/tg/, I crave new SS13 stories. If you supply, I have a few stories I haven't told yet that you may enjoy.
>>26775464I'll get the ball rolling, then.>Don't have much time, start as a ghost.>Turns out I do have time to play, damn.>Watch everything.>Chef is swedish.>Captain is dicking around>Syndicate is clueless, needs to get dat dick>Assistant calls me down as a PAI>Become Clippy, the good clown of PAI's. Annoying, but useful.>Syndies are shooting people, trying to break into the bridge.>Assistant is hiding, trying to get weapons.>I am offering advice. "It looks like you are a coward. Do you need help?>It looks like you have a stolen weapon. Do you need help?>It looks like you are cornered by a syndicate, would you like help?
>>26775688>Anyway, we got ot of the syndie cornering, the syndicates really were clueless.>I constantly remind him that we should bail, get out, he wants heroics.>Librarian comes on radio, wants to read something.>Well, not the best time, but I'm curiou->Woody's got wood.>Half the station goes to the library to get him, most yelling "Syndies, come and help us".>We get there first, librarian dead.>Looks like an admin spawned an alpha space carp on him.>User drags body to chapel.>"Hey everyone, come kick his corpse!>A few people come, everyone else occupied with the syndies breaching the bridge.
>Tried to play this game>So busy and complicated with controls and tools that it overloaded my mind>Swamped with things I can do and use that I don't know exactly what I should do>No real simple tutorials out there that can summerize simple things to get me rolling>So much walls of text learning that I struggle to focus and give up>Hear all the cool stories all the time but can never playI wish I wasn't dyslexic. At least I can read all the cool stories...
>>26775934>We head up to security to get weapons after clueless wandering.>Captain in a bodybag, HoS dragging it.>Well, guess you're the captain now, assistant.>User was promoted!>We check out our new pad.>Find clown mask (???)>It looks like the syndies may have the nuke, would you like directions to the teleporter?>Scram to teleporter.>Teleport onto mining station.>South opens onto vacuum, no hardsuit.>North is maintenance closet>West is lifetime supply of donk pockets.>Dick around for a bit.>Nuke goes boom.>User is with me forever.>Last thing on OOC before restart>How many syndies does it take to set up the nuke?>5, to adminhelp, and the other one to wonder where all the other guys went to.I've also got the story of Papa Doc, the insane men. Give me a few stories, and I'll tell it when I've got time.
>>26776040In case anyone is wondering, that is one title, and not a typo.
Woodys got wood? Last time a librarian read that, I got creative. Cut off an arm and legs, implanted a bomb in his chest, and gave him the detonator.
>>26776195The best part though, was that it wasn't actually a bomb. It was filled with ethanol, so he was just knocked unconscious while I cut off his arm, then put him in the bar as a warning. Fucker didn't know how to suicide, and the captain awarded me for my good work.
>>26776195>>26776260What in fucks name is this game?
>>26776319Space Station 13, where you can make as many sadistic or epic moments as you are robust.
>>26776319Boku no Read the fucking OP retard.
>>26776350I know that, but I thought it was just a space simulator.
>>26776407>SS13>Space simulator>More like CLOWN RAMPAGE/virus/space crazies simulator.
>>26776407It is. Part of simulating life on a space station is simulating how to cut off someone's arms and legs and implanting a bomb in their chest because they read some horrible fanfiction.
>>26776319welcome to space station 13 you illiterate newfriend
>>26776452Riiiight. I think I'll pass.
All these people, and no stories? Come onnnn, it doesn';t have to even be long, as long as it's interesting!
>>26776492>I am a big sissy who needs to be led by the hand everywhereYeah, go back to your tumblreddit hugbox and stay there.
>>26776523>play SS13 for the first time>try to open toolbox>end up hitting myself in the face>shamequitI have no stories because I'm too intimidated by the learning curve (and the technical issues like atmos lag and stuff) to really get into the game but I am glad I've learned enough about the game to appreciate the stories.
