Alright, order, order!Let this meeting of the Vile Villians, Nefarious Ne'er-Do-Wells, and Dastardly Dudes Group come to order. I know many of us had a long flight, space-trip, or whatever here, but let's get right to business.Alright, our talking points today are:First: We need to decide on a theme for our float entry into the Semi-Annual Villains Parade.Now, I know some of you have submitted "beam of doom", but in case you've forgotten, we did that last year, and besides, Herr Brain is doing that *this* year. (You all remember Herr Brain, right? German scientist? Brain with a pair glasses instead of a head?)Second: We need to come up with a shorter name for our little get-together here. VVNNDWDDG is too long even as an abbreviation.Lasty, to whoever has the plutonium powered submarine, with doom ray attachment please speak to the front desk?
Excuse me, Dr. Evil? I'm Morgan Malice, you might remember me from when I ransomed the Sun last year. Some of the other members and I have been talking, and we feel that the use of the term "Dastardly Dudes" isn't very inclusive. Supervillainy is supposed to be an open and welcoming profession, but we feel that group names like this are doing a disservice to the small-time crook, the penny-death-ray enthusiast, and the local poisoner who might otherwise join forces with us.I'd like to make a motion to assemble a council to study possible all-inclusive names for our organization.
I was told there would be a glass of your delicious milk?I say we make our float the sigil of a hawk with a Jew rat firmly in it's claw.
>>19547417Ah, Ms. Malice, glad you could make it this year. I know your sun-ransom prevented you from attending last time.But yes, I too have had similar concerns and that is part of why I and a few others have put forward the suggestion of a name change.
>>19547471I dunno, I feel like "Fourth Reich" is a concept that's been done to death, but we'll leave that open for now.
When do we start the raping?Also, I was told there would be milk and bowling.
>>19547606No one told me anything about bowling.
>>19547417Ugh, here we go with your "gender equality". When I was stranded by my country, we took all genders as slaves to build a massive edifice of mud and wood to my glory. "Dude" applies to people of all gender. I'm a dude. You're a dude. Anyways, I still think we should make a gigantic cannon that fires tanks.
>>19547606You're not fooling anyone, Timrek. We all know you're Kermit's evil twin. Besides, why besmirch his reputation in front of us? One, nobody would listen to us, and we know he's got an evil twin.But your Evil Mustache(tm) back on and stop this silliness.>>19547530Forgot my name here.As for milk, one of the Dairy Henchmen should be by shortly. As for bowling, that wasn't planned, but I think if we finish early we could squeeze it in.
>>19547655The last person to call me a "dude" ended up strapped in the middle of a seven-foot-wide pepperoni pizza and turned into toppings by an industrial-sized sawblade while his atomic-powered babysitter Major Bummer was forced to watch.
>>19547730See, that's a waste of pizza. When I was stranded, we had to eat fish or small children to survive. Catching the bastards was the hard part- they were slippery and I haven't been able to go near water since my near-drowning by some jackass with a minigun.Now, if you all don't mind, I'm going to smoke. I haven't had anything good since I was stranded in Asia.
How close are we to finishing the shrink ray?I call dibs on first use. I need it for...reasons.
SNAPPER WANT SNACKS! SNAPPER WANT SNACKS!BRING SNAPPER SNACKS BEFORE SNAPPER EATS EVILMAN! ALSO, OUR FLOAT SHOULD BE AN EVISCERATED SNAKE!
>>19547728This isn't even my final form.
>>19547757I thought we scrapped that terrible, terrible idea.What's the point of shrinking your enemy? Or the White House?Gigantic cannon that fires helicopters. Still pushing that suggestion.
I suggest for de float, perhaps eh someting more colorful den bleck end perple. We need seme veriety this teme. Meybe eh monument to ell we've eccomplished es villains.End Ms. Malice, so gled you could meke it dees year. Might I sey you look reveshing.
>>19547805What... What exactly HAVE we accomplished?
A parade? Really? I was told there would be bowl-
>>19547781Because it cuts down on the costs of building a death trap to keep the heroes busy, obviously. Shrink 'em, toss 'em in a game of Mousetrap, laugh, and walk away.On a related note, I like the theme of your ideas, but they need too much orchestration for something that's not even a showstopper.
>>19547840-SHUT THE FUCK UP DONNIE!
>>19547826Ms. Malice here got her rensom, didn't she?Mr. Hawke hes sold nuclear secret, hasn't he?We es en orgenezation heve eccomplished eh lot in our short years.
>>19547846You want a showstopper?! That cannon is designed to fire jet planes at incredible speeds! How will the enemy react to a humvee being fired at sub-sonic speeds into their command post?!
I say we light EVERYTHING on fire! The villain's day parade never has enough flammable shit in it so we stockpile oil and put it on every other float. And our float will be a dragon that shits FIRE on the rest of them!Our name can be the Flaming Flamers. It best describes our ethos.
>>19547846>On a related note, I like the theme of your ideas, but they need too much orchestration for something that's not even a showstopper.
>>19547730Now, part of the agreement in coming here is a ceasefire. C'mon now.>>19547757I thought we had already decided that until you can provide a suitably villainous use for the shrink ray, that you were on your own there.>>19547871Actually, Ms. Malice did that on our own, I think Henchman was asking about our group projects.
>>19547871How exactly do you ransom the sun? I mean, if you threaten to destroy it, then you lose it too. You don't get anything if you do destroy it.
>>19547781Yes, yes, Shrink Rays are a terrible idea. Growth rays, on the other hand...
Solomon Grundy was told, there would be punch and pie.Float should be immortality.
>>19547755Ugh, every time you open your mouth it's "When I was stranded we had to make floss out of baby hair" and "When I was stranded we had to make our lounge chairs out of strips of children's skin". In case you hadn't noticed the solid-gold fountain that is literally spraying liquified American currency, we aren't hurting for resources. What's the point of supervillainy anyway, if you can't indulge your most hedonistic vices on an hourly basis?That currency-liquidation machine truly is a marvel, by the way.>>19547805Professor Doommeister, you're such a charmer. Always a pleasure to be seated at the same table as you.
>>19547914See, THAT I can understand.Just, a gigantic helicopter.... Dropping napalm... EVERYWHERE.Glorious.
>>19547931What about a giant helicopter with a cannon that shoots tanks shooting streams of fiery napalm?Now that's upstanding warfare
>>19547897Well, together we've stopped the end of de world hevn't we? Trough werking together, we've egreed to not kill each other end de world so thet we mey continue to exploit de dumb messes togeder en reletive peace, right?
>>19547931We could also cut cost on the building of doomsday devices. Just build a working scale model, and then shoot it with the ray. Bam! Doomsday device for a fraction of the cost.Hell, why stop there? Shoot it at a bar of gold, and there's our budget for the year.
How about we steal another team's float and call it our own, that or steal a bunch of em and mash em together into some sort of giant robotic abomination
>>19547904Excuse me, whose henchman is this, and why has he not been slaughtered mercilessly yet?
>>19547962Oh god.I feel like crying. It sounds beautiful.Doc-Ter Evil, now THAT is a good idea. Somebody write that down- my penmanship went to hell when I used a stick dipped in mud to write out my orders, back when I was in Asia.
>>19547974I don't know. We all wear the same uniform, since we unionized.
BEHOLD! I have graciously brought along my wonderous MERRYMENTINATOR!Any requests? I found it as a yard sale. The owner's quirky son filled the inside with starbursts and bits of marshmallow, so the acoustics are a bit.. mushy. It was still quite a steal for what I paid for it! I'm also not very good, but I've been practicing!.. For about two hours since before I got here. But bear with me, I'm learning.
>>19547897I want to shrink my nemesis and everyone he has ever loved down to an inch and give them to my daughter for her 8th birthday.Is that REALLY too much to ask? C'mon, you were 8 once.
>>19547974 In my experience Villains can't aim for shit and can't remember our names . I've avoided painful and torturous death countless times just by moving around in large crowds of similarly dressed guys
Miss Malice, you have a call on line two. Mostly incomprehensible hissing, but I believe they said something about "a thousand thousand souls of the damned" and a "radioactive hypergorilla". They also mentioned an invoice.
