You are a ghost, or rather one ghost in a large gestalt of spirits calling itself Mr. Bones. You first manifested in the real world when a peasant named Ivan was struck on the head, allowing him to hear spirits, and you promptly began using him as your emissary in the lands of the living. Fortuitously, Ivan had in his possession a Grimoire of incredible power, and within it was a soul binding ritual. Through the usage of dark magics Ivan has given you form on the material plane, the skeleton of a man murdered. Now you begin your true quest. To become the mightiest lich in the land/find a working wee-wee.To read the archives check here:http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Obnoxious%20Ghost%20QuestQM twitter feed for those who don’t want to check QTG for updates:https://twitter.com/DickishDeadAnd a brand new character sheet for the protagonists with tentative stat lines:http://pastebin.com/eUUkwaDe
It's limerick time, bozos.
>In our last thread Bones, Ivan, Katrina, and the Prof went off hunting Holemulchs, a sort of massive newt beastie. They have just arrived at the lake that Holemulchs are claimed to inhabit.You decide that now is as good a time as any to flex the power of your office as group leader.>Alright people. As much as I’d like to push Ivan into the mud and see what happens, I’m afraid we can’t do that just yet. So. Ivan, Prof, you two collect worms and other shit a bunch of giant newts would eat and start baiting the area. Since Katrina and I don’t need to worry about the venom, we’ll start poking around with sticks.Holy shit, that almost sounded like a reasonable plan for a second. You’re going to have to check yourself, make sure this leadership gig doesn’t start messing around with your brain. Ivan and the Prof both shrug and begin to search around the edge of the woods for potential newt foods. You snatch up a bit of driftwood, and turn around to start poking the ground, only come face to face with a very angry looking Katrina.“What was that?”>What was what?“I don’t knyow, I have trouble believing I heard it myself. But it seems almost as though a commoner like yourself -nyan- was giving ME orders.”
>What, were they bad orders your ladyship?“Well- no I meanyan- That’s nyat the point! There is a hierarchy to these sorts of things! And someone like you is nyat giving someone like ME orders inyan that hierarchy!”>What, the Hierarchy in fucking Fairy Land? Well bad news princess, but last I checked the trees weren’t made of gumdrops and the liquorice bunnies all went extinct!Katrina backs away from you, eyes slightly wet. “How- How DARE you? -nyan- I am the princess of Felinia and will nyot be treated as such!”>Uh-huh. Were the Princess. Not a princess anymore. Last I checked you were some random spirit we happened to slap into the corpse of some chick in a maid outfit. Does that sound like something that’d happen to a Princess?You turn around, unwilling to hear her response. And begin to stab into the muck. You begin to hum loudly in order to drown out Katrina’s bitching. It’s surprisingly effective, totally blocking her out. You poke the ground several more times before you hear some voices in the distance.“-ound Bones! Turn around!”You turn tiredly to see what Ivan is wetting his diaper over now. Odd. Where did Katrina stomp off to?You look down at the spot where she was standing. A few muddy bubbles pop lethargically.>FUCK>describe action and roll d20.
Rolled 16>>28857001Poke the area with a stick
Rolled 19>>28857001Plunge a stick down there.
Rolled 5>>28857001Ohh boy! Stick a stick in there!
>>28857035>>28857024Good rolls team. Writing, but will leave window open for votes
>>28857001>>28857035Go for it. Also, welcome back OP.Not rolling because I don't want to spoil the good rolls.
The bubbles seem to be popping in slow motion. You can see the empty spheres of mud break and fall apart, descending back into the muck. After what seems like four days, fifteen hours and twenty seven minutes, time speeds back up. The long, low notes issuing from Ivan and Becherski’s mouths return to comprehensible speech; a few leaves suspended in the air ride the breeze once more; and it stops sounding like someone jammed a foghorn into the birds. Gods, that was boring. The initial panic of Katrina’s disappearance dulled by the passage of time, you approach the situation more rationally than you would have initially.You pick up a stick and begin to jab it into the bubbling mud, striking deep and hard. On your fifth prod the stick stops early. >There you are…You draw your blade and dive into the thick peat.You get lucky. The holemulch hasn’t moved from the position it was in when your dowsing stick found it. The sudden resistance of flesh coupled with a series of violent thrashes leads you to believe that your blade has struck true. You affix yourself to the weapon as the Holemulch begins its ascent to the surface of swamp, desperate to keep a grip on your prey. The holemulch breaches the mud, and is suddenly travelling at quite the clip. One of your spirits notes that the holemulch is accelerating at exactly the same rate as a stationary horse getting stabbed in the ass with a brand.The sudden increase in velocity yanks your sword out of the holemulch’s tail, and you bounce across the lake shore, clinging to your blade. You clamber upright and are confronted by a massive newt creature. You think you can see a figure bulging against its stomach. The holemulch opens its mouth, revealing two fangs. It hisses as another three pairs of fangs appear out of its gums.>Action and d20 suckers.
