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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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-The Boss's plan continues
-The bat searching ends
-Sir Matticus makes his debut

Old Thread: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/21657425/
Wikipedia: http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Harem_Knights
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Still tinkering with google docs, but in the meantime, anyone who wants to help kill Ceaseless Discharge, shoot me an email and I'll send you a link to the page when I get it set up.
> Unless Britfag posted [the story about the Coininoch] right under my nose
Not yet I haven't... Okay, that's my quest for today then. Or at least, to post frickin' SOMETHING... I've let you guys down, I'm sorry for that. Between running DnD, playing Shadowrun and Cold City, running Civilization Quest here on /tg/ AND being asked to use my ONLY free day to run exalted... I'm a little swamped.
Hey, I know the feeling. Actually, I finally have a proper continuation to put up. Who knows, maybe I'll finish the rest of the Wedding arc by the end of the month.
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I thought it would be a relief to see Kikkirin. I haven’t seen the girl for nearly five years, and it wasn’t the most... sweet of partings. I cannot say that I entirely approved of Kikki becoming an adventurer, especially so young, but she was of age. Hearing Karen shoulder into her was worse though. Oh Jasmine, why’d you have to leave me...

No, seeing my eldest daughter for the first time in four years was much more difficult than I would have expected. It took me all of my strength to not to break down right there in front of her. She looks so much like her mother. Kikki and Sir Fearghaile did not seem bothered by how quiet I was. It may be that they don’t particularly care if seeing Kikki again is bothering me and are just happy to have me, but more likely they are just engrossed in each other. I know not how long they’ve been affianced, but it doesn’t change as to the reason they’ve called me, as intent as they seem to hide it.

I sat in front of one of TeeGee’s eateries, a “cafe”, nibbling on a pastry. I had hoped my visit to Jonas at the trade offices would have distracted me, but things were not as natural as they once were. I felt like a fool stammering. He’s changed in the last few years... no, that’s not right, I’ve changed, so instead I just end up sitting here drinking coffee and eating one of their old-world foods. “Mug brownie” I think they called it.

I didn’t get to enjoy it much however. I was staring off into space when a Holustri tripped and spilled some coffee on my lap. In her rush to help and clean it off, and in my surprised in getting it on my lap, I tripped myself and somehow managed to land with my face between her rather large breasts.
She said something under her breath, “Damn it Lilly, stop sabotaging my clothes.” or something like that.

I quickly got up and arranged myself, just slightly flustered myself. “Quite sorry about that, I didn’t mean to get up so fast...”

Then she spoke up. “No, I should be apologizing. I...” She made a bit of a face, as though she didn’t want to say anything more. “I guess I shouldn’t be so clumsy.” She helped brush some of the snow off of my shoulders and got me a towel.

“Thank you for this, you didn’t have to help.” The Houlstari didn’t answer imediately. Instead she looked at me closely and squarely in the eye. “Is... is everything alright?

“You wouldn't happen to know a Felim named Kikki Veisi would you? You look alot alike her. Well I guess she would look more like you. Are you related?”

The suddenness of the question put me off just a bit, but I managed to stammer out. “Y-you know, just because two people are Felim doesn’t mean they’re related.” I got that enough from humans, but this is the first time anyone has been on the mark about it.

“Oh! Yeah... I guess you're right, that was rude of me to assume...”

I sighed a bit. “No... no, you’re right, Kikki... is my daughter...”

“Knew it, you have the same eyes!”

I nervously chuckled a bit. “Well, I’m sorry to hold you up like this, don’t let me be a bother.” As much as I was loathe to them, I wished to be alone with my thoughts. I sat back down to my coffee, but noticed that my pastry was on the ground in some dirty snow. Well, at least the pigeons would enjoy it.
“Mind if I take a seat and rest here for a bit? Little out of breath.” She said sitting down. I didn’t want to be rude, especially to one of Kikki’s apparent friends, so I simply nodded. “I never properly introduced myself. Everyone calls me Meina. Well most everyone. Kikki never talks about her family, well there was that one time but she was drunk, so that doesn’t count.”

She looked intently at me for a response. Damn, I had hoped that she would just keep talking without looking for my imput. “O-Oh? What did she say?” I regretted the words as they came out of my mouth. I probably didn’t want to hear them, but for a lack of a good new topic, I said the first thing that came to mind.

“Well she said a lot of stuff, most of it not fit for polite conversation, but about you in particular. She really misses you but at the same times really doesn’t want to go back home. Something about her sister being the devil. Though I rather doubt that. The devil is too busy bugging me all the time it seems.”

I sighed. “Kikki and Karen always did have trouble seeing eye to eye, especially since...” I quickly trailed off. “So how do you know Kikki?” I’d rather not go down that road in conversation. At least this will distract me a bit.

“While the boys were talking council stuff. Me and Kikki would end up talking about this and that in the back of the room. Speaking of Lem, are you ready for the wedding? It’s coming up fast. Kikki has been switching back and forth between worried and happy more and more as it draws closer. Never been to a Felim wedding before, then again I haven’t been to many weddings. Does the father walk the bride down the aisle in a Felim wedding?”

I paused for a moment and found myself smirking a bit. “Well, maybe if I get my invitation any time soon, I can tell you.”
“Really she didn’t tell you? Then again that might have to do with Mr. Stick up his ass.I mean... Lems a nice guy, but he has a way of putting people off and he has a reputation for having well, you know...”

I allowed my curiosity to get the better of me. “No, no I don’t know...”

“Being super serious, never having any fun, being a killjoy, being stubborn as a Holustri. So I could see her being scared about telling you. Though I can’t understand it. Silly to throw away family.You only get so much of it, then its... But yeah, Lem’s a good guy; and he’s more goofy when he thinks its only him and Kikki around. One time when... no wait I think thats a story for her to tell.”

“Well, now you’ve started, you may as well finish. Besides, do you really think Kikki would tell me?” I chuckled a bit. Maybe it was bad form of me to pry, but I only then realized how little I know about my daughter anymore.

“True, but if she doesn’t tell you some things, someone should really lock you two into a room until one of you starts talking. So the story, they had invited me and a few others over for diner, but... no thats skipping. So we went over, they weren’t coming to the door though the lights were on and we could hear them inside, also see figures running around the rooms in the windows. So Lilly let herself in. They had gotten distracted during the cooking and had started a food fight. The house was trashed, they were covered head to toe in mashed yams and gravy, barely able to breath from laughing.”

“So they make a cute couple then.”

“Oh, that was a pretty decent time before they became a couple. Officially anyway. They’ve just been great partners, joined at the hip for years now. Them getting together was a foregone conclusion.”
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“Well... that is one thing Kikki’s told me.”

“If she told you that then I think you knew.”

“I would have to be blind and dumb not to see it just by looking at them...” I felt my eyes turning down and I gave a sigh. My coffee was probably cold by now.

“I take it you're not as excited as Kikki then?”

“No, it’s... She looks so much like her mother...” quickly caught myself. “Oh, I’m sorry, don’t mind me, I’m just being a bit sentimental.”

The bovine woman looked up at the sky and contorted her face a bit, as if she were going to comment, but instead, “Well I have to go give someone a stern talking to. I’m sorry again about the coffee, hope I didn’t ruin your day. You go and give Kikki and Lem a good talking to about wasting family for me would you? It would be a sad thing for this to not bring you closer.” She got up from the table.

“Uh... Meina, was it?” I paused a bit, making sure I meant it. “Thank you.”

“Hope I run into you again. Though next time not so literally.”

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She took her leave and I paid my bill and returned to Sir Fearghaile’s small abode. He had initially tried to set me up with a room in the larger adjoining mansion, but I insisted and he provided me a guest room with a simple cot. I suppose they did not hear me return, because I could hear them behind the door to the small study.

“Hey, this sort of thing is why I told you keeping my apartment in town was a good idea.”

“Yeah, but that left me to hide your stuff before your dad saw them. I still can’t believe you didn’t tell him...”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry, I just didn’t know how to tell him.”

“I betcha he already knows.”

“Don’t say that!” She definitely knows I know. “Just give me a bit and I’ll find the perfect time to tell him. I promise I’ll make it up to you~.” From here things muffled. I’d rather not have disturbed them, but one of the floorboards unexpectedly squeaked. That probably wouldn’t have disturbed them if I hadn’t jumped at the sound and knocked into a coat stand by accident. But the louder noise came from the study, where I heard what I presume was Kikki falling off of Lem.
“D-dad!? Is that you?!” I heard Kikki call. Kikki opened the door and poked her head out, rubbing the back of her head. Sir Fearghaile stood behind her straightening his shirt. “When did you get back?”

“Oh, just now. Coming for a visit then?”

“Ah, yeah, we were just about to make dinner.”

“Do you need any help?”

“I think we can manage, Sir. Don’t worry about it.”

“Alright... then if that’s the case, I’ll be lying down in the guest room. You can rouse me when you’re ready.” I turned around and walked to my cot. They took a bit longer than I would imagine it would take for them to make the simple brisket, I can only imagine doing what. It was a good time for me to think on who this Lem Fearghaile was. I’m going to need to have a talk with him...

And that will have to do until I finish with work today. Let's see if I can't get through the mountain story by next week!
Nice little story.
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Storytime Bump!

Remember how the Boss was mentioned to field guns into the market?

Not everyone sits on their hands all day...
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Somewhere in neutral territory
Free Kingdoms
23rd Sun’s Dusk, 4AA


“Welcome to the Earl of Bombay (Free Kingdom Central Branch) teahouses and salons, sir or madam,” the chipper girl behind the reception desk rehearsed, “Unfortunately, all of our public booths are currently occupied, and we apologise for any inconven-”

“I have a reservation” the tall man interrupted impatiently.

The brunette at the desk closed her mouth and nodded firmly, changing tack. “Reservation for private salon requires a form of identification for which hosting party and the individual guests have agreed to beforehand”

The tall man sighed and rubbed a bald brow with a dripping hand, “Long Lost Friendly Get Together Club, privy to a friend of the family”

“You said there would be cake”

The girl let her gaze drift to the small blonde child that piped up beside the towering man. Dressed in ill-fitting clothes a few sizes too big, they looked out of place next to the strange looking patron.

“-Plus one”

The receptionist let off another practised nod and smiled mechanically. “Very well” she said, “Let me guide you to where the back rooms are”

The tall man and the small child followed the attendant into the bulk of the store. They passed the common public, delighting in tea, drinks and baked goods. They parted a curtain into a more discreet section of the store, where noblemen and merchants conducted business about pipes attending by generous refills of narcotics and opiates.
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They reached the third, final section of the store, a hum in the air bridging the doorway before all outside ambient noise cut out when they crossed the threshold. The change did not go unnoticed, and the child voiced their concerns.

“Why’s it so quiet? Can’t everyone hear each other back here?”

The smile on the receptionist’s face was visible from behind, “Our establishment prides itself in the ability to grant our patrons discreet and private locations to conduct business in.” she began the floor speech, “We have patented techniques passed down from Old into the New to conce-”

“They used a dimensional cut” realisation dawned on the tall man’s bald face, “That’s how you fit all those rooms in a cramped building. How, exactly, did they first come across this ‘technique’?”

The look of annoyance was also visible from behind, “My superiors jest that they found it making pictures move. We’ve arrived”

The receptionist stopped at a velvet door, the child noticed the doors changed colour down the spectrum, “The hosting party was very insistent on our most private of chambers”, she placed a hand within a concealed panel and did something the two couldn’t see, unlatching the doors with a click.

“The salons are fully stocked and can be opened from the inside at any time” she parted “Enjoy”

The tall men pushed open the door, let the child in first, closing it behind him. Low light and a dozen gazes were felt; the soft strumming of a guitar filled the room.
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“Ah, the second to last guest has arrived,” some shadowy figure spoke with a voice like chimes, then apparently noticing the small child, “and they brought company”

The tall man reached a hand into his jacket, slowing down his movements when half the room made similar, loaded draws. He withdrew a small object, which the child couldn’t see from below and spoke words in a strange language. The bodyguards and servants of the other invitees withdrew their hands and returned to easy stances.

“You didn’t need to do that,” another voice spoke, this one deep and gruff, “Half this lot invoked the Rite to get their help in”

“What’s right? What’s going on? Where’s the cake?” the child spoke up when they realised they were the subject of attention.

The tall man looked up from cutting up slices of cake by the food trolley. “New policy,” he apologised by way of explanation, “Any ideas a sprog can see through get thrown out.”

“Listen sprog, this is a meeting between some important” a glance, a nod “people who don’t have the time to speak in public. The rite is called the” another glance, a slightly annoyed nod “Rite of, well, men call it the Hill and the Hermit. It’d be good for you to learn it, lets those in the know give you chance to parley. This is all probably lost on you since you’re stuffing your face with cake.”

The last line delivered deadpan as the small androgynous child turned their entire attention to the cake slices in front of them, attacking it with gusto.
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“Well then” a gangly figure in the back wheezed, clapping their hands together, “Shall we get started or wait until the last party arrives? Oh, speak of the wolf...”

There was a ripple in the room as the door opened up and deposited the final party into the private salon. The single occupant, short, twitchy and with shaky hands, was directed to an empty chair, gratefully accepting a cup of tea.

“Then is everyone accounted for?” the voice like chimes rang out.

“Hah, those that bothered to show up!” a tarry voice barked out.

“That’s a yes, then. Very well, by hospitality and host, I represent the-“

“scuse me”

The attention of the adults was turned to the small child.

“Yeeeeees?” the chime voiced one drawled at the little one, annoyed that they were interrupted “What is the matter?”

“Shouldn’t the room be shut or something, so people can’t listen in?”

“Already on it,” the tall man stood near the door, “What did I say? New policy”

He stretched out, his arms and legs extending far beyond the cuffs of his sleeves and leggings, before contorting himself before the doorway and changing stance, humming the whole time.

“No matter how many times I see this, it never ceases to amaze” a resounding voice murmured.

There was a sound like the air wrapping and cracking in on itself. The tall man composed himself and tested the door, opening it out into a roiling abyss of shape and symmetry.

“Ladies, gentleman, sprog, we are now in the clear”

“Drop the disguises and sound off!”
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The one whose voice sounded of chimes stood up and dropped the sorcerous veil they placed on themselves. A genderless face made of rich moulded wood and a body spun from brass wire and bells, wrapped with crimson robes that flowed with unseen winds. By their side were faceless stone dolls in the shape of men, with swords made of insects sheathed in their bodies. “This one is Don, for now, representing a seasonal monarch”

The next one in order, going by widdershins order, was a simply dressed man accompanied by none, wearing the black habit of an Iron priest, closed his book and adjusted his eyeglasses, “You may refer to me as Aisar, I come in place of the usual representative of the priests of man”, he said with a voice used to resounding in the souls of men.

