Sorry for the delay, was trying to harass Planefag, but he has disappeared for the time being. Just got back from the dentist after some EXTREME FILLINGS because my old filling fucking fell out on friday. You look around, completely surrounded by fog. Upon further observation, you see the likenesses of comrades who have been long dead. Fellow tank witches, infantrymen, even some of those bloody french jerk faces are strewn about what looks, smells, and feels like a battlefield . As the fog recedes, you see more recent corpses litter the ground. Most are wearing British army uniforms, with a few of German's you fought around as well. You go to turn over one of the Brit's bodies to get a better look. As you roll him over, you see he bares a striking resemblance to Ian. But wasn't he flying with the Bounce Lord of Castle Brian? Fuck this shit. Why the hell are you having these weird as fuck dreams?
You wake with a jolt as someone touches your right inner-thigh. Snapping back to reality you find a hand danger close to your crotch and a head with platinum blond hair inspecting what you hope was the injury you received the other day.. "Ah Colonel, I was just checking your leg. The hexe marschall has a mission for you." The blond dismounts your leg in one fluid motion. "We only just met a few days ago, and getting shot in the face doesn't help memory either. I'm Lt. Lita Ilomäki." She salutes and continues," Your leg's healed up nicely," she removes the bandages from over your left eye, blinding you for a moment "and your eye seems to be fine." Being exposed to light for the first time in days stings your eye, but other then that you have no problems with it. "Häpeä sinä bat for väärä joukkue.." she mumbles looking away. "She's downstairs, though you should probably go get something to eat." As she opens the door and exit, your stomach rumbles, indicating WITCH NEEDS FOOD, BADLY. You are half sitting-up on a bed in a relatively small room. It was probably a guestroom for the farmhouse before the army turned it into a command post. What do you do?>Quest for food>Think Lewd thoughts about the Finn>Use your magically augmented motherly powers to make Ian feel the disappointment you feel towards him for entering this war (as a sodding Yank pilot no less)>See if your eye has any new magical abilities>Be in crippling pain because the Novocaine you got from the dentist is wearing out and your face hurts like a bitc... Oh wait, this isn't an option, I'm just projecting
In before Kotters/Planefag
>>19202097>Quest for food.Can't do much on an empty stomach.
>>19202097>Quest for food
>>19202154>>19202170Ahahah time to write! just grab me lovely painkillers and it's off to the races!
Sure is quiet tonight
>>19202097Quest for food AND think lewd thoughts about the Finn.
>>19202245well, i just got back from torturing some poor sap by putting in new fillings in his mouth. i love my job, i get to inflict pain on people and not get arrested!
>>19202097>Häpeä sinä bat for väärä joukkueEi hän ei ole. Ei ole sellaista asiaa. Siirrä sisään Finn.
>>19202097 You get up out of bed, with your leg still tingling and stomach growling. Knowing you can't do shit without some food in you, you exit your room and go down the stairs. The Command staff converted the farm house's old kitchen to a well, field kitchen, complete with staff and equipment that was invented after the turn of the century! As you enter the kitchen proper you freeze in horror.... "Y-y-y-y-y-y-YOU! WHY THE HELL ARE YOU HERE!" You screech as you point towards the overweight German cook from the old base. "Vhat did I do kommandant?" He reply's as he cooks his signature dish. "YOU ARE THE GOD DAMN KRAUT WHO CAN'T COOK EGGS TO SAVE HIS LIFE! GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN!" You scream in his face as you pour his liquid eggs down the drain. Knowing you greatly outrank him, he turns and walks out with his hands on his face, sobbing lightly. You swear you see a single tear roll down his face, but your hungry doesnt let you give a single fuck. Some time later, you walk out with a plate full of scrabled eggs, and a glass of orange juice. You find a table that isn't covered in maps and charts and start to dig in. >What do you do next?
>>19202405Finish our food, get a complete situation report and make sure everything is going ok. Once that is done we should probably find our husband and get back to the 101st.
>>19202405Look over the maps as we eat, and see if we can make sense of what's going on.
>>19202447This might as well get some work in. Fucking war.
>>19202447Let's go with this, then find your crew.
>>19202405>Knowing you can't do shit without some food in youAvoid swearing when narrating, looks unprofessional > old kitchen to a well, field kitchen"To a well" makes the thing flow poorly, avoid using flow breaks outside of dialogue>"Vhat did I do, kommandant?" He reply's as he cooks his signature dish.Accents are nice, but you didn't need to tell what he's doing, since it's obviousOther than that, pretty good.
>>19202405Finish food, look at intel on enemy disposition. Perhaps scare up some company. Sylwia would be ideal, though Victor would work to. Perhaps renegotiate the OoB. We also need to start getting ready for our next push out. We need to crush that pocket.
