"-And then this whole flock of owls just flies up! So-""Flock?" You pause, glass held up halfway. You just got interrupted, man across the table- fuck, what's his name, "Owls, owls don't come in flocks, I don't think. They're solitary creatures.""Well, tell that to our car's grill!" There's your husband coming to your rescue. Your white knight. Man, fuck you guy across the table. You squint, hoping it doesn't look like the death glare you'd like to give. Chubby guy, thinning hair, two chins. What's his name?Actually, you realize as you glance around the table, holy shit you don't know anybody here. Looks like a nice room under the kitschy crap. Christmas tree in the corner, undecorated- which you remember was tacky. Thanksgiving hasn't even rolled around Janine, and you're already taking out your plastic piece of crap? Janine! Yes. PTA head. You were having a dinner here to be polite, and-Oh shit, everyone's looking at you. You glance around the faces, five in all. Oh fuck me. There's Janine. She has an expectant look on her face. You were right in the middle of the owl story, everybody loves the owl story. But that fat fuck across from you had to interrupt. Fuck you fatty. Of course owls go in flocks, they're god damn birds."Claire?" One of the women speaks up. Shit, your contacts are treating you like ass. Don't squint, don't squint. The host of this fabulously shitty get together. Focus. Owls. Owls. Holy fuck, you've been talking about this stupid owl story for god damn years, and now, pft, it's gone. Fuck you fat man. Your comb over fools no one.A polite cough. Right. C'mon Claire, don't want to look like you're losing your marbles.>[ ] "Sorry, throat's a little hoarse," Down the rest of the wine in the glass as a delaying tactic.>[ ] "And, well, you know the rest!" Lame end, but what can you do?>[ ] "Well, my husband can tell the rest- he's really good at story telling!" Wiggle out like Ollie North.>[ ] "I have to go to the bathroom." BAIL OUT
>>26554137Throw wine glass at man.
>>26554137>[ X ] "I have to go to the bathroom." BAIL OUT
>>26554307You hold on to your wine glass for a moment, marshaling your rage, engaging in deep and foul calculations of vengeance. God damn comb over wearing motherfucker. You glance at the wine. Earl, Janine's husband had said that it had a 'fine bouquet,' and a 'healthy nose.' Primarily because he didn't know shit about wine, but you're guessing secondarily because you'd have to be snorting this shit to think that it was worth the bottle that it came in."So, uh, Claire-"You hurl your glass across the table, a dread arm of burgundy sloshing over the fat man and his stupid crisp, white shirt, and his stupid piano tie. The fucker doesn't even play the piano! It bounces off of his formidable belly, and rolls on to the rug. A few gasps of shock, then everyone is still. You smile to yourself in triumph. No one will be thinking of the stupid story now.The fat man glances down, his comb over flying free, and hanging across his face. He looks back up at you, cross. "Is this because I pointed out that owls don't fly in flocks?"God damn it. >>26554363"I...Need to go to the bathroom," You rise from the table, wishing that you could take a bottle with you, "Sorry! Spasm. Got it, uh, from, uh, asthma," You nod sagely, "Acted up because of the yoga class.""Yo-Claire? Honey? You just-"You're already up, and walking briskly down the long suffering shitty beige carpet, underneath portraits of Janine's fat smug children posing in front of baseball trophies and spelling bees and whatever the shit else that Janine's awful crotch spawn value. Fuck 'em. Your kids were cooler, they were just...Late bloomers was all.You eventually bumble in to the bathroom, a maelstrom of pink and garish, and manage to tamp down the gagging enough to lock the door.Okay, now you're locked in Janine's bathroom. Now what?> Think. Think about the owl story.> Too late! Just get out now! Shimmy through the window!> See what medication you can find behind the mirror. >Other.
>>26554508> See what medication you can find behind the mirror. Fuck sobriety.Also, OP, I know who you are. You ran Kill Quest, didn't you?
>>26554508>Too late! Just get out now! Shimmy through the window!
