You are N'oo'p, infantryman specialist Seventh Tent of the 117th SpearPoint brigade, and you have no fucking idea what's going on. S'pss K'dt and D'rrp are standing around in an officers mess with trays of food in that particularly awkward fashion unique to people trying not to look awkward. You've got two gruff-looking Marines flanking you on either side, and that irritating officer that dragged you out of the Pocket fuming around like somebody's late for something. On your part, you've got a box with your precious sammiches, your metal defense stick borrowed from the earthlings, and a receipt note for your human slugthrower, decorated with little pictures of the door guard getting your metal bar rammed up his elimination chute should he lose your favorite toy.You've been inside the Continental Hive for almost an hour now, and nothing is fucking happening. >Wat Do?
Clearly we must eat sammiches.
Eat a sammich
Fuck all of y'all, do you know how hard it was to get my tentacles on these fucking things? Time for some fucking sammiches.
>>20536009Let's sack out. We're a grunt, and grunts sleep whenever and where-ever they can
>>20536039Locate portable sanitary absorption material.
Digging into your box, you retrieve one of the precious Sammiches, recovered at great danger from a rampaging Hunter-Killer droid. Hoisting your prize daintily in your tent-tips, you bring it towards your mouth and - "PRIVATE N'OO'P!" - deposit it daintily in your mouth, savoring the amazing flavor of the precious cargo. On a world of horror and death and violent aliums and poisoned oceans (oh bitter irony, fuck you very much,) there is yet this delight, the humble yet ever-powerful sammich. "PRIVATE N'OO'P!" You wave politely with one tentacle as you continue to chew oh, so, slowly, eyes closed in heavenly bliss. You sense the Marine's tentacle falling towards your head and spin swiftly, blocking with the metal bar. Gripping it at the end, laid flat along your tentacle, you smash the Marine in the skullcase with it while grabbing his reaching tentacle, then send him flying into his friend. You finish chewing. "Yes, sir?" "....." "I don't know what that means," you say apologetically. "Perhaps if you used words.""Private N'oo'p," says a man with the markings of a Captain, "What the FUCK do you think you are doing?" You draw yourself to attention and snap a crisp salute with the bar. "SIR, EATING, SIR!"
>>20536159>fucking with a guy right as he's about to eatFucking desk jockeys. They get their rank through bureaucracy , and then shit on the guys who do the REAL combat work.
"Private N'oo'p," the Captain forges on bravely, "You have been detained for questioning." "Detained," you repeat, looking at the two Marines picking themselves up off the floor. Hearty men, but shock-troopers they ain't. "Yep. I'm detained as HELL, sir." You look back to see he's pointing a holdout maser at your left eye. "The bar." "A sentence," you reply, "is a complete thou- oh. Officer. Sorry." The end of the maser twitches wildly and you hear the power supply whine and complain as the Captain's focus wavers dangerously - but his tent-tip isn't on the trigger. Given that some pushy bastard was sent all the way into a completely-encircled pocket to fly you out here for a debrief, you know that shooting you is a suicide pact for the Captain. After a moment, face green with anger, the Captain holsters his weapon, jamming it in so hard his belt almost gives way. "Doesn't fucking matter," he snarls. "Keep it. Let's see what the WARMIND thinks of it."The sudden and dramatic silence is ruined by S'pss dropping his food tray in shock. He's got no sense of dramatic tension.
>>20536239Oooooh nooooo the WARMIND! Will it not like my metal bar I use to brain earthlings? Will it object to me eating delicious sammiches?
>>20536239Are you just going to keep me from the food all day or do you have anything or is there anything of importance you want to tell me?
"Oh NOOOooOOOOooooo a Waaaaarmiiiind~" you quaver, letting your tentacles roil as one. "Some pasty nerd who's never thrown a goddamn ball in his life is going to critique my defense stick!" You hold the bar away from you, dangling from your tent-tips. "It's made of... ALIUM steel. It's loyalty is questionable! I'm tainted by association!" You're about to say something else when the Marines and about six of their friends mob you from all sides. Flailing and screaming mad obscenities, they haul you through a few side passages and finally throw you into a small, oddly egg-shaped room. The Captain flings your bar at your head as hard as possible, missing badly (like any pissant Officer who couldn't make it into the Academy's killystick team and is still anally aggrieved about it) and SLAMS the door. In the center of the room, on a raised dias, his tentacles curled every which way, quite mysteriously, is the Warmind.
>>20536383Lets not piss him off. Well, not too much at least
>>20536383Yeah. Lets see what the Warmind has to say before we go pissing it off. I mean, it's like a General specifically requesting to talk to a Private; you don't get that unless you know something vastly important, or you're a nationally infamous traitor. And we sure as hell ain't the latter.
