"All the species of the world have their own beliefs, definitions, and superstitions regarding our planet, but when you get right down to it, the world is just a spinning ball of rock that orbits the sun at just the right distance to prevent it from being nuked."... well, it WOULD be that simple if not for the existence and presence of magic. So basically, NO one knows what the fuck's going on."Priests of many religious denominations believe that the world is nothing but a playground or testing grounds for the gods, and that these gods are in charge of monitoring the world's well-being via proxies or large angry guardian angels. Druids and archdruids insist that the planet is sentient, possessing its own 'life force' that, upon some threat of sufficiently planetary scale, manifests itself as a big glowing stream of energy and/or large angry forces of nature made flesh/bark. Tribal shamans believe that their sacrifices ensure the continuation of the world, and that insufficient sacrifices over a long period of time would cause large angry blood monstrosities to appear and ravage everything."... despite their usual skepticism of baseless superstitions, scholars all over the world have always been extremely worried that this common thread ('large angry somethings') that runs through all these different belief systems might hint to some underlying, as-of-yet discovered truth about the world."(cont.)
>>25404019-----------------------------------------------Ogir Place - Flying Golem OasisHP - 25/100EQUIP - Sandstorm Drill, Magma Shield-----------------------------------------------Population: 153/153 ogres (6 dead), 84/84 elves, ∞/∞ patchwings, 50/50 Solar Skellies- [Landmarks] Oasis, Daphnaia, Underground Cave/Quarry [50% mined]- [Food] Cacti(-ow), Fungi, Wheat, Potatoes, Ravager Meat, Milk; Fair Growth (+32/turn)- [Resources] Sandstone, Iron+Chromite Ores, Featherstone, Aquifer Pebbles, Bones [Ogir Fist]- [Diplomacy] Scaratone [ALLIED; Featherstone Carts, Fungi, Paper]; Felpowder Elves [UNITED]; Achievement Hunter Dwarves [???]- [Key Items] Tomes (Dragon Lore, Illusory Magic I, Necromancy I), Crazy Ghost's Books- [Arms] Cactus Maces, Iron Scimitars, Heat-Seeking Rokkit Launchers, Short-Ranged Bow+Arrow, Crude Iron Armor, Demon Helm/Shoulderpads; Ur-Camouflage- [Vocations] OGRES: Geo (∞), Berserks (4), BMasters, Rockkits, Riders, Heallusionist- [Beasts] Giant Bats (trained), Naked Mole Ravagers (trained)- [Settlement] Reinforced Rock Shanties, Storehouse, Mushroom Farms, Pier, Anchor/Staircase, SOGGY ASHES OF HELL- [NPCs] Boss Bawss Fistboss [+30 Diplomacy], Geomancer Gubbins [+30 Geomancy, +WE ALL GEOMANCERS NOW, +Ruoumoko], Beastkrumpa Squiggles Irwin [+Beast Whisperer, Big Vulture], Celicia Silverstone [???], Vultan [???]- [Tech] Fire, Fish, Agriculture[+Protection+Fertilizer], Cooking, Tea, Mine, Smelt/Forge, Write/Read, Hats, FStone Flight, FStone Airdrops, Airships, Ur-Cartography- [Magic] Geomancy X, Healing I, Illusion I, Necromancy I, Time I, Climate Control 0- [Economy] System=Barter; Currency=Shit- [Justice] Krumpin' Duels / Boss Knows Best-----------------------------------------------DICE SYSTEM>Any Doubles: STUPID LUCKY>100: SO BRILLIANT IT'S STUPID>90-98: Stupidly Successful>60-90: Successful>40-60: Adequate>10-40: Not So Good>2-10: SO STUPID THAT IT'S BRILLIANT >1: LUCKY STUPID(cont.)
>>25404036>LAST TIME"Hang in there, lad!!" Lockstock clambers clumsily up a dune, kneeling next to the figure sprawled in the sand- a fellow dwarf, wearing the uniform of a- a scout, perhaps from the southern mountains? "Bloody hell, what are you doing all the way out /here/?" he growls, unclipping a flask from his belt and holding it out. "Drink this-"The unfamiliar dwarf feebly pushes the flask away. "W-Water..."THAT cuts off Lockstock's admonishment about being picky with alcohol before he could even voice it, and it certainly stops him from wondering why the hell this newcomer isn't busy screaming at the gigantic flocks of birds and skeletons running around the place. "What happened to you, lad?" the miner murmurs, unclipping a different flask, a smaller one used only in emergencies."E-Escaped," the scout manages to say after a few greedy gulps of water. "It's over. I-It's all over, sir. It's...""The bloody humans, isn't it?" Lockstock growls. "I KNEW it. Those greedy southbound fools of dwarves- no bloody way we coulda kept the humans down, that damn strategy of underminin' their capitals was too big to catch all the leaders-""N-No, that's not... not it. It's..." The scout's face crumples at the memory. "T-The dwarven kingdoms, s-sir. They're... they're /gone/.""Gone? What do you-"The scout snaps, grabbing Lockstock's sleeves and finally working out the courage to scream it out all in one go. "I don't know HOW, sir, but the dwarven kingdoms- they've fallen! W-Wiped out! Erased! Like... like they've never existed in the first place!!"(cont.)