Fuck this house and its stupid dinner, you don't even want to talk about schools anyway. Though tempting as it would be to see what Janine's little helpers were- no, not right now. Sweet freedom calls instead. A stubborn latch later, and the window slides open. You stand on the toilet, and peek outside- well that's just great, a rose bush. Way to fit the xeriscaping pledge, Janine. Idiot. Hope you die of thirst in the oncoming water crunch.A knock at the door. "Claire? Are you there?"Great, husband, way to stand up for me. You start trying to wriggle your way through. God, what were you thinking with this blouse pencil skirt combo. And the heels! No sense of planning for this Claire, really, this was inevitable. The outside air is blessed cool, and you feel relief at the breeze coming through, even as you start wiggling like mad to get through the tight window. Christ, you need to lose weight."Claire. Marc is really sorry about the owl remark," Oh Christ, that's what that asshole's name was. MARC. With a C. Fuck Marc, "And he'd like to hear the end of the story."Well, you can't remember. Why doesn't Marc go online and look up more owl facts or some shit. Probably runs an owl fan page or some bullshit.Finally, mercifully, you fall through the window and get yourself pretty shitty scratched up from thorns, but at least you got out of that awkward situation. Now, how to make your escape? Regrettably, your husband has the keys to the car.>[ ] Just hang around until the party finishes, then hitch a ride with your husband. No big deal.>[ ] Nothing for it. Start walking home.>[ ] You're pretty sure Janine leaves her car unlocked. See if you can hotwire like you see in the movies all the time.>[ ] Call a cab. Yeah, you'll have to pay out of the nose, but what can you do?>[ ] Other.
>>26554701Go back for drugs
>>26554701>[ ] Nothing for it. Start walking home.Run in the woods. Escape this.
>>26554701>>[ ] Nothing for it. Start walking home.
>>26554548>You ran Kill Quest, didn't you?I got the same feeling.
>>26554701>Walk it off.
Guess what's a piece of shit? Internet service providers. Charter hates to provide internet. so this thread dead. Can't run quest from phone. Sorry.
>>26555092Why don't you pick it up later, OP? Find a nice coffee shop with free wifi and set up shop for a few hours.
>>26560522OP probably just decided not to run it and used internet as cover. He's mad at us for going in the woods.
>>26560522>>26561678Well, I'm back now. Not that it matters, but my internet DID cut out. I'll just write the response for walking.
>>26554766>>26554752>>26554972Well, there is a pretty little arboreal park between you and home. You pat yourself down, get your heels situated. Maybe you'll come across a flock of owls. You've got your cell phone on you, you could get a picture of the owl flock, then send the picture to Marc with the tag line, 'eat a heaping flock of owl dick,' and then you'll win that argument forever! Still no idea what happened in the owl story. Fuck's sake. It was...Something about driving? God damn it. You walk off in to the night, on the long walk home, teetering on heels and maybe a bit too much wine to drink, content that you at least managed to not look like a total fool in front of Janine and the others. In the light of the full moon, and the crisp November night, you start to feel chilly. Owls. Owls. Owls aren't solitary creatures. They're birds, they had to go in flying vee formations to fly anywhere. You think you read that in a text book while studying to be a vet at least.And then you see it. Great. White. Majestic. Perched on a low branch, a mysterious sentinel in dark, inscrutable yet knowing eyes encompassing all. A great big owl, just hanging out above the trail. Holy shit. Fuck your owl story. You can do better than the owl story.And then your phone starts playing 'Counting Bodies Like Sheep To The Rhythm of the Wardrums." The song your phone plays when your husband calls. The great mysterious beast turns its gaze to you. Motherfucker!>[ ] Answer your phone, keep owl in sight.>[ ] Fuck it, rush the bastard, pin down the owl.>[ ] Two birds, one stone, chuck cell phone at owl, hope it gets knocked out.>[ ] No. Respect nature. Hold your cell phone to the owl as an offering, and then snap it in half, and walk away.>[ ] Other.
