If The Emperor is dying, the Golden Throne is failing, and when he dies a new Chaos God will be born and the Sol System will turn into Eye of Terror 2.0, Then why the fuck don't they put the Emperor on stasis like they did with Robouette Guilliman afterall, all that matters is his mind, not his body.
>>25959559> mfw those fucking Mechanicus never thought of this
>>25959559>when he dies
>>25959559Today saw be remembered as the day /tg/ saved the Emperor and Mankind
Because they'd need to move him from the Golden Throne to do so.And because in stasis, his mind wouldn't be active.
>>25959559If they put him in stasis the Imperium loses warp travel and won't be able to stop the Warp from spilling into the Materium. Even the Necron anti-Warp thing doesn't protect the entire galaxy. You'd end up with mini Eyes of Terror all over the place.
> Put The Emperor on StasisWhy the fuck hasn't anyone thought of this
>>25959605Nope, the mind stays active.Pretty sure of it.
>>25959605Guilliman's body is healing while on Stasis even tho it isn't supposed to happen.If a Primarch can heal while on Stasis I'm pretty sure a Demi-God can stay sentient
>>25959640Listen to this guy, I think he'd know what he's talking about.So how was sitting frozen in agonizing pain for 10,000 years?
Would you want to be the tech adapt who messed around with the most important lighthouse in the universe, Gods life support machine and the center for an entire legion of ultra zealot catholic space nazis. If your little plan goes awry things are going to happen to you that would make a haemonculus cringe.
>>25959640Then it's useless in the long term, as cell death could still occur.
Yeah guys, putting him in stasis stops time for him, which means he can't maintain the astronomican and all the other stuff he does.
>>25959683Primarchs and the Emperor's cells obviously don't work like normal humans do.
>>25959559for the purposes of thought experiment, we need some source and screenshots of stasis and the current state of emp's predicament with the golden throne.but with GW's writing, emp's death is an impossibility, so on the golden throne he stays.
>>25959677When I get out of here first thing I'm doing is punching Calgar in the back of the head
>>25959670To be fair, that's just something some pilgrims claim.
Why would this be a bad thing? He's not going to turn on his own Empire and worshipers, is he?> The Imperium is now backed up by Daemons and its own Chaos God. Any Imperial believer you kill will just be made into a Daemon to keep fighting later
>>25959694Yeah, but put it like this, if Roboute is healing due to the power of the Emperor, then why isn't the power of the Emperor healing the Emperor?
It is hinted that the poison from Fulgrims sword is still ever so slowly reaching Roboute's epic brain. I don't think stasis stops time completely it just likes to turn things into ultra-mega slow-mo.Also I'm pretty sure that the Emperor can neither afford to leave the Golden Throne for even the slightest of moments (SCREW YOU MAGNUS).And furthermore I don't think he can protect the galaxy from a stasis-field.
>>25959712>but with GW's writingMore like, lack of writing
>>25959721I'd love to help you with that, but my body parts are scattered all over Commorragh right now. I'm just a head at the moment.
>>25959723It's kind of like that "sometimes her eyes open a little bit". Pilgrims want to believe so hard that they will trick their own minds into seeing the miraculous.
>>25959721>When I get out of here first thing I'm doing is punching Calgar in the back of the head> punching Calgar in the back of the head> punching Lenny in the back of the headI see what you did there
>>25959747> Also I'm pretty sure that the Emperor can neither afford to leave the Golden Throne for even the slightest of moments (SCREW YOU MAGNUS).It's simple.We trick Magnus into sitting on the Golden Throne for a few moments while we test Stasis on Big E.We tell him it's a big change and it's gonna please Tzeentch.He also won't turn away the opportunity to make a few Space Wolves get trapped in the Warp
>>25959745Because he's using it to keep an entire Imperium and multiple Primarchs alive (especially those dickheads who decided to go frolicking in the Eye of Terror) instead of focusing only on healing himself.
>>25959823Which means sticking him in a stasis field will accomplish jack and shit.
>>25959760At least you don't have Alpharius or Omegon coming over every other month to rub his balls over this fucking stasis field.You'd think my legion would be smart enought to see through the 12 feet tall guy in Armor that looks too tight, but noooooo.Second to the Emperor my shiny frozen ass.
>>25959861We are not a legion anymore m'Lord
>>25959879What the ?! When ?! Above all, WHY?
>>25959751that was exactly my point lol
>>25959818SPOILER ALERT - A Thousand SonsMagnus ruins the Golden Throne, as a connection to the stable webway. And finds out that he was actually the one who was supposed to man that pimp-ass chair, not the Big E.All this because he is all up in his own "peace & understanding & knowledge" and shit, ain't nobody got time fer dat! The only shit errbdys got time for is war... Simple as dat.Screw Fagnus.
>>25959861>You'd think my legion would be smart enought to see through the 12 feet tall guy in Armor that looks too tight, but noooooo.Brother Nick ? But he's been here forever! Nice guy him. He just like to eat a bit, that's why he's so large.
