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  • File : 1328463319.jpg-(323 KB, 600x920, 1325871615660.jpg)
    323 KB Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:35 No.17817039  
    We make up things veteran adventurers might say.

    >never take a piss in the dark

    >Do not fret if you have not got a prayer. The cleric does, and his is gonna work

    >never trust a monster
    >and trust civilized humanoids even less

    >children mock other children who fear the dark. Adventurers mock the adventurers who do not.

    >Spending time picking the armour is useless if you do not spend an equal amount of time picking our clothes
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:36 No.17817047
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:37 No.17817062
    >make sure you got a hammer, light, good boots, waterskin and a rope. then worry about weapons.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:38 No.17817065
    Walk softly and carry a big stick, the stick is for finding traps.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:39 No.17817073
    >Never trust an elf on a weekday.

    >... or at weekends.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:39 No.17817076
    >never underestimate the power of adequately organized peasants and some wood.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:40 No.17817080
    >The usefulness of the 10ft pole is overestimated.

    >On the other hand a 12ft pole is a must have.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:40 No.17817084
    > any person whose name is any variation of "light" or "dark" is someone you do NOT want to associate with
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:40 No.17817086
    > You are going to die. Probably horribly.

    > If the paladin hit the evil thing as hard as he could and it didn't flinch, there is no shame in running away

    > There is never shame in running away, it is always a valid strategy.

    > fuck the peasantry.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:40 No.17817091
    And a dagger...
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:41 No.17817096
    Put a Vorpal Weapon on that fighter.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:42 No.17817104
    >Do not fret if you have not got a prayer. The cleric does, and his is gonna work
    Hmm, in setting where gods are real this is a quite stupid thing.
    >and trust civilized humanoids even less
    Stupid and cliche.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:42 No.17817107
    > never trust a skinny wizard.

    > never trust a sober dwarf.

    > just don't trust anyone in general.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:42 No.17817110
    >Check every door and chest ever for traps
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:43 No.17817113
    That hole off to the side of the road? Never look in it. Never look in it.

    Why? Son, have you seen this scar?
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:43 No.17817120
    Have you ever wondered how cliche things got to be cliche?

    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:43 No.17817123
    > sometime it feels like everything boils down to arbitrary chance, a roll of the dice if you will.
    >> The Wizard 02/05/12(Sun)12:43 No.17817124
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    >You'd be surprised at what a little pleasantry and a coin or two will yield.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:43 No.17817127
    >Fuck rope. Buy a ladder
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:44 No.17817137
    > better yet, a rope ladder.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:44 No.17817138
    Its cliche in same way as chainmail bikini.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:45 No.17817139
    >Don't take a gift from someone who is able and likely to force you to repay him
    >> The Wizard 02/05/12(Sun)12:45 No.17817140
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    >Eyes on the prize, lad. Keep watching your back and you're likely to meet death in the front.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:46 No.17817160
    >If you find yourself in a bad spot, don't curse the fates or you'll find yourself in even more dire trouble.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:46 No.17817164
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    >he trusts people
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:47 No.17817166
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    >rope ladder
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:47 No.17817170
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    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:48 No.17817183
    >knowledge is power, hide it well.
    Yeah i'm a lazy fuck.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:48 No.17817184
    Sometimes I feel like we're just puppets in a cosmic game of chance.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:49 No.17817185
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    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:49 No.17817186
    >Rope ladder
    brb, asking my DM if we can make/buy one of those
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:49 No.17817188
    >Whomever controls your destiny is always trying to fuck you up in the most painful way
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:49 No.17817189

    We need some more players.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:50 No.17817199
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    >yes yes, you killed an ogre. well fucking done. Just don't think that you can go out and wrestle a bear now.

    >also, adventurer pics
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:51 No.17817207
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:51 No.17817211
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    >Ugh...fucking wizards....
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:51 No.17817216
    I doubt that you would go too far as adventurer if you would see a ruse or trap in any man. You would refuse all quests (he is going to lure into a trap) wouldnt be able to eat foor ( cook poisoned it or if yo uare cooking yourself, they shokeper sold you poisionus ingridients), you cant have companions ( they will betray you and kill you in your sleep) etc. etc. etc.
    Humans are social animals. And if you are should "trust humans even less that monsters" than you wont be able to get anywhere.
    >> The Wizard 02/05/12(Sun)12:52 No.17817226
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    >Let me tell you something. Don't muck about in the forests. EVERY. BLADE. OF. GRASS. IS. WATCHING. YOU.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:52 No.17817227
    > when you're a wizard, no one ever appreciates you.

    > but if you're a fighter, no one will ever need you.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:52 No.17817228
    No, you kill the Kender, light it's body on fire, and make sure the fire is hot enough to leave nothing of it left. Then you pee on the ashes.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:52 No.17817232
    don't be a git.
    You do quests, but you do not trust the questgiver. capiche?
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:53 No.17817243

    I don't think that one applies, in any world with powerful adventurers, the kenders have probably been genocided for the good of the world
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:54 No.17817248
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    >if you feel like you can take on all the guards yourself...you probably can't
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:54 No.17817249
    Luck favors the prepared.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:54 No.17817255
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    >You never have enough bags lad. Never.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:56 No.17817274
    I used to be an adventurer like you...then I took an arrow to the knee

    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:56 No.17817276
    >If someone has gone to the trouble to hermit themselves, chances are you aren't going to be the person to convince them to talk to people again.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:56 No.17817277
    >Always have two people on watch, and don't put the bard on watch with anything he might fuck

    >If invited to dine with the ruler of a locality, remember to gag the barbarian.

    >Always carry climbing pitons. You may not climb all that often, but they are great for making sure doors stay shut

    >If anything short of your god offers you a wish spell, kill it. If you can't kill it, run.

    >Hire a ranger. Fresh deer meat is always better than hard tack, and it saves your hard tack for when you really need it.

    >Do Not Sleep In A Dungeon. If you have to sleep in a dungeon, see above.

    >You may think its funny to throw the halfling, but you won't be laughing when she kills you in your sleep.

    >Never get involved in politics. At best, you'll get out with your skin. At worse, you'll end up married and running a kingdom.

    >Designate someone to speak for the party. You'll know who. Do not attempt to "help" them.

    >Never order the ribs in a tavern where an orc is cooking. They were probably making bread in the next town over.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:57 No.17817283
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    You make the world a little less interesting every day.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:57 No.17817285
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    >A bear fucked with me once...ONCE
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:58 No.17817288
    This this this. If there's any precautions to be made, make them.
    If there's an emergency exit, make another one nobody else knows about.
    If there's a backup plan, make a backup plan for it.
    If you think something will never be useful, take it, because you will curse the day you left it behind.
    If things are looking good, prepare for the worst.
    If things are looking bad, prepare for the worst.

