Can we get a "That Guy" thread going for DMs that are "That Guy"?I have a DM right now who thinks she's a fantastic storyteller, but ends up letting the party have so much freedom while dropping so little hints as to the plots of her games that we end up running in circles without the faintest idea of what to do. Of course she gets mad at us for this and tells us all the hints she dropped after we fuck up her storyline. She also pretty much relies on constant random encounters to make things interesting. We spent 3 hours last session JUST fighting off an army of fey attacking a town. Shit was repetitive.More details if anyone is interested.
>>29155369>Female GMWell, there's your problem right there.Seriously, though, talk to her about it. Tell her that there's a fine line. Maybe offer to provide plot hooks in your backgrounds.
>>29155399She's asked for our backgrounds and we've given them to her. We're all at least decent writers and all wrote up a one page backstory, nothing too long or rambling. I wrote my Paladin as the third son of a noble family who joined the church to do good but ended up as a jailer/parnter for one of the other PCs on her quest for redemption for a crime she committed, the nature of which is never made clear to me but is in her backstory, which was intended as a plot hook for her to latch onto if she wanted. Other things included my older brother who was head of a mercenary band (Ran away from home) and the eldest daughter of the family who is a Sorcerer/Politician, not to mention an encounter with a daemon in my younger days which was the catalyst for him becoming a Paladin.We've tried to talk to her but she's under the impression we're just too stupid to grab at her small and vague plot hooks, which often reference things we haven't even heard of. Like how she dropped a tonne of "hints" regarding the fact that Samhain night was coming up, but none of us even knew what Samhain night was until that game. Hint's were things like "End of autumm, A silver demon mask, fey emerging in the woods and some very unhelpful villagers. Her NPCS have a habit of stonewalling us and just refusing to say tell us anything, leading us to get frustrated when every lead we investigate becomes "Denial, Denial, I don't know, Denial" from the people we talk to. Even rolling diplomacy, sense motive and intimidate doesn't work for shit on her NPCs.Went on a bit of a rant there.
>>29155642Then take over for her and show her how it's to be done.
Sounds like my DM.>It's a sandbox, you're supposed to find your own stuff to do. >But we're sick of going to the tavern and checking the quest board. >That's your own fault.>K
>>29155642>Expecting players to know specific parts of Gaelic culture>When stuck won't throw the party a bone, instead ostracizes them for not knowing what to doYour DM doesn't sound fun at all.
>>29155642Jfc it's Samhain not Samhain night Butthurt Irishfag here
>>29155674I would but I haven't ever DM'd myself before. I'm planning to on an upcoming game with some other friends in a different city. I'll only be where I am for another month and a bit, Perhaps if I ran something small and easy to start with. Any suggestions on adventure modules?Thing is, her dad is the one who taught her everything about tabletop games, and he is without a doubt the most knowledgeable guy I know on the subject. He's a bit arrogant and likes to make fun of our characters constantly, but he's still a fantastic DM when it comes down to it. One game of SLA Industries with him running the show has been more interesting than all the games I've had with his daughter DMing.
>>29155764>Implying she wasn't just being some kind of hipster bitch and trying to sound like she knew her shit.It's all right, bro. Don't take it personally.
>>29155718She rarely is. I've had one good adventure with her and that was because it was a dungeon crawl where she could just think up traps, overall plot and actually gave us a fun time mechanic to race against...I think I pissed her off when my barbarian one-shotted the evil sorcerer boss at the end who was trying to summon some cosmic horror from the Far Realm>>29155764Just shows how little we knew about what the fuck she was trying to do. She's hella into Gaelic mythology and culture.
>>29155811If you are running pathfinder, you might give Curse of the Crimson Throne a shot. I have heard nothing but good things about it.
I had a DM just like this in Mutants & Masterminds.He threw some arabian supervillain at us. Guy wore a turban, rode a flying camel, all this crazy shit, and all the clues to his motives/behavior were things like "Egyptian poetry expressed love coming from the liver, not the heart," and various other factoids no one else at the table had the slightest fucking idea of. No explanations ever given. When we finally hunted the fucker down, punched out his camel and beat him up we got yelled at for not figuring it out and ruining the game.
>>29155876Sounds like an annoying cunt who focuses too much on her interest. Might as well put her own fetishes in there too.
>>29156048A arabian supervillian does sound interesting though, I think I should put together a game of Mutants and Masterminds.
>>29156190Oh you haven't heard the story of the black tentacles in the library, or Tobias the rape dragon, or the possessed masterwork manacles.We joke about sexual things a lot and all have a good laugh, but sometimes she actually puts them in game...Girl has a raging hardon for feral dragons, tentacles and bondage.
>>29156247Feel free to share, Anon.
>>29156247>feral dragons, tentacles and bondageSounds like storytime, to me.
theres a guy in my group, every PC he plays has to get into a romantic relationship immediately. the details and methods of each one changes from game to game but it's like he's afraid of being single and it's getting really weird
>>29156278Since you asked I suppose write out what happenedWhat story do you want to hear first?The rape dragonThe black tentaclesor the possessed manacles?
>>29156247>black tentacles in the library, or Tobias the rape dragon, or the possessed masterwork manacles.>feral dragons, tentacles and bondage.
>>29156318The fact the dragon is named something as terribly lame as 'Tobias' makes it sound the funniest.
>>29155642See, what it sounds like is your DM came up with all these little hints and she thinks she's the cleverest little girl in the whole wide world so the idea of giving you more to go on probably seems to her as dumbing it down, which is to say ruining all the clever, subtle, nuance she's throwing your way.She's a pretentious bitch, is what I'm saying.
>>29156318Let's start tame with the manacles.
>>29155822She probably pronounces the 'mh' as an m and an h.
>>29156333Manacles it is.So the adventure started out with us venturing to some forbidden temple of an ancient god in the middle of a mountain forest. We had been sent there to investigate the constant evil storm that had been brewing over it for the better part of three weeks. Finally the clergy of Sarenrae had stopped faffing about and decided to hire someone to do something about that.The party consisted of:Maudin Greyhalls: Male Dwarven Monk of the Empty Hand, Played by meNymhfa: Female Human Fighter/Druid, played by my ToriAranir: Male Half-Elf Ranger played by AriTulla: Female Gnome Sorcerer played by RyanAll at level 5 at the start of the adventure.>>29156346MFW I sat through the whole RP of it.
>>29156543We meet with a cleric of Sarenrae who had gathered us all after we answered a call for adventurers to investigate said evil storm cloud on the horizon. We all introduced ourself and where we were coming from. I was a dwarf whose temper was so massive that even his fellow dwarves could not stand it, and as such we was sent away from the mountain Holmes to a monetary to learn to master his rage and achieve peace. The human druid turned out to have some half-wolf template added to her and appearently her father was a wolf. That’s right, mama got kinky in with her wildshape spells. Tori herself isn’t a furry, but was a close (Possibly very close if you catch my drift) friend with the DM who seemed to share a lot of her kinks. The Half-Elf ranger was a traveller who always sought adventure and wealth and saw this as another of lifes opportunity. And the gnome…didn’t have a backstory. Ryan was lazy and just said something along the lines of “I’m part of the mages college, and I saw the ad so I came here”Weird wolf-parentage aside we head to the temple, the druid refusing to leave her darling horse familiar outside despite the fact that he WASN’T a warhorse trained for combat and from the random encounters on the road got in the way a lot. Also the temple hallways were rather small so the thing hardly even fit inside and had to move slowly. We come across a bunch of cultists who summon elementals the second they see us and run. We fight off the elementals while in some prayer hall of the temple adorned with broken furniture and banners of black spiders with giant fangs and proceed to chase them down, finally catch them in the mess hall where, surprise surprise, several more cultists are waiting for us with blades. We make short work of them, the horse frenzying at the smell of blood and running about, knocking shit over, including the dwarf, and generally being a nuisance.
>>29155369So basically, what you are saying is that you want your GM to railroad you and give you explicit quests, because you lack the imagination to figure out something on your own?
>>29156904If somebody goes out of their way to make something obscure as fuck, imagination isn't really going to help much.Part of telling a story is telling it in a way your audience relates to. Deciding to base your games around requiring knowledge you know you're the only one privy to is failing in that basic task.
>>29156904Nice post there, OP's DM.
