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  • File : 1328405632.jpg-(13 KB, 242x251, 1326490723367.jpg)
    13 KB STRIKE WITCHES: THERE IS ONLY ZUUL planefag !!0ZviLFh59My 02/04/12(Sat)20:33 No.17807980  
    You, a P-61 Black Widow pilot and the newest member of the 501st Joint Strike Witches squadron, are currently standing by a grand piano and watching a 14-year-old Russian Girl float in mid-air and babble in hideous and terrifying alien tongues.

    It's been that kind of day.

    As you watch, Sanya slowly begins spinning in mid-air, still level with the second-story balcony, which is a decent distance from the floor of the huge lobby area.

    "Well they do THAT," you say to Ian, starting at the girl, "but there was more kicking and less floating."

    As you and the others present watch Sanya, utterly flummoxed, she stops spinning and jerks into the fetal position.

    Then she begins screaming.

    >WAT DO
    >> planefag !!0ZviLFh59My 02/04/12(Sat)20:35 No.17808009
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    >Sorry for the late start: worked till 7 tonight, then I needed food and more booze. Will go as long as possible tonight, to compensate.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:36 No.17808013
    Run up underneath her, be ready to catch her if she falls.

    Also, Ian's new theme:

    >> s 02/04/12(Sat)20:37 No.17808025
    oh boy, here we go.

    get her down from there.

    use rope if necessary
    >> Papa-N !!z0ABcqUnNAP 02/04/12(Sat)20:37 No.17808027
    calm her down, or try to.

    >at friends trying to get our DH game together
    >check /tg/ on phone to see if its up

    curse you and your addictive quest
    >> Major Airlift 02/04/12(Sat)20:38 No.17808041
    Yell out to her. See if she responds/calms down.

    If that fails then get some rope or a ladder and bring her down.

    Oh, and sending someone to go get a doctor/nurse would be a good idea. I fully expect someone to fall, probably us.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:39 No.17808053
    i know what this is, she being mind controlled. gotta get her to remember herself to fight back. play that song she always sings on the piano!
    >> Inquisitorial Librarian 02/04/12(Sat)20:39 No.17808055
    ... goddamnit. Strike Witches Quest of Battlefield 3... why do you make me make these choices?

    That said, be prepared to catch Sanya, and possibly combat unspeakable horrors from beyond.
    >> Crix !!nLvSV/0cRma 02/04/12(Sat)20:39 No.17808059
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    Get her down, sanya's don't float.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:40 No.17808062
    Get Ian and Sean together, grab the couch, place it underneath Sanya.

    Look around, is there anything that can be used to get her down, or that we can jump up off of to grab onto her and bring her down?
    >> s 02/04/12(Sat)20:40 No.17808064
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    also, i love you OP
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:40 No.17808070
    Excellent, in at the beginning.

    I have a proposal to make, in regards to our MC's name: we are James, but everyone calls us Jim. This is in honor of the holy trinity of Doolittle, Thach and Kirk.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:40 No.17808073
    even guidos dont deserve to be associated with the huffwagon OP.
    >> Starshadow 02/04/12(Sat)20:41 No.17808075
    Woot! Its back! :D

    No idea how to handle this. But we should grab ahold of her so that she doesn't fall when whatever this is ends.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:41 No.17808088

    and get someone ready to catch in case it works.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:42 No.17808099
    Do we know any Russian tunes? Could we bluff our way through it like we do with anything else?
    >> That McGuyver 02/04/12(Sat)20:43 No.17808100
    Screaming and fetal position? This isn't going good for Sanya. Bring her down.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:43 No.17808106
    Get Eila in here stat!

    ...although we might not know about that relationship IC yet.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:44 No.17808112

    we have to know her song, we heard that damned noise on every night patrol.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:44 No.17808119
    She came down first. She's in the room.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:46 No.17808144
    gonna go with this, let the magic users deal with the floating and the screaming, we'll deal with the falling.
    >> NavalAnon !!jz5JQZ1dN2Q 02/04/12(Sat)20:47 No.17808155
    Have Ian get a doctor and a priest, this seems like some alien possession shit, and try and calm her down.

