ͮ ̝̮̤͔̏ͥ̈́ͩ̚t̺͖͈̜̔ͯ̇ͅa̺͍͉͚̥̒ͅk̗͉̘͍͉͎͙̇̆̇͒ͬ̎i͎̻̙̻̰̖̜n̪̭̬ͩͣͯͯ̚g̲̯̭̜͗ͮ ̼͖̝̯͍̼͂ͭ̽̉̑s̥̱̈ͨͭͯͣ̚o̪̙̳̘̓̑̇̑ͣͅm̱͉̘̔͆̓̿͑̔e̻ͨ̊ͨ ̞͈̙̞͉͚͙͑̚n͍͇̥̈͌͗ec̄̈̆̽̔̄ẽ̠̜͙͉̺̦̏ͩͣs͇͌̋s̟̗̪̤̱͊̄ͭͣͨ͊a̰̠̣r͎̜̺̯͊̂̎̚ŷ̼̥̠̖̲̠̄ ͎̬͑̌s̺̩̙̦̐̇̋ͩt̰̞̦̟̝̮̥͗̽̎ē͍̰̜̟̪p͉̖̬͚̫̭s̻̋ͯ ͓t̟͔̥̹̂͐̑̆̆ͭ͋ō̂ ̭̬̟͂̇s̱̭ͣ͛̌͌̓̿e͎̪̋̂ͫ͐c͔̯̯͂ͩͨ̿͌u͔͇̠̯̫̦̫ͣͤ̉ͮr͎e̫̹̖̥̮͗́̐̾ ̣͉ͮ̀ͥ͌ͯå̮nͧ̿̓̉͛̉ ͉̟̳̞̀ͯͅu̟̳̤͕͒ͯ̃ͦͯͅͅń̖̠̞͇̤͒͒͛̍ḯ̬͔͎̈n̦͓̞̼͐̎̈͆t̙̜̭̙͚̺̑͗̂̇ë̈͑̎͗ͫ͆ȑ̳̣̼̤̗ͫ̔ͨ͆͗̒řu̫͖̇ͯp͔̙͈͗̾ͫ͑ͯt̲͙̦̜̥̖͚ͣ͒ͥ̌̐̅ͩe̳̟̖̐͛̋͌ͭ̈́d̈́ ͖͖̫̆̃ͣ̍̊ͤͅc͔͚͙̗̥̮ͣ͐oͦ͗̏͋̍͑͌ṅ̞̺͉͓̺̠v͉̣̣̱̮̍ͧ̂̓ͣ̒̍e͍̰̲̪̊̿̓̔̈r̋s͖͚̈́ͭͩͬa͒͊̽̓t͙̬̬͔̑͛̄ͭ̓̉i̟̗͂̒ͨͯo̝̙̞͇̖̞͓ͤn̟̊ͫ̅̉͒̃ ̼̪̭͓ͧͬͥ́̚̚w̳̼͈͚̞ͮͩͯ̋ͅȋ͓͔̙̬͔̜̽ͧ̈́̓t͔͓̉ͯ̌́̐ͅh̺́͌̓̚ ̞̝̾̈́͋ͩ̃͂y̗̱̟̯̌̑̋̉͆ͅo͉̼̍̈̆ụ>Who... who are you?A pair of glowing eyes appears from the darkness.
͋Ẃ̘̭̙̘͖̺̑̌̽h̍̉̒̋ͣ͗̾o̹͚̅̂̉͐ ͕͚̼͓͕̠͔ͧă̞̤͛ͩͮ̏̈́m̳̝̯͐ ̦͑̿I͔̝͔͎̥͖̾ͧ̑̏̓ͤͩ?̭ͩ͐ͨ ̻̦̹̭̼̩͙̿͋ ̮̜ͅA̠͍̻̪͈ͮ̃ͧͥ̃ ͖͖̳̥̳̉ͫq̤͈̘̼̆̿̇͐̓̅̚û̞̩̰̬͇̭͛̎̚ͅe̽͋̊͑s̙̯̠̪̜ͫ̄ͫt͕̠͓ȋ̻̇͒ͫ̅̒o͇̙̞͉̭̮ͫ̋͒ͭ͑̏̆n̲̼̫̰̪̩̍͋ͦͮ͗̑̇ ͍̺̲̰f̻͈̓ͪaͨͧ͗̇r͙͙̎͒ͯͪ̈́ ̻ͪ̉m̙̞͖̰̳̬͒̐ò̭̱͓r͋̽̓ͯ̽͛e̫̍ ̖͇̤̼̖ͮ͛p̼̓͗ͫ̐ŕ̂̓̀̎͆o̘̬͇f͑ͮͧ̽ͬ̚ȏ̗̩̱͔͇̫ͮ̆͛u̜̤̜͈̓n̥͎͓͇̩̞̟̂̏d͕̻̠ͬ͛̉ͭͬͪ͐ͅ ̽ͨ̅̃ͤ̔t̤͕̝̳͓̾̾ͪḫ̓̈͊ͬ̿̽a̼ͫn̲͒̃̓̅̍̾͑ ÿ̠͕͚̦̲͈͉͂̽̆̐o͔̤̣̰͋̽͒̄uͬ̿̏ ͔̺̮͎ͦ́̒̽ͪ̾̋ͅr͕̻̒͗̽̓ḙ̣̹̫͍̫ͦͧ͗͛a̘̹̫͓͋ͮ͋̓ͭlͤͤ̆̾̾i̳ͮ̃ͧ́͐̈z̙̘̳͖̙͖eͧ̇.̩̌̊>Fuck your mysterious bullshit man! What the fuck is happening?̻̩͕̩̪͔͖͐̌͆̾̇Y̰͇͖̐ö͎̪̲́̿̒u̲̞̖ͧͮͤ̎͌̆ṙ̝̤̦͇͍͇ ̖̮̭̫̝̿͆f̪̤͂ͯ̈̆ͨ͛͑r͇̥̲̻̩̗̘ͮ̊͗ǐ̹̬͓́ͬ̔̃̅ê̳͎̼̟̼̾͑̉́n̫̘̻̳͖̈ͅd͋͂̉ ̝̆ͭ̃ͩȉͮ́ͭ̿̏s̮̝̓̓̒̐̾̽̽ ͙͕̠̫͇̬ͪ̾̈̚d̖̻͎e̱̮̞̥̜͋̎ḁ̝̱̞͈̤̻ͥ͂̄̈d̙͈͚̮̣͛,̖̩͇̪͉̹͋ͦͬ̍ͦ̽ ̱y̖̤̝o̻̞͛̈́͌u͕̩̾̾̈́̋̀̓̈́ ̤̝̬̘͓̟̥̓ͪk͖͚̓̓ñ̩̝̖̗̘͕̹ͯͦ̆ͬo͙͉̣w̼̜̝̌͂ͦ͋̓.͖̳̹͓̀ͨ̍̊>Y-Yeah? What of it?
