Please don't be bogus, mods. Be excellent. /tg/ Sticky Rule 1!So, what with code silliness, we're using the foolz archive right now.http://archive.foolz.us/tg/thread/19165722/After a lot of effort and not very much planning, we have infested 2 billion people on the planet Earth. It's exciting! There are still about 8 billion Terrans on the planet, and news of the "illness" that spread through the portion of the planet we now control is widespread. So far, conjecture that it is the same illness that led to loss of communications with all but four other UED worlds is just that: conjecture. Still, there are talks of quarantine, though we're not sure whether humanity really has the means to wall off southern Asia.Still, it would be prudent to act before our cover is entirely blown.(Scheduling: Looks like Memorial Day or June 1st. Preference?)
(Jebus. There are a lot of quests going on tonight, aren't there? Oh, well. There's also a thread about your character being a gorilla or somesuch. Not like I'm elbowing out much...)
good evening cerebrate.Memorial day would be better for me. Heading to an anime convention on the 1st
In regards to Earth, I'd suggest sending a message to Earth saying we've heard of their problems. If they wish for assistance, we would be glad to study and attempt to treat people of their illnesses.In reality, infest scientists that are willing to "work with" us.
>>19202703Start selling a 'preventative treatment' and stoke paranoia with our media connections.When the 'preventative treatment' is found out to be an immunosuppresant, start selling an 'antiviral suite' and do more media trickery.THEN, when the 'antiviral suite' is found to be an actual virus, start selling 'organic bioencapsulation armor'.Which is, of course, just blatant infestation.>>19202785>loadsaquestsAnd people laughed when I said 'quests with original settings generally suck' in the quest general...
>>19202815>>19202839Great minds think alike, I suppose?
>>19202839>>19202815Anyway, are you coming to them as the Zerg, or slipping in as a pharmaceutical company? We haven't got a great history with fake IDs, but the UED has fallen for them in the past.
>>19202895I'd say as the Zerg. We've saved Earth once.
>>19202895Both. Who's in charge of subverting Earth's economy? I've forgotten. Anyway, challenge them to a race. First one to fully infest a human without getting found out wins.
>>19202905>>19202937(I flipped a coin to see whether they would even talk to us. Lucky you)Defense Director Tyson's glowering face appears, and it's clear he hasn't gotten much sleep over the past few days."You've got a lot of nerve contacting us, after that stunt you pulled with the Jehan Array. You've got about thirty seconds to convince me not to shut this off right now."We realize briefly that the only time we ever talk to him is when Earth is under attack. Funny.Anyway, what do we say?
Well, we were going to offer help from those mechanical ships that have been attacking both us and you, but if you don't want any. . . We've also heard rumors of a sickness. Our species's unique biology is especially well suited to fighting illnesses. We could help you cure it.
>>19203051We heard that there's been some kind of little bug going around, and we're always one to hear the sounds of profit to be made.Our race's unique biology makes us very good at genetic manipulation and the creation of new antibodies; we were just wondering if this might be a service you would be interested in.
>>19203085>>19203113(I feel 3 pounds lighter!)Sounds good. Roll 1d20.
rolled 9 = 9>>19203253YES SIR!
rolled 6 = 6>>19203253rollan
rolled 1 = 1>>19203271>>19203287You two suck
rolled 4 = 4>>19203302Not as much as you!
rolled 19 = 19Ok, Dice hate us tonight.
rolled 5 = 5>>19203253There's no need to fear! TG roller is here!
>>19203302Oh, contrare, anon...
>>19203326/tg/ dice gods: we love it when you hate yourself.
>>19203271>>19203287Tyson's face softens a tiny bit."We have been having a series of biological infections. If you think you can help, we can send you some infected samples..."
>>19203391"Of course, of course. We'll have our scientists take a look and see what we can brew up. Now, we can't guarantee anything of course, but we'll do what we can."
>>19203391We would appreciate that. Would you like for use to send you an ambassador so that we can share anything we learn with you more quickly?
>>19203492I want to send a Zerg Steven Hawking down to "help" them.
