Gentlemen. I need a shitton of marbles. Maybe a couple thousand? Any recommendation on where to go for excrutiatingly cheap marbles?
What the fuck are you going to do with them?
Go to Michael's in a baggy jacket with lots of inside pockets. Five-finger discount until your marble needs are sated or you've developed a terrible case of kleptomania.
>>20079827i dont know where you can get them, but i am definitely interested in what you plan on doing with them
are you creating a trap for would-be burglars trying to rob your house while your parents are away on vacation and accidently left you behind?
>>20079857Well obviously he's going to play marbles :|
>>20079827Are you going to sneak into people's rooms while they sleep and slip lubed-up marbles into their butts to make them shit marbles in the morning?
>>20079882. . . .listen, you can't need THAT many. I mean, the human colon can only hold so much.
>>20079894>50 bucks for a thousand>OP want's 2kShit nigger, that's a lot of marbles.
>>20079905do we need to find out how many marbles an average human can fit inside their colon? does anyone know off the top of their head the volume of aforementioned orifice?
>>20079931We did do the math for pixies once.That means we only need to find out how many pixie colons fit inside a human colon.
>>20079867>>20079857Using them as gambling tokens, a la Pachinko. Or barring that, what would YOU guys do with a couple thousand marbles?
>>20079959Marble gun.No kids will ever bother my lawn again :3
>>20079959Throw them at cars and the elderly.
>>20079959Refer to the posts about orifices.
>>20079978>>20079982well, theres your answer i suppose. we would shoot them at people
>>20079997After we put them up our butts.
>>20079951>did the math for a pixieOkay, I must see this.This sounds as amazing as the vagina of spider holding thread.
>>20079997>>20079990we would shoot them at peoples colons. we would have to use a low-power slingshot or something, and the score would be based on how many marbles you managed to get inside of your own ass. the incentive for aiming correctly would be the person who gets the most in the target gets second place. the game will be played in rounds, where each player takes a turn as target.
>>20079978Because some men just want to see the world flinch and scream, 'Aw fuck, is that a marble? Why the hell would you do that?'
>ITT: /tg/ being upstanding citizens
What's wrong, op? Lost your marbles?
>>20080052OP here. goddamit /tg/, I was gone for 5 minutes. Never change.
If money is the issue but time isn't, you can just buy two marbles and a Barry White CD.
>>20080113Knowing my marbles, one would just shove tiny marbles into the other marble's butt with a low-power slingshot.
>>20079978And for the ballistic gel test: www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVdq1Z5cSvA
beware the power of my thread necromancy!
>>20079978This pleases me
Has anyone done the math? How many marbles, can fit inside the average ass?
>>20086952It depends on what you mean by "fit." Without any stretching, relatively few. But if we're allowing for as much stretching as we can, well...Have you ever heard of someone who calls themself Kidsune?
>>20086952well let me see what i can do real quickhttp://www.zity.biz/index.php?mx=forum;ox=display;topic=25174>The "average" human colon is five feet (1.5 meters) long and can stretch to a diameter of 3 inches (7.5 cm) if forced, but it is very painful and few people can do it. This means that the average human colon could theoretically hold 7 quarts.wow, due to me being incapable of distinguishing commas and periods.... ive reached the conclusion that you can fit roughly 1581 marbles in an average colon at once, assuming 20mm marbles. i am much more happy with this number, but would still like someone to check my math
>>20087055No, I haven't. And it seems like I should have, even though I'm kinda glad I haven't. Please, tell me more.>>20087174Give me a few weeks to acquire that number of marbles.
>>20087174So that'd fit OPs 'couple thousand' number.
>>20087270i... i didnt mean to put it into practice... and please remember that this is assuming a clear colon, put at full extend. i dont recommend trying for that number initially, maybe just a couple hundred?
what the actual fuck /tg/
>>20087295I'll take a shit first. FOR SCIENCE!
>>20087385Welcome, newcomer. We do things like this sometimes.
>>20087486A shit won't get you totally clear. You need an enema.
Why would you want to put the normal marbles up your ass? I could imagine a dozer in your ass could be used for an alternate launch technique, but the colon wouldn't make much of a ring because the marbles wouldn't bounce around enough in there.
50 marbles a day. That's 18000 marbles a year. For 15 years, that's 270000 ass-marbles.You handle my ass-marbles when you gamble. You handle my ass-marbles when you LARP. You give your children my ass-marbles as presents.ASS MARBLES
>>20087647That can be arranged. In fact, I may already have one on hand. If not, I suppose i'll make do with a water bottle.I do this not for myself, but for mankind, and Science.I will report my findings in perhaps a month or so, as i need time to acquire these marbles, and i do not want my neighbors to question them. Remember me, /tg/, for i shall return.>>20087657
>>20087770uh... be safe dude, dont try to force them, and have a phone nearby in case you need to call emergency services
>>20088398I will be careful with my ass. Should it come to that, though, i will simply tell them i was conducting research, and that they should clear me out post haste, that i may continue my experiments. Hopefully, i do not make the news.
>>20088866haha, i certainly hope everything goes well for you sir, if you deliver im sure the image will be kept around for years to come.
