And so begins what will hopefully be a nice little marathon session of Mr. Bones Wild Ride! In the last thread we chose our skeleton name, killed more people, and made a fucked up mask. If you want to read more, you can check the suptg archives here:http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Obnoxious%20Ghost%20Quest
>Alright, for your extreme disregard for my emotional wellbeing, I want you to read your Grimoire and think about how you can be an adder in other people’s lives, rather than a subtractor. I have some work I need to do. I’ll let you know when I’m done so you can properly apologize.Ivan merely nods dully, and pulls out the Grimoire, reading the rituals section. You return to your important work, carefully defleshing the guard’s body. After several hours of reading/butchery, you sit back admiring your handiwork.>Well hot shit. Looks like I’m done now brah. You ready for some casting?Ivan yawns loudly and shakes his head in the negative. “No way, you raging psychopath. You might not need sleep, but I do. Talk to me in the morning.”You’re shocked and disappointed, its hard to believe only a day has passed so far, but there you have it.>Well fuck. Is there anything I can do to speed things up when you wake up tomorrow?Ivan slides into his bed roll and mumbles sleepily, “Yeah I guess. The book says that if you want improve your existing skeleton we’ll need bone powder, not bones, other than that… no not really.”Ivan quickly falls asleep snoring loudly. You are now completely alone for the first time since appearing on the material plane.>What shall you do?>Grind bones for an improved skeleton?>Keep them intact for more limbs and shit?>Other?
>>28433832The options people voted on in the last thread are as follows:>Read book>keep the arms grind the rest>Extra arms would be sweet o have, but do we really need everything else?>Grind bones for an improved skeleton?
>>28433857well, i am thinking on reading first thread's right now, so dont know if its even possible (do we have to keep human appearance) but i'd like to suggest getting a bonetail if possible.because tails are great for everything.
>>28433857Grinding everything but the arms shouldn't be too difficult. After all, skeletons don't get tired, even when they work themselves to the bone.Reading the book is pretty critical. We should figure out if we can actually do magic ourselves or if we need fleshy mcsleepypants to stick around to cast for us.
>>28433922I try to keep it relatively freeform, but Ivan is only an amnesiac peasant with a book, so lets not expect miracles for a while yet anon.
>>28433927>>28433922>>28433857Okay, so based on current votes and votes in the last thread, it seems like we want to grind bones and read books. In the space of a night we'll have time to do the pelvis, the fibula, the patella, and all those little fuckers in the feet, while still having enough time to flip through the book. Writing.
You carry the bones of the guard you just murdered outside, into the cold night, and set them down on the ground. With an uncommon display of cognitive skill you manage to roughly remember where each bone was supposed to go, and soon you have a mostly correct skeleton laid out before you. You wander off and grab a rock, and begin to hammer away at the pelvis. After it’s been crushed down to a coarse powder you move on to some of the smaller leg bones, until you have respectable pile of bone dust on the ground. This has taken several hours at least, and despite your destructive impulses, you’re starting to get bored.You sit back for a moment, wondering what to do until Ivan gets up, when several spirits in your consensus come forward with a decent enough distraction. Grinning mischievously, although you do that all the time anyway, you rise to your feet and sneak inside the hovel, looking for Ivan’s Grimoire. You are pleased to see it on the table, away from the sleeping mage. Moving forward, you reach out and snatch the book, along with a candle, and abscond outdoors with it. Lighting the candle, you hold out the book, carefully considering it.>Which section shall you read?>Rituals?>Nature shit?>FIST?>There’s a whole other half that Ivan hasn’t even touched yet, let’s see what’s in there?>Other?
>>28434185>>There’s a whole other half that Ivan hasn’t even touched yet, let’s see what’s in there?The mystery box
>>28434185>>Rituals?>>Nature shit?lets get educated on basics.
Rolled 1>>28434344>>28434284Hmm. Well I doubt any more people will be showing up to vote, so I'll roll d2 to figure this out1: into the mystery box!2: Rituals and Nature
>>28434448Mystery Box it is then!Lordy, I think that for some of my updates voting takes longer than writing.
>>28434469Take your time, there is not many people on /tg/ at this time of the day.
>>28434491Hahaha, I think you're right anon. Still ideally, I'd like to keep my writing time under 20 minutes, and 30 minutes normally
>>28434648thats good practice as long as you dont slip up quality for it. keep it up.
You already got to skim over the first half of the book when Ivan was flipping through it yesterday. Let’s see what the rest of the Grimoire has to offer. You crack open the book about halfway in and quickly flip past the series of crude illustrations of men punching things. The next section is covered in illustrations of various objects and tools, ranging from brooms to doors, with a small tunes etched into them. It doesn’t take you long to realize that this is describing enchantments, and you flip through faster, somewhat intrigued. Much to your displeasure, the weaponry enchantments all require some pretty advanced metal working just to get the runes on, let alone enchanting them. >Good bye, Blazing Chopper. Killed before your time.
Moving on past the more esoteric enchantments, you proceed to the next section, which is covered in strange equations and diagrams, utterly incomprehensible to you. Still, the page entitled “Transmogrification of Steel into Better Steel” caught your eye, despite its unwieldy name. Continuing deeper into the book, and hoping for something a bit less complicated, you find yourself looking at an incredibly arcane script, with diagrams and ritual circles of such insane complexity that they span several pages simply to show all of the detail. Unlike the last section, which was at least written in the common tongue, this one is covered in bizarre runes, similar to the ones you saw in the enchanting section. Shaking your skull in confusion, you flip forward, until you are confronted with a blank page. And then another. And another, for what seems like the rest of the book. You flick through the blank pages rapidly, until you reach the inside of back cover, where, to your surprise, you see an ornate header written on the top of the wooden board. It reads “Uncle Radomil’s Friendly Q and A”>The fuck is this?Simple block writing begins to appear on the back cover, forming the words “Hello! It’s been a while since anyone’s come all the way back here! I’m the Q and A section.”>Damn. Whaaaat.>Close book. This is too weird>Ask Questions of Book>Other
>>28434829"hello there m8"
>>28434829"And I'm a ghost with a skeleshell. Can you tell me about spells? Arm-related spells?"
>>28434896>>28434854Beginning to Write, will continue to accept votes
>>28434896this. mystery box doesn't fail. i just hope its a helpful Q&A, not weird magical kind that confuses more than it helps.