"N'oo'p..." The Warmind growffles in a gravelly voice. "Something portentous stirs... as if many voices-""shout out at once, 'they're serving the fucking mystery meat again,'" you guess. "-are drowning out my own," the Warmind continues smoothly. "The incoherent babble of human minds becomes coherent chaos. I fear they are learning.""At least one of us is," you gripe. "You stood toe-to-toe with some of their best," the Warmind continues, still keeping his back to you. "Ones who wove psiomagnetic principles as we do..." his tent-tips twirl lazily in the air, as if weaving. This guy isn't just an asshole - he's a work of performance art. "Yeah, so?"Finally, he turns around on his little dias to look you in the eye. "Recently, there was an incident. Inside the Human island fortress that gives us so much trouble.""Tele-bots, eh?"The Warmind's eyes blaze with fury and suspicion. "HOW DID YOU KNOW?""This just in, Warminds operate tele-bots! TOP FUCKING SECRET," you say, shifting your eyes left-right-left, putting a tent-tip against your lips. "Shhhs!" The Warmind reclines in his dias again, looking huffily offended. "Enough prattle. I need to know what you saw. I need to have your memories, to understand them - and to scour you for their possible poison in your mind." His eyes blaze with unmartianly light and you feel little fingers beginning to pick at your thoughts. "You will submit to MindScourge."How does this make you feel?>Nope.>NOPE LIKE THE FIST OF THE NORTH FUCKING STAR, YOU ASSHOLE>other?
>>20536569>NOPE LIKE THE FIST OF THE NORTH FUCKING STAR, YOU ASSHOLE>other?Fuuuuuck that.
>Nope.lets not make this any worse than it is. lets talk this out like rational martians
>>20536569We N'oo'p, WE NOOOOOPE!
NOPE LIKE THE FIST OF THE NORTH FUCKING STAR, YOU ASSHOLEor[X]watatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatata NO'PA
>>20536569>otherLet's have some dirty thoughts for him to appreciate.Like real dirty. Earthling bitches all over us, serving us sammiches.
I didn't come all the way to Earth to get my mind reamed by some bureaucratic blowhard. I could've done that at home.
>>20536681Oooh, I like this one
>>20536569>NOOOOOOPE"Sorry I don't swing that way, man."
>>20536569>I need to have your memories, to understand themruhroh, N'oo'p's gonna get grokked.
>>20536863Ummm... it's been a LONG time since I read that book. Now, I know the colloquial meaning of grok, but given the martian meaning, and how that book ended... are we going to be stew?ARE WE GOING TO BE STEW?
Looking the warmind dead in the eye, you shake your head once."Nope."Your skin fizzles and buzzes with phantom static as the Warmind's conciousness invades yours. The walls of the egg-shaped room, the Psi-Amplification chamber, become hazy and indistinct as the Warmind towers over you, a hundred feet tall. Head hidden in high mists, only his blazing red eyes are clearly visible, blazing down at you. "EXPOSE," the voice booms, and your skull seems to implode with pressure. "EXPOSE," the WarMind orders again, and as his presence starts to pull apart your mind, you glare into his impossible eyes and give your answer. "Nope.""NOOOOOOOOOW" the WarMind screams, and images of shattered bodies and burning undercities and cavern crawlers eating small children bombard your mind and worst of all, from deep in your psyche, pure and uninspired fear washes through your system, setting your hearts hammering. Terror grips your soul, and you flail around instinctively, look for escape. In the far wall a crack of light glimmers, and you flumph towards it, desperate to pry it open and escape...... from what?
>>20536942From those bloody earthlings, showing up in the middle of your off shift. Just shut the door and walk away.
>>20536942Did anyone else read that in a Dalek voice?
>>20536942I wish our parents were more supportive
>>20537032YOU WILL OBEY THE CULT OF SKA- I MEAN THE WARMIND!
You're scared of lots of things, all the time - artillery, tanks, the field mess and all the diseased nightmares it produces - but right now, at this moment, you have nothing to fear and you know it. The terror pulsing through you is too pure, too - *artificial.*The dissonance jerks you to realization. The WarMind is pressing your brain's Fear Center directly without even the courtesy of decent fucking foreplay. And then, you get mad. You feel yourself swelling with your righteous wrath, pinwheels of killysticks flying out from your body as you shoot into the misty stratosophere to look the gigantic WarMind in the face. He pumps more fear into your consciousness, desperately, but to a man who's faced down entire armored columns with nothing but a repeating sluggun and a few killysticks, ignoring fear is almost reflexive.
>>20537126Fuck your fear! We have a defense stick.
>>20536897Heinlein's martians are spees mahreens. They can learn everything about you by eating you.