>tfw your dice killed VoytekI think I'll refrain from rolling..
Rolled 5>>29371634Well, technically he wasn't really alive either.
̻͎̤̩͓͙̐͂͋ͪ͋̈́ͅS͖̈̒̏u̦̦ṛ̻̼͍̲el̠͍̬͔͎̎̉ͧ̊ͪ̋̚y̦̳͔͚̤̲̩̆̔ͯ̑͗̽ͩ ͎́̽͆ͧ͊̏̚y̺̬̙͙̰̑͌̈ͅó͚̤͚̒̓u͊ͤͫ̒ ̻̿̀d͐̉̿ͯ̾ó͉̤͓̘ṇ̖͍̱̱ͣ̍ͨ̓'̠̬̮̥̤̦̍̆ͭt͖͎̞̥̿̿̿̄ͦ̍ ͍̺͙͊̔̔̎̓̊̚ͅw̮͎̩̣̮̉̆ͮͨ̇͆a̪̼ͧͩ̅ͨͬ͌̌n͇͚̓ͯ͌̾̽ͅt͙͇͖̱ͣͮ̈́̾̎̚ ̤͊h̆̓ḯ͈̠͓͈̗̈̀m͓̟̘̀̈́́̽ͩ̋̾ͅ ͖͙t̥̝̭̪̼͛ͨͭͧǒ̹̤͔̠̖̝̔ͨͅ ͍̯̭̊͋͌̀s̙͕̈̌̎ͫt̻̙̦ͣa̖͙͛̋ͥͭͬͭy̟̗̾̀̽ͮ̊̔ ̙͗ͧ̾̔͌ͅt̩͙̳͉͈͇h͓̱̥a̻͕̤̠̞̮̞ͭ͒̓̎ț̦̼̥̮̳͗̓̊̄̑ ̻̺͆͂̔̽́w̙̗ͤ̎a̳͚̺̙̰͆y̦?͓̝̦̲̗͉̃̓̿ͧ̀ͭ̚ ͍̿ͤ ͚̯̩̉Ĭ̈́̚ ̜̔͒ͥ̎̓͗̽ć̭̯̝̼̟̋ͧͮͅa̅̐̓̂n͖̯͉̙̰̈́̾̓̽̇ ̞͇̺̖̰o̦̲̎̊̚f̙̥͙̙͎̐̍̈ͭ͊f̞̭̤̫͚̘̍e̱̤̹ͦ̄̑̔r ͇̘͖̹̗̬̾ͤ̉r͔̞͇̓̏ͩ̔͛ḛ̗̙͐̓ͨ̾̀͂ͬͅc̭͚̗ͅo̙̭̣̻̮̊̑ͅu̪͇̟̪̰ͦ̊r͎̊̍ͪͨͤs̙͕̱̠̥̈́̓̾̀̆̆e̫̖̥͎̅̓ͭ͗ͅ.̝̟̲̪̯̹̺̚>Recourse? Like what, unkill his ass?Y͙̰͗ͥ͒ͯ́ͮe͇͐͛s̬̜̫ͭ̽ͫ̑ͭ͆̚,̙̣̲̲̟͈͓͊ͭ͐͑͌̚ ̜ͥI͇ͅ ̳̠̬̰̫̟̙ͩ̉̿̅s͇̬̦̭̆ṳ͙̳̈́̓̎̿̅ͧṗ̖͍̦̦͔͗ͬ̉̆ͧp͍̳̥͖͉̜ͬͯ͛ͯͥ̊̃o̞̬̦ͩ͊̌ͫ͋̅s̗̰̠̟̼̐̐̋e̩ͭ̂̅͑̚ ̟ͯyọ̲͓͔̦ͥ͌ͮ̀ͤ̓̃ü͓ ̙͛̍͑̇ͧͦͤc͎͈̟̗̩̭͋͌̒ͅo̓͂ͭ̋͐͒̍u̖̻̰̫͌͂̄ͣ̇l̳͈̯̓ͥͯ̿̅d͉̞͂ͩ̌̿ͪ ̣̩̺͙̖̫̞̓̈́̽̌͊̇̋p̰͆ͦu̗̭͈͉t͈͓͕͇͉̺̮̚ ̩̥̺̟̌̿̎̊ͫͅi̲̗̐t͓̖̻̰̓͛̃ͮ̓ͅ ͍̼̍ͭ͂t̜͍͚̭͙͛ͣͫh̼̫͈͉̚ͅa̘̫̹̗͓͈͇ͣ̇̐ͦ̏̚t͉̝̥̦̮ͤ̎͌̚ ͉͙̙͚ͤͯͤẅa͓̞̼̯̜̰̯͗̃͐y͙̩̹͓̿͛̊>This sounds like it'll have a catch.
>>29371706Tell me more.
Rolled 8>>29371706Sure why not.Want a soul? I got like 20 in me.