>>26564222>Two birds one stone.See how smug fucking Marc is when we kidnap this owl and train it to attack his stupid fucking comb-over. Fuck Marc.
>>26567123>what>who the fuck would watch a three hour old thread>aside from me of courseThis iPhone is pretty cool.But not as cool as a snowy owl's talons scything a fatman's comb over to ribbons. You hated your cell plan anyway, 'anytime minutes' more like 'anytime BULLSHITS,' amirite? Whatever, it's got a good heft.The owl looks at you with some suspicion as you carefully slip the iPhone out of your breast pocket, and feel the weight like an ancient Roman legionary feeling the weight of his pilum to be sent in to gallic breast. The owl bunches up its shoulders, as "go to sleep" starts repeating on your phone. You bring the phone back beyond your shoulder-Shit. The fucker is starting to fly. No you don't! With calculations that would make NASA blush with pride, you lead the great majestic bird and let fly with your fine engineering stained with tiny underpaid Chinese children tears. A confused 'hoo?' and a crack, and the bird plummets to the grass. Success!Your phone's shattered though. You didn't think you hurled it THAT hard. You knew you should have gotten the case for it. You approach the owl. It's spasming, looking around in confusion, trying to get its bearings. It puts you in mind of your favorite movie, Independence Day, starring Will Smith and Dennis Quaid. With a whispered, "Welcome to Earth," you snatch up the snowy owl. You have an owl! It's not in a flock, but you're sure there has to be some kind of call these fuckers make to summon their kin. >[ ] Start working this owl like a bagpipe to make it summon its owl kin.>[ ] Fuck your story, time for show and tell. Go back to Janine's and start showing off your owl.>[ ] Get to the vet. There's gotta be owl drugs there to help you brainwash this thing in to a hardened killer.>[ ] Head home and lay low, before the fuzz notice your owlnapping.>[ ] Other
>>26567399I'M STILL HERE>>26567399>[ ] Get to the vet. There's gotta be owl drugs there to help you brainwash this thing in to a hardened killer.One owl at a time. First we get this one, then a few more, and in no time we've got a flock. This vet fucker will give us that sweet bird heroine if we need to beat it out of him. Double entendre intended.
>>26567803You wonder how the vet would take it, you coming in with an owl. You don't suppose you could use the soccer mom excuse. Oh, wait, great idea, "My kid was obsessed with Harry Potter and ordered a pet owl online and then it fell over and I am ever so worried about the poor dear, please help?" That will totally work. You have the best plans.You find the vet's in a depressing little strip mall of darkness, the lone bright spot a bar that promises 'genuine Irish decor' that doesn't deliver. To your distress, the vet is closed. It's not even 8:00PM. What the Hell? This is alarming. What are you supposed to do if your kid does something stupid and feeds the dog a load of chocolate or something at 1:00AM? Just let it die? God, veterinarians. To think you used to want to be one. Your feathery package is beginning to awaken, and is flipping out, all talons and feathers everywhere. This really reminds you of the owl story, but god damn it you can not for the life of you remember it. You were driving...Oh, there's something on the glass door. "Dr. Katsuragi is not in at the moment, but if it's a very important emergency please call at number listed below. Sorry for the inconvenience" And then a picture of a cat with a cute little bandage on its face. Aw, how cute. Whoa, Katsuragi? Like the Evangelion character? Haha, that's funny, your wapanese little brother would totally flip out about that. Got a job in government or something.Shame you broke your cell phone, but there is a phone in the vet's office...>[ ] Who needs vets? Break the glass, go rooting about in the place for the happy pills on your own.>[ ] Break the glass, call up Katsuragi describing a dread owl emergency.>[ ] Break the glass, call up Katsuragi and tell her that NERV needs her pronto!>[ ] Break the glass, forget what you're doing, leave.>[ ] Don't break the glass! There's probably silent alarms and shit! Get your owl drunk at the bar instead.>[ ] Other.
