There is a polite rap of knuckles at your door. Before you can answer, you hear 'Come in' escape from your lips unbidden. A well dressed man in a pinstripe suit, carrying a matte black attache case, and greased back black hair enters, his arms and legs too long. He walks inside, and takes a seat on whatever is nearest, and looks at you with ice blue eyes."I want you to kill ten people. In exchange, I can offer you one wish, so long as you can ask it in five seconds or less to be asked after the ten are killed. I will ably fulfill the wish, including even reversing the effects of what you had done, so long as you do not attempt to break my nature, or the nature of the bargain. That will end in your permanent dissolution."He pulls his case to his lap, not removing his eyes from yours."Within this, is a .38 caliber revolver that never needs reloading, a knife that kills any mortal it pierces, a literally bulletproof vest, ten thousand dollars worth of gold, and a list of ten targets. If you accept the agreement, it is yours. You will kill the ten targets. Every week, one must die, or I will come back to collect my things, with interest, 10% compounding on the dollar's worth of gold given, every week. If you refuse my offer, that is fine. No hard feelings. I go offer someone else it.""Your choice. Yes or no?"
>>22988157I say yes, take the knife, and stab him. Just to be sure.
>>22988179The knife turns numbing cold as soon as it pierces his suit. Your fingers freeze to it painfully. You reach with your other hand, before the backhand catches you square in the jaw."Kills MORTALS, retard. You owe me a new site." The creature looks with great annoyance down at you.He walks away with the agreement, items, and the skin that used to be on your right arm in his briefcase.
>>22988157This sounds like a good deal.- wait, who are the ten targets?
>>22988157I'd like a proof that such wishes can occur, as well as ask into the nature of the reasons of such killings that are to take place.
>>22988287"All I know is you're not on the list. I'm fulfilling someone else's wish here." Blue eyes shrugs."It could be your mother. It could be a mob boss. It could be the president of the United States. It could be someone already dying of cancer in the hospital down the street. I don't know. But, the briefcase picked you, saying you could do it. I don't argue with luggage."
Ha! my door is already locked, and I dont let him in.I win
Oh oh! I saw this episode!This is the one where the last name on the list is your own, isn't it?
>>22988319It's the same as before. You say "Come in."There's a muted bang. Then some rattling. The voice on the other side clears his throat, "Uh, it's locked?"You sit smugly back, as a thousand year old entity that has seen nations laid to waste, peoples rise and fall, and rivers fill with blood and corpses is put to a stop by the good folks at Herschel and Sons Locksmithing Co., keeping you safe as houses since 1956! After a few more awkward moments of harrumphing and coughing, the supernatural shambles away from your life, deterred.
>>22988301The man in the pinstripe suit nods."Proof of my wish making capability is a good thing to ask for. Regrettably, in a short period of time it is hard to arrange miracles. Do you have a dead animal available? I could bring it back to life. Or a base metal? I can turn it to gold, tin, water, whatever."He pulls back his sleeve and looks at his watch. "I really don't want to spend more time than I have to here, but I can provide proof of magic in the short term. If you want more than that, I'll find another candidate."
>>22988316I don't much care who they are, I just want to be certain of one thing:Do they, or do they not, have it coming?
>>22988316Can I see the list up front? Some targets are not easily survivable, even with such tools.
Step 1. Write a list of wishes. Step 2. Kill them all.Step 3. Tell dude to grants every wish on the page. Including rezzing the murder and victims, fixing the world, and getting everything you've ever wanted.
>>22988327"The only thing I know is that YOU aren't on the list. There may very well be my name on the list."The pale men considers it."I have already calculated that risk, and feel it isn't substantial enough to weigh out the benefits of fulfilling my end of the bargain. It's up to you here."
>>22988360Base metal, spoon, sure. Assuming that appears superficially like magic, I'd at least have a look at the list of people to be murdered, if that's the case.
>>22988368"I'm afraid I can not guarantee that."The suited man keeps your gaze. Then speaks again."But I can not guarantee that there aren't others that would abuse the items granted. For all I know, my case here," he gently taps the briefcase, "Could entrust my delivery to Charles Manson next. As long as one of the ten dies, I'm unable to confiscate the artifacts," A pause, "Though, really, come to think of it, Charles Manson probably couldn't do THAT much harm. But you get the gist.">>22988370"Part of the wish," Pale man shrugs, "Last guy? Was a weirdo. He wanted people to accept it before they saw it.">>22988384"If you can say it in five seconds while being cogent, it can be granted."