>>28434829>>Ask Questions of BookGot any good simple spells to pull a prank of legendary proportions on that Ivan clown?
>’ullo there mate.Writing forms on the cover, “And hello to you too, friend! Most people called me Radomil back in the day, even though that’s actually the guy who enchanted me! What’s your name?”>I’m Bones. Mister Bones. I’m like some weird ghost hivemind that’s been bound to a skeleshell. Can you tell me about magic? The punching kind to be exact?“Well Mr. Bones, all magic as you called it, is derived from something called “æther” which is like an omnipresent energy field that all beings with a soul may access. However, how much æther one can absorb, and how quickly one can absorb it, is entirely dependent on how much “quintessence” one has. Most people have very little, and will never be able to cast even the most simple spells. You on the other hand, seem to possess quite a bit!>Fucking sweet. Although last time I tried to cast a spell, it completely failed, it was like, a fire punch thing.“Hmmm… well Mr. Bones, if I had to guess you’re probably unable to cast spells like ‘fire punch thing’ because the binding ritual that tied you to that skeleton was done improperly. If I had to guess, you are probably hemorrhaging æther about as fast as you can absorb it from ambient sources.>Fucking Ivan. I’ll be sure to limerick his ass for this.“Indeed. There is still hope of course. If you somehow manage to acquire more quintessence, you may be able to gain magical proficiency.”>Okay, so it seems Ivan fucked up, which shouldn’t surprise us at this point, but maybe we can fix this.>Ask more of Radomil, the Q and A section?>Close Book?>Other?
>>28435096>>Ask more of Radomil, the Q and A section?How would a nice skeletons get more quintessence around these parts?
>>28435096i guess we need to book to teach Ivan proper magic, hell maybe we can have flesh next time"Would you be able to teach Ivan not to fuck up?"
>>28435133>>28435128>>28435086Will proceed with asking Radomil, the Q and A Section, your questions, and will remain open for more
>>28433832> how you can be an adder in other people’s livesI search the grimoire for methods to transform into a poisonous snake.
>>28435096>>Okay, so it seems Ivan fucked up, which shouldn’t surprise us at this point, but maybe we can fix this.we want to learn what to do so we can work towards it.
>>28435096Can we de-bind from this skeleton and then re-bind properly?Can we bind ourselves without Ivan's help?
>>28435193How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?Any genderswapping or bad luck spell?
>Okay Radomil, I’ve got a major question. How could a nice skeleton get more of that quintessence stuff ‘round these parts?“Hmmm… well, for most people that’s not really possible. However, for many ‘high ætheric’ beings like yourself and presumably this Ivan fellow, there are a variety of ways to attain more quintessence. You can kill fae beasts and other ‘high ætheric’ beings and absorb some of their quintessence. There are also some very risky rituals and artifacts out there that are said to boost quintessence too. In fact, one of those rituals is right here in this very book!”>Oh snap. Where be it?“It’s in the Theoretical Ætherics Chapter!”>... Is that the one section with all the crazy runes and shit?“Yes indeed!”>Fuck. Okay, um. Hey here’s an idea! Can you help Ivan not be terrible at magic? Or better yet, could I unbind, and then rebind my self to a skeleton?“Why yes, of course I can help your friend become better at magic! That’s why I’m here! As for your re-binding plan, I’m afraid that won’t work out so well. Without a physical form you won’t be able to use æther to impact the physical world at all. You’d just be stuck as a bunch of ghosts again until someone on the material plane decided to re-bind you.”
>Shit. Fine. Whatever. Are there any good spells in here for pranks?“Hmmm… I’ll have to get back to you on that. I’m almost out of ink you see. I should have mentioned it earlier, but its been a while since I’ve gottne to talk to anyone, I guess I just got carried away! But fear not, you can always add more ink by pouring some on the back cover! I’ll drink it right up!”>Wow. So Radomil can make some sort of magical talking book, but he couldn’t hook up a constant supply of ink? What a bozo.Radomil (the Q and A Section) doesn’t respond, probably conserving his ink in case there’s a more pressing question in the future. You shut Radomil with the rough equivalent of a sigh. You look around, and are surprised to see that the sun is starting to rise.>What do you do?>Wake Ivan. It’s enhancing time.>Wake Ivan. It’s enhancing time, followed by limerick time.
>>28435451>>Wake Ivan. It’s enhancing time, followed by limerick time.Thats a bit redundant, its always limerick time.
>>28435451>Wake Ivan. It’s enhancing time, followed by limerick time.
>>28435520>>28435494Ah yes I forgot, please specify HOW Bones will wake Ivan. At the risk of being accused of railroading, please remember that there happens to be exactly one (1) guard worth of human organs, muscle, and other non-skeletal tissue available.
>>28435601There is multiple options here.>BreakfastCook some of the muscle into a nice breakfast for Ivana. Tell her its pork.>Pink slimeCrush the organs into a fine paste and drop the mixture on Valerie. Additionaly, put some of the remaining organs into her shoes.>The hanged manHang the organs so that they are slightly below her head and wake her up with a loud noise.
>>28435698>the hanged man.This, but set it up so that face he so thoughtlessly ruined is directly above his own.
>>28435746>>28435698>>28435520>>28435494Alright, Hanged man it is, followed by limerick time.
>>28435759That feel when 4chanx randomly drops your trip.
You walk into the hovel, and find Ivan balled up in his sleeping roll, looking at peace for the first time since you met him.>Well, we can’t have that now, can we?Moving with a light footedness that only one bereft of all their fleshy tissue can manage, you collect some of the offal from the guard you butchered and carefully hang it by the intestines from the rafters of the hovel. Considering your handiwork again, you decide to add some flair by carefully arranging the guard’s ruined face so that it hung from the stomach, inches away from Ivan’s own. Sneaking off into a corner, wait for a moment before unleashing a blood curdling scream.Ivan jerks up partially, his face brushing against the hanging organs. Lying back down he touches his cheek sleepily, before blearily opening his eyes.Ivan shrieks like a banshee and, for the second time since you’ve met him, kicks against the ground in an ass skidding retreat. You roar with laughter, and despite lacking any sort of abdominal muscles to get sore, double over. Ivan merely stares at you in shock, before shouting, “What, by the many gods, is WRONG with you?! What is it, really!?”You clatter to the ground, still chuckling. >Listen Valerie, I’ve been having a right old interesting chat with Radomil here,You hold up the book,>And he says that the reason I wasn’t able to fire fist that guard last night is because you screwed the pooch on that summoning ritual. This is merely the Gods ensuring justice is done.
