>LAST TIME ON NECKBEARD QUESTYou had narrowly escaped the mods and their golden hammers. But thanks to this old man, who hid you and lied to them and saved you, and took the time to share his old man wisdom!Before that, the battle raged on like a war, and it was amazing. Although, kind of gorey and you did lose a bunch of HP. You fought pretty well, and the mods gave up and give you this warning:>Don't post NSFW on the blue boardsBoy, you feel sorry for whoever missed out on it!Now back to you and the old man.
>>28441940As suggested in the previous thread, you gave the oldfag a sage nod in thanks of him sharing his wisdom."I must retire now, my boy. I hope you remember what I told you, and..."
>>28441972".. Not leave a huge, smelly mess infront of my thread."What a nice old man.
>>28441940kthxbaiback to hunting down unicorn gurl
>>28441940Didja get a link to the archived thread, OP?Here it is, in case you didn't.http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/28411859/
>>28441998We've already gotten our horning though.Why not look for Anon? We need a place to stay.
>>28441940Go to the NSFW boards.
>>28441991>mod armorI wonder if any of it is salvageable
>>28442068True that, true thatI guess we could hunt down anon and garushwho knows what wacky antics they could have gotten up to in our absence.
>>28442068We need a proper horning from our sweet sweet lady unicorn Charlotte.>>28441940For now, we must go to the dark side and gather the forces of our greatest ally: /d/.
>>28442095>bringing in /d/I wish I could say I wasn't wildly enthusiastic.
>>28442141/d/ and /tg/ are actually the same person, only wearing a different hat.
>>28442251Explains my enthusiasm.
>>28442095I can't claim to speak for anybody other than myself, but how to play the Beardstrosity came up in the last thread, and it seemed like the general consensus was to try and pull away from that kinda thing. Just sayin'.
>>28441998>>28442068You don't know which one is more important, crybabybitchboywithahome or our precious unicorn princess.You already did get a horning, but her horn is ribbed.Anon agreed to serve you and share his house with you. He did agree to that, right?What else do you need to consider?
>>28442603I'm not sure that he agreed to it, so much as he just conceded it would happen.But I'd bet we're tired after fighting off the mods. We need a place to sleep. And if we do want to go after Charlotte, Anon is our go to guy. He knows where her lurker facility is.Try and track down Anon
>>28442603>>28442631Didn't anon say that she lived in the same lurker facility as him? We could kill two birds with one stone by finding anon.
>>28442654Nah, it doesn't seem to be a living space.Lurker facility seems to be like school. It has uniforms for its "students." Comment by the elf girl "You'll be late for lurking" or something like that. I first thought it was an apartment complex like thing, but then I realized that role was filled by threads. Asides, Garush goes to the same lurking facility, if it was a living space, he wouldn't have a house. He'd live there.
>>28442603ya find anon for now
>>28442603From thumbnail it kinda looked like protag is doing "mega milk" pose.It should happen at some point.
>>28442711I thought it was more like a dorm than a school. I got the impression he was on his way to school but his lurking facility was home.
>>28442603>What else do you need to consider?We lost our original goals: acquire meatbread and elven wench.
>>28442754That's not what I've gathered up to this point. I'm pretty confident that it's more of a school type thing, but if you really aren't sure you could always ask OP.>>28442797Yeah. We should go back and save elf girl when we get the chance.
>>28442797for that we'll need money. we should go grind for some money so we can get some elven meatbreadif you know what I mean.
whoever suggested that Garush try to force Crynon into making a pact with an obviously evil banshee: I'd strangle you if I could
I didn't suggest it, but I -did- say it sounded totally legit.100% above board.What I did suggest was the roomba though, and that got moderate traction.
>>28442744Oh, like THIS?
Wait..>>28442797>>28442866HOW COULD YOU FORGET, NECKBEARD?!
>>28443345You know, I kinda regret having anon assume thing form. Now, he can't assume an even more horrific form.
>>28443301The Roomba idea was funny to me. I like it.I was the one who initially suggested we try and make Yorick into Anon's familiar, but I thought of it just as a light hearted sorta thing; they could work out a deal, and as time went on maybe they'd grow on each other and come to help each other out. But it didn't quite turn out that way... never thought he should be forced into it though.
