It is a bright and sunny day in the Land of Generica.You sit on a fencepost, happily muching on a half eaten apple. Behind you is an idyllic little cottage - all white washed and thatch roofed - situated in the middle of a rolling field of grain. Further out in the field, a windmill spins lazily in the gentle breeze, no doubt at this hour meant to be grinding grain into flour. What few clouds hand in the sky are all so white and puffy, promising a coming rainfall only when everyone is safely tucked away for the night. It's all so picturesque - the very portrait of a proud and honest yeoman's homestead.Or, well, it would be if you hadn't just finished slaughtering the yeoman and his family. Well, to be completely fair, you didn't kill -all- of them. You made the Yeoman and his wife choose which of their children they wanted to live, and then made them do the deed for shits and giggles. Of course, you killed the others as well, but not until you offed their parents - you're not completely heartless, after all!Of course, you've probably lingered here a bit too long. You hear the soft trotting of horses in the distance, which means either Knight, Knight Errant, or the local militia running their patrols. Not that any of those would be much of a threat - you're well ahead of the bell curve, when it comes to villains.Still, you remove your glaive from the bonnie buxom lass you had impaled. Fun as it was to watch her body twitch around in agony, getting away - or making a stand - is gonna be a hassle.You...>Go back to stabbing the dead chick. Knight, Errant, or Militia, they can't really be much of a threat.>See if you can't spot who or what makes up this little party. [Roll 1d20]>See if you can't find a place to ambush them from. [Roll 1d20]>Flee the scene with all due haste. Ain't nobody got time for this.>[WRITE IN]
>>27107811Hail them, see the error in your ways and reclass to paladin.[Spoiler]Do we can get closer to the heads of the law and justice and off them.
Rolled 10>>27107811>>See if you can't spot who or what makes up this little party.Knowing IS half the battle, after all.
Rolled 5>>27107811>See if you can't spot who or what makes up this little party.After that we can ambush them>Inb4 nat 1
Rolled 18>>27107811>See if you can't spot who or what makes up this little party. [Roll 1d20]Then procede accordingly
[Best of First 3 is 18][Spot Check: 18+15 = 33][DC is (150/10) + 5 = 20][SUCCESS!]There are some trees in the way, but your senses are much better than that. You've always had some damn keen eyes, and back when you were just starting out as a villain, being able to see the city watch coming was always a boon. Your vision is like that of an eagle, and it isn't all that difficult to make out the finer details even at this distance.They are a party of four, two men and two women. None of them are carrying the standard of any lord, and their equipment is far too diverse to belong to the local militia. Knight Errants it is then - adventurers on their way to seek their fortune fighting goblins and orcs, and maybe even dragons. You've always had such fun dealing with adventurers - whether it's as simple as slaughtering them like the chaff they are, or breaking their spirit, turning them away from the side of righteousness.At the head of the party is a titless blonde human woman in full plate with severe features; in all honesty, her face reminds you of a hawk. How appropriate, then, that her shield is emblazoned with the Sacred Hawk of Achilles, the God of Righteous Anger. Hell, ler Longsword's Crossguard is stylized like wings - friggin' gauche, you think. No doubt a paladin then, especially given the fact that her pure white horse has a bloody -halo- around it.The man behind her is a shirtless elven chap with long black hair tied up in a topnot, and a kilt that reaches down to his knees. He's the only one of the group walking - a Wood Elf, then, for they detest the art of riding - and is fairly well muscled. Covered in tattoos that are no doubt mystic symbols, at his side is a midnight black scimitar. A Magus of the Black Blades, you assume, and likely a hell of a lot smarter than he looks.>Field too long.
>>27108515Next to him is a halfling in a long and flowing robe. No doubt he is some manner of wizard or sorcerer - what with the pointy hat with stars and moons stitched upon it. He carries no visible weapons, and you can't see any books upon him. The pouch on his belt is telling, though - whatever magic he wields, he cannot eschew materials. Likely, he's the biggest dange of the group.Far in the back is a half orc maiden whom you would most politely describe as buxom. Really, though, she's got a nice rack - you think you could have some fun with her, if you were so inclined. Well, after you put a bag over her head to hide the fugly, anways. The holy symbol around her neck is most telling - she's some sort of cleric, though apparently not the sort who walks around in armor.You...>Set up an ambush for them. [Roll 1d20]>See if you can't fake repentance for the paladin. [Roll 1d20]>Confront them directly.>>Attempt to use your prowess to frighten them [Roll 1d20]>>Recall the weak points of one of their kind [Elf, Human, Halfling, or Half Orc] [Roll 1d20]>Leave already, you don't want to deal with these.>[WRITE IN]
>>27108525Bug out, wait for darkness. Two casters, a full armored pally and a SMART swordsman are more than enough for one person when we don't have to fight them all at once.
>>27108515>>27108525Huh, 4chan ate my trip>>27108583Gotta roll a d20.
Rolled 18>>27108525>>Recall the weak points of one of their kind [Elf, Human, Halfling, or Half Orc] [Roll 1d20]They probably aren't worth the hassle of dealing with a full, decently balanced party. Definitely not head-on. Might go for the ambush, but definitely not without a plan. That gets you killed.
>>27108685Oh, misread the choice, I only get to pick one.Let's do Human. The Paladin would probably be the biggest hassle to fight.
[Option: Know Thy Enemy][Human (Common), Fourth Level Paladin][Knowledge DC = 5 + 4 = 9][Gained +2 Competence Bonus to Attack and Damage against her!][Option: Set Up and Ambush][Rolled Stealth 10 + 9 = 19]You pause for a moment to recall the weaknesses of your own species - the species you share with the Paladin at the head of the party. Let's see... delicate skull that can pop easily... stabbing at the liver can release some toxins into the blood... the jugular vein is of course an old favorite. And she might not even be all that titless under her armor - if it had actually been shaped to anything under there, one could hit would crush her sternum.Smart dame, that one.There's a barrel that you could have hid in, but storing your glaive away in your Efficient Quiver would just have made it a pain to take out again. And you certainly couldn't hide it in there with you! Instead, you find the old yeoman's cart, still filled with sacks of grain meant for the market. You lie down in there, peaking out through some of the cracks, and keeping your eye and the party as they approach the farmstead.The Half Orc is the first to notice the corpses."By Odysseus..." she breathes in prayer. "Who could have done such a thing?"The paladin jumps off of her mount, and kneels down at the girl you had been playing with. Taking a special note of the apple core that you had left by her corpse. Rubbing the girl's blood between her fingers, she stands back up, and directs her party."Spread out," she says. "The gnolls can wait. Whoever did this couldn't have gotten far...">Field too long
>>27109020You...>Act now, before anyone notices you... [Roll 1d20]>>Charge the Paladin and pierce her through with your mightly lance.>>Charge the Wizard - you're good at locking down arcane magicks.>>Charge the Cleric - she likely is least suited of them all to the melee.>>Charge the Magus - best deal with their best swordsman first.>>Strike fear into their hearts with a dazzling display of combat prowess!>Wait for them to split off into smaller groups.>[WRITE IN]
Rolled 7>>27109031GANK THE HEALER FIRST.
>>27109031>>Wait for them to split off into smaller groups.The wizard is always the highest priority.
Rolled 16>>27109031Wait for them to split.
>>27109031Wait for them to split, they'll likey leave the wizard and cleric alone while the melee types do the searching (class skills ho!)As soon as they're safely distant, gank the mage first, then the cleric if we have the time before the rest get back.
>>27109031Wait to split, then gank the wizz
>>27109031Let take out the wizard first, they can be more nasty than healer.
>>27109031if we don't look stupidly evil, can we lie and say that we were attacked? Gain their trust, then stab em in the back?
>>27109295I think it is too late for it, if we try to do that they will become pretty suspicious about us and then our cover get blown out before we say "Villain!".
>>27109031>>Wait for them to split off into smaller groups.
>>27109295Besides the fact that they can tell our weapon did the killing?Simple Spot Checks will save your life. Or make ours shorter.
"Dorian," the Paladin says, "You and I are best suited for close quarters. You search the house, see if they're still busy looting it. I'll check the windmill; in the right places, grain can be as valuable as gold... Falstad, you stay here with Emeritt and Shaliah. If he comes, run to me with the fullness of your speed."The horse whinnies in acknowledgment. You supress the urge to chuckle; Paladins always try to rationalize away the behavior of evil. As if you would be motivated by greed - look at you! A suit of fine slik and scales of mithral, a weapon crafted of -natural- orichalcum, not that manufactured crap the colleges dilute the market with. Bah! If your were so interested in money, you would sell your blade to the highest bidder, and never look back.But you're not in it for money. You're in it for fun!"I'll have Jimothy search the fields from above," the halfling says. "The grain could hide them from our height, but not from the skies!"The Half Orc says nothing, as the two warriors depart. The Wizard takes a seat on the very same fencepost you had sat upon, his eyes glowing with the trance of meditation. No doubt, he is attempting some divination or another on the corpse, to find her killer's wearabouts. The hummingbird on his shoulder flies off into the fields, well above the line of bow-fire. The Cleric sighs, and moves over near the cart, taking a seat just out of the line of sight of the horse and wizard.A seat just barely within your reach, if you choose to act.You...>Wait further, for a better opportunity.>Take this opportunity that has fallen into your lap [Roll 1d20].>>Attempt to grapple the Cleric, and pull her into the cart.>>Attack the Cleric, with lethal damage.>>Attack the Cleric with non-lethal damage. You'll have some fun with her later.>>Attempt to knock her prone.>[WRITE IN]
>>27109624attack the cleric with non letah damagedperhaps we can use her to torment our victims further
Rolled 1>>27109624>Attack the Cleric with non-lethal damage. You'll have some fun with her later.
>>27109624>>>Attack the Cleric with non-lethal damage. You'll have some fun with her later.Always nice to have hostages.
Rolled 1>>27109624>>>Attack the Cleric with non-lethal damage. You'll have some fun with her later.Let knock her out and have fun with the half-orc
>>27109624Kill her outright, very few clerics go around with no weapons and no armor, she may have some grappling skills.We'll take the pally for fun instead. I bet she'll be a LOT of fun to break. More so than the half-orc.
Rolled 6>>27109624For knocking out the cleric
Rolled 86>>27109673>>27109693Being Lancer is suffering.Rolling for critical miss! This site is the chart: http://www.angelfire.com/jazz/lorenvale/crit.htm
>>27109673Oh god we're gonna fuck up aren't we?
kill the cleric and have fun with the pally
>>27109742OH GODWE'RE GOING TO JAAAAAAAAAAAAAILNOT AGAIN
Rolled 96Here's you character sheet, by the way: http://www.myth-weavers.com/sheetview.php?sheetid=651682This includes the penalty from your crit miss, which will last for the next 10 rounds.
>>27109743I second this is the fumble doesn't fuck us up TOO badly.
>>27109798its to late for thatyou can't change the future
>>27109823I'm saying that we go into this fight not planning to kill the paladin quickly. Incapacitate her and have fun killing her later.
>>27109859we can use her to talk to the things we kill
So no HP Nasu quest today, OP? When can we expect the next thread?