>>26776260Come to think of it, this sounds like something I've done... well, too much. I've played many traitor docs that enslave people this way, but Papa D took this to a higher art form. He still did the same thing, but... well, I'll tell you if you give me delicious stories.
>Be mime>Throw trash at the clown>Grab a fork and stab the leg of the clown>Clown has enough of my shit and starts fighting me>Punches being thrown from both sides>Officer comes and arrests the clown>"I'm sorry for whatever the clown has done to you"
>>26776620Ah, the buttmonkey of the station. Pennywise was a clown I played once, once I discovered I was a changeling and could shoot spiders. Anyway, I'd say only about one more story, then I'll start my tale.
I remember following the tutorial at a snail's pace, filling out a form, and then dicking around for 20 minutes doing NOTHING before it was time to evac.At which point, after everyone had gotten into the shuttle, everybody- and I mean all 40 of them- pulled out all their most deadly gear and began killing each other in a gigantic bloody massacre.Seeing as I had no idea how anything worked, I'd been RP'ing as the "It's my first day, can I help with anything?" newbie role, and I ended it by just hiding in a corner with a crowbar and screaming as the evac shuttle filled with gore and blood.I dunno WHAT the fuck happened, in any of the time I was online.
>This is back in goonserver back when barber was a thing>traitor barber>kill captain and escape alone>pilfer tools and whatnot and fashion myself my own sweeney todd chair>go all out, make a bunch of "free haircut coupons" and drop them everywhere>spend most of the round bored murdering assistants and cloned cluwnes>suddenly, captain comes asking for a haircut>tries to stab me in the back with his proboscis while my back is turned>wait what>oh shit changeling>note that he found me outside my shop so I run like hell while the changeptain screams bloody murder>the whole station was murdered while I lazed away apparently>run into my shop, robust the changeling with my straight razor>push him onto my sweeney todd chair and lock him in>finally slit his throat>a latefag assistant snuck in the shuttle so i didn't escape alone and i lost
>>26776803So, the first thing you need to know about papa doc was that he wasn't the first doctor that I've played. I was playing on an extended server for the past few days, and was usually playing surgeon, because I could brush up on the skills a bit. However, monkeys were getting boring, I have to admit. So I PMed a admin with a special request.>Hey, as long as I don't kill anyone, can I do some illegal things as a doctor?>Um, sure, as long as you have a reason.At this point, I called a friend of mine to help provide a motivation, and this is when the round started. Going to greentext the rest of the stuff.
I recently was a tator, decided to be Spaceman Sandiego. I stole entire parts of the station. Just removed them completely. By the time the shuttle left, solid chunks of maintenance, parts of Science, a bit of medbay, cargo, and the HoS' office had been completely removed from the station.Best part was when an officer walked in to the brig as I was finishing completely dismantling the HoS' office and just said on the radio, "Wow, you actually stole the whole room. We just thought you meant you stole the locker."
