You are a nervous young cave goblin girl named Shax Bonemurder, and you are currently in line to get your kit for the upcoming invasion of the surface.In fact, you have now arrived at the counter where a rather surly looking drow quartermaster gruffly demands your item requisition form. You guess it's this paper one of the chief's men handed you, and you pass it to the dark elf. He takes a look at the number, and then a long look at you before shouting the item number listed."...Ehh?" You can't help but exclaim when a massive weapon is put onto the ground before you. You think it is technically a sword, though the sides of it were more wedge than edge. The faint glow of metal covers a massive grimy blade nearly as tall as you are, taller if you count the handle. Several provisions are dumped as well, including a metal bowl looking thing with several leather straps, several layers of leather armor, and a massive satchel of some kind. "Next!" you hear the quartermaster exclaim loudly."Um, sir...?" You begin, timidly."What is it, you worthless piece of cannon fodder?""Are you sure this is for me, it looks more like something for an og-""You gave me a form. I gave you the item on the form. That's how this works, idiot. Now get your stuff and get the hell out of the way!"You flinch a bit from his obvious annoyance as you look at the stuff in front of you. How were you supposed to carry all this? You wrap the satchel around your shoulders like a backpack, and put the metal bowl on your head, straps dangling down your back. You wrinkle your nose. It smells funny. You gulp and stand on your tip toes to reach the handle of the sword. With a groan you pull it forward, your arms straining to hold even the handle up as you begin to tug on it. It's slow going, but you think you can drag it to your spot in the camp.Where did you put up your tent?>Make way for the center of the camp, safety in numbers.>Make way for the edge of the camp, easier to hide!
>>29277103> Make way for the center of the camp, safety in numbers.
The edge, of course. Hiding, ambushing if necessary.
> Make way for the edge of the camp, easier to hide!We'll be the sneakiest git.
>>29277103>Make way for the edge of the camp, easier to hide!You're actually running it. I'm monitoring this thread.
>>29277134Are you kidding? Who ever heard of a one goblin ambush. Suicide I say, Safety in numbers!
>>29277172>Make way for the center of the camp, safety in numbers.If it wasn't clear...
>>29277172No one, that's who. We go it alone!
>Make way for the edge of the camp, easier to keep all the loot for yourself!
4-2Edge it is! Writing it up.
The sword leaves a large line in the ground as you begin to drag it. It's a long way to the edge of the camp, so you mentally prepare for the haul, even if your arms are already starting to hurt. The center of camp is where most of the orcs and other brutes hang out, so no one really starts a fight with you as you head in the opposite direction. You see a group of people picking on a small scaly person. Since that scary black dragon and the dark elf lady formed an alliance, there have been a lot more kobolds running about. You feel bad for them since everyone picks on them, but you're also happy cause people have been making fun of you way less! You tried kicking one once, but you stubbed your toe and it looked real sad so you told it sorry and ran away.Finally, you get to your tent. Your sword is practically as big as the tent so you drag it part of the way in and drop it to the ground with a loud 'THUD' before sitting on it. It's cold and hard! Just like your bed back in the Fouldrinker caves. Maybe this won't be so bad? You begin tearing the leather armor into smaller pieces and cobbling it together. It's a bit messy, but maybe it'll help?A tall, skinny man in block robes approaches your intent. It's your friend, that purple guy with the squid face! You think he is really scary and he has this creepy wet popping sounding laugh every time you think that for some reason, but he's always been nice to you and you don't know why which sort of scares you more."What is that thing you're holding?" He laughs, "And on your head? You don't even know, do you?"How do you respond?
>>29277307"My armour and head protector/slop holder."
>>29277307"I'm sorry. Am I doing it wrong?"
a keen dancing colossal adamantine greataxe
>>29277307"It's my arms and armour!"
>>29277307>friends with a mindflayerWell, shit.>It's a sword. I think I'm 'sposed to hide behind it.
>>29277307A piece of leather.
>>29277307"I believe the thing is a sword, but it's way to big for me."
"It's my armor and head protector!" You declare proudly, puffing out your nonexistent chest. Squid face laughts, and you get nervous. "Slop holder?" He laughs louder. You stick out your tongue. "A king dancing cowossal adamantitan greataxe." You say with a huff and cross your arms."No, stupid. It's an ogre's codpiece." You don't know what that is. But you're definitely not going to ask!"Well whatever it is, it's mine! The quartermaster gave it to me, so I'm keeping it!" You were pretty sure he'd be mad if you didn't, besides it was sorta shiny? It smelled bad, but you live in a place called the "Fouldrinker Caverns" so that isn't exactly a deterrent.He starts to walk over to you and almost trips on the tip of that sword. "Whoa. What the...?" He begins laughing again. "Wow, they really did it? How'd you end up with an ogre pit slaves kit?" He reaches over and gives the sword a tiny tug, barely budging it."And how the hell did you drag it all the way out here?" His sight follows the small trench you formed through the entire camp before turning back to you. "Can you really pick this thing up?""Of course I can!" You stand up and tug on the handle. Your knees wobble but you manage to pick it up! The handle that is. Most of the sword is still definitely on the ground. You were going to say something else to show off, but you're too busy groaning with the effort.Squid face laughs. "Oh, damn. That was worth it alone right there." The wet popping sounds continue for a moment before you hear a sucking then blubbering sound you assume is a sigh. "Still, can't be having my favorite pet being killed in the first fight. Or before you even get to the war effort..." He narrows his beady eyes for a moment and begins searching through his robes, before pulling out a bracelet. "Here, try this on."It's shiny, so you drop the sword with a clang and grab the bracelet as soon as its offered.>Put it on your arm.>Hide it in a pouch.>Something else?
>>29277487>>Put it on your arm.And ask what is it.
put it around the hilt of the blade because it'll look cool
>>29277487Hide it in a pouch. What're pouches for, if not shinies?
>Something else?Look through it, it might be a magic eye-thingy that lets you see naked girls.