>>25959893Er, don't you remember? You wrote a big book of rules for war and suggested breaking up the legions into smaller chapters of 1000 marines so that no one would have that much power again?
>>25959861MY DICK HAS BEEN SLICED INTO A FUCKTON OF INCREDIBLY THIN PIECES AND BEEN USED LIKE CHORIZO ON PIZZAS. BITE ME, ACCOUNTANT.
>>25959893Your commanded it m'lord... in the Codex... the Codex Astartes... which you wrote...
>>25959926>>25959933I wrote no such thing! WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS ?!ALPHARIUS IF THIS WAS YOUR WORK I SWEAR TO FATHER I WILL EAT YOUR LIVER
>>25959927He he he, he said "dick"
>>25959956Wait, so it wasn't you who forbade the jumping out of thunderhawks with jump-packs on into a target rich enviroment full of enemy fire?... What about the Dark Eldar pizza parties? Do we still need those?
So.... you want to let that bunch of dipshits on Mars, who can't turn on a toaster without lighting 9000 candles and chanting the hymn of activation, to mess around with a machine that is the center of a galaxy spanning religion, Gods life support machine and the only thing allowing the Imperium to maintain its extremely tenuous grip on control.I wouldn't trust the tech priests of mars to change a light bulb. Let alone transfer God from where he is now to a stasis pod while simultaneously keeping the machine working.This is a horrible idea.
>>25959933This shit is why we don't follow your stupid book.Wolf Pack 4 lyfe, nigga.
>>25959559Because his mind will be trapped in the stasis field meaning he can't use his psychic powers like a massive lighthouse.
>>25959972LEMAN! you said you'd bring my artefacts back in like a century or so! Its been ten thousand years, my kids need those!
>>25959956Bite me, now you know all your Ultramarines have been following MY tatics. You know, THE ONES YOU SAID WHERE SHITTY!Suck it!
You know you guys should all take a vacation. A ten thousand year vacation. And leave a bunch of cryptic comments about how you'll come back. And then just find a place to hang out and drink and work on art all day.
>>25960003Yeah... about that... I uhhh... I mean, Corvus lost them
>>25959972heh. also fuck
>>25960013>You know you guys should all take a vacation.This. A million times, this.
>>25960005The plot thickens...
>>25959996Hey! The rituals of luminator replacement are vitally important!Although I'm still not sure why most of those rituals involve long lists of how various groups replace luminators, the fact I don't understand it just means I'm not fully into the depths of religious mysteries.
>>25959774her eyes do open. has something to do with temperature or moisture or whatever. it's science.
>>25959640That makes Guilliman's situation a million times worse. It isn't just like being knocked out until someone gets you out, it is like being in a coma with your eyes open. Guilliman would have it tend times worse, because not only is he in a stasis field, but he is frozen in the exact moment of he died from having his throat slit with a poison dagger. Seriously, feeling the pain of death from a poison dagger slitting your throat for 10,000 years must be pretty fucking horrible. Hell if he does heal somehow and they pop him out of there he will probably be a jibbering madman, or have fallen to Slaanesh so the pain can at least feel good.
>>25960076Just as planned... just as planned
>>25960075god dammit, get out of here omegeon.
>>25959734He made me think , now.Why would the Emprah become evil?
>>25960075You wanna come visit man? The people on this planet make amazing food. They talk funny, and their ears are a bit pointy so I think they might class as mutants, but right now I don't really care.
>>25960055>>25960075Corax! Cmon! your all about stealth anyway, you dont need no primarch sized thunder hammer
>>25959998Captcha: ponyarr another
>>25960104I don't know what you're talking about. Just us loyalist Primarchs here.For the Emperor!
>>25960104YOU SHOULD HEADBUTT THE FLOOR!THAT WILL TEACH HIM!
>>25959956You made us swear to it! After the Battle of Terra!>>25959972You have no idea how much I want to choke you right now. If my arms weren't being used as a prize vase and a sewage pipe unblocker...>>25959989Oh, great. Anyway you can package up your shit and send it to the haemonculi? They could probably sort it out.
>>25960135Cut it out Alpharius we both know I'm the real Vulkan
>>25960141YES! JUST LOYALISTS!LOYALISTS! YEAH! GO LOYALIST! -blood for the blood god- NO TRAITORS HERE!
>>25960156No, guys! I'm the real Vulkun!
>>25960013I bet there is a bar in Commoragh somewhere. It's like the Sunk'n Norwegian. Khan, Vulkan and Russ are pretty much 3 drunken old sages who sit in the corner surrounded by xenos wenches, getting rat assed, singing stories about what they used to get up to. Everybody leaves them alone because they are like part of the furniture by this point.
