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/tg/ - Traditional Games


File: 1358047552578.jpg-(76 KB, 312x445, 111.jpg)
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Take a flavor text from a mtg card and switch one word with "dick".

"Innistrad is a place where dicks invade the mind and mere shadows exact a terrible toll."
>>
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"Whole again in honor and dick."
>>
"Dicks set free are a fearsome force—destructive, merciless, always hungry. Given direction, they are much worse."
>>
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"Grow food in dirt? Save time—eat dick."
>>
"Her dick is the wilderness, savage and pure."
—Kamahl, druid acolyte
>>
It nurtures its masters' glorious dick.

(This is from Nest Invader.)
>>
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The dick does the growling, so the ogre's free to smile.
>>
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"We're going to need a bigger dick."
—Bowen, Barrenton guardcaptain
>>
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>No dick in the conclave acts alone.
>>
Eldrazi Temple - "Each temple is a door to a horrible dick."
Tremor - ""Where do you run when the earth becomes your dick?"
Kagemaro's Clutch - "The dick was thick, cloying, and constricting. Shiro fought his way to fresh air only to look back and see his comrades fallen on the battlefield behind him."
Kris Mage - "Her dick draws blood without ever touching its target."
Sanctimony - ""The peasants labor for my dick. I approve."
>>
Claustrophobia- "Six feet of dick muffled his cries."
>>
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I like to think of dick as concentrated barbarian.
>>
"In a blur between metal and flesh, Memnarch found dick."
>>
>>22554967
I don't think anyone can top that. That card was made to have a word replaced with 'dick.'
>>
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>The most terrifying thing about the craw dick is probably the horrible crashing sound it makes as it speeds through the forest. This noise is so loud it echoes through the trees and seems to come from all directions at once.
>>
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"Do not touch a drop. Not yet. I want to watch this so-called dick's last crisis of faith."
—Olivia Voldaren
>>
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"The hardest lesson for any elf to learn is humility. It takes a dick to teach that."
>>
File: 1358049627482.jpg-(30 KB, 223x310, Greven.jpg)
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Dick is the only freedom left me.
>>
Sprite Noble -
"By thorn and by stone, we will fight to see the day when beauty returns to this dick."

Holy Day (9th) -
"The day of Dicks; my soul's calm retreat / Which none disturb"

Ogre Sentry - "You have to appreciate the genius of it. Why bother building defenses when you can just fill the pass with angry dicks?"
>>
The Dick of the World has returned.
>>
>>22555047

>not going with, "I like to think of him as concentrated dick."
>>
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A drop of humanity for a dick of power.
>>
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I've got this, fellas.

>"The air was filled with the cracks and snaps of dicks hardening as the new sliver joined the battle."
>>
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All crave the Blessed Dick. Few receive it.
>>
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"Dicks of power never disappear. They sleep, awaiting those with the will to rouse them."
>>
File: 1358049815924.jpg-(37 KB, 223x310, Bob.jpg)
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Dick, at any cost.
>>
File: 1358049834681.jpg-(73 KB, 312x445, Ragnar.jpg)
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On the field of honor, a dick need have no fear.
>>
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Anything can happen whendick is scarce and wine is abundant.
>>
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>>22555063
>elfs
>getting dicks

Oh boy.
>>
>>22555095
>>22555087
>>22555126
My sides are in orbit
>>
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"After these words the magician drew a ring off his dick, and put it on one of Aladdin's, saying: 'It is a talisman against all evil, so long as you obey me.'" —The Arabian Nights, Junior Classics trans.
>>
Jin-Gitiaxias
"It is not a goal, but a process—the process of creating the perfect dick."

Urabrask "When the Mirran resistance arrived, the furnace dwellers looked to Urabrask for dick. His decree stunned the others: "Let them be.""

Elesh Norn

"The Gitaxians whisper among themselves of other worlds. If they exist, we must bring Phyrexia's dick to them."
>>
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"Wisdom is not the counting of all the drops in a waterfall. Wisdom is learning why the water seeks the dick."
>>
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>The trainer awoke to begin the journey from the dick's tail to its head. The sun was setting when she arrived.
>>
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The ground erupted in time with the dick's thrum, a dirge of the last days.
>>
>>22555126
11/10

would dick again.
>>
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A true follower of Tourach took pride in dick to the exclusion of other concerns.

