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File: 1353846229251.jpg-(184 KB, 800x1120, 1353691836839.jpg)
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You are Marneus Calgar, Lord Macragge and Chapter Master of the Ultramarines.
Recently you held a picnic of peace for the space marines, tau and eldar.
Using the greatness of pizza as a method of swaying the eldar and tau to peace you realized the pizzas are missing.
Your pizzas were stolen by orks.
Thus you begin a crusade with the Tau and the Eldar to retrieve your pizzas.
Along the way to the ork controlled sector you show your guest several ancient traditions of humans like bukkake(refer to previous thread).
Nearing the planet you feel that war is near.
What will you do Lord Calgar?
(roll 1d+100 for actions, highest will be chosen however I will be choosing the first 10 posts)
Rolled 52

Call the local Spacey's restaurant to order some food while you and your new allies plan your next move.

Spacey's. It's good food. In space.
Rolled 93

Scan the planet for pizzas, and drop down with a squad of pizza-cutter armed termies for the assault.
Rolled 89

Send the Tau to scout out, first.
Rolled 52

Angst how the other Chapter Masters make fun of you and call you stupid names, like blue smurf, boy scout and all that.
Especially those nasty Space Wolves.
Heading back to the bridge with Farseer Tits Mcgee(refer to previous threads) you tell her your plan that you will scan for pizzas and if the results return positive you will deep strike into the planet with the bulk of the First Company armed with chain fists.
On the bridge you order the helmsman in charge of the barge's augur and tell him if there is pizza down there, he replies to you saying yes there is one.
Upon hearing that there is only one pizza you are enraged as you assume that the green skins ate them.
Rolled 91

Son of a bitch!

Bring them the fury of the emperah, we're dropping right the fuck down into greenskin territory for that pizza. And if we aren't in Armour of Antilochus, get that shit on.

Teleport in!
Rolled 33

Oh, we're doing this?

Teleport in the middle of the ork territory, and challenge their warboss to a rap-off.

Don't forget to bring Apothecary Dre with you.
The Eldar should bring their Insane Harlequin Troupe with them, just in case.
Rolled 56

Rap battle for the pizza? Fuck yeah!
Rolled 58

Roll for the pizza rap-off.
Rolled 88


Knock, knock, ork scum, this shit is real,
We're Space Marines and we come with steel,
We come in the name of the Emperor,
This fucking galaxy's one true conqueror,
We'll drop from the sky on your ass,
Pop, pop, you'll leave quite the mess,
Our tanks be rolling through your hood,
We gonna blast yo ass really good...

Fuck it, I'm too white for this shit.
For the Emperor!
(Added the idea rap for shits and giggles)
You are now filled with anger with what the orks have done and decide to go into the thick of the battle immediately you order entire first company down through teleportation and order all tactical squads from the other 6 companies to man the drop pods, the assault squads to prepare for jumping from thunderhawks and the Devastators to deploy via thunderhawk insertions.
In total you have at least 900 marines under your command.

For safety measure you recite the litany of Beats by Apothecary Dre to instill hope towards your noble brothers.

The Tau and Eldar will also join as this is their war as well. Farseer Tits Mcgee and Shas'O'Speedwagon along with their retinue demand to join your deep strike into the greenskin territories.

You have a total of one hour before the whole force mobilizes.
Rolled 62

Get high.
Rolled 14

Get on the mic and start laying it down on the orks, show them how bad they fucked up by stealing out pizza.
Also talk about how the eldar and tau ladies have dat ass
File: 1353851731079.jpg-(35 KB, 372x610, Apothecary Dre.jpg)
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Rolled 64

Sorry for the crappy quality, I'm not really good with photo editing.

Anyway, get drunk, and call your last girlfriend, and tell her that you still love her.
Fuck up your life.
Get all the commanders loaded into a pod early, because your watch is wrong. You didn't get a chance to shit before getting in for the same reason. Fart a lot, get really embarrassed, cry. Awkwardly try to start another bukkake in the pod to lighten the mood and restore your honor
Rolled 67

Forgot roll
File: 1353852349847.jpg-(56 KB, 409x979, Apothecary Dre.jpg)
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Rolled 52

Now, it's perfect.
You are about to witness the strength of the Codex Knowledge.
shrink the head a bit
Rolled 98

On it.

