...
get out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SO5WoLnOOlU

Lol! I remember that!

Well done.

>>5593714

... I used to think I was a good man.

Two years ago, I was not the hardened officer you see before you. As unbelievable as it may seem now, I was a Vox operator of the Regulatus, a Cruiser in the 122nd Imperial Fleet. I was in charge of both inter-ship comms, as well as relaying orbital bombardment targets sent from the Imperial Guard units planetside. I was happy in that position. I was proud to be a part of the Regulatus, and I was proud to serve as an NCO of the Imperial Navy.

... so what changed me? Well, sit down and I will tell you. It started with a woman.

By the Emperor... the armies of Chaos ARE marching under the banner of a rat's anus!

>>5593915

Her name was Aremie, a Vox operator of the Imperial Battleship Vengeance. She was assigned the communications between our ships, and we worked together very closely. Mission after mission we would co-ordinate attacks against the enemy and direct our ground pounders with tactical appraisals. If our ships were ordered on separate missions we would wish each other luck, and when we returned we would talk about it over private lines.

One day, she gave me her private comm address in the 122nd Fleet's registrar and asked me to call her off duty, so we could talk about other things. We knew each other well so I accepted.

That night was the first time I saw Aremie. And I will never forget her harrowing beauty. Her short hair cut to her shoulders, her sparkling eyes...

... it was at that moment I knew.

>>5593714

>>5593954

"Where as the xenos..."

"You haven t been listening to alien propaganda again? Of course they are going to say we're the bad guys"

"But they didn't design our uniforms! And all their badges are nice things like circles and sigils and axes.."

"Whats so good about an axe?"

"Well nothing, and if we've learnt one thing during the last thousand miles of retreat its that Ork industry is in dire need of mechanisation."

>>5594020

My feelings for Aremie only grew as we spent time over the Vox network together. We were separated by the cold void of space, but whenever I heard her voice in my ear, or saw her smiling at me over the vidcomm screen in my dormitory I felt like she was sitting with me.

I worked harder. I saved my money and my downtime, pooling the small hours and handfuls of Thrones so that I could take her somewhere when our fleet moored over a planet for resupply. I felt a glow whenever I thought about taking her to a small caffiene house, or maybe a bar, and laughing about our near escapes and times together over a drink.

Eventually, the day came that everything was set. I had a full thirty-one hours accumulated, and we were over the capital world in an Shrine World. Everyone from the fleet who had an hour or two was getting planetside.
Mustering all my courage, I opened a vidcomm and asked her if she wanted to come with me and we could get to know each other. She smiled sweetly, and for that brief moment I felt as if he Emperor validated my existence.
"Oh Eli..."
Then she paused. And the smile fell away, replaced by a sorrowful, apologetic look.
"... Eli, I'm so sorry, but I don't see you that way."

My heart stopped. I felt cold, numbed with horror. Trying my best to act unfazed I told her that it was alright, I didn't mind. But at that time I had never felt so... empty.

>>5593915
You suck.

>>5594174

Having already requested my time off, I headed straight to the ship's bar. As the amasec flowed, I couldn't help but wonder what went wrong. Aremie was smart, beautiful, witty... what in me did she find unacceptable?

After some few hours the ship;s barkeep threw me out, adding that it was unbecoming for someone of my rank to be drinking so heavily. But I wasn't even close to finishing. I needed to blot out that day, and the next. I ordered servitors to bring bottles to my dormitory bunk, and that is where I stayed.

My shipmates who shared the room and hadn't gone planetside started to show concern. More than one had seen my rejection on the public screen, and took it upon themselves to try and get me up again. After I took a swing at Garel they stopped.

I used every one of my waking hours of leave in my bed, drinking until I passed out. I didn't bathe, and my stubble grew coarse. On the odd occasion that I would wash my face from vomit, I would see my rapidly deteriorating appearance. But I didn't care. My hope for the future lay in ruins. All that remained was an empty universe. Nothing was there for me but my ship.

Three hours before my shift, the XO came to have a word to me on the behest of the crew. While he did empathize, he still chewed me out for my behaviour and fined me thirty Thrones for my conduct and stripped me down a rank to Second Rank Vox Operator.