>>29277487Man we're the cutest goblin around.> Put it on your arm.Examine it first.
>>29277505seems to be the best choice
>>29277487Roll to appraise it. Untrained, of course.
>>29277487>Put it on your arm.Also, >pet.At least we're kinda dumb - The illithid won't want to eat us.
>>29277539>lets you see naked girls? Why?
>>29277487> Put it on your ankleMakes way more sense.
>>29277575If we're going to start and provide for a goblin family we might as well get acquainted with the anatomy of female goblins as early as possible. For research.
>>29277609Sure, dude, sure...
>>29277609Wait, are we female or male?
>>29277636>You are a nervous young cave goblin girl
>>29277636In the first fucking sentence of the FIRST FUCKING POST IT SAYS WE ARE A GOBLIN GIRL
>>29277641Goddamnit I fail at the most basic things today.I will just go and commit sudoku in that corner over there.
>>29277660B-but we can't even lift the sword
>>29277660tell me about it. I throw 3 or 4 critical misses today in pathfinder. one for baking bread!
>>29277609Oh my. Things sure got pure right quick.
You look at him suspiciously for a moment while holding the shiny thing. It's sorta bronze looking. You've heard of magicians doing this thing where they sorta figure out what something is just by looking at it! You'll give that a try. It's round. Empty in the middle. Shiny. Of course! It's a spy glass! You lift it up and peer at squid face through the hole. Nothing seems any different."Stop that." He says. You lower it, disappointed."What is this?" You say, trying to hang it on various objects."It'll help you carry this damn thing," he says, tapping his foot on the gargantuan sword.You've heard of this before, magical super strength arm bands! You slap it on your wrist. You'll be super strong, and no one will pick on you again! You run up to a rock and punch it. Your knuckles get bruised. "Owwwwww!""Hahahaha, oh wow! No, no, they don't have any strength enhancements." Squid face says while waving his arms. "Why the hell would I give that to a goblin?" He gestures at the sword. "All they do is help you carry things."You rub your knuckle sullenly and walk over to the sword, and crouch down to yank it up. Surprisingly, you lift it easily! You hold it above your head... and tip over as the sword keeps moving through the air till you careen into the ground again."Yeah, you can pick it up but the thing still probably weighs as much as you do." He says, backing up as you do some more erratic 'practice swings'. The colossal blade basically drags you through the air every time you move it. You don't know if you can get used to this. Still, at least you have a chance of not dying horribly before you even reach the surface.>Thank the skinny purple guy who hangs out with you for no reason!>Try to show off!>Something else.
Rolled 1>>29277714>Thank the skinny purple guy who hangs out with you for no reason!
>>29277714>>Thank the skinny purple guy who hangs out with you for no reason!He's our friend after all. Friends do things for friends!
>>29277714>Thank the skinny purple guy who hangs out with you for no reason!
>>29277714> Thank the skinny purple guy who hangs out with you for no reason!Hug?
>>29277714>Thank the skinny purple guy who hangs out with you for no reason!Hug and carry him around the tent for a while.
Seems pretty unanimous. Writing.
Rolled 1Do no not hug the mind flayer
>>29277799What kind of mind flayer eats his favorite pet
>>29277799but he likes us!
>>29277714> > Thank the skinny purple guy who hangs out with you for no reason!Hug him he was nice to us!
You drop the sword and run up to squid face. You were reasonably convinced you were going to die horribly very soon, but now you're only barely convinced! It's a strange and relieving sensation. You hug him tightly around the waist."Thank you, thank you, thank you!""Haha okay, that's enough." You keep squeezing him, and try to pick him up. "Seriously." You manage to get him a couple inches off the ground. "Yeah, stop before someone thinks I'm into something pretty deviant over here." He finally frees himself from you. "Anyway, have you looked in the satchel yet? There is some good news about getting an ogre's supply kit, you know."You peer at him suspiciously before walking over to the bag. Looking inside you see... A whole lot of rations! More food then you've ever seen at once! Your mouth waters. You're always hungry. You're so hungry that the goblin's god is known as the Hungerer. The shamans say he runs around and eats goblins who aren't clever enough to hide or fast enough to run from him. You think you'd have to be pretty stupid to eat goblins all day, and you guess if your god is stupid then that's why you're stupid. This is probably why you aren't a priest. Squid face laughs for some reason.While chewing on your food you begin to hear certain drum sounds over the din of the encampment. It's the sound of the Fouldrinker moot. You reluctently put the food back in the bag and hide it under some rocks. "Sorry, squiddy, but I gotta go to the moot!""I should probably get going, too, actually," he says, you think a little disappointed but maybe that's just wishful thinking. It'd be nice to have a friend, but you're not sure why anyone would want to be yours! "Good luck out there, kid." You wave goodbye.>Take some time to finish stitching together the studded leather before heading over.>Take some time to practice with the sword before going to the moot.>Rush on over! Make sure you aren't volunteered for anything crazy.
>>29277926>>Take some time to practice with the sword before going to the moot.We don't want to fall over mid-combat
>>29277926>Take some time to finish stitching together the studded leather before heading over.
>>29277926>>Take some time to practice with the sword before going to the moot.Good offence is best defence!
>>29277926Hide the food!
>>29277926>>Take some time to finish stitching together the studded leather before heading over.Best be safe first.
>>29277926> Take some time to finish stitching together the studded leather before heading over.And hide the food better.
>>29277926Work on yer muckled leathers, dammit.
>>29277926>Rush on over! Make sure you aren't volunteered for anything crazy.Plenty of time to practice later!
>>29277926Hide the food, upgrade armor
Seems pretty clear the priority is armor and food hiding! Writing.
