First reply ending in an even postcount, or the third with an odd one makes the decision.When OP requests a roll, the next unattached roll or roll linked to the action requiring one is taken.Archive: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Text%20AdventureTwitter: @tgtextadventure
Spell list here
Rolled 16Spam death
Rolled 12>>26878820Mind break the snakewe are so good at this
>>26879010No we're not.
>>26878842Taking this one since its the OP. I count that as a reply.
Rolled 16>>26879045Since taking out the brain didn't work can we try the spinal cord? Should be a lot less massive if we just concentrate on one point.
Rolled 19>>26879045CONTINUE SPAMMING DEATH
Rolled 7>>26879245Keep casting death.Let's give this snake Alzheimer's.
>>26879245Shadow meld to avoid the wave.
>>26879264We're gonna suffocate so hard.
Rolled 4>>26879316telport away?or use darkness to make a sphere around us
Rolled 8>>26879316Shadow our way out of there.
>>26879342>>26879348Pick one/ be more specific.
Rolled 9>>26879358Use our magic to make a sphere, then raise that sphere with us out of the sand
Rolled 19>>26879385And by magic I mean our darkness abilities
Rolled 7>>26879497life python
>>26879512I have a feeling the snake god will disapprove of this heavily.WHY does it have to be a python, why?
>>26879524It was a typo.Original spell was meant to be Life Siphon.
Rolled 5>>26879497Heal ourselves with a Life Python
>>26879536HAAH WAAWHow unfortunate. Let's see how this plays out then.
>>26879633> I don't breath>>26879316
>>26879688I think you read that wrong.Imm doesn't breath.
>>26879633Ask her about the god buisness. What does she know about that?
>>26879633so.. a god, can it be killed?were did it go?
Need 20 minutes.
>>26879891well lets go collect our prize then
>>26879849>>26879891"So... Do you have any idea how we could get... him? her? - whatever. How we could get it to stop harrassing those citizen after recovring?"
>>26879891Ask her if she knows anything that could help us recover that mess of a leg. Then go to the major and collect our reward.
>>26879904And Imm can join in.Least we can do after she saved our life and dragged us for miles.
Rolled 5>>26880440what? diden't he want it gone?fuck just mind rape him
Rolled 20>>26880440Man fuck these guys, we should just start spamming death and turn the whole place into an addition to our undead army.Except the Lamia, obviously.
Rolled 19>>26880440restrain him with darkness, explain situation, express our confusion"I thought you wanted to get rid of that snake?"
Rolled 3>>26880440Ask him whats wrong. He ordered us to.
He was probably trying to sacrifice us to it or something.
>>26880566be careful what you ask for perhaps we could clam able to bring him back from the dead, but the ritual is expensive
I just knew this would happen.If we get out of this,the lamia won't be very happy either if she's a so called "children" of big snake, less in a sex-slave condition
Rolled 7>>26880646Telekinesis him to the ground. Hold him there.(Dicegods pls)
Rolled 8>>26880646This one, but hopefully with a better roll >>26880695
Rolled 14>>26880507Welp, guess I'll try to reroll for that one, and no doubt get something terrible this time.
>>26880733Well it is better.Third times the charm?
Need a reply.
>>26880792To this: >>26880646Next reply makes the decision.
>>26880800Does >>26880740 not count?
>>26880830It does now.
>>26880843Masturbate, or kill everyone. It's like Sophie's Choice all over again.
Rolled 15>>26880982Reanimate the king, with flesh and all not just the skeleton.Can we let him keep his memory so he can tell us what the fuck he was doing?
>>26880982Wait, are we still in Scranton?If yes, collapse the mines. All of them.
>>26881038While I'm all for depraved victory sex, I'd imagine there might be some people mad at us for killing their king right now.Might want to take a rain check until we're either at a safe distance from here, or the only things left alive.
>>26881047I'm gonna wait awhile until I get an answer, until then, I've got me a scene to write.
>>26880982Well, none of our choices occurred.
>>26881106Wikipedia:>Scranton is the geographic and cultural center of the Lackawanna River valley, and the largest of the former anthracite coal mining communities in a contiguous quilt-work that also includes Wilkes-Barre, Pittston, and Carbondale.Basically, the whole city is built on coal mines. Literally. You can only build so high or risk a collapse.
>>26881153Well it was established that mind shit wasn't working well on him. If you hadn't chosen to bring Imm a couple decisions ago you would have been fucked.That's the fruition of a previous choice.
>>26881198Weird. I must have internalized that word before.It's just a sandstone town in a desert.
>>26881198You are aware that this is a fantasy world, yes?
>>26881227>>26881231Well that was embarrassing.
>>26880982Should we go find the others?
>>26881492Reanimate corpsey.Did we fix our leg with the bone shaping?
>>26881492Round two. More.
>>26881526With our luck we'd end up with a deformed monster leg that shoots lightning and wants nothing more than to kill us.
>>26881665No kidding.>Kill king>First thought after commiting regicide is to bone the immortal loliJust another day for Mr Bones.
So wait, did I miss something, what happened to the Lamia, and the King's court, and the palace staff? We just sort of killed him then wandered off to have sex in his bedroom and no-one tried to stop us.
>>26881731I..Uh...Well...You don't fuck lolis after killing kings?Did I commit a faux pas?
>>26881731well you gotta admit, OP writes decent fapfic
>>26881750That's a good point, actually...>>26881492Go find our lamia.>>26881755Absolutely not! Don't listen to that guy. That was awesome and we want more.
>>26881750>King attempts to kill someone he sent to his death for no reason>In front of everyone>In the middle of the nightJust because he was batshit doesn't mean the town is.
>>26881750We just murdered the fuck out of the monarch. Not only that, Imm visibly shrugged off life ending wounds.Would you fuck with people like that?
>>26881755Not even a little, that is one of the (many, many) times when it is acceptable to fuck immortal lolis.Now let's go find that Lamia and see if she's still willing to give us our reward.
>>26881526Leg looks totally fucking hideous and misshapen, but works well enough.
>>26881731>>26881872I see you guys have your priorities absolutely straight.
>>26881893Find that lamia, and then go find our other friends/waifus
>>26881893Right then. We still have to collect our reward. And then look around the rest of the town.Note: I said "collect", not "fuck". We can do that later
>>26881939>>26881959Okay, but no fucking the Lamia until we're sure she wasn't the cause of the King's syphilis.
>>26881893We need new skellingtons, craft sign claiming "FREE SYPHILIS TESTS!!!" and place it outside.
>>26882022But then we'll get more gross skeletons. Mr Bones has standards for his undead army, damn it!
>>26882022oh and we might want to add "By Royal decree" to the sign.
>>26882232retreat for now, prepare to take down jester for good
>>26882232search for our fallen comrades mentally, send scouts if it doesnt work
>>26882232Send out the old crow skellies to look for our missing comrades.
>>26882565back to our base, prepare for showdown with jester
>>26882565>>26882667plus asking if anyone of our companions knows anything about the jester
>>26882565check lamia for syphilis
>>26882667Wasn't the plan just to straight up siege his ass?