Of course, in all it's wisdom the Universe made sure that my duties still revolved around talking to Aremie.

Story, needs moar of it

>>5594299

We never spoke about the incident, but I knew she was upset. I could hear it in her voice, but I did nothing to console her. At times, she would try and start the idle banter that accompanied our communications, but they died out sooner or later.

Three days later, we were ambushed by Dark Eldar warships on route to the Namiria system. My ship was crippled in the opening barrage, most decks venting directly into the void. The handful of naval personnel I was attached to were able to make it to a lander before the ship's engines went critical, but the shockwave put us straight into the desert planet below. Only myself and one other survived the crash landing.

It seemed that many of the larger ships had been forced down onto the dunes, our sister Cruiser the Interferiae landing soon after. There were over a million fighting personnel aboard, and it became our destination.

However, we were not the only ones on the planet. The foul Xenos had sent dark ships after us, and the Emperor-damned freaks began slaying or capturing all who fell too far from the Cruiser's safety.

>>5594421

As we passed by countless wrecks, we heard the inhuman, mocking voices of the enemy as they lashed survivors to their barges or killed them where they lay, watching their blood soak into the sands underneath. There was little we could, by the time the security officer and I readied ourselves to mount a rescue, the barge would flit away to the next unfortunate group.

Seeing the torture of my fellow human like that... a violent hatred rose within me. I knew if I got one alone, it's death would be slow.

Soon after, a Guardsman unit from the Interferiae found us mounting the crest of a dune and escorted us back towards the rally point near a makeshift Raptor pad, to be taken to safety. However, it would not be simple.

Whatever entity decided to make my life miserable made sure of that.

Halfway to our destination, we were set upon by a small contingent of the Xenos. Not having any weaponry larget than a naval pistol, I took cover in the smoking ruins of a downed dropship and returned fire. It was obvious that I needed a better weapon to help my saviour unit, and frantically I looked through the wreckage for a lasgun.

...and that's where I found her.

F5'en

>>5594520

A young woman dressed in a pilot's uniform lay among the wreckage, fighting for air. A twisted spike of metal protruded from her chest, blood staining her darkly. The battle forgotten, I looked around for a way to free the young woman but finding nothing. Screaming for a medicae, I kneeled next to the woman until the unit's patcher entered the ship.

By the time he had used his tools to free her, the battle was over. Two Guardsman and the security officer I had survived the landing with had not made it, so the unit's priority changed to helping the pilot. Her wound was grievous, and beyond the know-how of the medicae, so the decision was made to get her to safety.

Making a makeshift stretcher, we carried her to the rally point, where a raptor took us aboard. I bid my rescuers thanks and that the Emperor walk with them.
Later I learned that they did not survive.

Finally! Fanfic that isn't porn! AND its good reading! Hats off to you Gem!

>>5594600

My ship was toast, so there was no-one for me to report to when I landed at the base. The only one I knew was the pilot I had brought in for treatment. I was in a sea of unknown people, all too busy to help me (understandably). Looking down at her unconscious form as the Chirurgeons put her on a gurney and rushed her into the Interferiae, I decided to stay with her.

The surgery went for three hours. Despite the odd looks I recieved from the orderlies, I stayed outside the theatre. I felt... powerless. I always prided myself as doing an important job aboard the Regulatus, and this sensation of not being able to do anything for her was just as alien as the things we fought, both up in space and here planetside. My thoughts wandered to Aremie for a moment, and I realised that she could be dead.
Silently, I prayed to the Emperor to deliver both these women from harm, and shield them from death with His unyielding virtue of everlasting life.

At last, the Chirurgeons wheeled the girl out of her operations. Answering my questions as we walked, they told me that they had done everything they could, and she had a reasonable chance at recovery.
Leading her into one of the wards, they lay her on an empty bed before returning to the sea of wounded flooding in.

I had nowhere to go. Everything I possessed in the universe had been destroyed, along with most everyone I cared about. Quietly I took a chair and sat next to her bed, waitiing for her to wake up.

Idleness begets heresy.

>>5594760
Heresy Grows from Idleness

>>5594782
An Idle Heretic is...DOUBLE HERETICAL!

