It's starting again, but this time you have a choice on what weapon you want.Your choices are:A broken sword,A PVC pipe staff,A makeshift PVC gun,A bow that probably doesn't work and a single arrow,Or a moldy piece of bread.State your choice and roll 1d7. Person who gets a 6 chooses weapon, but if someone gets a 7 immediately after, they override the choice.Good luck!
rolled 4 = 4pvc staff
rolled 1 = 1bread
Is the sword the HP bar from last night?
rolled 1 = 1nothing can defeat the mighty bread!
rolled 2 = 2bow that doesn't work
>>5327890Nope. Maybe you'll find the HP Sword in the dungeo- I mean, no, and you'll never see it ever again.
Is it dwarf bread?
Can we get the SPACE TRAIN as a weapon?
>>5327910Dwarf bread doesn't gather mold. It rusts.
>>5327918If you can find it, sure.
rolled 7 = 7Broken sword .. its metal, and its somewhat sharp.
>>5327967Okay, I'm considering just making it a 1d3 for simplicity's sake. Is everyone fine with that, or would they rather keep up the massive dicerollings?
rolled 6 = 6Can we just choose nothing?
>>5328068Fantastic.
>>5328068You chose nothing.You respawn in a dungeon. There is an exit to your left and a hallway to your right. A sign says 'Dungeon'.You have a TORCH.
CHAAAAARGE
>>5328104You charge into the dungeon sign, for there are only two dimensions in this world.It hurts.
OOOOOOOOW
>>5328121Light the dungeon sign on fire with the torch. Throw it down hallway.
>>5328128You show your pain by yelling out. Nothing seems to change.>>5328129You light the sign on fire before tossing it down the hallway. It fades out into the darkness, despite being on fire.
>>5328129make sure to pull the sign out first before torching
>>5328146Turn around, and run back in to sign.
>>5328146Run into the darkness and retrieve the sign.
Divide in two.
>>5328156You turn around and begin running backwards, following the sign. You feel silly. You notice a crack on the ceiling.
Go to sleep.
>>5328168You fail to divide properly and turn into a horrible abomination. But, now you have a traveling partner.
>>5328196You are not tired enough.
>traveling partnerMore like training partner.Let's fight.
>>5328210You punch yourself out. Hey, at least one of you is sleeping now.
pray
>>5328229Keep walking to the right.
>>5328229Attempt to sever loser from rest of body. Afterward use loser as improvised club.
>>5328249You kneel down and pray to Xom.He grants you a unicorn's horn.
>>5328265Masturbate the horn.
>>5328252In a fit of pure dwarfiness, you cut yourself off and then equip your corpse as a weapon.You then head right.You see a door. It is menacing with spikes made of air.
Use the spikes for anal sex
>>5328288Use the club as a shield and open the door.
>>5328285You rub the horn for a while. An acid shoots out from the tip and hits the door. The door is slightly melted.
Light the door on fire with the torch.Light the air on fire with the torch.Light the darkness on fire with the torch.Light the dungeon on fire with the torch.Light the torch on fire with the torch.Light the fire on fire with the torch
>>5328295>>5328321You insert your unicorn horn into your anus while attempting to light everything on fire with your torch. The torch is burning. The door is burning. The fire is burning.
>>5328347Pray for bone armor.
Fuse the torch with the severed torso
>>5328347Pull horn out of anus. Run through the door. Stop, drop and roll once on the other side.
>>5328378You get out of the awkward position and pray. Xom says something similar to 'Fuck you' and blows down the door. Your horn smells bad.
>>5328385The severed torso uses Teleport.It got away.
Punch OP
Mill aimlessly around the knocked down door while pondering existence.
>>5328406Take TORCH and follow hallway.
Snap the torch in half, strip the handle into wood fibre and make a rope, use the rope to tie the still burning head to your horn to disguise the smell and give you two free hands.
>>5328417You punch OP through the internet.
CHAAAAAAAAARGE
>>5328442Log onto the computer.
Open your mouth, causing a rift in the Warp to tear open, summoning daemons to bash down the burning door.Don't want to hurt yourself, you know.
>>5328442If I had dial up would it last longer?or would it load halfway and you get a thumb to the eye?
>>5328451You charge through the computer. OP holds his hands up in surrender.
>>5328470Cast a magic spell at OP.
>>5328460It would be like one of those slow and predictable punches that's still devastating if it somehow hits. While with broadband it's a series of really fast ones, going ATATATATATATATA and making your head explode.
>>5328470Steal OP's graphics tablet/mouse, give self balls of steel and manly muscles, along with epic beard and flaming viking horns.
>>5328482You fire a laser out of your torch at OP. He dies.>>5328453You reformat OP's hard-drive.
>>5328505
>>5328513Go outside and get some fries from McDonalds.
>>5328513Steal OP's pogo stick and go hop around town on it.
>>5328489You give yourself epic beard and viking horns. Balls of steel are too hard to draw, and manly muscles are no good for stick figures.>>5328528You get on the pogo stick.>>5328523You go to McDonalds and order a medium fries. They ask for 1.52$.You only have two pounds of pure gold coins.
>>5328561Beat up the clerk with the pogo stick and get your fries.
>>5328561Conjure up a dire badger to kill everyone inside.Steal the gold.
>>5328570Xom gives you a rocket-propelled duckbill platypus instead. It eats the clerk. You grab the fries and the gold.
>>5328614Steal the cash register. Go to Walmart and find a big TV.
>>5328614Now time to head to the nearest liqueur store and get needed supplies.
Eat the gold, place the fries in your coinpurse and head back to the dungeon.