    Also sup bro, happy seeing you. I saw F-18s fly over base and I thought of you man!
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:48 No.17808170

    Thirded. Also, we ain't the keymaster. That's Ian's job.

    >oldwilli times
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:48 No.17808175
    Human pyramid! That'll reach her.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:48 No.17808180
    >hold an improvised crucifix
    >> planefag !!0ZviLFh59My 02/04/12(Sat)20:49 No.17808189
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    "Yeah," Ian says. "They don't do that."

    The fact that Sanyas do not, in point of fact, float unaided seems to be the salient issue here. You grab one of the lounge sofas and start dragging it noisily across the floor, and Sakamoto jumps to assist you. You've just got it positioned under her when Sanya, a good twenty feet in the air, skews off to one side and starts tumbling - tumbling, because now she's descending and OH SHIT-

    - you lunge, arms reaching out, and Minna lunges at the same moment, both of you managing to smack your heads together with a loud CLICK! Before either of you can swear or feel the pain, Sanya crashes into your tangled arms with a distinct lack of impetus. She can't weight more then eighty pounds, all told.

    She's still screaming, though. You stare at her, completely flummoxed. Minna is not so inhibited - she hauls off and slaps the little Russian across the chops.

    Sanya jerks with shock, and seems to see Minna for the first time. She seizes Minna's shirtfront strongly, and begins weeping, babbling in Russian.
    >> underpower !!9Y83v1DtrYp 02/04/12(Sat)20:49 No.17808191
    2nd story? no ways

    >i know what this is, she being mind controlled. gotta get her to remember herself to fight back. play that song she always sings on the piano!
    >> underpower !!9Y83v1DtrYp 02/04/12(Sat)20:50 No.17808199
    >> That McGuyver 02/04/12(Sat)20:50 No.17808201
    Whisper in her ear 'bounce', the sheer posterior enragement might blow through the alien possesion. Besides, all the witches hate us now anyways for some reason.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:50 No.17808208
    ...well, I guess that's taken care of.

    get some vodka to calm her down
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:52 No.17808226
    "Anyone know what she's saying?"

    Because asking her to slow down and repeat this in a language everyone understands is Minna's job, and OOC I'd rather not have us do shit that amounts to actually taking over the unit.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:52 No.17808228
    Well alright then. That's sorted, I guess. Back to the booze.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:53 No.17808238
    Is our beer safe?
    Or was there a casualty of war in our rescue operation.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:53 No.17808239
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:54 No.17808245
    She should have start singing this while floating
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:54 No.17808250

    Okay, Minna's got her. Time to step back and drop into observation mode. Let's figure out what in the hell's going on before taking an action.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:54 No.17808252
    And this is where we grab Elia and drag her over there if she's in shock. If not, back up because we are otherwise we are going to get shoved out of the way.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:54 No.17808255
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    Oh yeah, SW Quest.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:54 No.17808257
    Anyone understand what she's saying? Or anything at all?
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:55 No.17808264
    Ian, you've heard the damn song often enough, play it to calm her down.

    Music soothes the savage breast and all.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:55 No.17808266
    how many traumatized russian girls can we fit in a B-52?
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:56 No.17808271
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    Apply Russian medicine.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:56 No.17808275
    Given how quickly after our first bout on the piano she started this, it might do to wait a bit on that.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:56 No.17808283
    get her some booze to calm her nerves
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:57 No.17808286
    For some reason that fucking "Apply directly to the forehead" commercial popped into mind.

    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:57 No.17808290
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    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:57 No.17808296
    Shakespeare said it was true, and therefore it must be true.

    Are you attempting to question the bards judgement?
    >> planefag !!0ZviLFh59My 02/04/12(Sat)20:58 No.17808301
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    Eila dashes forward, shoving you out of the way roughly. She wraps her arms around Sanya and begins talking to her low and urgently in Russian.

    "She can speak Russian?" you mutter, surprised.

    "She's Finnish," Sakamoto says.

    "Cursing is different then talking," you remind her.