>>19547974He's mine, since we're hosting this in my Underwater Mountain layer I was in charge of staffing. I'll take care of that.> presses red button>>19547973Not a bad idea... it's lowdown, rotten, and playing dirty. Plus, it's easier than making our own. Hmmm.>>19547924I was in charge of staffing, but I'm pretty sure Dr. Doom was in charge of snacks, you'll have to ask him.As for an immortality float, what would it look like? It's not a bad idea, but how to make a float out of a concept or an idea?
>>19548046Hey, another one! Who're you with- That crazy army asshole kinda co-opted me.
>>19548068Well, crap. There I go.
>>19548068[secret door opens]
If it pleases the members of the council, I have a few spare soulless, insane clones. Perhaps we could put the tank on a cart and have a sort of evil fish tank, only with naked insane clones?
>>19548082Crap! My henchman! We were such close friends, when we were stranded in Asia!Poor... I don't even know his name. Anyways, Flying Tank that fires jets that shoot Napalm.
Ladies and gentlemen, I for one think that our float should be made out of black leather. Think about it, millions of animals are skinned so that we may make fashion statements about our suavity. If nothing else, black never goes out of style.
Yeah. I've been, um, talking things over with the Aztec themed villains, and we think that our float should be a giant decapitation device that displays severed heads.I would, ah, watch over them for safekeeping, of course.
>>19548077I'm not entirely sure .I'm a driver so I basically just run from vehicle to vehicle trying to not get blown to pieces .
I am regretful that, seated again amongst you all, you still fail to heed my warning that we aren't doing enough to stop the Batman.After all, I know he's listening in on our annual gathering. And plotting to sabotage our Parade.Doctor Evil, do I need to present you with another lengthy analysis?
>>19548060I told them not to disturb me unless it was urgent...Gentlemen... and whatever Queen Dragon is... I need to deal with this. If I don't return before the meeting is finished, someone please reserve me a pair of size-six bowling shoes.
>>19548120How about we just skin a bunch of really cute and/or endangered animals and use their pelts?
>>19548109No no, I know there hard to tell apart but I ruthlessly burninated one of *my* henchman. I would never deny a fellow rogue the joy of callously slaughtering their own minions.
>>19548159Oh. Well, good.>>19548147You must be crazy, thinking some namby-pamby in a leotard could sabotage the helo-jet-tank-copter. I have the plans right here, written in mud on a piece of wet paper from when I was stranded in Asia.
WHY WE ARE NEEDING PUNY GUN THAT SHOOT GUNS THAT SHOOT GUN? IS LIKE PUNY FASCIST KRAUT. ZANGIEF SAYS, IS LIKE THE SAYING - BREVITY IS THE SOUL OF VILLAINY.
>>19548120Bleck es overdone end should be ended. Every other evil float will be bleck or perple, you know dis. New colors.>>19548147Betmen es not eh problem. He never keels us end we simply get ewey. He only foils our plots but never follows trough. Eh mere ennoyence dat I advise you to teke you mind off of.
Dr. Evil, are we going to do something about that petition from the United Henchmen's League? The one about ethical treatment of henchmen, and neogtiation processes prior to arbitrary execution?Because they're still threatening to strike, and I heard they killed the scabs we were shipping in with mustard gas.
>>19548147You know Mr. Strange, I have noticed something. You constantly talk about the Batman, and how "dangerous" he is. And while his track record is impressive, I begin to wonder how much you truly have invested in his failure. You see, if someone, oh say ME, knew the identity of the Batman (as you claim you do), I would use his family against him. Use those closest to him to do him the most harm. If you REALLY wanted the Batman dead, he would be by nowI suggest that you either do not in fact know the Batman's true identity as you claim, or you would not know what to do with yourself without him. So which is it? Incompetence, or attachment?
The Dark Gods send us to hyelp! Hwee hwill beeld float for CHAOS!
>>19548147Yo brah, I think >>19548256 just called you gay.
>>19548182This is an Underwater Mountain Base complete with shark guard dogs and escape pods on loan from Cobra itself. Unless Batman can breathe underwater I think we're good for now.
>>19548266Are you steel lost en our time? I was under de empression dat you had gone back to de future.Regardless, knowing your plots, dey will not work here. You know dat. Not enough time hes pessed.
>>19548288Um, sir, I'm pretty sure Batman CAN breathe water.
>>19548255Mustard Gas?! Henchmen can't take that now? She-it. While the scabs were a, hem, neccessary loss, we need to get our guys in line.Why not just destroy the union? I have the perfect weapon for this!
Quests are one thing, but this shit needs to fuck right off of /tg/
>>19548255If I can interject, you misheard the report. The unionized henchmen were killed by crabs that sprayed mustard gas.Suffice to say our new "Do As We Say or Get the Death Ray" employee motivation program has critical volcano-infrastructure-maintenance staff back to last year's levels almost worldwide.
Mr. Never-Posted-With-A-Name-So-I-Don't-Know-Who-To-Address;Instead of continuing to push your idea for a Shrink Ray that you only want so you can live out your micro-fetish-fantasies, listen to this.We've already agreed that a Growth Ray would be incredibly more useful, right?Well guess what else you can do. Take the growth ray, swap the wires coming from the battery and BOOM. Now it works as a shrink way.I mean really, we could install a grow/shrink switch right on the control panel except that would make it too easy for Hero-of-the-week to use it to thwart our plane.All in favor of building this thing for nefarious purposes and also getting macro/micro-fetish-fag to stop complaining? Say "aye".
>>19548288Wait, we've got guys on loan from COBRA?God damnit. The last thing we need is Cobra Commander coming in here with his retarded weapon designs.A weather control device? Seriously? That would've helped when I was stranded in Asia, where it was so humid we could catch fish out of the air.
>>19548312Well... that's what the sharks are for.>>19548329Catchy and effective. A success all around, I'd say.
>>19547730It figures that a woman would resort to COOKING in order to dispose of an enemy.
>>19548341...Aye. Only if we make a gigantic helicopter though.
>>19548297Hokay. Hwill beeld float later.<The cultist wanders through a convenient hole in reality. It closes, only to open a few moments later.>EES FUTURE NOW. Hwee beeld float for the DARK GODS.
>>19548347Cobra has had a few restructurings since the 80s, and is now a top of the line international. They maintain a huge supply of highly skilled and loyal individuals.
>>19548068DR. DOOM remembers no such arrangement!Besides, I've been busy slumming it with Nicholas Cage and holding Capcom hostage.
Can we expect a pay raise anytime soon
>>19548375I thought the plan was to build a working scale model of our giant-death-helicopter-thingy and then use the growth ray on it?Two birds, one stone, et cetera.
Hai donto undastando hwai yuu aaru habento apporovedo mai pran to maaku tankusu witto cannonsu dato faiya mai sekushi femaru ninja schuuru garuzu. Itto isu ano outoragu!!
>>19548377But if we're working with Cobra, that means the Joes will be coming here too.I joined the army to be a Joe. I applied and everything, even had a nickname ready. They didn't even give me a chance, then I was shipped off and abandoned in Asia.All I wanted was to be a Joe. I'M NOT CRYING.
>>19548416Do you want your water proof snuggle pillow sir ?
>>19548359If you don't know who Major Bummer and the Come-down Kid are... or were... let's just say it was a suitably delicious punishment.What can I say, you live in California, you get a lot of *those types* invading your extradimensional lair.
>>19548441California is in an extradimension?
>>19548433Sniff... Yes... And a beer.
>>19548379C'mon Doom, it was at the last meeting, remember? You were talking about the superiority of Latverian sweets, and we figured, hey, why not? After that you promised to "show us all" how right you were. Really, you really built those little... oh, what were they called? Some chocolate thing with pink icing... whatever they were you really built them up and I was kind of looking forward to trying them.>>19548391You can expect it as long as you like, but it's not coming, not this quarter anyway.
>>19548462Yes sir . >>19548458Blame the Hipsters .
>>19548458Parts of it, yes.
