Howdy, Brikwarriors! Slim here with another Brikwars Battle Report. I've been really excited about this one, for reasons that should be pretty obvious in a moment. I think I've hit a nice balance between "actually playing" and "photographing the shit out of everything". I hope you all enjoy it!Before we begin, as always;>The hell is Brikwars?Brikwars is a tabletop wargame played with plastic construction bricks. Usually LEGO, because favoritism.>Why should I care?/tg/ is all about tabletop warhams - er, I mean, wargames - and has given this sort of nonsense a positive reception in the past.>Oh yeah? Prove it!Multiple battle reports are archived on sup/tg/, though the oldest is number 5, as those prior were too crappy to show and/or be archived. Check it out - you might like it!Let's get started, shall we?
(To introduce the army today, we'll be showing a series of vignettes! These were lots of fun to make, even if they weren't suitable for battle scenery.)In an underground bunker beneath the Crimson Palace*, we find R.R. Hood in her playhouse! She has a wide assortment of toys, including her favorite teddy bear, Mr. Grizzles, and a FGM-148 Javelin anti-tank guided missile! You can play with them, but don't touch the Quantum Basket Weaver. It does strange things.
High atop a watchtower, a lone guard scans the horizon, gasping as he suddenly fixes on a strange sight. Adjusting the lenses, it comes into view…
A lumbering monstrosity of twisted steel and synthetics, whose blunt head seems to scrape the heavens! The dread giant stomps steadily forward, its destination obvious - the Crimson Palace!"SOUND THE ALARM! ALERT THE EMPRESS!"
Soon, deep within the palace…"EMPRESS!""Yes?""THERE'S AN ENEMY AT THE GATE!""I just had one of those yesterday!""NO, AN *ENEMY*""Oh! Well, round up the knights, then, kill them all in my name, the usual.""THIS IS ACTUALLY VERY SERIOUS, EMPRESS.""Then round up some fodder and get my armor! Gods above, what does it take to get some peace and quiet around here?… At least you understand me, Erebus.""Neigh!"
Following their queen's command, the Knights suit up!"C'mon, you maggots! Glory to the first man to die!""What about women?""DIBS!… I mean, uh, bonus glory!"
Meanwhile, at the Royal Zoo, an assortment of man-beasts roil in their cage… accompanied by an Elf who made the mistake of promoting manimal rights at the wrong place at the wrong time. The Royal Ensign and a squad of Enforcer Droids march by…
At an outlying farm…"By royal decree, you have been conscripted into the Empress' army! Come with us immediately!""Like hell I will!""Put it down, brother. They've got pistols trained on us.""P-p-pistols?! "Jumpin' jehosephat! I'm too old to die!"
As high noon approaches, a solemn ceremony is interrupted."Any last words, criminal scum?""I never got a lawyer. Also, I'm innocent.""HURRY UP ALREADY! I'm tired of waiting my turn!""WAIT! We need these scumbags! Don't pull that lever!"
The rest of the army is assembled, and after a tactical meeting, deployed to intercept the approaching enemy in the Swamp of Squares!The Royal Entourage leads from the rear - the Empress, atop her trusty steed, with her pet Battle Beetle in tow; the Royal Handmaidens, armed with halberds; the Royal Ensign; R.R. Hood; and of course, the Royal Shoveler.There's really nothing royal about shoveling.
Across the field, the giant's forces assemble - and the thing itself speaks, in a voice of steel and evil!"WE ARE ANARCHUS. WE COME TO ASSIMILATE. SURRENDER AND YOU MAY SURVIVE INTACT. RESIST AND YOU WILL BE DESTROYED UTTERLY."Its minions creep slowly forward - the lanky Gunwalkers, the fearsome, feral Mekorillas, a squat Juggernaut… …and most horribly, a squad of Skinwalkers… wretched, horrifying amalgamations of flesh and steel, their smiling faces stretched thin over square frames as they eye the flesh of their enemy with unblinking greed. Perhaps they were human once? Perhaps, with enough flesh, they could be so again? None can know; the only certainty now is battle, and with it, death, for one side or another.
The two armies eye each other while I search for dice.Can the Red Army hold off these iron monsters? Or will the Anarchus crush this meager resistance, and march on to global dominance? PLACE YOUR BETS NOW!p.s. My normal table having been commandeered by a houseguest, and my normal colored table coverings having gone missing, I was left with this brown table. I added some plants and said "FUCK IT, IT'S A SWAMP" because I was tired of waiting to bash these armies together.>captcha: cdvante plebian,Yes, Captcha, a plain brown table IS rather plebian. Thanks for rubbing it in.
