A forewarning: I do not follow the meta-setting of SCP, outlined in the wiki's story entries. Also, some SCP numbers will be changed, removed, etc, to keep things fresh. Expect the unexpected.You are Agent James.You work for the SCP foundation. As an Agent, you are tasked with the retrieval of anomalous items, and the masking of their presence from the world of the unaware. Currently, you are between missions. During this time, you are often called upon by some of the scientists for input on various aspects of lesser SCP - sometimes your field expertise is needed for proper procedure. Occasionally there is an outbreak, but they are rare. More often, you get told about things like... this."But I swear I put him back in his cell!" "Be that as it may, we all understand that the eyepods have a tendancy to be allowed to roam." you say tiredly, to the almost spherical woman, who nervously wrings her hands. "However, they are not pets.""But-" You groan. The eyepods were small, tear-drop shaped creatures, each the size of a basketball, with a small, organic wheel on their bottom. And a single, large eye. Many of the faculty in the facility doted on them, as was allowed. But sometimes, they got lost, and while they always turned up again later, it was to be treated as an outbreak. >Assist Miss Dobson>Report Miss Dobson>Pass this off to Gerald, find something better to do>Writein
>>26490657>Pass this off to Gerald, find something better to doFucking eyepods... eyepod... ipod?
>>26490691>>26490721Beach episode with watermelon splitting
>>26490691>>26490721>>26490755No sense of duty, you people.
>>26490770Shrug, Eyepods are boring and won't help us.
Report her for negligence.
>>26490770C-can we teach someone to swim?
>>26490839> King of an island> can't swim> my Frodo when
>>26490859It wasnt a common skill back then.
>>26490840You want to be around when she accidently lets something dangerous out? You want to deal with a rampaging Kepler?
>>26490859>King of an island>Who can WALK ON WATERNo need to swim.
>>26490859When you can walk on water, it's less important.
>>26490657You rub the back of your head and shake it. "Sorry. I've more important things to handle. Talk to Gerald." She nods, scuttling away while worrying herself. Damn things. You check your mail, and note two requests:>Doctor Asilan wants you to help him test The Machine. He notes that he is very pleased with the last mission you completed, and will allow you to take one (1) item out of this experiment. There is an OS-level seal on the letter, which means that this gift is authorized by an Overseer.>Overseer 1 has reported that the containment protocol for an SCP is lax, and desires you to investigate the recent numerous outbreaks surrounding it.>Gerald has invited you over for beers. >Agent Kelly has asked to join your group, and has requested an interview to determine suitability.
>>26490922>Doctor Asilan wants you to help him test The Machine. He notes that he is very pleased with the last mission you completed, and will allow you to take one (1) item out of this experiment. There is an OS-level seal on the letter, which means that this gift is authorized by an Overseer.Hell fucking yeah!
>>26490922Doctor Asilan firstThen Kellythen BeersThen investigate the outbreaks
>>26490922This is not a beach episode. Where's my beach? Drop all that and go to the beach
>>26490922What group?Anyway, Doctor Alison
>>26490944This, umi da and all that
>>264909222 sounds both interesting and important. Lets see what that is.
>>26490922The Machine, are you kidding?Fine setting, baby.
>>26490986>>26490944Fuck off with your beach.
>>26490944Everything but beers sounds minmaxy, so going with this
>>26490922Bring a Katana over to the Machine.Lets have our blade folded over one million times and all that bullshit.
>>26490944We might want to focus on getting some gadgets first to increase our powerlevel.
How dare you let us write something in and not take the beach? Beach now, just because you're denying it
>>26491023Dude screw that. We can micromanage our schedule for max power later. I'd like to go do something right now so that we don't encourage that kind of bullshit right off the bat
>>26491028>>26490971>>26490944>>26490986>>26490998>>26491044Jesus christ fuck off.Leaving the facility isn't that easy especially for someone who is actually supposed to be working.
>>26491044Then lets investigate the containment protocols, you know, our job
>>26491023> trying to powergame SCPEnjoy being dead. It's like trying to powergame Don't Rest Your Head.
>>26491059Fuck that. Living as our job is hella boring.
It is in our interests to work in a manner that we should at least appear to give a damn about our job. Let us go see a doctor about a machine.
>>26491028How about this? Why don't we go investigate a beach where everyone who shows up shouts UMI DA without exception, and it draws an unnatural amount of girls toward it. It is clearly a supernatural place.
>>26491093BECAUSE WE DON'T KNOW IT EXISTS
>>26491068Go create Beach quest then faggot.
We can go to the beach when we have an off day, if they exist in the SCP world.
>>26491109WE DO NOW
>>26491122This, not to mention "days off" have to be regulated and all that bullshit.>>26491141But we don't.
>>26491065>Not burning your PC out in the first session, leaving a burning crater in the Sleeping CityShiggy
OP, do 1 or 2 just to keep things on track and to put these randomfags in their place. Some of them will storm off because you didn't give them a handie, but you are better off without them.
>>26491144We do some research, find it, then go.