>>25404056Celicia shifts uncomfortably as she watches Lockstock and the other dwarf, distraught over some conversation that she didn't manage to hear from all the way back here, bellow their vows of vengeance and rage to the uncaring sky. Between their triumph over an entire army, that army's cheating demon-and-home-possessing prophet, and everything in between... yeah, it's a lot to take in at once.It doesn't help that she's just finished bending reality just as badly as an ogre normally does. Now that the adrenaline of battle has worn off, she's completely and utterly beat.She turns and glances up at the broken body of Ogir Place, still looming high above them even while flat on its back. Massive craters pockmark the oasis-golem's "face," and its weapons appear to be offline. Even Daphnaia, the elven tree/barracks/dormitory that was teleported onto Ruoumoko's head (and is now returned to Ogir Place), lists alarmingly to the side. The lack of demonfire coursing through the oasis-golem's body makes it seem dull and darkened.If Ogir Place is going to be fixed up anytime soon, the ogres (and the elves) are really going to have their work cut out for them.Celicia sighs. Well, at least it's not going to be ALL her problem. A repair effort of this scale will probably require the reality-bending efforts of someone like Boss Bawss Fistboss, who-A sudden thought occurs to her. Celicia glances over at the Scaratone Queen, who's shifting from foot to foot and looking mildly uncomfortable. "... has- has anyone actually SEEN Boss Bawss in the past half hour?" the elf asks, her gaze troubled.(Cont.)
>>25404103Boss Bawss Fistboss floats through the nether. He sees nothing, hears nothing, and feels nothing but a desolate coldness all the way down to the marrow of his bones. He can't move his limbs- he isn't even sure they still exist- and he certainly doesn't know if he could move anywhere, even if he still has them.... Boss Bawss Fistboss is also slightly hungry and somewhat bored.Seconds, years, or eons pass. He's not sure which. And then he hears a muffled voice- something like a low raspy chuckle- and now someone's pulling at him, towing him through the nether like a fish at the end of a line.[ ] [SHOUT] Try to call out to the voice.[ ] [HELP] Let the unseen voice pull you in.[ ] [AGGRESS] Fight it! With all your might![ ] [COUNTER] Try to pull whoever it is in with you.[ ] [WRITE-IN]
>>25404136[X] Wait.This is obviously the guy with our takeout.
>>25404136[X] [SHOUT] Try to call out to the voice.lets say hello
>>25404136>[ ] [COUNTER] Try to pull whoever it is in with you.Clearly they wish to have a tug-a-war.
>>25404136>[X] [SHOUT]This is obviously the guy with out takeout. We should ask him if we get said takeout free due to it taking so long for him to get here
>>25404136>[ ] [SHOUT] Try to call out to the voice.
>>25404136[X] [SHOUT] Try to call out to the voice."Hi! I'm Bawss, nice to meet you."
>>25404172Seconding the Tug of War.
Right, looks like we have a consensus with SHOUTING, so->***STUPID LUCKY TIME?***ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)
Rolled 69>>25404345Time to get stupid!
Rolled 27>>25404345Oh boy my first Ogre Quest
Rolled 67>>25404345rollan for 12
>>25404371same here. its a momentos occasion for many, namefriend.
>>25404379>>25404352THE FUN CANNOT BE HALTED
Rolled 80>>25404345>>25404352>>25404379I have to say that we are off to a great start.
>>25404416>>25404428I think they're too far apart, and still not sure if doubles works that way.
WOOT!! MY FIRST REAL LIVE OGRE QUEST!
>>25404345Does shouting count as diplomacy?
>>25404445From what I've inferred from the archived threads, anytime two rolls are the same, or just ridiculous rolls in general happens, it's ogre
>>25404136I have to say that if we don't end up with another head as a side effect of going through the nether I will be surprised.
>>25404474We've had him say multiple times though that if it was too far separate from the top three it didn't count. Also, I'm not quite sure how the doubles rule in general works since it seems like it changes every thread.>From what I've inferred from the archived threads, anytime two rolls are the same, or just ridiculous rolls in general happens, it's ogreYeah, but people get ahead of themselves and call it for everything, even if the 100/1 is ten rolls in.
>>25404474It'll give us more power for the already ludicrously powerful (and currently available) goddess of luck intervention, but other than that, nothing.
>>25404352>>25404379... OF COURSE>>25404445Around five posts is my limit, unless you guys manage to roll something stupidly amazing as usual>>25404459Nah, at least not in this case!
>>25404522>roll something stupidly amazing as usualThank you~!
First guy rolled 69... does this mean things will get ...uncomfortably sexy?
Question I've wanted to ask for a while: do all our groups integrate well? Like, will elves bro it out with patch wings during their free time, or must they be made to?
>>25404759Things always get uncomfortably sexy around Bawss, he just doesn't notice.