[Roll to attack non-lethally: Natural 1][CRITICAL FAILURE!][Critical Failure Roll: 86][Greater Sprain: -8 Dexterity for 10 rounds]You attempt to strike out with the butt of your weapon, to hopefully knowck the bitch out and maybe have a bit of fun with her later. Unfortunately, several factors mitigate your ability to do this, even with as great a level of skill that you possess. The whole "lying down prone amongst a bunch of sacks of grain" being the biggest one. You catch your arm along -something-, you haven't the foggiest idea what, and it -twists- painfully. You almost shout out about the bollocking grain and this bollocking cart, and various other vaguely metropolitan curses. That was -painful-. Fortunately, you managed to completely miss the half orc bitch with you botched attack. Unfortunately, you seem to have sprained your arm just a little. Nothing that won't go away in a minute or so, but the pain is a bitch, and you won't be as dextrous for now.You are so fucking glad that no one saw this. Well, you hope no one saw this, anyways. The Half Orc seems to be contendedly staring at the clouds, probably praying to whichever of the Parthenon she prefers. Probably Helen, now that you see her Holy Symbol.You'll have to be very careful, if you want to do anything without making any noise. Or, you could straight up attack, though flipping your glaive around without care will be -loud- and probably alert the horse.You...>Attack for lethal damage! [Roll 1d20]>Try Non-Lethal agains! [Roll 1d20]>Attempt to retract and reverse your spear quietly! [Roll 1d20]>Fuck it. Put all of your strength into attacking her! [Roll 1d20]>[Other]>>27109979This coming Saturday
>>27110048Otherthrow something at her
Rolled 9>>27110048>>Attempt to retract and reverse your spear quietly! [Roll 1d20]
Rolled 1>>27110048Whichever of those options means "Try to kill her quietly."
>>27110048attempt creative use of poison
>>27110119Fucking hell.Might as well rechristen this "Fumble Quest."
>>27110137or prison rape quest
Rolled 19>>27110137Well, we are a lancer.
Rolled 2>>27110048>Try Non-Lethal agains! [Roll 1d20]
>>27110119Thank god that was on the stealth roll. I'd hate to have to roll -another- bloody critical fumble.
>>27110048>>[Other]It seems that we are not in good condition... Why can't we giving them false clues? That way, we can make better preparing for the adventures and ambushing them with full strength.
[Stealth Roll: 1+5 = 6][Opposed Perception: 10+11 = 21][FAILURE][Rounds Remaining of DEX Penalty: 9]Pulling your glaive back is not the hard part of this excercise - you successfully manage to keep your arm steady and straight as you retract the butt of your weapon. The difficult part is turning it around amongst the bales of hay and sacks of grain. You completely and utterly botch that part knocking almost every sack of grain over, spilling freshly milled wheat everywhere. At least you smell delicious, you suppose. Delicious, and high in fiber for any dragon that decides to come along.Man, you were having such a good day. You suppose this is - what's that thing that people talk about, where boring chaps get rewarded, and fun chaps get the shaft? Oh, right, karma.At the sound of spilling grain, the half orc springs up from the barrel, doing all sorts of wonderful things to her chest. She latches one hand on to her Holy Symbol, and lets out a remarkably high pitched shout. Oh sweet Tepes and his fields of pikes, aren't Half Orcs supposed to have deep voices, even if they're dames? It's like she's scraping nails across a chalkboard..."I've found one!" She says, half in fear, half in excitement. Point a finger at you, an aria on her tongue. "By Helen's sacred light, may your weapon -BURN- cretin!"Burning Disarm, you recognize the spell. A futile effort, all things considered - not because you're well acclimated to carrying searing objects, and more because of what your weapon is made out of. Spells like that don't work on Orichalcum items - and your glaive is -thirsty-. It looks for a moment to glow in heat, and then it suddenly 'cools', the spell successfully absorbed.Of course, it's full now. You can still parry spells, if you'd like, but you can't catch any more...[Roll 1d20]>Attack her for lethal damage.>Attack her for non-lethal damage.>Trip her up, and pin her to the ground.>Tumble over to the Wizard, he's the greater threat>[OTHER]
Rolled 10>>27110582Attack for lethal. And kill her as fast as possible.
>>27110582throw some grain in her face, kill the wizard.
Rolled 17>>27110582>>Attack her for lethal damage.
hit cleric for lethal damage
[Option: Attack for Lethal Damage][Attack Roll: 17+24 = 41][SUCCESS!][Damage = 1d10+26 = 32] [Rounds Remaining of DEX Penalty: 8]"Found 'One'?" you ask, your tone taking the voice of an insulted man. "What, do you think that this was the work of multitudes? There was only 'one', tits, and that 'one' was me.""You... you..." She stutters, backing away from you, her hand clenching on to the rose around her neck. "You mons-"You don't give her time to finish that sentence. Honestly, you don't really care what some prissy ninny like herself has to think of you, but there are bigger fish to fry. The Wizard, for instance, or the horse that is now galloping off to the windmill. An unarmed, unarmored Cleric is just an easy target for your glaive, spinning around in a deadly whirlwind that rips through dress and flesh like butter, dropping her as she slowly bleeds out from spilt guts.You turn towards where the Wizard stood. You smell a jungle scent, like silk soaked in oil, manifesting around you. The Web spell, your knowledge of spellcraft tells you - a common spell amongst adventurers and peace keepers. Good for locking down troublemakers and monsters alike.>Roll 1d20 for a reflex save.
i better not get stuck in the damn web
Rolled 11>>27110967Why are we such a failure.
>>27111045I rolled two of the 1s so far (including this one) and haven't rolled higher than 10 on any of my other rolls in this thread.I'm just going to observe from now on.
>>27110967>>27110982>>27111045If it's the best out of the first three (I think?) we've still got a chance to make it with the 13.How do the rolls even work here?
>>27111236Best out of first three, unless the failure is a Nat 1.======"Oh mother fucker," You spit at the halfling.You are now stuck in a giant oversized spider web. It's a bloody fucking annoying situation that you have found yourself in, given that being stuck in the web means you can't move. Oh, you can more than likely break free from its grip - it's little more than being grappled, really - but the crux of the matter is that for now, you are stuck. You can't even move your bloody fucking glaive, for all the good that it does you against this type of spell.And of course, now the ponce who went and casted it decides to saunter on up to you like he owns the place. Like just because you're temporarily inconvenience by his spellery, he can go on waxing his mustachios in that smug arrogance that all spell casters hold."You know," he says. "It will be some minutes before my companions arrive here. Precious minutes in which dear Shaliah will no doubt bleed out. Shaliah, who happens to be a very close friend of mine." He does his best to look intimidating. Meh. You've seen worse. "And unlike our dear Paladin friend, I hold much fewer compunctions regarding causing undo harm to our enemies."He lifts a finger."Be sickened," He commands. "Feel an ounce of the pain and terror that you have brought to your victims."A ray of sickly green energy lashes out from his finger, striking you dead on the forehead. It pulsates and ripples throughout your body, contorting your muscles and squeezing at you organs. But you've had worse. You've caused worse.>Roll 1d20 for Fort Save.[Freedom Obtained Next Round!]>That's it, you're ending this smug little midget. [Roll 1d20]>Knock him out. You're going to take your frustrations out on him later. [Roll 1d20]>Run away. You really don't want to deal with this.>[Write In]
>>27111236It's best out of 3 barring crits, which are taken. Look at the last 2 rolls, the 1's were taken over higher numbers.
Rolled 14>>27111312I hope the RNG stops being retarded, rolling for save.
Rolled 20, 9 = 29>>27111312>Knock him out. You're going to take your frustrations out on him later. [Roll 1d20]We'll make him suffer later.(fort and knockout)
Rolled 8, 7 = 15>>27111312Testing my trip from a while back, I used to constantly crit both good and bad while using it.>That's it, you're ending this smug little midget. [Roll 1d20]
Rolled 12, 18 = 30>>27111380Okay all of that trips luck is gone, never using it again.
Rolled 1>>27111312>That's it, you're ending this smug little midget. [Roll 1d20]Blood for the blood god. We can take the last one alive, better not risk it for now.
>>27111398Thank got you aren't in the first 3.
Rolled 16>>27111312>>Roll 1d20 for Fort Save.
>>27111312>>27111313This is a 15% chance of critical failure on every roll... This is going to get very annoying very quickly.How about instead something like... If the roll is a failure and one of the rolls is a 1, it's a crit fail.
>>27111495Hmm, point. Maybe something like that.Best of first three, if it rolls under 10 and there is a natural 1, it fails. If it fails and there is a natural 1, it crit fails.
>>27111495there's also a 15% (it's not quite that high but it's close enough really) chance of critical successand I assume a crit success and a crit fail on the same roll cancel each other out
[Fort Save: 20+11 = 31][DC: 10 (base) + 1 (Spell Level) + 3 (Intelligence) = 14][SUCCESS!][Attack roll: 18+24 = 42][AC: 10 (base) + 3 (Dex) + 4 (Armor) + 4 (Shield) = 21][SUCCESS!][Damage: 1d10+26 = 32]"Ha," you bark out a bitter laugh. "Ha, ha, ha. I killed your fucking squeeze with a single shot, you little twat. And what's this - Sickening Ray? A spell of the first order? You honestly think that even -hurts-?You wrest yourself from the web. The halfling backs off a bit, clearly unused to anyone strong or skilled enough to break free from the hold of his magics. You twirl your glaive around, once, twice, thrice, cutting yourself a makesift path through the webbing. Each step makes a terrible crash against the ground as you move forward, your eyes alight like a furious reaper."What the he-"Again, these 'heroes' think that you are actually going to give them the chance to talk. To bark out their last words of defiance. To make some great bloody philosophical speech about how even though they die at your hand, it is really them who is the victor. Honestly, you're probably being to clean with them, letting them embrace the sweet release of death before they have properly drunken of despair.None the less, your weapon whips out like lightning at the Halfling Wizard - you vaguely recall his name. Jimothy? No, that was his familiar. Whoever he was, he is no more, his head springing from his shoulders, all the intellect in the world unable to spare him from your anger."Well," You say to the empty field. "That could've gone better, I suppose. A few minutes, he said; I was hoping I could have some fun... I guess I'll have to entertain myself then."You choose to...>Desecrate the Halfling's corpse. That'll offend someone, surely.>Go patch up the cleric girl and wake her up. Then you can have some fun...>Toss the halfling's head around for shits and giggles.>[WRITE IN]
>>27111947How about punting the halfing's head into the fighter's face?
prepare for the next ambush the pally will be here soon im sure her damn horse will make sure of that
>>27112028Go ahead! Roll a d20 to see if you hit!(By the time anyone shows up, your sprain will be gone, and you'll be back to 18 Dex)
Rolled 8>>27111947>Go patch up the cleric girl and wake her up. Then you can have some fun...Also grab the flat chested plaadin just for fun
Rolled 10>>27111947Remove the haflings head and pin it to the clerics body, making a hilarious scarecrow.
>>27111947We should prooobably finish the Cleric before the Paladin and her lay on hands shows up.
>>27112197Besides! We can always fuck with the paladin.
"Oh, right!" you say to yourself, smacking your forehead. "Tits is still alive, isn't she. I should... I should go fix that, shouldn't I."You walk over to her. Really, it -is- sort of a waste to just kill someone blessed by the gods with such large... fangs. Actually, yeah, it would be a bit of a mercy to this world to let a walking contradiction like that keep living. You raise your glaive, and bring it down like golden lightning, ripping her head from her shoulders faster than you can say "well what can I do now?"A particularly evil thought runs through your mind.Being the evil son of a bitch you are, you decide that there's nothing but to go through with it.You saunter on over to the yeoman's cart, now pretty well covered in grain, and look for two poles that you can make use of. One of which you'd like to be about ten feet long, the other maybe six. There are two fairly serviceable ones - the ten foot one looking actually meant to go with a scarecrow. You pick up the halfling's head, and bring that over to the cleric's corpse too.The dress has got to go. You can't work your lovely taxidermy with unecessary cloth in the way - besides, it's not like you much cared for the corpse's dignity, anyways. Stripped, you impale the staff straight through the corpse, just as you would when setting up a scarecrow. You take the smaller pole, and lash it perpendicularly to the impaled corpse, such that the cleric's arms are spread cruciform.It's when you've got most of it set up, just waiting to put the halfling's head on top, that you are interrupted by a furious warcry."In the name of Achilles and the Greater Parthenon!" Oh great, it's the paladin. And look, she's brought the magus with her, too. "Cease this... this DESECRATION, and make ready yourself to answer for your crimes, fiend!">Field too long
>>27112594>Give me a minute, give me a minute. I'm working here!>Oh please. This is hardly the worst thing a paladin's ever caught me doing.>Sorry. I don't follow the Parthenon. Tepes is my God, and this is one of his sacred rituals. I'd thank you for not being an enthocentric cunt.>[Write In]
Rolled 2>>27112594Don't worry washing board I'll give you some of my love later
>>27112610Sorry. I don't follow the Parthenon. Tepes is my God, and this is one of his sacred rituals. I'd thank you for not being an enthocentric cunt.Check your privilege, paladin scum. Also, take out that magus, he may be annoying to deal with
>>27112610>>Sorry. I don't follow the Parthenon. Tepes is my God, and this is one of his sacred rituals. I'd thank you for not being an enthocentric cunt.>>Besides, this is hardly the worst thing a paladin's ever caught me doing.