>>28857420Can we repeat the bear trick, is it big enough for that?
Rolled 9>>28857420Jam the sword into the roof of its mouth and then have it act as a stopper from it closing its mouth. If Katrina is in there this might get her a way out. That or a way for us to dive in
>>28857451Hahaha I can't believe I almost forgot about that.The Holemulch is even bigger than a dire bear. Dire bear can't swallow a person whole
Rolled 4>>28857482I take that as a yes. Well then use the sword to strike at the thing's fangs, try to shorten them. Then fight your way to the insides and..rip n tear
>>28857508>>28857479It seems like people want to dive into the holemulch. Isn't a consensus beautiful?Writing, but will remain open for votes
Rolled 17Those rolls aren't very inspiring.
Rolled 13>>28857420Slide under its mouth as it lunges at us. Should be easy if the ground is all nice and muddy. Then as we slide, aim our sword over us, cutting all the way down its belly. With luck Katrina should fall out at some point, perhaps right into our heroic free arm
>>28857550>>28857554Damnit anons, I was gonna write another failure!I need some practice and you guys never give me the chanceseriously, I think the dice gods are using my quest to offset the PPQ rolls.
Rolled 8>>28857595Well, in the eyes of the dice gods, perhaps we're just... Privileged
Remembering your previous success with the dire bear, you prepare to leap into the holemulch’s mouth. Crouching low, you propel yourself forward, sprinting towards the maw of opportunity. Or you would have, were it not for the absurdly slippery mud. Instead you more or less flail about in the general direction of the large amphibian. The holemulch closes its mouth, almost seeming as if its embarassed to be seen fighting you. After a few more moments riding the struggle carriage you finally collapse into the mud.The holemulch writes you off as a non-threat and begins to scan the shore line. It takes less than a second for the large salamander to zero in on Ivan. Still hungry then. The holemulch bolts forward, body wriggling and feet slapping inelegantly against the mud. However, millions of years of æther enhanced evolution has optimized the holemulch for its role as the apex predator of the marshes. The holemulch charges forward with reckless abandon towards its next meal. This path happens to take the massive swamp beast directly over one skeleton with a propensity for limericks.You see your opportunity and you take it. As the beast passes over you you point your sword into the air, scoring a deep slash down the holemulch’s belly. The creature skids on the mud, unleashing an airy shriek of pain. The holemulch turns back to face you, and lowers itself for a charge.>What do? Action and d20.
Rolled 1>>28857814Leap to fucking meet it, blade forward. Yell something inspirational while at it.
Rolled 19>>28857814"Toro! Toro!"And as it charges, leap straight into its mouth before it can close on us. Slice it's throat as we slide down.
>>28857932OP is probably rejoicing.
>>28857896>>28857870Schizo rolls yo.For future notice, this is how I address Crit successes/failures.If a nat 20 is rolled at any point before I make my next post I will either rewrite it as an astounding success or I dunno, you guys can carry it over to another roll or something. Nat 20s will not roll over into a new thread.Nat 1s are treated like a regular roll if the total roll average is equal to or greater than a ten. BUT! If a nat 1 is the first roll or if the roll average is less than 10 then a crit failure has occurred.Nat 20s will eliminate a nat 1.>>28857946I'm straight up riding in a car made of smiles and lollipops
Rolled 17>>28858019The roll of destiny?
