So I'm incredibly bored, /tg/ and I need something to do for the next two and a half hours. Willing to writefag it up. Post character/event ideas, and I'll bunch a few of them into a story.
Depict the hiring of chainmail bikini dungeon crawlers when other dungeon crawlers are available in an internally consistent manner.
All the above!
everyone is gay
>>23166660the BBEGs daughter being angsty.
>>23167192A threesome between /tg/, /x/ and /d/.
>>23167192Can you also write crime fighting mummy in this?
>>23167535Fuck i forgot the image and a crime fighting mummy.
>>23167192>What I have so farI strode into the room, trying to act more confident than I actually was. My last job was a massive bust, and I was desperate for gold. Looking around the room, I could see that my chances were slim. Gathered at the bar was Los Lobos, the local cowboy gang. They fancied themselves the law here, though they weren't much better than the bandits they hunted. They glared at me and I glared back. Fuckers. I wasn't having any of their shit. It wasn't until one of the Lobos' hands began to glow that I walked away, maintaining my glare for a bit. They were always trying to muscle other adventurers out of jobs. But they were nothing compared to the group gathered in the other corner.Yeah, I wasn't getting a job today. The Bikini Battalion was here. Group of busty bikini-clad babes, berserking their way through nearly every job that came to this bar. Need some work done? Fuck the tough looking cowboys at the bar, fuck the experienced group recounting tales of victory, we got chainmail bikini chicks over here, they must be the best for the job. To be fair, they were good at what they did. But they hoarded the jobs market like a dragon hoards treasure, fucking us over. And of course, Los Lobos, as tough as they talked, didn't even try to touch the Bikini Battalion's job monopoly.So I took a seat at a booth, away from both groups. Immediately, a wench came over and delivered me a boubon. Benefits of being a regular. I dismissed her and began my staring contest with the bottom of the glass. Couldn't believe my luck. It was getting ridiculous. 3 straight busts. Someone probably had it out for me. Probably a wizard. I hate wizards.(1/?)
>>23167652The door flung open, and a tiny man came flying though, leaving a trail of papers flowing from an overstuffed briefcase. As usual, the troubled, gold-laden employer made a bee-line to the Bikini Battalion. I watched as they grabbed the briefcase, a small pile of gold, and three left, drawing their spiked clubs and hand-axes. I had to hand it to them, they had a lot of balls to run into their jobs with melee weapons, bringing a knife to a gunfight and winning every time.Tonight was different though.A little droid made it's way through the doorway, one of the many that littered the streets, attempting to serve the common man. I watched little man who had hired the Bikini Battalion as the blood drained from his face. I drew my .40, ready for trouble.Trouble arrived as a stream of laser blasts from the little robot, setting the man on fire and burning a few of the BB. I fired a few rounds at the droid, conscious of the robot's resistance to normal bullets. The head separated from the body, as I watched a Lobo magically wrench the robot apart. Lasers still fired from the body, but without the head, it had no way of targeting anyone, and lasers flew everywhere. This was not a good night to be here. I ducked out the front door.And immediately wished i hadn't. Laser fire was erupting from the streets, mowing down civilians and police alike. Christ, it was an all out rebellion. I stared for a bit more, before lasers began to fly towards me. I ducked back into the bar, but not before a laser caught my jacket and ignited it. I threw it off, and witnessed a cowboy grab into the body of the droid and pull out a mass of wires, causing the little droid to cease fire.(2/2)>>23167535I may be able to swing that.>>23167194And that.
>>23167652Now add a gun viking.
>>23167686Well, that escalated nicely.
>>23167730>>23167535These will be a dynamic duo.
>>23167686"They're all that way," I spoke, still not quite believeing the situation."The droids?" a Lobo replied. He was one of the new ones, I didn't recognise him."Yeah, little bastards are mowing people down in the streets. I don't think we stand a chance.""Nonsense," a Bikini commented, "It's nothing we can't handle, right Battalion?" The ones who weren't nursing burns on their exposed skin replied in the affirmative, though I don't think they were entirely convinced."Yeah, an' we ain't scared of no lasers, is we Lobos?" The leader sounded nothing like what I imagined a cowboy would sound like. None of the Lobos replied. They weren't stupid, they knew that they had surrounded and ganged up on that one droid, and there were still casualties. And I knew they weren't hard at all, they talked the talk but couldn't walk the walk.And then the lights went out. The only light visible was that of my burning jacket in the middle of the floor, the glowing embers from the little man's clothes, and the occasional flash from the streets."I think our best hope is to hole up here until the massacre halts outside. We got food, booze, ev-""Fuck that, i'm out!" A Lobo interrupted me, and ran out the front door. I stared in disbelief. I had literally just come in with a flaming jacket after leaving for a few seconds. He couldn't be that stupid, could he? And my thoughts were answered with a scream from just outside the door, and a flaming body returning into the building. The ex-Lobo collapsed next to my jacket, and I fired a round into his head."If we all make a run for it, I give us a 30% survival rate. And that's generous." A few of the Lobos glared at me, but everyone agreed for the most part. the Battalion leader took command, rallying us to baracade the doors and set up fatal funnels. I got behind the bar, popping open a bottle of bourbon. The new Lobo took a position next to me, and tried to start up a conversation.(3/?)