W̳̪̄̊̍̀h͚͈͉͔͓ã̪͈͔͚̻̓ͧ̅͌ͦ̏t̑̍̈́͗,̙̣̱̘͕̭ͭ͛͂ͧ͋̾ͮ ̽ͯ̓̓̇d̤̺̘̻̽̾͒ͧǒ̯̞̖̠̗̥̍ͧ̓̀ͦ ̠̻͐ͭy̪̦̩̖͔̲ͨ̒̄ͅo̼̾̿̏̇͋u͋̃̔̓͆̌ͦ ͔̦̀̍͑̾t̟͙͔̤̜̖̂̉͐ͬh͇ỉ̠ͥͥ͆̀ṇ̠k͇̜̣̤̘̔ͬ̉̅ ̝̻̙̼ͣ͂̋ͮ̄ͩI̺̩͇̰͈̣͎̾͊ ̰̍͒w̬̫͙̜̿ͨo̺̘̦̣̪û̅ľ͚̱͔̬̠̹ͮ͐d͎̪͚͖̃̿̒̽͐̋ͩ ̗̬͖̦̳̱̪ͦͭ̍d̻̩̮̼̦̭̓̓ͮͤ̌ͫ̂o͇̣̫̞̠ ͙̭̰̅̊̓ͣ̚t̬̩͔͂̈́̾h̫ͬi̐̉̃̒̆ͬs̰̼ͯͬ ͊ͥ̔f̫͈̀͗ͧ̽ͤ̓ͮo̻̭̬͉̔͊ͭͤ͌r̮̋ ̯͈͚̫͖̥̉̒͐̏ͨ̂f̼̠͍̼̟ͨ̒͂ͤͯ͆̍ṙ͈̫̤̗͕͉͔ẽ̼͈̃̎̂̓͊͐e̫̞̭̠̊?̈̓̌̈́͒>You want a soul or something? I got like twenty of them.͙̭̄ͦ̐͂N͉̭̲̗̩͖̤ͨ͗ͨ͑̇o̠̖̭̞,͍ͩ͊̄̉͒̀̅ ͉̤̭̙͋̎ͨͦ̊n̪͎͈̩͊ͥ̉̅͐ͦ͗o͇͍̻̅̐͗ͦ̓,͎̯̇ͫͨ͋̽̾ ̣̖͚ͦ͑͒̆̾̋̂n͍͕̠͉̩̰̗ͥo̻̠͓̘̠ͩ̃̔͐ͅ,̦̗̞ͨ͋ͪ͂ͥ ̲̯̦̄̓̾̿̑͊n͎͕̩͊́̿ͣͤͅo̰̤̻̤̥̖̣.̝̬̹͔̝̗́͂̃ ̙͚̱̅̄ ̰̯̠͉̠͓̤̾̃̋ͦ͊̚M͍͎̘͙ͩ͑ͣy͉̺̰ ̟̙͍̟̓̓̿͊̓ė͖̦̗̣̉̆̐m̦͉̿p͓̦͉̞̫̊l̬͙̝̓͂̉̐ͯo̯͍̯͈̓̈ÿ̳͓͈̝̘͈̫̀͛e̜̥̓ͥ̅͋̅r̰̤̭͍̹̩̥͌̀͑ͪ͊́ ̣h͕̺̣̞̩̤̬̾͊ͧ̉a̻̳̱̬̮̻̳ͭͫ̍ͤ̾ș͓̋̃̃͐͛ͮ̏ ̖̄͂͌ͬͨ̓ǹ̰̜̲̲ͯ̋͛̽̆ͮo͍̲̓ͪ́ͤͅ ̗̹̖̝̭̩ͬͫ͌ͅn̲̉̓̓ͣ̈́e̲͉̫̹̱̔ͯḛ̰̭ͫ̎͛͒̈́ͦď͖͖͚͚̮͓̬͂͋̐ ̲̬̞͚̟̝͇̋͋ͬͬ̓̆ͨof͙̫͈̟̯̪̃ ͙̝̝͆ͮ͆̍̅̉s̰̗̼̜̪ͮu̻͐̎̈́̈͋̀͑c͖̘̱̮ͮ͂h̻̼̘ ̱͖̫̫̰̋̍͆b̲̳̜̖̗̟͆̄̏a̙̪̖̣ͩ̈́ͥͩ́̎s̜̙̣ͭe̖̼̳͑͂̊ͬ̿̿̚ ̙͖͇̅͊ṭ̬̻͎̞̾̈́̃ͅͅh͚̰̰̣̻͉̬̐ͪḭ̺̪͖̙͙n̘̙̦͇̥̼ͣ̀̎̏ͥg̟͙̠ͣ̄ͥṣ͈̣͈̦̝̮.̣̱̰̪̤̠͂̅>Then what do you want asshole?
Rolled 3>>29371780>>Then what do you want asshole?I hope he doesn't want our asshole.He can have Ivan's.