The third to arrive, and introduce themselves, was a gruff dwarf who kicked themselves off the pillar they rested against. Stern warrior dwarves stood behind him, axes on their backs and beady eyes on the crowd. “I come for the elves!” heads turned at this, “Hah, that got your attention. I’m a dwarf, plain as the beard on me face. Call me Jack Squat.”
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A ragged, thin looking woman, with skin that hung heavily on her bones, was next to speak. Her guards had just finished peeling off the skins they wore, dropping most of their mass in a pile of quivering meat and fat, and flanked her sides, skeletal shades with claws and fangs flexing slightly. “I serve the ones no longer buried, and go by the name Mor” she wheezed out, lungs rattling, “My…employer wanted to come in person, but couldn’t risk exposure”

The soft guitar strumming paused as the corsair shifted in her seat. One of their aides whispered to them, to which they barked in a voice like tar, “All right, I’m getting to it”. They took off their wide brimmed hat, black canine ears rotating freely and rough locks tumbling out, bringing it to their bosom, “Captain Bonny Lash, of the sea dogs. Yes, I realise the irony, and I’d gut any of yer that say likewise, were it not fer miladies at sea” The pirate guard snapped to lazy attention, palms on hilts and thumbs on fuses.

The tall man was tapping his foot in impatience, the only difference seen was a greasy sheen covering his face from his bald head, and a slight change in stance. The small child was in a world of their own, helping themselves to sweet tea and baked goods, blissfully ignorant and unafraid of the goings on and transformations around them. “Sam, a friend of the family” the tall man gurgled out, wiping their filmy brow with a sopping palm. “Plus guest”
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The final entrant was shaking heavily in his seat, his hands shaking and spilling the tea everywhere. “No, no, no, not now, please not now” the gnome pleaded to no one in particular, hands cradling his head, “I can do it myself, you don’t have to- glrk!” An oily hand shoved its way out of the gnome’s mouth and steadied itself against his chin, before two more joined it and forced their way out of his head. A bloody and writhing head pulled itself out from the gnome, who seemed to be in no serious pain but in great distress, followed by a lanky torso and ending with the rest of the creature lodged in the gnome’s body. “This vessel is possessed by Dehoy, who is in service to firstborn of fire” It bowed macabrely, but the audience had seen stranger, representatives unfazed and bodyguards keeping straight faces.

Don took a bell out from their chest and rang it ceremoniously. “The names and races given, we open the talks till time ends and the bell is rung anon”

“Till time ends on the Hill” all mediators spoke.
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Sam the friend spoke up as soon as the chant was over, directing his attention to the spectre half-emerged from the gnome’s mouth. “Didn’t the family help you out of a jam, once?”

“They did” the demon confirmed “But in payment for a trade fulfilled, good friend, a trade fulfilled”

“Ahem” Don intoned, “As much as we would change the purpose of this ‘get-together’, there is a more pressing matter to discuss. Jack Squat of the Dwarves, do you have the item”

The dwarf stroked his beard and removed a key from it, “Yeah, yeah, quit yer pushing” One of his attendants brought out a roll of carpet with a rocky pattern, placing it lightly into the centre of the table most were seated around. The surly dwarf placed the key on the fabric and spoke out “Open”, the roll unravelling and depositing a device of metal and wood on the main table.

Gasps were heard, the corsair strummed a key off note, Sam and Dehoy wrinkled expressions in recognition and Aisar paused from turning pages.
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“That is a fire-arm is it not?” Mor the pale approached the object, “A man-portable launcher of metal pellets and other objects for longer range and faster speeds than elven bows. I thought the Strange New Folk kept their secret tools to themselves”

“Apparently they’ve decided differently” the dour priest commented, “Is it safe to approach?”

“Yer can whack it with a hammer,” the dwarf demonstrated by smacking the gun against the table, “And it won’t give so much as a peep. Safe as stone if it’s not fed”

“That’s not what I asked”

Dehoy interrupted by demonstrating the priest’s concerns, flowing itself over the barrel and stock of the gun, dragging the poor gnome face first into table, “A snug fit, but we have made due with worse. Is this the only shape that they’ve brought to market?”

“It’s a weapon” Sam spoke up, picking up the gun by the stock and bracing it against his shoulder, despite Dehoy’s protests, “And like any weapon they will come in all shapes and sizes” He tested the feel of the gun and squinted eyes down the sights, before putting it back on the table, “This one is modified for human sight at a distance, I suspect readily that others have been made for closer quarters. Do you have the projectiles for this weapon, Jack Squat?”
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The dwarf grunted, pulling a small pouch from beside the gun and emptying the munitions within. “Haven’t got much done on the makeup of this, but our stoneseers can give it a shot. Heh, ‘course then can pick gold out of a slag heap”

The tall man plucked one of the bullets and separated it with surprisingly deft hands. He brought the contents up to his nose and breathed deeply, eyes rolling back into his head. “Interesting” he put the bullet back together and returned it to the dwarf, “The message makes sense now”

“What I wouldn’t do with a score of these lined up on me ship. I’d be the terror of the coasts, grab some prime beach on the way” Bonny crept up to the weapon, eyeing it down the barrel. “If it were the size of a cow and with balls to match! This dinky thing couldn’t put a hole in a plank!”

“Surprised that they skipped that step, I am not” Mor answered back, “They were designed as a means of personal defence, and anything larger would call others to arms against them”

Don turned the gun away before a nasty accident happened, “And so we have called us together”

Sam turned to the brass figure, “Does this ‘event’ bring what we think it means?”

“Yes” Don intoned.

“It means they are ready for a higher form of war”
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“That doesn’t sound good” the little child piped up.

“Sam, will ya kindly shut the sprog down,” the canine Captain turned to the tall man, “This kind of talk isn’t fer the ears of pups fresh from weanin”

“I’m not a baby” the child spoke back, “I’m almost six!’

The tall man pushed the sprog’s head back and closed its eyes, said something to it. When he removed his hand, the child was fast asleep, dreaming of cake and candy.

“Pups got spirit, I’ll give ya that” Bonny Lash grinned while the crew behind rolled eyes at what they thought was another instance of cradle robbing, “Send them around when they come of age”

“The sea dog’s attempt at recruitment aside,” Aisar interjected, “The masses will acquire these new weapons, if not for novelty, then for diversity.”

“Your public will need to know the…effect that these weapons have” Mor picked her words with care.

“Are you suggesting a demonstration?” Dehoy leered from its position around the captive gnome’s lips.

“I think we can have something arranged” the priest made a small mark in his book.

“Shall we discuss the specifics?”


“…so it should take that long before losses spread beyond the mentioned borders” Mor finished off analytically, waving away the minion that held her abacus, “Any further and the deaths risk unbalancing beyond repair”

“Those measures are…acceptable” the priest mentioned, making another mark in his book “Adapt or Die, as the book and my superior say. The weapon will not wear down men, but we shall wear it”
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“Yes, the Elves and Orcs would just love man to collapse” Dehoy reclined in the gnome’s mouth, sipping a cup of tea, “But thankfully, they are not here. You would do well to remember the Orc war god of Ter, in the following months. Still surprised at your decision, man of God”

“We play a longer game”

“You have the latest ordained paths the family can offer,” Sam shuffled papers back into his suit, “Jack, be sure to tell your elders what the song has told us”

“Hah, right. Like those stuffed beards think anything of anything not made of rock and weighing tonnes. I’ll bring them yer warnings, but they won’t move much for love of Dervish.” He had finished rolling up the carpet-bag and was sitting atop it, mouth full of pastry and beard full of crumbs, “If any of yer see the Elves, tell them it’s high time we spoke on the down low”

“I think that’s all settled then” Bonny Lash had finished hiding her ears and her hair beneath her floppy hat, “Milords and miladies at sea will be well pleased about this. Always good to have an edge against, well, everyone”

Don stood up, chest ringing and brass shining, “Are there any final requests?” After a short pause and a wide chorus of negatives, he tolled the bell once more, “So we part, till the bell is rung anon”

“And the Hermit is upon the Hill” all responded automatically.
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Each party began preparing their way out, and Sam undid what was done to the doorway. As the entrants refixed their disguises and made their way out in the order they entered, he did his best to rouse the child from its slumber.

“Wake up sprog” he said, snapping salts under the child’s nose. The kid woke and rubbed the sleep from their eyes.

“Are we going home now?”

“Just have to place a message the Head ordered”

So the tall man had one final task before heading homewards. He made his way out of the secluded parlour, to the reception desk. “Excuse me, madam” he said, placing a hand filled with gold chunks on the counter, “Would it be possible for you to pass a message onto your superiors, for delivery to the…Home Branch?”

The receptionist was about to refuse the request until she noticed just how much gold the tall man’s hand could hold, “I…believe that we can arrange something”

He nodded firmly, neck contorting at odd angles, and took out a small blue pebble. He whistled into it and placed it alongside the gold. “Tell them to give this to the place where all rocks are put. And tell them to tell them you don’t need sulphur”


“I’m tired, Mr Fish, let’s go home”

“I would love to stay longer and explain, but sprogs need rest” Sam unfolded a hat from a jacket pocket, “Good day”

And with that, he left.

Days later

A man shook out the contents of a dropped off letter. He looked at the rock, then at the message. A month later, he realised exactly what it meant.
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The end.

Next post, I'll have the continuation of the Fungal Legions.

What will Drider, Dwarf and Paladin get themselves into? Next Time, on the Journals of Clover!
Thank you. I should also note that Jim helped a good deal in pitching in on some of the Meina dialog.
I got a gun that would sink his boats faster that you can say catgirls.

But this got me thinking, what kind of tactics do our good friends the freaks have in their games of war?
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In a word? Hit things.
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Hello? Is anyone there?
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Kind of
Boulder to the head: standard ogre greeting.
Well then I worry not, for these travesties, these shams of civilization will be but chaff before the machines and machinations of the great union that is Teegee. Let the uplift begin, weather of storms may be set us, but they are mere growing pains. Standfast fellow Gentlemen, we will be the eye of the storm; and when it passes it falls to us to rebuild this great land. Not to its former state, but to new mindset. Where everyone shall follow in our timeless creed. Be excellent to one another.
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That sounds pretty destructive. Like, we have to destroy an entire civilization destructive.
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Hm, seems like most of us are distracted by Black Friday. I'll have to set camp here and keep this place alive.
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I'm sleeping off guard duty from last night. Internet went out 3 hours in, so I have nothing but AFN the whole night.
this is why you keep gigs of anime/porn/movies/all of the above to entertain yourself without internet
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Secured building, so I couldn't bring my computer in.

Thankfully the computers there do run netflix, something I usually need a vpn to run, or at least they do until the network craps out.
here's what you do. set up near a window, then have a friend or two use a projector in the back of a car to play movies and shit on the side of the building across the street
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Nice idea, but try getting that organized at 2 in the morning while everyone else is sleeping off turkey.

The one saving grace was that one of the offices had german tv on it. They have some interesting stuff on there. What seemed to be a 1-900 talk dirty chanel, for example.

I did finally get the internet working again about an hour before the shift ended.
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Days later, but not many

“We’re back Head”

“Hello Mr Big”

>ah…you return…and kept the sprog…this time<

First the giant brain listened to the tall man describe the meeting, then it listened to the small child’s version. It bubbled in thought, lights and smoke rising from its nutrient pool.

>Salmon you Idiot<


>We gave you disguises…descriptions…and a failsafe…and you never thought the members Not going in person…to be slightly Suspect<

“Even I knew that”

>see how much better…it could have gone…if you listened to the sprog?<

“The signs were given, Head” the tall man backpedalled, “It all seemed genuine”

>the corsair was mutinous…the priest wore no red…the demonspawn named not the Five…the ghoul said Employer not Master…and countless other details were amiss<

>sigh…did you at least send the…message?<

“Yes, Head” the reproached man answered, “Even if I had no idea what it meant”

“It’s his backup plan, silly”

>yes indeed…it seems up…in the air now<
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s-So what did you guys think of the story?

Comments, criticisms, etc welcome
The picture was giving me flashbacks of Young Frankenstein.

Other than that...it's making me think demon powers are no longer excessive.
This is a good thing for me, takes some of the hate off of me. And makes it easier to write Hell arc which I swear I will finish someday hopefully soon.
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If I may ask a question, who the fuckmungling shit was incompetent enough to let them get a RIFLE?!

I swear to god, Boss, if this is your business doing I will strike down upon you like an iron hammer.
And possibly with one.

I smell a special group story time coming soon.
Wasn't fucken me. I don't deal with Dwarves. To headstrong. Have someone check the barrel for my brand. An S on fire. If it doesn't have that its not one of mine.
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Oh, I'll check it...
Tell me, how do you and .410 shot get along?
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Well enough, considering the whole armor and shield thing.
Have fun reloading, pansy.
Thank Tarus then I have six shots.
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>bumping this terrible shit every few hours like clockwork

Just go get a goddamn forum already

There are websites to host your shitty fanfiction too

Just hide or ignore it.
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Six acorns landing on your head, is still only six acorns. Step up your game, son.
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Good thing I got some new armor to try out then.
Well it would be over kill but I could use shotgun with grenade rounds or the 50cal. Think those would cut it? I have a few bigger toys in the wings.
Neither of which you'd have the tech to make.
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Artorias, I'm going to need eight barrels of oil, a crossbow, forty-seven caltrops, fifty feet of rope, a jar of live bees and the most destructive blasting spell you know.
You game?
Nonsense. Why can't I. I have the tech, the know how, and magic. Also a lot of slave labor. 50cal is just a bigger bullet. Grenade rounds are a bit trickier though, went magic on those fuckers. But look at it this way, if people who couldn't even figure out hygiene could make auto-cannons I think I can pull of some pop guns.

Have to find me first, why you would want to I don't know. I'm on your side after all.
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Is this the part where I go berserk and throw a motherfucker at another motherfucker?
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It better be, because I'm ready to get thrown at a motherfucker!

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Quick, grab my sword!
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Well, you're giving very dangerous things to very hostile people.
Also the slave labor bit. That's not cool, dude; like half of everyone's waifus were rescued from slavers.
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I know I employ a lot of Ex-slaves in a completely safe an legitimate factory. Pay is good also. As I make mountains of cash I can afford to pay the legitimate parts of my business well enough that no one ever looks
sure it wasn't. Like you'd turn down money from ANYBODY
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Wait a sec...okay I didn't think that one through.