>>27112610"You call it desecration, I call it a sacred act of devotion. Who's right? Nobody really knows, it all depends on your point of view. You should really try to pay more attention to the circumstances of those you decry before you start judging people. I mean I thought compassion and understanding was what it meant to be a paladin."
Rolled 3>>27112610>Sorry. I don't follow the Parthenon. Tepes is my God, and this is one of his sacred rituals. I'd thank you for not being an enthocentric cunt. Besides, this is hardly the worst thing a paladin's ever caught me doing. Also, mount the head while talking.
>>27112610>Oh please. This is hardly the worst thing a paladin's ever caught me doing.This.
>>27112594>>27112610>evil as fuck>also a huge dick about it as wellso were Handsome Jack in a fantasy setting?I am so ok with this.also>Sorry. I don't follow the Parthenon. Tepes is my God, and this is one of his sacred rituals. I'd thank you for not being an enthocentric cunt.
>>27112273That is small time. What we need to do is patch up the cleric and capture the pally.We beat the wood elf fuck into an inch of his life tie his neck/arms/dick to a tree and his body to the horse which we have knocked out until now. We then tell the horse that it must run to it owner if it wants her to live. After it has chosen we break two of its legs and tell the cleric that if she wants to live she must take one of the elf's weapons if she wants to live.Before she can finish or if she says no we behead her after any other fun anon can come up with. As for the paladin we shall let her go and play the long con of tainting anything she touches causing death and mayhem for the next week. Once she is sufficiently broken of mind and spirit we will offer her death.If yes cause near death and walk away. If no cause near death and then behaved as well. Yes this is 8edgy64you but hey we is bored man. Capcha teeth modeleptSure captcha we are very adept at remodeling teeth.
this is the stuff men are made of.
>>27113070what do you think this quest is about?
>>27112610Give me a minute, give me a minute. I'm working here!continue attaching head
"Achilles?" you ask, feigning ignorance. "My apologies, miss, but I don't follow the Parthenon. I'm worshipper of good old Tepes - Papa Vladimir, as it were - don't know nothin' about your big city gods and their wondrous temples and yer civilized ways. This right here..." You finish attaching the halfling's head to the scarecrow, nudging it a bit to make sure it's on straight. "Is one o' Papa Vladimir's sacred rituals, it is - ye gotta impale your dead for the crows and vultures, else they'll rise up zombies and cause a ruckus in the village..."The Paladin glares at you, her eyes lighting up with a silvery light - you swear you hear her muttering something about detective evil. Not that you really care, seeing as you got he to shut her fuckin' trap for now."Is that so," she turns to the magus, nodding."Aye, it is," you say, "And I'd thank you for not being an ethnocentric cunt about it - always judging everyone by the standards of the city-folk..."You dodge out of the way of a scimitar passing right by your head, having seen the elf's attack coming a mile and a half away. You kick your glaive up into your hands, and give it a whirl."Tepes is an evil god," the elf declares. "Not a deity the morally righteous should concern themselves with, heathen.""I suppose you saw right through that, then," you say, shrugging. "And really - it's always heathen this, heretic that, blasphemer everything else. I mean, would you give it a rest? So I killed your friends and decided to make an idol to my god out of them, big fucking whoop." You impale the grotesque scarecrow, now finished, between yourself and the wood elf. "This is -hardly- the worst thing a paladin's caught me doing, yeesh."That... only seems to piss of the paladin chick even more. Man oh man is messing with her going to be -fun-.>Field too long.
>>27113475You...>Lash out at the scimitar wielding elf, going for the kill [Roll 1d20]>Show them how futile their efforts are by not killing the elf [Roll 1d20]>No, no, ladies first. To die. [Roll 1d20]>No, no, ladies first. Disable her, and keep her around for later. [Roll 1d20]>That horse looks like it wants to become glue. [Roll 1d20]>Let's show them who they're messing with (Dazzling Display) [Roll 1d20]>[OTHER]
Rolled 17>>27113486>That horse looks like it wants to become glue. [Roll 1d20]Let's start by killing her horse, because it will demoralize the fuck out of them, and we might even get a scene of her crying over her stupid fucking horse.Tell them that we are freeing the noble steed from the tyranny of her oppression and slavery as we kill it.
Rolled 14show them who there messing with. try to keep the pally alive
>>27113545This. Plus it'll make it easier to disable them if the horse is dead.
I don't have a vote, but make sure to throw in a snarky comment about killing both of their tier 1 party members in like 3 rounds
Rolled 12>>27113486>>That horse looks like it wants to become glue.
Rolled 19>>27113486Also supporting removing horsie from the equation
>>27113545kill the horse. There are like two others we can attach to that wagon before we turn them into art.
Rolled 10>>27113486 Let's chop the head of the horse. Paint the symbol of Tepes on our forhead and blow a kiss to the paladin.
Rolled 8>>27113668Paint the symbol of Tepes using the blood*
Rolled 13>>27113486>Let's show them who they're messing with (Dazzling Display) [Roll 1d20]because points for style
[Option: Kill the Horse][Attack Roll: 19+24 = 43][AC: 10 (base) + 6 (Natural) + 4 (Barding) = 20][SUCCESS!][Damage: 1d10+26 = 32][BONUS: Dazzling Display][All enemies within 30 ft are now (Shaken)]Okay, you're about to do something really bloody awesome.You toss your glaive up into the air. That's step one, as you really need a free hand to do this properly. Step two, you grab on to the bare arms of the half orc's desecrated corpse; and, more importantly, the pole that they are lashed to. Step three - you fling yourself up and over the scarecrow with all of your might, flipping yourself in mid air, and catching your glaive on the way down. Step four, you stick that fucking landing perfectly, right up in the face of the paladin."Tally ho!" you declare as you spin in the air. You land on both feet, right in the face of the paladin, a wicked and predatory grin splitting your face in twain. "Hi there!"Step five, you peck her once on each cheek, just to see how she would react. Naturally, she attempts to bash you with her shield, but you are too quick, stepping lightly out of her way in a dance-like pirouette. Her longsword follows, just barely missing your eye - damn, her reflexes are good.Not that that matters. She's not the one you're their to attack, though both she and her Elven friend seem a bit shaken at the ease of which you bypassed him and dodged her. With the very spin you used to dodge her, you shift your momentum to your glaive, circling around the Paladin and stabbing her celestial mount in the side."Be free, noble steed!" You declare. "Be free from the tyranny of this horrid bitch!"Unfortunately, it is not free just yet. It is, however, very much bleeding, and doesn't look to have much life left in it. You...>Attack it again! [Roll 1d20]>>And use your second attack to knock the paladin bitch about! [Roll 1d20]>Break it's legs and knock it prone! [Roll 1d20]>Get out of the paladin's reach, and trip her up. [Roll 1d20]>[OTHER]
Rolled 4>>27114126>And use your second attack to knock the paladin bitch about! [Roll 1d20That image..., we shall make her ours!
>>27114126>Get out of the paladin's reach, and trip her up. [Roll 1d20]Okay, she's going to try to save her horse with her paladin powers, so we're going to make her watch it as it dies and she can't get to it. Trip her and prevent her from approaching, get some easy hits in as she tries to save it. Don't kill her, just some nasty wounds especially on her arms and legs, I want to keep her so we can break her spirit and crush her dreams.
Rolled 17>>27114202And I forgot to dice.
Rolled 13>>27114126>Get out of the paladin's reach, and trip her up. [Roll 1d20]If we disable the horse, kill the magus, then we can continue to dog her footsteps while she descends into madness
>>27114202Seconding this, what's the point of being super edgy if we're just talking the talk, it's time to walk the walk.
Rolled 5>>27114126>>Attack it again! [Roll 1d20]Might as well finish what we started
Rolled 12knock the pally about
Rolled 11>>27114126>Get out of the paladin's reach, and trip her up. [Roll 1d20]that horse is hurt bad and will probably be freaking out use the opportunity to move towards the elf.
Rolled 3>>27114126>Get out of the paladin's reach, and trip her up Also try to injure one of the elfs legs.
[Option: Trip the Paladin][Paladin CMD: 10 + 8 + 2 = 20][CMB Check: 17 + 24 = 41][Success!]"Falstad..." the Paladin whispers, almost relieved that you didn't finish the poor thing off. You twirl about like a reaping whirlwind, stepping behind her even as she turns to her faithful steed, just outside of the reach of her longsword. You whip you glaive behind you even as you step, lashing out at the woman's legs. "Be healed, my faithful stee-"Her hands, glowing the same silver that her eyes did when she detected the evil within your soul, just barely have touched the horse when your spear hits her legs. She is unprepared - incapable of being prepared, even - to jump out of the way of your weapon, or move with it and shrug the hit off. Her knees buckle, and she drops down as you bring your spear behind your shoulders in a most arrogant pose.The horse tries to kick you. It's attempts are kind of pathetic.The magus charges, lightning crackling across the edge of his blade. Oh bugger - you forgot about that nasty trick - using the lightning of the 1st Order Spell Shocking Grasp to enhance your ability to strike enemies wearing metal. And, of course, you just happen to be wearing a shirt stitched together with Mithral plating.Bugger.The scimitar gets underneath your armor, but the wound it leaves is superficial at best - a light gash across your chest that you can stitch back together later. More concerning is the lightning accompanying the sword, arcing through you body and crackingly down your nerves. The shit fucking -hurts-, like a thousand knives prickling at your skin. It doesn't kill you, of course, but -OW-.[HORSE HP: 11/35][PALADIN HP: 40/40][MAGUS HP: 27/27][PLAYER HP: 95/120]>What do you do? [Roll 1d20 for any offensive option]
Rolled 5>>27114929stab that fucking magus. like, bisect his head. that shit hurt
>>27114929dice+1d20Grab the elf's wrist and move it to cut his own juggular with his scimitar and spray the blood in the paladins face.
Rolled 17>>27114929at the very least cut off the magus' arms
Rolled 1>>27114929Cut the Magus's head off.
Rolled 6>>27114929Knock out the paladin with a strike to the back of her head and try to pirouette the fuck away from that magus.
>>27115035>Fourth rollDodged a bullet there.
Rolled 8>>27114929Kick the fucker in the balls then use his own sword to cut his hair and gouge his eyes out.
