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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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Gents, I have an idea for a campaign where the players are mercenaries who have been hired by the ancient, immortal wizard Thaddeus for one purpose, and one purpose only:

To help him win a prank contest against his old friend and rival, Maxwell the Lich.

Basically, millenia ago, these two were old chums who were obsessed with finding the cure to death. Thaddeus found a way to escape death, and Maxwell became a lich instead. However, they've always enjoyed pulling pranks on each other, and these jests have only gotten more elaborate as time has marched on. So, every thousand years or so, these two get it in their heads to prank each other good and proper, which they set about doing with great glee.

Incidentally, it is a noted occurrence that many of the greatest kingdoms and empires in the land often fall apart after less than a millennium, if that, due to unexplained arcane disasters...

Thing is, I need to know: What manner of pranks would to wizards use when they're big on magic power, but deprived of common sense?
For one, I love the premise so lets see...

The ultimate prank is messing with a liches phylactery. Maybe Thaddeus has made some sort of special scroll that hits it with a really powerful spell that makes the lich think it's been destroyed so he flips the fuck out and worries that his immortality is gone.

The last time I had to deal with a lich as a PC the other guy I was playing with were fed up with his dungeon, both playing orcs we decided to go and take leadership from a tribe or orcs. This was as simple as proving that we were the strongest. We did. Once we had a bunch of first level orcs we just ran down in his house and told them to loot and destroy as much as they could. We knew we couldn't beat him but we could damn well wreck all of his experiments and paintings of his family he had plastered everywhere.

Thaddeus could pretend that he's dying and send the PCs through the liches relam where they will encounter them. The lich could ask them what they are doing there and they could say they are on some quest to stop Thad from dying or whatever. The lich, concerned for his friend would immediately teleport them and himself to get the McGuffin only to be suprised by a "GOTCHA" sign. The PCs are now stranded in some far off location having to travel a log distance to get home, an unfortunate side effect of Thad's Prank- which should be the title of your campaign.
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That's a pretty good one, actually, and it would do wonders for highlighting just how disconnected they both are from the people they once were.

I can imagine it now- they find the Tome of Thaddeus-Saving, and Maxwell, overcome with worry, picks it up and flings it open, only to be hit in the face with a Glitterdust spell. The tome only says:

"To my Dearest Companion Maxwell,

Ball's in your court, chum!


Maxwell laughs light-heartedly, mutters something about that "Old Dog and his tricks," and vanishes into a portal, vowing to think of an even grander response. A minute later, Thaddeus contacts the part with magic.

"Oh, I say, did Maxwell leave you there? Dreadfully sorry, so forgetful these days. Err, if you ever make it back, I'll add in a nice bonus sum for your troubles."
See and then we have the PCs who have to go the fuck home at low level. It might take months. By the time they get back the response prank could foster another adventure.

Such a good idea, this campaign writes itself at that point!
If I was a wizard and I wanted to prank a Lich I secretly make things in his house Vorpal.

Once every 20 times he brushes his teeth he decapitates himself.

Vorpal hats, vorpal scarves, vorpal neckties, vorpal pillows for that lingerie pillow fight that goes horribly wrong, etc. The possibilities are endless.
INFINITE COSMIC POWER! itty-bitty-common-sense.

Sorry bout that, but I agree messing with a lich's phylactery might be a good prank. Maybe changing it from it's current state to something less suitable? Or hiding it somewhere silly, destroying the lich, and having him regenerate in said silly place?

For Thaddeus perhaps the party is tasked to hiding packages around his tower, which are actually bundled Rods of Wonder with timers on them? Or perhaps the lich has developed some Super Prestidigitation that makes him bright pink and luminescent? Don't know if that helped or not, just of the top of my head.
Ooops, did I open a portal to some random plane in the middle of your Caste/Dungeon/Lair? Sorry bout that. I know, Ill send some adventurers in to keep the arcane abominations from getting into your foyer. What's that? they have drawn even more arcane abominations into your house then ran away? I have no idea how that could have happened.
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>What manner of pranks would to wizards use when they're big on magic power, but deprived of common sense?

You said they were working for the elven-style immortality guy, and not the one that regenerates from death, yes?

>"Okay, take these four crystals and place them at the four corners of his fortress. When that's done, go to the lighthouse at the cliff nearby, and light the fire. I'll know when it is, don't worry."
>"Eh? What's special about the crystals? They're enchanted by yours truly, with a combination of Earthquake and Grease!
OH, I've also cast a spell that makes all of your furniture stick to your cieling. Im sure the large amounts of excess arcane energy I used to cast the spell at such a distance don't damage the environs between my lair and yours. oops I seem to have caused a wide area charged with arcane energy, Ill just send these magically-mutated beasts towards you shall I?
gah, what? is this butter? What's that rumbling sound? ...CURSE YOU THADDEUS!
I'd like to think that they would be incredibly immature about everything. Like for instance the wizard enchanting an object to temporarily give the Lich flesh, then putting the fleshy Lich to sleep and putting his hand in a bowl of warm water.

Just ridiculously complicated and dangerous quests for something ultimately laughably trivial.
Step 1:the party is to infiltrate Maxwell's house and learn his habits, especially speech. He'd likely be hiring merc teams to screw with Thaddeus, true?

Step Deus: Thaddeus creates a special rune and tasks our heroes to draw it on Maxwell's skull/robes/disguise-for-when-he's-going-out-shopping-for-alchemy-reagents.

The rune is enchanted to drop a single Meteor Swarm shot onto itself when a phrase that Maxwell is known to often use is spoken in its vacinity.

"These crumpets are simply TO DIE f-"
*1d10 days later...*
Liches are always big on skeletons, right?

Well, what if Thaddeus goes and replaced the bones of all the skeletons with jelly, or something equally silly?

Now, being wizards, the prank itself has to be overly elaborate and round about. So maybe the first step in this prank would be to find Lich-dude's favored skeleton source. Next step would be to cast some kind of enchantment to make all the bones from this place turn to butter or jelly at a specific time. Finally, Lich-dude's skeleton army would have to be destroyed.