>>29156814The druid blames me for hurting her horse and demands payment for treatment of the wounds, to which I pretty much respond with a slap on it’s flank to send it running. Other party members chastise me for this and back the druid up, before realizing that scamming a monk for gold is like trying to squeeze water from a fire elemental and we move on. We head down some stairs a long hallway filled with traps that, thankfully, we managed to avoid most of. We come to a large wooden door where we can hear two people talking behind it.The ranger rolls a perception check, being the one with the highest skill in it, but suddenly the druid wants to as well halfway through the DM’s description of a conversation between an elderly man and a young sounding man of foreign origin. The druid falls horribly and the two inside end up hearing us, the younger voice suddenly disappearing from the conversation and the door being flung open to reveal an older man dressed in priestly vestments with a robe bearing the symbol of a spider with a great gaping maw. Everyone recognises it as the symbol of Rovagug, god of destruction.We hear from behind the old priest, from a door behind his study, cries of pain and the sound of metal scraping and clinking. Cue battle mode.
>>29156904Dude, there's a fine line between subtle and not-there.Subtle is overhearing the necromancer whisper "it has been found" into a crystal ball to an anonymous master.Not there is the necromancer talking about the weather to the master or not using the crystal ball at all. This sounds a lot like the last one.
>>29156904>vague references>cockblocking attempts at gathering information>assuming people already know shit from a specific set of folklore>"You lack imagination"
>>29156988Sure, I'm not condoning obscurantism, I'm just saying that bitching about a sandbox style game while you wanted play Questing Simulator is a conflict arising from different expectations, rather than the GM being a That GM.
>>29155399HA HAHA HA HA HA HATHAT IS STILL FUNNYYou are a wit. I look forward to you undoubtedly illustrious career in the field of comedy.
>>29156904Yeah, nah, yer a cunt.
>>29157225Compelling argument broski.
>>29155369I would have supported the DM if it weren't for her refusal to offer you alternative routes to getting information. Still, if you're given a sandbox world, when in doubt start making sandcastles. Build up your resources and powers. I guess you might run into the same "Denial, Denial, you can't do that, Denial" shit here too but it's worth a try.
>>29157258I think your bait was a little obvious, anon. I'm a hipster when it comes to bait, it needs to be something subtle, obscure or novel.1/10, would only reply to criticize your form
>>29157130Angry feminist detected. Why does your kind even bother coming to 4chan?
>>29157037The priest fires off a scorching ray (This guy was apparently packing levels in sorcerer too) and hits the druid and the gnome, who was usually just fucking around on reddit for most of the game instead of being useful, for 4d6 damage, and a total of 22 damage. Maudin the Monk amages to dodge and grapples the fucker, succeeding in his check and pinning the guy on the ground, mouth covered with his burly hand to make sure he can’t cast anything verbally.We the rest take time to look around the study while I have the geezer locked down and they find schematics for a sword of some kind, the rough sketch of the blade detailing three separate parts. The hilt, the blade and the gem at the base with the whole thing resembling a key. Rolling knowledge religion the druid finally gets something right and recognises the sword as the Blade of Rovagug. We go to interrogate the old man as to what he was doing with the texts of forbidden lore, with me still holding him down. I remove my hand from his mouth to let him speak, the druid keeping a sword to his neck in case he tries anything.Annnnnd he’s gone. Disappeared right into thin air. No explanation or anything, the DM tells us we think he teleported away with a spell, despite never speaking, moving or doing anything. I call bullshit but the DM overrules all my questions about it. The cries of pain behind the metal door at the back of the study are still going on and we decide we should probably check it out. The key to the door was found in the priest’s desk and so I take it and go to open the door. The room it opens to is a torture dungeon, and on the wall at the far end is a scene of pure bondage that the DM gleefully began to describe to us.
>>29157356If it doesn't involve buttplugs, it's not worth mentioning.
>>29157591What about buttplug equivalents?
>>29155369Wow, haven't seen you in a while. You're the same anon who used to storytime while posting Iron Giant reaction shots, correct?
>>29157356An elf woman was shackled to the wall with arcane marked painted all over her naked body. On further inspection however the manacles that shackled her weren’t attached to the wall, but had her floating in mid-air. They had chains attached to them that were in the process of violating her body pretty bloody thoroughly from how the DM described this to us. We all kind of stood in shock as we were told of the way these chains were thrusting, squeezing, violating and what have you, before we run forward to free this girl from her torment. Because heroics.We reach her and I try to sunder the manacles with my mighty dwarven kung-pow fists. I fail and the DM suddenly tells us that those cries of pain were actually cries of pleasure….as we try to free this girl from these possessed manacles and chains she continues to describe the ‘torture’ they were inflicting on her as we worked. Finally the girl…well, finishes explosively, and the chains weaken enough for us to free her from them.Meet the DMPC, Nessaina the elf. She slumps to the floor and passes out, but while the manacles on her legs and arms have their chains broken the cuffs stay stuck on her wrist. The gnome discovers that they’re enchanted and won’t be removed without some powerful magic. We clothe the girl in a blanket and get her out of the temple, taking with us the sword schematics and the tomes of forebidden law the priest was studying.
>>29157686No no no no noooo. I would never take credit for being that awesome teller that was STORYTIEM. I just like dean and his images go well for /tg/ stories.
>>29157718That night at camp on the way back to the city the elf wakes up and we explain to her what had happened. She then explains how her name is Nessaina and that she is the leader of a great magical order of elves who was captured due to her knowing much about the prison of Rovagug and the history of his tyranny. She also tells us, again in detail, how she was captured and “tortured” by the cult, and that she had eventually befriended the spirit that possessed the manacles so that it wouldn’t harm her. She’s kept these things ever since and occasionally has to “feed” the things her “Carnal energy” to keep the spirit bound. The things also give her +10 to seduction rolls on things she’s attracted to, as well as armour bonuses and a resistance to mind control…These shackles are what caused the whole incident with Tobias the Rape Dragon in another campaign with the same characters. Which I can either tell now as a follow up to this, or regale you with the story of the black tentacles in the library.
>>29157718I'd cut her hands and feet off at that point, drag the broad around if need by on derpaheorpse.
>>29157718Now, if your dm was attractive, this would be kinda cool. Considering she's basically saying it's her fantasy to be bound up and raped. Which is, of course, just dandy. But I feel as though my mental image of a petite, brown skinned, vaguely "Wakfu"-esque elf is no where near what your DM resembles. Rape her anyways What, you expected more?
>>29157840Oh, dearie. Better do the tentacles now, having the line, "remember when I mentioned..." Makes everything better.
>>29157784Her exact words...along with a very detail description of the sounds, words and motions that came with it.I'm into some kinky shit, I'll admit, but sitting through this was just awkward and creepy.
>>29157317Oh, not even close. Just--just explain to me how that comment was funny. Explain to me how that conceit continues to amuse you.
>>29157840tell us about the dragon, not-storytiem!
>>29157840Welp, lets go with the dragon for continuity.
>>29157895Learn to love it, Op. And to jerk it under the table.
>>29157895what does she look like? How much beer would it take to make her fuckable?
>>29157878Actually she's smoking hot. Small petite girl, blonde hair and light skin with a large chest. Cute glasses and likes to hug everyone. Her boyfriend plays in the group with us, and can get a little shocked with how into it she gets. But as much as a boner magnet as she is, it's embarrassing and awkward for the group with how into it she gets when she runs these things.
>>29157981>boyfriend is in the groupAnd...he's OKAY with her practically masturbating for an audience? right in the same room as him? Fuck your DM, OP. Fuck her roughly. Her boyfriend will enjoy watching.
>>29157981Hmm. Clearly only two options. 1.Record her describing these things. Secretly if for wanking, or publicly to weird her out and maker her stop. 2.Confront her and her boyfriend about her basically reciting her erotic fantasies in front of the group. Question if her chain tentacle fucking means she's secretly looking for a second blade to plunder her cavern of riches, so to speak. If it becomes clear that this isn't the case, continue talking about it while pelvic thrusting.
>>29157919Dragon it is. For the sake of continuityThis was in a later campaign when we had levelled up a bit to level 8. I was still Maudin the pissed off Monk, The DMPC Nessaina was still with us, and everyone was mostly the class. The gnome sorcerer had multiclassed into rogue, because why the fuck not? And the druid’s horse was now able to talk. She liked horses it turned out. A lot. A little too much. Also the DMPC had taken to writing erotic scrolls in game and selling them to make money, because in real life she sometimes wrote the same stories and uploaded them somewhere online.We had sailed to an island off the coast of the western continent, a jungle land filled with exotic beasts, tribal warriors and ancient magicks. We were going to investigate a volcano which had seen a rise in activity in the recent months, and there were whispers of sorcery about the smoking mountain. I guess mountaintop expeditions where our thing now. We landed at the port of the largest village on the island, which was sort of a neutral meeting and trading ground for the tribals that inhabited the place, and go to meet with the leader of the village. He tells us of disappearances around the mountain, strange bestial roars coming from the night sky and the increase of hostile activity from the cannibal tribes to the north. He tasks us with finding the source of these goings on and assures us that the town will be in our debt if we succeed.Gathering our supplies and buying some scrolls and potions we set out into the wilderness to find this evil-whatever-it-is and stop it, because heroism and gold.>>29158017Given the chance I would, and she’s into polyamory, but her BF is not. He lets her indulge herself in these sessions. She once commissioned me for a picture with her character and a feral dragon since I was the artist of the group who liked to draw characters for them all.
