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Hear ye, hear ye, I call to order another late night meeting of the Mage Guild. Everyone take your seats.

I'm sure we're all well aware of the Witch Hunter Guild that just moved into town. I asked them what was up with the slouch hats, trench coats, and automatic crossbows that shoot anti-magic bolts, and they told me, to my face, they were "hunting deer."

We can't do anything about it unless they strike first. I've seen this kind of shit before, they roll into town and taunt some apprentice into torching someone, then use their expert spin doctors to make it look like we're planning to sacrifice the city to a dark god or whatever the hell.

How do we make them strike first and strike in such a way that they do no damage but are clearly and undeniably responsible?
>>
>>23833514
Is it casual Friday yet?
>>
>>23833605
We have Witch Hunters at our doorstep and all you can think about is "Is it Casual Friday?"
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I propose a few of us kill them, wear their skins, and cause some trouble. Then the rest of us will heroically run them out of town.
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>>23833514
Why i say we should tell them that some kind of evil magic is in doing in our guild and we need their help.
When they come in to kill them/us we strike out and say they invaded us on false accusations of black magic
>>
I still say that we all just need to move to another plane.
>>
First we make sure the local Thieves Guild is getting more valuable magical items from us than boots on the ground from them. Then we use them to influence the local post, town criers, and inkeeps to our side.
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>>23833514

They've already struck first. In five years. Planeshift them to the elemental plane of fondue now as per-retailiation. The paradoxes will be worth it.
>>
You know, our "good, clean Necromancers" keep talking about what a bad reputation they're getting from "those other Necromancers".

Can't we just point the witch hunters at "those other Necromancers" discretely, and offer them just enough assistance for some mutually assured destruction? Yes, yes. Not taking responsibility for our own problems, but I don't really have a lot of patience for their sort.
>>
>>23833940

This one's on to something.
>>
Mind control the Witch Hunters into shooting some apprentices.
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>>23834095
Oh sure, let's just give up the Necromancers today and say nothing, then tomorrow it can be the Pyromancers' turn, and then the day after the Arcanists. I say nay!
>>
>>23833514
So, more about this plot to ruin the Witch Guild?

Don't mind me, I'm just taking notes. What was your name again? I'm new.
>>
>>23833912
Well, I've got the polymorph spells prepared and it seems a waste not to be relaxed for what could be our last hours...
>>
>>23836524
No problem, my name is "Permancied True Seeing."
>>
>No Damage
>Making Them Strike First

Pick one, sir. I recommend using illusion magic to make it seem like a peasant is one of ours, doing terrible things out in the forest so that they attack him. We have no use for crossbows, so after they shoot the poor fellow, we will simply drop the illusion and rat them out.
>>
I would like to remind you all of two things.The first of which is that Witch Hunters are arrogant and stupid; getting them to act first will be easy. Secondly, being stupid, they are sometimes prone to mistaking alchemy for magic. As such, I will not be putting any of my students out in the field, but am willing to grant any additional assistance needed for ending this.
>>
Can't we just point them towards those technocratic goons while we go the entire time dressed as normal, simple folk?
We get both casual Friday every day, and get rid off both our foes.
>>
What if- No, listen this time guys, I swear.

What if we trick them into attacking a cleric instead of a mage?
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>>23842585
I do not want any quarrel with the priestess of the Slutty Lesbian Lamia Goddess.
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I resent their accusations of witchery! I myself have nothing to do with those midwifing, cow-cursing, nature-worshipping bigots! These "hunters" need to be shown the true hunt. The fact that we as mages are inherently able to do so much more for the cause to stamp out witches. As to how to make them strike first, just raise their skeletons and walk them out of town with their skin attached and have them bury themselves after graciously leaving us with all magical equipment to be sold to fill our coffers.
>>
I propose a discreet "accident" be arranged in which we claim several of our pet dragonlings escaped into the town sewers. We can hire a few of the most troublesome members of the Witch Hunters to head into the sewers to capture them through a third party with the promise of a great reward. What they won't know is that we'll have filled the sewers with fireball traps. We can deliver the burned corpses of the Hunters to the mayor as evidence of their incompetence and lobby to have them driven out of town. After all, if they couldn't handle a few dragonlings how could they be expected to protect the town?
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>>23842585
What, like dress an apprentice as a peasant and have them goad a cleric into attacking him?
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>>23833514
Do we know that the Witch Hunters are violent? Couldn't we just bake them a cake or something?
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>>23842722
I motion that we dress my apprentice up as a peasant and have him attack the local nunnery.
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>>23833514
Spin doctors, you say? What do the two princes have to say about this? See if we can get the one with the rockets on our side.
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>>23833912
The Medics have perfected their landmines and the illusionists are running around with very big rocks. It's done
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>>23834095

Woah, hold on there, I don't think we need to start pointing Witchfinders and Witchhunters at fellow Adepts here!
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>>23842894
Oh shut up. What's your solution?
>>
When are we going to clear out the monsters in the basement?
They've started digging up the foundation!
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>>23842894
ah fellow comrade of course it bodes well for our art that you are here, these fools have been avoiding the issue at hand. I speak of course of the slicing of our funding and the tax imposed upon the importation of our materials.

anyTDes Arcarnanian
>>
Excuse me, is this the Witch Hunter Guild? Am I in the right building?
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>>23842922

Well first of all, not listen to Professor "Let's just have them kill our Spiritual Brothers and Sisters" nor listen to >>23842652 and HIS cunning plan of "Let's kill our spiritual brothers and sisters ourselves!"

Second we do not need to goad these bigots into action, or in turn let their presence make us act like a bunch of reanimated chickens with their heads cut off!

What we SHOULD do is, and I loath to suggest it myself, but we should come down from our towers and reassert what a boon to the community we are. We could divert some funds from the less important projects and experiences to boost our community service budget. For instance, we of the Undead Arts department (Though some prefer to still refer to it as the Necromancy department, I will remind you that this is not the case) could show our value as morticians and grief counselors by allowing people to talk to their recently departed loved ones one more time. In fact, we could more readily identify cause of deaths for the police department and they would LOVE us for it.

The point is, we remind everyone how wonderful it is that they have us in their life!
>>
Could we just change ourselves into girls and 'convince' them to leave us be or protect us?
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>>23843078
But everybody hates us. If given the chance they'd overrun us and slaughter us to the last man.
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>>23843095
Not the healers
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>>23843105
How's that funding helping you?
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>>23843113
Fuck you son.
>>
>>23843095

Well it sounds here like we have a public relations problem and not a Witch Hunter problem! In fact, this brings me to my next point: we kill all the Bards. They're really more pests than anything else, and I've been saying for years we'd all be better off without them.
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>>23843063
Yes, you're in the right place!
Come with me down to the basement.
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>>23843132
Why the bards exactly?
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>>23843132
You're just out for revenge about the unflattering song regarding you and the wench's corpse.
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>>23843135
Is the basement where we keep the cake?
>>
Are we still this unsure of what to do? Between all of the faculty, we have the power to reset reality on a whim. I'm surprised none of you have even considered just blowing them all up yet, stealth be damned.
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>>23843212
Do we have to have the presentation of PR again?
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>>23843132
Woah woah, My most esteemed colleague, I never ever said anything about killing the witches. I have a personal grievance with a few of them, but I never proposed action against them. Just the Witch Hunters. As for public relations, I propose we fund an adventuring party that would eventually grow to be known worldwide as a good and just party. We then reveal them as raised servants of ours.
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>>23843135
About time I walked into the right building! Last one I walked into was the brothel, and lemme tell you youngsters, they were certainly justified in throwing me out 'cause of how I found out where I was! Ehee hee hee!

So what's the plan fellas? We gonna put some alchemical-glue in a bucket and prop it on a door? Because I really liked that plan!
>>
Now, gentlemen, isn't the solution clear? We need a Rank 9 greater daemon!
Now, I know what you're thinking, it sounds crazy, but hear me out.
We construct a number of magical tomes and artefacts of varying power and spread them around the countryside to those dabbling amateurs who call themselves wizards out there. Each of these are seemingly ancient (timeweavers, you could help with that, right?) and thus rather unstable. In other words, whatever is summoned can wriggle free of its owner. This'll attract the Witch Hunters' attention. Now, I know you're hesitant of selling out fellow practitioners, but those idiots make us look bad! They are an insult to oir proffesion!
Ah, anyway.
Here, the Witch Hunters will have their hands full, and naturally we help them to deal with these troubles. After all, we are the Mage Guild, the true experts on the subject.
Then, we let some incompetent dabbler find the Rank 9 daemonic summoning tome. The spell is obviously written to unbound the daemon, although weakening it a bit. Naturally, the tome then self-ignites, to cover our traces.
We fight the great daemon with the hunters, providing them the essential fire support they need to take such a beast down, and finally win their trust.
Of coruce, we might have to leak another tome or artefact afterwards, just to keep the need going.
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>>23843186

They a song about me and a WHAT? Isn't THAT just insult to injury? Those Bards confuse me with my great grandfather, break into my tower while I'm putting my Quantum Sarcophagus through the standard tests, they beat me, steal my money and lock me in the damn Sarcophagus for THREE HUNDRED YEARS, ALL OF WHICH I WAS VERY PAINFULLY AWAKE AND AWARE FOR!

... Which has absolutely nothing to do with why I suggested we kill all the Bards, the filthy lie-slinging bastards.
>>
>>23843212
Wouldn't that be... what's the word? Evil?

I mean if we go around killing things willy things willy nilly up we'd all be as bad as the damned Necromancers.

Er, no offense Prof. Gravebone.
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>>23843232

I suppose it would be good for our PR...

>>23843234

Oh for the love of-- Can someone escort this sightless fool AWAY from the premises?
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>>23843247
Ho ho! That's a great crazy summonin' person impersonation y'did there!

That reminds me: After last meeting I hired a kid to sneak into the quarters of one o' them demon-worshippers and pour a little holy-water on his gloves! I can't wait to hear what's gonna happen if he shakes hands with one o' them abominations he summons!
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HELLO IS WARICCK HERE AGAIN ONCE MORE OFFERING NOBLE SERVICE AS WARRIOR IN EXCHANGE FOR WOMEN AND OR ALCOHOL
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>>23843212
Elias, my friend! That was a particularly fine Silver Mountain Brandy you sent me last week! I meant to thank you in a most lively way for that. This is what I proposed earlier with just walking their skeletons out through the town.
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>>23843299
Who're you callin' a fool, y'little ragamuffin? I might be blind, but I can hear well enough to outshoot those pansy Elves, so don't think you can whipser nonsense behind Blindy's back!
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>>23843250
>>23843234
Yes, yes, follow me, both of you, right this way.
Mind the stairs...
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>>23843274
I'm not suggesting we actually do that. I'm suggesting we stop trying to be so round-about and start discussing actual plans we can use to end this.
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>>23843304
Here's a dollar. Go stab some Witchunters, we'll pay you for ears.
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>>23843247

You just want us to divert more funding to the Extraplanar department! Also, this seems like a poor idea because the first thing ANYONE is going to think when a daemon is summoned is magic, which leads to wizards, which leads to me moving my tower to another city. Again.
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>>23843318
Please, don't mind him. A bit addled in the brain he is.
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>>23843335
Can we try to convince them about pic related?
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>>23843330
PR PR you idiots.
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>>23843330
I HAVE NO NEED FOR PAPER I REQUIRE ONLY SEX AND BEER FOR SERVICES. CAN YOU LITTLE MAGIC MEN PROVIDE SUCH?
>>
Can't we just increase the number of golems, and elementals we have as guards?

In other news, I found a buyer for automatic crossbows that shoot anti-magic bolts.
>>
>>23843370
That seems unwise.
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>>23843346
Nnn, typical. Takes me back to '43, when Barry 'Warbrew' O'Keel got a little mixed up in his age and killed through a forest weddin'. Thought the bride was a warlock in white robes doing a ritual! Oh Barry, y'crazy bastard...
>>
Why do THEY have to strike first?
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>>23843274

Bane. Gravebane. Racist.

Also, everyone suggesting that we kill or destroy the Witchhunters, think of how terribly the people view us already to how much they laud and adore THEM.

Though i suppose, in case SOMETHING happened, it wouldn't be TOO bad of an idea to have a skeleton army prepped and ready to defend us at a moment's notice.
>>
>>23843354
Would you mind if we turned ourselves into suitable forms for the sex part of the services?
>>
>>23833514

I say we disguise ourselves as Witch Hunters, perhaps with Illusion spells, and cause a panic.

Or, perhaps, we cast a spell on a random homeless to look like a crazy caster, and when they shoot him, expose them as the crazy killers they are!
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>>23843406
Why are you even allowed in these meetings?
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>>23843406
I HAVE NO WISH TO SEX WIZARD
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>>23843382

What exactly? Clearly we could use the sales of crossbows to fund our production of golems, to protect us from people who have automatic crossbows that shoot anti-magic bolts!
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>>23843419
HE WALK IN, LIKE ME. WIZARD HAVE BAD DOOR LOCK.
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>>23843422
Why not just I don't know not sell the only things that can make all of our defenses useless and keep selling non-selfharming things. Like plows and vehicles.
>>
Does no one care about that foundations?
I still don't understand why every experiment that goes wrong gets locked up down there!
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>>23843370
Anti magic crossbows? I'll take nine, no, ten!

>>23843391
I agree wi' this fellah. We strike the pansy spellcasters first, we'll have the element of surprise. Just need to wait for 'em to make a bit o' noise and we can just say we're stoppin' them from summonin' a devil or somethin'!
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>>23843335
Cyphas, I told you, the true issue here is funding! FUNDING!! All we need is a summer tower to practice our mutual art and let these poor poor peasants calm down.
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Can we wait till the Witch Hunters are having a meeting, fill the room with poison gas and wizard lock all the doors? I mean, poison gas leaks happen all the time. We can't be blamed for that.
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>>23843435

I wasn't even aware we had a door lock.