>>5594730

The first time she opened her eyes, I was busy tapping away on a dataslate. One of the ship's officers had given me access to the fleet's registry between tasks, and I had taken it upon myself to discover who this woman laying in the bed was. From the markings on her now-incinerated uniform, I had narrowed her to a pilot on one of our Cobra-class torpedo ships, the Ordital. It had been listed as a casualty of the ongoing conflict. However, the data had no photo identification for the personnel files, and she had been found without tags or identification, so all I could do was idly flick through the pages of data.

When I saw her weakly look around I put the slate down and walked to her side.
"... what ship is this?" she asked feebly, looking up at me with a small measure of fear.
"Imperial Cruiser Interferiae." I replied gently, smiling softly to try and aleviate her fear. "You were injured in the crash, but you're safe now."
Slowly I saw her recognise who I was, her eyes fixing on me.
"The wreckage... you... saved me, didn't you..."
I hadn't saved her. I found her. The guardsmen and the Chirurgeons had saved her, and I remained quiet. I didn't want accolades. I just did what anyone else would do, and looking into her was helping me feel useful.

But as long as I live, I will never forget. Trembling from fatigue and her injury, her hand found mine. For the first time, I noticed her eyes. They were breathtaking, and even though she was weak, I felt my heart skip.
"Thank you..."
With that, she lost consciousness. I didn't know what to say, or do. But I realised that I felt... I felt like I had with Aremie.
Drawing the chair closer, I clasped her hand gently in both of mine and waited.

Speaking of idle heretics, where is the rest of the story? D:

don't let me down writefag, and someone nigger best be archiving this shit too.

F5!!!!

>>5594934

The battle had no end in sight. Our fleet had made a distress call, but the help was at least a day away when I had boarded the Interferiae with this girl. I wanted to do my part, and I signed on as a Vox operator, co-ordinating the ground efforts around the ship under the Imperial Guardsmen brass. When I was off shift, I would return to the pilot's side.

After my first shift she was awake. Looking over as I entered she gave a relieved smile, as if she had been worried I was not returning. I sat with her and asked how she was feeling, she doing her best to ignore the pain in her chest and talk to me.
Hours passed, and we got to know each other: where we were from, why we had joined the Navy, what we wanted out of life.
As she talked, I held her hand for support. At least, that's how I rationalised it to myself. She was still in pain, and her hand shivered ever so gently. I felt like I held a tiny injured animal within, but going quiet when I took it, she squeezed back. I knew I had done the right thing.

Someone else archive this I'm terrible at coming up with tags and a description

I can't archive this and tag it properly without more content, honestly. I need to know why this guy isn't a good guy anymore.

Gemini, your writing is awesome, also. But I recommend writing it all out in advance in the future, it's what I did when I wrote previously.

>>5595126

Could you be so kind and archive this when/if it's done?
It's almost 5am here, so you would do me a favour.

And I concur, Gemini's writing is quite good.

>>5595206
I'm going to work in an hour, if nobody's archived it by the time I get there, I'll handle it. I've got all night.

>>5595241
Thanks anon.

>>5595241
thanks

>>5595082

Shifts went by, and even after reinforcements arrived my adopted Cruiser did not move. There was still enemy activity in orbit, and every now and then a flash of battle would stain the sky and be noted by the units I was directing, but I never saw them. My mind had no time for any of this. All I cared about was keeping these Guardsmen alive, and going back to see the pilot.

At the end of the second visit, she had told me her name was Cyrine. Cyrine... the name burned into my mind, and when I was on a two minute caffeine break from the Vox, I would wonder how she was doing. Sometimes I would panic myself and wonder if she truly was alright, that maybe she had been struck by complications, but I would quickly perish the thought. She was in medical care, she was safe.
Nevertheless, at the end of each shift I would rush to see her, placating my tired body with the fact that we would be spending time with Cyrine.

Eventually, eighty-two hours after first contact the battle ended with the intervention of the 73rd and 141st Imperial Fleets. The Dark Eldar had tried to flee, but had been hunted down and destroyed. I had felt happy at that announcement. Too many people I cared about had died.
All of us who had been rescued off of scuttled vessels were informed that we would be taken to Namiria as planned, where we would be reassigned. It was a week's journey, and until then we were told to rest and recuperate, something I was only too happy to do. Travelling to the wards, I told Cyrine what was happening. It affected her as well as me, and after hearing me out she merely nodded. It was standard procedure, after all. But at that moment, I felt the exhaustion of three days finally catch up to me. Too tired to move, I fell asleep on my chair.