>>19548256That's Professor, if you don't mind, Scorpius.You simply fail to understand the true scope of what I have planned for him. Using the ones closest to Batman to kill him would be too simple. I want Batman destroyed. I want what the symbol he has made of himself ruined. I want him to die, yes, but before that I want him to suffer. To know that he has ultimately accomplished nothing, all his efforts worthless.But while we are on the topic of personal vendettas, how *is* John Crichton?>>19548288I'm certain that Batman has access to simple scuba equipment, Doctor.
>>19548462Uh ... we have a pale ale in back.
Gentlemen, I really must propose once again that we destroy the nexus of the multiverse.
>>19548489Thanks. You can have the day off, seeing as it's getting dangerous for henchmen in here.Alcohol. My only friend.
>>19548441I hate to be the one playing Heaven's Advocate here, but that's almost disturbing.This is assuming you actually ate the "finished product" yourself. Please tell me you just fed it to some hippies or something.
>>19548517Sir I can't do that .You crashed our vehicle attempting to do something called a Crazy Ivan ,
>>19548555Oh, believe me, she ate it.You seen those teeth? She's a biter.
Alright, I brought in the punch, the pie, the milk, cookies, brownies, pizza and all the other snacks on the list. Beer is in the back. If there are any discrepancies please bring them up to the coordinator for this meeting. Thank you.
>>19548489Well, you know my view on that particular subculture.>>19548509I thought it was at our 5th meeting (the one in Loki's Hall of Mischief, remember?) that we ruled that out as it'd render many of us unable to continue attending this meeting, due to dimensional barriers and some such, that's not really my area of expertise.
>>19548565Oh yeah. Dr. Evil, I may have crashed my submarine of sticks and mud into the base, causing truly catastrophic loss of life and damage to your Underwater Lair (tm).
So anyway, I think we need to go in a new direction. How about we start dropping stuff on Earth? Satellites, space stations, asteroids, etc.That'll surely bring Amuro out to- I mean show the world the folly of their ways.Yes.
>>19548555Obviously, since they had been my nemeses for almost eighteen months. It wasn't bad.But then an hour later... let's just say I made some decisions I probably wouldn't have made otherwise.
>>19548587This one's a keeper.
>>19548614Don't be too proud of the technological terror you see as your masterstroke. The ability to crash a colony into a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force.
>>19548611And awakened the Spawn of Cthulhu sir
>>19548467Ah yes, I remember now, the Latverian Doomballs! That would explain why there's a minion frantically trying to get my attention with a couple of crates next to him, though I'm pretty sure one of them is Latverian beer.Please excuse my memory lapse, dealing with Capcom is a huge pain in the butt, what with them whining all the time. "But Dr. Doom, you can't steal top tier!""DR. DOOM can and will steal whatever he pleases!"Thanks to that, if you find the right kind of nerd, you can go up to him and say "Footdive!" whilst doing an impression of me and they'll get mad, it is utterly hilarious.
Uh, your nefariousness?The ADF called. They're insisting we stop using Hugo Boss designer Stormtrooper outfits for our Killer Klown Kommando division. Apparently they're claiming it's racist or anti-Semitic or something. Mr. Eppstein sounded really offended.
Oh John is quite alright, we touch base from time to time. You see Doctor, whatever your adversaries may be to you, to me they are a means to an end. Once the wormhole knowledge was gone from Mr. Crichton's brain there was no need for me to pursue him any longer. He, Aeryn, and that dreadfully named baby of his were free to gallavant across space getting themselves into trouble wherever and whenever they want. And after my reinstatement into Peacekeeper command (amazing what a few favors can do), I have much better things to do than continue on with some childish crusade. There are many things which are far more interesting, such as the Budong breeding initiative, the recently repeated success of the Leviathan gunship program, and the Qualta blade research labs to take up my time.Oh, and thank you for answering my question.
>>19548709*sigh* This again? Sorry, ladies, gentlemen, and anything else, I have to take this. Fill me in when I get back.
Perhaps we could design eight "master" robots that could act as a trojan horse parade float, and then we could let them kill everyone?
My apologies for being so late, dealing with the peasants is always so frustrating. You would think they'd learn after the 20th death sentence but no. May I see notes for the previous meeting?
>>19548627You mean like eating 38.48 square feet of pizza? Plus I-don't-know-the-volume-of-an-average-human-body-off-the-top-of-my-head?Seriously though, cannibalism?I mean, I'd like to believe that I've done as much sick and twisted shit as anyone else in this room -- Torture, Genocide. E-Mail spam -- you name it.I mean, even in my nostalgic, youthful days I shanked some girl in a back alley just so I could feel her die in my arms.But that's just /nasty/.
>>19548737Sir, I can take the call I have dealt with the ADF three times this week, on a separate issue. Do you want to keep Hugo Boss as the main uniform provider or would you prefer to make a different arrangement if we can get a discount?
>>19548760I didn't eat the entire thing myself, you twit.I bussed in some orphans he had saved a month before and fed the rest to them.
>>19548760You haven't eaten human before? You don't know what you're... Crap, can't talk about that.Just saying, sweet meat. Sweet, sweet meat. Fish gets tiring after awhile.>>19548758You got worker problems too? Just get your guys in there, and kill the ringleader. Make sure you get any family of his too, it's always the little ones that come back with Daddy's gun.
>>19548832Okay. Now that... That is evil. Lemme git you one of those beers, and you tell me how you ransomed the sun.
Alright, well, hopefully that's settled, now, what'd I miss?>>19548758Ah! Glad you could join us, was worried that perhaps the message wouldn't reach you in time. Also, did you get the fruit basket I sent you, in honour of Death Sentence #20?>>19548810Thanks, but I already got it 21. As for the uniforms, see how much of a discount we're talking. Every penny counts but Hugo Boss has a pretty impressive loyalty rewards program.
DOCTAH EVIL!!!ESTEEMED COLLEAGUES!I BRING CAKE!
>>19548758 >>19548758Uh, here you go, Your Grace. There was some discussion about shrink rays, Major Pain tried to juggle with grenades again, and Murdertron 5000 had to be rebuilt after getting in a fight with Crash Comet, Cosmos Commander for the zillionth time. Oh, and the Henchman's Union re-submitted their request that all members should be outfitted with nametags, although that didn't go over well.
>>19548852I don't want to interrupt the meeting.If we carpool to the bowling alley I can tell you on the way.Thank you, by the way. This is delicious.
I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU COCK-GOBBLING SHITMONKEYS THAT IF I EVER SAW YOUR COLLECTIVE DICKBREATH SELVES HAVING ONE OF YOUR SECRET MEETINGS AGAIN I'D RIP YOUR INTESTINES OUT AND FEED THEM TO MY DOG!
>>19548862Last time I checked the Group Discount we were looking at for the order was $700,000 due to the bulk rate. With the amount on our rewards account we would be able to get a bulk two for one discount for half the uniforms. If we leverage it by putting it on our Hilton Rewards Business Card we would be able to rent out the Hilton in Fiji for two weeks, thanks to the amount we banked on our last outing and still make a net gain.
Ladies and gentlemen of this Symposium of Ichor, I have arrived.How much longer do we have left in this frivolous conference? I have a universe to consume.>For those of you who do not know, HDS is from Lexx. Look it up.
>>19548926Oh yeah, bowling.>>19548972Oh crap. Dr.Evil, the secret furnace door.
Hey guys, Dr. Stomacoxx here, have you heard of Nefasto? That son of a bitch just got a new giant saw-drill-tank. It can fly. Underwater.I mean, seriously, it's hard already to be a supervillain without this asshat just getting all the nice stuff for himself.I mean, where does he even get the money to pay for that shit AND keep the space station base he has?Or that mountain with his face carved on?I mean, seriously, I find it hard to pay thirteen MEXICAN IMMIGRANT mooks for my plots....
>>19548989You. You look handy with a knife. Kill >>19548972while we watch.
>>19548972Well, that's surprising. Normally his routine never goes beyond "rip and tear, rip and tear". It's astonishing, I tell you.