    Yes, I've had very malicious GMs, why do you ask?
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)12:58 No.17817293
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    >never go anywhere unarmed
    >no, not even there
    >If you, by some uncontrollable event, find yourself unarmed then make sure you know what objects nearby can be used in a pinch.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:00 No.17817298
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    >Never trust a rogue with a fetish for masks
    >Never trust a rogue with a one-word name
    >Never trust a rogue unless you can see his hands... Don't trust him then either.
    >> The Wizard 02/05/12(Sun)13:00 No.17817299
    This man is an accomplished adventurer.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:00 No.17817301
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    >shooting rookie adventurers in the knee is always good for a laugh
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:00 No.17817303
    If it looks important its trapped. If it isn't its cursed.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:00 No.17817305
    >Don't give up your weapons. Not for anything. If a king asks you to dine with him and insists you leave your weapons outside, politely decline and leave the kingdom.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:01 No.17817311
    Depends on the system, actualy.
    DnD - I saw the face of God... and punched it!
    WHRP 2ed - Sometimes i miss my arm.
    Riddle of Steel - Always aim for the groin.
    Call of Cthulhu - They hide in the walls... tiny... tiny... OoOooh.. the voices. The Great One is coming ... I know the secret.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:01 No.17817312
    Do not hoard magic items because you might need them later, the later fight doesn't matter if you get killed now. The damn things have a terrible habit of getting lost or destroyed anyways.

    By the same token, don't waste them on easily won fights it'll be just as effective on the group of enemies surrounding the boss even if the boss is immune, and lets everyone focus on what's important.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:01 No.17817315
    >If you find yourself in a group with a rogue, take inventory of your things every hour, on the hour.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:01 No.17817320
    >Never look a creature in the eyes

    >If a dragon's scales shine, it's out to kill you.
    >If a dragon's scales don't shine, it's out to kill you harder.

    >Anything looking hungrily at your weapon is better off being beaten by a stick.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:03 No.17817330
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:03 No.17817335
    > if a little thing like an arrow to the knee is enough to stop you, you were never a real adventurer to begin with.

    > if a little thing like being eaten by a giant raccoon beast created by an eldritch lord of the damned is enough to stop you, you were never a real adventurer to begin with.

    > if winding up in the seventh circle of hell, skinless and without a weapon, staring down a fat demon beast with butcher hooks for hands is enough to stop you....
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:05 No.17817348
    >When you're the healer, never tell the sneaky backstabber in your party that you should have that weapon, because it's got a word in it the matches up with your god. Especially if you have no fucking clue how to use the weapon. He will get fed up with your shit one day.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:05 No.17817350
    The battlecry of the veteran:
    >I'VE SEEN WORSE!!!!!!
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:06 No.17817355
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    >you might not be a good guy and I respect that, but don't fuck people over for giggles. Sooner or later you'll screw a guy who WILL bear a grudge... All I'm saying is that a single peasant can kill the mightiest wizard with a rock when the bugger aint expecting it
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:09 No.17817378
    >Around Elves... Yeah, you know the rest.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:12 No.17817404
    Tsk tsk tsk. I take it you've never heard of the splendor that is a rock on a rope? Let me educate you:

    It's a simple but sturdy rope, about ten meters in lengths. There's a rock about the size of a large mans fist securely tied on one end. A crude, archaic and ultimately useless contraption, right?


    - This shit is your fucking everything. dark pitfalls? Just fucking dangle it down there to instantly know how deep the rabbit hole goes. You can also climb it easily up and down.

    - Need to check for traps? Forget poles, just throw your rock in there, it won't break, and if it does, hightail it the fuck out of there. Its weight will also trigger pressure-based traps, so hooray for that!

    - It's easily replaced! All you need is a rock and a rope. And the knowledge to combine the two, but if you can't do that, why the fuck are you even an adventurer? Go back and marry the plump, redheaded bakers daughter, peasant!

    - It's not a weapon! Everyone will strip you from your daggers, blades and fancy-shmancy magic wazoos, but a fucking rope and a fucking rock? Bitch please, that shit ain't dangerous, is it? Fuck you, it's a goddamn flail made of hate and death and I will use it to slaughter my way out of here! So learn how to use a flail or chain weapons without killing yourself!

    - Enemies surrounding you? Just hoist that shit over your head and swing it in circles as hard as you can! Instant zone of pain and death!

    - It's super fucking multi-purpose! Use it as a grappling hook, ladder, flail, erotic toy, distraction, shield, measuring device, execution aid, or you separate it to get all of the individual uses a rock and a rope provide!
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:14 No.17817417
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    >And if someone fucks YOU over...raise all the nine hells! Let everyone know that screwing you over has consequences.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:14 No.17817420
    >Proper application of paranoia is a survival skill.

    >Don't fuck it until you've sensed motive and detected evil.

    >Don't trust the hired help. They're bloody well HIRED for a reason.

    >Learn your Paladin's code. Make damn sure he's following it properly. If he falls, be prepared to kill him in his sleep.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:16 No.17817436
    >Carry around a ranged weapon and several forms of specialist ammunition at all times. it gets expensive, but fire arrows are an easy way to permanently kill trolls and light arrows create an area of illumination you can see in, while remaining hidden in the darkness yourself.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:16 No.17817437
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    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:17 No.17817440
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    >If you see a stranger, follow him.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:17 No.17817441
    >if you are a rogue or ranger, never underestimate the usefulness of a sling. It's cheap, ammo is plentiful, and if your fighter fails and you find yourself face to face with something unmentionable, you can always use it as a makeshift club to bash its face in.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:18 No.17817447
    >Don't fuck it until you've sensed motive and detected evil

    If you have to sense motive and detect evil before fucking it, then it's probably better you don't fuck it at all.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:21 No.17817462
    >Trust me kid, you're going to have a blast.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:21 No.17817465

    Yeah, almost all of those were "learned the hard way".

    I can't tell you how many times hammering a climbing piton into the floor to block a door has saved my ass.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:22 No.17817476
    But that's a direct violation of the Bardic code of conduct!
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:22 No.17817478
    >always carry a staff
    >it is good for traveling and can be converted with minimum effort into a multitude of useful tools
    >fishing pole
    >kinky sex toy
    >trap activator
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:22 No.17817480
    Not sure if these have been said or how many times, but one of my characters lived by an Adventurer's Code passed down to him by his father. It goes as follows:

    >An adventurer's worst enemy is exposure. A pair of warm, dry boots, a thick greatcoat and a proper hat will save your life more often than a shield.
    >Be vague. If an opponent knows your deeds and abilities, he knows your limits and weaknesses.
    >The unassuming man is the most dangerous. Keep your head down until it's time to act, and don't make a show of yourself.
    >There's no shame in a retreat. You can come back and finish the fight later once you figure out how to win.
    >The most vital tools in your arsenal are a good length of rope, a polished steel mirror, some flint, a crowbar, and a nice long walking stick.
    >Carry some soap, a shaving kit, and a spare change of nice clothes. You never know when you'll want to look your Suldas best.
    >Don't just buy the first hiking pack you find for a pair of crowns. Spend the extra money on a fancy pack, it'll make things a lot easier in the long run.
    >Organize your gear. If you can, use pouches in different styles or colors to identify what they hold. Then you'll know where to go for what you need.
    >The heavier your armor, the bigger your signature. You'll be a bigger, louder, heavier target that doesn't get into position quickly enough and doesn't blend in well enough. Stick to easily concealed mail or jack plate.
    >People are friendlier when you're not scary. Learn to make friends, and dress like a human being when in town.
    >Learn to cook, sew, and brew a good tea. There's nothing womanly about preventing the chillbones.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:25 No.17817503
    What's this rope thing from?
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:27 No.17817516
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    >Never take a loan from a dwarf. I don't care if you've known him for a dozen years and the guy saved your bacon from that Mind Flayer last week. That guy is going to want interest, and he'll compound it daily.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:28 No.17817524
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    add his to list:
    >sewing seems womanly when ya prance aboot in yer cozy little manorhouse, but when yerr cloak is falling ta pieces in a fierce mountain wind ya wish ya knen how ta fix yer shit!
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:29 No.17817533
    >It's far better to overestimate than to underestimate. Treat each challenge as your greatest.