Doing his best not to look at the horrific mobile of organs hanging directly in front of him, Ivan asks, “Who the hell is Radomil?”>He’s your Grimoire’s Q and A section. In all seriousness Eva, you should talk to him. He may even be able to help a terminal headcase like yourself actually learn how to cast real spells.Ivan merely shudders. “If he’s less insane than you, I’ll give him a shot. Now what did you want?”>You need to make penance for your constant barrage of attacks on my self-image. Enhance my skeleton and gimme some new arms…. or maybe a tail...Shaking his head, Ivan answers, “I might be able to do skeletal enhancements, but new limbs are out of the question. That’s way too complex for me right now.>There was a book named Rad>and he helped a skeletal cad>When Ivan the dork>Couldn’t make a ritual work>I buried an axe in the lad.Placing his hand in the air, Ivan says, “Listen. I can’t make the ritual work. It’s too complicated, Hell, there’s a risk I may even partially unbind some of your existing bones. I don’t want to deal with that.”>Alright fine. Just get ritualing Eliza.>Some Ritual Shit happens!>New Mr. Bones stat line incoming!
>Skeleton Rank Up!BonesStr: 8 +1Dex: 12End: 9 +1Per: 8Int: 11Ins: 11Quint: 10 (-10 due to Ivan the Fuckhead)Bone Rank: MisterFeat List:>Limericking level 1: You are now able to roll for limericks.>Advanced Spirit Speaker: Can see, hear and interact with spirits.------Due to your Martial Prowess, and propensity for shitdickery/puns, you may choose one of the presented options as your new Bone Rank:>Corporal>Unlicensed Fool
>>28436158>>Advanced Spirit Speaker: Can see, hear and interact with spirits.I thought this would have been about breaking Ivan's spirit.Lets choose >>Unlicensed Fool
>>28436189Ivan has a separate sanity statistic that Bones can influence. However, its far too nebulous to have actual crunch associated with it. I just subtract and add based on instinct
>>28436221Do the titles have any actual effect or are they just cosmetic?
>>28436412They may unlock different feats, to be honest I haven't thought too deeply into it. Just know that there are no limits to the number of different titles Bones can sport at any one time. Sergeant Bones, MD BFA, Jester of the King's Court? Completely acceptable.
>>28436467I'll go with Corporal then, it seems it may lead to allowing us to influence the world in ghost form. Possesions and such.Would be rather fun.
Rolled 1>>28436581>>28436189So unless you are the same anon, we have a tie going on right now. Unless new votes come in say... the next 15 minutes, This d2 roll will decide Bone Rank.1: Unlicensed Fool2: Corporal
>>28436630Ahh well I tried, I hope to eventually gain too spooky4you powers. Scare the crap out of our opponents.
For the second time since your binding light encompasses your form. The powdered bone on the ground rises up and sort of worms their way into your skeletal structure. This is a distinctly unpleasant sensation. By the time the light fades the bone powder is gone. You stand up and pick up your sword. The blade feels lighter, if only slightly. You give it a few practice swings, pleased to notice that the weapon doesn’t yank off balance nearly as much as it once did. Swinging the weapon feels less like restraining a toddler from running to the candy shop on the other side of the road, and more like restraining a toddler with a broken leg from running to the candy shop on the other side of the road.You are pleased by this development, although not placated. This is a long way from the bone golem or the functional penis that your gestalt conscious demands. Turning towards Ivan you say>Seems you didn’t fuck the dog on this one Ivan. One for two now. But I want a dick or hella arms. How can this be accomplished, needle dick?“Better a needle dick than no dick,” Ivan mutters under his breath before answering, “Well I now know where we are at least, and might even have a good idea where I was headed before I was struck.”
>You mean before plant kicked your ass right?“...ugh. Anyway, Drezna is pretty far north, and it lies on the north shore of the River Ibransk. There’s only one thing really of note this far north in Zimastranniya, and that’s the Tsar’s Wizardry Institute. Judging from the Grimoire and the fact that I was headed north, I probably wanted to visit the Institute for one reason or another.”While he spoke, Ivan was drawing a rough map of the kingdom of Zimastranniya in the dirt. You look down at it.>No sense of scale here, but is Zimatranniya a really big place?Ivan nods, “Yeah. It’s huge. But it only got so large by claiming all the barren tundra nobody wanted.”>Oh joy. Barren tundra. Big fan of winter and turnips right here.Ivan stand up from his kneeling position and cracks his back. “So you wanna go back or something? We’re on the other side of the River Ibransk, and the only bridge across also happens to be where we committed a triple homicide.”>What does Bones, Unlicensed Fool want?>Go back, this place is cold and shitty.>Go north, maybe there are some competent mages there who can fix this mess.
>>28437143>>Go north, maybe there are some competent mages there who can fix this mess.With added limericks of course.
>>28437379We're going North!I don't want to shit up the board here, so one last update to make sure the quest isn't on life support, and if it is, I'll be dropping it
>>28437143Maybe we should wait to continue this tomorrow. Seems like no one is here, a shame.
>>28437659I wouldn't blame you if you dropped it.I enjoyed it, it was fun. Your writing is actually pretty good. Next time you could try pandering to /tg/ weird fetishes.
Never give up, OP. This shit is amazing.
>>28437860hahahah alright, two readers are more than enough for me, Writing now
>>28437659New and interested anon reporting. I am enjoying what I'm seeing.
>>28437934THREE anons! Oh my stars! Glad you like it so far anon
>You going North then?“Yeah. I’m not a big fan of being strung up for necromancy, and swimming the river is probably a one way ticket to hypothermia.”>Alright. I’m going North then.Clearly disappointed at this, Ivan looks around for a moment before pointing away from Drezna. “I think the sun rose from over in this direction. So if we just walk straight ahead, we should be going in the right direction. If we’re lucky, we may even hit the North Road.”You nod and the two of you begin to walk off of the road heading to the North. Ivan is well provisioned with food looted from the peasant couple’s house, and all you have is a sword and one piece of armor you left on the guard’s body when you carried it out of Drezna.>What piece of armor is it?>Chain Hauberk?>Iron Helmet?>Iron Gauntlets?>Boots, because why the fuck not?
