"Every race in the world uses magic to varying degrees. The world is magic-rich, after all, and with the help of all that ambient mana, people are able to shape their environments and accomplish some truly astounding feats in direct defiance of physics and reality."This does NOT mean, however, that reality is some pliant or corrupt guardsman who willingly bends the rules for anyone carrying a magic wand."Scholars may differ on the specifics and the nuts-and-bolts, but by and large, they are all in agreement on one thing: reality is a force in and of itself, and is the hardest sunnovabitch who makes the craziest drill sergeant look like a harmless flower girl. Reality doesn't want to be changed, you see, and it hates rule-breakers. Every time someone casts a spell and flounces the laws of physics, reality itself WILL resist the spellcaster's will, and reality WILL extract a toll in recompense. No matter what resource they use, no matter what 'system' of spellcasting they work under, spellcasters of all kinds must prepare to take a hit to their endurance, or their mental fortitude, or their stores of mana if they wish to overpower reality's 'will.'"There is no such thing as a free spell. While there are many tricks used to delay the deleterious effects of spellcasting, one way or another, reality WILL have its due."(Cont)
>>25020695-----------------------------------------------Ogir Place (+Floating, +Limbs, +Sandstorm Drill, +Magma Shield, +Steering Wheel)-----------------------------------------------Population: 153/153 ogres (6 dead), 84/84 elves, ∞/∞ patchwings, 50/50 Solar Skellies- [Landmarks] Oasis, Daphnaia, Underground Cave/Quarry [50% mined]- [Food] Cacti(-ow), Fungi, Wheat, Potatoes, Ravager Meat, Milk; Fair Growth (+32/turn)- [Resources] Hellfire Energy [Captive Archdemon Lord], Sandstone, Iron+Chromite Ores, Featherstone, Aquifer Pebbles- [Diplomacy] Scaratone [ALLIED; Featherstone Carts, Fungi, Paper]; Felpowder Elves [UNITED]; Achievement Hunter Dwarves [???]- [Key Items] Tomes (Dragon Lore, Illusory Magic I, Necromancy I), Crazy Ghost's Books- [Arms] Cactus Maces, Iron Scimitars, Heat-Seeking Rokkit Launchers, Short-Ranged Bow+Arrow, Crude Iron Armor, Demon Helm/Shoulderpads; Ur-Camouflage- [Vocations] OGRES: Geo (∞), Berserks (4), BMasters (1), Rockkits (0), Riders (0), Heallusionist (0)- [Beasts] Giant Bats (trained), Naked Mole Ravagers (trained)- [Settlement] Reinforced Rock Shanties, Storehouse, Mushroom Farms, Pier, Anchor/Staircase, THE FLAMES OF HELL- [NPCs] Boss Bawss Fistboss [+30 Diplomacy], Geomancer Gubbins [+30 Geomancy, +WE ALL GEOMANCERS NOW, +Ruoumoko], Beastkrumpa Squiggles Irwin [+Beast Whisperer, Big Vulture], Celicia Silverstone [???], Vultan [???]- [Tech] Fire, Fish, Agriculture[+Protection], Cooking, Tea, Mine, Smelt/Forge, Write/Read, Hats, FStone Flight, FStone Airdrops, Airships, Ur-Cartography- [Magic] Geomancy X, Healing I, Illusion I, Necromancy I, Time I, Climate Control 0- [Economy] System=Barter; Currency=Shit- [Justice] Krumpin' Duels / Boss Knows Best-----------------------------------------------ROLLS>Any Doubles: STUPID LUCKY>100: SO BRILLIANT IT'S STUPID>90-98: Stupidly Successful>60-90: Successful>40-60: Adequate>10-40: Not So Good>2-10: SO STUPID THAT IT'S BRILLIANT >1: LUCKY STUPID(Cont.)
>>25020706Not many creatures are able to live on the topside of the Scouring Wastes, the mercilessly hot desert comprising the bulk of Terra Incognita.Standing in the midst of one of two reality-warping, horrifically-armed titans currently squaring off against each other, with scores of stunned insect-men surrounding their feet far below, Celicia Silverstone can't help but feel that this upcoming fight could VERY drastically reduce that already-small number of desert inhabitants."A giant earth elemental wielding a spider demon sword, equipped with a steel robo-helmet and shoulderpads of undead bone, with a whole flock of bird-men flyin' around its head," Lockstock mutters to himself. The mutters quickly turns to mad giggling, and the dwarf gleefully rubs his soot-covered hands together. "Nae THAT'S a feat so rare that we'll hafta make a whole other category of 'cheevos!""And the fact that we're fighting a demon-possessed walking oasis-golem?" Queen Kilkkarak of the Scaratones chitters, the insectoid monarch trying not to shift her bulk too much in the confined space."Hah! This'll be one for the records, make no mistake about it!" Lockstock fires back. "I don't think we even have a WORD for how amazing that is!"Celicia glances down at the ground far beneath them, dotted with Scaratone hives and the awestruck masses of beetle-men and Formichroma alike. Despite the fact that she's standing inside the head of an oversized lava elemental, her vision remains completely unobstructed, free from such inconvenient things as actual lava, elemental brains, or anything remotely resembling reality."... I think the word you're looking for is 'utterly insane situation with loads of collateral damage,'" Celicia deadpans.(Cont.)
>>25020717"Yah, I kinda wanna avoid dat, too, but."The other 'pilots' fall silent when Boss Bawss Fistboss of the Ogir Place ogres speaks up. He flexes his hands, squinting out at the titan standing before them. "Don't think da Formichroma Prophet's gonna stand 'round and wait-"The larger ogre's immediately cut off as the possessed Ogir Place jabs at them with the business end of a drill made entirely out of a magically-enhanced sandstorm. Ruoumoko, the lava elemental moonlighting as a giant robot, reacts instinctively, slapping the attack away with a hand of molten rock- inside Ruoumoko's suddenly moving head, the 'pilots' barely manage to stay on their feet.Celicia grits her teeth, her pointed ears laid flat against her skull. "Dammit, we need a plan!" she yells out. "Geomancer Gubbins, this- this MONSTROSITY is of your own make, isn't it? What are WE doing here!?"The smaller ogre shrugs from where he's standing- in a wide-legged, firmly-anchored stance common to all ogre geomancers when they're busy pumping out as much magic juju as they can. "Dunno! I'm just doin' my usual thing an' holding Ruoumoko together! Da boss is calllin' da shots!"Immediately, Boss Bawss Fistboss feels four pairs of eyes staring right on him.Right. A plan.[ ] [DORF-AGGRESS] Take the fistfight to the Yellow Ant, we can't let him knock us around for much longer![ ] [ELF-AGGRESS] Keep the Yellow Ant at bay with overwhelming and preferably ranged firepower![ ] [BUG-AGGRESS] Queen Kilkkarak, you've GOTTA have some sort of ace up your sleeve for situations like this![ ] [SKEDADDLE] Move to another location, we're going to end up destroying ALL of Scaratone Hive if we duke it out here![ ] [WRITE-IN!]
>>25020695MOTHER. FUCKING. OGRE. QUEST.My day is now officially made. How've you been, Blorp?
>>25020728What terrible options are these? We're having a giant robot fight, there's only one choice.[X] [ELEMENTAL-AGGRESS] Punch Ogir Place as hard as we can.Any damage to it can be fixed with geomancy
>>25020728[X] [SKEDADDLE] Move to another location, we're going to end up destroying ALL of Scaratone Hive if we duke it out here!And by skedaddle I mean bullrush Ogir place and keep on punching it while pushing it somewhere else.
>>25020728[X] [PATCHWING-AGGRESS] Grapple Ogir Place and jump the both of us away from all the insects. This way we can have MANLY GIANT FISTICUFFS away from the collateral damage.
>>25020805>>25020837Combo these. Push, punch, and shove Ogir place else where for this fight.
>>25020805I really like this solution. But can we one-punch Ogir Place away from the hive without destroying our ally's home in the process?
>>25020760Busy, sick, and busy again, in that order! And also quickly discovering that pizza is amazing if you want to go into a food coma, and not so much if you want to do anything involving thinking.Hmm- consensus so far seems to be PUNCH-COMBO SKEDDADLE.
>>25020979Unfortunately, I have to skedaddle. Grabbing a beer with a friend I haven't seen in a while. Just wanted to tell you I love your quest, Blorp, and am in awe of the patience and sanity with which you deal with all the sanity-shattering plans we cook up. You are the Cecilia to /tg/'s Bawss.
>>25020805>>25020837>>25020920>>25020969>>25021001>Punch Kick It's All In The GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM THIS PLACEOKAY>***STUPID LUCKY TIME?***ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)
Rolled 59>>25021044Nat 1 here we come!
Rolled 33>>25021044Ogre time.
Rolled 48>>25021044GO GO OGRE RANGERS
>>25021066OGRE TIIIIIIIIIIME! YEAAAAAAAH!
>>25021066Good to see /tg/ dice still love ogres.
Rolled 36>>25021044FUCK YOU INVADER
>>25021066Doh shit, it's Ogre time!
>>25021066............................. GUESS THAT'S WHAT I GET FOR TAKING A BREAK
Rolled 74>>25021044Let's go ogres
>>25021165Oh Blorp, don't you ever learn?
Rolled 21>>25021044Here's a twist: we know Ogir Place inside and out, and we know about the hellemental powering it. Do we have any of the Aquifer Pebbles handy? Could we get Gubbins and Irwin to fly Vultan and the Big Vulture into Ogir Place and drop an Aquifer Pebble down one of its thermal exhaust ports?
>>25021365(Sorry, forgot to turn my dice off.)
>>25021365Infinite water, just add water. I like it.Ask Irwin to fly up there on a bat and drop one down the right shaft with a bucket of water while we distract him.
>>25021365Death Star trench run?
>>25021430Death Star trench run.
>>25021434Death Star trench run!
>>25021445Death Star trench run‽
>>25021365>>25021426>>25021430>>25021434>>25021445IT'S CERTAINLY POSSIBLE, YES
>>25021466Get to work Blorp. We all know you only have limited san left. We want to do this while you're still lucid.
>>25021507>Get to work Blorp. We all know you only have limited san left. We want to do this while you're still lucid.Especially since it's our job to have you rolling for SAN loss as often as possible.
>>25021528How low is his SAN score anyway?
>>25021466Wait, wait!Guys, this is our home, though. Even if its currently possessed.We STILL want to get it back intact, right?What would happen if we dropped the Aquifer Pebbles like that?What sort of shape would that leave our home in?
>>25021621About -13. But it fluctuates wildly I've been told.
>>25021636As long as we make sure the demon doesn't get loose, we can easily rebuild.Easily. A week or two tops.
>>25021636>What sort of shape would that leave our home in?Damage done should be able to be fixed through geomancy.
>>25021636Magic clean up with our allies montage. We cast healing spells on Ogir Place until its fixed.