Rolled 29, 78, 68, 60, 4 = 239>>25404759I dont know probably not
>>25404136>>25404345>[SHOUT]>67 - Successfu->67 x 2Boss Bawss studies this strange feeling for a little while longer, focusing with the only sense he has left. It's impossible to gauge where he's being pulled to, or even how he's being pulled. There IS a sense of increasing... /sensation/, for lack of a better phrase. Like he's slowly regaining bits and pieces of himself, the farther in he's being towed.Of course, there IS that raspy chuckle to consider. If someone's there, then it's only good manners to introduce himself, isn't it?Breathing in with technically non-existing lungs, Boss Bawss Fistboss clears his technically non-existent throat. "IS ANYONE THERE?" he calls out."WHAT THE HOLY SHIT," the muffled voice shrieks back, immediately dropping the larger ogre like he was on fire. Boss Bawss Fistboss is set adrift once more.Seconds, years, and/or eons pass again.There's a tug, and the towing sensation resumes with increased haste. There's no raspy chuckle this time, though. Boss Bawss waits patiently, his sense of self gradually returning in bits and pieces. Shapes resolve themselves, color drains back into his sight, the muffled feeling leaves his hearing, and a whole host of tactile sensations resolve themselves-- like the fact that Boss Bawss Fistboss just landed heavily in water and soggy mud.The larger ogre picks himself back up, only to be stopped by the sight of a blade a few inches from his eye. And then the raspy voice pipes up from somewhere above him."Stop. Slowly, now, and keep your hands where we can see 'em."Boss Bawss Fistboss blinks, glancing up past the blade into a reptilian face.[ ] [COMPLY] Play it safe! Do as he says.[ ] [QUESTION] Who are you guys?[ ] [SOOTHE] (+Bonus) Nah, guys, I ain't harmful.[ ] [AGGRESS] Take 'em off-guard if you can![ ] [COMBINE] Some combination of the above.[ ] [WRITE-IN]
Soothing Questions. Go for childish, friendly questions. You guys want hang out?
>>25404785>[ ] [COMPLY] Play it safe! Do as he says.>[ ] [SOOTHE] (+Bonus) Nah, guys, I ain't harmful.>[ ] [QUESTION] Who are you guys?In that order.
>>25404767Come to think of it...Elves usually keep to themselves, but they're relatively friendly with the ogres. They're starting to thaw around the scaratones, but they tolerate the patchwings (won't seek them out), and generally avoid the skeletons if they can.tl;dr They probably have to be made to, yeah.
>>25404814I second this.
>>25404815I can definitely understand trepidation around the skeletons, but why the patchwings?
[X] [AGGRESS] We can do it, our kung fu is strong.
>>25404785[X] [SOOTHE] (+Bonus) Nah, guys, I ain't harmful.[X] [QUESTION] Who are you guys?"Heya you, I'm Bawss. Nice to meetcha. No need to wave a knife around, someone could get hurt. So, where are we?"
>>25404820Would you want to hang around /b/ all the time? because the patchworks sound like having /b/ on stereo except instead of stereo it's EVERYWHERE
>>25404815Why do I get the feeling you are going to use this opportunity to make the first two headed ogre?
>>25404841They sound less like /b/ and more like occasionally coherent dissociated press.
>>25404814Seems like a good order.
>>25404856>Why do I get the feeling you are going to use this opportunity to make the first two headed ogre?Or perhaps Bawss already is two-headed, and this is the second head expressing itself internally.[Diplomances internally.]
>>25404820Because they're loud, raucous, and look rather bestial, so elves kind of side-eye them and their screeching.... soooo it's like their initial impression of ogres, except somewhat worse.
>>25404785"Hey are you guys our delivery guys? We ordered takeout and it really took a long time to get here. Sorry guys, I'm not gonna give ya a tip for this.
>>25404814Works for me.
>>25404867>Bawws find a second head that was actually there the entire time[Ogreing intensifys]
>>25404814M'KAY, looks like we got [SOOTHE] as a chosen option, so->***STUPID LUCKY TIME?***ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)
Boss Bawss would have his second head in his stomach.He would lift his shirt up and his nipples would roll over into eyes, his bellybutton starts talking. Something ridiculous like that.
Rolled 29>>25404901May the dice guide us.
Rolled 90>>25404901Ogre time
let's do it.
Rolled 87Rolling for glorious ogre victory
Rolled 13>>25404901oh boy it's happening again
Rolled 31>>25404909>404909Does that count for anything?
Rolled 39>>25404901You still there, old boy?
Rolled 38, 33, 95, 65, 84 = 315>>25405039hes taking a second to regain some of his shattered sanity
>>25405022That's a bit of a stretch! 'Sides, there's already, you know. A 90.Because /tg/ dice.
Rolled 6>>25404928>19>>25404915>29>>25405039>39>>25405014>49HOLY SHIT
>>25405072>That's a bit of a stretch! 'Sides, there's already, you know. A 90.You mean a 120.
>>25405074Maybe if it was in order, still it's always something isn't it?
>>25405074Reaching a bit, there; we're fine.
Rolled 69>>25405099>Reaching a bit, there;It still happened.
>>25405039I don't know.
>>25404785>>25404901>90 - Stupidly Successful!>+30 - ... WELPSlowly, making sure his hands are opened palms-up, Boss Bawss gets to his feet without making any threatening moves. And he finally gets a good look at the people surrounding him.... the little lizard-y guys around him barely reach his knees, but there ARE about ten of them, and they DO have weapons, though they're a motley array of blades and strange metal tube- /guns/. And they ARE giving him the stink-eye.Boss Bawss licks his lips. "... hi? Hey, you guys, I'm not-"One of the lizard-y guys jabs at him with the tip of a blade. "None of that, now. We'll be asking the questions here-""Nah, nah, it's cool," Boss Bawss soothes, keeping the palms of his hands facing forward. "I ain't armed, 'cept for my actual arms. I ain't hidin' any weapons or nuffin', either. See?"The lizard-y guy in front of him lowers his blade by a fraction. "... true. You ARE naked except for a loincloth and a strange growth on your head.""This? This is my hat."There's a pause."... you can't be serious," the lizard-y guy says after a moment. "How's it even-" He shakes his head. "If we weren't already going to bring you to the Overseer for being an actual LIVING piece of dimensional flotsam, we'd have to bring you to him just for that /thing/ alone," he mutters. "Come on. This way."The group of lizard-people form up around Boss Bawss and begin slogging through the waters, leaving the ogre no choice but to be escorted. He takes a moment to glance around, seeing nothing but swampland, waterlogged plants, and shallow water no matter where he looks. There's a rocky ceiling up above, covered with conveniently glowing moss, which means that this is a cavern of some sort. Other than that, though, there's not much of any clue.(Cont.)