Can Barry White be the Chaplain?
maybe billy idol or ozzy, he is a preacher
>Straight outta Maccrage, Master of the Chapter called Calgar.From the astartes chapter called Ultramerines. When I'm called off, I got my bolter on. Squeeze the trigger, and xenos are hauled off. You too, heretic, if you fuck with me. Inquisition ain't gonna hafta come and get me...

"Fragment of a battle oath in the armor of Lord Maccrage."
File: 1353854372467.jpg-(23 KB, 252x259, will.jpg)
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Rolled 40

holla to chief librarian Will smith and go fresh prince on there ass
Rolled 22

Perform the pre battle rights of drinkin the 40 and giving one to the homies that aren't with us any more
(Sorry was watching walking dead)

Seeing as you have one hour and you are already combat ready you go to your private quarters and start drinking because you're Lord Maccrage.
With the alcohol starting to affect you decide to contact your previous lover half way through picking up the vox you remember you are 600 years old and your previous lover is long gone.
You realized how shit your life was up till now, you lost all 4 of your limbs and half of your face and you lost one of your most trusted captains after the incident at the forge world.
You decide to listen to the litanies of the 10th Master of Sanctity Barrius White and the pre battle rites of the revered 20th Chief Librarian William Smith the Fresh Psyker of Fortress of Hera.
As you are listening the Farseer decides to meet you in your quarters as she sense a sense doubt from you.

What now?
Rolled 3

Seduce the Farseer.

I'll get on the Fresh Psyker next.
File: 1353856326374.jpg-(59 KB, 334x478, Praetors_of_Orpheus_.jpg)
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Rolled 93

SUDDENLY a space marine of the predators of orpheus chapter comes yelling " lord gulliman plz come jam with us!" and thus a mighty rap battle insued
Rolled 74

or guitar battle which ever sounds cooler
File: 1353856553665.jpg-(57 KB, 600x480, power_fap.jpg)
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Rolled 86


Tell Farseer about that we have problem taking care our "need" even since we lost both of arm in the battle. Using our robotic hands is not also easy because we don't want to risking by ripping off our "Ultra-Wang" in process...
Rolled 10

He constantly wears power fists.
You try jerking off with something that can easily destroy a tank, much less an atrophied cock.
File: 1353856855477.png-(1.97 MB, 1520x1238, calgar.png)
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posting a flashgitz comic slip because not a lot of people seem to know about them.
Waddaya know, another completely unfunny 40K comic.
File: 1353857269596.jpg-(42 KB, 350x394, Blood_Raven.jpg)
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Rolled 85

Gentlemen, you know what time it is.
It's time to get down.

I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh baby, I wanna get with you
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But that butt you got makes me so horny

File: 1353857466184.jpg-(83 KB, 853x576, bro fist.jpg)
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Rolled 33

File: 1353857724859.jpg-(700 KB, 800x817, Roboute_Guilliman.jpg)
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Rolled 56

"as calgar heard these words a mighty figure in cobalt and gold ornate armor came from behind your successor chapter brother be it a miracle or a gift of the emperor your father guilliman has awakened
Before you could answer the Farseer about what troubles you the bridge hails you on the vox and tells you that a strike cruiser with the 3rd company of the Praetors of Orpheus requesting a battle of musical oratory skills of the ancient terrans.
Being one of your chapters descendants you could not refuse their request.
Behind you, you hear the Farseer sighs in frustration.
Meeting the Captain of the Praetors of Orpheaus you begin the battle of raps as dictated by Apothecary Dre.

After the battle you decide to ask the captain and his company to aid you in the oncoming crusade.
They agree to join the true sons of Guilliman.
File: 1353858306655.png-(456 KB, 767x826, Apthecary Dre 2.png)
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Rolled 94

It's time to make the Orks pay.
Blast the hardest, meanest raps you know at them. This calls for the master of arms - Sir Mix-A-Lot.
It's time for a rap exterminatus - we gonna drop lyrics at them until they mama wish they was never born.
Rolled 4

with this new arrival you are pleased that so many are flocking to your cause...strangely something seems....off, as if the something is wrong, you start hearing orks over your vox " oi bos ow do ya tinks dese humies make doese blasted disks"
File: 1353859028818.jpg-(175 KB, 834x600, handsomeheavyv2.jpg)
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Rolled 82