Y̥͉̤̺̤̩̅̄o͚͚͚̳͈͔͕ͪͯ̽ͧ͒ṵ̠̆̋̾̽̒̆ͮͅr̻̳ͬ͒ ̹̹͔̝̟ͭ̔̋̒̔̉ͬs̺̊̎͆́͐̇ė̞̩͓̺͕̜̅ͮͧ̇͒r̥ͪ͆͌͂̃vͩi̜c̠̉ͯ͐̍ẻ̯͂̏ͨ̒ͅ.̹͕̗̣̫̂̐̽̏̀͛̌.>I think you better talk to Ivan if that's what you want..W͇͙̭͉̱̎̏h̥̙͕̬͌̑a̩͙͙̳͎͌̚t̹͕̍ͪ̏?͚̺̠̜̮͉̀̊ ̝͎̖̤͍̯̆ͮ̄ͅ ̹̥̫͔͗ͯ̒ͪͣͫNͪo̪͆ͨ͑͊́̏͌,̃͌̃͗ͧ ̩̲̞͔̥̎̚d̑̆o̫̞̊ͣ͗̍̒n̅̽̊̊'̙̲͉̲͍̭̦͌͋t̲͉̙͚͓͔̜́ ̘̼̥͕̹̪b̥̝͇̣̗̠̟e̠͆̀ ̰̻͔͚͌á͋̋ͨ͊b͉̪̩̳̼͎͊̃̂s͖̬̙̑̈́u͎̹̥̠͕̠͚ͮ̉̾ͫ̈́ͬ̏ř̤̔̆̓͋ͤd̰̼̜̫̓.̭̫̠̥̯̖̿͒̃̌̒ͦͩ ̤̭̺͉̲̭ͤ̔̆ͣͦ̉̚ ̝̲̰͇W̳̯̦̦̼ͬͫͯ͛̆ͦe͚͉̽́ͥ̋ͪͩ ̩̰̹͉͈ͥ̓a͎̻̗̭̘͎̼̋re͎͍̯̣͎͑̊̌͆͌͌ͨͅ ̠̉̍̑ͭͣ͑i̪̫̠̥̮̳̩͛͑́ͤ̚n̺̻̼̩̞̱̘̊̾̿̀ͮ͛ ͎̜̆̀̑ͪͬǹ͈͗͂̌͆ͥē͙̭̠e͉̮͓̙̔̈́͂̃d͋̅͂͒̎ͨ͋ ̹̲͐o̪̫f̹̼̙̜̞ ̤̘̪͂̿a̰̠͈̫̠͐͒̋̌̈́ͬ͆n̳̩͉̒ͨ̃͋͐ ̩̫͚̩̳̤̃ͫ͂ä̱̦͓̹̼͌ͤ̿͋̅̅g͖̉̂͗ͭ͑͗̚ẻ͍ͬ́͗̔̚̚n͕̬̻̞̑t̹̻̹̂̆ ̭̱̝̞̼͉͈͆ͤ̔i̍͂̈̔ͦͦn̯̟̯̙̓͆ ̖̪̺̪̩̹̖̿͂̓͑̅͂ͩt̮̓ͭ̑h̖̯̖̖̺̣͔ͫͨͩ͊e͖̝̪̬͖͈͌̅̀͛ ̥̣̭̟͔m̞̹à̩̟ͥ́ͭ̿ͮ͊t̝̻͎͚̅e͖ͭr̯̬͍͔͎̤̋̓̽͛i̱͎̹͋a̫͍͇̔͗́ͫͩͮl̓̍̈́̓ͧ ͍̼ͩ̃̈w̪̣̜̜̦̋̄̃͆ͭ̀o̬̥͂̀ͮ̓̓̊ͯȑ̪͙̟͓̺̇̿̔̔͛l̼̞̦͙͑ͬ̈̋ḋ͓̞̘̹̙̃̏.̼͖̻ ̟̭͒̂ ͪY̤͍̾͌ͧȯ͙̑ͮ͐ͥͬͅu̱͔̹̱͇̎̍ͥͬ̈́̿ͧ ̼s̝̥ͭͦ͐ͤe̹͖͈̻̯͉̠͐͗ͫͤ̚ḛ̘̞̘̦̋̈́ͨ̍͗m̮̲̉̒̅́ ̬̼͙̌͆ẗ͙̪̖̦̹̣͔͂̋ͮ̑oͧ̉̎̔ ͕̤ͫͨ͐b͔̯̟̺̻̏ͮͧ̚ē͇̞ͦ̃̽̃ ̜͔̪ͣͩ̎͛ͬt̹̏̄̀h̪̣̤̓̒ͯͤ̉͛ͥe͓͔̹̮ ̳̮̘̬̿b̦͔͚̟͚̓͊ͅê̙̇̎s̲̤̦̱̰͖̈̀̾t̜̙͖͉̞͙ͭ̏̏ͅ ͓͙̺̻̱ͤö̤̟̣̗ͣ́͗p̻̔ͪ͌̀ͮͅt̗̟͕i͚͚̬̪͕̼͈̽̒ͨ̔̓̆o̠͎̫̻͙͊̓͑ͯ̓n̺͓̪ͧͨͬ̍͐ͤ͋.̳̀ͩ͛
Rolled 16>>29371873>W͇͙̭͉̱̎̏h̥̙͕̬͌̑a̩͙͙̳͎͌̚t̹͕̍ͪ̏?͚̺̠̜̮͉̀̊ ̝͎̖̤͍̯̆ͮ̄ͅ ̹̥̫͔͗ͯ̒ͪͣͫNͪo̪͆ͨ͑͊́̏͌,̃͌̃͗ͧ ̩̲̞͔̥̎̚d̑̆o̫̞̊ͣ͗̍̒n̅̽̊̊'̙̲͉̲͍̭̦͌͋t̲͉̙͚͓͔̜́ ̘̼̥͕̹̪b̥̝͇̣̗̠̟e̠͆̀ ̰̻͔͚͌á͋̋ͨ͊b͉̪̩̳̼͎͊̃̂s͖̬̙̑̈́u͎̹̥̠͕̠͚ͮ̉̾ͫ̈́ͬ̏ř̤̔̆̓͋ͤd̰̼̜̫̓.̭̫̠̥̯̖̿͒̃̌̒ͦͩ ̤̭̺͉̲̭ͤ̔̆ͣͦ̉̚ ̝̲̰͇W̳̯̦̦̼ͬͫͯ͛̆ͦe͚͉̽́ͥ̋ͪͩ ̩̰̹͉͈ͥ̓a͎̻̗̭̘͎̼̋re͎͍̯̣͎͑̊̌͆͌͌ͨͅ ̠̉̍̑ͭͣ͑i̪̫̠̥̮̳̩͛͑́ͤ̚n̺̻̼̩̞̱̘̊̾̿̀ͮ͛ ͎̜̆̀̑ͪͬǹ͈͗͂̌͆ͥē͙̭̠e͉̮͓̙̔̈́͂̃d͋̅͂͒̎ͨ͋ ̹̲͐o̪̫f̹̼̙̜̞ ̤̘̪͂̿a̰̠͈̫̠͐͒̋̌̈́ͬ͆n̳̩͉̒ͨ̃͋͐ ̩̫͚̩̳̤̃ͫ͂ä̱̦͓̹̼͌ͤ̿͋̅̅g͖̉̂͗ͭ͑͗̚ẻ͍ͬ́͗̔̚̚n͕̬̻̞̑t̹̻̹̂̆ ̭̱̝̞̼͉͈͆ͤ̔i̍͂̈̔ͦͦn̯̟̯̙̓͆ ̖̪̺̪̩̹̖̿͂̓͑̅͂ͩt̮̓ͭ̑h̖̯̖̖̺̣͔ͫͨͩ͊e͖̝̪̬͖͈͌̅̀͛ ̥̣̭̟͔m̞̹à̩̟ͥ́ͭ̿ͮ͊t̝̻͎͚̅e͖ͭr̯̬͍͔͎̤̋̓̽͛i̱͎̹͋a̫͍͇̔͗́ͫͩͮl̓̍̈́̓ͧ ͍̼ͩ̃̈w̪̣̜̜̦̋̄̃͆ͭ̀o̬̥͂̀ͮ̓̓̊ͯȑ̪͙̟͓̺̇̿̔̔͛l̼̞̦͙͑ͬ̈̋ḋ͓̞̘̹̙̃̏.