>>26882565Nothing we can do. Maybe its better that way.Head back to base, prepare for inevitable trouble.Also>see something moving on the corner of my eye>HUGE wolf spider slowly crawling over the wall next to me>the second I turn my head it leaps down and runs under my desk>well shit>spend 20 minutes searching that fucker>find him in the hallway, must have crossed my room in record speedFuck that made me jump though. I have her sitting in a box next to me now, she's at least 5cm (2 inches!) long. I'll feed her to my chameleon tomorrow. Justice!
>>26882565We should probably leave some skellies behind to keep searching for Daya, then head back, not like we can do much, and the skellies won't get tired or dehydrated, so they can just keep looking and lead her back to us if they find her.
>>26882750we would, if we could get our shit together and make a decent golem or two for once
>>26882766A bit of water for them least she's dehydrated too.
>>26882565>>26882766Leave the skellies with some big containers of water, too. If it's distilled and sealed (where for "distilled" read "we kill all of the microorganisms in it with our death magic") it won't go bad, and the skeletons don't need it.
>>26882777I wonder if the stealing-part-of-our-personality golem is having fun
>>26882801probably fucking lolis all over the place
>>26882754>Sister and friend scream>"ANON ANON GET UP HERE ANON">Holy shit one of them is dying>Sprint upstairs>Cupboard is open>Mangled baby doll facing them.>One eye twitching, scar dent across face>"Maaaaaa. Ma ma">"GET RID OF IT GET RID OF IT">" I'll put it back in the cupboard">"Carefully lean it against the door and talk with them.">"Hey sis, check if its still on, don't want it scaring you.">Fucked up doll tumbles out onto her.>Screams so loud I just had to explain to the neighbours that I'm not raping or killing anyone.I'm back now.
>>26882801>>26882815We created a Pedolem.
>>26882801..... Hmmm. Almost forgot about that. Hey, OP, is there any way of mentally inspecting ourselves (or having someone else mentally inspect us) to figure out *which* bit of our personality that golem walked off with?
>>26882867is there a way to reinforce our own body using bonecrafting and fleshsmithy? im thinking some muscle and perhaps bone armor
>>26882854By now you are probably recovered. The problem never had an opportunity to come up.
>>26882891>what could possibly go wrong
>>26882891Sure but>Golemming yourself.>Critfail
>>26882867repeating >>26882766 , >>26882786 and >>26882792
>>26882871Oh,its small,i thought you had some monster but thats 50% of the typical spider here.free spiderbro I tell you>>26882854Also to know how's doing our...Pedolem?
>>26882871C'mon. They are harmless.http://www.e-bug.net/pests/spiders.shtml>Wolf Spider>Wolf Spiders are large, hairy spiders that hunt >for their prey by running it down and capturing >it. Although VERY scary, they are harmless >and can be ignored.
>>26882867ask imm about the jester
>>26882867Uh, are we *also* leaving behind some skeletons with water to keep searching for Daya?If not, we really need to do that.
Rolled 9>>26882867Use fleshsmithing/bonecrafting to fix stupid leg
>>26882928I don't want to life where you life. And I have some Tarantulas in a terrarium just behind me, those are a bit bigger. But they also don't run around my room.>>26882934I know, I still don't want her running around here.And my chameleon loves them.
>>26882981Well it's not that bad...sometimes,at least in a spider-sense,only my garden has that big ass spiders because long ago dad had the genious idea of caring for them so they could get rid of the rest of insects.Well he did it and now we have a little army of big-ass spiders and no flies.They're cool.
>>26883037Seriously, leave some skellies with some purified water to search for Daya before we leave.
>>26883021I live in harmony with my standard room spiders (Pholcus spec.). They take care of the mosquitos. The chameleon takes care of everything else (flies, wasps and so on).I can proudly say that my room is completely free of unwanted bugs.
>>26883052>>26883061Do you think he already got the point?Oh and leave water for Daya
>>26883037Man, the more I hear about this guy the more I loathe him. He's like the /tg/ text adventure equivalent of fucking Harlequin or something.
>>26883099time to loot some jester dungeons
>>26883099Well nothing more we can do for her I think,she better not be mad because we ditched her or some shit.And the Alliance/that town/Jester or whatever fuck better leave her aloneNow better get back to the brothel to get ready study or some shit.
>>26883114Ok I'm going to need specifics since this is a big action. I prefer you guys making the decisions, not me.
>>26883088>>26883153I think we shouldn't fuck with him just yet. Let's complete some more of his dungeons, maybe we'll learn more about him.>>26883101His name is Karl, he's a 4 year old Chamaeleo calyptratus, and a big one too. Recognizes me and doesn't like other people, is quick to anger but actually a total pussy. I love him.
>>26883153I think there was talk of besieging his castle, with catapults and everything. That isn't actually against the rules as I recall, since they only refer to entering the castle with more than 5 people.
>>26883153Gather all your skeletons, Imm, and tell them what you're planning on doing. Ask Imm for advice, use the skeles as trap fodder (see first time we tried this)
>>26883180>Let's complete some more of his dungeons, maybe we'll learn more about him.Or get our organs (and asshole) ripped out again, the first time we went through his dungeon was really shitty.
>>26883153wait until katya is recovered, take her, imm, lamia a horny catgirl and george with you to that one dungeon we pussied out of earlier
>>26883191We could also go through the dungeon with a shitload of skeletons, I don't think they count as people anymore.>>26883205But haven't we gotten better? Or at least a little more intelli-...nevermind
>>26883205But without his dungeons, we never would have met our best friend. Without him we'd be dead.That's right, thanks to the Jester, we have our magic ass carrot.
>>26883345"Imm, he has the rule: 'Blue'. Why didn't you tell me you liked lol so randumb 5th graders from the start?"
>>26883345Oh shit the sign changed. Used to say "Her love you will need," now it says "Her power you will need."
>>26883345Alright then. First, he clearly has either Elyria or Daya. So, you know, fuck him.Second. We don't know how much we can trust either of our companions. Imm is an immortal, and if there is any mind that is unknowable, it's probably hers. Cat girl whose name escapes me at least has reason to fear betraying you.
>>26883388Maybe it's some 2deep4u demigod thing.
OP, wtf does hora hora mean?
>>26883454Play Monster Girl Quest.Now. It is pretty much this quest, with pictures and less critfails.
>>26883454Search for Monster Girls Quest, download game, download translation, never ask us that question again.
>>26883467We apologize for being a dick. Ask her what we can do to do better.
>>26883467Jesus Christ. Did he say "Insult the fucking fuck out of the immortal currently within hearing distance"?
>>26883481Eh I got a little bit through it, but got tired of all the raping that was happening to me. I mean, monster girls are fine and all, but I'm really not a sub. So what's hora hora in reference to? Is that the noise that the lamia chick makes or something?
>>26883467Aren't the rules for inside the castle, we're not inside the castle yet...
>>26883467She is way too attached to her ex. "Fine, whatever. Go home and bang pewdiepie, I can handle this on my own. Along with the pile of skeletons."
>>26883503I looked at the wrong post.Yes, yes he did.
>>26883503Can you think of something more insulting than this?>Why didn't you tell me you liked lol so randumb 5th graders from the start?
>>26883509You fool, she's literally unkillable. We NEED her.
>>26883535Plenty. And if I run out of ideas I can use this:http://www.insultgenerator.org/But that doesn't make our situation better. Shit we need to apologize.