>>19549033I'M GONNA BREAK HIS FOOT OFF IN YOUR ASSHOLE.
>>19549014We started the meeting at 19:38, and it's 21:38 now.I make a motion that we table the name-change until next week and go to Fun City Amusements.Will anyone second this?
>>19548904I'd like to add that we did agree to give the henchmen numbers though, as you can probably see by their hard hats.>>19548989Ah! Excellent, Fiji sounds great. Let's go with that.>>19549015On it.> blue buttonOops, sent him to Mars. Eh, he's out of our hair either way.
>>19549020Don't be jealous man, Nefasto is a rising star, you should pray he is sucessful with that blackmail, I heard his plan is to start a bank to help us all out.Also, it's not his fault if your plans are retarded.I mean, seriously, Stomacoxx? Was it you the responsible for the whole food poisoning episode in Florida last month, the one that turned the guy into a cannibal zombie?I mean, that's way overdone.
Uhh, yeah, hi guys, sorry to interrupt but as the head of the Henchmen Union Local 27 and elected speaker for this meeting, I've got some issues to bring up with you.
Guys, guys, guys. I've got this great idea. What if I totally made a bunch of rings to give out at the parade as party favors or some shit, and then I built a CONTROL RING that could command the guys wearing the other rings?
Gentlemen, while you look for answers for what our grand display should be, I shall provide to you a question....What floats through the air like words from a god on high?What, when the clock strikes 1:00 will cause the bat to die?
>>19549020That isn't all that impressive. I have my likeness carved across an entire universe and am at the command of forces which happily commit suicide as a form of reward for carrying out acts in my name.Now, can we please stop this comparative frivolity and get on with the meeting.>>19549066Or you could just all agree to the name I had just utilized. It has a certain colour to it.Black, namely.
>>19549078I'M GOING TO FISTFUCK YOUR PROSTATE UNTIL IT FALLS OUT YOUR NOSE!
>>19549095*sigh* What is it this time? Speak your piece (irritating enough that we're not allowed to off you...)>>19549118Shit, I thought I sent him to Mars!> orange buttonI forgot what that one does.>>19549125Ah, yes, thank you, it's delicious. Sorry for not saying something earlier.
>>19549099oh hi there riddler
>>19549098Do not insult us with your fantasy to reproduce an earlier failure.>>19549099He speaks in rhyme. Have I ever hired you before? Most of my minions start speaking in iambic pentameter or rhyming couplets after awhile.
>>19549108Ugh, that's a terrible name.We need a new name.
>>19549099A ,308 armor piercing round
I WAS ABOUT TO TAKE A NAP IN MY PERSONAL BIT OF TENDIMENSIONAL SPACE, BUT A MERE DECADE LATER A BUNCH OF GUYS SACRIFICED ALL THEY KNOW AND LOVE TO WAKE ME UP.THEN, WHEN I MENTALLY PROJECTED MY VOICE INTO THEIR HEADS TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT, ONE'S HEAD EXPLODED, ANOTHER ONE STARTED TO GIGGLE LIKE A FOOL AND THE REST KILLED AND ATE EACH OTHER.ARE YOUR HENCHMEN ALSO WEIRD AND ANNOYING LIKE THAT, GUYS?
>>19549142(oh my god I've never seen that before, I am laughing my ass off)
I'm not entirely sure I should be here. But then, neither was ole Frankie when he thought me up.Anyway, I have my yearly report ready:The spice will flow. Like always.
>>19549154Henchmen are the *worst*.
>>19549145I am sorry, I was not aware we allowed henchmen to sit at this table.
Hello, um, yes, Baron von Nefariousness here. I only recently joined, but I have a suggestion I , um, think everyone will like.I propose that we, er, kill all the bards in the kingdom. That way, the , um, "hero" has no source of comic relief and will, ah, surely abandon their quest.Any, um, thoughts on this?
Okay first off, a lot of you guys haven't kept up with OSHA safety standards, leading everyone nervous or...well, you know, dead because your guys' enemies just kick the henches off all the raised balconies. Now, I know you've have problems with letting contractors into your evil lairs, but I've managed to get these contractors, work with villains all the time and very good prices, no blackmailing. Union's willing to put in 25% if you'd just do this.Also, they want you to use the Incompotent Fools! Murder Dummy instead of killing henches; not a good way to keep morale up or your images, you know?
Nefasto is the biggest douche around there, always bragging about just how great his army of giant flying laser giraffes and how awesome his base at the earth's core is.Also, he just likes hurting feelings man...
>>19549191ExCUSE me?!You come over here and say that to my face, you creepy motherfucker! I will kill you and roast your sorry ass with napalm!
>>19549154Weird and annoying? In my Order, that is standard operating procedure.Do you have growth pains? I could set you up with a proper protein factory which would alleviate your symptoms. Let me get my best bio-vizier on it.
I, THE GREAT LORD AKU, SHOGUN OF SORROW, DAIMYO OF DARKNESS, HAVE THE GREEEEEEEEATEST IDEA FOR A PARTY FLOAT YET.FIRST, WE SHALL BUILD A ROBOT. I HAVE A SERVICE WE CAN CONTRACT FOR THIS. THEN, WE HAVE THE ROBOT...DESTROOOOOY ALL OTHER ENTRIES IN THE PARADE! WE WIN AUTOMATICALLY IF ALL OTHER CONTESTANTS ARE DEAD.
>>19549214Ummm guys, every time Aku shows up that one samurai shows up and tries to kill us all. Why do we keep inviting him?
>>19549258Because we're henchmen and the bosses never listen to us ?
>>19549241Actually, according to the rules we have to have a float with these dimensions to enter before we're eligible to win.
>>19549258Ugh whatever I got weekly henchmen reports to fill out and sign, the rest of the non named henchmen come with me, our work at this meeting is done.
>>19549241>>19549251But...that's against the RUUUUUUUUURRUUUUUUUUS!
>>19549188WHILE I CAN SEE THEIR LONG WHITE CHILDREN CREEP AROUND INSIDE THEIR REMAINS, THEY ARE STARTING TO GET KINDA SMELLY. SO, HOW MANY MILLENIA UNTIL MY GUYS WAKE UP FROM THEIR SLUMBER AGAIN? I CAN'T WAIT TO COMMAND THEM TO TAKE A FUCKING BATH.
>>19549281HERE IS WHERE IT GETS CLEVER.THE ROBOT IS ALSO THE FLOAT!
>>19549258That's a good question actually, although he is pretty good at float ideas here: >>19549241.>>19549301And that's what makes it so... Evil!
Yes, I received it. Was a delicious fruit basket. I have an idea for the float, if you're still hearing them.We take the heads of everyone that opposes us, stick them on pikes, and then stick those pikes upon more pikes.
>>19549281Now this is my first time showing up to one of these meetings (My sister Emilia couldn't be here, dealing with some father issues), but shouldn't we be actively ignoring the rules?
If we're building a giant robot for our float, we need to put napalm on it.That way, we can stay within the re-quired dimensions and still burn down the enemy floats.
>>19549241>>19549251>>19549319AKKKKKKKKKKKKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!I WILL NOT STAND FOR YOUR INTERFERING WITH THIS PARADE! I SHALL SLAY YOU AND THIS BATTLE ONCE AND FOR ALL!
>>19549334I THOUGHT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO MAKE THEM OR SOMETHING.
>>19549319That... is actually a pretty great idea.Even better, we can paint it black (which I know we were all going to do anyway) and it will still stand out because all the other floats will be smashed and on fire.
>>19549344A napalm cannon on it, not just Napalm. Just napalm would end horrible, and we don't have enough henchmen to put it out.
>>19549319SPLENDID!! I SECOND THE MOTION!!
>>19549345> pink buttonThanks again for "fling open a portal in time" button again, Aku.
Now do right the wrong that you committed Aku!
>>19549345Where did that henchman in the bumblebee outfit go?
>>19549349The only reason to make rules is to break them. I make scientific rules, my sister breaks them. She makes magic rules I break them. It's all about the rule breaking.
>>19549360>>19549350>>19549319I vote "aye".