>>26491122>if they exist in the SCP world.Free days probably require an SCP to produce and are only issued in case of grave emergencies as the device runs on children's tears and colombian cocaine.>>26490839inb4 we can't either.>>26490778m-muh duty.
>>26491160>sucking off the QMClassy
>>26491176>Ignoring the settingRetarded.
>>26491164Duty is for people who aren't renegade mavericks who get the job done. They also don't have swim days.
>>26491164Is there any other cocaine?
>>26491185>Caring much about the setting in an inbetween session for the shits and gigglesThese kinds of sessions are MADE for shenanigans
>>26491015I suggest a pair of Shooter Gloves. Once on Very Fine should get us something safe AND useful.
>>26491212So in 40k Quest an inbetween session is where we prance upon in /mlp/ land for a few days huh?
>>26491229Why the fuck not?
>>26491068Considering that most Agents who "let go" generally find their deaths at the hands of things much worse than boredom, you don't often hold this sentiment. You signed up to Secure, Contain, and Protect, and by god, you'll do it.>>26491079>>26490940>>26490941>>26490952You decide on the Machine, taking the walk rather than riding the little golf carts they use in this facility. Asilan brightens as you near. He is... not a usual doctor here, who are old, wizened and crotchety. He is young, almost younger than you."Ah, Agent! A spectacular containment with 056. Anyway, you know the rules."The Machine a large clockwork device weighing several tons and covering an area of eighteen square meters, consisting of screw drives, belts, pulleys, gears, springs and other clockwork. It is incredibly complex, consisting of over eight million moving parts comprised mostly of tin and copper, with some wooden and cloth items observed. Observation and probing have showed no electronic assemblies or any form of power other than the “Mainspring” under the “Selection Panel”. Two large booths 3mx2.1mx2.1m (10ftx7ftx7ft) are connected via copper tubes to the main body of SCP-914, labeled “Intake” and “Output”. Between them is a copper panel with a large knob with a small arrow attached. The words Rough, Coarse, 1:1, Fine, and Very Fine are positioned at points around the knob. Below the knob is a large “key” that winds the “mainspring”.>Please select an item, and a setting.
>>26491225Erh, I like Katana better.Lots of SCPs are melee rather than ranged, more flesh than metal too.
>>26491241>Considering that most Agents who "let go" generally find their deaths at the hands of things much worse than boredom, you don't often hold this sentiment. You signed up to Secure, Contain, and Protect, and by god, you'll do it.Oh my goodness, you're taking this SERIOUSLY. This Quest is going to go places.
>>26491241Katana and Sheath.Very Fine.
>>26491241Put our Mosin Nagant into the Input.Set the machine to Very Fine
>>26491241Our phone. Very fine.Contact anyone, anywhere.
>>26491268Yup, I can see this is going to be a no-fun-allowed quest. Better leave these hard-boiled guys to it.
>>26491242>>26491272I'd rather a spear.
>>26491287Isn't one of the results of putting a gun in the machine on very fine some kind of matter disintegrating laser?
>>26491313Thanks. Go have fun on This-will-last-one-day quest #113.
>>26491313go have your ocean episone in fucking maid quest or go back to /a/.Some of us are interested in PLAYING the ROLE presented to us, known as ROLEPLAYING.
>>26491340Watch out, we got a badass over here.
>>26491288Honestly, that'd be a terrible idea.We could also get contacted BY FUCKING ANYTHING.Cthulu could have our phone number, Obama could have our phone number.SHIT WHY.>>26491287Any SCP won't give us time to line up a shot.>>26491325Yep.>>26491272Super laser sword?Well, can't see much of a problem here if the goddamn sheath works.>>26491324He specified a sheath for a reason, that thing would be lethal as fuck.So would a spear too, but spears don't have sheaths.
>>26491313Go make your beach quest elsewhere, faggot.Very Fine Mosin please.
>>26491359>Super laser swordYou mean a lightsaber.
>>26491340....it's just going swimming, dude.
>>26491272I'll support this.Katana would be a good fast melee weapon, and a super-sheath allowing us to block nearly anything.Yep, this is a cool idea.
>>26491337I will. I will probably also enjoy other less sophisticated things in like, like pop-tarts or hot pockets.
>>26491355If you think roleplaying is badass, nobody is stopping you from properly trying it.
>>26491359>Cthulu could have our phone number, Obama could have our phone number.We could ring cthulhu, cthulhu couldn't ring us.
>>26491390Just because we have a nice sword doesn't mean we know how to use it.
>>26491397>Less sophisticated>Pop-tarts and hot-pocketsI think the chemical complexity of the Not-Fruit Filling and Not-Meat in those two items is sufficient that they could be called sophisticated.
>>26491241Put our gun in, set to Very Fine.How does the ammo work if you refine the gun? Should we put ammo in it too?
>>26491364>>26491287You pull your Mosin out and attempt to place it inside, only for the machine to spit it back out. Literally speaking. The booth opens before you can touch the key. The doctor blinks. "That... That only happens with SCP." he says quietly, as you pick up the weapon. He looks up at you, then the gun. "You can't be serious." you hear yourself say, fingers touching the barrel.