    >Prioritize. Once the biggest threat stops breathing, you can focus on the little things.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:32 No.17817548
    >understand the cultures you are fighting. Showing mercy to a dwarf warrior can be beneficial to you whereas an orc warrior will see it as a great insult
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:32 No.17817551
    >Spellcaster? Grab Prestidigitation, greatest spell in the goddamn world.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:35 No.17817567
    >Always burn your gold.

    >If you ever enter a room with nothing but a chest in it, run.

    >There is no honor among thieves.

    >Don't just run headstrong into combat. Converse with your opponent. If combat can be avoided, do so.

    >That bard you bring along with you won't do a thing for you during your journey, but afterwards he'll be sure that everyone in the world knows who you are.

    >Women are trouble.

    >For the love of all that is holy, don't start a fight with a God.

    >The sword may be pretty, but the polearm is better.

    >Don't sleep with the tavern wenches, you may just find yourself infected with mummy rot.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:35 No.17817574
    That was basically said in the last one, but yes.

    >You can't get lost in a maze. You can get turned around, but never lost. Put your left hand on the wall, keep walking like that. Always turn left, turn around and double back at dead ends. Sooner or later you'll see every part of the blighted place.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:37 No.17817580
    >erotic toy
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:37 No.17817590
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    >three crossbows means you have three shots
    >if you expect big loot, bring a wagon or a mule at least
    >you can always eat the mule
    >or use it to appease the golden monkey god
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:38 No.17817593
    Hey, I'm not judging.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:38 No.17817595
    >The sword may be pretty, but the polearm is better.

    This, holy shit.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:39 No.17817607
    >keep a dog and treat it right
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:39 No.17817612
    That's only true if there are no loops in the maze and it's in a single floor.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:40 No.17817613
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    tsk tsk. no imagination
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:41 No.17817625
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    woops, only saw "brew tea"
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:41 No.17817630
    >fuck dogs, get undead serverants
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:42 No.17817634
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    >staying on the good side of the guard is generally a good thing
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:42 No.17817639
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    >Doesn't know rope
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:42 No.17817640
    >A sharp poleaxe will spit a minotaur in two, a fireball will char a gnoll to the core, but neither will fit under a pillow, get you out of a net or cut your bloody steak.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:43 No.17817643
    Uhh, I don't think that necromancy works that way...
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:43 No.17817652
    >Fuck dogs, get feral crutch fleas
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:44 No.17817653
    >no sense of smell
    >boring company
    >freaks out the locals
    >upsets paladins and clerics. violently so.
    >detect as evil
    >machine loyalty as opposed to the friendship you a dog
    >detects as evil
    yyyeeaah no
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:44 No.17817658
    This is why you keep a secondary on you, hurr?
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:44 No.17817660
    I never said the roles were flawless.

    Don't open a treasure chest from the from the front. Even if the traps are disabled and locks unlocked. Last time my party rogue did that it was filled with flying scorpions.



    And that was the DM's first time running a game.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:45 No.17817664
    >Don't eat what do you don't know.

    >Don't drink what you don't know.

    > Always, ALWAYS be kind to the poor. They likely see more than you.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:45 No.17817666
    >fuck dogs and undead servants, get a squire
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:45 No.17817667
    This is good advice.
    >> Ori !cBEvEK4Lak 02/05/12(Sun)13:45 No.17817670
    >If something nice is ever out in the open, it's a trap.
    >Just because something is free, it does not mean that there will be no price later.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:46 No.17817679
    again, lacks the senses of a dog and is too likely to betray you
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:46 No.17817682
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    >Flying Scorpions
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:47 No.17817693
    Don't arbitrarily screw over or otherwise alienate your adventuring companions, your employers, or a political faction. You are trying to build a reputation as a man who gets shit done, boy. Being known as a sociopathic asshole is the fastest way to be murdertown.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:48 No.17817703
    No, I don't think that nobility works like that...
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:50 No.17817712
    >Never trust an alchemist with neat handwriting.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:50 No.17817714
    >find lovable urchin
    >give him a new set of clothes
    >make him carry your shit and clean your stuff
    >teach him your skills

    There, Squire.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:52 No.17817728
    I think you mean "feckless dick that will murder you in your sleep and take all of your valuables."
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:52 No.17817729

    Perhaps, but you must admit that bestiality and necrophilia won't be as effective for obtaining a squire.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:52 No.17817730
    Wat? Use google.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:53 No.17817739
    Advice from a mage who's had a few adventures:

    Don't wear a robe. People know what robes mean. Robes means spellbooks, magic items, potentially expensive spell components, rods, scrolls, and other strange loot. A sleeping mage isn't scary to a seasoned pickpocket.

    Wear a nice, light shirt of chain that keeps your hands free. Wear it under a leather vest or jerkin, keep a comfortable shirt under the chain. Wear some breeches and boots, and carry your book next to a map case. Learn to use an arming sword, keep a simple but good quality dagger for both fighting and as a ritual focus. If you're lucky, you'll pull off looking like a thief, cartographer or lightly armored sellsword.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:54 No.17817742
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:55 No.17817750
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    >light chain shirt

    oh well, wizards cannot into armour
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:56 No.17817753
    >Buy from craftsmen who take pride in their work, not proud craftsmen.

    >Never shit where you sleep. Or eat.

    >Bathe downstream of where you get your water. And never get water downstream of a town.

    >Never insult the rogue for failing to find a trap, he may just "miss" the one you're about to step on.

    >Peasants are as good as invisible in a big city, a hooded figure is conspicuous.

    >Your sword is not your only weapon. A mailed fist or helmeted head is as good as any club.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)13:59 No.17817784
    >wizards cannot Light Armor Proficiency
    >wizards cannot Arcane Armor Training
    >magus doesnt exist
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:01 No.17817804
    > implying I was not talking about people thinking maille is the lightest and easiest armour to use and ruining their back by wearing it all day erry day
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:02 No.17817813
    >No reward is worth your life. Don't be afraid to turn down a job, however rewarding, if you deem it too risky.

    >Assassination is a fool's gambit. Those who assassinate others invite assassination on themselves.