Okay then, off to find where I left my shield.
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Unfortunately for you, however, I must look, and, as much as it pains the both of us, I get the feeling I'll have to shut the place down.
The Family, the Fey, Demons, the list goes on. I value my skin more than cash.

Good thing its all above the table there then. But just one question what sends you to look? Got no reason. I'm just a kindly old gent who employs exslaves, makes coal, and reads to kids at the library. I also play a mean fiddle in the band.
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Hate to interrupt the party here, but what the hell is this thing doing here?
The assassination was covered up as best as they could, the official word was that the Earl died in an unfortunate riding accident, he apparently fell on his loaded crossbow. Those who were in the know about guns though knew the truth, guns weren’t just a weapon for the lines. It would take some time and more assassinations but the world just about near exploded, as imitators came in, but that was not for a while. The first was viewed as a fluke, the second an unfortunate coincidence, it would be the third that told people there was a real problem.

The next Person on the Boss’s list was a clergy member, Bishop Pierre Dunot of Sammon, Order of the Crossed Nail. The Bishop was an important speaker in the talks regarding these new weapons known as guns. Needless to say, he was heavily against them. As Jake and Piko were still keeping a low profile, Boss sent his second liner. A psychopathic Outlander who called himself John Cloud Raven, a powerful wizard and a lover of trenchcoats and shotguns. The Boss had given him two custom built sawn off shotguns. With a linking chain so he could fire both at the same.

Abe and Boss were sitting there watching Jez dance.

“I still can’t believe it.”

“Tell me about it, you make one little joke about this place needing a stripper pole and what does she do? Not that I’m complaining mind you.”

“All of this purple is a bit much for my taste. But hey, if my best mage wants to do up the Headquarters like something out of a fuckn video game, go for it.”

“I’ve been thinking Boss, was it really a good idea to send Raven after a Clergy? He’s a bit touched in the head.”

“Fanatics, they are like that, but they are far more determined than your person. So send one to kill one. And if he fails then we don’t really lose anything. You’ve heard that guy’s stories, nut case. Can’t get him to talk a lick of sense.”
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You get stalked by crazy necromantic fuckers for five months and you get the oddest habit of rifling through people's things, just to make sure. You also get a whip, but that's besides the point.
>>21726100 Like I said good thing everything is legit there then.
“True that Boss.”

“You know you two you could at least pay some attention, this is harder than it looks. And you were right Abe, it is a good workout. I have a long way to go until I’m as good as my teacher, Lilly can do things that are mind blowing.” Jez said, stopping her dance.

“You can say that again.” Abe said.

“Jez, Abe you do that routine and I’ll hire Lilly to teach you both a lesson.” The Boss joked.

“I’m not sure if thats a threat or a promise.” Abe said in response.

“I think it depends on what she teaches.” Jez said sitting down on the couch next to Abe.

“Speaking of popular figures of Teegee. Anyone we should look into getting on our side?” Abe asked.

“Would never really work. Anyone big would be too public to work and I think most are of the kind that wouldn't work with us.”

“No see I was thinking. Manipulate them. Take GearHeart.”

“I would rather not try and take him in anyway. Last time was enough.”

“It wasn’t that bad, you just think it was worse as you aren’t used to losing. But anyway right, get some mooks, get some churchy clothes, and kill or try to kill Lilly. Do it from a range of course. Make sure GearHeart knows that it was the Church. Boom, rabid attack dog. Everyone knows what happens when he loses it.”

“Which is why he is one of the ones on the don’t fuck with list. If we pulled it off it would work, but if he so much gets a hint of us.”

“What if I could promise he wouldn’t find out?”

“I’ll think about it. But lets let Raven finish his job before we talk about anything more.”
At the church in Sammon during a sermon. The Bishop was standing before a large stained glass window. He was just getting into preaching to the people and working them up, when a thunderous boom rang out and the beautiful stained glass turned to a billion flying shards of death. John had blown the Bishops head clean off, he slammed another shell in and fired off the other. Spraying shot everywhere, laying low all that were before him. One of the clergy threw a lightning bolt at Raven, who teleported behind the holyman. His gun in the man’s gut, he pulled the trigger turning the man into a chunky salad of meat. The people ran to and fro, trying to get away from the crazed gunman. Finally John had had his fun and he teleported out of the city. Just as the Church was starting to get their game together.

Soon after this incident, all the influential Churchmen, regardless of personal sway, were sent into hiding or “prayer”, and could not be contacted until further notice or “a sign from god”. When quizzed by nobles, the vicars and nuns would just say that Myrthter protects his humble servants, and the Inquisitors would raise eyebrows and start asking a lot of questions.

At the HQ a mere day after the day of Unholy Slaughter as it would come to be called.
“Boss we need to talk.”

“Fuck, I know that Abe.”

“We can’t have loose cannons like him around no matter how efficient he is, sure it all worked out fine this time. But there's always next time. Next time he might lead them back to us or something.”

“I know, I fucking know. But it turned out better than planned, this time. All of those holier-than-thou punks are in hiding which is even better than I could have planned. But yeah, is Jez around?”


“Tell her to activate Raven’s guns.”

“Got it.”

Raven never even knew that his guns were made to explode on command. He never had a chance, as he erupted into a ball of fire and blood in the middle of the Rogue Trader.

“Son of the! Now I need to clean that. There’s even blood on the ceiling, I hate wizards.” Alice swore.

“I take offense at that, then again... never mind.” A wizard at one table said.

“Good point, I got a little magic myself. Edit, I hate it when wizards exploded while I’m working.” Alice corrected.

A week from that time, the gang was back around the gaming table. Playing at another game of shadowrun.

“So I was thinking.” Piko said.

“Dangerous activity.” Jake joked. Causing Piko elbowed him in the gut.

“Like I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted, I want to kill a big shot. I know we’re moving into the contracting jobs, but I want a big one under my belt now.”

“Well there is one job that came in, big one been holding it for a while. it may be too big. Sir Robert Salva Dunoir, Lord of Bloodwood Forest. Bob’s been working this one up for a month or so now and he thinks he’s got a good idea of how things go down.” The Boss said.

“What's got you in this mood Boss?” Jez asked.
“Nothing, just a bad feeling about this guy. Lots of dark magic I hear. I don’t like magic, you know that.” The Boss replied.

“I’m hurt. And with all the work I do.” Jez joked.

“Well you I like, I don’t like magic that I can’t control.”

“Not sure how I feel about that Boss.” Abe joked.

“My wife would kill me. On with business. I want you four to do this one together.” The Boss said, motioning to Abe, Jez, Jake, and Piko. “The Scout said that the guy uses a double and the scout also said the place gave him the heebie jeebies. His words not mine. Add in this guy’s importance, I just want my best front put on this.”

“Right, makes sense.” Abe said.

Some time later the four were in Bloodwood Forest.
“Man, Bob was right, this place does give the heebie jeebies.” Jake said.

“Ok scoobies, the plan one more time.” Abe said.

“Find creepy evil guy and find the other one. Kill both of them. After that get the hell out of here.” Jez said unfazed by the atmosphere.

“Of course creepy dragon girl is unfazed by this crap.” Jake said.

“You know, I don’t think we’ve ever seen your dragon form.” Piko said.

“I know I haven’t and I’ve seen a lot.” Abe said, starting to think.

“I just don’t like doing it. I like this size better.” Jez said. Abe wasn’t sure what to think, but decided not to question her.

“Right well then, this guy supposedly has a love nest hidden in the forest. Bob found it, and well it’s a safe bet that that one is the real one. Also, there will be a Elven Blood mage there.” Abe said.

“Wait, Elven? Isn’t that a bit odd?” Piko asked.

“Not the only thing odd. ‘Cording to Bob, freaky blood magic sex and stuff.”

“Yeah I can feel blood magic all over this place. Its like the land was soaked in it.” Jez said.

“So we go there and we just kill him when he comes or leaves?” Jake said.

“I like it, but the question is can we whack him while he is whacking?” Jez asked.

“It would be memorable. Lets just hope they don’t stick to the missionary position. It would be really hard to line up that shot.” Pipped up Piko.

“We will see. We will see.” Jake said.
The four made it to the building in the woods just as the full moon reached its peak over head. Wolves howled in the distance as balls of light danced between crooked trees, the red sap bleeding out giving the forest it’s namesake appearance. They heard screams from the building before them.

“Sounds like someone is already dieing a little.” Abe joked.

“Hey look, a window.” Piko said, pointing to a window that was on a tilted roof. “You guys cover me, at this range I don’t need a spotter.” She said as they were with in less than 10 yards from the building.

“Don’t get yourself killed without me.” Jake told her as she started to move away.

Piko snuck through the bushes, moving to get a good shot she climbed up a tree, covered in sappy scars and suggestive branches. She looked down and saw through the window a scene highlighted by the rays of the moon. The Lord lay chained to the bed, gashes running down his arms and chest. A pale, naked elf stood over him, she was covered in ritualistic scars. Depicting wild symbols of old and powerful magic, most likely primeval in nature. A crimson dagger she clutched to her breast, she chanted a few words. Piko was completely enthralled by this performance. The elf plunged the dagger towards the man’s stomach, but stopped just short of breaking skin.
The Lord had winced at this, the elf started to drag the tip of the knife down the mans body, leaving a faint red line behind. She came to his groin and held it to his balls for a moment. Then she started to play with the mans dick with the dagger. Soon after that the two started to make love in earnest, the elf mounting the bleeding man, strange chants mixing in with gasps of pleasure.

Piko was broken out of her trance like state out of sheer revulsion, she placed the barrel of the gun on a low hanging breach to help steady the monstrous rifle. At the same time, she found herself strangely hot, she could feel a puddle start to form between her legs, she had a powerful urge to throw off her clothes and join them or go to Jake, or something. But her remorseless streak kicked in. She lined the two heads up in the sights of her rifle.

With the ease of an ounce being moved two lives were ended. As she was so close when the trigger was pulled, the shot was heard. But the two had barely enough time to register the sound, lost deep within the act. The two died within a millisecond of the sound. Piko was filled with a sense of pride, she hopped down from the unnatural tree, slinging the rifle over her shoulder.
“I take it from the look on your face it was a good hit.” Jake said.

“Or it was a good show.” Jez teased.

“Come on guys, we need to go take out the look alikes now.” Abe said, all business like.

They returned to the city of Bloodwood Forest, only to find it in a state of panic. They went to the nearest bar. Abe went up to the Bartender.

“What in the name of Myrthter’s Beard is going on in this city?”

“The Lord died not an hour ago. Just exploded into a bloody paste all over the place. And rumor says that there are a lot of blood splotches around the city.”

“Well fuck. Sounds like it’s not a good time to be here.”

“I would get out of here, before they start looking into you.”

“Thanks friend.”

“No problem.”

Abe left the bar and rejoined the three waiting outside.

“Our job here is done. Lets go.” He said, walking up to the group. Piko was grinding on Jakes leg. Odd for her, but no big deal.

“What's up?” Jake asked.

“Exploding Lords it seems.”

“Fucking A.”

The four split up and went under the radar for a week.

Jake was a happy man as Piko had become more enthusiastic about sex, and only seemed to be getting more and more passionate. He figured it was some kind of heat thing. What he was worried about was a week after that when she started to get more violent. Nothing noticeable at first, but when she started to get off on strangling chickens Jake knew there was something wrong. When she passed out and just collapsed was when he knew he needed to do something.
He took her to the nearest mage he could get to. A no name practitioner who happened to be walking by. The mage was able to rouse her and tell them that a curse had been placed on her. But he was unable to do anything about it. They had about three weeks to get it taken care of or she would pass out again that time for good.

Jake went to the Boss for help and guidance.

“Damn it, I fucking hate magic. Jez can you do anything?” Saud the Boss.

Jez had been examining Piko, she was just finishing up. “No dice, lifting curses isn’t my thing. Blood magic even less so. If I even touched this it would most likely get worse.”

“I know a guy, he does blood magic and curse stuff. And I do need to visit him.” The Boss said with a lost in thought look on his face. “So Jake, how do you feel about going to the High Orc lands and visiting with my in laws?”

A trip up to the High Orc lands later.

“Hello Dad. How you been.”

“Good, Ter tells me war is afoot and that my son is soaked in the blood of his enemies.” The old Orc Shaman said.

“Yeah its a good thing the wife is visiting with her mother first. So about the two standing behind me.”

“You mean the cursed and the whipped?”

“Hey-” Jake exclaimed.

“Shut it. Yeah them.”

“Ter says she will bring much bloodshed if I help her but he also says I should not heal her. If she is healed, He will never get Tera back.”

“Fuck me, I’m important. Who would have guessed. Do what you will do. I don’t plan on dying in a week or two.” Piko spoke up, she had been getting more and more sickly as the days passed.

In the end the curse was partly lifted. She would not die, nor would she suffer the effects as near as often. But she would feel them at times to a lesser extent. Jake didn’t care, as long as she lived, he didn’t care about anything. Piko would never be quite the same though.
Time passed and hits were being done left and right. The Gang were gathered to discuss the next one.

“Jervais Pluevou, the Marquis de Bonyard And Gervais Neuveau, the Marquis de Ponyar.” The Boss said.

“My hearing must be going. I thought I heard you say the same guy twice, is he really that hated?” Jez asked.

“Nah, two guys who look similar and have similar names in neighboring lands. Its clearer when written out. Thing is the client wants them dead with in the same hour.”

“Why?” Whit spoke up.

“Superstition. Some old legend of the locals about such people being linked and that they won’t die unless killed close to the same time.”

“You believe that?” Abe asked.

“Fuck nah. But it would put fear into the masses.”

“I’m good, but I don’t think I can kill two guys in an hour.” Piko said. “Though with magical assistance maybe.”

“Well yes, You guys take one”, he said pointing to Piko and Jake, “and you guys take the other.” He said to Abe and Jez."
So dropping the act for a minute. I would like feed back on The Boss and his story so far. Also remember Boss is an act, not me.
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But, assassinating Lilly...
This is the last straw. You can beat a man, burn him, stab him, leave his body a mosaic of scars and his mind a weathered mess, but you never lay a hand on his family.

Artorias, you and I now know this is no longer about some mere slaver or gunrunner. We're dealing with the most evil of men, who wouldn't give a second thought about kidnapping or killing Sera, or Bethany, or any other waifu or child if it gave him the upper hand.