    After Sanya's tears subside to sobs, Eila looks up, and her face is disturbed. "She... she isn't making much sense right now. But she says she heard 'them'."

    "Ten bucks says it's Martians," Sean says immediately. Everybody turns to look at him.

    "What? Was that supposed to be some big, drawn-out conclusion?" He ticks off points on his fingers. "One, weird shit happened. Two, lala-sweetheart was at the center of it. Three, she 'heard them talking.' Four, she's Russian, and the language was so bad it even disturbed her. Conclusion, aliums."

    Eila looks like she wants to plant her foot up Sean's ass, Minna is utterly blank, and Sakamoto has the tight-lipped expression of somebody biting back a shit-eating grin.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:58 No.17808303
    Play the song!
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:58 No.17808304
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    Absolut?! Fuck that, nigga. Fix'd for you.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:58 No.17808308
    Get some VODKA. Apply to SANYA.

    Maybe it's time to scramble?
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:58 No.17808309
    Let's not put booze in front of her just yet, but grab some vodka and if things start to make some sense offer her some.
    >> Someone else. !!Qb2aRW+wCPO 02/04/12(Sat)20:59 No.17808313
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    >savage breast
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:59 No.17808314
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    Hey, planefag, here's a picture you might like, considering how often these guys have come up.

    I saved it from a drawthread forever ago.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:59 No.17808318
    Seems legit enough.

    Sanya, would you like some booze to steady the nerves?
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)20:59 No.17808321

    play THIS song
    >> That McGuyver 02/04/12(Sat)21:00 No.17808328
    Also, check gun and exits. Dont want to be groundbound for another invasion with no weapon.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:00 No.17808331
    >somebody biting back a shit-eating grin
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:00 No.17808332
    Alright, so she heard the Martians.
    Are they planning another attack now? How close are they?
    Cause if Sanya picked up Martian radio transmissions, they could be pretty close.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:02 No.17808370
    Hearing them doesn't mean understanding them. I don't think anyone here speaks martian. But we should ask anyway.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:02 No.17808374
    Commander, how often does this happen? And might I recommend scrambling a few witches just in case?
    >> underpower !!9Y83v1DtrYp 02/04/12(Sat)21:03 No.17808379
    >Sakamoto has... a shit-eating grin

    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:03 No.17808384
    Ask Sean if his outrider senses are tingling
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:03 No.17808388
    You were unaware that the actual quote uses the word "breast" in reference to the heart, and not "beast" which never would be politely attributed to a human in those times?

    For shame.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:04 No.17808395
    Idea: If it happens again, We should test: Sanya's a radar/radio-type, so I wonder if it'd shield her from it if we, say, stuck her in the Black Widow with it's electronics blasting out jamming and white noise at full power?
    >> Crix !!nLvSV/0cRma 02/04/12(Sat)21:05 No.17808404
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    >and the language was so bad it even disturbed her.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:06 No.17808431
    Go pour a big mug of coffee, then pour a slug of vodka into it before giving it to Sanya. She could use something to settle her nerves.

    On a completely unrelated note, we must at some point get a pair of P-47s into the base, or refit Charlotte's Striker Unit into the Witchy equivalent of one.
    >> planefag !!0ZviLFh59My 02/04/12(Sat)21:07 No.17808443
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    Before Eila can accost Sean for his blunt summation, a delicate melody begins drifting through the air. It takes till the tenth bar before you realize it's the song you've heard Sanya singing, night after night on patrol, the one that drove Sean up the goddamn wall...

    Except now it's the full grace of a piano keyboard stroking the air with melody, not just the idle humming of a lonely little girl. It's sweet, and comforting, and Ian sure knows how to play that grand piano. Sanya calms down almost immediately, clinging to Eila and Minna tightly, still suspended in their arms and ignoring the world.

    Eila gives Ian a cloudy look. "Where did you learn that?"

    "From her," he says, nodding at Sanya. "She'd move between the parts each night. Got bored, I guess. And her daddy's one of my favorite composers, so the rest wasn't hard," he says softly as he keeps on playing.