>>29158114>second blade to plunder her cavern of richesI love /tg/'s analogies.
>>29158319Motherofgodpurgeit.jpg if I could name files on a fucking mobile piece of shit
>>29158319Three-way, man. Most guys would be ok with a three-way.
>>29158319...you got a scan of that picture?
>>29155369>>29155642>woman giving very small vague hints and expecting men to pick up on themThis is nothing new. The only difference is she's doing it in your game and not at a bar.
>>29158445Mff, maybe, but mmf, probs not. Mmm fuck no and Fff is nofun.
>>29158505Lonely tonight eh?
>>29158540I need it.For the collection. >>29158532I'd be ok with MMF threeway. Gives me an excuse to fuck my girlfriend's ass. Man I love fucking her ass.
>>29158319So we trudge through the forest, encountering wild animals, a small scouting group of cannibal tribals who we thoroughly slaughter, gaining a map of this part of the forest. Making our way north and following the map as far as we could before we were rolling survival checks again we came across a cave at the base of said evil-cloud mountain. There were skulls on pikes stuck into the ground around the cave and carcases of shredded dead animals around the entrance, along with woven baskets of gold and precious jewels. We guessed that it was either the home of some natives, or most likely offerings to whatever dwelled inside. Naturally we ran right in.We make our way through the cave, finding a few measly skeleton warriors defending the first massive chamber, as well as a small pool glowing with arcane energies. Turned out this pond was some font of necrotic power when the gnome dared me to stick my hand in it for a few gold. Burned my dwarf’s fingers, but he made his fort save to avoid his hand turning into an evil skeleton fist. Along with those skeleton warriors we found a group of kobolds hurriedly carrying piles of meat back and forth from a very rudimentary refrigerator room enchanted to stay at sub-zero temperatures. They see us and swarm, calling for help to “protect the lord of the mountain”. These little guys, although not very though, had somehow gotten access to some pretty powerful magic making the fight actually challenging for us. After sending the rest running we came across a massive horde of glimmering…copper pieces.5000 copper pieces in a pile. We were kind of confused but pretty quickly worked out that this was a fake horde, and we’d already realized this cave had Dragon written all over it.
>>29157317I came to /tg/ because I didn't see posts exactly like these and thought "Wow, a decent board."I'm a dude. And I hate feminists, and feminism, and you personally annoy the EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF ME.EFFORT.HAVE IT. USE IT.
>>29158505No, I gave it to her and she got really embarrassed about how good it was. She put it in her folder of "Secret writing that wasn't at all secret" I'd done it mostly becauseA. She paid me to, and I'm a broke ass studentB. Earn some brownie points with her and increase chances of said threesome, although those chances are already low there's no hurt in trying.
>>29155764Why the fuck did the English not spell the irish words phonetically when they transliterated it into English?This is unrelated to the subject at hand, but bringing up samhain reminds me of how nothing is pronounced anywhere close to how it was spelled.
>>29158613I demand a dump.For research purposes.
>>29158773How is Samhain pronounced?
For posterity's sake...
>>29158692You mean you DIDN'T want to have an evil skeleton fist? What are you, some kind of pussy?
>>29158853Shavnah for men, Havnah for women, I've heard.
>>29158853Basically, Sow-un. Because Gaelic.
>>29158692The sorcerer, utilizing his new rogue skills, found us a secret passage hidden in the rocks, leading down into the mountain and emerging into a massive cavern, awash with golden light reflected off of the pile of treasure in the middle, upon which was sleeping a young Red Dragon. It wakes up without warning and roars in rage when it sees us stepping on its turf. This thing really isn’t interested in diplomacy.We ready up and engage the beast in battle. My Shiruken aren’t doing much at all to it and I’m hesitant to get close after it’s breath put the Druid down to under 10 hp. So I pick up some of the large rocks around the cave, about the size of bowling balls and start flying ki charged bowling ball rocks at it. The sorcerer for some reason doesn’t get that Red dragons are immune to fire and starts throwing our fireballs and scorching rays at the thing, not doing shit. The Ranger is pelting it with arrows and doing some decent and steady damage, when the thing starts to take off. Thinking quickly I run forward and leap onto it’s back, barely making the check, and grapple it’s wings to keep it from flying. The dragon bucks and tries to get me off while the range and druid move in close to finish it while it’s distracted.The DMPC, who had all this time been healing us with her wands, senses a great magical charge through the air. And right after that. Poof. Again a monster disappears without a word. I fall to the ground and take a bit of damage, the range helps me up and the sorcerer is already studding his pants with gold from the horde. The DMPC motions for us to follow her, pointing to a large side passage in the rock. We oblige, since we thought the DM was just pushing the plot along, and enter and EVEN LARGER chamber, with a BIGGER horde of gold and a BIGGER red dragon sitting on it. Turns out this was junior dragon’s daddy, who we had just pissed off when we tried to kill his son.
>>29157356>I call bullshit but the DM overrules all my questions about it.You're the worst kind of player. If you need a sorcerer with fucking Still Spell and Silent Spell spelled out (no pun intended) for you, you're about as dense as they come. The default assumption of a player shouldn't be 'the GM isn't following the rules', and it certainly shouldn't involve haranguing them based on that assumption.
should learn to use the three clue rule http://thealexandrian.net/wordpress/1118/roleplaying-games/three-clue-rule
>>29159042>hold hand over guys mouth while grappling him>he stops casting spells>remove hand from mouth>he vanishes>lol he must have had still and silent spellTHEN WHY DID HE ONLY VANISH WHEN THE HAND WAS REMOVED FROM HIS MOUTH FAGGOT They might have decided to cut his throat instead of talking to him; why did he stick around if he was able to teleport out silently?
>>29159104Who is that and why is he bad?
>>29159114I'm not about to indulge in pointless conjecture about an NPC's motivations. The point is there's no justifiable reason there for a player to even remotely challenge a GM's decisions.
>>29159208>The point is there's no justifiable reason there for a player to even remotely challenge a GM's decisions.No words. No. Words.
>>29159208Yeah there is, it's called The "The GM is being an asshat" Clause. You sound like one of THOSE fucking GMs. The kind that railroad like crazy and get butt devastated the second anyone questions them.
>>29159016Why do her villains keep poofing? Does she not like conflict or something?
>>29159208Quit fucking up storytime with your MUH RUULZ shit, go make a fucking blog about it you sack of retarded sperm cells.
>>29159208"Good job backing me up, Steve. Now, your character gets teleported to the rape caves of the Great Infester Worms, it's an epic spell so no save, and they spend all day raping your character inside and out. You now have to describe how your character's constantly raped and starts to enjoy it as he fuses with the flesh walls. No justifiable reason to challenge my decisions, remember!"
>>29159252You sound like you're projecting, kid.
>>29156048Using Super Friends Batman Logic, I have discovered that the arabian supervillain is going to rob the Louvre.>you see love comes from the liver>fois gras is a french dish made from a duck's fattened liver>The Louvre is in France.
>>29159291How the actual fuck do you come up with that specific an example so quickly.
>>29159202alot of his advice stuff is shit and also not to edition wars but he's vehemently 3.5 to the point of autism
>>29159309Really? You literally said that you should NEVER question the DM and I said you sound like a DM who never wants to be questioned. But no, no. I'm the one projecting.
>>29159291Because a preposterous homebrew epic spell is the same thing as there being no justifiable reason *there* for calling BS on the DM.
>>29159363You know their logic is going to be that, "of course you're projecting, the D/GM is never wrong!"
>>29156048maybe he was drunk
>>29159363No, I didn't. Learn some reading comprehension.I'm almost always a player anyway (I don't have the stamina to DM most of the time), but I know Rule 0 and how tact works.