After Nice Squid Man leaves you peer suspiciously at the rocks you hid the food under. You don't think he would sell you out, but what if someone picks on him for being your friend and makes him tell where your food is? You've seen plenty of people bigger than him! He's scary but he is pretty skinny. Better hide it extra careful to be extra safe. You rummage around in the tent for a bit, making sure to hide it super well before slinking out.What were you doing before he showed up? Oh yeah! Making the armor fit! You have never worn armor before and with your helmet and this you'll be super safe for the first time. You're not exactly an expert at this... but you definitely know how to tear things apart! You rip up the armor (though it takes a while, the leather looks soft but is super tough!) and begin trying scraps on over your body. You think you can stitch it together to make it fit, though you have a lot of leftover material.Roll a d20Best of three.1 is crit fail, 20 is crit succeed.
Rolled 10>>29278074Hey Shep!Nice rollin.
>>29278097Hey man, it's been a while.
Alright! Writing.Most rolls are going to be based on "degrees of success" where you have a base DC to clear a task (relatively high since you get three chances at it) and then higher DC's for better results.
>>29278107Sure has. Wonder when we'll get a new Rags to Riches?
>>29278074You're Commander Shepard, and this is our favorite roll on the Citadel.
>>29278124I'm betting Mr. Rags comes back this week.>>29278138>>29278108Heh
>>29278123I hope you're still alive.
>>29278385I am. This update is going to take a bit. I can post the first two parts if you want something to read?
>>29278414Take your time, Chief.
>>29278414Why the hell not.
>>29278414Do so please.
As you start this, you find modifying the armor is easier than you thought! You manage to not only make it fit your body without falling apart, but you managed to make it look sorta like actual armor in the process! To the untrained eye, no one would be able to tell you didn't start with studded leather armor that fit you in the first place. You even manage to make it look sorta cool by putting some war paint on it. Yeah! Stylin'!Feeling pretty cool in your sweet new digs, and finally rid of those rags you've been wearing for god knows how long, you pick up your sword and run start running to the moot.After a few dozen feet you try to jockey the sword into a position that doesn't crash into everything around as you move. This thing is pretty unwieldy! You get an entirely different set of strange looks, as a petite goblin girl goes dashing through the camp with a sword larger than she is.The drums sound louder the close your get. The Fouldrinker clan is one of the biggest clans of cave goblins around, and they are sort of your boss! The Bonemurder clan is much smaller, and often get volunteered for dangerous tasks. You used to have dozens of brothers and sisters, but now you only have maybe eight. Who knows how many cousins and nieces you have, though. Still, you manage to show up and find some fellow Bonemurderers."Wow! You got a big sword there." "How'd you get such nice armor? Did you steal it?" "Oooh, you look strong now. Is it magic?" "Let me have that shiny thing!"Your fellow clanmates begin jabbering at you. Oh, no. You're standing out a little too much. This isn't good!>Continued.
"AND NOW WE SHALL TAKE VOLUNTEERS FOR THE POSITIONS OF RAID LEADER!" The moot conductor yells. He's big, almost as big as an orc! With feathers and horns and at least five swords, you know he is important. The position of Raid Leader was one of the worst positions in the whole army! You basically had to go out ahead of the main force by yourself and mess things up. It was super dangerous!Dozens of names were being shouted at once from each clan, as people desperately volunteered other people. Though, unfortunately, the Bonemurder clan was nearly unanimous in their selection, "Shax! Shax! Shax!" Oh no! Hearing a majority chant of some name that wasn't their own, other goblins begin shouting it as well. "Shax! Shax! Shax!" You wish you could just die.Still, you didn't have many options. You sheepishly walk forward. The conductor stares a bit at your sword. And the chant sorta dies down as they realize you're actually carrying the huge thing. "Uh, you're Shax, then?" He says after a moment. You nod nervously. A dark elf woman was at the back of the stage. You couldn't see her at first because of the moot's bonfires. She smiles at you. A shiver runs down your spine. The conductor clears his throat. "Shax accepts the first title of Raid Leader! As the first volunteer she has the right to choose her raiding grounds!"The dark elven woman steps forward. She is very tall, and her white hair is very pretty and straight and smooth looking. Much better looking than the mop of dirty red hair you have. Her outfit is adorned with gems and embroidery, making you look rather plain. "Well, little goblin... I know you usually don't plan out strategy to this extent but we have three main theaters of conflict.">Continued.
>>29278483Can someone draw a new picture of us? with are new cool armor?
She pulls a faded map seemingly out of nowhere and brings it out in front of you. It has lots of green and blue on it. She points at green area with a ruby red fingernail. "The first will be the Woods of Valorien. If you choose here, your primary goal will be guerilla strikes on their camps. It'll be hard to move a full army through here to strike at some of the High Elven fortresses, so we need you to clear the way. You'll primarily run into our foolish cousins in this forest." You assumed that meant high elves.She moves her hand over to a yellowish area. "The second are the Manderlin Plains. Your raid work will be more typical in this area, mostly sacking farms. Start cutting off their supplies. This job will be easy at first, but as time goes on you'll start facing tougher and tougher resistence. It is essential we start choking the surface dwellers off for an extending campaign. While the main people dwelling here are human, you can expect various forces to try to stop you up here." She smiles faintly for a moment, "Even, perhaps, some adventurers."You can't count that high, but you can count to three. "What about the last one?" You ask nervously."The last, creature, is this," She points at a large grey area. "The sprawling city of Stonedance, capital of the Province of Blood." She curls her painted purple lips at this name, "A foolish and highly religious country. Their holy magics will destroy you, creature, so be wary. Your main goal here will be to infiltrate through the sewers, disrupt surrounding villages, and otherwise keep their defenders busy while our main army strikes the rest of the realm."She crosses her arms and looks at you. "The scope of our invasion is, of course, much larger than this. But these are where your filthy companions will best serve."The conductor looks at you, "Well, you heard the lady. Which one do you want?">Woods of Valorien.>Manderlin Plains.>City of Stonedance.
>>29278626>Manderlin Plains.Fuck elves and Fuck wizards
>>29278626>Manderlin Plains.Meeting an adventurer is totally NOT BAD idea.
>>29278626Well fuckdamnshitcunt, we're one dead gobbololi. I say take to the plains.