>>20079931I once did the maths for how many times you'd need to jizz to completely fill the human digestive system with enough cum to both fill it and generate sufficient pressure to allow the jets of escaping jizz to launch someone flying through the air. I could go and find my research for it on the volumes of various.Right. The large and small intestine can both hold 3.1 litres, so 6.2 total. The stomach can hold ~5 litres and the mouth and esophagus can hold 0.2 litres. So, 11.4 litres space available to marbles shoved up the anus. Assuming close packing (which can't happen due to all the twists and turns) of the marbles gives a 74% efficiency, so you can fit 8.44 litres of marbles up your bum. The number depends on the size of the marbles.
>>20087770Take pictures. Also, record yourself shitting them out at the end of the experiment.
>>20089029If i try to be /full/, and go for maximum number, i doubt i'll have the ability to just shit it out. I predict it will be similar to the Jim Jeffries story involving a vibrator and chop sticks.>>20089002Thank you, sir. I'll add a note of that in my own research. I'm also screen capping the OP of this thread and my first post about this research, so that you will know it is i who returns.This might not be safe for work.
A brief search for "pixie colon" brings this up.http://archive.foolz.us/tg/thread/18054390/#18055131
It's been one of those days, I guess.
>>20089184Fuck, you're making me want to try this too.
>>20089569again, let me stress here /tg/ trying to put that many marbles in your ass is DANGEROUS. take your time, and if you experience any pain STOP. be ready to have an ambulance show up wherever you are.
>>20089184Well shit, I just wandered in here, and found this. Don't remind me of the stupid shit I've done.
>>20089590Is this from personal experience?>>20089569Do it, we need as many test subjects as we can get. All asses are not born the same.>>20089644Tell us your story, friend.
>>20089749Not much to tell. When I was 15 years old I stuffed marbles up my arse in the shower. About the contents of a smarties tube, not much. Always wondered how much could go up there. And how much could go up a woman's "there".I was really fucking stupid when I was 15. Things got better when I was 16. AND NOW I AM HERE.
>>20089781Well, I'm going to do what OP has done and buy a couple thousand. I will find out how many marbles the human ass will hold, and i will return to all of you with this knowledge.
>>20089590>after being admitted to the hospital after an extremely uncomfortable ambulance ride>"Why were you putting marbles up your ass in the first place?">"The internet told me to."
>>20089857...thousand really is a bit much.
>>20089590But imagine how great it would feel to be totally full to capacity of marbles. Especially with a bit of vibration added.
>>20087055Kirkj is... Well I don't want to say "better", but in terms of size he's gone much larger.
>>20089906remember, those numbers were calculated using 20mm marbles and putting the colon to full extend. 20mm marbles are really rather small
>>20089906The math gave us an estimated capacity of 1500.
>>20089917I don't suppose you have any of the requisite numbers for volume calculation?
>>20089962other anon here, are you asking the numbers for the human colon or are you asking for kirkj specifically?
i think this picture sums up the thread pretty well
This is a horrible idea, you are going to rupture something, not to mention shame your family and all your ancestors.
>>20090020WOW, i am so good at this whole posting thing
>Leave /tg/ for a few years because mod bullshit>Someone on /v/ talks about Evangelion, someone mentions AdEva>"Hey I had lots of fun with /tg/, I wonder what they're up to">See this threadYou didn't change, /tg/You will never change.I love you.
>>20090024>shame your family and all your ancestorsThe pursuit of science is noble, and some times you have to risk your insides for it.Don't take us for deviants just because we shove marbles up our asses.
>>20089997kirkj. If we can find the length and diameter (or radius or circumference) of a toy he's used, we can find a number which probably draws near to the true maximum capacity of the human ass.
>>20088866You're going to end up on the news. 'The internet made him put marbles up his rectum' is too good a story to stay quiet.
>>20090042Welcome back, brother.
>>20089997.Not that guy but I'd like to know some more in-detail numbers. Because he mentioned a colon could fit seven quarts of marbles, and if my references and math are correct that means... 7 one litre bottles of marbles.Imagine 7/10ths of an average bucket.They want to shove that up their arses.
>>20090066>local man shoves 1500 marbles up rectum, claims for science. obituary on page 17
>>20089184>the Jim Jeffries story involving a vibrator and chop sticks.Do tell.>>20087055> Kidsune>>20089917>KirkjWho? Got any links?
>>20090085yea, i cited my uh... source... for the number>>20087174it may not be exactly the most reputable, but its the best i could come up with without reading through pages of medical texts.
>>20090065I wish that finding the true maximum capacity of the human ass was considered one of the greatest pursuits of science, as it truly deserves to be, and received appropriate university funding.
>>20090093http://videos.toypics.net/view/514/chancebulged,-2/Here, have some science.
>>20090093Google is your friend.
>>20090138That's a guy, isn't it?Couldn't you just link the girl who does roughly the same thing?
>>20090153No, because we're discussing male rectums here.You know, anatomic differences and stuff.
>>20090170...are there any in the colon?Because I'm not going to google "differences in rectal volume between men and women"
"May I have ten-thousand marbles, please?"
>>20090093http://www.xtube.com/community/profile.php?user=kirkjTwo words: walrus dildo.