>>28438095okay, There's going to be an interlude for a few posts, involving the hooded figures Ivan saw in Jack the Off's tavern
Helmet. Can't have these medieval shovelheads ruining our best feature, right?
>>28438095>>Iron Helmet?Because fighting is all about using your head.
>>28438095Helmet works, we can scare people by taking it off and clothes can cover the rest of out body.
Rolled 20>>28438095>Iron Gauntlets?
Aurelie scampered through the streets of Drezna, smiling joyously. In fact, through might not be the right word. Rather she scampered above the streets of Drezna. Ever since the Great Soul Tree had selected her above all others to receive the blessing of the fae, despite being the smallest and youngest of all the initiates, she preferred using her newfound agility to show off, if only just a little. She hopped from one rooftop to the next, searching for delicious fish. Eventually she saw a stall loaded to the brim with fresh bream and catfish. Dangling down from an overhanging roof top, Aurelie snatched up one of the fish, and began to bite at it fiercely. The blessing of the fae didn’t stop at giving her a cat’s ears and tail, it also gave her the appetite of one too!Finishing her meal and daintily leaving the bones out for a fellow “neko” to partake, Aurelie hopped down in front of the startled fishwife, and bowed deeply.“Itadakimasu for the meal Bachan~”The woman seemed startled for a moment, before smiling indulgently at the polite little thief before her. “Here, dearie, take one for the road.”Aurelie’s eyes grew wide as the fish wife tossed her a large catfish. She santched at it eagerly and bowed once more “Arigatou!”The “neko”-girl bounded off down the street, her good cheer infecting every person she passed by, despite the cold and miserable day. As she continued to prance forward, Aurelie’s cat ears picked up on a distant sound. Twiriling adorably towards the noise, she followed her ears and ran off to the town square.
>>28438545Also, let me know when these characters start irritating you, if at all
>>28438628I'll answer any questions you might have once the interlude is over.
>>28438545This joy...this innocence...we will crush it through limericks.
“Hear ye Hear ye! In the wee hours of the morning, of the previous day, a terrible event took place in the beautiful town of Drezna! During the nightly lockdown, one of the brave town guardsmen, a noble man by the name of Arseny, was struck down by an assailant! When his two comrades, Guards Nikov and Grishna, came to visit their brother in arms, they were confronted by a scene of HORRIBLE NECROMANCY! The two men sacrificed their lives in defense of Drezna and her people, to drive out the foul Occultist and his Abomination! Dvoryanin Ipati, in his great wisdom, declared that he knew these days would come! For the defense of the town, our lord has declared a universal one silver tax be instituted, in order to better guard Drezna against the agents of darkness!”He has also declared that anyone who can bring back the head of the foul necromancer and his sinful creation shall receive a one hundred gold bounty and a boon from our lord!”Upon hearing that, Aurelie nimbly leaped down from the rooftop, and began to ran to the inn with the strange sign. Would her friends ever want to hear about this!
>>28438571Boss battle? All I see is a new party member to annoy Ivan.
Oh god. We're up against an adventurer party.Will our Limericks protect us from a gang of loot-obsessed sociopaths?!
When she burst into the inn, she found them doing the same thing had been doing for the past five days. Sitting around a map, hoods up, and arguing about where they were supposed to go. Well really it was Prince Allowyn-sama and Emilia-oneechan arguing with Magnus-kun. Aurelie chose not to get involved. Prince Allowyn-sama might be handsome and noble, but Magnus-kun was big and scary and very angry. Aurelie desperately hoped that her news would get them to stop fighting! It made her SO sad sometimes!Prancing up to the table, she squeaked, “Prince Allowyn-sama, Emilia-oneechan, Magnus-kun, I have biggu news!”The three stopped arguing for a second to look at the young catgirl. Prince Allowyn was the first to respond, “Why then, do please speak up fair lady! Truly whatever you may have to say will be of much greater import than the words of this cretin.”Aurelie blushed, Prince Allowyn-sama was just so beautiful! He almost looked like a girl, with his long golden hair and high cheekbones. Looking up from underneath her ears, she stammered, “Th-th-the town crieruru, he said that there was a nekomancer in town! Apparently he performed an abomination and now the Lord man is giving a lot of gold for him!”Aurelie’s face fell, and she continued, “I didn’t realize people here hated cats so much, they’re so cute!”“Idiot girl!” snarled Magnus-kun from the other side of the table, “He meant NECROmancer! Just like the one who cursed my clan so many ages ago with the blood curse of the berserker's blood lust!”
Rolled 16>>28438895Think of the sweet undead we could make from their bodies though.
>>28439159What? Mr Bones is totally going to try and romance the catgirl.
Rolled 4>>28439309>You can kill fae beasts and other ‘high ætheric’ beings and absorb some of their quintessence. There are also some very risky rituals and artifacts out there that are said to boost quintessence too. In fact, one of those rituals is right here in this very book!”We eat her.
>>28439338Nah, lets eat the princess and magnus first.
One step closer to SKELETON MAGE
The huge man slammed his scarred fist down on the table. “Allowyn! You might not care for my clan, what with your fool’s ambitions to recover the kingdom of your wormfood father, but do not deny me the vengeance I desperately need to satiate the raging fire in my soul!”Emilia-oneechan leaned forward, nodding. “For once, I can agree with this bloody minded shitlord. If that necromancer really did raise the dead, he’s probably oppressing which ever poor spirit he bound to the corpse with his ætheric privilege. I won’t stand for it! Not after my own childhood, so rife with disadvantage just for having demons in my ancestry!”Prince Allowyn-sama flipped his long silver hair back, and rubbed his chin with his oh so graceful fingers. “A truly fortuitous happening! My honor as an elf and prince would have been irredeemably damaged if I had to go begging to that inferior human noble for support in overthrowing my father’s killer and usurper. Now he will be obligated to aid me in my quest to free my people!”
>>28439382>aetheric privilegeChange of plans, Tumblr goes down first.