>>19549378SORRY. I GOT HUNGRY.
>>19549373HOLD YOUR FIRE, GOTO-KUN. LET US SEE THE POWER OF THE SAMURAI'S DESIRE!
>>19549345oh hi there samurai
>>19549378All the non named hencmen had to go fill out weekly reports.
>>19549388Why don't you just give that portal to him? It clearly goes to the shark with laser dimension, right?
>>19549372YOU ARE MOST WELCOME.I, TOO, HAVE COME TO APPRECIATE THE ABILITY TO TEAR OPEN A PORTAL IN TIME.
>>19549219Kill me? With a primitive plasma based weapon? You really are a minion, aren't you?Where is your master? I understand the one who should be in the seat the protein sack you call a body sluiced into has a volume of facial hair on his upper lip in equal size to your dominion over your planet.>>19549345Aku, let me handle this.You. Out. You will thank me for making a polite request, and then you will kill yourself with that piece of metal you are waving around.
>>19549388Well, they're both gone now.So... bowling?
>>19549385As do I.> picks up gavelAll in favor, say aye (Malice, don't worry your vote's already been counted.)>>19549391Dammit, he was my best man! Do you know how expensive resurrection is? Yes, he was *that* helpful!
>>19549241Ugh, that is so uncouth.I have no interest in mindless destruction. If I cannot win with style and in the most extravagant and fabulous manner possible then I do not wish to win at all.Thus, I propose: Sparkles. All of the sparkles. We need to drop thousands of tons of incandescent glitter into the atmosphere from space and then light it all at once. Then we need to send up thousands of fireworks of all the colours of the rainbow, and some which don't physically exist most of the time. Marching bands ten million strong, blaring out the sweetest, most beautiful music ever composed. A gigantic statue of myself (Being the most beautiful of the assembled villains here) created from the most fantastic and pure diamonds, rubies and sapphires, with light reflected through it in such a way that it seems to be shining from every single facet of it's being.We don't need to destroy the parade, we just need to completely blot out every other float with the sheer fabulousness of our float. I am talking 10.0 on the fabuloscale. The most pretty thing imaginable. A perfect storm of beauty and elegence which will leave all those who view it in tears, utterly crushed, mind body and soul by the combined power of our fabulousness and beauty.
AKUUUUUU! I have come for you this time, and this time I was prepared! I sent all your henchmen to do weekly reports timed with my arrival and I disabled your portal usage generator!
>>19549419AREN'T YOU THE GUY WHO LOST A GIANT INSECT TO A ZOMBIE, A WOMAN WITH BAD MANNERS AND A BUNCH OF OTHER PEOPLE?
Hey, uh, guys? There's some other-dimensional being at the door, looking for an 'Adam?' Do we have an 'Adam' here?He's being pretty adamant. Tore RoboT Godzilla limb from limb and seems to be shooting half-baked Kabbalah symbology at things in the parking lot.
>>19549426Seriously, we're doing a villain parade here, not a pride parade.
>>19549426Then why don't you use the funkbot? That way we can destroy all the floats while putting on a show? Dancing on the ashes is pretty fun.>>19549430*Fires raygun*He forgot about the teleporter rays.
>>19549425RESSURECTION? WHAT'S THAT? SOMETHING LIKE WAKING UP?
And now, my sword shall find, your heart!
>>19549425NO NO NO!!!My idea was better. My idea was fantastic. Now you will listen to my idea for the float or you will all be beheaded!!!Do you understand?
>>19549430Son of bitch!>>19549441Well, Black Adam was here earlier but he had to leave early for a Legion of Doom meeting. I had no idea that our schedules clashed, is that why some of the other villains haven't shown up yet?>>19549447For once, he speaks truth.>>19549458Hmm, Funkbot is not a bad idea... anyone else?
>>19549464If we were afraid of a simple beheading, we wouldn't be here. You're out of your water, You antique of backwards times.
BACK ALREADY, SAMURAI? HANG ON, GUYS. I'VE GOT THIS.YES? I'D LIKE TO PLACE AN ORDER FOR A PLOT DEVICE. I THINK I'M IN THE COMPUTER.THIRTY MINUTES OR IT'S FREE? EEEEEEEEEEXCELLENT! HAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAHAAAAAAA!I WILL SEE YOU IN ABOUT A WEEK, SAMURAI.
>>19549437It was a minor inconvenience and inconsequential to the grand scheme.
>>19549464SPLENDID, JOFFREY-KUN!! YOUR DESIRE IS OVERFLOWING! HOWEVER, IT IS NOT MORE POWERFUL THAN MINE!
>>19549463Wait, what? I just sent you to the other end of the planet! how did you get back here so fast?
>>19549441AH, ADAM. REMEMBER THAT GUY. REALLY LOVES THE SHIT OUT OF APPLES. HEARING VOICES FROM SOMEBODY I'VE NEVER SEEN, THOUGH. SAW HIM JUST A FEW AGES AGO, SO HE SHOULD BE AROUND SOMEWHERE.
>>19549458Okay, I can agree to this, with the caveat that we destroy the rest of the floats in the most fabulous way possible, using lasers of every colour possible, strictly coreographed so that they form into beautiful shapes and mosaics when looked at from above. Even destruction can be beautiful if I am involved. I will save you all from your own lack of grace and fabulousness yet.
>>19549514I think we've sent him back in time so many times we're encountering multiple past/future versions of him at this point.
I'm getting so damn tired of having my entire staff smashed to pieces by those damn marauding "Parties"Do you know how long it takes to try and teach a mindless army of skeletons how to perform choreographed martial arts? DO YOU?
>>19549504ALSO A BUNCH OF YOUR OLDER BRAINS, IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY.SOUNDS PAINFULL.WAIT: DO ALL HUMANS HAVE MORE THAN THE USUAL THREE BRAINS?
>>19549489Hey Dr. Evil, the weekly reports weren't until tomorrow apparently someone in the office messed up the paperwork and turned off all the portals. I had to run back here from half way across the compound before... Holy shit it's that samurai again! If Aku says he's got this I will believe him but if not the portals work again.
>>19549490How dare you speak to me like this!!! I am your King!!! Who are you to speak in such a way to your King?!?!
>>19549537So then, why don't we just sent ourselves and now aku back to just get rid of him once and for all? It shouldn't be that hard to avoid paradoxes.>>19549535Only if we get to design the pattern that the lasers form. (Emilia has been looking for a way to get her summoning circle large enough)
>>19549515That's great. Listen, uh, do you want to send him up to meet this Zeruel guy or something?Or maybe it's a girl. It just grew tits and legs. I think it's- oh, nope, wait, it was just shooting another cross laser.Listen, I don't wanna tell you guys what to do, but you think you might hurry it up? Dealing with skyscraper-sized monsters is kinda out of my pay grade...
>>19549498Your vile sorcery shall not stop me this time Aku! We settle this now!
>>19549535Seriously, why do you keep on insisting on fabulousness?Why not just destroy the other floats. Also have we chosen a better name?
>>19549543The old brains, as you call them, are about as important to me as your followers were to you, old friend.And no, humans only have one brain, sadly, though Mantrid is working on fixing that.
>>19549505And just who exactly are you? Some useless peasant or some bitchy noble? Or perhaps you're a bard? Oh I do love bards.
>>19549560I am a Scientist, my sister is a Witch, and we're both 19 year olds. Your authority means nothing to us.
>>19549572>It just grew tits and legs.SO? I DO THAT ALL THE TIME.SEE? JUST HAD ANOTHER FOOT GROW OUT OF MY HEAD.
>>19549557Ah! Excellent work, 21! Not a moment too soon, looks like we're gonna need it quick! >>19549573> pink button.*poof*>>19549575We haven't come up with a better name yet, no.>>19549572Tell them to take the North Entrance, the one designed for Kaiju-sized guests. Sorry about the mix up there.
>>19549569Actually, I have paradox-cancellation device in my purse. It sets up a tesseract around the- well, anyway, here.>switches on.I got it after the Cool Chrononaut and his Beat-Nik showed up on my lawn in the middle of the night.I hate California.