>>28443371OP only knows what the status effect HORNY Neckbeard looks like. Perhaps it is for the best.
>>28443363We can solve both at once by getting a beardloving elven maiden who can cook meatbread for us.>ACQUIRE ELVEN MAIDEN!
>>28443431Come on, you don't want to know what the HORNY status will make him look like? Or better yet, the CONFIDENT status?
>>28443363Show her you know how to use those tongue tentacles.
>>28443463Hmmm. Horny I could see ending up looking like /d/-tan, but with more neckbeard.Confident... I'm not sure, really. Would he just look like an upstanding member or society, rather than a basement dweller?
Hit up Elven Diner wench, go back to her place and bump, then get her to make breakfast the morning after. Boom. There's all of our problems taken care of in one fell swoop!
>>28443363yes we should seek meatbread and elven wenches.
>>28443592What if she tries to feed us...FRUITS! Or worse...VEGETABLES!
>>28443611That's just a risk we'll have to take, Anon. Then again she IS a Diner wench. Maybe she can hook us up there?
>>28443611who cares. We'll consume them all, it's all biomass anyways.Look at it this way. Fruit and veggies is just plant meat.
>>28443363Try to find our way back to our thread. Maybe the meatbread survived.
>>28443719Maybe it even turned into the legendary Golden Meatbread. The meatbread with the perfect golden crust, only achieved in legends.
>>28443758That's only a myth. It doesn't exist.
>>28443786This is what the mods and the admins want you to believe, for everyone here has heard the legend of the golden meatbread that would allow its eater to ascend beyond the limitations of /tg/, become the superadmin of the board.
>>28443592And so you return to the scene of your diner dash crime- The Elven Diner.I think that's her down there!How are you going to pull off wooing her?
>>28444217Tell her you have a penis.That's basically all it takes to fuck an elf, right?
>>28444217We shall appear to her against the moonlight and show her our magnificient neckbeard sparkling in the night. Then, she steal a kiss from her.
>>28444217Jump from rooftop to rooftop, then jump to the streetlight, grab the horizontal piece with our hands, swing a few times around, before landing with perfect form right next to her.
>>28444244Unless its a kibbler elf.Or a double elf.
>>28444257This, followed by an illustrious bow. WE CAN'T MESS THIS UP, MAN
>>28444283How could I forget the bow? And don't worry, we're a freak. We got this.>>28444244Not sure if I like that option.
>>28444244Not a fan of this one. Weren't we just told to not post NSFW on a blue board?>>28444217Ask her if she can help us with our meatbread recipe.
>>28445095>Not a fan of this one. Weren't we just told to not post NSFW on a blue board?So saying penis is against 4chan's rules now?Holy shit, why am I still here?
>>28444217Take the horn out of your ass, clean it, and give it to her as a gift.
>>28445095Good point. We don't want those pesky mods gumming up our game, right? Especially when the old man isn't around to vouch for us.
>>28445156What are you talking ab--Holy God, it's still in there.
>>28445156Nah, lets save it as a secret weapon, just in case.
>>28445300Wait, we broke it off? I didn't think we broke it off. I thought we were still sitting on it when the mods showed up.
>>28445410Look at the picture for >>28444217
>>28445683Damn. Missed it the first time. Thanks man.
Everyone knows ogre horns are great alchemy components. Let's save it for later and sell it to some other moron. That being said, might not be too sexy to find a horn lodged in our rectum. Maybe we should deal with that before wooing the lady?
>>28444244THE DUBS HAS DECIDEDTHIS IS THE IMMEDIATE FORM OF WOOING
>>28446851There she is, in her Diner Wench grace. Let's call for her.
>>28446912>I have something to tell you."Yes?"
>>28446935>I have a penis.She's speechless. Show her proof of penis?y/n
>>28446965Oh God we've fucked this up so hard. But it's already sparkling, I think we can hold off on further proof.
>>28446965>implying there is more than one answerY, with the force of a thousnd Y chromosomes YYYYYY.
>>28446965Well. That just happened.Do we STILL have a boner under that carapace?We could always try to flex. See if we can blast off that carapace at a lethal velocity. Maybe blast a hole in a building.