>>19203487>>19203492So, they're sending us tissue samples of Terrans infected with our infestation virus. What are we doing with these?
I'd suggest making a "Cure" that completely cures those specific terrans of the virus.Claim that we've figured out a way to cure people, but it has to be genetically tailored to each person. We then use the "curing" to completely infect them.
>>19203391First, quarantine those samples and see if they're infected with any sort of counter-agent that is meant to infect Zerg with nasty diseases.If it is nothing more than our Zerg hyperevolutionary virus doing its thing on human cells, then see if there are any strange reactions going on with this particular brand of humans. While UED humans and Korpulu sector humans may be essentially the same species, we can never be too sure.
>>19203663Hmm...yes, it wouldn't do to underestimate the Humans, especially when their backs are to the wall, and they can feel our grasping claws at their throats.Second making sure that this isn't some attempt to reverse-infect us.
>>19203653>>19203663>>19203758Cursory analysis shows the virus doing exactly what it was intended to do. A little slower than usual, perhaps, but not by much.There's no sign of counter-infection. There are trace metals in the samples, and exotic antibiotics, but those are probably harmless.
>>19203849So. . . Fake cure and infect the leaders when they line up to get it as detailed in >>19203653
>>19203871Well, roll 1d20 for a bluff check and let's make the call!
rolled 1 = 1>>19203890here's hoping
rolled 9 = 9>>19203912I hate you dice.
>>19203912I love you, dice.
Patch 1.4 was Blizzard's definitive >fuck balancestatement. T will remain OP. Z will remain UP. Enjoy watching TvT mirror matches in the GSLs since you'd hate to play such an unpolished game.
>>19203912>>19203926>>19203962That's it, Zerg Quest... distract the /tg/ dice from my thread... Good... Good...
rolled 17 = 17Rollin!
rolled 2 = 2>>19203871>>19203890Rollin'
rolled 9 = 9>>19203871Oh come on!These rolls are not statistically sound at all!
>>19203912>>19203926(After much searching, I have given up on finding a picture of NDT looking enraged. I am starting to think the man doesn't even have that emotion. So, use your make pretend muscles)We contact Defense Director Tyson, and attempt to convince him of our success, but before we can lay down our deception, he demands the exact details of our cure. When we begin feeding him lies, lights reflect off of his face, and he informs us that his science advisers have been listening in."These guys may not know how to solve the problem, but they damn sure know a load of bullshit when they hear it. I don't know what your game is, Cerebrate, but we're through, here."The channel cuts off, abruptly.Well, that could have gone worse.
>>19204100Now I'm tempted to call back and say "You've got us. We infected you with the Zerg virus. Neener neener neener, motherfuckers!"
>>19204008The MetaQuest cometh?
>>19204176>>19201649It's running right now. It's a good night. My two favorite quests are both running.
>>19204176I'm just lurking for the time being. Enjoying the show while I wait for replies in my own thread. And letting you know that I haven't forgotten our dark pact.
>>19204215>dark pactSweet Christ.The crossover cometh.
>>19204100Eh, whatever. The fall of Earth and the UED is inevitable as long as we don't do something stupid.Have the CORE Fleet launch some probing attacks against the Earth Defense Grid, keep the humans on their toes.
>>19204237HUSHTHE CROSSOVER, DAMMIT
>>19204100Well, looks like we're going to have to do this the old-fashioned way.From the last thread, it appears as if the UED is greatly weakened. Since time appears to be on our side, we could merely wait for the infestation to take root on Earth and the remaining colonies that did not succumb to infestation immediately. Once that happens, the UED will be immediately tipped off that the Zerg are behind the illnesses... due mainly to the copious amounts of body-horror infested terrans being generous with claw-hugs and spinethrowing toward the non-infested population. One poster mentioned to keep doing probing attacks with our CORE fleet to weaken the UED, and to make it appear as if the CORE fleet is gathering for one final massive attack. This may goad the UED into tipping their hand and releasing another superweapon to wipe out our AI fleet.