>>19549588I don't care if you're a scientist, a farmer, or my own father!!!You shall not speak to your King in such a way!!! Guards! I demand this man be made to kneel before me!
>>19549575Have you no sense of taste, of beauty and elegance?A villain must be fabulous, or they are simply a high ranking murderer! I am a master of beauty in all it's forms, and I will lead the world into a new, more pretty age.
>>19549610Don't forget about the cease-fire KoK.*sigh* It's disheartening to think that this has been one of our more productive meetings.
>>19549644Don't beat yourself up.That's what the heroes are for.
>>19549426Style is good,So my plan is to rig the fireworks show into firing balls of glittery inferno to the opponent their floats, and family. and several parts of the audience etc.all this of course to distract from the mind control gas spread to make the jury acknowledge our "rightful" victory.
>>19549605Oh, it sounds like you've had your own share of enemies. Sometimes I wish I knew what it was like to have enemies. The heroes stopped showing up after we did away with our parents a few years ago...>>19549610Man!? Do you not see my hips and chest, I am nothing close to a man! And your guards are no match for my attack drones. But Baldy is right, we're under a ceasefire.
>>19549593Yeah, but to be fair, you aren't shooting cross-shaped lasers at us and smashing everything in sight.Seriously, is one of you guys DATING this thing or something? She...he...it seems pretty upset, judging by how it just annihilated a column of T-72s...
>>19549583ONE BRAINI'M JUST NOW BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND HOW FUCKED-UP HUMAN ANATOMY IS.>MFW
Sorry I'm late, Everyone. I was playing dead.
>>19549664Well, society's 'morals' are what are preventing us from whipping up some superior stuff, really. We're the lucky few who can attach computers to our heads or attach our heads to giant robots.
SINCE I HAVE APPEARED TO HAVE RESOLVED THE FOOLISH ISSUE OF THE PARADE, I NOW PROPOSE A SOLUTION TO OUR SECOND PROBLEM.I PROPOSE THE NAME "CONVENTION OF EVIL." WE CAN CALL IT AKUCON FOR SHORT.
>>19549661HE'S NOT IN! IT'S THE TRUTH! PLEASE KILL ME! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
>>19549661Wait, hold that thought, cross shaped lasers and pseudo-gnostic ring spell things, we could combine it with some kind of super science robot, AND destroy the other floats, while keeping with Baron von Cocksucker's need for style.
>>19549644Producti...productive?Sorry, I slipped inna the back and drank the beer- good stuff ya got back there... Ugh. I need the restroom.
>>19549661Shit, he must be in one of those moods of... it's. Just point it to the North entrance.>>19549689Ah! I was wondering where you'd been the last three meetings. Good to see you're still in the game.
>>19549711Oh yes I am, very much so.. Very much so indeed..I suggest we call ourselves. Overlords united.
>>19549660Believe me, you can have them.I got into this business for financial profit, but dealing with this constant stream of do-gooders has really made me resent the world in general. I mean, why do you think the Bay Area Supervillain Society gives out an award for the most attempts at sinking California into the ocean?Sorry, went off on a tangent there.
>>19549585BAHAHAHAHAHA! THE GALL! THE DESIRE IN YOUR EYES JOFFREY-KUN! SPLENDID! IF THIS IS THE FUTURE OF VILLAINY, I LIKE IT!!>>19549490WOULDN"T YOU AGREE, ALEX-CHAN!
>>19549734I Second the Tiberium Emperor.
>>19549619>>19549608Hey Aku, next time just turn into something else. Jack seems pretty gullible in that regard. I mean seriously, I am starting to think he is either color blind or just retarded. Also Akucon sounds pretty cool, but we need to be careful with advertising. We don't want to get the wrong people going to this.>>19549689Oh good! Your favorite snack is in the back and I got it for you.>>19549644Speaking of productivity, there is an issue that we have to get to after this meeting about transportation methods, I think I know why the teleporters are so wonky. Aparently some un named henchman are using them to teleport their, well umm lets just say it rhymes with funk.
>>19549711Hey, thanks. I just did that and-Ah. Um. Is that giant purple robot thing SUPPOSED to be eating this guy? Cause he's kinda tearing the one shooting gibberish symbolism limb from limb.
Will I be able to validate the ticket on the Thanos-copter after the meeting?
>>19549711>Just point it to the North entrance.AW. I JUST THOUGHT THAT IT LOOKED PRETTY HOT AND WAS PREPARING TO GO OUT THERE AND EAT ITS HEART OUT OF ITS LIVING BODY. BITCHES LOVE HAVING THEIR HEARTS EATEN. WELL, EXCEPT HUMAN ONES. THOSE ALWAYS STOP MOVING AFTERWARDS.
>>19549734I call for the International Deadly Ingenious Order Toppling Society.>>19549736Are they really that much of a bother? we've been thinking about expanding out to doing actual evil, but we've mostly been too busy torturing what's left of our caregivers and former associates of yours. You do remember Dominic and Sasha Dhakins, no?
>>19549785Oh yeah totally. You have your ticket stub right?
>>19549771WOAH.IF THAT ISN'T TRUE LOVE, NOTHING IS. LUCKY COUPLE.
>>19549708I don't know...might that be a little to...well...deep for a parade float?
>>19549610Why do we persist in calling him King of Kings? There's plenty of others more suited to the title. just call him Joff, it fits better.
>>19549771IS NOONE ELSE GOING TO TRY AND STOP THAT THING!?!? I wouldnt care but the screams are bothering me. I hate screams if Im not the one causing them>>19549742If I didn't have other problems to deal with, I'd kill you. You foreigner.>>19549692As soon as this meeting is over you can expect to be at war with all of Westoros!!!
>>19549822Of course I do! I am Thanos! It's not like I tripped and lost it or anything!
>>19549734I, AKU, ALSO FIND THIS SUGGESTION...ACCEPTABLE.
>>19549833Nah, the "idea", was just an elaborate dig at Baron von Buttpirate.There's style and then there's being a fag, I swear he's almost as bad as Queen Bee.
>>19549734Hmm, not a bad name at all... but what do we do about mad scientists and other flavours of villainy? We *are* trying to represent the full spectrum of "bad" here.>>19549768Hmm, the bit about the advertising is a good point, one I hadn't considered. As for the un-named henchman, see if the security cameras have caught anything, have him fired. Preferably from a cannon.Naw, but seriously, teleport his ass into unemployment.
>>19549857I've got a phone number of these guys - SEELE? Says here in the phonebook of evil that they deal with these sort of things regularly. Want me to give them a buzz, sir?
>>19549857Westoros? Isn't that a fictional kingdom in a DnD splatbook? Because I know Emilia accidentally let out some royalty from one a while back, and we never bothered to deal with it...
>>19549876Evil United? Geniuses, Overlords And Villians of evil? GOAVOE?
Sorry for being late. Had to finish my Pyramid of Skulls.
>>19549905I'm still calling for 'International Deadly Ingenious Order Toppling Society'
oh god my brain! dr evil you mastermind, how did you make me read that entire post in your voice?!
>>19549876Am I to assume "unemployment" is some sort of metaphor for "the sun"?
>>19549914You do know the that the initialism of that is I.D.I.O.T.S. right?
>>19549857You do realize that threatening to end the ceasefire and declare war before the meeting ends just means that you aren't going to get any guns and your going to be stuck with swords right? I mean dude, you could at least not act like a total dick for five minutes you might actually be able to progress your small country out of the bronze age. Not to mention there is this one chick who put in an application the other day from around your way that is way more qualified. Speaking of Dr. Evil, a Daenerys Stormborn has put in an application with a headshot, plus offered us a dragon! A freaking dragon! That shoots fire! The only issue is she is from the same realm as Joffery so it could cause a conflict of interest.
>>19549914We are not calling ourselves IDIOTS.
>>19549913YOU KNOW, I HAVE THESE ROBOTS, LOOK LIKE GIANT SCARABS. I CAN LOAN THEM TO YOU FOR SKULL PYRAMID BUILDING, IF YOU'D LIKE.THEY'RE ROBOTS, YOU SEE, AND THEY DON'T HAVE A UNION.