>>29158883Not if it involved turning chaotic too and losing my monk levels...take care of that however and I could shiggity dig it.>>29159259You’re about to realize what it usually signifies.>>29159016So big papa dragon is obviously way out of our league and looks set to eat us with a side of steamed dwarf and a nice cup of gnome blood to wash it down. I decide to go the diplomatic route, since we know dragons are very intelligent. With the help of the party we convince the dragon to parley with us, at least temporarily. We explain our place here on the island and ask if the dragon has anything to do with the volcano becoming more active and the abductions of the people around the island. The dragon stonewalls us and refuses to answer anyway questions other than “Yes, He’s involved with the volcano business”. We’re not really surprised, after all we did try to kill his son. But the DMPC then chimes in that dragons were often willing to part with certain information if given something of value in return.This is where it starts getting rapey. The dragon fucking ‘purrs’ and admits this is true, while staring down the Elf and her manacles. Trying to steer away from the rape, since I could smell this coming by now, I asked the dragon it’s name.“You may address me as Ryakortsaqusaqudronqaid the Defiler.”At which point I asked “…Do ye’ mind if I just call ye’ Tobias?The dragon was not amused, but the DMPC again managed to flutter her eyebrows and use diplomacy to seduce the thing into further telling us what we needed to know. The dragon was in the employ a certain tribe to bring down the main village on the island and return the isles to a place it isolationism where they may worship their dragon god in peace, in return for many slaves, much gold and the constant worship that the dragon thought he deserved.
>>29159446>live schlick-fic intensifies
>>29159446oh jeezthat is fucking awkward, two dm controlled seducing each other? fuck me
>>29159426>I didn't say you should never question the gm!>>29159208>"there's no justifiable reason there for a player to even remotely challenge a GM's decisions.">>29159395Turns out he went the "Deny Reality" route.
>>29156048.... So who was he?
>>29159446well... the motives are at least suitably dragon-y.
>>29159554If you have a single valid reason why you would challenge a DM for a bog-standard 'badguy teleports away' encounter, I'd love to hear it.
>>29158420>tfw you are reminded you might definitely be a space marine
>>29159446holy shitwhy do people feel the need to scream their fetishes through DnD tho
>>29158972I'd heard it pronounced something like "Sow-aen"
>>29159529She liked to do that. Only time the players got involved was with the tentacles incident, and not willingly. >>29159446Finally, after the DMPC flirts a bit more with the dragon with the rest of us standing off to the side, all the while getting massive bonuses due to those manacles she was wearing, we go to take our leave. We’re stopped by the dragon who tells us that he has not yet received his payment for the knowledge he’s given us. At this point the ranger notices the dragon starting to move its claws slowly in the direction of the Elf. He takes a shot at it and yells to run, but the dragon immediately incinerates with a breath attack and grabs the elf. She’s thrown into a golden cage and locked away quickly, the dragon turning and calling back that he will take his payment and any effort to resist it will cause us to meet the same fate as the ranger.The ranger is deep into the negatives but I manage to stabilize him while the dragons stomps off, the cage carried by his tail and the Elf calling back at us to save her. Of course we’re helpless by this point and don’t have a snowballs chance in hell against Papa Tobias. And due to the acoustics of the cave, the DM tell us, we get to hear every slurp, slorp and spurt of this dragon rape fantasy she was playing out with her character. Turns out those manacles also allowed her to “Sheathe the mighty sword of the beast” without tearing her spleen out as well. After about an hour of tumultuous dragon rape that the Elf learned to enjoy after a few minutes the dragon flew away, seemingly satisfied with his “payment”.
>>29159597Oh, definitely. I forgot to put on the name for that, just got there from a quest thread, and since I do, in fact, have a legitimate if not shoehorned-into-the-spectrum form of autism that causes Savantism, apparently.I. Am. Aspie.>>29159593I'm guessing you've been raped a lot, since this behaviour tends to come from people victim of a horrendous crime, such as DM railroading unreel tend, and have shifted that upon your normal views. There is little other way for you to be this much of a quarterstaff-up-the-ass dipshit about this.Now, ignore my drivel and back to ze story!
>>29159320I roll charisma to pull that out of my ass and hand it to the G- I mean, director of plot and animation.
>>29159703Cue us finding the Elf in a mimicry of the position we met her in. Chained up with those damn manacles “raping” her again after the dragon had finished. Also we had to roll to avoid falling over when we walked into the dragon’s private cage because the room looked like someone had cast an uber maximized grease spell over the place. We all agreed that it was a grease spell and refused to think anything more of it while we waited for the Elf to get off and get down. I may be lawful but god dammit I filched a tonne of diamonds from that horde to make up for dealing with this shite.I was however a bit complimented that the scene she described the dragon and the Elf in perfectly matched the drawing she paid me for. In frighteningly perfect accuracy. The feeling of victory was hollow in the end however.And that is the story of Tobias the Rape Dragon. Hide yo' Elfs, Hide yo Gals. Cause he rapin' errybody ou' dere.If you want, I can regale you all with the final story of the Black Tentacles of the Library.
>>29159703Oh. Oh gods.You poor poor man.This is the closest file in my folder to I Didn't Ask for This.Also... it isn't rape if it's an elf
>>29158853"sow-wen" or "sow-ween."
>>29159768Yes, yes! tell us of the library tentacles!
>>29159703>"sheathe the mighty sword of the beast">mfw
>>29159703and during this time nobody stood up and was like "Lady, what the FUCK"?This is what I don't get about "Those GMs" who insert their fetish (giggity) into games. How they can get away with it for more than 5 seconds without everyone at the table falling about with laughter at how absurd it is.I mean did the DM really say “Sheathe the mighty sword of the beast”? Were those the actual words she used? Cause I would have DIED. Play would have stopped, she would have been unable to continue talking over my uncontrollable laughter. So how the fuck is it that the rest of you let this shit continue for more than a second?
>>29159768We're /tg/, you know we want it.We want ALL the stories.
>>29159715>Oh, definitely. I forgot to put on the name for thatNo one gives a shit about your attention whoring, just so you know.>autisticI believe it.
>ITT, fa/tg/uys blame a bad DM for being a woman, instead of a bad DM
>>29159871It's horrific. It's so shocking that nobody has any reaction to it, even if they're expecting it to happen.The Epitome Of What The Actual Fuck
>>29159593Cause it's bullshit? Listen skippy, I dunno what shit DM's and dime store fantasy you've had the pleasure of prostrating yourself to, but here in quality land we have a things called consequences and consistency. If the PC's corner the Big bad, beat him in a fight and put a knife to his fucking throat you do NOT just hand wave all their fucking effort away because it clashes with your planned adventure. Why? Because it renders their efforts meaningless and it is a goddamn kick in the nads to any sort of planning or cleverness on their part. Instead, you either give the bad guy a damn good, easily comprehensible and able to be defeated reason or method to his escape OR you don't put a villain you want to keep alive in a fucking fight with the PC's. I am a DM. It's what I do. I don't play characters, I DM. Rule zero is for is for aspies complaining about elf genetics or bitching about the lack of mountain bikes in middle earth. It does not cover the DM blatantly and shamelessly handwaving or retconning things just to make it easier for themselves. If the PC's find a way to cut the Knot or bypass the dungeon or kill the big bad before he can summon the dragon and erect the dread fortress that you spent a week mapping out then you pat them on the back for being clever fuckers and you don't leave chances like that the next time. Christ almighty. Lazy DM's and their enablers annoy me to no end.
>>29159909But isn't there that first awkward moment when the person mentions "rape manacles" where you guffaw out loud before you realize they are serious? I can get how over time you might become traumatized over it like an abused child where you just sit there and take it, crying silently to yourself. But does nobody actually VOICE the initial "What the actual fuck" anymore? Cause that is Exactly what I would say in this situation. Loudly and repeatedly.
>>29159715No, no, I meant, the picture reminds me that I can't trust anything that was told to me in my childhood by roman catholics, including "we gave you a battery of tests and there was nothing to indicate that you are anything but a highly intelligent but mildly quirky young boy, there is nothing to do with this autism, see, we tested you at a time you can't recall, nothing to be worried about"and then there's the "it's okay if you're gay, or whatever, just no bringing that into my house or around your family, but I love you for who you are""oh, you think your father abused you? well he did terrible things to me, such terrible things, why you shouldn't even think of having had it bad as a child the way I had to deal with those things your father did to me"mind you, high odds just from what I can recall that she was raped and otherwise mistreated for over a decade, but still... how do you love someone you can barely trust not to shove you in the closet the moment somebody whose opinion she fears the judgement of comes anywhere near her proximity - the pretense of being perfect and having perfect children who, while gifted and raised on a solid moral foundation despite my father's disorders, has rendered so many neurosis that I've spent a good ten years unravelling them and still find myself a barely functional human beingit'd be nice if a bit of that could be laid at the feet of a proper inborn disorder, something I could learn to live with, rather than another thing I have to unlearn before raising myself where others did damagebah, back to storytiem
>>29159955'Cause it's bullshit' isn't a reason. If you can't handle caster supremacy in a game maybe you should be playing something that isn't 3.5/PF.A bad DM is a bad DM for many more reasons than mechanical fiat. Even consequences and consistency can and should be handwaved under the proper circumstances. Calling bs on nitpicky mechanical points instead of dragon rape is as bad as players get.