>>25405430Boss Bawss refocuses on the lizard-men around him. "So! Who're you guys, then?""We're kobolds," one of the lizard-men pipes up, despite a warning glance from the leader of the group. "And you're an outsider, right? One of the 'uncivilized' races, like us? How did you end up in the-""Ss'rak," the leader snaps. "No fraternizing with prisoners! Seriously!"The garrulous kobold wilts slightly, biting back on whatever else he was going to say, before bobbing his head. "Yessir. Apologies, sir-""No, no, there's no need for that."At that raspy voice, the entire group stops in its tracks and snaps to attention; a paler, older-looking lizard-y guy shambles out from the plants before them, his walking stick probing the mud with every step."At ease, gentlemen. So... an ogre." The elder kobold stops in front of Boss Bawss Fistboss, tapping his cane on the ground. "You are the cause of everything that has happened in recent history. All this chaos, all these opportunities for my people to rise again. And now you fall right into our hands. Just as planned," he adds, saying the last bit as if reciting a mantra.The kobold grins toothily, revealing fangs that remain sharp despite his age. "... we would like you to join us, and lend your power to our cause of making the 'uncivilized' races great."[ ] [JOIN] ... sure? They seem like nice folks, after all.[ ] [PRESS] Da heck? Question him further.[ ] [QUESTIONS] First things first. Where is this place?[ ] [WRITE-IN]
>>25405445>[ ] [PRESS] Da heck? Question him further.This. What does he mean by "great", and "uncivilized"? Let's not be hostile, but it's pretty clear he's lumping all of our friends in that group, and that doesn't sit right.
Rolled 5, 78, 53, 9, 23 = 168>>25405445Press him
>>25405445Press, 'm pretty sure Dwarves and Elves count as "civilized" races
>>25405445>>25405478I'm hoping we can get out of this with them as friends *without* buying into their rhetoric.
>>25405445[X] Nah nah, see, We're trying outt his ceveelized ting and it be working out great! We've already got giant bug people, vulture people and a horde of skeletons, a bunch o' elves and a demon or two signed up!>convinced locuirdLocuird you gullible bastard!
Rolled 34>>25405510Oh damn, I dropped my shit.
>>25405445[X] [PRESS] Da heck? Question him further."Uncivilized races? We ain't uncivilized we got hats. And how would you make us greater? Does this mean we gotta krump othas cause they is civilized?"
>>25405510Yes. I was going to suggest that we were in the process of "uncivilizing" other races, but this is so much better. Support!
>>25405445>[X] [PRESS] Da heck? Question him further.
>>25405510There is no way this can backfire.
>>25405510X about 100
>>25405510I fully support this.
>>25404867>>25404888Thats not funny you guys.
>>25405510This is a really bad idea, we should [X] Press first before mentioning anything else.
>>25405510Adding my support.
>>25405631This is Ogre Civ Quest, not Ogre Tactics.
When exactly did Boss Bawss fall out of existence anyways? Last we saw him he was leaving the control room of Ruomoko to send the other Ogres on a mission.
>>25405717He decided to go where he needed to be. Or he got distracted. Pretty much the same thing.
>>25405445>>25405510>[X] [PRESS]>[X] WE'RE TOTALLY CIVVING IT UP GUYSBoss Bawss furrows his brow. "Wait, hold on a tic. Whaddaya mean by 'uncivilized'?""Nothing bad, I assure you," the elder kobold replies smoothly. "Note the apostrophes. That's just what the others call us. You know- the humans, the elves, the dwarves. Those who look down on us for being 'monstrous', those who think they have the right to do whatever they want to /us/." The kobold glares out at nothing for a moment.This is, of course, when Boss Bawss decides to interject. "Nah, nah- see, us ogres, we're trying out dis 'civilized' thing, an' it's working out real good!" The larger ogre starts counting off his fingers. "We already got us a city, a buncha awesome bug people, some vulture people, lotsa skellingtons, an' even a small horde of elves who decided to join us because they're tired of telling cow poop to their leaders!"There's a thoughtful silence as everyone not Boss Bawss digests this new information."... fascinating," the elder kobold murmurs. "And in so doing, you twisted reality so much that it... it caused ripples in the space between dimensions."You might think you have achieved civilization, ogre, and I am happy for you and your people. We all are. But..." he points his walking stick at Boss Bawss, the dramatic effect rather ruined by the frog clinging desperately to its end. "Do you honestly think the dominant races would see it like that? Would the humans, the elves, and the dwarves- would their leaders see you as a people in and of yourselves?"The elder kobold flicks his walking stick to the side, sending the frog flying off into the water, before slamming the stick down into the mud. "No. They would destroy you as they destroyed us, perhaps after they take everything of value and interest from your people. This is why I ask, ogre, for you to help us end them before they end us. It's as much for your sake as it is for our vengeance."[ ] [WRITE-IN]
Rolled 47, 11, 11, 22, 63 = 154>>25405991i cant write for shit but something along the lines of "why cant we all get along"
>>25405991But we' already made friends wiv da elves an a dwarves. avn't met no Humans yet but we make friend with dem too.