“I don’t care if your entire people catch the plague and die, elf! My very SOUL will not rest until I slake its raging flames with the blood of my enemies, flames which form a pyre upon which I toss the ruined corpses of all who would oppose me in my quest of revenge against my enemies, a quest which demands that I do not rest until my soul’s burning inferno is doused by the viscera of the enemies who oppose me, and their families, regardless of their sins, so driven am I by the heat of vengeance and hatred!”Magnus-kun almost seemed winded after that! Smiling widely, revealing adorable cat fangs, Aurelie said, “So are we going to stop the bad man Prince Allowyn-sama?”Prince Allowyn smiled down at Aurelie and scratched behind her copper toned ears. “Of course we are fair lady Aurelie Nekobito! My honor as a noble and an elf demands that I protect these humans, even though they are not my own subjects!”And so the four adventurers left the Micturating Stallion. Jack breathed a sigh of relief and leaned back on the bar muttering, “Good luck laddie. Tha Faggot Patrol be comin fae ye.”
>>28439417Okay, back to our regularly scheduled program! Did I have you guys going for a second there?
>>28439440Is this real life, or is it just fantasy?
>>28439440No, but we determined kill order:Emilia the Tumblr witch: first target, fate to be determinedMagnus the shitlord: second, eat herPrincess Allowyn: Third, eat herThe catgirl: capture alive
>>28439440>Hey Ivan, I just had an out-of-bones experience. Looks like a bunch of goons are coming to kill ya.
>>28439491Nononono we eat the catgirl, we must be as skeleton mage Jester of Death
>>28439540Or we just eat all of them and relish our new life as a Berzerkerwitchprincesscatgirleton
I'm pleased to see that the reception of the PoGAD is generally negative, Will be back to writing Bones and Ivan momentarily.
>>28439615This is also acceptable. You'd think a skeleton containing a legion of spirits would have impressive necromantic powers. With the mana gained from these fools we will soon take our rightfull place as Lord of the Dead
this is so wonderfulness
>>28439683But we must be carful, Ivan might stop us before then, if he ever mans up.
>>28439890True, I'm hoping to get some mystic mojo we can use in spirit form in order to have some security against that. Though If we manage to corrupt him, make him our accomplish so to speak we may be able to prevent him turning on us. Thankfully we have been presented with a bunch of 'good' heroes who will attack Evan which is a rather good strike of fortune for that plan. Their bones and mana will be of great use to us regardless.
If we want to achieve godhood, we'll need more than few Aetheric beings. We need a ton of them.Lets grab the catgirl, the elf and the tiefling and start breeding them. Once we have enough, we devour them.
>And so ends the tale of Ivan the goose>T’would’ve been better to meet the hangman’s noose>than to be buried, neck deep in chodes>Be they satyr, demon, centaur, or toad>Truly a tragedy, to die of a butthole too loose>And thus ends the Ballad of Ivan. What did you think?“I dunno. The part where I was taken by the crew of a pirate ship was nice. But it seemed rather anti-climatic. It might’ve been better if you hadn’t placed it directly after the scene where I was anally reamed by a whole herd of centaurs.”>Hmmm. Good point. I’ll try to work on my pacing next time. You seem rather enthused though. Anything bothering you?Ivan stops walking for a moment, and turns to face you. “Anything bothering me… Hmmm. What could there be? Oh I don’t know, maybe the fact that for the last few days all I’ve had as a travelling companion is a mentally unbalanced skeleton with sociopathic tendencies? Or perhaps it the fact that said skeleton spent the last three days composing an epic, in limerick form I might add, detailing how I was violated by just about every single creature in the continent? No not much at all. You fucking jackass.”Without another word Ivan turns back around and stomps forward. You shake your head in disappointment. You were anticipating that reaction but the rejection still stung. Or it would have if you gave two shits. Shrugging, you hurry up to catch up with Ivan. As you near him, he hears the crunching of snow and quickens his pace.>Looks like Ivan is pretty steamed this time. What do you do?>”Apologize”, you need him at least somewhat compliant if you ever want more skeleton upgrades.>Fuck tha police man.>Other?
>>28440112>>”Apologize”, you need him at least somewhat compliant if you ever want more skeleton upgrades.Of course apologize and promise we will stop pulling prank on him.It will make the next one sting harder.
>>28440020Sounds difficult to manage, not to mention it will probably will shake Ivan's loyalty. I propose we devour these ones to some magical power, then using the book we raise many more skeletons filled with a couple of our own spirits( a hivemind of sorts) ,learn some magic spells and assault a hiden elf village or another mystical place such as that. If we wish we can then use some of the inhabitants as breeding stock generating more Aetheric beings than your plan would result in, in addition to being a larger energy boost to our reserves.
>>28440112”Apologize”, you need him at least somewhat compliant if you ever want more skeleton upgrades.
>>28440112"you gotta admit, that part about the dragon was pretty good"Where are we anyway?
>"Apologize""Look, man, I only razz you because... Well... Because I'm insecure. I looked at my reflection the other night and... I didn't like what I saw. You think you're in a weird place dealing with a skeleton and a strange book? How do you think I feel? I never got my eternal rest, man, and here I am wondering where I went wrong, you know? Who's cereal I pissed in. The saddest part? I'll never know. I won't get that rest, that closure. I'm forced to wander the Earth looking for new purpose. If that means accompanying the only person who kept me around, then so be it. I can't apologize enough for my behavior, I know, but I can tell you this: I'm trying. I'm trying.So whaddaya say, pal?">Heh, freakin' idiot.
>>28440200Somewhere in the Northern reaches of Zimastranniya, a not!Russia kingdom. (We can all just pretend that every time I get some fact about Russia wrong its muh creativity, rather than just knowing jack all)Its just a massive expanse of shitty cold tundra.
>>28440145>>28440166>>28440200>>28440236Will be integrating parts of your apologies together into one horrendous abomination. Writing now.Also, I'm really glad to see the thread picked up! Everyone having a good time?
>>28440353Me? yes. Tumblr tiefling? Maybe. Ivan? Nope.
>>28440353You can't have a bad quest when the protag's a skeleton. FACT.Seriously though, I'm digging the tone and the potential here.
>>28440353Aye.The abrupt shift of point of view was unexpected. Seemed odd. And out of place.