    Sanya murmurs something to Eila, and she and Minna both lower her to the nearest couch. Eila sits next to her and talks to her in Russian. You open your mouth, but Minna holds up her hand. Ian keeps on playing, just for the hell of it.

    >Wat Do?
    >Not a mandetory Wat Do, but if you've an idea to act on before Eila finishes her interview...
    >> Major Airlift 02/04/12(Sat)21:07 No.17808450

    Faraday cage bedroom?
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:08 No.17808453

    You think Charlotte'd give up her hot-roddded P-51 legs for a P-47 unit? Nah mate.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:08 No.17808454
    Charlotte goes P-51 sadly. Though I do want a Pippette Boyington with a F-4U Corsair.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:08 No.17808466
    Start singing.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:08 No.17808467
    Prepare to scramble.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:09 No.17808472
    Take another sip of beer.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:09 No.17808475
    Now is not a time for talking, it seems. So lets do something, as long as Minna is here. Give a look of suddenly remembering something, and hand her that watch.
    >> Fleet Admiral Anon 02/04/12(Sat)21:10 No.17808485
    This. We start singing gently, even if there are no words. Just add our voice to show our support. BTW, are we a tenor or a baritone?
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:10 No.17808489
    Pick up some guns from the armory, go see if there's any ground crew not sloshed into uselessness and tell them to be on alert.
    >> underpower !!9Y83v1DtrYp 02/04/12(Sat)21:11 No.17808500
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    Check weapon, check exits, check windows for strange things.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:11 No.17808501

    I really don't think now is the time.

    We can't sortie, since our plane is shot to shit. We should wait and see what Sanya has to say.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:11 No.17808504
    Do >>17808431

    Charlotte and a pair of Jugs would go together like beer and pretzels.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:11 No.17808506
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:12 No.17808509
    Give mimma a "What are we supposed to do now?" look
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:12 No.17808523

    Yeah, we should grab our Thompsons. Have at least one on hand just in case.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:13 No.17808527
    Do nothing but drink a bit more. Offer some to Minna.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:13 No.17808528
    Now is not a good time to be giving her the watch.

    Let's just get some coffee with a slug of vodka for Sanya.
    >> Fleet Admiral Anon 02/04/12(Sat)21:13 No.17808529
    NO no no! Why in the name of the everloving gods would we downgrade Charlotte's Striker? She currently has P-51 Strikers! YOU CAN'T GET ANY BETTER!
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:14 No.17808535
    She already has a pair.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:14 No.17808536

    Do I have to draw you a goddamned road map?
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:15 No.17808553

    No, it's just that that's an awful pun, so we choose not to acknowledge it.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:18 No.17808573
    How about we just get ourselves another drink and relax. Everyone else seems to have things well enough in hand, so let's just cool it.
    >> Fleet Admiral Anon 02/04/12(Sat)21:18 No.17808575
    We ALL got the joke. For all the other threads we've reffering to her as "Yaegertits".

    Gods, the P-51 had a Merlin engine in it. And we're now Merlin. Wacky Hijinks ensue?
    >> Crix !!nLvSV/0cRma 02/04/12(Sat)21:18 No.17808581
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    What's wrong, you don't like large tracts of land?

    Or maybe you just prefer wide open spaces to rolling hills?
    >> planefag !!0ZviLFh59My 02/04/12(Sat)21:19 No.17808588
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    You look at the weeping Sanya, conversing in Russianese with her mischievous friend, and take another long pull from your beer. Smacking your lips with satisfaction, you look over at Sean, who's wearing a placid expression that says "just another Monday."

    "Welp," you say, raising your .45.

    "Ayup," Sean replies, drawing the broadsword from between the cushions of the couch.

    You take four steps over to the wall, near the staircase, and lift the phone. Charlotte showed you how to call other lines in the building the other day, and you use that now to call the phone in the engineering staff's lounge, on the other side of the castle.

    'A'yup,' an Aussie accent replies.


    The man is silent for two long seconds, apparently analyzing your tone. "Are we flipping out?"

    "Yeah. Yeah, we are."