>>23843450

Because I don't make plows and vehicles, but I do make anti-magic weapons and golems, I make a lot of golems. In other golem related developments, I have finally created my first fully functional graphite golem design, unfortunately it can only stay on fire for 30 minutes at a time.

>>23843470

Alright, I'll have a golem deliver them to wherever you need them. The golem must be payed in gold for it to release the crossbows.
>>
>>23843435

What are you talking about? We have some of the greatest locks to have... ever... Oh no.

DAMN IT, THE THIEVES GUILD'S MAGICAL DEFENSE INFILTRATION EXAM IS TODAY!

BOLT. DOWN. EVERYTHING.
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>>23843529
Mmm, playin' Wizard's Advocate to try 'n think what they're thinkin'? Clever one, you are.

Ceilin's pretty high though. Dependin' on whether or not the gas is lighter or heavier, they could get out o' cloud as soon as they noticed it. Unless it were invisible, but I don't think them bloody mages are clever enough to take that into account.
>>
Speaking of funding, that would appear to be a problem. Our current Operating Expense account has all of: 1 SP 8CP, 1GP(Fake), and 1/2Goat.

Everything else got drained due to court ordered reparations over an incident involving an apprentice Pyromancer and a Orphanage.
>>
>>23843473

Listen, I agree that the Undead Arts department is woefully lacking proper funding, and that a Summer Tower away from the City would optimal for practicing our art and allowing the students freedom to test what they learn, but that's not the issue now.

Getting rid of those damn bards is.
>>
>>23843541
>>23843581
WIZARD
WIZARDS
LISTEN
WHAT IF
LISTEN
WIZARDS
WHAT IF
I KILL ALL BARD AND THIEF?
>>
>>23843603
How do you feel about working pro-bono?
>>
>>23843603
We'll give you half of a goat.
>>
>>23843621
>>23843616
IS GOAT LADY GOAT?
>>
>>23843132
While I agree with the premise, I must point out that we tried that in 572 CE, and the reaction was not positive. Either the locals were so ensnared by the Bards enchantments or, laughibly, they legitimately believe that bards are people.
>>
>>23843632
With magic, yes.
>>
>>23843632
We only have the front half, so it could be.
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>>23843654
I AM NOT TRUST OF MAGIC, I REQUIRE GOAT ALL NATURAL WOMAN
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>>23843532
Oh, Cassandra, I missed you there! You never responded to my message wondering your interest in a collaboration in order to build a Flesh Colossus. I think that you are the only artificer I know with the vision to help me pull this off! How do you feel about making a Colossus! A TRUE COLOSSUS! Not seen in the world of Man since the old old days. As it is brought up here, anyone else interested in this project?
>>
>>23843650
Pfeh, Bards are no fun to shoot anyway. They make so much noise I could hit 'em with my eyes closed!

Get it? Eh? Heeh heheheheheeeh!
>>
>>23842385
But the bolts are anti-magic, so, ideally, if we just cast an illusion to make a peasant look like an evil wizard, and they get shot, it looks like they just shot an innocent person. Great idea, right?
>>
I just wonder how many of the mages here have done 'unmentionable' jobs to put themselves though school.
>>
>>23843674
The last time someone tried this magic was banned from three countries.
Admitiddly, they were small, but still!
>>
>>23843674
Aye, but fellow arcanist, why no dick?
>>
>>23843576
We actually paid that? Where were our lawmages? Someone call Denarious, we need an Economancer.
>>
>>23843666
>>23843632
>>23843603


Your need of women... How do you feel about women who have been given a... "new-lease on life?"
>>
>>23843745
WHAT MEAN?
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>>23843674

I'm not much of one for work in the fleshy areas. Plants, spirits, and nonliving materials are more my area.
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>>23843721
I remember Drakman. He was a Loonie! He never would have pulled it off. The Man didn't even know Finger of Death for Lich's Sake. And besides, he razed those countries for the corpses. They were right as far as I'm concerned.
>>
>>23843751
Dead girls made into magically moving puppets.
>>
>>23843795
I CAN SEX?
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>>23843751

Just that previously they were deprived of life and have now been given a second chance on it. Lovely, girls, really.

>>23843752

One could say both our arts require non-living materials! To be honest I've had a chance to look at Necrobro's notes and with your magic's reinforcement a new Colossus, the likes of which have never been seen before could be a real possibility!

>>23843795

I wouldn't put it like that.
>>
>>23843795
Whiether or not they're dead is debatable.
>>
>>23843807
Depends if they are rotting or not and if they do or do not have any terrible diseases.
>>
>>23843839
I DO NOT FEAR DISEASE I WILL GATHER BARBARIAN FRIEND AND KILL BARD AND WITCH HUNTER

PLEASURE DO BUSINESS
>>
>>23843809

I'm really a bad choice for the Colossus though, I am far more knowledgeable about positive energy than that of negative energy. Best I know about negative energy is the processes through which one might contain and conduct it, primarily for the creation of positive/negative energy annihilation engines.
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>>23843847

I think I've just made a huge mistake.
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>>23843878

Ah, but see you're thinking about how to make it work, aren't you? Necrobro can handle the negative energies, and you the positive. Hell, I dabble in both energies and would be very glad to help see this project to completion.
>>
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>>23843752
>>23843878
I know I know, I can handle the fleshsculpting, but I would appreciate you rendering the bones into the skeleton! Of course I would never need you to work with something that would be outside your zone, mainly I would also request bones to be reinforced against positive energy harm!
>>
>>23843881
Why? As long as nobody thinks we're behind this, we have nothing to lose, right? Who would expect us to hire barbarians when we have enough magic to put out the sun?
>>
There's a troll in the dungeon!
>>
>>23843881

Well, you would've, if I hadn't stepped in and fixed your mistake. Again.
>>
Ugh, the witch hunters again? Listen, in our country, the last time we had to deal with them, they were so obnoxious we had no option but move out to somewhere else while they were burning and hanging wenches left and right. Bunch of retarded, they could differentiate a witch from a warlock to save their lives.

What if we polymorph them into donkeys and pigs, so their body and mind matches?
>>
>>23843926

Well, yes. It's still daylight. He needs to wait until it's dark out before he can come up and perform his usual duties, lest the sun turn him into stone. He's a lovely fellow too, always quick witted and a gentleman.
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>>23843958
How do these people keep getting in here!
>>
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Woah, woah, woah. What's wrong with you betamax faggots? We can't hunt magic deer in the area without you getting your dresses in a twist?

That's discrimination, you know. We have the right to anti-magic bolts and arrows. We're not hurting anybody.
>>
>>23843985
Why shouldn't be here? Talking about witch-hunters, I have more experience with them than ├▒ost of you, apparently.
>>
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>>23843903
>>23843878
I'm very sorry my colleagues, I must step out for a few ticks. Some family business. My brother is a shadow you see, and he has escaped the family manor. I need to go recapture him before he shares his conditions with the town over in Matron's Hollow. I'm sure you all understand. Cyphas, you have my notes, I will leave my listener here while I step out.
>>
>>23843913

I guess I could handle that. Some metallic inclusions should boost strength for the size, and I do have some metal from the plane of negative energy ready for that. For the reinforcement against positive energy I guess I could use a system like I do to contain the reaction in the annihilation engines. It would take a bit to figure out the best matirials to use in that case that will go with bone...

>>23844050

I'll need time to figure out what to use that won't otherwise interfere with the design in other ways.
>>
Surprise inspection. Any unsavory happenings in here?

>>23844022
Helia. I thought you were busy dealing with the Thousand-eyed Order.
>>
>>23843985

City ordinance 5.23 forced our two guilds to merge and consider us now the same organizations. I must say i'm not too distressed about sharing with the Witch's guild, to be honest... Unless you mean the broken door lock. I blame the bards.

>>23844026

I agree, you have every right to be here as any of us magic-users. In fact, I value your experience and opinions so much, I'd like to invite you to my quarters where we can discuss them further along with the many artifacts I've collected over the years.

>>23844050

I'll do what I can, Necrobro, but I have to admit that I'm not as skilled in crafting flesh as you are, as my expertise is in designing and crafting implements to help the undeath process.

>>23844022

You're certainly hurting the deer.
>>
>>23844022
Fuck you! Last time you shoot one of my sisters who were gathering some herbs, good luck she was wearing her good luck amulet.

And those boots made you look fat.
>>
>>23844094
It's turned out to be a congregation of Beholders. Easy pickings. I just threw a bag of holding into a portable hole. *swoosh* Down the hole they went.

>>23844099
Deer aren't PEOPLE turbonerd. I thought this was a Mage's Guild, not a Druidic Circle.
>>
>>23844094

Would someone PLEASE fix the lock on the main doors? This is getting ridiculous now!
>>
>>23844142
Yeah, well, your 'sister' deserved it for being a scum sucking Witch.

And you look like some Ogre oral defecate.
>>
>>23844145

Hey! As leader of the Alchemist's Assosiation, I am aware that that story is a complete fabrication! A bag of holding into a portable hole will not suck anything external into the unit!
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>>23844145
Using a magic item to dispose of magic-users? Unorthodox, but then again it *did* get the job done.

>>23844165
If you have nothing to hide, then you won't mind your new guests.
>>
>>23844165

Why bother, last time I recall us actually having a working lock the door was removed because someone couldn't get in, and they decided to toss the door into some other plane.
>>
>>23843921
Can we just go ahead and put out the sun? Then all the witch hunters will freeze to death!
>>
>>23844145

Druids who turn into Deer are still people, Helia Mageslayer.

Wait, are you related to Thurnabuis "Rock Steed" Mageslayer?

If so, your ancestor killed my Great Grandfather, Cassius Gravebane, also known as "Bone Giant", "Terror Father", and "Grand Funk Master." This was, obviously, a bit before your time, maybe 350 years ago now?
>>
>>23844145
You are correct, this is a Mage's Guild. Like a number of people who intrude here, you are on Mage Guild property and are therefore trespassing. Please leave immediately or we will be enforcing Ordinance 83.7-B, AKA "The Right to Magical Sanctuary," which will end with your incarceration via every mage in the building.
>>
>>23844237

He's making that up, you couldn't get a quarter of the mages to lift a finger to do such a thing, let alone all of them.
>>
Guys, you want I should ask one of the big tentacley guys to intervene? Star-Eatin' Steve owes me a favour.

Also, where's the buffet? Don't we normally have a buffet at these things?
>>
>>23844212

On what authority do you grant yourself the ability to enter private schools, brandishing lethal weaponry, and act as if we are somehow criminal? Privacy should be reason enough to not want uninvited guests, and I use that term lightly, to swagger on to our premises acting as if you are some great hero rather than the blood-soaked murdering bigots you are.
>>
>>23844255
Whose side are you on, anyway?
>>
>>23844022
I say antimagic bolts are discrimination against mages.

I mean, their mere existance is a symbol of oppression to the downtrodden wielders of the arcane, and I am sure I do not speak for just myself when I say that we will not stand for it!
>>
>>23844255

Ask yourself, Cassandra. Helping, or hurting?
>>
>>23844188
Yeah? Better to be a "bad looking" funny-engrish speaker than an ignorant biggot like the speaking donkey you are!

That is, come at me, I will teach you a thing or two. As our leader said: "You don't fuck with a witch".
>>
>>23844287
>>23844304

I'm on the side of profit from the sale of anti magic weapons, and the side of not having to bother doing things I don't want to do.
>>
>>23844271
With all due respect, most 'private schools' aren't filled with malcontents who endanger the wellbeing of entire towns with short-sighted attempts at making reality their plaything. We have every right to be wary of such a dangerous faction as the Mage's Guild.
>>
Oi! Where'sss the beer!?
>>
Sorry I'm late to the meeting. Some strange men with trench-coats and crossbows tried to accost me so I blew up their hunting lodge or whatever it was. What'd I miss?
>>
>>23844422
I dunno! Can't find the bloody buffet either! Standards have really slipped since I came back from the Outermost.
>>
>>23844099
Oh, visiting your collection of artifacts would be a stimulant topic. Mind you tell me what would you consider to be your most interesting object?
>>
>>23844345
>filled with malcontents who endanger the wellbeing of entire towns with short-sighted attempts at making reality their plaything

Stereotype much? This is an absolutely false and ugly image painted by people who don't understand magic and and fear it from that ignorance. Many wizards are well-adjusted and reasonable, and our schools are designed to deflect magical harm AWAY from the standard populace. These schools EXIST to house any young potentials who do not yet understand the power they wield and we teach them to utilize it responsibly and at the benefit to the community.

These schools also exist to shield them from the real malcontents, the ones whose hatred and fear has made them bloodthirsty and paranoid. The ones whose lust for violence knows no bounds. Those that would turn their aggression on these young adepts. People like you.

Witchhunter, I call you false. You're no better than a bard.
>>
>>23844429
Whelp.

All in favour of cutting our losses and nuking them all? We can say that those cultists of hanging around the town centre did it.
>>
>>23844437
>>23844422

I think people stopped partaking of the beer and buffet after the alchemy department started using it to test potions. So that caused people to stop providing it.
>>
>>23844437
This be the vurst ta'ern since they closed ye olde barbershop!
>>
>>23844449

Well there's two contenders.

The Amulet of Agnaroth, which was once used to seal away the Best of a Billion backs.... Or My dick. Perfectly persevered and maintained for centuries. Really, it's more sentimentality that allows it to hold a special place on my shelves.
>>
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>>23844197
I'm too busy to remember the exact order you have to shove one bag into the other to make an extra-dimensional grenade.

>>23844226
See, this shit right here is why we kill you whizzards.

>>23844227
Haha, yeah, we pass that story down generation to generation. Good times.

>>23844237
"Right to Magical Sanctuary" only covers to right to practice, and a place to practice, it doesn't cover regulatory forces, or inspections.

>>23844298
And I say necromancy is discrimination against the resting dead. And that fireballs are discrimination to frost giants.

They're a necessary safety for the common man against you power crazy hobos.

>>23844310
I would slap the shit out of you, but I don't want to get Witch slut on my new gloves.