Now, each of these steps could involve a large amount of collateral damage, and/or be masked by other things that normally motivates adventurers. Finding out where he gets his bones? Tell the adventurers that he's been plaguing a city for some time. Maybe even make a fake army to make it more real. Placing the enchantment? Purifying the place, or some deal like that. It could also have some fun unintended side effects on the local fauna. Last part? Well, I'd imagine it might involve convincing the nearby kingdoms that someone is gearing up to wreck their shit.

Lich-dude's retort? Instigating a massive war to supply himself with enough bones to make a Skele-computer so he can magically Rick-roll Thaddeus every time he opens up anything made of paper.
Cast message, send: THPPPPPPPPPPPT
>mfw I'm missing that reaction image
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So Thaddeus turns Maxwells army into Skeleton Jelly?
Step 1: Clear valley of monsters
Step 2: Create hot springs resort, with eastern style bathing
Step 3: Sneak Maxwell's phylactery into women's side of the bath
Step 4: Wait.
>fear aura


Alternative counter-pranks by Maxwell:

Have adventurers deliver a letter to a dragon, supposedly from Thaddeus, expressing his love for her. Angered or amused, she goes to his side. Angered, Thaddeus now has an angry dragon on his ass. Amused/love-struck, Thaddeus is in a bind, as the dragon's human form is not in Thaddeus' taste (or some similar circumstance that would cause Thaddeus to turn her away). In this case, he now has a dragon that he doesn't want hitting on him.

Other prank: Maxwell has the adventurers gather a large amount of women so that he can make (either from their measurements or from them) a kind of ideal woman who he knows Thaddeus cannot resist. The adventurers must then have this fake woman travel with them to learn to be human, and be molded personality-wise into his ideal. Eventually, this creature would then go to Thaddeus posing as someone who wants to learn magic from him, and would seduce him after some time. Right as they're about to have a very intimate moment, the skin of the woman would fall off, revealing a skeleton that would laugh at him, then run away screeching.

Another prank by either Thaddeus or Maxwell could involve getting someone to invent a very fast digging machine then convincing someone to unknowingly dig underneath the others' home so that an eventual cave in results in their library/bathroom/study falling 300 feet into the underdark.
Ring of sporadic polymorph, a sporadic polymorph enchantment placed on top of a ring already often worn by the lich, when worn the only effect is that occasionally when the lich interacts with an object that object turns into a rat(magical/enchanted objects are displaced with a rat, themselves being transported to a demiplane for safe keeping, the magical/enchanted object will return replacing the rat after one month,[or three hours after the death of the rat])
CLANG!, you say? That gives me sort of an idea.

Something something Truly Immovable Rod.
Teleport it into his rib cage.
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Thaddeus should also offer some of the random magical artifacts lying around in Maxwell's house for further compensation,

Hilarity Ensures when the party accidentally takes his Phylactery after he leaves, something that Thaddeus has long since transmuted into something incredibly stupid.

In fact He should have forgotten what Thaddeus has turned his phylactery into recently so it ends up lost in a pile of magical junk in his home
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Sorry for vagueness, it's 4: 50 AM here and I haven't slept.

First off; lure lich into place or situation where a lot of people are watching him or there's the possibility of such.
Somehow get him on a podium and speaking to a crowd?

Second off; cast repel undead on him. At last check I am pretty sure liches are immune to this, so I guess Thaddeus makes a homebrew version of it.

Step three; while he's running around like a headless chicken, filled with a nonspecific terror of everything, drink in delicious delicious dusty tears of embarrassment and don't forget to:

Wait, I just had a great idea. Make a box, the box makes anything inside of it indestructible while it is within the box, box is also a Truly Immovable Rod.

Oh forgot the prank part, you put his Phylactery inside the box.
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get that shit off of /tg/
Get out, it's more /tg/ than you.

Silly and a tad stupid, but still, this is fucking heritage.
I always liked the idea of wizards as essentially fantasy hackers, and the "playful" side is often overlooked these days for RAW POWAR and shiny.
Heh, I just pulled it off 1d4chan because I thought it fit perfectly with the second prank suggested.
Don't worry, I don't plan on keeping the image or posting it again.
I've got it. Dude A gives the party a magical pillow with an enchantment of good sleep along with some kind of rod of wonder style chance enchantment. Dude A sends party to replace dude B's pillow without him noticing, sets them up as guests for a surprise birthday party Dude A is setting up for Dude B. Party replaces pillow, dude B keeps waking up as a bright pink unicorn, or a slime, or with snakes for hair, or some other sillyness.
Dude B is a lich, though. And the players are working for Dude A, so we can't really send them to switcheroo his pillows.
Unless... UNLESS someone in their group is secretly working for Dude B!
Anon, you're a genius- wizard prank war political intrigue!
>counterprank Thaddeus before his prank works of

Honestly, I was thinking the party should come up with the how. Good way to get the group in on it as well has highlight how detached from reality the wizard and his lich buddy are. Maybe stage a surprise party for the lich as a cover? have them sent over transformed into rats? maybe have the party get there and immediately change sides, but not actually? PLAYER CHOICE DOH HO!
> be hit in the face with a Glitterdust spell

Should have went with a pie.
Bathtub of Teleportation.

The wizard who triggers it, of course, while bathing in it, is teleported naked and soaking wet to a random location.
This but elaborate.

Think of a year long campaign involving huge monsters demolishing cities, gods fighting other gods and entire planes being destroyed. Think plots and guild warfare, legendary artifacts and all that shit.

In the end, it turns out it was all orchestrated by both Thaddeus and Maxwell. Both anticipated each other's schemes almost to the word aside from the finish. Maxwell gets hit in the face with a pie, Thaddeus thinks he's won but events have been woven in such a way that Thaddeus also gets a pie to the face later.

Campaign ends with both laughing their asses off at everyone and teleporting away to have brunch or something.
Or rather, to Maxwell's lair.
Sell them in a major town. Wait a month. Activate.
If I had a lich I knew and was in a prank war with, I'd find whatever mortal descendant he had, if any, tell them their TRUE DESTINY to slay the horrid lich, give them a prank magic sword, and watch the hilarity unfold.

Prank sword kills every enemy in the poor saps path.

Reaches Lich.