>>26491424If the wiki is any indication, guns altered by Mr. Machine require nothing but a pull of the trigger to function.
>>26491413Ha ha, what? Did you seriously miss that old-as-fuck insult?
>>26491438>CHOOSING THE FUCKING SNIPER RIFLEJESUS CHRIST HOW RETARDED
>>26491438Those god damn Russians really knew what they were doing.
>>26491438SECURE THAT GUN NOWand put the katana or something else in in the mean time
>>26491414...did you just suggest phone pranking an Old One?>>26491186> renegadeWe're that bad?
>>26491438Wait what?>inb4 Igor Chesnokov
>>26491456We should be. Renegade as fuck
>>26491438Katana and sheath!
>>26491456What? You wouldn't?Also, katana I guess.
>>26491463>>26491453>>26491450You stare at the weapon. "A fluke." you say to the scientist. >>26491465He nods in return. "Yes, clearly. What else?" "Well..." you turn to the huge storage cabinet where they keep items to be tested on. "Got a sword in there?" "Yes." he says, walking in, then back out with a sheathed katana, broadsword, hand-and-a-half sword, zweihander, khopesh, bowie knife... he totters to a table and lays them out. "Been meaning to try them. Any preference?" "Katana, I think." He grunts, picking it up and unsheathing it. It shines in the lighting as he turns it over, checking for defects. "You're sure about the rifle? That it's a fluke?"
>>26491465Which would get us killed, either by doing some stupid thing during a mission or by mouthing off to superiors.
>>26491550Oh please be inhabited by the ghost of Lenin.Oh please.
>THIS IS A SERIOUS QUEST>LET'S PUT KATANAS INTO MYSTERIOUS MACHINES TO GET UBERWEAPONS
>>26491550nope, not sure of anything in this line of work. I'll examine it later.
>>26491550"Family heirloom."Try and recall if the rifle ever did anything odd ot unexplainable.
>>26491559I don't quest to keep my head down. I get enough of that in reality.
>>26491550Katana *AND* sheath.
>>26491550"Been using that gun for years. If it really became an SCP at some point, well, I'd like to know when it had the chance to...I'll keep an eye on it, but I havent noticed anything anomalous"
>>26491578Weapons are MATURE and SERIOUS.
>>26491567I am the ghost of glorious soviet past >>26491578You're right, a zweihander would be infinitely preferable.
>>26491550honestly, we should probably do the bowie knifeI thought we already had a katana which is why I went along with that stupid idea.
>>26491550On one hand, I feel it's our duty to hand over our rifle for testing.On the other, there's no way they're taking my moist nugget.Let's just stick the katana on "fine" and be done with it.
Can you put 2 items in the machine?Maybe we should try to put both the rifle and the sword in, pic related.
>>26491599Wait, we didn't already have a katana? And we have the choice to grab a super bowie?Fuck that. Bowie all the way.
>>26491550Actually, Wakizashi.Basically a small Katana.>>26491597>Choosing a gigantic fuckhueg sword that weighs a ton>When you're going through an ubering processIt should be something light enough that we can hold at all times, but long enough to do damage.>>26491629No, only one.
>>26491638This, Bowie Knife is best knife.
>>26491638We can say "That's note a knoife mate, THIS is a knoife!" at some point.
>>26491639Put zweihander in Machine, Machine makes it light enough to juggle and sharp enough to cut through steel.I see no downsides to this plan.
>>26491650>>26491638>Choosing a knifeEnjoy stabbing an elderitch abomination and doing nearly no damage.We need something with reach.
>>26491668>Implying a foot will make much of a difference with eldritch abominations.Besides, if we wanted reach, we'd get a Zweihander.
>>26491668As long as the machine doesn't make it foldable it would be obvious as fuck though.We don't want to be obvious.
>>26491668Alright, before we move on can everyone just fucking read the Machine's entry on the SCP wiki?You're still referring to these weapons as anything resembling normal after they've been through Very Fine.
Let's go for a smaller sword, I think.I don't feel like looking like some shadowrunner while knowing I can't pull off the style.>>26491639>>26491650>>26491588>>26491559>>26491465This is a point I think we really /should/ consider in the future. What's our attitude towards rules and authority etc.>>26491544It's impolite to prank call sleeping dead...
>>26491592"Been using that gun for years. If it really became an SCP at some point, well, I'd like to know when it had the chance to... I'll keep an eye on it, but I havent noticed anything anomalous"He nods. "Old guns are getting there. We've two already. One drank blood through the stock, the other... Well. I'm sure you know about that one." he says, "We only use it for assassinations on... specific individuals. Took some doing to get, though." "Is it possible to put in two items?" "There is a possibility they will mesh." he says. "A strong one, especially on higher settings." he says, sheathing the weapon. "What we get may be useless or useful. In any case, we'll be running this as an experiment. Once we're done, you can take what you like. We're just choosing order for now.>Confirm: Katana + Sheath>Confirm: Bowie Knife>Confirm: Zwiehander>Confirm: Write in
>>26491668Having a super-sharp knife would be useful outside of combat, cutting through metal and the like.It's also more portable and less conspicuous than a sword.