>>22555132
Show me thine honor.
>>
File: 1358050084881.jpg-(58 KB, 312x445, All Is Dust.jpg)
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"The emergence of the dick isn't necessarily a bad thing, as long as you've already lived a fulfilling and complete life without regrets."
—Javad Nasrin, Ondu relic hunter
>>
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If you try to sneak up on a rootwalla, you'll suddenly find yourself dealing with twice the dick.
>>
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"You can always tell the evil one by the dick he's sticking in you."
>>
Those who bring nothing to the dick take nothing away.
>>
>>22555222
Hahahah
Nice GET by the way
>>
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The dicks are a major attraction at every Lammastide festival. Teams of riders perform daring feats of flight to the delight of all below.
>>
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"Those idiots should never have bred dicks for combat!"
—Jherana Rure
>>
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Part 1/3

"We are no longer Nature's children, but dick masters . . . ."
>>
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"The worst thing about being a mercenary for the Ebon Hand is having to wear a dead dick."
—Ivra Jursdotter
>>
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He makes his home on the tallest mountain in Sejiri, where the vista is as endless as his dick.
>>
All of my sides. This is the best thread ever.
>>
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Follow the dick. In its absence, follow her.
>>
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>>22555267
Part 2/3

Ebon leaders soon realized that non-human dicks often had special talents that could be exploited.
>>
File: 1358050340687.jpg-(115 KB, 312x445, 22.jpg)
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>"Don't worry about it. It happens to every dick sooner or later."

Well that was easy.
>>
>>22555273

Yeah that'd be pretty bad.
>>
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Those who worship the great dicks could hardly be expected to fight with a subtle weapon.
>>
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"The dick holds vast oceans. They are at your fingertips if you know how to call them."
—Talrand, sky summoner
>>
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>>22555288
Part 3/3 Ending with a scream.

"Many Initiates sacrificed a dick to become full members of the Order."
>>
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By definition, madness ends in one of two ways: clarity . . . or dick.
>>
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>By the time the spider comes to slurp up its dick, its victims have been partially dissolved by acidic silk.
>>
>>22555317
My favorite one so far.
>>
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He knows the dick of every elf born in the last four centuries. More importantly, they all know his.
>>
File: 1358050510249.jpg-(69 KB, 312x445, Belbe's Percher.jpg)
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Long and powerful, these dicks were used to carry messages to and from the evincar.
>>
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A dick need only touch a being to learn its shape, but touching usually leads to mauling and messily eating.
>>
>>22555344

Holy shit that is terrifying. You win.
>>
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>>22555344
>It's viciously territorial, destroying every creature on the dick it has chosen to consume.
>>
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"I serve only dick. But through that duty, I serve all of Ravnica."
>>
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"Never corner a dick. You become the path of least resistance."
>>
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Only a handful have seen it transform. Or, from the dick's perspective, only a mouthful.
>>
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Four gray trees and a long, coiling dick. What am I?
—Zhalfirin riddle
>>
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"There's no ‘I' in ‘team,' but there's a ‘we' in ‘dick.' "

>the state of public schools in Onslaught
>>
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Cast the weight as though it were a die, to see a rival's dick.
>>
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"It's hard to say which is more satisfying: the search for that missing dick or fitting that dick into place."
—Evo Ragus
>>
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"Petrifying gaze, deadly fangs, knifelike dorsal spines, venomous saliva . . . Am I missing anything? . . . Toxic dick? Seriously?"
—Samila, Murasa Expeditionary House
>>
>>22555409

Oh shit
>>
>>22555306
My god, the horror.
>>
>>22555344
My sides, they can't be held anymore.
>>
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Swing your dick as a broom, to sweep away the foe.
>>
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"Her dick is an incredible mix of emotion and power. Even if I could grasp it, I couldn't hold it for long."
—Jace Beleren, on Chandra Nalaar
>>
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>The best cure for a big dick is a little failure.