>>26883545She's literally unkillable, and has a boner for Jester the Wonder Douche. She'll backstab us, AND be impossible to kill.
>>26883564If she turns on us, couldn't we just seal her up underground. Sure she'd eventually find her way out, but that would be millenium from now.
>>26883564You know, I've always wondered how well mind control would work on her. I mean hell, worse case scenario, we clamp her in irons and throw her in a lake. Problem solved for a few decades.
Rolled 12>>26883564Then we shackle her in manacles, seal her feet in stone and then toss her in a lake.
>>26883564It's not that she's still in love with him, it's more that we insulted her taste in men. If I accused you of only dating sluts, you'd be a little offended too.
>>26883600Why would I get offended at that?
>>26883590>>26883575Yeah, and how will that happen? She killed off the syphilis king earlier pretty easy, and he was handing us our ass. I think she can take out our shitty skeletons and our pasty ass pretty easy.
>>26883505Yeah the lamia who accompanies you says it.Shame you didn't like it. I'm not exactly a sub but I fucking love it. The problem is I'm not into anything but vanilla, so I have to guesstimate whether if I surrender a monster is going to tentacle rape me or not. >Love the alraune>Suddenly vines up my ass>CANNOT SKIP FAST ENOUGH.
>>26883640Her talent is, as she herself said, the fact that she can't die and she doesn't care about pain.She still basically has the body of a little girl, so telekinesising her around would be pretty easy.
>>26883667The only problem I see with that is that she's been described to have read every necromancy book we have. She's probably a better mage than us in most ways.
>>26883643Every time.>Oh this girls looks pretty normal, let's see what happens>Oh no, please noThat said, I've noticed my tastes becoming a little 'broader' since I first played it.
>about to enter jester dungeon, know shit's gonna get fucked up>insulting the god, who is also our most valuable ally
Damn, missed the beggining of this quest.Can anyone be nice and give a tl;dr briefing of what's happened?
>>26883699Probably still mad about the whole "oh yeah, I dated Jester and he's a far better fuck than you" thing.
>>26883667Ehhh...With the way we roll, that seems dangerous.Still. Good point. TK her in to submission long enough to get her manacled and shit, and then drop her to the bottom of the lake, and dredge her up to impregnate her. If she decides not to pregger, oh well, enjoy drowning another month. Repeat until she gives in, reminding her that if she doesn't give us an heir, she'll spend the next few centuries drowning until erosion lets her free.Ever been waterboarded? Not pleasant. We could break her quick like that, and get an immortal of our own that will be loyal to us.
>>26883699Well, she said "Jester so serious, so smart," and then there's a fucking rule BLUE. That's penguin of doom territory there.
>>26883738Still, that is ONLY if she actively betrays us, right now she's just pissy with us for being a bit of a dick to her, which is a long way away from betrayal.
>>26883762Right, right, of course. Just wanted to have that option out there on what to do with her.
>>26883697Tell me about it.Incidentally there is no good catgirl hentai show I can find. Anywhere. It drives me insane.You can probably see that a couple chapters ago.>>26883500
>>26883759well, blue could be a mindfuck, or somehow related to a trap or room in the dungeonyou know the jester likes to fuck with people like that
>>26883796Put Imm aside for now, check on the status of that hefty bounty we put for the Jester.Reprepare an army, send word for siege equipment, arm the skeletons, offer a full month of free fucking to every mercenary within messengers range who will help us siege his castle. 5 years to men who personally brings his body to us, 10 years alive.We're on the warmarch.
>>26883738>Insult girl>She gets upset>Immediately discuss waterboarding her, burying her, drowning her, and imprisoning her in manacles until she is loyal again.I love you, /tg/
>>26883796Okay.Go back to the brothel. We're going to brute force this with skeletons.
>>26883796The best solution to our Jester problem is to kill him. So fuck Imm (not literally of course) and >>26883815
>>26883796send in 7 skeletons to see if they count as people
>>26883823No one said anything about making her loyal. She's supposed to be immortal. Only way to end that immortality is for her to make a crotchspawn./tg/ is all about how to kill the unkillable.
>>26883825Oh yes, let's try to cheat and circumvent this bastard's game. Because it worked so well last time.
>>26883828the jester isnt even in the fucking dungeon. stop trying to wuss out
>>26883847I'm not cheating. I'm just sending in five skeletons at a time to keep trying his stupid puzzles until we fucking win it.
>>26883847We're going to have to find a way to get at him sooner or later.The smug shit needs to die.
>>26883847>Because it worked so well last time.That's why we're not going anywhere near his castle this time.Let him deal with the full weight of the land first.
>>26883815But why? There is no benefit with fucking with that guy.
>>26883861I don't care.One castle burned to the ground is one place he's not going to be in.
>>26883847What, you'd rather scrape and bow and play by HIS rules? The guy's a douche on par with the Harlequin from Shadowrun, some smug fuck who thinks he's oh so clever. Fuck him! Preferably literally with skullmaces.
>>26883873Vengeance is a pretty good motivation.
>>26883873HE KILLED OUR SKELLIES.
Why not just make a bone golem out of several skeletons and take it with us?It's stronger than normal skeletons.
>>26883896Because that's always worked so well in the past, right? That's the joke, isn't it?
>>26883896>Why not just make a bone golemOh dice gods not THAT again.We promised to go to alliance town and use their laboratories if we're going to even try that once more.
You people do realize that we're never going to beat Jester, right?He's been set up as effectively infallible, whatever we do, he'll always be a step ahead of us, if we killed him, it'll just turn out to be an illusion or something.
>>26883896>Roll 5 D20s>Critfail>Critfail>Critfail>13!>Critfail
>>26883896... Yes, making a bone golem is a plan without flaw or possibility of error.
>>26883915If I can take a shit on the burning rubble that was once his castle, I'll be happy enough.
jester gives away magic items and shit for solving relatively easy puzzles and/or sacrificing some skeletonswhy not take the opportunity and get our hands on some decent spells or something
Rolled 11, 4, 4, 7, 7 = 33>>26883896Rolling for bone golem
>>26883941He builds new castles overnight, I doubt he'll even care.
>>26883945>relatively easy puzzlesSince when was disembowlment and a game of SAW "relatively easy"?
>>26883947The dicegods have spoken
>>26883947>that resultsmeine seiten
>>26883945He took our ORGANS.
>>26883951Build a camp. Set up patrols and torches. Start constructing ladders and a battering ram.Start chucking shit in there.Shit on fireCorpsesActual shit.
>>26883951Send in groups of skeles 5 at a time. Send the first group in with 6, just to see what happens.
>>2688394711! Fail, fail, fail, fail.Nice work.
>>26883960Wait, what? No, hang on, that wasn't a response to any of your posts, what happened to "I will always perfectly stick by the rules"?Dammit, we're in the middle of something totally different, we don't have time for yet another boss fight against *yet another* failed golem experiment.
>>26883980The drawbridge is raised and latched. A large moat surrounds the castle.
>>26883985Relax, he was obviously joking. We sieging now.
>>26883992Ah shit, forgot. Let's go with >>26883977 then.
