Grab two scimitars.

We'll need a gay panther doll too.

Evilelf Bondageslave the sorceror

There's a WHOLE BOARD for shitty questfags over at tgchan.

>>5344185
NAME: JAMES A. GARFIELD
CLASS:PRESIDENT

Gorblad Ironhole.

Professional Escort

Bobelf the Wizard!

Magnus Bur'el'si'navo'kis'na.

Level 1 Chef

Fagnanamous

Computer Programmer.

Drizzt Overdonen
Level 1 Character.

Devilicious Fo'Drizzle, Rapper

>>5344195
You are Evilelf Bondageslave, Drow Sorcerer.

Emerging from the underdark via a tunnel, you find yourself in a bright field.
The sun blinds you with its light for a moment, but you soon grow somewhat used to it, and can see around you.

To the south are several mountains. To the east and west, forests.
To the north, there is a small village in the distance.

>>5344276
I've never met a mountain I didn't want to climb. To the south!

>>5344276
skip into the villege

>>5344276

Perhaps we can unleash some of our built up hatred for women via BDSM in the village.

To the village!

>>5344276
Village!

>>5344253
dammit, if there's going to be no drow rapping this quest isn't worth it.

>>5344322
>>5344310
>>5344305
Villageward!

...Ugh. Humans. Such simple creatures.
This seems to be a simple peasant village, filled with simple peasants doing simple peasant things.
There is a general store, an inn, various houses, and a weapon shop.

>>5344366
Make there life more exciting start a fire.

>>5344366

Rape humans

>>5344366
Go see what's happening in the Inn. Wear a cloak, sit in the corner like the brooding badass Drow that you are. Nobody better give you shit, bro, because you're, like, wiry and shit.

Is this 3.0 or 3.5? Male drow had -2 cha in 3.0 but had +2 cha(same as female drow) in 3.5.

>>5344387

totally, maybe some chicks will think we're mysterious then we can tie them up and whip them while sobbing.

>>5344403
Or, you know. Put our penis in them.

>>5344366
Go to the inn.

>>5344387
>>5344403
>>5344489
You head to the inn and don your cloak, like the badass Drow you are. Fuck. Yes.

It doesn't take long for you to be noticed by some folk who appear to be adventurers. The human female introduces herself as Fiona, and compliments you on your badass look.
She invites you to join her and her companion in the slaying of an ancient Lich, as they need all the help they can get.

Her companion says nothing, but does not look very happy about this. Fucking Elves.

>>5344523
Act all dark and mysterious to hide our obvious lack of social skills from living a life in a damn cave, then join her party. Liches might have scimitars in their treasury!

>>5344523

Tell her we don't get along well with other normally being totally bad ass and all, but we might make an exception for a delicious red head such as herself, is there a reward for the slaying of said lich?

>>5344523
laugh at her and call her a bitch

>>5344523
"Thanks. That must be what 20 charisma looks like." My vote is to join the quest, fuck the undead.
And then Fiona.

>>5344523
I decide to go along with them, with a plan of betrayal already formulating.

>>5344523
Join their quest. Give elf the finger.

YOU ARE SO RAILROAD.

>>5344211 Bur'el'si'navo'kis'na

I tried to parse this as lojban. :3

>>5344523
Agree to join them and laugh in evil way.

Remove cloak and any other article of clothing that may be covering our magnificent Drow genitalia.

I want her to behold us in all of our dark glory.

>>5344541
"Well, slaying evil is its own reward, right?
But if that doesn't cut it for you... I guess the Lich probably has a lot of treasure. I mean, it's a Lich."

>>5344540
>>5344552
>>5344556
>>5344560
>>5344573
Party Joined!
Current Party:
Fiona SwordPunch, Human Fighter
Gaylord Treehug, Elven Ranger

You flip Gaylord off while Fiona isn't looking. He scowls at you.
"Listen here, Drow. Don't pull anything funny, or you'll have more holes in you than an undead hooker. Do I make myself clear?"

You have a day before you set off to the Lich's keep. What now?

>>5344617

We should investigate to see if this lich is really evil, maybe he's just misunderstood like us.

>>5344617
What kind of gear do we have? Is it necessary to visit any shops?

>>5344617
We need a sorcerer hat.

>>5344617
DANCE show how much more fun drow are compared to elves

>>5344631

I second this, maybe we can get a hot little faerie as a familiar.

>>5344617
Check your spells, Investigate Fiona's body.

>>5344629
Currently all you have is this dark cloak.
They kicked you out of the underdark on.. short notice.

Create a globe of darkness and fire a magic missile at it. Because you can.