>>25405991"If they try to hurt us, they're gonna get krumped but good. But I don't want to hurt folks that didn't hurt us. And we get along just fine with the elves and dwarves we know; we gotta give the rest a chance to be the same way."
>>25405991"I dunno, all the elves, dwarves, scaratone, and so on that we've met so far have thought of us as people. Ain't met no humans yet.But I am sorry for you, you got a real rough deal. Real rough deal, ain't right what happened.But dat don't mean that you oughtta krump everyone, I mean sometimes you gotta krump, but other times if you krump someone, they'll krump you back, and you'll krump them and it's only over when nobody can krump no more, and dat's sad. If you do dat what makes you different from the guys who krumped ya in the first place.I dunno, dere ain't no easy solution to dis, but I know it won't be found just by krumping everyone, dat just leads to more krumpin.I need some more thinking room in my head, gimme a sec."And then take off the hat, it's filtering some of the thoughts that would come in, and we need more room to think, and put it on the elder kobold.
>>25406056I like this.2nded
>>25406124Well said! Seconding this whole thing.
>>25405991Well der bug people have a queen an' she's pretty nice. Lockstock said 'e was a prince an he seems to think we're swell. Celia (That's the boss of the elves) said that we can just ignore them other elves since they're got their heads up donkeys. Oh an' there's (spider demons name) she's a real er piece of fruit orange kinda fuzzy? Anyway she was a goddess and she is pretty great too. Y'know why don't ya come to Ogier place and let me introduce ya to everyone get ya settled in you'll love it!
>>25406124.3.I second this instead. Ignore my post of >>25406142
I don't care what else you do, loan the man your hat.(first post on Chan, for a good cause.)
>>25406124this sounds good. you can almost hear that little hampster on a wheel in his head running for all its worth
Rolled 59>>25405991I've got a good write in, Give me a minuite.
>>25405991They's our friends and a friend is a friend, no matter what. Me, da ogres, da scaratones, da elves, da patchwings, da skellingtons, da dwarves, even da formichroma and all da rest of Ogir Plase, we's all in this together. And you can be, too, if you want ta. Or you can get krumped nice and good just like we did the formichroma. Yer choice.
>>25406124If nothing else I love the thinking room bit.
>>25406124Yut! Hit it like the fist of Ogre!
>>25406124>put it on the elder kobold.No, fuck that. You dont get a hat until you become an Ogre Friend. I refuse to give kobolds special privileges just because theyre all angsty as shit.
>>25406213We've given hats to people as part of diplomancing them before.
>>25406213ok, then not the elder. how about that kobold that was making friends with us on the way over here?
>>25406174Did I mention we have an impossibly awesome flying golem/oasis/island as a capital? Armed with a weaponized sandstorm and a magma shield? And the demigod of earthquakes and volcanoes as our familiar?
>>25406234>>25406239We can offer it to sweeten the deal, but we are not giving away OUR hat to some people who called us a prisoner. For all the bad things he has to say about our so-called enemies, he has treated us worse than the lot of them combined.
>>25406289>For all the bad things he has to say about our so-called enemies, he has treated us worse than the lot of them combined.Ooh, that needs to go in our speech.
>>25406289We're not going to *give* him the hat. We're going to use him as a hatstand for a minute while thinking, and then take it back. And then, with the leader now enamored of hats having tried one, he'll be all the more inclined to want one of his own.
Rolled 95>>25405991"Nah, see you gots the wrong idea about civeesation. It ain't about gettin' da respekt of the other people, though it'd be nice, but gettin' respect for yaselves as a people. it ain't about the money or da krumpin, Is about improven your people erry day, countin on each other. Dat's what civilasation is, it means 'Erryones got a place to call home'. The Bug people got their hives, the dwarves got their tunnels, the demons even got their parasiticilil thingy. I made Ogir Place. We's civilized,and if anyone says we's not and tries to punch us back to the dirt, we gonna get back up. If they gonna take our stuff, we gonna take it back. We's all in this together. Dats civvization.
Rolled 92>>25406393>Dat roll(So close...)
>>25405991Krumpins a big deal though, ya's don't Krump those whose ancestors may have once krumped one of your ancestors, cause they didn't do it themselves, and you don't krump em if they might krump you in the future, cause they might also not krump you and youse can be friends, so really the only people you should krump are the ones who are currently trying to krump you, an' when they try that you should krump em but good, krump em so hard they never want to try an' krump you again.So since nobody's tryin to krump us, we have no reason to krum them, ya dig?
>>25406393Nice.How about we say this:>>25406124and then use that one after we get enough thinking room to come up with it?
Rolled 73>>25406435Sounds planlike.
>>25406540Definitely plan-shaped, yeah.
Rolled 17>>25406611But does it have a plan flavor?
>>25406623>But does it have a plan flavor?Plan-covered plan with a creamy plan center!
OKAY be back in a few, eating delicious food, then I'm writing up the post!
>>25406673...did we make you hungry with those last two posts?
Rolled 60>>25406666Excellent, I'll have five.
>>25406673What kind of food?
>>25406695Plans are like a box of ogres; you never know what you're going to hat.
Rolled 56>>25406711Not sure whether I should be happy or disgusted if I find a carmelized cockroach now.
>>25406746Disgusted; might be one of our friends.
>>25405991Oh, yeah, the dwarves and the elves totally see us as people! I made friends with them and everything!
>>25406888Celicia did warn us that the elvish leaders probably wouldn't see things the same way. Not that that'd stop us; I'm sure we could work things out.