>>28446965Open your...pants or hardened exoskeleton or whatever and show her your horn.
>>28446965Just... Just ask her if she digs Kung Fu movies. That's a good icebreaker, right? Oh god
>>28446965Yes and then knock her out and have your way with her
>>28446965"Wait sorry, leeme try this again."Try to remember everything the old man said about women.
>>28446965>>28446965SHOW FUCKING PROOF.MOTHERFUCKER.
>>28447098This. The old man saved us after we were caught HORNING. HE KNOWS HOW THIS SHIT WORKS
>>28447098I must second this.
>>28446977I second this motion.
>>28447014Nope. Nope. Stop, damn you.
>>28446965>[Y]It must be done.
aww hell naw, we aint be doin' with this sexual harassment shit.
>>28447153He got evens.We really need to hope she's into exhibitionism, or that she won't call the mods.
>we aren't doing this shitIt's so in character, though!
>>28447014YES.IT IS TIME.TIME TO GIVE THE D.>>28446965Show her your dick.Elves love the dick.
>>28447190Well, here comes the hornfags...
>>28446965...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. I have a horrible tendency to just say whatever pops into my head, you see. It's... been a long road, but I'm getting better. Anyway, I apologize, and I was wondering if you'd maybe want to grab a late coffee.
>>28447694Ho HO! FLAWLESS.
>>28447724Well, yeah. I'm the anon with the Charisma, after all. Party face. Flawless.
>>28447694That's actually a pretty good recovery.But it was already decided by >>28447014. Sorry mate.>>28447243C'est la vie.I'm curious why they didn't speak up in the last thread when we were talking about how to play the Beardstrosity, but I suppose it doesn't really matter in the end.
>>28447768When did you mention it?I was probably asleep.
>>28447694its too bad that its not going to be this
>>28447788http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/28411859/#p28424745Around there is when it got the most focused, then we got distracted. Other little stuff is spread around the thread though. I won't lie, I remember there being more, but I've been getting less and less sleep these past few days, so there's that.Also, dropping trip. Seems like we have enough people now that it doesn't matter.
>>28447768While it was indeed decided by >>28447014, we get two even posts. The next one was >>28447098So, this is going to be interesting. Whip it out, then apologize.
>>28447014Just gotta remove this piece first.
>>28448298Thanks, didn't notice that.I'd say that's fair progress for Neckbeard.
>>28447098>Wait sorry, leeme try this again.Uh, let's see. Aside from 'it's polite to show your pecs when she shows her tits', you don't really remember much. Oops.
>>28448381oh boy, here we go.
>>28448397Put it away.
>>28448397>Is the neckbeard beyond salvation?Yyyyyyyyyyyyep.Apologize to the woman. Tell her you forgot her meds. Get out of there and never look back.
>>28448397Elven hormones kicking in it looks likeask her if she likes what she sees.>>28448432beyond salvation. might as well roll with it though. its just beardstrocities character
>>28448397She fucking loves it. We're good.
>>28448432But she needed those meds to survive anon.
>>28448397I'm not sure what to think of the fact that she hasn't tried to run at any point in this conversation.
>>28448462Aren't things like this what got us in trouble with the mods last time?
>>28448471Meant *your meds.It's late, and I'm exhausted. Cut me some slack.
>>28448432Put it away first.But yeah, if we keep going in this direction, are going to encounter the event horizon. Not sure how close we are too it, but we're going to hit it.
>>28448473Historically, threats of violence and physical harm have done little to stop people from just whipping it out. In some cases, it gets them to whip it out faster.
>>28448562But simple fleeing?
Ohhhh boy. This is either gonna work or we're gonna get TURBO MACED.Offer to let her pet your beard, that'll bring the mood back!
>>28448591Oh, heh. Replied to the wrong person. That comment was meant for >>28448474. Sorry for the confusion.
>>28448601mace to the dick is like the worst mace ever.
>>28448624What about a morningstar to the dick?
I think beard anon is losing his main character status seeing as most now talk about him in third person how.
>>28448630That hurts like a bitch, but you'll get over it as you go numb from the nerve damage.Macing doesn't do that kind of nerve damage. It's chemical burns all the way and it's not the good kind of burn.