>>19204267>(cont.)And when the AI fleet is either wiped out or disabled, we can then either wait for the infestation to take place at our leisure (probably a bad idea) or to do what Kerrigan suggests and make a giant hive cluster out of Earth. And then hand over Earth to Kerrigan as was agreed.
>>19204267>>19204237(Note: the people infested on Earth are infested. The virus isn't spreading, so unless we start using these people to infest *other* people, we're just going to be sitting on 2 billion humans on Earth doing whatever. Which is great and everything, but it won't immediately win us the planet.)>>19204260>>19204236Pic...maybe related?
>>19204323Of those 2 billion people, surely some of them are important/influential people. We need to have them spread out around Earth if possible before they start infesting to maximize the chaos. Once spread out, I'm tempted to say have one area brazenly start infesting to draw attention while the more spread out agents do a more covert method of infesting.
>>19204349Alright, roll 2d100 to see how spreading out goes.
rolled 23, 13 = 36>>19204437Here ya go!
rolled 7 = 7>>19204437Let's give this a shot. Only gonna roll one so I don't potentially completely doom us.
rolled 99, 50 = 149Screw you dice. Hit me!
>>19204448>>19204460Despite talk of quarantine, it's surprisingly simple to get the more affluent members of our Swarm spread to the far corners of the globe. In only two days, we have agents in the most populous cities of the planet, and one agent, Maladhar Thakur, has a fair shot of being able to set up a face-to-face meeting with Defense Director Tyson, should we wish to try it.The bulk of our infested Terrans are still contained in southern Asia, though.
>>19204575Do it. I want that man in our swarm.
>>19204608(I'm rolling at home, because I feel like my dice don't get to play often enough. You got...a 9 on a d12. Well, that's nice, isn't it?)Maladhar makes the proper requests, submits the proper forms, presents his clearances, and makes the right bribes. It's not an easy or cheap thing, but it's not as if we're exactly short on change to provide.The Defense Directorate complex is awash in security systems. Retinal scans, manual passcodes, thumbprint IDs, keycard scanners...we're fairly certain one of the guards flashed a hand signal at a camera on our way in. However, it is apparently unready for a biological infection like ours. The building's inner rooms are lit almost exclusively by computer terminals, holographic displays, and various interface devices. The air is so thick with tension that we are surprised anyone can breathe.Tyson's office, on the other hand, is almost spartan. There are small 2D still photographs of early spacecraft on the walls, the lighting is florescent, and the wooden desk is decorated with only a manual comm device, an older model computer terminal, and paper documents.After being led in, Tyson dismisses the guards."Alright, Mr. Thakur. You've gone to a lot of trouble to set up this meeting, but nobody seems to know why. What do you want?"
>>19204849So, have you heard the good news about Jesus Christ?
>>19204938...We can say that, if you want.
>>19204849>Lean in close. I have reason to believe that someone in your organization is a spy. He's probably bugged this room.>Lean in closer.>Infest.
>>19204960Nice! I like it!
>>19204960>>19204977That right there is a d10 plan.
>>19205010The troll is tempting though.
>>19205010Eh, why not.If the infections fail, we'll just have the CORE brute-force its way past the Earth Defense Grid.
rolled 5 = 5>>19204960>>19205010I've run out of things to say while rolling.
>>19204960I have to say I like the spy angle.
rolled 9 = 9>>19205010Do you want us to roll a d10?
>>19205025>>19205094(Oh, right. I was rolling. Forgot. A 4. Ow)We lean in close. "Director, I have reason to believe there is a spy in your office. This room might even be bugged." We lean a little closer, and he does so as well, a critical look in his eye. Suddenly, we trigger a reflex in Maladhar's throat, and a proboscis shoots out from his mouth toward Tyson's.Unfortunately, Tyson's reflexes have not been dulled by his time in office. He reacts instantly, jumping aside. He ends up on the floor, and dives toward the comm unit on his desk.(Another d10 for him...Oh, that's just beautiful. He botched)Thakur's hand thrusts downward with inhuman speed, grasps Tyson's fingers, and breaks two of them. The hardened Director doesn't cry out, merely grunting with the pain as he tries to shoulder his way closer to the device.(And you roll a 9. Nice)Our proboscis finds his mouth as he struggles, and our spores flow into the man, his body seizing in shock as they overtake his nervous tissue. The process is indescribably painful at this speed, but through it all, he shows no sign of giving up.Until, that is, we invade his mind and his will is gone entirely. We retract Thakur's proboscis, and begin wiping away excess mucus. Tyson is ours. The entire United Earth Directorate's military is under our command.
