The year is 2025.Your name is Dave, and you never asked for this.After seeking the Emperors for several days now, you've finally recovered everyone who still lives- Everyone except for Douglass and Amy. Douglass is somewhere in the maze-like facility you stand in now... and Amy...You don't know where she is.---Azure's body is blasted and destroyed, her head still intact from the explosion.. but she isn't responding.In front of you, the small furry being who you once thought was your cat started swelling, surging. What burst from the being's back is a large, humanoid creature, nearly twice your size. With pale lime skin, and long claws sticking out of it's seven-fingered palms, it looked back to you, revealing the eight spikes of bone that pointed forward out of it's jaw. It's compound eyes twisted through it's head...And then it ran, skipping over Azure's blasted body, it's scrawny, enormously long limbs flailing wildly. A small computer sat coiled around it's wrist, and it hit a glyph on it.<<Come>> Bursts into your mind... but you can tell it's not directed to you.It's directed to someone else.*Something* else.
>>19980104Rip and tear. RIP AND TEAR the fuck out of that Alien.
>>19980114Well, good to know they need computers to do the mindfucking.Ask our ship's AIs if they can spot Douglass through the transparant ceiling.
>>19980104Oh, fucking shit. This can NOT be good. Open fire on the Emperor-thing and keep an eye out for whatever he's siccing on us.
>>19980114It's bringing reinforcements. Grab it with drites and start bashing it into walls, slicing it open with monoblades and blowing massive holes into it with autocannons and plasma bolts. See if we can recover the wrist computer.
You reach for the Emperor, but it already has too much of a head start, as it scrabbles away.You give chase toward the Emperor, as it leaps around a corner, bracing itself on the wall. The alium seems gangly and wild, arms and legs flailing, but it's legs are so long that you're having trouble keeping up. You fire with your mechandrites, but the plasma bolts slam into a shield emanating from its wrist computer.<Can you spot Douglass from there?> You ask.<Yes, but the alium just ran the opposite direction from Douglass.> Magenta said. <Take the next right to follow the Alium, and take the next left to get to Douglass. There's a swarm of the 'pets' coming this way, and there's something small alongside it.>
rolled 64 = 64>>19980114Mlojnir ip this bitch. Score headshot. Secure kill.
rolled 67 = 67>>19980202You guys get to Douglass and secure him, I'll get the Emperor. What direction are the pets coming from? Do you have any idea what the something small is?
>>19980227Agreed. If things go bad on either end, we can still teleport around.
Use blades, try to cut limbs priority on wrist device carrying limb
>>19980202Send the rest of the rescue party after Douglass and go take out that Emperor. Remember to dip into your bag o' special ammo for our heavy 'drites' autocannons.
"You guys, get to Douglass.""Right." Grayson says, and charges down the other way.<What direction are the pets coming from?><All over.> Magenta says, as you pant and follow the Emperor. Despite it's great size, it's *fast*, and you're weighed down by your 'drites. The power armor doesn't seem to be slowing you, though- the additional strength it gives you is more than enough to make up for it.<Do you have any idea what the something small is?><I have no idea. It's rather small. I just lost sight of it.>You turn another corner, and see the great, bear-like scaled aliums. The Emperor vaults over them, crouching below the line.<<Kill.>> comes from the emperor's wrist computer.The aliums charge toward you.
rolled 3 = 3>>19980263Whups, rolling.
rolled 8 = 8>>19980272Smash the bastards.
>>19980272Have Azure's remains teleported aboard our ship.
>>19980274I suggest we get rid of the bad rolls or stop rolling.
rolled 55 = 55>>19980272Blow through them with autocannon and plasma fire. Smash right through them, prioritize catching the Emperor and crippling him.
rolled 49 = 49Kill them with fire. Nuclear fire.By which I mean fire our pistol at them.
rolled 57 = 57>>19980272Rip into them with our ranged weaponry. Use the Power Core ammo. Use Sith Lightning and FusRoDah grenades to keep them at a distance.
>>19980272Retreat behind the corner to avoid straight charge.what's the height of the area?
rolled 14 = 14I have never been so happy to have a roll come in late.
>>19980332>Around twenty feet tall. The 'Pet' aliums are six feet tall and very bulky, while the Emperor is nearly twice that, but he's so scrawny and gangly he can crouch below that.Raising the Mjolnir, you fire, the heavy shells slamming into the aliums. A few of them go down.. but there are dozens.You raise your heavy drites as the line gets closer, and you bring them down with an immense amount of strength...But the aliums are too large, and too fast. You don't stop their charge- you don't even slow it. They bowl you over, and you slam onto your back, staring up at the slavering, crocodile-headed creatures. They look down at you, maliciousness hidden behind their eyes. . ..There's an explosion, and drones swarm down, blasting down the Aliums with railguns and gauss weapons.<Got your back.> Lucca said. You shove yourself back up, and continue the chase. You've lost time, but Magenta continues to lead you through the maze, tracking down the Emperor.
rolled 43 = 43>>19980340And supporting others never have been so easy?
rolled 28 = 28>>19980349Turn on the heat. Put our shoulder down and bowl ahead like a got damn steam engine.
>>19980349Keep on going, I think the ship has view of the Maze so we can be directed to take the paths after the Emperor that skirt around the pets.
You charge through the maze, and come to a stop. It's a dead end, with a large computer, complete with glyphsThe emperor looks down at you, and then hits a key on the wrist computer. Then another at the large computer.Nothing happens.He hits the button on the large computer again.And then a third time.You barrel into him, with full power-suited strength, and you hear something inside the Emperor break. He gets blown bodily away, and crumples into a small pile."Wharble glarble wharble." It says miserably, still crumpled into the pile. "Glarble glarble."
>>19980349Shoot a upward diagonal line of holes in the wall. use it as ladder to bypass group of enemies and attack original target
>>19980395Have our AIs just teleport a cage on it like they did with the crazed scientists.
rolled 41 = 41>>19980349free up our plasma blade-dritesin-dave magenta if you would be so kind as to mix up some mincemeat I have an emperor to mutilate.ship board magenta be sure to catch any escape pods.I'd like to have some words with this fell beast
>>19980395Ha, that's what you get for not paying your IT department. Slice his wrist off to retrieve the computer on it. Then cage it, we might need to talk.
rolled 83 = 83>>19980395Grab him, and call out to Magenta or Onyx to beam us up. We need to get this alien in containment, and then come back down for our friends.
>>19980420Make sure Alli's wearing her anti-mindfuck helmet when we bring the Emperor on-board.
>>19980395Remove all limbs, but treat its wounds in order to prevent deathwhat happened to the small creature?
>>19980395Loot his wrist comp, and inform the rest of the rescue party to come rendezvous with you once they have Douglass. I want to bullshit hack the mainframe, but no way in hell am I doing it without the whole crew present.
rolled 69 = 69>>19980395<anyone in the ship synth me a containment cell of about (demensions the alium would fit into if we folded him up a little)> drag him back to azure's broken body and port back to the ship then port back down for the others
You unspool your smallest, cable-like drites, and extend their plasma blades.You bring down the blades onto the Emperor's wrist, slashing it off and instantly cauterizing it. The wrist computer slides off as the Emperor screeches, and you pick it up.The wrist computer's screen. . . Looks exactly like Amy's. And there's a small, flashing glyph, among the rest covering the keyboard.<Beam us up.> you tell Onyx.<Teleporting doesn't work that way.> Onyx says. <It's one-way. I believe I've said this before.>The aluim warbles miserably, and reaches for another button on the large computer.Ishelda leaps out from behind the computer, and leaps onto the Emperor's face, snarling and hissing, with her tail all bushy and wild.The emperor screeches again, arm and stump waving about.<Get a cage on this one, too.> You tell Onyx. Another shimmering cage appears around the Alium, and Ishelda leaps out from between the bars.The alium grabs one of the bars, and shakes it.
rolled 70 = 70>>19980457Bull-shite. Azure beamed us up because we have the alien teleporter in our armor. Remember, Abel?
>>19980465<Your own small teleporter is mass-based. You can't transfer too much mass. Abel was small enough to bring with you, but a twelve foot tall gangly horn creature?
>>19980457Tell the rest of the party to make their way here once they have Douglass, then set Cyan to translating whatever this...alien mad scientist...is saying.
>>19980457Did they already return Azure's body to the ship?
>>19980475We don't have any shuttles, do we? Getting the rescue crew, rescuees, and any loot back to the ship is going to be interesting.
rolled 93 = 93>>19980457alright guys I want you to orbit the station mind a docking bay or an airlock I have a live Captive and I am sure that Phi and Abel would like to ask it some questions...
rolled 27 = 27>>19980491we have the ravensI'd like to change this >>19980496 to having the ravens do it.
<Lucca, get Azure's body.> you say.<On it.> Lucca responds.<Send the Ravens down, too.><Right away.><Everyone, make their way here once you have Douglass.> You say. <Magenta, lead them.><Yessir.> Grayson says.<Cyan, can you translate what he's saying?><Not at all.> Cyan says. <I don't have enough information- I can't do it from scratch.>The Emperor stops shaking the cage, and just eyes you, a dead look in its compound eyes. It shoves the stump of its hand into the cage, and the cage's bars hiss, slowly melting.
>>19980511Could you guys please teleport a bigger, not as easily melted cage, over the last one? Thank you.
>>19980511Blast it with Sith Lightning. That should be enough to get our point across."Down, Fido. If you'd rather talk, though, eventually I'll be able to understand you."
>>19980511Stab it in the cauterized stump, cause it more pain, get it to understand that it's not escaping like that.
>>19980511Cut off it's arms AND legs.
rolled 11 = 11>>19980511sith lightning. drive it back from the bars."guys I need a melt proof containment unit for this big bastard"
>>19980528That's actually a good point. We cut off that hand with a plasma blade. Shouldn't the stump be cauterized? And thus unable to melt the bars?
"Down, fido." You say, and shove Sith Lightning into it's face. It screeches and recoils."If you'd rather talk, though, eventually I'll be able to understand you.""Heh." It says, in an unnaturally deep voice. More blood starts oozing from it's cauterized wound, hissing against the ground."Guys, I need a melt-proof containment unit for this big bastard." You say.<Melt-proof? That was melt-proof. As much as anything can be.> Magenta responds.
>>19980511Shoot at all its articulations, obliterating them.
rolled 90 = 90>>19980559well he's melting the damn thing onyx, cyan put on your chemistry hats and think of something...Phi are you watching and listening? anyone getting the active translaton running?