Rolled 10>>28857814sink into the mud to not get caught
You employ your blade as a crutch as you struggle back your feet, bones slick with mud. At this point though, all you’ve managed to do is provide the holemulch with a more convenient target to trample. By the time you’re fully erect the holemulch is mere feet away. Before you have a chance to bring your blade up for some sort of stabbing maneuver the holemulch has clamped down on your skull and is squeezing hard with its gummy jaws.You can hear creaking as the amphibian attempts to crush your skull. Despite lacking nerves to feel pain or eyes to deform your vision blurs to the point of blindness and a nauseating wave of dull agony flows over your body. The holemulch continues to clamp down on your skull, and you can swear you can hear some small cracking sounds. Suddenly you’re no longer Bones. You’re floating above the scene, looking down on a massive newt gnawing on a skeleton. Then you’re back in Bones again. You start to flash in and out of Bones, a disorienting mess of perspective and pain. The holemulch must be breaking your binding sigils!You cling to the skeleton, desperate to retain your one connection to the material plane. You can hear a sucking sound. Your gestalt looks back and sees a yawning rift in reality. On the other side is a swirling void. You can feel it sucking you in.>fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
Suddenly the pressure vanishes from Bones’ skull. The gestalt floods back into the skeletal body, huddling into the cranial cavity. Your entire body in numb, but at the very least you can feel enough to know it is. You flop your head around to see Ivan punching the holemulch with blazing fists, leaving smoking craters in the monster’s side.The holemulch stumbles back from the peasantmancer’s fists of fury, and attempts to hiss. Instead, it merely gurgles as a spray of crimson bursts from its throat. Then a longsword appears, stabbing out from the salamander’s trachea. Katrina lowers it, sawing through flesh and muscle and steps back onto the lake shore, covered in blood.There is a moments pause before she and Ivan run towards each other, performing some sort of jumping hug. They hop up and down together, both yelling their excitement.>What do/say the Bones?
>>28858402 Say *Fuuuccccckkkkkk*, then go eat the heart and brain.
Rolled 15>>28858402I could have done that too, if I wanted too
>>28858402>You're both late. I was worried you'd waste my brilliant maneuver meant to give you the chance to shine.
>>28858402Go find a pool of water and see how bad that fucking oversized hello wreaked our skull. Mumble curses at how bad we just sucked after we beat a frigging Titan Beetle before
>>28858493>>28858468>>28858433>>28858424Alright, will try for a mix of the responses given here. Writing, but as always, additional votes will be read
>>28858402Skull crushingInfinite painNearly bit itReally lameHate everybodySo muchCan't rhymeOw
Better say something before those two start thinking they’re your equals. Or worse, your betters. But first thing is first. That fucking hurt.>hhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuu…That was not the >Fuuuuuuuuck you intended to say. You try to speak again.>hhhhhuullll hraassiiinnn>hiiiii hhhhhnnnnnGods this is pointless. You better check and see if the damned newt broke your skull. Can’t be jeopardizing Arseny’s upper tier bone structure when you reflesh. You attempt to rise to your feet to check the damage in the lake water. You lurch. Slightly. Okay, lets do this in baby steps. You try to raise your right arm. It twitches.This isn’t good.As you look up into the sky, helpless, a shadow passes over your eyes. The Professor stares down at you, concern evident in his frown. “Let us not be playing the tricks Comrade Skeleton, up to the feet yes?”The old man lowers a hand to help you up. You try to grab it. You fail to raise your own arm more than a few inches above the ground.The Prof notices this movement and looks at you with redoubled worry. He stands up right and calls back to Ivan, “Hoy Ivan! I am thinking that Comrade Skeleton is being the worse for wear. Come and make of an examination yourself.”