̼͖̻ ̟̭͒̂ ͪY̤͍̾͌ͧȯ͙̑ͮ͐ͥͬͅu̱͔̹̱͇̎̍ͥͬ̈́̿ͧ ̼s̝̥ͭͦ͐ͤe̹͖͈̻̯͉̠͐͗ͫͤ̚ḛ̘̞̘̦̋̈́ͨ̍͗m̮̲̉̒̅́ ̬̼͙̌͆ẗ͙̪̖̦̹̣͔͂̋ͮ̑oͧ̉̎̔ ͕̤ͫͨ͐b͔̯̟̺̻̏ͮͧ̚ē͇̞ͦ̃̽̃ ̜͔̪ͣͩ̎͛ͬt̹̏̄̀h̪̣̤̓̒ͯͤ̉͛ͥe͓͔̹̮ ̳̮̘̬̿b̦͔͚̟͚̓͊ͅê̙̇̎s̲̤̦̱̰͖̈̀̾t̜̙͖͉̞͙ͭ̏̏ͅ ͓͙̺̻̱ͤö̤̟̣̗ͣ́͗p̻̔ͪ͌̀ͮͅt̗̟͕i͚͚̬̪͕̼͈̽̒ͨ̔̓̆o̠͎̫̻͙͊̓͑ͯ̓n̺͓̪ͧͨͬ̍͐ͤ͋.̳̀ͩ͛Seriously?They lower their standards every year. What does it entail?
>>29371899This, I want to know exactly what I could have to do, any possible contingencies, or I'm out.
Rolled 8>>29371950Lets not kid ourselves, we'll take the deal either way.
>So I agree to do whatever shit you tell me to, and in return Voytek isn't crushed like a mall Santa when the fat camp visits?..̘̠̲̟̺̣͈ͣ̃ͧ̓.̤̭̲̹̹̱̙.̳̜̲̪̲̯̏ͦ ̏̽̔̈̇͂̎Ÿ́̂̑͗̇̚ê͖̹͇̜͇̻͇͒̃̍͛s͈̓̋̍̓,͎̦ ̦̃̓ͪI͉͍̤̤̠ ̬̫̎̿̑ͫ̚s̟̯͙̔̏̋u̇̈́̈́̇p̠͈̪̫ͮͩ̇̒̽p̝͖̦͍͙ͮ̔̂ͣ̎ͫo̳̺̤̗͚̎ͅș̬ͬͥ̔̅̚e̙͙̦͚̝̔̅ͯ̍̐ͭ ̦̞͙ͦt̘̹̬̣̮͐͌̏ͥ͛̚h̫͔̙̤ͥ̌̈́a̝͇ͯͅt̻ͩ̿ͬ'̹̭̺̺͌ͮ̄ͤs̟̦̣̯̪̒̋̐ ̼͉̼ŏ͓̝̹̱̗n̽e̤̲̬̩̖̪̩ ̠̦̙̦̞̆w͙̓a̫͎̞̜̫ͩ̑ͯy̌̏̃̃ ̲̞ͤ̆̐ͮt͕͓̘̼̖̟͕̿o͕̣ͩ̉͂͗́̚ ̰͙͙͇͂ͪͭp͉̱̱ͭ̿̆̅̅̓̑u̳̅̊ͮ̽̄t̍̓ ̲̝̪̠i̜̮͎͕̪͐̇t̟ͨ̾͐̌͂.̩̣̰̬̣̜͇͛̈́͋ͩ̇̐̐.>Why me? Aren't there other more evil or competent assholes out there than a schizoid skeleton?.L̞͇̫͔͇̩̑̏̓ͣͅi̭ͥ͋ͨ̄s͍̗̯͈͙̱͎t̹̱̖̱̙̬ê̖̮͙̫̘n͋̃,̮͎̗̮̗͍͕͛͑ͤͧ̊͑ ̔d̯̤̺̟ͨ̆͛ͣ͆ȍ̒͂͆̎͐̚ ̖̊ͧ̄͐̔̿y̱̘̱͓̲̌̌̓o̐u̻̙̹̜ͣ̋ ̳͊w̩ͤͧͩ̆̀ͮ͌a̰̩͎̙ͮ͗ñ̹͔̳̗̙ͅt̗͎̅ͤͭ̆ ̺̜̤͇̜̏ͫͨy̯̗̪̩̾ͮ̾ͬ̒̂ͅő̖̟̦̂u̞͕̲̭͕͙͍͑̓rͥ͌͑ ̺̺̗̄ͣͤ̉ͣf͖̻ͬ̎ͦͧ̈̓ͅr̺i͇͊̐͂̀̈́̓̾e͍͎͖͒n̞͓̯̩̥̲͔d̙̼̟̣̬̈́ͧͮͦ̇̅̽ ͉̰̬͍̫̥̻͂ͭẗ͖̘̗̣͎̃ͦͨͪ͛̆o̤̼̻͚̼ͦ̓ͬ̅̄̓̾ ̮̥͈̜̩̋ͪ̑̿̓l̟̯͖̩̒i̘̥ͪ̓̂ͤ̂vḙ͔̗̃̃ ̖͍̞͉̭̠̠ͪo̼r̺̙̋̄ͭ̑͌̏ ̝͍̦͖̾͌n̦̩͂̆̿̓o̠̗̦̹̭ͥt̊́ͧͫͧ?̘ͅ.>Alright, what all does this entail?