>>25021636The cave he's in floods.We remove the pebble and drain it. Good as new.
Fuck, guys. Almost forgot our theme song for this battle.CHOOSE:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWKQiZVBtu4https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Wt6XlVob_Ehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QTjmc9RGs8
Rolled 1>>25021694In reverse order.
>>25021694>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Wt6XlVob_E>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QTjmc9RGs8We're in a giant mecha. Has to be one of these.Though when we go for the trench run, we'll want a theme music power up towards something more appropriate for that.
>>25021636could use time magic to restore it as well. Or for extra SAN damage grab a future ogre place that's even better, we just have to remember to to build it at some point...
>>25021694For me I got to go with something from Megas.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqs3RVoruOg
>>25021727... Very well then.
>>25021747That one or this:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GdPOMYLNoUFor me at least.
>>25021747That just sounds like a three-minute drum loop.
>>25021769Much better, though I still prefer one of these two:>>25021728
>>25021053>>25020728>>25021066>59>33/66>STUPID LUCKYFor a gigantic chunk of desert rock with blocky limbs, Ogir Place moves with an uncanny smoothness, the joints and connections sliding around in a way seldom associated with stone ANYTHINGS. "What's wrong, Boss Bawss of the brute-warriors?" the Yellow Ant taunts with a measure of his former confidence, his voice booming out from the heart of Ogir Place. "Afraid to damage your hearth and home?" The oasis-golem shifts its footing, cocking its sandstorm drill back for another go. "With an attitude like THAT, heathen, and this duel will be over faster than you can say-"And then Ruoumoko jabs Ogir Place right where its face would be, knocking it back a few steps.Far below, the assorted Scaratone and Formichroma onlookers scatter like cockroaches as the oasis-golem staggers away, its body slowly rotating back and forth as the Yellow Ant tries to shake off his sudden disorientation. "What in the blazes--?"Ruoumoko jabs Ogir Place again, this time with more force."Ow! OW! Stop that!" the Yellow Ant shrieks, the oasis-golem's huge hands clutching the upper front area of its body. Unsteadily, Ogir Place continues toddling backward. "Stop punching me in the face! This thing doesn't even HAVE a face, how are you-"In lieu of actually responding, Ruoumoko continues unleashing lightning-fast jabs against Ogir Place, each hitting the exact same spot as the one before and forcing it back at a fairly steady pace."Who woulda thunk it?" Lockstock mutters, stroking his beard as Boss Bawss Fistboss jabs the air, causing Ruoumoko to mirror his movements. "That Yellow Ant's got himself a glass jaw, the poor lad."(cont.)
>>25021903Rather than contemplate exactly how Boss Bawss Fistboss knows how to hit the jaw on a featureless oasis-golem, or how he managed to hit a previously-unknown weak point on the first run through, Celicia squints out the back of Ruoumoko's head, taking stock of their surroundings. "Okay, I think we're clear of the Scaratone Hives. Can you confirm that, your Highness?""Oh, certainly," Queen Kilkkarak nods, the gesture looking curiously human(oid) for the sentient insect queen. "If the hives aren't visible any more, that is the end of our few above-ground holdings, yes-yes.""Enough with the light punches already!" Ogir Place suddenly steps forward and swings with his other arm, the impossible magma shield knocking away Ruoumoko's twelfth jab. "Such cheap tactics will no longer work on the Formichroma Prophet!""I know." Boss Bawss Fistboss drops his tired arms to his side and grins, all despite the sweat beading on his forehead."Dat's why I got THIS."[ ] [ELF-AGGRESS] Put Celicia at the helm, solving all the world's dakka problems.[ ] [BUG-AGGRESS] Put Queen Kilkkarak at the helm, calling down the swarm.[ ] [DORF-AGGRESS] Put Lockstock at the helm and let him roll out an EXPLOSIVELY good time.[ ] [BONE-AGGRESS] Put the skeletons in charge. Prepare to board the enemy vessel![ ] [BIRD-AGGRESS] Put the Patchwings in charge. Dive! Diiiiive![ ] [TRENCH RUN] Flyer + Aquifer Pebble + Ogir Place exhaust port = ???[ ] [COMBO OF THE ABOVE][ ] [WRITE-IN!]
>>25021920[X] [OGRE-AGGRESS] FULL FUCKING NELSON[X] [BONE-AGRESS] Prepare to board the enemy vessel![X] [TRENCH RUN] Flyer + Aquifer Pebble + Ogir Place exhaust port = ???
>>25021920[X] [COMBO OF THE ABOVE][X] [ELF-AGGRESS] Put Celicia at the helm, solving all the world's dakka problems.[X] [TRENCH RUN] Flyer + Aquifer Pebble + Ogir Place exhaust port = ???Celicia uses all of the Dakka to keep him off balance and unable to see Squiggles flying in on a daring attack run. Remember, Squiggles installed a targeting computer on the vulture just so he could turn it off for this.
>>25021920>[ ] [BUG-AGGRESS] Put Queen Kilkkarak at the helm, calling down the swarm.Her arch-enemy, her move.
>[ ] [ELF-AGGRESS] Put Celicia at the helm, solving all the world's dakka problems. You can't go wrong with Dakka.[ ] [TRENCH RUN] Flyer + Aquifer Pebble + Ogir Place exhaust port = ???While Dakka we sneak in with a few fliers. Distract and destroy!
>>25021920distract with:[X] [DORF-AGGRESS] Put Lockstock at the helm and let him roll out an EXPLOSIVELY good time.while:[X] [TRENCH RUN] Flyer + Aquifer Pebble + Ogir Place exhaust port = ???
>>25021903>this thing doesn't even have a face>HUE>>25021920[ELF-AGGRESS][TRENCH-RUN]I wanna see what Cecilia does with OGRE POWER at her fingertips.
>>25021920>[X] [TRENCH RUN] Flyer + Aquifer Pebble + Ogir Place exhaust port = ???>[X] [BIRD-AGGRESS] Put the Patchwings in charge. Dive! Diiiiive!>>25021950>[X] [OGRE-AGGRESS] FULL FUCKING NELSON>[X] [COMBO OF THE ABOVE]We need the Patchwings providing air cover for the trench run, Boss Bawss putting Ogir Place in a headlock to keep it steady as long as possible, and then the trench run as the finisher.
>>25021920[x]DISTRACT with Explosives and Dakka!while our Boys do the[x]DEATH STAR TRENCH RUN!
>>25021920[X] [BUG-AGGRESS] Put Queen Kilkkarak at the helm, calling down the swarm.[X] [TRENCH RUN] Flyer + Aquifer Pebble + Ogir Place exhaust port = ???Take the helm, Queenie, WE'RE GOING IN.
>>25021983>>25021974>>25021969Fourthing [ELF-AGGRESS]+[TRENCH RUN]; I want to see Celicia going full ogre.
>>25021920>>25021990Oh yeah, this guys. We'll get Squiggles to go on that trench run and have the Patchwings provide interference while we let Cecilia do her own thing.
>>25021920You had me at "Dakka!"> [ELF-AGRESS]! This is hopefully not PASSIVE-AGRESS!Also, > [TRENCH RUN] it must be done!
Poster of >>25021365 and >>25021990 here; I'm retracting the latter in favor of>>25021983; let's see what Celicia can do with this giant mecha to cover the trench run.
>>25021973How about we use that as a finisher?But anyway, the trench run seems like a sure thing already along with having Cecilia take control of the helm. We'll also have the Patchwings providing protection for whoever will do the trench run, right?
>>25022108Of course; we'll need Patchwing Wings Antilles to provide cover.
>>25021920I think we all know what we need to do.
>>25022155with all the missiles as well
>>25022155>>25022161>>25022171Ogre-Dorf collaboration attack?
>>25021920>ELF AGGRESS>TRENCH RUNOne roll first! Can Celicia pull it off, distracting the Yellow Ant long enough to pull off an Aquifer Pebble bombing run?>***STUPID LUCKY TIME?***ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)
Rolled 83>>25022196Yes, she can!
Rolled 55>>25022196ELF TIME!
>>25022220The Goddess smiles upon us this day.
Rolled 28>>25022196Please, she's one of the ogres, of course she can.
>>25022220Fuuuuck. This is my second dubs roll in this thread.I....I may be full of ogre power now.
Rolled 61>>25022196Lady Luck
Rolled 46>>25021066>Rolled 33>Ogre time.>>25022220>Rolled 55>ELF TIME!Trench run time?
Rolled 71>>25022251I'm quickly running out of Megas images
Rolled 93>>25022251>>25022279Eh, it was worth a try.
>>25022251Blorp's taking consecutive critical hits to his SAN; how long can he last?
Rolled 2>>25022365Rolling again
>>25022220You know how we keep making jokes about how elves are super adaptable to their environments and everything? >55I think Cecilia just became the first true Ogre-Elf...
Rolled 18>>25022473>I think Cecilia just became the first true Ogre-Elf...After this, we need to make her an honorary ogre.If we haven't already.
>>25022494We put a hat on her, turn her tree into a hat, and gave her a proper Ogre hug, she's an Ogre already.
>>25022522Not to mention gave her a hand.
Rolled 11>>25022522Yeah, but let's make it official.
>>25022537There, guys. It's official.
Rolled 11>>25022560>MAXIMUM OGREDRIVEA world full of ogres and sentient, murderous cars?
>>25022537I hope Blorp saves this roll for an ancient Ogre initiation ceremony Baws makes up on the spot after all the dust settles.
Rolled 17>>25022537>>25022615I just rolled two 11's.
>>25022627That's when you know you're legit.
>>25022615Wot did you do?!?!?
>>25022615Great, now the Ogretek armor has murdercar mode.
>>25022627Let the Ogreness overtake you.It's a good pain.
Rolled 50>>25022665>>25022645>>25022639>>25022638>>25022630I AM THE LORD OF 11s!!!(Should I trip? No fucking clue how to do that.)
>>25022683>Should I trip?Gods no. Dont be a fucking attention whore just because you got two 11s once.
Rolled 80>>25022537>>25022615>Blorp's face when
I'm glad I arrived in time for the insanity.
Rolled 61>>25022696>Gods no. Dont be a fucking attention whore just because you got two 11s once.That sounds like a yes to me.
Rolled 10>>25022196I'm back, what'd I miss?
Rolled 82>>25022683YOU FOOL.
Rolled 89>>25022808Dunno, but Blorp is missing right now.
Rolled 69>>25022835Damn.I prepped these amazing rolls too.
Rolled 22>>25022196YOU'VE BEEN GONE FOR 36 MINUTESSTOP SEIZING AND POST
Rolled 97>>25022858Well that escalated quickly
People need to chill it takes time to make the post. So give him that time.
>>25022888I think it was the food coma comment earlier that has a few of us on edge. Well, that and the OGRE-tier rolls.
There better be a line saying "FIRE ALL ROCKS!" in Blorp's next post
>>25022995Howitzer?YOU MEAN OGREWITZER?