>>19980559Seriously, if you want to negotiate, I'm all ears. Otherwise I'll just have to waste you if it looks like you're going to get out of the cage.>>19980577You. No. More blood is bad.
>>19980559Well, it's melting anyway. I am going to be killing you, the question you should ask yourself if you want an amateur xenobiologist to start trying to find what hurts you the most or if you want to talk.
>>19980549Can't you use our shields to contain that thing?
>>19980596If it doesn't have anymore articulations to use to move around, cage or not it doesn't make any difference. plus we can cauterize it.
"Well, he's melting the damn thing! Put on your chemistry hats and think of something!" You say.<We'll try.>"Seriously, if you want to negotiate, I'm all ears. Otherwise I'll just have to waste you if it looks like you're going to get out of the cage.""Insects. Toys playing as gods." It mumbles, bringing it's face as close to the edge of the cage as it can, pressing it's tusks to the bars.It stares at you, unerringly, and speaks more english. "Toy." It says, pointing at you. You see that it seems... smug.
>>19980607A cage made out of an inward-focused repulsor shield? That's actually not a bad idea.
rolled 71 = 71>>19980614if I am but an insect then how did I defeat you?and how have I defeated your comrades?
>>19980614Roll our eyes. And you have delusions of godhood. Scan for tech, especially in the Emperor, like a deadman switch.
"If I am but an insect then how did I defeat you? How have I defeated your comrades?"It just stares at you, and continues pointing.Then it looks back to it's legs, where it had cut long gashes in it's own legs, causting blood pooling over the ground.You didn't notice.It leaps, and stomps on the ground. The drastically weakened floor caves in, and the Emperor rolls down into the hole. You draw Mjolnir and fire at it, slamming two slugs into it as it falls, but you can hear it moving somewhere below you, scrambling away.
>>19980690Pull out and waste the whole place with the disintegrator cannon.
rolled 41 = 41>>19980614"I'd like a status report have we got everyone back to the ship; how was Douglas? I want answers people"(to the alium;) "tell me, are there any more of your kind here for me to kill? the video makes my non-human comrades happy..."
rolled 50 = 50>>19980690camera drites down the hole to look around. if no sign of him then we follow>>19980699BELAY THAT ORDER
>>19980690Follow and kill the bastard. Blow a hole in the floor if necessary. Inform the rest of the crew. "His Arrogance escaped. I'm going hunting. Call in when you make it to the computer bank and I'll backtrack."
>>19980690Shoot a hole to the level below. pursuit the bloodtrails and shoot at first contact.
>>19980690Attempt to pet Ishelda.
You weave a Drite down through the cage, and the hole, but the tunnels below are dark and dingy. You pull your drite back up, and grip the cage with both power claws. The 'drites hiss, and you slowly, slowly, start rending it open. For a moment, you curse that Onyx made the cage too strong, before the bars finally break and the cage falls apart."His Arrogance escaped. I'm going hunting." You say. "Call in when you make it to the computer bank, and I'll backtrack.""Dave." Grayson responded. "Douglass... isn't looking good. We're taking him directly up to the ship."Attempting to pet Ishelda, she leaps away without a word, looking proudly up to the stars. Then ignores you, and starts licking her paw, completely unfazed.You climb down the hole, and once again, it's dark. You turn on infrared vision on your helmet, but for whatever reason, it doesn't seem to help much.You hear something slither behind you.
>>19980780Well, at least the cat's okay.
rolled 71 = 71>>19980780Also, light up the night. With plasma, and explosions.
>>19980780And we don't have an IR light source on us, do we? Dammit, KNEW we forgot something!...Shit, Azure was the one who could do the echolocation thing.Fire a few rounds at the slithery sound. At the very least, the muzzle flash should give us a little light to work with, however briefly.
>>19980780Btw. The last thread was archived with the wrong title. There are two Space Cyborg Quest 8's
>>19980794Of course she's ok, she's Ishelda. We wanted to save her from the aliums but she saved us instead.
>>19980821>Really? Shit. I was trying to archive it before my internet died, and I was lucky, but I should have reread it first.You whirl about, Mjolnir at the ready, and pull the trigger.Amy's head shoots back as the slug slams into her forehead, scarlet drops flying from her face. She falls to the ground, still and pale.And then the light from the muzzleflash fades.
rolled 23 = 23>>19980780drite with a plasma sword active to light the way.sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than to curse the darkness
>>19980838Oh, jesus fuck.
>>19980838It's not Amy.
rolled 35 = 35>>19980838Rolling to postpone complete meltdown until we're off the station.
rolled 40 = 40>>19980838OH FUCK NOMAGENTA WATCH MY BACK IN CASE OF TRAPSI'm gonna heal this like the belly wound if I can...come on work I need to build some brain...
>>19980849I agree. But until we can get a scan on her, it's better to err on the side of caution.She should be light enough to teleport on the ship, right?
>>19980838Hahaha, shit. It was probably a trap but still. If that was the real one we're fucked. And we haven't got Azure to scan them.
rolled 24 = 24>>19980838... Fuck.We need to get some fuckin' radar and scanners on this damn thing.
You twitch, once, and then you grit your teeth.<Magenta, watch my back.> You say, and you kneel down. Gently, ever so gently, you scoop her up in your arms. She's wearing exactly what she was when she left, except her legs are... real, organic legs. You tremble, and you feel cold sweat build up under your helmet.<Onyx. Teleport us onto the ship.> You say.You appear on the bridge, Amy in your arms, a neat small hole in her forehead."Oh god." Lucca says, and falls back.
>>19980919"Scan. Now.">Deadpan voice
rolled 49 = 49>>19980928This about covers it.
"Scan. Now." You say. You hardly hear the sound of your own voice, but everyone winces when they hear it.Lucca gapes for a bit, then looks around at the rest of everyone. Nobody talks."H-how?" Lucca asked. "A-azure's not- she's here but she- doesn't work."
>>19980951And why is nobody repairing her?
>>19980951Is the scanner built into Azures body?If yes then bullshit hack to use itIf not then rush to the infirmary and scan.
rolled 79 = 79>>19980963Scanner was the nurse hat. To the infirmary!
>>19980969The nurse hat was destroyed."Find a way."
>Thinking before shooting
>>19981000Twitch mode is conducive to OUR survival, not so much to other peoples'
You don't say a word. You walk through the hallways to the infirmary, as the body in your arms slowly cool. You kick open the door to the Infirmary. Alli and Abel, the former climbing on top of the latter in various states of undress, back away as you set Amy down on the table and pick up the hastily-repaired Nurse's hat, glad that Azure had repaired it before getting herself blown up.You hold the nurse's hat in front of you, and focus, turning on your nervous system.Incredible amounts of information fly free from the scanner, tearing through your mind. Eventually, you see a few bits of information. A frame, if you will, about what shapes a living being's body. You focus. . .and see what the frame reveals.Quite simply, it reveals the Emperor. Not Amy.It's not Amy.You relax, the roiling feeling in your gut starts to settle, and the cold sweat stops dripping down your forehead.
>>19981030Haha, shooting first asking questions later got us things. Okay we need a containment thing for this bugger, maybe an exceptionally strong ceramic could resist the acid blood. Also we should investigate the wrist computer, don't try to bullshit hack it yet.
>>19981030Cut it the fuck up.These things are fucking dangerous.CUT IT UP."We've got what we came for. Prepare to leave"
>>19981030Whoa that was close."Abel, you know what mental state Alli's in at the moment. No taking advantage of confused girls, even if your Chinese cartoons tell you otherwise."Now, to get Azure back to life. Working condition. Whatever.
>>19981030Incinerate the body instantly!
rolled 18 = 18>>19981030Ali, Abel this is an infirmary, if you want to bone eachother please do it in a private cabin..."it's alright guys this one isn't amy it's the emperor, they can apparently shape-shift."and for that reason I'm locking Abel and Ali up in the room they go to bone in and slipping food under the door at them.guys, we're going back down there and we're digging through every scrap of tech they have. leave a message for the thinker I'm sure he'll want to have a look at this. Phi it may not be safe for you yet but once it is how would you like to help us dissect the station and reveal it's secrets?
>>19981030Teleport her out, disintegrate
>>19981125>>19981099This is our only source of information on the Emperors. We stuff her in an airlock, contain it as best we can, and worst happens we blow it into vacuum.
>>19981030> Alli and Abel, the former climbing on top of the latter in various states of undressJeez, Abel said that he wouldn't do it because it would be taking advantage of her in the OOC interview which was less than an in-game day ago. His resolve certainly doesn't hold out long.
>>19981030"It's not her. He pulled another shifting trick and it bit him in the ass.""Cyan, is there someplace on the ship we can use as cold storage?"
>>19981030I have a bad feeling about this...what's the last time we scanned Amy personally, before coming here?
rolled 100 = 100>>19981125or not>>19981099>>19981062>>19981057no, we should dissect it. then we might be able to more easily convert it's kind into servitors.
"We've got what we came for." You say over the radio, setting down the Nurse's hat. "Prepare to leave."Abel and Alli back away from you and the alium-corpse-that-looks-like-your-girlfriend-but-isn't-really."Abel, you know what mental state Alli's in at the moment. No taking advantage of -""She was taking advantage of me!" Abel says, defensively. "In case you haven't noticed, she's... *really* strong."". . I'm not Alli." Alli said, her eyes flashing angrily. "I'm a different person."The facility takes that chance to detonate into a massive, blue explosion, and the Sleipnir shakes.You shrug.
>>19981154We never scanned anyone until Alli.
>>19981156Time to sharpen the Butcher's knives.
>>19981163"I know you're a different person. Do you have an issue with us calling you Alli? We can call you something else if you'd like."
>>19981163We got everyone off that station, right?"Yeah, you're right. Would you prefer another name? And please accept that no means no."
>>19981156Well just one problem there, we just blew its skull out."Well go fornicate in your own room. I've got aliens to dissect here. Oh, and somebody fix azure."
We should discreetly scan everyone we've rescued so far. Just to be sure.
rolled 98 = 98>>19981163well now that you aren't, who have you decided to be hmmm? and for the record this is still an infirmary, please keep your escapades to a separate cabin. you never know when this place might need to be drenched in blood.leave, and in a quite calm manner ask "why the hell did it explode? we hadn't even had a chance to get properly angry at it yet..."plug a bullfrog wire into azures port and ask how she feels
>>19981163"How about I call you Dani, then? Since you've latched onto me as your brother and all. Or would you rather choose another name? Because otherwise we've got to keep calling you 'Alli' until you come up with something."
>>19981163DUDE! OUR CAT WAS IN THERE!