>>19205220(I was just going to roll that one d12 earlier. Do you guys want to roll for yourselves again? I suppose I should've said something)
>>19205239Excellent. It's time to see if the UED has anything up their sleeves or if they really are just fortifying Earth and hoping for the best. Does Tyson's memories have anything like some kind of final plan or secret weapon they've saved up?Does his control of the UED military also involve the quarantine? If so, we could make the infestation process a lot smoother.
>>19205302Strolling through Tyson's memories, we find...surprisingly little. Aside from Dyles, us, and their brief encounter with the Protoss, the UED has never encountered real alien life. They were taken completely by surprise by Dyles, and might have been snuffed out completely had it not been for us. Whole worlds were wiped out.Then, suddenly, there was a hostile AI with no discernible origin, which marauded through their wartorn empire. Now, whole colonies have gone silent, apparent victims of some kind of horrific plague. Tyson's last independent thoughts are desperation, not for his own life, but for that of his people. Humanity, he believes, is doomed.That's reassuring.
>>19205380Awww. Now I feel bad. Let's make Earth a Human Reservation just like the one in the Koprulu sector.Crap. gotta give it to Kerrigan. Let's see if we can convince her to make it a reservation
>>19205380Well, let's let the infection slowly but surely spread throughout Earth. We keep the CORE probing attacks, and let our spores do their job.We want Earth intact, after all.
>>19205413Nah. We stick with the plan and let Kerrigan have it. We have the Koprulu sector to maintain humanity with. No need to have two.Let's ask Kerrigan if she wants us to continue the infestation process or just wipe out whatever.
>>19205413We get the feeling Kerrigan has her heart set on having the Earth as a sort of personal throne planet...>>19205433You want to infect water supplies or something? It's that, or infestation the manual way, like we just did to Tyson.
>>19205461Infect the water supplies. Man, we haven't done that in a long while.
Hmmm... With Tyson under our control, could we infiltrate some terminators that look human on planet and then reveal they exist? Such a thing would cause havoc amongst the remaining UED leadership/population while we continue the infestation process quietly in the background.
>>19205515Not since before VoidGate.So, is this our final answer?
>>19205515Rather than water supplies, I wonder if we should just use Tyson to infect some of the upper level scientists and then have them create a 'vaccine' and have that given to the population.
>>19205607Up to you guys. It's certainly possible.
>>19205709Well I'm the one who suggested making the fake vaccine idea. I think we should go for that rather than the water source. Or hell, maybe do both so if one gets caught, at least the other still has a chance of working.
>>19205761Both sounds like a wonderful idea
>>19205607>>19205761Well, roll 2d100 and see how it goes.
rolled 91, 7 = 98Here we go.
rolled 66, 51 = 117>>19205772It's rolling time!
>>19205793>>19205802We call in one of the head scientists involved in the efforts to identify and isolate the "plague." Maladhar is introduced as representing a private lab that has discovered a solution. It's easy for Tyson to hold him down while Maladhar infests him.We send Maladhar home, letting the newest members of our Brood incubate a bit. When they are ready, we begin infestation from the top. It takes a week, but everybody we need is infested without major incident (a few near misses, but some infested security guards and a few "mysterious disappearances" are chump change).Selling the cure is more difficult. The people are afraid of the disease, but any of our viruses will cause symptoms that they will recognize. We finally settle on an explanation that the vaccine causes a mild infection that may last a few days, and select a quick-moving strain.The people begin lining up for infestation. Crates of our virus are shipped up to the orbiting fleet for mandatory military distribution. Ships are even dispatched to the four other worlds still confirmed to be clean. Apart from the anti-vac community, the Earth is completely infected. We consider releasing mumps or whooping cough into the water supplies, just to finish off the stragglers.