>>25022196>>25022213>>25022220>[X] [ELF AGGRESS]>[X] [TRENCH RUN]>83 - Successful!>55 - ... EVEN MORE SUCCESS... and immediately after saying that, Boss Bawss Fistboss grabs Celicia by her thin shoulders, hefts her up, and plops her down right where he was standing before backing off a few paces.The blonde elf blinks. "... wat.""You're gonna hafta fill in for me for a bit," Boss Bawss rumbles. Now that Celicia notices, the larger ogre's looking a little bit ragged. "I gotta let da boys know wot they have to do next."Celicia's right eyelid twitches. "Wat. Boss Bawss, in case you haven't noticed, I'm an elf. An /elf/. There's no way I can just-" She waves her hands around. "- just do all this ogre shit! I-"Boss Bawss cuts her off with a shake of his head. "Nah. You elves, you're all our friends, right? Dat means you're honorary ogres. Kyew-Eee-Dee.""... what," Celicia repeats, her repertoire of arguments shattered in the face of ogre obstinacy. Boss Bawss fishes out one of his many hats and places it on the elf's head, patting it fondly."There. Now it's official. Now if you'll 'scuse me, I gotta go talk to da boys..." With that, the larger ogre moves off into the depths of Ruoumoko's head, rapidly disappearing from sight.Celicia gapes for a moment before looking back outside, staring at the mildly terrifying Ogir Place and its equally-terrifying sandstorm drill. "What the hell do I do!?" she squawks, her drillmaster evaporating in the face of ogre innovation made into stone."It's easy! You just go whoosh and bam and whoopee!" Gubbins calls out eagerly."... I think what he MEANS is do an action and this strange fiery giant will follow suit, yes-yes," Queen Kilkkarak adds, a bit more helpfully. "Unless you would like me to-"(Cont.)
>>25023170The Scaratone Queen is interrupted as Ruoumoko shudders, dealt a glancing hit from Ogir Place's sandstorm drill."'This'? What is 'this'?" The Yellow Ant booms out. "Do not keep me waiting, brute-warrior! What, did you turn control over to one of your small, piddling allies?" he seethes, Ogir Place's various exhaust vents hissing in sympathy. "The squat mole-men with their explosives? The thin childish tree-men with their cowardly rifles? Is this not serious enough for you to face me directly, ogre!? I am not in a gaming mood! I-"There is an almost audible snapping noise as, after all these days and weeks of constant abuse, something in Celicia's overtaxed mind finally gives way with a blessed sigh."SHUT-"Ogir Place jerks in surprise as the giant lava elemental suddenly reaches for something strapped to its back, and the possessed oasis golem quickly tries to bring up its magma shield-"- THE FUCK-"- but between an ant's shield and an elf's ability to quick-draw-"- UP!"- there's absolutely no contest. In one smooth motion, Ruoumoko draws the giant-sized demon sword Coreweaver and, with a CRACK of shattered stone, slams it right down on the oasis, neatly splitting the lake into two halves.(cont.)
>>25023202As the Yellow Ant's vessel stumbles back, everyone inside Ruoumoko's head stares at Celicia- the elf's pose mirroring that of the elemental, except with her battered rifle instead of a sword- and the fact that the blonde elf looks absolutely livid."You shut your filthy whore mouth," Celicia hisses, eyes narrowed and ears laid flat against her head. "YOU picked my soldiers off one by one, and tried to pin it on the goddamn Scaratones! YOU dragged us all out here for a duel you thought would be a curbstomp, and got all fucking PISSY because you didn't figure FUCKING OGRE INSANITY into your grand overarching plan of genocide! And you..."Celicia ratchets her rifle and brings it to bear, her ranting voice suddenly quieting down to an ice-cold snarl. "... you /dare/ to call us cowards for using guns we HAD to develop to deal with bullshit like the cunt-brained, shit-eating demon that you're riding like the motherfucking village bicycle?"In the sudden silence, there is only the sound of Ruoumoko mirroring Celicia's motions using Coreweaver... and also the mechanical sound of giant-scaled gun parts that shouldn't exist.Somewhere, somehow, the Yellow Ant's eyes bug out as he watches the entire molten rock surface of Ruoumoko's chest start rippling, revealing rows upon rows of glinting metal tubes. From within Ogir Place, Cuddles the imprisoned demon lord, empowered by his link to the Yellow Ant, opens his mouth and howls, weakening the fabric between dimensions. Immediately, a horde of small flying demons begin pouring out from the many crevices of Ogir Place, screeching as they close the distance to Ruoumoko.And Celicia ignores all this. "Bitch," she hisses, her teeth grinding against the cigarette's end so hard that it's cut clean in half. "/This/ is for all those felpowder elven soldiers you've killed."(cont.)
>>25023214She pulls the trigger on her rifle, and the sheer amount of rifle discharges, all scaled for a battle between warring titans, causes a second sun to blossom between Ruoumoko and Ogir Place. Inside Ruoumoko, everyone except Celicia recoils and covers their eyes or ears, almost blinded by the glare and deafened by the noise. No other sound survives the constant roar of artillery being fired- not the short, terrified screams of the flying demons instantly mulched by the crossfire, and certainly not the sound of an entire rock face being absolutely decimated by the barrage.After an eternity of light and noise, the silence of the sudden cessation hits like a hammer; Ogir Place stumbles backward drunkenly, its front face reduced by multiple layers and reduced to a blasted, chewed-up landscape. Frozen in place, Ruoumoko is virtually wreathed in smoke, its expended and inexplicable gun barrels dropping to the ground like a rain of dead steel.Lockstock is the first to break the silence, once his ears stop ringing. "... lass," he mutters, his throat dry and his voice hoarse. "What th' hell."Celicia also remains frozen in place, her face turned away from the dwarf. "I... I don't know," she whispers, her voice strained. "I really don't know. I have no fucking clue, and I am deeply and utterly disturbed by the sheer inanity of what just happened. But you know what?"(cont.)
>>25023228... and then she turns around, her face flushed and her hands clasped to her cheeks, and something not entirely /sane/ glittering in her eyes. "I just... I just realized that I don't care. It doesn't matter that it doesn't make sense. It's totally fine that it doesn't make sense! I finally got to fuck over reality for the very first time, and... and it. It was /ogres/."And then Celicia giggles- /giggles/, like a high school girl.For the first time in his long, long life, Lockstock feels absolutely terrified. "S-SO!" he yells hoarsely, clapping his hands to try and desperately change the subject. "What's keeping those ogre lads, I wonder??"(Cont.)
>>25023249OKAY, that last set of posts took way too long, so I figure I'll split off the trench roll into its own thing.In other words, HA HA HA TIME FOR TRENCH ROLL>***STUPID LUCKY TIME?***ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)
>>25023249Oh god, I think we broke her.
Rolled 51>>25023268I wonder if blorp ever thinks that Ogre quest is too easy.
Rolled 30>>25023268I love it.
Rolled 43>>25023268'ERE WE GOOOO
Rolled 46>>25023249Shit, Cecilia went full yandere on the ogres.>>25023268TRENCH ROLL!
Rolled 43>>25023268STOOOPID LUCKY!
Rolled 44>>25023268THE OGRES BE WITH YOU
Rolled 61>>25023268STUPID LUCKY TIME!
Rolled 80>>25023268Unlimited OGRE
Rolled 74>>25023268Hahahahaha oh ogres that was awesome
Rolled 33>>25023268oh well
Rolled 28>>25023268For the insanity
>>25023278Adequate.Good enough. After our critical success, I really don't think Yellow Ant is in a position to properly defend against us.
Rolled 55>>25023299>>25023295>>25023289Ha HA
>>25023281>>25023285>>25023302WHAT IS THIS!?
I think the goddess has had time to charge since last thread. Let's.
Rolled 30>>25023327>33 + 55 = 88>44 x 2 = 88
>>25023350This is a momentous occasion.
>>25023249>It was /ogres/.Yes. Yes it was.
>>25023327CCCC-COMBOALL THE OGRE WAY DOWN.
Rolled 18>>25023320DIS BE OGRES SAWHN
Oh goddess of luck, Blorp, what did you do?WHAT DID YOU DO!?
I... I think that 51 was completely adequateand yet /tg/ dice keeps overkilling/everything/
>>25023395Do you realize how rare we get trips this is incredibly even for Ogre Civ Quest.
Rolled 75>>25023281>>25023285>>25023302>43+43+43>>25023289>>25023299>>25023312>>25023327>33+44+55+88Its all Ogre now. >>25023430>Pic relatedI'm so sorry Blorp
>>25023430It's your fault, Blorp. You started this as an innocent game.But, in reality, it was a ritual meant to empower some sort of eldritch luck entity. And it's feeding on you.
Dear Ogre Civ Quest,Stop hogging all the good rolls.Sincerely,Every other quest on /tg/
>>25023249We just broke Celicia, and it feels good.
Rolled 18>>25023473It's not so much 'hogging all the good rolls' as it is 'There isn't really a ''bad'' roll'.
Rolled 45>>25023443Trips? Where?Might have the wrong person
>>25023478No Anon. She was broken before, we just /fixed/ her.We will fix all our friends. They will be happy like we are. They will be /Ogerres/.
>>25023545Are you implying that we have any other agenda than simply caring for our close friends they way any normal person would? Because I think that you're implying implications Anon.
>>25023574>Implying being Ogres isn't awesome.>Implying we don't want what is best for our friends.>Implying we don't want our friends to shrug off that 'sanity' stuff and be like us.>Implying we won't give them all hats and officially make them Ogres too.>Implying implications.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NV6Rdv1a3IOur new theme song, guys.
Rolled 1I bailed out of my D&D game early for this. >begins catching up
>>25023836>1You came just in time.
>>25023430Hey Blorp. You still remember our fast food order, right?We could definitely all use some junk food after we finish.
>>25023268>>25023249>[X] [TRENCH RUN]>51 - Adequate>NUMBERS, NUMBERS EVERYWHERE(A MINUTE OR SO AGO ... )"Okay, boys, listen up." Beastkrumpa Squiggles paces back and forth atop Ruoumoko's right skeleton shoulderpad, addressing the assembled crack squad of patchwings. "Da boss chose me for dis super-important mission dat could have super-big implications for-"He has to pause for a few moments as the half-vulture, half-hyena creatures gleefully shriek "IMPLYING IMPLICATIONS!" at each other, somehow having picked up the phrase from the dwarves. Squiggles calmly waits for the furor to settle down before continuing."... for da course of dis entire war," Squiggles continues, undaunted. "An' I chose you 'cuz you were da best an' da brightest. Da strongest of da bunch. Now, I'm takin' da Big Vulture into da breach, and I will be de-liver-ing da important payload into the smallest of exhaust vents. One hit, an' dis battle will be de-cise-iverly swung in our favor."The fur-clad ogre levels a stern glare at each of the patchwings in turn. "So you all got some real big missions. Two of 'em, in fact. Da first is: nothin' gets past us to attack da big Ruoumoko, an' nothin' gets past YOU to attack me. An' da second is the most important mission of all..."The patchwings lean forward expectantly, their cunning eyes glittering with excitement."Everyone is comin' back home alive!" Squiggles roars. He vaults onto the back of his own living aircraft, a truly gigantic vulture that shrieks and begins flapping its wings. Looking appropriately heroic, Squiggles points toward the intimidating-looking Ogir Place, a multi-ton behemoth of stone, stone, and ant-possessed demon. "Now, all together! LIFT-".. and the Beastkrumpa is rudely interrupted by roughly a trillion rifles going off at once.(cont.)