>>22988360>I hand it a spoon, and ask to turn it into water.May I see the list before accepting the deal?
>>22988391Sure enough, he holds the spoon- it shimmers to gold, dribbles to quicksilver in his palm, then reforms into tin with hands and legs. He sets it down. "Parlor trick, but you get the gist. For the ten, again, all I know is the suitcase tells me you can kill them, and you are not on it. Beyond that who knows- though, I suppose by necessity it's not just the physical," He ruminates by this point, "But also who you are emotionally capable of killing. No offense, but you don't seem the sort capable of killing your own mother...Right?"
>>22988426Sounds reasonable. Is there any cancellation clause I can use, should the targets be unkillable... such as perhaps yourself?
>>22988459"Of course- the interest as mentioned earlier. In theory, if you had a thousand dollars worth of gold on you right now, you could take the agreement, look upon the list, and if you see something you object to, give me the gold and I will be on my way- and no, I'm sorry, I can't magic you any gold," He smiles, "I can advise other people on how to break the spirit of the bargain, but I would not do it myself.""The offer will then go to another, after I confer with the original wish maker to deliver the surplus gold to him, and then I will move on to another candidate."Suit reaches in to his pocket, takes out a pack of Camel cigarettes that look like they've been in his pocket since the 50s. "Mind if I smoke? It's been a long while."
I suppose, wishing to see the rest of the List after I kill somebody is also against the nature of the bargain, right?
>>22988486If there's a cancellation clause, I'll take the offer. 10% on a thousand dollars I can get in a week.Let's see the names.
>>22988515it has to be in gold...
>>22988447Suppose I am emotionally incapable of killing an "innocent".It would stand to reason that, were I to agree to this contract, the ten targets would all deserve to be killed.Is this logic sound?
Last question, then, though I doubt it you'd be able or possibly willing to answer. WHY is it important that these people be killed, if one such as yourself must work through mortal means?
>>22988486Oh, yes, please feel free to smoke the cigarettes.
>>22988517A thousand dollars worth of gold, oh, so difficult. I've got clients who trade in hundreds of thousands worth of gold in weeks, I can probably manage to buy a thousand worth of gold from any second hand scrap gold shop without too much fuss.
>>22988519The stranger nods, though he is a bit hesitant. "Either that, or you develop in to the kind of person that would.""In this case, at once the most dangerous physically and safest thing morally you can do is to be a stubborn bastard, and refuse to change. Either that, or find a gold mine.">>22988515"Eleven thousand dollars of gold. In a week," He is tapping his cigarettes against the palm of his hand, absent mindedly, "You're certain?" He takes a folded piece of paper from his pocket, and smooths and flattens it on the dimpled surface of the suitcase. There's one line of text, which attests that party A will do his best to kill the Ten Named, and if they failed to do so, will reimburse 10% on top of the advance, and all equipment. In exchange, party A will be provided with one wish, so long as said wish does not break nature of Witness, or nature of Bargain. Below that, two lines. Party A, and Witness.
>>22988572"Considering I'm starting with ten thousand worth of gold, a thousand is not much. But, ah, can I direct your attention to the questions>>22988534as to WHY is it important that these people be killed, again? And please, don't hold back on smoking on my account."
>>22988572Oh, we're getting a wish for this? I can already smell the despair.
>>22988550"Ah, praise be, mercy," He takes out a cigarette, and lights up from a matchbook, and breathes in deeply. No smoke is generated when he exhales, only a slight wisp from the sulfurous smelling cigarette itself, "I thought I'd never get to relax.">>22988534"I merely fulfill the bargain. I don't know why mortals do what they do," The man jabs his cigarette accusingly at you, "YOU'RE the one with the finite lifespan. Tell me why, instead of, say, immortality, or even the power to do such things, somebody wants somebody ELSE to do their dirty work?" He sucks resentfully on his cigarette a moment, before admitting, "Maybe he was worried I'd fuck him over? He was also really insistent on the list being secret. Probably wants to try killing me," He smiles, his long, sharp, curled teeth biting through the paper, "Good luck."