Attempts to kill.

Enchantment activates.

Sword turns into a corpse of a chicken.

Person is now royally fucked.
lich sees the family resemblance and gets it, starts giggling.
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Here you go.
Over the course of a few decades, slowly sneak immovable rods into the walls and floors of their castle, untill the entire thing is stuffed with them. Set them all to activate at a key word, then send him a message containing it once you're done.
Watch in awe as his entire fortress tears itself from the ground and goes flying into space.
This makes me think that the two of them are so paranoid and so utterly warded and abjured that their interaction is the only resemblance to sanity the two have, and they try to use their magic to cause effects on other places, to make physical effects (read: Pie to the Face) happen to one another.

Some thing like this, but the sword turns into a pie and smacks the lich in the face. He giggles for a bit, and then begins the counterprank - to find the last grove of trees the elf grew up around, animate them all, and send them to sing "Happy Birthday" to his friend, before smooshing him into a birthday cake.

Meanwhile seven kingdoms fell due to prophecies involving "The march of the forest."

It wasn't even Thaddeus' birthday, but he was so teary eyed at the trees he forgot
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> Obtain Maxwell's phylactery
> Cast Exploding Runes on his phylactery
> Place it in an undesirable spawning location (in a sewer, inside a tarrasque or dragon, inside a royal court, inside a temple that has tons of good paladins and clerics, etc.)
> Kill Maxwell
> Scry on his phylactery and wait for him to respawn.
> Laugh when he respawns in the area.
> Laugh when he reads the new text on his phylactery and gets an explosion in the face.
Maxwell's last prank was to have a skellington animate outside of Thaddeus' residence. The only thing the skellington does is to peek though the windows on Thaddeus, so that he always feels watched.
It gets you after a while.
>outside of Thaddeus' residence every night*
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The trees give him a great big box wrapped in paper.
Inside the box in another box.
Inside that box in another box.
The entire thing is actualy a portal to the elemental plane of cardboard, which Max had made himself via repeated castings of genesis.
Meanwhile, arcane scholars across the plains are baffeled as to the sudden proliferation of strange corrugated structures everywhere.
So, lich starts building something incredibly huge and evil. All local kindoms come to stop him, but he drives them away by magic. At the same time, he sends a rumour that only Wizard can stop him. So they go to the Wizard, and beg him to save the world. Wizard approaches, rips trough magic defences, and when he is standing, with united kindoms behind him, wanting to put a stop to Lich's evil plan - he gets hit by a giant pie launched by a catapult.
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>inside a tarrasque
Thadeus informs the PCs that he has found a method to assault an evil lich at its weakest point; a spell to affect its very phylactery! It can surpass all defenses; all they need to do is get within a hundred feet of it and cast this macguffin scroll.

The scroll turns it into a gaudy purple purse. It doesn't stop it from being a phylactery. On the bright side, it should be very clear to Maxwell who sent them, once they get it off. He'll probably even stop trying to kill them.

He might insist on holding them around until he can send them back to reciprocate, though...
These are all really clever, but a lot of you are forgetting that the PCs need to be involved somehow.
Here's one: one of the wizards pulls a prank that escalates too far so they aren't on friendly terms anymore. The PCs get them to make up, and then they both decide that the funniest joke ever would be the complete and total extinction of all gnomes.
Also, somewhat off topic, but am I the only one who thinks that liches with fullmetal alchemist style eternal youth are cooler (and make more sense) than ones whose bodies rot away?
What if at the climax of the campaign one of them takes things too far and shit gets serious? An the PC's have to calm them down before they destroy the world?
OP here, and you guys have done me proud. Thanks a ton, fellows, I'm thinking this idea could work after all.
I think after the first 2 or 3 times, the PCs get hired by both liches to be pulling pranks on both of them.

Or there's another group of PCs that they're fighting against.
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This is absolutely brilliant.

As for a first prank, the opening joke that gets the party involved in the pair, simply have Maxwell hire them (in disguise) to deliver a sensitive package to his colleague Thaddeus. This sealed magical container thwarts all efforts at investigation or opening. The party naturally encounters normal levels of trouble while traveling. When they reach Thaddeus, he wasn't expecting a package, but the best presents are always unlooked for! So he opens - and gets a pie in the face. When he wipes the pie away, laughing, he looks at the inside of the pie tin, where Maxwell has written "It's that time of the Epoch again, your move friend!" in Explosive Runes.

Thus do the shenanigans ensue.

>Pic Related to the whole thread
Not the one I was thinking of, but thank you.
Alternatively: The phylactery has not yet been turned into something weird, and that itself is the prank.

I seem to recall a thread awhile back where people were discussing using a masterwork dagger as a phylactery, then using Wall of Iron/Fabricate abuse to hide it among thousands upon thousands of identical daggers...
So the PCs become Cugel The Clever?
But that would make the phylactery indestructible.
The goal is not to destroy it. The goal is to troll.
Putting it in an indestructible box is trolling. If he dies while the phylactery is in there, he's going to respawn inside a small cramped box he can't destroy (until he can prepare mage's disjunction or a variant of it).
Naturally Thaddeus prepares a way out of some sort for his friend. They're trying to prank each other, not imprison. Then again, there might not be much of a distinction for these immortals. They're a bit loose in the head.
Holy shit OP, I just have to say that THIS IS THE BEST IDEA FOR A CAMPAIGN EVER EVER. I am SO lifting this for the next campaign I get to run.

Always glad to help. This is honestly one of the better ideas I've had.
A fun read. Moments like this make 4chan worth it.
At the points at which the elemental planes of positive energy, water, and earth intersect comes the demiplane of pie.

Decanter of endless water?
Nope, pie-tin of endless pies.

I'm none too creative, I'm sure someone can make something out of that.
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This thread is awesome.

You have to make their lairs be fucking ridiculous, balls to the walls funhouses

I'm making a dungeon right now full of that kind of shit, and the BBEG is a Lich.

I may have to steal your idea, OP.
Awesome and double awesome. Elemental Plane of Butts. HAH~
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It's called a Fungeon. We had a thread here about in once, I might still have it somewhere.