>>25024048Once sanity reasserts itself, and once the Big Vulture and all the patchwings aren't trying to leg it to the perceived safety of low orbit, Beastkrumpa Squiggles' vision clears- and he finds himself staring down at the sad, sad mess of Ogir Place, no longer as intimidating as it totters around without most of its face."... oh," Squiggles says, watching most of his chances at having a heroic victory shrivel up with a sad little poof. With a sigh, he raises a meaty arm anyway. "We still got a job to do here! Take it away, Vultan!"The lead patchwing, slightly larger than his compatriots, swells up with pride and starts cawing. "Patchwings! Patchwings!" he shrieks, battering the more inattentive of his flock around with his wings. "Dive! DIIIIIIIIVE!!"As one teeming mass of shrieking, cawing beast-creatures, the patchwings descend toward Ogir Place, with Beastkrumpa Squiggles at the center of their formation. Those few summoned demons fortunate enough to survive Celicia's barrage look up just in time to get savagely and VERY enthusiastically torn to shreds, but by and large, there isn't a whole lot of resistance.Beastkrumpa Squiggles guides the Big Vulture with his legs, veering him right toward the very top of Ogir Place. Now, where to aim...>(NO ROLL REQUIRED)[ ] [DAPHNAIA'S CRATER] There's a hole where that tree used to be- that'll waterlog the whole island![ ] [CAVE TO THE CENTER] That hole leads straight down to where Cuddles is- an easy mark![ ] [PRECISION STRIKE] Fuck it all, cram it straight down Cuddles' gullet yourself- best way to be sure![ ] [WRITE-IN!]
>>25024062First, turn off the targeting computer on the vulture, it'll just get in the way.Then [X] [PRECISION STRIKE] Fuck it all, cram it straight down Cuddles' gullet yourself- best way to be sure!We're Beastkrumpa Squiggles, we can do this.
[ ] [PRECISION STRIKE] Fuck it all, cram it straight down Cuddles' gullet yourself- best way to be sure!.... would an ogre do anything else?
>>25024062Is it possible to aim it at the Prophet? I wanna see that cheating fucker get thrown out on his arse and be forced to die in agony.
Rolled 77>>25024062>[X] [PRECISION STRIKE] Fuck it all, cram it straight down Cuddles' gullet yourself- best way to be sure!GO TIME!
>>25024062Do you have to ask, Blorp?[PRECISION STRIKE]
>>25024062[X] [PRECISION STRIKE] Fuck it all, cram it straight down Cuddles' gullet yourself- best way to be sure!If we're doing this, we're going at it whole-ogre. We're not going to half-ogre this."Ogre Cheevios? My Gods, Dwarves, what have you unleashed?"
>>25024124....AHAHAHAHA EXACTLY WHAT I HOPED WOULD HAPPEN!
>>25024124Well now, was backing this anyway
>>25024119Yellow Ant has possessed Cuddles. So if we hit Cuddles, we hit Yellow Ant as well.
>>25024156Then hit Cuddles in his cuddly demon nuts.
>>25024124No one can refuse this option now.Blorp. Ask for the roll.
>>25024062>[x] [CAVE TO THE CENTER] That hole leads straight down to where Cuddles is- an easy mark!GIVE CUDDLES A BATH!
>>25024124oh for fucks sake. On the bright side, we now have a full set. >>25023299>33>>25023289>44>>25023312>55>>25024124>77>>25023327>88Damn. All we needed was a 66>>25024156How about we give him chinese burns, wet willies and wedgies then till he leaves Ogir Place?
>>25024188Fuck. We destroyed Blorp's sanity away.Also, we had an 11 as well. Now all we need is a 22, 66, and 99.....
>>25024124>77>>25024173i can't call for the roll anymore/the roll calls for me/
>>25024188>>25024228Err.... Guys. What happens if we get them all?This could be.... Ogres. This could be /very/ Ogres.
>>25024062[X] [PRECISION STRIKE] Fuck it all, cram it straight down Cuddles' gullet yourself- best way to be sure!
>>25024277We summon the horrifying eldritch embodiment of luck and it devours our sanity as everything becomes OGRE.This is how we will bring about the apocalypse. We are of the Cult of Fors Fortis Ultimatum.
>>25024336>We are of the Cult of Fors Fortis Ultimatum.While I don't know what that is, I wonder what will happen if someone starts worshiping us.
>>25024428At this point we kinda are gods.
>>25024456No Gods or Kings. Only Ogres. And the Boss.
>>25024062>>25024124>[X] [PRECISION STRIKE]>77 OUT OF NOWHEREIn the time it takes for Beastkrumpa Squiggles to make a decision, it's neatly taken right out of his hands.There's a high-pitched, vaguely elfy cackle from somewhere within Ruoumoko, and the giant lava elemental-slash-Frankenstein's-mecha closes the distance separating it from the already-reeling Ogir Place. "PLAYTIME IS /OGRE/," Celicia roars gleefully, and Ruoumoko slams its opponent using the hilt of its demon sword, continuing to pound the already-disoriented Yellow Ant in a bout of improvised rifle-whipping...... and Ogir Place topples over, landing on its back with an earth-shaking BOOM- and the cave entrance leading to Cuddles is now a straight drop down.Beastkrumpa Squiggles Irwin knows a chance when he sees one.(cont.)
>>25024664She's punning, you guys.I love this new Cecilia.
Rolled 45>>25024664Is his guy even going to get a hit in?
>>25024664. . . Oh no.Ogre-like respect for the fabric of reality.And common sense and brains?Guys, I think we might have just created a monster. A horrible, horrible monster.We should be proud.
>>25024664Tearing off a strip of cloth from his jacket, the ogre blindfolds his vulture mount before the bird knows what hit it- he can't afford any automatic targeting shenanigans from the vulture, it's got to be all manual- and sends the Big Vulture into a steep dive, the blinded bird trusting him and his subtle instructions with its life.The patchwings peel off, unable or instinctively unwilling to keep up with Beastkrumpa Squiggles' rapidly increasing speed. The cave looms larger and larger, and yet remains frighteningly small as they approach- the ogre makes another snap decision and vaults off his vulture mount. As Beastkrumpa Squiggles hurtles down, he puts two fingers in his mouth and /whistles/.Something hears him.There's an agonized shriek from the Yellow Ant as something burrows up from underneath Ogir Place and worms its way INTO the oasis golem, chewing through solid rock as easy as a knife through butter, but there's no time for that as Beastkrumpa Squiggles dives down into the cave, narrowly avoiding bouncing off a wall or two on his way in-- and, for a brief moment in time, Beastkrumpa Squiggles really can't help but relish the expression on Cuddles' face- Cuddles, entombed in rock, with the demon's skin having taken on a strange yellow hue and a chitinous appearance- right before the ogre slams an Aquifer Pebble straight down the demon's mouth, and a split-second before the largest monster earthworm pulverizes most of the demon's lower body from below.From outside, Ogir Place jerks once, twice, before water erupts from every crevice at once, almost flooding the desert around them- and Ruoumoko, spliced with way too many conflicting parts to be healthy, stands triumphant over the vanquished remains of its opponent.There's a beat."THAT'S WHAT I FUCKING THOUGHT," Celicia bellows, before collapsing into a senseless heap of overworked elf.>A BRIEF INTERLUDE[ ] [BAWSS] The ogre.[ ] [LOCKSTOCK] The dwarf.[ ] [UNKNOWN] The challengers.
>>25024749Dorf time? Dorf time.
Rolled 54>>25024664Damn Cecilia, you scary.Captcha: secretly wefterIf wefter means crazy, then yes, Cecilia was crazy in secret. It no secret anymore.
>>25024749[X] [UNKNOWN] The challengers.
>>25024749>[TAKEOUT]Where is that damn takeout boy?
>>25024749>[ ] [LOCKSTOCK] The dwarf.This will be AMAZING.
>>25024749[UNKNOWN]What's up, Yellow Ant? Cuddles?
>>25024749>[ALL OF THEM]
>>25024785I don't think we ordered yet. We were supposed to once the meeting started, but we had to post-pone the peace talk to deal with Yellow Ant first.But now would be a good time to order. Yep.
>>25024785A good question: where is our takeout anyway?
>>25024809>>25024785Oh, I haven't forgotten about the takeout.
>>25024749>[X] [ALL THE CHOICES]Plus time to eat our take-out as our victory meal
>>25024749Guys, I just had a horrifying idea. If Ruoumoko is already a minor demigod of Earthquakes, what will have happened now that he's been infused with a massive amount of Ogre magic and differing abilities? Did we just upgrade him to full time god?
>>25024826Oh cool!We get to meet Wayne Brady!
>>25024842No. We made him something better.We made him into Captain Krumpin'.
>>25024749>>25024799>>25024827BELATEDLY, "all of the choices" can't be a thing this time, mostly because I might call it a night afterward. (The not-chosen choices will be a thing next thread though, in some capacity).
>>25024908Will there be bad things for following one group over another, or is this just a semi-comedic voyeur thing?
>>25024908>[UNKNOWN] The challengers.
>>25024908>[Lockstock]I wanna see how he reacts to all this, especially when he realizes that there is an entire new level of 'Cheevo's' to aspire to.
>>25024908Mine here >>25024827I'll switch it to [Lockstock] thenbleshe nected
>>25024749>[ ] [LOCKSTOCK] The dwarf.Poor Lockstock, locked up with crazy elf.
>>25024749>[ ] [UNKNOWN] The challengers.
>>25024922I wouldn't think so. We're just getting their thoughts after all this.The dorfs are probably excited and the Bawss might be ordering us our luncheon right now. Who knows? We will. Once Blorp writes and posts it all.
>>25024922Nope! It's more of a voyeur thing.Though semi-comedic may not be the right word to describe 'em, depending.
>>25024749>[X] [UNKNOWN] The challengers."Told you so.""Shut up, demon.""You're no Ogre, I don't have to listen to you."
>>25024971... wow, that's certainly a wrong picture
>25024749>>25024908>[ ] [LOCKSTOCK] The dwarf.Dorf time then.
>>25024992It fits, though. From a certain point of view.
>>25024971Okay.Lockstock and fucking watch him react.