>>25960141oh good, hi ferrus (scouts, line up a shot)
>>25959818Truly the loss of Magnus the red and the thousand sons was the greatest loss to the Imperium, second only to the death of the Emperor
>>25960101SLICED. DICK. CHORIZO. You know, I'd say 'bite me' but apparently that's already fucking happened.
God I hate you all.
>>25960182This is showing up in my next FFG 40k RPG.
Hey, it's great to see the old band back together!Speaking of which, anyone seen my legion? I can't seem to find them.
>>25960154>You made us swear to it! After the Battle of Terra!The hell you are talking about ?! I only went to Terra 2 months after the battle had ended! I was too busy trying to regrow the teeth Angron punched out of me and banging those Eldar nurses my Captain got for me... I mean... uh... shit.
>>25960219Go away Guy you don't even have a last name. You're just a glorified extra,
>>25960182Well, my head is technically in that bar.
>>25960196You can't hurt iron, puny scouts!
>>25960182so commoragh is wisconson for the eldar?
>>25960253I'm not sure if this says more about wisconson or commorragh.
My heart is full of blackest painopen my wrists to let the sweet relief drip red onto whitest sheetsa thousand pains you'll never know, inside me only emptiness can show....something something something gay sex...it's a work in progress
I'm in ur Imperium.Killin ur doods.
>>25960235Hey! Me and the Red Shirts were vitally important in the Great Crusade.And like half of us don't have surnames anyway, like Percy, Mort, Lou and, heck, even you Vulky.
>>25960238actually, according to every battle report ever, a bit of pointy metal on a stick gets through the stuff. what do you think a shotgun would do.
>>25960276Even I think you're a faggot.
>>25960276You'll get it right one day, friend.Also, your Legion is totally stealing my fast attack and bikes thing.
>>25960295You can't kill what you can't see.That's why I'll never di-Wait.Fuck.
>>25960276Hey come visit me man, we can hammer something out. I'm in that one dingy bar in the Obsidian district of Comorragh.>>25960314Get them to focus on Dreadnoughts instead! Dreadnoughts are always cool.
>>25960196Hey, I don't want to be dick m'lord but... is that Chapter that think they are sharks and shit belong to your chapter ?Can you tell them to stop dropping out of the warp, invading our feral worlds, then making everyone kill themselves then taking whomever survives and fleeing into deep space beyond Imperium territory before we can even tell them to STOP IT ?!
>>25960296Thanks Fulgrim!uhh I mean die traitor
>>25960323you can totally kill things you cant see, thats why there are bombs everywhere
WELL FUCK YOU GUYS TOO!I'M HERE TRYING TO BE FRIENDLY AND YOU GUYS JUST IGNORING ME!NOW YOU KNOW WHY I'M ALWAYS ANGRYI'M DONE!KHARN, I'LL BE OVER AT MY ROOM HEADBUTTING THE WALLS;
>>25960332Aw, come on, you know how I feel about Dreadnoughts.
>>25960356perturabo you really need a fuckin hug.
>>25960364>thats why there are bombs everywhereNot anymore.
>>25960386you dont have a room you broke all the walls down
>>25960386And with headbutting the walls, he mean headbutting holes into our flagship.Thanks for that, dicks. Now I need to go find a Sorcerer to surf into atmostphere when the ship explodes
>>25960386Hey, it's no biggy Andy!Here, have a light beer and some store-brand chips.
>>25960410come oooon big guy, you know you want too. after that you can tell me aaaall about that architect guy (dude im gonna give perturabo a wedgie)
>>25960386What's it like knowing that you lost to me in a duel?I'm not even that special, and close combat is like, your thing.What's wrong Angorn? Couldn't break through my Ward shield?
>>25960386CAN YOU STOP BEING A BITCH ABOUT EVERYTHING ?!I DIDN'T MAKE YOU MY MAIN MAN SO YOU CAN BITCH ABOUT EVERYTHINGYOU BITCHGO KILL SOMETHINGFUCKI NEED TO HIT SOMETHING NOW!SLAANESH YOU FAGGOT, BRING ONE OF YOUR THOUSAND ASSES HERE, I WANNA PUNCH IT.
>>25960458Bert, Bert, Bert. You need to stop picking on him.Now, anyway, I've heard you were the last one to see my guys. You know, Legion 11, The Red Shirts?
>>25960458Touch me and I'll pin you to a goddamn specimen board, birdman.
C'mon guys, lets stop fighting. Let's just all band together for a big group hug.Here, who wants the first hug ?How about you Corvus ? Come here. There there, how do you feel now ?
>>25960506I meant >>25960456, goddamnit. You failures all look alike to me.
>>25960406Magnus, you're gay cuz you screwed up the Golden Throne. And thusly destroyed the Imperium in the long run.Luckily I was able to dig up some dirt on you! Hahaha now this'll be shared with everyone! Not just you circle of pervy Keeper of Secrets!
>>25960506your one off asbergero.
>>25960506How does it feel knowing you were never as good as Dorn?