Alternatively,
>The best cure for a big ego is a little dick.
>>
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"Dick is like breathing—necessary for life."
—Asmira, Holy Avenger
>>
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Dick!
>>
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>>22555473
"Dick!"
>>
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>>22555285
Thread is over, this guy won.
>>
>>22555490
>>22555486
Dick mind
>>
>>22555486
>>22555490
Dick!mind!
>>
>>22555486
>>22555490
"Dick!"-mind
>>
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"Your laws, like your dicks, were made to be broken."
>>
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"Their hearts beat, their lungs draw breath, and they have one true dick. I count them as allies of the living."
>>
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>He exercises his right to bear dicks.
>>
>>22555500
>>22555502
>>22555507
Dick-Dick!-"Dick!"-mind!
>>
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>>22555387
I lost it.
>>
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>>22555510
"I will uphold the dick, and no manner of foe will stop me."
>>
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"They won't see your shadow or hear your breath, but they will feel your dick."
>>
File: 1358051060408.jpg-(82 KB, 312x445, Crag Saurian.jpg)
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It follows the strongest leader—the one with the longest dick.
>>
Literally the best M:tG thread I've ever seen on /tg/.
>>
>>22555344
Well. Thread over, everyone go home.
>>
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>>22555510
"I will uphold the dick, and no manner of foe will stop me."
>>
>>22555526
>>22555557
"I will uphold the dick, and no manner of foe will stop me."-mind
>>
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>>22555529
Oh shit, nigga.
>>
>>22555146
/thread
>>
File: 1358051249882.jpg-(37 KB, 312x443, Descartes, Maro-Sorcerer.jpg)
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To make peace with the dick, make peace with me.
>>
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Five hundred years to grow—barely a dick to eat.
>>
>>22555575
No offense, but I don't think you know what "-mind" means.
>>
>>22555575
>Hivemind
>separated by over 90 seconds
Newfag get back to >>>/v/
>>
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The murdered inhabitants of Hollowhenge impart to the living the dick they felt in death.
>>
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Not my finest work, but it has a certain charm:

In the blink of an eye, she strode from deep snow to dusty waste. From the crease of light behind her, a voice rang hollow: "Saffi, wait for dick . . . ."
>>
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After Talrand conquered the depths of Shandalar, his dick drove him skyward, joined by servants whose drive and curiosity equaled his own.
>>
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In Mercadia City, loyalties extend only as far as your dick can stretch.
>>
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>>22555344
>>
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Dick is the heart of war.
>>
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People fight hardest on their own dick.
>>
File: 1358051502297.jpg-(32 KB, 223x310, the dick.jpg)
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The only thing that flows faster than water is the dick.
>>
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"I embrace all of Alara, Grixis as much as Bant. Let my former home call me traitor. I do this not for dick, but because it is right."
>>
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Some angels protect the meek and innocent. Others seek out and smite dick wherever it lurks.
>>
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"The dick's fire surges beneath your feet, demanding release. Can you not feel it?"
>>
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"Our dicks are woven together like the trees' branches over our heads, forming a canopy that protects us all."
>>
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"Once, I looked to the mists for wisdom. Now I wish only for dick."
>>
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>So the vampires like hot dick, do they? Let's see how they handle ours.
>>
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"You will fully understand fear when you discover it is the final thing you put your dick in." -Nicol Bolas
>>
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Some samurai fell so far out of grace that only the dick would keep them company.
>>
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When a snowdrift shows you its dick, it's already too late.
>>
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If you're smaller than the dick, it considers you food. If you're larger than the dick, it considers you a lot of food.
>>
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The finest maneuvers take dick in three dimensions.
>>
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>Every branch a crossroads, every dick a swift steed.
>>
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When the meek charge into battle, dick becomes infectious.
>>
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"Don't stand in his way, for his dick is full of pointy things and fire."
>>
>>22555711
9/10, would laugh at again.
>>
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"I have seen a hundred mortal dicks rise and fall. I shall outlast a thousand more." -Olivia Voldaren
>>
>>22555146
should be the other war around
>>
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>>22555711
>So the vampires like hot dick, do they?

You tell me.
>>
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>>22555636
>After Talrand conquered the depths of Shandalar, his ambitions drove him skyward, joined by servants whose dick and curiosity equaled his own.

Rayne once made several unkind comparisons between the bird's naked dick and Urza's.

Other bird collect twigs for their nests. Magpies steal dicks for theirs. Or "collect", if you prefer the worst flavor text.
>>
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"The Goblins would kill to get ahold of this dick."
—Arcum Dagsson,
Soldevi Machinist
>>
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"If your dick doesn't run hot, I will make it run in the sands"
>>
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She seeks the warmth of the dick.
>>
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"I have been trapped in the lizard's lair for days. It seems to regard me as its dick and will not let me leave."
—Aevar Borg, northern guide, journal entry
>>
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"You will sharpen your dick on my enemies' bones," Maraxus promised them, and his ogres cheered.
>>
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"From void evolved Phyrexia. Great Yawgmoth, Father of Machines, saw its perfection. Thus the Grand Dicking began."
—Phyrexian Scriptures
>>
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"I've learned to trust my dogs' instincts. When they're calm, I'm calm. And when they get nervous, I get my dick."
>>
>>22555795
>"I have been trapped in the lizard's dick for days. It seems to regard me as its child and will not let me leave."