One of my ideas was to make a dungeon full of traps dealing subdual damage. Pic related.
Blast, no luck it seems. Isn't on suptg either.
Bless you, dearest drawfag. That's exactly what I saw in my head for the pie-from-book gag.
One of those pairs of rings that teleport stuff that goes through them. One gets planted by the adventurers in Maxwell's study, hanging on the chandelier above his chair. The other then gets dropped into the deepest and foulest latrine in the kingdom. An enchanted whoopee cushion temporarily gives Maxwell a sense of smell when he sits upon it, in addition to making an embarrassing sound.

Of course, the latrine happens to be in the King's castle... and Maxwell's spell to seal off the flow of reeking waste will work its way back through the portal....
Thaddeus hires the PCs in earnest, believing that the world is in danger from the machinations of Tiamat or some such eternal BBEG. A legit campaign ensues, climaxing in a showdown between the PCs and the BBEG's main henchman, winning Thaddeus entrance to the guy's inner sanctum to cast the MacGuffin spell to save the multiverse.
Mid-cast, Tiamat's middle head pops off, revealing Maxwell in the faux god's cockpit. He throws a pie in Thaddeus's face, then fades out, whooping like Zoidberg.

You have delivered unto my lap my next campaign, my good sir.
Thus initiated, the crazy wizard hijinks shall ensue with the now well-leveled party.
Have Thad mention at some point that he's not faced a foe this crafty since his old friend Max. If the PCs ask about Maxwell, Thad says they needn't worry about him, since destroying reality isn't his style.
"Unless..." Thaddeus gazes off into the distance, then dismisses the party to go to work. Then, post climax, Thaddeus bursts into uproarious laughter, saying "I knew it! I fucking knew it was him! Good one, you clever son of a bitch!" Meanwhile, millions have died.
You know, between Thaddeus, Maxwell, and the random adventurers... why doesn't anyone suggest they pull a Changing Places?

i.e. early in the campaign make a really obvious group of cliche villains for the heroes to be rivals with, then Maxwell and Thaddeus make a bet to see whether or not they can turn the heroic adventurers to a life of crime, villainy, and perversion while at the same time making the group of villains into paragons of the social world?

All for one gold piece.
...yyya me... erhm... me... me too...
> We stood on the parapet, looking over the smouldering ruins of the town. Jess sobbed silently still over Dek's lifeless body, while Tarvo and I scanned the wreckage. Two of our foes had fallen and lay still in the dirt. The others, we assumed, had fallen, but we had to be sure.

> Tarvo let out a hiss. I followed his finger. There! In the orphanage! A glimmer of light, undoubtedly the enemy's mage, using his final spells to prop up the cracked and broken roof. I was fresh out of spells, but Jess....

> I picked her up by the armpits. She resisted briefly, then settled on her feet and wiped her face. She looked up with eyes cold as steel, then followed my gaze.

> "The children..." she began.

> "Remember what Thaddeus said. 'At all costs.'"

> She paused for a moment, looking at Tarvo. He nodded. I took her by the elbows, and she bit her lip before stepping back and reaching into her pouch. Unfurling a scroll, she pointed in the direction of the building, which shifted and cracked briefly as the wizard renewed his spell. Perhaps this would be the final one, but we'd seen their capabilities and could take no chances. Jess scanned the page for a moment, taking in the words, then spoke in that language ancient and arcane, sending chills up my spine. A glimmer at the building, a loud CRACK!, and a couple of brief cries. I felt my shoulders sag in relief as a plume of ash and cinders puffed into the air. It was over.
Then we saw him, and our stomachs sank. The lich. Strolling through the haze that was once a thriving market, grinning from ear to ear, blue flame burning brightly in his eye sockets. He looked up at us, locked eyes with me, and I felt an icy chill work its way down my spine. Tarvo gave a groan and sagged to his knees, while Jess simply stared, lips moving wordlessly in despair. There were no more spells, and our meagre weapons couldn't deal with this foe. The lich reached the base of the tower and looked up.

"THADDEUS!" he cried in that voice-that-was-not-a-voice. "I DEMAND YOUR PRESENCE."

A rustle from the door behind startled me, and I was shocked to see the bright white robes of Thaddeus emerge, our bearded benefactor looking troubled. He shook his head sadly and strode to the edge of the parapet.

"THE TIME IS NOW," pronounced the skull below, flaming eyes glowing brighter with each moment.

Thaddeus sighed. "Well, I think it's a bit debatable. I mean, holing up in that place wasn't exactly--"


"Well, I suppose...."

We stared confusedly at our wizard, expecting that he would disintegrate the creature, or send it to a fiery second death. Its taunts, its boastful bragging over killing so many innocents... how could that pass? No, the time for battle was ripe.
I fingered my short sword, loosening the straps on the scabbard. Perhaps I could provide some small distraction. I saw Jess out of the corner of my eye, watching her take the amulet from around Dek's neck. It had been his mother's, and I prayed briefly that it would protect her better than it did him. Tarvo's hammer was in his hand, and he was breathing heavily, ready despite deep wounds that would have downed any other.

Thaddeus fished in his robes and came out with a clutched fist. We tensed ourselves as he held it over the edge. The lich held up his bony palms, prepared to cast some foul magic up at us.

The fist opened. A single gold piece appeared in Thaddeus' fingers. He looked at it, turned it over, sighed again, and dropped it over the edge. It made a slight clink as the lich caught it. He bit it, briefly, and dropped it into a pouch at his side as we stared in disbelief.

Thaddeus burst out in a boisterous laugh. "Do ho! Very well played, Maxwell! But I still hold the lead, twenty-seven to twenty-six!"


"You know that we don't!"

And with that, the lich snapped two bony fingers and vanished from our sight. Thaddeus turned. "I'm disappointed, I admit... but it's all in good fun, right? Do ho ho ho!"
He hopped over Dek, made his way to the tower exit, and with a final mischievous grin and a twinkle in his eye, he snapped his fingers... and vanished.
Oh man, OP, would you be mad if I stole this idea for a campaign?

I absofuckinglutely love it.
can someone archive this thread? There's too much good material to let this be saged away.
>am I the only one who thinks that liches with fullmetal alchemist style eternal youth are cooler (and make more sense) than ones whose bodies rot away?