>>5344663
We have to get some money to gear our drow self up.

>>5344663
No gear... No money to buy gear. Follow Fiona, ask her if you can stay with her on account of an empty bank account.

>>5344680

After doing a "Search (Dat Ass)" check.

We should see if we can make some money offering lessons on how to be bad ass.

What spells do we know? We are sorcerors, after all.

Op, that drow is drawn way to cute to be bad ass.

He's so kawaii.

>>5344656
Spells:
Level 0:
Acid Splash, Dancing Lights, Daze, Arcane Mark, Message
Level 1:
Obscuring Mist, Cause Fear, Magic Missile, Sleep
Level 2:
Acid Arrow, Daze Monster.

Fiona is wearing a chain shirt and dress.

>>5344680
Fiona tells you that's okay with her. She's just going to check out the weapon and armor store today.

>>5344692
The idiot monkeys around here pay you no heed as you attempt to teach them true Drow badassery.
The simple-minded fools!

(I fucked that up a few times but I think I got it right this time.. phew.)

>>5344765
What kinda shitty sorcerer are we? Charisma is meant to be our main stat. Fine do we make up for it with awesome dex? If we do, we need to do stunts on the side of the street for money. Robbery is still an option though.

We should go rob the general store using obscuring mist and sleep.

>>5344791
message to fionas companion
"faggot"

>>5344796
Yeah, I fucked that up and forgot we were a sorc.
We have good charisma :/

Sweet talk fiona.

Aww yeah, diplomacy.

>>5344814

Tell her about how we vanquished many evil creatures in the underdark and that's why we came up to the surface, to find more evil to stop. People don't understand us though, we're mysterious afterall.

>>5344799

This. I'd say the weapons and armor shop, but our strength isn't all that great.

>>5344799

Definately. Robbery time baby, just like the blackie we are.

Take their watermelons and wenches too.

will this work?

>>5344836
I laughed, then felt bad.

>>5344836
oh lawdy I hope they has chicken

>>5344831
>>5344836
>>5344799
You decide to split off from Fiona anyway, your cunning little mind working at a mile a minute.

Entering the General Store, you are greeted by the shopkeep. He seems less than enthusiastic.
"Yeah, whaddaya want?"

>>5344836
Nah. Will not work since mead and wenches in this town are guarded by pirate dorfs.
So only chikkin and watermelons.

>>5344855
in jail.
criminal scum

>>5344877

Pull out my gun.

BLAT! BLAT!

>>5344877
Following a brief guitar solo, I request donuts.

>>5344888

Uh! Uh! Take the weasels!

>>5344897
I feel bad. What are we, in middle school?

>>5344839
Feels good man.

>>5344910

Nah. Just hearing it right at the moment and could not resist.

>>5344877

I take a look about the store, listening for any other presenses inside. If I see no other, I cast sleep on the shop keeper, and proceed to grab a bed roll, a torch, several day's rations, a bag, 80 feet of silk rope (Or hempen if it's available) Flint and tinder, a waterskin, a tent, some new threads and a backpack to keep it all in.

Oh yeah, if there's any watermelons, taking those too.

>>5344918
This.

>>5344918
My vote goes here.

I'm starting to get tired... But I don't want to miss out on the drow quest...

Nooo...

>>5344918
There are no witnesses.
"Time for you to sleep, monkey..."

You make off with a bed roll, a torch, several day's rations, a bag, 80 feet of hampen rope, Flint and tinder, a waterskin, a tent, some new threads and a backpack to keep it all in.
And a watermellon, which they strangely only had one of.

You manage to make it out without being seen, too. There's that keen Drow escapism at work.

>>5344950

Leave a note in the shop saying "Elf Ranger was here, shopkeepers are faggots."

>>5344950
Now that supplies are in order...

Seduce Fiona.

>>5344977
>>5344977
>>5344977
>>5344977
This times a hundred. You can even use magic mark to do it.

>>5344950

I celebrate quietly, and then head back to Fiona.

I then put the moves on her.

Oh yeah.

Diplomacy time.

>>5344996
>>5344998

Both of these. Celebrate, place the message and then seduce Fiona.

Oh yeahhh.

Maybe she wants some watermelon.

>>5345005
Actually, you'd better hide what you've stolen. You DID tell her you had no money.

After leaving the mark, head to our place of rest for this eve, stash goods.

>>5345011
Good call.

Do this too, before hitting on her.

>>5345011

She'd figure that out when we eventually stop to camp and we pull out all of our nice supplies, just say we did a favor for the town's mayor. It'd make us seem noble, which is probably a good thing since she sounds like she's lawful good.