>>26568079Tempting as >[ ] Break the glass, forget what you're doing, leave. is, we can't lose sight of our target. Also, if we break the glass the alarm goes off. But if we cut a hole in the glass, like in Mission Bond or whatever, noone will know it was us. Glass shards are sharp, right? Break the glass, then use it to cut a hole in the glass. Genius.
>>26568181But, the glass would be broken anyway?
>>26568211I SAID GENIUSAlright mr. Smarty Pants what else could we use to cut a hole in the glass? Live owl talons?I think you're on to something.
>>26568181I like the way you think.But, what will you do when you get in?
>>26568265Steal fucking everything that isn't nailed down.
>>26568280Alright, plan's a plan. Here goes.
God, making an owl flock was hard business. No wonder they're so rare. So, you're going to have to be careful, real Tom Cruise Mission Impossible type stuff.You try to get the owl to help out, but regrettably, with no owl drugs flowing through its system, all it does is cut your fingers and shit on your skirt. Good work owl. Say good bye to that generalship, asshole. Well, you're going to need something sharp- oh, right, glass is sharp! You hold on to the owl's neck with one hand, and reach down to grab one your shoes with the other, and make a quick, forceful intrusion in to the window via your heel.Well, that shit just shattered. Damn. You look around- no sirens yet. Fuck, you really liked your glass cutting plan too. You daintily step through the glassless door, and start exploring the back.Ransacking the place, you find some masking tape, a tank of some kind of gas, some orange pills, some clear liquid in a syringe, a big 'ol tub of blue stuff, a little lock box, a car battery, and some kind of green powder. God damn, you thought you were entering a vet's office, not some kind of alchemical laboratory. It's like a god damn crafting mini game in here. You fucking hate that video game shit.guess it's going to be the ol' throw it against the wall and see what sticks. >[ ] Force feed your owl orange pills.>[ ] Inject owl with clear liquid.>[ ] Dunk owl in blue stuff.>[ ] Do a line of green powder.>[ ] Tape owl to arm, talons out. >[ ] Put owl in box, then vent gas in box.>[ ] Dip orange pills in blue stuff, then inject orange pills in clear liquid, then roll in green powder, shock with car battery, force feed to owl, and then stuff owl in box full of gas.>[ ] Fucking what?
>>26568503>[ ] Dip orange pills in blue stuff, then inject orange pills in clear liquid, then roll in green powder, shock with car battery, force feed to owl, and then stuff owl in box full of gas.what better way to find out what does what than using EVERYTHING?
>>26568615You now have a dead owl in a box! Congratulations!>[ ] Fuuuuck.>[ ] Use the car battery, and shock it back to life!>[ ] Drop it off on a family's doorstep. Ruin some kid's dreams of going to Hogwarts!>[ ] Leave it there, and keep walking home. That sucks. >[ ] Go back to Janine's with the dead owl, and throw it at Marc.>[ ] Other.
Go on, op. I'm lurking from my phone.
>>26568693>[ ] Use the car battery, and shock it back to lifeWe've watched a lot of Grey's Anamotomy right? I don't even know how to spell it but it sounds medical-ish.
>>26568693>[ ] Go back to Janine's with the dead owl, and throw it at Marc.This, oh god this.
If the revive fails, throw it at Marc.
You fuckers killed a majestic owl. We need to save it.
>>26568737You now have a burning owl corpse in a box! Jesus christ, why is this gas so flammable agh oh fuck agh agh agh.Flaming owl feathers fly from the great, snowy, predator of the sky's corpse, like a fireworks shown gone awful and smelling like death. Christ this owl is flammable. Good thing there's a lot of metal surfaces and not a lot of flammable stuff, ignoring the sheet on the table, which is going up like a birthday cake. There is a distinct possibility this vet's office might burn down. You glance at the back in fear. Oh fuck, there are animals in the cages. God damn, this is the worst night. >Gotta go for a time. Something hit. Sorry. Be back after a bottle of something to make me forget.