>>23168300"Fuck off.""Hey man, I'm just trying to-""Fuck. Off." I wasn't having a good day. The kid slinked over to the other end of the bar, and started fiddling with his revolver. I shook my head. They were getting younger. He couldn't have been older than seventeen. I started sticking more cartridges in my handgun's magazine. This whole situation was bullshit, I had to be stuck with the two groups that had been fucking me over since I got into the business. Though it may have been a boon; I didn't have to worry about having the gold for my booze. I took a swig."You there. Fuckface." A Lobo was calling me. "Get out of our spot." I looked back at him with incredulity."...What?""You heard me. Git out." He was not backing down. Neither would I. I chucked to myself."Come take it, asswipe." He glared at me some more, strode up to me, spat in my drink, and took a position next to the kid. I was already having a bad day. This was the last straw. I picked up the contaminated bottle, corked it, and walked over to the guy. "Hey asswipe." He turned to me.I smashed the bottle across his face.He was out cold. Probably a good thing too, since those cuts were probably burning. The kid looked up at me, fear etched into his face. He wasn't going to be a threat anytime soon. I held onto the busted end of the bottle and scanned for more attackers. One of the Lobos began to make a move for his revolver when their leader burst out laughing."Man, you got that fucker good, dint ya? You should be one of us, yeah?" He went back to whatever he was doing, and after a second the others did as well. I moved back to my post, and set the broken bottle under the bar, just in case. I reloaded my 40, chambered a round, and holstered it, grabbing another bottle while doing so.(4/?)
If there's still interest, I'll continue
>>23168597Sure want to see the mummy and the viking
>>23168503I had just finished taking a swig when the front door burst open, despite the baracades set up. This was no droid. A hulking figure lumbered in, followed by a lanky one. We still couldn't see well in the dark, as the burning jacket was dying down, and a Bikini babe put out the dead Lobo, but what I could see I didn't believe.The massive hulk was wearing a hjalmar, complete with intricate runes, and a massive assault rifle, which matched the hjalmar. The thin one was covered in what looked like toilet paper, except for his eyes.Maybe I should stop drinking.The thin one looked down at the body on the floor, looked around, and immediately shouted "FREEZE, MOTHERFUCKERS!"We all stared, wondering what the fuck was going on."AIN'T NO ONE MOVING 'TIL WE FIND OUT WHO KILLED THIS GUY." Our mouths were still agape."PLAYIN' HARDBALL, I SEE. WELL WE HAVE ALL DAY.""A-are you a mummy?" the kid piped up, and we all looked at him. He shrunk back as soon as all the eyes in the room were on him, immediately regretting his speech."NO, I'M A MOTHERFUCKING ROBOT, OF COURSE I'M A MUMMY. NOW WHO KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED HERE." All eyes landed on me. I stood up."I shot him, he was burning to death, he wasn't going to survive.""YOU- YOU'RE UNDER ARREST MOTHERFU-" the massive viking smacked him upside the head, nearly knocking him over. The viking gave the mummy a look like a mom would give their kid when they try to resist going to bed at 8:30. "Alright, fine, you ain't under arrest.(5/?)
>>23168904Keep up the magic!
>>23168904keep it up, mate
>>23168904This day kept getting weirder and weirder."Hey, y'all better baracade that door back up. We don't want anymore droids to get in," the BB leader called out to the duo, "Say, you were just out there, how is it?"I couldn't exactly tell, since his face was wrapped in cloth, but it looked like the mummy sneered at her. "I ain't tellin' the likes of you... you mercenaries!" The viking game him another smack. He glanced back at the huge mass behind him, and replied, "There's a lot of dead droids out there now. Bluetooth here has a few laser magazines, though two of them need recharging. The droids turned out the power across the city, but the burning corpses littering the streets are brighter than the lights were originally. I can't imagine this will last much longer. We only have about 2500 droids in the city."Of course, that number isn't getting any lower with you all HIDING IN HERE LIKE PUSSIES! I'm fucking OUT!""Hey mummy cop, last guy to say that ended up with a bullet in his head as he crawled back inside," a Lobo stated."Yeah? Well i bet he didn't have a MOTHERFUCKING VIKING with a MOTHERFUCKING LASER ASSAULT RIFLE, DID HE?""You still need to charge those magazines numb-nuts." I was sick of this guy, though I kinda liked the viking. Kept the scrawny fucker in check. "Now, if I'm not mistaken, there's probably a gas generator here, so I suggest we start looking. Those magazines are probably our only chance out there."The mummy looked around sheepishly, or so it looked like, and jumped forward. "WHAT ARE WE WAITIN' FOR THEN? LET'S GET TO IT!" We all stared at him as he ran off into a back room. I couldn't believe this guy. What a prick.
>>23169544I'm off to eat, but I'll continue this after i grab some chow.
>>23169544Ha ha this mummy is just i my burned solider in a WW2 setting with monsters.
>>23169544Mummy sounds like the quintessential That Guy. I wonder what'll happen if he starts flirting with one of the BBs.