>>28448654oh, just realized I completely missed the pun. Good show sir.>>28448645we're like 2 posts away from trying to rape an inoffensive female character. despite the antifeminist jokes that get passed around on this board, most of us tend to disassociate ourselves from such activities. Look at 80% of quests and we're normally chivalrous gentlemen, it's a little crazy really.
>>28448678It's not rape if it's an elf.
>>28448678We almost molested Banshee girl as Anon, and then we had >>28447029. If somebody gets lucky, that could happen.
>>28448678The worst part is the knowledge that it's my fault. I'm the one who suggested that the neckbeard be our most defining characteristic and who originally suggested that we ask Charlotte to put her horn in our ass.It snowballed beyond my control, and the monster that he became is never what I wanted him to be. I wanted Charlotte to consensually horn us. Instead, we became a slavering tongue-being with a penchant for raping things with his anus.
>>28448745I fail to see the problem.
>>28448745Hey buddy, it's okay. I'm the one who suggested we go search for elf women. I immediately realized what I had done, and tried to steer us back to the apartment. But alas, it was too late.
>>28448412>>28448432You put it away.>Sorry. You must of forgot your meds.
>>28448860I don't even know how to read her expression in this one.
Then you turn away, and walk off with a raging hard on pressing against a new plate of crotch plate, never to look back.Is this truly the right thing to do? Who knows.
>>28448880She wants it back out in the open.
>>28448886Quick, betray your oath to never look back.
>>28448880I've read all of her expressions thus far as an equal of shock, mildly aroused, and perplexed.
>>28448886Without turning around, call back:>I'm sorry. Would you be willing to see me when I'm better?
>>28448916Meant to include:>I'm sorry. There's a lot wrong with me. Would you be willing to try seeing me when I'm better?
>>28448916Nice save.Seconding this. Can't burn any bridges.
>>28448886>Remember, it's all your fault you're this way.Actually, after this, could we check Beardy's stats?I want to see the Beardstrosity's SAN, after all these different voices in his head have been arguing for awhile, and some have been telling him he's beyond redemption and so on and so forth.
Anyone know what time zone OP is on? Trying to figure out whether he went to bed.
>>28449413Unknown.I've presumed he was on the west coast, as he seems to have a habit of staying up rather late. It'd be easiest if he was on PST.But usually he lets us know if he was heading out. Of course, it is possible sleep deprivation got to him and he collapsed. We won't know until he says something.
>>28448912You stop, and you did just that. You turned your head just to say:
>>28448916>I'm sorry. Would you be willing to see me when I'm be-
She's gone. Now what?
>>28449653Cry. Cry like a little bitch as we go to see if the meatbread, at least, still loves us.
>>28449653Well, that's hardly surprising.Cry like a little bitch. Sounds like a plan.We can either A, return to our burned out, charred dark hole of a post and brood. and slowly go even more insane until we finally become set on the path of damnation, the point of no return, where we set our minds to the destruction of everything, not for any higher goal, but just to see if we fucking can. BBEG style.Or B, seek out Anon. Ask him for help (we need it), and slowly try to reform ourselves into a semi-productive mildly disturbed member of society.
>>28449653>Search for Elf.>Apologize.>Tell her we don't have much experience with this things and were slightly drunk.>Ask her on a date.Look at her face, she wanted it. She left because we lost our confidence, and chicks don't like that.
>>28449794Well man, you got evens, so it looks like we'll get to find out.Though I think you'd have to say that you were a bit more than slightly drunk to approach somebody with your junk, then walk away to reveal the horn still in your ass.
>>28449653Find the elf, give her the horn.
What a trainwreck.
>>28449619Did the horn break off in our ass?
>>28453735Either that or we have the weirdest looking anus in the world.
>>28449794Okay, fuck. Shit.You run back and began to search for her, but she's still out of sight. She couldn't have gone far, right?
>>28456631Inspect girl with skirt, but remain hidden whilst doing so: we don't want to creep her out if it's not the elf.If it is, we formulate a smarter approach. Not creepy.
>>28456631Inspect silhouette with skirt, and then check out those sweet ass double doors.
>>28456736>>28456836>36 twice in a row.Weird. There were 100 post in 8 minutes. That's 12.5 post/minute.