>>20090192you are clearly not a man of SCIENCE.first hit on google?Mean mesorectal volume in males was 227.5 cm3 (95%CI 191.6-263.4), and in females was 157.5 cm3 (95%CI 129.3-185.7). The difference in mesorectal volume between men and women was statistically significant (p<0.001).
>>20089881>No one told me to, i decided on my own.>>20089906>i don't expect to put all of them in there, i'm just making sure i have more then i'll ever need, so that i don't run into the "I ran out" business.>>20090062As i said, this is not for me. I do this for all of us. For every man, woman, and child who has ever wondered how many marbles they can shove up their ass. For every mathfag in this thread and others. I will turn theory, into fact. I will take the fiction from science fiction. I will shove marbles into my asshole, FOR SCIENCE!>>20090090>Pretty much this, i'll try not to die.>>20090093http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kik7K3wMor0>Hopefully not relevant.
>>20090222anyway, the conclusion is: males are better at shoving things up their asses
>>20090265Can we present these figures to Christians and claim that they prove that god intended for men to have anal intercourse with one another?
>>20090290 They'll probably coutner your argument with "God intended for men to be able to push leviathanic turds out of their asses"Or something like that.
>>20090138Dat trap ass.
>>20089002Rethinking, you don't want to be forcing marbles past up into the stomach, leaving you with only 6.2 litres of space. Again, considering that the greatest possible packing efficiency of spheres is 74% that gives ~1100 20mm marbles as a maximum.Note, I've repeated the the calculations done above and the ones that gave an estimate of 1500 didn't include packing efficiency.
>marbles>ass marbles>general dickery with marbles>God talkare you serious right now /tg/?
>>20090384how would you figure in packing efficiency? as i said im poor with math, if you could teach me how i would be grateful
>>20090407i should clarify, how do you find the packing efficiency of any particular shape?
>>20090387We are never not serious.Also, it occurred to me that this experiment only covers marbles. Surely we need to expand the purview of this experiment to cover other similar, more /tg/ related items, i.e. dice.
>>20090290Would probably be a fun troll.
>>20090384Isn't the small intestine and the whole large intestine a little ambitious? It seems to me that there will come a point where it's difficult to get marbles any further up your behind.
>>20090433Marbles are a lot cheaper than dice.
>>20090387>Pic related>>20090384I will test this theory. Repetitively, so that I may average the results and eliminate as many variables as possible.
>>20090433D20s seem like a good choice. Not too pointy, so lower risk of damage to the body, and common enough to buy in bulk.
>>20090461It's not really reasonable to expect that you'll be able to get them into the small intestine, but if you spend a while it should be feasible to fill out the entire large intestine.
You'd probably be able to insert more dice than marbles, due to the shape of dice, assuming they're relatively the same size, of course.But I may be wrong.
>>20090469>I will test this theory. Repetitively, so that I may average the results and eliminate as many variables as possible.Okay, I lol'd.
>>20090467True but we must examine all possibilities. For science.>>20090473True, but that leave a glaring hole in our research. If we are to include dice, then surely we must include dice of all shapes?
>>20090496...I'd assume that we could fit d4s into geometric patterns for maximum efficiency.But that involves shoving caltrops into his anus.
>>20090511>inserting even one d4 into your anus
>>20090521I would salute the brave tester that shoved d4s up his ass for science, for he would be a true hero of science.
Easier or harder?
>>20090551How does that even work?
>>20090551They're kind of large, aren't they?
>>20090511Two things need to happen for this. One, i'll need more research money. Two, i'll need to change my name again. And I don't see either happening in the near future. Lets just try to stick to marbles, for now.>My parents would be so proud.
>>20090469Keep in mind that you'll likely have difficulty removing deeper marbles, so you can expect some portion of the marbles to be lost from each trial along with the usual bodily waste.
>>20090551They're spherical, so they'd be the same as marbles essentially.>>20090573Perhaps you can get a research grant after the marble experiment?
>>20090573I can see it already, and I wish I didn't.>one marble. Two marbles. Three marbles>... one hundred and five marbles. one hundred and six marbles.Bonus points if you do it like the count.
>>20090573Right, go with marbles for now. If we're lucky, when you publish the results from the marble tests, you'll be able to get a grant for further testing with other objects.
>>20090573I don't know about the rest of /tg/, but I would donate to this experiment.Maybe we should start a Kickstarter. For donation rewards, we can have Dr. Ass Marbles use marbles inscribed with the donater's name.
>>20090407In short, you use geometry. Longer answer, you draw out a unit cell of the relevant lattice, which in this case is cubic or hexagonal close packed. Then you work out the volume of the unit cell and the number of spheres inside each unit. Then you just divide the total volume of the spheres in the unit cell by the volume of the cell. If none of that made sense to you, don't worry. I only know because I did a crystallography course a while back.
>>20090585Losing valuable research material is Heresy. The marbles will be recovered. All Of Them.
>>20090601Oh god all I can see now is the Count pushing marbles into some poor guys ass and counting along the way in his usual style.
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/20079827/I'm starting to wonder if we don't just need a tag on there labeled 'capacity.'