    "Roight," he replies. "Ay!" he shouts to the room behind him. "Ay," he says, "Hot tip, strap iron!" The phone rattles and the call ends.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:19 No.17808590
    Let's save that for a bit later.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:19 No.17808591
    Well, we do still have to collect our DFC...
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:21 No.17808606
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:21 No.17808607
    Ah, a token Australian. I am happy to see him.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:22 No.17808615
    Zucchini is sleeping somewhere.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:23 No.17808622
    We're going to owe the engineers a crate of beer if this turns out to be a false alarm.

    But better ready than not, right?
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:24 No.17808624

    On this base, you may nee to clarify that statement.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:24 No.17808628
    Confirm the possibility of scrambling with Minna
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:25 No.17808639
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    It's go time
    >> Fleet Admiral Anon 02/04/12(Sat)21:25 No.17808642
    We have an Aussie in the Engineer's? No wonder we belted the crap outta the Martians when they last invaded.

    In WWII, Rommel stated that if he could have any troops in the world to invade Hell, He would take it with the Australians and Hold it with New Zealanders. Tobruk never fell whilst the ANZAC's held it.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:25 No.17808646
    Chance that Sean and Sakamoto are running a pool on how long it takes for Jim and Minna's UST to resolve itself? And trying to rig it on the side?
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:26 No.17808652
    I wouldn't bet against them
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:26 No.17808657
    Who's Jim?
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:27 No.17808664
    I would. Minna would go straight black widow on us D:
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:27 No.17808665
    sean I think he means
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:27 No.17808666

    And no bloody wonder then wanted so much booze.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:27 No.17808668
    No, I really don't think I do.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:27 No.17808670
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    He's trying to name MC
    Which is heresy
    >> planefag !!0ZviLFh59My 02/04/12(Sat)21:28 No.17808679

    "You getting any strange intuitions or whatnot?" you ask Sean.

    He favors you with a sardonic expression. "Besides Miss LaLa starting to seriously harsh my mellow with all that locobabble bullshit, no, not really. You getting that funny itch on the back of your neck?"

    "Only when Minna looks at me," you grumble. Minna waves at the two of you, standing to one side with weapons drawn, and somewhat irritably asks one of you to fetch some coffee. Sean shrugs, shoulders his sword, and strolls off to the kitchen, swaggering a little.


    You take a few steps over to the couch where all present are ministering to Sanya. "Get anything out of her yet?" you ask.

    Minna gives you a fish-eye. "Put that away. We've got four generals and their bodyguards on the island right now; may as well be a small army. It'll just spook Sanya."

    "Yeah, because the Martians love obeying common sense, past practice and the laws of physics," you retort hotly, but you holster your pistol. With the retention strap unsnapped, however.

    Eilia turns to the others. "She... she says it was like a dream. She can't remember all of it that clearly, but she said she saw cities. All British cities, too. Just a lot of cities, and places on the coast... a few radar stations, a fighter field with a grass airstrip... and the voices." Sanya shudders at the mention of that, and ducks her face into the blanket someone's laid over her. "She said that part was... pretty bad."
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:29 No.17808683
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    >Strike witches thread
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:29 No.17808690
    So, uh. Possible Alium attack incoming.

    And we have ALL THE BRASS at our base, last I knew.

    This probably means nothing.
    >> Crix !!nLvSV/0cRma 02/04/12(Sat)21:29 No.17808691
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    That's because when everything in Australian can already kill you, what are some bolt action rifles to you?
    >> planefag !!0ZviLFh59My 02/04/12(Sat)21:29 No.17808693
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    >My name is James
    >People constantly call me Jim
    >hence, mfw seeing that suggestion
    >> s 02/04/12(Sat)21:31 No.17808710
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    wait, they dont work with atleast a handgun on them?

    considering they jsut got back from a major raid on the castle one would expect to see em with rifles straped to their backs as they fenagle with the striker units.

    anyway, i approve of this. ayup.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:31 No.17808711
    don't get too excited, it ain't sticking
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:32 No.17808719
    Guys, There's a transmitter somewhere.