>>29278626SO we either deal withPCsElfsuesor Paladins>Woods of valorienThose tree fuckers will come to the aid of othersas is their sue way
>>29278626>Woods of Valorien.Sounds the safest! Just hit and run! With our big sword an easy task!
>>29278626Goblins are right sneaky... I vote Plains.
I'll be back in about thirty minutes, I have some housework I need to do. So don't panic!
>>29278626>Woods of ValorienWe'd probably feel more comfortable with guerrilla attacks on the enemy then killing innocent farmers. We've already accepted our imminent death by taking up this, anyway. Plus the idea of sneaking around with our oversized sword is hilaroious.
>>29278710I genuinely like the concept, so you better get back.
What would be the fastest thing to burn down by accident?
>>29278626>Manderlin Plains.Meet Pc`s, get adopted as a cute party mascot. Better than staying with the filthy goblins anyway.
>>29278710Oh come on! Fuck Real Life! This is where it's at, Dude!
>>29278626>City of Stonedance.I know this will not win, buttfuck it.
>>29278626>Manderlin Plains'Maybe some adventurers' is better than wizards and elves. If/when the going gets tough, we can fall back and call it a day.
>>29278778> Maybe some adventurers> inb4 we run into Elminster
>>29278626>Woods of Valorien.Seconding the ADVENTURERS HELL NO motion.
>>29278626>Woods of Valorien.The plains are a trap.
>>29278626>Manderlin Plains.Think of all the food we'll get from those farms. Maybe we'll even get enough to grow big and beautiful.
>>29278916To Commanderlin Plains then?
>>29278958See you later, Fountain top, need to head out for a bit.
>>29278626>Giant Sword>Raid LeaderThis is either going to end very well or very very badly. I can only hope we don't have any ridiculously good looking friends with dreams of ruling.
>>29279021See you, Commander.
Plains 9 Woods 5 by my count.Writing.
>>29278626I'm all for the >woods
>>29279057>go innawoods>try not to die>die a lot
The plains are salvation.
>>29278626I'd vote for the City. Tiny goblin running around the sewers with a big sword is bound to distract the local defenders.>>29279057..Guess I'm too late though.Seriously, no one wanted to take the goblin to the crud-caverns beneath Stonedance and harass people?
"Ummm..." You didn't understand what all she just said. And you're still a little dazed from being volunteered. but you know she said one was easy! You'll do that one! You point at the yellow one on the map. Yellow means easy! "This one.""SHAX WILL RAID THE PLAINS OF MANDERLIN!" Shouts the feathered goblin, to cheers. They don't know what that means either, but someone shouted something so they knew they should cheer. "Each clan will produce four volunteers, including Shax here, for the raid." While the clans begin squabbling over who would be sent, the sword bristling goblin turns to you. "Now, go to your tent. You have a few days to prepare."The dark elven woman stops you as you begin to scrabble away. "I'll send an aid over to your encampent to assist your preperations. Don't worry, you're not going to be completely on your own." She laughs a bit, and even though it sounds cruel it is still a pretty sound! Dark elves sure were lucky.She is scary, though, so you run away even faster. You sigh in relief as you break away from the moot. Those things always made you nervous. More than a few goblins get stabbed by their enemies in those crowds. And they were loud, and everything was more smelly than usual.For once, you don't have to scrabble through the camp to your tent, so you walk a bit more leisurely. Should you check out some of the other sections of the combined forces?>Check out the beast managerie.>Waltz to the irregulars (Groups that are participating but not large enough for their own section of camp.)>Head over to the orc encampments.>See if you can't talk to some dark elves!>Try to find more squid faces.>Rush back to the tent before the sneaky dark elf aid takes all your food for not being an ogre.
>>29279179We all got hooked on the idea of "it'll be simple at the beginning and harder over time" and think of the PC as a quite weak combatant.No wonder we picked this option.
>>29279188>Rush back to the tent before the sneaky dark elf aid takes all your food for not being an ogre.
>>29279188>Waltz to the irregulars (Groups that are participating but not large enough for their own section of camp.)Maybe some will want to join us?
>>29279188>>Waltz to the irregularsHey, we Raid Leader now, mebbe they wants join our suic- important missioning!
>>29279188>Try to find more squid faces.Is the mindflayer over there?Can we raid with him?
>>29279188>Waltz to the irregulars (Groups that are participating but not large enough for their own section of camp.)
>>29279188Some sneaky git is after our food? Fuuuuck that.
>>29279188>Check out the beast managerie.We so NEED a pet.I want a pet.We should get a pet....just sayan
>>29279294Or a mount... like a... dire puppy, or somthing!
Can't we just go these 3 over the course of the next few days?We want a pet.We want an irregular. We want squidfriend.
Alright. You've got some time so you'll definitely check out the irregular group of monstrous humanoids down here.Depending on how that goes, you might check the menagerie or try to find some mind flayers.Writing.
>>29279188>Check out the beast managerie.
>>29279323Love the idea of a dire puppy.And for some reason I think it should be a pug.
>>29279188Irregular will join and help. Or die trying. So that we can survive.
>>29279228>>29279333>>29279351Now, maybe it's just me, but isn't heading down to mindflayerville fucking suicidal? We can't be sure /none/ of them will try to eat us.
>>29279323>giant sword>magic amulet>sweet armour>and now a mountDang. We haven't even left the caves yet and we're already the pimpingest goblinette that ever goblinned.
Oh, yes, let's find a bunch of illithids so we can end this quest as a mindbroken shell with tentacles forcing their way into our eyes/ears/nose/mouth.
>>29279447Goddammit, /d/, start your own gobloli quest.
>>29279426Not yet, we might critical fail the menagerie
>>29279447>Implying squid face won't beat the shit out of those who touch his favorite pet
>>29279474It's not safe, anon. Just saiyan.
>>29279520>>29279447>>29279474>>29279489>>29279501I leave for just a few minutes...