When I woke a few hours later, I was collapsed awkwardly from my chair, leaning away from Cyrine. Gently sitting up, I felt her arms around me as she slept. In the light of the room, I saw a peaceful smile upon her face. I knew that look. I knew she felt like I had with Aremie.

How I felt about her.

JUST FRIENDS BAD END LOL

>>5595443

Thank you for putting so succinctly what I had been trying to say and illustrate for the past 15 minutes.

>>5595414

Cyrine remained confined to her bed. The injuries were serious, and she was weak. Another two times she went back to the Chirurgeon, another two times I prayed for her safety outside the surgery. In a time when I had lost everything, I had found something beautiful, and I knew that losing her would destroy me. But each time, she awakened. And I would be there, ready to look after her.

Three days into our journey, we kissed. I remember almost dropping my data slate as it happened, but as our lips met I knew that she was the one. I resolved that I would wait with her until she was well again, and then we would see what the Universe had in store for us together.

The Infinite had always scared me. But now I had Cyrine, and I realised that it didn't matter. A man doesn't need to concern himself with the Universe. Only with those things, those people that he cares about. Leave the Universe to the Emperor and trust in those that care about you. Nothing else matters.

>>5595469

>>5593714
I feel like a soulmate to OP.
--
[spoiler]шшш.аиоитаㄥк.сом[/spoiler]

>>5595573

It happened so suddenly.

Two days before we were due to make berth at Nameria, Cyrine's organs started to shut down. I was on duty at the time, having signed on in the cargo stores to be of use, and had heard about it from the orderlies over my comm. All thoughts apart from going back to be with her were scoured from my mind. The dataslate was thrown from my hands and ceased to exist for me. The hallways blurred past.
This couldn't happen.

When I arrived, the Chirurgeon stopped me outside. He told me that his procedured had failed, rattling off some medical speech I couldn't follow, but before he could waste more time I shoved him out of the way and went to Cyrine's side.
I still remember her eyes looking at me in shamed apology. Her skin was so pale, and when I took her hand she was cold from the painkillers. I couldn't help myself from shedding a tear. She saw, and weakly forced a smile.
"Don't cry... I'm... not going to die..." she said weakly before trying to draw me into an embrace. Gently I cradled her, hearing her tell me again that she cared too much about me to die.

And then... quietly... she died. In my arms.

>>5595687
FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU AND YOUR EMOTION INDUCING STORY!

>>5595687

Cue Eli reappearing and being all "lol i changed my mind"

>>5595687
Golden throne?!??!!?!?

>>5595687

When we arrived at Nameria, I enlisted in the Imperial Guard. I have devoted every single day since I lost Cyrine to hunting Xenos, to killing Xenos and to making the enemies of the Imperium know that I will never forget what they have done.

Every now and then, I get a message from Aremie. The Vengeance survived the conflict, and after a year she discovered I was alive and serving in the Guard. But I never open the messages. The man she worked with, the man she co-ordinated strikes with and shared private jokes about the officers with is dead.

The Ecclesiarchy will tell you that the only two emotions of worth are love and devotion. Love because it lets you know that the Emperor is guiding us to glory, and devotion to taking up His will.
I now know that love is a lie. All I feel is devition to the Emperor, to the Guard and to the destruction of all who oppose me.

I used to think I was a good man. But I know that anything good inside me died with Cyrine. And if not having any good in me, if only being filled with hate and anger, if that makes me a bad guy? So be it.
But know that I will give my all to being this 'bad guy' every single day, because all I have is my devotion to the Guard.

I am the Guard. When I look around at these machines of death and ranks of soldiers, I see all that I am, and all that I ever will be. Maybe one day there will be peace, once all the enemies of the Imperium are dust and ruin. I know that if that is to be, that I will not be there to see it.

No. I will be one who made it so.

DO YOU KNOW HOW HARDCORE I AM?

>>5595867

Oh wow. I got the picture of Eli's face holding Cyrine, then having him dressed in his Squad Sargent uniform two years later on a battlefield with the same face, stony and unemotional as he tells his story to the guardsmen who asked if they were the bad guy.