>>23844429
I guess Sir Jonas and I are the only hope against you magical menaces now.
>>
>>23844452
But enviroments such as this are normali--

Did you just call me a Bard?
>>
>>23844493
I still don't understand why they would store away the best of a billion backs, they should of just gotten rid of the worst ones.
>>
>>23843985
plot convenience
>>
>>23844471
I do not particularly recall this issue. On an unrelated note, I hope you are all enjoying the coffee I brewed up, and I will assure all of you that I have not added anything to it that you would worry about.
>>
Look can't we just resolve this peacefully

I'm sure the Witch Hunter Guild doesn't hate every single wizard in town
>>
>>23844487
And now, there's bloody Witch Hunters all over the place. And they're not even wearing those lovely supportive bodices! Worse than the sodding Tarrasque-cockroach infestation that the biomancers made, I tell ya...
>>
>>23844514
What are you, the leader of that gang of miscreants and thieves? It was their fault for "confiscating" my heavily guarded book of smu-... research. I warned them not to open it, now I have to gather more por- research. On Runes.
>>
>>23844570
Coffee? Who wants coffee? We need liquor!
>>
>>23844533

No, he said you're worse than a bard.
>>
>>23844540
I thought you lot died out in the Librarium Wars.
>>
>>23844514

You are neither a regulatory body nor do you possess legal authority to perform an inspection. Also, no hard feelings on my Grandfather. He ruined the family name and I've been working hard to restore it.

>>23844533

No. That'd be an insult to bothers.
>>
>>23844597
I'm the director of what used to be the local Witch Hunter's chapter that you just destroyed, yes.

I'm going to plant a scorpion in your bed.
>>
>>23844581

Sure, that's why they've come in here to provoke a fight.
>>
>>23844653

It was after your members accosted him and attempted bodily harm. What I see here is a clear cut case of self defense and a wildfire that no one is responsible for.
>>
>>23844657
Maybe they just wanted to psyche us to participate on the local chess tournament!

>>23844653
Don't worry sis, you will surely get new people to play on the chess tourney!
>>
>>23844514

I know a large number of druids who would be willing to provide you with a fair price on reincarnation spells. Provided you stop hunting deer.
>>
>>23844653
Scorpion? Ahh.. now that's a fine spirit...
>>
>>23844514
But you're already wearing them! You couldn't get more sluttiness into them even if you try.

>>23844493
Your dick?

You want to take a female into your room to introduce her to your dick. Literally. I think, yeah, I just remembered I have something else to do, my hair, yeah, I have to wash my hair.
>>
>>23844653
I think you'll find that your bed will contain something altogether more subtle.
>>
>>23844684
Oh, trust me lad, the Chess tournament is much worse than this. Last match I saw, twenty-eight people died. The memories...urgh...
>>
>>23844709
Ulfric, you do realize she is homeless right now?
>>
>>23844653
That's a funny coincidence! Just before Ulfy showed up at your lodge, I did the same thing, but with scarabs!
>>
Two drops of water, aimed at the moon,
Drawn to the lips by a silver spoon.

I have been summoned.

>>23833514
Wait.

No.

Okay. I've got it.

We get all the magic waste we're currently collecting, gather it for a week, mix it with a little pure thaumite dust, and then seal it in thaumo-dampened barrels.

Then, we throw them into the sewer systems, and I manipulate the liquid flow so that they're propelled underneath the Witch-Hunters' Guild building, where I'll subtly beach them and crack them a little.

Over the next few weeks, they'll have magic permeating their entire building. Subtly at first, and then, as it builds, a little more dramatic.

In the end, it'll likely begin manifestating as magical mutations within card-carrying guild members - which their knee-jerking colleagues will interpret as witchcraft, whereapon they'll tear each other apart, perhaps even with their newfound thaumic resonance as an additional weapon.

They'll surely make enough noise so that we can calmly point out their shenanigans with the city council and shake our heads. They'll inevitably point the finger at us, but no wizard need ever step anywhere near there in this plan, and the barrels are easily washed away.

Damn, I'm good.
>>
I HAVE ARRIVED! EARLY AS I ALWAYS AM! FOR I AM THE CHRONOMANCER!
>>
>>23844640
Well, I'm going to be the big man and ignore that. Moving on...

What you fail to consider, Magister, is that this guild though well-intentioned is providing anybody with a spare set of robes access to the knowledge and resources required to conjure creatures considered 'unholy' in the eyes of the orders that I and Helia hail from respectively.

All it takes is one malevolent pupil or one clumsy attempt at summoning another demon you arcane-addled types *think* you can control, and it shall be the Siege of Mount Targor all over again. Which is why we are frustrated, at your... 'open' attitude to magic-users. You should be getting rid of such unholy scriptures and teaching your pupils not to meddle with forces they cannot comprehend, not wasting the King's money on teaching them to meddle with even larger forces.
>>
>>23844640
Well, obviously the Regulatory hasn't been doing their jobs, since you just blow-up buildings willy-nilly.

>>23844680
'Wildfire'? He admitted to blowing it up.

>>23844705
You're right, I made them out of your mother's skin, real, 100% troll.

>>23844709
Too bad I know how to read explosive runes.
>>
>>23844729

I point you to

>>23844429

I am sorry for any disappointment.
>>
>>23844731
Oh look who's late.
Again...
>>
>>23844717
Oh, it wasn't so bad, i'm sure it was a fun match in the end with all the dragons, knights & eldritch abominations being thrown around
>>
>>23844740
>Forgot my name. Cuntwaffles.

>>23844731
A Chronoma--... Dare I ask what *you* specialize in?
>>
HEY GUYS?

I JUST MADE AN ARMY OF GOLEMS THAT CAN PROJECT AN ANTIMAGIC FIELD WITHOUT DEBILITATING THEMSELVES, AND I INSTALLED ANTIMAGIC MINIGUNS ONTO THEM. AND THEY CAN FLY AND HAVE AN INKLING OF SELF-AWARENESS! I WANTED TO PUT IT IN SO THEY COULD FEEL GOOD ABOUT BEING USEFUL MEMBERS OF SOCIETY AND TAKING OUT MY TRASH!

EXCEPT THAT THEY'RE NOT SO MUCH INTERESTED IN FIGHTING WITH THE REMAINS OF MY VOLATILE EXPERIMENTS. THEY'RE JUST KIND OF TALKING TO EACH OTHER IN A BEEPY LANGUAGE.

DO YOU THINK THIS IS GONNA BE A PROBLEM? I DON'T WANT THEM TO FORM A UNION OR ANYTHING.

ALSO, CAN ANYONE PULL MY VOX MAXIMUS DEVICE OUT OF MY THROAT? IT GOT STUCK THERE AFTER I CONFUSED IT FOR A COOKIE.
>>
>>23844731
Arthaus you look younger
>>
>>23844767
I AM NOT LATE FOR I AM... oh sorry voice spell.

I am not late for I am a chronomancer and I arrive early to whatever I must arrive to.
>>
>>23844767
He looks younger than last I saw him. And why is he wearing his trousers under his hips?
>>
>>23844772
Time Sorcery. Liable to rip apart space-time.
>>
>>23844777
No, I'm sure it'll be fine.
Just have them go perform menial tasks and if they refuse order them to self-destruct.
>>
>>23844741
As I said your boys merely read some sensitive... information of mine and paid the price for it, despite my warnings. In any case as Ohtto pointed out you seem to be rather lacking a bed at the moment what say we call it a truce.
>>
>>23844705

My dick is perhaps one of the most awe-inspiring artifacts in my collection! I suppose it's hard for people outside the Undead department to truly appreciate.

>>23844684

Ohtto, There are times when I truly appreciate your steadfast optimism. Now is not one of those times.

>>23844731

Why is it that all time dabblers are consistently tardy?

>>23844740

Sir, we are a self regulating body. Do you think we do not notice when our students are experiencing social maladies and that we don't take steps to curb irrational and malevolent behavior? Before you say anything, we do. We've successfully guided countless of potential evil sorcerers to become mages who lead full, rich, and productive lives/unlives.

Furthermore, we don't give a dog's tick about WHAT your orders think and believe because it usually begins and ends with a sword through a wizard's sternum.
>>
>>23844749
...I liked my plan. I always seem to arrive too late to things which wouldn't be best solved by just drowning or flooding something.

Oh well.

What else am I missing today?
>>
>>23844777
Mage Hand!
>>
>>23844785
>>23844797
Minor side effect of my apprentice learning to time travel. She didn't secure her anti-chronoton field and I got a small dose of anti-chronotons securing it right before it knocked her out. Luckily I managed to secure it and land us safely.

And I could age myself, but I prefer to let it come naturally. Makes me remember that time affects me.

Wait where is my apprentice? Damn it I'll be right back.
>>
>>23844849
The buffet. And the alcohol.
>>
I'VE ONLY GOT ONE LEFT, AFTER THAT INCIDENT WITH THE THAUMASAW, I DON'T WANT TO RISK MY GOOD ONE. I JUST INSTALLED A MULTITOOL INTO IT.

GOT THIS NEAT GIANT IRON CRAB CLAW THOUGH! IT'S GREAT FOR OPENING JARS! AND IT GLOWS WHITE HOT FOR WHEN I GET CHILLY IN MY WORKSHOP!

COURSE I HAD TO GET USED TO PICKING MY NOSE WITH MY OTHER HAND AFTER I BURNED MY FACE OFF, BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY.
>>
>>23844639
I assure you, the city of Tropes still survives.

on to more pressing matters, the antagonists are incable of harming any of the main ca- sorry. the witch-hunters are literary incapable of harming any of us who have introduced ourselves
>>
>>23844812
Oh don't worry.

Everyone knows Time Sorcery is just some thing people think is all that powerful, but in the end is just too weird to fully control.

I mean look how harmless Arthaus is! Do you think he could do stuff like rip out reality by itself? The worse chronomancy can do is bringing weird eldritch abominations that could maybe only feast on the souls of the living beings of this world
>>
>>23844849
No one appears to care that the foundations are being destroyed by all the experiments they keep stuffing down there and at any moment the building could collapse, besides that? We've stopped serving beer and the buffet is closed.
>>
>>23844836
Nothing short of preventing the use of arcanery alltogether will be sufficient for this guild to be considered 'self-regulated', but that's apparently just my opinion, and not the Order's.

So tell me. What is *your* school of specialty? I presume with all your talk of regulations, it must be something quite benign, no?
>>
>>23844890
And vice versa?
>>
ALRIGHT SO I JUST CAME FROM 30 MINUTES FROM NOW AND WELL BAD THINGS ARE ABOUT TO HAPPEN!

SOMEONE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO MAKE THE TARRASQUE A WIZARD! AND BY SOMEONE I MEAN IT WASN'T ME!

SO BASICALLY YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE.

Also I left my hat so I needed to get it. Later!
>>
>>23844919
See?

I mean it's only a Tarrasque that cast deadly spells!
Truly a harmless man
>>
GREAT NEWS, I GAVE THE TERRASQUE MAGIC
>>
>>23844941
Congratulations!
>>
>>23844929
Did I mention it's on fire?

Yes some genius pyromancer thought that turning it into a sentient portal to the plane of fire would solve the problem.

Where is my hat?
>>
>>23844919
Everyone knows that chronomancers can't create a paradox.

Go to bed, Arthaus, you're drunk.
>>
>>23844868
>>23844905
The buffet? Damn and blast it all, I always miss the mini-pizzas! Arthaus, could you send me back t-
>>23844919
...oh.
>>
>>23844919
Well, you heard the man. Surely it's the duty of you "Witch Hunters" to deal with this impending mess. No skin off our bones if Divination can't figure out who did it before it happens and you kill each other.
>>
>>23844948
I'm sure in Riccardo's head the plan would work perfectly!
>>
>>23844946
Thank you, now I'm gonna teach it fireball!
>>
Have fun killing the Wizard Terrasque!

The Witch Hunters guild isn't helping, because, our local chapter just mysteriously exploded~.

Bye.
>>
>>23844905

I'm fairly certain that we have a secondary support structure made of immovable rods, so building collapse isn't much of a worry.
>>
>>23844979
I'm sure you can do it!

Tarrasques are after all, really smart creatures!
>>
>>23844997

No, they only have three derived intelligence units; barely sapient.
>>
>>23844993
That's the thing, someone created a creature that eats immovable rods!
>>
Guys I can't find my hat?

Oh wait, found it! Hey someone left a deck of cards in here.

Anyone want to play cards before I leave?
>>
>>23844986
Now that she's gone, we can solidify our place amongst the populace by stopping the wizard Tarrasque right after it starts rampaging, and telling the King that the Witch Hunters selfishly abandoned the area in its time of need.
>>
>>23845018
Like i said

Really smart creatures!
>>
>>23844948
Well, there's at least ONE productive thing I can do today.
>>
Has anyone seen my case of unlabeled but totally safe scrolls? I can't seem find them anywhere.

>>23844986
I do hope she likes the surprise I slipped in her trench-coat.
>>
>>23844997
>>23845018
Not anymore, I cast owls wisdom on it a few times with permanence
>>
>>23845028
Cards? I'm in.
>>
>>23844986
HEY, HEY, YOU GUYS, WAIT! CAN I INTEREST YOU IN AN ARMY OF ANTIMAGIC AUTOMATONS? THEY KEEP MAKING ME HIT MYSELF WITH MY CLAW ARM. I'LL SELL 'EM CHEAP!
>>
>>23844986
Of course. THEIR Order has the option of retreating.

Thrice-dammed code of honor.
>>
>>23845038

You are aware that Owls Wisdom only gives it two derived *wisdom* units, not intelligence units?
>>
>>23845038
How on Earth did you pass the entrance exam?
>>
>>23845039
Hmm these cards look funny. I swear I've seen them before...

Oh right these are my cards. They had a special name too, the deck of many stuff?