>>22988612"If it's any comfort, a mortal made this contract- I mean, really. A thousand dollars in gold to get out? Easy as pie. This is either the most convoluted ponzi scheme in the world, or a child's handiwork.""Of course, I'm the one granting the wish," Through a veil of smoke, the blue eyes focus on you, "So, if it turns out this kid DOES want me dead, and if you SOMEHOW succeed, well, then you just fucked up."
Do the Knife and Revolver come with a sheath and holster, respectively?What information does the list of targets contain? I imagine it'd be quite difficult to track someone down given a name and nothing else.
>>22988617Sounds reasonable, then. -Though I'd like to mention as part of the wish I'm going to include ensuring that the individual wanting people dead won't be able to influence anything further in this reality. Would that be a cause for alarm for you? If not, I'll be wanting an helpful AI after all this is business is done.I agree, then.
>>22988157Honestly, I would say yes jut because it would make life interesting.
>>22988662So then what are YOU getting out of this deal?I find it unlikely you're doing all of this legwork and wish-granting pro bono.
>>22988664"Agh, we're going in circles.""First- no idea about the list. I'm giving you-" He checks his watch, "TWO more minutes. Then, I'm going to find somebody else. Next- The revolver has no holster, the knife has a sheathe of genuine Carpathian leather. Nice and lustrous. The knife is sharp enough, but don't worry about accidentally nicking yourself if you're not a moron, the leather keeps it in place, and won't do anything weird to cut you.""And the revolver, I dunno, fucking buy a holster at Wal Mart or something. Do Wal Marts sell holsters? I assume they do," Another long drag, no exhaled smoke. "Anything else?"
>>22988720I never agree to anything unless I know exactly what I'm getting into.Speaking of which: I believe we have an accord.Shake on it?
>>22988720No more questions, we're/I'm doing this. To recap: One wish, 5 seconds, no loopholes, after we kill all 10 targets. We get the gun, the gold, and the knife.We are capable of killing all the targets; what /exactly/ capable means in this case is not entirely clear. We can cancel by paying back the full amount of good + 10% compounded weekly (seems a bit unfair that getting kills doesn't take a week off that but w/e). Show me the list.
>>22988708"When I agreed to the first wish, I did not agree to talk about my biography. That's off limits sonny, and I think I've been more than helpful enough to not deserve the thumbscrews.">>22988684"Right right," The suited man shifts his weight, finally looking away from you to look down at the contract once more, looking over it, "You can bring them back to life, kill them again, and make them put on a musical rendition of 'Lady Chatterly's Lover' for all I care, so long as neither my nature, or the nature of the bargain is broken. So, no infinite wishes," He looks back up at you, offering you a bic pen, "I always make sure to keep that front and center.""Sign there, and then I sign here," He jabs at Party A for you, and Witness for him, "Don't Canada Cosgrave the signature.">>22988748He frowns."Unnecessary. And I can understand. You-know-who in the details," He waves his hand, "I really would rather not shake on it. Unhealthy."
My favorite one is the one where the door is locked and the dude just goes away. Gave me a hell of a laugh, so thanks for rolling with it.
All done, then?Assuming targets aren't going to make other targets impossible to kill, then they'd be killed using any sort of just hit and run or other sort of attack. Heck, just catching them on their own and shooting them several times would be fine.I wish: for an artificial general intelligence friendly to humans capable of self improvement in my house subservient to me and for the one who desired to have ten people murdered to be unable to interact with reality any more. Whew. I'll have to practice saying that sentence to be able to get it clearly across in five seconds. Difficult, but possible.