Rolled 11Fall to one knee and lower your head. listen for the magus's attack then counter
[Option: Dirty Trick the Magus][Roll to Kick in Balls: 16 + 20 = 36][Roll to Gouge his Eyes: 17 + 20 = 37][Magus' CMD: 10 + 3 + 3 = 16][The Magus is now Sickened and Blinded for 5 rounds.]You contemplate attempting to bisect the skull of the son of a bitch that just shocked you, but several factors prevent this. First off, he's not as prone to standing still as a halfling who is scared out of his wits, or a unconscious half orc who's slowly bleeding out. Second, he seems halfway competent; any blow you give him, he could probably position himself to make less than instantly mortal. Thirdly, you want to see him suffer.The added humiliation of having a foot slammed between the fork of your legs, all but forcing him to release a high pitched and girlish scream, is just a bonus. You follow that up with a vicious assault on his eyes as he drops to his knees, digging your thumbs into them both. Superficial wounds, perhaps, but painful. Oh so very painful. And debilitating; he'll be too busy writhing in agony to..."Dorian!" The paladin says, climbing on to her mount. "Hold him here, as long as you can! I will bring rein-"No.She should have just taken off. Abandoned her ally, without alerting you. Even as she settles her other foot into her stirrup, you glaive lashes out at the opportunity her distraction presents, and you strike her with the flat of your blade. Somehow, she does not fall from the saddle, and retains the will to shake the reins. With her on top, the horse atempts to flee the scene, run off down the dirt road to the nearest watchtower.It's too bad you're faster. Again, the opportunity presents itself - again, you lash out - this time at the horse, cutting off its hind legs. It cannot even walk any further - it cannot take the shock. You smile warmly when despair crosses the paladin's face as she feels the horse's heartbeat sputter and fade.>Field too long.
>>27115595The Magus is still standing, of course. The girl, on the other hand, drops her sword, and just sits there, atop her dead horse.You...>Finish the magus. He's the only threat remaining. [Roll 2d20]>Ignore the magus. Knock the self righteous whore unconscious. [ROll 1d20]>Gloat, drive them both further into despair. [Roll 1d20]>[OTHER]
Rolled 16, 16 = 32>>27115607Finish the magus, the paladin has got to be in shock
Rolled 15>>27115607Kick her in the gut.Then carry the magus over to her, and rip off his head over her body. Then let his sit there broken. Give her some wounds, but not enough to kill her.Then leave her live and run off on our merry way.
Rolled 3, 7 = 10kill the magus and try to terrify the bitch into running on foot. heal and restrain the other dead bitch while the paladin gets a head start, then hunt her down
>>27115653Holy fuck I can't into English. Unpossible.
Rolled 11>>27115595knock her unconscious but keep her alive to torture more
>>27115607do we know anyway of giving her with a wound that can never be heal and will always hurt?
Rolled 1finish the magus
>>27115769we want her to say 'god why' not 'god help me'
>>27115769The wounds of the mind, anon. The wounds of the mind.
>>27115836A nice limp to remember us by?
>>27115656You can't heal the Half-Orc.Not only did you kill her (you have nothing that can resurrect), but you sort of beheaded her, mounted her on a pike and crucified her headless body, and then put the halfing's head on her body.She's dead Jim, she ain't coming back.>>27115769You're a Fighter of the Lore Warden Archetype (we're using Pathfinder). Sadly, you possess no cursed weapons (yet). Yourr weapon is a Cruel Ghost Touch Glaive +2.
>>27115853she might look good with a eyepatch
>>27115853why not just cut a leg off, more effective.
>>27115853something disfiguring maybe? make her hesitate to remove her helmet in civilized company
>>27115895someone mentioned handsome jack before, right? methinks we need a mask.
>>27115878ah my bad, wasn't there somebody bleeding to death? am drunk, got confused. i still want to see a hunt tho. the mouse knows the true meaning of fear before the cat
>>27115931The first strike on her got her to that point, we coup de grace'd her after taking the halfling's head off.
Wow, this is also different for /tg/. I was half expecting you all to go the "break her and then make her our antipaladin waifu" route or something along those lines.
Rolled 20>>27115878knock her out, take her along with us, rape, release. then stalk her and kill everyone she comes into contact with. can i get a second for this path?
>>27115878can we make her think she abandoned her last friend to his fate while she was in shock?(have him call out to here or something)
>>27115924i know it's 2edgy4u but i've always loved the pure evil for the sake of evil type of char. handsome jack was a cool char except he still pretended he was good, he was delusional. need to embrace the evil and ngaf
>>27115970That's what *I* want, I just said I was going to sit this quest out and observe due to bad luck.
Rolled 12, 12 = 24>>27115607Gloat as we cut the magus throat, use his body parts to further improve the scarecrow. But be careful to not let the paladin run away.
Rolled 11>>27115970You mean we won't?Is disappointing.
>>27115997which is why we should wear somebody else's face.
>>27115970were trying out new things it seems.
>>27115977lol i like the stalking and killing everyone she comes into contact with idea. that would take too much effort tho. like years dedicated to pure evuls and should reserve that for a personal vendeta. i wanted to just hunt her through the forest or something while she tries to escape on foot and give her a horror story type trauma
>>27115970I think you're the first QM to actually stage the gleeful sociopath really well.
>>27115970we could still do that. maybe instead of breaking her and making her a willing waifu we could magically dominate her somehow and let her keep some spirit of resistance because it's hilariously futile?
>>27116105also wasn't she an itty bitty tittied pally? reminds me of my butch lesbo navy cousin, not worth of waifu
>>27116105This idea WILL end with a knife in our back.
>>27116105Fighter!No magic, unfortunately. The closest you can do to dominate person is giving her a reeking - and while that would be -fun- (for the MC), it's also long and involved. There are places that you could go, that no one checks on save for once in a blue moon, that no one will miss, if you want to put in the effort...
>>27116156any waifu option has this possibility, but they would only happen if we are incompetent. evil always gets it's comeuppance only in fairy tales.
>>27116150No, she's just wearing practical armor. The kind that doesn't mold for your tits, and therefor won't crush your sternum if it gets hit too hard.
>>27116175a reekoning would be long an involved, but it'd be fun
Rolled 15>>27116175may as well just wait till someone comes looking. knock her out, throw her in a cart, deal with her later. bind her securely though, cant lose our fun
>>27116175we could find better waifus for that much effort.>>27115656lets get our jollies and chuckle at the aftermath while we move on
>>27116227i'll go with that, just to keep the game moving
>>27116227This, for now. But something close enough to >>27116105eventually, though obviously without magic, given our lack of it.
>>27116390You seem a wise man Anon
[Option: Finish the Magus][Attack Roll 1: 16+24 = 40][Attack Roll 2: 16+16 = 32][Magus AC: 10 (base) + 4 (Mage Armor) + 3 (Dex) + 3 (Int) + 4 (Shield) = 24][SUCCESS!][Damage = 1d10 + 26 x2 = 64!]You kill the magus.No. That would imply that the Magus still died as humanoid - he didn't. What's left of him, twisted, mangled, broken from but two slashes of your glaive, is nothing more that a rotten, stinking lump of meat. No, you slaughter the magus, butchered him like a cow, dissected into its core components of various cut and tenderness. He can no longer be called a humanoid; just as you, frankly, are more a monster than a human. But his skull still takes an anthropomorphic shape, and no doubt his features are still familiar to the little miss."Ooo~oooh~" you groan, imitating a ghost. You hold the head by its hair, letting it rock back and forth in front of the paladin's face. "OOO~OOOH~! Paaaaaallllaaadddinnn! PAAAAALLLLLAAADINNNNN! Why did you try to ABAAAANNNDDDOONNNN meeeeee~ Noooowwwww I've beee~eeen killlleedddd by a handsome WAAAARRRRRIIIIOOORRRR, and you'll never spend another niiight bouncing on my diiii~""SMITE EVIL!" The woman roars, grasping at her longsword and swinging it at you with all of her might. It actually manages to catch you by suprise, which is a suprise in and of itself. You were fairly sure that you were going to get another five or ten minutes worth of shock out of her dead pony. Of course, your muscles are practically made of steel, and you've got so many protective items that you barely feel anything. Still, it shows that the bonnie lass has more spirit than you give her credit for.You decide to...>Grapple her; show her just how hopeless this situation is. [Roll 1d20]>Smack her with your glaive again. You don't have time for this. [Roll 1d20]>Laugh at her futile effort. (Intimidate Check) [Roll 1d20]>[WRITE IN]
Rolled 3>>27116466>>Laugh at her futile effort. (Intimidate Check) [Roll 1d20]
Rolled 5>>27116466>Laugh at her futile effort. (Intimidate Check) [Roll 1d20]
>>27116466Right, forgot HPs[Paladin: 40/40, 34 Nonlethal Damage][Villain: 80/120]
Rolled 19>>27116493>>Laugh at her futile effort. (Intimidate Check) [Roll 1d20]
Rolled 6>>27116466Grapple her into submission. While cackling, of course. Also taking an opportune moment to lick her neck/cheek.
Rolled 15>>27116466>Laugh at her futile effort.
>>27116466>Grapple her; show her just how hopeless this situation is"bind her, make her eat parts of her companions (they'll be with you forever) then wound and leave her tied in the middle of the road"
Rolled 8>>27116466hilarious then wtfrespect this bitch for still even tryinggrapple we gonna force some awful shit on her now now more playing around
Rolled 14>>27116549Nah, we're keeping this one.
Rolled 1>>27116466>Laugh at her futile effort. (Intimidate Check) [Roll 1d20]Then keep up the ventriloquist act we have going on. "You can't do anything Paaaaaaaaaaladinnnn. You FAAAAAAAILED me. You are weak. Your righteous anger means nothing. You're useless~! I'm dead and it's all your fault.Maybe if you show him your tits he'll let you live."
>>27116466>laugh at her futile effort (intimidate check)
>>27116555I move that we categorically ignore posters who can't be arsed to use proper capitalization or punctuation.
>>27116574>>27116527 this action and this roll
Rolled 6grapple and laugh
>>27116549>be with you forevermore like 24-48 hours until they come out the other end
Rolled 3>>27116610Sorry, I thought I was communicating effectively. I would have arsed more for the story if I thought it would go into it. Everything is narrated by the OP thought right? He does it rather well, and I thought we just made decision points and rolls.
>>27116808We could rape her then a part of us would be her with her for nine months.
>>27116610I move we ignore europoors.
>>27116924nah you're right that would be rewarding her and it would be a waste of our precious genetic material. Worse than masturbating really.
>>27116959Sometimes evil has weird compunctions about stuff like this. Is this bitch worthy of our child?
>>27116899Leaving a woman with the bag is for wellfare niggas bruv, it'd be better to get her impregnated by a demon and see if she breaks down and aborts it or not.At least that way we won't have annoying teenage angsting kids searching for us 18 years down the line.
>>27117023>>27116959But what are we if not generous, besides we could do the deed and just pull out, leave her where she was covered in our seed, that would teach her a lesson she wont soon forget. and /d/ would get a kick out of it too, really that's doing the bitch a favor, she would practically have to thank us
>Meanwhile, in a dining room somewhere..."Damnit Ray, really? THIS is how you end the fucking campaign, with an unbeatable psycho out of nowhere!?"
This shit got fucked up fast.
>>27117040I come from /d/(I kinda wish the orc was still alive) and I was trying not to suggest stuff like this cause I wanted to be evil instead of perverse lol
>HP Nasuverse Quest>"This completely consensual thing with Ilya's getting a bit creepy, let's tone it down a bit">Here>HURR DURR RAPE THE PALADINI feel a little sorry for OP.
>>27117079"I'm mean really Ray, we just left the tavern for goodness sake"
>>27117130"Damnit Ray, you just sent Timmy into another panic attack."
>>27116466Actually, I just wanted to fuck with her. Drive her mad and pin all the murders on her.
>>27116959>>27117023>>27117026>>27117040No, you see, we should impregnate her and keep her. Have her carry our child to term, and, as a paladin (once-paladin?) in our thrall, pin all her hopes on redeeming the child despite our pervasive influence and the seductions of evil. Train him in the proper path and have all her hopes shattered when he rapes her brutally himself when he's 16 or so. Then kill him for damaging our property.
>>27117127not to get on a tangent here or anything but Ilya is easily the worst part about that quest hands fucking down.
>>27117127He set the this up as clearly CE. What did you expect?
I thought this was Black Comedy Quest -- not Sadist Masturbation Quest.
>>27117176what an elaborate waste of time, who wants to deal with some pregnant cunt and then some snot nosed brat for 16 years?You people are really trying to ride this first encounter to the end aren't you?