>>26491638We need a knife.
>>26491667It hasn't shown anything like that in the past, which is the problem.I'm going off of the ACTUAL page here, the best option would be a Katana, or a Wakizashi, mainly due to the fact it's light weight, easy to handle, and has some reach, is why I'm choosing it.Not to mention the sheath has defensive properties as well.>>26491704Colt Python doesn't mention anything about a differing appearance, although other very fine things HAVE had minor changes to appearance it won't turn into some sort of Key blade.>>26491730Wakizashi (Small Katana) + Sheath.
>>26491730>Confirm: Bowie Knife
>>26491730>Confirm: Katana + SheathTime to be weeaboo.
>>26491730As much as I'd like the silliness of a swordgun or gunsword let's just take the knife. It's a very useful tool after all.
>>26491730As a reminder, we get four tries with this.Bowie Knife first, then Katana+SheathThen hopefully something other than weapons afterward.
>>26491730Wakizashi + Sheath, actual points have been brought up by the guy who did it make sense, so it's obviously the best option.
>>26491730Let's mix the Bowie and the ZweihanderBecomes a one-hand bowie-sword.
>>26491794Nope.We can't do anything like that, only one.>>26491730>Confirm: Wakizashi + Sheath
Also put our pistol in. Separately.
>>26491805I believe the proper term is Grosse Messer.
>>26491730>>Confirm: Bowie Knife
>>26491730>Confirm: Wakizashi + Sheath
>>26491825Langes Messer actually.
>>26491730>Confirm Wakizashi + Sheath
>>26491825> dat broken JermanThis isn't Bleach.Grosses Messer.
>>26491730Better start counting now before the samefagging start.
>>26491856>says the guy who writes groß with two s
>>26491730All of them have good parts, all of them have bad parts too.But if we get multiple tries like >>26491794 says, then lets just start from the top.And include a Gundam statue last.
>>26491730>>Confirm: Katana + Sheath
>>26491864If he did voting via Reply with only a number, then there wouldn't be samefagging.
>>26491842>Langes MesserI'm ok with that
>>26491734>>26491735>>26491748>>26491760>>26491772>>26491794>>26491801>>26491804>>26491826You select the knife."First up, then." he says, smirking and setting it to Fine. "We've tried it on Very Fine, it's... Not very useful. It's 5667." "You mean that thing that is like...""A solid mass of 'cut', yes. Not very practical." he grumbles as the machine gets to work. There's a loud, overly cheerful ding, and he opens the other door. The knife there is... interesting. "Oh, that's beautiful." It looks similar to the Bowie knife you put in, only half-again as long. The dull side now has hooked notches, and the blade is, as you test on some wood, amazingly, beautifully sharp. Interestingly, this sharpness only seems to apply to organic materials, not synthetic or mineral. In fact, when faced with such things, they turn the blade without fail. "Interesting!" the doctor says, smirking.
>>26491880Yea, but that makes little sense with write ins.
>>26491893Geez, no we have an utterly useless blade against anything not-biological.
We should give our new knife a cool sounding name.
>>26491893>Can cut anything so long as it's not wearing clothes.Into the trash it goes
>>26491893Why can't we have THE EDGIEST KNIFE?Let's try the Katana and Sheath nowI propose we name our knife The Scalpel
>>26491893Oh great.We butcher now. I take it we're just going to disembowel every enemy we face from now on?
>>26491919"Useless"There you go.
>>26491924> implying most poeple don't wear cotton-based clothing
>>26491896Do what shadow quest does, have people pick a few out of Choices + Writeins, and if there is a clear disagreement, number the argued over options and have a vote.
>>26491919Blutsucher.Gotta make it German and /edgy.
>>26491933See: >>26491924There's also Non-Biological SCPs, which will rape our shit if we use that knife, also bad against walls.>>26491893Wakizashi next!
>>26491893Might be useful, we shall see.Now, onto the katana + sheath.
OP, what are your mechanics for this nonsense?
PUT IN A STANDARD ISSUE WALKIE TALKIE
>>26491958No American in the history of ever will pronounce this right.
>>26491991He's running simple D6. All the skills were picked out last time.
>>26492017I was thinking more along the lines of how he decides what comes out of The MachineIs he just freehanding it or rolling in secret or something?
>>26492032Probably freehanding, the machine thus far has been almost entirely unpredictable.
Khopesh + Pistol/any gun Nothing could go wrong. Nothing.
>>26491893"Waki... Wa... The shorter katana, thing." you grumble. He chuckles, sliding it in, "With the sheath." He turns it to Fine for them both, and the item that emerges is... A sword handle. "Well, that was pointless." he says, tossing it to you. You catch it, looking it over, then swing it at the wood you've set up for testing edges. It splits, easily. There's still no blade. You stare at it, now a little unnerved as the doctor waves his hand over the absent blade. "Only cuts if you want to, it seems." he says. "Any upper limit?" You test everything. Cotton, kevlar, wood, mice, apes, and a single D-class - it cuts without resistance, with great ease, but the range is unpredictable. Sometimes it can cut across the room, in the case of the D-class, who died falling to peices while you were setting things up, and sometimes it needs to practically be right against the handle, in the case of the mouse.