>>23169544A few of the Bikini Battalion stayed in the room as lookouts, as we all left to find the cellar. Because what respectable bar doesn't have a cellar? There were about half a dozen rooms connected to the hallway in the back, though none of them contained a generator."Over here," a shout came from the room next to mine, "Found a trapdoor. Smells like gasoline." Things seemed to be working out after all. We gathered in then room, where Bikini Leader was formulating a plan."Lobos, I need you up here with my two lookouts. My Battalion will join you. Your magic may be helpful. Bluetooth, Mummy Cop, and... uh...""Just call me Jim," I suggested. "Okay. Bluetooth, Mummy Cop, Jim, you're with me. Groups of two." The viking pushed the mummy away from him and side-stepped towards me. I looked up at him. He looked even bigger up close. He was a good foot taller, at least, and probably twice my weight. I wasn't sure whether to feel safe or worried. "..Alright, I guess i'm with Mummy Cop here." Not even the leader of the Bikini Battalion wanted to fuck with this guy. Christ.We all climbed down the ladder, fully aware of just how dark it was. I was the first down, and I almost lit my lighter to try and see better. I almost forgot about the stench of gasoline. I slowly put the lighter back in my pocket. I felt a massive hand on my shoulder, and turned to see the light from above mostly blocked out by the head and shoulders of the viking. He produced a flashlight out of nowhere, which looked like a toothpick in his hand. "Would you like to lead?" I asked him. He indicated with his flashlight that I would be taking point. "Right. Okay."(7/?)
>>23170566This cellar was huge. Massive. Pillars were scattered every 10 feet or so, and there were shelves against each pillar, lined with alcohols of different types. First one was scotch, which I grabbed a few bottles from and stuck in my pack. Next was bourbon. Seemed like we were in the whiskey section. After my pack was full of various types of whiskeys, I began to actually search for what we were looking for. Four rows later, we still hadn't found a generator, when, "So, uh, we're alone down here." I could here the mummy from across the cellar, clear as day."Your point, mummy?""Uh, I was thinking, maybe you and I..." Bluetooth turned his light across the way just in time for us to see Mummy Cop get kicked so hard in the testicles he was lifted off the ground and hit his head on the ceiling. My legs buckled a little, and I had to resist grabbing my crotch. Ow. And since he wasn't yelling, he was probably knocked out. Double ow.
>>23170580"Is, uh, everything okay over there, Miss...""Skullcrusher. Belinda Skullcrusher. And I've dealt with much worse. As you can see, I've perfected my form," she indicated the crumpled pile of bandages in front of her. "We just need to find that generator. And fast. I don't like it down here." I wasn't about to say I agreed. The viking handed me the flashlight, picked up the crumpled mess on the ground, and carried it towards the entrance."Let's just move on. No sense in waiting.""I agree," she replied. "Take the left. I got the right." We split, and five minutes later i found the generator."Found it," I called out, and I checked the tank. Half empty. It'd do. I turned around to search for Skullcrusher, only to see a rodent of a very unusual size. Five feet, on its hind legs. And it was indeed standing on its hind legs. It squealed at me for shining the light in its face, and swung at me with a clawed paw. I jumped back, but the claw dug across my chest as i did so, tearing my shirt, and lacerating the skin underneath. Not deep, but still painful. I drew my handgun and fired half a dozen rounds. While it flinched each time, it still came towards me. I exclaimed in disbelief, and emptied the rest of the magazine. Thirteen rounds in the chest. It was still moving towards me, still screeching. I had never needed a second magazine before, so i spent that money on booze. I was regretting it at that moment. It swung at my face once it was in range, and I grabbed its arm, twisting it, and pulling it down. I felt the bones in its forearm crack, and it screeched in my ear. The other claw came across and caught me in the face, tearing open my cheek and my nose.And it stopped moving. After a second, it collapsed, and shining the flashlight on it showed why. There was a massive axe sticking out of its skull, and Belinda was standing behind it. "...Shit," was all I could say.(9/?)
>>23171019Anyone still reading? Should I continue?
>>23171019Last post unless someone wants more."Come on, let's get that generator upstairs." I nodded, but I pulled out my knife and separated a paw from the rat, and stuck it in my bag."Trophy. I'll grab the back." We picked up the generator and carried it to the entrance. By the time we got over there, the viking was back, and he grabbed the generator and just placed it upstairs, using his massive strength and height. We climbed up the ladder and shut the trapdoor. The viking picked up a large crate and stuck it on top. I couldn't agree more. Los Lobos immediately went to work trying to get the generator to work, and a few of the BB rushed over to Skullcrusher, seeing the blood spattered across her midriff and her hands. I lumbered over to my place behind the bar, set my pack down, and got on dressing the scratches. I removed my shirt, tearing strips for use as a bandage, and opened a bottle of vodka from behind the bar. Taking a swig (and grimacing), I poured the vodka on my chest, dried it off, and tied the strips of shirt around. I then soaked a rag in the alcohol, placed it up on my cheek, and tied it onto my face. It stung, really bad, but eventually it turned warm, and I drifted off to sleep.(10/10?)