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Hello /tg/. Today is not Friday. But Friday is a good day anyways.

The fact that today is not Friday comes with its own implications:
1. If today is not Friday, today is Wednesday
2. If today is Wednesday, OP has not been to the Pub yesterday.
3. Therefore, OP should not be in the position of telling you tales from Selyn today.
4. However, as OP will very likely be in a Glühwein-induced stupor for the entire duration of the coming Friday, OP will instead tell you tales from Selyn today, because Selyn is a nice place (in strong contrast to the insides of a morbidly obese elk cow)
4 1/2: As per usual, OP will dump unrelated pictures instead of related pictures, because OP is a lazy bastard.
6. Previous thread is here: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/28430909/
9. Here we go
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Albeit the journalist who gave the private correspondence of the royal couple to the public suddenly disappeared from the face of the earth, King Donward the Magnificient never quite managed to get rid of the prefix “Cuddlesnuggle”.
>It is said that, upon dark moonless nights, visitors to the old Palace can still hear the barely suppressed giggling of the Royal Guard.
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>The Gallery is an upper-class district in eastern Selyn, bordering the plaza. Being the place of the wealthy and famous, the gallery owns its names to the windows of the houses bordering its streets, which gives members of the common riff-raff the opportunity to see how their lives could look like if they were rich and fabulous, how life could look like if only they were the offspring of rich parents with even richer parents and would have a family line that traces two hundred years back to a local lord and a willing chambermaiden.
>At least, until they have to get back into their stinky, cramped riff-raff homes.
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>One of the many factions that fight for the council places in Selyn is the Warhost.
>Led by the ill-tempered and generally speaking unfriendly Knight-Captain Adashi Adrubar, this political group aims to strengthen military virtues, such as order, discipline, honor, coup d' etats, and the right to punch others in the face for backtalk.
>As one of the few political groups, the Warhost has followers both in the upper class (who supports them so they can beat down uprisings of the poor) and the lower class ( since many of its families have a shared history with Selyn's military).
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>The popularity of SIR HAROLD, SLAYER OF DRAGONS, dropped dramatically when Sir HAROLD, SLAYER OF DRAGONS, blackmailed Queen Gondova into releasing an edict that forced all citizens of Selyn to address SIR HAROLD, SLAYER OF DRAGONS with the full title of SIR HAROLD, SLAYER OF DRAGONS, even when pronouns or possessives with sufficiently strong indication that they refer to SIR HAROLD, SLAYER OF DRAGONS, would appear more practical.
>SIR HAROLD, SLAYER OF DRAGONS, in turn claims that the Selynians are “an ungrateful bunch of wankers”.
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>The Dagoy are a wandering people that tend to visit Selyn for a few weeks every fall. Erecting their tents at the outskirts of the city, they would be perfectly happy minding their own business, were it not for the unfounded accusations made against them by the Meduanese, who constantly slander them as thieves and cheaters.
>This so gravely insults the Dagoy that they choose to insult the Meduanese right back by not respecting their personal property and by showing how easy their plain minds fall prone to even simple tricks.
>To their defense, they usually do not insists on keeping the Meduanese goods, simply abandoning them them on their campsite as they move on. Thus, the fact that many of the city's inhabitants fail to find their personal belongings largely results from other natives mistaking them as theirs,
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>Though having been a monarchy for almost seven hundred years, King Derrick CDXII found it highly comfortable to live the life of a king without having to do the work of a king, and promptly transformed the kingdom into a constitutional monarchy.
>The fact that a coalition of the military, the clergy and the merchant class literally had said king at gunpoint during his decision is considered to be negligible by most historians.
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>" 'How does one recognize demons then?', you might ask".
> "Why, first and foremost by their appearance, obviously. Whereas lower demons of Order will appear like automatons of silvery metal (not unlike the Brass Slaves of the Kadit) and the highest demons of Order are massive, floating cubes of semi-solid mercury with surfaces so smooth that the sunlight reflected by them can blind the naked eye, those fiends serving Entropy are for more difficult to describe: Even the lesser servants are constantly changing form; arms, legs, and pseudopods constantly forming from and sinking back into their bodies at random. But even this is nothing compared to the higher demons of entropy, these boiling blobs that seem to break every single law of physics at the same time and can easily shatter the mind of any spectator."
>Arch-Canon Martut Prendit. "Of Sins and Sorrows".
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>Bhatze is a popular soft drink that is advertised as being potent enough to raise the dead and slay the living.
>Though the latter has been proven to be true on more than sufficient occasions, its 'revitalizing" qualities have been shown to be little more than a marketing fraud when a close investigation concluded that all skeletal remains that had arisen when being sprinkled with Bhatze were actually paid Undead actors.
>Despite of this, the drink remains a common sight in much Selyn, even though the its liquid contains more sugar than should be physically possible.
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>The Downboard sewers are home to countless thousands of dog-sized rodents called "Snapjaws". It has long been theorized that these animals would eventually overrun and devour the inhabitans of the district, but for the time being, the fact that the intelligence of the average Snapjaw only marginally exceeds that of a rock that they instead serve the Downboarders as a cheap if not very tasty protein source.
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>Many critics of the Fatpurses would argue that the latter are just are group of fat old men who try to make as much money as possible, by any means possible. This is entirely true of course, but what's so bad about it? After all, someone has to represent the concept of backscratching on a political basis, and if said someone becomes filthy rich by doing so, it only proves that the system works.
> Unknown author. " Campaign leaflet of the Fatpurses.
>Chanting the phrase "Hra Ogad" in the Plaza three times in quick succession has a slight chance of summoning a moose with purple fur.
>After materializing, the moose will give the summoner a disproving frown and utter the words "Hegner hecnorachbin" before promptly dematerializing again.
>The meaning behind these moose's words is unknown. Considering it may exist since the time of the Firstborn, the phrase may never be deciphered.
>"It is indeed one of the oldest jokes of the universe that, in order to influence the lives of mortals, demons of both Order and Entropy have to embrace what they loathe the most - Order defies its static nature by bringing about change, and Entropy has to force itself into a harness of Order so as to even set foot into our world.
>At the same time, this "joke" has a frightening quality, for if these two factions are willig to undo themselves even in party only, how far would they go in order to make us theirs?
>Arch-Cannon Mardut Prendit. Of Sins and Sorrows.
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>Members of the Fatpurses through the bank worship Perkim, the invisible hand of the market. While the worship of Perkim means that his followers regularly have to donate seizables amounts of the very money earned, stolen or otherwise acquired in the sweat of their brow, the god at least allows them to freely exploit those with a less fortunate income while feeling god about it.
>Ironically enough, Perkim has never been acknowledged as as a proper god by the Canon Offices, and thus is a minor paragon god at best. The Fatpurses nonetheless claim that he is in fact a major paragon god, being the incarnation of trade, capitalism and greed.
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OP here. This pleases me greatly.
OP here. These please me greatly.>>28658146
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>Though Selyn obviously has its own city watch, the fact that the latter has been underfunded for at least thirty-two decades means that each major district also has its own local militia.
>The Bulkmen are one of these militias. Clad in armor that not by chance looks like a weird collection of of cooking pots, scrap metal and machine parts, the Bulkmen rule over the Downboard with a very literal iron fist.
>Despite of their harsh methods, the Bulkmen are universally popular in Selyn: The High Society likes them because they keep the workers in line, and the Workers like them because they find their waddling gait to be positively hysterical.
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>The Downboard has, and always had, more than enough problems; yet alcoholism still is generally agreed to be the gravest of them all by outsiders.
>In a recent survey, three of ten Downboarders stated that they were "nawt drun' a' all", four wished they were drunk, and the remaining two were in no condition to make any serious statements over the matter.
>Disturbingly enough, said survey included minors.
OP taking a short break. The number of typing errors on my part is worrisome.
The narator also takes a pause, since sound cloud is on the fritz.
Can you apply some system of numbering so that each story can be titled "Selyn fact #141" and so forth?
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I will try to integrate it into the next posts.
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(This system includes all previous Selyn posts from this thread and the previous one).