>>26492055Aw fuck that's cool.We need to take this with us.
>>26492055IT HAS BEEN FOLDED SO THINLY IT IS INVISIBLE.
>>26492055If we figure out how that range thing works this will be very, very useful.Or we might cut ourselves apart.
>>26492055Gentlemen, I propose an episode of WILL IT CUT!?Also, this should probably be out take out
>>26492055Japanese masterwork indeed.
>>26492090I have a feeling the range thing isn't going away.Which is fine by me.
>>26491893How about we put our shoes in there?who knows we might get jesus boots letting us run on water!Or we could be like Mike and be able to dunk with spring boots!We should have back ups when things go wrong anyways.
>>26492107>There is a small insignia imprinted into the handle that reads "Made in Vietnam".O lawdy
>>26492109We should remember to never point the cutty end at ourselves or anything that is dear to us.
>>26492055try pointing it at something before "wanting" to cut it.
>>26492055...well, talk about "intriguing" results.I'll take it.
>Downtime episodeYou listened!
>>26492137Which is standard practice for any weapon, really.I think we'll be fine.
>>26492055Do we get another try?Now I kind of want that gun+sword combination tested out.
Put in something useful.A compass.Phone/radio.Watch.Canteen.Shoes?Sunglasses.Key/lockpick set.
>>26492055Fucking YESWhat happens if we want to cut atoms?
>>26492156>I think we'll be fine.Last Words General™.
>>26492156Well, it's a sword handle, realistically we are going to have it hanging from our side/hip. If we run a little to fast that thing might cut some stuff behind us/our own legs.
>>26492055>It's the fucking Imagine Blade
>>26492187Only cuts if we want to cut.
>>26492187I think we have to wield it, so as to cut, as it's range depends on who it's target is, which it's wielder decides.>>26492055PLACE THE GUNDAM STATUE INSIDE.
>>26492203EXACTLY what I thought anon.
Let's put a utility in now, a walkie talkie or something
>>26492180We are probably going to cut atoms in its path. Nothing spectacular.hint: cutting normal elemnts at atom level doesn't start a chain reaction
>>26492187Remember that it only seems to cut when we want it to. So unless we're feeling suicidal, we'll be fine.
>>26492164He thinks for a minute. "We could try an 1911 with a khopesh, if you like? God only knows what we'd get. >>26492180The thought only enters for a moment and is quickly chased out. As an Agent, you are actually trained how to not think about things. >>26492175You rattle off this list to the doctor, who laughs."We've done most of that. You're free to take a look at them, but they're already Secured. I can make another, though.">>26492203You don't know what that is."So what next?" >Gunsword?>Any other item?>Writein
>>26492228>>26492206"When we want it" seems awfully vague.I think it'll run off of emotion.Anger, terror, love, all may cause different reactions.We should have a go over with the good doctor on these things.>>26492243GUNDAMGUNDAMGUNDAM
>>26492243Let's try the gunsword.>What's the worst that could happen?Let a D-class try it out though.
gunsword it is
>>26492269You know a swordgun (not a gunsword) might actually be usefull against large hulking bad stuff.
>>26492269>give a everything-cutting-invisible-sword to ajn inmate. clever fuckin idea.
>>26492251Alright, I wanna try something he hasn't tried.LETS PUT A GODDAMN GUNDAM STATUE IN THERE.
>>26492299>implying we don't have a zillion methods to completely "clear" a testing room down to atomic level
>>26492306>>26492251Hey guys.Why not a miniature of a 40k Power Armor?
>>26492306>>26492251you realize this will likely kill us or someone around us, right?
>>26492348Gundams are pilot-able things, not automatic pilot.
>>26492055Take the katana and check on those containment protocols, SCP's are not to be taken lightly.
>>26492243Um, I understand that this is your variation on the setting after all, and things are subject to change, but per the original article The Machine -did not- produce consistent outputs when the same thing was inputted, except on random occasions and with the lower settings.I can understand restricting things a bit though, letting /tg/ have full access to the machine would be a mess.
>>26492395We've got two more turns I believe.
>>26492403>The Machine -did not- produce consistent outputs when the same thing was inputted, except on random occasions and with the lower settings.That contradicts it's goddamn information on the page.See: Operations with Steel
>>26492406After those then, I don't want another Breach while we are on duty.
"Let's try the gunsword, and then I'll get going." you say, as he puts them in and turns it on. It's a Khopesh with a cartridge for a large amount of gunpowder, and a trigger. You hand it to a D-class, and instruct him to attempt to fire it at a target. When he does, the handle explodes, and the target is sliced in half as the D-class screams about losing his hand. You execute him to spare the trouble later. "Well, that was entertaining." the doctor says, So, you are taking the sword, yes?"