>>29159866I imagine that was the Elf's face when it happened too.>>29159824Very well, gather round kiddies I and I will ye the final tale of insane wizards, succubi and rape.This campaign was before the elf came into it. We all played different characters too.I was Dirge, the female Half-Orc barbarian, because this was before I knew what she did with female PCs sometimes.Tori was roughly the same character with the horse, but an early incarnation who was just a female druid named Sylvia.Alex, who hadn’t played in one of our games before as was kind of an “innocent Christian boy” when it came to anything sexual, was playing a Male Dwarf Fighter named Ogwin. And Ryan who was playing a male human Sorcerer named Thaerol.We had all been captured by the minions of the BBEG wizard who attacked us to steal a magical mcguffin in the form of a rune stone we had been carrying for a while now after our last game, which surprisingly had no rape in it. We were thrown in the dungeons of his castle along with a badly beaten and bleeding minion who had betrayed him. This minion tells us in his dying minutes that the wizard was planning on using the stone to summon a cosmic horror from the far realms to the material plane and bind it to his soul. He had a young stable boy captive who he was going to use as a human sacrifice to complete the ritual. After the begs us to stop his master and dies we all band together and Dirge smashes down the door of the cell with ease.
>>29159871People these days don't seem to have a sense of this is something I should keep private. Everything is I'm going to voice my most intimate thoughts at the top of my lungs, but I will get pissy if anyone dares judge me to make up for my inability to play anything close to the vest.
>>29159768I think the worst part is the manacles bit actually sounds interesting, minus the rape bit. But no, it's just a fetish and not part of a character.
>>29155642>>29155718>Like how she dropped a tonne of "hints" regarding the fact that Samhain night was coming up, but none of us even knew what Samhain night was until that gameJesus Fuck, anons. Ahem.Your DM is fine. NPC's won't tell you ? Go to a library, or to the woods to find clues. You know it's about fey ? Stack up on cold iron weapons.Use those INT and WIS stats
>>29160116Well yes I can see why the DM might include things like being mentioned. But the fact remains we DO judge people for thigns like this. So why are the players so afraid to voice their judgments?
>>29160069I'm guessing alexi wasn't so innocent at the end of the parts of the session that he could handle?>>29160116Oh yeah. If there was an actual cup of shut the fuck up, I'd give you the ingredients for it in a heartbeat and have you be head of distribution, because there's way too much faggotry going around for sanity's comfort. And I'm slightly weirded out as well, even being fucking legit crazy.
>>29159446>“…Do ye’ mind if I just call ye’ Tobias?
>>29159955Actually, the first time, he gets to poof at any time, it's not expected unless party plans and develops a countermeasure for it - if that is the case, DM must actually put effort into how he goes about poofing and preventing others from stopping him being poofedthe second time, the players should know he is capable of poofing and should have a plan readied the moment spellcast checks are able to be made on the turn the poofing is donethe third time and beyond, the ball is entirely in party's court and DM had better have proper countermeasures over excuses and plot necessities preventing the players from holding their catch
>>29160149Libraries are luxuries reserved for grand cities or private wizard towers. He'll, you'd be lucky if most of the population of the town knew how to read.
>>29160149Cause that's a fun and exciting roleplaying session.>Gird your loins lads! Today we venture into the most dangerous of dungeons! The Public Library!
>>29155876>.I think...Projection, Speculation. At this point you've made her into some evil monster and yourself into the poor suffering player who can't do anything and needs a lot of pity.Talk to her father about it, and remember, nobody's forcing you to play if you don't want to.
>>29159291That's disturbing, man.
>>29160054It kind of IS bullshit, you pile of regurgitated tumblrshite.You can't have the BBEG just sit, confined, idly by until he is relevant again, THEN decide to poof away. Either he CAN or he CAN NOT do it.
>>29160051In some catholic households, there are those run like a ship of the line in his Majesty's Navy. In others, it's run like the Black Pearl, an eccentric, but decent crew that manages to make it's way through the rough patches. And finally, you have those catholic households that are like ships set aflame and sinking into the sea, but everybody pretends as if nothing bad is happening.
>>29160258'Can' isn't synonymous with 'will'. Like I said, NPC motivations are outside of the relevance of this discussion.
>>29159252>Yeah there is, it's called The "The GM is being an asshat" Clause.Or "the GM is making an honest mistake and would be grateful if you pointed it out".
>>29160276Huh. Pretty much all the tropes of ships in PotC: At World's End. Isn't the Commodore exactly like that at the end?
>>29159446>but the DMPC again managed to flutter her eyebrowsI know you meant eyelashes, but the mental image this conjoured was hilarious.Please continue the tales, enjoying them greatly.
>>29160180The cure is burning down all servers belonging to Facebook and Twitter, and then getting priests to yell at people for being horrible around the clock.
He forgot the one that regularly dives underwater, is manned by abhorrent fish-people and chartered to ferry the souls of those who die at sea to the afterlife, which I guess would be analogous to... I dunno.
>>29160304Oh god, my mother is the commodore and there isn't a Sparrow to be found within the nearest oceanAlso, I just realized that I mentally take groups of people I meet, compare their personalities and pair them off to find the "odd man out" as a way of finding friends and working my way into a cliqueI'm a terrible Anon, Anons
oh hey, what's going on in this thread
>>29160149No she would not tell us, and the NPCs around the town were loath to discuss it out of superstition. This is what I was talking about. She told me I couldn’t use knowledge: Religion to find out because I’m not aligned with pagan festivals as a paladin of Sarenrae. Also, libraries? This was a small town in the ass end of the forest of nowhere. They had a church with a bunch of holy texts of Iomedae, and that was the closest they came to having a library.>>29160069Oh, the minion had told us we were on a time limit ad well. The ritual had already started and we had only 6 hours in game to find the five keys necessary to open the wizard’s ritual chamber at the top of his tower. If not, it was game over for us and likely anything within a 50 mile radius of this place. We got out of the cell and made our way through the halls of the dungeon, fighting off evil spirits and prisoners that had been driven made with torture. The female druid wasn’t actually with us at the time, we found her trapped in a coffin on the same level as us and she agreed to join us in our quest, considering she was captured by the wizard’s minions for other reasons. When she asked the DM what the reasons were for her capture she was told the wizard required the “Essence of Innocence from a female who was one with the earth” for some other spells he had been preparing prior to this all going down. Turned out she’d been in that coffin for a year kept on magical life support, her horse had also been…used…with her…in come rituals but she cut the DM off there very quickly and we moved on with the game.
>>29160396welcome back, ST, you were going to tell us about the tentacle library>>29160410oh, wait, you already are
>>29160235>Cause that's a fun and exciting roleplaying session.>>Gird your loins lads! Today we venture into the most dangerous of dungeons! The Public Library!I admit I overlooked the story about the Library and the tentacles. So yeah, the library is not an option
>>29159905>fa/tg/uys>One person.You lose.
>>29160410>come ritualsFreudian slip?
>>29160410>her horse had also been…used…with her…in come rituals>come ritualsSomething is very wrong with your DM
>>29160311You want eyebrow fluttering? See >>29156296
>>29160489MAYBE>>29160410Fighting our way out of the dungeon we found one of the keys keeping the dungeon locked, and taking it let us out into the wizard’s castle proper, right into the courtyards where we could see a huge storm brewing above, centered on the wizard’s tower. Do evil guys just have a thing for massive weather occurrences? Maybe it’s just her as a DM. We make our way into the castle through the front doors and begin our search for all five keys to unlock his sanctuary.We find two of the keys in a study and the wizard’s alchemy lab. The forth one we knew was in the main library because it was the only room we hadn't searched on the floor, and that the position of the keys on the map made up a five pointed star in shape so far. So we barge our way into the library and find, sitting at the desk at the center of this massive room of knowledge and arcane texts, a succubus dressed as a librarian.She told us she was in the service of the wizard and was promised our souls as payment if she aided him in the summoning, all the while with the DM describing her outfit which equated to the typical sexy librarian getup. We tried diplomacy first to convince her to work with us in return for payment of the wizard’s soul instead, but she much preferred four fresh souls to one wrinkled old one. Then we all failed our reflex saves and were grabbed from black ink tentacles coming down from the roof.
>>29160632> mass grappling in 3.5Your DM really is evil.
>>29159703>tl:drIs she attractive ? If so, you might solve this problem by "seeing to your DM's needs"
What I learned today:Storms = rape
>>29160831>going into a THAT GM thread and not expecting long postsAnd yes, he said she was
>>29160632>old wrinkled onesreally? the best souls have been cultured with age and isolation into a truly remarkable vintage; this strumpet has a brutish and unrefined palate
>>29160632Oh boy here we go.