Visible from this angle are additional Red units; a Pterodactyl bomber, a Bike Jouster, two Ninjas, and (somewhere) a Crossbow Guard squad. Red Team wins the dice roll, and goes first.Before I continue, can I get a viewer count? I don't know if it's a quiet night or if people are just F5'ing.
Actually, no one gives a shit. At least have the decency to play Mobile Frame Zero if you like legos.
I like it. Keep posting.
>>20142737You're a worthless cunt, and Brikwars is as /tg/ as it gets.
>>20142737I read through the rules, and lost interest the minute they started telling me exactly what units to build. Well, that and being more rules-heavy than I like.A good ruleset is like a speed bump; if you drive over it at 100 MPH, you'll bounce over it and do a Dukes of Hazzard jump into fun.A bad ruleset is like a tire trap; if you drive over it at any speed whatsoever, it ruins your car and then the police catch you.This metaphor sucks. BACK TO POSTING.RED TURN 1The Imperial forces advance; Enforcer droids prod the melee squads forward, while the faster units flank right.
>>20142737Ignore this narrow minded fool. Proceed!
R.R. Hood (being a fancy Hero Unit) digs through her Quantum Basket for a weapon! A die is rolled to see what she pulls out…
…And it's her bazooka! Isn't that just precious?(The last person who made a disparaging remark about her was never heard from again. I'm so scared. If I make one wrong move, I'll wake up with a live grenade under my pillow. Help.)
YELLOW TURN 1The march of the machines begins! Nothing much is in range.
However, A Mekorilla gets in range of the Bike Jouster, and sunders his trusty… steed? It's technically priced as such. Due to an incredibly high roll, the Jouster is also stunned and can't act next turn.
RED TURN 2The Ninjas (With +3 Movement, a handy addition) dash forward, and manage to destroy the offending arm-cannon! The Knights advance at normal pace, but are not quite in range.
Fortunately, the Enforcers can afford to take a shot! They deal a second wound to the Mekorilla - one more and it's dead! R.R. Hood elects to save her rocket launcher's single shot for bigger game.
Across the field, the Crossbow Squad manages to wound another Mekorilla. Perhaps charging into battle headlong was a bad idea.
…and again, the Enforcers score another wound! This is getting silly already.
Soaring forward with an astounding 15" movement, the Pterodactyl drops a bomb, breaking the Juggernaut's shield! But wait, what are those little thingamajigs behind it?...
YELLOW TURN 2The Repair Droids fixed it! Hooray! Though tiny, these little fellas represent a dangerous advantage.
The Gunwalkers mow down one Ninja. Gotta love them ranged weapons.
The Pterodactyl narrowly dodges a swing of the Giant's sword!(The Giant has three 2d6 attacks per swing. This, combined with its terrifying reach, is one of the reasons it's so scary; it can cleave through entire squads. It can also whiff three times in a row against a warbeast. Fuck.)
The Mekorilla rights itself and clobbers the Spearmen! Their armor keeps them safe, even as the Gunwalkers try to blast them, but… well, there's really no upside for the Yellow team here. Fuckin' dice.
The second Mekorilla valiantly attempts to battle the Knights, but fails. A shame, because I really liked its claw.
"Would you like a huuuuuug?"At melee range, the Skinwalkers use their SPOOKY ROLLS (yes, I gave them that) to scare two of the conscript squads! The Beastmen squad, unaffected, beat the shit out of the nearest Skinwalker, murdering it completely.
RED TURN 3Using her Hero Roll, the Empress uses her Voice of Command, restoring order."TAKE ONE MORE STEP AND YOU WILL SUFFER IN WAYS NOT YET DISCOVERED.""…Yes ma'am!"
The Knights finish off the Mekorilla. Poor, brave creature… it never stood a chance.
Spotting the Repair Droids as valuable targets, the surviving Ninja darts forward, killing a Gunwalker on his way.
The Pterodactyl drops its second bomb, hoping to accomplish the same goal - but fails. Defeated, it circles back around.
The re-loyalized conscripts return to smash the Skinwalkers, with ranged support from the Enforcers. Though they were treated as armored units, the sheer number of blows brought them down quickly.
Nice pictures!>>20142558I love the Empress's bathroom.
Finally, worthy prey! R.R. Hood takes aim with her rocket launcher. This is gonna be aweso-
>>20143086We all know that feel, bro...