I think you might be.
Rolled 15

Enchant his phylactery or other favored object to teleport him to a brothel when touched and simultaneously cast Otto's Irresistable Dance on him.
Create a permanent portal under a waterfall, opening the other end above the lich's head. Lich now has constant downpour of water over him until he can find a way to dispel the portal.

Sidenote, the rivers are no longer flowing on the western side of the mountains, and the eastern zones are turning into marshlands.

Better yet, a church or other place teeming with holy magic users.
>Thaddeus has given the party loads of scolls
>They have to sneak into the lich's castle, normal encounters etc etc.
>Party starts casting scrolls
>They're permanent enchantments of grease (with modified high DC)
>Grease everything in his domain
>His entire castle is now coated in permanent high level teflon

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Do Thad and Max have prefrences? Thad likes grease traps, Max likes pies? Exploding runes versus translocation? Maybe one of them has a fondness of magical creatures?
Maxwell hires the party, they must get Thaddeus to give up his silly elven vegitarianism, supposedly to save the world.
after massive amounts of effort the campaign end with a giant meaty feast as the supposied dietary threat to the world is ended.
suddenly all the food animates

but what should the food do to make this worth it?
A Can-can dance.
And possibly bop Thaddeus on the nose.
It's obviously got to be whole animals: Turkeys and boars and rarer beasts spit-roast whole, possibly served with an apple in their mouth.
a gnome brothel.

parties involvement being to find a gnome brothel to read a scroll that sets it as the teleport location. all under the most seedy and suspicious of reasons as the wizard never tells them WHY they need to read some random scroll in a gnome brothel and any asking him where one might be makes him increadibly offended that they think he would have knowledge of such things.
Thaddeus wants the party to set a type of bomb in the lich's library/study/depository.
They set it and explosion goes off, but its not like a fiery boom.
Instead it's a sort of vaccum/teleportation spell.
It sucks all of the lich's tomes out of their shelves and scatters them across the face of the earth.

HAHA, you got me good Thaddeus!

Countless tomes of the darkest most terrible and destructive magics are now within the reaches of many a disgruntled person/cultist.
no "HA you got me good Thadeus!" it's "FOOOOOL! I saw this one coming miles away! Remember that weekend we spent in the plane of eternal butts?! GUESS WHAT I REPLACED ALL THE TEXT IN MY BOOKS WITH IMAGES OF?!"
and now countless tomes of the most disturbing, developmentally damaging images are within reach of the worlds most delicate children.
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>bonus points for plane of eternal butts
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These are... kinda dumb. Pranks should be just one step above nasty tricks, especially if it's gone on for some time, you don't give a shit about collateral damage, and you're both trying to just barely one-up the other.

(a couple innocuous pranks to start it off from the thread)

The Wizard casts a spell on the Lich that attracts all canines within a 100 mile radius.

The Lich responds with a curse that makes the Wizard stutter when casting, resulting in misfires which level villages.

The Wizard frames the Lich for the destruction by also blowing up orphanages with an animated skeleton wearing a spooky cloak nearby. Paladins happen.

The Lich permanently taints the magical fields around the Wizard's tower to cause some unspecified but really nasty side effect, Wizard has to move.

Wizard ambushes and kills Lich and dumps phylactery into the Elemental Plane of Raw Sewage.

Round champion: Wizard.
This is actually a pretty neat setting. I really like the idea that each war starts with something completely tame and innocuous and slowly builds into something so elaborate (yet silly) that it spells the end of civilization. Then they stalemate, go into hiding, and a couple hundred years later they start over again.

I also kind of like the idea that neither of them really means ill will toward each other or anyone else, but they just get so wrapped up in the one thing they've been doing as long as they can remember that they do more collateral damage to the continent than most awakened ancient evils. Building shaky alliances between two irreconcilable factions consisting entirely of two epic wizards and the people they recruit for petty pranks sounds like a hell of a hook.
One of them creates a massive stampede of bullettes, the likes of which has never been seen before. Entire villages are laid to waste, farms are trampled as kingdoms collapse to famine, just so he can destroy the other wizard's prized flower garden.
Now, what would their stats and alignments look like? Really high intelligence, but low wisdom? Chaotic Neutral leaning towards chaotic evil?
They should do a very beautifully choreographed ballet which ends with the pie being thrown in Thaddeus's face
I would like to change my vote to this.

But some of them have to knock off to the side to be the orchestra.
>Now, what would their stats and alignments look like? Really high intelligence, but low wisdom? Chaotic Neutral leaning towards chaotic evil?

the lich leaning evil the wizards leaning good maybe
I see what you're thinking, but I have to disagree.

Just because I have a minor *thing* about subverting the whole undead = evil thing. Yes, I'm sort of one of THOSE. >_<
becoming a lich is a inherently evil ceremony
conversely just so he can write "Thaddeus was here, Maxwell is a loser" in mile high letters on the horizon in front of Maxwell's balcony

absolutely, this goes without saying
It depends upon the nature of their pranks. If they are all light-hearted and don't actually harm anyone, then they could very well be good-aligned. If, however, they pay no consideration to whoever becomes a victim as a result of the prank, or they actively kill people as part of their pranks, then they will have to be neutral or evil.
Oh yes, in quite a few settings you are correct.

I don't necessarily think it should *always* be, and even if it was that it should mean they remain such, but I am admitting right from the get-go that I'm a weirdo, my opinion obviously isn't (and often shouldn't) be law.

Good! I can't help but consider the possibilities for synchronized swimming roast turkeys.
While he may have done some evil things in the past to become a lich, that was centuries ago. He has probably forgotten how he even did it in the first place.

They are probably both true neutral, they are really forces of nature at this point, more the natural forces of nature than anything else. A hurricane can't be good, evil, chaotic or lawful, can it?
>synchronized swimming roast turkeys
This has inspired me; grand gifts of art are the perfect Trojan horses.