Well, it's like my good buddy Borborygmos says.It starts with a, "WE EAT!"And is followed by a, "CRUSH THEM!"
>>19202498Aye commandant. Valid points all around. My writing is extra sloppy today because of some delicious Vicodin. I shall take your criticisms and put them to use
>>19202498>picking out all that>not pointing out 'reply's' instead of 'replies'
>>19202622Spelling and grammar is on him, and he's missing a lot more. I'm just focusing on stuff that was awkward to read.
I think the meds knocked Panzer out cold.
Have Finns and Germans battle for supremacy via pillow fight.
>>19202405Finishing up your delicious non-liquid eggs and OJ, you look over some nearby maps lying about. You cannot make heads or tales of the map as it's a few days old, but even then it looked like the Martian assault had been blunted. Hopefully the ground pounders have been doing their job.You vaguely remember the Finn telling you somebody want to see you. That somebody manages to find you before you even get away from the table. A German lady sits down opposite to you, wearing a deep red Luftwaffe uniform with sharp facial features, blonde hair, and brilliant blue eyes."It has been long time since ve talked faze to faze like dhis, ja?" She reaches into her breast pocket and puts out a pack of cigarettes. "Vant vne Kath?""I don't smoke""Suit yourself." She says as she takes a cigarette out and lights it."So what do you want with me? Aren't you the new air marshal for the Reich?" You cringe on the last word, probably from the several years of hard fighting."Ja ja, dhat is old news. Vhat I am here for is to tell you about a mission ve need you to do." She takes another puff. " A Russian vitch was captured by a martian force a few veeks ago near Leningrad. We believe dhat dhey have her aboard a Dreadnaught named dhe 'Боль в заднице'. I have no idea vhat it means, and I plan to keep it dat vay."
>>19202789Right, give me details on this. How large a force are we sending, what do we know of the dreadnought, what is it's current location and what defenses and lines of battle are we going to have to go through. Finally what makes this witch so special that you're sending me and presumably more witches after her?
>>19202842Pretty much. And isn't this more of a job for Commando units?
>>19202870Yeah like SAS.
>>19202878Guys, SAS witches. Little girls with modified silent tank legs or something like that, and Fairbarn-Sykes Fighting Knives.
>>19202789 "What do you want me to do about it?" you inquire, "I've been knocked out of action with two performance decreasing injur" "Vell, dhat is not true. I had da Lt check your 'injuries' and you seem fit for service. She vas however, to eager to preform duty..." She trails off, taking another puff. "Well what is the plan?" "Da dreadnaught vill be flying over da north sea, a few dozen miles avehy from vhere we are now. We plan to drop you and two vitches (of your choosing*) onboard, and hopevully, you manage to secure her. If not possible? Terminate, because ve don't want those Martians vith a living vitch to run tests on." "Oh boy here we go...." You say while rolling your eyes. Why must it always be you doing the dangerous missions? "Wait, are you only sending 3 witches?" "Nein frau, we will be landing some sturmtruppen with you, not many though, so be careful vith them. Ve will provide a distraction using some older English warships, to make your job easier." She finishes her smoke and puts it out on your plate. "You have a few hours till ve launch, so get your stuff done now." She says as she gets up. You match suit, stretching your legs in the process. You return the plate to the kitchen and stand in the doorway, wondering how to kill the next few hours. >You decide, my brain is tripping balls
>>19202789"Ok, you have my attention. So, give me some mission parameters. How are we making the insertion and extraction? How many seats do we have?"
>>19202897Find the Finnish Lieutenant. The one who was batting for the AWESOME team.Have fun~
>>19202897Lovely, round up the Witches we have available to us, we'll have to decide which ones we're taking with us. Prioritize experienced witches for the picking as we have no clue what's on the Dreadnought and we want people who stay calm.After that we'll see our husband and tell him we're going out for a bit.
>>19202897I really need to go throw up, be back in a few minutes to read shit then start writing again
>>19202897Yeah nah. Why drop a three more witches if you're worried about them having living witch to run test on.Well anyways. Anyone got list of the witches that under our lovely command.
>>19202967https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-OPInpGECnxJhOAyM-rw3WeSeDSr486QuKTF7qbvfhU/Last I checked, In related news, why not send elite troops to go slap martian shit and recover an elite troop?
>>19202897Well now, that ain't the kind of tank I expected to see from you. That's an Armored Core.Anyways, let's bring Barbara. She's :3
>>19202897Gather our best and brightest. No witch left behind.