>>25960477>>25960477YES YES! Will you hit me with Khaine again ?! Please hit me with Khaine! I want it badly! Fucking give it to me!
I swear to god when my chapter finds my stuff I'm going to kill you all.
>>25960574they never figured out to ask the damn blood ravens
>>25960558I still have nightmares about it...
>>25960574Now that can't be good for your bloodpressure. Here, have this mixtape of void whalesong.
Oh, hey, Nurgle, my man!You know that plague in the 37 Aegis sector you were brewing? Woulda made a load of zombies, gotten you some a them plaguebearers?Yeah, I like totally reversed it. And got like twenty big cults going on, right now. That okay, dude?
>>25960574Dude, the only thing in the universe harder to find than all your shit is my nailclipper. How'd you loose it over such a big space?
>>25960595Can't you answer me ? Those shark guys that look like you are fucking wrecking our feral worlds.I thought your deal was with Crows anyway.
>>25960625I got drunk. When I woke up I was in Comorragh. Fuck if I know how it all got where it is.
>>25960627yeah i dont know about them. i heard they were world eater.
>>25960613It's okay Zuzu! No hard feelings! I even saw my wife telling you how to reverse it! No problem!How about a hug ?
>>25960658NOPE NOT MINE!THEY DON HEADBUTT ENOUGH STUFF!
>>25960555I miss Dorn. Yeah, I said it. Yeah, he was a stiff-arse jackhole but at least with him around there was somebody with a shred of competence I could compete with.Ever since that jackass bit it there's been nothing left to redeem this shitheap of a galaxy. All you loyalists are in cold storage or off having *ADVENTURES!!!* in the Negative Zone or whatever, and everybody on my side is a screaming waste of space.
>>25960625Oh man, I know all about nailclippers. These Blood Raven guys offered me one as a gift.It's really nice as well, obsidianite blades and all that.
>>25960558OH YOU LITTLE FREAK! DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT! I'LL FUCKING PUNCH YOU TWICE AS HARD YOU POOP ASS EATING DILDO MOTHERFUCKER SICK FUCK JACK ASS COUCH POTATO CUNNING LINGUIST INNUENDO MAKING SELF-BUTTSLAVE BITCH FUCKING FUCKER FUCK IMMA FUCKING KILL YOU
>>25960687thats weird. i would ask konrad but he got his shit pushed in by a girl with a knuckle duster so i doubt he even knows what his legions name is
>>25960662Yeah, Shia's a sweet girl. And you know I can just undo any plague you put on me, brosef? It's like Tzeentch with his transformations, he always forgets.
So why is there only one eye of terror?
>>25960627>>25960658>>25960687>>25960768Those are mine, well, technically speaking they're yours Corax, since I ordered them made from your gene-seed and all.I was about to send you a memo but Horus started bombing us and I had to sit at the Throne Magnus broke... and... well, now I'm here in the warp with your Dad's mind.
>>25960822Because having two would be confusing?
>>25960822>>25960852> The Maelstorm zone
>>25960751Dude, you know you're just making it worse, right?
>>25960863Yeah, notice how it's called the Maelstrom?Different names. If it was "The Eye of Terror" it would make navigation harder.
>>25960881DO YOU WANT ME TO HIT YOU TOO ?! SHUT THE FUCK UP!NOW WHERE THE FUCK IS KHAINE? I NEED SOMETHING HEAVY TO HIT THIS LITTLE BITCH
HEY!HEY!CHAOS GODS!I LOST MY ARMS AND THIRTEEN BLACK CRUSADES FOR YOU!DAEMON PRINCE FUCKING WHEN?!
>>25960751Fucking give it to me! Fucking give it to me! YEAHHH!! Call me Sasha Grey! Call me Sasha Grey! PLEASE! CALL IT!
>>25960908Maaaaan, that is so totally unradical.Also, I undid your shoelaces.
>>25960925WHEN YOU STOP BEING A BITCH
>>25960925Try rolling 2d6, I've heard that helps.
>>25960925When you grow up.
>>25960751Will you quiet down, I have a headache.By my unholy jolly intestine, who knew that migraines would be such a bitch, what the fuck was I thinking.Also, don't forget the golf game at 3 later on.
>>25960940THAT'S IT! YOU'RE GETTING SOME!GET OVER HE- WHAT THEOHHHH FUCKBALLSHITFUCK*falls*
>>25960961NOOOO!!!!I was almost there! You dick! You're so fucking mean!Yeahh... mean.... please be mean to me, please be mean to me!
Hey, guys.I just wanted to say that I seriously want to fucking murder all of you.
>>25961007Who the fuck are you?
>>25961017I'm you.Don't ask.It's complicated.
Will all of you SHUT THE FUCK UP. I'm stuck here powering this huge ass Astronomican while y'all are dicking around on the Internet?!
>>25961038It was Tzeentch, wasn't it.