>>26883959since our own golems turned out worse than the encounter with the jesters traps. also we'd have benn fucked without life python
>>26883992>>26883951Use telekinesis to unlatch the drawbridge and slam it down?Also, let's use telekinesis to start draining the moat. Just have a pit dug, telekinetically grab large quantities of water and chuck it towards the pit.
>>26883951When did Daya die?
how about asking imm what to do? after all, she knows the fucker best
>>26884052Daya is missing-presumed-dead after we got separated from her during the giant-sand-snake fight.
>>26884052Fighting the snakegod.
>>26884061Uh uh. She'll be smug again.
>>26884061"You're doing it all wrong, and I suggest you stick to his rules"or"You're going to fail at this no matter what I tell you"or"But that'll defeat the fun I'm going to enjoy watching you have at him"
>>26884077throw some skellingtons over there
>>26884077I craft a BONE GOLEM
>>26884077We're not going to smash the walls to rubble if we're just flinging incendiaries. Switch to heavy rocks and boulders. Use our shadow control, telekinesis and other physical spells to smash the drawbridge lock and chains. Prepare for an assault.
>>26884077Remind the men of the worth of the castle. Tell them that even if the legends of treasure prove false, and it is indeed empty, there's still that free month of fucking in addition to however long it takes to crack this castle open and whatever is inside is theirs (bar the Jester and any magical items)For now, focus all fire on a single section of the wall, since it's apparent the bridge is far too strong. Also begin excavations to dig out the moat.
Rolled 20, 5, 16, 11, 8 = 60>>26884077Shoot skellingtens over the walls
>>26884104>>26884110>>26884112>>26884116Wow, lots of even numbers at once. OP, does this mean some of them get combined? It's not like they're incompatible.
>>26884127This >>26884112, concerning the men's moral. Also tell them that the castle is potentially magical and if it turns out when they enter something weird like it being a flat empity lain or just a giant hole that never ends is what they find, they still get a reward.
>>26884127Ok, flinging skeletons didn't work. What about making a basic, non-fancy-pants iron golem? Does that still require the massive number of dice rolls and the critfails?
Rolled 13>>26884127attach sheet like wings to slow them downuse zombie birds to guide them
>>26884148We're a necromancer. It's probably not an option
>>26884127telekinese skellingtons over the walls
>>26884148>Iron golem>No iron>No blacksmithing ability>No undead involved>Out in the middle of nowhere.Roll 5 natural 20s right now and no problem.
Rolled 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 + 19 = 24>>26884169ok
>>26884211He didn't say LIE to them about treasure. I explicitly said "even if the promise of treasure proves false"We're supposed to prepare them for whatever mindfuckery could be in there.Also just call some of the girls from the brothel. Buy food and tents from our pocket, send them home the next day and remind them they get a month of that after this is done.
>>26884242Damn it, that used to work.
Rolled 7>>26884211Max power Illusion monster girl dance time
>>26884211... Wait, aren't we accompanied by a whole bunch of catgirls? We had 30 catgirls with us in >>26883951. What are they complaining about?
>>26884242You. Never roll in this thread ever again.
>>26884268You can roll a one sided noko dice with a modifier to always have 20, or at least you could. Or maybe I've just forgotten how to do it.
Rolled 16, 9, 12, 16, 1 = 54>>26884169
>>26884300Noko dice don't work at all any more. It always shows what type of dice you rolled. Precisely because people used to try and cheat.
>>26884317Most people ignored noko rolls anyway. But damn it I can't remember how to do the "nat 20" die.
Rolled 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 + 19 = 24>>26884300
>>26884350I already tried that. >>26884242Doesn't work anymore, what a shame, or not.
>>2688426730 warrior catgirls. The sex worker ones are left back at the brothel.
>>26884379This goes on for three days. Then send the girls, the good food, all back home.Remind them it's going to be like this for them for a month once this castle has no stone left unturned.
>>26884379We can't have one of our generals unhappy and with low morale. Use our illusions to cancel out the noise of the party, and give her some soft, smooth, gentle loving all night long.
>>26884379We're gonna have to seduce her some day, we just have to.Have we tried filling up the moat yet?
>>26884416>filling upI suggest digging irigation lines would be better, then we can start tunneling operations to bring down the walls.
>>26884475Begin digging irigation lines. Drain the moat. Start a tunneling wall collapse operation like suchhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuKZZxQ-ncg20:00 - 21:00Also, keep hacking away another section of the wall with our catapaults.
>>26884475Right. Back to work. Try sending skeleton teams over more slowly, with telekinesis. Drain the moat, start undermining operations on the walls.
Rolled 12>>26884475>>26884168third time's the charm. commence scouting mission
Rolled 1 + 19>>26884372Prevents cheating i guess
>>26884567Well, dig *down* then. That's the whole point of undermining, you dig *below* the walls, not through them.
>>26884567Tell them to do so if they deem it riskworth, but we're not responsible for their lives should their tunneling operation fail.Continue such operations with the catapault as well.Try wrapping a skeleton in a lot of fabric or in a box to cushion their fall, and launch them over the walls
Rolled 17, 1 = 18>>26884567fuck it, bone armor and blast the wall with dark energy, go juggernaut on that bitch
>>26884589OP implies wall seem to go pretty deep though, deeper than normal. This might be more efficient.
>>26884567Talk to Katya. Clearly something's wrong.
>>26884670They won't do it? Fine.Get some skelebro's to do the digging thing, under their (safe) supervision. They're expendable.
>>26884670Consult with Imm and Katya. Keep pounding that wall.
>>26884670Are we magically assisting the catapults by battering the wall with telekinesis and shadow attacks?If not, do that.
I can't wait to see the look on everyone's faces when it turns out there's an even bigger wall behind the 1st wall.
>>26884696Mr Bones is not a one man siege weapon. His telekinesis couldn't affect a structure like that. Neither could shadow attacks.
>>26884705>Implying we won't knock down the wall, and we see the inside of our mansion>We've been magically duped into demoloshing our own house the whole time
>>26884730seriously, it's the jester we're dealing with, a master magician.>implying he isnt laughing his ass off the entire time>implying he couldnt repair the damage done in a day or less
>>26884764ask for katyas opinion on this
>>26884764We are going to break his shit. Because fuck you. Fuck everything.
>>26884764Hate to say it, but Imm is probably right, we're probably not going to achieve anything here, and honestly it would be good if we just ignored Jester and never had anything to do with him again.Seriously, this thread, since we started attacking the castle, has been boring as fuck.Let's go do something interesting.
>>26884836I know. It's depressing.Siege warfare is a quest killer.Yet it is always asked for.
>>26884838Build a big, sturdy, wooden tower higher than the castle walls so we can see just what's on the inside. Also where did our ladders go. We should've thought of this earlier. Why bother smashing a wall when no one's gonna stop you from climbing over it? There's nobody even attacking us, that should've been our first choice.Build siege towers, we'll take a look inside, and if we don't find anything we still have to give our reward.We've already paid the men, and we can't magically bring back resources. Finish what we stared. Then if nothing of value is found, we never come back ever again.
>>26884838Fuck, let's just go, I'm sick of this castle and the whole Jester subplot.
>>26884852Oh for fucks sake.Ok.
>>26884838Fuck it, we go in. Katya, Imm and a bunch of skeletons come with us.