Why is it that every time we have these meetings we just descend into infighting? united we are strong, Divided we are weak.>>19549842I agree. plenty of other, much better contenders for King of Kings than Joff
Guys! wait! I got this!The Throne Appreciation society!
>>19549937>>19549943It's good to see you guys are not gullible. We don't need to be another LOVEMUFFIN.
My Lord Ahriman sadly couldn't attend, he sent me in his stead. Did I miss anything?
Okay, I gave those seal guys a ring and they said they'd send over a team to take care of the screaming purple giant robot thing right away.Okay, yeah, there they are right now. Jesus Christ that's a lot of blood. I didn't know an arm could, strictly speaking, be twisted in that manner.
What's wrong with "Villains United"?I mean, it says it right here at the top of our stationary:"Vile Villians, Nefarious Ne'er-Do-Wells, and Dastardly Dudes Group""Villains United"There was that whole thing in December with the focus group and we decided to push the word "villain" hard during the Christmas season.
>>19549986YOU KNOW YOU'RE WATCHING AN ORGY, RIGHT?
>>19549896IT IS A SMALL INSIGNIFICANT KINGDOM! NOT MUCH UNLIKE LATVERIA, HAHAHAHAHA!>>19549943>>19549962>>19549955WE NEED SOMETHING LESS OVERTLY EVIL! TO CONFUSE THOSE DAMNED RIDERS!
Guys?Where did my Empire go?
>>19550031Everyone loves a nicy comfy throne!Aku! You know what I am talking about!
OH SHIT, OH FUCK, I'M GONNA BE SICK.OH GOD, AN EYEBALL JUST CRUSHED MY SECURITY CAR!
>>19549955Seems pretty legit. >>19549986You obviously have not dealt with brock sampson. In fact let me check the arm... Whoo. Nope not Brock's handy work.>>19549876I already contacted my two best henchmen on it boss. He has been in detention since we found out 2 hours ago. Also I placed signs for proper teleporter usage around the compound.
>>19550039split and never really came back if you're the reanimated corpse of Chinggis Khan.
>>19550021I have a bad feeling this will descend either into an Orgy or a Charnelhouse before this thing is over. Lord Ahriman won't be pleased, he's having troubles with Cvevak as it is.AND CAN SOMEONE SHUT JOFFREY UP!
>>19550039IF YOU WOULD LIKE, I CAN TEAR OPEN A PORTAL IN TIME, AND FLING YOU INTO THE PAST, WHERE YOUR EVIL IS LAW.
>>19550031Riders? Why don't you just get your own sentai suit? that will save you a lot of time.>>19550063Why not just use teleporter watches and engines? it saves you the trouble of this.But on another note, how many of you have read this? Because it feels like no one has actually bothered to read the manual.
>>19549962LOVEMUFFIN?Are there actually villains that gullible?
>>19550073Nah. Came afterwards. Had Central Asia under my Iron Fist and was prepared to take the remaining Parts, though. Then I accidently figured out that being a God of the Battlefield doesn't actually protect you from Age and Sickness, only being an actual God does that.
>>19550061I WOULD HAVE TO AGREE, THANOS-CHAN!! I MYSELF AM A GREAT ENTHUSIAST OF COMFY THRONES!!SPLENDID! THE THRONE APPRECIATION SOCIETY IT IS!
>>19550105Seriously that's just damn hero propaganda, attempting to make us idiots.But it does get the little ones inspired.>>19550131Thats rough buddy, but most empires fell around the early to mid 20th century, well terrestrial ones.
>>19550105SENTAI SUIT! BAHAHAHAHA!! THIS IS THE ONLY SUIT KOUGAMI NEEDS!!
We're never going bowling.I can't believe I drove all the way from the Valley for this.
>>19550147Fact:Putting your Throne into a Persian-Style Palace makes it 200% comfier.
>>19550121Yep. I also know of an undersea organization called EVIL. (It stands for Every Villain Is Lemons). Honestly, the level of absurdity they show makes it seem like they were children's show villains. (and not the good kind on Nickevilodeon)>>19550150I will have to agree that it is somewhat antiquated, but there are some interesting concepts in it (It's actually the main reason that Sasha Dhakins is a cleaning drone now).>>19550167But I could make you one, and then you'd be KOUGAMI RAIDA DAPPA SAMA!
>>19550207SO? I TRAVELD SEVEN DIMENSIONS AND THREE GALAXIES. DO YOU HEAR ME COMPLAINING?
>>19550240You've done nothing BUT complain since you manifested here.
>>19549940We've had villains from the same realms, I mean, shit, we've got a tons of members from Earth-616. As far as I'm concerned, a dragon? She's welcome!>>19549943(Holy Crap, I didn't even notice that!)>>19549984Secretary? Thanks, here, tell him it's no biggie. It's why we make transcripts of these things.>>19550005Top of our letterhead... !I never noticed that, 21 is the one who did all the printing... was that your idea 21? You're a GENIUS!>>19550105Actually, we did an update, the new manual is the "Evil Overlord List". I have to say, it's pretty comprehensive.
>>19550240Nobody likes a pissy Elder thing man!
>>19550257>reads through manifestoFrom what I'm skimming on it, it seems good. I also have to apologize on both my sister's and my behalf for eliminating our parents from your society.
>>19550215SPLENDID! MY PEOPLE WILL SEND DETAILS TO YOUR PEOPLE! I LIKE MY COLORS IN LOUD NEON SHADES!!>>19550240>>19550254>>19550262BAHAHAHAHA! EVERYONE IS ALL FIRED UP!! GOTO-CHAN,SEND IN MORE CAKE!!
>>19550215I think you need to add on 80's kids show villains, I mean as cool as COBRA was, why not just put Evil, Inc. ,or call your group the Mauraders.Seriously it's 2012, come up with something that doesn't scream evil.>>19550257On the other hand this is nice and succinct and well we can easily make it into a logo.
>>19550240That's because you've been busy sitting there jerking off to that gore-show outside. At least, I THINK you're jerking off.Someone pass me another barf bag, please.
>>19550313Do you have any tiramisu?
>>19550318Villains united sounds like a rehab group though.Imperative sounds cool! We should use that word
>>19550319I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT "JERKING OFF" OR "GORE" IS. IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU HUMANS HAVE TO DO STUFF THE WRONG WAY AROUND BECAUSE HEAVY WOUNDS MAKE YOU SLEEP *PERMANENTLY*.
>>19550313Perfect. We take cash, checks, and hero gadgets/artifacts of power.>>19550318true, true. not to mention that they get beaten by animals in hats! IN HATS! but as for a name, I propose "The Forward Thinkers Society"
>>19550335I AM KOUSEI KOUGAMI! WHAT DON'T I HAVE!!?? TIRAMISU FOR THE LOVELY LADY, HAHAHAHA!>>19550354I AM LEANING MORE TOWARDS USING THE WORD 'FOUNDATION' MYSELF!
>>19550354The Villain Imparitive?I mean it might do well with the focus groups, but well it just doesn't roll off the tongue.... perhaps United Villain Imparitive.
>>19550354We have a copy of the focus group's six most-received terms for invoking fear and awe.You, there, in the jumper with the donut. Yes, that sheet.Ahem, the top six are:"Villain""Terror""Villainous""Slanderous""Malfeasant"and"Obama"
Hey you guys. My bro and I have a bone to pick with the lot of you.
>>19550335This guy is really easy to butter up, isn't he? I feel like we could learn a lot from you...
>>19550392>FOUNDATIONOh, no, no, we have to find something more wussy!That shit doesn't sound peaceful enough yet.How about something with Ponies and Rainbows?Seems to be right up your Alley!
>>19550427Hmmm Malfesant keeps the whole thing from just screaming evil, unless we come across some scholar.>>19550428Somebody want to kill this hotblooded fucker, whoever it is, don't mess up those glasses, I want them.
>>19550445Hey leave the man alone, we're all friends here man.Not cool.