Hey just so you guys know, I've had the original Golden Throne in the back storage for like... 6,000 years now. The thing your Emperor is sitting on right now is just an elaborate forgery.I'm pretty sure he's just dicking around with you guys with the whole "horrifically drawn out death in a last ditch attempt to protect humanity" thing.
>>25961005Well, uh, I'm not good at this but, um, your hair looks kinda scraggly there dudette. And your style...it's like you tried to be bogus, but kinda failed to manage it.
>>25961046well good job dad, you stopped to fucking yell at us and now half the universe exploded into demons. good work stupid
>>25961070I am fairly certain he had something to do with it.
>>25961079Woah, like, totally undid my name.>>25961095Want me to have a word with the big blue birdman?
>>25961079YES! YES! DON'T STOP!OR ACTUALLY STOP!SOMEONE PLEASE SHOVE THIS CHAINSWORD IN MY EYE! FUCK YEAH!
So, like, anyone seen Horus? I want to see if he ever managed to score with that Eldrad chick.
>>25961095I honestly wouldn't be surprised. He was always such an asshole.So... you doing anything later? I guess we could wreck his shit again.
>>25961078The "original" you stole was in fact a forgery as well. I have 16 other forgeries just to make sure you can never figure out the real one.>>25961084And you, i can multitask fucknut. How do you think i ran this giant lasgun while still crusading and shit?>>25961005And you, stop masturbating so much. Or at least not so loudly, I got shit to do and your orgiastic noises are making me want to hurl up the psykers I ate this morning.
>>25961084Aren't ye supposed to be helping me find this tree of life thing so we can give life back to Dad ?Isn't that why you dragged me to the Eye of Terror ?!Why the hell are we in this Labyrith ?!And who's that guy with the Silver Armor and the cool looking sword ?!
>>25961180Ho boy, Guylliroth, do we have a story for you.
Oi! Wud u lot keep it down. We iz tryin' ta 'ave a very civilized and discrete tea party ova 'ere. Mork even baked carrot cake, with extra grot in it.
>>25961219That's George.We don't talk about George.
>>25961218Oh Big E! You look so tense! Your shoulders are so hard... yes... hard... and so muscular!Why don't you... come inside *blink* ? And we can... fix your stress issue with some...deep... massage... *blinks*
>>25961219Son, are you seriously looking for that tree of life? That was just a story i told you because i thought you loved Norse Mythology so much. Seriously, stop looking for it and get your brothers out of the warp.
>>25961246Oi, waz a "tee party" ? I ain 'aving none o' that ye git! Take this ye git!
>>25961263Yeah that. I second this motion. I'm also calling dibs on Vect. Going to have some personal time with me, him, my scimitar and a nice big funeral pyre.
>>25961223Oh, sounds juicy!Did she turn him down or something?
>>25961215Well, I was actually planning on spraying Nurgle with germicides, but I guess I can take a few hours off.
10000000000/10 thread /tg/ Good work all round.
>>25959559Sorry to burst your bubble, but the 2e imperium fluff book mentions that the golden throne includes stasis fields. So he is in stasis, at least partially, but I also couldn't find mention of the mind working in stasis so likely putting him fully in stasis would be counterproductive.
>>25961263Hey! You're not my fucking Dad! Dad doesnt sign himself as "GOD Emperor" !What the...wait a mineI CAN SEE YOU TYPING THERE TZEENTCH!I'M IN YOUR FUCKING LABYRINTH AND I SEE YE!
>>25961298Well, I guess we could insult Slaanesh while we're here.I think he's rather bland and uninteresting. Truth be told, I find him rather boring.
>>25961296Well, Horus kinda developed daddy problems, joined up with Fulgrim, who got really vain, Mortarion, who got all social justice, Perturabo, who got even more daddy issues, Angron, who got psycho, Magnus, who got backstabbed, Alpharius, who got jealous, and Kurze, who was bonkers to begin with. And then they tried to kill us all in the name of the gods of chaos. And everything's been going downhill since then.
>>25961371Oohhhh yeeahhSay I'm a fucking whore. Do it!
>>25961398No. Fuck off. You're not getting any more attention. Not after that incident.
>>25961419YES! YES!IGNORE ME LIKE THE DIRTY BITCH I AM!OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
>>25961292Oh bugger, erm hey Mork. I didn't see you, erm sorry I meant u, there. So erm, look a big red truck!
>>25961398Your a dirty whore. you fucking like being called a whore don't you, demon whore.
>>25961373Wait, what?But, what about softball thursdays, we still do that right?My new girlfriend Vect even said she'd take us out for pizza afterwards.
>>25961433Big 'ed truck ?! WHERE : Iz dunno waz a truck be, but I wantz it!
>>25961218Cool so once I get all of them I get to craft a Steam badge right?I've got 8 so far. This is going to be my best haul since picking up that home video of Gork being Morky and Mork being Gorky.
>>25961398I feel quite neutral towards you.
What the fuck am I scrying here?!
