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06/06/08(Fri)14:18 No.1921028THE BIRTH AND CHILDHOOD OF LEITER VON FLAMMEN, PYROMASTER.
(PT I.)
A sunny day in the middle of the summer, it was the hottest day in years. The sun was scorching, forest fires raged through the Bundesland of Bavaria and birds spontaneously combusted as they flew through the sky.
In a large mansion, not far from Munich, a woman was giving birth. Around here stood the village priest, armed to his teeth with holy water, crucifixes and Bibles, for he had seen signs that the creature born in this cabin on this day, was no ordinary man, but a fire-breathing demon from the deepest pits of Hell.
The mother-to-be was sweating like a pig, screaming profanities and repeating this very unnerving phrase, over and over:
"I'm giving birth to fire!"
The father stood stoically by her side, but in his mind he feared what Hellish offspring would exit his wife's womb.
The midwife had long since escaped the scene, as her terror got the best of her. As the mother screamed louder and louder, the temperature in the room kept climbing and the priest started to recite "Holy Mary" at a feverish tempo.
"IT IZ KOMING, GOTT IN HIMMELS, IT IZ KOMING!" cried Frau Elda von Junker-Flammen, "I AM BURNING, MEIN GOTT!" The father, Herr Pyrlin Junker, was frozen in terror, so the priest had to the "honours" of delivering the baby.
Suddenly, like you would turn off the lights, Eldas screaming stopped, as the pain and heat was too much, and she collapsed.
Noone in the room moved. An absolute stillness and silence covered the room like a blanket. The heat was now almost to intense to stand, sweat poured of the two men like an Oktober-rain.
Very weakly, a child's cries could be heard. Soon they grew stronger, a lonely infants cries for help. The priests gentle and nurturing side took over and, very carefully, he bent over to pick up the infant from under it's still unconscious mothers skirt. |
