You are MALAI MINDY CHAMBERLAIN, a girl of INDETERMINATE RACE who is presently in the process of rescuing a CERTAIN IDIOT named Ismahel from an AMORPHOUS BLOB MONSTER.You have been granted MAGICAL POWERS of the dark and eldritch variety by a COSMIC KITTY whose name cannot be pronounced by humans. Use them well=========================================Archive: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/19203944/=========================================>Roll Average: 49You take a swing at the amorphous blob on it's outstretched self. Your autocensor nonfunctional in monocle mode, you for the first time see thi creature as it truly is - screaming faces folded into shadows, crying out for their own destruction. The Bat of Donny Donnovitch is more than happy to oblidge, the blood stains turning to acid that cuts through the "limb". Though you are too preoccupied with the beast at hand, you hear a thump on the ground behind you that assures you Ismahel is freed from its grip, if not uninjured.The beast lunges the whole of it's mass at you, attempting to engulf you and turn your soul into part of its body.>Highest of First Three 1d100 determines defensive roll.>New Ability Unlocked: Caustic Hatred - Strike your enemy with all the acidic hate of the lives claimed by the bat.>Monster HP: 95/100.
rolled 5 = 5OUR SHIELD IS THE SHIELD THAT WILL STOP THE HEAVENS.Also, that pic is delicious.
rolled 32 = 32>>19206486Jump over the schuck and bring the bat down on top of it as we get to its other side.
rolled 6 = 6Evade and strike at its side!
rolled 45 = 45>>19206472Parry with the bat of DOOM
Apparently we sacrificed our luck to gain all this power,
rolled 14 = 14Evade. Bat in a face.
>>19206571>>19206538>>19206535>>19206526>>19206517We were doing better BEFORE the cat came into it
>High Roll of first three: 32You fail to get out of the way in time. Fortunately, you fail to fail in such a drastic manner that you start to apeal to /d/ and the vore fetishists. You managed to dodge most of the beast's mass, being that it is slow, but like a complete moron you threw your arms spread wide for some reason. Your left arm is now entrapped by the AMORPHOUS BLOB MONSTER, though the ELDRITCH RUNES upon your armguard are glowing in a pale black light, keeping it from being dissolved.It still hurts like a bitch though.>Your HP: 97/100>Monster HP: 95/100>Wat Do?
rolled 61 = 61>>19206647Shake it off.
Try some magic! Cover our trapped arm in sorcerous flames!
rolled 97 = 97>>19206647Pump more power into the armguard, try to burn the blob monster off.
rolled 90 = 90>>19206647If we're stuck to it, that means it's also stuck to us. Smash it in the closest thing a face we can find with the bat of Donny Donnovitch. The pain and us smashing and melting through it should let us shake it off.
>>19206647Start pounding at it with the bat, cursing it and its entire msibegotten bloodline
>>19206647Ask the cat if there are any spells available
rolled 48 = 48>>19206684Pah, Diceroll
>>19206679>>19206676>>19206660Well, I think we're going to go full Bear Jew on this motherfucker. He will learn not to mess with women in eldritch garb and with a baseball bat that drips blood.
>>19206743That's not a very generally useful lesson. Fortunately, it won't need it very long.
>>19206676>>19206679>>19206660>Average Roll: 83An incantation flashes into your head. You mouth shapes the words though the characters that are being seared across your mind are alien, shaped in ways that cannot be. Yet you know the meaning, the result of the spell even before you finish the black tongued aria. The Black Miles. The Fury of the Damned. The Cracks That Appear As Window To The OUTSIDE.From your guarded arm sprouts a mas of writhing tentacles, spreading out and taking to the creature like the roots of tree and moss take to a boulder. It is not left dead. Not yet. But in the instant after the tentacles began their spread, they disappear, leaving the blob in shattered pieces, a good chunk of it's mass dissolving into gaseous shadow.The beast does what it can do, and flees into the jungle gym fortress. It will be harder to get at, but no one can escape the miles.
rolled 96 = 96>>19206775Go at it!
rolled 78 = 78>>19206775Don't meet it head on in there, the terrain is to its favor. Start smashing the supports of the gym and bring it onto our field. Once it's on the ground we just start smashing it as it has handily contained itself into a nice box.
>>19206775Forgot:>Your HP: 97/100>Monster HP: 34/100>New Ability Unlocked! Black Miles - Sprout tentacles of eldritch energy from one arm that will either fuck up your enemy's insides, or chase after a mass of them and do as much damage to as many as possible.
rolled 34 = 34>>19206647Hit it. Hit it again. Do not stop hitting the beast.
>>19206808Also, the Miles can only trigger if two 90+ are rolled in the first three rolls.
rolled 17 = 17Charge in swinging wildly with the bat
>>19206835Not gonna use that spell very often.
>>19206869Well, it DOES do 61 damage/hit.