>>25024749[x] [LOCKSTOCK] The dwarf
>>25024971>>25025016Oh no wait. I take back my choice.Use the [UNKNOWN] instead.
Rolled 51>>25024971LAWKSTAWK DA DERF!!!
... actually, looking at the votes and because of how close they are, I'ma going to write both [LOCKSTOCK] and then [UNKNOWN] because they really might flow together
>>25025096What about the other backlog of shit you'll write?
>>25024738Does anyone remember the theory from a while back about the Goddess of Luck being a mind-broken, all-powerful Celicia from the future?Because.... I think that Anon might have had a little inspired madness.Yep, Ogre powers to fuck with reality and smart enough to understand how much she's fucking with reality... Yep.One day she's gonna go for a walk through that time portal and... Well, you know the rest.
>>25025157End of this session. That's why I'm going to try and end it a little earlier than usualLET'S SEE HOW WELL THAT PLAN WORKS OUT
>>25025160So the Ogres created themselves? Sounds just about right.
>>25025160The Luck Goddess isn't 'real', though. At least, not as a tangible character in this quest.
>>25025190Of course she is. Blorp even wrote a scene with her.
>>25025227Outside of the story's "canon".
>>25025242Says who?Blorp didn't say that and it didn't contradict anything else in the story.As far as I can tell, the Goddess of Luck is a real character in this setting.
>>25025272Blorp did say it.
>>25025272>>25025227Eh, I did say it was more of a "what if she was a tangible character" type of story, mostly because I felt that having a Goddess of Luck around would steal too much of the ogres' thunder.(She was VERY close to being a real character, though, since it was pretty much a last-minute deletion that I posted as an afterthought.)
>>25025299>She was VERY close to being a real character, though, since it was pretty much a last-minute deletion that I posted as an afterthought.Oh, didn't catch that.Not sure that matters though. I think she might be real now.I think we've just created her.
>>25025299She can be real without being around. But I like having the nature and degree to which gods exist and influence the world being an unclear thing.
>>25024749>[X] [LOCKSTOCK] the dwarfGunston Lockstock, minor dwarven prince moonlighting as an expeditionary miner, can't help but feel that he's just had his brain blown about five ways sideways from reality.... of course, ogres being ogres, he's really got to be more specific than that, but it's hard to encapsulate all the events that just happened into one coherent sentence without sounding like a completely off-his-rocker, screwball, mildly insane /sober/ dwarf. Suffice to say that this is the type of shit that the best legends are made of: those that are ALREADY so outlandish that no listener can tell which parts are true, and which parts are the drunken exaggerations of the storyteller telling it.... but first things first, Lockstock really doesn't want to die here, and that's looking like a distinct possibility right now."Now, lass, calm down," Lockstock says soothingly, doing his level best to stop Celicia from clambering back to her feet. Somehow, despite how fragile and elfy she SHOULD be, it's taking all of the strength in his stocky frame to keep her down, and that's a discrepancy he'd rather not contemplate. "The battle's over, there's nothin' left to destroy. No more breakin' reality like the ogres, right?""But you don't understand!" Celicia all but wails. "It was... it was beautiful! No, it was fucking /amazing/! I got to screw the rules, and for once, I didn't have to think about how this shouldn't happen, or how common sense was being destroyed! It was... it was..."The elf's eyes seem lit by an inner fire. "... power /ogre/whelming." And then she starts giggling again in that mildly worrisome way of hers.Lockstock can't help but start sweating bullets.[ ] [AGREE] Maybe if he does, she'll settle down and stop wanting to make bad puns.[ ] [SCARATONE] Queen Kilkkarak, seriously, a little help here?[ ] [GUBBINS] PLEASE STOP THE ROBOT I WANNA GET OUT[ ] [WRITE-IN!]
[ ] [SCARATONE] Queen Kilkkarak, seriously, a little help here?
>>25025438[SCARATONE] Let's help Cecilia get her mind back, guys.
>>25025438>[x] [SCARATONE] Queen Kilkkarak, seriously, a little help here?YES, we must hear the Queens take on this.
>>25025438[X] [Scaratone] A chat with someone of the same gender might help calm her down.
Rolled 52>>25025438[X] [GROANING] For the love of cheevos, stop making bad puns!
>>25025438>[ ] [GUBBINS] PLEASE STOP THE ROBOT I WANNA GET OUTI'LL TRADE YOU A CHEEVO OR TWO IF YOU GET ME OUT
>>25025438Talk to her, apply dwarfy wisdom to the situation."Lass, is this how Bawss would use /ogre/whelming power? Doesn't he always try to talk before resorting to breaking reality? And when he does use it he doesn't abuse it, just the right amount of common sense is thrown out the window.If you want power like Bawss you gotta be a bit like Bawss, breaking mortal conceptions of reality, sanity, and sense is a big responsibility. You can't always screw the rules, otherwise there's no point in the rules, you have to break them when it's important, and leave them alone when it isn't important. It's just like cheevos, you only get to break the rules to achieve the really good ones, otherwise you play by the book.Be like Bawss Celicia, be like Bawss."
>>25025438Gubbins, Can you toss Celicia out of the robot, fresh air might help her regain her sense of reality.
OH GOD, Celicia has been corrupted by the power of orges we might need some diplomancy to sort her out
>>25025566>Gubbins stopping the ride.It's like you don't understand ogre mentality, that just translates to "turn it up to 11" which probably means giant Ruomoko sand surfing into the sunset playing a sick guitar riff on Coreweaver who has transformed from a sword to an axe.Actually, I kinda waant to see that, can we please?
>>25025584This is glorious. Sums up Boss Bawss perfectly.
>>25025584You want to tell her she should mantle the Boss Ogre?
>>25025584I like this, Celicia needs to be grounded a bit, and who better to ground someone than a dwarf.Dohoho.
>>25025584But which edition of the cheevos Lockstock!? Which one!Also support.
>>25025584I like it~!
>>25025584Cue *You got the Touch*
>>25025584I like this one
>>25025438so she is using the cheat code now?that is awesome.[ ] [SCARATONE] Queen Kilkkarak, seriously, a little help here?yes ask the all sagey queen what to do.
>>25025726It'll either end up terribly or work out well. Either way.Also, Bawss is in the end a very responsible person, he can break reality but he always looks for the diplomatic solution first.I'm not saying she should try to perfectly emulate Bawss, but he's got experience at dealing with breaking reality, she should try to follow his example with reality breaking.
>>25025584>If you want power like Bawss you gotta be a bit like Bawss, breaking mortal conceptions of reality, sanity, and sense is a big responsibility.perfect.
Not to metagame too much, but maybe we should read the OP for this?
>>25025584Cue Jungle Book music: "can learn to be, like someone like me."
>>25025827Speaking of the OP>- [Vocations] OGRES: Geo (∞), Berserks (4), BMasters (1), Rockkits (0), Riders (0), Heallusionist (0)>Rockkits (0), Riders (0), Heallusionist (0)This isn't right is it?
>>25025438[X] [SCARATONE] Queen Kilkkarak, seriously, a little help here?[X] [WRITE-IN!] >>25025584Just because I don't think the Queen will be that helpful. In fact, i highly suspect she'll claim it's her turn. So he'll need to turn this speech on both of them.
>>25025840WHOA I'm not sure what happened there.I'm probably just going to remove those numbers, since the precise number of each class doesn't seem like it'll be relevant- just that there'll probably be some in each category.
>>25025827Yeah, reality is going to set back in like a motherfucking truck soon enough.There's a reason Bawss tends to be careful about breaking reality, it's just that this was really important.
>>25025840I'm under the impressive that means we HAVE those classes, but no one's TRAINED in them yet.So of like we're all geomancers. We're all riders or such, but no one's gotten any skill in it. We haven't spent any actions having them drill, so they don't have a definite numbver, just a few ogres try to do it when we need them, and Ogres being ogres. . . Well, we've never have reason to train.
>>25025858It's been like that forever, I think you just forgot to change it when we decided proportions.
>>25025899We allocated our forces in a previous thread. Seems like Blorp forgot about it when updating the OP.
>>25025873That's implying the people who wrote that passage were even right. >>25025899But people ARE trained in them. We did it months ago. It was given to us as a free action.
>>25025915it really doesn't matter, ogres being ogres, skills are kind of an iffy thing, it's more of a "I know it can be done, so I can do it" and they do.Which makes allocating them to specific groups kind of silly when instead they can just kind of do what they want when we need them to do it.
>>25025915Yes, but we never really gave numbers for them. Or had anyone train.So we had a handful of Ogres doing it, but they're not of that Class, like the Berserkers are always going to be Berserkers. They're stuck there now.>>25025924Well, we can all DO them, but no one's dedicated themselves to that class. We just shove Rokkits at guys and tell them to be Rokkiteers. They're not a set squad of dudes who have specialized Rokkiteer hats and carry around bandoleers of heat-seeking rocks. They're just weekend warriors, man.
>>25025951True. We can have all our ogres be butt-casting mole-riders with rokkit cannons.
>>25025973>like the Berserkers are always going to be Berserkers. They're stuck there now.Not really? We could tie them to bats and make them Batserkers, for example.
>>25025951Well, in theory, if we spent an action to drill Rockiteers they might get bonuses to doing it or something at the cost of being that Class and unable to run around heallusioning stuff.
>>25025985Okay, next turn, we're researching that class.Giant bat-perch hats. Strapped on bat-claw-like weapons strapped to their arms and legs.
I love you blorp, just finished reading whats here so far, and I don't know what else to say
Actually, on a slightly more practical note, we should put the demon gear on the berserkers. Whatever evil effects it might have on them will probably be redundant with their destructive berserk rages anyway.
>>25025584>You can't always screw the rules, otherwise there's no point in the rules, you have to break them when it's important, and leave them alone when it isn't important.This dude gets it. This is what makes Ogres so Ogre. They're completely normal often enough, but when the situation calls for it, they just NOPE reality and substitute their own.
Is Blorp there?
>>25026518He's probably just taking his time writing.
>>25026518Presumably this is a long write-up.
>>25025438>[X] [SCARATONE] WHY>and also a good write-inWith the iron fortitude inherent in all dwarves, Lockstock is just barely able to shrug off the latest in the line of cringe-worthy puns, though it's a near thing. Besides, if he dies here, he won't be able to report the cheevo- or the long LINE of cheevos derived from this entire battle- to the dwarves back in the homelands, and that would be an effin' shame.And that means making entirely certain that Celicia isn't going to become totally /ogre/powered if OH GODS NO HE'S STARTING TO DO IT TOO"Come on, yer Highness," Lockstock stage-whispers out of the corner of his beard, turning desperate eyes upon the Scaratone Queen sitting in the back of the chamber- and despite being unable to read her expression, the dwarf SWEARS that she's looking upon all of this with barely-contained amusement. "On behalf of the dwarven people! Gunston Lockstock requests aid!""Very well then," Queen Kilkkarak chitters, slowly making her way over to where Celicia's lying prone in the forefront of the chamber. "Now, let's see here..."Celicia looks up at her with a tinge of desperation herself. "You! I'll let you have a turn in the pilot's seat if you just give it back to me afterward!"There's a long, pregnant pause that has Lockstock sweating /buckets/. "Queen Kilkkarak," he groans.The Scaratone Queen waves a dainty hand dismissively. "Fine, fine, that can certainly wait, yes-yes," she replies, which does absolutely nothing to allay Lockstock's worries. Queen Kilkkarak shifts the dwarf aside and stands tall in front of Celicia, looking straight down at her.... and then she pulls the elf to her feet, placing her hands on the smaller humanoid's shoulders. "Elf Celicia, I wish to have your children."(cont.)