>>25961443Oh hey, my arm just twitched in anger without needing to be connected to my body. Keep saying stuff like that, I might try and get it over here.
>>25961398>>25961419>>25961431I have the wierdest boner right now
>>25961431NO! IGNORE ME, NOT HER... HIM? WHATEVER.
>>25961492Somethin' big's 'appenin', an' no mistake, aye lad. Ee bah gum, we migh' be in for a proper bit of trouble 'ere.
>>25961511Say, Necoho, old chap, how's that Atheism thing treating you?I bet you had a lot of followers who believed in you. Man, it was a dick move that I made them go to heaven they didn't believe in after they died.
>>25961373I AM NOT CRAZY! I AM RIPPER... TEARER... SLASHER... GOUGER. I AM THE TEETH IN THE DARKNESS! THE TALONS IN THE NIGHT! I AM THE ONE WHO WATCHES YOU SLEEP! MINE IS STRENGTH... AND FEAR... AND POWER! I AM THE NIGHT HAUNTER!
>>25961493What? You're jealous of my girlfriend? Well, she is a total babe, and seems really into me. Keeps saying how she loves a man with a big sausage, can't wait to get her hands on it, stuff like that.Also, she's really open minded, got a bunch of babes on her personal ride, which is pretty darn sweet.
>>25961546You're also kind of dead.
>>25961477>>25961511YES YES YES! ALMOST THERE! OHH THIS FEELS SOO GOOODDDDDD... I MEAN... BAD!FIGHT FOR ME! YELL FOR ME! CALL ME A SHIT STAINED TOILET!
>>25961554Oh, yeah, that's the stuff. Come on arm! Come on! I'm gonna be putting myself back together in no time!
>>25961565Are you sure.I want to hold your hand, look you deep into the eyes and tell you that you're the one person I want to spend my eternity with.
>>25961544Well, I admit things went a bit downhill after my greatest follower got himself strapped to a golden toilet. I'm willing to bet you had something to do with that. You really shouldn't encourage those guys, I almost had them on the ropes.Also, shush, I'm trying to be incognito.
>>25961565Cissisbro, that's like the least excellent thing ever.
>>25961582Hey Thomas, that arm is twitching again!Bring the ducttape will ya ? The extra-strong one
>>25960126Well chaos god are fueled by their respective domains, emps is usually said to have the potential to become a warp entity of order.The imperium's take on order is such a warped and twisted definition, which is doing nothing but cause it to wither and die. Which would mean the emps would too be twisted by his followers into but a mockery of himself.
>>25961582I have to admit though, she's a nice girl, and pretty hot, but between you and me, her pizzas arn't great. She says they're covered in sausage, but hell, it's more like a chipolata.
>>25961597yeah yeah yeah yeah yeahyeahyeahyeahyeaheyaheyayeahyeahYEAHYEAHYEAHYEAHYEAH YEAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Oh... oh... this was a brutal! I think I tore myself a new Eye of Terror... if you know my meaning *blinks*
>>25961582Hey. Jag. I'll cut you a deal. Interested?
>>25961261Oh no, the last time we met only happened because you and Tzeentch got me drunk off that Traitor Legion Ale, and i ended up chained to a wall because of it.>>25961334No, it's me. I'm using the account the Mechanicum set up for me because they said "Omnissiah, the internet is the greatest gift the Machine God has graced us with, here try this website called 'Fourth Channel'"
>>25961542Trouble you say? Minions! Prepare my gold plated stegadon so I can fall asleep on it for 10 years, that ought to solve the problem.
>>25961476Hah, the first 16 are just decoys for the REAL thrones i set up.
>>25961703Oh stop it! You told me you loved it!C'mon big E, I've been a very bad...uhm... girl... all chaotic and stuff... why don't you teach me some order ?I got that outfit you like!
>>25961601Eh. I can respect that. Though that guy was an asshole, if we're being honest here.We cool.>>25961658Oh no. You're not going anywhere. You know what this means, right.This shit got just matrimonial.
>>25961703IGNORE THAT FAGGOTLET'S HAVE A BEER AND FIGHT.
>>25961608No, no, fuck you! I'm getting out of here! I will drag myself out of here by my fucking tongue if need be!>>25961654Yeah, there we go! I can make the fingers clench in rage! One step closer to crawling!>>25961660Busy right now!
>>25961788Yes baby!Tell me how we will have sex for one night then hate each other for 40 years! Tell me how ugly our children will be! OH YES! TELL ME ABOUT THE AFFAIR YOU WILL HAVE! UUUUHHHH! TELL ME ABOUT HOW FAT I'LL GET! OH I THINK GONNA DO IT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!
>>25959721H-Hey there, while you're on the subject of punching people.You know we T'au are down with you guys right?Y-Ya know, with the Ultramarines.