>>27117176That'd take a while. We'd get bored after a week.
>>27117214the two are unfortunately not mutually exclusive
>>27117159It's okay timmy, you aren't really the head of a scarecrow, Breathe in....and out..Breathe man just BREATHE
[Option: Intimidating Laughter][Imtimidate Check: 19+13 = 32][Intimidate DC: 10 (base) + 4 (Hit Dice) + 0 (Wis) = 14][SUCCESS!]You laugh. You laugh like a barking mad dog. You'll admit that the slut's swing actually smarted a little, but all of her anger, all of her righteous indignation, all of her -fury-, and all that she could do to you was a little butterfly sting. -Smite Evil- indeed, you've taken whores to bed who could nip harder than that girl could swing. Well, to be fair, you're generally not wearing your armor and magic items of protection when you take a whore to bed, but still.You see the light of fear brighten up her eyes, and grin. Yeah, she knows how utterly boned she is - possibly in more ways than one, if you feel like going for the classic methods of torturing women. But that lacks creativity, no matter how satisfying, and well you pride yourself on being an artist."Why. Won't. You. Die." She grits out, spitting in your face.You chuckle again. "OOOO~OOOOH~" you drawl, hanging the severed head in front of her face again. "OOOO~OOOOH~! PAAAALADIIIINN! I know why he will not diiiiiieeeeeee~! It is because you have FAAAAAIIIIILLLLLED me! Because you are too weeee~aaaakkkk! You're aaaaanger is fuuuuuttiiiiilllle! You failed ussss alllll, because you are so ussssseleeeessssss! We're all dead, and it'ssss alllllll yourrrrr fauuuuuullllltttt~"She drops her sword again. Oh sweet Tepes impaling children on the fields of Wallachia, is she actually crying? Wow, that's.... kind of pathetic. Then again, you did brutall murder all of her friends in front of her, and were dangling the severed head of one of them like it was some sort of puppet. So you suppose it's understandable. Not that that makes it any less pathetic."Youuuu are patheeetic!" you drawl on again. "Maybe if you show him your tits, he miiiight let your liiiiiivvvvveeeee~""Fuck you," she spits.>Field too long.
>>27117208Chaotic Evil is not Chaotic Stupid.
>>27117243You...>May just well take her up on that offer. Later though. For know, knock out time. [Roll 1d20]>Grapple her. You have no plans in that direction just yet, but it would be fun to fuck with her. [Roll 1d20]>Pick her up and find a more secluded place to continue tormenting her. It's beginning to get a little corpsy. [Roll 1d20]>[WRITE IN]
>>27117257Just kill her already. Get this shit over with.
Rolled 8>>27117257>[X] Knock out time.
>>27117214in that line of thought I would like to suggest we take the paladin and ransom her off, As a martyr she Immediatly becomes valuable, and It could be fun to send different parts of her, fingers toes, tits etc, to different Members of her faith, Have them be relics and whatnot.
Rolled 12>>27117257Take her up on the offer
Rolled 2>>27117257>May just well take her up on that offer. Later though. For know, knock out time. [Roll 1d20]I'm tired of this bitch, let's get with the artistry and save her for later.
>>27117257Hang her from something, then make it look like she was the killer.
>>27117257Wish I knew how to roll. Don't kill her yet? See if we can't crush her through guilt. Don't care one way or the other if she's raped, but we HAVE to crush her and make her fall.It's like, written in the handbook!
>>27117257>KO the pollywoggle>Hide her in the cart, cover her with some fresh bags of grain from the mill>Loot her allies>Ride on. We've got some Evil Associates who, no doubt, would trade favorably for such a delightful specimen of pally-kind.
>>27117257Knock her out
>>27117307dice+1d20 in the email field.
>>27117257>May just well take her up on that offer. Later though. For know, knock out time. [Roll 1d20]She's still amusing. And we can still fuck with her.
Rolled 9>>27117257>May just well take her up on that offer. Later though. For know, knock out time.
Rolled 18>>27117257Don't feel like molesting her. Maim her horribly, Disfigure her enough to at least partially negate the risk of leaving an enemy alive to seek vengeance, and then let her live and go on our way.
Rolled 4>>27117243Knock her out, leaver her unharmed but lay the scarecrow next to her on her right and the horse's head to the left. Lay the body parts of the magus in a neat patern around her.
>>27117356If we had a weapon that could make it last, I'd say carve failure somewhere visible on her.
>>27117384We could do what Brad Pitt did to Hans in Inglorious Basterds. But with a big dick instead of a swastika or something. We might need to find an Evil typed weapon though....
>>27117280>>27117375these seem like the most fun
>>27117404I think slavery would be more fulfilling on a spiritual level.
Rolled 7>>27117257>May just well take her up on that offer. Later though. For know, knock out time. [Roll 1d20]
>>27117236"Ray, are you seriously still going on Craig's character? The fuck man?"
Rolled 14>>27117400use our magic sharpie to draw permanent penis on her forehead
>>27117426can we do this second one and enslave her
Rolled 13>>27117257This paladin is our paladin.[Acquire Paladin](Option 1, I suppose)
>>27117490I'm sure we know a lich or something with access to Geas. Pay some gold, geas her to our will.Wham-bam. Have you ever seen a paladin smite evil against a dirty bedspread? Magnificent.
>>27117536We're only level 10. We're a bad dude, but I doubt we're bad enough to be buddies with a lich.
>>27117554I did say "know," not "high tea and mahjong partners," although that does sound pretty cool.A transaction, not a favor.
Take her around and make her commit evil acts, ubtil she learns to love it.
At least it's not rape if it's an elf.
>>27117536YES YES AND YES
>>27117536I should not have laughed as much as I did at that. Clearly the most superior use of smite evil.
>>27117554Is that what level this magnificent dude is?I'm still waiting on a name too.
>>27117580Or someone with geas
>>27117606Exactly. A lich would be cool, but a wizard is fine too. We don't need to be picky. We want a mega tunsdere maid more than we want an arcane caster friend.
>>27117580"high tea and mahjong partners with a lich" sounds like something to add to our to-do list. Depending on our Int, I suppose.
Rolled 2>>27117257>May just well take her up on that offer. Later though. For know, knock out time. [Roll 1d20]
>>27117595a full, posted character sheet is up in the thread a bit. Just control-F myth- and you'll find it.
>>27117628Precisely. That's the ticket. No better maid than one with Smite Evil.
>>27117648how the fuck did I miss that, thanks anon
Rolled 17>>27117257Knock out time!
Rolled 1bumping for great injustice
You sigh."Oh man," you mutter to yourself. "This bitch is going to be an absolute -bitch- to break, isn't she." You look at her. "Well - huh, I never really got your name, actually. An' I can't be too vulgar, as I'm fairly sure you and I are gonna be in this for the long haul, now. At -least- until I've broken you of all those nasty self-righteous habbits, maybe longer. It'd sure be nice to have a tag along for the rapin', lootin', and pillagin' I get my self up too..."She glares at you in shock. "I would never...!""Oh relax... Blue! That's what I'll call you!" With that in mind, you turn to her. "Relax. Think of it as a righteous crusade, spreadin' Papa Vladimir's love throughout all the land! Except instead of love and acceptance, it's violence, murder, and suffering. Especially suffering - you haven't truly known joy until you see hope turn to despair...""You're sick," she spits at you. "A sick, small little man who-"You don't really care all that much about what Ms. Blue has to say about you, but it's really time to get this show on the road. You turn the butt of your weapon to hurt, and with a quick thwap on the head she's quieter than a bunch of sleeping orphans nice and tucked in their beds, ready to roast alive as your torch their oprhanage. You drag her over to the cart - you'll be able to find a few horses for it somewhere on the farm, and lay her down among the grain.You take away all of her dangerous things - her magicked longsword, her enchanted shield, the warhammer and punching dagger she strapped to her belt. You also strip her of her armor and...Woah.>Field too long.
>>27117988It's like opening a treasure chest. Except instead of finding gold and diamonds and blood gems meant to absorb the souls of the innocent, you find two magic orbs. Two magic orbs of a size that you were not expecting. Two -bound- magic orbs of a size that you were not expecting. You'll keep that in mind, for future reference, just in such things might later become relevant.Anyways, you do a thorough inspection of her, finding and removing several daggers and other dangerous things that bound captives should not have. And speaking of bound, how is it that you tie her up?>Short and utilitarian, using no more rope than necessary.>A bit more complex than that, the same knots the Generica Guard uses on prisoners.>Using shibari, because every villain knows you tie the damsel up with shibari.>Not at all! You don't really care if she escapes.>[WRITE IN][Roll 1d20 to search her allies' corpses]
Rolled 19>>27118005>Using shibari, because every villain knows you tie the damsel up with shibari.
Rolled 19>>27118005>>Short and utilitarian, using no more rope than necessary.
>>27118005>>27118024what he said
Rolled 12>>27118005>>Using shibari, because every villain knows you tie the damsel up with shibari.I'm not for raping her, but rope bondage would be wonderfully demeaning.
Rolled 4>>27118005>shibari, of course.
Rolled 15>>27118005Loot corpses, tie her up all utilitarian-like. At the very least, actually tied up without the shibari (primary preference #1, secondary preference #2)
>>27118005>A bit more complex than that, the same knots the Generica Guard uses on prisoners.shibari is 2lewd
>>27118005>Using shibari, because every villain knows you tie the damsel up with shibariIt's a classic, It's practically defined as an artstyle, and It's fun, what's not to love
>>27118083Did you see the character art that was posted for the (pro)antagonist? Heavily Eastern inspired. Our Villain could easily be a foreigner come to rain blood down on the coddled plains of this pseudo-medieval country, or just be very worldly.
>>27118005>Using shibari, because every villain knows you tie the damsel up with shibari.It's the only way I tie up my damsels.
>>27118083Duh? Unless you're suggesting that it's impossible that there be a fantasy asia along with our fantasy europe.
>>27118093Would you have a problem if he just said "rope bondage?"No?Then shut your mouth.
Rolled 13>>27118005>A bit more complex than that, the same knots the Generica Guard uses on prisoners. Also put the horses head next to herRoll for searching the silly fools who dared to oppose.
>>27118093Generica is a Generic land, not necessarily a Western one. The character is actually wearing a fairly eastern set of armor (Kikko, which is a Japanese Pseudo Scale-Mail that has a bit more flexibility), and the Glaive saw more use in China as a weapon (Guandao) than it did in the west (not that it wasn't used in the west, just that others were used more, where as the Glaive -the- polearm in China).
>>27118093If you'd taken a look at his character sheet, you'd see his armour is eastern. Deal with it scrub.
>>27118093We're a very well traveled miscreant, we have committed crimes against humanity all throughout the world.
>>27118257The best kind of miscreant.
>>27118266the only kind we know how
>>27118005Shibari is straying too far into "everything is sex" territory. Just 1 or 2.
>>27118436And we do it the best how we know.
>>27118490Why shouldn't everything be sex? Paladins aren't, at least not always, celibate, but I bet most of them are pretty unwilling to talk or discuss human sexuality.Just consider it another way to get under her skin. (pun intended~)
>>27118494I like that, like a mantra or some shiteWe areThe best miscreantThe only kind we know how,and we do it the best how we know
>>27118512Rape is far too pedestrian for us.We can do better than that.
>>27118512>>27118490I just think it would be more humiliating for her to wake up tied and bound in such a sexual manner rather than say, rope cuffs.Besides, we might still end up raping her/selling her as a sex slave/test subject/keeping her for amusement>>27118585This. I ain't got no problem with fucking her, but just rape and killing is plebian.