Ȃ̊̌͋l͙̪̱r̭̺̗̪̈́i͔̰̹͖̻ͩg͚͇̹͇̰ͫhͦ͌̄ͫ͆t̗͆ͬͣ͛̉,͕̂̃ͦ ̗̱ͤ͂̊̎͂ͧͪŷ͇͈̟̈́̈ó̬̻͚͈͕̼̳̈uͮͨ͂ͭ ̬͆k͕̍ͨͭn̮̺ͨ̌̅̒̆o̭̹ͥwͫͪͨ̎̈͆ ̻͎͇̲̊w͎͇̘͈̺͔̫̉̉͋ͤ̑̈́ḧ̟́̋ͫ͐ͦ̾å̤̰̪̤̉̈́̅ͅt̤̺̦̗̙̙͇ͣ̌ͤͥ͆,̥̼͙͇̩̞̺ͨ̍ͧ̆̅̄̚ ̮̪̹͙̳̻̍͋ͅF̹ͫ̾u͎̻̬͎̺̺̖̇͒͊c̖̳̙̱͍ͬ̑͗̊̿̒ḵ̯͖̥̯̯̼̽̄̐̍ͨ̋ ̆̽̿͌̅̊t̓ͦͣh͕̜̏ͪ̔̇i̙̝̤̳͕̫̼̽̓̈́̑̋s̻͇ͩͥͤ̍͂.̩ͩͧ̆̄̿͗̂ ̝̦̬̆ ̜̯̬̭͒ͨͫ͛̅̂̚C̐̋̿̾̔̔̋h̓e̝̭̬̘̼r̪̉ͪ̍̂̅y̺̳̜̳̞ͬ̍̒͂̽ͅl̃͒!̣̜͖͗ͧ̔̚.A woman with multiple arms appears out of the darkness. She's wearing clothing you've never seen before and has some strange sort of glass apparatus resting on her nose. She also has like six arms."Hello Mr. Bones. My name is Cheryl, and we are excited to see that you are considering employment with T̡͍̹̤̣̹͓̥̰̹͓̞̝̕͞h͏̶̳̖̙̫̗͎͚͍̤̩͍͇̭̝͘e̸̲̫͍͓̝̞͉͙͇̠͚̺̥̪͖̱͝ ̵̶͉̳̯̰͡͝O̷͟͏͉͍̲͍̥̥̙̘̻̥͈͓̤̙̖̲l̳̪̝̝̖̯͉̦͉̩͍̭͜͝d̸̷͙̙̝̖̮̦ ̜̙̗͈̭͔̹̹̫̝̝̯̘͘̕͟G̴҉̜͇̼̟̜̗͙̻ớ̹͇̤͕̝̺̗̥͍̦͍͔̜͇͇̞̳̕͡ͅd͏̶̥͖̦̹̮̟̜̳̱̩͢͜ͅs̶̶̵̼̫͙̦͖̤̖̣̩̥͚̥̥̞͖͉͍̱ ̢̩̹̮̞̠̀͝ǫ̴̧̖͇̘̤͔̼̼͟͡f̡̢̱͚̬̗̰̯̯̬̼͚̳̦̻̦͚̱̤̕͟͡ͅ ̸̕҉̦̣̰̞͎͍̯͓̮̠̳̥̘͔̩̹̫͙̱͡P̴̡̬̝̳͇̳̖͎͕̘͈̞̮͜͞r̞̳͖̭̯͖̠̭͎͔̤͔̯͜i̬̥͕͎͓̣̻̯̺̞̮͔͓͕͠͠v̷͙̙̘̰͘͘ͅi̧̨͜͏̖̥͍͖͙͚͓͖̳̯̜͎̼͔̠ͅl̷̨̥̗̪̲̘͔̘͍̞̯̜̙͘è̸̛̱͖͓͚̭͕̠̫̺͖͔̺͖̤̬̕g̶̢̡̱͍͙͚̘̬͕̠͟͠ḛ̛̙͚͚͎̥͝. Service with us is well rewarded and our employees have the highest satisfaction rating in the industry.
Rolled 11>>29372268>T̡͍̹̤̣̹͓̥̰̹͓̞̝̕͞h͏̶̳̖̙̫̗͎͚͍̤̩͍͇̭̝͘e̸̲̫͍͓̝̞͉͙͇̠͚̺̥̪͖̱͝ ̵̶͉̳̯̰͡͝O̷͟͏͉͍̲͍̥̥̙̘̻̥͈͓̤̙̖̲l̳̪̝̝̖̯͉̦͉̩͍̭͜͝d̸̷͙̙̝̖̮̦ ̜̙̗͈̭͔̹̹̫̝̝̯̘͘̕͟G̴҉̜͇̼̟̜̗͙̻ớ̹͇̤͕̝̺̗̥͍̦͍͔̜͇͇̞̳̕͡ͅd͏̶̥͖̦̹̮̟̜̳̱̩͢͜ͅs̶̶̵̼̫͙̦͖̤̖̣̩̥͚̥̥̞͖͉͍̱ ̢̩̹̮̞̠̀͝ǫ̴̧̖͇̘̤͔̼̼͟͡f̡̢̱͚̬̗̰̯̯̬̼͚̳̦̻̦͚̱̤̕͟͡ͅ ̸̕҉̦̣̰̞͎͍̯͓̮̠̳̥̘͔̩̹̫͙̱͡P̴̡̬̝̳͇̳̖͎͕̘͈̞̮͜͞r̞̳͖̭̯͖̠̭͎͔̤͔̯͜i̬̥͕͎͓̣̻̯̺̞̮͔͓͕͠͠v̷͙̙̘̰͘͘ͅi̧̨͜͏̖̥͍͖͙͚͓͖̳̯̜͎̼͔̠ͅl̷̨̥̗̪̲̘͔̘͍̞̯̜̙͘è̸̛̱͖͓͚̭͕̠̫̺͖͔̺͖̤̬̕g̶̢̡̱͍͙͚̘̬͕̠͟͠ḛ̛̙͚͚͎̥͝.Where do I sign?
>>29372268>Old Gods of PrivilegeHaha what. This better have something more in for us.