So I'm just gonna say it becasue i'm sure someone is thinking it. Quest thread?>In before "Quest threads are a blight upon the lands of Tiji"
>>22988773"Good."Your signature is indeed a good one. Abstractly, you have to admire the dimensions of it. The page turns, and "Witness" signs on the line provided in plain text. "Witness". He takes the paper, and carefully folds it into sixteenths, and slips it into his breast pocket. He turns around the suit case to you, and opens it to reveal SNAAAAAAKES nah I'm kidding, he opens it to reveal a fuzzy green cold weather vest that looks straight from Land's End, circa 1996, a pearl handled revolver on top of that, next to a sheathe of lever with a curved ivory handle hanging out of it, wrapped in red velvet. Two sheets of paper are tucked in above. One that announces a deed to ten thousand dollars worth of gold, held by Dexia Privatbank, and beneath that, a list. The paper is yellow at the tinges, and a bit thicker than usual. The first name on the list is "Matthew Tallbridge" which has next to it a google maps link. The rest of the names are as follows.Melissa HendrickTugThe Whistling Man on Bus 6Joseph KinderAdrian MassovichAbū Zayd ‘Abdu r-Raḥmān bin Muḥammad bin Khaldūn Al-ḤaḍramiJerichoSilas BourgnoneFrancois ChevalierNo details are beside the other 9 names.
>>22988834you're already in one.
>>22988830Alternate method is to meet with an official and demonstrate magic with the infinite revolver and the terms of the license, then tell him we can make humanity so much better with a wish that will benefit everyone, then get to work with a much larger resource base. It's a big risk, but worth it to ensure overall larger success.
>>22988842Oh. I was unaware you were going to continue this beyond the hypothetical situation presented in the initial post and follow up clarification.
>>22988840Google all the appropriate names, wear vest, and equip gun and knife discreetely."Why is there someone's skin in here? Did you... did you rip the skin right off someone's arm?"
>>22988862I'm not the quest writer, just making an observation.
>>22988867"Oh sorry," the skin makes a slithering wet noise as it unfurls and he pushes it into his coat, "That's mine, don't worry about it, ehhh, movie prop."He tries to maintain your gaze as a wet stain starts to spread on his jacket, "Out of curiousity- what were the names on the list?">>22988834[I don't rightly know. I don't really have any details of The Protagonist, so it's kind of hard to go anywhere else with this without even knowing the country that the players would want to take it to take place. Also, I'd have to come up with a rules system. I should probably bow out gracefully while I'm ahead. It was starting as just a situation, then, well...]
>>22988840>Tug Well, we're fucked. >>22988843Could work, but we could get screwed over. What would we wish for? I imagine most countries would want something that would put them ahead politically, so we could really mess up the planet with that route. >>22988901Well, I'm enjoying it very much. Unfortunately, I am really tired, so I'll be leaving now, but thanks for making things interesting. I like your aloof immortal character, he's a bit more dimensional than they tend to be. ps country = Tibet
>>22988901Well, it was fun.On a philosophical note, I wonder how many people it'd take for one to balk at before declining a wish.It's actually hard to say - I probably would have given no more than 15, simply due to the sheer logistics in managing to kill that many people without being caught.A wish, if uncorrupted, would be worth a great many lives, but how many lives would you take if it would give you such a wish?
>>22988931Research which officials is a singularity dude. Go with them.
>>22988901Could somebody else run this?
>>22988931>ps country = TibetCHINESE DEPARTMENT OF RESURRECTION AGENTS BURST IN"Aha! The so called SATAN. You owe the People's Republic many yuans of back taxes!""NoooooOOOOooo"Your escape is foiled by tripping over burning monks.
>>22988959Go nuts. I think I'll be going to bed. It was pure whim that I was running this.
>>22988157I cannot say YES enough.
>>22988959KEEP THE THREAD UP FOR THE NEXT [however long I sleep] so I can read it my bro~
Well, regardless of if someone decides to take up the mantle of making a Quest from this or not I would appreciate it if someone Archived this. I'd do it myself, unfortunately I haven't a clue how to go about doing so
>>22989008I dunno. There's, what, three people here? I mean, it's flattering for me, but I don't think it has the mass appeal to be worth archiving. I am glad you enjoyed it though. I might try to refine it into an actual quest using the same details. Only this time ask /tg/ where/what/who they want their protagonist to be.
Archive complete. http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/22988157/Put in some random tags, hopefully should be ok.
Guys.The contract specifies dollar cost of the gold given.As soon as you agree, gold prices are going to go UP UP UP UP UP. Also, nobody asked what would happen if you failed to PAY.