[Perception Check: 19+15 = 34][SUCCESS!]You figure that perhaps tying her up in the single most embarassing manner possible will... well, it won't cool her spirit, but shame and humiliation are power tools when it comes to breaking people. Besides, she's got a nice rack, and clearly never shows it off. You figure that this may well just be making up for the years that her tits never got to be oggled by anyone. Well, that, and the fact that at the very least you can certainly appreciate the way the complex knots make her curves all the perkier.Besides, it's tradition! Everyone knows that the villain has to use shibari on the captured maiden - it's the same reason slavegirls are only allowed to wear skimpy outfits. And thinking of slave girls... if the whole 'turn her to the dark side' thing doesn't work out all that well, you know a guy...With Ms. Blue secured among the bags of wheat and grain, you turn now to the mangled corpses of her companions. Given the state of the Cleric's dress before you ripped it away to do your work, you're fairly sure that she had taken a vow of poverty. Examining the tatters proves that to be almost spot on; nothing of interest save a few carved prayer beads that might be worth a few coppers. Peh, Chump Change!The Wizard, well, he's got his spell book of course. And what's more, the thing is damned near full! You can decipher most of his spells yourself, though you haven't got the talent, and you figure you'll be able to get maybe 7000 GP for it on the black market. Unfortunately, that seems to be the only interesting thing he's got, aside from a box of Cigars that you can't price. His robe's just silk - maybe a hundred gold, tops - and his staff is an ordinary stick.>Field too long.
>>27118620The Magus, of course, has got some more interesting things. That black blade of his, you'd need to bribe or threaten a wizard to see just what it could pull, if you force it. Around his neck, is an amulet of Natural Armor, maybe half as strong as your own. What's really interesting is that rose stone that had fallen from it's place around his head. It's cracked, so it isn't worth much - but you've heard that cracked ones can act as a cheap little alarm, warning you of danger.And, of course, all the junk you just nipped from Ms. Blue. You've gotta make a list, somewhere.You grab a few extra bags of grain from the mill, to replace the ones that spilled, and provide a nice shadey hiding spot for the Paladin. You think about cradling the Horse's head next to hers, but you know a thing or two about paladins. Sure, the thing is dead for now. But give her a month, it'll heal up in the celestial plane and then be by her side again. Besides, it'll start to stink, and draw attention to things you don't want attention drawn to.It doesn't take all that much longer to find a pair of work horses to pull the cart. Where do you decide to go next?>A Shrine to Oddyseus nestled in the mountains, just asking to be desecrated.>The nearby hamlet that this homestead traded with, to make a sacrifice to your God.>The City, to find someone who could buy your lucre off of you.>[WRITE IN]
>>27118629>The City!>That seven Gs we're gonna be able to fence the book for ought to be enough for a pretty sweet estate while we sort out the affairs of the magus' blade and the Adventures of Blue and Me
>>27118629Go to the city. an enterprising Villian like us has got to have a sizable network of informers, ruffians and all that good stuff. we can offload our loot, find a dank cell to stuff Blue into, and try to decifer one of those map-things. you know that they must be useful, you just cant figure out how they work
>>27118629Shrine. Our paladin seems to enjoy when we desecrate thing and besides! We could meet vikings! Or become vikings!I'll enjoy when she wakes up gagged, covered in ash and blood and she watches our artwork.Also, QM. Thank you. I was starting to think /tg/ was only full of white knights and the few dudes from Hollow Quest.
>>27118629>>A Shrine to Oddyseus nestled in the mountains, just asking to be desecrated.Except we don't desecrate it. We leave an offering and leave. Make sure she knows we did it. Mindfuckery is a go.
Let's not go anywhere dangerous until we're fully healed up, at least. There's no reason to do so.We're evil, not reckless.
>>27118629City, any chance of doing like >>27118686 said and happening to have a map?
>>27118629Everyone knows that you go to hawk your filthy lucre after a raid.
>>27118715Good thing we aren't near anywhere that is totally defenseless and full of people who do nothing but par-Ohwait.
>>27118629>The City, to find someone who could buy your lucre off of you. Though not necessarily all of it, we have some good stuff hereLoot:Wizard's Spell BookBox of CigarsBlack BladeAmulet of Natural ArmorCracked Rose StoneMagicked LongswordEnchanted ShieldWarhammerPunching DaggerArmorSeveral (5ish?) DaggersOther dangerous thingsI think that's everything right?
>>27118801>elf slave what do?
Thread is now Archived: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=A%20Black%20Comedy
>>27118801>>27118704Switch my vote from shrine to city. We could use the money we get to look for a control device for her.
>>27118821>its dragon quest all over again
Rolled 10 + 2>>27118629>>A Shrine to Oddyseus nestled in the mountains, just asking to be desecrated.>>
>>27118825You don't want to use the control device to make her kill helpless monks?
>>27118858Why use mind control when we make her WANT to kill helpless mooks on our behalf?
>>27118868how, she probably has super-paladin mind resistant feats or something
>>27118868I agree with this. Mind control is a crutch, we wan't her to willingly serve evil
>>27118868and it's not like paladins are known for their weak resolve
>>27118931>>27118918That's what makes it fun.
>>27118931>>27118918Check out her saves and scores bros[Intimidate DC: 10 (base) + 4 (Hit Dice) + 0 (Wis) = 14]She's CL 4. We can do this. Where's your faith, brother?
>>27118858i was more referencing the fact that we had a gold dragon locked up wearing her brother for fourty threads before anything happened
>>27118858>>27118946Slowly twisting her is more fun than mind control.
>>27118868>implying we wouldnt still guilt trip her about the mindcontrol and use it to pleasure her with every kill>She starts to connect fulfilling our orders and hurting others with pleasure>Take off the device after all>Force her to kill another paladinWe could also just buy a device which saps will and makes her easily manipulated.
>>27118993That's what I and >>27118946 proposed.
>>27119016I bet you're the kind of faggot who would teleport on to mountains. It's not the destination, but the journey. The effort you put in makes it all the more worthwhile.
>>27118946you make an excellent point good sir, I retract my arguement, let's just turn her TO THE DARK SIDE
>>27119016That requires an expenditure of gold. We have plenty of time, but limited resources. besides, where's your DIY spirit amigo?
>>27119046 here replying to >>27119016whilst seconding >>27119040He gets it.
>>27119046>>27119040Mhmm, I suppose. I guess I'm just trying to think of ways to make her kill others without constantly relying on threats.But I suppose, we know she already feels fear and terror.>The girl, on the other hand, drops her sword, and just sits there, atop her dead horse.
Suggested Method: Set up our own little posse and treat her with favor, engendering envy among other subordinates. Treat all the others strictly and be lenient with her. Subtly encourage their attempts to supplant her. She'll have to fend off their ploys and, likely, attacks. They're human refuse, of course, so she'll feel no remorse. Well, perhaps a twinge. Muddy the ethical waters with evil vs. evil and get her to see you, even if it's in passing and something she would never admit to, as a patron. Slowly you put on the pressure and she'll ultimately find herself battling monks by your side, without ever being fully cognizant of how far she's fallen.
>>27119094No. She has to know how bad and twisted she's become. If we are doing this, we are doing this right. She will wallow in he depravity, rejoicing it and hating herself.
You decide to head to The City. You know a few guys and gals there who don't have all that many scruples, who wouldn't mind putting you up for a week or so. Hell, you even know a few guys who have a dungeon or three, to keep Ms. Blue locked up safe and sound while you sell off her and her companion's things. Getting past the security might be a bit tough, especially if the Paladin decides then and there to wake up and start struggling about, but The City isn't The Capital.In the Capital, the guard is almost entirely comprised of incorruptible Paladins, who check every nook and cranny and won't accept bribery of any sort. In the City, the guard is mostly a bunch of warriors half assing it, and is kept that way by the people in power. All sorts of stuff you can get up to in the city, and a platinum in the right hand at the right time can get things like a paladin with nice tits bound and gagged in the back of your cart over looked. Well, maybe oggled as well, but its hardly your fault that her mother and father gave her some good genes, is it?You stop to make camp at dusk. You pitch your tent - a big thing fit for four or five people - in a handful of minutes, and cook up some pork and some rice over the fire. Not that you actually need to eat, but that the smell of cooked food will no doubt cause your captive to salivate a little bit.Hell, you can hear the sound of her stomach rumbling from -here-, and she's still buried beneath the grain. Well, the first thing the body eats away is the fat, and you certainly don't want -those- to lose any of their... orbliness. You head over to the cart, calmly pick her bound form up, and sit her down by the fire. You lower her gag."Fuck you," is the first thing out of her mouth. You notice that her face is bright red - probably because of all the rope tied tightly into her naughty bits. "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!">Field too lewd. I mean long.
>>27119070We don't HAVE to make threats. That's the beauty of the Soft Touch Evil Methodology. Allow me to make a long winded parable.Back in the good old days of Formula 1 racing with manual gearboxes, atrocious safety records, and a mortality rate on par or worse than serving in WWII as a Soviet, there existed a man named Ayrton Senna. Senna is fucking batshit insane. He's the type of gleeful sociopath we're playing. He was an amazing driver. One of the best the sport has seen, ever, and probably the most talented driver of his generation/era.Anyways. He did this thing, on the first turn of races, where he could put himself and the person he saw as his most direct competition in a bit of a situation. Either the victim would back off, and let Senna pass, or be forced to crash both Senna and himself, taking them out of the race for good. They backed off. They almost always did. And, in that moment of weakness, Senna had won an irreversible, irreconcilable victory over them. He had broken them and they both had known it.We have had that moment with that single line. Now all we do is nurture her.
>>27119112this man understands
>>27119128"Not tonight," you say, "But I imagine you're hungry." You point to the food you've cooked. "Care for some?""Like I'd accept anything coming from a monster like you," she spits. "You've probably put something weird in it, you si-"You shut her up with a spoonful of rice and pork. She glares a you, but doesn't spit it out. She chews it for a moment, hunger overcoming any fear of poison or other nefarious drugs, before finally swallowing it. This game continues on for a good half hour - her spitting insults at you, you shoving food into her face. Dearest you, if she wasn't tied up here against her will, you could almost imagine her being your lover~Just kidding.Before you head off for your necessary two hours of sleep, you decide to...>Inform her that she just ate fried Magus.>Inform her that she just ate fried Halfling.>Inform her that she just ate fried Half Orc.>Inform her that she just ate a mix of her party.>Don't do that, that's me- wait, no. Do that, but then tell her it was a joke, after she nearly pukes.>[WRITE IN]Tonight, Ms. Blue will sleep...>In your tent, on her own bed roll.>In your tent, on your bed roll.>In the cart, the stars shining above her head.>In the cart, buried beneath the bags of grain.>[WRITE IN]
>>27119112I prefer subtlety to such overt and plebian tastes.
>>27119136on her own bed roll. the creepier and more polite we are, the betterShe ate her horse
>>27119136>Don't do that, that's me- wait, no. Do that, but then tell her it was a joke, after she nearly pukes.and she shall sleep on her bed rollbut no pillow, or anything to provide warmthunless she says this "Oh please you handsome devil, tuck me into bed"
>>27119136>Don't do that, that's me- wait, no. Do that, but then tell her it was a joke, after she nearly pukes.>In your tent, on your bed roll, but don't do anything lewd. Treat her as a hug pillow and a heater, less than a person.
Rolled 20>>27119136Inform her that she just ate a mix of her party, and the horse.She should sleep in our tent, on her own bed roll.
>>27119136>>Inform her that she just ate a mix of her party.and>>In your tent, on her own bed roll.Because nothing will break a mind faster than dissonance. You treat her mean, then you treat her nice. Eventually (really far down the road) she will begin to equate the two. The first step will be complete. Psych major here.
>>27119167Yes to both of these. especially eating her horse
>>27119136>>27119190>Don't do that, that's me- wait, no. Do that, but then tell her it was a joke, after she nearly pukes.>In your tent, on your bed roll, but don't do anything lewd. Treat her as a hug pillow and a heater, less than a person.Toats mcgoats.