>What industry?"Why, the divine intervention industry of course! If you agree to a work contract please sign here, where you will receive standard compensation based on a commission for services rendered, along with any signing bonuses that Mr. Meraxes may have mentioned during the initial recruitment process.">What's the compensation, and what work will I be doing?"Oh, usually Dark Blessings and the like. As for work, they'll send you visions that you can fulfill when you're near an area that requires intervention. Work is usually tailored for the employee's particular skill set, so for you it would be... ah... murder and limericks."Cheryl raises an eyebrow as she stares at a strange screen. "Not my place to judge. So Mr. Bones, if you are interested in working for T̡͍̹̤̣̹͓̥̰̹͓̞̝̕͞h͏̶̳̖̙̫̗͎͚͍̤̩͍͇̭̝͘e̸̲̫͍͓̝̞͉͙͇̠͚̺̥̪͖̱͝ ̵̶͉̳̯̰͡͝O̷͟͏͉͍̲͍̥̥̙̘̻̥͈͓̤̙̖̲l̳̪̝̝̖̯͉̦͉̩͍̭͜͝d̸̷͙̙̝̖̮̦ ̜̙̗͈̭͔̹̹̫̝̝̯̘͘̕͟G̴҉̜͇̼̟̜̗͙̻ớ̹͇̤͕̝̺̗̥͍̦͍͔̜͇͇̞̳̕͡ͅd͏̶̥͖̦̹̮̟̜̳̱̩͢͜ͅs̶̶̵̼̫͙̦͖̤̖̣̩̥͚̥̥̞͖͉͍̱ ̢̩̹̮̞̠̀͝ǫ̴̧̖͇̘̤͔̼̼͟͡f̡̢̱͚̬̗̰̯̯̬̼͚̳̦̻̦͚̱̤̕͟͡ͅ ̸̕҉̦̣̰̞͎͍̯͓̮̠̳̥̘͔̩̹̫͙̱͡P̴̡̬̝̳͇̳̖͎͕̘͈̞̮͜͞r̞̳͖̭̯͖̠̭͎͔̤͔̯͜i̬̥͕͎͓̣̻̯̺̞̮͔͓͕͠͠v̷͙̙̘̰͘͘ͅi̧̨͜͏̖̥͍͖͙͚͓͖̳̯̜͎̼͔̠ͅl̷̨̥̗̪̲̘͔̘͍̞̯̜̙͘è̸̛̱͖͓͚̭͕̠̫̺͖͔̺͖̤̬̕g̶̢̡̱͍͙͚̘̬͕̠͟͠ḛ̛̙͚͚͎̥͝ please sign here, here and here."She points to various places on a form.>Well, does the Bones accept gainful employment or not? Also the not death of our skele-bear companion.
Rolled 18>>29372464>>Well, does the Bones accept gainful employment or not? Also the not death of our skele-bear companion.Ask them to throw in a free healing for us and we're in.
>>29372464>for you it would be... ah... murder and limericks+ payment? I can live with that. Sign us the fuck up.
>>29372551>>29372504Okay, it's employment time.So, did anyone see something like this coming from the second interlude with Xytomon?
Rolled 19>>29372641Not at all. I've found it quite surprising.
>>29372464Eh, sure. I mean, I guess we should feel privileged Though these are the Old Gods of Privilege. Does that mean there are new gods of privilege we will have to deal with?
>You tack on a new radius for me, and we have a deal sister.Cheryl merely smiles and raises one of her many hands up. The splintered remains of your radius fly together and coalesce back into their original form. "Consider it a welcome gift from one co-worker to another.">Hey thanks, yo.you say as you begin signing the various forms. After a few minutes you're done. Cheryl suddenly fades away, replaced with the pair of glowing eyes from before.Y̙̟̤̮͓̩͎̿o͔̾ͪ͊u̐͋͊̂̇ͯ̏ ̀͆a̯͕͆r̟͔͎͙̫͍̠͌̅͊͋ȇ͚͍͉̻̠ ͓̗̘̰̫͎̌̃ň̻̗̙̬̺̜̓̈ͦỏ͑̓w̘͍ ͕͇̜̻͔̪̬ͯ̄͊̈́́̏á͙̺̲͎̬̀̐ ͇̟̤̰̤͛̊̈D̺r̹̦̮͍͍̘̞̈ë̤̘̠́ͫͩ͆a̘̳̰̗d͉̱ ̲̝̭ͤ͐̏͛̃̚K͈̺̤̺̼̃ͥ̉̓̈͋ͬn̤̞̥ͣi͎g̳̺͕̋ȟ̫͖̘͓̺̝ͤ͐ͣ͛͒̌ẗ̗͈̬̜̖̲̜ͧ́͆ͮ̏̾ ̖͖͓̬̤o͔̪̙ͤ̒̔̃f͚̖͓͇͂ͩ ̌ͬ̐P̗͓̻̝̉͑̿̔ͦr̹͈ͨ̒̋͆i̩ͨ̊̿v̱̹̙i̫̽ḻ̯̉ͪẹ̪̳̥ͥ̍́͊g̙̠̙ͮ̇ͨͮͅe̬̠͙͎͙̦̮ͨ̎̃͐̆͆̔!̹͉̝͇͖̦̊̽̐ ͙̜̣̣ͮͮ̆̔ͅ ̺̜̀ͫT͎ͮͯa̲̦̜ͤk͕̯̬̦̈́ͬ̌̇ͮē̳̭̺̿ͯ̽̂ ͎̳͎͔̻̞̂ͣ̂̉ͩͤt͉ͣ͛ͤh͍͙̱͚̠̭̱̔͐͒i͇̭̯̥̼̬̊͆s̭̻̲͋ͧ͂̓̇ͅ ̝͍̱ͦ̑ͫh̳̟̼͒ẻ͂ͫ͊̿̾̂a̭̹̠ͧ͗̊̏ͩdg̥̩ͮ͛͆̐̚ẹ̰̽ͫ̔̍a̹͎̺̞ͩ̋r̗͓͋ͤͧ͗̀,̀̒ â̤̘͓̘̭̽ŝ͚͖͖̹̼ͣ́ ͖͌́̎̓ȧ͉͚̩̠̭̈́͌ͩ̐ ̬̯̻̤ͭͬ̀͐̔ͨͪͅs͇̲̹͉̃̿ͯ͋yͪ̚ḿb̲o̬͆̐l̓̽͛̚ ͕̮̮òf̺̪̳̩͇ͣ ̠̝̙ͨͪ͋ͧͩy͎o̗̼̯̘͚͔u̹̦̪ͯr̠̥̼̻͎̰̈́͗ͅ ͨn͓͌͆͆ͦe͔̻̻̩̯̗̘͐̆ͥͥ͛̈́w̘̖͛͒̾͆̄́͑ͅ ̖̫ͫ̎ͧͦ̽ͭo̙̙̫̩͔̘f̌̇̾̆̆̒f̫̝̜͊͊̾͐ͮi̩c̙ͭ̇é̺,͇̱̥̗̠̱̋ ̹̩̳̞́̽̋̾̒S̥i̓r̫̱̯̃̈͛̒̚ ͕͍̖͙͎̱͑̽̑ͫB̦̹ͧö̪̙̳̖̜̜͍́n̖̚e̺ͨ̿̓͐̿s͓̟̾ͨ.ͨ̌ͥ̑ͯ̇.The sinister pair of eyes proffers you and oddly shaped brimmed hat. You take it, confused.