    There is that one special alium assigned to transmit the the alium thoughts to the only radio-witch in the base. I think we need radar scan or something.
    Conatacting other bases that have radar witches seems like a good idea, too.
    Whaddya think?
    >> planefag !!0ZviLFh59My 02/04/12(Sat)21:32 No.17808723
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    That picture is always problematic for me. I want to stare at bunnyass and Mausers at the same time, so I never know where to look.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:33 No.17808726
    I don't suppose that a grass airstrip is unusual enough around here to be a clue to what place she saw?
    >> Fleet Admiral Anon 02/04/12(Sat)21:34 No.17808732
    I should know, I am Australian.
    Weeeeell........ If you give me a Short Magazine Lee-Enfield .303 I become rather more deadly than just about anything in the world. You don't wanna know half of what I've had to kill to survive.
    >> Will 02/04/12(Sat)21:34 No.17808734
    Sounds like an imminent alium attack, question is, do we have enough proof to send this up the totem pole and put England on alert? They already got hit by them buzzbombs, it seems like those were probing attacks. Alternatively, we just saw possible targets for new buzzbomb strikes.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:34 No.17808735
    ask if she can identify any of the locations.
    Then get a call out to those places. Inform them they might come under an attack soon.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:34 No.17808736
    You stare at the Mausers. What are you, some kind of homosexual?
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:34 No.17808739
    The picture just drips with sex appeal!
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:34 No.17808740

    What if we took the mausers and, get this, strapped them to her ass?
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:34 No.17808745

    In England? It's most of them that aren't London Airport or Biggin Hill.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:35 No.17808752
    >You don't wanna know half of what I've had to kill to survive.

    It's Australia. That shit is expected of you.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:35 No.17808758
    I remember that handguns WERE assigned to all of the witches after the Martian raid.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:35 No.17808760

    you've got two eyes dont ya?
    >> planefag !!0ZviLFh59My 02/04/12(Sat)21:36 No.17808765
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    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:36 No.17808766

    A quick google search brought back Lashenden Airstrip. Take that as you will...
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:36 No.17808767
    But there are two C96s!
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:36 No.17808772
    Hey Planefag, I've got a random question about the setting: What's the French situation? Is de Gaule the head of the French Government in Exile? Or Giraud? Or has Petain managed to rally the forces of France behind him again, using his supreme luck in timing of securing that Armistice?
    >> s 02/04/12(Sat)21:37 No.17808784
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    report to generals. tell em to get all bases and cities possible to bunker down.

    also put all witch forces on high alert.

    >> s 02/04/12(Sat)21:38 No.17808791
    france is dead. iirc. just a massive alium hive

    [or was that italy?]
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:39 No.17808796
    S=shit, I blushed
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:39 No.17808798
    Search party time.

    Have Minna pull some strings to make it that Patton has be a part of one.
    >> Major Airlift 02/04/12(Sat)21:39 No.17808799

    I think Sanya is the only witch with magicradar anywhere.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:39 No.17808800

    But we don't have any Elerium to fuel our Avengers.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:39 No.17808803
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    >> Papa-N !!z0ABcqUnNAP 02/04/12(Sat)21:39 No.17808804
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    >be named James as well
    >see this
    >we both live in MI
    >both of us are gun fanatics

    The question is, which one of us is the evil twin?
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:39 No.17808808
    >making command decisions

    yeah, no.

    We took the initiative to put the base defenses on alert, the rest is up to our commanding officer.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:40 No.17808810
    Contact the radar people, ask them if they have anything on their scopes
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:40 No.17808816
    We need elerium 115 for that
    >> Crix !!nLvSV/0cRma 02/04/12(Sat)21:40 No.17808818
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    too lewd
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:40 No.17808823
    Yeah no Jim/James then, too weird. We've been calling him MC, so Mick sounds good to me if we had to choose a name. We don't, though.

    Both of you?
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:42 No.17808837
    >Strike witches quest becomes WWII X-Com with magic

    ....I'm not sure how I'd feel about that actually
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:42 No.17808843
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    With the amount of personal info being given out in this thread, I am starting to consider taking up stalking. I need a new hobby.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:43 No.17808849
    >Papa-n vore scenes in e'ry thread
    >planefag Dem legs

    there's no real question of who is the evil twin here.
    >> s 02/04/12(Sat)21:43 No.17808853
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    strap witches to the wings of bombers.
    fill gargohold with more witches.