>>29160856>>going into a THAT GM thread and not expecting long postsI expect long posts, and read the most of them. Didn;t see any sense in quoting the whole thing, so I used a tl:dr
>>29160831yes, she's boner fuel, into polyamory, and threesomes, but is dating some square who is into none of those things.
>>29160912it seems that in this setting, souls are closer to meat than to wine
>>29160616Maybe that’s what she was doing, probably with her eyelashes at the same time. Damn horny elves.>>29160632We get lifted into the air and the succubus laughs at our misfortune. Her words were something along the lines of “Now watch as your bodies energies are turned against you!”. Big uh oh. We’re all rolling escape artist checks to get free, and the ink tentacles are somehow sundering our armor. Being a barbarian my armour is little more than studded leather and gives way easily. When my armor broke the look of joy and sick pleasure on the DM’s face was horrifying. Turns out these tentacles drew on carncal energies as well, and she happily described how my character was getting raped up her hoohah by these things, followed by the Druid. Roll Will saves because appearently these things would magical and would make us enjoy and give into them. The druid fails her escape artist check again and gives into the tentacles, all the while powering up the succubus who was laughing and enjoying herself below.Dirge says that’s not fucking happening and manages to get her arms free with a successful escape artist check, and proceeds to cut away the tentacles binding her. She falls a long way, as the library had a very high and lofty roof to make room for all the massive bookshelves. She points her sword right down at the succubus and delivers a massive blow that takes her down to half hitpoints. Next round after she failed to hit me her head came off with a swing of Dirge’s greatsword and the party dropped to the floor.
>>29156814>Tori herself isn’t a furry, but was a close (Possibly very close if you catch my drift) friend with the DM who seemed to share a lot of her kinks.There's a lesbian in my group that also gets pretty weird with her characters and is as awkward and insecure as any neckbeard. She's the only lesbian I've ever met so I haven't had much exposure. But does anybody know if lesbianism is generally associated with strange behavior or mental instability?
>>29161007>does anybody know if lesbianism is generally associated with strange behavior or mental instabilityanon were you raised in an evangelist household?
>>29160990your DM definitely goes too far with the rape, but she sounds like she makes interesting settingsand letting you do a "diving greatsword strike/decapitation combo" is great retribution.
>>29160985Even good meat is aged rather than served fresh off the carcass. Besides, what good is a pure soul if it hasn't been corrupted properly, there were eons when we were taught not to give the Servants of God Almighty free recruits.
>>29160831She has a boyfriend already.She is quite attractive (see >>29157981), which, when combined with her obviously sexually submissive nature, is presumably why he's still with her in spite of her weirdo exhibitionist tendencies as a GM.
>>29158773Yeah, there's a brilliant Brian Friel play called Translations which covers that a good bit.BAsically there's also norse and scots, English to this day find our accent and our language absolutely horrendous to copy, common complaint being the speed of words and variation between hard and soft sounds (where we go really far one way, then the other).They probably changed things to be easier to say, also it was developed by military topographers,which has had some influence in the shorthanding and condensing of place names
>>29161045I wasn't, but every Lesbian i've ever met has behaved strangely and has seemed at least moderately mentally unstable.You know how women are.
>>29161102Verily, she has something of a talent, at least.
>>29161007All but one of the lesbians I have met, have been a bunch of mentally unstable fruit loops.
>>29160948Her boyfriend is more vanilla than a vanilla milkshake in a paper cup in a snowstorm. Sometimes I think that’s a bit of a shame really.>>29160990The druid was worse for wear, and still suffering from the “Carnal Pleasure Spells” (her exact words) of the tentacles, so we waited a little until she came out of her orgasm fever and could actually walk again. Also turned out we two females who got raped had to roll a fort save against bearing some horrible tentacle parasite ilk that would feed off our bodies until the end of days. The sorcerer was fine, and Dirge was now without armor or clothing. Although I suppose a naked female half orc barbarian wielding a greatsword could still inspire terror. Alex, who was playing the sorcerer, was a little pale through and after the whole event. I think a large part of the innocence within him died a violent death that day.I pissed her off at the end of the game by one-shotting the wizard with my naked barbarian on a critical in a rage before tearing her assistant apart like an angry silverback gorilla. Dirge did not take kindly to the man who's minion had violated her. That's the final story. The Black Tentacles of the Library. My DM occasionally has strokes of brilliant with plots, but in anything sandbox-y or open world she falls apart. Also rape. A lot of rape, dragon penis and tentacles.
>this massive avatarfaggingGuess the mods are asleep.
>>29161045No, just the only lesbian I've met (that I know of) was pretty weird, and most stories on the interwebs involving them sound pretty weird. Not trying to troll or upset anyone.Also in >>29157981>Her boyfriend plays in the group with usSo I guess i was misunderstood what he said earlier anyway.
>>29161166whoa bro, the plural of anecdote is not data
>>29161135>>29158773The English have always been passive aggressive cunts when it comes to language. Go ask one how they pronounce words like "ballet" "and "buffet"
>>29161135How hard can it be, the English language is a combination of every language we've ever encountered. Our Goddamn rule on how to pronounce words is basically, "it depends on the word".
>>29159320>And he's going to use a blackout to disable security>Love comes from the liver>Power of love>Power is supplied with electricity
>>29161266Who gives a shit about data?
>>29161166>man posting on /tg/ about lol women >same sentence as decrying lesbians for being awkwardand people wonder why i dont fuck menalso >She's the only lesbian I've ever met>but every Lesbian i've ever met has behaved strangely
>>29161264>>29161173>>29161166there's a fuckton of lesbians on earth, it's fruitless to try and draw a generalization like that out of a handful of experiences
>>29161175Gayanon here, I know about 5 lesbians and they're all fucking mentally unstable.And I don't mean just weird and fetish-loving,3 are on Calodpin (Or however the hell you spell it) which is a major schizophrenia medicine. And the other two are socially awkward to the point where I can predict atleast one (if not both) will shoot up a school one day.
>>29161247Then I bid you a fond Adieu, and a good night.And thanks for keeping up with the iron giant pictures.
>>29161272ballot and buffet (as in by the wind)? those are entirely different things
>>29161272The "t" is silent, but they probably insist the t is pronounced to spite either the French or us if they think we use the 't' silently.
So, anyone else got any stories?
>>29161302oh i got baited sorry everyone
>>29161306>BAAAAAW HE'S GENERALIZING WOMEN>Now I'm going to generalize men.
>>29161363none that I can elucidate quite so clearly
>>29161363I have one, but it's more about my own failings as a player rather than a "That DM" or "That Guy" kind of story...
>>29161357Which is precisely the point, the English even say things like "Americans still think they're French" because we pronounce the words correctly
>>29161363Uh I'm pretty new here and to playing DnD but I got one when my friend wanted to DM thats pretty bad.
>>29161373Its ok dude, you weren't the only one
>>29161296TO THE HYDRO-ELECTRIC PLANT!
>>29161326According to him, its one experience and a bunch of internet stories.
>>29161414well, the French did more or less pull our petards from the hoist and make British colonialism against the Thirteen Colonies a pyrrhic endeavour
>>29161306You don't fuck men because of biological reasons. There's no such thing as picking your sexuality. Oh, and you sound like a cunt.Not that any lesbian I've ever met hasn't been a raging cunt.
>>29161440Let's hear it!
>>29161406we can take time out of our busy schedules to laugh at you anon
>>29161363I got two.A. About the sexual adventures of a transvestite rapist PCB. About my own strange adventures with female dm's and players that...well...I am always slightly reluctant to tell because I always feel like I'm bragging, as opposed to telling the story of when I was just stupid and lucky.
>>29161414Do they still pronounce Lieutenant as "leftenant"?
>>29161457A legitimate complaint! But countering such political maneuvering with catty mispronunciations seem a bit beneath you as a country.
>>29161306>>29161306Um, I thought you don't fuck men because you're not sexually attracted to themLike regular lesbians
>>29161505Dear god A. It sounds hilarious
>>29161007LGBs do have a higher incidence of mental health issues, yes. I would guess that it's at least in part due to discrimination, since bisexuality is not maladaptive (unlike exclusive homosexuality) but bisexuals still have higher mental illness incidence. But it might be (in whole or in part) because the same things that lead to nonstandard sexual behaviors also lead to mental illness*.Check Google Scholar, it will confirm these statements.*: I do not think there is anything morally wrong with nonstandard sexual behaviors. There is also a correlation between being of African descent and having sickle cell anemia. These are facts about the world, not moral statements of worth.