Maybe letting children play with high explosives is a bad idea. Or maybe I'm just playing Brikwars correctly.>>20143063I'm glad you like it! I had a lot more fun than I should have designing it. The floor was a bit of a cheat because NOTBRICKS but it works.
>>20143086>Rolled 1 = 1>Rolled 1 = 1>Rolled 1 = 1>Rolled 1 = 1>Rolled 1 = 1Oh, yeah. Welcome to Lego country.
YELLOW TURN 3The Giant pulls back for a swing-
A pit of fear forms in the gut of every onlooker as four souls are snuffed out by gruesome bisection.By which I really mean, this was awesome, and the entire reason I built the Giant in the first place.
The Gunwalkers, looking for unarmored targets, shoot down two Crossbowmen. Somehow, the one in the middle survives. Seriously, what are the odds?
>>20143120Yah, last Shreep Quest we were trying our damnedest for high score on Most Ones Rolled.
Following suit, a lone Gunwalker executes the Jouster. He's just had no luck today…Have you ever tried to move a bike with a crumpled wheel? It's heartbreaking. Then again, I have a weird relationship with inanimate objects.
>>20142627That Battle Beetle is boss as hell.
BR841RED TURN 4The Ninja attempts to slay the Droids - but fails quite terribly. A pathetic sparring match ensues that essentially devolves into a slap-fight.>>20143153Shreep Quest was great.
The Knights, still in formation, charge forward and avenge the Jouster. They're frighteningly efficient.
The Pterodactyl makes a dive run at the Giant, hoping to distract it or maybe do some damage. It accomplishes the former, but does absolutely nothing for the latter.
That giant is fucking amazing.The only thing you could have done to improve on it, was have the non-sword arm fucking DRAPED in the fleshless corpses of his conquered enemies....and have him have a Skinwalker Foundry on his back.
Following the "revenge" theme, the enraged Beast Squad gangs up on the juggernaut, giving it solid beating! It lives, but just barely.>>20143171The Battle Beetle WILL return. You can almost make the entire thing with parts from the Pterodactyl Tower set.
The Spearmen advance and down a Gunwalker. This hardly seems fair; they both have the same HP and damage stats. Perhaps it simply boils down to tactics… or dice.
>>20143219I would like to see an exploded view of it sometime.>that feel when you want to go to bed but SLIM's battle report is on
What's this? The Peasant squad has slain the Skinwalker Mutant, as well as chipping off some of the Giant's leg plating! How rude!
And now the remaining Criminals are joining in on the fun! Hope that leg plating came with a warranty… the Giant is still comfortable, however, at 3 out of 5 lives, each valued at 3d6 HP.>>20143236>that feel when revenge for losing sleep to Lego Quest
YELLOW TURN 4The Gunwalkers, making a tactical retreat, finally manage to shoot down a Spearman! His allies remain undeterred, however.
The Repair Droids escape the Ninja's slight harassment and undo the Criminals' work on the legpiece. And here they were so proud of themselves. Way to ruin their self-esteem, Repair Droids. Now they'll never escape the prison-poverty cycle.
Having grown sick of the Pterodactyl's shrill cry, the Giant just fucking grabs it.
SIT DOWN! Hollow bones can be heard splintering over the beast's death-cry, as its rider has an unpleasant landing of her own.BRIKWARS: Totally okay for children.
>>20143284THAT'S A GUNGAN. WHY IS THERE A LIVE GUNGAN. HE WAS EXECUTED AT LEAST ONCE ALREDY.
>>20143302The Giant is once again disappointed, however, as it was aiming for the Enforcer squad - now joined by the lone Crossbowman.The Juggernaut knocks off its attackers and rights itself - a small victory, but a pleasant one.
>>20143284Are those two torso/leg combinations from the set where they're robbing the ATM?
>>20143304Much to the chagrin of Exterminatus accountants everywhere, there is more than one Gungan. That, and I never get tired of abusing them. Doesn't "forced at gunpoint to fight a giant twelve times its size" seem like appropriate torture for a Gungan?Meanwhile, ignoring the carnage in her peripheral vision, the Empress yawns."Milady - surely you can't be *bored* in a life-or-death battle?""I've seen better fights in the coliseum. I really ought to just leave and let the rabble finish this one, but there's nothing else to watch tonight.""Your indifference astounds and frightens me, as always, your highness."
RED TURN 5The Ninja and Criminals finally gang up and destroy the Repair Droids! Huzzah! Now the battle is even MORE one-sided!