>>19981167Maybe its the case of scanning the shit out of everyone?
>>19981243She'll be fine. It's only a little world-shattering explosion. She's probably flying back up to the ship right now.
"I know you're a different person." you say. "Do you have an issue with us calling you Alli? We can call you something else if you'd like.""Yeah, I have an issue with it." she said. "Call me. . call me something else." She said, shaking her head. "I don't care what."<Get some kind of containment for this corpse. It's not Amy. It was that dick who pulled another shifting trick and it bit him in the ass.><Right away.> Sigma says. <I can jury-rig one.><And someone fix Azure.>"I'll try my hand at it." Abel said."But-" Woman-formerly-known-as-Alli started, then shook her head.Abel left the room, then you hear him fall over."Damn cat." Abel says, and pushes himself back up.Ishelda walks into the room, then shows you her butt, and then trots back out, proudly.
>>19981262Oh thank goodness. I should've known she'd get out somehow.
>>19981262Scan Ishelda just to make sure. Then futilely try and find out how the hell she got back on board.
>>19981262Speaking to Not-Alli:"Dani, with Azure out of action, I think you're the closest thing we have to a medic. Greyson said Douglass wasn't looking good, can you go check on him?"Yes, I just semi-arbitrarily renamed her.
>>19981243THE QUEST IS RUINEDwhat kind of quest is a quest where cats DIES?!I WON'T ACCEPT THAT
>>19981262Okay, Abel think of a good name for "Not-Abby", she seems to like you.Create a ceramic corrosion and acid resistance cage for the Emperor to be sure it doesn't get out and then start the painful interrogation/dissection.
>>19981262"Sorry, sis. I think you scared him a bit with that show. Don't worry, he isn't used to have a woman after him."
>>19981278Walk about the ship with the nurse-hat on, discreetly scanning everyone. Help put Azure back together as well.
I think Dani is most likely the name that Dave would arbitrarily pick.Second place goes to Davetta.
>>19981278Run a scan on !Alli as well. Just to have a look for ourself.
rolled 52 = 52>>19981278all the scanner shows you is a woman's face she has pale hair and dead eyes...>>19981262that's my ishelda
Let's also scan ourselves....I'm serious.
>>19981337She's not your Ishelda. She's a strong independent cat who don't need no human.
>>19981359WHOO! Sudden burst of paranoia!yeah lets scan ourself along with everyone else.
>>19981365You're right. ...Teleport her back into space where the station was.
You quickly hold up the nurse's hat toward Ishelda, and scan her.What you see leaves you a gibbering, mindless wreck, but you're sure- it's Ishelda, alright."Can. . can I have my hat back?" The girl asked."Sure, Dani." You say, and hand it to her. "Grayson said that Douglass wasn't looking good. Can you go check on him?"She nodded, and grinned, putting the hat on her head "Yeah, I'll do that."As Dani leaves the room, you keep your connection up with the hat, secretly scanning everyone she sees.Sigma comes in, a massive object slung on his shoulder- it looks like a coffin, with power shields strapped to it."Now, I'm not as good as most with this tech stuff." Sigma said, setting it down and opening it. "But this should keep that alien thing contained. The power shields should keep it suspended inside."He slips her in, and the body instantly stops at the very center of the coffin, touching none of the edges. He slams it shut, and bolts it in."There." He says.While you have the connection open, you scan Dani, as well. It's. . strange, to say the least. The 'frame' still speaks of Dani, but the insides are all twisted and jumbled, and strange. You can tell that she has four lungs, two hearts, and her digestive system has no intestines- just some kind of gizzard system.And then you pick up your own scans, and read them.You're normal, just as you thought, but there's a strange. . .lattice of nervous systems, weaving out and around the bullfrog, coiling up your spine, and spreading out across your entire body, thick, taut cables weaving through your entire body.
>>19981400How did we do all that stuff while being a gibbering mindless wreck?
>>19981452>You got better.
>>19981452Because our brain was already a thick paste, so really all Ishelda did was make it take longer before it is repaired.
rolled 12 = 12>>19981400not much to be overtly concerned with then...except that abel an dani might be the larval stages of emperors
Keep scanning everyone. Including Lucca and Lucas, since we are going full paranoid now.
"Keep watching it. If it even moves, shoot it 'till it doesn't."Go help repair Azure
>>19981400All right. Let's go find out if Azure's head is responding at all. If she's not, try to connect to the head and see if Azure is still in there.
>>19981400We need to get Azure back to functional.
"Keep watching it." You say. "If it even moves, shoot it 'till it doesn't.""Uh, right." Sigma said. "I. . didn't have anything better to do anyway."You step out onto the bridge, continually scanning everyone. Lucca seems normal, save for the long needles jabbed into her spine, Sigma is normal, save for the frames of steel wrapped around every limb, and Lucas is. . not fine, what with an eldritch, constantly writhing pile of cables weaving around his body, but there's not much you can do about that. You step out toward Abel, and he's currently strapping Azure's head to the computer, cables sticking out of her head."Done." Abel says. He bangs her on the head, and the sensor array clicks on.<I-I-I-I-> Azure starts, stuttering.<That was not a cat.> She said, finally, her voice rather static. <That was an explosive cat with the genetics of some other.. creature.>
>>19981400>You can tell that she has four lungs, two hearts, and her digestive system has no intestines- just some kind of gizzard systemwait...is she pregnant?
>>19981552That situation has been resolved and your back home safe aboard our ship.I'll tell you exactly what happened, but first: How can we get you back to running 100%? Is there anything we can do to help that process out?
>>19981552Hug her severed head. "Damn it Azure, never scare me like that again. I thought we had lost you... And did you actaully put the most important parts in the robot's head? Really?"
>>19981554Ha! It does kind of sound like that.
>>19981602>>19981554So, did she actually want to lay eggs in Abel's ass?
rolled 12 = 12>>19981552yes it was. then it turned into amy then I killed it. then it's installation exploded. on the whole you didn't miss much you want to build yourself a new body that isn't so easily blasted?
>>19981554>Hah, no, she just has twice the normal amount of major internal organs, filling the extra space her digestive system doesn't use.You hug Azure's severed head. "Damn it, Azure, never scare me like that again. I thought we had lost you... and did you actually put the most important parts in the robot's head? Really?""It was optimal." Azure said. "The torso needed power cores for the repulsion drive, and the arms and legs needed additional synthetic muscle. Evolution was right in that case, so I emulated organics." She said. ". . I'm glad I didn't die."
>>19981552Turns out it was an Emperor. It tried the same trick using Amy's body to ambush me, and it backfired.On the plus side, we now have a working Emperor wrist-computer! Which I should probably get to Phi, now that I think about it.
rolled 95 = 95>>19981627yeah me too. any idea why it exploded? their ships seem to do that a lot...
>>19981627So am I, Azure, so am I.
>>19981627"Very much seconded."
"So am I, Azure, so am I." You say. "It turns out that the cat was an Emperor. It tried the same trick using Amy's body to ambush me, and it backfired. On the plus side, we now have a working Emperor wrist-computer!" You say, looking down at the computer in question. The one glyph is still blinking, and the rest are dark. "Which I should probably get to Phi, now that I think about it."<<Speaking of me, I have news.>> Phi said, climbing out from a nearby vent. <<I figured out why the facility exploded. It was manually triggered.>>
>>19981698Ishelda did it, I bet.
>>19981698We're all ears.
rolled 72 = 72>>19981698so he was buying time to kill me?Phi, my people have old fictional stories of creatures that do that. there are ways around this.examine this I want to be able to talk to communicate with it on a computational level...how would you like to dissect an emperor?
>>19981698Could that be what he was trying to do at the mainframe before we cut off his hand?
"Go on."<<I watched through the screens on this ship, and I saw that computer that the Emperor hit- it flashed red soon after you went below, right after the flash of light.>>Right after you shot without thinking, he means.<<It must have been manually triggered somehow, I'm thinking.>> Phi said. <<Because I don't recall anything else that would have activated a self-destruction sequence.>>"How would you like to dissect an emperor?"<<I wouldn't like it.>> He said. <<I don't want to use my mandibles to cut through dead flesh.>>"Then can you examine this?" You ask, showing him the wrist computer.<<I can try.>> He says. <<But I can't read this language.>>
>>19981716Of course, her first appearance was leaping out from behind the computer after finishing rigging the self-destruct. She's such a l33t h4x0r.
>>19981760If you work with Cyan, he might be able to get enough of a sample to start translating. Failing that, you might be able to figure out how it works.
rolled 21 = 21>>19981760cyan hows your workload?and how would you like to be the first human created AI to fork into an alium computer?Phi you said your computer is faster than ours would you allow my translation program to try and use it? we could translate the glyphs much much faster that way.if not then I should get you some tools to cut open the emperor with. "azure's head, how many units of nano-meta would that take?"
>>19981698manually? ...this means that cat-Emperor and Amy Emperor were two different individuals?
>>19981810Both of the ships we've come across only had one Emperor, which implies they're fairly solitary. If there was only one emperor on the station he could have rigged up a dead-man's switch. It triggered right after we killed him.
<Cyan, how's your workload?><Now that Azure has returned, it should be more free for me.> He says."Phi, you said your computer is faster than ours."<<That's correct.>>"Would you allow my translation program to try and use it? We could translate the glyphs much faster that way."<<Very well.>> He said.<Cyan, go into Phi's computer and get to work with the glyphs.><Certainly. IwilldosoandwhenIhaveresultsIwillreturntoyouandinformyou.> He said, suddenly speeding up.
>>19981859Well that's pretty obvious to what happens to AI's in faster computers.
>>19981859But why would faster processors garble his voice synthesising? That makes no sense and didn't happen any time we moved an AI before.
>>19981903I think its due to the fact he was speaking as he moved.
rolled 15 = 15>>19981903unless the processing what THAT MUCH FASTER.
There's a moment's delay, and then Cyan comes back.<The transfer is complete.> He says. <There isn't much evidence on the Emperor's language, but I will get processing immediately. I'm seeing a speed increase of three times standard.>Phi, meanwhile, was examining the wrist computer, still with that glimmering rune.So he clicked it.A screen lit up, and you can see a blank wall.Stepping in front of it... is you."Hello." The Dave on the screen says, staring out at you. He smiles. "I see you've killed my son."
rolled 83 = 83>>19981951Whaaaaa?
>>19981951He shouldn't be playing with such dangerous 'toys'. You're a pretty irresponsible parent.
>>19981951"Sorry, couldn't really avoid doing it."