Oh well. Where's my hat?
>>
>>23845057
I could planeshift you somewhere away from here.
>>
>>23845019

Well that may be worrisome, I suggest we send the Tarrasque after it for training. I'm sure it could use the practice.
>>
>>23845060
Close enough
>>23845066
I swear it has nothing to do with this lute I'm holding
>>
>>23845068
Can I be the dealer first?
>>
>>23845052
Ooh, ooh, are they waterproof? I could get them to build me a city under the waves, where they could live in peace - and I could visit them on new moons!
>>
Hey guys, does anyone know where registration is?
>>
Rolled 4

You guys had a guild meeting without me? Why does no one invite me to these things!?
>>
>>23845103
Go on the left door to the right sir Tarrasque
>>
>>23845103

oops, got my name wrong, sorry, I'm new.
>>
>>23845079
Send me to the plane of never-ending inns, will you? I think I'll just put a 'pass' on this guild and call it a night.

Make it look like an accident, if you don't mind.
>>
>>23845091
Sure.

Actually, I have to go to do something, it involved a giant monster or something.

Anyways I'll be back later. Don't get yourself killed. HEY SOMEONE LET IN A DRAGON! Is that an Orange dragon, are there orange dragons?
>>
>>23845104

Because you need to master *something*. Even the person who made the Tarrasque sentient is master of stupidity.
>>
>>23845099
I DON'T REALLY KNOW - OW - BUT WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T TRY TO MAKE THEM TO TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE - WUGHK - THEY REALLY DON'T LIKE IT - HWAUGHK! IT BURNS WHILE IT HURTS!
>>
>>23845112
Thanks man, I hope I get in, joining the mages guild has been my ambition since i was born.
>>
>>23845123

No. It is obviously a half-red dragon yellow dragon.
>>
>>23845143

I do think it's a half-yellow dragon red dragon.
>>
>>23845135
I believe in you Sir Tarrasque!

I'm sure you will one day become a great wizard
>>
Rolled 5

>>23845129
Well, I've mastered Nothing. The literal and methaphysical accumulation of nothingness. The void that isn't. That's my mastery. That, and I stopped being a Master of things looooong ago in order to WRITE the accords of this guild!
>>
>>23845143
Isn't there a rule against that?

>>23845135
Oh hey the orange dragon can talk. Orange dragon are you an orange dragon or a half yellow, half red?

Also are you fireproof? HEY CAN WE GET A PYROMANCER TO SEE IF HE IS FIREPROOF!?
>>
>>23845123
Hey I'm Tarrasque, I'm new, I'm not a dragon though.

>>23845038
Dad, you are drunk, go home.
>>
>>23845157

No, it's obviously a half-red dragon half-yellow dragon white dragon. So it's one-and-a-half dragons.
>>
>>23845173
I don't like where this is going...
>>
>>23845175
I may be a little tipsy
>>
>>23844912
those who have introduced themselves can't harm each other unless the forces guiding the victom's actions allows it to be so. However, those who have introduced themselves in this location CAN harm any who have not and vise versa.
I am just summarizing the 2nd Law of Plot Armour
>>
>>23845135
It shouldn't be hard.
After last meeting when it was decided to make the takers of the exam the judges as well, to save time, we've had a huge increase of members.
>>
>>23845122
I'll have to send you through the Realm of Orphan's Nightmares. Try not to interact with anything.
>>
>>23845215
Been there, done that. Just need a mug of ale and a nice bed to slee--

*PHTOOMPH*
>>
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>>23844910

No one asked for yours or that of your orders' opinion on how we run our school. And I'm sure if you took a closer gander at me, and consider my age, you could discern for yourself what school of magic I teach.

Now, before you begin to tell me all the ways my art could be misused, based on woefully ignorant hearsay, consider that you not only hunt down and murder people (and their families on more than a few occasions), but you also train and encourage other to do the same.
>>
>>23845190
It's okay Sir Tarrasque!

I mean, what if in the end you're indeed a half-red dragon yellow dragon who is fireproof?

A truly beautiful species!
>>
>>23845131
Ploosh, ploosh, Atlantis reborn! Tell them to meet me at the Lahnbey Coast tomorrow.
>>23845175
Oh hey, it's a Bowser! I know Bowsers.

Hey, remember when I was accidentally sent to the Elemental Plane of Bowsers a few months back during a guild meeting, and ended up inside the gut of one of them?

Good times.
>>23845200
I have been stabbed repeatedly by rogue members and brought back from the brink by white mages during meetings, years ago before I mastered Aqueous Body. Where does that slot me in?
>>
>>23845199
Oi, Bard! Play a song, the one abo't that argonian! The 'usty one!
>>
>>23845123
Hey, you dropped a card-
>Gibbous moon, 3 wishes to be used within 3 minutes.

Oh boy, I use one wish to revive my dog who died in a mysterious accident and the others to give the Tarrasque +2 bonus to intelligence.
>>
Huh, turns out I am fireproof. The world sure is a wonderful place hey guys?

Oooh, I feel weird, almost like my gaining sentience is having an exponential resonance in my sapience lobe that is creating an expedience in brain capacity... but that would indicate that my expiration would occur momenta-
>>
>>23845235
I sent him to the Lands of Slightly Out Of Date Cheese and Hookers. He'll be there a while.
>>
>>23845240
Yes.

It is part of the exam also. APPARENTLY WE'RE SHORT ON PYROMANCERS! I remember when this fighter's guild had more pyromancer!
>>
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>>23845249
I'm not a bard...nope, no bards here
>>
>>23845281
You have such a comfy looking coat!

Can i borrow for a sec?
>>
>>23845281
If you be no bard, why the long face? HAR HAR HAR!
>>
>>23845295
Why if I may ask, it's quite a nice coat, and I'm loathe to part with it

>>23845307
because...I'm a horse...neigh
>>
>>23845265

Oh. good. I like that.

>>23845281

Well, that's good. You see there's nothing I despise more than bards. They're filthy creatures who do nothing but bring misery and woe to those around them to try and cover up their own insecurities. They're also well known to be liars who especially have been known to bloat the number of bed partners they've had, which is usually zero.
>>
I HAVE ARRIVED! EARLY AS I ALWAYS AM! FOR I AM THE CHRONOMANCER!

AND MY APPRENTICE IS HERE! WAIT GOSH DAMN THAT VILE GIRL!
>>
>>23845320
163, just saying. But I'm no bard, so it doesn't matter.
>>
>>23845261
BY THE GODS IS THAT A FLAMING TARRASQUE!

DON'T WORRY I'LL GO BACK AND WARN YOU ALL SO WE CAN PREPARE! WAIT WHERE IS MY HAT?
>>
>>23845326
Look who's late.
Again.
Really, Arthaus, you're the only wizard here that could be late twice to the same meeting.
>>
>>23845369
Thrice actually!
>>
>>23845362
Before you go can I have that deck of yours? I need it for reasons.
>>
>>23845261
>>23845261
AW MAN. TARRASQUE'S DEAD.

AND ROBOTS TOOK MY CLAW.

BUT I CAN FIX IT! TO THE WORKSHOP, MY FINE CORPSE! AND YOU DAMN NECROMANCERS CAN BACK OFF FOR ONCE, I CALLED DIBS.
>>
>>23845362
Can somebody summon Gar'Thagnan the Magical Artificer to make, like, fifty hats for Arthaus, please?
>>
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Fuck, I'm late, fuckfuckfuck.
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>>23845326
>>23845369
Huh so that's how I got here?

Why do I remember somethi... I FORGOT TO SAVE MY APPRENTICE FROM THE INCUBI MANSION!

I'll return shortly!
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>>23845393

All he needs is a cursed -2 hat.
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>>23845319
You see, down in the 2nd Circle there will be a Ball, and i'm looking for nice clothes

Make i can hook up with some of the Lust-Focused Warlocks/Demonologists later!
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>>23845393
I can sin...magic some into existance
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>>23845404
Oh, yeah, thanks for helping me with that, you horrible Master. I had to send them to the end of the Universe.
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>>23845408
Deal. You may borrow my coat, just return it in the same condition it's in now.
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>>23845424
I'll try!

You sure are a nice guy!
specially for someone who may or may not be a bard!
>>
>>23845399
>>23845417
Oh well I'll make sure you did that then!

I shall return shortly!
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>>23845399
how can a chronomancer be late?
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>>23845417
Oh, they finally got themselves a mansion? Took a lot of community work for them to get the money up for that.
>>
Oh dear, has anyone seen my jar filled with Sand of Itching? I could have sworn I put it in a hat somewhere...
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>>23845431
Definitely not a bard, and thank you kindly
>>
Mages...

>>23845434
That's... you're hurting my head here with that question. By the gods, man.
>>
Gentlemen! As the representative of Necromancer's union, I bring forth a proposition that every single Mage Guild member is transformed into a Lich within a year. The advantages of this program would be immense - why, we would save a small fortune in catering alone!

Everyone agrees?
>>
>>23845434
She is an APPRENTICE one!

>>23845448
Can i inquire why you're in our reunion Sir Paladin?

It is the about annual bowling competition?
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>>23845449
Will it bring back the buffet?
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>>23845449
I'm already half-Eldritch abomination. I'm afraid I can't do that.
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>>23845246
read that first part again.
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>>23845434
Apprentice Chronomancer.

>>23845441
I may, or may not, have thrown them into the firey End, along with their Mansion. Apologies to Incubi sympathizers I guess.
>>
I HAVE ARRIVED! EARLY AS I ALWAYS AM! FOR I AM THE CHRONOMANCER!

THIS TIME WITH MY APPRENTICE IN TOW! WAIT! DAMN IT GIRL WHERE DID YOU GO? DID YOU FALL OUT OF THE SPHERE AGAIN!
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>>23845449
I'm already immortal Sir Necromancer!
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>>23845434
He's early to the next meeting.
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>>23845462
The one true king is not pleased that I'm unable to make you lot pay taxes. I'm hiding here until he goes bowling and calms down.
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>>23845472
No, I-I'm here, in the back.
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>>23845491
Stop stuttering girl! And stand up straight! A wizard never looks anything less than totally in control of the situation.
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Good news, everyone! The Rockgroin Orc Tribe I've been instructing for the past month have sent us a few new apprentices. They should be arriving shortly.

Anything interesting happen while I was gone?

>>23845449
I vote that there should be an opt-out option. It seems a bit much to force it upon those with other views towards 'differently living'.
>>
>>23845491
>>23845472
Oh, oh oh!

Maybe it's a time paradox?
>>
>>23845487
I think you need a watch.
>>23845472
We might have some problems in the basement if you wouldn't mind taking a look?
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>>23845491
Oh there you are!

You really must make yourself more visible girl! Wait when did you get so tall? I don't remember 7 year old orphan girls being full grown, I don't think my memory is that bad.
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>>23845491
Hey there, can I interest you in a son..errr spell?
>>
WHAT CRUEL GOD WOULD BRING ME BACK FROM SWEET DEATH SO SOON. MULTISYLLABIC FLINT, YOU FOOL, YOU ARROGANT FOOL, ALL I FEEL IS PAIN, ALL I FEEL IS PAAAAAAAAAIN
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>>23845470
Wait...does this mean that...if I don't CHOOSE to be hurt...I CAN'T be hurt?

...I'M IMMORTAL!!
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>>23845512
Watches are for heretics, the bishop told me so.
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>>23845506
The buffet and the booze are gone. I know you always liked the honey-roast zombie dormice.
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>>23845506

I must agree with Alvin. Sure, it worked out for US, but it's not a life that everyone one wants or can adapt to. I also am not sure we have the mason jars to hold and preserve everyone's cocks without using up the reserve that is reserved for other experiments.
>>
>>23845529
At least is only pain Sir Tarrasque!

There are worse feelings than that!
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>>23845533
The bishop that owns the sundial store?
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>>23845563
Yes? Your point?
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>>23845533
There happen to be heretics in the basment, who are curently digging up the foundation.
Not that it would concern you...would it?
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>>23845524
>Hey there, can I interest you in a son.

You know, I may be over a century out of practice, but even I know that questions comes MUCH later in the relationship! Bad show, sir.
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>>23845533
What about mechanical, clockwork watches? I keep one myself, for when my thaumic watch inevitably turns into an octopus.
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>>23845529

This seems like a terrible idea.
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>>23845469
>>23845481
You still need to eat, defecate, secrete, sweat and have sex like mortal peons, wasting valuable research time. Lichdom is simply superior choice without any drawbacks whatsoever.
>>23845506
No. You're either with us or against us, luddite. Once you're transformed you'll come to your senses, anyway.
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>>23845520
Master I just turned twenty. What kind of horrible master would forget his apprentice's birthday? You're going to make me cry.

>>23845505
I-I-I don't s-stutter! And I c-control time. Kinda. That's like situational control, r-right?

>>23845524
Die.
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>>23845506
Also, the foundations are being dug-up and the secondary foundations of immovable rods are being eaten.
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>>23845556
MY FEET CAN'T TOUCH THE GROUND, I'M PANICKING HERE A BIT GUYS.
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>>23845577
How heretical?

>>23845586
How heretical.
>>
On a sidenote i think we're in autosage right now right?

So i guess the reunion is over?

Time to return to my chamber of excruciating neverending optimism!
>>
>>23845548
Aww, that was my favorite part of Wednesdays.

>>23845529
I have good news and bad news! Undead can no longer feel pain, so a bit of necromancy can fix that.
The bad news is your dong will fall off.
>>
>>23845608
>>23845583
what, its just music, nothing wrong with that
>>
>>23845606
True, but I can also faze out of reality and send people through eighteen levels of insanity with a glance. And besides, the ladies and gentlemen are fond of my tentacley side.
>>
>>23845606

I don't know how much more lich Archlich Alvin could become. As the head of the Undead Arts Department, I must again stress that you don't have my support, and the faculty and students within my department are forbidden to perform lich-transformations against someone's will.
>>
>>23845618
Heretical enough to dig up the foundations.
I also do believe they wear watches.
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>>23845614

Again, I question the wisdom of all this. Can someone get it down?
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>>23845664
How heretical! Worry not, I will cleanse this tower of their watches before the sun rises.
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>>23845636
I swear it's just mundane music, nope, no bards here
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>>23845618
Like the most heretical, like you wouldn't believe. Also they said sundials are for fags.
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>>23845608
You're not twenty young girl. Also I do know your birthday it was 3 months ago, it was the first after I took you from the orphanage.