<Panzerhexen> Man, reading /pol/ while throwing up brings back memories
>>19202897Once the Miles is mass produced, we'll put an end to the Martians in no time...Anyway, we better plan out the rescue and find tank witches that are comfortable dropping from the sky and fighting in relatively close quarters.
>>19202897You ask the nearest officer where your witches are located, and he simply points to the barn some 40ft from the house. Breaking into a light sprint, you reach the barn. Kicking open the door, you see several dozen cots with your young witches filling some of them, a few Special Airborne Servicemen playing cards with a witch or two, and the horrible horrible stench of petrol, as most of the witches strikers are being maintained inside the barn.List of Witches present and rolesMajor Helen Roberts - Medium tank witch, good most things, except not driving a leeCpt Barkmann, - Long range Medium tank witch, Panther's gun can pen most enemy armour assets, but weak in cqcLt Knispel - Tiger ace, heavy tank witch, good at all ranges, can enter a trance that enhances her abilities for a short while, but drains magic power like a bitchLt Ilomäki - Assaultgun witch, good at long or short range, sharp sensesLt Tarczay - Assaultgun witch, Great at close range, good armour, poor at rangedCaptain Wittmann - Tiger ace, good medium range abilties, stamina is a bit weakLt Mackenzie - Delicious tanned waif.... Tankdestoryer witch, quick and heavily armed, not terribly tough2nd Lt Koszustki - Weaponised Dawwww, Light tank witch, really really quickLt Jackson - Medium tank witch, can do anything, just not very well
>>19203378You can take 2 other witches other then yourself, and 3 squads of infantry.Russian EngineersS.A.S CommandosAmerican Para'sGerman Assault PioneersYour loadouts:A - 6pdr Revolver Rifle (6 round cylinder, 4 or so reloads) with 76.2mm shoulder howitzer (3 HE shots)B - 17pdr Witchrifle with 10 rounds290mm Spigot mortar rounds used as gernades are also provided (4) as well as a 7.92mm Besa Machinegun and your trusty Webley revolver which I forgot the modelIn related news: Tell me what the hell you want to take with you, as well as what you are gonna do to kill 3~4 hours
>>19203386>Lt Tarczay - Assaultgun witch, Great at close range, good armour, poor at ranged>Captain Wittmann - Tiger ace, good medium range abilties, stamina is a bit weak>SAS
Lt Ilomäki - Assaultgun witch, good at long or short range, sharp sensesLt Tarczay - Assaultgun witch, Great at close range, good armour, poor at rangedSounds like a lot of close quarters, so we need ones, with those strengths.As for the troopers, we should take the SAS and Pioneers. Shit needs to blow up everywhere forever>We Special Forces now
>>19203378>>19203386We're going to be infiltrating a Dreadnought, right? So long-range firepower isn't going to help us much.So, I pick Roberts and Tarczay.For Infantry support, SAS Commandos, Russian Engineers (we might need to blow open some holes).The last one is a toss-up between the Yanks and the Jerries:
>>19203378Well, we're going to be on a dreadnought we need close and medium range much more than we need long range.I say Tarczay is a shoo in. I'd go for Roberts as we don't know exactly what we're up against. Take the 17 pounder, we'll rely on the others for most things and if there is something fucking huge we'll take it down with that.As for soldiers we want the Pioneers for explosives, SAS for being the fucking SAS and I'm not sure whether to get more Engineer types from the Russians or get Paratroopers.
>>19203442I support this one. Thus give it my vote.
>>19203509But roberts is a LEE WITCHHHHHHH
>>19203534You make an awful good point, but she's versatile and it's a Lee striker unit which isn't quite the retardation that a Lee tank is. However I'm just fine with Ilomaki as well.
>>19203386 "Tarczay, your coming with me on a mission." "Yes ma'am." She says while rolling out of her cot. " I vill collect my equipment now." You turn towards one of your senior witches. "Roberts' your coming as well." A groan comes from a shadowy corner of the room. Upon further inspection, you see her curled up on a cot "I'll see you there, just let me... Grab a few more Zees..." Someone grabs you from behind, wrapping their arms just below your bust. "Why don't you take me instead Colonel?" the Finn asks. " We make such a great pair..." "Shove off ya git, I'm married and have kids. I'm sure other witches here would like your advances much more then I. But I'll take you over that drunk any day." She releases you and mutters a sad sounding "O.k." Your chosen witches collect their stuff as well as their strikers and load them into trucks, waiting to take them to the airfield. >What now? >Sexy times with von Richthofen? >Sexy times with Polish witch? >Sexy times with husband? >Send angry letter to son about how you are buttmad that he's fighting in this war?
>>19203679>Sexy times with husbandBecause we should tell him that he needs to take care of our girls while we're out.