BACK and the typing commences. Sorry for the delay!>>25406707Mildly expired bacon nuked hard enough to hopefully make it edible. WE'LL SEE HOW THAT GOES
>>25407069Better than the shit they serve at the chowhall.
>>25407069Hopefully it goes well
>>25407105Or in hotels.While I do like your writing, Blorp, being a little faster would be great.
>>25407577Hush, you, it's worth the wait.
>>25405991>[X] Some really awesome write-insBoss Bawss Fistboss ponders what he's just been told, and also on his response, all while rubbing his chin thoughtfully. There's a long, long moment as the kobolds around him await his response with bated breath, every passing second feeling like an hour.And then the large ogre speaks up, his voice a bass rumble."... I dunno 'bout dat. See, everyone we met so far- elves, dorfs, scaratones, an' so on, 'cept for humans 'cause we haven't met 'em yet- they all thought of us as people."Boss Bawss sweeps his gaze across the kobolds, looking them all in the eye before glancing at the elder kobold. "It sounds like ya got a real rough deal. It ain't right wot happened to you folks- I'm real sorry."Still... dat doesn't mean ya gotta krump everyone. I mean, sure, you gotta do it sometimes, but other times, if ya krump someone, they'll krump ya back, and then YOU krump 'em again, and..." The larger ogre shakes his head. "It's only over when there's no one left to krump anyone, an' dat's a real sad shame. You'll just end up bein' no different from the guys who un-right-fully krumped ya in the first place. An' dat's no solution at all."Boss Bawss pauses. "... 'ere, hold on a sec, I need s'more thinking room in my head." With that, the larger ogre takes off his hat and plops it on the head of one of the kobolds- Ss'rak."Now, civilization... it ain't 'bout gettin' other peoples' respect. It ain't about money, or krumpin', or power. It's about gettin' respect for yourselves, about improvin' your people day by day." The larger ogre looks back up, thumping a fist into his chest. "I made Ogir Place. We're civilized, an' if anyone says we ain't and tries to punch us back into the dirt, we're just gonna get back up. If they try to take our stuff, we're gonna take it back. We got a place to call home."(Cont.)
>>25407880"... we had homes," the elder kobold hisses, a trifle testily. "Many homes. Clans all over the world, all over the place... and there are only so many times that we could get back up. Each clan, snuffed out one by one-""Civilization also means dat we're all in it together." Boss Bawss fires back, crossing his tree trunk-like arms over his chest. "If one part of us is hurtin', we go help our boys, no questions asked. Dat's what it is: the ability to count on each other."The elder kobold bows his head slightly; at this angle, his eyes are hidden in the shadow of his brow ridge. At his side, the other kobolds glance at each other worriedly, except for Ss'rak, who's too busy trying to adjust Boss Bawss' hat so that it doesn't slide off his head."... I'm sorry you feel that way," the elder kobold replies eventually. "Perhaps you have a point, about some of the things we have discussed. Had we someone like you at our helm, back when this all started..." He looks back up, his eyes as hard as flint. "Still, you cannot hope to understand what we have been through. We have come too far now to change our ways. And if that means we have to resort to force to get your cooperation, so be it."The kobolds shift their stance slightly, their weapons coming to the fore. In response, Boss Bawss Fistboss shifts his footing as best he can in the muddy terrain, his mind racing for something to say.(cont.)
>>25407897And then it happens. The fabric of reality, already slightly weaker in this cavern, rips itself a new hole, briefly sucking out all color and energy in a small area around it, a hole that rapidly increases in size-- and it spits out a short mustachioed humanoid in a top hat, a striped suit, and a bag of temperature-controlled holding. "OKAY! Which one of you guys ordered fifty meatlover's pizzas, thirty cheese-stuffed bread-loaves, and a whole lotta drinks?" he barks out, looking around. "Boss Bawss Fistboss? Is Boss Bawss Fistboss here?"[ ] [AYE] ... dat would be me![ ] [NO TIP] You're late![ ] [ESCAPE] Have him take you back to Ogir Place.
>>25407913[X] [AYE] ... dat would be me!
>>25407913>that screenshotYou're awesome.>>25407913>[ ] [ESCAPE] Have him take you back to Ogir Place."No, see, I ordered it back at da Scaratone hive; you were supposed to deliver it there. So how about you deliver me and it there, and then you can sit down with us for a nice meal?How about it, Ss'rak, want a snack?"
>>25407979>Only inviting one kobold. We are having a pizza party and everyone is invited.
>>25407913>[X] [AYE] ... dat would be me!
>>25407913[X] [AYE] It is PIZZA TIME!
>>25407913[x] [Aye] 'nd why don't ya join us for a pizza party?
>>25408018>We are having a pizza party and everyone is invited.This. Let's show them that we're happy to share.
>>25407979This be a good plan.
>>25407913[X] [ESCAPE] Have him take you back to Ogir Place."Sorry guys, I got some friends waitin for me an da food back home. I gotta go.Wait, do any of you like pizza? We got plenty, we can share."
Rolled 89>>25407913[X] Hand the pizza man a big sac of fresh steaming currency.
>>25407979This, but do share with all the kobolds if they're willing. If they're going to fight us, they can do so on a full stomach and after a nice dinner conversation.
>>25407913[X] Pizza partyYeah dats me, alright guys now lets go to Ogier Place an continue talkin this over, with food and the rest of the people I know. Who knows they're smart people they might know how to help.I mean we just solved a centuries long blood feud this afternoon what's one more?
>>25408348>I mean we just solved a centuries long blood feud this afternoon what's one more?We might not get them completely peaceful with one party, but we might at least get them to not think of us as enemies.