>>26569014Oh my fucking god OP, this is so fucking funny.
>>26569014We must save the animals.Unleash the hounds. (and other beasts)
Okay, back. Nursing a firey and bitter hate sad, but cheap whisky and Neotokyo OST heals all wounds.RELEASING THE HOUNDS
Well fuck, you've already killed an owl, you're not going to be responsible for mass pet slaughter."Go! Be free!" You shout, smoldering owl box under one arm, undoing all the cages and latches on dogs, kitties, parakeets, hamsters, and other sundry small animals.Regrettably, in their panic and fury, some only aggravate the fire by being flammable, and others are really far too ill to be able to do much. Still, you make a noble effort, all things considered. Aside from one poor hamster, all the animals survived to wreak havoc on innocent bar goers and motorists on their way home.With the vet burning behind you, you flee the scene, smoldering owl box in tow. You spare a final sad glance back, before hearing sirens. What, no silent alarm for the glass window, but they could afford fire alarms? What a shitty vet. You're glad you burned the place down. Man, the smoking owl is making you hungry for some KFC.>[ ] Eliminate owl evidence the way that would do the red man proud.>[ ] Take smoking owl back to Janine's. Throw it at Marc. FuCcing MarC.>[ ] Go home. Maybe you'll think of the owl story there.>[ ] Back to the park. Surely there must be more owls in the park, right?>[ ] Wait here. If you get arrested for arson and possible endangered species slaying, you won't have to admit you forgot the owl story.>[ ] Other.
>>26569605>[ ] Eliminate owl evidence the way that would do the red man proud.Bury the owl. It died a noble death.
>>26569605Marc thinks he's so fucking clever. He thinks he's beaten us, just because he's gotten our pet army destroyed. But fuck him! Let's see how he likes a dead burnt owl in his fucking house!Driveby a motherfucker.
>>26569632Oh. Cause I was implying that you would eat it. Y'know, 'waste no part of the buffalo and whatnot.' But you can bury him too, if you like.
>>26569632I change my mind. We don't want the owl to have died in vain.>[ ] Take smoking owl back to Janine's. Throw it at Marc. FuCcing MarC.
>>26569678>>26569658Marc vengeance is nigh. Writing.
>>26569701You look down to your friend. Your only real friend, in this dark and endless night. Lit by the fires of the veterinarian's office behind you, you imagine for a moment that he's stirring, going to fly- but you know that's not true. He- what's his name? Is this even a dude owl? Kind of hard to tell with all of this flesh and feather burned off. But, you know, deep in your heart, this was your true friend. You lean in, touch your forehead to his. You can rest now, old friend. Your duty is coming to a close.But it's not over yet. You raise your head, eyes shining wet with determination, ash and mascara running. It's not over yet. Beaksley. Yeah, that sounds like a knight's name. A knight who is also a bird, and a bit coy too to take the name Beaksley. Yeah. That's cool. You stride off, your knight under your arm, making for his final resting place- Marc's stupid fat face.You hear them as you approach the door."-ot like her at all, I'm so sorry.""She LOVES that owl story Marc! How dare you interrupt her like that!" "Says it, says it right here- 'most are solitary and nocturnal,' top of the wikipedia article."You grimly set yourself to this task. You slip out of your heels, kick them off in to the lawn. Breathe, in and out. Then knock.Your fine, owl like hearing (HOLY SHIT WHAT IF YOUR SOUL MERGED WITH BEAKSLEY'S WHEN HE EXPIRED?) hears some confusion within. "Gerald?" That's Janine, "Were you expecting any one else?"You hear them approach. You crouch, take a runner's form. Janine opens the door. You get a bare glimpse of her shocked, hazel eyes, and crow's feet before you knock her to the side, and sprint in. Down the front tile, kicking the tasteless "Butter my butt and call me a biscuit" rug in to the air, leaping over the shrieking ten year old, going in to the sitting room- there. Only your husband knows what's coming. He's shaking his head. Sorry honey. This is fate. Marc looks up from his phone, reciting more pointless owl facts.