>>20090629>oh yep heres the source of the clog.>wait... is... are these marbles?
So I read the OP and was just about to post links to my suppliers and advice, but then I decided to read the thread first...Oh boy, /tg/ I love you sometimes.Don't forget to use a lot of lube during the experiments, to assure you can get them in nicely.I'd suggest a water based lubricant, since it will eventually be absorbed by the colon walls and not take up precious space
What the sweet chocolate fuck is going on in this thread?
>>20090702Science. There is nothing but science.
btw: How HEAVY are marbles? Maybe there is a chance of internal sagging and maybe even ruptures from the weight alone
>>20090643>How did he die doctor?>We don't know for sure, but we're treating it as murder. Some sick bastard kept shoving marbles up his ass until his intestines burst. >Could it be suicide?>What kind of man would willingly shove 1500 marbles up his own ass?
>>20090695Thank you for the advice, I've added this to my research. And, I believe the video involving the ballistic jelly test had the weight of standard marbles.>>20090736Assuming there is an after life, i'll be laughing from the grave.
>>20080021I had a dream about this last night.
This is going to kill you, or at the least do horrific damage to your insides.Seriously, knock it off, "Peer preassure isn't cool" "Learn to just say 'No'"
>>20090717Plastic marbles don't weigh much at all. Hell, I'd wager it weighs less than the shit that normally occupies one's colon. Now, if Dr. Ass Marbles was insane enough to use metal marbles, there would be reason to worry.
>>20090797Godspeed, crazy internet ass stuffer.
>>20090818i'm honored. can you tell me more about it?
>>20090820You're no fun.The glorious pursuit of science is not without it's casualities. He shall be a martyr.
>Just remember don't use the toilet to expell them into unless you want it to shatter under a hail storm of ass marbles
>>20090820>This is going to kill you, or at the least do horrific damage to your insides.You're an idiot.
>>20090864do you think the bathtub would be good?
>>20090695>>20090695Your suppliers and advice would probably still be helpful.
>>20090820>i don't think you guys get that i started this. Peer pressure was not a part of this, it just Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time.>>20088866>>20087770>>20087486>>20087270>>20086952>These are me, before i namefagged.Captcha: THANKS iacadii
>>20090894I guess it would depend, if it is ceramic then there may be some risk involved but if made from a metal of some sort it should be ok?>Plastic bucket?
>>20090924im proud to have supported you in this endeavor
>>20090822If they were a ferric metal, he could also have fun with magnets.
>>20090894Worse. Toilets tend to be sturdier than bathtubs.You may need an assistant to just scoop them out rather than trying to poop them out.You'll probably need one anyway to help get the few stragglers that will undoubtedly feel too at home in your ass to leave.Unless you're so flexible that you can fit your arm up to your elbow in your own ass, in which case you should seriously think about getting into doing porn.
>>20090951>Shove metal marbles up ass>MRIOh god
>>20090915Eh not much more to say that >>20079894didn't show already.Buy from china. Ask factories directly and come of as a professional buyer. Request samples.Alibaba.com is a good place to find sellers.Alternatively, go on etsy, amazon, ebay, etc and look for eastern asian sellers. Not as cheap as buying from the factory directly but still only 10% of what stores like michaels charge
>>20090953How about you just suspend a strainer in the toilet bowl? The handles should let it just rest on the lip of the bowl, so all you have to do is lift it out and rinse the marbles... thoroughly.>chResop physicianBoy, we certainly are.
>>20090951>>20090971>>20090980This is starting to sound like the origin of a supervillain.
>>20090971You'd probably remember it's a bad idea as you got near the magnetic field. I don't want to think about anything past that.
>>20090971I didn't get it at first, but then I remembered what MRI stood for.
>>20091009In that case you'd probably have marbles bouncing right back up at you from the force they're hitting the strainer with.
>>20090953Some how, i feel as though i've read this post before. It must be A Sign.Looking for the cap of a thread about a guy who got bitched at by his wife, so he put marbles in her ass while she was asleep, and Boy Was She Surprised when she took a shit that morning. Hilarious, and relevant.I have it some where.
i think there are variables were not taking in to account here. if the marbles are made of glass and shoved into a compact space like the colon they will break and kill the test subject. also if the marbles break it will change there shape and fuck up our results. for these reasons i suggest ball bearings be used that are the same size as marbles. ball bearings are metal so we wont have to worry about them breaking, and they are easier to buy in bulk. all we need to figure out now is if the weight difference would effect our results.
>>20091061that image has been in my mind since last night. im shocked it hasnt been posted yet
>ass marblesSo...you want to know what it feels like when an Eldar is constipated/poops?
>>20091022IT'S ASSMARBLE MAN, COME TO SAVE THE DAY.POSSESSING THE AMAZING ABILITY TO SHOOT MARBLES FROM HIS RECTUM WITH THE SPEED AND VELOCITY OF A GATLING GUN. HE CAN ALSO USE THIS ABILITY TO LAUNCH HIMSELF INTO THE AIR AND RAIN EXTREMELY DISGUSTING DEATH ONTO HIS OPPOSITION.
>>20090841Some people and I shoot marbles up people's ass for some competition or something. This dream also involved a Tau invasion and extraterrestrial parasites. I blame the flu.