>>25408423Nah. Invit them over for a pizza party once we've fixed up Ogir Place.
>>25408464There's no timelier time than the present.
>>25408487Yeah, but Ogir Place is a wreck. You don't invite people over the night after you've wreck your home in a massive party, do you?
>>25408591That's part of why I suggested the Scaratone hive where we originally ordered takeout.
>>25408591But Queenie said she'd host it right? And the Scaratone palace isn't destroyed so hey everything is fine.
OKAY so it looks like we're having calls for inviting MANY kobolds back to Scaratone Hive / Ogir Place for a pizza party, soooooo>VOTE on inviting: All! Ss'rak, he's a bro! None!
>>25408637>>25408650Depends, is she cool with it? Don't pressure yo girlfriend into doing shit like this, she'll get mad at us man. >>25408674Ss'rak and guards. I mean, we'd have to ask Queenie first though.
>>25408674Invite them all, starting with Ss'rak and going from there.
>>25408674All, c'mon don't be rude.
>>25408674> Ss'rak, he's a bro!
>>25408704>Depends, is she cool with it? Don't pressure yo girlfriend into doing shit like this, she'll get mad at us man.What does Coreweaver have to do with this?
>>25408674> All!It's either all or nothing.
>>25408704You have a point.>>25408674Hey blorp, can we ring up queeny real quick and see if she's up for a few more guests. then  All
>>25408741Don't be trippin man. Queenie might get upset. To many Bug Waifu's from this quest alone. Dammit Blorp
>>25408767Yeah, we might get hives.
>>25408674How about we invite them all, and use the Goddess of Luck Intervention? Seems like we might need it to get the kobolds on our side.And we talked about using it last thread for exactly this purpose.
>>25408674> All!Party time bitches. Plus, if they start shit at the hive, they have an army to deal with.
>>25408674[x]Ss'rak, he's a broWhy invitee people who want to kill all our comrades into our comrades home?Save it for after they've been peacified.
>>25408796Seconding goddess of peace intervention.
>>25408674Hey Blorp, I thought you said there was going to be a break between massive plot arcs to actually build our civ?
>>25408796No, not until we actually get to a leader of some kind for actual alliance/friendship.
>>25408741>>25408767This quest has got me wanting to build a bug harem. How did this happen.
>>25408861Well, civ-building IS in the works for after this- this whatever-it-is resolves itself! It's just taking a little longer than I thought.
>>25408674 Everyone!We gotta get our DIPLOMANCE on, and we can't do that with just an underling. It's time for a pizza party/ formation of the League of Nations... thing.
>>25408674Everyone, including the kobold leaders.
>>25408796This sounds like a plan, though I second the notion of making sure we don't blow it on kobold mooks.
Looks like we've got a pretty clear consensus on inviting everyone, along with a handful of folks suggesting goddess intervention, either now or later when we meet the kobold leaders.
>>25408674>Man, sucks I won't be able to post the stuff I made before I leave for my trip>Well, one last check on the 'ol teegee before bed>OGRES!>Well, that went better than expectedAnyway, glad to see you back Blorp. I would normally wait until the thread was over, but I need to pass out soon.
>>254086743 - None
>>25409212Wow.Are you, by any chance, one of the grayscale artists from PQ?
>>25409212dat ass. Nice work man.
>>25407913>[X] [AYESCAPE]>[X] [INVITE] all the kobolds! It's a pizza party!!"Aye, dat's me," Boss Bawss confirms, raising his hand. "Er. Could you gimme a lift to Ogir Place? Dat's where da party's supposed to be at. Also, Queenie's paying.""So THAT'S why you suddenly switched places! Veering out of reality like that- I thought I was going to be /late/ for a while there! No worries, friend, that's easy to take care of," the pizza delivery guy chortles, grabbing reality by its shirtfront and gently tearing it yet another asshole. "Hop in, hop in! The pizza isn't getting any hotter just standing here and talking!"And that's when a masterstroke of a plan hits Boss Bawss. "... hey!" he rumbles, turning to look down at the lizard-men. "You guys should come along, too!""Why," the elder kobold says distantly, figuring that it's about as good a thing as any to say right now."'Cause it's a party, an' you're all invited!" Boss Bawss Fistboss replies, his logic as waterproof as always. "We just beat da dirt outta all of da bad bugs threatening the good bugs with massive killings, so everyone'll be real happy to see you, I bet. C'mon, let's go!"The pizza guy tips his top hat. "One trip to Terra Incognito, coming right up!" The rip in reality grows larger and larger, light and color and sound all bleeding out of the world as the void seems to consume all the sentient beings in its immediate radius-(cont.)
>>25409269- and moments later, Boss Bawss Fistboss lands once more on desert sands, hearing the thump-thump-thump of multiple bodies landing alongside him."WHY," the elder kobold repeats, looking more than a little disturbed by his plans getting flipped/turned-upside-down, the other kobolds clustering around him in a defensive formation. The pizza delivery guy shakes out his soaked shoes before plopping the pizza-holding bag on the ground. "Here we are! Is a Queen Kilkkarak here?""Yes-yes, that's me!" the Scaratone Queen chitters, slowly making her way across the sand. Next to her, Celicia doesn't even bother staring or looking shocked at the sudden influx of newcomers out of nowhere, instead turning to Boss Bawss. "What took you so long, where were you, and who the hell are these guys?" she grumbles, lighting up her fifth celebratory post-battle cigarette in so many minutes."They're the kobolds, an' we're all gonna have a great big pizza party 'cause they dragged me out from between realities I think," Boss Bawss starts to explain. "I'm gonna try to talk 'em down from-"(Cont.)
