'Sup, guys. Heard you might be interested in the misadventures of a Pokemon Tabletop Adventure campaign from one of our party members. Put your panties back on and buckle up.Our party consists of a capture specialist who wants to "be the very best" and capture every Pokemon in the world, a psychic gothic lolita who is kind of creepy and wields a harpoon, an ace trainer who's dad became a legend in the region by saving the world using a legendary Pokemon and time-travel bullshit, a breeder (me) from whatever equivalent to New York the universe has, and another psychic who was abandoned by his uncle on an island at the tender age of six and he's lived on a beach for the past five and a half years. His best friend is a floating coconut named Wilson. Wilson speaks to him with the voice of a black man. Wilson also wears a hula skirt because he's comfortable with his sexuality. Or something. We're all between the ages of eleven and fifteen.The adventure begins with everyone showing up on our little starter island, meeting each other and all that jazz. Apparently this universe's government has decided to sponsor young adventurers and thrust them into the incredibly violent world of Pokemon. I just want to learn how to breed Pokemon and sell their eggs, you bastards. Don't Daycare Centers have internships or some other fuckery? Whatever. So we're socializing and whatnot, then we're led into some old Japanese fishing village where we meet Gran Gran. She hands us our starter Pokemon (fuck yeah, Oddish with Sprouter gon' get me all them berries), some cash, Pokeballs, our Poke-Awesomes (Pokedex's) and a box filled with stuff. I get a frying pan. I can see the DM wants me to be a Cook. Fuck that noise.
Capture specialist guy, Jace, gets a super awesome Pokeball or something. Ace trainer douche, Matsu, got a broken Pokeball with a picture of his dad in it. Lolita, Riggs, got a weird little rock with a spider and a smiley face painted on it. The strange little island boy, James, got a picture of his uncle. We say by to Gran Gran and head out into the wilderness in search for adventure. There are some ruins to the north, so we all decide that it's a great idea to poke around there for a while and hopefully not get eaten by anything.When we get there, some creepy symbols are plastered around the inside of the ruins and we get attacked by some Shuppets. Oh God, how do I shot Pokeballs? A few of the other party members caught some and I accidentally wound up knocking out the one I wanted to catch. No big deal, Oddish is still cool. We get to the end of the hall and there's more creepy symbols on the walls. Nothing of import in the room besides a stone tablet and there's nothing else we can do. It's night time, so James invites us all to his house to sleep for the night. It's the beach. We sleep on the beach for the night because we hate ourselves.
The next day, we have to roll in order to wake up and I keep getting 2s and 4s. Fuck this gay earth. No one else decides to wake me up and they all go off to do their own thing in town. The DM takes pity on me and says I wake up standing in the middle of town holding some coffee and down 150 Pokedollars while Oddish is looking at me worriedly. Those bastards. Riggs is busy at a shop bartering for a harpoon and offering her delicious loli virginity for a discount, Matsu is dicking around with Jace at the Pokemart, and James bought an Old Rod so he's going to catch himself a Tuesday (Magikarp. Yeah, I don't know). I grab Riggs, we get some better equipment and some fucking tents because sleeping on the ground is ass. Jace has run off to catch Pokemon in the tall grass and hears a Scyther. We hear a big booming voice telling us to wonder where our friend has gotten to. Thanks, GM. We go off to find him.Everyone finds everyone, Scyther is darting around and slaughtering small Pokemon to bring back to its nest. Jackpot. We scurry on over and realize that there's another Scyther there. We back away slowly and decide to head back to James' house. It's not like they were level 35 and their babies could one-shot us or anything. Matsu goes on about his dad more, James is still somewhat worrisome, and Riggs exudes a dark aura before passing the fuck out with her Gastly. I hate everything and wish I could have a cigarette. Then we hear buzzing. Fuck. Fuck everything I just want to sleep you asshole Pokemon I do not need to put up with this horseshit I will end you. Matsu and I plod off to kill the little fucks if we can and end up catching ourselves some Combees. They're male, so we can't even evolve them into Vespiqueens. Ugh. Useless cute shitpiles.
The next day, we all get on a boat, motherfucker. Our cookie-cutter rivals are there. Some researcher psychic nerd, another "I wanna be the very best" asshole, another breeder who thinks she's tough shit and can kick my ass, some kid named Grayson who wants to give me the D (exactly how the GM worded it), and another ace trainer. Mastu goes over to the ship captain and asks if he recognizes the picture of his dad. "WHY OF COURSE I RECOGNIZE YOUR VERY FAMOUS FATHER, BUT I'M NOT TELLING YOU SHIT ABOUT HIM BECAUSE LOL MYSTERY GO TALK TO THIS COMMANDER GUY." Choo choo, motherfuckers.Time to battle our rivals and wipe the smirk off that other breeder's face. She whips out a bug Pokemon and my Combee tears through the little guy with a Gust attack. He dies. Like, legit dies. His dead body is flung into the air by the attack and a Gyarados pulls a Free Willy on the ship and eats the poor bastard. My rival is devastated. Good. Bitch. I then take her money and some of her stuff.