WOAH WOAH WOAH! Hold the phone! We're only qualified for Limericks and murder? Why not giving the dickings? Why is that not down there?
>>29373134Can't really give dickings in our current state. We can maybe get an addendum to the contract when that issue is resolved though
>>29373410Who said we can't? We might not be fleshy, but that doesn't mean we can't love a woman.
>>29373127Old Gods of Privilege have given us a fedora... that tips US.
>>29373127Thank you, mighty Shitlord.
The glowing eyes disappear, cackling, once more. After a few moments, they are replaced by Cheryl who whispers "Try not to wear that in public. It's been part of the package since Arch Shitlord Euphoricus, but it makes most people look like asses."Cheryl smiles and gives you a wink before vanishing once more. You are suddenly blinded by a surge of light. The world is speeding back up again, but this time Voytek is standing next you, rather than being crushed to death by a choking Lindwurm. Everything feels right in the world, a feeling that comes form more than just the dissipating time bubble. Voytek turns to look at you.->Is there any reason why we haven't killed this monster yet?>...None whatsoever.>ATTACK>Also roll a d20.
Rolled 6>>29374029Here we go again
Sorry about the delay there, I needed to fetch some groceries.>>29373410>>29373500Dickings aren't included due to a lack of equipment. To all rollers before we get too excited, please see: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/28856957/#p28858019 for my position on nat 20s
Rolled 3>>29374029Kill it with skeleton!
Rolled 13>>29374269Fuck my iphone.
Rolled 13>>29374029Kill eeet
Rolled 8>>29374108A skeleton's boon is his boneWith which he gets EVERYTHING done!Whether dragon or lassIt'll "go down" right fastMore skulls for our skull-laden throne!
Rolled 8>>29374029Oh ye Old Gods of privilege guide me!
Rolled 7>>29374029Rip and Tear, yo
Rolled 20>>29374361Niiiice Anon.
Rolled 16>>29374371>>29374364>>29374361...you fools
Rolled 20>>29374029Gotta get that 20!>>29374403THAT COUNTS
Rolled 14>>29374419And that definitely counts.The dice gods are harsh, but they are fair
Rolled 5>>29374587Oh fuck you.
Rolled 16>>29374757At this point, the dice just hate us.
The two of you look at each other and nod before bumping knuckles like the truest of bros. You slide your foot back and Voytek paws the tongue with his front legs. Then both of you bolt forward, feet driving hard into the Lindwurm’s mouth, completely unhindered by the slippery and fleshy surface. The two of you leap forward across the Lindwurm’s opening trachea and strike the back of the throat. The knives hold you place on the back of the monster’s throat, and the two of you begin to RIP and TEAR. Voytek’s claws and your blade make short work of wall of meat, and soon both of you are deep inside the Lindwurm’s head, burrowing towards its spine. You reach the spine first, as indicated by massive bones that almost trap your sword. As you begin to hack savagely at the monster’s central nervous system, a limerick occurs to you.>A skeleton's boon is his boneA swing at the pink colored cords.>With which he gets EVERYTHING done!A flurry blows. The first nerve bundle is severed.>Whether dragon or lassThis time a powerful two handed strike, cleaving through yet another cluster of nerves.>It'll "go down" right fastYour final blow connects. The Lindurm is sagging, if that falling sensation is anything to go by.>More skulls for our skull-laden throne!You bellow the last part as the momentum built up by the falling Lindwurm propels you out of its mouth and onto the ground, now a swamp of blood. The Lindwurm’s head slowly rotates to the right before falling onto a copse of saplings, crushing them. You pick yourself up from the mud, and are pleased to see Voytek doing the same not fifty feet away.Before you get a chance to check up on the skele-bear some one has tackled you with a ferocious hug. It’s Asta, and she looks elated as she bounces up and down with you.“We did it! We did it! We’re all legends now! You did it!”
>>29374587You fucker, we could have stopped here>>29374419
>>29375001Who is this Asta broad?
>inb4 the death of a lindwurm lures in more lindwurms
>>29375091The towns resident chief hunter
Rolled 6>>29375001Lets put our hat on and tip it toward Asta.
>>29375001y-you too. Naw I'm kidding, cop a feel.
>>29375001"You can't tell, but I'm grinning huger than usual right now!"
Alright! Great thread guys. Pretty big shit happened, good bit of drama and all that.However, I've been running for the past nine and a half hours and must rest now. Also, I planned to end this thread with a dead lindwurm. Next thread will be same time tomorrow.
>>29375210You happy that your quest is getting some more attention?
>>29375210Good times! Thanks OP.
>>29375246Hahahaha I gotta say, I really am enjoying it. I just wonder where all the anons came from.
Rolled 18>>29375210Good night QM.
>>29375210http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Obnoxious%20Ghost%20QuestIn case anyone wants to vote that shit up.
What is with the garbage symbols?
>>29377235I'm sorry, what do you mean?
>>29377470whatever funky text used for the conversation I lack the unicode for making it unreadable
>>29380423how odd. I can do a pastebin of it for you, I'll post it in tomorrow's thread so you can read it then.