>>26884852Jesus christ, let it go.
>>26884852>implying we couldnt just let the skellingtons turn on themkatya could easily kill us in our sleep if she decided to turn on us
>>26884866>If nothing of value is found, we never come back ever again.It's almost over.And honestly, I'd say this ended up a lot better than 5 of us going in there and getting systematically fucked up by the jester himself, literally and figurative.
>>26884899We leave. Give the men our congratulatory regards on having accomplished our goal of "seeing the magical sign within the castle only a necromancer can see" pay them.Let's fuck off this place and look for better work.
>>26884899Leave, tell the men they can have the agreed upon reward.Nothing like spending all this time besieging a shitty castle to make one realize that honestly, Jester isn't all that worthy of a feud.
>>26884932>>26884942Yep we're done.But one things still true, we'll never play the Jesters game or his contrived lessons no matter how desperate we are. Rather be the fool than the enlightened dead. Or worse.
>>26884942This was his plan all along. He got us riled up enough to commit to a stupid plan that would achieve nothing and make us look like utter morons.He's probably laughing his ass off right now.
>>26885006His other plan for us going in 5 alone would've certainly been far worse. Lest we forget what happened the last time. We got out of here with our skins intact.
>>26885006Perhaps, but if I've learned anything from this long, dull siege, it's that we shouldn't give a crap what Jester thinks, leave him to his meaningless puzzle dungeon bullshit.If we remember this centuries later, and we're having a slow day, we can drop a necromantic nuke on him in a passing fit of petty retribution.
>>26884899Yeah. Time to give it up. As much as my hate burns, it's not worth destroying ourselves.
>>26884942>>26884987>>26885006>>26885021>implying the jester wants to do any harm>also, whatever was in that dart is still in our system
>>26885021Yeah but last time we got something out of that. The spell tome. Even though we sucked at rolling as usual for the spellcreating, but fuck it. The life phyton did us great services multiple timesBut if you don't want to go in its cool, but everything is better than the siege.
>>26885057>>26885006Really we spent far too much time and resources trying to destroy these walls when we coulv'ed climbed over them the 1st day. This is sadly typical.What is it and us not seeing the easiest solution the 1st time? Like ignoring the alliance facilities and fuckiing up a bone golem twice?
Rolled 1>>26885080>Most people think the critfail dart was a joke.>They are deadly wrong.
>>26885079take care of monster spawn
>>26885079Oh boy, mermaids!What is the alliance doing btw? Inquire about that before leaving.
>>26885079>>26885111What exactly is a monster spawn?
>>26885079>Port townSounds like a great place to advertise, perhaps open up a brothel branch and earn some allies (human and mermaid)
>>26885107>1d1>>26885119I support this
Rolled 1>>26885121A place where monsters are settling down to breed. Several different species can join together in one area for protection of their young.
>>26885079Hmm, we should get Katya something nice to make up for this whole siege thing. Not like we have to do it right away, just be sure and look out in case we see something she might like.
So what do we do right now?It's the night, party is going on downstairs.Specifics. If we are travelling what do we take?
>>26885101Yeah, the siege wasn't a bad idea at first but we fucked it up going the retard path through the wall instead of over it.
>>26885146We can buy her some nice fresh fish in that port town :3
Rolled 4>>26885147try to seduce katya to make up for the siege
>>26885156Sounds good, let's go check out the mermaids and get Katya something nice to make up for the past few days.>>26885147
>>26885172Goddamnit no, we are terrible at seduction. We have to make them want us through crazy bullshit and plot development with no dice rolls required!
>>26885147This >>26885175But ask around for the Alliance first. I have a bad feeling about them.
>>26885101I'm surprised Katya didn't tell us this earlier. Like weeks earlier.>"Why are you so hellbent on destroying this place, can't we climb over it?"
>>26885101That's what happens when the rules are 'fastest posts win'. We are literally unable to stop and think about a plan, because someone's quick, stupid suggestion will get the first even/ third odd spot, and consensus means nothing. As long as the rules are as they are, the MC is fucked.
>>26885188We just had a boring (and poorly planned) siege, I'd rather not have another boring war episode.We let our grudge against the Jester go, we should forget the alliance (who did far less to us) and look for better adventures.
>>26885192Agreed, any time I've stopped to consider my post and write out something well thought out, someone else cuts in first with "lol stick your dick in it!" or something.
>>26885192The very first post mentioned ladders, but they were never brought up again.
>>26885192This is why most quests use consensus instead of "first suggestion wins".
>>26885244Clearly ladder making is a fresh new science to these peoples, and it took them weeks to make.We invented ladders.
>>26885267We need to patent that shit!
>>26885259How is consensus even reached in other threads? Sorry, I'm new to this stuff.
>>26885282Mr. Bone's WildLadders.The Climbing Never Ends!
>>26885315Depends, with so few of us here it could come quickly.Then there are others that spend 100+ posts on beuracracy and debate over a simple risk.
>>26885315Usually by agreeing on something.
>>26885367create a giant skeleton
>>26885367Fuck everything and everyone.Try to make up. Actually talk to her.
I have a real problem with consensus because the threads rarely have this many people, and it fucks with my retarded freedom thing. I suppose since this has turned into a regular quest, consensus might work. What kind would be suitable? I'd still like to keep the rules clear cut, while allowing contingency for few players or slow threads, so shit doesn't get held up for 20 minutes.
I think we should fire Katya as our general. She spends weeks making plans, while we actually try siege stuff, does't bother to give us advise, and it turns out she didn't even plan anything at all just question the objective.It took us an ephiphany of intelligence to discover "hey, let's just climb over this thing?"
Could we have a quick discussion before taking any suggestions. I'm not sure how the consensus should work.
>>26885396>>26885404Precisely what we were just talking about.I think I'm done, the retardedness has lost its fun.Thanks for the quest OP, has been fun.
>>26885405There's less than 10 of us in here.A simple majority should be easy enough to spot.But as of right now, the quest functions well as is so why bother to reinvent the wheel?
>>26885405Yeah, but you were obviously pretty annoyed about the amount of time we spent fucking around with that pointless siege. If you want actual sensible plans you need to let us stop and think. You can still have consensus among three or four players.
>>26885421For the record, the first part was just my exasperation. The second part was supposed to be my actual suggestion.
>>26885405>>26885419You could assemble from several posts or once the posters have reached consensus. A majority is easy to spot like >>26885458 said.
>>26885476Yeah, but under the old rules 'make yet another suicidal bone golem' would beat a sensible suggestion like 'fix things'.
>>26885458Because we just got stuck in a siege not many people wanted to continue, and are immediately about to make another bone golem which will inevitably kill us.>>26885421Is right. The longer more thought out responses make for a better long term quest.I'm used to these descending into retardation because I ran them on /v/, but I'm really enjoying the slightly more serious approach here. I'll make it a consensus for now and right up some more specific rules until then For now, reply to the response you want to support, and create addendums if you wish.
>>26885475And the siege wasn't even pointless. It was supposed to be a simple act of revenge and/or exploration of a castle (in saftey) but instead of stopping to think what's the first thing you'd do to get over a wall that's unguarded, we basically do this<---The retarded way we went about it was, that's for sure. And our not so very competent staff. We need someone who will bother to give us advice when it's clear we need it badly.