Two more shadows appear above you. Gang’s all here then.“Huh. Can’t even manage a little nibble without fainting, eh Bones?”Fuck off Ivan. Fuck off with this bullshit. That’s my fucking line.>hhhhhhuuuuuuuhhhhhhKatrina snorts and crosses her arms. “Come nyon you big baby. Manyan up and get on your feet.”>hhhhhhhhhhaaaaahhhhhhhKatrina’s scowl softens into a concerned frown. “You can stop pretending now, Bonyans… is this because I was so -nyan- argumentative earlier? I’m sorry, okay?”>hhhhhhsssst You snort derisively. As if you gave two shits about her bitching.Professor Becherski looks back up at Ivan, “I am thinking the Comrade Skeleton is not moving soon. We should carry him back, yes?”Ivan grimaces at the thought. “Oooooor we could just leave him here. And he can limerick to the fish.”“A waste that would be. I am liking his limericks.”Ivan turns away from the Professor and begins walking back to Waldhiem. “Well if you do, you can carry him back then. Come on Katrina.”Katrina shoots Becherski an apologetic look before trotting to Ivan, where the two of them begin to talk loudly about the fight. The Professor watches them walk into the treeline before finally turning his attention to you. He considers your prone form for a few seconds before stooping down and lifting you onto his back. “Huuuf! You are being very heavy for some bones, yes?”>Anything you want to say/do Bones? (As much as you can that is)
>>28859135Attempt to raise a middle finger in the general direction of Ivan.
>>28859135>>28859154Do this and contemplate how to reward Professor for his loyalty. He's a good man.
>>28859135>(As much as you can that is)Twitch in morse signal the following words:I V A N A
>>28859154>>28859182>>28859167I agree with these sentimentsAnd also Fuck You Ivan!
>>28859295>If there's one thing I learned on this hunt>'Twas the holemulch's teeth weren't blunt>As I ride on this back>And with the speak that I lack>I swear to pay back Ivan the Cunt
The old man trudges across the beach, the addition of thirty pounds or so of skeleton and skeleton gear to his travelling pack pushing the Professor’s frame to it’s limits. As he crosses the treeline and steps into the forest the Prof sags slightly. Neither Ivan nor Katrina decided to wait for the two of you. Shifting your body along his shoulders, Becherski grunts. “Hoof… and here am I, having the hopes of passing you off to a younger back.”Inhaling deeply, the Professor starts plodding along once more toward Waldheim. It only takes half an hour of walking at this sluggish pace for the Professor to start breathing hard. You tap his elbow a few times, and make a feeble gesture in what you presume to be the direction of Ivan. The Professor sees your obscenity and forces out a wheezy chuckle. “Da da. I am not being too pleased with those two either.”The two of you continue your slog to Waldheim, Becherski moving slower and slower. After an hour of marching you notice, even through your numbness, that the Professor’s back is trembling, and his breaths are coming hard and heavy.
You employ what little control you have over your body to lurch off of the Professor’s shoulders, clattering onto the ground. The Professor sags onto the forest floor next to you, red faced and panting. You make another attempt to speak.>If there's one thing I learned on this hunt>'Twas the holemulch's teeth weren't blunt>As I ride on this back>And with the speak that I lack>I swear to pay back Ivan the CuntBecherski chortles at your wordplay. “Bwahahaha! You are of the mute no longer Comrade Skeleton! I am glad, the walk was being very dull with no one to make of the conversation with.”>Yeah, well it was getting pretty fucking monotonous.The Prof looks at you hopefully, “Are you able to make of the movement?”You attempt to wave your right arm. It slaps the ground weakly.>Don’t think so.Becherski props his back upright against a tree, exhaling. “Haaaaahh… Well this is being the way of things, da? Some rest, and we make with the walking again.”>What say the Bones?
>>28859765Looks like we're healing. Ask for him to inspect our wards, see if they're fucked in some way. Maybe fix them. He should be able to do at least that much, the old necromancer.
>>28859743Let me rest a bit dammit. Can't you see that I am a bit crushed by the events?
>>28859765You don't by chance have anything for a headache on you? And... I'm not sure how this works, but thanks... For not leaving me back there. Truly you are about the only non-shitty one of this group.
>>28860010Voytek is pretty good too.
>>28860025This brings a question to mind. What is the range of our telepathic link with Voytek?
>>28860025Was saying that more from the perspective of Bones. If Voltek was with us this hunt, do you really think he would be back here with us? No. He be up there with Ivana and Kitty, who in most likely hood are laughing at our expense (mainly Ivan)
>>28860097While he might not like us, he would still help us if needed. I think.
>>28860087What ever is convenient for the plot.But seriously, I'm not entirely sure. Probably something like 1000 feet. Probably will work something in where it gets longer the stronger your bond with Voytek is.You can't maintain the connection with Voytek within the limits of Waldheim, right now you're much too far away to reach him
>>28860151>Probably will work something in where it gets longer the stronger your bond with Voytek is.Maybe we can just make a skeletenna to extend the range instead of having to buddy up with that unpleasantly polite ursa bona.