>>5345044

Lawful good?

I'm sure we can get her to Chaotic good soon enough.

Awwwee yeahh

Alright, see ya everyone. Hopefully nothing too important happens before I wake up tommorrow. See you all

>>5345044

Bad idea, she might know the mayor. Tell her that we had it stashed outside the city incase it was a bad town and we got robbed or something.

We should find out what kind of weapon Fiona uses and go steal one for her. Maybe some better armor than chain too, stupid woman get some plate.

>>5344977
>>5344984
>>5344996
>>5344998
>>5345005
You place an arcane mark implying that Gaylord did it. That bastard Elf is going to get what he deserves.

Then, you search for Fiona. After not a minute of searching, you find her not far from the weapons shop. She has a new bastard sword.
"Hi there! I didn't notice you leave. I've just been to the weapon shop, and bought a new weapon :3"

>>5345011
>>5345023
>>5345028
Damn it, I drew this up before you posted these. QUICK EDIT GO!

>Command?

Forgot mah picture.

>>5345063
Bad Idea, we already robbed one Shop, it'd be best if we stay out of town, but tell Fiona first.

If she asks just tell her you don't want a ruckus to start, cause well Drow.

>>5345083
He looks like an evil teddy bear, that's slightly d'awww

We need to steal some clothes too, if we only have the cloak it's gonna get drafty soon. So if we're gonna steal Fiona some plate armor we might as well pick up some nice thread to wear under the cloak.

>>5345101
Enough Stealing! Damn it do you want to Alienate the LG Fighter chick THAT damn quickly?

>>5345083
>there was a SACK here. It's gone now.

:3 Silent Hill reference?

Talk to villagers or Fiona and ask what they know about the Lich. If Fiona doesn't have adequate information then ask around town for someone who would know, and interrogate them.

>>5345083
Ask Fiona why she's so comfortable around you.

is the lich in question Drew?

>>5345156
Also ask WHY do they know about the lich.

>>5345156
>>5345168
"Well... we don't know much about it... only that it's been around for a few hundred years and it terrorizes a town past the mountains.
Aside from that, it apparently doesn't have many minions. Which is why we're not worrying too much about taking it down. I mean, what's one spellcaster going to do against us?"

>>5345165
"Why shouldn't I be?"

>>5345183
"Because I am why Humans fear the dark.
I am vengeance. I am the night..."

>>5345183
What about killing you, torturing your bodies and turning you into its undead minions?

>>5345183
"Nevermind. Buut that's not just ONE Spellcaster. that's a fricking Lich, those things are scary, believe me I know Scary."

..There's no need to tell her how fucking Evil Drow Society is, let Gaylord have that honor.

"Oh, no reason" Then give an innocent smile and ask what our accommodations will be for the night.

Look into growing hair on head.

>>5345193
>"Because I am why Humans fear the dark.
I am vengeance. I am the night..."
"Hehe, you're cute."

>>5345198
>What about killing you, torturing your bodies and turning you into its undead minions?
"If it did that, it'd have more minions than it does, right? Duh."

>>5345213
>Don't take the Lich lightly. Liches are scary. Believe me, I know scary.
"Good thing we have you with us, then. :3"

>>5345219
>Accommodations for the night?
"We're going to be staying at the inn tonight and heading off tomorrow. It should take us roughly 3 days to make it over the mountains from here."

>>5345225
Alas, 'tis the curse of a Male drow. Either you look like a faggot or you're bald.
Personally, you prefer bald.

Look into getting a map, since we didn't steal one from the shopkeeper we'll probably need to ask to make a copy of one of our party member's maps.

>>5345244

So time lapse until we start on our trip? Doesn't seem like we have anything interesting left to do in town.

Where's Ruby? This quest sux.

>>5345244

Ask her if she knows how we could make some spare cash in the meantime, or possibly recruit more hot bab- I mean adventuerers.

Fiona might be a some few strands short of a spiderweb, but she does not call us scum and order us to turn around while she takes a milkbath.

Anyway, depending on how long that sleepspell will last, we could be getting into some deep shit, but rest is important. We should probably tell her we're heading back to the INN and getting some rest while someone isn't forming a lynch mob.

>>5345266
This is quite reasonable. We'll make cash during our adventure.

>>5345266
>>5345274

Well since so many seemed adverse to stealing more shit I guess we should call it a night and head out in the morning?

>>5345250
Fiona happily obliges, and allows you to copy her map.
You now have a relatively poor map. It shows where "Here" is, and where "There" is, as well as "Mountains".
The areas outside of the path from Here to There read plainly "Here be dragons".
Obviously made by an Elf.