>Statue that sneaks into the kitchen at night, and bakes a pie and throws it into Thaddeus's face while he is asleep.
>Picture of a woman in front of her home. At night she goes into her house, bakes a pie and throws it into Maxwell's face.
>A gift of a beautiful book of poetry, as Thaddeus reads the last poem, it pies him in the face
>An orchestra wakes Maxwell one morning, they perform a beautiful concerto. As the director takes his bow, the first chair violinist pies Maxwell in the face.
I guess these don't really involve the party much, but they could be good background for previous pranks. If they have been doing this for centuries, there would be a long background of them.

Conversely, the gifts of art would need to be given by different monarchs so they aren't suspicious, the party could be involved in going to different kingdoms and convincing these different monarchs that a gift will stop the lich from attacking, then enchanting his gift before delivering it.
Pie golem.
a line of pie golems all doing eye-high leg kicks ala the Rockettes which results in dozens of pies flying at the wizard's face
An army of pie golems facing off against an army of skeleclowns.
dance contest, which causes far more destruction than any battle possibly could
pie golem copters fly ahead, causing massive collaterall pie-ings and destroying crops. THBLUPBLUPBLUPBLUPBLUPBLUPBLUPBLUPBLUPBLUPBLUPBLUPBLUPBLUPBLUPBLUP is all farmers hear as their livelyhoods are destroyed and they are condemned to another year of being fat, as every april fools day these 2 wizard's shenanigans leave them with nothing but a year's supply of pies to eat, despite them attempting to grow healthier foods on an annual basis.
They also clothe themselves in the scavenged clown regalia of the skeleclowns, many an adventurer has heard taless of a nation inhabited entirely by sad, fat, clowns
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>pictured, every peasant
>Its actually pictures of said wizard naked
>Whole world laughs at old man dick
oh my god you have no idea how hard I laughed at the Other Prank.
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>Nation of sad, fat clowns
Clearly some sort of... new leader is required...
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If it were a homestuck campaign, maybe. As the thread has not mentioned homestuck once, and it makes every thread devolve into pro-skup/anti-skub, I shall have to respectfully disagree
>Party has to toiletpaper lich's castle
>Toilet paper is actually endless scrolls scribbed with explosive runes.
>Party absolutely covered the lich's castle
>He wakes up
>THE HELL IS THIS, wait what's this s-
>Resulting explosion scatters debris across three nearby villages, causing loadsa damage and widespread panic that the world is ending
>lich's phylactery was tossed in a major city's latrine
I think they should both be Chaotic Neutral. If either or both are evil, then they need to be affably evil.
I can imagine the party getting sucked into the prank war initially by some ambitious nation seeking to cripple another nation that just so happens to contain the wizard's tower.
The party first gets sent to do what appears to create what would be horrendous damage to wizard's base, but to Maxwell seems like an odd punchline less joke. Thaddeus must be slipping or it seems to be one of his weaker jokes. He rolls with the odd prank and starts planning to create a 3 month long solar eclipse knowing Thaddeus loves to look at the stars and plans to have a pie land on Thaddeus's face right when he looks up.
By the end of the campaign there is so much inadvertent destruction every civilization is desperate to stop the pranks. If the party is revealed to be the initial catalyst, Maxwell says something like, "no wonder why there wasn't a pie". Then the two march off into to get a bite to eat while the setting burns around them.
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Maxwell believes that Thaddeus is manipulating governments to start wars and butcher thousands. All in order to make his favourite breakfast cereal go out of business.

Maxwell fights back by bringing the governments to their knees and forcing them to pay tribute.
His facade of peace would be an agreement that, among other things, forces certain industries to stay in business. The cover is that it benefits the poor.
When they sign the agreement, Maxwell disintergrates the original, knowing full well that Thaddeus has fucked with it and pulls a spare one out of his robe.
The pen then turns into a pie and hurls itself in his face.
The party discovers that Maxwell is attempting to crash an asteroid into Thaddeus's tower, which happens to be in the center of the largest town in the setting. They chase Maxwell into his lair and break the magic he is using. As they are rewarded by the king, everyone looks up.... and finds that the asteroid has been turned into a giant pie, and just happens to be the capital and Thaddeus's tower. Maxwell jumps, clicks his heels, and runs away laughing DOHO HO HO HO.
whoops, The pie is directed at the Capital. Way to early to type.
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What's this about clown wizards?
If he's a powerful lich, maybe he could have some portals he uses on several occasions. What if someone were to tamper with said portals and send him to the Anus Dimension.
This is the best thread on /tg/ and also my next campaign.
This goes perfectly with my "silly" campaign. Now to come up with a way to get Maxwell and Thaddeus into the game once the players have gotten out of mister snappys fungeon.

I love you /tg/, I really do. Never change.
Well, it depends upon how you define evil. Vanilla D&D has, in my opinion, a rather childish mythology in which "evil" and "good" are actual discrete things, and many campaigns are simple "good vs evil" conflicts.

I prefer to have a system where good and evil are mistakenly thought to be solid, concrete things because the uses for positive and negative energy so closely follow what most people regard as good and evil, respectively. In this setting, liches would seem evil because they have so much negative energy in them that throws off "Detect good/evil spells" that are actually "Detect positive/negative energy" spells.

The difference between these wizards and hurricanes or magical beasts is that Thadeus and Maxwell are sentient and are capable of understanding morality and consequences. The fact that they don't put any thought into the consequences shows that they just don't care about them. Thaddeus can understand that diverting a major river to flood Maxwell's palace can kill affected villagers with thirst and starvation and destroy cities. The fact that
Just meant that a new, insane clown leader is obviously required, and that picture was closest to one.
>ctrl+f Girdle of Gender Transformation

Huh. I'd think that'd be the ultimate prank. These guys are high enough level that they could pretty easily dispel the effect, but imagine the look on your friend's face when he puts on his robe in the morning and he grows a pair of tits. Then he goes to his library to get his Greater Remove Curse scroll and when he unrolls the paper, it's exploding runes that read "Ball's in your court, playa."