>>25026581There's a longer, even MORE pregnant pause now. A glimmer of doubt appears in Celicia's eyes, edging out the flames. "... what.""You have defeated the Yellow Ant, the feared Formichroma Prophet whose existence has plagued the Scaratone people for centuries, if not longer," Queen Kilkkarak continues in a level deadpan. "Speaking as the monarch of my people, I have decided that the best way to reward you would be to offer to bear your spawn, and the resulting eggs shall be proof enough of the bond between our people, a bond forged from the great favor you have done this very day-""/What,/" Celicia deadpans, her voice no longer carrying that borderline fanatic tone. In fact, it's that jaded deadpan she almost always has. And there's that familiar tic again, her eyelid twitching rapidly as her sanity, pulled kicking and screaming back into existence, tries to browbeat this new information to fit into SOME form of common sense. "What, what- NO! Absolutely not!" she shrieks, wresting herself away from Queen Kilkkarak's grasp. "That doesn't make any- we're both- that's forbidden lo- that can't possibly be true!"Celicia's brought up short by the shit-eating grin on Queen Kilkkarak's face. And the Scaratone Queen chitters smugly:"Gotcha."Lockstock probably would have started guffawing and slapping Queen Kilkkarak's back here, if not for the fact that Celicia's hair starts wafting up to frame her head like some sort of horror-movie halo, and the fact that /Ruoumoko has started moving again/."Lass!" Lockstock barks out, grabbing the elf's shoulders. "Look- seriously- is this how Boss Bawss would use /ogre/whelming-" After a moment of mentally writhing in pain, the dwarf corrects himself. "- /over/whelming power? Doesn't that lad always try to talk things out before resorting to reality-breakin'?"Celicia glowers at Lockstock, but she doesn't contradict him. Or end his existence, which are both promising signs, so Lockstock forges on.(cont.)
>>25026599"... and when he does use it he doesn't abuse it. See, just the right amount of common sense is thrown out the window- no more, no less. Ain't that right?" Emboldened, the dwarf continues. "If you want power like Bawss, you gotta be a bit like Bawss: see, breaking mortal conceptions of reality, sanity, and sense is a big responsibility. You can't always screw the rules, otherwise there's no point in the rules. You gotta break them when it's important, and leave 'em well enough alone when it isn't. Like cheevos! Play by the book(s) normally, but if there's somethin' important, well... bend 'em a bit for the really good cheevos. Leave 'em alone when it ain't."Lockstock pats Celicia's shoulder kindly. "Be like Bawss, Celicia. Be like Bawss."After a moment longer of staring, Celicia releases her deathgrip on her newfound powers, glancing sullenly off to the side as Ruoumoko deactivates itself. "... I'll think on it," she mutters. "Th... thank y-""WHOOPS I'M JUST ABOUT OUTTA JUICE," Gubbins yelps, releasing his hold on all the magic keeping Ruoumoko in existence and all the OTHER magic keeping things as super-impossible as they already are. Immediately, the lava elemental pops out of existence, and after a brief moment of confusion, the entire group finds themselves flat on the desert sands far below, without a bone-pulverizing fall that would have ended poorly.There's another moment of disorientation. "... what was that, lass?" Lockstock mutters, shaking the sand out of his beard. "I didn't quite catch that last-""It was /absolutely nothing/," Celicia growls, turning away in a huff.(Cont.)
>>25026614Lockstock chuckles before turning to the Scaratone Queen and Gubbins- or, okay, the latter seems to have fainted. "Yer Highness, please tell me there's some sort of passageway leading back to Scaratone lands around here somewhere.""There is! A service entrance, actually," Queen Kilkkarak says brightly after a moment of looking around. "While this IS quite the adventure, I would rather not roast, yes-yes! Please assist me in finding it, mole-man?""Dwarf," Lockstock corrects good-naturedly. "And just so long as ye don't offer to have MY children, I'm sure we- wait."The dwarf squints off toward the east- in the direction of Ogir Crater, actually- before his eyes widen and he takes off in a dead sprint, ignoring the surprised cries of his allies behind him.(cont.)
>>25026614What happened to all the Skeletons and Patchwings?
>>25026634"Hang in there, lad!!" Lockstock clambers clumsily up a dune, kneeling next to the figure sprawled in the sand- a fellow dwarf, wearing the uniform of a- a scout, perhaps from the southern mountains? "Bloody hell, what are you doing all the way out /here/?" he growls, unclipping a flask from his belt and holding it out. "Drink this-"The unfamiliar dwarf feebly pushes the flask away. "W-Water..."THAT cuts off Lockstock's admonishment about being picky with alcohol before he could even voice it, and it certainly stops him from wondering why the hell this newcomer isn't busy screaming at the gigantic flocks of birds and skeletons running around the place. "What happened to you, lad?" the miner murmurs, unclipping a different flask, a smaller one used only in emergencies."E-Escaped," the scout manages to say after a few greedy gulps of water. "It's over. I-It's all over, sir. It's...""The bloody humans, isn't it?" Lockstock growls. "I KNEW it. Those greedy southbound fools of dwarves- no bloody way we coulda kept the humans down, that damn strategy of underminin' their capitals was too big to catch all the leaders-""N-No, that's not... not it. It's..." The scout's face crumples at the memory. "T-The dwarven kingdoms, s-sir. They're... they're /gone/.""Gone? What do you-"The scout snaps, grabbing Lockstock's sleeves and finally working out the courage to scream it out all in one go. "I don't know HOW, sir, but the dwarven kingdoms- they've fallen! W-Wiped out! Erased! Like... like they've never existed in the first place!!"(Cont. in 20-30 minutes!)
>>25026666They're around somewhere.
>>25026703>"I don't know HOW, sir, but the dwarven kingdoms- they've fallen! W-Wiped out! Erased! Like... like they've never existed in the first place!!"....What the fuck.
"Elf Celicia, I wish to have your children.""That doesn't make any- we're both- that's forbidden lo- that can't possibly be true!"Blorp. You're the best thing ever. This is great. Like when all the powers combined into Super-Mecha-Ulta-Rekumo. Which had me laughing so hard I was disturbing a whole block's worth of people.You should really look into gathering all this up when you're done, and either filling it out into a book, or turning it into a CYOA using the roll points as page-changers.Because it is amazing.
>>25026703>The scout snaps, grabbing Lockstock's sleeves and finally working out the courage to scream it out all in one go. "I don't know HOW, sir, but the dwarven kingdoms- they've fallen! W-Wiped out! Erased! Like... like they've never existed in the first place!!">>25020695>"There is no such thing as a free spell. While there are many tricks used to delay the deleterious effects of spellcasting, one way or another, reality WILL have its due."Oh.Oh shit.
>>25026767Are we.....reality hoppers?
>>25026703......*WHERE DID WE LEAVE THE MAP?!*
>>25026799Exactly what I was thinking
>>25026767. . .I'm. . . not sure how to take this.Ogres, they bend reality over and have their way with it.And reality forces them bill on other races. . .Good Gods, is REALITY ITSELF totally tsundere for Ogres? "It's not like I enjoy it when you're rough with me or anything. . . there can only ever be ogres now. . ."
>>25026745Better yet, find a good graphic artist, and turn it into a graphic novel.
>>25026799Well, now we know what our next mission is.
>>25026799Oh, we left it... on... Ogir... Place...FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
>>25026900Bring the Dwarves home for Victorysgiving!
>>25026927>Oh, we left it... on... Ogir... Place...I don't see why the Formichroma would delete the Dwarven Empire.
>>25026939They wouldn't. They don't even know about the map. But...>Instant water just add water!
>>25026939We flooded Ogir Place. The map might have gotten.....damaged....
>>25026956Well, we can fix that with a little cartography, no probl-Oh, wait, the Dwarves who used to be there, right.Well, time to research Necromancy some more. . . At least they'll all get the "Brought back from the dead" Cheevio. That should make them less angry about it.
>>25026982>Oh, wait, the Dwarves who used to be there, right.We still have some Dwarves with us. They can help.
>>25026927We actual never were told where Bawss put it to keep it safeIf anything, he will pull it out of his hat like a magic trick
>>25023473Fuck other quests, that demand was ogre the line.
>>25026956I don't think it's been long enough since that happened for a Dwarf to get all the way over here and climb up. It's literally been under 30 minutes since we flooded the place.
>>25026982It just changes the landscape, so...we might have turned the main continent into a bunch of islands...We may have initiated Pangaea 2....
>>25027002Map that manipulates the land. Broken and scattered. Shenanigans.
>>25027001Ogres Ogre Alles.
>>25023473They're only good considering how the Roll System is made up.
>>25026982I say...perhaps we can add dwarfs to the elf respawner?>Set it up to respawn dwarfs>They come out like a tidal wave of beardsa
>>25027076We're like fucking Ogre Moses.
>Our Faces When
>>25023228>All that dakka>Must draw this>NOWGood to see you back Blorp. Something for your troubles.Didn't really turn out as awesome as you wrote, but I wanted to get something done before the 404.
>>25027281Very good drawing.
>>25026703>[X] [UNKNOWN] The challengers.Switching to second person because I literally could not write this in third person.To the rest of the world, you and your people are a relative unknown, and you are probably becoming more so each day.Well, to be specific, your own personal name is not important. Your position is, at best, that of a minor overseer, and no matter what happens from here on out, history probably won't remember it.Of course, that's not important right now. This is the second of two 'projects' (that you're aware of, at any rate), and you are very much determined to do what you can to ensure that it goes off without a hitch.You stalk through the cramped corridors, stopping every now and then to check on preparations. Your fellows, professionals down to their very bones, don't stop working as you pass by, and they don't stand up and salute. Such silly, pointless rituals serve no purpose, as far as you are all concerned; they just take away from valuable time you could be working, training, or planning ahead.So far, everything's gone smoothly. You've only had to correct one of your fellows, and that was only because he didn't do a proper triple check of one or two particular mechanisms on his end. Considering the circumstances, though, that's understandable; it takes YOU a good chunk of your willpower to clamp down on your excitement.This is your peoples' chance to shine. This is your peoples' chance to have their revenge. And that's what every single one of you, from the oldest of the elders to the youngest of the babes, have been waiting for over all these long, strange, and mildly mind-warping years.... speaking of time, you realize that it's time to get to work- the voice of the grand overseer of your vessel rings out around you, telling all units to get to their battle stations. The hour is upon you at last! (Cont.)