>>5345262
"I doubt we'll have many opportunities to get money on the way... But I'm sure we'll get enough from the Lich's keep to keep you happy.
As for more friends, maybe we'll find someone capable in the next town. They do have a grudge against the Lich."

>>5345253
>>5345266
Time lapse magic! Nobody lynched you while you slept, so that's good.
Unfortunately, nobody lynched the Elf, either.

You now have 3 days of travel ahead of you.

>>5345299

We should find a way to fuck with gaylord while he's sleeping, ideas?

Stealing from him might not work too well.

>>5345299
Hey! I don't like the way this fagass glares at us!
Glare back.

>>5345305

How about just moving his shit around while he's sleeping kindof a "If I wanted to I could".

While we march it might be valuable to gain some information on Gaylord, if only to use it against him. If we can't get him to divulge any info then we can at least get some better information on our situation than Fiona could provide.

>>5345305
>>5345343
>>5345345
>>5345346
You contemplate fucking with Gaylord. Truly, he is going to pay for being born an Elf.

BUT SUDDENLY...
oh shit zombies.
roll for initiative.

Get behind the Fighter! Cast some fucking Spells!

Ask her if she has a BF.
Is she going out with Fagpants the elf?

rolled 2 = 2

>>5345357

>>5345357

Try to be as manly and bad ass as possible while cowering and casting spells.

Give em some of our acid splash, but look intense and heroic while doing so.

>>5345357
Magicmissile dem bitches!

>>5345367
>>5345382
>>5345383
>>5345406
Three have been dispatched.
Two more remain.

>>5345457

shout out encouragement and praise to Fiona, disregard gaylord and try to steal the last two kills with magic missle.

Give em a taste of our delicious acid arrow.

Oh noes, Fiona ;-;

I just realized, we know why Evilelf is bald, but what's the deal with Gaylord?

Well, I s'pose The Fighter and the faggot can handle the other two, but why take chances?

Magic Missile another Zombie! Or Acid Arrow, or whatever we're using.

>>5345478

Magic Missiles to save Fiona! Shout out "Keep your hands off of her!" while casting.

Assume a heroic pose if succesful, if not see if you can use fionas death as a distraction to kill gaylord.

>>5345495
>>5345493
>>5345468
Nobody touches a Drow's bitch and gets away with it.

>>5345521

>>5345536
>>5345521

Aww yeahh.

Hug Fiona, ask if she's alright, cop a feel. While grinning at gaylord over her shoulder.

Check if Fiona is injured, if so give Gaylord some snark over it later.

>>5345536
Check Fiona for wounds. Closely, if you know what I mean.

Damnit /tg/ I've got to go to bed looks like only one or two people other than me posting so I hope this goes on long enough that it's not pushed off page 10 before I can read it tomorrow.

>>5345578
I'll take your place good man! I've just been lurking.

>>5345568
>>5345564
>>5345560
>"Are you alright, Fiona?"
"I-I'm fine. Thanks to you."

Fiona joins you in your heroic, post-battle pose.

(Hurpadurp, accidentally posted it outside the thread...)

Goddamn it forgot my fucking image again.

Okay, time to head somewhere less covered in Zombie Entrails and organs.

Check the direction zombies came from.

Check the bodies, maybe you can ascertain where they came from.

>>5345657
Is that pussy glaring at you? Oh we are sooo getting back at him later.

Give the elf fag a dirty hatefilled look.

>>5345684
>>5345668
The zombies came from South, the direction you're heading. Also, perhaps coincidentally, the place where the Lich lives.

>>5345688
>>5345698
>Glare at Gaylord
He returns the favor.

>>5345700
Onwards to adventure then?

>>5345726
Jeezus, you could cut the sexual tension with a knife.

10-or-so minute intermission while I do something.
plz dun let the thread get sage'd to oblivion before I get back, kthx.

>>5345726
I'm suspicious of gaylord. If we find a paladin, can he check out gaylords alignment? I mean strictly in the morality sense, not the sexuality.

Oh god, are we tsundere for gaylord?

>>5345760

Why does her mouth look like balls?

>>5345770
JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR etc.

>>5345726
gay sex with fag elf

When it starts again, I suggest when the fight with the lich begins, ambush the party from behind, take out Gaylord, pledge yourself to the lich and become his apprentice, take Fiona as a personal slave.
I suggest a mixture of obscuring mist and a cause fear on Fiona while you take care of Gaylord.

>>5345797
>Take care of gaylord... with your penis.

>>5345767
I think both these elves are straight, I mean they are both BALD. Gaylord obviously has a thing for Fiona and doesn't like our muscling in. And I think a paladin would be more worried about the evil that is a Drow in its midst.