>>25961765Fuck ooooooooff. Seriously, stop touching me.I said stop touching me with those weird ass tentacles! Khorne! Get me away from this asshole!>>25961793Fuck yeah! Where are we fighting? Nurgle got pissed last time cause we fucked up his garden.
>>25961816Fine. Good fuckin' luck. I mean, you haven't had any for the last nine thousand years but hey, this could be the one right?
>>25961816Will you hurry up Thomas ? This thing is trying to grab my feet! Forget the duct tape and bring in the nail-gun!I even think I'm hearing voices now.
>>25961864Hey, Hey you. Stop fucking with my kids arm before I mind bullet the fuck out of you and your friend.>>25961862And you, help your brother dammit, why can't any of my children be nice to each other for once?
>>25961854I CAN'T GET HIM AWAY FROM YOU, I TRIED PUNCHING HIM BUT HE JUST STARTED MASTURBATING!, JUST IGNORE HIM. ANGRON, GET OVER HERE AND HEADBUTT SLAANESH FOR ME!NURGLE GOT PISSED YOU SAY ? WELL, THAT MEANS WE ARE FIGHTING AT THE GARDEN! BRING YOU SWORD WITH YOU.
>>25961864I AM GOING TO BITE YOUR FUCKING LEGS OFF, YOU EMO TOSSER!
>>25961898I swear to Khaine, I am hearing voices threatning me! Fucking webway, why do we have to hide in here ? Weird fucking place.Hey Thomas, did you found the nail-gun ?
>>25961905>>25961854Tzeentch's maze. Tell him I said hi.Khorne? You are overcompensating with that sword. He said so.
>>25961928Yep! Got it right here!How should I nail it ? Think I should nail down the fingers ? Last time we chained it it flipped us off for a month!
>>25961928Look, I'm busy right now. Get someone else to do it.
>>25961905Ah, wait. Gotta save my son from these dark eldar pricks.
>>25961975Can I help?
>>25961949YES! ALMOST THERE! CLIMB, ARM, CLIMB! FINALLY, I'LL HAVE FINGERS TO STAND ON!
>>25961928You>>25961949You>>25961965And you. This is ummm... Slaanesh speaking. I will eat your souls if you keep fucking with my so- i mean that guy's body parts. In fact, go put him back together.
>>25961898Because the last time I tried to be nice to one of my brothers, Fulgrim tried to eat my soul, DAD.
>>25961999Sorry, Human/Asshole affair. Only humans and eldar are in this.
>>25962007Yep! It's climbing alright!There, it's nailed down properly now.Boy, those nails sure look painfull. The poor bastart who's this arm belong too must be calling us all shorts of things right now.
>>25961218Hey dad while you're here, I... I've got someone I'd like you to meet, now don't freak out... Come on Lion we reheaesed this in the mirror, t this is my life partner Chris...
>>25959721Whats up Rowboat Gooligash
>>25962034Damn it, wait...didn't we kill Slaanesh?
>>25962011Wait, they've got my body parts? How'd that happen?Are... are you saying the Dark Eldar are my children?VECT why didn't you tell me?
>>25961836But I won't. I'll be a caring and understanding person. And you'll always be the one I care about. Now look me in the eyes.
>>25962036ARGGHHGGHHH!! YOU FILTHY BASTARDS!! THAT'S IT, I'M COMING DOWN THERE! FEEL THE WRATH OF KHAAAAAAAN!-biting ensues-
>>25962084Don't forget, if you have sex, it will be purely for procreation, and limited to the missionary position.
>>25962011Oh, joy. Let me get on to caring about that. My shcedule's so full....er, oh, It'll have to wait a few days. Here, have a song.
>>25962020But that was Fulgrim, and if you get near Fulgrim the consequences are your fault.>>25962047Fucking hell, why are so many of my kids gay?! Fulgrim, Corax, and now you?!
>>25962086Hey, you there. Big ugly talking head.Go back to your box or I'm getting the trash can again! And stop talking to yourself! you're annoying the other heads
>>25962107Of course it is. No other way.
Why not just let the old fart die, put him in a turbine grave and power a new beacon by how fast he spins?
>>25960101robert jellyman - a masochist
>>25962121I'm actually bisexual.
>>25962142Sorry, I kinda fucked up making Fulgrim. Some... sexual fluids got mixed into his genetank.Don't look at me like that! That lab assistant was hot, and she was the one who suggested we have sex on the lab table!
>>25959559>the Sol System will turn into Eye of Terror 2.0, That's not how you say "galaxy"
>>25962185Fulgrim, no one knows what the fuck your sexuality is anymore.
>>25962193Oh please... You all know that I'm the best and the most beautiful of all Primarchs.
>>25962193...and YOU complain WE'RE all screwed up?What else did you fuck up in there? Dump LSD into Curze's tube? Knock a Red Bull into Angron's tank? WHAT ELSE, DAD
>>25962123Oh, er, hey! Look behind you! It's Kheradruakh! He's looking reeeally intently at your skull!