>>5328632You head back to the dungeon. The coins were not a satisfying meal. You still have your pogo stick....You leveled up.What class would you like to be, /tg/?WarriorMageSphess MahreenClericDrunkRoll 1d4, first person with a 1 wins.
rolled 1 = 1maid
>>5328701well fuck
rolled 2 = 2>>5328696Drunk Monk
>>5328701Xom is pleased.
>>5328701Oh wow
>>5328701You gain a maid's outfit. You lose your viking horns, your pogo stick, and your beard.+1 to cleaning, though.
CLEEEEEEAN
>>5328726Where did our TORCH go?
>>5328726There are NO rules that say maids can't have beards!
>>5328726Dust off the walls.Maybe there's something interesting under all that grime.
>>5328731You clean up the nearby area. You notice a rune on the wall. It looks odd.
>>5328736wutquest players handbook page 314
>>5328746Read RuneHug Self
>>5328735Perils of the Warp.
>>5328746Poke it with your finger. If nothing happens, cut finger and drop blood on it.
Clean the rune
Use rune as cooking ingredients. Serve result to any nearby monsters.
>>5328752You read the rune. Before you can hug yourself, you are transported to a platform above dark waters. There is a man in front of you with a sword. He does not like maids, apparently.
MAID BEAM
>>5328781Hug him.If hat doesn't work Read Him
>>5328781Kick him in the nads.
Clean him
>>5328781Magic myself some nice boobs and seduce him with them.
>>5328781recruit ally/sexslave
>>5328786That's not until level six.>>5328787You are afraid of him, so no hugging.You read, 'Made in China'.>>5328788The dress is too long, you cannot kick him easily.>>5328796You clean him. He starts to sparkle. You are disgusted.>>5328812You are disgusted by the sparkling man, so no seducing.
>>5328834NO FEARHUG
serve tea
Mop the floor so it's slippery
second best quest ever.i shouldn't have to say what the first is.
>>5328834I still magic myself some nice boobs, WHAT OF MY BOOBS!!
>>5328786>MAID BEAM
>>5328866is it?READTHENOTEHUGTHENOTEREADTOMHUGTOMNOTETHEHUGTOMTHEREAD
>>5328845You hug him to death.>>5328846You serve tea to yourself, since he is now dead.
>>5328886Steal his sword. Try to find a way out. Clean ground.
>>5328886LOOT THE BODY!!!Eat the body to go with tea.
Attempt to summon the butler.
>>5328845>>5328879>>5328866>>5328787>>5328752God guys delete your posts. thats what IRC is for.
Hack the game
>>5328851The floor is now slippery.>>5328891You steal the sword. The body falls to the water.The water level rises.>>5328894The body fell into the water.>>5328902The butler's probably sleeping. The lazy bastard...
>>5328913FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!
>>5328927Use sword to cut space and time and get back to dungeon. Use cleaning skills to remove cut once done.
>>5328927HUG SWORDREAD SWORD
Use the platform as a boat and start paddling to the... right.
>>5328927MAGIC MYSELF NICE BREASTS DAMMIT!!!
>>5328934Chastise this poster for their coarse language.
>>5328942You start paddling along. You hear the sound of a shark nearby. You wonder how you know that the sound is that of a shark.>>5328947You attempt the spell cast. It miscasts! You feel slightly more emotional.
>>5328947dont bother. he wont do it, clearly he's railroading.
Cast magic missle at the darkness
>>5328979Whatever. Try to talk to the shark.
Drink the water, all of it.
>>5328992You fire the magic missile. The darkness takes two damage.
>>5328956FUCK YOU TOO!
>>5329019Clean the darkness.
>>5329019Level upLevel UpLevel UpLevel UpLevel UpMaid Beam the darkness
>>5329004The ocean is now empty. You feel bloated.>>5328996The shark looks at you. "What the fuck!? Now I'm going to die!" It dies.
Make shark sushi.
>>5329044Waddle to the right. Take the shark with you.
>>5329044eat the sharks heart, gain its power
rolled 2 = 2>>5328979Bullshit, I want a roll for those breasts, not let you just decide. Even we get nice supple breasts, odd you decide.
>>5329063>>5329022Use my housekeeping authority to evict these two players.
>>5329055You turn the shark into sushi.>>5329056You pick up the sushi and bring it along on your travels. There is something on the ground next to you.
>>5329071Pick it up, whatever it is. I'm sure it will come in handy.
>>5329071roll around
>>5329063>>5329071leave dungeon, slice open stomach to flood the dungeon, use hp bar as sword
/tread?
>>5329081It's the HP sword! It is now your main weapon.>>5329101You cut your stomach open because you cannot find the exit. You feel dizzy.
>>5329163What did we do with the other sword?Also, keep moving right.
>>5329173Infinitely deep pockets. That is all.
>>5329173You swim along. While looking underwater, you see a giant sea worm. What will you do?
serve tea and sushi
>>5329204Clean the worm.
Up, Down, Up, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A
>>5329204Stroke the worm vigorously.
>>5329204clean the worms internal organs with the hp sword.
>>5329230DO IT FAGGOT!
>>5329216It eats the sushi and tea happily.. before eating you.BAD END.Expect WutQuest 2.5 some other time. The twist: No, John, you are the Worm.>>5329230...You forgot Start.
AWWWWWWWWW
>>5329265QUICKLY PRESS START BEFORE GAMEOVER SCREEN
continue the adventure in the worm
>>5329280AND SELECT
>>5329284Vore? In MY Wutquest?
We have not been eaten. We have combined... into Maid Worm!
>>5329293As Maid Worm, you must conquer Arrakis, become the God Emperor and rule the universe with an iron feather duster.
>>5329306The Dust must Flow!
>>5329265lets just see how the worms insides like the power of OXYCLEAN!!!