Shit just got real.
Actually that was Abe the flunky who said that and if you notice the Boss shot him down.
Doing good work as far as I can see.

The Boss is likeably repugnant and responses enjoy bringing him up for the banter and caustic mindset. The assassins are all chummy and crazy-empathless like him. Could use more interactions with the as yet only mentioned son. Heck, the wife decoy got more action.

As for plot developments, I helped design all the hits. So don't worry, they get harder for the assassins. No cakewalks for these guys.

And Alaric and Artorias, if you two really do want in on the Take Down the Boss action, remember that the time-frame is from 5AA onwards, when the first hits go public. You'll also need to get reservations, a steady lineup is building against him.

I won't say more for fear of open spoilers.
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He said he's think about it. The idea's on the table, and while Gearheart might be on the "don't fuck with" list, I'm fairly certain Al and a few other knights aren't.
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Time to call in some /b/lackup!

Now where's that fuckin cat when I need it...

We've a man truely evil. Terrorism, assassinations, inciting a war for profit...I like it!
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A chance to defend my waifu in blaze of glory, take down an assassin ring, and show off my new gear in the process?

Where do I sign up?

Well, the boss is delightfully evil. My blood is boiling with anticipation.
The Boss has good people skills. I'll think about it was him tactfully telling his second in command no.
I should write up the do not fuck list. I'll get to that in a bit. Writing about Boss's kid right now.
Thank you all for the impute.
Also Lem and Clover are mostly handling take down so far so talk to them. I just set up the bad guy
Just point me in the right direction and the demons will have more souls to feed on tonight!

On another note, I think I'll hold off on Ceaseless Discharge for a little while now.
Let's see.

Those guys just got a tip on the composition...

It'll take a few more hits before those other guys work the tar baby angle...

There's a Knight pretty close to the action...

You might have to co-op with some nobles, for a Baron that Never Was, or help fortify an island fortress against assassins.

There is a wedding coming up, real VIP stuff there, if you're interested. And if that's not your cup of tea, there's always a slew of imitators (ride-by shootings, how do they work) and the shipping network to dismantle.

Alaric, your sanity is fragile enough, so I wouldn't recommend a coastal holiday for now, as an aside.

The only way to catch these guys red handed would be to disguise yourself (twice) and order hits on your fake self. Then be realllly good at dodging bullets.
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Lose enough SAN points and things don't affect you as horribly, combined with my decent sword skills mean I'm a pretty good candidate. Send me to the coast.

But, I won't be free until like, 6AA, after I finish up this short arc (which I intend to do with a few short pieces)
>> disguise yourself (twice) and order hits on your fake self.
Sweet, so my new armor won't be a complete waste until Micheal is old enough to wear it after all
>>Then be realllly good at dodging bullets.
and let armor and even I couldn't hurt go to waste?
Alaric, it seems we've found a perfect opening for you! An opportunity to make nice with nobleman, and a wedding between a medieval Romeo and Juliet.

A blaze of glory finish for the assassins and you get to dress in a tux (optional), for the Wedding of Lead.

We'll send you the link to the doc for when we're good and ready.

Any personal preferences for your part?
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I'd rather not call in a hit on myself(I give the wives too much grief as it is), but disguising myself and acting as, say, someone's bodyguard during one of the exchanges wouldn't be a bad way to go.

I don't think anyone else actually saw the armor when I brought it home, so I always have that going in my favor too.
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Close enough.

Now, should I lay it on more seductive or classy when I meet this nobleman?
...I didn't break the thread, did I?
Nah me and Clover were talking about our plans for you two. About a week or so until we reach the point for you two to come in. Also your parts take place around 7AA anyproblems?
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A bodyguard placement has as opening, for the Good Baron of Brackamoore. He wants guards, and lots of them, to protect his poor little head. A badass lookin knight wouldn't hurt for intimidation purposes.

Classy, bit of an exotic, but not too lewd. The Harem Knights have a rep for polyamory, which implies some level of charisma, but you're not their to crash the wedding, but to stop the crashers. Add a level of steel for seriousness to yourself and it'll do fine.

Both of you should get your links in the thread in about a week, depending on how fast Gearheart can write.
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Classy, got it.

Now to just add an alluring layer of stoicism and we're cooking with gas.
Big guy, bronze armor, bronze and white-iron shield, and a bronze halberd...yeah, I got this.
Now the question is how did he have two losers for sons.
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I... what?
People of the Jury, I rest my case.
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But that's Nero. Come on, if you're going to insult a game character, get it down right.
They look the same to me. Pretty white harried boys with a emo hair cut.
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Emo, really?
That link will end that argument.

Now, on the discussion of Harem Knights, what am I supposed to do with this nobleman? Just make a good impression? Arrange a business meeting?
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The year was 7 AA, and war was on the horizon.

The human superpower nation, Mirthterrah, was gearing for war as more noble sons and daughters of the Iron Land fell to the attacks of assassins, wielding deadly weapons of distant fire.

The fledgling nation of TeeGee was at risk of attack, for they were most noted of strange technologies and notions, the fire-arm recently fielded being one of them. But so far, all evidence of the attacks points readily to the chaotic realms of the Free Kingdoms.

In the fair city of Navoroe, two major noble families did aspire to join their lines in most holy wedlock, to solidify a dynasty of peace and secure their cities from war. But others conspired against them...

Young knight, go forth and protect the realm! For if the nation of TeeGee can rise in the eyes of noblemen, the giant that is Mirthterrah will not fall upon our city state in times of war! Make us proud Harem Knight, and Be Excellent!

(Hope that wasn't too hammy, and you got some ideas)
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I think I understand. So, I have to be a bodyguard/counter assassin and make the right impression on these nobles, then?

It's time to unleash my secret CHA.
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Is everyone still here?
I'm not meant to be talking, as I've got writing to do.

The rest are in the collab. We're just discussing.
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I see. Guess I better keep an eye out until they return.
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I first met Roy Fokker during a mission in Orniere. Accompanying me was Brother Paladin Godwinson of the Church of the Eighth Sacrament. We had been charged with investigating potential heretical involvement in a series of murders in Orniere. The local church, the Church of Minor Mercies, had been concerned ever since more and more heretical Teegee adventurers pass through the town and the frequency of these killings were increasing. They were afraid they may be dealing for a cult and were ill-equipped to do so.

Orniere is known for it’s woodworking and aside from being a stop over for Teegee adventurers, little else graces the village with its presence so my welcome was a bit the talk of the town.

The latest victim’s cottage was easy to find and expected to get to work immediately scrying for clues. I was surprised to find the captain of the town guard, a priest and one of the woodworkers arguing about something on the premises. To be more specific, it was the priest and the captain that were arguing, the woodworker was examining the environs.

“Captain Watson, that man has no right running around disturbing the deceased!” the priest had shouted.

“Please Friar Briar, you know as well as I do that Roy is the best chance we’ve got to catch the criminal,” the captain replied calmly.

“There’s no need for that, an inquisitorial investigation team will be arriving shortly,” he stopped spied us before pointing, “Look, there they are now.”
“Feds are here huh,” the woodworker emerged from his crouching position around the body and greeted us, “Good day to you, I’m Roy Fokker, how do you do?”

“Show some respect Fokker, that’s a Paladin you’re talking to!” Friar Briar admonished him again.

“Sorry, I’ve never seen an honest to God paladin before alright?”

“I believe he has shown more than enough respect,” Godwinson stepped in before they could get going, “I am Brother Godwinson and this is Sister Miriam, we are here to investigate possible heretical activities tied to these murders if there are any and bring the ones responsible to justice.”

My first impressions of the brown haired woodworker was that he had already some idea of what had happened and if the Captain Watson was right about the woodworker then we’d already be halfway through the case. Regardless I started preparing to scry the area.

“Fokker, what can you tell us about this victim,” Godwinson continued.

“Roy’s fine sir Paladin,” Fokker gestured to the body, “Victim was Jean Claude, male farmer aged 35. Dead on arrival this morning. Estimated time of death, a few hours before sunrise. Cause of death, cardiac arrest. Cause of cause of death, poisoned dart shot from a mount travelling at a brisk trot, probably a blow pipe. Otherwise no apparent external injuries. Perpetrator’s motives, unknown.”

It was more detailed than Brother Godwinson had expected but my scrying had corroborated Fokker’s explanation.
“I am always in awe of your skills Fokker,” the captain held his chin with his hand, “Pray tell how you arrived at such a conclusion.”

“Elementary my dear Watson. Observe where the dart landed. Now imagine poor Jean standing over here,” Fokker placed himself where the victim was supposedly standing before he was shot, ”The footprints here look like he’s had his back to the street, probably fishing out his keys. Doesn’t pay attention to the late night traffic, drunken adventurers probably. Feels a small prick on his back and reaches around for it. Suddenly chest pains, a result of the paralysis of the heart from the poison. He grabs his chest with his left and collapses clutching for the dart with his right. Judging from the angle at which the dart struck, it seems to have been fired from an elevated position, thus, some kind of mount. There are no wheel ruts so it’s safe to assume it was a rider. The spacing between the closest set of prints suggests some measure of speed. Slow enough to be able to hit and confirm it but quick enough that it sounded like a normal rider.”
Fokker mimed the the whole thing out with his hands.

“You seem to be unnervingly precise in your account Fokker,” Friar Briar mentioned accusingly.

“Orniere is a historically quiet town, I don’t expect you to have any experience or training for this kind of thing,” Fokker shot back before adding, “No offense captain.”

“None taken Roy.”

“Sister is there anything you would like to add?” Godwinson asked me next.

There was nothing to add to his conclusion. No dark magic was involved and as Fokker had covered the incident well with his explanation. Now to proceed with the investigation.

“I don’t suppose I can take the dart can I? I have a friend who may be able to recognise it and the poison used,” Fokker offered.

“I’m afraid not Roy, we don’t have any other leads,” Godwinson replied, “We’ll try our methods first and if that doesn’t work then we’ll think about asking your friend.”

To be honest, we both had our suspicions about him but part of it was my pride as a scryer. I wasn’t always his friend you know Inquisitor?
Sadly, it never left. Its just one endless circlejerk that refuses to go make its own forum or something despite the insularity of it all.
Thai... this, its one thing to reference but come on. Don't mean to be an ass, but I was groaning at Roy and was rolling my eyes at Captain Watson. That said I hope you prove me wrong and do something great.
they cling to the idea that they might attract new posters by staying on /tg/
I guess that might be true, but if they set up a decent forum you'd think they'd do at least as well
but we can't really complain I guess, it isn't a big deal just to hide the thread
Aquarius dragged me out to the shore. We got in a boat, and I rowed us out to sea. Figures goddess of the ocean and I still have to do the heavy lifting. She steered us out to a spot far out in the ocean.

“Strip.” She commanded.

I did so. “Yeah I guess heavy armor would be a bad idea, under the sea. Down where its wetter.”

“It needs to go on directly on your skin.”

“Of course.”

“Here let me help you with that.” She said grabbing part of the seal skin. I was having some trouble getting it on.

“And cross latex suit off the list. I swear at this rate I'm going to be out of things I've never done. That drinking game may well be off the table.”

The suit was just short of my neck when she pushed me into the water.

“Some of my girls will be here to pick you up in a moment. When they get here just bring the suit all the way up to your neck and follow them. I'll be keeping an eye on you and I'll make sure nothing happens to your stuff.” There was huge wave that came from no where and the boat and the goddess where gone. Along with most of my stuff.

“Well at least I still have my sword.” I said to my self.

In less than a minute three Mermaids came up from the sea. One of which I knew. It was Rachel, the mermaid who sung during the Orchestra under the Stars.

“GearHeart? Your the important guest?”

“I guess so.”

“Well then lets get a move on.” She said grabbing the collar of the suit and pulling it up just short of my jaw.
Things got trippy, its hard to describe shape-shifting to some one who never has before. It feels like light is running through your veins and over your skin. There is a tightness and a freedom to it. As the sensation faded I felt odd sensations come over me. I'll put it this way. Lilly had made sure I had sometime as a female. But, never in the salty ocean. Free floating boobies feel funny. Add in the fact that I was now far more intimate with Mermaid anatomy than I had ever intended to be, I'll put it this way I had a good idea where the pocket was. It was in another pocket and it wasn't water tight. Course that was far from the oddest part. That would be having a tail for legs.

“You know first time I met you you were wearing a kilt, no big deal. Second time I run into you your all dressed up. Third time your a full fledged woman. You send an odd message to a girl.”

A girl who had swam up behind me grabbed my chest and gave them a good hard squeeze. “Look at those buoys, I'll be amazed if she can get her head under the water with out help. We might have to attach anchors to these floaters. She has the place to tie them on already.” She said twisting the piercings.” I could feel the heat building.

“Stop teasing him Karol, I think he makes a cute Mermaid. I'm glad he got that skin and not a proper one. It beats looking at you all the time.” Said the third, she had blue hair.”

“Oh fine, I'll let him be for now.” She said her fingers darting down and reaffirming my suspicion about where the main genitalia were. Her nimble fingers slipped in a round object far to deep for my taste. She whispered into my ear as she pulled away. “I'll enjoy harvesting the string of pearls that grow latter.”
I gave a gasp and my hand shot down trying to remove the large peal. I really did not need this crap. But it was no use, I could barley get through the folds that covered my... place. Let alone reach the peal buried deep.

“Figures a guy has access to a pussy and all he wants to do is play with it. You can play with it later. I'm sure that Karol will help you explore its depths later. We have things to do now. Come on.”


“We are going to be late at this rate. I hope you can swim some what decently.” Rachel said diving under the water.

Karol gave me an evil grin then followed her. The third girl motioned for me to go next so I did.

I followed after Karol and Rachel, the pearl proving to be distracting with every movement of my tail, muscles tightening around it, it would then give a little vibration and I would fling the tail the other way just to repeat the process. Lilly would like this Karol chick. On that note, its an odd feeling, the tail that is. It's mine but it doesn't feel like mine, same with the other stuff.

“You know you swim really well for a first timer, though you do look very tired.” Said Blue.

“Thank you.” I said having a feeling the tired look was from something else. I was also glad the girls didn't seem to notice the mountains growing on my chest, the studs my have been helping to hide that.

“Yeah you swimming is as beautiful as a peal.” Karol said, with a sly grin.