>>19981951I see you've stolen my face.
>>19981951"In all fairness, he pretty much dared me to."
rolled 65 = 65>>19981951"I can't say I meant to, at the moment."
>>19981951So they ARE a bunch of irresponsible little kids.
rolled 67 = 67>>19981951I take it that this is a live transmission?
"He shouldn't be playing with such dangerous 'toys'. You're a pretty irresponsible parent.""Yes, yes I am." He said."I see you've stolen my face.""Yes, yes I have." He said. He waved two power clawed drites in front of the camera. "I've stolen other things, too. For example... I have a new toy working on building technology for me. I wonder if you want it back. . ."
>>19981951Oh! I see it - it's emprah - father of the killed one - taking the form that is well known now to emprahs as we obiously taken a lot of them
>>19982021"You're damn right I want her back."
>>19982021"If you give her back now, I won't destroy your entire misbegotten race."
>>19982021"Yep. Only question is if you'll give her back willingly or not."
rolled 83 = 83>>19982021I do, yes.tell me, why did you steal my friends? I assume you merely wanted your wormhole generator back?
"You're damn right I want her back." You growl. "Only question is if you'll give her back willingly or not."Tsk, tsk." He said, shaking his head. "I just won't... give it back to you, of course. That wouldn't be any fun. How about we play a Game for it instead?"
>>19982021Yes I do, the question is if I have to commit genocide or not.
>>19982073I'm not going to enter into any game of yours without more details.
>>19982073There's no way that if I lose I'm not going to try and take her by force anyway. Seems a little unsporting to agree.
>>19982073Nope, sorry, never really liked that movie.
rolled 90 = 90>>19982073a game? where and on what terms?
>>19982073"What kind of game? Ever heard of Warhammer 40k?"
>>19982073See, here's the thing. I don't particularly trust you to play by the rules.
"There's no way that if I lose I'm not going to try and take her by force anyway. Seems a little unsporting to agree." You say."Oh you can only truly lose the third stage, and if you lose, you die. The game's quite simple." He said. "There are three stages of it. First stage. . I want you to kill the construct." He said. "My most foolish son built one so he could see how she interacted with his toy. But he failed, and she's useless. Destroy her."
>>19982117If he's talking about Dani, he can shove that idea right up his incredibly good looking butt.
rolled 40 = 40>>19982127Yep. A classy and shaped one.
>>19982117Huh? What construct.
>>19982117You mean Dani? Fuck you.
>>19982117You mean Dani? Being useless isn't a reason to kill her. Why do you want her dead?
rolled 28 = 28>>19982117why?it seems to have been a success
>>19982117I'd rather not, she's quite sweet once you get used to her. Take one of my drites, grab this offer, and shove it up your ass.
>>19982117"Mmm, don't think so. I like her. A bit screwy maybe, but an okay kid."<Anyone able to pick up where he's transmitting from?>
>>19982127To elaborate, "You can stick it up your ass sideways."
>>19982117Do it faggot! we can even get away with it saying she's one of them!
rolled 36 = 36>>19982148"Maybe that will give you fun"
"You mean Dani? Fuck you." You respond. "You can shove that idea right up your incredibly good-looking ass." He chuckled, and shrugged."Being useless isn't a reason to kill her. Why do you want her dead?""Oh, I don't want her dead." He said, his grin growing wide. "I want *you* to kill her. There's a difference. And I want to see it happen."
>>19982158Nope.<Azure, can you trace the signal?">
>>19982158You're not giving me a whole lot of incentive here. Precisely none, in fact.
rolled 45 = 45>>19982158"why?"<azure, onyx, cyan you had all better be working on finding this guy>
rolled 41 = 41>>19982158You want me to behave like your toy without lifting a finger? Gonna have to try harder than that.
>>19982158Wait a while and then send him the video of Alli's death? Might work.
<Azure, can you trace the signal?><No, I can't.> Azure says. <I can't even sense a signal. On any sensors.>"You're not giving me a whole lot of incentive here. Precisely none, in fact.""Oh, well. . how about this." He said. "See, my newest toy is rather fragile. It wouldn't be hard to break her. But see. . .what would be very fun for me would be to pretend to 'save' her, and then tear it's limbs off with these." He said, raising up the power claws again. "After a bit of... fun, of course. How's that for incentive?"
>>19982188Uhhh, no. Let's not say that. He'll probably take it as a cue to threaten Amy's life.
rolled 77 = 77>>19982196see you should roll for things like that.not just say them.that said, bluff check
>>19982207That's an ok incentive I guess, but I don't really have any reason to trust you. I don't even know that you have Amy.
>>19982207How about when I find you I'm going to rip off pieces one at a time? I don't respond well to strong-arming.
rolled 76 = 76>>19982207Bullshit hack the wristcomp, try to figure out how this asshole is communicating with us.I bet it's some quantum entanglement bullshit.
rolled 73 = 73>>19982207you know, based on what we know about these fuckers they steal tech and just slightly modify it, lets try mindfucking the wristcomputer to snag a location/signal that way
>>19982207You suck at negotiating, Bizzaro-Dave. Literally every point you've made has pushed me into the opposite direction.
rolled 83 = 83>>19982246bolstering that roll
>>19982207><I can't even sense a signal. On any sensors.>uhm...they can see the fucker too? I mean its not that the emperor computer is closing some kind of circuit inside our body, and the father have our face because he's actuaaly interwined with our neural system, and transmits from inside our body straight to the brain?
>>19982250Agreed. Bullshit Magic Hack the wristcomp.
You glare at the screen, and *leap* into it with your bullshit hacking. . .But it roars at you. <<Getoutgetoutgetout>> It repeats, and your mind doesn't even obey you properly, shoving you back."How about when I find you I'm going to rip off pieces one at a time?" You ask. "I don't respond well to strong-arming."He 'snrk'd', and then started chuckling. "You know what? Fine, let's skip stage one and two. You likely wouldn't destroy the Asurians either, and that was stage two. You can keep the construct if you really wish."He shrugged. "Stage three is where we fight." He said, his eyes glimmering. "Come to these coordinates. Let's see what you have."The wrist computer pinged, and then blanked, showing you a small sequence of numbers.". . Dave, I don't think this is a good idea." Lucca said.
>>19982283Well, he didn't say when we'll have to be there.
>>19982283He didn't specify what kind of fight. Is this going to be a one on one? a space battle?I say we contact 1-ship-1 and we use it's nano-meta creator to build ourselves a fuckoffhuge warship.
>>19982283It is the best idea. Let's go to coordinates which are not his ambush and then fly in to that position stealthed from behind.
>>19982283Make an note of the numbers, then secure the computer somewhere.No, it's probably not. Especially if he's really got Amy doing R&D for him. I'm going to need some new tricks of my own.
>>19982313>Building a warship>Not just strapping a giant teleporter and metric fucktons of killy death cannons to a planetSmalltime.
>>19982283>>19982313Let's shove a fucking nuke through it, and then come through with stealth on covered by the background radiation. The nuke probably won't hurt him at all, but might inconvenience him.
>>19982313I think he's going to put up something more subtle...
rolled 59 = 59>>19982326Sounds like a warship to me.
>>19982348We'll call it "Dahak."
>>19982327>Where do we get a nu-Oh, nanometa.Oh, we can make ANYTHING.Antimatter bomb? It's not like it's particularly technically challenging, it's just that antimatter is prohibitively expensive and difficult to make.
rolled 22 = 22>>19982283"neither do I"onyx those co-ordinates, pick a random direction and port us in a good distance from it, can we conserve velocity? then wait for us to have a good foreward vector. magenta be ready for a grappler duel, do we have weapons for the drites?dani this guy wanted me to kill you. get a tinfoil hat from abel and phi, then get some armor and some scary weapons.azure would you like to give corporeality a second try? everyone smoke em if you got em and suit up if you got one
rolled 23 = 23>>19982355YES
rolled 1 = 1>>19982283jetison the device somewhere we can find it later IT MIGHT HAVE A TRACKER IN IT
"No, it's probably not." You say. "Especially if he's really got Amy doing R&D for him. I'm going to need some new tricks of my own.""What. . what kind of tricks?""Let's see." You say. "One. We contact 1-ship-1 and Gazebo. Use their nano-goop to build something bigger and better than anything we've had before. Two. We send a nuke to the coordinates, and then come fuck him up while he's inconvenienced. Three. . we just plain go.""Wait." Abel said. "We should scout first before we do anything."
>>19982404You make a good point. We make a wee little drone, attach a pile of sensors, a teleporter and a computer with an AI in it. It pops in, gathers info, jumps out. 5 seconds flat.
Amy doesn't know how the teleporters work, so we still have that advantage.
rolled 11 = 11>>19982404get the seeker on the line.and the thinker start with the sentence query, would you like to murder some emperors?and suggest he gets a better body, one with a cannon or two...
"You make a good point." You say, and turn to Azure's disembodied head. "Azure, can you make a wee little drone, attach sensors to it, a teleporter and a computer with an AI in it?""I can." She responded. "I'll make it now, but the exotic material uses quite a bit of nano-meta.">250 Nano-meta removed."Construction is started now." Azure said. "Should. . should I copy and upload myself?"
rolled 92 = 92>>19982417He means the AI ship, 1-ship(scout?)-2
>>19982404Mmm. Problem. He might have Amy with him as a hostage. Actually, he probably will.I need a weapon specifically designed to take me out.
rolled 43 = 43>>19982457Or I totally misread it.
>>19982451That's a tad risky, we don't know what defenses they have. Would it be possible for you to work with Onyx and co. and make an AI quickly purpose built for a quick jump in, scout and then return?
>>19982451"What? No. Make it something rudimentary. Like a smart animal, or something. The drone doesn't need to be able to hold a conversation, or anything."
>>19982451I thought you had a problem with that, Azure? If you're going to do that...change it a bit. Spawn yourself a daughter instead of a clone. We can recover her afterwards.
>>19982451No, you don't like doing that. It only needs to take pictures and return ASAP, it doesn't need to be a genius.
>>19982404"This isn't going to be just some ship. This is going to be a warship. Big, powerful and with the capability to slug out ungodly amounts of fire"I suggest the following:-Tri-bank capacitor system for the teleporter allowing three simultaneous jumps with it's own power core.-Seperate primary and secondary power cores. Primary core powers essentials functions, life support, drive systems. Secondary power cores for other things.-Massive computer systems.-Laser point defence.-Spinal gauss-cannon (huge)-Active defence system that sprays a mist of liquid metal and oil to absorb the energy of incoming beam weapons.-360 Degree coverage with dis-integrator cannons.-An absoloutely huge forward mounted dis-integrator cannon (enough power to crack planetary crusts)-Honeycombed structure with cross-bracings, this thing will stay together.sound good?