I made you a kitten that never ages. Or was it a rabbit? It was something fluffy.

Either way young girl you're not 20, I would remember this because I am a chronomancer. The date is the first twilight of fall today.
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>>23845625
OH GOD WHERE AM I NOW?
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>>23845664
Octopus watches?
>>23845636
I've nothing against a good song. Hell, my home country is known for it. That, and rain. And druids.

Oh dear. The druids.
>>
>>23845640
>implying that a Lich couldn't do that too
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>>23845625
>The bad news is your dong will fall off.

The good news is that we have a mason jar to perserve it!
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>>23845693
Not the tentacle part!

But i'm sure there are people who enjoy the bones!
>>
>>23845659
Wizards that aren't Liches are a liability, and make the Guild that much weaker. And it's not like the entire department agrees with you. There simply isn't a single good reason why a wizard wouldn't want to become a Lich.
>>
>>23845692
exactly, nothing wrong with music.
>>
Do we archive these? We should. Somebody archive this.
>>
>>23845659
>>23845606
Indeed. Necromancy gets enough heat as it is, we don't need more excuses for burnings at the stake by those twitchy witch hunter fellows.

>>23845686
That would be the lake.
>>
>>23845625
You can always polymorph yourself to have a dong, if you wanted to for some reason. There's nothing magic cannot cure.
>>
>>23845683
Master, my birthday was two weeks ago, you gave me a raptor that tried to eat me, and today it's Spring.

Are you trapped in the past again? Do I need to come get you?...Are you doing cocaine with old rockstars instead of teaching me time magic AGAIN?!
>>
>>23845710
Not really Hob!

My pact with the Archdemons is more favorably to me than Lichdom!
>>
>>23845686
Why does an robo-tarrasque need an air tank?

>>23845692
Might have been. All I heard was the ticking.
>>
>>23845683

That's not for another three months, Arthaus! And clearly your girl is much older than twenty. I believe you are both encountering the wrong iteration of each other. That means you left YOUR seven-year old apprentice unattended and she left her doddering old master unattended.

Damn Chronomancers.

>>23845710

Them not wanting to be liches and not being vulnerable to weapons that are specifically made to combat the undead is reason enough! Let's also not forget that I am centuries older than most of the department that disagrees with me, and that part of the department is made up of nontenured professors.

HINT. HINT.
>>
>>23845730
We're wizards, since when we are afraid of witch hunters? We can just snap our fingers and make them cease to exist. When everyone is a Lich, no one is afraid of Necromancy anymore. The entire Guild needs to transform, it's the only rational move.
>>
>>23845731
Some fellows just have a special attachment to their dong, you know? Not everyone thinks alike.

Besides, if everyone is a lich it will greatly harm our racial diversity numbers! All liches are listed as 'undead', legally.
>>
>>23845532
no. you are not the one that chooses if you get hurt. it is higher beings who decide when one is wearing plot armor
>>
>>23845731
Except for paradoxitis and anti-magicosis.

We've never found a cure for those. Well we actually did but I accidently destroyed it.

>>23845738
Really? Hmm...

Last thing I remember was a flaming tarrasque. Also a lot of special powders and a bard.

Wait I've never not been teaching you magic!
>>
>>23845743
Pacts with demons are tricky, and it's easy to accidentally doom yourself. Compared to that Lich transformation process is simple and well understood, ready to be utilized en masse.
>>
I cannot find the basement. I tried to take the stairs, but somehow I ended up at the top of the tower.
>>
>>23845781

Try walking up them instead of down them.
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>>23845754
Since when a wizard is afraid of weapons? A simple spell can disintegrate them, or their wielder. That simply isn't a meaningful threat, and when compared to the increase in spellcasting power when becoming a Lich that's simply not an issue at all. Why wouldn't you want our fellow mages to become Liches and receive the ultimate upgrade?
>>
>>23845781
Here I'll show you, follow the music, I'll play the one about the necromancer making love to a corpse
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>>23845776
Not really

It's easy when you get the connections! My only problem, which is pretty minimal, decided to make a really funny joke and made me forfeit my pessimism!

Now i'm forever stuck in a blissful life of pure lovely optmism!
>>
>>23845775
Leaving me in odd places and dangerous situations and expecting me to get myself out isn't teach me magic.

And, a flaming tarrasque, really? I'm gonna go back and check that out.
>>
>>23845806
But I need to go down!

>>23845815
Oh, I heard a bard play that before. Thank you.
>>
>>23845781
My good man, you may want to head over to the west wing and use the labeled teleportation tiles. Far more reliable.
>>
>>23845828
I'm not a bard, nope, no bards here
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>>23845771
Who cares about racial diversity when we could just charm the government to believe that we fulfill the quota, or use illusions? Compared to mass Lichdom that's not even a speedbump.
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>>23845822
I wouldn't.

Also I would remember you growing up. I clearly remember having a plan to teach you how to pleasure a man.

Hmm... I must be getting far to old for this. I KNOW I'LL GO FIND AN ORPHAN AND MAKE HER MY APPRENTICE!
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>>23845775
You can just Wish a cure for those if you want to, or summon an Outsider to heal them, no problem.
>>
>>23845781
No, the basement is upstairs.
You need to go past the Time Space Influx Compacitator, and on your right you take the third set of stairs up to the top floor.
Then you have to climb down the ladder on the outside of the building.
You can't miss it.
>>
Lichdom is overrated

There is a reason why almost all of the higher ups of our academy are immortal through out other methods.

Humans Desire is an important thing, or do you guys forgot how old Archwizard Hershey created the amazing food of Pure Bliss after an urge of inspiration during his lunchtime?
>>
>>23845847
I could teach her, I did pleasure a rock once, She was a bit hard for my tastes though
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>>23845833
It's still not pragmatic to force everyone into something they aren't ready for. One needs the proper mindset for immortality, or they'll be driven mad.
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>>23845815

I've tried to be civil and ignore you presence, but I will not STAND for this. Damn BARDS.

>>23845828

You need to go up to go down. It's an old, old, system a Spaceomancer put on the stairs to confuse thieves and adventurers. Unfortunately they all know about it now and we don't know how to dispel it.
>>
>>23845872
No, no, no.

A chronomancer has very strange problems in bed due to chronoton exposure.

Plus being able to keep yourself in time loop whilst orgasming takes decades to master.
>>
>>23845864
It's not about higher ups, it's about mass transformation of Guild members into Lichdom. It's a well-documented and reliable procedure, almost without any risk. Think of the benefits when all of us are Liches - for instance, the ban on Necromancy would be lifted.
>>
>>23845883
I'm not a bard, I just like music. I'm a...Soundmancer?
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>>23845872
HAR HAR HAR! This tavern 'ight not be so ba' afterall!
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>>23845833

Because what we really need is another plague of thousands of screaming, confused, liches who have no idea how they got the way they are and where the hell their funbits are. The Great Lichstorm is not something anyone wants to see repeated, Hob.
>>
>>23845898
>Plus being able to keep yourself in time loop whilst orgasming takes decades to master.

Chronomancers are weird.
>>
'Kay. So, the smell of burning Tarrasque flesh was killing my sinuses, so I put him out. It seems like I didn't change much, though.

Oh, I also met this nice lady in a trenchcoat and wide-brimmed hat. She wanted to find the source of all magic, so I sent her there.

That's not going to turn out badly, right?
>>
>>23845876
Madness is easy to cure with spells. It takes what, six seconds, to cure any possible dementia accrued from sudden immortality. It's like brushing your teeth every morning, not a problem at all.
>>
>>23845902
Why would you want that?

Human Desire is good thing for spells.
Why would i want to remove all of my needs?
>>
>>23845898
I got this, trust me
>>
>>23845686
There's a Bowser in my lake.

I am unsure as to how to proceed.
>>
>>23845905

False alarm! Making up big words is tantamount to proving that you are in fact a proper wizard.

Bards just make the words so that women laugh and show them their cleavage. It's totally different.
>>
>>23845930
No, I keep it in my hat, so I don't think she would be able to do anything my girl.

Right so have you taken your guild exams yet? I don't think you have right?

Well let's go get you signed up for them, where is my hat?
>>
>>23845847
>>23845898
Master, you're gross. Really.

>>23845937
>>23845872
I want you to die~.
>>
>>23845944
Perhaps a buffet could lure it out?
>>
>>23845930
Everything is going to be fine young stuttering apprentice!

Believe in me that believes in yourself!
>>
>>23845964

See what I mean? He's failing miserably with this one. Couldn't be a bard if he tried.
>>
>>23845964
Oh really? *Plays enchanted song on lute
>>
>>23845922
This time we would have proper counseling and tutoring, and a roomful of dongform scrolls. I've made some estimations, and with resources freed from lunch budget alone we could transform easily twenty wizards into Liches per week. If the procedure was performed in a plane with different temporal flow, we could have the entire Guild liched in a month or so.
>>
>>23845905

Soundamancy was debunked as a scam Bard used to try and use Wizard Guild discounts, Bard. Of course, you wouldn't know that, you only know dirty lymerics and knocking old men into untested quantum sarcophagi where they have to go through they get stuck PAINFULLY AWAKE FOR THREE HUNDRED YEARS.

You really think I wanted to be a lich and keep my penis in a mason jar on my shelf? DO YOU?
>>
>>23845930
It is likely to just absorb her into it. No harm done on our end.
>>
>>23845964
Only wish death on the heretics, apprentice. Remember that.
>>
>>23845959
She actually could sign herself up, then she takes the exam and finally she determines whether or not she gets in.
It is a really effeciant system If I do say so myslef.
>>
>>23845935
Because death cures your human weaknesses and desires, freeing your mind for an eternity of study for ever greater power. You'd have no distractions whatsoever ever again, unless you yourself wanted to indulge in them, for some reason. Anyway, after the transformation I'm sure you'll see things my way.
>>
>>23846013
I just said Desires is a good thing

Desires is a good thing for creativity!
>>
>>23845992
I didn't say soundamancy, I said soundomancy. Totally different. No bards here, just us wizards. Also couldn't you just re-attatch it?
>>
>>23845754
Quite, you young whippersnapper. I remember you when you smelled of alcohol for entirely different reasons than preservation.
>>
>>23846001
Every year that I choose to let go by show's how bad this Necromancy guild really is.

Hell I remember when only lichs were allowed it. I still don't know how I got in and I'm not even undead! Something about destroying the multiverse if I wasn't allowed in.

Either way this fighter's guild is slacking.
>>
>>23846023
For short periods of time, yes, I could. But it's not the same.

Not the same at all, you bastard.
>>
>>23845992
Of course you wanted to, in the end. We all do.

Everyone will do.
>>
>>23845959
Remember, you gave me your hat for safe keeping. You told me to give it to you when you left for the Mage Guild's meet...ing.

I'llbebackgimmeasecfucki'msolate.

>>23845998
Isn't using enchanted sound on a girl tantamount to rape? Isn't rape heresy?

>>23846041
Master, we're in the Bard's Guild.
>>
>>23846022
Creativity pales in comparison to cold hard logic. There's nothing that Art can produce that cannot be reproduced by simple trial and error over a thousand years or so, relative time speaking.
>>
>>23846041
I'm no bastard. I know my father, he was a great bar...Wizard. He was a great wizard.
>>
>>23845967
With small pizzas?
>>
>>23846046
There's a Bard guild?

I thought they lived in hives? When did they gain free will from their queen?

Do they still have the stingers and the yellow black stripes.
>>
>>23846046
Rape is heresy... it's heresy! Carry on, and remember to say your prayers, young apprentice.
>>
>>23846062
Not true at all

Just check the lists

The best wizards weren't Lichs
>>
>>23846034
You should turn into a Lich already, people are talking about you behind your back. It's the reason why you're never invited to after school activities.

Well, one of the reasons.
>>
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>>23846030

Oh please, I was nowhere near as bad as you were. At least I don't have an entry of history texts about how I drained several taverns in several villages of their spirits and liquor during a pubcrawl.
>>
>>23846077
Yes, the small pizzas will surely lure it out.
>>
>>23846085
I'm not talking about the best, I'm talking about your common wizards. Our power would multiply thousandfold when every single one of our members is a Lich, from a head of faculty to a lowly janitor peon.
>>
>>23846080
Master, you're thinking of Paladins.

Oh, hey, here's your hat, I gotta get back to the Mage Guild's meeting.
>>
>>23846046
So all bards are rapists? Bards are many things, many, many nasty things. But rapists they are not
>>
>>23846110
No, he's thinking of mages. Get it right.
>>
>>23846110
Oh right, sorry. My age is getting to me.

Thank you though my dear. Also you got a zit on your face right there. Probably not a problem.
>>
>>23846113
That's debatable.
>>
>>23846074

We all know you drunken slut of a father, lyeric. He was a one man plague who knocked up just about every maiden from here to Albion a few decades ago, beguiling them with his Bardic trickery. He left them with broken hearts, angry parents, and bastard spawn like you.
>>
>>23846108
But if my objective to become like the best why shouldn't follow the best?
>>
>>23846113
You know who don't rape? Liches.

Unless they want to, of course, but generally speaking.
>>
>>23846097
It cost me twenty years of money, but it was worth it! I had to steal a liver from a beholder afterwards.
>>
>>23846080
Bard. With a D. Not another B. We are not dealing with buzzing insects here.
>>23846103
Ah, you always know what to say to comfort me, Greg. I appreciate that.
>>
>>23846135
Bards only fuck things that have the ability to consent.

>>23846138
Like I said, a great man

>>23846142
I've done it with a lich, you think they'd be better at it
>>
>>23846139
I've seen your score card, and frankly I think you should downgrade your dreams. There's nothing to be ashamed of in being solidly average, especially if you are an average Lich. Think of all the ass even you would kick!
>>
>>23846142
I was nearly raped by a lich once. She spiked my drink with aboleth bile.
>>
>>23846156

Also herpes.