We swam for a good time, nearly straight down. We came to a large system of bubble like structures. Thousands of domes and spheres connected by tubes of massive size. It was made of glass and some kind of metal looking similar to brass. If I had to guess I would say it was about half a size bigger than the city of Teegee. We swam to a gate with two really burly octopus men standing guard. I admit I may have been staring.
“Stop staring at the Shers.” Karol said pushing me through the gate.

A little ways past the gate we swam off to a side room. It was full of brass tubes that went from the floor to the ceiling. There were countless gauges and leavers and valves about. In the middle of the room was another of the Sher things. It was sitting at a desk that was covered in buttons.

Rachel flipped over the pendent on her necklace to reveal what looked a lot like a badge. “Capitol, 4.”

The Sher nodded or at least I think that's what it did. Hatches on four of the pipes opened up.

“Don't warm your self sluty.” Karol said to me and pushed me towards one of the tubes.

“Yes, I think we all get it. You want my massive land dick and you have no clue how to get. As for this I did stuff that made this look weak for fun back home.”

“You don't even know what it is.” Said blue hair.

“Some kind of rapped transit system, like being swept away by a strong current.”

The girls just had a stunned look.

“You said you knew him from before, is he always like this?”

“Lets women walk over him, insufferable smart-ass, that kind of thing? Yeah, from my experience he does.”
“If you girls saw some of the rides I've been on, like the five story vertical slide or the loop, your eyes would be were your tails were. Batten down the hatches and let her rip Sher.” I said getting in one of the tubes. The hatch closed behind me, the Sher saluted and slammed a button on the desk.

I was off like a rocket, jets of water rushing me along at breakneck speeds. In about two minutes I came to a stop and the thing opened up. I got out and looked as boss I could with my current look. Mere seconds after me the three Mermaids arrived.

Karol was adrenaline high, Rachel calm, and blue dizzy.

“Like I said, one smooth ride, all the way.”

The two gave me an evil look. Rachel was to busy being on the move already.
“Zazy, brief him. Karol don't even.” Rachel said, all high speed, low drag.

“Right. One of the oracles was given a vision that a champion would appear and he would help us with our curses. That champion being you, the curses being many. We are taking you before the Great Houses, our leaders. We work for one of the more influential ones. They want to meet you and give you the run down.”

“Also want to see my goods. Though not in the literal sense I hope, Karol is doing more than enough of that kind of thing.”

“Basically yeah.”

“Well then I really need to thank Lilly later. This would have been difficult before her.”

They lead me to a room and I was told to sit on this large platform. It started to rise up.

It came to a stop in the middle of a large room, the rock just breaking the surface of the water, there were about a hundred over Merpeople sitting on similar rocks. I felt the overwhelming urge to start singing “Part of His World.” Then someone gave a wolf whistle and I decided to do my usual plan. Fuck Every thing.exe, no wait that was Lilly's. Mine was light up the night.bat, damn magic hormones.
Someone started to speak. “We are to believe that you...”

I interrupted with an illusion of an explosion covering my spot. I pulled the skin off quickly and illusioned my self up some proper clothes, a black and red business suit, while standing up.

When the fake smoke cleared I started to speak using a booming voice spell I had picked up. “Me? Me, I am GearHeart the Mad Mage. Some know me as a trickster and huckster, others know me as a scholar and a warrior, some know me as creator some as a destroyer. I have come as a favor to a friend. I believe you know her name, Aquarius. Chose, friend or enemy. I will not wait long for your answer mortals.”

Fuck this shit, I'm starting the legend of GearHeart the trickster spirit or what have you now.

“How dare you say her name with such levity.” Said one pompous bastard.

“I address everyone who has undressed me equally. Now then seems its enemy. Well then, fuck it fire.” I said creating the illusion of a dragon ball z sized energy ball over my head. Illusion magic is a wonderful tool.

There was much screaming and begging and a few brave souls lept from their rocks at me. I turned the fireball into a confetti explosion and Said. “I feel wonderful to day, so I am giving you all one more chance. Act like adults or I punish you like children.”

Everyone returned to their seats. After everyone got back to being calm a voice from my left spoke up.

“If you don't mind me asking GearHeart, why the show?” Said a older looking Merman and judging from banner over his section it was the House of Wisemen.
“To show. To show I do as I want, when I want, and will not be toyed with. I am not a merc hired on to swing a blade.”

A voice spoke up from elsewhere, “You saying theres something wrong with honest work.”

I turned to the speaker, one of the warrior house according to the banner with a sword over the seats where he sat. “Never, but there is a skill to it that few have. Needs to be placed just right, I am sure one such as yourself knows the difference between swinging and aiming. Just think of me as another weapon and aim me at the problem.”

“Many problems now a days. The Lords of Foam and Current have grown passive, the Great Sea Jellies run rampant, and our kind is hunted by the pirate scum. On top of that demons beguile us. Do you really think you can shift those great currents?” Said a Noble.

An aide came up to the Wiseman who had spoken before and whispered something into his ear.

“According to one of my agents you have experience with demon kind. Also that you have a habit for putting on quiet a show.” The Wiseman said.

“Rachel you mean? I take it she told you the full extent of my involvement with them. So what can I call you you seem to be level headed, and I have a feeling I will be working with you the most.”

“You can call me Charlie.”

“Of course, I like you. So what now?”

“Now, now we talk. You are welcome to stay but I imagine that you would much rather see the city. As what we are to talk about is rather or not you are the one. And if so then to whom will you play maid for.”

“Doesn't make any difference to me, I'll also be taking your three agents again.”

“You would take from an old man his three best servants?” Charlie said wryly.
“Just borrowing them, besides if they are your three best that implies you have more than just them.”

“True, it makes sense anyway. I'm not sure letting you roam freely would be a safe idea.”

“You are sharp. I see why you play out side your league.”

“Then it is deiced. The Houses will come to a verdict on you after you leave.” The Noble in the highest seat said, and then he pushed a lever and the stone started to sink back down. Leaving me barely enough time to get the skin suit back on.

Soon I was back in the room that I had started in. The three girls lounging about on the floor, they reminded me of sleeping sharks. Karol looked up with a evil grin.

“Give them a good show blushing beauty?” She asked.

“Oh you know, fire and doom.”

“You do look really red, are you ok?” Zazay asked.

“Oh, I'm fine. Also Rachel I know your in on this. This has to do with the time Lilly put that one potion in your tank.”

“As you Knights say, implying implications.” She said.

“I'm just in it for the fun. And I'd be more than happy to help you with your problem for a price~” Karol said as she latched on to me. I decided to play it cool and just let her, she quickly lost interest when I didn't struggle.

“Karol its one thing to have a little fun with the new girl, its another thing to sleep with a married man.” Rachel said.

“What they don't know won't hurt them.”

“You know Karol, I'll take you up on that later. On one condition. Just foreplay.”

“Jim I can't believe you. I thought you were better than that.” Rachel exclaimed.

“Lilly and Meina have a very open mind about playing around. You know that or do you want me to tell them about how they played with you.”

“Oh I like stories.”
“Well it all started when Rachel lost a drinking contest against Meina. Which was sad by the way I though Meina was a light weight. Then again Kikki is even worse, then on the other side is Alice. As Me, Lem Kashi, and Lilly learned never drink with Alice.”

“Alice? That little waif of a barmaid?”

“That little waif once out drank us heavy drinkers in turn.”

“Are there any normal people in Teegee?”

“Not that I have meet.”

“Well come on then lets go show you the city.”

“Also your not off the hook so easily.

“Damn it.”

They took me on a tour of the city. Its really advanced, lots of glass and metal, kind of like a rapture thing going on, with parts that were wet and parts that were dry. When they weren't telling me of the wonders of the city I was telling stories of Lilly and Meina getting into trouble. Surprising just how many of those stories I have. I had enough where the victim was Rachel to last hours. We were in front of the pump, the building the controlled the water level in the city, I had just finished the story of how Meina and Lilly had tried to introduce her to the idea of water wear. Of course it being Lilly there was a gimmick involved. Namely that it had some powerful suction going on, to “help it stay on”.
“Lilly sounds like a riot, as Rachel told it it sounded more like torture.” Karol said.

“Speaking of Lilly and torture. How is she? I remember she was trying to stop being so...”


“Yeah thats the word.”

“Shes... been better lately. Meina's with child. I think that has a major part in it.”

“She is? We should be celebrating then!” Karol said getting rather excited, visible so.

“Your not going to miss the birth are you?” The meek Zazay asked.

“Nah I got time, Holistri have a longer whats it called. Can't think of the word, anyway Meina has been pregnant for a while and according to her and every other Holistri she has a good time more.”

“Awh, now I feel bad for her, all alone with Lilly and you away from home. Well then we will do everything we can to get you home as fast as we can.” Karol said.

At that time another Mermaid swam up, she whispered into Rachels ear.

“The Houses have come to an end. And of course Charlie managed to get sole control of you. Turns out no one wanted to deal with you after you nearly roasted all of them apparently.

“Good times.”

“Also he said we can get started bright and early after a time of rest.”

“That brings up a good question. I haven't seen any evidence of how you all tell time. I take it based off the tides right?”
“Yep, also unlike you humans, we don't have a set sleeping time. This truly is the city that never sleeps, always people up and about doing something.”

“Efficient sounding.”

“A place was arraigned for you to stay when we got word from the Oracle. I'll take you to it. And help you with you little problem.” Karol said, grabbing my arm and pulling me after her.

She lead me to a section of the city that had a bunch of hourglass shaped rock structures. One of them had a Sher in front of it. He had a really big and evil looking spear-gun on him.

“This is GearHeart, your in front of GearHearts house now. You obey him now ok.” Karol told the creature.

It unwrapped a face tentacle and offered me the key that it held. I took the key not quiet sure I liked how the Shers were treated.

Karol pushed me towards the door. I unlocked it and we went in. The first floor was a kind of underwater home, with a living room like layout and a fish tank? In the middle of that room. The tank was full of various sea creatures and plants. It was made of glass and was sealed, the lid looking like it would slide off but there was also a kind of plastic covering that one could push aside and it was hand sized..

“From the way your eying those fishies I take it I'm not the only hungry one, we will need to keep our strength up to. Those pearls are going to be so much fun to remove.”
She swam over to the tank and reached down into it, the plastic like triangles that formed the circle moving aside. She snatched up a fish and a few blades of seaweed. I took a shot at the crab, and got it on the third try. It got me the first time, much to Karols amusement.

“If you knew Sushi like I knew Sushi.” I joked as we ate.

“I know Sushi, she my girlfriend.” Karol said in response. For once my not phased facade was dropped. I had no response. “Oh man your face, it's priceless. Rachel told me you like to say that when eating seafood.”

“Course, that makes sense. Anything else she tell you that I should know?”

“Oh she told me lots of things, a lot of which she claims she heard from Lilly.”

“And there goes my reputation.”

“Oh don't worry, me and her won't tell anyone about your secrets. Keeping secrets is part of our jobs and we are very good at it. I won't even tell people that you like to wear womens underwear.”

“I really need to have a talk with Lilly about all the wild rumors shes spreading.”

“So its not true?”

“Just about every rumor she tells is based on a little fact. Me, I don't like to wear womens underwear, but I do like to make Lilly and Meina happy. So the things I do like is a diverse and changing field.”

“I just have one question. Whats underwear?”

“Oh you need to come visit Teegee some time. Lilly would have so much fun with you.”

“Speaking of fun, now with meal done. Its time to play, you will pay.” Karol said.

“I take it your habit for bursting into shoddy rhyme is related to your name.
“You know it, now show it.” She said, grabbing at the fold of skin covering my genitalia. She moved it out of the way, and I let her do it, figuring this would be over quicker if I just went with it.

“Your need for no bead, hung in you. So I shall now feed, tongue in you.” She said, her tongue working in, it worked its way around the beads, and then she started to pull the string of beads that had grown out. Needless to say I squirmed like a bitch. Karol seemed to calm down after that. It felt good to be free of those damn things. I would have to do that to Lilly, she would love it.

“I take it that there was a reason for the tongue. As I tried to remove it myself to no avail.”

“All part of my spell, made specially for you on Rachel’s request. Normally I just grow my jewelry myself while I sleep.”

“About that magic? Rachel told me that Merpeople don't have souls and as such can't do magic.”

“I... would rather not talk about it, if thats ok. I mean if you really need to know I'll tell you.”

“I don't need to know. Unless you think it will affect the job.”

“It won't. I promise. Now about that foreplay you promised me in return?”

“Well then I think we need to go up stairs.” I said point at the small hole in the ceiling.

“I don't think you and your boobies will fit.”

I looked to the hole and then at the chest I had gotten with the skin suit. “I think your right. Well then easily solved.”

I swam up to the hole and then pulled the suit down far enough to revert to normal, easily fitting through. Just had to hold my breath for a second. My suspicion had been right. The second floor was dry and was a simple bedroom. There were a number of levers on the wall with symbols above them. Karol stuck her head through the hole.
“Are you sure. I had kind of figured on a little touching and stuff as both of us as mermaids. I...”

“Nervous are we? Don't worry about it. I know for a fact that Lilly and Meina would want me to teach you this lesson.”

“When you say it like that, I don't really want to find out anymore.”

“I bet Rachel will love to hear about how I scared you off. Its just a little training session. Just my hands on you.”

“Well then I guess... but if you don't want to do it you don't have to, I put you through enough as is.”

“Oh its no trouble, sides I don't back out of a deal. Much to my girls delight.”

Karol lifted herself out of the water.

“Ok now off with the skin.”

“I... ok if you say so.” She said slowly removing her second skin. She was acting a lot shyer, part of me felt bad for pushing her, but a large part of me wanted to get back at her.... I think that Lilly and Meina and the games are starting to rub off on me. “Ok what next? Kind of like a fish out of water here.” She said shyly, covering her self with her hands, that just feed into the hunger to have some fun with her. I really do have a lot in common with Lilly. I just have better control.

“Remain standing and put your elbows on the bed.” I said, tempted to use a more commanding tone, but this wasn't the place for that.

She did so hesitantly. “This is embarrassing.”

“Kind of the idea, just go with it ok. If you go with it and see it to the end you will have some real fun ok.” I said in a softer tone, running my hand through her hair and massaging her scalp. She relaxed at that. “Now you just get comfortable and used to that position. While I get a few things ready.”

“Ok. I'll try.”
The first thing I did was magic myself up some proper clothes. I swear Lilly's most useful spells are the clothes magic ones. Then I got a bowel off a shelf and filled it with water. There was also another smaller tank in the room. I pulled out some seaweed and mashed it up.