    >Never work with someone who doesn't come highly recommended by a trusted contact. Never engage in dangerous, life-threatening work with some half-drunk asshole you just met at a tavern.

    >Work for hard assets; jewels, gold. Ask for a third of your fee up front. Never accept promises or their daughter's hand or friendship or real estate as payment.

    >Do your best to become business partners with a mage who specializes in scrying. Reconnaissance is the most important part of any job. If you know what's waiting, then your job is half done.

    >Don't carry 150 pounds of gear into a dungeon like some paranoid boy scout. You will be so overburdened that you are going to be useless in any fight that occurs. Pay a peasant to be your porter.

    >Advertise, advertise, advertise. What, you think some old man with an epic quest is going to wait around forever for you to show up? Of course not! You are a businessman. Start acting like one instead of some moron with a sword.

    >There is always someone better than you. Someone faster, someone strong, someone more skilled in magic or arms. You can never be better than all of these people. You can, however, hire them.

    >Invest in businesses. You can't be an adventurer forever. Sooner or later, you are going to have to hang up your armor and retire. Ensure that you have a revenue stream when that day comes.

    >Get a good accountant. Taxes are more murderous than a thousand goblins ever could be.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:04 No.17817828
    >implying you wear armor every day regardless of what it is
    >implying most games use realistic figures for chain, and thus are similar to real world chain
    >implying a successful magus isn'ttoting fucking mithral
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:07 No.17817848

    Advice from a CEO type veteran adventurer. I like it.

    >Don't make waves about the 99% of other adventurers who don't have the sense to invest sensibly and let others get their hands dirty. Just sit in your mansion and pull their strings.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:08 No.17817858
    >For every weapon you carry keep at least three daggers on you, if your weapon of choice is daggers, good on you, can never have too many daggers.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:08 No.17817863
    someone got their head stuck in the anus of rules
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:09 No.17817874
    One simple tool used cleverly is worth more a whole pile of fancy gadgets and magical doodads that you don't know how to use properly. No matter how "well equipped" you are, you're never really *prepared* unless you have the cunning and creativity to use every tool at your disposal to its fullest potential.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:09 No.17817879
    Always get items you find in ancient ruins identified before you start wearing them, a curse right as you confront a group of hostile enemies is never a good thing.
    >> Braith117 02/05/12(Sun)14:09 No.17817880
    >>don't start a fight with a god
    Oh god...been there, done that. Thankfully he just kicked us out of the astral plane.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:10 No.17817889
    >never rely entirely on magic. anti-magic exists and magic can be tracked.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:11 No.17817897
    >Do not, I repeat, do not ever stick your dick in a random hole in the dungeon.
    >A nice word and some coin will always get better results than a fearsome reputation
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:13 No.17817913
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    >disregard all rules about armour and dress if you are a bard
    >ALWAYS dress to IMPRESS
    >> Lich Ted, Master of Nothing 02/05/12(Sun)14:13 No.17817914
    >If there is anything I learned about all this dungeon delving, is that our ancestors were dicks. They must have said. "I'll build this deathtrap to outlast the world. Because I hate everything."
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:14 No.17817919
    No matter what you do - there is 5% chance that you would fail horribly.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:14 No.17817921
    >Conversely, anti-magic will always help against a wizard.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:14 No.17817927
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    >wizards have no sense of right and wrong. If you find a wizard with any ethics at all, hang on to him/her.

    >until they go crazy...
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:16 No.17817948
    >Flying Scorpions

    There's a man who's destined to be a great DM :)
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:17 No.17817956
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    >never wear or use anything you find in a dungeon until you know it is not magical
    >if it is magical DO NOT TOUCH IT until it has been identified! EVER!
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:18 No.17817962
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    >Avoid wide plains or soft soil, worms are never a joke.

    >If it's bigger than you, it's tougher than you
    >if there's more than one, there won't be fun so run.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:19 No.17817976
    >Evil darklord Von Menacio in his dark spiky plate is a git with something to prove. Kill him and carry on.
    >Concerned politician Bram Oakwell with his plump form and endearing mustache will doom us all. Be afraid, be very afraid.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:19 No.17817977
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    "You never kill the orc babies."
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:23 No.17818009
    Dress to impress, also velvet skinned brigandine
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:24 No.17818026
    >a big fire can cause troubles or solve all of them
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:25 No.17818033
    mithril chain shirt with the twilight enchantment from BoED has a 0% spell failure, 0 armor check penalties, and a +6 max dex bonus
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:25 No.17818036
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    >develop your own unique style
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:26 No.17818046
    Avoid inter-party drama. There's a lot of available women out there, so if the only gal in your party is being romanticaly targeted by more than one of your companions, do your best to stop it by taking those specific wankers to the nearest whorehouse.

    >captcha: lamark reached

    Hm... There's a joke in there... I know this...
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:32 No.17818111
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    >if you have ANY suspicion that anyone in your party is possessed, restrain them and have wizards and clerics cleanse them in every possible way.
    >everyone in the group MUST be ok with such treatment, otherwise they are out of the group.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:35 No.17818159
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    Everyone knows not to walk in front. The trick is knowing not to walk in back either.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:42 No.17818245
    >Trust me, it will always look too simple
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:43 No.17818268
    And for the love of your genitals, don't gets tuck in the middle.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:46 No.17818306
    >carry a vial of anti-venom
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:46 No.17818308

    >warmages being taken seriously ever
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:51 No.17818367
    Polearms are better than swords, but a polearm whose blade can be removed and used as a dagger is better than both.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:51 No.17818379
    You mean 'this is fucking false'. Aside from the naginata/glaive or the poleaxe, the polearm is a very lacking weapon when used out of formation. A shield is worth more than a suit of armor, and you are giving it up for reach. You best hope no one ever shoots at you.

    Swords are the ultimate weapon of the adventurer. They deal terrible wounds to poorly-armored opponents (like most monsters) thanks to their long hewing blades. They leave a hand open for a shield, a rope, or most importantly, a torch, they are easy to use in tight quarters, and they have a distinct advantage when skirmishing as opposed to fighting in a large formation.

    Polearms are for soldiers and hirelings. You are an adventurer.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:53 No.17818402
    >not maces or hammers
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:53 No.17818406
    >always carry a sword and a spear
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:55 No.17818432

    >Learning how to land a solid punch is fine too.
    >> Iron Lung 02/05/12(Sun)14:56 No.17818435
    Know your weaknesses: the enemy won't spend long gunning for your strengths.

    You can't be sane and fearless, so try not to worry about if you'll be terrified.

    Embrace a God. If nothing good happens, oh well. And enough bad things'll happen with or without faith that you won't notice the difference.

    Carry a shield. Just in case.

    Casters: have a back up weapon. And not feckin' dagger.

    Casters: don't mistake being protected for proof of your being irreplacable.

    Never call a Warrior a "Meat Shield" unless you're genuinely aiming to start a fight.

    You WILL DIE YOUNG. If you can't accept that, consider doing something else.