>>19205961Those people need to eat eventually. Just have whoever provides food drool all over everything.
>>19205961Nah, present to Kerri as-is. We were tossing around the idea of a human reservation; well now we've got a game preserve for her.
>>19206048Yeah we've done most of the work. Let her finish it off.
>>19206048Are we going to hand over the humans to her, or are we going to evacuate the planet before we give it to her?Also, sup/tg/'s working again! Hooray!http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/19202703/Also also, Codeki voted for Memorial Day. Is that alright with any/everybody else?
>>19206119The infested ones, I mean. We can leave her the crazy hill people.
>>19206119If we need some infested terrans, we can take some but I see no reason to evacuate it. Let Kerrigan have her throne world and subjects to go with it.
>>19206119Ask her what she wants.
>>19206128I like the idea of leaving her the crazy people
>>19206181>>19206155>>19206141>>19206128While we debate how best to present this pale blue jewel to Little Sister, we receive a message from Khas, the leader of the Protoss Empire."Cerebrate, I bring ill tidings. The...former Hierarch, Tassadar, has disappeared, taking nearly a quarter of the Protoss fleet with him. I fear he means to attack your Swarm. I cannot say when he departed. Several of his guard have refused to allow anyone to speak to him for several weeks. It burdens my thoughts that this warning may come too late. Please understand that Tassadar acts under censure. He does not represent our people."And we were having such a nice day...
>>19206348... contact Kerri rightthefucknow.
>>19206361"What, they LOST one of the founders of their new society? That's awful reassuring. Have you finished operations on Earth? There's no reason to divide our attentions if we don't have to. Burn the planet if they continue to resist."We would slap our forehead, if we had such a thing. We tell her about our success, and how we are giving the planet to her, along with as many of the 10 billion Terrans on it as she desires. For a brief instant, her persona of cold patronization fades, and we see a glimmer of genuine gratitude on her face. Just that instant, though, and then it's business as usual."Why, thank you, Cerebrate. I'm touched."We knew she'd like it!
>>19206468Don't forget to tell her about the crazy hill people. She'll have fun with those.
>>19206348We should get back in contact with the protoss and ensure that they realize, if we are attacked, we will respond in kind to the strike force although we have no desire to war with the rest of the Protoss. As well, contact that other sect of the protoss that had the archons, forgot what they were called, and see if they have any info that might help us.
>>19206514Khas assures us that any actions we take to defend ourselves against Tassadar and his brethren are acceptable; they have forfeit the protection of the Empire.The Jael'Aten have no information that Khas didn't already have, except to proudly announce that none of their number left with Tassadar. They have all stayed loyal to the Empire, and to the allies who helped them return to it.>>19206509"I'd be suspicious if there weren't some kind of catch, Cerebrate," she tells us, with a grin.(Alright, guys. It's almost 2, here. Unless there's anything pressing we need to do, I think I'm going to call it a night. See you all Monday? To ease the pain of the thread ending, please accept a picture of my parents' adorable dog)
>>19206582Probably best if you call it here anyways. Think there's only two of us as it is. You just had to make Tassadar be a jerk though, eh? Let's hope things go better than they did on Aiur, heh.
>>19206582See ya round.
>>19206582Any actions we take to defend ourselves against Tassadar is fine then, eh? We need to capture them and start infesting them.
>>19206593(Tassadar's been a jerk since we trashed his fleet. Invading Aiur, liquifying Shakuras, and Kerrigan putting infested agents into his government to spy on him have only deepened his resentment. Well, he doesn't know that the second is our fault, but he's got his suspicions. Even in the canon, Tassadar would never have accepted a treaty with the Zerg. This was long coming)
>>19206677It's okay. It gives us access to Protoss to try to infest again and achieve the perfection union of essence and form. Tassadar will make the perfect subject to do this to.