“So you just plan on making me stand here with my rear in the air?” Karol said, now over her hesitation.

“Oh no, I'm almost done prepping, one sec.” I said as I finished mashing the seaweed then enchanted it with a simple spell. I then walked to her side. “Earlier you asked what underwear is. Well this is it.” I said summoning up a red lace thong like that which Lilly like to wear. “Now say AH.”

“AH?” She said, before she was done I had stuffed the panties into her mouth. They weren't enough to gag her, but they were enough to muffle what she said.

“Keep them in your mouth and remember just go with it and your have fun.” I said in the same soft tone. Then I switched over to a more commanding tone. “You've been a bad girl, now its time for your punishment.”


“This stance won't do. Spread them.” I said placing my hands between her legs and teasing her just a little. I could tell she was confused but she did so. With my probing hand I was also working in the seaweed paste. In a few seconds she was sufficiently wet to get started. I lightly swatted her ass. She let out a little yelp and moan at this. The paste was enchanted to vibrate when I spanked her. It was safe to say she didn't see that coming. I continued to lightly spank her until her behind was a nice bright red.
I did this for a good while and right when she was about to reach the point of no return I stopped. And just waited for a few seconds. The I flicked some of the water from the bowl on to her rear with my fingertips. And resumed spanking. She did not see the increased pain coming. I started to play with her head a bit, heavy and light randomly and some times I would just fall short of connecting. She was at the edge again. I then picked her up and threw her into the pool of water.

She screamed out in shock and swore at me. I threw down her skin and then pulled two of the levers. On started to lower the water level and the other closed the hatch on the pool. As it closed I shouted.

"That was fun, see you tomorrow."

"You pink balling tease of a bastard." She shouted back.

I went and lay on my bed. Thinking how much fun a little revenge was.
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Guys, I want to ask: do we have talking bears?
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Good question...I don't know.
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Guys, I think we have a problem. Someone stole all the sweetrolls.
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Want to make sure that this general design is okay before I break out some more indepth stuff. This isn't going to be pretty I'm afraid :S I don't have the little stencils I used to use...
I'd say it works pretty well so far.
Also, do we have a sewer system? It'd be a pain to build, but manageable with help from the dwarves. I'm imagining relatively spacious stone tunnels with four foot wide walkways on either side, and liquids running through the center.
Well, keep in mind we're building on a large citadel. As castle, it's pretty damn small, so take into account the rather haphazard nature of what we built up around it. As we probably wouldn't have much in the way of city planning at first, dwellings would likely come up concentrically around the original citadel walls.

Additionally, I would imagine walls to be concentrically built as the city expands faster than we can move the walls, so we just build new ones. The inner walls would eventually be broken down, but there would at least be three or four layers of wall before the fifth goes down.
>Well, keep in mind we're building on a large citadel. As castle, it's pretty damn small, so take into account the rather haphazard nature of what we built up around it. As we probably wouldn't have much in the way of city planning at first, dwellings would likely come up concentrically around the original citadel walls.
>Additionally, I would imagine walls to be concentrically built as the city expands faster than we can move the walls, so we just build new ones. The inner walls would eventually be broken down, but there would at least be three or four layers of wall before the fifth goes down.
My reasoning is that pretty much everything outside the central keep was utterly obliterated (or at least close enough to make no never mind) by the ork invasion.
>Additionally, I would imagine walls to be concentrically built as the city expands faster than we can move the walls, so we just build new ones. The inner walls would eventually be broken down, but there would at least be three or four layers of wall before the fifth goes down.
My idea was dozens of smaller walls. Built outward, more and more. Every time we do it, there's like this outer wall of dozens of smaller walls in this web shape almost. We deconstruct them eventually inside, but invaders find it very difficult to actually invade. The reason? All these walls. Procedure would be to abandon this network of "cells" and when enemies get into them, turn them into kill zones. Lighting the entire area on fire. Theurge Fires from the Dragonmech books.
both me btw.

I don't think most of the city itself was destroyed since they didn't lay siege and turned in on themselves fairly quickly. Damaged, sure, but they didn't have time enough to raze most of the place.

While I like the idea, lighting our own stoneworks on fire seems counter-productive. Having a fortified tower at each border would be nice though. We could even mount a trebuchet on the larger ones.
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The interwall burning thing is more about what happens if they breach an outer wall. And considering our relatively low numbers, we may have to resort to these sorts of tactics. Hell, we should probably have a citywide evacuation plan.
I think we should go with the city of walls scheme. Walls are choke points. Walls make a good defense. They help with other things and give us some unique advantages if we go layer upon layers of walls.
Typos everwhere in the latest piece.
Thats because I don't have my edit monkeys when I write those.
I am not a monkey. I am what I am.
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A wall isn't necessarily a chokepoint, however, a hallway or funnel is. During a siege, we'd likely end up surrounded either way, and the most important thing there is to keep the enemy out in the first place. After this, there could probably be a secondary or even tertiary wall to hold the enemy back. As you get closer to the center, I'd recommend having the buildings being built more with military defense in mind.
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I notice a lot of sentence fragments, myself. If he started typing in a google doc I'd be willing to check in and fix those.
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I like my moth better
I was wondering where the new thread went.
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Come at me.
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Man...I'm just chillin
I'm thinking that moving this stuff to a forum might be helpful- that way we won't need to worry about getting saged or 404'd. Plus, it would let us streamline the thread so it won't just look like us throwing ideas around.
Nice try forum guy, 8/10 for new tactics.

No. We already get massive amounts of accusations about exclusivity. No reason to give evidence of it. This is a /TG/ project, the whole idea is that it's /TG/ a unified setting.

Taking it off /TG/ would rather defeat the purpose would it not?
No, it won't. Then it really would just turn into an insular circle jerk. We've had new people like Jistin show up late into the game, and there's plenty of space for other people to join in when they want.

Besides, that would get in the way of the original intent of this project: storytelling. These are stories for all of /tg/, whether individual members think we're a bunch of circle jerking faggots or not. And anyone in /tg/ can contribute, but with the caveat that ruining everyone else's lunch isn't cool. If this dies on it's own, great. This is an experiment in creativity, something fun for us to do together, not a grand /tg/ GET SHIT DONE project (even though we're getting shit done, that is incidental).

So nice try, no fun police, you can't win here. If you don't like it, hide the thread and troll elsewhere. Or even better, make a character and join us!
>These are stories for all of /tg/
Which is why they rely on ~40 threads worth of backstory to understand. You guys do realize the rest of /tg/ uses these threads as a barometer of how shitty something is, right? You will see posts saying “Well this may be bad, but at least its not Harem Knights bad” in threads all the time
The 1d4chan page gives a pretty good summary of relevant information. This isn't a setting where you have to know 12 volumes worth of backstory, and we've said as much before.
This is the problem I was referring to in my other post (I forgot to fill in the name field).>>21761400

To be blunt, /tg/ just doesn't like the idea anymore and will keep calling the project a circlejerk no matter how much we ask others to join in. I believe that this ought to remain on /tg/ myself, but it's clear that we are beginning to overstay our welcome here.
See >>21762279

Besides, you don't watch say, Game of Thrones from the middle of Season 2 and expect to know everything that's going on from the start, do you? Not even I read everything in these threads, but I still manage to add some myth to it, right?

Too bad for them. A cancer spreads, but we're only one thread. If one thread renewed every few days is too insulting to their eyes, then they can hide it. I'm not really a huge fan of quest threads (since then you really do need to go through dozens of threads to get involved), but I don't go complaining about them just because they're there. And I'm not going to close the door on people who do enjoy these threads but don't say anything and those who might join just because others do complain.

Now, lets get back on topic and write some shit.
Right then, getting on subject, did we ever give names to the demon lords?
It does?
Really? Cause I've yet to see it. "It's not FATAL" it's not "Crystal" it's not a lot of things, but I've yet to see the phrase "It's not Harem Knights"

As for writing shit, I was more thinking drawing it. Working on that presently.

So far I've got a couple of districts radiating out from the center of the city. The Outrealmers district is closest to the castle, while the merchant district is in the center. We got the Orkish areas south, and the more magically/technically inclinded stuff to the north, nearer to the drop off station for the Dwarven aqueduct-barges and the university.

Still working on east district, but it's the one I imagine is expanding the fastest since it has the most room to grow.
just to be clear for you. You get haters in every "this isn't about already published games" threads. Always. You get them in threads about making games, you get them in threads about unified settings. You get them in quest threads. Occasionally you get them in threads for group finding, though that's less common. Ignore the haters.
>you don't watch say, Game of Thrones from the middle of Season 2 and expect to know everything that's going on from the start, do you?
You also don't tell people that the middle of Season 2 is great entry point to the franchise. That makes you Bioware, which is terrible.
Not as far as I'm aware. Were you planning something coherent or Judeo-Christian, or full Cthulhu Mythos sounding?
>I've yet to see the phrase "It's not Harem Knights"
It has certainly cropped up here and there, I can tell you that much. I saw it in one of those Smoothscale threads.
If it hasn't 404'd, would you mind linking me? I'd like a little evidence.
Never mind, found it myself. It appears to be two, three people complaining off topic to the thread.
You're right, Bioware is awful, but I'm not saying that you should start writing from the middle. There are only two or three "universal" events, some general notes on the other races, and from there, you can go on and create your own season 1. This is more a universe to create things in. You don't need to read the Drizzt books to play the Forgotten Realms setting, do you? Well, you don't need to know the exploits of Sir Fearghaile to make your own adventuring Outrealmer Knight.

Why not both? There's a name everyone knows them by, and then there's the "truename" which is much more C'thulhu level madness pronunciation. Give just a slight bit of the fey element to "connect" them without actually making them the same.
That's actually a pretty good idea. What do you think, Artorias?
What would even be cooler would be a magically indestructible tome called "The Book of Names" where whenever a new Demon is born, it's Truename is etched into its pages. Most who gaze upon its pages fall to madness, but those strong enough of spirit (or already mad in the first place!) can use it as a powerful tool against demonkind. That is, if they can find it!

From here, create quest where someone goes to discover the book, saves X through its use, but then right afterwards mysteriously disappears again.
Neat. We'll have to keep that in mind for later.
Ok my vote is a fuck the hell no on that. As I've mentioned a few named ones over the stories is one reason. But another is that most have a high turn over, so you can just throw a new one in when ever you want.

Also Fuck truenames
Fuck Fey
Fey != Demon

And I have to ask. Having introduced demons, having written the most. Does this fit with anything I have done? The answer is no. It doesn't fit the tone or the lore of demons really. Also in my Hell arc story I have started to make demons a respectable enemy unlike the joke they are now.

If you want to do that. Make a different race like Wizards of the cost did. Devils or something I don't know.

-GearHeart rage done.
Boss’s kill teams were soon off, to go add two more to the long and ever growing list of successful missions. As everyone was busy with their parts, Boss had a lot of free time on his hands. He spent this time with his son, the thing he truly did care the most about. Tommy was going to be ten soon. Reminding Frank, The Boss, of his own tenth birthday. His wasn’t pretty, and he was dead set to make sure Tommy’s was. Tommy had a thing for trains. Frank had bought him a well made train set and also a nice war game set. Flames of War, a Fatguy reproduction. One day during a long campaign.

“You know son, back in the day, your great, great, great, grandfather was a railroad man.”

“Was he a conductor?”

“Nah he was a coalman first, then the war came. He got promoted one day. The army had mounted a couple cannons on one car, some of the soldiers got chilled and he found himself drafted into the army and worked as loader. Story is they traveled across the lands, shelling the land to hell and back.”

“What happened?”

“War ended, trains went out of style as cars came in. Putting a large number of people out of work. Which in turn lead to anarchy and terrorism. But thats besides the point. Son, we come from a long line of bloodshed and war. I want that to end with me. My life is over half over if I live to be 90, but yours is just begun. Promise me, son, not to do the things I've done. Walk away from trouble if you can. Now it won't mean you're weak if you turn the other cheek.
I hope you're old enough to understand.”


“Nothing son, just feeling my age. I’m 57 years old now. Now then, how about you take a turn talking. Your most powerful tool is your words son. Learn them and hone them well.”

“What do I talk about?”
“Most important thing is being able to relate to someone and then establishing a connection. We already have a deep as connection that there could be, but think for a sec, if you just were getting to know me, what would you talk about?”

“Uh... I’m telling you, those wastes of space that make up the council. The... uh... the trade agreement between us and Serrid is fucking bullshit.”

“Son, watch your mouth. Your mother heard you talk like that she would have my head in a blink of an eye. But you did good, even the swearing really. As you should always talk at that person's level, it helps to build a connection. But the most important thing is, never hesitant. If you act like you know what you are doing people will listen, you say what they want to hear and they will follow.”

“Why would I want people to follow me? Doesn’t really fit with being a Knight.”

“That what most people think. When you see the Knights Harem, you see the great ones. They can bend kingdoms to their knees with clever tricks of diplomacy or rend a monster in half with their bare hands. Some can do a lot more than that. But you never really think of the less glamorous jobs. Those people are like cogs in a machine, they allow the function to happen. If you don’t have cogs its alot harder to function. These people are far more valuable than most realize. It’s why I was able to create Sir Coal factory.”
“Good cogs?”

“The best people I could find.”

“Dinner time, you can get back to your game after.” Wyona called from the dining room.

The very next morning, Frank and Tommy were out hunting.Using a simple single shot rifle, they were out deep in the woods.

“Now son, point at that tree there.”

“Like this?”

“Yeah, like that. Now close your right eye for a sec. Then do the left.” Frank waited for a sec. “Now which eye kept the tree lined up?”

“My left eye.”

“Thats your shooting eye. So when you go to shoot you close your right eye and line the notches up in you left with your target. After that just pull the trigger and hold the gun steady as you can.”

The two sat, waiting for an opportunity to come.



“Did you and your dad go hunting together?”

The memory of when he first held a gun flashed through his head. It was a dark alley, something glinted out from under a pile of trash. Can’t remember what drew him to it. He pulled it out, it felt cold and heavy in his hands. Yet it felt right, fit his hand, almost like it was made for him. It was a generic 9mm pistol. A simple plan hatched.

“Nah me and my father never really did this kind of thing. He was a drunk and a psychopath. Probably why I never drink myself. You know I was thinking. How is it being the oldest kid around, not really many people your age around these parts. Sure there are a few of various races close, but most are younger or old enough to be adults.”
“There are a good number of Felim my age. But yeah not so much for the others.

“Really I did not know that. Aren’t the Felim largely female?”