>>28456736>>28456836You follow the silhouette in hopes it is the Elf Woman you just flashed to. You keep hidden, but the distance is not very good, you will have to get closer.And so you did.
>>28457747You got close enough to inspect her, while you kept yourself in the dark. It is her! But she's still moving, and you pursued silently, staying hidden around each building so you won't end up spooking her.Elf women are easily spooked, right?
>>28457795The two of your end up at a well lit door, you carefully keep an eye on her as she enters."Heya fellas!" she greets whoever's inside, and is returned with greets of their own.
>>28457820This must be where she lives!
>>28457834Listen for a bit, but unless it looks potentially threatening for her, bail out. No need to go full blown creeper on her.
>>28457834Go through her house as if you were a female suspicious your boyfriend/husband was cheating on you.
>>28458162How about not.Oh who am I kidding, it's a toss up given this character. We might do either.
>>28458231Honestly, I think the one suggested here>>28458162might be more in character, but>>28457927is also less retarded.So we could either roll for it or just go with the evens.
Rolled 4ROLLAN A D100!odds = smart optionevens = creeper option
>>28457834Go in, ask for elven meatbread.
At this point, I think that Beardstrosity fairly well represents the bad side of /tg/. He is every "that guy" from every thread, every sweaty weirdo from FNM, every GM that inserts his fetish at any opportunity. While some of this stuff is particularly odd, he is the living embodiment of the shitty side of /tg/. Cryanon is the white knight mentality, and Garush is our inner cool guy, or our inner Spirit Greaser, as we had him channel when he opened the Mimic.
>>28458661And who is Yorick? The representation of femanons?
>>28458661>Cryanon is the white knight mentalityI don't think we've the white knight yet.Anon's more about being a pussy, I can't really imagine him standing up for anyone, or really white knighting at all. He'd probably just act like it isn't any of his business instead.
>>28458679The manifestation of bitchy QMs.
>>28458699Probably. But somebody out there is our inner gentleman. Our pervert with a heart of gold. I forget the tvtropes name for it, something like Chivalrous Pervert "He's bed the baroness but he'd never spoil a virgin" etc.
>>28458679The best character.
>>28457834Well, Neckbeard is doomed.Leer in window. If questioned, "Dude, let me in. I'm totally a fairy!"
>>28461458>I'm totally a fairy!We need a stronger alibi.Which breed of fairy and which court?
>>28462370Nobody's going to believe we're seelie, so the answer's obvious.As for tradition... Troll, obviously.
>>28462370A beard fairy, probably.
>>28462457An unseelie bearded troll you say? Seems fitting.
>>28458162You would go straight to her home and go through it...
>>28462769.. If you knew where it was.
>>28462769Hey, OP. Thought about doing this like a comic a-la Prequel?
>>28462791And so here you are! In the thread lobby. Where there is a group sitting around, most likely playing a game.How are you going to find her now?
>>28462824Fuck that, look at what they are playing.
>>28462824Explain in great detail why their game is shit, and they're shit for liking it.
>>28462804I haven't, and I don't know how long it'd run. Maybe.
>>28462824Take a closer look at the group.
>>28462850Look at both Prequel and Homestuck. It'd run as long as you'd want it to. Maybe not with these specific characters, but your art style and storytelling has some definite high points.
>>28462885That it does.
>>28462885>Look at both Prequel and HomestuckPlease no.
>>28462924How about Problem Sleuth, then?
>>28462885That's probably the opposite of what I would recommend for anyone doing anything
>>28462944Homestuck's not as bad as people like to say. It's just the vocal minority of the fandom that are absolute mongoloids that ruins it for people.I used to be a fan of MLP (not a brony... good CHRIST, not a brony...), and then said bronies came out of the woodwork and I nope'd the fuck out.
>>28463039I really, really didn't like Homestuck's writing.The community is probably retarded also, but I don't really care about that.
>>28463071Fair enough. I'm hardly some kind of cultural authority, but I think dismissing something out of hand to somebody who might not be familiar can lead to a missed opportunity. Taste is relative, after all, and maybe OP would like one of those.Also, >>28462849 this.