>Average Roll: 70Like a Donnovitch himself you charge in after the beast, your eyes beginning to weep shadows as the hate of his victims overtakes you. With the fury of twenty thousand dead Nazis you swing at it, smashing the beast in twain and burning away at a chunk of it's mass. It is much smaller now.Bun also much more clever. You have not a clear way out, and it has you surrounded. Not being so foolish as to try to envelope you again, it splits of into smaller chunks that hide amongst the jungle gym, saturating its trap with bolts of blackened flame.>Roll 1d100 for defense, average of first three.>Your HP: 97/100>Monster HP: 27/100
rolled 100 = 100>>19206936Spinning Bat of Flame Deflection!
rolled 65 = 65>>19206936
rolled 80 = 80>>19206936Why hunt it down, just collapse the structure and laugh. Collateral damage is funny.
>Average Roll: 82The creature did not remember one very important thing when it decided to shoot BALLS of fire at you instead of RAYS or something else less spherical. The bat of Donny Donnovitch is a baseball bat, designed with the specific purpose of hitting small, spheroid objects away from the person carrying it. You don't manage to strike a homerun with any of their attacks, but you do manage to return to pitcher on four of them.The other five hit, but they barely hurt at all.>Your HP: 92/100>Fragments Remaining: 5 (3hp each).
rolled 45 = 45>>19207029Go for it one at a time, find one bash it into wee little bits. Don't get distracted, choose a quarry and chase it into the ground. Imagine they're Nazis and we're the Bear Jew.
>>19207029Finish thisSummon forth the Hell Mouth and devour their very existence
rolled 30 = 30>>19207061messed up
rolled 85 = 85>>19207029Do what we do best, smash heads into a wee little pulp.
>Average Roll 53You momentarily contemplate opening up the hellmouth, but you are neither quite sure how to accomplish such a task, nor whether or not it is a good idea in the first place. Instead, which a girlish smile filled with razor edged teeth you go about your merry way smacking the little demi blobs into tiny bits of vaporous agony.That probably isn't all that good for the environment, but really the nanite scrubbers should be able to take care of it. But whether or not you just accidentally poisoned your atmosphere with concentrated pain, the fight is over and you are victorious.>Wat do?
rolled 30 = 30>>19207142Collect the corpse and consume it to fuel our powers.
>>19207142Talk to the catbomination.
>>19207142Raise our bat in the air like a champion. Stride around for a minute asking who is the boss, and answering with I'm da boss.Find the Catbomination, brofist him and get his name.Oh and we should probably check up on our friend.
>>19207142Feed the bat I guess. It's probably hungry after all that bashing. Good thing there's plenty of chunks of monster around.Also maybe talk to the cat and not-cat.
You cannot collect the corpse because it evaporated into vaporous agony, which according to the catbomination broseph is, in fact, good for the environment. Apparently it makes plants grow bigger out of sheer schadenfreude."Well, thanks for that." The catbomination had curled up into an adorable ball of fluffy tentacles. "That'll really cut down on my workload this cycle. I suppose I better get a head start on the paperwork that the BENEFACTORS will want on this incident. I'm sorry that I really can't stick around for much longer, but these guys have been giving us migraines up the pq'tothdrk, if you know what I mean." As he fades, he hands her a card with one of his tentacles. "I get the feeling this won't be the last you'll be seeing of them, either. If you ever need some exposition, just break the seal on the business card and play a banjo's lowest C sharp. Cause, well, that's kind of my name, or shorthand for it anyways."And then he's gone, the card alone remaining. It reads "Mr. C-sharp on a Banjo, Arcane Scientist", and next to that is a sort of spiral pattern of helixes and stars."Um, Malai?" a soft, squeeky voice asks. Right, you forgot about that CERTAIN IDIOT. "Why do I feel all... fuzzy?"The CERTAIN IDIOT is nowhere to be found, or at least not in the form of an overweight boy. At the ground where the last of the blob thing evaporates into the black clouds of agony is a fat whit cat. Whom is now speaking to you."I mean it's not a bad feeling, but yeesh. It's like my head's been through a blender and got bound with fuzzy handcuffs. And why in the 'verse do I have a craving for tuna... I HATE tuna...">Wat Do?
>>19207271Congratulate him on his promotion to cat. Take him home, tell him if poops indoors he sleeps outdoors, and if anyone catches him speaking he's on his own.
>>19207271You're a cat. I find your misfortune rather hilarious. I'll take you home to your family, you're their problem, not mine.Also how in hell do you know what it is like to get bound by fuzzy handcuffs?
>>19207271You're a cat, Ishmael.
>>19207305"You're a cat, Ismahel."It takes a moment for it to dawn on him, and like a stop motion doll his cat face transforms from one of confused contentment to one of abject horror. He even manages to change his fur blue, however the heck that works."I, I," He sniffs. "I don't want to be allergic to myself!">End Act I, because I need sleep.
>>19207326Do more soon, much promise.
rolled 23 = 23>>19207356agreed
Wake up to find it all over with.And I must say you boys have not let me down. We shall be dark, practical girl who gives no fucks and wastes no time with the ass whooping. Enemy transforming? Bat to the face.BBEG giving a speech? Acid to the face.