I forgot to mention he left them all with herpes.
>>
>>23846163
I should never stop dreaming

That's what Mr. Ohtto said to me!
>>
Hob, you fail to see the main problem here. The uniformity of so many powerful magic users becoming liches against their will, while consequently harming racial diversity, will shift the balance of the plane towards evil and law.

Which means Hell can sue us.
>>
>>23846138
I must challenge that. The church says children come after marriage. Lyeric's father could not have created 'bastards'.
>>
>>23846156
A Lich could cast a totally sweet sexing up spell, if they wanted. It's just that usually copulation is below their interests.
>>
>>23846175
Like you can't cure herpes. And I am clean, very clean. Cleaner than you anyway.
>>
>>23846168
Really? Are you sure that it wasn't a Ghoul Queen or perhaps a vampire of some kind?
>>
>>23846198
Well this one didn't. She was a dead fish!
>>
>>23846156
>Bards only fuck things that have the ability to consent.

Now, let's not be too hasty here
>>
>>23846194
And this is why the best doctor in the city is a mage - we have, y'know, a grasp on biology.

...unless you're talking about religious rigours here. That isn't much better.
>>
>>23846134
Master, I'm twenty-five, I haven't gotten a zit, in, like, five years, snirk.

Also, the Robo-Tarrasque is going to destroy the Astronomy Tower in two-minutes.

>>23846194
Lyeric's father was a heretic, and Lyreic was born out of wedlock, and is, himself, heretical. Cleanse and Smite.
>>
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>>23846220
We...ah..er...They have a chart about it!
>>
>>23846240
Two minutes?

That's plenty of time! I could do all sort of things in two minutes
>>
>>23846199

One of the many lies bards tell girls once they've been found out. Contrary to popular belief, there is no magical cure for herpes.

Also, Considering my penis is suspended in alcohol and a few other preservatives, I'd argue it's cleaner than yours.
>>
>>23846234
Biology? All that is required is faith.

>>23846240
Perhaps there is another way.

Lyeric, have you heard about Zarus?
>>
>>23846240
25? When did you turn 25? I think you just say you change age for playing with me for more stuff.

Like last year where you wanted a quantum prison when your accidentally aged some boy to death.
>>
>>23846199

I don't think you've had sex with a lich at all. I do believe you've had sex with corpses though.
>>
>>23846149
It's the least I can do considering you're the only one that helps me keep this building intact.
>>
>>23846188
Are you trying to imply that an army of Liches would be afraid of petty power like Hell? Don't make me laugh. The combined spell levels we would have would exceed several deities, combined.

We already solve most of our problems by casting spell at it, I'm saying that we should take the logical step and take it to the next level. Why not solve everything with a single hand movement?
>>
>>23846214
No, no. The penis-pelvis interface is something I will never forget. She cast some sort of memory permanence spell.
>>
>>23846267
>>23846292
Maybe, and no corpses, corpses can't consent. And I know you guys can cure herpes. I've seen it done
>>
Can this very-definitely-not-a-bard we have here actually, like, orate?

Because I took elocution and drama classes. I can make the scary voice!
>>
>>23846240
So what? Let him destroy it, it's not like we cannot rebuild it with spells in a couple of seconds anyway.
>>
>>23846285
Master, my birthday was six months ago, you gave me an immortal kitten.

And, hey, he was touching certain places, and some wild magic slipped out and... I couldn't let him die.
>>
>>23846296
I have a better idea. All of you join me in working for the things that came before. They're much more powerful than any lich, and pay better.
>>
>>23846289
Speaking of sex with corpses...Bard! How does that song go?
>>
>>23846325
Damn it girl I told you the dangers of holding hands!

You have to wear a glove to prevent that! It's the problem with being a young time mage!
>>
>>23846300
I can just dispell your memories if you want to. Or you could transform into a Lich and form emotional detachment from your painful memories, that would work too.
>>
>>23846310
I can orate with the best of 'em. I can also orate on the best of them
>>
>>23846306

What you've seen is us suppressing the effects and making it less contagious to some degree. Did some bar wench tell you that a wizard totally cured her herpes so it was safe for you two to go at it?

Spoiler: She was lying and there's no magical rune you can draw on a bedpost to ward pregnancy. You father learned that the hard way.

I'm sure your mother could tell you about it sometime.
>>
>>23846328
Do they have buffets?
>>
>>23846296
I'm going to disagree here Mr. Hob

While i want the best for you, i think you underestimate the power of the other groups.
For example have you seen some warlocks? They're generally powerful enough to be compared to wizards. The thing is, most of the warlocks have pacts with the weak caste of hell, that is generally powerful enough to level cities on it's own.
A thousand liches could possibly match up to hell, but don't go around thinking it would be easy. One Archdemon is more powerful than 80% of our olds Archwizards by far
>>
>>23846344
I-It was more than holding hands it was a quick kiss shared between two young, love struck teens. I know, so impure.

But I learned my lesson! I only do that with girls now, and I wear extra layers!
>>
>>23846296
You don't understand. Every Evil, lawful-leaning caster who's ever lived and died is under the jurisdiction of Hell. If the plane leans Lawful Evil and they challenge it and win, everyone who ever dies will be under Hell's jurisdiction. High level heroes, magi, tacticians, and kings.

You underestimate Hell's lawmancers and rulemancers, Hob. If there's a loophole to destroy us, they can find it.
>>
>>23846342
Ah yes, the ballad of Cyphus the corpse lover. I shall tune my lute now.

>>23846367
I know the no pregnancy thing is a lie, and it was my mate at bar...wizard collage that needed it
>>
>>23846390
>a quick kiss shared between two young, love struck teens.

That is absolutely heretical! This whole tower is plagued with heresy!
>>
>>23846390
Oh, what a courageous boy!

I'm sure he is in a great place down in the 2nd circle
>>
>>23846390
Well we all have our stupid moments and you learned yours.

If only you could go back in time and stop his death from happening.

ANYONE WANT TO PLAY QUANTUM DISPLACE AND SEEK?
>>
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>>23846398
>it was my friend who needed it, I swear!
>>
>>23846410
>ignores the confession of homosexuality

I bet you're a pretty low-level Paladin.
>>
>>23846435
A FAIR corpse sat in it's bower door,
Wringing it's lily hands;
And by it came a sprightly youth,
Fast tripping o'er the strands.

"Where gang ye, cyphas," she says,
"Sae early in the day?
It gars me think, by your fast trip,
Your journey's far away."
>>
>>23846369
When you're Lich the world is your buffet, Greg. Trust me on this one.
>>
>>23846431
Master, you know that going back and changing events in your own timeline is forbidden!
>>
>>23846455
The bishop says that love between girls is pure. Are you questioning the bishop?
>>
>>23846435
>>23846460
Want I should finish the song?
>>
>>23846466
What? Who told you that stupid rule? I do it all the time! I did it last musday
>>
>>23846383
Well, you can summon Archdemons but cannot Archwizards, so I'm inclined to disagree with your assessment. One additional benefit to Lichdom is that you can cheat yourself out of a contract of selling your soul to a demon, so mind you handing out these flyers around your department?
>>
>>23846435
and it was my friend, he made it with a bar wench that was obviously dirty
>>
>>23846460
>>23846476

Why not? It won't make your father love or acknowledge you.

Also it won't cure your herpes. That part is more sad than funny, though.
>>
>>23846351
I've tried memory disposal up to epic level. Doesn't work.
>>
>>23846496
>It really was my friend, I swear!

No, sure, we all believe you.
>>
>>23846463
I've accidently dug up enough Lichs that I know I don't want to be one.
>>
>>23846397
Then again I haven't seen a single law or rule that cannot be broken with magic. Which we have plenty of, and even more of when we turn everyone to Liches. Besides, we already have dozens of volunteers to start the treatments just as soon as the Guild gives its permission.
>>
>>23846497
My father's dead, has been for years. An angry barbarian killed him for pleasuring his clan.

>>23846517
I can prove that I don't, I'm more than happy to de-pants
>>
>>23846485
You told me that. You said that The Doctor said it was one of the cardinal rules of Chronomancy.

>>23846472
The Bishop is wise, indeed.
>>
>>23846463
We do not need a World of Buffet. The rift to the Elemental Plane of Breakfast opens for an hour in the mornings.

Doesn't have mini pizzas, though.

>>23846466
Wait...how would you know that somebody's gone back on their own timeline? If they're discussing it, that means they won't do it, because if they discussed it and THEN did it, the circumstances leading to them needing or wanting to change the timeline in the first place would never have...

I need to sit down.
>>
>>23846522
Inside you is a Lich just waiting to be born, Greg, all it needs is a little persuasion. After the transformation you will agree that it was the right thing to do.
>>
>>23846544
I could resurrect him if you want to? It's easy, really is.
>>
>>23846552
You mean my brother told you that? Ignore that man, he knows nothing of time magic. I am much better at it than him. Feel free to mess with time as you wish my dear girl, you're a wizard, it's your right.

Also put on a robe, you look like a wench without one. Dresses don't count as robes.
>>
>>23846600
No, please don't. I already have 100 siblings and step mothers. I don't need any more
>>
>>23846544

I'm sure that you'll take ANY opportunity to get naked, Bard, just as I'm sure that we all know that it wouldn't prove anything unless you were having an outbreak right this moment.

Then again, I'm just a crazy old Wizard, why do you care so much of what I think?
>>
>>23846566
A Lich could make all the mini pizzas they want to. With a couple of simple spells they could set up an entire demiplane dedicated to creation of small pizzas, for all eternity.
>>
>>23846369
Exceptional buffets. Bit existential and synesthesiac at times but otherwise delightful. And yes, they have mini-pizzas.
>>
>>23846617
Because I too am a wizard, totally not a bard
>>
>>23846613
I could make your siblings and step mother disappear or alternatively fuse into a single ur-sibling/mother, if you want to? It's easy, really is.
>>
>>23846535
Magic has its limits, Hob. Admittedly they are few, but they are there.
Volunteers? Volunteers are fine. They are willing subjects. But we will not be forcing mandatory Lichdom.
>>
>>23846631
Don't believe his lies, he's evil!
>>
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>>23846612
Robes make me look frumpy though.

I quite like my current outfit.
>>
>>23846587
Sorry, but I must decline.
The whole underground thing really gets to me.
Claustrophobia you see.
>>
>>23846633

You just sing and lie like one. With your so called "soundomancy" that works exactly like bard songs.
>>
>>23846637
well that would make the holidays easier. Though you'll have to travel the world and like 2 planes to find them all
>>
>>23846655
It looks good on you heretical stuttering clumsy apprentice!
>>
>>23846662
Here look, I can cast spells. Mage Hand!
>>
>>23846640
Forcing mandatory Lichdom yet, you mean? No matter, when the Necromancy department has recruited enough faculty members we'll vote on it and certainly win. It'll be a mere formality then.
>>
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>>23846627
A demi-plane of mini pizzas.

We've gone too far this time.
>>
>>23846655
You're not even wearing a hat my dear! Also where is your wizard staff?

I told you not to use a wand right.


ALSO I MOTION THAT WE BAN THE USE OF WANDS FROM THE FIGHTERS GUILD!
>>
>>23846631
The buffet part has me interested, but how is their healthcare?
>>
>>23846653
You're a lich! You're not allowed to call people evil! It's in The Rules!

Besides, I'm more of a Blarglarlgeeeesplur Neutral
>>
>>23846655

While I disagree with your master on many things, I have to point out that the robe really does make the wizard. They're comfortable and have easily a 101 uses for the travelling wizard. I'm sure if you visit the City's tailor, he could craft you something to better suit your tastes.

>>23846689

... Slapping someone while yelling a spell name is not the same as actual magic.
>>
>>23846723
Look at your fly old man
>>
>>23846712
Second!
>>
>>23846723
>Slapping someone while yelling a spell name is not the same as actual magic.

Isn't that exactly how Muscle Wizards do it?
>>
>>23846665
It's not like I don't have anything but time in my hands now. I'll gather your siblings and stepmoms even if takes a century or two, put them in a giant press, compress and fleshsculpt a single entity out of them.
>>
>>23846689
If you're a soundomancer, then I'm a paladinmancer.
>>
>>23846748
Sweet now I only need to get one gift

>>23846750
uh...can't you use divine magic?
>>
>>23846777
As a paladinmancer, I summon paladins.
>>
>>23846697
Liches don't even eat, so it would be a vanity project. But that's how it is when you have transcended the limits of mortals and their ethics.
>>
>>23846695
All decisions may be vetoed by the current guild head, that being Antruthius. Nobody ever said we were a democracy.
So, we shall see, Hob. We shall see.
>>
>>23846800
Say Sir Knight, i thought you was hiding from the real Sir Knight?
>>
>>23846742

Oh wow look at my nothing is fucking there. Is this supposed to embarrass me? I don't have dangly bits to fall out anymore.

>>23846744

Muscle Wizards utilize the power of Muscle Mystery to pull of their amazing feats, and even I don't understand exactly how it works.
>>
>>23846800
But that's hearsay. Shouldn't you off yourself? And I know you guys can smite evil like crazy
>>
>>23846800
Also I motion that we only allow titles with the suffix mancer. Anyone who doesn't use mancer and uses the other one, err whatever it was, should me turned into a rabbit.
>>
>>23846777
There, I put it on my agenda. Mind you if I don't start immediately, I have a couple of (Lich) projects going on right now? I'll get on it in a decade or so, promise.
>>
>>23846822
exactly, YOU DON'T HAVE DANGLY BITS HAHAHA

>>23846846
It's cool, liches gotta lich
>>
>>23846828
Demonolomancer is a okay name who i have no problem with changing it
But Demonologist sounds better Mr. Arthaus
>>
>>23846817
The only man I hide from is the true king and future emperor of these lands.