Or you could just hire a rentboy, use the girdle on him, and send "her" to Thaddeus as a present or something, with instructions to take the girdle off whilst Thaddeus is asleep.
The Adventures of Thaddeus & Maxwell

>maxwell looms in his tomb, feeling rather lonely and kind of wishes he didn't turn him self into a lich so girls wouldn't be so repulsed by him
>all of a sudden a knock at his tomb door
>who could it be?!
>he opens it up and finds a beautiful girl with large breasts
>"a-are you Maxwell? Maxwell the lich?" she says
>she throws him self ontop him, starts gropping him and shit
>Maxwell knows better, he pushes her back and laughs "I won't fall for that one again Thaddeus!"
>he uses some spell to rip the skeleton right out of her flesh
>all of a sudden Thaddeus shows up
>"Wha-what do you mean?! SHE ISN'T YOU?!"
>"Wait, aren't you a lich, can't you just, you know, bring her back?"
>"DO YOU NOT SEE HER BONES ARE CLEARLY OUTSIDE OF HER FLESH?! IT'S ALL TORN TO BITS, w-wait a minute, why the fuck do we care any way? who was she exactly?"
>"Oh, uhh...she was a princess of Thoradin, she was supposed to marry the prince of Laftits"
>"damnit Thad, what have you got us into this time?"
>The prostitute was actually a princess
Fucking Thaddeus.
That's why you always double check BEFORE you kill the hooker.

Believe me, that's gotten me out of sticky situations before.
>Thaddeus and Maxwell suddenly switch bodies
>Don't know why

>Epic-level Psion is pranking both of them.

God damn Psions, always up to shenanigans.
>"Wait- oh, I get it. Fuck off, Hadley."
>"Yes, quite. This is why we never invite you anywhere."
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No really, think about it, a Lich switched bodies with a living person, it's be a wonderful prank!

They are living together for the moment, in a trap-filled mansion, making sure they don't decide to pull any worse pranks... which certainly doesn't stop them.
>Maxwell gets a tattoo
>Thaddeus secretly switches Maxwell's leg bones with that of a local, recently dead, prostitute.

The party is hired to find/prank the psion, and get their bodies back.
Make it a "SKANK" ass stamp.
That doubles as a permanent symbol of Sex Change/Goat Polymorph
"What the- Dammit, not another prostitute!"
>Implying Thaddeus doesn't have a really hot flame elemental girlfriend
>Implying after getting turned into a goat she wouldn't get really angry and run off, only to be captured by a local farmer
>Forcing Thaddeus to have to go searching for days to find her
>He finally finds her polymorphs her back
>She pies him in the face
>conversely just so he can write "Thaddeus was here, Maxwell is a loser" in mile high letters on the horizon in front of Maxwell's balcony


How big can you make explosive runes?

>Girdle of gender transformation
>On a lich
>Bone arrangement changes slightly
>Lich becomes horribly embarrassed, no one is sure why
I'm pretty sure there's an episode of Regular Show with pranks getting taken way to far and massive collateral damage ensuing.
Twinned, Enlarged Explosive Rune Field. Maxwell uses higher magic to dust his shelves.
>party is employed by lich
>told to smuggle random magic item into Thaddeus' place
>magic items triggers and transports Thaddeus and the unlucky party to dungeon created by Maxwell
>dungeon contains all sorts of traps that pie everyone in the face
>piewielding skeletons lurking everywhere
>everything deals subdual damage
>all the pies are gaudy creations full of unwashable pigment
>queue entiry party and Thaddeus knocked out and covered in pie, all looking like washed up rainbows
>they finally find the portal out of this hellish place
>portal leads back to Thaddeus' place
>lich - having cast Invisibility on himself - waits for Thaddeus to come out
>gleefully pies Thaddeus in the face
>Thaddeus has party get into contact with a higher plane of existence/other elemental plane
>Party has to convince residents that there's a banging party going on down int he mortal plane that they're invited to
>Swaths of outsiders/elementals/celestials arrive at Maxwell's tomb expecting a party
>Maxwell receives a sending
"Have fun with the party old chum!"

Oh Jesus, I can see this now, a horrific explosion devastating the countryside, destroying important landmarks and wiping towns from the map.

Maxwell stands up out of the rubble and just chuckles "Haha, good one Thaddeus. I remember pulling that one on you some two thousand years ago."
Forgot to add, Maxwell obviously used a Floating Disk spell to deliver a royally sized pie into Thad's visage.

>bedrog ancient
Captcha just said 'deception' in Dutch. Clever bastard.
>big on magic power, but deprived of common sense

"Accio every sample of preserved fire elemental salts in the entire kingdom!"
"Try to continue your experiments now, bitch!"
Again, Pie golem.
ITT: Pies and explosive runes.

How about one of them goes to get pies for a prank, only to discover "I'm one step ahead of you" inscribed on them.
As everybody knows, the funniest pranks are the ones which hurt no one, but involve hours and hours of clean up.

The classic: fill his fortress with millions of ping pong balls (or caltrops, jelly, tanglefoot bags, etc).

The even more classic: fucking banana peels (he's a wizard, he could probably set billions of banana peels all over the planet).

Slightly less classic: the ol' fish in a heating vent. sneak the corpses of dozens of dead giants into the spaces between walls. He's a lich so he won't notice but if he has guests they'll be appalled at the stench.

Really hilarious: let loose millions of mice/rats/cockroaches into his castle.

Even more hilarious: set up invisible, undetectable, permanent magic mouths that whisper "cock and balls" (or some equally hilarious statement) at random intervals.

The hilariousest: plant a trail of fake clues leading to some ruin with lots of "treasure" and "ancient magical secrets." Hire actors and forgers to create documents and whatnot. Alternatively, actually build this ruin and just wait 2500 years before telling him about it. Have plenty of mild and medium treasure/magical knowledge, which will only entice him further. When he gets to the end of the dungeon/his minions bring it back, have it be a very useful but hilarious magical item (dildo of fireballs, vorpal elastic band, gaudy hat of +10 knowledge arcana [ie has to wear a silly hat when he studies]).
actually tha gaudy hat of +10 knowledge arcana is pretty hilarious. Just craft him a wonderous item for his birthday. +10 spellcraft, +10 knowledge (all), +10 forgery, +10 sense motive, whatever. But make it look really stupid and have "I'm a butthead" on it and enchanted so it cant be altered/covered up.

No joke, just a good item that looks hilarious.