The Dragon and Drow Matriarch's call to crusade has drawn a lot of strange monsters to her side. The promises of riches and land enticed several peoples who normally wouldn't play along with such a crusade. Fortunately, most of these forces were too small in number to make their demands too apparent. Since most species were more or less sticking with their own kind for now, these smaller groups gathered together on one side of the camp. You thought they sounded interesting, and now you have this huge sword so maybe they won't eat you as soon as they see you now. So you head over there!You're not sure what you were expecting, but the first thing you see is pretty awful! An absolutely huge man, purple and horribly disfigured, is at the edge of the camp, arguing with two smaller ones of his kind. You're not sure what they're saying, but whatever it is doesn't sound friendly. A bunch of strange, white and bluish dwarf like creatures are watching and cackling at their argument, and they have completely yellow and creepy eyes. Some fish people are in a tent surrounding themselves with strange idols.This place is weird.You glance at two dark elven guards near the edge of this camp. They look at you. Oh no, they probably think you're weird for coming here. The two guards talk to each other for a bit before one approaches you."Look, uh, I don't know what you're doing here, but these people are all insane, okay? Just watch your back, alright?" He walks back to his comrade who is apparently making fun of him for something.With the warning well in mind, you approach the camp.>Who do you talk to/what do you do?
>>29279588Shout: Who wants to join me in the next raid?
>>29279588We should totally try and convince some of these guys to come on our mega easy raid.Ideally get an ogre or giant that we can ride into battle.
Make sure to continuously loot small items as we orbit the camp.
>>29279588>>29279627If we're raiding, I think we need something small and good at sneaky shit. Anything big enough to attract attention is going to land us in a straight up fight, and that's exactly what we want to avoid as a goblin.Or we could get something big to use as a distraction, I guess.
>>29279447What? But all the squidfaces we know are so nice. I mean, look, he gave us his magic trinket even though he is so skinny he probably needed it himself!
>>29279665We're stuck with this armor and giant sword, so we as well make sure we're good in a stand up fight.Goblins can fight. Just make sure you have numerical advantage and big nasty things on your side.
>>29279673They're scary though.We should ask the elves if there might be someone willing to join.
>>29279588>>29279622"Who wants to join in on a raid? It is going to be super easy! I picked it myself!"
>>29279665We're burning farmhouses, it's not the kind of thing you can do subtly.
Alright, I think I got an idea of what to do.Writing.
>>29279738>implying you cant burn a village down in such a way that it appears to be a tragic accident
I love the writing in this quest.> You're always hungry. You're so hungry that the goblin's god is known as the Hungerer. The shamans say he runs around and eats goblins who aren't clever enough to hide or fast enough to run from him. You think you'd have to be pretty stupid to eat goblins all day, and you guess if your god is stupid then that's why you're stupid.
>>29279759"Cor, guv, I heard Bad Donkey down in Hillsbrook was burned down last night. That's the fifth one this week!""God dammit, just what we needed, a war going on and farmers turning pyromaniacs in a mass epidemic."
Chief Fouldrinker, are you going to get a twitter?
>>29277103Middle of the camp, Safety in numbers
>>29279751Idea! Big dragon is our bosses bosses friend right? Dragons are big family's too right, like goblins and kobolds. Maybe the black dragOn will let us have a dragon friend to help! A little one? Tinest she has?
>>29279855mfw I didn't realize I hadn't refreshed the main page for several hours.
Realistically we're probably only going to be in charge of the goblins on the raid.Also I bet no one on the raid listens to us.
>>29279893>Also I bet no one on the raid listens to us.That's good, right?
>>29279893We just have to use our in... intl... intlekt to make them work for us.
Well. You're a raid leader now. You may not want this responsibility but the title is impressive! At least, you think so. So you walk into the middle of camp and slam your sword into the ground. The weirdos all look at you with their weird eyes. "Hey! I just got promoted to Raid Leader! I picked out a mega easy raid to do, where things are all yellow." You look around. You definitely have their attention. "Anyone want to come along and, uh, raid things... with me?"They all stare at you for a moment. You hope they are checking out your super cool armor and now laughing at you. They're probably laughing at you. You get nervous and start sweating. The giant purple guys start arguing with each other again, and the blue dwarves ignore you, but a fish person walks up to you. It's sorta fat and scaley and has a big head with big eyes. But at least they aren't yellow. "This one is Whipaldookat. The Sea Mother told us of this day." He glances at his comrades, "Those who were weak in faith did not believe the Sea Mother's words of a goblinoid female weilding a towering blade."A few of his gross big eyed friends walk up to you. "The Mother has promised many blessings if we were to follow you," Whipawhoosit says, "We'd be honored to follow you into battle."Okay that was easy. Maybe you have the natural born ability to be a leader? Wow! Still, you are sorta creeped out by them. Whatever. The fish dudes begin picking up theit totems and spears, and start following you. "Your home is our temple, Raid Leader." Oh... they want to live with you? The burdens of leadership are so harsh.What do you do now?>Try to get the rest's attention.>Get out while the getting is good.>Talk to the guards on the way out?
>>29279893They'll listen. This is going to be reaaally easy, everyone's going to be happy. No problems.
>>29279934>Talk to the guards on the way out?Thank the nice guard.
>>29279934>Get out while the getting is good.And then I recommend getting good with our new towering sword.
>>29279934That's a little creepy but we should get out while the getting's good.Talk to the guards and try to convince them and their friends to come too.
>>29279934Gotta keep that good spirit.>to the menagerie !
>>29279934>Get out while the getting is good.Go check the menagerie next. We need a pimp ride. Something that goes fast, so we can use the sword as a lance.
>>29279934Talk to the guards.One of them was kind to us, and they might know someone else to talk to.
>>29279971Oops, took name off.
>>29279988Something big enough that we can just hold the sword at human neck height.
>>29279934>>Talk to the guards on the way out>Talk to the guards on the way out
>>29279934Talk to the guards! One was nice to you! Maybe he can be our friend too? Hugs?