    Don't complain. I know, I really do, that there's 20 miles of leeches and mosquitoes ahead _today_, and 60 miles beyond that for the rest of the week. Just do it. Complain when it's over.

    Keep non-essential chatter to a minimum when you're in obviously hostile terrain.
    Take that swamp ^. Swamps have Hydras. I don't think Hydras are real bright, but they do have functioning ears. Lots of them.

    Mercy is useful. Just not all the time.

    Beware the little details: nobody looks pristine three weeks on the trail, so that's probably a succubus.

    If your Rogue proves to be a Thief, kill them. There are always more Rogues.

    Love ruins everything, so try not to fuck it up for the rest of the party.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:56 No.17818438
    >If a nobleman ever dies, I assure you, it was an accident.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:57 No.17818450

    >A mace in the hand is worth two swords in the smithy.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:58 No.17818463
    >When trying to inspire camaraderie in grunts, handing out cigarettes works better than telling Polack jokes.

    >Make sure someone with you knows enough chemistry to make improvised explosives, but don't stand near them in a fight.

    >Alien wildlife makes great pets, just don't let your party members see you feeding it bits of human flesh.

    >If the gun you are crafting has material components that might destroy the entire complex if something goes wrong, then it is truly a gun worth having.

    >Wear sensible waterproof boots.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)14:59 No.17818481
    Swords are generally better against the majority of monsters due to their long blades. Maces are superior against those with thick armor or other people.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:01 No.17818508
    never become the enemy of the peasants
    never underestimate large numbers of small things

    also, archive?
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:01 No.17818515
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    you want a sword and a mace, morningstar or axe as a backup.
    and always carry a spear/polearm of your choice
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:05 No.17818561
    Call of Cthulhu adventurers:

    >Never look someone directly in the eyes, even if you know them.

    >If a book starts talking to you, don't talk back, just keep reading and hope for the best.

    >If you see something in the corner of your vision, don't look directly at it. You will regret it, use your peripherals.

    >Never look back.

    >No one will ever believe you. If they do, don't trust them.

    >Once you're in, you're in for good. There is no going back.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:07 No.17818590
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    Some adventure just long enough to buy a business and settle down with a few interesting stories.
    Some adventure because they love it and they will probably die doing what they love.
    Some adventure because they are running from something, most often from themselves.
    The point is, that you are all adventurers and should respect each other as such.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:10 No.17818620
    >The old man in the bar knows more than you do. Listen to him. This always applies.

    >Always have some kind of ranged weapon.

    >Monsters can do things you can't.

    >If the village is completely empty, run, don't loot.

    >Always make sure they're dead.

    >Carry alcohol on you at all times. Drink half, use the rest to clean your wounds.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:10 No.17818623
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    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:12 No.17818640
    Advice to the person playing the RPG:

    Learn the laws about carrying weapons in your country or state and become a wandering adventurer for awhile. It'll be fun, I promise.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:13 No.17818653
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    >if an old lady is willing to fight you, you are gonna lose. might as well forfeit.

    >if you are an old lady, challenge everyone to battle.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:14 No.17818658

    Also, don't be a pussy about not eating for a few days. You can handle it.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:14 No.17818663
    If it is black ,not solid and you don't know if it is dangerous, resist your human nature and DON'T stick in your hand first.
    If it is solid, you still shouldn't reach out.
    If it is not black, you still shouldn't touch it.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:17 No.17818697
    >Be nice to the fucking guards. They have to put up with stupid, rash, headstrong adventurers every day, and they get paid shit for it. Be nice to a guard while you're in town and they'll be sure to return the favor.
    >> Iron Lung 02/05/12(Sun)15:17 No.17818699
    >>When trying to inspire camaraderie in grunts, handing out cigarettes works better than telling Polack jokes.

    This. Piss someone off for their heritage, and you might make the kind of enemy that explains your cut throat as a "shaving accident."

    Elder Horrors? Get some proper Barbarians. There are two proper responses to that kind of threat and Violence and Ignorance are only the correct ones.

    Hm. I think this is the best advice of all:
    Know when you're out of your depth, don't let pride shove you into a unmarked grave. Things like Vampires, Daemons, and Aberrant Horrors require serious preparation and research. If you change Planes, enter a Volcano (or even a large, ancient Graveyard at midnight), or otherwise find yourself some place where the basic rules of survival (food, water, air, shelter) are profoundly different and you can escape, ESCAPE NOW.
    Even a basic dungeon or crypt will require some adaptation, but it's similar enough that you can ease your way into it -without any deaths if you're lucky.
    >> Iron Lung 02/05/12(Sun)15:20 No.17818731
    Addendum: if the local Guards are particularly corrupt, sloppy, overconfident, or well-armed, find out why.
    They live in the place you're visiting, there's probably a good reason why they are as they are.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:20 No.17818737
    Archive this. Now.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:25 No.17818786
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    >grow a magnificent beard that suits you
    >dwarves will respect your beard, small as it might be
    >elves will find it attractive and different
    >gnomes and halflings loves the shit outta awesome whiskers
    >you can hide small civilizations in it.
    >beards make it easier to pass off as rogues, bards, sorcerers, wizards, rangers, druids and nobles
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:25 No.17818798
    >no matter what class you are, invest in a gorget or similar.
    getting choked sucks basilisk balls
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:27 No.17818817
    never piss off your local healer. even if his faith requires him to help you, you don't want him telling a few of the local girls just why you needed cure disease
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:31 No.17818862
    You know that little voice you sometimes hear in the back of your head? If that voice says something along the lines of "Your attention is inexplicably drawn to the...", leave. Don't go back.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:35 No.17818901
    Be nice to other travelers you meet, no matter how peculiar they are. You never know what god in disguise you might piss off.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:37 No.17818923
    They don't call something "The Forest of Terrors", "The Cave of no Return" or "Bonebreaker Pass" for nothing.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:40 No.17818960
    > Do not underestimate kobolds. Specifically, not when in their home.

    > If a mage says "Trust me,it's not going to hurt", slap him in the face.

    > If a mage says "Trust me, this may hurt a bit", slap him in the face.

    > Allways,ALLWAYS have a rope with you.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:42 No.17818989
    What if the mage says "Alright, bite on this piece of wood because this will hurt like hell. Seriously, I mean it."?
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:43 No.17819000
    Thank him for his honesty, then slap him in the face.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:46 No.17819026
    So, basically, whatever he says, slap him in the face.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:47 No.17819036
    >friends does not let friends accept tea from a cloaked stranger who keeps coughing up worms
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:52 No.17819079
    Just came back to this thread.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:52 No.17819083
    Jack of All Trades was such a cool show.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:55 No.17819122
    >There's a difference between bravery and stupidity.

    >There are old adventureres and there are bold adventurerers. But there are very old, bold adventurers.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:57 No.17819141
    >*But there are very few old, bold adventurers.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)15:59 No.17819161

    never confuse stupidity for bravery,

    never confuse fortitude for inteligence
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)16:06 No.17819218
    And never confuse confidence for skill.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)16:10 No.17819270
    Archived! http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/17817039/

    Vote up! http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)16:10 No.17819275
    and always confuse your enemies
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)16:11 No.17819277

    And never confuse a man for a woman. Or a woman for a man.