>>23846826
Smiting evil with my paladin summoning.
>>
>>23846815
The sooner people come to their senses and choose the mandatory Lichdom the better off we are. In the mean time we will change the healthcare system to necromancy based solutions one.
>>
>>23846828
Objection.

"Blank mage" is a detailed modifier for specification of one's talents. We shouldn't exclude like that.
>>
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>>23846712
>>23846723
How's this then? I still get to show off my thighs, and I have a staff and everything.
>>
>>23846815

I doesn't even need to go that far. As department head I can preemptively veto it before it goes to the main council meeting. Right now our biggest concern is increasing our department's budget for the summer tower away from the city where our students can learn and practice away from superstitious townsfolk.
>>
>>23846863
Right well you can keep yours because you also study demons and don't summon or control them.

Everyone else has to change.
>>
>>23846723
That hurt.

>>23846713
Second to biomancy.
>>
>>23846869
Right, and I'm a demigod
>>
>>23846855

... I'm a lich you idiot. I mean, I still HAVE the dangly bits, just not attached to me. It's not like everyone didn't already know this.
>>
>>23846888
Sold!
Sign the Bard up!
>>
>>23846887
>don't summon

No, i do summon them! I just do not control them
We just respect each other
>>
>>23846886
Oh, there's actually a lovely abandoned fortress nearby the Rockgroin Tribe's village. Considering they've had a lich among them for a few months, they're reasonably well adjusted.

It has four towers, and we can easily raise one to the guild-approved height level.
>>
>>23846890
That's heresy.
>>
>>23846882
Call me conservative, but I feel like a robe should go down to your ankles, and that's barely a shirt.

Then again, maybe I'm just an old foget that still keeps his penis in a jar.
>>
>>23846916
But do you really? The thieves guild exams are today. And a not a bard may have let them know about a mystical set of dangly bits.

>>23846918
woohoo, also totally not a bard.

>>23846949
So is lying about paladinmancy
>>
>>23846956
As somebody who still has an attached penis, I do not object to things which barely qualify as shirts.
>>
When did we change the wall colors to red?
>>
>>23846960
If you were a paladin, you would know about paladinmancy.

>>23846983
The same time the witch hunters came in.
>>
>>23846888
Sorry bout that
>>
>>23846956
B-but delicious thighs!

>>23846975
This guy's got the idea.
>>
>>23846882
If you want to show thighs, just have splits down the sides.
>>
>>23847007
Well fine, but at least make your staff longer. It should be longer than that else I might think you quantum vibrate it for another reason.
>>
>>23846886
There's no reason to veto it, since Lichdom for all makes perfect sense. There's no drawbacks, since superstitious townsfolk simply don't count, at all.
>>
>>23847007
Apprentice, while it does shows your good-looking thighs, may i ask why do you want to show them?

I mean, you talk like you're the one watching them
>>
>>23847027
giggity
>>
>>23846990
riiiight
>>
>>23847033
No flesh and hungry dogs.
>>
>>23847007
Why are you so obsessed with your appearance anyway? It's not like it makes any difference, once you are a Lich.
>>
>>23847057
Flesh can be grown with spells, and dogs just die on their own a couple of feet away.
>>
>>23847059
Silence you old fool.

Take your rotten flesh else where before entropy does. Cute girls are the only reason why I care for this multiverse. The others are far more ugly.
>>
>>23847096
here here
>>
>>23847096
Hob has a point though

She talks as she is the one lusting her thighs
>>
If you'd all excuse me I have an appointment to study gargoyles, I bid you all good-day, or night, it's hard to tell with all the red covering the windows.
>>
>>23846942

I don't know. Some of those isolated liches can be a bit... deranged.

>>23846960

Hahaha, I don't believe you would do that. You see, that jar filled with my penis is the only thing that keeps me sane throughout the day. It's the one thing I can say is still in my life after accidentally turning into a lich because some Bard who didn't know what a Quantum Sarcophagus was supposed to do put me in a dangerously untested one before I could calibrate it. After all those years of watching people come in and steal my stuff, move in to make it an evil lair, worship me as some sort of arch demon until I was free, and came out to a very different time where the one thing that could get me through the day was the thought that I may have lost everything, but at least I still have my penis.

The one thing that keeps a centuries old Archlich, grandson of one of the most cruel and evil liches to ever plague the world, from completely losing it and just killing everyone and everything he sees, only to bring it back and spread the pain.

You wouldn't encourage anyone to steal that. I mean, there's no longer even a witch hunters guild in this city. No one would be that careless. It'd be like you committed the forthcoming genocide yourself.
>>
>>23847027
M-master that's lewd!

>>23847035
You've never gotten side-tract, staring at your own thighs? That's just me?

How am I supposed to attract the Dryads, and the Nereids if they can't see my thighs?

>>23847059
Liches just hang around with gross dead stuff, and should die.
>>
>>23847122
Well, she is a chronomancer. She can go to a different time and sleep with herself. I did that once.
>>
>>23847122
Is mind control still a spell in this time period? I remember erasing it from existence at one point but I can't remember when I did.
>>
>>23847122

She could be assessing them from an objective, pure, Emperor-approved point of view.
>>
>>23846975

As some one who has dignity and tenure, no one respects you or what you do, Percy.

>>23847007

Well, it's not like I can enjoy them, but I suppose that's not the point.
>>
>>23847142
Oh please girl, I've walked in on you enjoying yourself far too much more than once.

I remember one time you were using Mage Hands.
>>
>>23847096
When you're a Lich you'll see things my way. You'll find a million new reasons to care for this multiverse, not stuck with base mortal desires. Lichdom offers an immense clarity of mind.
>>
>>23847138
ummmm...no, it totally wasn't me, it was that geomancer guy
>>
GUYS HAS ANYONE SEEN MY ALL-TERRAIN TARRASQUE? I WAS GOING TO MAKE IT MY NEW ARM BUT, WELL, ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER AND I ENDED UP DRUNK WITH MY PROJECT MISSING. YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.
>>
>>23847128
Goodbye, be sure to ask for Lichdom treatments, there's plenty of people in line already. The first one hundred patients get free complementary slippers, of color of their choosing!
>>
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>>23847142
>Liches just hang around with gross dead stuff, and should die.

It's a bit too late for that.
>>
>>23847142
You can attract them song. You can attract anything with song.
>>
>>23847142
I can't say i've ever did, but my thighs aren't really that good

Maybe one day

Also, respect Mr. Hob, he is a very hardworking Lich who believes on his own beliefs
Go Mr. Hob! I believe in you!
>>
>>23847142
What, hanging out with fae? They say that getting a girl to laugh is a good way to start, and making jokes in Sylvan definitely works. Just make sure you let your hair down and they'll be all over you.
>>
>>23847138
What does it matter if you kill everyone, it's not like they matter. When you're Lich you can pretty much do whatever you want to.
>>
>>23847188
I think he's in a lake.

>Humanity verification hex: you pilsys
>>
>>23847138
There are plenty of orcs in the area to interact with, plus the other necromancers in the tower. I could even conjure up some forever-puppies to keep them company.

Create Puppy was the best spell I ever invested in. They're constructs, but with all the benefits of real puppies!
>>
>>23847174

Hahaha, but of course you were joking and my Penis is still in my quarters, right? If not, well... I already explained why that would be a terrible thing to happen.

>>23847188

It's in the underground lake where Percy pretends he's a real wizard.
>>
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>>23847168
...M-Master is a creepy, peeping pervert.

But, using Mage Hand for that is a good idea, I'm going to go tell younger me about that.

>>23847188
He's breaking the Astronomy Tower.

>>23847195
I mean die for good.
>>
>>23847142
Dead stuff isn't gross after you're a Lich. And you attract Dryads and Nereids with spells, like everyone else. That's the entire point of being a wizard, not having to make an effort anymore.
>>
>>23847250
Yup, its totally there. Definitely there. Not a pickle in a jar
>>
>>23847222
>>23847250
THANKS. THIS SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD WAY TO TEST MY NEW ARM!

GO-GO GADGET ROCKET ARM OH GODS WHY DID I THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA - *CRACK THUNK SOUND OF WOMAN SCREAMING SOUND OF CAT YOWLING SOUND OF GLASS TINKLING*
>>
>>23847268
But Liches are such a nice people!

Why would you want their death
>>
>>23847232

I suppose a trip to survey the land, so to speak, when I have the chance. You'll have to show me around and introduce me to everyone, my dear friend.

>>23847221

That's how I would see things if my penis was not safe in my quarters.
>>
>>23847250
You kill some peasants? Calling that 'horrible' is quite a stretch. We should be talking about converting everyone a Lich, instead. Why aren't you backing this plan completely? Is there something you haven't divulged to the department?
>>
>>23847268
I'm not pervert. You leave your portal open to your room.

I literally can't enter your room due to its quasi-supraposition state unless you leave the portal open.
>>
>>23847326
Clearly, she is implying something.
>>
>>23847307
which it is...
>>
>>23847280

Right, as I said, if it wasn't there, or wasn't quickly oput back before I return to my quarters in an hour, and I did find a pickle in a jar there, I would most certainly lose it. I'd start talking about how all crime was cause by the living, and therefor life was a crime, and the sentence was death and all that sort of thing.
>>
>>23847157
Oh no you did not.
You did not just do that. You did not open that can of worms, you festering old fool.
That's right. Festering! You've become lax in your latest years and let yourself get dabbled in water, rather than embalming fluids, in some places - I didn't think death would leave you completely without a sense of smell, but apparently it does!
And you've let your mind slip in recent years, as well. Respect your elders, indeed...like "the customer is always right...except when they're wrong"...
If you wanted all your material goods to be dampened and sent to the bottom of the Mauritian Trench, then so be it. It's not so much of a swim for you to retrieve your beloved cock, is it?
>>
>>23847361
be right back...
>>
>>23847268
Who gives a damn about the Astronomy Tower anyway? It's not like we need it for anything, since we can create entire demiplanes at will. Space is the one thing that we don't lack.
>>
>>23847326
>>23847354
Or maybe he shouldn't walk through portals that aren't his, left open accidentally or not.
>>
By the gods... I finally found the basement!
>>
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>>23847268

Well that's a rather narrow view you've taken, young lady. Rather rude too, all things considered.
>>
>>23847307
Of course, I'll go let the chieftain know. See you then!
>>
>>23847386
I'm sorry if I have to go to the bathroom at 3am. And I like walking there instead of teleporting.
>>
>>23847409
We should make an example of her, just to show how Lichdom improves personality. All in favor?
>>
>>23847392
Don't look to the left. Or at the floor. Or at the ceiling. Don't squint.
>>
>>23847377

Good boy.

>>23847416

Of course, dear friend. I'll try to learn what I can of the culture so I don't commit any grievous social faux pas!

>>23847431

As someone who was liched against their will, I'm very much against doing the same to others. No matter how rude they are.
>>
>>23847416
Just charm the chieftain and get over with it. It's so much easier.
>>
>>23847460
I HAVE IT!!! I HAVE A JAR OF LICH PENIS
>>
>>23847392
>>23847452

Also, be careful of the lake. There's a very confused tarrasque in it.

>>23847462

This is why so many people don't like is, Hob.

>>23847469

How funny. i have one just like it. In. My. Room.
>>
>>23847429
Well, maybe you should go to the portal marked 'bathroom' then.
>>
>>23847489
That's where its headed, this jar of slightly used lich penis is headed to your room
>>
>>23847452
Why? What's to the le-
>>
>Who cares about people liking us when we are Liches! Liches are awesome, let's all become liches

How was my impression?
>>
>>23847460
Liching against will is an oxymoron. Since it's a superior form of being, everyone ends up loving it - that is, if they had feelings at that point. It just give you an entire new point of view of life.
>>
>>23847506
It's dark at night. Speaking of which girl we should be leaving soon. You need your beauty rest.

Also did you take you remember to put on your anti-period ring? I don't want that to ever happen again. You destroyed 12 golems before I froze you in place.

You have a bad anger problem. Anyways I'll be on my way, come when you wish.
>>
>>23847515
Oh, Icthur- Somebody get a sponge and a small cup.
>>
>>23847525
No, I intend to make everyone else a Lich. Start with the Guild members, move on to entire nation, then the continent. Entire undead world is possible within a year. I simply cannot think of a single good reason not to do it. We have the technology.
>>
>>23847559
Come anywhere near me and i'll replace your head with your ass and vice versa.
>>
>>23847512
COUGHheavily-usedCOUGH.

>>23847525

It's a good Hob impression.

>>23847534

I don't know what to say to you anymore.

>>23847548

Arthaus, far be it from ME to tell you how to utilize your apprentices, but this is the third orphan girl you taken on, trained up, then perved on her as she got older.
>>
>>23847582
Very heavily used now
>>
>>23847595
This is disgusting
>>
>>23847595

W-what does that mean?
>>
>>23847558
I'm okay!
>>
>>23847582

> Not sure what to say

How about Power Word Maim?
>>
>>23847612
not really...ok maybe

>>23847624
There may or may not have been many horny women on the way. Three may have been lady-boys...
>>
>>23847578
Ehh, it's not like there's a ton of volunteers already. It's not surprising that an average wizard would immediately jump to the chance of being transformed into a Lich, and as our numbers grow the recruitment becomes easier and faster. Imagine every single citizen of the Kingdom being a Lich, it would be glorious.
>>
>>23847559
And people thought I was annoying with the small pizzas. Between your nagging lichdom and Uncle Fester's shrivelled pickle, this meeting's been like a broken phonograph cylinder.
>>
>>23847582
You could say that I'm right and that you support us, for starters.

Because I am, and should be.
>>
>>23847652
What, like in Gurrmbuya?
>>
>>23847645
I'm sorry this is so disgusting that you actually managed to magically return my disgust for life back

Who would knew, i guess you're really are a wizard

You sick fucko
>>
>>23847652
Let me rephrase that. I'm going to replace your mind with that of a small rodent. Then I will trap said rodent into a little cage where I shall stab at it with little knives until you die of a heart attack.
>>
>>23847548
Oh, uh. I kinda threw that ring...out.