>>28440567Yeah, I'm not really the best at interludes yet. I figured it was better than just jumping out of nowhere with these assholes who wanted to murder Ivan and Bones.Also, you guys seem to be headed down a Chaotic Evil path, to use DnD terminology. So I wanted to make your good antagonists hate-able
>>28440633The only one I hate in the bunch is the tumblr chick. Magnus and elf princess are bad but tolerable. Catgirl is adorable.
>>28440633Eh.I was headed more for "dick", than evil.Majority rules, though.
Ivan might be speeding up, but you’re not lugging around forty pounds of food, clothing, and camping supplies. You catch up with the incensed peasant with ease and clap him on the shoulder.>You gotta admit, that part about the dragon was pretty good.With a furious oath, Ivan jerks his shoulder out from underneath your hand and quickens his pace once more. You’re growing slightly concerned now. Ivan is your key to sweet, sweet upgrades, best not to have him too angry. Also, you feel painfully awkward watching him attempt some odd combination of stomping and jogging through knee deep snow. You call out.>Hoy, Ivan. Stop for a second. I’m gonna be real with you for the first time since we met.The peasantmancer stops, and slowly turns to face you. Ivan crosses his arms, his expression speaking for him.“Really.”>Look, man, I only razz you because... Well... Because I'm insecure. I know! I know! A beautiful specimen of bone like myself, what on earth could I be thinking right? Ivan merely scowls at this. You decide that it’s time to get real.
>Listen bro, you think you're in a weird place dealing with a skeleton and a strange book? How do you think I feel? I never got my eternal rest, man, and here I am wondering where I went wrong, where all of us went wrong, you know? There’s a metric asston of Gods. Any one of them could have kept me… all of us... from ascending. Who's cereal did I… we... piss in?The ice in Ivan’s eyes seems to be melting. You go for the kill.>I’m just a big fucking mishmash of spirits who got barred from the afterlife. There’s no here in this world for us anymore. It’s been decades, centuries even, for some of us. That much loneliness, it warps you. And I dunno, sometimes man, none of us can believe we actually have someone again. So we push you around and push you away, cause we don’t want to wake up and realize all of this was just some delusion man. So I’m… we… all of us… we’re sorry man. You’re all we got now… I swear on which ever God barred our ascension, we’ll try to do better.Ivan stops for a moment. Then he pulls you into a warm hug.Fucking sucker.As he pulls away he smiles at you. “Bones, I’m sorry I was so short with you. I need to stop just thinking about myself and start thinking about my skeletal bro too.”“I mean by the Gods,” he continues, “Back in Drezna, you saved my life. That guard would have killed me. If that isn’t real friendship, I don’t know what is.”Ivan puts an arm around your shoulders and gives you a knuckle sandwich. “Hey Bones. Now that we’re clearing the air and all that, I have a confession to make to.”You turn your head to face Ivan, surprised at the sudden change of demeanor. You didn’t think you bullshitted that well.Ivan’s smile turns from a wide grin to a close lipped smirk. “We’re lost.”>FUUUUUUUUCK. Lost in this icy shithole wat do?
>>28440714I'm largely of the opinion that good and evil are matters of perspective. You guys just happened to step on the toes of the traditional good guys first
>>28440959Clearly we need to orient ourselves somehow, are there any paths near here and which way is the sun moving?
>>28440959set up camp in a clear area, then burn the forest down, someone will come.>>28441002The best rout to power.
>>28441033While I do enjoy setting things on fire, burning down the forest we are currently lost in may be rather unwise even if we stand in a clear area.
>>28440959lets establish a camp and rest for the night. I am sure a random encounter will solve our problems.
>>28440671I was trying to hit up all of /tg/'s major autisms with that party. We got a weeaboo super speshul character, A SJW character, a stuck up elf, and lord high edgemaster.There's something for everyone to hate!
>>28441082Better idea then mine, I change my vote.
>>28441137>>28441082>>28441030It seems that burning down the forest didn't win. We'll just save that for when Bones gets some fireproofing I suppose. For whatever reason, the skeleton with no need to rest will make camp!
>>28441090I kinda have to agree with him there, It seems you failed to make them as hated as you could really.
>>28441282Huh, oh well. Predicting that sort of thing is tricky yeah? Still, at least I was able to get one character universally reviled. I am surprised that it was the one with the least screen time though
You lean on your haunches, shocked at Ivan’s duplicity. >How long have you known we were lost?Ivan sneers at you, “Oh I’m not sure, ever since I pointed in a random direction and said ‘let’s go that way!’ Didn’t think you’d fall for it for so long though.”>Okay, one. Fuck you. Two. Fuck you. Three… I don’t even know anymore.The shit eating grin on Ivan’s face is almost too infuriating for you to handle. “At a loss for words at long last Bones?”>Shit dude. If we’re lost, aren’t you gonna, I don’t know, die in the cold or something?Ivan merely shrugs.>Fuck. I don’t feel like moving anymore. Let’s just stop here for the night or some shit.Ivan nods and begins to make camp while you go out and collect firewood. It helps you get your mind off of the fact that some pissant peasant was able to pull the wool over your eyes.You return to the camp and sit down. Ivan sits across from you and just watches the fire burn.>What now?>Talk to Ivan?>Stab Ivan in the throat?>other?
>>28441390Make Ivan read the damned book.
>>28441390>Talk to Ivan?You bond me wrong, so we must ensure the next one we kill you bind me correctly.
>>28441390Read the ritual sections of the book in order to further our knowledge of magic.>Say Evan did you know that if you die from the cold we will hang aroung your spirit forever?
>>28441479>>28441454>>28441553Three different, but related options. Will start wiriting
>>28441390So, Ivan. I was thinking.Magic book voice guy needs ink to talk.And I know for a fact, from things I did, that you can write with blood.So how do you feel about me squeezing a chipmunk out over that thing?
>>28441390Go kill some woodland critter so you can spread its offal all over Ivan's dumb face while he sleeps.No meatbag shall out-obnoxious us while our bones creak with Eldritch Power!
>>28441390>Evan tricking us>hang aroung your spirit forever?
more options! I'm going mobile for a little bit, will be back in like 30 minutes or so
Y'know, we could become traveling archaeologists. Dig up the bones of some giant ancient creature, have Ivan transfer our ghosty essence into it, and then do dickish stuff like kick over occupied outhouses until we get bored.Of course, we still wouldn't be able to use magic until Ivan learns what the fuck he's doing.