Sage for replying to my own post. s
.... Is that inscribed in explosive ink?
Red phosphor? Time stopped white phosphor, that un timestops when anyone gets near?
I prepared explosive runes this morning
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How about this: One day Thaddes finds that all his pranks are working perfectly- Maxwell NEVER sees them coming and he's pissed off and falls for them every time, and Maxwell's own pranks are lame and uninspired- Thaddeus sees them from a mile away, which is pretty good for a guy whose eyes rotted away around ten thousand years ago.

But slowly it dawns on him... Maxwell falls for EVERY prank, even ones Thaddeus just pulled off a decade ago. So he does some experimenting... and finds that Maxwell falls for every prank no matter how many times he sets him up for it even if he just did it last week or yesterday or ten seconds ago.

Then Thaddeus realizes he's actually in an illusionary world. Maxwell managed to stick him in it and now everything goes his way. He's not there for very long, real time- maybe a century or two- but subjectively, he experiences multiple millennia of Maxwell playing the fool and him being the greatest at everything ever- there's no challenge in anything anywhere.
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Maimed to death by lycanthrope weredragon doppleganger and then forcing the maimed to drink a poison they had prepared to look like a potion of cure critical wounds and never told anyone else about. Lesson learned: If you're going to be doing underhanded shit in the campaign, let at least one other person in the party know what the fuck.
I've never had two wizards go at a prank war, but one of my campaigns featured an off-kilter wizard as a side character who went around fucking with the party at odd intervals after they had the misfortune of drawing his interest. After the Nessie debacle (and ruining a town's thriving tourist industry) and the Animated Campsite encounter in the middle of a forest infested with dire wolves, the party vowed to find and kill 'That Crazy Wizard in the Flying Machine', rest of their quests and saving the continent be damned. There's nothing quite like the look on player's faces when they blow all their spells and such on an 'easy encounter' right before an extended rest, only to wake up halfway through it to their own tent inexplicably trying to strangle them.

I was playing with the idea of the weird pranks that would only seem truly funny to the crazy wizard himself when we put the campaign on indefinite hiatus. Such as the wizard summoning and dropping weird monsters off the side of his airship near the players. Like, not actual encounters, but in the middle of a wide-open field suddenly a piercer drops out of the sky beside the players. And when they look up, off speeds a giggling wizard. Somewhere in there he'd also utilize the Flumph. I haven't yet decided how.
The problem is actually keeping the PCs somewhat involved in the schemes, given that they would be so grand and all.

I liked the idea of the fake dungeon of >>21812381
Thadd would make it and simply wait that somebody stumbles into it. It would be a mildly difficult dungeon, but in the end there is no way to continue, and there are hints all over the place that Maxwell is somehow involved.

So the party comes to him, and asks him to accompany them in the dungeon. Maxwell is wary but wants to out-prank Thaddeus, so he goes. They go forward a little bit, and in the end they open a portal to the Plane of Pies. Maxwell is dead ready by then, and with a smirk he teleports out of the dungeon. The party has then to flee the dungeon that is starting spitting pies from every goddamn hole. They barely manage to escape, and what do they find right outside?

Maxwell is on his knees, screaming. "THADDEUUSSSSSSSS".
In front of them, 'till the eye can see, terrain is completely filled with perfect-copies of Maxwell's tower. How will they find the right one?

--> How to continue?
This might be unfair to the OP

But I really like the idea of a whole bunch of people incorporating Thaddeus and Maxwell into their own games

Implying this prank war has gone on so long, entire universes have crumbled and been reborn and they're still pranking each other like some unchanging law of existence.
Thaddeus has been working for a millennium on some enormous project like the magic equivalent of proving 1=1 or Goldbach's conjecture.

He finally think's he's got it, and sends the party (who he's now familiar with thanks to pranking) to get the final component he needs: a man-sized pillar of pure sodium. It will be a difficult quest for the party, making sure it stay dry on the way back and somesuch.

Thaddeus finally gets is, and excitedly draws the magic circle around the pillar, casts the spell, and...

Opens a portal to the elemental plane of water. Maxwell has been feeding his experiments false positives to lead him this way for centuries.
Thaddeus has the players go into several dungeons (actually several of Maxwell's hideouts, keeps, crypts, funhouses and towers) collecting plot coupons (think Rod of Seven Parts, but the parts are fucking weird things like a Staff of Frog Storm [use your imagination] or Boots of Spinning Really Fast While Flying. All of the artifacts are things Thaddeus has used to prank Maxwell with over the years).

So, own all of Maxwell's dungeons have been looted have Thaddeus tell the players to go to "the evil Lich's lair" and use the artifacts to destroy Maxwell.

During all of this Maxwell (disguised, obvioiusly) has been sending the party on missions to fuck with Thaddeus (sending his Familiar to the Plane of Eternal Catnip, turning every golem he's ever created pink and making them talk in a flamboyant voice, getting the required magic crystals to make the ultimate RoboBard (a hideous, bloated robot that warbles Adele songs constantly and gives Maxwell horrible, horrible headaches), smuggling said RoboBard into Thaddeus' lair and getting out without being caught by his hilarious guards.)

So, the party faces Maxwell and tries to destroy him. He gets all confused as to why his minions are attacking him.

And then Thaddeus appears.

With a big fucking pie.

Or something like that. It needs a lot of work. Definitely running this once I have the time.
I like this a lot, I'm currently thinking of ways to have them be two of a very short list of sentient beings in my West Marches style campaign
I'm going to be running a game of Tephra starting in January. I think I'll be continuing the legacy of Thad and Max in it. Only as a side plot, though; I can't think of how to make it a main story that my players would enjoy. Plus, the looks on their faces when they realize their serious mission was actually just another part of the prank war.
one of them summons 15 nighthags in heat at the front door of the other's estate. knocks door and teleports away.
Would work best if Thad was the target. Don't think hags would go for a dusty pile of animate bones.
What about well-placed fabricate spells on triggers? SUDDENLY, DUST BUNNIES
This is the best thread and doesn't belong on page 10.
It is a new day and this thread deserves a bump
No new pranks?
Has this been archived?
A while ago.
maybe the people on page one have some ideas
Apparently not.

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