>>19203679Sexy times with husband!Find husband, have some fun and relaxation. Then tell him we're going out for a bit, not to worry it's just a afternoon stroll. Keep an eye on the girls while I'm out.
>Sexy times with husband?>Send angry letter to son about how you are buttmad that he's fighting in this war?You need to handle this as mother and father
>>192036794chanx is a terrorist, it forgets names n stuff and not afraid of anything
>>19203679Sexytimes with both husband and Polish witch followed by an invitation to breakfast to both son and french tart. While we may strongly dislike his tastes, seeing him again would likely do our hardened old heart some good.
>>19203750It's not even that he had to run off and join the army.It's that he had to run off and join the YANKS.He could have joined the Canadians, or the Australians. But no, he went to the Americans.Our disappointment must drip from the letter like armed up aviation engine oil.
>>19203679>sex up the husbandThat said: we REALLY need to screw with our son. Just find a way to maneuver people who know him near him, leading to a gradually escalating stretch of paranoia, until we finally just show up in his plane when he's about to scramble.Or we could delegate guilt tripping our son to our husband.
>>19203797I vote we try to get him to share a meal so we can try to at least talk him into joining a proper service and get him away from all of those flying hussies.
>>19203865Guilt trips are best delivered by moms. Problem is, he's pissed enough to ignore them. We lure him in with pleasentries, then lay into him with guilt. At least get the ne'er-do-well to write!
>>19203679 Finding your husband was the easy part, you looked for the the most damaged churchill , and lo and behold, hes explaining to the engineers why the tank is still on fire, 5 hours after it returned to base. "Colonel Victor, your uh..... Commanding pants are approaching!" You hear an engineer say to Victor over the roar of the engine fire. He manages to turn only halfway before you slip behind him and bearhug him. "THOUGHT YOU COULD OUTMANEUVER ME EH LOVE? I HAVE A JOB FOR YOU!" You shout as you squeeze the air out of him. "Ca-cant breeeeeeeeeee-" He stammers out as you go to release him. After taking a few deep breaths, he turns to face you "You look like you have seen some fighting Kath, you sure you should be up and about?" You give him a glare that would kill the Bounce lord of Castle Brain, but he shrugs it off. "Inside.HQ.Now." you hiss at him, leading him by the hand back upstairs where you where sleeping earlier. After 30 or so minutes of cuddling he pipes up. "So what's this mission you are going on?" "Just an afternoon stroll into a martian Dreadnaught to rescue a witch. Just an average thursday." "Uh-huh. Just don't hurt yourself out there, how would I be able to confront the kids saying you where KIA? Don't answer that." "While I'm gone, I need you to look after the girls, o.k? If you find the time, send Ian a letter saying I'll see him soon. That ought to scare him for now." "Well, that's a lot pf work to do. I can barely control you let alone all those young witches." You smile, give him a kiss on the forehead, and finally depart for the airfield.
>>19204099Aight, time to roll out.
>>19202498When i think like narraration i swear, and i liked the stop in the flow.
>>19203386What the fuck is this?
>>19204099After magically skipping to the airfield, you see that they have a few of those old B24 bombers and a few C-47s. Engineers are busy welding a few bomb shackles on your strikers n loading them into the B24s. You see some of the German Falschirmpioneers load up with twice as many S.A.S in the skytrains, some taking a smoke before they drop.Within 20 minutes, your fighter escort launches, with you following up behind in the slow, unsteady, underpowered, B24 with your tank legs in bomb shackles... Who's bloody idea was this? Another 20 minutes pass by without incident, and the bomb-bay doors open."We are over the target area Colonel, drop whenever ready.You gaze out and see nothing but black sky.""Are you sure about.." Suddenly, a flash from an explosion lights up the gigantic Martian ship below you, easily over a thousand feet long. "By the king! look at the size of that thing!" Without warning, the flight engineer hits the release, sending you and some 2 tons of English steel towards the titanic martian Dreadnaught.(Ahahaha time for cliffhangers)TWQ will resume sometime next week, as I have a 4~ day convention I'm going to this weekend. 10 buxs says planefag will do SWQ while I'm gone. Sorry for the poor form tonight, but I got me some dentistry done today and I'm all out of wack, Night beautiful people
>>19204520Good niiiiight Panzer~
>>19204099>and lo and behold, hes explaining to the engineers why the tank is still on fire, 5 hours after it returned to base.I take it he's not allowed to drive the car on family trips, then.
>>19204573It seems as if me and him have much in common...
>>19204520Night Panzer, keep on trippin'!Also, bombing with Witches? That's getting close to F-82!
>>19204520Good night, you magnificent bastard. Hope you feel better soon.
>>19204520Good night sweet prince