>>29279934>>Get out while the getting is good.>>Talk to the guards on the way out?"Thanks for the tip, I found these nice people to help!" The tip didn't really help, but it's always good to be polite to people who can cut you with one chop.
Maybe the guard could train us a bit.Also we need a carrion crawler.
>>29280017Wait. Can our sword do that? HEY! That means people need to be nice to us! Woo!
>>29280048Yes, Or A CORGITAUR
Utahraptor or bust.
>>29280048Dire Corgi or a velociraptor of some kind.
Appropriate goblin mounts:>dinosaurs>primordial creatures from before the dawn of time>anything mutated>anything really, really, really hungry>humanoids larger than goblins>a palanquin carried by other goblins>dogs>giant monstrous insects
>>29279934Thanks the guards
>>29280160>>giant monstrous insectsIn the thread that started this all, we had a giant tarantula that liked to snuggle with us when sleeping that we were terrified of.Which is silly of course.Giant spiders don't snuggle!
Damn, this quest is hilarious. Keep up the good work op, and thanks.
>>29280187Yes they doDon't lie to me
Some people joined up so easily! You're starting to feel slightly better about your chances to survive more than a few days. You are starting to get important. You think. Looking back, it looks like about six fish people are following you, including Whipsomeone. They're making weird gurgling noises which you assume is how they talk to each other as they finish packing up and start following you. The other irregulars are too creepy to approach, and you don't really feel comfortable going deeper into the camp, so you try to head out as soon as the fish guys are done packing.Along the way you stop and talk to the guards. "Hey!" You say, waving at them. "Thanks for warning me about how crazy all these people are." The two guards look nervously at the fish men. The fish men have blank looks on their faces. "But I found some nice friends who like me because their mom said to, so it all worked out.""Y-yeah, you're welcome." The guard who spoke to you says, the other one elbowing him. "But we, uh, gotta get back to duty, alright?" The other guy whispers at him, and snickers a bit. "knock it off okay, it's not like that" "yeah i bet it isn't" "i was just worried dude cut it out" "who gets worried about goblins shit head" "look she was going to get eaten if I didn't say something" "yeah that was your only motivation sure"They continue fussing for a while. You're not sure what this is all about, so you wave goodbye and walk off. "Raid Leader, where shall we head?">Hit up the menagerie, you still want to see the beasties!>Get back to camp lickity split! You don't want to keep the aid waiting now that you're super important. Or you might stop being important and go back to being a nobody.
>>29280229>Lolicon dark elvesPffft>Hit up the menagerie, you still want to see the beasties!
>>29280187>In the thread that started this allLink?
>>29280229>Hit up the menagerie, you still want to see the beasties!
>>29280229>>Hit up the menagerie, you still want to see the beasties!When we ride in on our mount with our fishmen guards we are going to look pimp as fuck.If someone else gets appointed raid leader in our absence our mount can just fucking eat them.
>>29280229>The beasties !
>>29280262Not anon, but I just foolz searched it: http://archive.foolz.us/tg/thread/29228373/#29230288
>>29280229Beasties. We need a mount.
>>29280229Menagerie, let's go look for that velocicorgi. Though the MC probably picks according to what she thinks cute and cuddly.
>>29280229>Hit up the menagerie, you still want to see the beasties!>>29280246Hey man, I'm pretty sure he only had good intentions.
>>29280317Yeah, but what do goblins think is cute and cuddly?
Lookin' pretty unanimous. Writing.
>>29280317To a goblin that could be ANYTHING though.
>>29280328There is probably nothing in the life of a goblin that is cute and cuddly to them. There are only two things: terror and horror.
>>29280334Yeah, or it could be a corgi.I just hope it isn't thrown off balance if we swing our sword while riding.
>>29280348This quest reveals your lies.
>>29280369A giant tarantula wouldn't get thrown off balance, because with eight legs all over the place it's as stable as you're gonna get.
>>29280369Hopefully this dire corgi has six legs to improve stability.An anon can hope, right?
Lets take a field trip to the zoo!
Well there are drow around.So maybe...a corgi drider?
>>29280391>>29280390What if it was half giant tarantula, half dire corgi?Then it would be really stable while still being motherfucking adorable. Everyone wins!
>>29280419That sounds utterly terrifying
>>29280419So corgi body and head [with 8 eyes], giant tarantula legs and wiggly web glands instead of ass?
>>29280419>>29280453Look what I found.
"Well first, Whipa... Whipaldo-Whipawho-""Whipaldookat.""Whipaldookat." You say, uncertain. "First, I'm gonna go look at some cute ani-" You glance at him. His expression is blank as normal. "Vicious beasts." Nice save. "For our raid, you know. Gotta raid with something. I'm a raid leader so I know these things." You nod sagely. Yeah, their respect for you probably went up several notches. You could get used to this whole raid leader thing."Of course, Leader." Wow! You're good at this. You make your way to the pens that hold all the various exotic animals that are being held by the army proper. Most camps have their own beasts they keep track of, but this is sort of a shared space.When you arrive, you see the same dark elf lady from the moot there. At least you think it is. "Ah, Shax... of the Bonemurder clan, was it?" She glances up from some scrolls she is holding. "The moot just finished up, and two other raid leaders were selected though..." She looks at your giant sword, "None are quite so interesting as you, I must admit."You stopped listening to her after she said your name. Look at all these animals! Most are pretty creepy looking, but there are some really cool looking ones. The fish people look pretty uninterested in what is happening, but you're still engrossed in the various beasts."-ourse, to pick out various volunteers for your group. Your job is actually pretty important, and any who are willing to go along can join in as they'd li-"Weird cats and monsterous horses and stuff everywhere!"-idn't know you were interested in outsiders, Whipaldookat. Your order's presences is appreciated of cou-"Wait. What's that. It's HUGE.>Continued.
>>29280499is it the hugest?
>>29280450Terrifyingly adorable. Just imagine how cuddly it must feel as it hops up to lick our face, its venomous fangs just barely brushing against our delicate skin...