"What? No, make it something rudimentary. Like a smart animal, or something. The drone doesn't need to be able to hold a conversation, or anything.""But it needs to be smart enough to teleport... " She says. "Right. I'll do that."The sensors on the head go dark- she's no doubt in the computer."There's a problem." You say. "I need a weapon specifically designed to take me out."Everyone looks at each-other."Uh." Grayson says. "I'm.. not sure that's possible."Lucas shrugged. "Other than the disintegration cannon, I don't know. You're almost as hard to kill as Project Immortal."
>>19982501Yes. Very yes.You only forgot one thing.It needs a drill. A very big drill.
>>19982501And 'drites for hugging-to-death.
>>19982527Magenta, you're our local expert on killing shit. What would be the best way to kill me?
>>19982501Additionally, why aren't we using nukes?We should have missile tubes with nano-meta synthesis facility. The missiles should be shaped charge based, similar to what Project Orion was going to use. You direct all the blast of a nuclear weapon into one direct. Fusion lance missiles.
>>19982501I still prefer just teleporting a planet on top of him. Coming out on top of other things is usually unhealthy but this time it will be unhealthy for the things when they find themselves part of a core of high pressure molten rock.
"Magenta, you're our local expert on killing shit. What would be the best way to kill me?"<Remote controlled explosive implanted into the bullfrog during augmentation surgery.> Magenta responded. <Not practical for the battle to come.>
rolled 81 = 81>>19982501we have not got the meta for it.we need to call the thinker and see if he knows a builder or 4. set them down on an asteroid and have them CONSUME IT to make more than one ship.we ask 1-SHIP-1 if he'd like to transfer (not copy) over >>19982458we have one. the Javelin. and the power core rounds and yet we need more.
>>19982544>Local expert on killing shitGreatest title, or best title?
>>19982566"Allow me to rephrase then, what would be the most practical way to kill me in battle?"
>>19982566Let me redefine the question, what would be the most practical way to kill me, or a close copy of myself, without access to techniques of that nature?I am also not sure if he has the braindead thing I have, but I would rather not rely on that.
"Allow me to rephrase then, what would be the most practical way to kill me in battle?"<Stealth.> Magenta said. <Sneak up behind, lock the Javelin into the center of your back, and fire. Instant vaporization of the bullfrog, and thus, death.><Done.> Azure said. <The scouting drone is complete. We can send it away anytime.>
>>19982576Why not both?
>>19982590This guy probably has the most advanced sensors in the galaxy... maybe we should just go by ourselves? Attach a propulsion system to our power armor and teleport us to the battlefield, as close as possible?
>>19982566He's not exactly me. He probably doesn't have the bullshit hacking for a start. Is there any way to abuse his weird genetics or something?
>>19982590So, what kind of programming did you create for it?
>>19982590Well then, let's give our resident stealth expert the javelin. While we're engaging the evil alium in witty banter and bluster, he gets a javelin blast in the spine.
>>19982590When it comes to the eventual confrontation, we should make sure we can differentiate between the two Daves.
>>19982631We'll paint our armor. I suggest blue.
>>19982590Crap. That won't do me a damn bit of good against him, but at least I know I need to protect my back.Onyx. Question. Can we modify a teleporter into a sort of...warp grenade?
>>19982642I suggest red.
rolled 68 = 68>>19982631>>19982642we should figure out what colour or armor is by default.stark white for greatest contrast.
>>19982590"But how do you sneak up on something that probably perceives reality in more ways than I can comprehend? Damn it. Why did I have to make myself so hard to kill? And that THING has got demigod-like powers of reality-fucking, to boot. He may or may not be spying on us as we speak, what with that wrist computer, and how he superimposed a holographic screen with no detectable signal whatsoever. He might be too terrified to try anything more, since I nearly hacked into him through it... But we might be facing a doppleganger Sleipnir by the time we get there, in addition to bizarro Dave. There's only one problem for this filthy lizard-fly-thing. There's one thing he can't copy, one thing he doesn't have on me.""I'm Dave Davis Davidson. The original, the one and only. And this guy? He's nothing but a fucking hack."
"So, what kind of programming did you create for it?"<Rather simple. I gave it Onyx's programming, several commands, and the capacity to make two long teleports and seven short ones.> Azure said. <It will teleport multiple times, taking pictures each teleportation, and return.> She said.You roll your shoulders. "Paint my armor." You say, looking down at the matte black power armor."Paint my armor." You say. "Pure white."Lucca nods, and brings her drones out."That *thing* has got demigod-like powers of reality-fucking, to boot. He may or may not be spying on us as we speak, what with that wrist computer, and how he superimposed a holographic screen with no detectable signal whatsoever. He might be too terrified to try anything more, since I nearly hacked into him through it... But we might be facing a doppleganger Sleipnir by the time we get there, in addition to bizarro Dave. There's only one problem for this filthy lizard-fly-thing. There's one thing he can't copy, one thing he doesn't have on me."You put on your helmet, and give it a goddamn smiley face."I'm Dave Davis Davidson. The original, the one and only. And this guy? He's nothing but a fucking hack.""Azure. Send it."<Sending.> Azure responds.A short ten seconds pass, and the drone reappears, in the center of the bridge. You plug it into the computer.A very, very small, circular platform sits there, with a hexagon symbol sitting in the very center. No weapons. No crystals, no pets, just a simple, small circular disk, floating in the void, maybe with a twenty foot long diameter. You can't even see any stars, as the disk is so far away from any nearby systems.
>>19982752Two questions, is it possible to create a teleport beacon?Second, how dangerous of an explosive can we teleport?
>>19982752Can we open up a wormhole and fire the Disnintegrator beam through it?
rolled 94 = 94>>19982778We lost the wormhole generator artifact.
>>19982767We don't want to blow it up too much, Amy's probably on it.
"Can we create a teleporter beacon?" You ask."A beacon that teleports and then transmits it's location?" Azure asked. "Perhaps." She said. "I could reprogram that drone."The head's sensor array flickered."Done." She says. "Simply signal it when you want it to teleport and transmit, and it will do so."
>>19982841Also would it be possible to make a homer beacon, one that allows for extremely precise transportation. If say I stuck one to Nega-Dave could we teleport explosives into his body and blow him up?
>>19982752"We'll use it in case I need an extra-safe jump. Like porting into his ship. Or if I need to port something onto or into him. Now... With these images, it looks like if there's a proverbial viper in this Christmas stocking, it's a very well-hidden viper. He's probably going to pull something, but we can't see just by scouting. Call 1-Ship-1 and company. We've got some engineering to do."
"Also, would it be possible to make a homer beacon, one that allows for extremely precise transportation. If say I stuck one to Nega-Dave could we teleport explosives into his body and blow him up?""Not likely." Azure says. "It's difficult to make something that precise, and it would take an incredible amount of computing power. The beacon would have to be as large as a small car, and that wouldn't fit very well on this... nega-dave."
>>19982669We have another thing he doesn't have. A thing so immense and dangerous, I'm afraid to use its power. But there may not be any other way. Use nano-meta to synthesise a large pile of the most delicious tuna chunks ever, teleport them onto his base, and watch Ishelda do her terrible work. The universe will forgive us, hopefully.
>>19982885If we stuck the beacon on nega-dave we could just activate it and teleport him into the heart of a star. Much simpler.
>>19982885Utter shame.If we stuck the little drone to him, had it teleport in then teleport out could it take bits and pieces of Nega-Dave with it?
>>19982888Catnip flavored tuna chunks.
>>19982885How about something we can stick on him to teleport him away? Say, to the location of a pre-placed bomb. With a proximity fuse.
rolled 50 = 50>>19982885as it happens we have quite a quantity of computing power.phi can you make a smaller computer?
"Could Phi's computer have enough computer power?""I don't believe so." Azure said. "Cyan, how much faster is Phi's computer than ours?"<Three times.> Cyan responded."Yes, that's not enough.""What if we stuck the little drone to him, had it teleport in then teleport out could it take bits and pieces of Nega-Dave with it? Or perhaps something to teleport him away, into the heart of a sun.""It's not likely to work." Azure said. "The capacitors only hold so much energy- they could make a few small jumps, but not enough to do appreciable damage, and definitely not enough to teleport him very far away- which will be difficult, because I believe that object he directed us to is a teleporter to somewhere completely different."Something occurs to you."I have a plan." You say. "We have something he doesn't. A thing so immense and dangerous, I'm afraid to use it's power. But there may not be any other way."Everyone looks to you."We use nano-meta to synthesize a large pile of the most delicious tuna chunks ever, teleport them onto his base, and watch Ishelda do her. . terrible, terrible work. The universe will forgive us, hopefully."Lucca sighs, and facepalms.
>>19982994Ok, I can't think of much else that would really help. Let's go find Ishelda and grovel for her help and then teleport to the teleporter.
>>19982994"What? Come on. Joviality in the face of peril is only natural."
rolled 38 = 38>>19982994use bullshit hacking on the wrist-compcall his ass back and ask him what the fuck is up.
rolled 51 = 51>>19983088dammit, re-rolling that BS
"What? Come on. Joviality in the face of peril is only natural."". . Yeah, it is." Sigma said. "but just keep in mind- you can likely turn off his shit just like you turned off mine.""Ishelda." You say, looking to the cat sitting in the captain's chair. "I need your help."She looks at you for a moment, then goes back to licking her fur."Please?"She continues to ignore you.You sigh. "Well, then. I suppose it's time to teleport to the teleporter.""Wait." Lucca says. She grabbed your chin, and kissed you. Then she tossed you your helmet. "Good luck, Dave."You slip it on, shoulder the beacon, and look around.Is there anything you're forgetting?
>>19983143I don't need luck, I'm a god of war.Make sure we have the Javelin with us.
>>19983143Tinfoil hats for everyone. Especially Ishelda. We're fucked if they gain control of her.
>>19983143Tell everbody to keep safe.Make sure Dani puts her anti-bullshit hat on.
>>19983143All the girls get a kiss, all the boys a brofist. For good luck.
rolled 86 = 86>>19983143> She grabbed your chin, and kissed you."... Lucca. That was out of turn. No one speaks a word of this. Ever again. Or we're all dead men.">>19983143Yes. We're forgetting the dragon. The one from our dreams. The one we ride into battle, with shield and lance in hand, whenever we go into the mindscape.It's time to bring him- and our techno-barbarian armaments- into reality. With flesh of iron, claws of steel, breath of disintegration. BEST REV UP THAT NANOMETA.