>>29161440Backstory (can skip this)Ok so a couple friends and I wanted to try out DnD since we were a bunch of nerds in high school and we just got to college so it just made sense at the time. I bought the beginner box and some books and so I ended up being forever DM which is fine. One friend I played with named Anon never enjoyed my games even though everyone else had a decent time. So after my last game he wants to DM. and this is how it goes...
>>29161506...I always thought a "leftenant" was a different rank.
>>29161464Will concur with three personal examples in my own life. Not so much raging cunt as very inconsiderate which then turned into rage when I refused to bend to verbal abuse and threats.I know I'm submissive and that I enjoy being used and affectionately beaten, but that doesn't mean you can just beat me when you're angry - I can tell the difference, dammit!
Someone archive this shit
>>29161504To be fair, the DM I dealt with WAS an asshole and my "Shenanigans" ended up getting me kicked out of his group after one session.
>>29161508Are you saying Americans don't pronounce French words correctly? and should pronounce them like the British do?>American speaking des'yo
>>29161543nope, it's to avoid using French words
>>29161506Why the bloody fuck would we have a rank that's the equivalent of Shitehole?
>>29161508And you guys thought America's freedom fries incident was bad. At least we didn't start pronouncing French Fries as "Frenk Friyes", which is what the English would do.
>>29161537We put randomly throughout some town and he forces (the player really didnt want to) one of our players to be the shopkeeper at some store. We all end up fighting some random enemys that drop a "magic map" some "magic glasses" and a "magic compass that doesnt point north"Something was weird about the combat but I couldn't put my finger on it. Anyways we find out some enemys are coming to invade the town and we have to set up for this invasion which would of been cool if he let us pick where the towns miltia would be like he said he would but after we placed them he moved them around himself and told us the invasion was starting anyways.This is whats coming at us, Goblins, Zombies, Kobolds, Ogres, Humans, Frog People, and some other random things. And as im fighting this grouping of enemys I crit backstab one of the goblins, roll for max damage and it doesnt die ONLY to find out (as he tells us mid game) he doesnt like the pathfinder stats so he created his own stats which he 4x all enemys health and halfed their ac.
>>29161464i always found that whole "you can't pick your sexuality" argument strangewhen i was young i didn't like broccoli, but as i grew and matured i learned to like it. so too have my sexual preferences changed as i willfully exposed myself to more new experiences. to me, my sexuality has been as much choice as any other choice in my life.of course, i also grew up in a progressive community, which was clearly not my choice.
>>29161600Well, I will admit most Americans probably don't pronounce French words correctly, but its more out of ignorance than deliberate finger raising towards the French. But no, I was saying the British are (well probably its Were by now) being very petty when they decided to mispronounce everything because Fuck the French.Though, Fuck the French IS a key part of British culture so, I guess i can't fault you guys too much for it.
>>29161551So, not only are you an obnoxious feminist cunt, but you're also massively self centered.Reread the thread. Did anyone ask you for your life story? For a summary of your personality?Go back to reblogging shit on tumblr and posting trash like THIS IS WHY I DONT DATE MEN or KIDS TOYS SHOULD BE GENDER NEUTRAL.From the way you talk about your motives behind your lesbianism, I'd wager that your sexuality IS a choice.
Not Storytiem1) Rape your GM. 2) FUCKING MOAR
>>29161723Yeah, she's obviously doing it for attention.Girl, its called being bisexual with a preference towards females. Yes, there is a thing, no there's nothing wrong with calling yourself bisexual.
>>29161263>being this much of a massive faggot when a fellow fa/tg/uy is telling storiesGuess you should leave this thread.
>>29161551>>29161723ERP thread is here >>29155695 you saucy devils
>>29161716Speakin of which, what's French for Avalanch, I think you lads added an extra e on the end to make it sound all poofyAlso, part French Welsh Scotsman here Native American Hungarian German Pollack, so it's even more important that I say Fuck the French
>>29161723I'm guessing it was a guy saying that part.
>>29161685So after 2 hours of the most boring combat with the most bland enemys thrown around for no reason we kill them all as we head back to town we see the capatain of the gaurd killing one of his men. Our barbarian runs in and starts to swing his sword when DM says "wait no you have no reason to" we question why not he says "look at him with the glasses" our barb "uh... ok I look at him with the glasses" hes a doppleganger as our dm crosses his arms and smirks. ok ...we kill it then after that the towns mayor or something asks us if we want to help rebuild and defend the town or go look for clues we wanted to help rebuild and as we pick this option the DM shakes his head and says "hmm shouldnt of said that" and then thats where we end. After the game Anon DM comes up to me and asks how it went I say it was fine I guess.. kinda combaty (since it was nothing but combat) and tells me since we picked the wrong choice and stayed in the town we have to redo the last adventure exactly how it went. Not joking and everyone hated it so much thats how my DnD group broke up and doesnt play anymore.
>>29161707You didn't decide you liked it. You REALIZED you liked it through exposure.
>>29161812>Native AmericanYou must've been one of those traitorous Iroquois DOGS that sided with the English.
>>29161777If only, if only.That's all the stories I have right now, but if any more shit like this happens I'll be sure to let you know in another thread.
>>29161813>>29161723I don't date men because I'm a man and find courting them to be of little substance or challenge and kids toys should be FUCKING AWESOME but in line with their theme because there are so many ways to be fucking awesomeAnd I don't particularly know what my sexuality is, I just kind of like a whole host of things that are best left in the ERP thread - not that I do much ERP anymore; i miss those days.
>>29161844So your friend pretty much destroyed your group?Anyways, I'm still waiting on>>29161505
>>29161707Truth.Example: At 18, I was not sexually attracted to ripening bananas.At 23, I can't wait to slather those potassium-filled motherfuckers all over myself.But don't I fellate them, because that's gay.
>>29161707>i also grew up in a progressive communityThat's great and all, but no one cares how liberal your parents were. There's been actual scientific research put into this. As much as I'd like to go find all the sources, I'm just too fucking lazy.>>29161845>MFW.
>>29161529Well, lets start with A then. So I'm DMing a Homebrew; nothing fancy, more RP then mechanics. It's basically STALKER in space; just replace the zone with alien planets and zone artifacts with alien artifacts and you're good. This guy, Lets call him Larry, came in with a friend that was already playing. We were about a month in, but the game is fairly episodic and has a high enough death rate that it wasn't too much of a problem. When I first got his sheet, I thought it was a joke. Hell, it might have been, I'm still not fucking sure. Basically, the guy made himself out to be some sort of ultra-hedonist, nihilist, terrorist, rapist, anarchist nut job. His character sheet was basically a shot description of how he was devilishly handsome and then a long list of his crimes including child murder, arson, terrorism, plagiarism, and the rape of men, women and a tiger. This confused me. Because thats the kind of bizarre mary sue ultra edge you expect out of some 12 year old fagot mspainting his Shadow the hedgehog recolor fursona on deviant art. But Larry didn't seem to be like that. He seemed like a decent, non-balls tucked in sphincter kinda guy. So I laughed it off. I just figured he wasn't being serious and couldn't be arsed to think of a real backstory so he just parodied mary sues to fuck with me. I was incorrect.
>>29161845Alternatively, his tastes changed over time. I apparently used to like dark chocolate. Can barely stomach the shit now. Didn't choose to do that.
>>29161902just the fact he told us if we ever do something wrong in his campagins we have to redo the last one over again and he wanted to DM the next 5 games....and the fact it was just a single chunk of 3 hour combat.It just scared everyone off
>>29161860US patriot born and bred - I hate what my nation has become and wonder what kind of nice Scotland might be.I'd move to Poland since its a larger portion of my heritage, but I'm a Keith and I don't speak Slavic tongues, so, if I had to go anywhere to live, it'd be the Isles of my father's line. May his soul rot in hell.
>>29158692>Evil Skeleton FistI'm going to make a monk, and this will be his name.
>>29161900>I>I>I>me>I>IJust shut the fuck up.
>>29162028Well, saying 'you' is accusative and tends to disgruntle people even worse than using 'I/me', at least from personal experience.
>>29162028That's what you correct him on? Talking about himself? Don't talk about yourselves, guys! Anon here hates all first-person pronouns!
>>29161900>>29161723>uses 'you' a lot, makes absurd claims, extremely negative>>29161900>uses first-person solely, makes no claims, generally positive toneNow I just wonder who could be the asshat here?!
>>29161845my definition of choice and the one you are providing are too close to be usefully separated in my opinion.it feels like i've chosen my sexuality in the same way i've chosen my college major, my sports, my jobs, etc.all of them became appealing through exposure. i feel like i have "chosen" my sexuality and i like it that way.