>>28441782We could craft the weirdest skeleton colossus from the bones we find. Then we possess it and become bonezilla!
>>28441689delay longer than expected, another 20 minutes.My apologies, done from phone
>>28442043I'd like to see how those Ass Good douche-hats would deal with THIS ISN'T EVEN MY FINAL FORM.
>>28442182Arright I'm back everyone
You consider Ivan carefully. He seems abnormally quiet. You plod over to him and drop Radomil onto his lap. >Listen Irina. Read your book or something. I’ll be back in a bit.You leave and wander out into the woods. Some careful hole searching eventually uncovers a family of sleeping hedgehogs. Their spines prove entirely ineffective against your skeletal hands, and you extract one from its burrow with ease. Wandering back into camp you find Ivan sitting in front of the fire, looking numb. You snatch up Radomil and slice the hedgehog’s neck, pouring the blood onto the back of the grimoire. You toss the book back to Ivan, who is looking at you with a confused expression.>Go to the inside back cover. Make some new friends.You sit back down and attempt to think of limericks while he babbles on with the book. After several hours of fruitless attempts, you notice that Ivan has gone strangely silent. You look up, and ask,>So did Radomil teach you the fine art of….You trail off as your see what caused Ivan’s sudden silence. A massive Dire Bear is menacing the peasant, drool hanging from it’s mouth in strands.>Oh shit. Dire bear. What do?>Fuck Ivan and run?>Sword?>Other?
>>28442960>>Other?Ivan run, I will hold if off.
>>28442960"Pssst. Meatman. This one's mine."Sword it. If necessary, sword it from the inside.
>>28442960 I am the bone of my sword Pun is my body and insult is my blood I have created over a thousand rimericks Unknown to Valerie, Nor known to Ivana Have withstood pain to create many limericks Yet, those hands will never hold anything So as I pray, unlimited punworks. Unleash our blade upon him.
>>28443114>>28443085>>28443065>>28443164Blade it is. We're telling Ivan to get clear. And we will blade from within.
You act with an almost unnatural calm as you remove your helmet and stand up slowly. You spread your arms, blade in one hand, helmet in the other. There is a short pause before your slam both together repeatedly, startling the both Ivan and the dire beast. The bear locks its eyes to your eye sockets. They’re rheumy and bloodshot.>You should get that checked out.The animal roars and bounds over Ivan. It charges towards you, heedless of the campfire in the way. Its forepaw strikes the fire, sending embers flying. The animal barrels forward, closing the gap rapidly for such an ungainly beast. You leap to the side as it thunders past you, and roll upright. Moving with your unique brand of light footedness, you lunge forward and stab the bear in the rear with your sword.The animal roars with pain as you disengage.It slowly turns, and rises onto its hind legs. It’s a big cocksucker.Then its jaw rips open, revealing a maw of jagged teeth. And it falls on top of you. Mouth first.Very suddenly it’s dark. And wet. And warm.>Shit. You’ve gone innabears. What do?>It’s time to earn an honorary MD by performing the first reverse C-section in recorded history.>implying you get another option.
>>28443516>>It’s time to earn an honorary MD by performing the first reverse C-section in recorded history.Nope. Claw your way out through its asshole.
limerick as loudly at possible from inside the bear in addition to first reverse C-section
>>28443516>implying you get another option.
>>28443552>>28443550>>28443549Mix of answers. All I can promise is limericks
You wish it didn’t turn out this way. Now of all times? Truly the Gods were twisted individuals for this. Limerick time in a bear stomach. Better get out fast otherwise Ivan’ll miss it.You begin slashing brutally against the inside of the bear’s stomach.>There once was a salaryman named Mr. Bear!Through the stomach wall now.>Who loved his wife with singular care!Damn. These muscles are fucking tough.>But his wife was something of a whore!Almost through.>The Gods didn’t like her sleeping with Mr. Boar!You burst through the dire bear’s belly, emerging in a wave of offal and stomach acid.>Instead of cubs they sent a skeleton to pop out of her lair!The animal lets out a piteous moan for something so large, and topples over. You press the sides of the Dire Bear’s stomach open and clamber free. Ivan is gawping at you with a weird mixture of horror and awe on his face.>Didn’t mind that one, I see.>God you are such a BADASS.>Holy shit, you just killed a fae beast!>What do?
>>28443980Going mobile again.
>>28443980>>Holy shit, you just killed a fae beast!Eat the beast. Start with its heart.Offer some to Ivan.
>>28443980What do? What, are you serious?You know how big that thing's skeleton must be? If there was ever a time to re-bind, it is now.Alternatively, where there are bones, make bone dust.
>>28444046We must absorb its bones until we look like pic
>>28443980We get ourselves some cool as fuck looking bear teeth
>>28444277>>28444046>>28444137forgive me everyone whose posts I didnt reply to, mobile is a bitch. while we wait, does anyone want a Q and A?
>>28444501So, what are the odds of becoming a giant bone monstrosity?
>>28444501About how hard a road to lichhood?
>>28444549Good odds, but in the long term. cant have you getting too fancy too early>>28444579 another possibility, and certainly not incompatible with the monstrosity route. since you are already dead, you're half way to lichdom already. the trick is overcoming your low quintessence to become a magic user worth a damn
>>28444793What part of the fey holds the most quitessence? The heart? The brain? Liver? Lungs? ...colon?
>>284445011. Create enormous bone walker with hollow internal space.2. Outfit internal space with pads and support harness.3. Place Ivan in internal space.4. Become bone mecha, crushing the bones of foes and using Ivan to cast the ritual necessary to use those crushed bones to strengthen us, while simultaneously protecting Ivan from everything by being huge and generally unassailable.Feasible?
>>28444817ooc, consuming the creature isn't strictly necessary to gain its quintessence. however, no reason bones can't think so. Also, it would be the heart and brain. very fatty.>>28444821 you certainly are creative... that might be suitable as his final form
>>28445082>you certainly are creative... that might be suitable as his final formWent from obnoxious voices in the protag head to giant bone mecha.Where did we go wrong?
>>28445082You're sending us up against adventurers. They are expecting a necromancer who killed three guards.We will give them a titan of the underworld. A Dire Limerick Bone Giant. With a dick.
>>28445178>With a dick.A moderatly sized one.