>Apart from the native Meduanse (who are "native" in the sense that they were the first to claim the abandoned city after the Firstborn went 'poof!'), Selyn also houses roughly forty thousand Brynn (who despise magic in almost all of its forms), about sixty-thousand Numidians (who are exceedingly fond of magic) and around eight thousand Kadit (who inevitably end up in the crossfire when the Brynn and the Numidians again decide that it is about time to bash each others head in).
Soundcloud refuses to finish the transcoding, and 4chan refuses to embed the sound.

Very strange, since everything is recorded with the same setting.
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>The Many-Voiced arguably are Selyn's most democratic party, allowing every single one of their members to participate in the discussion about their political agenda and electoral goals.
>This all would be fine and dandy if the party members would choose to only discuss topics they are knowledgeable, rather than inflating their own ego by participating in as many discussions as possible.
>As a direct result, the last functional party resolution of the many-voiced is over sixty years old, stemming back to a time where the group consisted of members with significantly less spare time on their hands.

" This would all be fine and dandy if the party members would choose to only discuss topics they are knowledgeable about, rather than . . .".

This is getting increasingly embarrassing.
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> Unlike most other forms of magic, ritual magic requires the caster to provide certain - and often rather costly - ingredients for the respective ritual spell.
> Becoming increasingly annoyed over thieves and pickpockets stealing their more expensive ingredients, many of the more powerful spellcasters turn to the "Hell in a Handbasket". This trap looks like a regular wicker basket filled with immensely precious gems and arcane powders, but if it should be removed and not be brought back to its original location within a certain span of time, it will instead unleash one or more very indignant demon, who will promptly spread the body parts of the would-be-thieves in the immediate area.
It seems that since no one has come up to stop me from reading Selyn facts in bad, heavy accented English, the gods of internets interfered with my recording, and there is no way to post audio.