>>27119136>Is it just me, or does long pork actually taste more like chicken? Hmm. Do you think that's because orc is green meat instead of red like halfing or white like elf?>Blue will sleep in the tent on her own bed roll.
>>27119197>>27119192but what if she gains an actual hunger for human flesh
>>27119228I fail to see how that's a problem.
Rolled 8 + 2>>27119136>.>>[WRITE IN]"only when you grow to love me will I let you die">In your tent, on your bed roll.no funny stuff we just want something warm beside us
>>27119167Good thinking abiut the horseI say she sleeps outside, it'll probably raina and almost definitely dew, let her beg to sleep inside tommorow night, or later tonight if she cant handle it. just make sure she is tied up nice and good before we sleep.
Rolled 14>>27119228You say that like it's a bad thing.
>>27119136Start by talking to her a bit. "So, did you enjoy dinner Blue? Tasty wasn't it? I mean you need food to survive, eating is a good thing. At least your poor mount could nourish you, the last deed of a loyal companion."Wait for her to react, and probably almost throw up."I'm kidding, or I might be. It could have been your horse in there, or your former companions, there's some good eating on a Halfling though Orcs tend to be a bit gamey, or it could have just been from a normal pig. The point is you'll never know where it came from and you still liked eating it.">In your tent, on your bed roll.We can cuddle, make her think that we're going to make use of her, but just cuddle while she spends the entire night in shibari.
>>27119162It's not the same though, is it? We can be subtle and go "Fufufufufu, she is evil but doesn't know it!" but its not the same. Merely subverting the city is never as good or profitable as enslaving the populace and ransacking it. Not razing it to the ground of course, but REALLY breaking it in.>>27119136>Don't do that, that's me- wait, no. Do that, but then tell her it was a joke, after she nearly pukes.>Inform her that she just ate a mix of her party."Those are my fingers...But seriously, that's the horse. And that little bit of meat? That's the cleric. I took it from her bountiful...arm muscle."Then>In your ten, on her own bed roleJust a roll, tell her if she's polite and kind, she will get a pillow and blanket. Also, tell her you'll remove the rock you put under her bed roll.
>>27119167This. Also don't be so Mwahahahaha about it, be pragmatic. It's a horse and it'll be back at some point anyway.Also once she reacts, berate her for not being able to distinguish pork from horse. Sleep in our tent, her own bedroll.
>>27119234Because then she may get pickyfirsts its any old blokenext thing you know she only eats childrenthen after that Nobel childrenthen children of a certain line
>>27119240Actually, change that last part. >In the cart, the stars shining above her head.Tell her that if she asks nicely and tells us how handsome we are we can give her a blanket. Set a precedent of if she's obedient we reward her, if she isn't she doesn't get anything or gets punished.
>>27119264All I can think is >stop eating what I don't eatCheck your taste privilege.
>>27119245No need to do that overnight. All the better when people grow accustomed over time to that and bleakly accept that this is the order of things rather than something petty like enslaving and ransacking. Quiet and hopeless despair at an undefined evil controlling all is more satisfying.
>>27119296But stilldo you have any idea how hard it is to feed a person who only eats the flesh of the children of the mountain kings?DO YOU!?
>>27119240>>27119215>>27119190Fourth for nonconsensual cuddling.
>>27119303Well obviously. You made it sound like your long term goal was just muddling her morality though.>>27119322I like this.
>>27119136>Don't do that, that's me- wait, no. Do that, but then tell her it was a joke, after she nearly pukes.>In your tent, on her own bed roll.
>>27119240I like leaving her in the dark about it actually just being pork, don't let her know for sure what she's eating, it might be her friends, it might be a pig, but she doesn't know and she still gets hungry.
>>27119337>>27119322>>27119240>>27119215>>27119190We should learn an arousal spell so we can cuddle her while she lies there horny as shit, unable to do anything.
>>27119386ideawe feed her each night before bedwipe her mouth with a napkin held in our gloved handsNapkin has on on contact arousal spellgloves have a magic negating effect on the wearer
>>27119386We're just a Fighter. Because Fighters are the best.
>>27119386We aren't a wizard, we don't know any spells. We're a fighter, and a good one at that. Though we do have remarkably good Knowledge: Arcana and Spellcraft and could probably bluff people into thinking we're a spellsword, magus, gish, or something like that.
>>27119386We're a Fighter, we can't into magic.
>>27119322Another in support. >>27119337Oh, no. I was only discussing the relatively short-term. I mean, eventually, she'd obviously go the full way, but never really quite be cognizant of it - in part because of how natural we made it all feel and in part out of denial, etc.
>>27119406>>27119402>>27119401Sounds like a relatively low-level spell on an item. Like >>27119399
>>27119401>>27119402>>27119402>>27119406Damn, then we should do >>27119399
>>27119362That could be fun. Making off hand comments about "Hmm, the skin is still a little green...I wonder if I blanched it enough?" or "I didn't get as much meat as usual, he was a little short..."Just awful, ambiguous things to say.
>>27119425>>27119427feel free to add flairs to this plan gentlemenwill the napkin be one fit for a kings courtor a simple ragwill the gloves be worn cheese smelling thingsor pure white dress gloves that smell ever so faintly of lavender
>>27119480Neither. Serviceable. Not overdone, nor unsuitable. Just something innocuous that would never raise suspicion.
>>27119499Sonormal, plain leather glovesand a napkin that you might find in a slightly upscale bar or restaunt
>>27119546Yeah. Probably less a napkin and more a handkerchief, something someone with your kind of garb might reasonably carry around. Disposable paper products wouldn't really fit the timeframe.
>>27119551At work I always carried a white diapercloth to wipe sweat off my face with and to wipe my hands clean.Not unreasonable to carry one, but I don't think this is worth spending our (limited) gold on. We should focus on finding a location to found a permanent domicile/homestead/etc.
>>27119551That's what I meantand napkins can be made out of cloth
>>27119577yes but it's to torture Ms.blue
"So," you say, smiling cheerfully, "Did you enjoy the meal? Simple fare, to be sure, but on an empty stomach simple fare can often taste better than the fanciest of dishes.""Fuck you," she spits, a bit less vehemently than earlier."I already said, not tonight," you explain to her, as though she were a simpleton. "Though that's what I get for fishing for compliments, I suppose. Took me a damned long while to get the meat ready, and really only one of them had any realy meat on their figure. The other two were all skin and bones, nothing that I could make proper use of; and of course the horseflesh all had to vanish, because it's the flesh of an outsider..."Blue turns a bit green. No, that's an understatement; you can see the green pass from her cheeks all the way down to where her bosom hides within her blouse. She stares at you in a mixture of horror and disbelief, a tint of confusion showing that she isn't entirely sure that she heard you right. That a little spark of hope lighting up her eyes, that she misheard and that Oh Achilles He Didn't... You grin in response, showing a few too many teeth."Oh Achilles," she says, looking like she was going to retch any second now. "You -did- didn't you. You... you... oh Seven Gods of the Parthenon is there -any- depth to which you will not sink?""Several," you say. "Though, I have to ask, which did you prefer? The halfling thigh or the half orc breast? There was a -lot- of the latter, all things considered, once I took her down from the pole." Your eyes turn malicious. "Or maybe... maybe you prefered the sweet familiar taste of elf loin... oho ho ho~""Oh gods, I'm going to be sick," she says, positioning herself in a way that she could throw up on you. "-Your- sick, you cannabalistic -bastard-. Sweet Oddyseus, what must your parents think of you?">Field too long.
>>27119658You shrug."Well, they're kind of dead," you say. "Though I'd imagine they'd say I'm a cruel prankster. Forgive me, forgive me; their's no halfling or half orc in there, or any celestial horse. And I'd imagine you'd have spotted any elf loin I'd decided to cook, with how familiar the taste must be to you."She spits at you."Oh, now you're getting cranky," you say, picking her up and hoisting her over your shoulder. "I suppose the nap on the way here wasn't enough for you then. Off to bed then!"You set up a single bed roll inside of your tent; large, wide, and luxurious. You've never been one much for denying yourself your creature comforts. You lay your bound captive down first, and then slip in beside her. She shakes in fear and anticipation, no doubt wondering whatever lewd depravities you have in store for her. The answer is, of course, none. You just wanted a bed warmer, really, and not in the sense of a five copper prostitute. Sleep takes you quickly, and you hold your prisoner tightly to your breast, basking in the warmth of her fear.You wake up in two hours, fully refreshed, and quite a bit less batter than you were the other day. You...>Pack away your camp and your captive, and continue on to The City.>Let your captive rest for a little while longer; it's only polite.>Start cooking some breakfast, see if that wakes her.>[WRITE IN]
>>27119577I'd expect that this is not particularly expensive, particularly given the tactile limitations, etc.
>>27119665>make her breakfast but don't untie her
>>27119669if we don't want to spend much goldwe simple steal a handkerchief/napkin Find any old pair of glovesand find some enchanter to do his magical wazal on them
>>27119665Time for breakfast! Let Blue sleep for a bit longer.
>>27119665>>Start cooking some breakfast, see if that wakes her.Be extra polite in the morning, just for shits and giggles. Make her expect things that never happen. The scariest thing in the world is a mind trying to think of the scariest thing in the world.
>>27119665>Cook breakfast. The body gets what the body wants. This time, though, we're gonna walk the walk. Hopefully the half-elf isn't TOO nasty by now.Great fun this quest has been old bean.
>>27119665>Start cooking some breakfast, see if that wakes her.
>>27119665That money is burning a hole in our pocket, every moment we spend is another it could be stolen,and then we have to deal with the thieves, and then theres the matter of family vendettas, UGH, no better to skip breakfast and uy her a large dinner later, it'll have the same effect, she;ll have less willpower, and we'll have more money
>>27119792clearly i think we should head for the city
>Pack away your camp and your captive, and continue on to The City.Rude awakening or otherwise, this is our only path. Really, breakfast is just doing the same thing as dinner was a second time. There's no use for it.
>>27119821A good point here. The scene is relatively redundant, much as I like breakfast.
>>27119665>>Pack away your camp and your captive, and continue on to The City.
>>27119839We need consistency to break Blue. it doesn't need to be RP'd however, a narrative works just fine.
You wake up next to a tied up paladin who would be tossing and turning, if it weren't for the fact that you were holding on to her so tight. Her breathing is heavy, her clothes are soaked with her own sweat, and her face is a lovely shade of pink. Really, the only things that could make this picture any more beautiful is if she were crying tears of despair, and the rope digging into her crotch was soaked through. But it's only been the first day - rampant nightmares will do for now.More importantly, you've places to be. At a hard pace, the City is less than a day away, and you really don't care if the horses die once you're there. All this loot is burning a hole in your pocket, and while you're not particularly fearful of any bandits coming around, the chance that they might set the wagon on fire and burn your prize to death is annoying. You'll be happy when she's in a nice, dark cellar at one of your associate's places; you'll be happier once you've acquired a place with a dark cellar of your own.Breaking your camp takes less time than setting it up did, thanks to a handy little contraption you had tucked away in one of your bags. Shuffling all the sacks of grain around to make a new space for Blue takes a good deal longer, especially when she's squirming around and most certainly not cooperating with you. But give yourself an hour, and well, you can accomplish most anything.The ride the rest of the way there is rather dull, if you do say so yourself. An unfortunate fact about the towns nearest to the City is that the City Watch sends patrols out. And while coins can grease palms for simple things like human trafficking and illicit substances, the rampant bloodshed that you moved out to the countryside for is strictly prohibited. A damned shame, as some bratty kids were throwing rocks at your cart, and you really wanted to impale them, and crucify their parents for raising them so poorly.>Field too long.