You give him an owl fact. Right in his stupid fat fucking face. Out comes Beaksley, ready and waiting. Oh sweet Beaksley. Do this last service for me, and then await me in Owlhalla. Both hands up, and you're going in like Shaq for a dunk."KNOCK KNOCK, HERE COMES A FLOCK!"Oh shit, that was good. Marc opens his mouth. Oh Marc. What a bad choice. Then down comes crispy forest critter in a cloud of feathers and cooked meat all over his face. Actually, in the bible isn't it a sin to eat owl meat? Man, that'd be great. Where's a bible.You bound over Marc and the couch in a roll, payload delivered and come up crouching, hands ready in what you think is a kung fu stance. Marc is coughing, and everyone's staring. You're smiling. This is the best god damn moment of your life. Fuck that other owl story, THIS is going to be the new story that you're going to tell for the rest of your life. Everyone is staring at you. Well, except for Marc. He's curled up on the ground, crying. He whimpers something like 'just like your brother.' Puss master.But other than the Marc front which is like a 110% good, everyone else is rather disconcertingly silent. Jeez, this is getting awkward.You gotta say something:>[ ] Maybe they didn't hear it the first time. "KNOCK KNOCK, HERE COMES A FLOCK!" Be prepared for endless laughter and sore arm from high fives.>[ ] Shit. Your hair probably a mess. Brush off, head to the bathroom. >[ ] "Sorry, sorry everyone," Ahem, "I, I forgot the owl story." Stand up straight, shrug. You gotta be honest eventually.>[ ] Back flip out the window, in to the night. You are Artemis, never to be tamed by mortal men!>[ ] Other.
>>26570122Lol. We are going to get commited.
>>26570131[ ] Back flip out the window, in to the night. You are Artemis, never to be tamed by mortal men!Fucking lol.(We're strong enough to break a window, right?)
>>26570131>[ ] Back flip out the window, in to the night. You are Artemis, never to be tamed by mortal men!Our grace has no limit.
>>26570167>>26570247Hah! Well, that's alright. Owl based vengeance is not for everyone. Yours is a higher calling, one not bound by the feeble bonds of so called 'society.' With a smile, you give a low bow- and then flip back oh fuck damn shit that window was further than you expected. You serenely flip forehead first into a maple end table, shattering it, knocking you unconscious. "Owwww," You growl as you awaken. You feel your jaw- miraculously, not shattered. You strapped down by something, bouncing along the road- oh for the love of. You sit up, wincing. Yeah, you're back in your fucking Azteca. Why your husband bought one, you'll never know. Despite the evidence of two children, you still sometimes doubt that he's 'on the level' as it were.Your husband is staring straight ahead as he goes down the road. His mouth is pressed in to a fine line. You see him glance out of the corner of his eye at you, then look back to the word. Things are quiet for sometime, as you blink for a moment. He seems to be gathering his resolve, and then just gives up."Where did you get the bird, sweety?" Your first thought is to bail out, but after one too many incidents, he's already had to fix the doors so that only he can lock them. Admittedly, after having to shell out the money on Megathrawn's (You got to name one, he got to name one, fair's fair) wheel chair, you had to admit that he had a point. Still. Fucking locks are bullshit. Though, you are going 60 down the high way. Even your super human physique might be tested by that.>[ ] "I dunno, where did you get the vagina that's infected you? YOU USED TO BE COOL, AND NOW LOOK AT YOU. DRIVING AN AZTECA?">[ ] "Bird store.">[ ] "I WANT A DIVORCE.">[ ] "Please, please, please tell me Marc's dead.">[ ] "Do you remember the owl story?">[ ] Fuck the door lock, bust out the window.>[ ] Other.
>>26570518>[ ] "I dunno, where did you get the vagina that's infected you? YOU USED TO BE COOL, AND NOW LOOK AT YOU. DRIVING AN AZTECA?">[ ] "I WANT A DIVORCE."