I don't have an anger problem, those golems called me fat!
>>
>>23847655
I'm only nagging because you refuse to listen to reason. If you were undead we wouldn't have this problem in the first place.
>>
>>23847691
The blind truly see the truth.
>>
>>23847645

That's not the important part! Is my penis damaged in anyway? It it still whole?
>>
>>23847688
Why? That doesn't sound like a rational response.
>>
>>23847691
You know that Lichdom is a easy, safe way to lose weight?
>>
>>23847684
I'm a bard, I fuck everything.

>>23847718
yup, did it always curve left?
>>
>>23847718
Pfft, who cares? You can just cast Mend on it if it's damaged any way. Or are you saying that you made your penis your phylactery?
>>
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GUYS I'M BACK. TURNS OUT ARTHAUS LEFT ONE OF HIS TIME PORTALS OR WHATEVER LAYING AROUND AT THE BOTTOM OF THE LAKE AND I CHASED TERRY AND THE GOLEMS INTO IT AND, WELL ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER AND NOW I'M A GIANT THAUMACHINE.

AM I STILL PART OF THE GUILD GUYS? I'M PRETTY SURE THERE'S A CHEST COMPARTMENT IN HERE WITH LIKE, REAL LEATHER SEATS IF YOU WANT TO RIDE AROUND IN ME. BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE LEATHER'S FROM. IF YOU SEE A BIRTHMARK IN THE SHAPE OF A WINKING DOG THOUGH IT WAS FROM ME.
>>
>>23847726
How do you know what is rational and not?
>>
>>23847770
I'm perfectly rational since I run only on cold, hard logic these days. All kinds of illusions and distractions have been stripped from my mind, so by definition I see everything so much more clearer than most of people, even here.

Basically, I know better.
>>
>>23847821
Tell me lich what is the purpose ... of a rubber duck?
>>
>>23847748

.... Yes.

>>23847752

No, Hob. That was part of what lichdom through the Quantum Sarcophagi was supposed to accomplish. I don't NEED a phylactery because I technically exist between life and undeath and cannot truly be killed save by my own hand, or maybe something I hadn't thought of, or hasn't been invented. The other function was to keep me still looking alive and young (and also keep all my bits, dangly included, in place). It would be like being a hybrid of a vampire and a lich, but with the weaknesses of neither. Obviously that part didn't work out, the sarcophagus was destroyed, and so were my notes. I don't even remember how to make the damn thing. If I did, I might even be able to referse the damage it did, but... Well. It's been too long.
>>
I can't stand the cock jokes, and the fact that there always seem to be five or six wizards and liches pretending to be the head of necromancy or equivalent.

If you need me, I'll be in the Mauritia.
>>
>>23847853
Than yup, it's in perfect condition. There was a giantess that really liked it. so can I borrow it next week, say wednesday?
>>
>>23847863
Truth to be told it *is* bothersome that the leadership of Necromancy department seems to be changing constantly. I like things to proceed in orderly fashion, and it takes time to explain the correct way of things to new heads all the time.
>>
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>>23847712
>>23847740
WIZARDS BE CRUISIN' FOR A TEMPORAL BRUSIN'.
>>
>>23847853
I am sorry for you and your condition. If there would be a way to help I'd gladly do so.
>>
>>23847909
No one has ever made a fat joke at a Lich, just pointing that out.
>>
>>23847938
But what if the lich was big boned?
>>
>>23847909
I was once marked for death by a Tarraesque. Try it fatty.
>>
>>23847904

Who else but me has claimed leadership of the department in this thread? I see no dispute.

>>23847892

No.

>>23847918

I've had years to cope. I find joy and pride in my work as a teacher of the Undead Arts now.
>>
>>23847909
>>23847918
>>23847938
Cecily, did you just made me temporarily lose my identity? That's unbelievably rude, and I'd get angry if I were physically capable of emotions.

Manners, young lady.
>>
>>23847968
okie dokie
>>
>>23847938
Your ribs are larger then a whales,why I can see the one you ate still in there.
>>
>>23847968
Well it seems to change every now and then. For all the talk about how shunned Necromancy is, there never seems to be shortage of our members here. It must have something to do with the lure of that sweet, sweet Lichdom...
>>
>>23847947
>>23848011
Does not compute.
>>
>>23848013
It's just a bunch of edgy teenagers that want to listen to those shitty bands

I should know, Demonologisms classes were full of those fuckers
>>
>>23848027
Funny you should mention that. It's the same thing the gods said when you escaped from heaven. The floor suddenly undenting confused them greatly.
>>
>>23847909
That's hilarious and I am proud of you. I hope you master chronomancy, because we need more people like you in this council room.
>>
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>>23847949
In addition to being an apprentice Chrono Mage, I also know the Dimh Mahk, am the Fist of the North Star, and I am the Master of Southern Cross.

And your mother is a whore.

>>23847973
My power in action.
>>
>>23848013

I'll admit, the department head changes seats often, but that's only because being head of the department is so awfully hectic, which is why we set up the changing heads system, so that all the tenured professors can share the burden. I'm sure next week I'll get a rest and someone else will be head.

>>23848058

Ah, there's a few good eggs in there. Back in my day, though, it was a matter of tradition, lineage, and aptitude. You were placed by how well you performed in certain subjects and the rank of your house. The Necromancy department USED to be one of the most prestigious until, well, my grandfather just had to show the world who was the big man.
>>
>>23848058
You know what's a surefire cure for teenagery, moping and shitty taste in music? I'm sure I don't have to say it, but it's beatings.
>>
>>23848088
I

I am having difficulties in

I cannot calculate an appropriate responsss
>>
>>23848105
Ah, that was hilarious. For us who weren't involved at least. The affected folks suffered horribly.
>>
>>23848102
Now I know your mommy told you that all women do that but you have to understand that yes your mother was getting paid to fuck men.
>>
>>23848129
Now you are one with everything. You now know what the local women thought when they saw you naked. Now gauge your eyes out to simulate the aftermath.
>>
>>23848143

I don't know how funny it is, really.

They still say that storm of confused, deranged, liches is still out there. Being confused and deranged.
>>
>>23848181
Holy shit did that Lich twitching on the floor just caught on fire?
>>
>>23848102
That's just a Dragon Screw Fat Chronomancer

It's not a move of any of those martial arts
>>
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>>23848245
I CAST FIST.
>>
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>>23848315
WANNA DUKE IT OUT
>>
>>23848315
>Not casting groin crush
>>
>>23848315
Since when you were a Muscle wizard, miss?
>>
>>23848315
>>23848369
If I have to tentacle bitchslap you two into submission, I will.
>>
>>23848315
>>23848369

You shouldn't play with Muscle magic like this. Very few understand the intricacies on Muscle Mystery, and fewer have mastered it.
>>
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>>23848441
The thing about being a Chronomancer is, you have all the time in the world to learn everything and anything.

>>23848369
>>
>>23848498
You do realize that you're too fat to use muscle magic right? I'd give you about five seconds before your body catches up to what exactly you just did.
>>
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>>23848470
FUCK YOU GEIRON

YOU STUPID PRICK, YOU SMELL LIKE DEAD OCTOPUS

I FUCKING HATE YOU ALL

>>23848498
I'LL GRAPPLE YOU INTO DUST

I DON'T NEED ANY MAGIC TO BEAT YOU
>>
>>23848498
Kid, you make me so happy. Come find me sometime, we'll have tea or something.
>>
>>23848564

Woah now, Ohtto, I know the trials my penis has gone through has affected you the most, aside from me, but the story ended happily enough!

Come, Ohtto, what happened to the wizard I knew who could look at a burning tarrasque and say something positive about the situation?
>>
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>>23848564
I can age you so fast, that you will only see a nanoangstrum that is the shit-stain of your life, you succubus cock loving cumsmear.

>>23848562
Read above.
>>
>>23848659
That sounds quite heavy coming from a girl like you.
>>
>>23848659
>Implying that ever since the foundation of your school people haven't thought of ways to stop them.
I fear nothing from you
Other then you jumping on me of course
>>
>>23848659
Miss, I exist in dimensions where time is not a thing. Do not try to threaten me with your namby-pamby time magic, for I have bested many superior to you. I'm also about to start using thou and thy, so simmer the hell down.
>>
>>23848709
Watch out, she's waddling over there!
>>
>>23848766
Do not worry friend. I have a great deal of experience in earthquake survival techniques.
>>
>>23848709
Funny words coming from a scrawny guy who isn't even here. Having fun projecting yourself from the broom closet? No, you don't have to come out yet, unless you want to set off that teleport trap.
>>
>>23848782
Just duck and cover while she rolls by!
>>
>>23848700
>>23848709
>>23848761
>>23848766
>>23848782
"all this dried semen and snot is leaking out of my nose because i am a sad autistic buttsecks man who rescentle had sex w/ 14 different guys turning my face and anus into a horrifying wasteland of balljuice and shattered dreams" - You.

Chronomancer Verdict: White Hot Analpocalypse.
>>
>>23848709
>>23848766
>>23848782
>>23848808
>implying fat chicks aren't the best
>>
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>>23848659
You silly girl, i have no years to age.
Your Kung Fu is Weak, you obese thighs monster

>>23848624
I don't know, Maybe i'm just tired, you know, i'm going to take a vacations on the circles
meet some old friends, talk with the new residents, be tortured a little, experience hell again. I'm sure i'll get my groove back.
It's not like Demonologism is that popular anyway, so my substitute can take care of the management and all
>>
I-I feel we've long since strayed from the point of this meeting. Also, little miss Cecily, please don't anger Geiron. I'm pretty sure bits of him are considered elder beings by now.
>>
>>23848840

We all need a bit of a break now in then, Ohtto. Hopefully a holiday in Hell is what you need to straighten you out.
>>
>>23848805
>Broom closet
You insult me. This is no longer a simple broom closet. With it's own library, a good school system a park and a great assortment of stores that sell sense of humors this broom closet is a town. Also I'm over here the guy in the hood.
>>23848811
You must have your eyes checked. I next to the mirror not actually it.
>>
>>23848835
...at eating pie, you meant? Because they love pie.

'cause they're fat.
>>
>>23848890
So basically you're afraid to come out of the closet, is that it?
>>
>>23848890
Wait, then who did I just set a trap against?
Oh, well. I don't really care.

So, is it true that the Department of Illusions doesn't actually exist and you're all just getting high for inspiration instead of having classes?
>>
>>23848875
The witch hunters are pretty much dead so do we really have to care about them?

I mean, just one of our guys pretty much killed their entire guild.
Then we transported the other into some plane of cheap whores and then the other just do shit in some other place
>>
>>23848875
Do you still have that scroll of Calm the Fuck Down you won from me in that bet with the lizardfolk stripper?
>>
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>>23848875
Fuck you, I don't have an anger problem, I can stop whenever I want.

>>23848890
I guess maybe if you were a mirror, mommy and daddy would have actually payed attention to you atleast a little.
>>
>>23848811
Chronomancer more like Omnom-mancer, right? (you like to eat because you're fat, is what I'm getting at)
>>
>>23848944
Except eating pie, that is.
>>
>>23848925
We don't get any funding so we have to piss off something mean and blame it on someone else. Good times and it's practical real world knowledge.
>>23848924
Look I agreed to take your place in their so people wouldn't notice your absence but man be a bit grateful.
>>23848944
I was too skinny you see. Your parents however couldn't stop paying attention to you. You were all around them after all.
>>
>>23848942

I used it on the mayor after some asshole released our cache of skeletons onto the streets.

>>23848944

Listen, honey (and I mean that in the most respectful way), no one thinks you have an anger problem, dear. Why not just come on down from the meeting table and we can go to the cafeteria and get you some tea and we can all talk this out...

>>23849003

How much funding does the illusion department even need? Your master is constantly telling us how little he needs to make effective illusions!

Also, stop antagonizing the girl, she's riled up enough as it is.
>>
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>>23848956
>>23848971
>>23849003
It's ok, I'm just going to bully your childhood selves to make myself feel better.

>>23849055
Tea is for gaylords like you. I only drink the temporal juice of the universe.
>>
Hey guys, someone linked the bathroom door to the elemental plane of cats again.
>>
>>23849055
Enough for food and writing supplies would be nice. Maybe some sketching paper and mind ink too.
>>
>>23848944
Baby, are you aware of gravitic temporal dilation?

Cause I feel like I could spend years in your beautiful presence without even noticing the time go by.
>>
>>23849090
So you're the legendary Mobey Dick i encountered in my childhood. Watch for spears and whalers fat one spears and whalers
>>
>>23849090

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize to was being a massive BITCH day to people who are trying to help you out!

>>23849092

Again? I thought he caught the student who was doing that?

>>23849094

Food is taken care of by a separate budget. I would consult with your department head about proper utilization of financial resources. Get one of the manthomancers to help you out. They could probably use a bistromath spell to help your budget work harder.

>>23849106

Damn it, we just got rid of the last bard! Go home and take your sexually transmitted diseases with you!

I swear, every time one of the female apprentices or professors is around these damn Bards crawl out of the woodwork to hit on them.
>>
>>23849090
What, you would steal candy from a child?
>>
>>23849174
We need to fumigate again.
>>
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>>23849174
You're right. I'm sorry. Let's ride a bicycle made of friendship into dreamland.

(Seriously, good night. I leave you with this, as a parting gift, for an entertaining thread, and a good honing of my insults.)
>>
>>23849289
I truly hope it is not a double seater. Wouldn't want him to be squashed when it snaps.
>>
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>>23849378
>Responding to someone who isn't even there.
>>
>>23849424
Couldn't resist. Sue me.
>>
>>23849289
>>23849378
>>23849424
>>23849471

Though I'm not the one to usually call these things, I think we can safely assume that the meeting is adjourned.
>>
>>23849471

Okay.
>>
>>23849602
See you at Elias' surprise party next week?
>>
>>23849730

We're throwing Elias a surprise party? I mean, sure,, see you there.



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