>>26885521You can end your posts in some rough suggestions we could pick and refine, and of course always leave the [other] option.You can also have some things be minor actions, which need no consensus.
>>26885404I'll declare the winner before I start writing.For now it's this one.I just get scared because I've seen threads that get really railroady where the OP cherry picks to suit their story.
>>26885404This, seriously, let's not make things any worse.
>>26885558I'll probably have to stop using images then.I like it this way because it reminds me of the actual text adventures of old, and it is easy to link someone a part of the story or save the chapter heads/fapfics individually.
>>26885562Cherry picking is not always a bad thing. And don't worry, if you're clearly ignoring what the majority wants for no good reason, we'll let you know.
>>26885562We know you don't want that. And I'm pretty sure you'd let us kill ourselves and reroll as another character. I'm not so worried.Also some people think the DM is railroading if the players simply choose to go along the path that the DM has layed out.
>>26885562>I just get scared because I've seen threads that get really railroady where the OP cherry picks to suit their storyYou could've just fastforwarded to the time we actually brought the walls down. Instead of stopping us and asking us why and what to do every other post.I won't accuse you of railroading, but bringing a wall down shouldn't take that long (storywise) or be the majority of an attack on a castle.
>>26885585You should not stop using images. I like them.
>>26885585I don't know if you know HLQ but that worked on this principle and it worked out well. And the entire thing is achieved on 1d4chan, edited for reading pleasure, I like the images too but they are not strictly necessary.
>>26885612I was waiting for someone to want to climb the walls or consult because the wall coming down would have been virtually worthless. I guess I could have skipped it.I really don't mind when sections I plan out get skipped. I do most of it on the fly, and any cool ideas can be salvaged for another time.
>>26885585>and it is easy to link someone a part of the story or save the chapter heads/fapfics individually.Yeah, I need to go back and do that sometime. Then engage in a day long /tg/ text adventure quest fapping marathon.
>>26885649Well the first guy >>26883977 said "let's build ladders", so was there a reason they were never finished? Or Katya didn't mention it for all her planning and being our general figure?She didn't even do anything for the siege besides mope about and then complain about why we were doing this.
>>26885689I'm thinking of dumping them at some point when they reach critical mass.
>>26885701To be honest. Katya is a pretty serious character, and you show up for a siege, party for three days, maybe throw some rocks around. She was expecting a battle and she got an empty castle with a party animal.She had a right to be pissed.>Defending my charactersI've crossed over and I ain't coming back.
>>26885744I think we should see about that monster spawn.
I'm just worried that the next time we do find a castle or town or something worth taking, we'll just ignore the prospect of forcible capture or use of allies and just go ahead with sneaking in out of fear of a repeat of this episode.I won't blame you if that's what we do, but still, it opens up the path to unecessary risk (vs unecessary waste of resource, understandable, but that's been due to bad planning mostly)
>>26885744I'd be interested in investigating those Mermaids.Yeah, you know what I mean when I say investigate.
>>26885744Alright. I assume our patrol system is still working and we haven't heard or seen anything from the alliance yet. I assume we're safe for now.Gather party (Katya, Imm, Skeletons!) and investigate port town.>>26885764You think? We could gain some important allies if we free that town of their mermaid "plague".
2 for port town. Bringing Katya Imm and skeletons.
>>26885744You should ask her for advice. She seems to know her shit, unlike us. What's the point of having a councilor if you don't listen to their advice?What Katya thinks is important when planning our next move. Talk her through the options.
>>26885818We will get a consult. Keep deciding where we are going guys.
>>26885817If we go to that town for the love of god don't waltz in with monstergirls and a bunch of undead.>>26885818Can we also do this as a minor thingy?
>>26885744If she was wanting a battle she should know that we're only after the jester, get over the walls as quickly as possible and the need to give men a reason to fight.She could've said earlier how she felt about it.We'll what's done is done, but next time let's find an assistant with the impetus to give her two cents or won't question the mission only after it's become a failure.
>>26885817Mermaids it is.What's the best way to kill a mermaid?
>>26885867get her out of the water, obviously
>>26885818see >>26885854what's the point of having an advisor that doesn't give advice unless asked?I like Katya, but she's not the advisor we need. She'll still be our warrior.
>>26885867With vigorous dickings.
>>26885867Many hungry japanese people or Nets.Since this setting lacks japs let's try the nets IF we need to kill them (why should we?)
>>26885801> I assume our patrol system is still workingIf it was devised by us, we should assume it isn't.
Since it's consensus I'm not going to link to posts anymore, except maybe my own previous one.
>>26885771But that's more fun!I mean, yeah, we won't be like those necromancers or Lich's who set up undead kingdoms and become emperors and what not, but it's the journey not the legacy amirite?
>>26885916A good standard to hold ourselves by. We must be mindful to keep an eye on the Alliance, but not until after the mermaid problem is dealt with.
I suggest we stick to the old ways. Just walk right in and ask about, explain who we are and ask what they want.Have like a magic flare or something in case we need the bulk of our troops to bail us out.
>>26886000nice tripsDo what we usually do, scout via skele ravens if nothing terrible happens go into town and inquire about mermaid problem. And leave the party behind for now. But make it clear that you have brought support if they want you to help and tell them that your support is quite...unusual.>>26886016>I mean, yeah, we won't be like those necromancers or Lich's who set up undead kingdoms and become emperors and what not, but it's the journey not the legacy amirite?That depends entirely on if a lich can get an erection.
>>26886052please still reply. It helps me separate the discussion from the actual suggestions.
>>26886052We have telepathy for that don't we?>>26886076Good idea, "so you need help, eh? It so happens I have brought a medium sized army to asist you with that. Deal? Oh no, don't worry those undead are completely docile" something along those lines
>>26886052But for now I personally would let the majority on the outside. So We, Kat, Imm and one or two of our skells I propose.Also set the Catgirls up to follow the command of one Skelleton, since when shits going downhill, we only have a mental link to the skelletons.
>>26886000Check if they're alliance.If not, make ourselves, and our intentions known to whoever is in charge.
>>26886114>It so happens I have brought a medium sized army to asist you with that.For future reference, we should consider hiring an actual general or military veteren as opposed to a catgirl to lead our troops. Katya should still be consulted, but she doesn't seem to have the "impetus" to advise us, assist, or tell us her feelings (other than when she's mad or pissed). That does not good leadership skills make (though we're not better, admittedly).
>>26886272hahahahahahhahaa>inb4 whales on stiltsUndead work underwater right?(this is not a suggestion)
>>26886272I think we need to meet with the mermaids, we might be able to handle this the peaceful way.If not, well, one of the advantages of skellies is that they can survive perfectly happily underwater.
>>26886272"A siege eh? Don't worry, we went and fucked up a siege just before we came. We'll stop this one, if you're willing to accept the costs."Also what do you think should be our terms? Maybe we can consider this place being a fiefdom or vassal or something.
>>26886272Let's start with a crazy idea.Bury some skeletons on the beach where we know the mermaids will come. We start diplomatic talks. If things go sour, part of our fighting force is already there.
>>26886319As a precaution we should get us some underwater breathing potions as well. You never know.