>>26570577But... that's mean.So far husband-bro has been pretty cool.
>>26570518I love you so much OP.>[ ] Other.Our owl powers must remain a secret, even to our dear husband. "I found it on the road, like that. I thought it would be a good present for Marc, given that he's such a fucking-, ah, good dude."Change the subject!"How're the kids doing?"
>>26570647>>26570577>>26570569Yer tearin' me apart.I'll give it another five minutes. If consensus isn't reached by then, then bah gawd something is happening.
>>26570647I will change my vote to this from "Bird Store" in the interest of consensus.
>>26570722Say each thing, simultaneously. Men are notoriously feebleminded. He'll be impressed by our brain-isms.
>>26570740Your nobility has impressed me. I'll borrow>>26570769idea kind of. That was what I was planning to do if consensus wasn't reached. But I'll end it on >>26570647suggestion. Confused? I hope so. Writing!
"Bird store.""Not a real thing,""Bullshit, where do they get all the doves for events?" "I don't know?" "Yeah, don't know, just like this Azteca!" You slam your hand down on the dashboard, "Where did this come from, honey? Remember the old days, the good days, before this fucking thing?""You miss the geo metro that much?""I WANT A DIVORCE!""Honey-""Foolin'," You glance out the window, notice the firefighters fighting a raging vet inferno along with literally fighting a gang of dogs, "Uh, so, I found the owl. In the road.""Was this before or after it burned?" Oh dear sweet husband. Thank goodness you always look dead ahead on the road, and somehow can't smell roast hamster. You smell yourself. Actually, that may be because you smell like roast owl. And the blood filling your nose didn't help. Jesus, you needed a shower."Oh, no, I found it like that. Must have been migrating or something?""Uh huh.""And, well, I saw it and figured, I should give this to Marc, given that he's such a fucking- uh, good...Guy?""So, you snuck out of the bathroom because-""How're the kids doing?" You interrupt shout, causing your husband to sigh."I called home when you made your great escape. Megathrawn is just fine. He's a little little mad because of the bullying at school-""Yeah, when I named him Megathrawn, I was kinda banking that he'd have working legs," You click your tongue, shaking your head, "Fucking Chuck E' Cheese.""...Right, Chuck E' Cheese is to blame for this," Your dear, sweet husband can be awful sarcastic at times, "Maggie though, Maggie apparently-"
"Porn, right?" You shake your head, "Told you we needed to give her the talk-""She, uh, Maggie's 23?" Your husband raises an eyebrow, "Did- did you never talk to her about-""I loaned her a copy of the sisterhood of the traveling pants or whatever that awful movie Becky gave me was, I thought that was good enough.""Uh, well, Maggie apparently got dumped by Jeff," Oh good, fuck Jeff, "And she's feeling pretty bad. Needs comforting.""Tell her that jobs are comforting," You glance back to the rising pillar of smoke, "Or college degrees. Just not a vetinary degree. That market is probably coming to a close."Your husband laughs, "I don't think the world will stop needing veterinarians any time soon.""Don't you dare defy me.""So, I was figuring," Your husband blithely continues, "Maybe in between having to deal with our daughter's angst and the inevitable lawsuit from Marc, maybe we could..." He looks away from the road, wow, this'll be good, "Catch a movie?" Holy shit James Dean, slow down there, I need some time to build Grand Coulee dam to hold back the flood of Lake Panties here. Your husband, world's greatest lover.>[ ] "If it doesn't involve blood or orgasms, I'm not interested.">[ ] "Nah, we gotta deal with this Maggie shit fast. Home, Jeeves.">[ ] "Wait, Marc is going to be on the road right now. Let's find him and run him off the road!">[ ] "Seriously, do you remember what this owl story is? Cause, fuck, I can't remember it at all.">[ ] "What's your name again?">[ ] "Actually...Yeah. A movie would be nice.">[ ] Other.
>>26571238>[ ] "Actually...Yeah. A movie would be nice."