>>20091076Ball bearings would be too heavy and cause damage at an earlier stage than anything else. We need something plastic, but durable, so ping pong balls are out.
>>20091022In this episode, Captain 4chan battles the evil Dr. Ass Marbles!
>>20091076Glass marbles are pretty durable, the test subject would break before they do.
>>20091102might i say this seems like it would be a wonderful way to take out an ET parasite that lodges itself in the ass
>>20091049I think you're grossly overblowing the elasticity of your average wire mesh and/or the shitting speed of your average human.
>>20091139Perhaps the doctor will be able to give us some data on this as well.
>>20091139And I think you're grossly underestimating the speed at which those marbles will start shooting out once Dr Ass Marbles gets the flow started.
Ever seen a goat shit?Their anus just kinda opens up and a metric fuckton of poop marbles pours out.Imagining that with the pressure of human excretion... I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of hard marbles.
>>20091139Lubed up glass marbles seem to be denser then the average shit, and with far less friction slowing them + gravity. The first torrent might bounce back. I've been known to be a powerful shitter in the past; do not question why others would know.
>>20091259>Their anus just kinda opens up and a metric fuckton of poop marbles pours out.Now I'm imagining a guy bending over and his asscheeks spreading like a pair of silo doors, then marbles just start pouring out of his ass like water.Fucking hell, /tg/, I don't want to develop any new fetishes today; I'm still trying to get over the last one you gave me.
>>20091259>Ass Marble Artillery Units
>>20091294well, we will defer to your expertise on this matter. take any safety measures you deem appropriate
>>20091294When it comes to the end of the experiment, eat a bunch of White Castle cheeseburgers.
>>20091314"Get the AMAU in place! Now now now!"The sergeant's words were already being heeded before spoken. With the sound of a rapidly firing tennis ball cannon, the AMAU opened fire on the rebel lines. A thick green haze dominated the battlefield momentarily; when it dispersed, the traitors' bodies were seen to be torn to shreds all across the field."Good work, men! We sent them back to the bowels of Hell!"
>>20091339Bad idea; instestinal spasms could cause damage due to the marbles being too hard and the muscle walls contracting too much. An enema is the safer bet.
What the actual Fuck
>>20091502/tg/ on a busy day.Anyone cares to make a list of the topics we've covered in this thread?
>>20091543anyone care to make a list of wtf threads we've had... i remember the houseraping thread, though i only lurked it
>>20091305You know what they say, for every hour spent on /tg/ you have a one in twenty chance of developing a new fetish.Where'd I put that screencap.
rolled 3 = 3>>20091305Don't you have to roll 1D20 to see if you develop a new Fetish?
>>20090951Oh my god...imagine the reaction of trying to get onto a plane in america.
/tg/, this thread disturbs me because I used to work in a hospital. And yes, people come in every once in a while to get really weird stuff removed from their ass. You don't want to know most of it. But one of the worst ones? 47 of these fucking things. Please stop shoving stuff up your ass. Physicians are sick of removing it. Our science requires us to remove the stuff your science demands you shove up your ass.Think of your doctor, /tg/. Think of your doctor.
rolled 1 = 1>>20091564I develop new fetishes on a 19-20 because I took fetish focus as a feat.
>>20091587But we like to shove things up our asses... ehm, what i mean is we like to further science... yeah... science...
>>20091587>37 sawbladesThis man is truly the greatest of all scientists. We should honor him by peer reviewing his findings. Where can you buy these in bulk?
>>20091587Fucking 5 Star Post
>>20091617>>2009158747 sawblades actually. An even greater scientist than I thought.
>>20091587Whoever the hell shoves something up his ass made specifically for cutting will get no pity from me.
>>20091601Well well well.
>>20091643Now we don't have to, he took one for the team, for science.
>>20091643It happens more often than you'd think. It causes serious rectal damage. And I am tired of shoving my hand up men's asses to remove the horrendous stuff they shoved up there.
>>20091643Reminds me of that idiotic couple that stuck a dildo onto a power saw.
>>20091693How about the woman that died because she put a dildo on a jackhammer?That's right. She was literally fucked to death. Machines made to pulverize concrete, it turns out, do a surprisingly effective job at pulverizing pelvises and internal organs, too.
>>20091688Not sure if this breaks doctor-patient confidentiality, but can you tell us WHY he stuck a bunch of saw blades up his anus? I can see the logic behind hundreds of marbles, a hamster, or some vaguely phallic household item that ends up getting stuck, but saw blades? The only way I can make sense of that is if he was a suicidal masochist.
>>20091693One in every 20 terrible idea's turns out to be a BRILLIANT IDEA
>>20091738I want this as a weapon.
>>20091587>Think of your doctorThink of ME. I'm getting possibly hundreds of marbles in my ass. This is borderline Slaanesh worship. Butt, it is in the name of Science.I'll try to stay out the hospital, if for no other reason then to also stay out of the news.
>>20091749We're all anonymous here, as long as it stays that way there's no such thing as doctor/patient confidentiality.
>>20091843You should prepare a speech in case you do get into the news or simply die.Have the explanation on your body while experimenting.