See you guys later.
>Yeah, damn straight we rest. I’ve been crushed by recent events.The Professor’s chuckles quickly devolve into a series of hacking coughs. The old man spits out a bit of phlegm. It glimmers for a moment as it passes through a ray of sunlight. You’re no expert on these matters, but it seems a bit thick. The Professor clears his throat once more before opening up his travelling pack and pulling out a bit of bread and jerky. As you watch the old man gnaw his rations you feel oddly obliged to say something.>Hey. Hey Prof.Becherski looks up at you, bread crumbs hanging in his beard.>You got anything for headaches? Or is inexplicably fatal like that boner spell?Brushing the crumbs out of his beard the Professor considers your question. “I am not thinking so. Or at least, I know one, but I am not thinking it will help with you.”The old man crawls next to you, too tired to bother standing. “Mmmm, now this is of interest. The cracks in your skull are smaller.”>Yo, I had cracks in my skull?“Oh da da. Quite a few, and some were of great severity. That holemulch was almost crushing your skull.”>Shit yo.“Da. And there was being a very big crack through the binding sigil on your forehead. But is almost completely gone now.”>Oh good.“I am thinking so,” says the Professor as he settles back down onto the ground. “I have never been seeing a ritual sigil that could self repair though. Usually once they are being made broken, they are staying that way.”>Cool. Hey, Prof?“Da?”>... Thanks.“Mmmm?”>Thanks for not leaving me back there.The Professor waves his hand languidly. “There is being no need Comrade Skeleton. You are being my Comrade after all, da?”>What say Bones?>Yes?>No?>Other?
>>28860444A "we cool"
>>28860444>DaHe's are only comrade we can trust to any extent.
>>28860444Professor, I will bestow upon you the honor of being called "my nigga".
>>28860510>>28860502>>28860482Homie Status Unlocked: Professor Becherski!>The ProfA master necromancer and suspect maid fetishist. In his prime, the old not!Russian had enough swag to compete with the likes of Gary Oak. Nowadays though he's just a possibly senile coot who talks funny. >>28860242Later Sol
>>28860600>Nowadays though he's just a possibly senile coot who talks funny.Mages get stronger with age. I have hopes for our homie.
>>28860600Wait. He's our homie? Just like in saints row? Does that mean if we're in trouble, we can call him and he'll show up?
>We cool.“Eh?”>... Da. We’re comrades, I guess.“Heheheh, to be having a comrade once more… Reminds me of the glory days.”>Glory days?“Another time, da? We should be getting to Waldheim before darkness.”The Professor stands upright and offers his hand once more. This time you’re able to take, and the Professor yanks you to your feet. You teeter for a second before collapsing again. Prof roars with laughter as he helps you upright once more, this time supporting you on his shoulder. The two of you start back to Waldheim, coming as close to skipping as a semi-paralyzed skeleton and arthritic old man can.>Give me a moment to speak ture>I thought a senile old mage of you>But when shit got real>And others left me as fish meal>I got to see who’s really in my crewIt takes another few hours of walking before the two of you stumble out of the forest, chuckling like old war buddies. As you step into the late afternoon sunlight a large shadow converges on your position.
>’Sup Voytek? Can we walk and talk?The skele-bear falls beside the pair of you as you hobble toward Hallad’s inn.->I am pleased to see the two of you have returned relatively whole.>Really now?->Yes. It was most appalling to hear tell of Ivan and Katrina’s abandonment of a companion. I reprimanded them both for their dishonorable behavior.>Eh? I thought I was the only one you would chew out. To learn of you two timing on me…->Yes, well, that is because you are the one who most frequently needs to be reprimanded. However, not matter how gauche your behavior I have never seen you abandon an ally. I expected better of those two.>Eh. you say as you push the inn door open. Hallad looks up to see the three of you enter, a smile on tugging at the corners of his mouth. “By Skovmar, I was starting to get worried! Good to see the pair of you.”You nod in acknowledgment of the tavern keeper and scan the inn. Ivan and Katrina are sitting at a table together in the corner. Katrina looks at you guiltily while Ivan merely crosses his arms sullenly.>Home at last Bones! What now?>Bug Ivan and Katrina?>Meet up with Dagfinn?>Other?