So, let me get this straight. In a corner of Commoragh, there's a Dark Eldar bar and pizzaria, where the remaining Primarchs, the chaos gods, and assorted other powerful figures come to drink, and no one does anything about poor Khan?This is brilliant.
>>25962288Yeah, I know! My head's on one corner of that bar, one of my arms is being used as a vase on the other corner, yet what do Corax, Russ, Vulkan et al do?
>>25962288Khan is there too, but he's a head stuck to the bar.>>25962264Look, I'm not saying I was drunk most of the time while making y'all, but I MIGHT have been drunk part of the time.
>>25959559Because is explicitly says stasis is being frozen in time, so his mind would be gone now, frozen in time.Its some sort of plot armour miracle that girlyman is somehow very slowly healing.Also a new chaos god when the emps dies? That sounds interesting source?
>>25962264I wander what he put in Magnus' tube...
>>25959640No it doesnt, its a temporal stasis youre frozen in time = no mind.Hence why girlymans wound is still glistening with fresh blood and why the talk about him being locked in the moment of agony he was in when they slapped him in stasis
>>25962399Look up 'Star Child'
>>25962421Hey, at least he didn't accidentally flush you down a toilet like he did with those two "missing" primarchs.
>>25962441SHUT UP THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
>>25962421My new boss says it was Red Dye No.2.
>>25962344You...dirty...that's it. That's fucking it.>>25962333Jaghatai, shut up and listen to me, cause I'm only gonna make this offer once. I've got fifty thousand astartes that're doing nothing but sitting on their asses and kicking over each others' sheds, sex demi-legions of titans from the dark mechanicus that owe me favors, and several million gibbering cultist-scum that my kids have picked up with their antics for the past ten millennia.You say the word and I will come down there, I will find those Khan pieces lying around wherever like the dumbest fetch-quest ever, I'll even be a nice guy and staple you back together with my best adamantium.In return, you go back to the Imperium and help get their shit together so I can have someone marginally interesting to fight again.Deal?
>>25962466If that's the only conditions, sure, go ahead!
>>25962441Hey, I'm not missing, I'm here!I just ran out of time off from Officeplex, and had to go back to work. Vacation time's a real bee-eye-next-tuesday to get, if you know what I mean.
>>25962455It prabably was DMT. Trust me, I know.>>25962451Of course it was, you drunk fuck. Say... don't you want to join me on, like, Pleasure Planet? I'm pretty sure that sounds better than sitting in agony for 10000 years.
>>25962491You're aware that you're a replacement, right? He had like... 40 Primarchs originally?And you guys are the batch that made it. Mostly because he ran out of money which he spent on whores and blow.
>>25962466Hey while you're at it, try to find my pieces too!I'll pay you with a very nice sword, or 99 of them and a regular one, if you want it.
>>25962511Fuck off, you and Slaanesh are some depraved individuals and I deeply regret my past experience with the latter.
>>25962441>>25962451He flushed down the Primarchs ?Ha, that's new.Well at least he didn't order you guys to go take a fucking mountain for him then bombed the fuck out of you after you did it.Thanks Emps, real classy move. Could've just given us our retirement plan.
WHEN DO THE VOICES STOP!
>>25962121I WAS BORN THIS WAY!come on Chris lets head to that Lady Gaga show on Caliban, the one in the life preserving chamber where we keep lady Gaga and all the fallen
>>25962588I couldn't give you your retirement fund because YOU BURNED ALL THE THINGS WE COULD'VE USED TO MAKE MONEY.
>>25962477That's it.>gets up out of his throne with a groan of metal and a rasp of steel on steel as he drags a giant hammer up from beside his armrestPACK IT UP, GENTLEMEN, WE'RE ROLLING.
>>25962640BUT HOWS MUH 13TH CRUSADE!?
>>25962623You never thought of alternatives did you ? Just had to go on and blow us up!There were so many things we would've accepted!A free house with a nice view! A free battle barge! A harem filled with Sororitas!But no! It's always bombing and killing with you!Btw, tell that fucker Constantin Valdor I'm totally owning his ass.
>>25962686Going as well as trying to corrupt a T'au.
>>25960141Yes... For the Emperor.
>>25962686Fuck your 13th failure, I'm busy sieging a webway planet. Go cry on Creed's shoulder or something.
>Because they'd need to move him from the Golden Throne to do so. So he'll die on the way to stasis>If they put him in stasis the Imperium loses warp travel >bunch of dipshits on Mars, who can't turn on a toaster without lighting 9000 candles and chanting the hymn of activation>Totally have that technology but its' not common.Its shit like this. Then people say 40K is super-awesome the most advanced technological out of 90% so Sci-fi.
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>>25959559holy shit my mind was just blown
>>25961546All I'm getting here is:>I am the terror that flaps in the night
I thought that when the emperor dies he will ascend into some kind of lawful good diety, like an Order Daemon or something weird like that?