" its about damn time" yells the farseer quickly marneus places his large robotic finger on her lips the whispering "shh dont worry we'll bang later ok then make more pizza later" she blushs for as she looks upon calgar handsome chisled features.
Wonder what happened to Captain Titus

Calgar: Look at the farseer and yell out loud:

With a total force of 3 Battle Barges, a strike Cruiser, 900 ultramarines, 100 praetors of orpheaus, 2000 tau fire warriors and 1000 Eldar warriors at your disposal you believe it is time strike at the green skins for the sins they commited against your chapter.
As you are about to leave you promise the farseer about the sex later.
(Of course if both of you survive the war that is.)

Seeing as your force is more than ready you step on the teleportar and deep strike.
A bright flash of green greets you along with a bunch cheering and primal roars you and your honour guard make short of the surronding you.
The skies are alight with drop pods and thunderhawks heading down with their payloads of space marines, tau and eldar.
refer to >>21742859
Rolled 65

After the rap battle, you stand in the bridge and think about the upcoming crusade.
Suddenly, warning alarms start shrieking everywhere.
You ask the helmsman what is going on, and he points to a large screen, showing a space hulk emerging from the warp above the planet!
Rolled 36

While descending, begin reciting the sacred litanies of Thunderous Gordon, the most flamboyant Marine who ever lived.
All your battle brothers begin making sound effects and singing in unison.

File: 1353860691185.png-(441 KB, 649x794, DarkAngelAssaultMarine.png)
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Rolled 83

We must save Titus after defeating the orks and beat leandros's punk ass
Isn't he Deathwatch?
Rolled 35

decided to make this out of bordem for that post and you op
File: 1353861603745.gif-(21 KB, 834x600, handsome face calgar.gif)
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Rolled 60

(pic not related only to the handsome post) as the tau decsended they start to remeber a old legend about a man who could kill men by punching them and making them explode afterwards so in honor of that brave man they start playing this which every army on calgars side enjoyed.
Rolled 4

The teachings of Thunderous Gordon apply to all Assault Space Marines.
They must make all their sound effects by themselves.
And yell FLASH! every seven seconds.
File: 1353862827252.jpg-(54 KB, 550x309, flash.jpg)
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Rolled 92

Flash a-ah
Savior of the Universe
He save everyone of us
He's a miracle
King of the impossible

He's for everyone of us
Stand for everyone of us
He save with a mighty hand
Every man every woman
Every chill-he's a mighty

Just a man
With a man's courage
Nothing but a man
But he can never fail
No-one but the pure at heart
May find the Golden Grail
(Last post for now cause I will be off. Dont expect this thread to continue 2moro or for awhile though)
(I chose all cause why the hell not)

As you continue to fight on the ground with your honor guard and terminators you order the Litanies of Thunderous Gordon to be played from the arriving thunderhawks, drop pods and tanks's speakers to give your force strength and resilience to fight the ork tide.
The assault marines yell flash as they fall to the earth.
The Tau by your side hums their own battle tune in honor of you as you remind them of one of their legends of an amazing warrior whose punches were guided by the north star.
Hours passed as your forces finally destroyed majority of the orks.
With not many left of the orks you feel proud as you devastated the entire ork force, however the cost was great to your force as well with 300 of ultramarines dead, 60 of the praetors surviving, half of the tau decimated and 800 eldar alive.
The farseer, Shas'O and First Sergeant of the Praetors you head to the dying Ork warboss Shadow Sken and you tell him the sins he has done to you and your allies.
The warboss confused denies what you just said as they never left the sector and the pizza they got was dropped by another space marine chapter instead.
Shocked you ask who was it that dropped the pizza here and the warboss replies that the chapter bore the symbol of bird and they were red.

(Well Im done and I will be archiving this and please someone upvote this I mean we got fucking Hokuto no Ken and Flash by queen up in this thread Abbadons didnt had that)
>the chapter bore the symbol of bird and they were red.

It begins...
File: 1353864172925.jpg-(151 KB, 800x800, rage.jpg)
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>the chapter bore the symbol of a bird and they were red.
>symbol of a bird and they were red
>bird and red

let the SkullFucking commence.....

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