Lord, I'm dying.
Matsu gets stabbed by his rival after kicking his ass and the kid is disappeared by the Captain. He's later replaced by some hippie chick who uses durrian shampoo and takes super creepy candid photos of us. Possible sexual deviant. Guy who wanted to give me the D now wants to give her the D. Do not trust.Time to leave the boat. We get into town, Matsu and I go to a bar that the Captain told us to find, and he rolls a nat 20 to get the guy to find the Commander. Hello, attractive older gentleman with an 86 pack can I have your D?He tips us off about finding some bandits and shit that have been stealing people's Pokemon. What jerks! Time to gather everyone and go on yet another adventure. We find some kid named Joe who's Pokemon had been nabbed and he was injured somewhat. We patch him up and set our down the forest path with him in tow. Wilson is floating above us as point man. The rest of the party can't even hear him. I'm not drunk enough for this. We get to a clearing with a big shrine for trainers or some shit in it and we hear a noise. James, in his never-ending bravery, jumps into a bush and hides. The rest of us have to deal with some martial artists with axes and some sort of sharpened rusty spike. I whomp one in the face with my trusty frying pan (I DON'T KNOW YOU) and Riggs stabs him in the gut with her harpoon. He doesn't go down and he kicks me in the God damned boob, one-shotting me and I go down temporarily. The other guys handle themselves fairly well and end up stabbing one of the attackers in the junk with a hunting knife. Then they kicked it further into his pelvis. Hard.
While all this was happening, James has been chatting with eight or nine or thirty Spinaraks and they hauled him up above the clearing in a coccoon. Wilson is just staring at him in disapproval. Finally, their mommy, an Ariados, toddles on over to help us after James used telepathy and an empty promise of more food. We're all covered in webbing, Ariados eats the rest of the bad guys' Pokemon, and we're saved by the Commander. My hero. Now let me bone you as a reward. (spoiler: it doesn't happen)We drag our broken bodies to the shrine because it has much knowledge (whatever, I'm being carried by the Commander and his 86 pack is RIGHT THERE) and it's a statue of Matsu's dad with a legendary Pokemon. Surprise surprise. Matsu sheds a tear before we recover the stolen goods for the Commander and he whisks us back to town in the back of a flying chariot pulled by a Dragonite. Sadly, the Dragonite doesn't have a mail bag.
>>20087004>>20087067>some kid named Grayson who wants to give me the D>Guy who wanted to give me the D now wants to give her the DSo wait, is Grayson bi or is your character female?
We get back to town and are immediately hospitalized for multiple stab wounds, contusions, and one concave boob. Don't worry, guys, the tit made it.
>Gyrados pulling a free willy and eating a dead pokemon>Scyther slaughtering small pokemonoh god my sides
>>20087135My character is female and overly surly for a fourteen year old. I blame hormones for everything.
>>20087147>Don't worry, guys, the tit made it.Oh thank god. I was worried there.
>>20087162We also eat Pokemon in this universe, which I found entirely practical, but the rest of the group is kind of horrified about. Except for James. His favorite food is Magikarp and Farfetch'd, I guess. :|
>>20087184Well the Farfetch'd does come with leek as standard.
>>20087184it does make perfect sense, just the imagery of it all is what sells it.continue OP, I'm hooked.
Pictures drawn by the wonderful woman playing our creepy gothic lolita. This is pretty much how things go.
Aaaand this is when we got our dicks kicked in. Paul, my Combee, has no idea what to do and is calling me "mommy." I'm not your mom, kid, I stole you from your hive and now you've developed Stockholm Syndrome.
>>20087249>>20087282These are adorable.
OP, you better fucking say "I can use my trusty frying pan as a drying pan" the first time it fucking rains. I swear to god you better.
So is there an established pokemon tabletop system, or are you just using Risus or something?
>>20087321Even better: Make it a hold item that negates weather effects.
>>20087184>>20087199Isn't Farfetch'd rare as fuck because everyone kept eating it?
>>20087331Pokemon Tabletop Adventures is on 1d4chan. You can find the DM book, PHB, Bestiary(Pokedex), and all of your standard sheets floating around the internet using Google.>>20087321You better fucking believe it. I PLANNED that shit.>>20087211Gimme a minute, I'm going through scribbled notes and crud.