>>29280499>know you were interested in outsidersWait what.
>>29280545In the affairs of outsiders. Get out of the gutter.
>>29280499You this woman seems super helpful ask her if she wants to come or, you know, leader to leader, she's got any apprentices she doesn't like or something.
>>29280545>>know you were interested in outsiders"I didn't know you were interested in outsiders, [xenophobic or isolationist fishman]" is my guess.
>>29280545who cares?Just look at all these beasties!
>>29280564I like it.
>Raid Leader Shax BonemurderThe adventurers that are inevitably going to come for our head are going to have their expectations ruined.
>>29280602I feel that next time I GM I need to include Raid Leader Shax Bonemurder.
>>29280618>Oh wow, your armor looks so cool! When you die, do you mind if I keep it?
>>29280602"They say that the goblin raid leader Shax Bonemurder has the strength of five men! She stands seven- no, eight fee tall and wields an enchanted sword that's even larger! She leads a group of eldritch terrors from the deep and the nastiest, most vicious golbin cutthroats and marauders you could think of! And I haven't even mentioned the monster she rides!"
>>29277103>You are a nervous young cave goblin girlall muh feels~!
A absolutely massive lizard is coiled up in a cage surrounded by eggs. Is this a dragon?! It's gotta be the size of three horses! You've never seen a lizard this big.And over there. SPIDERS. They're so scary! You bet everyone would respect you if you were on something like that.Wow this was a good trip. Nothing like seeing the unknown to get you excited."I assume you've met your aid then, Shax, if you're here." The woman says, clearly addressing you. You snap around at the mention of your name."What?"She stares at you blankly. "Your aide. You've met him, right?"Of course you haven't. "Of course I haven't." You probably should have said something else.The woman sighs for a moment. "Oh, I thought you were..." She glances about before clearing her throat. "Well! If he were to have met you he would have informed you that your duty involves a great deal of hit and run strikes, and as such you need to be very quick. Your first duty was to requisition a number of mounts for your raid group." She fans her hands out and motions at the menagerie. "I figured you were here because the typical wolves your kind rides wouldn't suit such an... eccentric goblin such as yourself."She places one finger on her chin, "Might I recommend the spiders? They're well trained and I've always loved those creatures."The fish people look visibly uncomfortable with this idea.Uh oh. Time for leadership!>The lady is really smart and pretty. Spiders are probably a good idea if it came from her. The fish people will have to get over it.>You don't want to make them mad and go back home to their mom. Ask them what they'd like.>Executive decision! Cool lizard for everyone!
>>29280651"And I haven't even mentioned the PIMP ! Whenever she is close to any female of any race, you can smell the lust for miles..."
>>29280668>Executive decision! Cool lizard for everyone!It is pretty cool guys. Admit it.
>>29280668>>Executive decision! Cool lizard for everyone!It's a DRAGON and we're picking that one.
>>29280668>The lady is really smart and pretty. Spiders are probably a good idea if it came from her. The fish people will have to get over it.C-can we get some different things for the lizards?
>>29280668iI can't choose!They're all adorable!!
>>29280668Spiders for the goblins, ask the fish people what they'd like.
>>29280668We don't want to offend her so we have to take at least one spider.
>>29280668>Executive decision! Cool lizard for everyone!Lizards. They are the hugest.
>>29280668>You don't want to make them mad and go back home to their mom. Ask them what they'd like.Best to keep these guys happy. We could take a spider for ourselves though, the lady's probably right about them being fast, and it gives us a good plaform to swing that sword.
>>29280668>Executive decision! Cool lizard for everyone!>spiders for goblins
>>29280668>Executive decision!gotta start thinking like a leader.
>>29280668Lizards for fishsiders for goblins
>>29280668Can we get a spider whilst the fish people get something else?If we cant then:>You don't want to make them mad and go back home to their mom. Ask them what they'd like.
>>29280687Did I mention she wrestles bears to eat as breakfast? And can fly?
>>29280668Most goblins get spiders, fish people can have whatever.We get the big lizard
>>29280762I heard she that she broke Elministers arm just by looking at hum
>>29280788>"Did I mention he also won an arm wrestle with a catapult?"
>>29280757We could just ask what their mom thinks.
Alright.Looks like a mix is gonna happen. We'll see how it pans out!Writing.
>>29280815"Igo ask your dad""I dont know Kids, did mom say it was okay for you to be waging war against the surface dwellers?"
>>29280668>You don't want to make them mad and go back home to their mom. Ask them what they'd like.
This is tough. You have all these cool animals that its hard to choose just one. "Um... Well. Spiders are good. I think the goblins in the raid part should definitely have those, right?" The dark elf lady beams at you."Then it's settled. I'll have them transferred over to your camp.""S-sorry! But! I don't want to make the fishmans mad, so..." You look at them. They were nice enough to join you even when all those scary people were laughing at you. In their minds. You're sure of it. And you don't want them to have to go back and live with their mom, "I can get a mix of things, right? What do you guys prefer to ride?"The drow woman considers this for a moment. "It'll be a bit harder to train a hodge podge of cavalry, and the beasts might not... cohabit well. If you're okay with the added difficulty, and are willing to take responsibility, then it should be fine to take different things."Then I want a lizard!" You shout eagerly with a very serious face before she can change her mind."One of... those?" She points hesitantly at what you're pretty sure is a dragon. "I'll arrange a smaller one for you, I guess." She has an amused if befuddled look on her face before shaking her head.Whipaldookat taps your shoulder. He is certainly slimy! And timid. "Honored one, these servants do not require mounts. However, we understand now that speed is of the essence in your tactics thanks to this one here," He bows at the drow lady, "Because of this we humbly request that we ride the scaled ones as well."You nod and look at the dark elven bureaucrat. She shrugs. "As you wish." She jots down several notes, "I do hope you'll take extra care with them, however.">Head back to your tent! You gotta make arrangements before the day ends.>Anywhere else before you head home? You're starting to feel a little tired.