>>28861124>>Meet up with Dagfinn?Fuck those two fags. If I'm any judge of character, they will come to apologize us first, beginning with Kat. We can give them the cold shoulder until then and still come out as victors.Meanwhile go and organize the delivery of the swamp worm. Like a motherfucking leader. And get old Prof a cold beer.
>>28861124>Meet up with Dagfinn?I say we leave the girl and Katrina to stew in their guilt for a bit longer. Bones not annoying them at an opportunity should make them wonder.
>>28861124Meet up with Dagfinn?
>>28861276>>28861212>>28861189Consensus is to meet up with Dagfinn. Writing
>>28861124From now on, they are air.
You unhitch yourself from the Professor and stand, albeit shakily, on your own for the first time in hours. >Alright team. I’m heading off to Dagfinn. See if we can’t organize a way to haul that Holemulch back to Waldheim.You amble over to the exit, before turning back around to Hallad. >Yo Hallad. The Professor’s getting his drinks on the house tonight.You leave the tavern, pleased to note the Professor’s joyful expression as you do. You step out onto the street and begin the trek to Dagfinn’s house. It’s a good thing, to walk on your own power once more. A few minutes stroll later and you’re at Dagfinn’s shack. You rap on the door with three sharp knocks. The old man opens the door and snorts. “Figured it was ya. The kid with the book ain’t nearly as loud.”You step into Dagfinn’s shack, saying >So I guess you know about the holemulch then?“I heard the kid say something about one, yeah. Don’t mean nothing though. Not without proof.”>Shit, I was sorta paralyzed there. Didn’t think to grab anything as proof.Dagfinn roars with laughter at that. “Ya dumbass, all I need from ya is the word that it’s dead and I’ll send along some of the men to haul it back.”>So you’ll trust me over Ivan? Even I think that’s a shitty idea.“Bah,” snorts Dagfinn, waving a calloused hand, “Ya ain’t the lying type. Too much of an asshole to be one.”>Huh. Makes sense.“Still,” says Dagfinn, resting his bearded chin on crossed fingers, “That means I owe ya a free butchering now.”>Neato.“Also, I thought ya might like to know. Asta came back a few hours ago. Knowing her probably went straight to bed after seeing me. Ya should meet her. She was curious about the man who singlehandedly slew a Titan Beetle.”
>Ain’t Asta the champion tier hunter?“Yeah. Said she found the trail of something mighty interesting. Wouldn’t say what though.”There is a lull in the conversation. It drags on for several minutes before Dagfinn speaks up. “You gonna leave or what? I gotta get up early tomorrow to deal with the holemulch situation.”>What do Bones?
>>28861603Not much to do, go practice our swordsmanship throughout the night. The holemulch showed we have a lot to learn still.In the morning, meet up with Asta, maybe we can go hunting with her. Better than our fucking noobs.
>>28861603Practice acrobatics fencing.
>>28861656I'll agree to this
>>28861707>>28861656>>28861716Writing. Last update for this thread, sorry it didn't run as long as it normally does, but meeting Asta is probably the best place to start next thread.
You leave Dagfinn’s shack, waving goodbye to the surly craftsman. You return to the inn to check up on the Prof, who is well into his eleventh tankard. Chuckling to yourself, you go out behind the back of the inn and spend the remainder of the night practicing swordplay. Your movements are slow and difficult, leaving no room for errors your swings and acrobatics. As the night wears on you’re pleased to note a steady improvement in terms of control and power. By the time the rooster calls, you’re back to your usual limber self.
>>28861748'k OP. Thanks for running, always glad to see our obnoxious little conglomeration of spirits. Warms my heart.
Ah right! May run a quest tomorrow, not entirely sure though. Check the twitter for updates.If not tomorrow then I'm not sure when, what with wrapping up finals and commuting back home for the holidays.At the very latest next weekend, before I try to return to my three a week schedule>>28862014Always a pleasure anon
>>28862112>If not tomorrow then I'm not sure when, what with wrapping up finals and commuting back home for the holidays.Thank you for running this.