A new session started and a new player joined us. Huzzah! He's a martial artist who only uses fighting Pokemon and has 6 INT. God damn it.AND SO THE STORY CONTINUES.James was the only one of us to not need hospitalization because he was busy being the Spider King and plotting how he was going to use his new spider army to overrun the town and devour everything in his path. He went shopping while we were in immense pain. Jerk.He's waltzing down one of the sketchier roads of town and stumbles upon a secret entrance to the sewers. Creepy guy suddenly appears out of nowhere and asks him to steal a valuable lamp from one of the more expensive shops in town. James turns to Wilson for advice, but the coconut remains silent for once. He agrees and he has until sundown the next day to bring it to the creepy NOT PEDOPHILE in the sewers.We're at the hospital eating shitty food while our Pokemon are in the lap of luxury and nurses are fawning all over them. Assholes. There are no male nurses. Double assholes. I hear a commotion from the next bed, pull back the curtain, and there our new witless friend, Ken, sits. He tried to punch a Geodude to death and ended up shattering his fists. I try to make small-talk and be personable while Matsu scurries over to watch this shit unfold without giving me any help at all and makes things that much more awkward. I begin to seriously hate that guy.
Everyone is ready to go and we head to the front desk to grab our shit where James meets us. Security shows up. The police show up. We're boned. Officer Jenny on crack whips out a snagger, a device used to steal the Pokemon of other trainers and demands to know who it belongs to since she found it in the devastation of the forest. We all look at our capture specialist with murder in our eyes. Jace rolls a nat 20 and convinces her that he made it by accident. She tells us that Commander Corbin is actually disgraced and no longer on the good guys' side, but more of a vigilante. Cool, I want to bone Batman now. Awesome.Officer Jenny On Crack lets us go and tells us to speak with her later. Ken finds a Geodude to fight. I hate everything.
>>20087580>Ken finds a Geodude to fightDo you suppose that was because of a lack of intelligence or an excess of determination?
>>200875802 more shattered fists later, you realize that you are now trapped in the hospital with your new friend
OP I think I'm in love with your entire party.
After we're released from the hospital, we decide to go around back because some Spinaraks hitched a ride on the fabulous flying Dragonite chariot and they scuttled back there. Matsu's Combee kills one with a gust attack, and the rest of us catch one. I get the only female one and I fully intend on turning her into a breeding machine since her nature is Docile and her stats are garbage.Jame's player pulls us all aside and out of earshot from the DM, he tells us that he doesn't trust the creepy guy in the sewers as far as he can throw him. He has a STR of 4. We all lol. His plan is to get a fake macguffin for him and ambush the guy to interrogate him. We're not stealing a lamp, we're stealing a PERSON. Immediate Ocean's 11 mode.
It's too late in the day to do anything, so I go scout out the local TEAM ASSHOLES cult base with Matsu and Riggs. Creepy Scientologist bullshit and some sort of bit orange and black Pokemon is prowling the grounds BUT WE TOTALLY DON'T SEE IT HAHA YOU ROLLED A 3 FOR PERCEPTION. Since nothing seems too sketchy or illegal besides regular cult activities, we had back to the Pokemon Center to sleep. That's when shit goes down.We hear a bunch of crazy noises coming from the rooftops and Matsu sends one of his ghost Pokemon up top to get a look around while invisible. shit is cray. Officer Jenny On Crack is up there fighting Commander Corbin and Hadouken'd him off the roof with a lightning bolt OUT OF HER FUCKING FIST. He lands in front of us and is charred to a crisp, but alive. I'm distraught because sexy Batman is horrifically injured. Jenny tells us to see her the next morning.
>>20087908>Officer Jenny-On-Crack is actually Colonel Volginthis story just gets better and better
This is where political intrigue stuff goes down and I'm happy as a clam 'cause that shit's my JAM.The region is run by a council of three, which is the northern, southern, and one of the gym leaders who was voted into the council by the other gym leaders. They recently opened up two more seats because of expansion and it's a tie between TEAM ASSHOLE, a bunch of researchers, and our friendly regional nomads. Commander Corbin was working with the nomads, which is a big no-no for government-appointed officials.I don't trust Jenny all too much, but I'm willing to listen to her story about how Corbin shot first. Took it with a whole mountain of salt. She tells us that Erika (yes, THAT Erika) is the region champ and some more stuff about Matsu's dad.I've now appointed Matsu as my new rival and I plan on fucking his dad before kicking Matsu's ass in a Pokemon battle. The man might be fifty years old, but he's probably still a DILF. Plus, how often do you get to say, "I fucked your dad, your argument is invalid"?
>>20087814I love that you half stay in character for the descriptions here, makes it so entertaining.Have you had much in the way of snark while dealing with the characters or is it mainly internal monologue?