>>25027327You can barely stop shivering, and frankly, you curse your primitive instincts. You reach your assigned station and, after an encouraging word to your fellows (consisting mostly of "scare the living daylights out of them, and then kill them all while they stare and scream,"), you strap yourself in and prepare yourself.The countdown begins, and then there's a brief moment of orientation...... really, the demons had the right idea all along, but they were so incredibly /unimaginative/. All THEY did was slap their dimension against the world like a parasite, and rip open portals between them to run in and wreak havoc.What your people do- now, that's an art in and of itself, and one that causes the most exquisite amount of disorienting horror: you take the host dimension, and, for a limited amount of time?/You meld your own dimension right onto that fucker/.As you warp back into 'normal' space, you hear screams and yells all around you. Your targets are disoriented and terrified- they're no longer safe and sound in their castle, but they're in the middle of a dank, crowded warren of tunnels, dimly lit and completely unfamiliar to them.Oh, is that EVER your cue.(cont.)
>>25027228I guess if we didn't get issues like that coming up, this quest would be getting way too easy. Interesting to see where it might go from here.
>>25026703Well, that's a bummer.A little off-topic, but do you think Bawss could play matchmaker with the Spider Demon and Cuddles? Spider Demon could have someone to tell her that she's pretty, and Cuddles would be a bit more mellow.
>>25027281Damn, thats got to be getting Ruoumoko some damn respect among the godly circles
>>25027340You pop out of your station lightly armed, though ready to battle- a hidden door slides open and disgorges you into one of the many corridors, the home ground upon which you've fought for much of your adult life... and standing in front of you is a human.Now, THIS one is a prize- a knight or other armored warrior by the look of him, this one didn't stop to question this nightmare that just got made into reality, and he doesn't go into a shocked and confused daze. THIS human hefts his sword-and-board and charges right at you, swinging his weapon with consummate skill.You're ready for him, though.[ ] [LURE] You know every step of this corridor. He doesn't. Make him regret charging blindly.[ ] [ASSIST] You got friends on the other side, after all. Let your fellows have first blood.[ ] [IMPROVISE] Like your fellows, you are a goddamn master. Show him what you can do.
>>25027327>>25027340>>25027353Uh oh.[X] [IMPROVISE] Like your fellows, you are a goddamn master. Show him what you can do.
TIME FOR ANTI-SPIRALS!
>>25027353[X] [LURE] You know every step of this corridor. He doesn't. Make him regret charging blindly.
>>25027353>[ ] [LURE] You know every step of this corridor. He doesn't. Make him regret charging blindly.(I'm guessing we'll get a Wham Line telling us who they are?)
>>25027353We're fucking badasses.[IMPROVISE]Oh, and hey. It's not the Ogre's fault after all!
>>25027353[ ] [IMPROVISE] Like your fellows, you are a goddamn master. Show him what you can do.
>>25027353[ ] [LURE]I suspect we're defining the modus operandi of the ogres' new antagonists
>>25027353[X] [IMPROVISE] Like your fellows, you are a goddamn master. Show him what you can do.Yes. Show us what you can do too.
>>25027340Props for your image choice.
>>25027406We'll want them to be badasses, then. To match us.
>>25027353[X] [Improvise]God help the universe if we impart Ogre Luck to our future rivals.
>>25027353>[X] [IMPROVISE] Like your fellows, you are a goddamn master. Show him what you can do.Cheev! Ho! Cheev! Ho!
>>25027406More of a sneak peek, really!
>>25027372More like lovecraftian elder horrors form beyond the stars, but in a terrible efficient bureaucracy.
>>25027353[X] [IMPROVISE] Like your fellows, you are a goddamn master. Show him what you can do.Dwarf: "What have we done? Our Crowning chain-reaction of awesome has doomed the less radical races!"Unknown: "Oh, wait, nope. Blorp's just upping the playing field."Also, can I bet on super kung-fu alternate universe goblins?
>>25027463>kung-fu goblinsMaybe goblins with space ships?
>>25027541What is this Spelljammer?
>>25027541Or Tuckers Kobolds, except replace Tucker with Pinhead.
>>25027541Kung-Fu Space Goblins.Little green men, who come in their ships, abduct you, and then proceed to beat the snot out of you without even weapons. Before openning their mouths to spout illithid tentacles and eat your fear-ridden brains!
>>25027578Trap-oriented kobolds that do lots of planning ahead. It's more of a DMing style but people attribute it to the race.
We know these guys live in warrens, so....some kind of underground species.
>>25027457>>25027463*Know* that our new enemies are as dangerous as they are cunning.*Know* that they can bend time and space to their whims as they sail the astral seas.*Know* that they are *Gith*
>>25027578http://www.tuckerskobolds.com/It's what happens when you play the enemies like vicious, clever, cunning, bastards who are willing to take every tactical advantage possible and alter the environment in their favor.
>>25027593And soon they will be our Friends.Very Tsuundere/Yandere friends.
>>25027593Oh, fuck the gith.
>>25027617There bureaucracy may imply an ability to enforce reality.
>>25027643Not like it'll help...
>>25027643And we shall enforce chaos and fun on them!
>>25027593And they should know that we are going to BEFRIEND THE FUCK OUT OF THEM
>>25027664>>25027686Even if we have to rape the ever loving hell out of the fabric of time and space
oh god I catch a running Ogre Civ quest and then all the Dwarves are suddenly gonewhat's going on?!
>>25027730Some reality warpers from a different dimension attacked the main continent.
>>25027730The next story arc
>"There is no such thing as a free spell. While there are many tricks used to delay the deleterious effects of spellcasting, one way or another, reality WILL have its due.">OGRES>/You meld your own dimension right onto that fucker/.BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.Boys, prepare the Ogres ultimate weapon: Reality's Bill
>>25027749That'd be a very effective method of passing the buck so to speak. They want to break reality and destroy the homes of our friends. Then you can have it. All of it, all the power you want. But you're getting the damn bill as well.
>>25027781"Now, our realities are as one!"Gubbins: "Finally, I've been waiting for a chance for this!" [X] [MAKE THEM FOOT BILL] [X] [USE TIME MAGIC] [X] [USE LUCK POINT]The day prior: "Sir, we're ready to merge with their, OH GODS OUR REALITY IS RIPPING ITSELF APART!"
>>25027749Suddenly I'm reminded of Disgaea
>>25027816But we'd be in the same reality....Meh.
>>25027831They already said the merge was temporary.
>>25027845Yeah. And if reality rips itself apart while they're both still merged, they'll both feel the effects. Was that not the implicit basis of my statement?
>>25027831No, you see, we foot the bill, then use time magic to revert the realities to BEFORE they were intertwined.The resulting paradox only empowers the bill.
>>25027880No, we only rip apart their portion of the joint reality.
>>25027906It's clear to me now that, that's what you OBVIOUSLY meant. Obviously.
>>25027353>[X] [IMPROVISE]Among your people, there's a running challenge among veterans on the field: the less equipment you bring into battle with you, the more of a hardass you are.The idea is that you're supposed to run in and scrounge basic items from your opponents, making scarier and more complex weapons as the battle goes on. You've seen some of your fellows go into battle wielding nothing but tweezers and toothpicks, and amass a hefty kill count; you've seen others go down the stealthier route, rigging up distractions and all sorts of disorienting traps from basic objects and causing the enemy to start attacking themselves out of sheer confusion.Personally, you prefer the third route: one firestarter. Since this is a major operation, though, you decide to play it safe.You decide to hurl your token short sword at the human knight and meet his charge head on.Most opponents above your weight class really don't expect smaller opponents to RUN into an armored bull rush, and this one's no exception. You're on your opponent like brown on dirt, slithering inside his guard like a serpent and snatching things from his belt before he can even think to guard himself.... a flask of alcohol, fishing line, lockpicks, a pamphlet, and a recently-doused cornbob pipe? Too easy, but you're on a schedule here, anyway.You kick off from the human's back and skid along the corridor, your palm hitting a small button along the wall before your opponent even turns around. You catch the iron pipe that spins out and dump a measure of alcohol in it, empty the fiery ashes in, add a bit of your own personal juju, and hurl the contraption end over end at the knight.(cont.)
>>25027986The corridor immediately starts filling with an irritating gas- the human coughs and chokes, stumbling away from the source- but you're ready for him, and in the intervening moments, you've taken the fishing line and turned the corridor into a mess of tripwire. The human trips, but his instincts are sound- he tries cutting at you even as he falls.At this point, though, you've curled up the pamphlet and converted it into a makeshift blowpipe, and your lockpick darts knock the sword off-course. You don't let the human's face hit the floor, though, that's too good for him.Instead, his face hits your knee. Really, there's nothing more satisfying than /feeling/ someone's nose break.And that's the end of THAT battle; you've had a nice little warmup, and the human is groaning on the ground, taken out of the fight. Just As Planned.Granted, you've one more thing left to do.You kick another hidden panel in the wall, and the human comes to his senses as a viscous liquid spatters all over his head and upper body. The knights eyes widen as you calmly convert the wine flask you've stolen from him and convert it into a classic Molotov cocktail."... what...?" the human whispers brokenly, still barely understanding the situation. And then he pauses.Maybe it's the sound of multiple crossbows going off and the choked-off screams of his fellows finally reaching his ears. Or maybe it's the smell of smoke permeating his nose, as your fellows bomb anything that moves... or maybe he feels the vibration in the floor as your fellows move from place to place, relying on hidden passages sprinkled all throughout the vessel.Or maybe he's just finally gotten a good look at you. But you don't give him a chance to say the name of your people before you dash the cocktail over his oil-soaked head and set him ablaze.(Cont.)
>>25028002... Kobolds on steroids.
>>25028002Years ago, your people were hunted down. The 'civilized' races banded together and made quick work of your peoples' settlements, already isolated and separated by that ever-shrinking space between human cities, or dwarf holds, or elven villages.For them, it was an easy task to cleanse the land, sea, and air of your people. And they left you no choice but to take to the space between dimensions. They couldn't follow, but your people couldn't escape. And so your people learned... new skills, as you plotted your revenge.And then some upstart civilization started breaking reality so hard that even you and your fellows felt it. This... this was the chance that your people were waiting for. The perfect chance.You are the kobolds.And the gods themselves will die with that name on their lips.
>>25027986>>25028002Holy hell, it *is* Tucker's kobolds.
>>25028023Behold, fellow diplomancers, our finest target yet.
>>25028023Oh. Oh my.
>>25028023Holy shit. They really are Tucker's Kobolds.