>>25409199Kobolds kinda killed the dwarven homelands. Like, all of them. We are gonna have to pick a side to that one and if we do, its gonna be dwarves.
>>25409282We can put them back.
>>25409281"YOOOOOU!"Everyone, even the pizza delivery guy, gives a start as that vengeful, wrath-filled howl echoes across the desert sands. The very embodiment of wrath crests the dune in front of the gathering, a pickaxe clutched in each gloved hand, wild eyes peering out through a beard that has all hairs standing on end."/YOU/!!" Lockstock roars again, striding purposefully toward the gathered kobolds, his weapons upraised. "I WILL END YOU ALL, AND DEMAND AN ACCOUNTING FOR EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THE LOST DWARVEN KINGDOMS," the dwarf raves. The small group of kobolds turn to face this new threat- the front row hefts their weapons, while the kobolds in the back row immediately drop their clawed hands immediately toward their pockets, and the elder kobold starts chanting something in another tongue.Boss Bawss Fistboss scratches his head. Perhaps... perhaps he should have thought this through a little more.
>>25409308And *now* it's time to use the goddess of luck intervention. Not to mention the map.
>>25409212And the Felrifle. I went for a repeater design after debating what level of technology would be reasonable for the setting. I could justify them having Mid-1800s level guns, but not full auto cannons like in the picture you posted. Unless they were made by ogres. Then they could be whatever and it would work.Because Ogres.Anyway, I need to call it a night. Look forward to catching up in the archives tomorrow.
>>25409322This, in the name of all things ogre this.
>>25409308NOTHIS ISN'T HAPPENINGWE ARE ALL GOING TO STEP BACK, COOL OFF AND EAT SOME PIZZATHEN WE ARE GOING TO PIN THE TAIL ON THE DONKEY, AND OTHER ASSORTED FUNAND THEN, ONCE WE'RE CHILLTHEN WE ARGUE
>>25409308Gah, this is the second time in as many times that Lockstock has gone off half-cocked with both barrels.>>25409322Shall we diploMANCE? On a bright cloud of pizza shall we try?
.... AAAND my apologies, guys, but I'm going to end tonight's thread a little earlier than I intended.The next thread will (tentatively) be on SUNDAY, starting at 8-9 pm EST! Updates to scheduling will be at https://twitter.com/BlorpQuestThanks for following the quest, and I hope you enjoyed the thread tonight, as short as it was!
>>25409308Goddess intervention time. We need to diplomance the fuck out of this pickle.
>>25409322Yep, lets do it."You ain't gotta worry, I'ma fix et right now"
>>25409391Awww. Guess we're starting *next* thread off with some goddess-fueled diplomancy then.It's great to have you back, Blorp!
>>25409322BUT BEFORE I GO, since it looks like we got some calls for it...>DECISION TIME for the start of next thread:USE GODDESS INTERVENTION?[ ] [YES][ ] [NO]
Ahhh!! Lovely coming home from second shift to OGRES!!Oh, andlet's luck intervention and literally force everyone to be friends. Then ogres and ogre-friends shall get together to construct a giant hat. The giant hat will be placed atop the planet making the entire world friends of the ogres.
Rolled 39>>25409391Damn you Blorp and your cliff hangers!
>>25409428>[ ] [HELL TO THE YES]
>>25409428[X] [PEACE OUT (YES)]
>>25409428I do feel that this might be needed for MAGICAL FRIENDSHIP... and all that shit
>>25409428[X] [YES], because we don't want krumpets with our meal.
WE SHALL USE ALL THE LUCK!!We'll need it for the kobolds and dwarves to forget the whole multiple-genocide thing.
>>25409428Yes, let's. And let's use the map.
>>25409428[X] HOLD IT! The dwarves aren't GONE, they're just MISPLACED! What do you use to find things that are lost? A map, of course.And then it'll turn out that the ur-cartographic map has an X on it.
>>25409491SECONDEDWe use the map to make a giant hat for the world.A MONUMENT TO WORLDWIDE OGRE FRIENDSHIP!!
Rolled 43>>25409428Yep. Use the luck intervention.
>>25409428>[ ] [YES]
>>25409523>We use the map to make a giant hat for the world.Right, because that's the most important thing we need it for right now.
>>25409553We're ogres.How is it not the most important thing??I'm sure a giant hat will solve all our problems. All of them.
>>25409574Unless we can pull all the dwarves out of our hat, then it won't really....wait. Ogres. OK, that's a great idea.
Rolled 40>>25409574Until someone figures out how to occlude our hat with a hat of their own.
>>25409595OK, clearly our next school of magic needs to be hatamancy.Haberdashermancy?
>>25409428Make it so.
>>25409605Then we just put a hat atop of their hat.THERE IS NO PROBLEM THAT CANNOT BE SOLVED WITH HATS!!
Rolled 97>>25409649A towering pillar of hats you say?A towering pillar of hats it is.
>>25409742It's hats all the way down.
>>25409778And I've only just now realized that Ogre Civ Quest's humor is a lot like Discworld's.Hatworld.
>>25409428Can't we decide on this AFTER the roll is made? If not, Yes. This is important. If so, I call to hold it in reserve until we, y'know, actually fail.
>>25409814I wonder if there are ogre retrophrenologists?
Fuck. Forgot about Ogre Civ today, damnit.