>>28445192Crudely lashed to one of the titan's many pelvises, as an afterthought by an insane ghost hivemind.Incidentally, in this form or any other we would still be vulnerable to anybody that could forcibly unbind a spirit from a skeleton. Assuming that's possible.So we need to develop a ranged attack to take out casters from a distance. By which I mean bone missiles.
>>28445235>bone missiles>not making your ribcage a crossbowStay pleb.
>>28445112 you mean where did we go right.>>28445178 it would be quite a shock to be sure. I don't think we'll meet the PoGAD until we have three members in the group
>>28445414So, could we convince the catgirl and possibly the elf prince(ss) to join us?
>>28445414We all know this is going to end up with Bones as the faithful yet hilarious servant of the powerful lich Ivan so we can pitch limericks and woo to him forever
This might sound weird, but why take this thing's bones? Let's raise this bastard's skeleton and have a skeleton dire bear familiar to ride on!
>>28445460You wish.Fuck the guys who want to betray everyone and treat them as only a stage in their master plan for god-like power. We have dozens of sociopath quests, and few humor quests. Bugger off to those.
>>28445503This. I like this.>>28445557This quest will first a foremost always be a humor quest. Sociopathy might be part of that, but I promise you, I will do everything in my power to keep things light hearted
>>28445557>>28445460Crossing fingers for budding homosexual/necrophilia romance
>>28445714I might happen.
>>28445773> That oddly heartfelt apology> that hug> that talking about each other's dicksits already happening
>>28445871Apology writer here. It was meant to be a ruse, hence the whole "fukken idit" at the end. If I was really that hammy I'd have to kick my own ass!
>Riding our skeleton bear bro into battle>Running up walls and shit>Adventure to the maxYea, bearmiliar idea is the best
>>28446141Don't worry, I'm back now, and won't be leaving again. Will be writing shortly, once I re-tabulate votes
>>28446045Oh I'm aware of what it was intended as. It's going to develop into a mutual thing and Bones will get confused at first and then you know how it goes
>>28446285"O-Of COURSE I threw your sleeping bag in the woods.... As a joke! I guess you'll have to b-bunk with me. IDIOT."Dear lord, what have we done
>>28444022>>28444046>>28444137>>28444277>>28445503>>28446192Alright votes tabulated, we eating bear organs followed by stealing teeth before we get a binding.
>>28446390Those bear teeth are gonna be a real asset for grinding down bones and general sex appeal
>>28446485Hmm I suppose these are relevant questions:Where are you putting the bear teeth?What is Skele-Bear's name?
>>28446537Teeth on our fists.Bear name? Voytek.
>>28446537Teeth in our own mouth, chew on the marrow of our enemies
>>28446485We should look into strapping the claws to our arms, Wolverine-style. I'm a big fan of us killing our opponents with our bear hands.
>>28446767Carlos!That said, I second this and the teeth notion. Why not both?Also, Voytek sounds cool
You stare at the massive bear that you just exited. You kind of wish you had a nose to plug up because that animal fucking stinks. You face Ivan, who seems to have settled on looking revolted.“You have intestines on your shoulders.”>Mmmm. Prestuffed sausage.You toss off the organs anyway, and turn to face the massive animal carcass.>Ivan. I want this. I want all of this.Ivan’s brow furrows in confusion. “That could mean a lot of different things Bones.”>First thing is first. All of that meat is dead weight. We need to remove it with fire. Next, I want some of its teeth. Make that happen. And I want a familiar.“Gods, you’re like a small child on Ladya’s day.”>These aren’t toys! They’re combat enhancements.Rolling his eyes, Ivan walks up to the dire bear and places a hand on it, leaning over. “We might be able to burn the flesh off… Just so long as we’re careful not to let the bones get too hot and brittle…”You nod vigorously, and begin to collect dry wood for a bonfire.
>>28447016Fucking christ 4chanx...I may need to see if I left auto update off again
>>28446872>>28446767>>28446570>>28446657>>28446598Voytek and Bear-knuckles AND fangs seem to have it.
After about an hour and several fire punches there’s a large fire roaring in the center of the clearing. You and Ivan are dragging the dire bear’s limbs into the flame, careful avoid overheating the bones. After a sufficient amount of flesh had been torched off, you and Ivan draw a sword and dagger respectively and begin to butcher the animal. You take care around the dire bear’s head in an attempt to keep as much of the animal’s face as possible in case it wants a mask later. The sun is rising in the west when you and Ivan finally collapse on the ground, the bare bear bones lying scattered across the ground.As Ivan catches some shut eye before setting up the various ritual circles you get to work on extracting some of the smaller teeth from your soon-to-be familiar’s skull. You decide to only take the smaller ones, leaving the bigger fangs for your mount. After considering the smallest ones for a moment you snatch up a rock and begin smashing it against your own dentition. Within a few minutes of violent self-abuse you have dislodged both canines and several premolars. Just enough space for some sick bear fangs.You decide to wait on replacing your knuckles until Ivan’s back in the land of the conscious.
>>28447359Okay! I'm calling the marathon to an end. It been fourteen hours since I started this here quest and I'm dead pooped. As always, is there anything you guys liked or disliked in today's thread? Any advice, requests, or suggestions?
>>28447396Good thread, OP! Try to give us more warning when shifting to another perspective, though. Even a small MEANWHILE works. I've also found that if you're going to do multiple posts, having a (post #/total posts) at the bottom helps. Looking forward to bear adventures.Keep up the good work!
>>28447453I'll certainly try to do that the next time I try an interlude. Definitely seemed like people were jarred by the sudden switch in focus.On that note, should we have more PoGAD interludes?
>>28447505Yes. Also be aware some of us are looking for ways to get some homo going with Ivan.
>>28447505Couldn't hurt! Might wanna be careful on their frequency, though; some questers might get a little Metagamey if they know who's coming.
>>28447505When will the next thread be?
>>28446341". . . You don't sleep though.""I R-REST"
>>28447591Hmm... I'm not too worried about a potential homo direction. Bones is like a weird spirit gestalt dealio, some schizo behavior is to be anticipated.>>28447621True true. I was mostly just trying to get PoGAD set up as characters for you all to hate before I sent them on the attack.That said, I'm very surprised that the weeaboo catgirl was so popular with a few anons.>>28447684That's an excellent question anon. Most likely Sunday, I have a lot of work I've put off, otherwise it would've been Saturday