>>19983143Tinfoil hat, javelin, and a full reserve tank of nanometa.
>>19983143>Is there anything you're forgetting?Yeah, take the helmet off and blush...
"Everyone, get tinfoil hats. Even one for Ishelda.""Right." Abel says. "Azure, you get those masks done?""Certainly.""Then bring them here."You top off your suit's nanometa reserves, and then stand in the center of the bridge."I don't need luck." You say to Lucca, gripping the Javelin tightly. "I'm a tentacled, cyborg god of war."<Do it, Onyx.><Teleporting. . .> Onyx says.Next you know, you're standing on the disk."Hello." A small hologram says, looking up at you. "Just stand in the center of this hexagon, and we can get started."You stand on the hexagon, and the edges of the disk lift, and start spinning. Gimbals within gimbals, wheels within wheels...There's a flash, and you feel your navel twist, and you appear once again, somewhat woozy.The teleport drone on your shoulder is gone."Hi." The matte black Dave on the other end of the room says, a frowny face on his helmet. "I figured I wouldn't let you call any reinforcements, so I left that teleport beacon there. I left you your other fun stuff, though."With a chuckle, he leaped toward you, bringing his heavy 'drites to bear.
>>19983266We're standing on the disk? What happened to the ship we were in?
rolled 71 = 71Javelin, to the torso.Then turn his shit off.
rolled 45 = 45>>19983266Slice them off, at least behind the power claws, with our light plasma 'drites. Let 'em fall uselessly to the ground.
rolled 46 = 46>>19983266Teleport behind him and Javelin to the spine.
>>19983266"Oh please. Is Amy even here? It's going to be entertaining when she figures out she's been working for an alien for a while."If he's in a power suit, that should block his biological bullshit hacking and we can go bullet time, yes?
rolled 58 = 58>>19983372That's what I was about to say.
rolled 29 = 29>>19983266Catch him with our heavy drites, swing him around and throw. Fire off a shot with the javelin afterwards if we get the chance.
rolled 43 = 43>>19983266Catch the heavy 'drites with our own, start shooting him with the medium, go for a headshot with the javalin.
You bring out the Javelin, and pull the trigger, pointing directly for his torso. The 'drites swerve into the way, and the javelin's massive green projectile splashes against the heavy drite's heavy plating, slagging badly. He charges, shoulder-first, and you swerve out of the way."Hahahaha, not bad, not bad." He said, as you bring your lightest, thinnest 'drites to bear. You slash toward his heavy drites, but his power shield blasts them out of the way."So, according to your old stories." He said, bringing his gunner 'drites up and pointed toward you. "Here's where I tell you my whole plot, right?"He fired them, and you skipped out of the way, dodging the small plasma bolts.The javelin hisses, and one of the power cores shunt out, slagging. Five shots left, it seems.You close your eyes, and kick in Bullettime.For the very, very first time, you see exactly what Azure had done when she implanted CPU chips in your skull.Time.Literally.Stops.He's frozen, leaning forward, as if he were about to leap or charge.Your skull already starts to feel warm- it seems that the CPUs won't last forever.You estimate that you only have enough time for one gambit like this. Just one.>Roll 1d100. Taking first roll.
rolled 24 = 24>>19983266Well assuming he is the us from the only real time they could have gotten a good scan of us he doesn't have the major implants other than the bullfrog, which means his guts are nice and squishy. CAST FIST, APPLY DIRECTLY THROUGH THE GUT, rip the fucking bullfrog out while pounding his ass with every-fucking-thing else in our little arsenal while also hacking his shit and bullettiming.
rolled 47 = 47>>19983410Die fucker
>>19983413Thank god you rolled for the wrong post.
rolled 78 = 78>>19983410Rollan.
rolled 41 = 41>>19983410
rolled 54 = 54>>19983410Plasma blade to the face~!
rolled 61 = 61>>19983410Punch him in his stupid fucking face with every limb on our right side. Drites and arm alike.
rolled 95 = 95>>19983410Vaporize his brains!!!
>>19983413Aw fuck posted late, please ignore almighty Exabyte
>>19983266Slap the Inquisition symbol on our helmet and fight defensive, trying to get behind him.
rolled 44 = 44>>19983266magenta, shred himonyx prepare to port behind him. ready the javelin and prepare to fire at full into his spinepraise the omnisiah
>>19983435Y U SO SLOW
The nega-dave only sees a blur, and then a flash of green. What you see, however, is completely different.You leap forward, skidding around his 'drites, as the heat in your skull starts to build, getting painful. You lock the Javelin into his back, shove the heat core into place, and then pull the trigger.In slow motion, the Javelin whirrs, and you can feel the magnetic chamber on the inside charge, plasma building."Die, fucker." You say, and then the javelin explodes into green flame, blowing forward.Nega-dave gets thrown foward. . in two directions. The top half of his torso goes flying upward, thrown away by the incredible force of the Javelin, and the lower half skids across the ground, his legs hardly even twitching.You feel something melt inside of your skull, and suddenly, time returns to normal.Nega-dave is screaming and gurgling- his top half, at least.He growls at you, and shoves himself upright on his heavy 'drites, using them as legs. His lower 'drites, however, start firing plasma bolts at you.
rolled 12 = 12>>19983483dodge, fire in midair like a cheesy action movie.
rolled 19 = 19>>19983483Use our sith lightning to exert an electromagnetic field around his plasma bolts and redirect the ones in the air back in his face, and the ones in the drites to jam inside and explode.
rolled 39 = 39>>19983483Bullshit hacking time. Turn his augments off.
>>19983499k' I'll put the dice down now.
rolled 67 = 67>>19983483Currently he's missing his lower half which means there is nothing stopping us from grabbing his spine and RIPPING IT OUT!!Charge, block the plasma with our heavies while firing on the lower drites with our own drites. Then RIP OUT HIS SPINE FROM UNDERNEATH.
rolled 16 = 16>>19983483Lightning. Lightning everywhere.
rolled 1 = 1>>19983483>Nega-dave is screaming and gurgling- his top half, at least.Start running and slide underneath him, so you can attack his unarmoured weak spot.
rolled 40 = 40>>19983483Let the shield take them, we don't even care."Tell me where Amy is."
>>19983536Okay, sorry. I'll stop posting for today.
rolled 61 = 61>>19983483Continue to block with our Heavy 'drites, use the medium to attack his medium and light 'drites.
rolled 32 = 32>>19983483Fuck him!! Time to CQC his rotten alien ass. Blade and heavy mechadendrites, time to sing.
rolled 80 = 80>>19983544YOU SHOULD!
You leap to the side, firing Mjolnir.Every shot goes wide, and then a plasma bolt tears through your shield, and splashes onto your helmet.It starts to burn, and you go completely blind.He starts chuckling, breathing heavily, and you tear your helmet off as it collapses into slag. You see him pry plates of armor off of the 'drites, and you see that they're organic, made of thick, corded muscle."If I'd been a perfect copy." He said, his voice wavering. "I'd be dead by now."You look at where his spine should be- and it isn't there.He isn't using a bullfrog.He's *cheating*.And then he draws his own Javelin.*Fuck*.
rolled 79 = 79>>19983483"ladies and gentlemen round 2 has begun"play it loudhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tJYN-eG1zk
rolled 95 = 95>>19983554teleport on top of the fucker and tear his bloody head off and shit down his neck, literally, he fucking deserves it.
rolled 42 = 42"I can cheat too fucker."teleport behind him and javelin his head.
rolled 76 = 76>>19983554FUCK. THAT.Bullshit mind hack his javelin into detonating right in his face!"Cheaters never prosper."
rolled 83 = 83>>19983554Fus Ro Dah the Javelin. Get it out of his hands and maybe do some damage at the same time.
rolled 26 = 26>>19983554Of course he isn't using a bullfrog. Hack the Javelin and detonate it.
rolled 95 = 95>>19983554FUS-ROH-DAH
rolled 19 = 19>>19983554Plasma is magnetically contained, so we use our bullshit lighting to make a magnetic field that repels it, we don't need to do much, just shunt it to the side.Then we advance on him and start blowing him to bits. FIRE EVERYTHING.
rolled 6 = 6>>19983554AnnnnnnFUCK YOU! THAT'S CHEATING!BLOW HIS FACE OFF WITH A FIST
"FUCK." You say, growling and climbing to your feet. You charge toward him.He pulls the trigger, and the Javelin projectile tears through the air, directly toward you. <Now, Onyx.>You teleport onto the other side of it, keeping your increased momentum.One drite materializes with the power claw grasping his head, the other materializes with the power claw around his shoulder."YOOOOOUUUU!"With a savage, cybernetic twitch, you tear his head from his body.Nega-dave collapses, his body still.
>>19983619Beat him into paste.
>>19983619CONFIRM THE FUCKING KILL!Rip the rest of his body apart, preferably in a way that lets us salvage it later for technological breakthroughs.
rolled 64 = 64>>19983579This! Fuck his alien ass for enslaving our adorable technicolor death machine!
rolled 88 = 88>>19983619CONTINUE KILLING IT WITH PLASMA BLADES EVEN AFTER WE'RE SURE, JUST TO BE SURE.
rolled 10 = 10>>19983619Tear his spine out, just to make sureThen figure out where we are. We have a copy of Onyx, don't we, he should be able to tell us.
>>19983619Evacuate some coolant on his corpse for good measure.
rolled 47 = 47>>19983619Pound the remainder to paste to be sure. There can be nothing left.
You raise both 'drites, and bring them down. a savage crunch smashing into the corpse. And then you do it again. And again. And again.When you come to, your pure white suit has been stained a soft scarlet, and there's little more than plates of armor and a few gibs spread across the floor.You look around the 'Arena', examining it now that you have the chance. It looks like a large, golden chamber, complete with plates on the wall like the standard Emperor ships. As you watch, one of the walls slide open, and there's someone standing on the other side. A short, blonde woman, with long hair, blue eyes, and impish nose, and two perfectly healthy human legs."Dave." Amy says, walking toward you.
rolled 92 = 92RIP AND TEAR RIP AND TEAR RIP AND TEAR
>>19983688SCAN. SCAN SCAN SCAN SCAN SCAN. SCAN FOR ANY AND ALL ABNORMALITIES.
>>19983688Quick! Scan her. And tell her not to come close, with the way the Emperors have been fucking everybodys' minds, she'll understand.