>>26492426Name: Dr.GearsDate: ██/█/20██Total items: 4x clockwork pocket watch, belonging to Dr.GearsInput: 1x gold-plated pocket watchSetting: FineOutput: Small clockwork bird. When the tail is pressed, it produces a robin's call.Input: 1x gold-plated pocket watchSetting: FineOutput: Toy clockwork train engine.Input: 1 gold- plated pocket watchSetting: FineOutput: Miniature grandfather clock, fully functional.Input: 1 gold- plated pocket watchSetting: FineOutput: Small metal sculpture of a piano.Notes from Dr. Gears: It appears there is a high level of randomness when SCP-914 "refines" an item. However, it seems to preserve some element of its original composition, in this example, clockworks. This is not a law, but a high probability. Refine a metal bar, and you're more likely to get a simple metal object than a internal combustion engine. Both, however, are possible.
>>26492443Take dat sword and lets look into the protocols, when the overseer says so, YOU do it.
>>26492443"Yes, though after filling out the forms and before taking it into the field I'm going to further test its functional principles at our shooting range."
>>26492426>>26492446More the point is was trying to make: Sometimes is is reliable, other times is is random.>>26492443Take the sword, it's easily concealable and highly useful, working as an amunitionless gun.
>>26492485Good Idea, do what he said.
>>26492443Yep.Let's take that sword.I think that interview was up next on the to-do list?
>>26492485"Yes, an excellent idea. Here are the requisitional forms, here is the signatory... Ah, and a J30 just to be sure." he says, handing you three forms, each with four pages. You get through them in short order, and on your way out slide them into the outbox outside the lab. Someone will pick them up shortly. At the range, you discover the following: Nonliving targets have a range on the sword equal to its original length. Living targets seem to have a cutoff point of about ten meters, though it appears to vary somewhat. You still don't know what factors into this.Finally, the sword's 'blade' activates when you desire to cut things, and... Interestingly, only for that thing, even if the thing you are cutting entirely immerses another thing.After that, you make your way to the SCP that seems to be breaking out at least once a month now. And instantly, you know why. This is one of your humanoid SCPs, known as "The Maiden". She is so known because her room borders the Crone and the Mother - an actual witch's coven you captured. They are incredibly helpful for occult SCPs, but it seems that the young lady has caught the eye of a researcher.
>>26492443"Yes. I'll take my leave now, thank you."Snatch sword, look disgusted, leave. Killing D classes may be necessary, but it's something else to be revelling in it. Alert a higher authority that he should be put up for psychiatric evaluation.
>>26492643>Finally, the sword's 'blade' activates when you desire to cut things, and... Interestingly, only for that thing, even if the thing you are cutting entirely immerses another thing.Aw hell yeah, infinitely useful.
>>26492643Not this shit again.reprimand the researcher responsible
>>26492653Agents and Researchers alike are trained to see Ds as inherently expendable.
>>26492643WE CAN CUT JUST THE HAM IN A HAM SANDWICH. WE CAN GUT PEOPLE THROUGH WALLS TEN METERS THICK. THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY.
>>26492706Gee, sure better than that BOWIE KNIFE HUH
>>26492643alright let's find the researcherI wonder if our sword can cut concepts... or magic. Imagine if we could cut the feelings between the two of them
>>26492716Expendable doesn't mean that death should be amusing. Acceptable, yes. Amusing, no. Same as laughing at sending an animal to be killed. That's not normal.
>>26492730Woah, woah, woah.This might not be a good idea.
>>26492730That way madness lies>I cut the idea of SCPs>I cut the concept of love>I cut the fabric of spacetime
>>26492738Too bad>>26492744>>26492730We Shiki now;
>>26492730Can we kill servants?
>>26492719Give or takeseems the random blade length would be a huge disadvantage in fight.
>>26492755It's not what was expected, but let's keep going and see what happens
>>26492770It's still super useful for other things though.We should keep ahold of it.
>>26492755Seems a bit too game breaking.
>>26492755by cutting "the idea" if it even works, we'll likely just cut it out of our own mind, becoming completely useless. Let's not try that.
>>26492791also I highly doubt OP would let us do that. I think this sword is limited to physical objects.
>>26492738It's more like laughing at a helper robot falling off a shelf. I mean, the testing was going to happen anyway, and watching some guy getting his hand blown off as he attempts to use a weird-ass sword gun is something that a researcher would see on a daily basis. If you cried every time, you'd never get anything done.tl;dr Ds die all the time, who gives a flying fuck. It's gonna happen anyway, why not laugh about it?
>>26492791that or cause extreme damage to the fabric of reality.
>>26492789>>26492791>>26492775Yeah, I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way, I was just pointing those scenarios out for a good example of why it doesn't work that way.
>>26492830it's worth testingThough it would probably get revoked from us faster than you can say spaghetti wormholes
>>26492813Alright, I'll concede. Fair enough.
>>26492851I'd rather not fuck up reality anymore then most of the SCP's do.
>>26492885bitch, do you want to ACCIDENTLY fuck up reality? Or do it in a 'controlled' environment?
>>26492643So, give us more information.Who is the researcher, and what SCP is this?
>>26492926Bitch I just want to cut things trying to kill me, not fucking abstract concepts.