>>28462842It looks like they're campaigning what seems like D&D. So far, their druid got lost in some zombie infested woods while the rest of the party are getting wasted at the pub. But the Brawler found some trouble and got into a fight but the bard got scared so he plans to send him away to his uncle and his aunty. So that didn't work on the Brawler as he just kept fighting with everyone at the pub and causing a mighty fine mess.
>>28464468"Why aren't you using your encounter powers? I mean, you are playing 4th Ed, right? That's the only real D&D."
>>28464468Wave to Slenderman. Ask him what he's doing outside /x/.
>>28464468Ask them why they aren't playing a game using the best system ever: fatal.
>>28464468Guys.Ask to play. You don't be a That Guy until you're playing.
>>28464560You're the one who suggested that all the way back in thread one, aren't you? It's not our defining feature. Give it up.
>>28464811...did you reference the wrong person? I think this is the first time we've run into somebody actually playing a game in the quest. The fuck is wrong with you?
>>28464863In the very first thread, when we were asked what our defining feature should be, someone suggested that we should have 4E as our favourite edition. >>28464811 asked if you were that guy.
>>28465077No, that wasn't me. Just seems like Neckbeard would be the type to intentionally cause strife wherever he goes.
>>28464560>Why aren't you using your encounter powers? I mean, you are playing 4th Ed, right? That's the only real D&D."Piss off!"
>>28465643"Can I play? I have a super special character that I think you'll all love."
>>28465643"Enter my magical realm!"Use "Magic Pissile."
>>28465643Thread: Burst in."Enough of your bullshit!"Shave the beardstrosity, cleansing him of his taint and restoring a modicum of his sanity.
>>28465848>Enter my magical realm!You cast "Magic Pissile".
>>28466610"What is WRONG with you?!"
>>28466610>>28466622audience: lose interest in bearded piss monster.
>>28464863It was me. I regret nothing.
>>28466622They shouldn't have let themselves get so pissed at our 4e joke.Now run off to the elevator.
>>28466622"Honestly you guys, this is the most one sided piss off I've ever seen. It's lime you aren't even trying to win, and you guys suggested it! Are you guys piss fetishists or something?"
>>28469981Oh wait, that was supposed to be like not lime.
>>28466622Goddamnit, you guys, we need to stop doing this. Neckbeard's trying to reform at least, in his public actions.Pretend to be drunk.
>>28466622Anon: Lose it."LOOK, you freak! I've had enough of your bullshit! Do you know what kind of day I've had thanks to you? Fucking hell, I just wanted to unwind and play a fucking game, and you barge in here and shit it up? FUCK. YOU!"Unlock rage magic.
>>28465848It's always this guy, dammit.
>>28470963I don't think it's going to happen at this point.People would rather just have him do random creepy stuff.
>>28466622Keep on pissing on them!!! That is happen people saying "Piss off" at us.
>>28472856"It's always that guy, dammit."They look VERY impressed. So impressed, they pack up their game and head toward the elevator!"Let's just go play at my post."
>>28474964You are very good at socializing.The OP requested for you to not pee on the lounge furniture.
Rolled 25>>28475005look for the elven maiden
>>28475005Stop peeing for now and ask for any meatbread. If they dare to insulting at us, eat them.
>>28475109thiswe are the aspect of hunger or w/e after all
>>28475005Ask OP what manner of thread this is. Is it a quest thread? Propose bizarre fetish for MC.
>>28475084You still do not know the whereabouts of the elven maiden, so you ask the OP where she might live."The one with the brown done up hair? She's somewhere on the fourth floor. Why? Friend of hers?"
>>28475622"Nah, just showed her my wang, 's all."
>>28475668>... Yes."Alrightie then."
>>28475907What a faggot.
>>28475921Storm up to that 4rth floor and seek out that charming elven wench.
>>28475921Reach 4th floor and procure wench.
>>28475921>Start knocking on random doors.
>>28476004You put that in your plans as you wait in the elevator for the 4th floor. Alone.Do you take the time to check on your status?
>>28476029Might as well.
>>28476029Yeah, let us check or stats.
>>28476133>>28476043We've been getting less evens today, is the thread dying?
>>28476029No, put your dick away, dumbass, it's not even hard.