Fucking well done.

>>5595687
>>5595867
Now THERE'S the GRIMDARK I was expecting. Bravo. In the GRIM AND DARK of the 41st millenium, there is only being pissed off, not love.

>>5595867

Bravo. Good writing.

Imperial Guard Fuck Year thread?

>>5595867

>>5595991
GUARDSMANBROFIST.JPG

>>5593714

"We're fighting orks. All their equipment has skulls on it too. Actual skulls, torn of people's bodies and attached to their gear"

"Ah right, that clears that up, thanks"

>>5595126

Normally I would, but that was a direct inspiration for the OP's topic. I posted it as I wrote.

Shit... what tags would this story need in the archive? It... went bad there at the end. As in, well written but I feel sad now.

Bravo good writefag, bravo.

The mental imagry is bringing me to tears.

>>5596021
Well done.

Manly tears were shed.

Archived.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/5593714/

Damn it, I wish I had an Imperial Guard army. I'd name one of the officers after Eli, and have this as his story.

>>5596136

Reminds me of an apoc game, my Tau, allied Dark Eldar, vs. Guard, allied spess mehreens. The guard player had this special model that had some long history of battles, his first model, survived many battles, etc.

My homie said, "He's mine."
"Not if I get to him first," I said.

The game became our respective commanders beelining for that guard model. To cut a potentially long and boring story short, his archon and my commander reach the guy, rip through his bodyguard, and simultaneously wound him to death (I think we were assaulting through cover or something, either way we were all somehow init 1). It was glorious.

At the end of combat, my homie goes, "roll CC attack on me." Confused, I roll. He does the same. We both hit.

"Brofist." he said.

The guard player was livid.

Don't cry... I'm... not going to die...

>>5596200
Awesome.

>>5595867
NOBODY ORDERED YOU TO TELL US YOUR LIFE STORY, BOOT!

LET THAT SERVE AS AN EXAMPLE TO THE REST OF YOU CHATTY CATHYS AROUND HERE!

>>5596200
Drawfag needs to sketch this. DE Archon and Tau Commander in battlesuit brofisting over the corpse of a mary-sue Guard commadner.

>>5596399
Even better grimdark ending

ITT: Max Payne in 40K

>>5595708

I don't understand.

The red player has already connected four.
Why are they still playing AFTER victory as been achieved?

>>5596614

That question is asked EVERY TIME.

I need a better OWNED image. Any recommendations?

>>5596628

>>5596614
Maybe they didn't notice the diagonal? It's not as obvious as a vertical or a horizontal, ya' know.

Angry Marines: The Movie

>>5596850

So they are all so angry... because they lost the one they love?

>>5597152

Oh dear.

>>5597152
FUCK NO

I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR LOVE BECAUSE I'M TOO BUSY BEING PISSED OFF

AND THAT REALLY MAKES ME ANGRY

>>5593915
>>5594020
>>5594174
>>5594299
>>5594421
>>5594520
>>5594600
>>5594730
>>5594934
>>5595082
>>5595403
>>5595414
>>5595573
>>5595687
>>5595867

My God... you made me weep manly tears, Gemini. Damn you, and bless you at the same time. I know now that my emotions aren't completely dead.

Awesome writefaggotry.

>>5595687
God damn it, I actually cried a little. As in, a tear ran down my cheek from my eye because of your story! You'll pay for this!

>>5595867
This shit here is well done writefaggotry.

God damn it.

Great. There goes my cheerful morning.

The guardsman has learned wisdom. In the grim darkness of the 41st Millennium there is only war.

>>5595867

Why... why won't you call me?

>>5597751
So now it's more like "Tearful Mourning"!

>>5598013
God damn you.

>>5598013

Okay, okay, sorry for that last one.
Gemini, that was amazing. Loved it.

Bravo Gemini! Bravo!

What's this? Emotion? In MY 40K?

>>5598171

Normally something /tg/ reserves for Thousand Sons Rubric Marines.

OP here. Gemini, you stole my silly thread and made it into a manly tears thread, I SHALL HAVE VENGEANCE!

archive please? Manly tears of that calibre should be recorded to preserve its testosterone fuelled sadness.