"THIS IS THE MIND OF A MAN WHO DOESN'T GIVE A FUCK, YOU NOSY LITTLE REAR-ECHELON PUSSY," you roar, seizing the WarMind in your tentacles and slamming his skull direclty against yours, staring deep into his soul."SITTING IN A PSI-AMP MILES FROM THE FRONT WORKING YOUR MISCHIEF LIKE THE STYLUS-SWINGING CLUTCH-RUNT YOU ARE AND YOU THINK YOU REALLY THINK I'M GOING TO BE INTIMIDATED BY YOU WELL GET YOUR ASS INTO A HUNTYHOLE AND LISTEN TO THE MANLING ARTY HAMMER AWAY OVERHEAD FOR A WEEK STRAIGHT I SAID A FUCKING WEEK AND SPEND EVERY SECOND OF EVERY HOUR OF EVERY DAY FOR A WEEK WONDERING WHEN THE NEXT SHELLS GONNA HIT YOU AND YOU JUST RUN OUT OF FUCKS TO GIVE BUT YOU, YOU, MISTER REAR-AREA REGURGITATION, YOU'RE GONNA PUT THE PSIWHAMMY ON ME? MOTHERFUCKER, YOU CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE. I'VE GOT THE WARMIND IN THIS ROOM SO YOU CAN FUCK RIGHT OFF." Stunned, the WarMind reels away from you, and with a tentacle the size of a Tripod walker's, you smite him to the floor.Plucking imaginary shades from thin air, you snap them open with a delightful "snick.""Guess he...." - you don the shades -"Should've *minded* his manners."
>>20537182PLANFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG! YOU TIE TOGETHER PLOTTHREADS WHEN I'M NOT LOOKING!i like you. you clever man
>>20537182>Should have minded his manners>HURR HURR HURRAlright, time to get the fuck out
>>20537182The sheer arrogance of this guy, running ops while trying to MINDRAPE poor N'oo'p.
>>20537195You'll be back.
You saunter out of the egg-shaped Psi-Amp room, feeling like the proverbial cave-boss. With the WarMind still twitching - and the four Marines outside twitching even harder - you've got free run of the Continental Hive, at least until you're caught.Where to?>ARMORY to aqquire PHAT LEWTZ>COMMAND CENTER to aqquire PLOTZ and/or OFFICER TROLLING>SOMEWHERE ELSE/ANON'S CHOICE
>>20537264>SOMEWHERE ELSE/ANON'S CHOICELets find S'pss K'dt and D'rrp. They're probably about to get a shitton of stuff dropped on their heads because of this.
>>20537264> Command centerI'd just like to think this thread for not exploding into OMG PLANEFAG IS BACK bullshit.
>SOMEWHERE ELSE/ANON'S CHOICEWe have our stick, we can just go see the others.
>>20537264>ARMOURYLike we could take down all the fucks that about to be thrown at us even if we were armed. We could do more productive things with our time.>COMMAND CENTERWe just pulled off a pretty good officer-bounce, let's not push our chance with another.>OTHER?Get back to that mess hall. Where's that fucking sandwich we had?
>>20537264Acquire posse. Go check out the command center.
>>20537182The rails, maaaan, the rails! Soooo sneakily and fiendishly hidden!
>>20537264>COMMAND CENTER>FOR PLOTZ
>>20537264This >>20537298Because fuck clearance levels.
>>20537264Get to command room, find out about the eccentric commanders in charge of this shitty war.
did planefag die?
Where's Panzer? We want Panzer!
>>20537637Looks like it
Armory, see if you can get your slugthrower back.
>>20537637Dammit, he was just one day from retirement.
.:21:46:35:. <Demetrious> Well, Kapow, if I understand you right, any market with government involvement of the sort we're discussing is not actually a free market..:21:46:59:. <Demetrious> So the example you request is fucking impossibleHe's alive in #thp on Rizon.
Got sidetracked on IRC and I'm tired, so thread over. Night, everybody~
>>20537768Night Fap Angel. Thanks for the thread.
There were like five people reading it anyhow so it's no matter. I think I like N'oo'p more then anybody else.
>>20538212I was reading it. I like N'oo'p.
>>20538212...I count 11 votes from that last choice, Planefag. You've got more readers than you think. N'oo'P's a nice gaiden from the regular quest, and gives us a good view into the mindset of the Martians.
>>20538212I dunno. N"oo'p seems like a pretty cool guy. His power to not give a fuck is maximum.(also, not done, but screw it. WIP time)
>>20538274That's my favorite-ever N'OO'P moment, him going full crazy swatting away killysticks! Your N'OO'P pictures are among my favorite of your works, because you really bring that green bastard to life. N'oo'p flipping the tentacle with aviators on STILL kills me.You are wonderful and I hope you never leave
No afterthread faggotry today? Color me surprised.
Confirmed for shortest SWQ thread ever.
Its been a long ass time since the thread, but is this quest going to end with President Young and Mars-King N'oo'p declaring war on Venus? Because seriously, fuck Venusians.
>>20544537With their magma blood and acid breath ...wait, are they Hortas?