>>28476261It is quit normal. Maybe you should announce when you start new quest through twitter for a example.
>>28476029Can we also put our dick away?
>>28476302Holy shit how did I not notice that. It sure is small right now, though.
>>28476312I don't really do twitter, but if you want announcements, have my skype.>>28476320Oh, good, we can last longer.>>28476302You put your flaccid dick away, no point in having it out if it's not hard.Proceed to character status?
>>28476341It probably means I'm gay or something.>>28476399Yes please.
>>28476418Here is your status. Before we can move onto the second set, we need a post determining what those statistics are by rolling a 5d100. The answer of the dice will be ignored.
Rolled 84, 13, 13, 83, 84 = 277>>28476453i didn't understand what you said but ok
>>28476453Can we see Crynon's and Pompadork's, too, or at least see them later?
>>28476488And so the dubs had set your status.>>28476505You'll see them in the future, no worry.
>>28476567Our stats could use improvement, but that is a problem to visit after our visit. To the elf.
Rolled 25, 5, 11, 92, 97 = 230>>28476567yes i am amused
>>28476567Hope that the mods don't get wind of the Magic Pissile incident. It would be a shame to have such a wonderful spell nerfed so early.
>>28476567With that kind of luck, our trip to her apartment should be good.
>>28476567>Int 13Sounds about right.
>>28476567Let's start searching for our love's home once this elevator stops.
>>28476676Nah, it looks like the mods won't be fucked about it unless you go crazy with it in public.>>28476916The elevator stops on Floor 4. You still do not have her home number, so you will need to guess. Or go knocking around.
>>28477039Knocking on every door take time... Why can't we make fire on the hallway?
>>28477039Yes lets knock the door
>>28477039Knock on 69D. Because reasons.
>>28477303Knock on the 69D door with our penis.
>>28477106You currently do not have anything flammable in your inventory. Only chunks of mod armor and broken ban hammers, along with your ogre horn.>>28477280You go to the nearest door and knock on it."Hello?"
>>28477689I AM IN SEARCH OF A BUXOM ELVEN MAIDEN.
>>28477689I am looking for an elven maiden who resides on this floor. Help me before I use my whizzardly powers to send you to the shadow realm.
>>28477689You don't happen to keep any lovely elves in there, do you?
>>28477689Hey, I'm looking for an elf girl. Works at the diner down the block. We're supposed to go out tonight.
>>28477689Wait a minute.... Do I know?
>>28478078Shit.... It suppose to be "Wait a minute.... Do I know you?"
>>28477826>You don't happen to keep any lovely elves in there, do you?"No.">>28477838>Well, I'm looking for an elf girl. Works at the diner down the block. We're supposed to go out tonight."Try 54d.">Thanks!
>>28478078>>28478092>Wait a minute.... Do I know you?"I don't think so."He immediately closes the door.
He said 54d, right?
>>28479062No matter, 54d it is!
>>28479046Stubble. It's happening.But enough! We can return once we have our elf. To 54d.
>>28479086onward to 54d
>>28479086>Go to 55d
>>28479086Try 54d, but first remove the horn from our butt and offer it to her as an offering.
>>28479046He has the beginnings of a neckbeard.Finally a kindred spirit! Inquire more
>>28479104>>28479108You stroll on over to 54d, and proceeded to knock on the door.You hear a faint, "Coming~!" from it.
>>28480237Me. You look good with your hair down.
>>28480237AY GURL WANT SOM FUK
>>28480237>>28480302"What a coincide to meet you here! I supposed to meet my friend who live in this floor and I somehow accidental knocking on wrong door... By the way... You look good with your hair down."
>>28480237"Ey kitten let's play Mario Kart"
>>28480237I'm starving. Got any meat bread?
>>28480237"I got you a horn. Here, we should get this in water." Go in.
>>28480237Seduce, then recruit. Can't let Anon and Orc the Lad have all the party member fun.
>>28480302>Me. You look good with your hair down."That's sweet and all, but I don't that's gonna impress me after that little display back outside."
>>28480493>Orc the LadI love you.
>>28480493This. Scan the apartment for Boyfriends, though
>>28480505Yeah, I... haven't had my meds today. I'm sorry, I know that doesn't excuse it, but it's the best I can offer, along with an apology.