Such daring, such arrogance!
...I salute you.

goddamn I aprove!

>>5598308
Though be warned you have inspired me to continue the Story of Henris Guav

Why you do this to me?

I'm impressed. This is probably the first well-written piece I've seen on /tg/ for a long time, and it doesn't even have fucking! Good show!

>>5598352
>This is probably the first well-written piece I've seen on /tg/ for a long time
obviously you haven't read some of my shit
>and it doesn't even have fucking!
well.. I... hrmm guess you got me there...

stop crying ladys and look at this image

1

2

3

now, do you feel better?

>>5596429
>Imperial Guard
>Mary Sue
Does not compute.

>>5598368
I'm the kind of fa/tg/uy that appreciates it when things other than my cock are moved by fiction.

>>5598387
well if it makes you feel better it was implied

>>5598389
What was implied?

>>5598369

No, I don't. For fucks sake man show some respect, dude lost Two, fucking TWO women he cared deeply for.

>>5595867
Gemini, /tg/ accepts you for who you are, and will see /g/ as a casual fling.

>>5598369
What the fuck is this, cockbag?

>>5598401
sex in the Greater Good

>>5598424
i was tempted to do a "your mother" joke but i wont.

i dont know just somthing to change the subject really.

>>5595867

Why did I get the thought of a Sargeant sitting at his desk at night with a bottle of amasec, sadly looking at a bloody badge from a Pilot's uniform and closing his eyes as he tries to put the memory back in it's box at the back of his mind?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqWPAx_ICrQ

>>5598428
Ah, well, then. Not so bad.

>>5598378

The Imperial Guard are supposed to be the worst combatants in the entirety of 40k.

Yet they beat each respective faction at their strengths.

They are more numerous than Orks, despite all fluff to the contrary.
They can outswarm the Tyranids, and with the right equipment and armor they out-hueg nidzilla forces.
They can outshoot the Tau, whose big advantage is that they are the shooty guys.
Their tanks mean they are a better mechanized assault force than the Space Marines, who are the mechanized assault force faction.
Chaos corrupts all and draws all into it's service, yet it is Space Marines and not legions upon legions of bajillions of Guardsmen who comprise the majority of the human element of chaos that you will meet on the battlefield.
Krieg guardsmen's zealotry is stronger than that of their Commissars.
The Guard can be more finely-tuned razor sharp specialists with a narrow focus than the Eldar.
The only factions they won't beat on their own terms are the DE and the Squats, neither of whom have had any relevance in the fluff since Ga

>>5598447
humans FUCK YEAR

also if anyone has READ the greater good I've been revising it so it wont has SO GODDAMN MANY grammar errors as it was written at 4 am

>>5598461
I read it.

Credit to team, Emps.

>>5598447
And yet, every time we actually see them outside of a story about one of them, it's them getting their asses handed to them. They succeed because they have weight of numbers and firepower, and a callous disregard for the lives of their men. They have bright moments, but every time you hear about somebody accomplishing something other than them, the odds are it was done over a million Guardsman corpses.

>>5598461
also extending is as I skipped a lot of things I wanted to say due to 4AM!

>>5598473
Just because they're the universe's punching bag doesn't mean they're not mary sue.

>>5598485

>>5598485
no... just no

>>5598434

"Sarge, we're going out drinking... I've been talking it over with the guys, and... sarge. Come drink with us."

*looking at badge, answers. His voice is heavy*

"...you soldiers go ahead. I've got something to do here."

*The soldier wants to say something, but gently closes the door*

"...*

*Sarge looks at the desk. The laspistol is freshly cleaned.*

>>5598447
>The Imperial Guard are supposed to be the worst combatants in the entirety of 40k.

>Yet they beat each respective faction at their strengths.

This is like a character who is supposed to be greasy-haired, nerdy, and unattractive, yet whom everyone wants to have sex with.

>>5598514
or the Orkz who lose the most but have beaten EVERYONE

>>5598514
It's like a harem anime!

I salute this entire thread. Writefag, you have conquered.