>>26492950It's not in the wiki, as far as I know.His name is Terrence, and he's a bit new to this assignment. Lonely, as far as you know. His personal info file is fairly boring - he'd say 'no' a lot at the questions for taking blood, let's say. He's nominally attractive, you suppose, not that your opinion is all that solid on the matter. Still, he's in that period of time where balancing mental wellness is important. How you approach this is quite critical - both for the continued support from the coven, and for the researcher's wellness. >How do you reprimand the researcher?
>>26492973you would have to swing the blade at the concept to cut it, which is physically impossible, therefore we can't.
>>26493004problem solved, well done
>>26493003So, what did he do?
>>26493003calmly remind him about the importance of the job at hand and not getting emotionally attached to SCP's and let him of with a gentle warning.
>>26492973This is SCP, we might end up with abstract concepts trying to kill us.Though if we get to that point, cutting probably wouldn't help.
>>26493031It isn't usually just "He fell in love with them"Should be something else as well.
>>26493003invite him for beers with Gerald. He needs to get his head out of his work for a bit, and be reminded that these actions are not acceptable
>>26493050still worth a shot, but I get your point.
>>26493003What an idiot.Assign him to another SCP and give him some time with SCP-999.
>>26493031No, that's way too lax. It might not have had bad consequences in this case but think of the other stuff that could happen with other SCPs>>26493003Say him that he's very lucky you are the one that's in charge of dealing with him and let him off with a warning but also explain him what extreme dangers this could cause in the future. Also give him a 3 months suspension from working with this specific SCP, then invite do this >>26493051
>>26493003reassign him promptly. Make sure he doesn't try to get back to her.
>>26493082Do we even have that authority?
>>26493122>This is one of your humanoid SCPsYep.SCP-999 will also make him happy.Good for everyone.
>>26493122We can cut through the concept of Authority now
>>26493142we can't, we would have to swing a blade at-Oh, I see what you mean, that won't end well.
>>26493141then by all means do that.
>>26493082Gonna go with this.Seems like a benevolent but strict option
>>26493003Reassignment.Has the SCP in question gained freedom privileges due to continued good behaviour? It might be possible that he could still see her when he is off the clock, so we need to reinforce the idea that getting romantically involved with an SCP is a really, really bad idea.
>>26493198send him in with the imaginary sword to fight 682
>>26493189The question is does 999 have the time?I would assume that people are requesting time with it for themselves or their underlings all the time.
>>26493003You approach him as he finishes some paperwork. He sees the suit and tie, and instantly tenses up. "Agent." he says quietly. "You're a very lucky man, Terrence. Come with me?" you gesture. He sighs. "This is about the Maiden." he says. "She still a Maiden at this point?" You ask, and he flushes. "Yeah, she is. Listen, Terrence, I'm going to be blunt. Men of higher rank than you have died over shit like this, before. Whether killed by the SCP or by us." He looks at his feet. "I'm not going to do that, though. You're walking away from this. Suspension from this SCP, effective immediately for three months. No ifs, ands, or buts." "I understand, sir." "And if you are caught letting her out, it's your ass. Why were you anyway?" "She wanted to see the moon." "Phase?" "New." You swear. "Four times. Four fucking times, Terrence. You were very close to killing your entire research team." you say. "God... God damn, man. Look, just... spend some time with triple-nine, alright?" He nods sullenly. Welp. Time to meet with Kelly. >Preparations?>Go as is.
>>26493214That is rather overly harsh.
>>26493226sword cuts any living thing within 10 metersslice and dice mother fucker
>>26493225>Preparations?What sort of preparations CAN we make?Lets bring the sword at any rate.
>>26493214>682that is cruel
>>26493225Let's take a look at her file. Grab a couple coffees on the way.We could use a tech expert, a sniper, or a field medic, ideally.
>>26493251we don't want 682 to become immune to this shit>>26493268Might as well take a look at it..
>>26493245It regenerates, kills the researcher, and obtains a knife that cuts through anything.GREAT IDEA SPARKY
>>26493281>potential for lulz: high
Rolled 4Put 682 in The Machine and set it to Very Fine
>>26493281Which is why we would never attempt that.
>>26493303why don't we just put a bullet through are head while were at it?sarcasm:off
>>26493303we end up with a very sexy scp?
>>26493300>>26493303I told you this would happen OP, I told you.
>>26493307682 has plot armor anyways.It serves as an upper limit to the lethality of SCP's, if they could kill or indefinitely detain 682 without causing something worse than it's release, then it's too strong.It also makes people keep coming up with reasons why 682 isn't killed by something, though many of those reasons have been incredibly flimsy.
How would SCP react to the The Awakening.
>>26493303SCP-6820 is a red button with a transparent flip-case. On the top of the case is printed, in white block letters, "Press this button to initiate XK-Class Event."