>>20091587There are things that shouldn't go up a man'ss ass, and those saw blades were 47 of them. But marbles strike me as pretty safe.
>>20091749I had nothing to do with that aspect of it. I've assisted in the removal of items and done so myself with the stuff that doesn't require surgical removal.That did, of course.I don't really care why. There are people who make that their job, and where the law requires they get involved, they do.Me? I just do my job. I don't want to know and don't care. I make it a point not to find out.
>>20091871Make sure the explanation has the word SCIENCE (in bold letters, capitalized and with at least two exclamation points) written on it once or twice.
>>20091749it's doesn't, patient confidentiality only protects the patients identity and what happened to them. so he can say what/why, but he can't say anything that would identify him as the ass-blade bandit, like his name, date of birth or social, stuff like that
>>20091693Wasn't the main problem the rpm of the saw rather than the actual concept?
>>20091904>ass-blade banditI know my next BBEG.
>>20091936Make sure his brother is ass marble thug>Captcha: Asspeci policywow
>>20091904Yeah, basically. And it helps that I don't care enough to remember the names of guys like that. I mean, they're patients. You see thousands. I give the professional care and courtesy and remember their name while I'm working with them, but I don't bother storing that info. I don't get attached. Except for the poor man who had his scrotum ripped in half, and I had to change his dressing every day for a month. I remember him quite well.But yeah, otherwise I don't remember.
>>20091886i'm already working on it.
>>20091954Since I'm playing WFRP, should I have players roll for infection after being attacked by AB-B and AM-T?...Gentlemen, I think we need to stat these individuals in as many systems as possible.
>>20091904Maybe he was trying to install rectoblades and become a dark eldar.
>>20091929RPM was a factor, but there was no intelligent way to go about spearing a dildo onto a saw blade. If they took the blade off it would have been fine. Still not as retarded as the people who played Russian Roulette with an automatic pistol though.
Guys. If I end up in A Thousand Ways To Die or something, please direct them to this thread. In the event that I do not have a note on me, on my research or reasons, I want them to know why. That i died for them, so that they can no the limit of their anuses.Captcha: execration drsdanceSounds like something the Ass Bladed Bandit would do.
http:// _ xhamster _ com/movies/284622/elmer_wife_extreme_glass_balls_to_fill_her_ass.htmlRelevant. There's a second video, but I can't find a link that doesn't require a password.>>20090153http://www _ pornhub _ com/view_video.php?viewkey=125209766>>20091693It works alright for smaller tools, like a drill or a reciprocating saw. Unfortunately I've lost the links to the videos for those.
>>20092019Oh they left the saw blade on? Well then they deserve what happened.
Christ, /tg/. I haven't laughed this hard in AGES. This whole thread is hilarious. Is this being archived anywhere?
>>20092008I also remember the guy who managed to take a swan dive into a barbed wire fence, (I forget how he managed that now) the man that ripped apart a chain link fence and shoved it through his cheeks, And a suicidal man who managed to get ahold of a razor and cut the antecubital vein on both arms. Remarkably he managed to coat an entire hospital room in blood, including the ceiling. Rather amazing he survived.Oh, and the little girl who had a kerosine stove explode on her, covering her body with horrific burns. I couldn't forget her. She was seven. That broke everyone's heart. Especially because she was always so cheerful. To this day, I won't work with children anymore. I realized I just don't have what it takes to deal with horribly injured children. Or sick children. Even thinking about her makes me teary.But adults, eh, fuck 'em. It's usually their own fault when they get hurt. But even when they're tragic victims, I can better endure seeing them hurt than a little kid.
>>20092111>the little girl who had a kerosine stove explode on herI am so glad you actually said on, because I initially read that as "in" and started wondering how and why someone would put a kerosine stove in a little girl, not to mention how she survived...
rolled 94 = 94>>20091987Captcha: andcanhe WELDINGIt doesn't even matter what I was going to say. That was perfect
>>20092172Yeah, I've never had to remove anything from a kid. "Timmy, how did you get these 47 sawzall blades in your rectum? And why does suzy have a kerosine stove in hers?"Awkward.But yeah. The stove exploded on her, covering her in burning kerosine. She had many, many skin grafts. The damage to her was utterly horrifying. But she was always cheery, even though she had to be in extreme pain most of the time due to her injuries. I remember one doctor who was a strong, cold-hearted guy. Clinical. Never saw an patients injury bother him.She hugged him and called him uncle. The man left the room and bawled like a little kid for half an hour.
I want to see some x-rays.
>>20091936>"Have you SEEN what i've done to my asshole? You can't imagine whats about to happen to yours."And with that, beloved /tg/, i must say good night. I will return with a report on my findings in a few weeks, depending on when the marbles get here.For Science.
>>20092245Well, I've been enough of a buzzkill. I'm off to bed. Night /tg/.
As some one who use to work in the inpatient pharmacy of a hospital this thread is horrifying to me, all I ask right now is that you do not do this with bucky balls.
rolled 24 = 24>>20092247Can you at least post your note?