>>26776853>Start as Papa Doc, a depressed doctor who worked hard to get where he was today, to discover his job is actually really boring.>Wanders the halls, pick up the PAI in the dorms.>My friend enters the picture, as COBRA.>We sit down in surgery, "sharing" a bottle, when we breach the topic of no one liking my work.>Well, why don't you MAKE more of them like your work?>Start of darkness>Call an assistant into surgery, during everyone fuzzing over a dumb engineer rookie.>Start brain removal>Keep brain for the moment, go get my genes sequenced.>Want to show the geneticist something in surgery, take his brain too.>Clone myself twice, bring bodies back to surgery.>COBRA wonders if their like this new body of theirs.>Time for safeguards.>Go to tools, take all the remote detonators.>Sneak into chem (No one there) grab grenade stuff.>Remote controlled grenades are go!>Implant them into clones, put brains into clones.>Papa D count: 3
>first time roboticist.>clown comes in to be borg'd, i got the tutorial open in a new window>"Sure! come right in!">set him on the table, have all tools laying out in order.>click on head, he gets stabbed in the chest.>"whoops, sorry">click on topmost pixel of head, he gets stabbed in the chest>"whoops, sorry">"Hey guys, this is the clown, if I die, the roboticist is the traitor">finally figure it out and send him on his way.>he gets brought back 3 minutes later because the A.I. was shitty was acting funny, and they wanted me to check up on him.>take him apart, guide online is vague at best, useless at worst.>have him put back together 10 minutes later, fairly sure he's fine, but not convinced.>he doesn't respond>realize i may have left the lockdown switch on from when i was fucking around trying to figure things out>not sure if lockdown light on means lockdown, or light off means lockdown>not sure if actually locked down or just afkI'm so sorry man, you deserved so much better
>>26777004>Tell them that they'll have to do my bidding, or else die terribly.>Assistant is cool with it, it means more access.>Geneticist doesn't like it, but he has no choice.>COBRA has downloaded remote signaler by this point, and reports as such.>Instruct assistant to grab anyone that won't be missed, geneticist to make more clones.>Chemist boards>Grab him grab hiiim>Obtain chemist, same procedure.>Papa D count: 4>this goes on for a while.>Admin message>Holy fuck, dude. I didn't expect this at all.>Point out that I sure had a reason, and this will only get bigger.>Continue surgery, get more docs.>Including HoP, who gives me all access.>People start to get suspicious.>As in "Security, how did three papa docs just come from the same place?" suspicious.>Instruct them not to get caught, bring the bodies to dorm maintenance.>Clip camera in dorm room, set up table, continue cloning while bringing bodies in through secret passage.
>Be Virologist>Get myself a crate of viruses and enough mutagens to last for a(n average ss13) lifetime>start massproducing stimpacks and shit for sec>about 30 minutes in shuttle is called>I realize the comms were dead quiet for the last 10 minutes>inject myself with experimental super-soldier-serum>carefully open the virology airlock>medbay is dark, glass is smashed, blood and corpses everywhere, no oxigen>luckily, the S-S-S makes non-reliant on oxigen>press my trusty toolbox against my chest and carefully move forward>bloody assistant with circular saw jumps me, screaming incoherent gibberish>goes down after a few lucky blows to the head>leave the medbay, head for church>church is cult nest>leg it>manage to escape weird ass cult minions and monsters due to superior S-S-S running speed>maybe the captain and station heads holed up in the cargo bay>cargo bay entrance deserted>pry open doors, move in>fucking aliens>fucking everywhere>get jumped by facehugger>somehow end up not infected, run for my life again>station seems to be in a deathlock between warring cultists and aliens>steal toolbelt from dead engineer, break into engineering, restart singularity, don't restart containment field>weld escape pods shut>release secret ultra-vicious airborne brainrot-hallucinogenic-seizure virus in escape shuttle hallway>got to bar, get cigar and brandy>drag chair to half-spaced bridge, sit down, take of helmet and wait for the singularity
>code a new menu for the chef three years ago>still not implemented
>>26777188>Assistantbro gets taken to security because of the reasoning "WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING">"Papa, I got caught. I'm sorry. I was the assistant.>COBRA knows what this means.>Detonate bomb inside assistant Papa.>Security has NO CLUE what just happened to the prisoner.>But it's too late now.>Too late for all of them.>Start the raid on the bridge by holding the door open with my all access.>Take control of bridge.>Security blocks off all exits from the bridge, is given orders from the captain to kill them all.>All in the bridge, that is.>Not me or COBRA.>Because we were doing something else.>Namely, getting into the AI upload.
>>26777348>Upload new orders for the AI>Papa Docs are the only humans, kill all others in a way that I may salvage their brains.>5 or so security no longer have the AI on their side.>Vs the 10 or so prepared Papa D, they soon were turned.>End total: 2 Loyal AI, 13 papa D clones, Papa Doc himself, and an admin that was watching the whole thing.>OOC, admin speaks.>Well, that was unexpected.>Guess that's that though...>BUT THEN>Cobra interjects.>Say, give me a bit of time, will you? This is too good to end here.>Admintalk with cobra for a bit, then silence, other then the busy surgical sounds of Papa D making more.>Then, the unthinkable.>OOC COBRA: Say, who wants to make another stations life hell?