>>19983688<Send me the scanner someone>"Amy. Stay over there for now please."
rolled 58 = 58>>19983688Sup Robolegs.
>>19983688"I really, really hope you take no offense at this - but these guys have used clones of Amy to mess with me before."Do we have any way to scan her?
>>19983688"You are you, right? Not some alium impostor, this time?"
>>19983688Scan her. Ask her what the militant forces of the Adeptus Mechanus are, if she knows then she is a fake.
rolled 13 = 13>>19983688"STAND BACK""THE EMPERORS HAVE IN ME INSTILLED NEW PARANOIA"
rolled 30 = 30>>19983731NO, SHE KNOWS, SHE READ THE STORIES.
>>19983731She's read the sourcebooks, remember? Ask her if she's gotten used to having toes yet.
"You are you, right? Not some alium impostor, this time?"Quickly, you scan her, having had Azure implant a scanner into your suit. You close your eyes, focusing on the scanner. . And her genetics are human- it's her."I'm me." She says, eyes wide."What are the militant forces of the Adeptus Mechanus?""The Skitarii." She responds, immediately, keeping her distance.
>>19983688>blondeHow could they de-technicolor our adorable technicolor death machine? I know the implants make it harder to control her but surely hair dye has no effect.
>>19983771"Smart girl. So how do we get out of here? I doubt this was all."
rolled 38 = 38>>19983771hug the shit out of her, then tickle her new toes.
>>19983771"Praise the omnisiah. I thought you would be the last one I saved due to narrative drama."Go over and hug her.
>>19983771"We're gonna have to do something about your hair, babe, this just doesn't look right on you."
rolled 68 = 68"Stay there for a second."Continue turning the body of nega-dave into pulp.
>>19983771"Well. Either they went through all the minutiae in your brain when they cloned you, or it's the real you. Yo, Emperor. You really dead, or did I just kill a proxy body? Because if that was really you you must be a lot fucking dumber than I thought."
>>19983771Praise the Omnisiah you beautiful girl. I love you.Blonde hair works for you, but technicolor might be best.
rolled 70 = 70>>19983771"your hair, how dare they do that to your hair?!! they shall know fear for their transgression"
>>19983771Paranoia is healthy. Half-mechanical skull? If I still had a working helmet I'd display it for you.
>>19983801But she is the last one, isn't she?
>>19983801>>19983800These. Poor Dave would be having some withdrawls.
"Smart girl." you say, walk over, and hug her tightly."Dave?" She asks, hugging you back."Yeah?""I love you."Magenta starts screaming in your ear. That's when she puts a barrel up to your temple, and pulls the trigger.The world inside your head explodes.>>End of thread!>>My twitter is @futureexabyte.
>>19983841Hah. We have root control bitch.
rolled 78 = 78>>19983841Ah fuck.
rolled 84 = 84>>19983841>implying shooting our head off matters.
>>19983841Good thing we don't really need that.
>>19983841"Ow! What the FUCK, Amy?"Obviously, she knows we don't need our brain, and this is her way of checking we're us.
>>19983841Pfft, we don't need a brain. And the chips are all burned out anyway. There's nothing valuable in there.I guess the stupid alium's still around and mind-controlling her then. Put our tinfoil hat on her, we don't need it.
rolled 20 = 20>>19983841Was it amy or magenta that shot us?
Clarify.Amy or magenta who removed our skull.
>>19983841Well, it was kinda retarded to get close to her without putting a anti-mindfuck hat on her head.
>>19983882How could Magenta shoot us?
>>19983891The two of them together.While kissing each other.No kissing Dave.
And we didn't notice that she had a weapon on her? Really?
>>19983882>>19983891Magenta is an AI within the suit. Amy is a human girl with a GUN in her hand. Obviously.
>>19983911No I meant which one shot us.It's ambiguous.
>>19983921The one with the gun, as opposed to the one with no body who can not physically shoot us. Just a guess.
>>19983936I'm pretty sure magenta is the AI that controls our mechandrites. That have guns in them.
>>19983891>Amy was the one that shot you in the head. Magenta was just trying to warn you.
>>19983945Yes but the AIs can't betray us because we can subconsciously override their actions.
>>19983952oh. Well that's okay then. If it was one of our AIs then we could be in trouble.
>>19983945An AI that the Emperors can't influence. Probably.But you're right. It is kinda vague.
FYI, she knew our consciousness wasn't in our brain.She did not know that we got upgrades to our skull for more processing power.From her point of view, this was a great way to make sure it was really us.In all honesty, all she really did was set back our regen a little bit, and damage some equipment. Mild annoyance, assuming that's all she tries.
I think we should be all nonchalant about it next thread."You know that won't do anything."Then wrap her head to toe in mechandrites. Especially head.
Are we doing more interviews today?
>>19984073>Sure, might as well.
>>19984081Kell, the one from NFCQ.
>>19984081that fucker we just fought.
>>19984088"Sup." Kell said, picking at his teeth.
>>19984002We are all aware, cap'n
>>19984098Still a robot-cable freak in the afterlife?
>>19984098Dave, AKA Bullfrog, just obtained a weapon capable of destroying planets. How do you feel about this?
>>19984098Graw. So why were you picked for project immortal?
>>19984098What was your life like before you died the first time?
>>19984098Who were you before you got killed by Dave for the first, second, third, fourth and was it fifth and final time?
rolled 91 = 91>>19984098What was your job before becoming a tentacled death machine?
>>19984098Do you still have hard feelings about getting killed by Dave over and over again in increasingly ridiculous ways?Do you feel inadequate compared to Dave & company?Would you consider burying the hatchet with Dave if you miraculously survived, possibly because of aliums? Speaking metaphorically, not literally, before you make a smartass comment about burying it in his head.
>>19984107"No, I'm a pile of ash in the afterlife. It's not as if I'm a ghostly spirit based on my self-image or anything. Yes, I'm still a cable-freak.">>19984111"Here's to hoping he vaporizes the entire fucking earth. This place could use some company.">>19984119"Because I was dead, loyal, and nearby. The rest of their dead agents were off in bumfuck, nowhere, and the rotting would have caused too much trouble.">>19984120>>19984124"Answered stupid questions in IT. Much like I'm doing now.">>19984121"Fuck you.">>19984136"Yes, no, and no. Also, fuck you too."
>>19984166So.... Amy, Lucca, Azure, Dani, or Raziel?
>>19984166Of the weapons you got to use in your tenure as Project Immortal, which wasn't that well named all things considering, maybe Project Kinda Hard to Kill would work better, which of the weapons did you like the most?Did you have friends outside of work? What was your family like? Married with kids?
>>19984166Come on, Kell. Dave didn't even want to do it and he was still green. It was either blamming you, or you alerted the whole base and Cadmium Dynamic's evil world takeover plans would go into motion because the mission went FUBAR.Plus, if he'd never killed you you wouldn't have become the badass Antidave. Did your life not markedly improve post-Project Immortal? Being an IT guy must've been fucking boring compared to being a tentacled death machine.
>>19984184"I liked the big honking shield. Hit like a freight train, could block them too, and it worked as a maul sometimes. In training. No friends, no family.">>19984179"Yes please."
>>19984166Why are you such an asshole? Even when we were infiltrating your bases and shit, all we overheard about you was that you were an asshole. As if we didn't already know that. Do you have any friends?
>>19984214You only get to choose one.
>>19984221"Oh, thanks for such a *prestidgious* *compliment*. It makes me feel so wiggly-tiggly warm and tingly inside.">>19984225"Yes please, one at a time, then. "I'm above your petty rules."
>>19984250No, really. Why are you such an asshole? What was your upbringing like? Your life before signing on with Cadmium Dynamics?In fact, why did you sign on with Cadmium Dynamics? They were a Russian supercorp with a DOOM FORTRESS as an HQ. You didn't find that the slightest bit sketchy?
>>19984250If you could do it all over again knowing what happened would you have just never gone into work that day?
>>19984250Can you get a copy of "How to Win Friends and Influence People" wherever you are now?
>>19984250You're boring Kell, put somone else on the line.
>>19984250Even if Raziel's in her native form?
>>19984250If a young magical girl offered you a cup of tea what would you do?
>>19984269"Why are *you* such an asshole?""First of all, my ma was an agent. and second of all, doom fortresses are awesome. But then again, she wasn't really my ma and she killed my real parents before kidnapping me, but I don't care, she raised me right.">>19984272"Nah- KI would've crushed Cadmium eventually, which means I'd be dead or out of a job. I had a pretty good run, anyway.">>19984325"Fuck yes. Dem pinfeathers, Mmm.">>19984276"I could, but why?">>19984329"Drink it. Duh, she's *magic*. You always listen to magic people or they turn you into toads or something.">>19984317"You mispronounced 'kickass'."
>>19984359How did Project Immortal feel? It seems like it'd be odd to have a pile of mechanical tendrils/maggots crawling inside of you repairing things.
>>19984359Kickass? Did you ever kick anyone's ass? You were a boring IT consultant, you watched some security cameras, then you got killed by Dave like ten times in a row.
>>19984359You were raised by an insane Russian secret agent who murdered your real parents and then tried to forge you into a weapon, from the very start of your formative years...And all she got out of all that effort and time was a grumpy IT guy, up until that whole "getting killed and used as a guinea pig for Project Immortal" thing that made you merely a bit less useless? That's just sad.I will concede that doom fortresses are awesome, but you just can't trust people who own them.
>>19984396"Yeah, but at least I'm not an asshole!" He said, and then started grumbling. "I'm done with you all. I'm putting someone else on the line."> Who next?
>>19984414Prince Grayson, in human form. And maybe we can get his parents on the line in the background who are worried about their son running off with some random girl who fell out of the sky.
>>19984438Hey now, we specified human form.
>>19984414Hey, I was genuinely curious if you'd actually had any victories. It was your chance to boast if you weren't such a loser and actually had some.>>19984426Grayson's mom sounds fun actually.
>>19984438Hey there Grayson. How do you feel about Ishelda and the rest of her merry band of misfits? Especially Raziel, what is your opinion on Raziel?
>>19984438Why do you roll 1d144's?
>>19984438Raziel or Ishelda in 2 years time?
>>19984451"I don't mind them much. I don't mind Raziel, either. They're fun."
>>19984438So, in a fight... how many seconds would it take Ishelda to defeat you?
>>19984438Anyone on the ship interest you as a prospective mate?How good of a bear do you think Ishelda would be?
>>19984469Who is fluffier? You, or an young Kalak?
>>19984469How do you feel about being the only one Ishelda is really willing to cry in front of? Also how do you feel about cuddling with her?What do, or if they don't know how would, your parents think about you running off with a strange magical princess? If they don't know about it you should probably write more often?