“Yeah they are.” His son said with a bit more enthusiasm than he expected.

He chuckled softly. “Its a bit early. Then again there are enough hormones floating around this place to choke a dragon. Son I think its time you and me had the talk.”

As the sun fell that day, they were returning home with a number of birds.

“And thats why you should always be well groomed especially your fingernails.”

“Right, just two questions. Why is chocolate always the answer? And why does Missy really like it when I play with her tail?”

Frank was stunned for a second. “Well for the chocolate it has to do with hormones and other chemicals, also it tastes good. Missy, Missy...Missy the neighbor’s girl? She was... how old again?”

“I think she’s thirteen. I like her, she’s nice.”

“Heh, I bet she is. Maybe I should meet her parents. But son, you go farther than a little tail stroking and you in trouble.”

“You still didn’t answer my question.”

“Remember those sensitive spots I told you about? Some races have different ones it seems. Tails seem to be common.”

“So when I do that...” Tommy flushed a crimson red.

The next week the two kill teams made it back. They were at yet another table of Shadowrun.

“Boss, we are just taking on too much work. We need some more lifters.” Jake said.

“I know that. Thing is good people are hard to find. I want a Chironen, one of those would be perfect. As a scapegoat would be nice.”

“Any relation to a waste goats?” Jez asked.

“Old world turn of phrase. We need someone to throw to the hordes to draw attention from us and Teegee. I need a Free Kingdom pirate, with a good head on his shoulder and deft hands.”

“Tall order on the pirate. But I think I know a guy, he’s disgruntled and looking for work.” Abe said.

“What's got his swimsuit in a bunch?”

“You know that architect whose been leading the building of the city, and is like the second coming to the Chironen.”

“He didn’t.” Jez said having put the pieces together.

“That he did. Took his girl right out from under him. Well the girl he was trying to seduce. And since most of the Chironen work for Jistin, well thats how the chips fall.”

“You think he has what it takes?”

“That I do.”

“You and Whit handle him and his recruitment.”
A time later, in the catacombs. A man wearing a cowboy hat and a bandana that covered his face and he seemed to be made of shadows as he clung to them and they to him. His pitch black coat making it hard to tell where he ended and the darkness began. Stepping out from the shadows before the Chironen, the Chironen’s name was Manwell. A spindly and freakishly tall Chironen.

The figure said in a slow and rasping voice. “They call me the Shadow. I’m in the game of making the badguys go away. I know what lurks in the heart and hides in the mind of men. I KNOW that you have an axe to grind. I also know that you wish you could do something about it. But you can’t. Now, I could. But I work on a trade system. You help me make a few problems of others go away, and I’ll find the right people to make your problems disappear.”

“Sounds too damn good to be worth a lick.”

“They all say that in the beginning. So how about this a smaller problem. We make it go away, as a freebie. But then, then you work for us.”

“Really, well then how about this. If you can take care of this one guy. Malcivith Clon, a Felim money mover. My family owes him some serious money. You take care of that and I’ll follow you to hell and back.”

“The Contract is sealed. See you in seven days.” The Shadows eyes flared with fire and then he vanished, fading into shadows.

“I think I just fucked myself. They always told me don’t make deals with demons, what did I do? Made a deal with a demon. Maybe I should get a knight to kill it or do it myself. Yeah right, like either of those would work. Way to go Manwell, well maybe hell isn’t as bad as it sounds.”
Not but three days later Malcivith Clon was found dead in the town square. He was bronzed inside and out. It was hard to make out the details of the figure but everyone was pretty sure they knew who it was. You don’t see many fat Felims. The official word was that he had ran afoul of a Fey. Manwell knew better, he wasn’t surprised when The Shadow appeared to him four days after that, though he was certainly afraid.
"Damn, this fat bastard is heavy"

"Just shut up and get him in the mold before he wakes up from the drug."

Two goons positioned an unconscious cat man in the centre of a room, between two large stone sections. They closed the large rock mold around him. The goon in red pressed a rune on the side and the rock shrunk and squeezed then grew bigger. The inside now had a slightly larger than the real deal imprint on it. The goon in black had climbed the ladder up to the walkway on the second floor. He was connecting the “air” tube to the large vat of molten bronze.

“Fuckers ready, how about ya?”

“Sealed and pressed, lets make some fuck’n art.”

The goon in black turned a wheel on the vat. Causing the molten metal to pour out and down into the tube. At the end of the tube it split into two paths. One going to the victim's mouth and nose, the other going to fill the mold. The deadly liquid quickly traveled down and muffled shrieks were heard for a second, but then no more as the victims insides were burned beyond function and the metal was already beginning to cool.

“Damn I hate that noise.”

“Yeah, me too. So how about a game of cards?”

“Sure why the fuck not. I fucking hate working.”

“Funny cuz I sure love fucking.”

The two laughed at their old joke, lighting up cigars and sitting down to play a few hands.

“Ya know, this be the third one in a month.”

“Ya, and I don’t get it. This putz wasn’t even a major power. He wasn’t likely to come back or what not.”

“Someone must have really had a mother fucking hate on for this guy.”

“We dumping this one in the ocean also?”

“Nah the invoice said this one was being donated to the town square.”

“That place could use some class.”

“That it could, that it could.”

A few hands passed.

“Well I think that should do it. What do you think?”

“Smell of burning flesh is gone, as is the smell of hot metal, feels like it.”

The two cracked open the mold and there stood a statue of a Felim that looked like it was in extreme agony.

“Look at that beautiful face.”

“Something only a mother could love if you ask me.”

The two covered it with a tarp and loaded it onto a dolly and rolled it on out to the TeeGee town square. They dumped it off then headed home.
“So the word is next time we get to make a statue of some stuck up sea creature.”

“Fucking Fishpeople.”

“Yep. Ya get mind powers and you think you're all hot stuff.”

“Ya knows what I want. I want to add a demon lord to the collection.”

“Don’t know what the boss would have to say ‘bout that.”

“We’ve done every type of Fey. We got Count D’s first born son. We got Lilith two. We got old Eon floating around down there somewhere. Though he was so weak he hardly counted.”

“Lots of fucken dwarven mystics, though, those fuckers are everywhere.”

“So, what do you think about the lack of souls lying around of late?”

“Yeah, you, me, and that one rogue succubi aren’t nearly enough to eat them all up. Would have to be about oh say 50-60 more of us in Teegee.”

“Or the boss.”

“If the boss is in Teegee, I’m fucking leaving. Remember last time he left Hell?”

“The time he started the Immortal war for kicks?”

“Yeah you remember how bad that was.”

“Eh, we came out fine. Also came out fine from the War Among The Stars. And that time Lilith threw a surprise deathday party.”

“Now that was scary. Speaking of the old days. What do you ever think happened to the “Five” as they are so called?”

time. True, things like the latest hot shot or trend will be different, but in the end home is still home.”
“Got eaten is my bet.”

“Well, Geiselus wrote a book.”

“Really, what was it about?”

“Demon summoning.”

“How did that turn out?”

“Not well, the Church used it like crazy to bind demons.”

“Not cool.”

“Also, I heard that the Church called up a few of the Five.”

“Oh, the irony. The cruelest of delights. I hope they got eaten by Myrthter.”

“As I heard it they were fine.”

“You what?”

“They just popped in for a chat, and off they went”

The goon turned to look at his brother, “Exactly who is this ‘credible source’ of yours?”

The other goon tapped the side of his nose, knowingly.

The goon thought over this new information, then swallowed his still smoking cigar in a single bite, “You fuck’n liar. Yous know, as much fun as it is workin. We need to take a visit home. Catch up on the chant.”

“Why bother? No matter how much things may have changed. Everything will be the same as last
“I’ve put in my share o’ the bargain, now its time you yours.”

“Please don’t take me to hell mister Shadow.”

“I have no need for you in hell. I need you here. Go to the 90 493 grid. In quadrant four there is a case. Open the case, follow the instructions. You will be payed well, do enough and I may even fix your major problem.” And like that The Shadow was gone once more. But then his voice echoed through the corridor. “Don’t betray me, you don’t want to see me mad.”

Later at the HQ.

“I still can’t believe how well that works. Jez your amazing.” Abe said, pulling his wife in for a kiss.

After they broke apart Jez responded. “I know.”

“Cool it you bakers. We need to get on to business, while Manwell is in training I want to get started on our Free Kingdom hitter. Any leads yet?”

“Got one guy, none of the Salt Lords will take him on. Seems like our kind of character” George said.

“Not another Raven, I hope” Said Whit.

“What's his malfunction? Why won’t the salties take him on.” The Boss asked.

“Did you ever see the Pirates of the Caribbean?” George replied.

“...Is he that bad?”


“I want this guy. Don’t care what you do, but get him on our side.”

“Will do.”

Some time later at the bottom of a barrel of rum that could turn undead, in the back of the Sandy Crab, a quiet unheard of hole in the wall of a tavern, a sharp dressed figure found Jacko Shag. The most notorious pirate in all of the lands.

“Mr... Ssshag, mY employerr would... like to ha-ve a word wwith you.” The suited man said in a near monotone manner.

“Well, Sir touched-in-the-head, you can tell your employer that Mr. Shag would like it to be made know that the one know as myself works only for my own self and not for any other. As I do not take well to orders, or them to me. What I do take well to is drink.”
“I... ha-ve a ressspecte for individualss that can take care of themssselvess. B-ut to not act now, with un-foresseen consequencesss looming would be most... foolish.” The man said in a uninterested manner as he straightened his tie.

“Now see, to me that sounds most like a threat. Is that a threat you bureaucratic fellow, as if it were, then something would have to be done. And if something were to be done, most assuredly one of us would end up very much unhappy.”

“T-timesss change, the Sssalt ones will be... no more. I ha-ve great respect for people who can Ssurvive against in-credible, odds. Asss does my EMployerr.” The man opened his briefcase. Inside was a number of pencils, an id card, a sheet of paper and a gun in a holster. He pulled the last two out and handed them to Jacko. “A gift. Do not dissipoint, Mr Ssshag.” The man said then casually turned around and walked out the front door.

“Forget you and your gifts, I do what I want because a pirate is free, leaving me free to cut you down a notch or three!” Jacko said unsheathing his cutlass and rushing out the door after the man. He saw the man turn into an alleyway he knew to be a dead end. A savage snarl crossed his face as he chased after. He got there just in time to see a glowing portal close.

“Should ‘ave know, no one but a mage, or a Squid, would dress in such a ridiculous outfit.” Jacko made his way back to his drinking.

“A bit if metal, a gun to be precise and a blank sheet of paper. Truly great gifts there mate.”

The suited mans face appeared in the reflection off the bottle. Causing Jacko to drop it, spilling the rum everywhere. On the paper mostly it seemed. The paper now had red visible writing were the drink had touched it.

“Well fuck me.”

The letters on the parchment danced, spelling out. “No, I don’t think I will. Mr. Jacko Shag, by signing this contract and accepting the gift, you have entered into a world of much opportunity for fortune.”

“No, mate I don’t think I have, will, or ever will want... did you say fortune?”

>Thats all for now.
Hey, guys. I've been gone a while, I know. Real Life intervened, and is still in the process of doing so. Now, I noticed that the vamp collab was finished a thread or two ago: first of all, I really did like what little I had the chance to read. Second, this now brings up a few concerns for me; I'm not entirely sure my plans are valid, now that something canon has been established. So, let me ask another of my stupid annoying questions, just to get it over with.
How plausible would a vampire waifu BE, first of all, and second, I recall something about moving fortresses from earlier. How are these typically crewed? Could they be run by ghouls? Are they more along the lines of Howl, or perhaps something like a terrestrial Laputa? I kind of want to mix writing and illustration for this next story, so if somebody would be kind enough to provide a basic summary of the vampires or aas much infodump as possible, it would be greatly appreciated.
How viable is a vampire waifu? I'm actually writing a vampire waifu story right now. I had to research a bit about how quickly the human body produces blood, also I suck at writing dialogue, but I think it has potential, especially once it finishes.

Not sure about the fortresses, though.
>Vampire waifu status: CONFIRMED.
Once I'm back for real, expect to see some vampire lovin'. And if I can write one correctly, she'll be a tsundere as well...
Neat. I was trying to play off Victoria as someone a bit predatory; the main reason why she's going after Al, at least initially, is an easy way to get blood.
Vampire waifu is possible, provided that you handle feeding. They need to to stand the sun.

Castles move on what ever power the Khan of the castle can get. The one we did was magic. The Great Khan uses wheels of magic.

Next summery of vampire powers and stuff
Vampire powers.
More Blood = More Power.
Super strength, the ability to shrug off just about anything. The ability to grow wings. Dark magic. Red eyes, pale skin. Don't really like sun light even if they can stand it.

Feudal society, power is that which you can take, as Draaklug only wants those that can do for themselves.

Anything else, as I think that hits the main points
Fantastic, thanks. I'll be doing my best to see that this comes out well, and you've been a huge help.
I'd like to request that people are turned classical style, by drinking a vampire's blood instead of being infected by a bite. It's pretty important to my stories.
Already are,its fancy blood magic thing. Done classical style.
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Then my plan is safe.
>Using 4chan like an IRC chatroom
I kind of wonder how Al's other waifu is gonna take to her. She didn't seem the type to be very polygamous last I read.

Also, it may have already been revealed that most Dwarven Mystics die when they feel it's time rather than of natural causes, but what would you guys say to them dying by self-immolation when they feel this time has come? I was thinking Jedi style where they just "disappear", but this somehow seems more awe inspiring and terrifying, plus just the right amount of Buddhist monk style.
>giving a big enough fuck to comment about people using 4chan as an IRC as if on an IRC himself.
On a brighter note, this traditional turning method also pleases me greatly.
Been thinking about that; this is sure to be a complex process that requires careful thought on my part.

And I think self-immolation would be pretty cool. Not sure it's been done too many times before.

This might be an interesting way to go as well, Basically, it's a cross between self-starvation and mummification.As a bonus, if you pull it off right your preserved remains will go on to inspire countless new generations of mystics.
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Also, how far along are we with making magical high impact electro nunchucks? I'd like to see more Science pieces; those are some of the best.
We already turning in for the night or what?
Just waking up and getting ready for work here.
Nah, that's too slow and has a risk of failure. Auto-cremation is faster and makes for a more direct concept of "sending up the soul".