Since the people from Selyn seem to speak a language very different from English, your accent would actually be very fitting. Kinda like listening to a tourist guide in a foreign country.
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>Though classical lycanthropes unfortunately are far from uncommon in the dense forests that border Selyn, the strange land holds its own strange variants of monsters: There are Wherewolfs, which can teleport over short distances; Whenwolfs, that may transform at any given point of time, Whichwolfs, whose appearance and personality as a humanoid changes after every full moon, and Whywolfs, who spent their entire time as lycanthropes wondering about how they contracted lycanthropy in the first place.
But with the English accent it would be just like a BBC documentary!
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>Apart from the Greyharbors which can be accessed from anywhere within Selyn, the city also contains several side dimensions which only have one (stable) point of entry.
>The Great Archive is one of these dimensions. Accessed from the Whitewash Library, the Archive holds every single book (as well as many other stone tables and many more exotic mediums of information) that has ever been recorded for the coming generations.
>As a matter of fact, the Great Archive even contains volumes that have never seen the light of day - manuscripts that have been destroyed, works that have never made it past the form of a short thought, and even ideas that caused the brains of their owners to go into an emergency halt.
>Despite of this sheer volume of information, the Archives ever-vigilant guardians mean that only a handful of books from this dimension have entered our plane. This is demonstrated by the simple fact that the thickest book taken from the Archives is about a man that gives an individual personality to every single one of his facial hairs.

I am not sure whether this setting could take such amounts of Britishness.
>Supercharging zombies with magic is not necessarily a safe process and may yield highly unusual results. Ghasts are a prominent example for this - while the arcane energies flowing through the zombie's body will turn it into a living bomb in most cases, the power flow will sometimes start to concentrate in what little is left of the zombie's brains (given those haven't been eaten yet) and put them back into a working state,turning them into Ghasts.
> „Working state“ of course is a very relative term, seeing how many zombie brains have large chunks missing from them. Because of this, Ghasts can be considered to be utterly insane by normal standards, a fact supported by their uncontrolled cackling and jumping. They are completely useless as combat troops since annoying or tickling the enemy to death is usually not an option, but somehow most necromancers appear to have a weak spot for them, often employing them as court jesters and the like.
> Though it safe to say that Ghasts are not amongst the brightest undead to wander the lands, many of them possess a baffling skill at divination and may apparently see things long before they actually happen. This would be a most invaluable skill for their dark masters, wouldn't the ghast hide them in cryptic, often seemingly nonsensical utterances. One can only guess whether they do this to mock their master or if they truly see the world in such different shapes.
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>Reaperlings are small, skeletal figures in pitch-black robesthat serve as the eyes and arms of Death.
>The Reaperlings may enter the physical (that is, -our-) plane for a variety of reasons, including hunting down those who have cheated Death, serving as psychopomps for the recently deceased, or chastising those Living who fail to pay the Dead their proper respects.
> Despite of their usually grim tasks, Reaperlings show an almost absurdly jovial attitude towards their works and victims, cracking one dark-humored joke after another or playing practical jokes on their "clients".
>Why Death would imbue her servants with this kind of personality is a hotly disputed topic. Generally speaking, one half of the theological-scientific community claims that Death deliberately created them as a jolly contrast to her own sombre nature, whereas the other half claims that Death would not give a damn about the behavior of her minions so long as they get the job done.
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>The Brynn of Mnetpona are one people, yet at the same time divide themselves into four different castes: The Njewoga (Workers and farmers), the Plaku (Craftsmen and Arists), the Tséja (Warriors and enforcers of the law), and the Golov (Administrators).
>All of these groups in turn are ruled Katroka, a woman whose reputation places her somewhere between an absolutist monarch and a demigod, though her own people give her the plain name of "Allmother".
>creator doesn't want Alice to be perceived sexually
>creates a fragile, hauntingly beautiful young woman with a scathing wit and crazy to boot
>gets mad when she is seen sexually
Thanks for all the alice artwork OP
just recently finished, loved it
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>The Plaza is another one of Selyn's major districts. Being a commercial hub filled with the brim with various shops, pubs and other places of interest, the plaza attracts natives, tourists and pickpockets alike.
>So popular is this district that the authorities have decided to spray the entire area with a neurotoxin that mildly slows down the mind and body of any newcomers inside - a method that has dramatically reduced the number of people getting trampled to death while also increasing the amount of kitsch sold in the many souvenir shops.
> Bottles of "plaza air" are sold all around the world as potent anti-depressants.

As for today, my work is done here. Perhaps we shall visit Selyn again in the near future.
Christ, just how much of the game was cut out?

More than should be the case, really.
Just the good bits.
Now that you mention it, they actualy crippled the game.

It was published by EA. What did you even expect?
Oh, right.
A sad excuse for a company.
So true. And yet so sad.


There is yet hope for humanity.
I don't know, I don't like the premise.
So now they're introducing flat out supernatural elements? Psychic powers?

Yes. With 65$ DLCs.

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