>>5598514
It would be, if it were true. The Imperial Guard isn't better at each army at what they are supposed to do, it's really good at its one, big thing. Shooting shit. the Imperial Guard shoots shit like nobody's business. Contrary to popular belief, that is not what the Tau do. The tau shoot things with finesse, and have superior mobility so that they can maneuver. The Guard fields tractors with tank cannons bolted to them, and uses WWI tactics. It outdoes everybody in that one thing, and everything else the Guard can do is there to facilitate the application of that one thing to other things. Mobile enemy? Vendetta brings overwhelming firepower to them. Enemy in cover? Hellhound delivers. Impossible to wound armor? Tricked out Demolisher here, making armor its bitch since the 20th millennium. Ultimately, they're a one trick pony. The pony's one trick just happens to be a battle cannon.
Don't think that makes them better. Ever seen what a "victory" looks like for the Guard? It looks like a tank with three survivors on it trundling away from a battlefield that claimed the lives of thousands. The guard is an army that takes Pyrrhic victory, and says "fuck it, it's still victory."

>>5598565
I always found SoB battles to by pyrrhic in nature, no matter what.

>>5598565
well, gennerally the PDF do shit that way, but the Imperial Guard have anks to refill and paperwork to be done, so Generals use them a BIT more carefully.

If your PDF aint cutting it send in the Imperial Guard they will GET IT DONE for you

Theres a reason they are called the hammer of tyhe imperium, hey aren't very versatile, but if you are in their way, you willl get stopped.

Gemini? More like BROMINI, HERALD OF THE BROMNISSIAH

>>5598609
Broseidon, God of the Brocean

>>5598669
>Broseiden, God of the Brocean
FTFY - Ramsoomair style!

Brodin... I can't come up with something to put on it, but BRODIN!

BROMETHEUS

>>5598812

Brodin, Lord of the Brosir.

>>5598848
There we go. Thank you kindly, Anon.

Brodysseus, brotagonist of Bromer's "The Brahdessy."

He fought against the Brojans, and invoked the wrath of >>5598669, which substantially impeded his journey home.

>>5598865
BRO MY GOD

>>5598884
Brodyssey is better than Brahdyssey.

Don't forgot Bromer's other great work, the Brahliad, which tells the tale of the war with the Brojans and the downfall of Brahchilles.

What about... Ganesh?

>>5598936
Lucky Ganesh? Lets see who gets that reference.

>>5598895
Ah, the Greeks. I always was fond of Brocrates' brahlosophy and his contempt of contemporary brahlosophers and their brophistry. Brahristotle had nothing on him, if you ask me.

>>5598895
Maybe I'm weird, but I pronounce it "AHH-dessy," not "OH-dessy"... which is why I wrote it the way I did.

>>5598970
Brodysseus >> Brahdyssey

>>5598967
Plabro, however, was an avid disciple.

Bromethius bringing us the Brahwledge of Brawesome.

>>5598974
Word. Let's not forget who founded the brahcademy.

Brahdes? Brahpollo? Brorion?

Shame that Zeus, the biggest brah of them all, is hard to do.

This being /tg/... BROMOTIONS!

>>5598991
>>5598974
ITT: Plato founded the world's first frat.

>>5598998
Breus

>>5598998
His brome, Mount Brolympus, is a pretty easy one though.

Brodin is proud of his sons Broki and Braldur, less so of Thor.

>>5598998

Bropiter

>>5599017

Broki was a Brotun, not a Brosir and not Brodin's son.

>>5599008
It explains so much...

Can anyone successfully do Ares/Mars? His names really don't bro up, oddly enough.

The Frat Marines with their Kegnoughts use Bromethium to power their vehicles and flamers.

>>5599029
That's because Mars wasn't a bro. You want a ride to the airport? Mars ain't driving you. You having a kegger? Don't keep Ares up or he'll call the fucking cops. You have a funny story? Mars doesn't laugh. All he wants to do is hurt people, and not in a funny way. Total buzzkill dude.

>>5599029
Brahres.

>>5599017
Thor's son, Brahgni, is pretty cool though.

>>5599023

Broki's sons by the giantess Angrbroda are Bromungandr and Brahris, each destined to kill one of the greatest of the Brosir at Brahgnarok.

>>5599033
"FOR THE EMPRAH, BRO!"

Do they carry Brolters and Chainbrords as well?