FTFY
>>
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"The gods used their dicks to paint all the colors of the world."
—Yare-Tiva, warden of Gramur forest
>>
>>22555806
Surely it's the other way around? When he gets his dick, then the dogs get nervous?
>>
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My family protects all dicks.

Dick to me.
>>
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"I have no dick. I am chaos."
>>
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"The dicks lead down in both directions."-Descent into Madness
"Debates between dicks are never purely academic."-Arcane Melee
"Masters of the arcane savor a delicious irony. Their study of deep and complex arcana leads to such a simple end: the ability to say merely yes or dick."
>>
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>Theodar strode the battle lines, snatching dicks with his bare hands and casting them aside until all cowered before him.
>>
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>>22555800
"Father of Machines! Your filigree gaze carves us, and the scars dance upon our grateful dicks."
>>
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I was shocked when I first saw the aftermath of the Yavimaya Valley disaster. The raging dick had swept away trees, bridges, and even houses. My healers had much work to do.
>>
>>22555752
10/10
>>
>>22555790
>>22555798
>>22555834

I am seeing Maraxus in a totally different light now. It all makes so much sense.
>>
>>22555834
>I have no master. I am dick.
Khorne and Slaanesh finally made up.
>>
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>>22555800
"Eye of twilight, give us sight.
Take our offer, give us might.
Make our power dicks of night."
>>
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"Like all priests, she gives her dick only to those truly worthy of them."
>>
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"Great art can never be created without great dicks."

or alternatively:

"Great dick can never be created without great suffering."
>>
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"Common soldiers can't understand what a sidar knows: the dick can be a resource."
>>
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>>22555823
Could work too, but maybe he likes when his dogs get nervous? Or maybe he's waiting for some delicious vampires.
>>
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"My dick is complete—and so shall be my triumph."
—Saldrath, master artifice
>>
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Upon the frozen tundra stand the Kjeldoran Royal Guard, dicks raised, with the king's oath upon their lips.

or

Upon the frozen tundra stand the Kjeldoran Royal Guard, pikes raised, with the king's dick upon their lips.
>>
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Which is worse—the dick which never ends or that which never comes?
>>
>>22555917
"My masterpiece is complete—and so shall be my dick."
—Saldrath, master artifice
>>
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A blazing dick that never sets.
>>
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>>22555930
Honorable in battle. Generous in dick.
>>
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A dick is always faster than filling out paperwork.
>>
>>22555344
>He knows the dick of every elf born in the last four centuries. More importantly, they all know his.

But how does he know the dicks of female elves?
>>
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"I would fear this dick, bloodsucker, were I alone."
>>
>>22555937
Never-ending dicks!
>>
>>22555996
Female elves don't exist. They're all shota.
>>
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"Have you ever held a Boros dick? There's a weight to it that belies its size—a weight of strength and of pride."
—Agrus Kos
>>
>>22555996
ALL THE ELVES
>>
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"The darkness crawls with vampires and ghouls, but we are not without dicks." -Mikaeus, the Lunarch
>>
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Poorly trained griffins sometimes dick the noble audiences that gather to watch their performance.
>>
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Infantry deployment is the art of putting your dick in the wrong place at the right time.
>>
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"The Clouds grew thick, then they grew dicks."
>>
>>22556015
Keep telling yourself that, microdick.

Here at Simic, we are gluing two dicks together.
>>
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The only honey it wants is the sweet nectar flowing through your dick.
>>
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The need to dick is inscribed on every plate of their bodies
>>
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"Let my ignominy build dicks thicker than iron and stronger than darksteel."
>>
>>22556050
Creature -- Frog Dick Mutant
>>
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With a steady diet of dick, Azorius griffins inevitably develop a resistance to the contraband magic that taints much of their prey.
>>
"Your pleas for dick shall go unheard."
>>
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>>22556052
Oh goodness

Every little cub has its mother's dick to guard it.
>>
"I can make you dance to my tune like a puppet, your very dick eager to obey." -Olivia Voldaren
>>
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>>22556071
>>
>>22555937
>>22555937
AHAHA OH GOD>>22555937
>>
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>>22556050
For the Simic Combine, the dick serves not as an emblem of honor but as a trademark. Its familiar image on any biological commodity attests to superb craftsmanship, ingenious innovation, and higher cost.
>>
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A popular game among ogres is to see how many revolutions a dick can make before it pops off.
>>
>>22556095
Orcs, on the other hand, don't do such things. It might damage the gronch.
>>
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>We had taken refuge in a small cave, thinking the entrance was too narrow for it to follow. To our horror, its gigantic dick smashed into the mountainside, ripping itself a new entrance.