>>5345767
You know. We should find sexual paladin and check his sexual alignment too.

>>5345803

Well put
Revised version:
Kill Fiona, make Gaylord your sex slave

>>5345797
Shut the fuck up guy. Why the FUCK would he want to work for some Undead oldy moldly asshole and risk alienating the first chick to NOT treat him like compost?

>>5345804
They're both showing off with Fiona to make the other jealous.

>>5345811

Because he's a drow and unless we are going for the Drizzit I'm-really-a-nice-guy angle, why would he care about a filthy human?

>>5345811
Okay. How does killing the lich and becoming an evil overlord sound then?

>>5345815
Food. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find edible food that doesn't try and EAT YOU in the underdark?

>>5345815
Because she can be useful.

>>5345826
I can roll with that

>>5345826

Works for me, I was thinking becoming his apprentice so we could learn his secrets then kill him when he least expects it keikaku doori style.

>>5345837

Hence the keeping her as a slave

>>5345815
Because she's a female that doesn't treat you like shit, twinkle toes. Besides work for a lich? Man fuck that.

>>5345826
Have this better idea: let's kill the lich and become a neutral overlord. Then Fiona can be our faithful minion.

You have traveled for a day, and made good progress... according to your map, at least.
You set up camp at the entrance to a mountain path.
"Tomorrow we wake early and cross the mountains. We should make it through by nightfall if we move swiftly", muses Gaylord.

>>5345861
Heres an idea - marry gaylord and become a FAAABULOUS overlord spreading JOY across the land.

>>5345884
>>5345887

Caress Gaylord's baldness while he sleeps...

How about a weird ménage à trois with Fiona and Gaylord?

>>5345893
Or draw on it. Blame the Kobolds.

Why should we turn? Why the fuck would a super powerful lich lord reward a lvl 1 Drow sorcerer who killed a pussy elf? He'll just kill you

Arcane Mark Gaylord while he sleeps. Write "FAGET" in invisible letters.

>>5345893
If he wakes up, deny it, and say something like, "S-s-stupid gaylord, i-it's not like I l-l-like you or anything".

>>5345907

Well, assuming a group of three level one-ish characters can kill him, he's not super powerful. But I just made the suggestion to provide a traditional drow perspective, it doesn't need to be followed.

>>5345908
If it's invisible then whats the point?

"Elves don't require sleep, you stupid asshole."

>>5345933
Invisible Arcane Mark can be read using Read Magic or Detect Magic.

>>5345944

Comment about the weather to cover up.

>>5345944
>>5345909
Activate plan B!

>>5345955
Hey! Respect our bald drow head. We're not gay.

>>5345963

Your baldness says "No" but your ears say "YES!"

>>5345955
>"S-stupid Gaylord. I-it's not like I like you or anything!"

Well, that seems to have worked. He shut up, at least.

>>5345970

Go back to your own bedroll and cry yourself to sleep, and plot whatever it is we are plotting.

>>5345970
Trance time again, let's get our asses to the lich.

>>5345973
;_;

>>5345987

Tomorrow shouldn't be awkward at all, anyways, sleep and to the lich

Oh fuck.
Our nemesis is guided by the most depraved minds in the world.
http://64.86.28.46/kusaba/quest/res/23045.html

>>5345977
Roger.
TIMESKIP! You've made it through the mountains. It was actually quite a pleasant walk, the mountain air refreshing your senses.
You are now but a day away from "THERE", wherever that is.

Are we close to the mountain town? If so when we arrive attempt to get ourselves hailed as the heroes who will save the town and then milk that status for all it's worth.

>>5345998
OH SHI- Little lich?!

I think 1st-level party is no match for a lich. They should level up a bit.

>>5346032
Our sorceror is 3rd level at least. I mean we can cast acid arrow.

>>5346042
That would make him fourth, unless he's a wizard....

>>5346010
Due to lack of other suggestions, yes.
We are now at THERE, which happens to be the town that the Lich was terrorizing.

....Halflings.
Of all the races it could have been, it had to be FUCKING Halflings.

Oh well, at least it's not Kender.

>>5346050

What's the town like?

>>5346057
Well then, let's see what these fair creatures have made for us to take...

I mean, what does this town have to offer our pockets...

Ok I give up, what's around?

>>5346058
It's like HALFLINGSHALFLINGSHALFLINGSHALFLINGS

>>5346057

Is the population only half of a normal village?

Definately should head into town, see if we can find any adventurers, specifically Clerics or Paladins.

..this could lead to some difficulties.

New thread:
>>5346089