>>27120109You sigh. Such is living in the civilized world, you suppose."Hold!" a guard says, as you approach the Western Gate. "I'm gunna need a bill of goods from ya', gov'ner. And, 'course, me and the boys will be inspecting the cart."You...>Dig around in your bags - you had a fake bill of goods somewhere in here...>Calmly explain to the guard that you forgot your bill of goods, and that perhaps other services rendered could recompense for your error?>Explain that you have a woman bound and gagged in the back of your cart, destined for the house of a certain influential man...>[WRITE IN]
>>27120117>Explain that you have a woman bound and gagged in the back of your cart, destined for the house of a certain influential man...We also happen to have been given a certain amount of gold, for services rendered unto us.On second thought, just say that we have a package
>>27120117>Dig around in your bags - you had a fake bill of goods somewhere in here...If we can't find it quickly just pull a blank piece of paper out and fold it around some coins and give it to him. This'll note how easily he can be bribed, and we can see from there if we can bribe him into just letting us into the city without checking the cart.
>>27120117>Dig around in your bags - you had a fake bill of goods somewhere in here...and if that dosen't work>Explain that you have a woman bound and gagged in the back of your cart, destined for the house of a certain influential man...
>>27120117>>Dig around in your bags - you had a fake bill of goods somewhere in here...the right tool for the right job
>>27120117>Calmly explain that you ended up trading what we had intended to sell in exchange for these bags of grain, and here's a "remediations fee," to remedy the situation.
>>27120178This is the best idea so far. They are gonna know we are doing something illigal, so just make it look like its something relatively minor
"Yes, about that..." You... FUCK. You forgot to prepare a bill of goods - of course you forgot to prepare a bill of goods. You have a fake one in one of your pockets, somewhere, of course, but that won't say 'three tonnes of grain and a paladin with nice tits' on it. You have to think quickly, as your search through your coat for them. "You see, unfortunately, I found myself a -particularly- good deal on wheat and barley while I was out of town. More profits coming in, you understand, from a few staples got on the cheap, than expensive things that not everyone wants to buy."The guard looks at you inquisitively. "And tha bill o' goods, guv'ner?"You manage to find it, trapped away in one of your pockets. It's not even forged - you found it during a brief stint of banditry, out in the country side. Some poor sod with a crossbow and little else, carrying lumber and rice wine from the country to the city. Too bad for him he came into your territory, and didn't feel like paying the bridge toll. Made a good sign, hanging there by his entrails, and business boomed until the Capital decided to get in on the toll taking business. And, of course, they used the tolls on actually repairing the bridges and keeping them functional, rather than on cheap booze and cheaper women. Joke's on them, though - you're living a far more fulfilling life than any of those rule obsessed snobs."Here it is," you say, passing him the folded document, and a small handful of platinum. "Bill of goods for my old cargo - lumber and rice wine. The farmers out by the mountains needed the lumber a bit more than they needed the grain, though, and their inns paid a better price for the wine than it would go for here.">Field too long.
>>27120464"Fair enough, fair enough," the guard says. "Alright gents, let the man by; whatever his game, it 'snot like he's got one of the Achilles' Guard from tha capital hog tied in his cart. Open the gate!"At the mention of "Achilles' Guard from the Capital," you hear the paladin in the back start to make noises from behind her gag. It only vaguely sounds like words, though, mostly variation on "ummm" and "mmm". The Guard just quirks and eyebrow at you, a slight grin on his face, before shaking his head and patting you on the shoulder, beckoning you through. Thank Tepes you disarmed the bitch. If she had any of her gear left, she'd be making a -racket-, and they'd be forced to search. But now you're in The City, and there won't be anymore checkpoints.You decide to...>Go to The Wintram Warehouse, where one of your associates can buy off all that grain.>Head to the Carrowmere Estate, to drop off the Paladin with a gal you know would love to have her.>Hit up the Seventh Cistern, where you can pawn off your loot on the Down Low.>[WRITE IN]
>>27120470>Head to the Carrowmere Estate, to drop off the Paladin with a gal you know would love to have her.Much as I'd hate to let her out of our sight, she's trouble just keeping her around. Store her someplace safe.
>>27120470>Head to the Carrowmere Estate, to drop off the Paladin with a gal you know would love to have her...but make sure she knows she is ours, don't want our new friend getting stolen
>>27120470>Head to the Carrowmere Estate, to drop off the Paladin with a gal you know would love to have her.Let's get her squared away before we spend more time giving her chances to possibly escape or draw notice.What's this gal like?
>>27120470Let's get blue cooped-up, then we can sell off da loot.
>>27120470>Go to The Wintram Warehouse, where one of your associates can buy off all that grain.when there arange fot this Head to the Carrowmere Estate, to drop off the Paladin with a gal you know would love to have her.
so any idea when we'll stop? if so when can we expect part 2?
>>27120607Probably after this next post.Part 2 will probably be late tomorrow evening.
>>27120620>late tomorrow eveningAwwwww yiss. Can't wait, excellent writing so far QM.
>>27120470>Carrowmere Estate. But make it clear she is a guest, not a resident. While we can't go around adopting every stray that attempts to kill us, Blue's just too cute to pass up.
>>27120470>>Head to the Carrowmere Estate, to drop off the Paladin with a gal you know would love to have her.She's ours, we'll come back for her shortly, once we offload some loot
The Carrowmere estate is located just off of the river, and it's mistress is infamous for having very few scruples. It's a nice big house, you suppose, what with all the flying butresses and marble pillar work that dear old Amelia went and put into it. You're mostly concerned with the dungeons - Amelia likes you, and has had you work down there on more than one occasion. You don't quite get some of her eccentricities, but if she wants to rub one off while you torture the more fickle hearted of her beaus to death, well...It certainly isn't your place to judge.The great thing about her manor, though, is how no one even bats an eye when an armed and armored man parks a wagon full of grain right in front of her estate, moves a few sacks around, and hoists a woman bound and gagged over his shoulder. You stop at the gate to have a chat with old Tommy M. Riddle, the captain of Amelia's personal guard, and a man who you're well acquainted with. He quirks an eyebrow at Blue, a faint smile playing on lips, before he adresses you."Weren't expecting you to come into town for a while," Tom says. "I'd have figured you'd be having to much fun bringing suffering to the country side, to have time to visit. So, I've got to ask, is she a gift for Amelia, or are you here to ask for lodging for one of your own toys?"You are pretty sure that Blue just screamed "What the fuck" through her gag. It is a testament to your consumate skill with rope work that it comes out as a series of muffled grunts."Oh, I wouldn't call her a toy, so much," you say nonchalantly. "More of a project, really - slaughtering peasants is fun and all, but having no one there to admire my work, or compare notes with... Well, suffering loves an audience, you see, and it takes more than one to truly rejoice." You slap Blue on the ass. "Beside's this one's a Paladin of Achille's; if I can break her, and make her see the light of darkness, then I can break anyone!">Field too long.
>>27120900"I'm amazed you got her past the front gate," Tom deadpans."You'll note the lack of armor," you point out. "Kind of helped in that regard - the one guy who did hear her through all the grain musta thought she was some yeoman's daughter I planned on selling to the brothels, or something.""Fair enough," Tom says, slapping you on the shoulder. "I'll bring you inside. No doubt you and Amelia will need to negotiate what she can and cannot do to your pet project."Tom leads you inside. It's a familiar feeling - you've run kidnappings for Amelia before, so having a squirming boy or girl hoisted over your shoulder as you step through her front door is almost nostalgic. Amelia greets you in her usual lack of garb - a bathrobe that is scandalously short barely hiding a set of lacy undergarments. You'll give the old dame one thing - for a woman pushing fifty, she's got a -lot- of confidence. And of course, the other sort of -confidence- to back that confidence up. She greets you by name...>What is your name?
>>27120909damnit man. you shouldnt have asked. this'll take an ageDras
>>27120909Moncho the honcho
>>27120919Note: you'll need a surname to go with that. You're not some nameless bastard; even if you killed your parents for the crime of bringing you into this world, they were proud and honest Yeomen, and you carry their name as a badge of honor.>>27120920And I am holding Veto power over any names I find too ridiculous. Such as this one.
>>27120909Sue (we grew up tough we grew up mean)
>>27120909>Quinn. It's a delightfully perky sounding name, for a delightful and perky young man.
>>27120941Arman Sheen>classic quest blunder, name generation
>>27120951>>27120984Needs a surname.
>>27120993>Surname Taylor. We are The Man with Two First Names. This played a significant part in my dearest father and darling mother had to die.
>>27120935I like this one.
>>27120969i'll second this guy, unless theres a better suggestion. i dont like quinn
>>27120999And I just abandoned crane just like that
>>27120999I second this. Makes me think of general Taylor.
>>27120941QM, just pick one you like, else we'll be voting forever.
Going to go with Quinn Taylor.Thanks for participating everyone! This thread couldn't have happened without yall! Part two will probably be to(morrow)night, for certain definitions of both (it's already today where I am, but I'm about to hit the hay, so it's also tomorrow ish?).
>>27121051whats your location? and i loved the thread, got work tomorrow but i hope to contribute when im on break/finished
>>27121051someone archive this
>>27121051u da best, bruh. Catch you later. Had a lot of fun in here, and a lot of my suggestions were used :D
>>27121099Already Done: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=A%20Black%20Comedy>>27121066Eastern US. Fortunately, I have late classes.
>>27121115This has returned my faith in quest threads. You deserve a cookie, kepe up the good work.
Here's your statblock, for those of you who are interested:Quinn TaylorMale Chaotic Evil Human Fighter (Lore Warden), Level 10, Init +4, HP 120/120, Speed 30AC 28, Touch 17, Flat-footed 24, Fort +11, Ref +9, Will +6, Base Attack Bonus +10/+5 +2 Ghost Touch Orichalcum Glaive of Cruelty +24/+19, +21/+16 (6+9+2+2+4(+9), x3) +2 Adaptive Longbow of Seeking (Silver, Adamantine, and Cold Iron) +21/+16 (11, x3) +1 Flaming Lucerne Hammer +21/+16, +18/+13 (7+9+1+4(+9), x2)+2 Mithral Kikko of Determination, +1 Dastana (+7 Armor, +2 Shield, +4 Dex, +2 Natural, +2 Deflect, +1 Misc)Abilities Str 22, Dex 18, Con 14, Int 16, Wis 12, Cha 10Your Combat Maneuver Bonus is +20For Tripping, it is +24For Disarming, it is +22You may choose to spend a swift action to trip the target of a successful power attack.You may choose to spend a standard action to gain a +2 Competence Bonus to Attack and Damage against one enemy.You may choose to spend a standard action to demoralize all foes with 30 feet.Casters threatened by you increase the concentration check to cast defensively by +4. In addition, if they fail this check, you make take an attack of opportunity against them.You may spend an immediate action to parry any ray spell that targets you, or any burst spell that is centered within your threatened area, disrupting it as per counterspell.Your weapon is currently storing the spell "Burning Disarm". As a free action on any successful attack, you may choose to cast the spell on the targetted creature.Character sheet: http://www.myth-weavers.com/sheetview.php?sheetid=651682
>>27121218Cool beans. We're pretty fucking mean for CL 10. Thank god for quests!
hey this seems like a nice new ques-
>>27121401Welcome to the neighborhood!
>>27119577Okay I did some research on this line of thinking.Provided that QM is willing to use third party material, the Book of Unlawful Carnal Knowledge contains a spell, "Arousal" as a cantrip.A custom magic item - say, a Hankerchief of Arousal, would cost 1000 gp for an unlimited number of uses per day version. The question is, how much money are we willing to spend to break Miss Blue?
>>27121716Not much.Also, using party tricks to do it sucks some of the fun out.Also, fuck splatbooks.
>>27121716What's the point if we rely on tools and tricks to do it. We're trying to test ourself here, give ourself a major challenge. Make a staunch paladin fall to depravity and darkness.If we accomplish such a thing with trinkets and cantrips on a napkin we would be doing ourself a disservice and just ruin the fun. If we want that girl aroused we can arouse her all on our own.