>>29280992>>Anywhere else before you head home? You're starting to feel a little tired.Let's find that aide she talked about.
>>29280992>Head back to your tent! You gotta make arrangements before the day ends.We have still to train with our sword.
>>29280992Ask how to take care of your newest bestest friendest everest!
>>29280992>>29281022I agree. We need to figure out who this aide is and if she'll be our onii-chan
>>29280992Here's one to hoping the squiggly is our aide.
>>29280992Ask the drow woman to give us an apprentice to make sure the beasts come back safe.Go speak to aideFind some flammable stuff like pure grain alcohol, oil, etc.
>>29280992>>Head back to your tent! You gotta make arrangements before the day ends.
>>29280992Go back to the tent. Check the food. If it is still there then good. Leave the fish friends at the tent to guard that shit.Go find the aide. They might already be at our tent though.
The aide was supposed to be waiting at your tent, so if you go to the tent the aide will theoretically be there.
>>29281074We have a tent?Guys this is amazing. A tent keeps out the rain like a cave, while being nowhere near as dark or filled with centipedes!Truly, we are the luckiest gobloli.
>>29281104But we can eat the centipedes!Also>Head back to your tent! You gotta make arrangements before the day ends.
Tent looks like winner. Writing.
>>29281146At what times/what frequency will you be running OP?I enjoy this quite a bit.
Satisfied with how things went today, you head back to your tent. A frantic looking dark elf is waiting for you."Where have you been?!" He practically shouts as you approach. "Things have been crazy here..." He glances about at the various goblins squabbling near your tent. "Look, these things won't listen to me. They keep saying I'm not their leader, and doing dumb things and its just terrible and everything is dirty and you re-""Did they grab my food?" You demand, scared."What? Your...? Look they haven't even been near your tent if that's what you're asking." Clearly exasperated with having to deal with goblins all day. Oh thank goodness. "Can you just talk to them? You were supposed to have sixteen goblins in your army, but three have, uh, died. And one never showed up. So you're down to twelve."Oh, those were good numbers. You're such a good leader you didn't have to even be here! "Listen up, boys!" You say, dropping the sword on the ground and placing your hands on your hips. "You gotta listen to what I say cause the boss said we needed volunteers and everyone said I was the raid leader so now I gotta lead the raid and you're the raid, got it?"Everyone nodded sagely along. Your aide looks speechless. "Now shape up! We gotta get to work on our raiding skills, alright, boys?" Of course, these skills were important. If you weren't good at raiding you wouldn't last five minutes. You turn to your aide and ask quietly, "What, uh, what skills are those, exactly...?"He pinches the bridge of his nose."This one greets you, fellow crusaders," Whipaldookat says to your goblin followers, "This one is called Whipaldookat and I shall be accompanying you on your raids.""What the...?" Your aide looks confused for a moment. "Time to update the roster..."
>>29281314What do dark elves look like to goblins?
>>29281365Pretty and regal, of course. Like all elves.
>>29281365Like normal ones, but chocolatey.
>>29281314Hey! Remember the aide's, like, our servant. We can totally boss him around.Also we don't have enough guys, we need more guys.
>>29281417We can ?Also, we need stealth skills !
>>29281417We don't want to boss him around too much. We didn't like to get bossed around too much before. Also we need him to say smart things that we can repeat.
>>29281314>He pinches the bridge of his nose.I feel sorry for him already.Wait, what am I saying?Hahaha.
>>2928141712 goblins, 8 kuo-toa (troglodytes?), and then mounts. It's a pretty decent raiding party. Too much bigger and we'll start attract an 'invested response'.
))That's it for today, /tg/! Thanks for playing. I don't have a set schedule for this, but I'll set up a twitter and post it in the QTG to let you know when it is up.This is the current Raid Composition:http://pastebin.com/mZgVD5yHNext thread we'll do some training with our band and try to find more recruits! What do you all think so far?I'm trying to provide more real choices, and I apologize for my lack of ability to draw.
>>29281468But we need moar dakka...
>>29281472>more recruitsWon't the raiding party become too big?Also are we limited on the number of mounts?And we need someone to help train the mounts.Good job so far OP, I like the setting.
>>29281472>I apologize for my lack of ability to draw.like this shit matter at allWhen do you think you'll be running again?>What do you all think so far?I like it.
>>29281472>more real choicesI read that as "moral choices" and got scared.Thanks for running, Chief! I really enjoyed it.
>>29281472You are based beyond salvation, OP. I love this quest so far.
>>29281472Your writing is charming, and makes Shax very endearing.
>>29281472haha this was awesome :D Really glad I was able to catch this at the start :D
>>29281472I enjoyed it, OP!
>>29281472Love it OP, can't wait for more.
Great Quest - I look forward to future threads.
I still say we should try our hand at making a corgi-spider crossbreed later on.
>>29281472as long as I get my promised raid-with tactics and all, I'll be happy. If this is mango-style visual novel quest then it is unrelated to my interests.
Cute quest, OP.
>>29281472I like it. Keep it going.
So is there an Ogre somewhere who got goblins' form?
We need to recruit more Kobolds as well.
>>29283062But the more cannon fodder we recruit the more we open ourselves up to the Rule of Adventurers, which states that the more lesser creatures (kobolds, goblins, etc) the less effective they are. A group of like four goblins on the other hand, you know they've got to be up to some sneaky ass shit.
>Sixteen Dire Tarantula mounts, Eight Night-Basilisk mounts.There are 6 Kua Toa riding basilisks and Shax, so there is one basilisk open. if our aide is riding on something else, we should find another irregular to ride on that last lizard. preferably some ranged combat specialist or a brute.also, according to pastebin count we currently have 9 goblins under our command. so we have 7 spiders free, we can recruit some people(?) to ride on them.
>>29281365I believe they are drow in this, so black skin/white hair mostly I assume.Also enjoying this. Hope to see more.