Is fluffiness a source of pride for your lineage?
>>19984477"I don't understand why Ishelda or I would fight. If we did, it would take her quite some time because she likes her friends and I am a friend.">>19984486"Not particularly- none of them are bears. If they all were, I think Kaliel would be interesting.""Quite a capable bear. Tiny, but ferocious.">>19984492"I am the fluffiest!">>19984501"I am perfectly willing to comfort her. We are friends.""Bears do not write. My parents are not dire bears, and do not have minds as I have a mind.">>19984513"No, it isn't. It is, however, a personal pride. I am the fluffiest!"
>>19984555What would you do if somebody, quite possibly even fluffier than you, would vie for Ishelda's attention?
>>19984555What was it like being human for a bit? Would you have seen Ishelda cuddling you differently? Did you perspective on potential mates change?Do you know of any ancestors of yours that were Dire, or is that sort of thing not recorded by bears?What were your first thoughts upon meeting Ishelda?
>>19984555Could you make yourself fluffier through the use of dire fluffiness?
>>19984555Your parents aren't dire? I thought it was hereditary like a talent.If they aren't king and queen, how are you prince?
>>19984555Why Kaliel? What about her interests you?What can you tell me about bear royalty and hierarchy?
>>19984555Would IsheldaBear be fluffier then you? You might want to not let her try.
>>19984555How long did it take you to get used to Ishelda sleeping on top of you?
>>19984555Have you tried honey mead yet?Are you the legendary Dovah-Bear?
>>19984555Why could Ishelda talk to you that one time she drank Swamp Brew? Is that just how Swamp Brew does things or was it based on the magical ritual involved?
What do you eat, normally?Do you miss being able to go hunting or the wild in general when you're stuck on the ship for days at a time?
>>19984577"I would have more time to sleep, and I would no longer have to carry as many man-things, like the saddle or the bags.">>19984579"Being human is interesting. I like having hands. Marigold acts strangely near me, however. Not particularly, but my body reacted strangely near some people. I do not wish to discuss this any further.""Of course my ancestors were Dire. Or else I would not be.""I had just eaten berries and so I was looking for a place to sunbathe. I walked into Ishelda and she looked like a lost cub. It was my duty to protect her. And so I have, but now I stick around because we are friends.">>19984582"That would be filthy and cheating!">>19984587"I answered this before. My parents are not dire, and their parents were not, but my ancestors were.">>19984603"She is ruthless. Ferocious. She combats the Way Things Is with everything she has. She is to be envied.""The direst bear is prince. I am the most dire, thus, I am prince. This is how it works.">>19984607"Of course I would let her try, and I do not know.">>19984613"That first morning, I was used to it. Sleeping is easy.">>19984626"I like it better than swamp brew. And no, I am not a 'dovah-bear.'">>19984634"I talked to her using her tongue. There was no magic involved. I did not want to make a fool of myself and as such I waited until she was drunk.">>19984647"Berries. And no- I can simply sleep in the sun, even on cloudy days. It is a good thing."
>>19984683>Not particularly, but my body reacted strangely near some people.Perhaps, Fellwind?
>>19984683Oh hoho, feeling strangely near some people. Would that include Raziel, Marigold and Ishelda?You should ask Ishelda to give you an item so you can go into human form when you want, you can see how it feels. Do you still sometimes think of Ishelda as a cub?You should talk to Ishelda more often in her tongue, she really cares for you and wants to talk with you more.
>>19984683What is your favorite place to sleep?What does Ishelda smell like?
>>19984683What did you catch in http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/19336888/#p19337745 and why do you normally eat berries instead of meat?
>>19984683What do you think of Kell?
>>19984683Do you keep a store of berries on the ship then? How quickly do they go off?
>>19984683Have you ever tried to eat one of the magic flowers? How do they taste? And how did that Kalak taste, the one you murdered?
>>19984708"I was never in man form near Fellwind.">>19984724>Oh hoho, feeling strangely near some people. Would that include Raziel, Marigold and Ishelda?". . . It would. Again, I do not wish to speak of this any further.">You should ask Ishelda to give you an item so you can go into human form when you want, you can see how it feels."Perhaps. But she is soon to be busy constructing an entire nation. I will wait.">Do you still sometimes think of Ishelda as a cub?"Sometimes. She has proven herself, but she is still very young and cuddly.">You should talk to Ishelda more often in her tongue, she really cares for you and wants to talk with you more."Speaking in her tongue hurts my throat when I am in my own form.">>19984729>What is your favorite place to sleep?"In the sun. Other than that, I don't see why it would matter.">What does Ishelda smell like?"She smells like stone and fire and storms. She smells of cold, hard steel, and fury and sorrow. She smells of love and care and hope.">>19984735"It was a dire fox. I eat berries because they taste good.">>19984740"He is green and smells of trolls. He is simple, but kind.">>19984760"They keep it for me, and ration it out carefully. Sometimes I sneak food out of the storage room anyway.">>19984769>Have you ever tried to eat one of the magic flowers?"No, I have not. Marigold spends much time taking care of the flowers, and I would not waste her effort on my own stomach.">And how did that Kalak taste, the one you murdered?"He tasted like rabbit, but that was because he was Eidolon at the time."
>>19984827>". . . It would. Again, I do not wish to speak of this any further."I bet his latent homosexuality is making nauseous when so close to women.
>>19984827>I was never in man form near Fellwind.Yes you were. I remember you left his cell early and Ishelda successfully snuck after you because you were still in man-form.
>>19984827Of all the bipedal races you've met, which one's your favourite?
>>19984827You ate a sapient being? Dude. Why. That's terrible.
>>19984865"He was a fox. I am a bear. He was not cunning as foxes are supposed to be. If he had escaped, I would not have hunted him. It is how things work.">>19984863"I like hobgoblins. They are proud and strong and their greatest hope is to not need their pride or strength.">>19984862"That was not Fellwind. That was Rikar. They have different smells."
>>19984827That dire fox look at you funny or something?How long do Dire bears live?
>>19984908So the man who's friend shot at you with arrows, who travelled with Ishelda and made her cry was a different man to the one in the cell?
>>19984908Is there somebody you've met on your travels you really, really dislike? Other than Fellwind.
>>19984909>That dire fox look at you funny or something?"All foxes look like they're laughing at you, but that is not why I fought him. I fought him because he said he was the prince of foxes, and was the most cunning being there was. I sought to test him, as dire beasts test one another. He did not pass.">How long do Dire bears live?"As long as it takes for them to die. I do not know the numbers.">>19984947"Yes and no. He has the same mind and body, but they are different people. One is angry and resentful. The other is apologetic and sorrowful and scarred."
>>19984908Want to know a secret? Fellwind is just a fake name Rikar uses!
>>19984965Have you met any other dire animals since you've started travelling with Ishelda?
>>19985010"The fox was one. The wolves were the others, but they were fighting alongside men, as I was, so we did not test one another.">>19984962"I dislike Eidolon. He is cruel without need. I also dislike the Void Q-">Whoops, guess Grayson can't be reached anymore! Who else should we interview?
>>19985037The void queen!
>>19985037I want to talk to the resurgence member who lived.
>>19985142Is it a good pain?
>>19985142Why are you so mean?
>>19985142What do you want from us.
>>19985142How does it feel to- oh right, it doesn't. Must get pretty boring.
>>19985189>ExabytOh god, he's being consumed one letter at a time!
>>19985189He's being erased!Quick, break contact, think of fluffy kittens, you have to get free!
>>19985214She's eating you 2 letters a post now? Whoa.
>>19985220At this rate, he's only got two questions left. Make them count!Why is the VQ chasing after Ishelda?
>>19985236Why do you want it when you have no desires? Why do you bother doing anything?
>Welp, who should we interview now?
>>19985272...you got better?
>>19985272I don't trust you anymore.Marigold?
>>19985291>Yep, I got better.>>19985285"Hello, this is Victoria Tolstoy. With whom am I speaking with?"
>>19985322> With whom am I speaking with?"
>>19985322The collective consciousness that makes decisions for Dave on a meta-level through the fourth wall.Are you really surprised by this?
>>19985322You can't just get better from being consumed by the Void Queen. I won't fall for your tricks, you emotionless bitch.
>>19985337"I must admit, I'm not certain I understand. . ">>19985348"Oh, yes, I see now. Being meta-aware while I'm noncanon, I'm not very surprised, but it's only proper to ask.">>19985353"Excuse me?! What did you just call me?!"
>>19985400What went wrong with Amy?
>>19985400I called you an emotionless bitch, void queen. Your Victoria act is very good but it won't fall me.P.S. If you're real you should probably know that Amy was kidnapped and mind-raped by aliens. Sorry.
>>19985400Do you have any embarrasing childhood stories about Amy?
>>19985400>With whom am I speaking?Fine>Who am I speaking with?Fine>With whom with am with I with speaking with?Not fine
>>19985417"Nothing went . . particularly wrong with her. She's just.. rather disappointing. She could have become anything she wanted, and she ended up following in Verne's footsteps. Of course, I also mourn her hair.">>19985440". . Verne called me the other day wondering where she was. He's really trying to get in touch with her. Is. . that where she's been? Kidnapped by aliens?">>19985441"I do, but she'd like me to keep those private, thank you."
>>19985513You'd be a really, really, really, bad mother if you didn't entertain strangers with embarrassing stories about your children. FutureMarthaStewards said so on tv and in her book.
>>19985513The aliums washed her hair and now it's blonde again! So you know, every cloud has a silver lining and all that.
>>19985513Well Ma'am, I have some good news and some bad news.The good news is your daughter's hair is back to natural. As are her legs.The bad news is this is because she was kidnapped by aliens and they forced her body to reset everything entirely, and the process they used to do so was basically torture, both mentally and physically.Good news, Dave just saved her!
>>19985529"I've read her book, but I'd not like to strain my relationship with my daughter, especially from telling a collective consciousness about embarrassing stories of her.">>19985530>>19985540". . That is rather good news. I'll be glad to see it. I do hope she'll come home soon, though."
>>19985621But this is noncanon so it never happened and can't possibly affect your relationship.
>>19985621We've got control over Dave. So yeah, we could easily wreck your relationship with her if we wanted to.
>>19985648>>19985636"Precisely what I mean. If you control Dave, then in a way, I'm telling her own boyfriend stories about her. I'm not going to do that to her- at least, not while she isn't in the room.">Sorry, but I've got to go. Have a nice one, /tg/!