>>26777506At this point, it seems that COBRA (Such a bro) had looked through a few other stations, and talked to some admins there. Well, one of them seemed to find the idea of an invasion interesting.>COBRA: Anyway, we're going to all be the event, and it will be best. Who's onboard?>Like 5 dudes, but who cares this will be best.>Anyway, admin ends round, we're all briefed on how to become papa doc from character creation, and we head over to the other station, population about 20.
>on a tabletop gaming board>"learning curve is 2hard4me"What the shit?
>>26776407SS13 is a space simulator like college is a school. In theory, yeah, but in practice you just end up breaking bottles over people's heads and turning them into hamburgers.
>be chaplain>put in god as the wicked clowns>no one biting but things as always things go south hard>in the bar with a man who looks like N>we start bsing, chaos enfolding around us Eventually it gets to the point he's interested about the wicked clowns, at this time the only other sane member of the station finally brings some requested clown gear>I tell him to repeat some ICP lyrics and drink ss13's Mountain Dew knock off>I take it too and we start vibrating"YOU ARE HAVING A GREAT VISION! THE WICKED ONES ARE VISITING YOU!">ask him what he sees>tell him he's the Juggalo messiah and the singularity (which is loose) is trying to take himWe run back to the shuttle and the singulo almost takes him but I drag him to the escape podFirst round I didn't die horribly
Since this thread will probably attract a couple ss13 vets: Are ghetto space suits out of gasmasks, firesuits and fire extinguishers still a thing?
Basically this story starts out very hopeful, but when you've got 3 very incompetent space rock hobos tasked with being aliens capable of eating then turning into people, shit doesn't really happen>Get to be a miner, like I like>Oh shit, I'm a ling>Watch my other mining bros, one disappears the other keeps popping in and out watching me>Suspish as hell, but okay>Plan on dismantling mining shuttle console and comms>Ling channel lights up as we all start to come to the realization that we three miners are lings>Have a laugh as we explain our plans to kill each other and proceed to go to the station to kill our respective targets>I have some assistant that's nowhere to be found>Finally find him in the AI upload dicking around>Decide not to eat him outright, and wait and watch for a good 5 minutes>He finally goes braindead and I just take him and eat him>Nothing happens really but the ling bros are caught and I'm all alone now>Shuttle's called because they're paranoid>Obediently board shuttle as assistant>Shuttle grief happens, I get spacedI'm really bad at antag...
>>26777937No, that's been out of the code for ages
>>26777937You can use gasmasks for internals obviously, but the cold will still kill you.
>>26776853>Tell admin you won't kill anyone>First thing you do is debrain two people
>>26777182Lockdown'd borgs can still speak. He was AFK
>>26778073he put their brains back in(to another body), so everything is cool.
>>26777208The best way to go, props to you.
>>26778164The singularity went into the wrong direction and the aliens won, since most cultist died vomiting their inards out while I slowly froze to death.
>Be Mime in a lowpop round>No engineers, break into Engineering and set up the engine by myself>Declared Hero of the Station and promoted to Captain (Unofficially)>Break into Caps office for the access card>Go to Robotics and steal an entire fabricator>Set it up in a quite corner of the station>I'm a regular who always does Zanny things so I get little more then "Oh that's just Anon being Anon again">Steal all the security helmets, teasers, and vests>Build an army of Beepskys and Securitrons>Set everyone on the station to arrest>They try to mob me but they get tased and cuffed as soon as they enter the hall way
>>26777585Now, I know so many of you are calling bullshit right right now, but this was pretty awesome.>So, the server starts. We've been briefed, and things go like clockwork at the start.>Rules are: If we all die, then they win.>If I die, it's a tie at best.>If they all die, we win, but we should attempt to create more of Papa D.>If we escape on the shuttle, we win, and the cycle may begin anew.>Rounds about 10 minutes in, when the arrivals computer announces 5 arrivals of papa D, followed by a nanotrasen announcement that the computer is bugged, disregard that.>We were quickly teleported to the clown ship, sans clowns, plus some ghetto gear that the admin gave us.>while we were preparing, Nanotrasen reported that an escape shuttle was off course, and may be in the general vicinity.>We suit up, P.A.P.A: D. (renamed Cobra) was with me, detonator app installed, along with new bombs for them.>We start digging with pointers from the admin towards mining.