    It's awkward the next mornin', lemme tell ya.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)16:12 No.17819289

    More like Awesome the next morning, amiright?!
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)16:13 No.17819294
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    Get back in the closet.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)16:16 No.17819325
    Don't slap him if he warns you it will hurt a lot.
    You don't want to discourage honesty from your wizard.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)16:17 No.17819328

    No closet, just don't really have a preference for where I stick my penis, gender wise.

    If its pretty, fuck it...provided you are both of legal age in that kingdom/jurisdiction/plane of existence.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)16:21 No.17819366
    >Yes, I'm sure your backstory is very interesting. Pity no one will ever give a shit.

    >Breaking out into a monologue everytime you achieve something is a good way to provoke attacks of oppourtunity, usually from your companions.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)16:32 No.17819464
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    >Never trust an old man in a young mans job (aka piracy)

    >If there is 10 of you all heavily armed and you see a poor, helpless, crippled old man. RUN!

    >Out talking a Copper Dragon is a straight path to god hood.

    >Never trust an incantrix with a level 1 wand of magic missile wand. I've seen one of those kill a 15th level barbarian.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)16:33 No.17819471
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    no capes.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)16:36 No.17819507
    I tell this to everyone who inquires about the 40k universe.

    >The Space Marine is akin to Captain America in Iron Man's armor, wielding a .50 caliber MG. But the rounds are .75 cal, rocket proppelled explosives that are blessed by the church.
    >These were not made to be used on humans. They are made to be used on the horrors that await humanity in the stars. Chaos Demons born of nightmares, dinosaurs mixed with bugs, Space elves that shoot ninja stars on lightning, and even the Terminator and his many, MANY friends.
    >Make no mistake, everyone you meet and everything outside of base will kill you without a moments notice or hesitation. You are the weakest being in a universe warped by thousands of years of war.
    >Welcome to Warhammer 40k. Get your head down.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)16:36 No.17819516
    When someone asks you if you're a god, you say "YES"!
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)16:40 No.17819542
    claiming to be a god is the one of the fastest ways to piss the real ones off
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)16:40 No.17819545

    and before they can can say "prove it!", shoot them...
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)16:41 No.17819554
    Ug if by cape you mean cloack, the fuck no.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)16:43 No.17819575
    dont cross the streams
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)16:44 No.17819581
    "Don't panic"

    "Don't ever think that you are safe. Just because you can't see anything, that doesn't mean that nothing can see you"

    "Every challenge is just a game. Don't be afraid to throw away the rulebook when you need to"

    "If need be, burn it down"
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)16:53 No.17819668
    >approaching planet
    >hailed by local governing council
    >entire population is listening in
    >planet's inhabitants have not met other aliens yet
    >they ask if we are gods
    >they are about to ask for evidence
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)16:54 No.17819679
    Don't try to look anyone in the eye when lying. Stare at the bridge of their nose instead. They'll think you're looking them in the eye. Subtle, but important difference.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)17:05 No.17819806
    >When in doubt, get the fuck out.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)17:22 No.17820011
    Knowledge is like gold: highly valuable and likely to get you shanked if you flaunt it in the wrong part of town.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)17:33 No.17820106
    >when in doubt, frag 'em out.
    >when in doubt, SPAZ 'em out.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)17:41 No.17820171
    >The orcs are larger than us, stronger than us, and outnumber us. We've pushed them back time and time again. The kobolds are smaller than us, weaker than us, and you never see more than 2 of them at a time. They've resisted extermination time and time again. Learn from the kobolds, superior position trumps superior strength

    When a rich man hires you to take care of a poor man, it's a trap

    When a poor man hires you to take care of a rich man, it's revenge

    If you think you can do without a nice wagon, you're wrong. Oh it won't fit in the dungeon, but on the way there it's shelter, it's cover, it's loot you don't have to lug on your back. There's a reason even peasants have one.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)17:44 No.17820197
    Old people can and will kill you if you give them reason or opportunity to. Think about it, you're about 20 or so (usually) and you're already cheating death on a regular basis. This man has lived long enough to retire. He had to do SOMETHING to live that long.
    >> Marauder Månsson !!oiDcukULdOC 02/05/12(Sun)17:46 No.17820230
    For those less scrupulous mercenaries out there:

    Pillage, then burn.

    A Sergeant in motion outranks a Lieutenant who doesn't know what's going on.

    An ordnance technician at a dead run outranks everybody.

    Close air support covereth a multitude of sins.

    Close air support and friendly fire should be easier to tell apart.

    If violence wasn’t your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it.

    If the food is good enough the grunts will stop complaining about the incoming fire.

    Mockery and derision have their place. Usually, it's on the far side of the airlock.

    Never turn your back on an enemy.

    Sometimes the only way out is through. . . through the hull.

    Everything is air-droppable at least once.

    A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head.

    Do unto others.

    "Mad Science" means never stopping to ask "what's the worst thing that could happen?"

    Only you can prevent friendly fire.

    If the officers are leading from in front, watch out for an attack from the rear.

    If you're not willing to shell your own position, you're not willing to win.
    >> Marauder Månsson !!oiDcukULdOC 02/05/12(Sun)17:49 No.17820252
    Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Take his fish away and tell him he's lucky just to be alive, and he'll figure out how to catch another one for you to take tomorrow.

    Don't be afraid to be the first to resort to violence.

    If the price of collateral damage is high enough, you might be able to get paid to bring ammunition home with you.

    The enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy. No more. No less.

    A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go.

    Only cheaters prosper.

    If you’re leaving scorch-marks, you need a bigger gun.

    That which does not kill you has made a tactical error.

    When the going gets tough, the tough call for close air support.

    There is no 'overkill.' There is only 'open fire' and 'I need to reload.'

    Just because it's easy for you doesn't mean it can't be hard on your clients.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)17:50 No.17820266
    if you've already tasted the poison you may as well lick the plate clean
    wizard or not a basic understanding of physics can save your ass
    there is always someone stronger
    do not piss off the church
    do NOT piss off The Lady of Pain (though tricking other people into pissing her off can get rid of them for a long long time)
    dragons make amazing bankers
    don't lie if you don't have to
    don't make enemies if you don't have to
    don't get an elf passed out drunk, paint him black, dye his hair white, and leave him in the middle of the local elf district
    a prismatic chastity belt can save you a lot of grief
    celestial girls don't dig the bad boy routine
    there is no man that can accomplish more than the man who does little of his work himself
    never assume the people you work with will stab you in the back the first chance they get, but be prepared for if they do
    handle animal/diplomacy/bluff/intimidate/seduce does not work on the tarrasque
    a properly timed pitcher of alcohol can earn you a lot of good will
    minotaurs make excellent guides
    dragons will fuck (literally) with anything, somewhere there is a half dragon gelatinous cube
    wizards will fuck (metaphorically) with anything, somewhere there is an ultraviolet gelatinous cube
    in ravenloft, there is a reason that everything detects as evil
    the right bit of information at the right time can topple empires
    good aligned succubi do exist, the girl you just met is not one of them
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)17:56 No.17820339
    >A Sergeant in motion outranks a Lieutenant who doesn't know what's going on.