>>25028023Why do I get the feeling that first contact between the Ogres and the Kolbolds is going to end up exactly the same as the Ogres and the Buggies?Namely, an Ogre accidentally squishes one?
>>25028023This seems like the best place to end things.You turning in or are you still planning to do some of those bonus stories?
>>25028089>implying this wasn't the bonus story
>>25028023They removed the dwarves from existence as well?
OKAY, SO, ABOUT MY INTENTION TO END THE THREAD EARLYIt is now 4 am, and I'm not really ready for anything besides collapsing into a dead heap, even though I promised that I'd get to some form of extra content like a trillion months ago.ON THAT NOTE, the next thread is gonna be THIS SUNDAY, 8 PM EST, and it'll be dedicated to emptying out that backlog and maybe doing some more stuff like the "brief" interludes tonight.SO YUPThanks for following the quest, guys, and I hope you enjoyed this thread! I got this here Twitter thing (https://twitter.com/BlorpQuest), and it's mostly for updates or schedule changes and stuff like that.
>>25028113Awesome, Blorp.How's your SAN holding up?
>>25028113It's OK, Blorp, this was glorious as always, and welcome back. Don't burn out feeling like you have to do tons of bonus content. We had a giant mecha battle and a death star trench run today. We're spoiled rotten and loving every minute of it.
>>25028113>implying the next thread won't be two months from now with no bonus whatsoever
>>25028023For a minute there, I was worried.Worried it was the Kender.Thank goodness it's just the Kobolds.Hey, wait, if Ogres have been around a while, and aren't considered civilized, and are kind of big and dumb, might we have known the kobolds?Might they remember us with, if not kindness, a lack of hatred? Might we, gentlemen, form an alliance?Because, you know, the majority of Elves left Celia and them to die. And the other races don't seem that nice. They could have the non-Terra Incognita lands. I mean, yeah, we're friends with SOME Dwarves, but it seems he disliked their policies. Maybe a refugee Dwarven kingdom could be formed on TI?
>>25028023I'm the guy who predicted the Kobolds, and that still caught me off-guard. Season Two of Ogre Quest is gonna be awesome.
>>25028141Genocide is bad, and you should feel bad for suggesting it. We're Ogres. We are above that.
>>25028136Rearrange these words into a common phrase:Ogres shit explain don't gotta it's.Off, fuck.
>>25028023Wait, I know how to defeat the kobolds! Just don't wear any clothes or carry anything. They can't improvise if you don't have anything to steal.Though even wearing stuff that tactic wouldn't be that effective against Ogres. They'd end up with some dead snakes, a cactus, and a rock, which while enough for some basic traps isn't all that much.
>>25027281HOLY SHIT HOW DID I MISS THISThis is utterly amazing and I can't stop grinning at that fucking face. THANK YOU, YOU GLORIOUS MOTHERFUCKER>>25028012>>25028025>>25028059I DID mention before that if I were to bring in the kobolds, they'd basically be Tucker's kobolds mixed with MacGyver and Full Metal Panic!.... I pretty much decided that I'd have to cram them in somehow after I posted that.>>25028128>implying there was ever any>>25028136>>25028172It's cool dudeI AM PLANNING TO BREAK THIS VICIOUS CYCLE... REALLY
>>25028141>KenderNot even Blorp could lose enough sanity to even comprehend using those THINGS.I almost thought Kender too.
>>25028221>It's cool dude>I AM PLANNING TO BREAK THIS VICIOUS CYCLE>... REALLYSeriously, Blorp, this is how burnout happens. Given the choice between sporadic awesomeness and quest death, I'll take sporadic awesomeness any day.
>>25028221Try writing a small bonus thing every day until next time. It will keep you thinking about it and ready to go, with the added benefit (for us) that you have a ton of extra stories primed to dump immediately on thread completion.
>>25028221Obviously only one force can combat these Kobolds.The O-Team
>>25028164Yeah, well, we're not committing it.I'm just saying it's an idea to take to the bargaining table as a starting point.We can try to diplomacy them down from genocide to Imperial Rule afterwards.I mean, if they set up a Lawful Evil Kobold Empire, as long as the people are treated well (but the kobolds are all melodramatic and lord over them) we're cool with it, right?In the Grim Darkness of the Ogre Millennium, there is only Kobolds.
>>25028221Row row fight tha power!That is trying to stop you from running this with any regularity
>>25028113>>25028221great fun was had.would you mind if someone made some smutty fan writing?>probably featuring a non main cast Elf
>>25028249The fact that he keeps coming back to it even if it HAS been a long time actually means burnout isn't a huge issue. The real problem would come if he manages to stick to a schedule, and then after missing a week or two decides he might as well drop the whole thing. That's how most quests die.
>>25028289>preferably featuring a certain main-cast Elf who just learned the wonders of ogring up
>>25028272They are going to break our reality. They exterminated the homeland of our allies. They most likely want to purge the entire world for what has happened to them.We are going to stomp them all into a tiny, concentrated ball of Kolbold, shove it in a rock, and use it as electrical heating since we lost our other one.
>>25028301That's exactly why I'm suggesting not setting a hard-and-fast schedule or promising extra content.
>>25028289I'd love to see some */Celicia.
>>25028306Or transform them from being Tucker's Kobolds to being the Cutebolds?
>>25028311But if he actually manages to do this more often, that would be awesome.
>>25028326No, better: Tucker's Cutebolds. Deceptively d'awww, then they completely murder you and everything you know for going against Ogre.
You know guys, you're forgetting something a bit more important than the imminent destruction of the universe. Our place is like, totally trashed.
>>25028302>>25028317Celicia trying to unwind from all the stress but finding little to no privacy and growing increasingly frustrated with it?>unless I get Blorps permission I'd rather stay away from the main characters.>it is also going to take a while for me to write it.
>>25028349We all geomancers now.
>>25028366Or Bawss talking her down from the /ogre/powered brink.
>>25028356I'm not sure we can just sort of fix it though. We can normally only do really big shit like that during important cinematic moments.
>>25028366Do a hot-spring scene in a bit of the lake that's right next to a hellfire vent.
>>25028349Did someone say construction ogres
>>25028375Celicia asking Bawss how he handles it. How he manages to know that reality is such a tenuous and fragile thing that can be broken and altered through nothing more than deciding that it shouldn't be there right now and still function, lead, live life as if everything is still okay, and be so reliable despite knowing these things. How is it that he is so stable when reality itself crumbles around him.Because Celicia could use some answers on that end.
>>25028386"KEEP YOUR FOUL LIQUIDS AWAY FROM MY VENT. NOOOOOOOOO!"
>>25028366Who knows, perhaps Blorp might even write it. That's what pastebins are for, after all.
>>25028259That's... a good idea, actuallyFor some strange reason, I've always had trouble typing up quest things in anything other than a 4chan reply box>>25028289>smutty fanwriting... I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO BE TERRIFIED, INTRIGUED, OR TERRIFINTRIGUEDI'm not adverse to fan writings at all! Maybe just keep 'em until after the main posts are done like some of the other quests'specially if they're smuttygood god i never thought i would use 'smut' in any sort of conjunction with this quest or anything else i wrote IT IS TOO 4 O CLOCK AM FOR ME RIGHT NOW, NIGHT GUYS
>>25028436BLORP'S GIVEN THE GO AHEAD.Aaaaand....yeah. I'm not sure how to feel either.
>>25028436The usual convention is for fan writings (especially smutty ones) to go in a pastebin with only the links pasted in.
>>25028450OH! Okay, that's a better ideaGo with this
>>25028436>good god i never thought i would use 'smut' in any sort of conjunction with this quest or anything else i wroteHow would you feel about being the author of some?
>>25028436>being surprised people want smut>of motherfucking CeliciaSeriously? The girl's fucking adorable.
>>25028436My ogre is getting hard jsut thinking about it
Does this quest have a 1d4chan page? If not I'll get one made up with the OP statistics, and we can compile fanart there as well.
>>25028460Celicia does seem pretty adorable, even the chain smoking which I would normally despise
>>25028436if it makes you feel any better, I'll be focusing on solo scene for one elf or another because quite frankly, i can't imagine our Ogres doing, 'it' in any way shape or form.
>>25028479I half expect her to realize at some point that she's gone full ogre, and quit on the spot.
>>25028484They don't even have any females. They just...spring up from nowhere.
>>25028484And thus Ogre Wrestling matches were invented
>>25028484Remember that ogres just kinda pop into existence.Just imagine Bawss and Celicia having a long heart-to-heart talk after her lasest bout of ogring, and suddenly a half-ogre half-elf pops in. "Mommy!"
>>25028477Not yet, but I'm on it.Folks, please post all fanart here so I can easily get it on there.
>>25028505>WWE with OgresI NEED THISHULK H/OGRE/THE /OGRE/THE ULTIMATE /OGRE/
>>25028525twitter.com/BlorpQuest has most of it.
>>25028498>They don't even have any females.That doesn't mean they can't have sex. I can write some really horrible gay ogre smut if you guys would like. Probably only good for comedic value, if even that, though.
>>25028479They get her through the day Anon, and honestly considering the stress she's under on a regular basis it's a miracle that cigarettes are her biggest vice. >>25028484For some reason while I can't see it for most of the ogres I could see it for Bawss, I have no idea why.
>>25028534We'll need reactions from other characters, though, if you do that. Like from the elves. And scaratones.
>>25028536Bawws' charisma is just that good.
>>25028534You could literally just find some Shrek porn and replace Shrek with Bawss and Anon with Celicia
>>25028534A world of NOPE.
>>25028546>implying I'm not gonna write Gubbins x That Guy
>>25028498>They don't even have any females. They just...spring up from nowhere.The latter is true. But the former? Why?
>>25028585Well there might be females, but nobody is quite sure what the differences are, except maybe the ogres, and they can't exactly articulate it properly.
>>25028585We don't know why.
>>25028585>Why?Because Lady Luck isn't a lesbian.
>>25028636Time for hardcore Bawss on Luck action.
>>25028585I don't think they have genders, at all.People think of them as male, because of the way they act. In reality, they're formed by. . .Oh. My. Gosh. Of course.The way Ogres deflect the cost of their reality-breaking magic is through CREATING MORE OGRES TO HOUSE IT.
>>25028651Ogres are a reality heatsinkIt all makes senseThat's why shit gets so insane so fast when more than a couple of ogres are in the vicinity because they literally break reality just by their being thereThen do they poop out concentrated reality which is why it is such good fertilizer etc?
http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Quest:Ogre_Civilization_QuestWiki page up.
>>25028349Eh, I guess it was about time to do some spring-cleaning and remodeling.This time, Ogir Place will run on HYDRO-POWER!I mean, if you've got tons of water, why not use it for power?>That's probably not how it works -- "I just flooded the place, therefore I can run it on waterpower!" -- but OGRES!
By the time I finished this one, I was laughing so hard that I was spitting up blood from my dry throat.I fucking love everything about this quest.