>>20092064>Darwin's List>2012, July 29>Man found dead in his bathroom after neighbors heard an excruatingly loud grunt>After calling police they burst into his house to find the trouble>In his bathroom they found him lying on the ground with no visible signs of violence upon him>During his autopsy, it is reported, that his intestines were filled with thousands of small marbles>After a search of his house they found no excess marbles>The final count was 2500 marbles and made headlines in the local paper for weeks.>Authorities believe drugs and "Science" were involved.
>>20092342i'm not done with it, should i start a new thread when i wake up?The topics will be statting the ass-blade bandit and his ass-marble thug brother, and assmarble general.
>assmarble general.Funniest phrase I've read all week.
>>20092467I shall wait for the new thread with all my heart.
>>20092594>>20092609I shall return to /tg/ upon waking, then. For Science!
>>20092467Knowing us, this thread will still be very much alive tomorrow, if it doesn't hit the post limit (I forget, what IS the limit?).>fun ononymosThere won't be any anonymity if Dr. Ass Marbles dies, that's for sure.
>>20091587In the clinic here, we had a guy who bought a "make a dildo sculpted after your dick" kit (basically, some alabaster and some silicon. First you make a form, then you cast.But the dude was gay and not very intelligent. He wanted to make a sculpt of his ass for his partner. Long story short, he poured some liters of alabaster into his anus which solidified there. The problem is that the anus is very tight compared to rather wide rectum. That was a classical bottleneck effect. Some of his intestines had to be removed.>>20092467>assmarble generalGeneral Assmarble, veteran of the Assdick Conflict and the right hand to assblade bandit.
rolled 11 = 11>>20092860Haha oh wow.
>>20092860Actually, this also explains the name of the assmarble thug. The Assmarble Thugs are a famous merc group under General Assmarble who left the military scarred (and I won't tell you where)
>>20092860I thought this was pretty funny, until,>Some of his intestines had to be removed.
>>20091561Nah, you should know by know how much /tg/ loves their anal stuffing.
>>20091561>houseraping threadDo tell.
>>20092860...I've heard about that. I thought it was cement.
>>20092988Apparently alabaster can be a bitch. I wasn't personally there, just talked to the guy who was his main physician, and it was quite a while ago. I guess some of the intestines lost connection to blood vessels under the pressure and some parts died off.The funny stuff are the stories people tell you about HOW the fuck the stuff got up there. Most typical answer is "I fell on it", often with a story arond. Still, nobody was able to explain why they were working on their lamp from a step-ladder at 2 a.m. NAKED and why the screwdriver was standing upright on the floor (there is no other chance to fall on it with your ass and get it lodged fully in)
>>20091973I misread that as crapped.
>>20092860Short anal horror stories?Dorm room, couple guys playing cave explorer.One guy arm deep in the back door, their action knocks over a book shelf.The bookshelf comes down on them and breaks the guy's arm that is in the other guy.Screams of agony are had, help is called for.The way the guy's arm is broken, it can't just be pulled back out.Paramedics need to take the two men to the hospital as an item, still wearing the other as a sock puppet.
>>20093056Wait, what country are you from?Also cement isn't that great for sculpting.(btw, this is now totally casting threads related)
>>20093098>Dorm room, couple guys playing cave explorer.Holy hell, what college did you go to?
>>20093108I'm probably not where you're from (I am from a dysfunctional country where the French and the Dutch are angry at each other on a daily basis), but I must have read about it somewhere, but I can't recall where.Oh wait I found it.http://www.well.com/~cynsa/cement.html
>>20093163I don't want to get too specific. I'm in Ontario though, so no lynch mobs to be afraid of, for the most part.
>>20093098My ex told me a story that (is partially related) where a friend's braces got stuck on his girlfriend's clit ring or pubic hair.His mother had to rescue them from their situation.
Has anyone thought to notify /d/ of our scientific pursuits? Inquireing minds will want to know!
>>20092860And a quick "that doesn't go there" story from a Nurse I know.Lady comes in embarrassed, eventually reveals that she has something stuck in her vagina.Doctor takes a look, and she stuck a koosh ball in there, and can't get it out.Doctor tried to tug on the little noodly bits, it stretches a bit, and then SNAPS back like a rubber band, to great discomfort.Eventually got it out, but it did take a couple tries, and a couple painful snaps.Come to think of it, I wonder if he was just being a jerk?
>>20093164I'm from Germany, but I've been to Brussels for a week in 2009. Good thing my (now ex) gf is quite fluent in French. It was fun times.And the linked story apparently shows that great minds do think alike. My story is quite different, since there was this casting surprise in there and the guy actually made some precautionary measures (he tried to stuff some plastic wrap inside first. It burst). But the pic of the concrete rectum makes me quite happy, since the form is so very typical.
>>20093278But those thing supposed to be very soft, what was holding it there?
>>20093281>GermanyPraise the Gods. I've lived in Germany for four years. Been to Berlin and some other places.Well arguably this guy was luckier, apparently it was removed without problems. Your case had to sacrifice some "volume".
>>20093321I have no idea, I'm not a doctor.If I was, I'd definitely specialize in koosh balls.