>>19550428Are you at least 500 Years old?No?Then I'm not sure what your Problem with me is, boy.
We should be The Universal League of Evilformerly known as the Bad Guys after the group of the same name
>>19550432I'm always looking for budding supervillains to take under my wing.I assume you'll try and betray me at some point?
>>19550445I'M SORRY, I COULDN'T HEAR YOU OVER YOUR LACK OF AN EMPIRE!
>>19550500Well, it wouldn't be a real villainous internship if We didn't try that. Course we'll probably either not be able to beat you and just dash away with completed training or just fail completely and end up brainwashed underlings. but either of those is better than the training our parents put us through.
>>19550467Sorry. I guess slaughtering people and stacking their Skulls because they didn't learn to accept your Overlordship the first two times doesn't exactly do wonders for your Personality.That Book here says I've got about 5% of everyone, even though I initially just intended to kill their soldiers and make them pay Taxes. Whoops.
>>19550535Or you know you could just go the Starscream route.Oddly how i actually got my internship.
>>19550552The starscream route? what is that?
>>19550505I don't see you ruling the World either.
>>19550575THE VOICE MY BROTHER MAKES ONCE EVERY AEON.
>>19550575Continually try to outshine your master, only to be brought low with your betryal, a lot of us see it as the best route, because if you actually manage to beat us, we get some pride.
>>19550576HAHAHAHA, I SEE WE MUST INTRODUCE YOU TO THE CONCEPT OF 'HEARTLESS CORPORATIONS!'THE WORLD IS RULED BY DESIRE AND BUSINESS IS SPLENDID!!
>>19550620It does sound like a good way to go if you don't go the 'get jealous, become competitor' route.
>>19550428How the fuck did you get in here?>>19550634Actually, as mentioned earlier, COBRA's had some success with that route as well.Kougami did have a point though with being a bit more discreet.
>>19550634That some kind of "Subtle Rule from the Shadows"?Tried it in my early years, was problematic and inefficient.
>>19550647That works too, sometimes we need a friendly rivalry, student teaching the master and all that.Keeps established villains sharp, and lets the new generation get some good ideas off.
>>19550647It's up to you either way, but I can give you some contacts if you're interested in pursuing a career in organized villainy.
>>19550634I prefered the whole being an all powerful god.. but that got boring, now I go around killing cancer universes and screwing with heroes for fun.
>>19550706That would definitely be good. We need to bring the evil out from the house and into actually doing things rather than just sitting here and effectively jacking off to our own machinations. I mean we've been living by ourselves and teaching ourselves this stuff since we were 13, you'd think we'd have done something by now.
>>19550743Perhaps we could open a temping agency? an EVIL temping agency.
>>19550714>>19550687TIMES HAVE CHANGED, BAHAHAHAHAHA!ALSO, WE MUST REALLY FINALIZE THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL! I VOTE THAT WE ALL SEND A CHAMPION TO DUEL TO THE DEATH! THE ONE WHO'S CHAMPION WINS SHALL HAVE THE RIGHT OF NAMING OUR LITTLE CAVALCADE OF DESPOTS!!
>>19550776I know an entity with a great pocket dimension in east LA. Great access.
>>19550803Am I allowed to use my Infinity pimp hand?
>>19550714True Thanos, but that's not a route open to a whole lot of us, "godhood" isn't something you can just "achieve".>>19550803Hmm, a little old fashioned, but hey, they're classics for a reason. Although "Cavalcade of Despots" isn't bad either.
>>19550840Didn't the Silver Surfer steal that from you back in the nineties?
>>19550776You get people above henchmen while we get the experience to not have to deal with DANBO, THE CARDBOARD BOX ROBOT? that sounds perfectly fine.>>19550813A pocket dimension in LA sounds good, though We'd prefer training with you rather than with the guys, since you'll probably have a villainous style that will fit our 'assets' better.
>>19550803That sucks. So I can't ride around with my brethren, feel the wind in my hair and conquer stuff before returning back to my palace together with all the captured artists anymore?
>>19550865I let him take it of course.
>>19550935I've had plenty of trouble with surfers, believe me.
>>19550840 IF IT WOULD MAKE THE PROCEDINGS GO FASTER, WHY NOT!!?? BAHAHAHAHA!!!>>19550889YOU CAN STILL DO THAT, BUT NOW YOU CAN DO IT IN STYLE!!I AM ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR A PARTNER FOR MY EASTERN EUROPEAN BRANCH, ARE YOU INTERESTED??!!
>>19551000I don't trust you one bit, but it's not like I've got anything to lose. Sure.
>>19550847All right, Dr. Evil, just so we can end this, I vote we follow your suggestion to use Kougami's "Cavalcade of Despots" phrase.
>>19551075I'll agree to that so we can make business arrangements and not have to deal with aku's problems again before this night finishes.
>>19551097And lets not forget villany internships and temping.
>>19551130that was what I was referring to. We can't really waste time on that now.
>>19551097All in favor say "Aye", all opposed say "Nay".
>>19551142So very aye.
>>19551072SPLENDID!! I WOULDN'T TRUST ME EITHER!!HERE ARE YOUR NEW CORE MEDALS!! YOU MAY OR MAY NOT USE THEM TO BECOME A MONSTER SHOULD A RIDER APPEAR!HAPPY BIRTHDAY! TO OUR NEW PARTNERSHIP!!>>19551075>>19551130>>19551097SPLENDID!! BAHAHAHAHAHA!
>>19551142AYE!!! AND AGAIN, AYE!!!
The ayes have it. Motion carries. Meeting adjourned.>>19551201Do you bowl?
Wow, this was a productive meeting! We actually got done ahead of schedule.I guess the only question now is what size bowling shoes that Adam guy from earlier will need...
>>19551242I swear to God, if that samurai shows up at Fun City...
>>19551228Not really, though I'm sure Em and I could learn to.
>>19551250Oh, before I forget, Henchman number 21, you get to come along too.
>>19551163Can I use it to grab someboy with "Seljuk" in his name and beat members of the Turkish Government until they give him full control? Would be a nice first step.
>>19551250Yeah, uh. About Adam.He won't be going bowling with us. Last time we tried to get him to bowl, he tried to replace all life on earth with inexplicable alienesque beings.
>>19551309I'll second that!
>>19551312THEY'RE MAGIC!! WHAT CAN'T YOU DO WITH THEM!!?? ON THAT NOTE, I HOPE YOU LIKE CRUSTACEANS!>>19551273BAHAHAHAHAHA! I'LL BRING MY SECURITY FORCE!!
>>19551354Ah, something to avoid then, but what am I gonna do with this pair of size 514 bowling shoes *now*?
>>19551375>ON THAT NOTE, I HOPE YOU LIKE CRUSTACEANS!... why?It won't do weird thingd to me before I manage to forge an Empire that people will actually remember this Time around, will it?
>>19551391Give it to one of the Eva series SEELE sent out.They love to bowl.
Hey guys, what's going on in here? Looks like a meeting. Don't worry, I may be late, but the tracking device I put on Aku told me all I need to hear.I'd just surrender now if I were you, the entire Justice League will be here in less than five minutes.Unless you'd prefer to do things... my way.
>>19551456Wow, you guys really *do* think of everything.>>19551486HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET PAST THE FRICKIN' SHARKS? THEY HAD LAZER BEAMS ON THEIR FRICKIN' HEADS AND EVERYTHING!
>>19551486Wait, you're the man of bats from the tv show aren't you? You can't really arrest any of us for meeting up, seeing as it isn't really illegal.
>>19551446DEPENDS ON HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT HAVING PINCERS FOR A MUSTACHE!!
Come what may come. I'm off doing my stuff.
I have a request from my lord Abaddon, he claims one of you has his arms. if you have them, can you give them to me so i can return them, he's getting a bit annoyed.Sadly i have to represent the entirety of Chaos here, becase none of the others can be bothered to attend. even Tzeentch said 'Nah'. wonder why?
Before we're done, my lord Abaddon would like me to ask you that if any of you find his arms, can you please return them?Why am I the only 40k guy here? even Tzeentch refused to come. i wonder why?