Honk Honk Butt.https://soundcloud.com/stephanosrex/honk-honk-butt
>>26778399>We make it to mining, catch the one miner off guard, Papatize him.>Admin is filling in the new Papas as we go.>Mine paltry amount of ore, bring all the papas back to station.>Break into theatre, get masks, start the outbreak.
>>26777962>>26778007These guys are wroooooooooooooong.Suit up as usual then drink five cups of coffee before hand and keep a box full of coffee and you can ghetto space walk for between five and ten minutes. A bit more if you hurt yourself a bit, get some medibot restoratives in you, and drag around a space heater while in space.
Anyone got server suggestions? I'm pretty fed up with post-TLE /tg/ server.
>>26778884Goon, Bay, Nox, Sigurd, Pinku, Facepunch, /vg/, /tg/...Those are about the only ones I can think off the top of my head and they're all pretty awful.Just depends on what kind of admin shittery and playerbase shittery you can put up with. Worst case, find a shitty byond list one and jump on there and use your superior knowledge of griff to robust the shit out of them and move on to the next one on the list.
>>26778927Goon isn't so bad.Nox and bay, yeah.No experience with Sigurd or Pinku.Facepunch is meh, but laggy.
>>26778927Isn't pigu dead as fuck?I've heard some horror stories about Sigurd being all Furry ERP and admin shittery.
You haven't clowned until you've prayed to Honk'sie for blood.
>>26779107Or, for that matter, defeated a syndie squad as power rangers.
>>26778560>Start taking over station, starting with surgery.>Make secret passage into surgery from maintenance, start kidnapping assistants.>AI spots us, alerts captain.>Security starts converging on surgery, bust down door.>Examine assistant I was working on.>The assistant I just put a bomb in.>BAM, there goes surgery and some of security.>I took assistants ID, use gas mask to be undetectable.>People are more prepared here.>Well, so are we.>One Papa D gets into security using a ID we got, loots some flashes and handcuffs.>Two more start cutting cameras, one gets caught, detonated.>People are starting to wise up, are notified to attack from range.>Doesn't stop us from exploding.>I'm outfitted with a miner suit, so I can breathe in space.>The escape shuttle is being delayed, upon grounds of Nanotrasen being all "LOLWHUT" at the situation.>While P.A.P.A: D. is orchastrating this, I'm just making explosives and sticking monkey brains into more clones of me, gotten by sneaking into genetics while everyone was elsewhere.>Start sneaking dumbass clones into lockers scattered around the escape shuttle.
>>26779295>Captain knows a lost situation when he sees one, these bombs have been causing havoc.>Calls shuttle, tells security to secure the escape docks.>I walk down to help them out, start brandishing pick at assistants who get close.>P.A.P.A gives instructions to most Papas to start assault on the bridge, using some explosives I left for them.>They boom their way in, are getting mowed down.>Captain knows what's about to happen, makes a run for it. Others aren't so lucky, and are caught in the blast.>Captain gets to escape dock as it arrives, boards.>People are still held back until they remove their masks.>One papa slips past, starts opening lockers with monkey papa Ds in them.>I scram onto the shuttle, monkey brained papas detonate, destroying a lot of the escape dock.>Shuttle contains me, captain, and a few other dudes, mostly security.>Shuttle launches, I'm the only Papa Doc.>Nervous conversation.>P.A.P.A. and I PM each other for a bit, then I throw my last bomb at the cluster of security.>BAM, there goes security.>Remove my helmet, wave to the captain.>Shuttle docks.>I escaped, Papa Doc lived to clone another day.And that's the tale of Papa Doc, the men that brought down not one, but TWO space stations.I'd archive it at this point, but some dude archived it without even a mention to me.