The Beastmen crush the Juggernaut, hooting and howling as they tear apart its mechanized corpse! Even the Elf is getting into it.>>20143326It is, I think. I would be inclined to pick up a few more cop sets, especially the K-9 car, but... well, you remember Blockatomi Plaza.
Lining up in terrifying formation, the Enforcers unleash a barrage of gunfire at the Giant! It takes serious damage, losing two of its current four lives! (It recovered one from the Repair Droids.)
The Spearmen execute another Gunwalker. This is getting distressing.
>>20143364C'mon brutal swipe, decapitate EVERYTHING.
>>20143356We don't talk about Blockatomi Plaza.
YELLOW TURN 5Enraged, the Giant hefts its mighty blade-
-and cleaves through the entire Enforcer line.What's tragic is this does very little to tilt the odds in Yellow's favor.>>20143387I learned my lessons about image sizing and battlefield clutter. So at least that was good. Also, RESRIIIIIIIIIIIE.
>>20143389>snake eyes>boxcarsI DON'T KNOW WHICH I WANT MORE!
After a failed attack, the last Gunwalker backs away timidly."P-p-please! Don't terminate me! I was just following my prime directive!"
RED TURN 6That plea didn't work in 1945, and it won't work in 2012. Sorry, robot.
>>20143409>that severed spinal columnAll of my blocks.
With only one enemy remaining and a boatload of melee fighters to attack it, the Giant's fate is inevitable."NO! NOOOOO! THIS CANNOT HAPPEN! WE ARE SUPERIOR! WE ARE SU…pe…rrrrrrrrrrrrrr…"
"Well, we've won the day, milady - and with only moderate casualties! It was silly of me to bother you with such a trivial battle.""Oh, I don't know, Ensign. I think we've all learned something valuable today.""And that would be?…""Twelve inches really isn't worth all that much."
>>20143431>That plea didn't work in 1945, and it won't work in 2012.Damn right. Only good Nazi Warbot is a DEAD Nazi Warbot.
Awesome report as always, SLIM!
And that concludes Brikwars Battle Report 8!If you're wondering why the battle was so painfully one-sided... believe it or not, it wasn't intentional. There's a 100-point difference in the armies because I grossly overvalued the Giant. Between horrible luck and poor tactics, the "fodder" melee weren't expended as expendibly as I'd expected.So, lesson learned: If you have a point-buy system, be sure to use it properly.Stick around a minute and I'll get you a teardown of the beetle, LQ.
>>20143446That's not what she said last night, the hussy.
For as high a cost as you gave the giant, it should have had some sort of knockback field included.
>>20143523It did do that more than a few times... but it was mostly cosmetic.I'm really just kicking myself that I didn't think of >>20143203>Skinwalker FoundryThough I barely had the parts to build those three, respawning Skinwalkers would be nifty... I can probably do that with skeletons at some point, though, as I have a ton of them.Here's the beetle teardown. The octagonal piece is perfect for making bugs, and I definitely need to score some more off Bricklink. Who knows, maybe a Battle Beetle arena could happen?
Awesome report man.Use more giants, they're buckets of fun!
>>20143587I will use more giants when I have more giant-grade joints.
SLIM you ever consider doing a game where one team is basically just ONE impossible armored floating death fortress that just constantly shits out Cannon fodder robots?
>>20143742...I'm considering it now.On that note, I need some z's. Hope this gets archived, I suppose? Glad y'all enjoyed it.
>>20143797I would be archiving it, but for some reason Sup/tg/ decided that it hates me tonight.
One bump for the morning crowd.
What're the stats on Megabloks like?
>>20143742>>SLIM you ever consider doing a game where one team is basically just ONE impossible armored floating death fortress that just constantly shits out Cannon fodder robots?I dunno about this Anon, such "boss battles" are usually one sided, long and boring.
I'm not sure what to do for the next report. Toss me some ideas; giant death fortress is under consideration.I also have a hankering for wizards.
I second the battle beetle arena.
>>20143562What are those octagon pieces anyway? I'm probably going to pick up that dino set sooner or later.>>20151261Thirding.
>>20152741Part 30033, or a newer version of it, 75937.Also: next match decided. Battle beast wizard arena.
>>20153045Huh. I think I remember seeing a white one used as a rescue trampoline with a firefighter set once.>>20153045>Battle beast wizard arena.Yessssssss...
Where do you guys get all the helmets and armor and hand-held weapons and shit?
>>20153322Bricklink dawt com.Although I got most of mine for being a kid in the 80s.