>>26886336I like it. If the mermaids attack us, they will learn the true depths of 2spooky4u skeletons jumping out.
>>26886319>>26886336>>26886339Shall we combine these?>acquire potions>bury skellies>arrange diplomatic meeting
>>26886336>and then a skeleton popped out>>26886364Sounds good.
>>26886336Sweet idea. Supporting this.
>>26886272Even if we have our army, it hasn't done us any good if we don't know how to use it.Anon's suggestion >>26886229 of hiring a veteran to make up for our lack of any tactical intelligence sounds good.Can we promise to come back later and look for someone who can lead troops?
>>26886364Alright this is it.
>>26886336Part of our fighting force will be buried on the shore, within reach of god knows what (whales, seals, legions of beachcrabs and shit).On top of that how'd we go about it without them seeing us? They likely have spies watching from the ocean.
By the way, OP, just because we're being democratic about this, doesn't mean the hideous fuck ups should stop.The hideous fuck ups make it fun.
>>26886438Well yeah, it's just that now we'll know the hideous fuckups are everyone's fault, or the dice's fault, not just some guy racing in with a dumb suggestion.
Rolled 8>>26886438I'm pretty sure the dice are as terrible as always, once shit gets serious we are gonna fail hard again.Let's test that.
>>26886438Yes but they shouldn't be repetivive and lengthy fuckups.Somebody around us ought to have some bursts of common sense after a while, and if not just hire somebody who will like >>26886229 says.
>>26886438Oh of course.I still expect every thread to involve creating something horrible, nearly dying, spending two weeks without magic or without a limb, then fucking a brand new monstergirl, or two old ones in new combinations.
Rolled 13>>26886466Yup, seems normal.
>>26886473Just making sure. Keep it up man.
>>26886272Another idea.Start out with loudly and obnoxiously eating a fish on the beach. Because fuck ocean dwellers.
>>26886505You know mermaids probably eat fish too, right?
>>26886505I always imagine mermaids as being carnovourous anyway, biologically speaking it wouldn't make much sense for such small openwater creatures to life of plants.
>>26886556Send some skellies to grab kelpfish.
>>26886556Skelebro's don't need to breathe. Maybe send out a few to contact them personally?Also gonna mention again hiring a vet to lead our troops where we might not be able to (and clearly can't).
>>26886556Oh contacting them is easy, or rather making noise underwater is easy. Get a large plank at bang it on the surface as hard as possible, possibly assisted by magic. That should be heard for MILES.It's not particulary intelligent though.>>26886578>>26886607Sound much better than my idea.
>>26886556ask the villagers when they usually show up
>>26886607>Also gonna mention again hiring a vet to lead our troops where we might not be able to (and clearly can't).I'm okay with that as long as our vet can be female and hot, we have to keep up standards here!
>>26886621>It's not particulary intelligent though.But it's perfectly in character
>>26886640>I'm okay with that as long as our vet can be female and hotNO! We have enough female problems as is.What we need is a somone who thinks with their brain, not their dick nor their ovaries, and doesn't question our objectives but our methods.
>>26886684I never intend to write a character like this.
>>26886684That's a little rude, you're saying someone who's hot and female can't think with their brain?
>>26886684An eunuch? I'm serious about it sice he cannot think with his dick
>>26886684That leaves us pretty optionless though. I don't think such a character EXISTS in this world.>>26886699As predicted.
>>26886699Thank goodness, I've seen too many originally silly quests die of trying to be serious.
>>26886714Welp, looks like it's time for the plank. We should assign that to a skeleton and keep banging for HOURS. That's gotta annoy someone, and it will disorientate the whales! Army behind us of course.
>>26886702Oh they can, we just need to find one.Nobody, not our catgirl warrior, not the immortal with 4 centuries of intellect, not an entire army of men, nobody had the common sense when we needed it the most for weeks.
>>26886755Let's have 2 skellies with planks alternating.
>>26886714>>26886755Why just one skelly, have a whole line of them paddling the water.
>>26886755>>26886781>>26886786Annoying the mermaids into submission certainly fits with our character, I'll give you that.
>>26886699What about the secretary? She->"I get to fuck whichever monster I want"Hmm, point taken.
>>26886786>>26886781>>26886755I am laughing so hard right now. Imagine that scene, complete with us standing behind them, crossed arms looking like we had the best idea ever.
>>26886799Yep there we go. We will be petty and intrusive until they're forced to interact with us.
>>26886822>crossed arms looking like we had the best idea ever>Implying all our idea's haven't been the best idea's ever
By the way Imm isn't stupid. You just acted stupid and partied. Katya is quiet and passive aggressive, but the Immortal just observes unless you force her,
>>26886822>>26886844Any suggestion that our ideas are not genius is simply the world failing to live up to our greatness.
>>26886855We're not stupid either. We invented ladders! And it only took us a few weeks.After this we need to start advertising that shit.
>>26886895>inb4 blood feud initiated on stairs.
>>26886895I'm assuming that in Mr Bones case, being a magical prodigy and all, it's high Intelligence, low wisdom.
>>26886935change low to "non-existant" and you are completely right
>>26886935Which makes sense if you consider that his life story, from what I remember is:>Child>Go learn necromancy from a crazy man in a cave for 10 years>Quest beginsA life like that hasn't really left much time for developing basic common sense.
>>26886935Low wisdom might be contagious though, as none of the men questioned us why not just climb over the wall.Honestly this talk about the siege has gone on long enough. And the only solution, is more mermaids.
>>26886988>Provided three day catgirl sex party>Ever questioning your leader again.
>>26886988>Low wisdom might be contagious though, as none of the men questioned us why not just climb over the wall.We're a powerful mage, most regular people are going to assume that if they don't understand our plan, it's because it's wizard shit which is beyond petty mortal comprehension.Hell, that's probably what we think when we come up with a plan that makes no sense.
>>26887039. . .Good point.
>>26887053>Hell, that's probably what we think when we come up with a plan that makes no sense.This fits us so incredibly well.Yeah, that's what I am going to assume from now on if we do something like that again.
>>26887053>Hell, that's probably what we think when we come up with a plan that makes no sense.>it's because it's wizard shit which is beyond petty mortal comprehension.>implying this isn't trueWould we be alive to tell the tale otherwise?
>>26887110Ask them to give us some more details, the village said they were taking more men than they could handle.We need the full story here, damn it!
>>26887110Well, normally i'd expect a "yes, I do expect you to die" followed by skeleton attack response, but since we're gonna be diplomatic about things, why not suggest an alternate source of "manpower"?We could go raid an alliance town together or something.
>>26887110Humans are a resource that runs out too. You can't just take what you want.And what do you do even do with them?
>>26887110"You do realize men can't breath underwater? You get a better mileage if you allowed them to breathe air."
>>26887158>And what do you do even do with them?Really? What do you think?
>>26887186Well the obviously don't rape them because they just drown.They eat them or something?
>>26887210>because they just drown.And you know this how? Should anything in this world surprise you or be expected, except us being wrong?
>>26887170>>26887210It's entirely possible that merfolk know how to make underwater breathing potions too.
>>26887210This is a world of magic, they could breathe underwater thanks to mermaid voodoo or something.