>>5599054
>>BRAHGNAROK

GLORIOUS!

>>5599055
And Brofists. Can't forget the brofists.

>>5599043
Mars was actually a total bro, so you're wrong.

Broedipus, though - no-one really knows how he got that name.

>>5599055
Chainbroads?

As long as we are expressing ourselves creativity, I'd like to sing a poem, sir.

Listen to the words I sing,
War's an horrid thing,
So I sing, sing, sing,
Ring-a-ding-ding.

>>5599066
Chainbrords. It's a stretch at trying to do chainswords. Brolters turned out pretty nicely though. They fire rounds infused with cheap beer.

>>5599069
Hear now, the hoofbeats cross the glade, good bro, lock up your son and daaaaughter...

>>5599079
Broware his deadly flashing blade
Unless you want to end up shorter

>>5599033
Brolters
Storm Brolters
Heavy Brolters
Brahssault Cannon
Librahrian
Brahplain with Brosarius
Force Brommander
etc.

>>5599069
BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM

>>5599094
Brah-Adder, Brah-Adder, with e'er a kegger plan, Brah-Adder, Brah-Adder, give me a brofist maaaan!

broh shit

sensory broverload

Necbromancer
Brobarian
Bro-ard
Brouid
Brogue
Brosassin
Brolock
Brodowdancer
Brorcerer

>>5599105

This thread went from silliness, to manly tears, and back to silliness, abeit with a different subject.

Emprah's Glory, I love you /tg/.

>>5599062
Chapter force commander: "Brother Chad."

He always eschews his helmet in favor of a sideways visor, or--on occasion--a flat-billed hat with the stickers still on it.

Morale is kept up with promises of after-battle keggers, which Brother Chad assuredly promises, will be "full of bitches."

Soldiers caught attempting to flee the battlefield are chastised with a heartfelt "Dude." If further motivation is necessary, marines are often reminded of Chapter Brotocol: "Bros before Hos." Any still unmotivated to continue the fight are not true bros, and do not do not deserve to fight or die among the Bros.

>>5599145
This thread is more or less my proof as to why /tg/ is awesome.

This thread is so epic it has TWO epic things going on.

Somebody needs to update the archive tags for DOUBLE EPIC

Why have a Commissar when you can have a Bromissar?

>>5599162
You, you...DOUBLE EPIC

Brozebo? A wild creature that hosts the greatest keggers known to man?

>>5599196
Fortress-Monastery of the Frat Marines

>>5599196
Should be Gazebro.

>>5599204
Brozebro?

>>5599211

>>5599211

Brobrobro?

>>5599211
YOU YOU... DOUBLE BRO!

>>5599224
see TRIPLE bro
>>5599219

Kobrold or Brobold?

>>5599242
Brobold.

>>5599253

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO FUCK OFF AND DIE.

Yeah. I think this thread has been exhausted. Let the archive claim it's awesomeness until the end of days.

>>5599196
YOU MUST FACE IT ALONE

>>5599274
I did. Someone cast reincarnation.

this thread man, this thread

>>5599008
Breus, son of Bronus, and father of Brahphestus.

Bromulus and Bromus founded Brome. The Broman legions are highly feared soldiers.

>>5599414

Brahphestus happened when Hera tried to parthenogenesize.
Brahthena is Breus' daughter, through some form of divine mitosis.
Yes, she's a bro.
She's totally a bro.
She will turn you into a fucking spider if you say otherwise.

>>5599418

>highly feared broldiers.

Fix'd that for ya.

>>5599421
Actually, it was Brahphrodite, wasn't it? Because Arachne was so vain?

>>5599462

No, it was Brothena, because Arachne thought she was a better bro-weaver than any of the brogods.

>>5599469

She was going by her Broman handle of Brahnerva at the time, though, so it's easy to see how that could get confusing.

>>5599469
Isn't it supposed to be Brarachne?

>>5599469
Ah, that's right. Brahphrodite turned Medusa into a gorgon.

>>5599495

Arachne is not a bro, dude.
She was a total self-involved buzzkill who thought she was better than everyone else.
You know what the tapestry she got spider'd for was about?
It was showing a Brolympian kegger IN A NEGATIVE LIGHT.
Totally un-bro.

>This thread.