Question if you're still around: what's the name of that bar/tea shop that one of Artorias' waifus runs?
That would be Ooliciale.
Right, and who runs it? If I wasn't exhausted as I am I might dig into the archives, but I wanna finish this up fast and post it before bed.
Prescilla and Bethany mostly.
Right, thanks again. I'm gonna post after I wake up, being exhausted as I am right now, but the last part after that I'd like a bit of help if anyone is willing to give it. Sir Alaric I haven't worked with yet, so if you think you'd like to give me a hand with it, I'd welcome it. It's concerning an on-and-off FATE game held at the Rogue Trader. This will take place in late 4AA. Cool stuff abound.
I might be interested. Tell me more; I'll return this afternoon.
Looking forward to it.
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Damnit, why can’t I just tell him? Damnit Kikki, just blurt it out or something! I hate being this awkward around Dad, it’s bad enough that I almost never visit, and I can only ask about the Twins’ school so many times.

“So, where’s Lem? He left before I woke up.”

“O-oh, he’s got some business to take care of up at the castle. Official nonsense.”

“I thought you two were on vacation? your work must be very stressful...” Dad sipped his tea.

Damnit, how am I supposed to tell him Lem left so that I could tell that we were getting married myself? “Oh, yeah, I guess, but... but no worse than running a business!” Smooth, real smooth...

“The boys give me more trouble than the books. How are you holding out? Lem doesn’t ever ask you to do anything you don’t want to do, does he?”

“D-Dad! Of course not! We’re just diplomats, and if anything, he sticks up for me even when it’s inconvenient or even dangerous!” I could feel my cheeks going red, out of anger or embarrassment, I’m not sure.

“Dangerous? I thought you were just a diplomat!”

“Oh... stop it! You’re twisting around what I was saying!” I could feel a slight urge to tear up coming on. I pushed it back, but having to justify myself to my own father just didn’t feel fair. “I do good work that helps people and makes TeeGee safe, and Lem and I are really good at it. I shouldn’t have to tell you twice!” I hadn’t noticed my voice raise, and I looked around to see people staring. I put my head down on the table. Now I know my cheeks were red from embarrassment.
“Oh... stop it! You’re twisting around what I was saying!” I could feel a slight urge to tear up coming on. I pushed it back, but having to justify myself to my own father just didn’t feel fair. “I do good work that helps people and makes TeeGee safe, and Lem and I are really good at it. I shouldn’t have to tell you twice!” I hadn’t noticed my voice raise, and I looked around to see people staring. I put my head down on the table. Now I know my cheeks were red from embarrassment.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t pry like that... I just... I worry. It’s hard having you away, especially since-”

“Since mom died?” I knew this would come up. I knew he would bring her up. I could feel my temper rising again.

Dad nodded slowly, looking into his tea. “You... you look so much like her... I’m sorry if I’ve been so... awkward. I’m just not used to this. Seeing you now, and all grown up. I... I...” His voice cracked a bit. “I remember when you were this big and curious about everything.” And now I feel awful for getting mad. Great.

“No, I’m sorry. I’ve been distant. The twins probably don’t even remember what I look like, and Karen probably curses my name at every chance she gets.”

Dad actually chuckled a bit at this. “Pretty much, yeah.”

I felt comfortable enough to smile back. This would be the perfect time. Great opportunity. I can segue into it immediately! “S-so Dad. What do you think about Lem?”

He raised an eyebrow behind his tea. Oh God, Lem was right. He knows. “Why do you ask?”

Oh good, he seems confused, maybe he doesn’t... “You don’t have an opinion on who’s been taking care of your daughter for the last four years?” That probably didn’t sound as benign as it should have.
“Well... do you really want my opinion? You know him better than I do. I’ll probably be way off base!” He’s gotten along with Lem pretty well, despite the awkwardness. I think I should put on the pleasantly surprised look.

“Lay it on me~”

He sighed “Sir Fearghaile is a dangerous man.”



“He’s the most politically powerful man in TeeGee, a nation largely made up of magic-capable wizards. I’m not sure what he’s done, but I’ve heard stories of human nobles being cowed after run-ins with him, and how the famously stubborn Dwarven Senate ratified their military treaty within three months. He plays a dangerous game and lives a dangerous life. Men like that are often dangerous themselves.” I could barely believe what I was hearing, completely and utterly speechless. Dad took another sip of tea and sighed heavily. “I’m sorry, that was a bit harsh of me...” A bit?

“Y-you do know I work for him, that I go with him wherever he goes, that I face all the dangers he does, right?”

He nodded. “Yes, I understand that, and I wish you wouldn’t, but it’s not really my place to...”

“Not your place? You’re my father!” People were staring again, but I didn’t care. What the hell was this man getting on about? “What’s your problem?” I got up and stood facing down on him from across the small square table.

Dad became pretty flustered and looked around at the small scene, quickly switching to Felim to hide his words. “<My PROBLEM is that these humans are not to be trust->”
It’s around here my vision when black. I don’t remember my hand swinging out of the fisted balls I held them in into an open palm. I don’t remember that swing making contact with my father’s face, and I definitely do not know what came from within my gut to make me say “Don’t talk about my family like that.” But there I was, standing over Dad, his left cheek red and my hand stinging, his ears ringing with what I just said. I think that hurt more than what my hand did. I didn’t know what to do, so I turned around and walked out. I dropped a small bag of coin in front of Bethany on my way out. A little extra in there, I was pretty sure. No one should have seen that.

As soon as I got out the door I started running, bolting like a Chironen out of hell. I found Lem back at his house, making a snack for when we got back, and I just buried my face in his chest.

“Whoah, hey, what’s up, where’s your dad?” he returned the hug, but was understandably confused.

“I don’t give a damn.” I managed through some stifled sobs.

“So... do you want to talk about it? D-did he say no?”

“Worse.” I just hugged him tighter.
“Guess you don’t wanna talk about it then...” I shook my head in his chest and took in his smell. It was only something I really let myself take in over the last couple months, but it was calming nonetheless. We stayed like that for a little, Lem reaching over and moving whatever was over the fire, but otherwise not letting me go. Eventually, I spoke up:

“Is the FATE game tonight?”

“Well, yeah, but I told them we couldn’t make it, why?”

“I’d rather do that than face Dad tonight. Make him some dinner and let’s go.”

I’m not sure if Lem was took keen on just leaving my dad to fend for himself, but he figured it had to be something pretty bad if I did something like this. “Alright. Get ready, I’ll be right there.”

I gave Lem one last squeeze and a peck on the lips before breaking off and going to go grab the fudge dice and character sheets. I don’t care what Dad thinks anymore, and I’m not going to let that ruin my night. He can come apologize when he means it. Lem’s family now... I like that idea.
And there's part 3 of Meet the Parent. I that should give an idea of what I want to go from here. I can give the extra specifics in doc, but email me so I can give you permissions.
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Hm, slow day again? Most people seem to be busy writing.
Yeah. Did you send that email? I can invite you from there.
Email? Hold on, I'll need to make a throwaway account.
So, does anyone else want in? It's basically just a FATE game played by the characters being watched on by Kikki's dad. The game could be a recurring theme for those that enjoy it though.
A game within a game? Someone's going Shakespearian here.
So, Shakespeare made the first inception? The more you know.
There's a reason it was called a Midsummer Night's Dream.
I think the word is recursive, but no, it's just a thing they're doing. It's not even being told from the perspective of the characters playing the game. I was just wondering who would play FATE with Lem and Kikki on and off.

Nah, that was just the Elizabethan equivalent to a Romantic Comedy. Nothing really special.
I've yet to play fate actually. But toss me a link to the rules and I'd be game.

and the term you want is "meta"
me by the way.
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Still working, should have something ready later.
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No, meta is when characters seem to acknowledge their place in the story. Characters doing things they would normally do isn't special, but when you have an element within and element that seems as a reflection of itself, that is recursion.
So recursive is when you go deeper down, where meta is when you pull back?
Yeah, pretty much. It's why so many people freaked out over Inception. People are used to meta since it's a standard tool in satire, but recursing fucks with peoples heads for some reason.
But what if we went sideways?
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Need to keep this thing alive.
Then we'd be in a whole other kettle of fish.
It's kinda funny, I've been waiting till FK vs. Mirthterrah to start writing again.

Been waiting like 10 threads now.
Who was writing that again?
Stop guilt tripping me. I'm getting back to the boss right now I swear
I think I'll be working the primary war element and probably leading the Coalition force to help defend the Shireland. I have some very important character related events that are tied to this war, so it's pretty high up there on prerogative for me as soon as this Boss arc ends.
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This is gonna be one of those huge "Everyone write a piece" things, isn't it?
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I do hope so if people want to join in on it.

Out of unrelated curiosity, what's everyone's opinions on TeeGee using white phosphorous? Seems like something that would be relatively easy for us to produce, though it comes with some ethical issues, I suppose.
I'd say no, both because it's dangerous and because, from what I can tell anyway, the manufacture of it takes sulfur, coke, and natural gas, plus some other stuff I'm missing, to make.

Greek Fire, on the other hand, we could possibly manage.
But not as artillery. WP is actually pretty easy to manufacture since all you need is heat, carbon, and sillica in addition to phosphate rock, all of which are readily available.

We probably wouldn't have much of it, but the Hole creates things we would never use unless in case of emergency anyway. It really would be a last ditch anti-siege tactic anyway since it will essentially salt the fields its used to burn.
Right then, did we ever name off any of the demon lords or were they just left nameless?
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I though we did this just last thread. The Demon Lord has a name that's been mentioned. The rest of the demon lords (Minor lords) are so many and change up so frequently that names aren't important. Just make one up.
Just checking. I wonder if any of them would favor brass armor?
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Slow day. I have work tonight too, but I'll see if I can't get some writing done. Hopefully, I'll have two stories by next thread. Anything to discuss to finish this one off?
Well I could post a little more boss. Or I could something.
How has your ability to write dialogue not improved in forty threads?

That is NOT how people talk. Speak your lines aloud! And don't be afraid to attach descriptors to your lines! If every single conversation is just a barrage of quotation marks with no actual names in there, it's confusing as hell.

I don't even read these threads every time I see them, but every time I do, I see no improvement.
Your points are noted. As for how people talk, different people talk differently. Those two talk like they do, other characters talk in their own manners. See the Boss stories.

And on to the next point, descriptors are something to be used to a minimum to avoid the raping of the readers brain. I follow in the literary path of Elmore Leonard, a man how has written far more than you or myself. He laid out his rules of writing, his most famous being for his dialog, and I followed. But do feel free to write a section as you would write it, if you know something I do not.
Helpful hint from a fellow writefag: it doesn't matter how other authors write if your audience, which you have right here, can't tell what you're doing.
Well then, as I said point out something specific. With only two people talking I should not have to make it clear who is speaking every line and an over use of descriptors is still an over use. This is the first time that anyone has said any such thing. And I am looking for any advice besides as what >>21812175
wrote as that his advice doesn't apply what with the fact that I do what he says just not to the point of a fanfiction written by a teenage girl. Also read >>21766421 and tell me what you think of it.
Also this is the first anyone has said of things not making sense or there even being a problem, so there is that.

>Tommy was going to be ten soon. Reminding Frank, The Boss, of his own tenth birthday
That's awkward. Use a comma instead.

> Tommy had a thing for trains. Frank had bought him a well made train set and also a nice war game set. Flames of War, a Fatguy reproduction. One day during a long campaign.
Also awkward. Periods and commas aren't interchangeable.


>“Nothing son, just feeling my age. I’m 57 years old now. Now then, how about you take a turn talking. Your most powerful tool is your words son. Learn them and hone them well.”

>“What do I talk about?”
There's no emotion in these lines. Absolutely none, whatsoever. Robots are speaking. Where are the facial expressions? Where are the tones of voice? Where are the gestures and pauses and other things that impart emphasis and pace?
This is a man imparting life wisdom to a beloved son. Why does it sound like a radio jingle for a mattress store?

Also, > And I am looking for any advice besides as what >>21812175
wrote as that his advice doesn't apply what with the fact that I do what he says just not to the point of a fanfiction written by a teenage girl.
Actually, no, his advice does apply. If you spoke your lines aloud, you'd notice how drawn and uninteresting your dialogue sounds. I don't see what teenagers or fanfiction has to do with this, either.
Well then it seems I chose the wrong author for this audience. I will then try and add some emotion clues to the lines for this audience.
That's good. You mentioned Elmore Leonard before, yeah? Leonard once said 'Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip.'

I skip your dialogue. In a character-driven story like the ones you and your confederates write about fa/tg/uys and their waifus, dialogue is the most important facet of the story.

If I wasn't keeping an eye on two different pots on the stovetop, I'd stick around and coach a bit more. Maybe I'll pop into the wiki and read up on the backstory of this world of yours to write a story or two of my own sometime.
Your right, but you do know his rules for writing dialog correct?
>Then I got a bowel off a shelf
The worst part is since Im just a passerby and I know these threads are filled with creepy fetish shit like hermaphrodite dragons and all, you guys could be talking about keeping shit-filled organs on shelves.
Bowl. Yes my biggest weakness, misspellings.
Unless its a pouch made out of a bowel, like they did in the olden days. What about a satchel made of a stomach?
That was ONE TIME in college! And I was high as a kite at the time, so it's not like I could tell!
Alright, besides one random dude reminiscing the bad times of Freshman year, what is the rest of you lot doing, aside from writing away from prying eyes?
Playing violent videos games, and killing a whole lot of people.
Was sleeping, now just getting ready for work.

On the upside, it's friday and I have no weekend duty.
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I really enjoy these threads and you universe. Thanks guys for making my day a little bit brighter
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Just chillin', killin'.

Any time; we try our hardest.
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The world is quiet here.
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Is anyone there?
I prefer the flying lawnmower.
The epitome of redneck technology, right next to the motorized rocking chair, it's sister product the recliner on wheels and the beer can launcher with 64 & 1/2 cup holders
A flying lawnmower with dual beer bottle machine guns, and a motorized recliner with a keg launcher and a coaxial beer can gun.

And I think that's enough of that for now.
you do all realize we're just getting closer to inventing a real world automatic shovel launcher
With a beer cooler built into it.
My gun is going to have a built in cooler? I'm not sure what to make of this.
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The next age in warfare is what we make of this.
Nothing like having a gun that shoots bayonets. Just wait until they make gun that shoots guns.
Well, there's missiles that shoot missiles, so that would be the next logical step, wouldn't it?
just dropping a note for your guys. Crazy "Modern Monstergirl Thread" up. Go take a look, seems up your alley. Mostly rp and not much writefaggotry though.
Just like to point out its not just the girls that makes this for a lot of us.

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