>>22989070>contract specifies dollar cost of the gold given.>gold prices are going to go UP UP UP UP UPGold prices don't skyrocket in a week, and not for such pitiful amounts.As I've said, I've got clients who deal in gold. They trade in amounts like this daily.Unless the whole thing is just a horribly faustian bargain, in which case you're screwed anyway.
>>22989101I assume devil dickery any time there are wishes involved.
>>22989070Also, if you've GOT $10,000 in gold at the start, and gold price goes UP by, say, 20%, in three days,then you'll have $12,000 worth of gold at the end.>10% compounding on the dollar's worth of gold givenThat's still only a thousand a week or something like that. >10 weeks: 10,000 X 1.1^10 = 10,000 X 2.59$25,900 to pay.>and you start with $10,000Is a potential wish going wrong worth being down fifteen thousand dollars? In pounds, that's less than ten thousand to begin with. I can take a loan out for that amount, though I'd be irritated that I wouldn't, you know, get a goddamn wish.
>>22988840>Abū Zayd ‘Abdu r-Raḥmān bin Muḥammad bin Khaldūn Al-Ḥaḍramihttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ibn_KhaldunHe's dead for 600 years already.
>>22989319OR SO YOU WERE THINKING
So it's a week later and I've gutted ten people. I'm hungry, wet, cold and sitting around a campfire out in the woods, hiding from the Czech cops who have a rough physical description since i stabbed the last guy in a club straight after getting off the plane.Where the fuck is he? I want my 'omniscience and omnipotence in this universe and beyond'
A quick doodle I made after reading this. Drawing using my leg as a mousepad with a $5 mouse... nnnot very easy. That being said, overlook the huge amounts of derp in the hands, eyes, torso and just about everything really. Also OP never said how long the limbs were besides longer than normal.
>>22989387Wait a week. We really should have got his number, shouldn't we?How does he even know those people are dead?
>>22989646It's a bit bland, but I do think it's a nice addition. I'd have made him a bit paler as well, myself.
>>22989780this computer is hella dim, it's impossible to get a good skin tone so I just copy pasted one. I might do a proper drawing when i'm at my actual PC.
There's only one acceptable thing to do in this situation. Take him up on it and wish them back to life.Because if I don't do it, someone else will. And that person might not wish them back to life.
>>22992432>kill all of them>wish them back to life>keep the gold and a bunch of neat artifacts5/5, breddy good
>>22992505wish for rod of 5000 resurrections, resurrect the 10 dudes have 4990 resurrections left to better the world or get filthy rich
>>22992790>Not wishing for omnipotence It's like you people don't want to be a god
>>22992850I'd wish for Immortality with eternal youth for me and all my loved ones, that I myself can end. It's sort of omnipotence, but I'm thinking omnipotence would get boring hella quick??
Well, would you tell him who's on the list?
I'M ON TO YOUR GAME CASH4GOLD YOU CAN'T TRICK ME
Okay, so I get the wish upfront right?Seriously that previous guy wasn't that smrt, I'll include among other powers within it something that would make me capable of rendering people dead for a micro second from anywhere on earth before resurrecting the next micro second.Easiest near omnipotence I've ever earned.
>>22996939Kills first, wish after.
>>22996946if i ask for the powers of Q from star trek do i get them or is he gonna pull shit about him not being real therfore no powers?
>>22996946Ok then as my "proof of magic", I'll humbly request you make all of them appear in this room tied up asleep and bagged so the list remains anonymous.>Nudge nudge wink wink
>>22997027And if you did get them could you go back in time to the moment you signed and help yourself?
>I will ably fulfill the wish, including even reversing the effects of what you had done, so long as you do not attempt to break my nature, or the nature of the bargain. That will end in your permanent That sounds dangerous. Before I consider this bargain, I need you to tell me something. What can change the nature of a man?
>>22997037see>>22988486>"I can advise other people on how to break the spirit of the bargain, but I would not do it myself."and>>22988360"...Regrettably, in a short period of time it is hard to arrange miracles..."It sounds like he has limited powers.>>22997027Well, it seems he understands the difference between the spirit of a bargain and the letter of the bargain. But who knows.
>>22997077So that clause would not apply if I actually do break his nature?
>>22997077Blue eyes leans back, rolls his cigarette from one side of his mouth to the other, still considering you."I dunno, six inches of steel in the capillary would change a lot of people from living to dead."