    >An ordnance technician at a dead run outranks everybody.

    Those are great
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)17:57 No.17820347
    >The "Right" tool is the tool that works. Carry only as many as you need.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)18:06 No.17820443
    >Get a pair of comfortable boots. They don't need to be fancy, just comfortable.
    >> Marauder Månsson !!oiDcukULdOC 02/05/12(Sun)18:20 No.17820597

    The whole list is from Schlock Mercenary.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)18:25 No.17820649
    Lot of these are conventional army wisdom.

    For example: The three worst things to hear in the army.

    3. A private say "Watch this!"

    2. A sergeant say "Hey you!"

    1. A lieutenant say "I have an idea."

    Also: You can't spell lost without lt.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)19:00 No.17821089
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    >If you ever spot only one monster, look again. There’s a high chance more are behind your back.

    >Don't ever sleep over at a necromancer's. You may wake up the next morning but might miss some body parts.

    >What use is all your power if you cant even hit me once?

    >There are two secrets in becoming a master Adventurer: First, don’t tell everyone everything you know.

    >Wishes and curses always even out. Thus the world stays in balance.

    >As one can get lost in darkness, one can also lose himself into harmony and life. DOn't let you mind clouded by extremes.

    >The bolts of volts jolt mainly the dolts.

    >Also never ever: pic related
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)19:02 No.17821113
    Oh god, the memories...
    >> Marauder Månsson !!oiDcukULdOC 02/05/12(Sun)19:32 No.17821499
    Some own, things i picked up on the run from a global super assassin cult, a body swapping demon and a Lich so terrible he and his clones were cursed by the gods themselves.

    The Fuck it kit.

    Most sensible adventurers travel relatively light. The fuck it kit is that, taken a little further. Amongst all your gear, keep the most essential necessities and important shit in one light bag, and always keep that bag packed and close at hand.

    Those seconds you gain from not having to collect anything but a single bag or backpack before you're out the window can mean life or death when the hit squad comes knocking.

    Watch out for Adoptive Parents.

    Especially when they do it on the fly. Not only is the kid a risk, dead weight, identifiable, a weak link, useless in a fight, or even a mole. But the 'parent' can turn out even worse.

    They'll go to great lengths to protect that kid, and all it takes is a hint of mistrust and he or she'll start targeting even his or her companions, just in case.

    If you're making a break for it, don't be afraid to grab what looks important.

    If its on your way out, and wont slow you down too much, grab it and run. Maybe its just for show, maybe its the tome that forms the core of all modern day necromancy.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)19:37 No.17821549
    What is in a Fuck It kit?
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)19:41 No.17821593
    >Amongst all your gear, keep the most essential necessities and important shit in one light bag

    I'd say that it depends.
    >> Marauder Månsson !!oiDcukULdOC 02/05/12(Sun)19:43 No.17821620

    Arguably thats what the rest of the thread is about. For me, it was one light change of clothes, rope, flint and tinder, a days sparse rations and the Necronomicon. The rest of my necessities i carried on my person, like knives, thieves tools.

    What it contains depends on your situation and what you need. Or need to bring with you.

    For a wizard it is undoubtedly his most important spell components and his spellbook and probably some more things.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)19:46 No.17821645
    Levers are meant to be pulled. Just be prepared to run.

    If you're drunk, act sober; if you're sober, act drunk.

    Never chase a kobold

    When relieving yourself in the wilderness, make sure the vegetation is incapable of holding a grudge.

    Never ride anything you're incapable of piloting yourself.
    >> Marauder Månsson !!oiDcukULdOC 02/05/12(Sun)20:12 No.17821915
    If you survived one trap, don't waltz in, look for more. (Cant believe you have to tell people this but apparently you do...)

    Knowing where the exits are is only half the battle, the other half is knowing how to get out of town when its under lockdown.

    Crossbows, if you end up in a tight spot, it takes but a second to tilt the odds a little more in your favour. Hell even if you're terrible its not like it hurts to try.

    Don't piss off transdimensional wizards.

    When the king of the dead looks you up to take back the shit you looted from his tomb, let him have it.

    Think ahead. When looting cursed tombs, destroy the the old bones while you're there.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)20:20 No.17822002
    >Think ahead. When looting cursed tombs, destroy the the old bones while you're there.

    Mere physical damage is not necessarily sufficient to keep undead down. Sure, a skeleton can't exactly form from pulverized bones, but that bone powder will be even more dangerous if it animates into some unholy cloud. Fire is somewhat more reliable, but not foolproof -- cremation-ash shades are far from unheard of.
    No, you need to bring in the metaphysical. Certainly, smash the bones to powder, but then make sure you sprinkle them with holy water before you leave.

    And if that doesn't work? Well, you've got two good legs. Use them before you lose them.
    >> Marauder Månsson !!oiDcukULdOC 02/05/12(Sun)20:30 No.17822123

    As you say of course. You could potentially just break the skeletons' legs. Then they are only half the trouble.

    Another favourite is just ensuring the coffins remain closed, whether by weights, rope, or something else.

    On another note, keep tabs on your group, preferably without them knowing. Sounds intrusive and paranoid, but you might get a heads up if they're up to no good, or just something dumb.

    And if they get kidnapped you even get to play the hero who finds them!
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)20:35 No.17822183
    Never get yourself into anyone's debt.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)20:36 No.17822194
    The important thing isn't what you actually did, it's what the bards say you did.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)20:38 No.17822211
    You can accept a quest even if you don't trust the giver. Just be careful that he doesn't betray you. You can eat food, although cooking your own is wiser. You can have companions, but sleep with one eye open.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)20:44 No.17822270
    >Never chase a kobold

    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)21:04 No.17822535
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    For wizards:

    1. Always be able to put a dagger in your hand.
    2. The most dangerous wizard is the most creative. Merlin was a generalist.
    3. "No matter how subtle the wizard, a knife between the shoulder-blades will seriously cramp his style." THIS APPLIES TO YOU.
    4. Your environment will provide the weapon - or become it.
    5. Nobody expects a wizard to punch them in the fucking balls.
    6. Especially when you distract them first.
    7. The clever mechanizations of your enemy are like gnome clockworks - you needn't understand them to smash them to little pieces. Find the center, and throw a fucking wrench into them.
    8. Seize the initiative, and beat the fucker to death with it.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)21:11 No.17822655
    What would a seasoned adventurer think of a cleric build that's like Cleric 5/Combat Medic 5/Contemplative/10?
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)21:22 No.17822827
    He'd stare at you with a confused look on his face and wonder what the fuck a 'build' is and what all that mumbo jumbo with the numbers means.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)21:25 No.17822854
    > "1000 gold is pennies to us. If you have nothing to spend it on, make some poor people very happy."
    Think about how many loaves of bread you can buy with one gold coin.