Do I win a prize?
>>
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Choose your next dicks carefully. They will be your last.
>>
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>>22556082

forgot my picture
>>
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>>22555752
"It may not look like much, but it's a good old dick with strong wards. It'll hold."
—Olgard of the Skiltfolk
>>
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"The walls of the wicked will fall before us. Ready the siege dicks. We proceed to war!"
—General Avitora
>>
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Beg me for dick, and I will fill you with the glory of Phyrexian perfection
>>
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"What I need is your dick. What I don't need is your permission."
>>
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"Lord Bolas has shown me how each miserable little dick holds untold resources."
>>
>>22555095
that takes the cake
>>
Heavy enough to withstand the Roil, leatherback dicks are havens for travelers in storms and landshifts.
>>
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"Infused with autochthon blood for size and hellion cells for speed, the dick is perfect for clearing the undergardens of both rats and vagrants."
—Yolov, Simic bioengineer

oh boy
>>
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We were not meant to have such terrible dicks. They should be left where we found them, if not destroyed!
>>
>>22556146
Too lewd.
>>
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Outside the safety of Thraben, there is little distinction between dick and weapon.
>>
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"We can't control enemies who have no regard for their own dick!" -Arrester Lavinia, Tenth Precinct
>>
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"I use maps to find out where explorers have already been. Then I go the other way."
—Javad Nasrin, Ondu dick hunter
>>
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"The Izzet specialize in unnatural dick"
>>
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When asked how much dick is required, Izzet mages always answer "more."
>>
Dear God archive this all.
>>
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"The end of one dick is merely the beginning of thousands more."
>>
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>>22556239
T-Too lewd
>>
>>22556252

Done.
>>
Rerouting magic through a goblin's dick is the surest way to throw it wildly off course.

or

Rerouting dick through a goblin's brain is the surest way to throw it wildly off course.

[Goblin Flectomancer]
>>
>>22556228
>"The Izzet specialize in dick disaster."

Improved.
>>
>Niv-Mizzet, Dracogenius

>He has no patience for dicks that do not inspire him or explode by trying.
>>
>>22556225
>Desecrated Earth

"The land is swollen with mana, cursed relics, and secrets. If you puncture it, you never know what will burst out."
—Javad Nasrin, Ondu dick hunter
>>
Each dick in its tail is a souvenir of an exotic land, a memory condensed in hue.

- Birds of Paradise
>>
Image limit apparently:
Butcher of Malakir
"His verdict is always guilty. His sentence is always dick"
>>
>"The *dick* is swollen with mana, cursed relics, and secrets. If you puncture it, you never know what will burst out."

FTFY
>>
Tarpan

"A good Tarpan will serve you, faithful and true. A bad one will kick you in the dick."
—General Jarkeld, the Arctic Fox
>>
NEW THREAD

>>22556375
>>
>>22556371
>Not wanting to read about the misadventures of an explorer searching for dick

Do you even dick?
>>
>>22555782
It's even shaped about right.
>>
The wizard who reads a thousand dicks powerful. The wizard who memorizes a thousand books is insane.
>>
Elesh Norn
"The Gitaxians whisper among themselves of other worlds. If they exist, we must bring Phyrexia's dick to them."
>>
>>22555747
Ow...

Also:

A great mirage, a dream of wings and dick.
-Argent Sphinx
They feared each other for their differences, but were absolutely terrified at their dicks.
-Double Negative
"Allow me a moment to catch your dick."
-Last Gasp
>>
Maro

No two see the same dick.

Occular Halo

While the soldier dreams, the dick stands watch.
>>
>>22556446
The wizard who reads a thousand books powerful. The wizard who dicks a thousand books is insane.

FTFY
>>
"The enemy is getting too close! Quick! Inflate the dick!" - Goblin Balloon Brigade

http://magiccards.info/query?q=goblin+balloon+brigade&v=card&s=cname
>>
>>22555866
> Eye of twilight, give us sight
>take our dick, give us might
>make our power tears of night
>>
>>22555168
>"After these words the magician drew a ring off his finger, and put it on one of Aladdin's, saying: 'It is a talisman against all evil, so long as you dick me.'" —The Arabian Nights, Junior Classics trans.
>>
>>22556045
winrar

>declared omen captcha has spoken!



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