>>26779670Where'd you get all the bombs?
>>26776023Did you look at the wiki?
>>26779706The admin spawned a box of materials with us, as I pointed out that we would have brought them with. I also made quite a few when chem was unguarded, they're not hard to build.
> New round> Admin press the Triad AI button> Round type is MalfunctionWelp
>>26777647I'm not sure.It's really not that hard. Just a few minutes to get used to the basics is all anyone should need.
>>26779771grenade bombs or bomb bombs?alternatively boom bombs or acid bombs?
>>26780050Grenade boom bombs, that's what you can fit in a chest cavity and make easily.I need to go now, but remember; When you get traitor doctor, try to make an army or yourself for shits and giggles, then tell me about it.
>>26779002I dunno, I haven't heard of pinku in awhile so maybe?Sigurd is ERP as fuck, but its there. Some people enjoy that I guess? I just don't understand the appeal in spessmens.
>>26777208>holy shit on shit toast>that is fucking amazing>it's like an average day for an astartes>kill heretics>kill xenos
Im relatively new to SS13 but this is what happened during my second game>Assistant>Join game about 10 minutes in start doing what assistants do best, wandering around looking for stuff >Walk into church>Guy with hood standing in center of the room surrounded by runes and blood splatters>Oh shit this has to be a cultist>He shouts at me and I leg it to security not knowing what to do>Inform officer who tells me to piss off he's busy>Take matters into my own hands>Find tool box>Confront cultist who screams something along the lines of "THE RITUAL IS ALMOST COMPLETE">mfw>Start slamming tool box into him>Eventually cripple and kill him>Clown and chef walk ask me what im doing>Point out runes and that the guy was obviously a cultist>They try to attack me >Leg it all the way back to the arrival shuttle and change out of blood stained clothes>Lights go out just when security is screaming about discovered xeno infestation>Decide to hide out at bar until shuttle arrives>Station enters radiation belt>Still confused as to what is going on i keep moving until radiation posioning overcomes me and i die>Minutes pass by while dead>Fuck this im going to go get dinenr>Eat and come back to find my body being dragged off to medical by an armored sec officer>Drops me off in medbay>Blood and bodies all over the damn placeShould I continue???
>>26782784>>26782800Alright then>Medical panicking>Overwhelmed with all the irradiated patients and apparent xenos victims>Eventually drag me off to be cloned >Get cloned, grab my shit and move out to the bar>Hiding out at bar for a while enjoying booze with bartender who was camping out there as well>Look out in hallway>FUCKINGXENOS.jpg>They storm the bar, bartender fending them off with shotgun>I get clawed to death and start being dragged off>Bro bartender runs out and blasts alien warrior>Drags my body to medical>Get borged this time >Decide to leave another way this time to avoid aliens>Stumble across alien hive in research room>Medical scientist dragging in a body >Xenos loving scum>Attempt to run>Scientist stuns me and beats me to death>For some reason drags me off into some random room >Spend rest of the round lying dead in room>Shuttle was called apparently bartender made it out>Discover i had successfully stopped the only cultist left back at the churchAnd that was my second game of SS13. Holy shit this game is fun
>>26776906How was this accomplished? RCD access?
>>26782946He drug you to that room so you wouldn't be found and cloned/borged.Also, beating the chaplin to death for runes is kinda shit. They do that stuff all the time. It was pure coincidence that you got an actual cultistUnless by "Hood" you meant those grey-brown armored cult robes and not the black Chaplin hood. If so, you did good