>>26887248Hell maybe human skin is the latest fashion trend in the abyss. I have no idea.I just want to know the whole story.
>>26887262>mermaid voodoo or something.Or, in line with the spirit of this quest, it's something coitus related.By the way, OP, I think the consensus is "discuss what the mermaids need the men for"
>>26887296We need to get the full story out of one side or another, so yeah, do that.
>>26887296Yep I'm writing it
>>26887276>Implying they don't have to eat them out to breathSince when have we found a monster-human relationship that wasn't sexual in some way shape or form?
>>26887324>the ultimate underwater breathing potion>mermaid juiceI can totally see that happening.
>>26887350I am so sad I didn't think of this.
>>26887427whoopsGUESS WHAT HAPPE
>>26887435Some sort of anti-magic amulet?Well shit, without magic we've got nothing. Call in the skellies and catgirls.
>>26887435Isn't there like a fucking army behind us? Scream for help. In a reserved and dignified manner of course, we are a mighty magician.>>26887427You can still write that in easily.
>>26887435We should take the whole villageand move it into the ocean
Rolled 7>>26887435Point our finger in the air, make a big magic flare.Let our army actually be useful for once!
Rolled 9>>26887435Ok that's enough getting pushed around, how about we try not to become a sex slave for a group of mermaids out of pride or something? We have some of that left, right? Stab with bladehand, call everyone to battle.
>>26887435Hey, Katya? Imm? All the skeletons in fucking hiding?Now is a good time.
>>26887505I forgot we had that, good idea.Combine with screaming for help.
>>26887502I think we just ascertained that magic is off the cards until we deal with that amulet.
>>26887484>>26887502>>26887505>Our army>Every being usefulThey're really only for show. Why else did we dress up our skeletons in such fancy clothes, or go into town for a drink instead of pillaging on our very first day?
>>26887435Also, if a roll is needed, what you should do is post the story part, like what you have there. When an action is decided, make a simple "Roll for action" post, then see what happens afterward. Keeps things neat.
>>26887514On that note, the skeletons are still holding the planks right?Now might be a good time to use those.
Rolled 1>>26887435Yell at the top of our lungs.SKELETONS!
>>26887556I MUST see that.Mermaids getting pounded hard, but not how you think.
>>26887556Time for a paddlin'.
>>26887559How, HOW can we actually critfail at SHOUTING??
Have we just collectively agreed on not fucking a brand new race of monstergirls when we had the choice?Not complaining.
>>26887605It's us, do you honestly expect anything different?
Rolled 16>>26887611I! But! We! You!I give up on everything and everyone.
>>26887620>implying we aren't saving that for laterAre you new or something? Everyone knows that is going to occur rather sooner than later.
>>26887559Well, at least we have fitting last words to write on that tombstone.
>>26887620Mr Bones fucks on his terms, not theirs.If they want the D, they can line up and ask for it.
>>26887611Are....are you joking?
>>26887620>implyong we get rapedIt is us that does the raping, not the other way around.
>>26887654"Here lies Mr. Bones""His last words were 'SKELETONS'"
>>2688766541a.png.Not sure if really finished
>>26887684So we're you not here for the last 4 chapters or what?
>>26887692He actually couldn't articulate words because he was too busy drowning.
>>26887707Maybe we're trying to turn over a new rapey leaf.
I love that the quest has been such a shitstorm that people were willing to believe in a death like that. I'm not saying I wouldn't do that though.
Rolled 12>>26887811We killed something?Raise its skeleton obviously.
Rolled 18>>26887811Resurrect the corpses. Maybe into something useful in any form of combat, fucking seriously.Have one of the catgirls get that fucking amulet the hell out of here, but somewhere we can find it again.
Rolled 10>>26887811Raise mermaid skeletons...?Maybe we could try a mermaid skeleton golem?
>>26887811Man, our skeletons really are useless.First things first, we need to do something about that damned amulet so we can use magic when the mermaids come back.>>26887842You think this quest is a shitstorm?I've seen quests that make this one look like a calm summer day.
>>26887881We're not going to do any more golems or sieges/castle assaults until 3 chapters when we get our shit together.
>>26887842I think it's cool of you to do that. Don't get attached to Mr. Bones and build an unbreakable plot armor for the guy, that'll just give us the impression we're invincible. That doesn't contribute to the story at all.
>>26887912Trust me this guy is going to die, and you guys are going to have to reroll.It is just a matter of when you get that death critfail.
>>26887912Don't go too far the other way either though.The person who ran BFQ spent so long telling everyone that the character could die at the drop of a hat that they were paranoid about doing anything.
>>26887912But we ARE invinvible.There's no other explanation why our own hilariously bad decisions haven't killed us off. Hell, we're even discouraged from making safe decisions "because it's too boring and takes too much time"
>>26887931There was that one bone golem that damn near ended Mr. Bones, but we a lucky crit.
>>26887931What if we become a Lich?I'm sure we could become pretty secure at that point. Do we know how to do that?
>>26887937I make a bunch of mental rules and I stick with them. I try and take myself out of the equation.
>>26887939The safe path is always boring and takes too much time. It's always fun to do mad magic and just jump into the fray than leading armies.
>>26887965As long as we can still get a boner, otherwise immortality isn't worth it.
>>26887951Oh yeah. I literally sat and thought "If this roll isn't amazing, they die right here and now."
>>26887965>What if we become a Lich?It's pretty much garaunteed we're not.Conquering stuff and ruling just takes too much effort and is dull, and we're terribad at it. Why bother when we can be out having adventures and sexing monstergirls.
>>26887985>I try and take myself out of the equation.>please do my jester dungeon>lol siege>imma ignore it and do some other shit>next day>please do my jester dungeon>lol no, siege pls>"you siege the castle instead of doing my jester dungeon, nothing happens for 3 days cause you' faggots won't do my jester dungeon"Sure thing buddy.
>>26887995>Necromancer>Ever having boner issues
>>26888003Any chance this adventure won't end with Mr. Bones dying? Maybe if someone rolls 4 20s in a row and says "retire and live off the brothel", you can't just make him live happily ever after?It's just that ALL those adventures end in death, it's kind of cliche.
>>26888037>siege!>Build camps>Sex party>Everyone tired>Digging fails>Walls are coming down>CLIMB THE WALLS GUYS!>Nothing inside, not surprising.>Hey girls what do you think of my sex party siege?>Why are you destroying a castle for no reason?>Good point, we are leaving.
>>26888069That's a nice idea. If we get to a point where he gets too powerful, he could become an NPC in a rerolls world.
>>26888087>>Nothing insideWe'll never know, since, you know, we never bothered to go in.And even if it wasn't, we came there to burn that thing to the ground. Sure was it petty? A waste? Yeah, but we had the resources.Besides, if it's of no worth to us going in force, it sure wouldn't be any different with just the 5 of us.We're not doing that again anytime soon that's for sure.
>>26888140I'm just annoyed that he thinks it was my decision to fuck around sieging. I admit it was the product of a flawed system though.
Rolled 12>>26888182Animate their skeletons to. Except still inside them.Their ours now.
>>26888182I cast death.
Rolled 12>>26888182Mermaid skeleton puppets.
Rolled 11>>26888182use illusions to make them think see each other as skellingtons