>>26571238>[ ] "Actually...Yeah. A movie would be nice."Something violent. We should bring a picture of Marc and hold it over the people dying. That'll show that dicC.
>>26571238>[ ] "Actually...Yeah. A movie would be nice."and then>[ ] "Seriously, do you remember what this owl story is? Cause, fuck, I can't remember it at all."
>>26571323>>26571303>>26571275Aw, how nice. Writing.
Why must we be such a horrible mother?
>>26571372Because we decided to be batshit insane in the very first choice.
>>26571372We shed all weakness when Sir Beaksley died.
>>26571382It's like that wild west quest where we burnt down the house and slaughtered our family with one choice, then melted a crucifix onto our face.
You lean back in the seat, bouncing along. It didn't seem right to let it end here like this- poor Sir Beaksley. He did well, to the very end. You think for a moment, fear that you did him a disservice- but then you realize, this is what Sir Beaksley sacrificed himself for. You look up to the moon, and imagine his vacant expression looking back down on you. Go, my liege, it seems to say. Live your life. I did not die to see you cry. You nod. Sir Beaksley was a sage fellow. You shake away the vision."Actually...Yeah," Your husband perks up, as you reach out, touch him on the shoulder, "A movie would be nice."He smiles, nods. It really was nice, actually, to come home to such a patient man, when the adventures are done for the night. You smile back, and then realize you're smearing soot on his shoulder. "Something violent though," You frown, "Need to wind down, you know?""I was thinking...Pacific Rim?" Your husband asks questioningly. You nod left and right, and then shrug. Yeah. Imagining Marc getting splattered by a giant mech would be good. Damn shame you don't have any pictures of Marc. Oh well, you can just send a quick email to your brother, and you'd get all manner of pictures. Just get your iPhone out and- You freeze."Uh, honey, my cell-"He shakes his head, "You can borrow mine, back underneath the coat."You reach back, pull his coat closer to you, root- and then see a box, and a familiar (If kind of mashed) visage within. Sir Beaksley! You look to your husband with wonder. He doesn't look nearly as proud as he should be, as he scratches at the back of his head with one hand."I, uh, I figured you'd, you'd want to keep that, so, to skip the, uh, inevitable, I just decided to take it with us."You have the BEST husband. You may not know his name, but you can be sure of at least two things. He loves you, and you, well, you're feeling pretty damn good about him too. Wait, you know three things. He loves you, you feel similarly, and Marc sucks.
Rolled 9>>26571535CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAPThank you OP! Great story
>>26571535OP please do more of these wonderful quests!
>>26571535That was great.
>>26571535Excellent quest, OP.
>>26571582>CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP
>>26571625>>26571621>>26571615>>26571582Thank you, thank you, I think. If you feel good about this Quest, NSA Quest might be up your alley too. What I kept referencing with the 'brother' business, and Marc.http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/25925838/I was tempted to bring up the fact that Claire was actually a superheroine, but I decided actually ending quests is better for everyone involved. Have a good night, folks.
Wait a minute. A quest actually finished? THERE WAS A CONCLUSION?You win a medal.
>>26571626That picture's HORRIBLY inaccurate!If that were truly American, the guy would have given up his guns to help prevent school shootings like a total bitch!I myself and an American... A Californian specifically. sucks to be me.
Who- Why would you archive this? Not every quest thread needs to be archived, especially one that's a one shot!
>>26554701>MARC. With a C. Fuck Marc,>SUDDENLY NOSTALGIA...NSA quest anyone?
>>26573116I think it's the same author.Also, I think the same guy wrote Kill Quest.
>>26572663Being a one shot should have little to do with being archived. Singular threads should be archived and voted upon according to their worth.
Fantastic read, here, Twenty.
>>26574415These action figures expressing mirth, right?
It's like someone made the Mona Lisa in to a realdoll that lactated Ben & Jerry's Half Baked brand ice cream.
I hope this is an ongoing series of misadventures for Claire.
>we will never know what the fucking owl story was.