>>28480505>LittleIt was cold.
>>28480505"Then tell me.... What WOULD, eyyyy?"Wink and show off your magnificent beard. Bitch loved that shit back in the diner.
>>28480505Fuck that noise. Hypnotize her with your magickal beard; it worked in the diner!
>>28480505 This>>28480521or >>28480548
>>28480522You first scan what you can see of her apartment for any boyfriends, as to avoid any trouble.Then we proceed to phase two:
>>28480815Seduction.You mess with your beard a little, making sure she gets a good view of it, and making sure it looks tempting to touch.>Little?>What do you mean by little~?You questioned.
>>28480815"I notice your domicile is absent any gentlemen callers. To wit, my stunt was an attempt to proactively prohibit the events unfolding currently - had I known my presence would alleviate your drab, penis-free existence, I would not have retreated into the dark night I lured, I mean, coerced you into.Was the walk home nice?"
>>28480842"What Ah mean by little is when ya flash yer dick and have the gall to not stroke it and then put it away an' tellin me /I/ need to take my meds."
>>28480874...welp, my mind just went "snap."Fade to black.
>>28480874G-whaaa? Woman of our dreams achieved.Giver her the horn. No, the other one.
>>28480874invite self into apartmentfix everything you did wrong earlier
>>28480874Well, she IS an elf. That makes sense.Switch to Orc and Cryboy
>>28480874"Heeeyyy woahwoahWOAH there. I'll admit I made a few mistakes and I'm mature enough to accept that, but hey! Here we are right now, two kids with no plans for the rest of the evening. What say we.....>MAXIMUM BEARDStart over?"
>>28480874Giver her the horn. Both of them.
>>28480980Why am I suddenly imagining the Neckbeard like Ramuh from FFIV: An old man who's nothing but beard?
>>28481037The difference here is that we're a strapping, fully-capable lad with a luxurious, heart-melting beard.Also we have that demonic carapace thing going on, but who's counting, right?
>>28480874I like how if you look back she actually looks like she wanted it. Good draw work op.I feel like the rest of /tg/ is judging us for this
>>28481115don't worry about being judged, theres a scorpion girl quest around here somewhereI'm the main contributor
>>28481115She does, Anon. She still does.The fish never slipped off of the proverbial fishing rod; all we gotta do is reel her back in with the finesse of a master mariner.Remember the realization of the first thread: The laws of reality have no sway over us!
>>28481115I'd honestly thought that was just us seeing it through neckbeard's deranged mind.
>>28481385>>28481406>>28481408There is no god.
>>28481408At least she looks happy with this development.I think it's time to let her decide the next move.
>>28481408Gauge reaction. If positive, my carapace is opening on its own. *sproing!*
>>28481408Pop a CRAZY erection
>>28481487Are we capable of any other kind?
>>28481432>>28481455>>28481487Learn to read the name line guys.
>>28481521I may have missed that but my post still stands.
>>28481406Wait do we have to keep going until two legit even replies are posted? if>>28481432is the only one that counted, then I will vote to blush awkwardly and kick the ground, arms behind our back, like a shy schoolboy at a dance.
>>28481406Use the confusion to slip in and test out her sofa!
>>28481762yeah op what are the rules on that?I thought it was first even, unless dubs/trips
>>28481406Wedge your beard in the door in case she tries to slam it.
>>28481432It looks like she's closing the door on us.
>>28482862And so you force the door back open, inviting yourself into her post. You immediately land yourself on her sofa.
>>28482880Perform a closer inspection of the apartment.
>>28482950Observe surroundings"so, how was your day?"
>>28482880Remind her not to leave that horn in the hall.
>>28482880So, do you come here often?
>>28482880"Shut the door, unless you want the rest of the thread to watch."
>>28483105We are fine with that~~
>>28482880Thank god for high agility.Now keeping our stats in mind lets get lucky
>>28482880Inspect surroundings, then generously invite her to join us on our couch.
>>28482880"So, you wanted me to stroke?"
>>28482880Okay, if this works, we need her to join the Beardstrosity party. She can be the Yorick to his Garush.
thread archived http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/28441940/