>>20087988>taking on a Ace Trainer>as a BreederYou better take Move Tutor or Hatcher if you want a shot at beating him. Game over if he's a Type Ace.
>>20088020Honestly i think she will just smack his shit with the frying pan and call it a day.It would suit her character
>>20088008I've been somewhat snarky towards Matsu and our rivals, but most of it has been internal. I like to think my character, Bonnie, is 14 going on 35. Her mom ran a Daycare Center and had a drinking problem, causing her to shut down the center and drink her woes away. Bonnie smokes and will nurse a handle of Poke-Vodka if she gets too stressed out. She's probably going to either have an aneurysm, develop heart problems, or develop severe stomach ulcers by her mid twenties.
And that's all for now. People had to leave early and we couldn't be Ocean's 11. Next time.~
>>20088146NOOOOOkay. Just come back and finish your tale when you can.
>>20088156If you miss a thread, just check out the archive. This has been fun. :3
>>20087908>>20087908> I'm distraught because sexy Batman is horrifically injured. Jenny tells us to see her the next morning.Bone him back to health, of course
>>20087988>I fucked your dad, your argument is invalidI like you.
What was everyone else's poketeam?
>>20088224Matsu: Duskull, Shuppet, CombeeRiggs: Gastly, Shuppet, SpinarakJace: Snivy, Spinarak, MantineBonnie: Oddish, Combee, SpinarakJames: Abra, Magikarp
>>20088318Correction!James: Abra, Magikarp, Wilson
>>20088328>James: Abra, Magikarp, Wilson>yfw Wilson is a decapitated Exeggutor
>>20088356Speaking of, our GM expressly forbid us from getting a Kangaskhan, taking the egg of an Exeggutor, and replacing the Kangaskhan's egg with the Exeggutor's. We weren't allowed to have a Kangaskhan running around with a bunch of floating eggs or a palm tree sticking out of it's pouch. Kind of a bummer.
>>20088412>palm tree sticking out of it's pouchThis made me laugh much more than it should.
I want to be part of your group. :(
Wilson is secretly the leader of Team Asshole and he's leading you all to you r doom. It's always the quiet ones.
Marvelous display, OP.
pokemon table top adventures sounds like it could be fun if you took out all the stuff about trainers fighting eachother and fighting with weapons shit (because thats BADWRONGFUN)that just scream "i want edgy pokemon where you get to play as team rocket
>>20095178So don't play those. No one is forcing you, fag.And those sort of things are all over the manga, by the way.
>>20096024no in pokemon special wild pokemonn and more nefarious trainers target other trainers WITH THEIR POKEMON giovani tries to stab red with his beedrill not a knife
>>20095178The reason it is in there is so the trainers can do more than stand there yelling like a bunch of annoying manchildren raging over the others daring to have fun with something.You can very easily just ignore that whole section of the rules.
>>20088020Didn't notice this until just now. Yeah, he wants to become a Type Ace and be super manly Kamina-style with fire types. He's probably going to tyr to get himself a dragon type, and I wanted to focus on water/ice types so this might be a thing. Move Tutor and Hatcher both have great qualities, but we're all level 2 and I'm still indecisive. Never played Pokemon Tabletop before, so I have no idea which path to take. :\
>>20096808Did the scary loli actually try to sell her body to get a harpoon or was that you being you?
>>20097425She insinuated it. The harpoon was somewhere around 2k Pokedollars and Riggs said something like "are you sure there isn't ANYTHING I can do for you to lower the price?" and then batted her lashes while ruffling her dress.
>>20097511The character makes me think she would use that as an excuse to give him a ghost blowjob but that is rather disturbing either way
...Loretta, is that you?
>>20097639Nope. Sorry. :/
>>20097623Well, Gastly's main attack -is- Lick.
>>20097694Well I guess we know why she has a gastly then...
So anyone archived this yet? I think it warrants it.
>>20097988no it doesnt
This, gentlemen, is nothing more than another woman trying to garner attention for playing a male-dominated game. Move along, she's just being a whore.
>>20099233Or, on the other hand, it could have been an amusingly irreverent story, with the genders in question being mostly irrelevant.
50 Cent, get back to /cgl/. Stop trying to pretend you're anything but a casualfag.
>>20099233OP provided content, cute drawings of their adventures, where to get the system, and promised to keep us up-to-date after we asked. You're a faggot.
>>20099233this guy is right
>>20088412So this confuses meKangaskhan don't have an egg they have a baby in their pouch.So do you mean Chaney/blissey by any chance?
>>20100074There was en episode in the anime where a Kangaskhan grabbed Ash's egg, mistaking it for hers, and put it in her pouch. Maybe that's what they were referring to?