Could you guys stop shitting up a perfectly good thread and take your arguments elsewhere please?
>>29158114It may be because it's 6am, but dammit if I didn't laugh. /tg/ confirmed for BOAT.
>>29162179>it feels like i've chosen my sexualityYeah, well qualified biologists think you're full of shit. So, whose word do we listen to? Some progressive college student, or people who actually researched their facts?Of course, this is going to get nowhere with you. As you're probably part of that librul progressive movement that puts feelings above all.In short, you're probably anti-gun. I fucking hate you and I hope you die.
>>29161961Oh fuck man what happens next?
>>29162208Agreed. Archive this and be done with it.
>>29162208But Mooom, he started it!
>>29161082My Half-orc Knight one-shotted a Plesiosaur with a similar move once. Half-Orc Stronk indeed.
>>29162297Either way, all you guys are doing is wasting posts on lesbian shit
>>29162271eh, rushing to his defense, I can only ask one thing of import; how do we know that we choose anything - studies have discovered a disturbing trend of the unconscious brain deciding actions before the conscious is even aware that there is a problem needing to be resolved
>>29162174Totally not the guy who's made between 5 and 15 posts in this thread about everything from his sexuality to his dating preferences and started ranting about why he doesn't date men completely unprovoked and off topic. Keep feeding sociopathic attention whores and your beloved /tg/ will end up like /v/.
So, does anyone have any other DM stories they'd like to share?
>>29162179You can feel that way. But you're wrong.
>>29162401with some poor Anon stroking out while calling people faggots?>>29160928
>>29161961First thing Larry does is start macking on every female character he comes across. And by macking on, I of course mean attempting to forcibly disrobe. Fucker popped out of the cryo pods and immediately ripped off a Medic's pants. The Medic, who we'll call Chastity (because her name was equally silly), looks basically like whatshername from Brave if you made her shorter, paler, more freckled and switched her personality out for a diminutive, easily stared, waifu archetype. So having her panties torn off by some lunatic still covered in cryo goo was a surprise to both the character and the player. It quickly turns into a wrestling match and, luckily for Chastity, Larry's character is a giant puss with everything dumped into speech. She manages to get away, though not before he goes into gratuitous detail about "squeezing her tits and rubbing precum all over her pussy."Yeah. We ended that session soon afterwards and I'm pretty sure he got a stern talking to somewhere between then and the next one because, at least for a while, he was better behaved. Sure, he would grab asses and crotches, make constant passes at anything with a pulse, and strip naked without provocation, but he wasn't fucking raping anyone. A few sessions passed like this and I was pretty sure that whatever the hell he was channeling in the beginning had worked it's way out of his system and that he was starting to jive more with the feel of the game. However, maybe 6 weeks after his first attempted rape, he got some alone time with a female character. The actual circumstances are kind of complex, but basically he and a girl we'll call Sam got locked in an enclosed space together. Now, Sam is played by an actual woman who games with me and her boyfriend sometimes, and she and her boyfriend's characters had ended up romantically involved as well, as it tends to go. They were really good about it though, keeping it downplayed and not jerking each other under the table or nothing.
>>29162468He keeps mackin’ and whackin’ and smackin’He keeps mackin’ and whackin’ and smackin’He keeps mackin’ and whackin’ and smackin’He just macks, whacks, choppin’ that meat
>>29162271>>29162427wow why are you so aggressive
>>29158773I lived in Ireland for three and a half years. I actually picked up the knack of pronouncing Irish words correctly pretty quickly. There IS a system to it.
>>29162596Am I wrong?
>>29160990You know, I'm only half way down this thread, so I'm posting a little prematurely excuse the pun, but I want to know, just what kind of conversation goes on around the table OoC when this happens?>Are you putting in your sex fantasies again>And then the slithy toth slips into her magical crevice>STOP IT>And then>I SAID STOP
>>29162730well i was trying to articulate the fact that i don't find the difference between our definitions of choice useful in helping me do useful, fulfilling things in my lifebut it's hard for me to express that subtlety
>>29162745He said earlier that they just sit there and take it
>>29162771>I'm right because I define choice loosely.>CAPTCHA: Orchalf inches
>>29162468Sam, as with lots of girls who play RPG's was more into the RPing then the mechanics, So, while she was a great member of the group, her character was mechanically pretty crap. Even Larry with his twig arms could overpower her. But he didn't need to. No, he went the even worse way. See, you can use speech rolls to convince people to do what you want in this game. It's a roll contest against the victims willpower and getting people to do things they don't want to do requires rolling higher then them, sometimes significantly so. But Larry, Larry had himself a big ass speech and charisma score and Sam, well, she spread her points mainly in though support skills. I'm sure you can see where this is going. Over a good real time half hour, while the rest of the party tries to find a way to get them out (an action that became increasingly desperate), Larry basically used a combination of mild physical force and slimy as fuck persuasion to not only get Sam out of her clothing but to get his dick down her throat. God bless her, Sam rolled with it like a champ. She wasn't happy about it, but she rolled with it. Her boyfriend, Jack, on the other hand, was fucking fuming. He wasn't screaming or getting visibly angry or anything, no, he was as cold as a fucking terminator frozen in liquid nitrogen. And he was giving larry a death glare like he was trying to give the guy lymphoma with his mind. During the time it took Larry to talk Sam out of her panties, Jack and the rest of the team have managed to get down to the area they're trapped in and are tearing their way in. Now, I'm going to give you a completely frank description of what larry did. No embellishments, no sarcasm or hyperbole. I'll use his words when I remember them.
>>29162825So the boyfriend is getting NTR'd in an RPG? This is my new fetish.
>>29162888NTR ends with the shithead getting away with it, though. In this case, Larry'll probably be killed in game and shanked IRL.
Rolled 3 + 3>>29162825Doesn't he realise hes dead the moment the session ends?
>>29162907please, betas give amazing death glares
>>29161110Not fish! Fish is best as fresh as you can get it.Freshwater fish is, anyway.
>>29163063Same goes for salt water
>>29163076>>29163063Men are clearly not the spawn of Dagon, so we age them like blue cheese, letting the mould and rot sink ever deeper, shaving away the hardened exterior day by day until the whole is ripe with veins of corruption to be harvested.
>>29157895In my honest opinion, people should leave their fetishes out of any game that isn't FATAL. I consider myself lucky in never having to deal with that in any of the games I've played.
>>29162907>NTR ends with the shithead getting away with it, though.Does it? Eh, whatever.Still sounds like some good fantasy material.
>>29163137>I consider myself lucky in never having to deal with that in any of the games I've played.Or have you?What if someone's fetish was so well-concealed or oddly specific that you never even realized it was their fetish?
>>29162825As The rest of the team is growing close to breaking into the chamber larry and Sam are trapped in, Larry starts giving more and more detailed descriptions of how he is face fucking a semi-willing Sam. And I don't mean "Oh yeah, I hold her head and stick my dick in her mouth!" I mean "I force her to gag on my cock, the feeling of her wet, convulsing throat and the tears streaming from her eyes just making me fuck her face pussy even harder." The sort of fucking over the top sex dialog that only works while you're mid coitus and is just disturbing and borderline hilarious outside it. Jack and friends breech this room a few minutes later, and his character gets his first look at his girlfriend, on her knees, throat bulging with cock, and Larry standing there, thrusting away. And Larry, who I swear was probably rehearsing this moment in his head the whole time, then describes "shooting his load straight into her stomach" while his character gives Jack's a double thumbs up before asking if he wants sloppy seconds. Now, at this point I'm legit sure that Jack is going to murder larry. I'm not sure if that murder will be in game, at the table or both. And I'm not saying anything- after that little display fucking no one is- but I am doing my best to transmit a message of "I just mopped the kitchen man, don't make me have to clean it blood off white tile" with nothing but a plaintive look. But jack is smiling. Jack is smiling in the way that makes your sphincter pucker and your esophagus attempt to recede into your colon. Now, Sam wasn't much into the game mechanics, but Jack was. And Jack was a pretty old character, as far as things went. And the thing about that was, if you survived those first few sorties, if you made it through the newbie meatgrinder, you started getting scary. Because you weren't really human anymore, the combination of future tech and alien shit made you into something far more dangerous.
Should we put a new thread once this hits a low enough page?
>>29163189I feel like no conclusion to this story can live up to the premise.
>>29163189Oh sweet Jesus.
>>29162825>>29163189Outta the group. No discussion. No appealing. He's out. You are not allowed to be this big of a piece of garbage to an entire group of people with whom you're playing a game. He broke the social contract that is a PnP roleplaying game. I can't even believe people like this exist.
>>29163189just to clarify, larry knows they're romantically involved right? i mean, he must...