>>22997150"If you asked for a wish to break my nature, I would not be able to fulfill it, simple as that," His finger is but a few inches from your face, "So, no, none of this 'you want to give me infinite wishes' bullshit, because I am NOT taking that crap.">>22997073"Yeah, paradoxes are not my department," he glances around suspiciously, "It doesn't look like future you has shown up yet though. I never did understand time travel, whether it is selfish or universal. I'm just the granter. Somebody else handles the natural watch."
>>22997227I assume you didn't mind me taping your little proof of concept right?*Looks at phone*Never thought something from could go viral this fast.
So I'll have a non enforceable "debt" that would not have to be repaid at any point if I fail?
>>22997391"Well...Okay," Pinstripe shrugs, "I suppose you could get some ad revenue out of that. But I'm more concerned with whether or not you're willing to kill the ten. Me, I'm not going to have to worry about questions. I step through that door, I'm gone. You are the one that's going to have to explain what I did," he frowns then, "Though, really, it's kind of dishonest what you did, so maybe I should just start walking now before you further inconvenience me. Enjoy being Youtube famous."He stands up, gathering his things.
>>22997514"Enforcement would be handled by myself," The Witness answers, "I won't respect a plea of bankruptcy. I will take back the items, along with the interest assessed, one way, or another."Blue eyes looks at you, then shakes his head, "Look, I don't want to play the bad guy here. An adversarial relationship would make any contract like this a pain in the ass for us both. If you wanted to fuck up my day, you could, by ruining my busy schedule by dragging your feet and making this next Sunday a good four or five hours of me preparing and dragging you out, and yes, making me spend some of the gold I put forward for sewing bills. On your part, I would hope you don't want to die. Though that might be why the briefcase chose you? I don't know.""If you're going to treat this as a competition rather than a cooperation, I will walk away, and bid you a good day."
>>22997227How would a simple wish for immortality turn out?I wanna live forever, be healthy, not need to eat, and regenerate any wounds or disfigurements I consider myself having. Basically, be anentropic.Would a straight immortality give me that package?
>>22988517That's like, less than an ounce of gold. Go find a gold selling/buying place, buy gold, bam, there you go.
>>22988157Meh why the fuck not. I'd prefer a rifle of some sort but it'll do.
>>22997715>I wanna live forever, be healthy, not need to eat, and regenerate any wounds or disfigurements I consider myself having. Basically, be anentropic.Would a straight immortality give me that package?Yeah, then he would sell you to the cops, so you go to jail for the rest of your life.
>>22997797doesn't matter if I'm in prison if I live forever.forever is longer than prisons last.
>>22997878that's still an ungodly amount of anal rape
>>22997926He came for the eternal life, stayed for the anal rape.
>>22997951>>22997926I never said I was opposed to having some anal rape.Especially if it means I get to regenerate the withered and broken asshole I have now. I can't poop without bleeding significantly, and it's been this way since my childhood. Completely worth anal rape if it means I can sustain anal health.
>>22998126It could be said... you are butt hurt?Seriously, what happened?
>>22998171Yes. I have an almost encyclopedic example of butthurt.And it was just because my mother refused to eat vegetables herself, and as such, didn't provide any vegetables for me. Or ruffage at all.It was only sometime in my teens I learned about nutrition and food and started cooking for myself, which prevented the damage from getting significantly WORSE, but it was still permanently scarred and injured from my horrible bound up ruffage free childhood.
>Collect list>convince/pay 10 bums/druggies to legally change their names
Yeah, sorry, I have a strict "no deals with devils" policy, even if it looks like a morally appealing choice. Which in this case, I can't say it really does. Even if I were a consequentialist, you'd need more to convince me than a vague insinuation that MAYBE somebody else might abuse the power granted by this bargain if I turn it down.
Can't we do anything better with the relics? Infinirevolver, and a knife that, well, is a bit more knifey, and a bulletproof vest. Wooo.
>>22998477I love you.
Really irritates me that the OP isn't using a separate name or trip, so it's impossible to tell which posts are actually moving us forward and which ones are bullshit and which ones are both.
>>23008040You assume there is anywhere to go.