>>20093164>>20093281 here againWait, you guys do have a government now again, don't you?…Oh, and have I mentioned that I read that nice dissertation about "accidents related to masturbation using a vacuum"?It comes down to the fact that there was only one model of vacuums that was really dangerous. Their tube (or whatever you call it) could be taken off. The motor was then immediately behind the opening.
>>20093363I would think it's just the pressure of the vaginal muscles.But still, they'd be Cootch balls, eh, eh?
>>20093388Yeah, we have a government. Curious how long it lasts before that one collapses as well.Oh... oh gods. Talk about a wood chipper.
>>20093321>>20093363I can only think of a piercing. They are sometimes quite well-hidden. Other than that… there shouldn't be anything a physician wouldn't know about.>>20093330>Praise the GodsI praise my parents. Even if they can fuck up here and there, moving here from Russia was the best thing to happen to me (or one of them, I dunno).
>>200933211: it may have been a very large koosh ball2: she may have been freaking out about it and her muscles contracted
>mfwno. wait. thats not right.
>>20093503Exactly what the doctor prescribed.
>>20093402The whole vaginas trapping stuff inside thing is an urban legend, you know. The muscles can cramp, but then they just press stuff out of the vagoo and hurt as hell.>>20093447I'm sorry I don't know jackshit about your country, but what was the problem exactly? In Brussels I really enjoyed the whole bilinguality thing, it looked so… peaceful.And the fun thing about these vacuum guys was who were the main victims: either old, mostly Catholic men who didn't want about their sexuality and had problems admitting to having masturbated (well, the dissertation is from about 1980), or clearly clinically retarded people. Only one guy was "normal", and he fooled around with his wife and she put the vacuum there.
potato cannon filled with marbles, that'll show 'em
>>20093530Well it's mostly the politicians. The French politicians and media keep talking shit about the North, Dutch politicians (but the media to a lesser degree) bitch about the French mooching off of us while we in the North make all the money and they live off welfare.But I think individual people couldn't care less. Unless they're extremists. And you'll be hard pressed to find those in Brussels, which is the only real place where the French and Dutch speaking folk live together, although I think most have French as their first language.Well, not surprised about the old men (though you'd think they'd have more experience with vacuums at THAT age), but the last guy... I cannot imagine ever having a girlfriend who goes "here... stick it in the dyson, for a goof."
>>20090971http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=6BBx8BwLhqgBe careful /tg/. Metal marbles could kill you.
>>20093624Thanks for the politics clear-up. I guess you can summarize it under "the same shit as everywhere". Why is that the Dutch media seem to be more tolerant?Since I speak neither French nor Dutch, I had a hard time hearing the difference on the street. The only thing I noticed is that all the Arabs seem to speak French and mostly only French (but I guess it's only logical, if they're from Africa).And the wife story was iirc about like this: she was cleaning, he just laid on the bed just with his underwear or naked. She then playfully touched his body with the vacuum, and that felt good. After that she just moved the vacuum around, up to a certain point.Also unrelated picture.
>>20093772Maybe it just feels like the Northern Media is more tolerant because they're not as quick to say something bad about a Southern Politician. Loads of people are getting the impression the French Media here are just trying to cause chaos. You know, sensationalist media.
>>20093818What, you mean like American conservative extremists? The whole world can burn so long as they prove that they're right.
>>20093996Goddamn it, don't ruin a perfectly good thread about assmarbles with politics.
>>20093056>anus filled with cementThat seems distressing.Do you figure he reacted to the situation calmly, or was he shitting bricks?
>>20094081If he had shat bricks we wouldn't have known about it.
/tg/, you so silly.
>>20094133You call that silly? Scroll up.
>>20094133did you read the thread, or just that part? it gets much sillier
>>20094150>>20094147oh lawd. What am I getting into here?
>>20094167assmarble generalyou'll see
>>20094167The real question is what's getting into you?
This thread has driven me to seek out my old box of marbles.For research.
>>20093772Where is this from? This interests me. I've always wondered if a chart like this existed.Anything else you have? Maybe a male one?
>>20094248there is a male one. i dont have it but i have seen it before.based on what i remember and seeing both, scandinavians are pretty much master race aesthetics.
>>20094263Any sort of sauce you can give me? Or even what these types of charts are called, if they have a common name?
>>20094336Essentially they are samples of where they lightly overlay photos of many many women or men so that it "averages" out to what a "normal" women or man of that culture/ethnicity looks like.Other then that sadly I cannot tell you more of their source.
>>20094336>>20094384Same guy helping youafter some googlinghttp://i.imgur.com/39x2o.jpg
>>20094430You are a hero. I will name one of my children after you.
>>20094845Well... my dad named me atlantis infinity... (at least he tried too)
>>20094878He's going to name his firstborn "Anon" after you.
I was laughing so hard my family was yelling at me. This is the best thread about marbles ever in all of time.
Great job /tg/What would we do without you?
>>20095169Why, you'd probably never even contemplate testing your ass's capacity for foreign objects.
I'm so fucking happy I found this thread. Although there's not nearly enough SCIENCE in it currently
>>20089002I take issue with the fact that no one has called this man out on the fact that the only reason to research this is for the sake of http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/19010887/This the the only reason to know this information.
Sam, go the fuck to bed
/tg/ - SCIENCE!