    > "Never have sex with your party members, a rogue can't sneak into a building with a three-season belly."
    Morning sickness doesn't help much either.

    > "If you're a smart lad, you will learn how to forge your own weapons and armor."
    Craft is a class skill for everyone in Pathfinder. One point is +4 to the check.

    > "No matter what the Church says, nothing is irredeemably good or evil."
    Alignment isn't a straightjacket. Never, ever forget this.

    > "A young boy you have trained in the art of the sword will surpass you by the time he is an adult."
    I played a 13 year old Cleric once, she was level 9 when she was of adulthood age.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)21:25 No.17822863
    > "I speak Orc, Goblin, Drow, and Draconic. You will be surprised how a good "Hail and well met!" against brigands can avoid trouble."
    Especially if the race is oppressed and always met with hostility.

    > "Fey are pranksters by nature, don't take it personally or you will make very powerful enemies."
    DR5/Cold Iron and spell-likes. Nuff said.

    > "It doesn't count if you're a Fallen Paladin."
    The Paladin's code doesn't apply if you're not a Paladin. You're either fallen or you're not.

    > "It's not right to kill a young pickpocket, but nobody will complain when you belt his arse a dozen times for it."
    Killing kids doesn't go over well with any civilized community, but beating them is often okay.

    > "If a bandit demands your gold purse, give him a job instead. After kicking his arse."
    This is how my D&D party wound up with a pretty handy Drow in their employ.

    > "A wizard with muscle on his bones is just as dangerous as a rookie warrior."
    A 16 strength wizard has +3 to hit, a 16 strength fighter has +4.

    > "If you see someone being executed without trial, don't save them. Instead, pack up your things and get out like the Devil himself was on your heels."
    Remember Viconia in BG2? Not a difficult fight but then again you were level 10 by that point.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)21:43 No.17823106
    >not continuously compounding interest
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)22:10 No.17823426
    > "Any spellcaster worth his salt can hide his true alignment."
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)22:16 No.17823524
    >wear extra thick knee armor.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)22:21 No.17823581
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    You're all so fucking hilarious.
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)22:31 No.17823679
    Is it really necessary to nitpick the fictitious sayings people come up with here just because they think they're fun? No one gives a shit about attack bonus when they're coming up with fantasy versions of "red sky at night sailor's delight."
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)22:32 No.17823684
    it was such a great opportunity, i couldn't help myself!!!
    >> Anonymous 02/05/12(Sun)23:14 No.17824258
    I hate you.

    Uhm, I think he wrote those. They're not turning up when I ctrl+F at least.
    >> Anonymous 02/06/12(Mon)00:02 No.17825063
    >Stop. Spot. Listen. ALWAYS. You can never be too aware. (goes double for rangers and rogues)
    >Search EVERYTHING
    >> Ryyth 02/06/12(Mon)03:17 No.17827239
    >only listen to the advice of those who survive.
    >> Anonymous 02/06/12(Mon)05:33 No.17828527
    Well, duh. Those who don't survive aren't going to be very forthcoming.
    >> Anonymous 02/06/12(Mon)05:51 No.17828622
    if someone among can speak with deads, though...
    >> Anonymous 02/06/12(Mon)06:02 No.17828669
    > "Be afraid of a man in fullplate and packing steel. Be terrified of a man who fights with his bare hands."
    >> Anonymous 02/06/12(Mon)06:03 No.17828679
    "Know your local plantlife."
    "Know your local wildlife."
    "Orcs respect you kicking their ass, and not killing them when you could have."
    "Elves respect propriety and a firm grasp on the subtle."
    "Dwarves respect honesty and a finely etched crossguard."
    "Halflings respect deftness and a well-tuned mandolin."
    "Humans respect everything or nothing, depending on who you ask."
    "Don't take jobs from nobles who hold poorly-managed towns."
    "When in doubt, send a goat into the cave."
    "Always keep a canteen of fresh water and a rag handy."
    >> Anonymous 02/06/12(Mon)06:04 No.17828684
    Its only good for anime.
    Monks suck in tabletop.
    >> Anonymous 02/06/12(Mon)06:18 No.17828764
    If you came across a single dude surrounded by dead thugs, which would be more worrying? A guy in fullplate and carrying a massive sword, or a guy who's wearing only a robe and doesn't look to be armed?
    >> Snapper Carr 02/06/12(Mon)06:23 No.17828776
    Monks suck in 3e/pathfinder, you mean.
    >> Anonymous 02/06/12(Mon)06:25 No.17828784
    Name system where unarmed specialist are top tier?
    >> Anonymous 02/06/12(Mon)06:28 No.17828793
    You mean wizard?
    >> Anonymous 02/06/12(Mon)06:31 No.17828809
    Nobody cares about top tier. Games in which they work just fine:
    Shadowrun, where they are FUCKING TERRIFYING.
    AD&D in general + 4E, where they're pretty damn good.
    Every generic system ever, especially Mutants & Masterminds.
    >> Anonymous 02/06/12(Mon)06:34 No.17828815
    >> Anonymous 02/06/12(Mon)06:37 No.17828831
    >>Be afraid of a warrior clad in steel. Be more afraid of a warrior clad in cloth.

    There, adapted so you don't have to bitch about monks not being godtier instant win machines.
    Could also include mages, I guess.
    >> Anonymous 02/06/12(Mon)06:40 No.17828838
    >If it's too good to be true, it probably is.

    >If you need to sign it in blood, you don't need to sign it.

    >When booking a stay, consider inn quality. A lot of people want to save a few extra coin and opt for the cheaper inn. A lot of people get robbed and stabbed in their sleep.
    >> Anonymous 02/06/12(Mon)06:44 No.17828861
    Funny enough, I have thrown the halfling a few times. Usually it's to get him on a rooftop where he's safe, or up high so he can drop a rope.

    First time I did it, we were chasing someone (I run twice as fast as the halfling), and I had him in my arms so I didn't leave him behind. Couldn't catch up, so we did the "Fastball Special" and killed the damn thing.
    >> Anonymous 02/06/12(Mon)06:44 No.17828863

    *sounds*. If it SOUNDS too good to be true.

    Sorry guys, my bad.
    >> Anonymous 02/06/12(Mon)06:47 No.17828881
    Don't work with anybody that has two different colored eyes. Don't even get close to somebody who has eyes that change color.
    >> Anonymous 02/06/12(Mon)06:48 No.17828885
    > You don't have to stick your cock in EVERYTHING, for fuck's sake.
    >> Anonymous 02/06/12(Mon)06:49 No.17828891
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    just the very first part. not sure if i got enough time to make another one
    >> Anonymous 02/06/12(Mon)06:54 No.17828928
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    number two. these are, of course, only the things i found most useful as they were not intended for posting.
    >> Anonymous 02/06/12(Mon)07:09 No.17829012
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    third and last one from me. keep on being excellent to each other.
    >> Anonymous 02/06/12(Mon)07:33 No.17829156
    >orcs respecting mercy
    heh, wait what?

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