>>26493303>implying they didn't already think of this>all those people (or possibly just that one guy thinking his idea is awesome and new) overreactingItem: SCP-914Tissue Test Record: [DATA EXPUNGED]Termination Test Record: [DATA EXPUNGED] of "Fine" or "Very Fine" is no longer to be used by any personnel having contact with SCP-682 at any point. In addition, any objects that have come in contact with SCP-682 at any point are not allowed to be processed by SCP-914. Any attempt to subvert this directive [DATA EXPUNGED].Notes: SCP-682 is too large to fit in to the booths, in most forms. In addition, the tissue tests have shown that SCP-682 has… unpredictable reactions to SCP-914. Finally, SCP-914 is too valuable a research tool, and too delicate, for this type of test. It was nearly damaged after the incident (CN: 682-119857), and [DATA EXPUNGED] be repeated. Should the results be recovered [DATA EXPUNGED].
>>26493367"Goddamnit John, I leave to go to the bathroom for, like, five fucking minutes"
>>26493367>scp+shadowrunhmmmm I like this
>>26493402FINE THEN. Geez.Well, let's find out what happens when that green slime stuff touches dead bodies.
>>26493444This is not "let's do random stuff within the SCP universe" you know.
>>26493214>>26493303combine the two, have the researcher dice up 682 and put in the machine.
>>26493463Pretty much.Goddamnit guys stop being dumb.
>>26493466Put the researcher in the machine with the sword and one of 682's claws.
>>26493466I wish you had a tripcode...
>>26493484We can just ignore them. Preferably starting now.
>>26493225ANYWAY BACK ON TOPIC GUYSPreparations! Check Kelley's file. Who is this cunt?
You read her file before meeting with her. She's quite good at medical procedures, and has advanced knowledge in that field. Otherwise, her most notable talents are driving. You enter the room Kelly told you about, and you sit down across from her. She's quite average, you notice, with short black hair, bright green eyes, and pale skin. You sit down heavily. "So you want to join me and Gerald." you say. She jumps, then nods. "Yes. You've an excellent track record. My current partner is also indisposed." "Yes, I heard. How is he?" "Well, his arm is mostly quartz crystal, but his pay is much better." "Ah, that's good to hear." "Your file seems to support your reasoning. Any pet peeves?" She shrugs. "No alcohol or drugs on the job except Mindkill." >Continue talking>Question specifically>Write in
>>26493510>Question specificallyAsk her about combat experience.
>>26493510And extra meatshie- err, partner in the field is always welcome.Accept her on the team, and like most other scp personnel don't get too attached.
>>26493510>Any particular specialties?
>>26493510Inquire how she got into the Foundation.Continue talking.
>>26493510Bring her over to Gerald's for beers, get to know her there.
>>26493510Pop Quiz, hotshot: How do you prevent flying polyps from invading the overworld?
>>26493510Ask how she got involved with this, how she is in a fight, and if she wants to go with us to get a new-team member drink?
>>26493610I saw this coming from a mile away.
>>26493510"So, tell me about you. How'd you get into this gig?"
>>26493650She shrugs. "Was handling some strange disease back home - it seemed to have an infection vector based on emotional connection." "You're shitting me." "Nope. Did some unusual quarintines, starved it of victims. Then I got contacted by the Foundation. They liked my work." You find yourself smiling. "Want to come by for a drink with Gerald?" She laughs. "I've heard of Gerald, too. I'd like to keep this professional, no offense." "None taken. Any specific specialties?""I am an expert in infection and the transferrance of disease. I also know a lot about radiation and its effects." >Hire>Reject>Write in
>>26493762Wasn't this a goddamn SCP?
>>26493762Hire. While she might not be useful in combat someone sitting back in our surveillance truck would be helpful.
>>26493762"A doctor, then?We could use somebody with medical skills, actually, but I feel like I should ask: How many assignments have you been on? How many successfully completed? Any incidents of particular note, either positive or negative? I mean, It's clear you're no rookie, but I just gotta be sure, y'know?"
>>26493762Reject. If she's too much of a stickler for the rules she'll be less useful at winging it, which (I imagine) is a very useful ability when dealing with random shit that can kill you
>>26493762>Hire Ask if she can treat injuries
>>26493891>I have a bone for you to examinehue
>>26493816>>26493836>>26493891"You treat injuries?" "Of course.""Welcome aboard. I'll file the paperwork tomorrow morning." you shake her hand with a smile.
>>26494128Apologies, I realized this was anemic just now.You rise, and wander back to Gerald's apartment, where he greets you with a beer. You take it, and the two of you sit down. "Anyone coming?" "Invited a new hire. But no, no one else." "Damn. shit's boring as hell with just you.">Write in>Finish thread
>>26494275Review what happened with the SCP of the last adventure since we last saw it, just for shit's n'giggles
>>26494275>Finish threadI'd say we're done.I'm looking forward to our next real mission, especially if we get to try out our new toy.Do you have a twitter yet btw?
The two of you toast to a new member, new equipment, and the future, as you reach down and pet an eyepod. Life is good. Thanks for participating, all. https://twitter.com/HowDoIShotTrip Was for my old quests.
>>26494334Thanks, I'll be checking that regularly.Also>giving advice to Phil "choke on it" Fish
>>26494385Maybe he didn't listen. But at least I tried.
>>26494334>>26494405Someone forgot to archive the thread, and I can't because I've been updating the Shadow Quest archive.