    OR, just fly the yamato up there
    [after we install a wave motion cannon]
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:43 No.17808856
    I bet Minna and Sakamoto have grass landing strips
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:43 No.17808861
    >that pic

    What....the...What the fuck am I looking at, Is she EATING A MEAT CLEAVER?
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:43 No.17808865
    Even If I had no idea about SW or WWII, I'd think It's pretty fucking awesome
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:44 No.17808868
    Ba-dum Tish.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:44 No.17808870
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    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:44 No.17808871
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    This is sounding like a decent idea.
    >> planefag !!0ZviLFh59My 02/04/12(Sat)21:44 No.17808873
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    Sanya is still shuddering a little when Minna and Sakamoto retire a few steps to confer. Their low, serious conversation is apparently above your pay grade, so you go over what Sanya said. It stands to reason she wouldn't understand utterly alien thought or speech - it makes little sense that she heard it at all, even - the targets are all military ones, to a degree, but they have no commonality between them.

    Or do they?

    "Eilia, ask her i-" you shake your head, remembering Sanya does speak English, traumas be damned. "Sanya, did you see the London parliament? Or a huge clocktower-thingy?"

    She thinks, then nods.

    "Did you see our castle, here?"

    She nods into her blanket, and shudders again.

    You think, then stroke your chin. "Did you see an airfield that was completely covered in fog, had one runway laid at the foot of a hill and generally looked like it was laid out by some Limey bastard who hated every pilot who ever drew breath?"

    THAT gets a glance out of her, and a furrowed brow, but she slowly nods.

    "Hey," you say to Sean as he returns with some coffee. "I think all the places Sanya... uh, 'saw' were the ones the Martians hit in the surprise attack."
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:44 No.17808877
    How many witches can we fit in the Yamato?
    >> s 02/04/12(Sat)21:45 No.17808880
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    i should-ave rephrased that
    >suggest that they should alert bases everywhere
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:45 No.17808888
    Don't be silly, she's just sucking the gore off. A bit like licking cake batter off a spoon.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:45 No.17808889
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    She's just holding it in front of her face.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:46 No.17808896
    How many Sidewinder-witches cold we fit in b52s that are carried by the yamato?
    >> Crix !!nLvSV/0cRma 02/04/12(Sat)21:46 No.17808905
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    More than enough to kill anything that moves
    >> s 02/04/12(Sat)21:47 No.17808913
    i dunno, but if we get the bismarck too, im guessing we could transport all of em

    we could fire them out of the main guns like magic bullets.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:48 No.17808914
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    Before or after Halsey gets to it?
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:48 No.17808916

    Set the entire European theater to Condition 1? BRILLIANT!
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:48 No.17808919
    So she can see things ... after they happen.

    >> Fleet Admiral Anon 02/04/12(Sat)21:49 No.17808923

    Earth's latest plan to royally fuck da aliums.
    Each Battleship fires a broadside of Witches at Mars. INSTANT WIN!
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:49 No.17808933
    ...Well, i guess it's probably a false alarm. probably.

    How about a live fire training excercise just in case
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:49 No.17808935
    It might have been some kind of Martian status report on how effective the surprise attacks were.
    >> s 02/04/12(Sat)21:50 No.17808938
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    wait, so all shes getting is a replay of the previous attacks?

    as said before this is just some kind of alium jamming targetted to radar witches
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:51 No.17808952
    IF that's true, then I'm taking It as a big FUCK YOU from the aliums side
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:51 No.17808956
    Yupp, sounds like she picked up on an alien AAR.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:52 No.17808962
    Seems a bit over the top just to say "WE AIN'T GOT SHIT." If they used radio communications normally then this would happen all the time.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:52 No.17808964
    I just want to check something: the reason they don't wear pants is supposedly because they need to be ready to get into the strike units as quickly as possible, right?
    >> Papa-N !!z0ABcqUnNAP 02/04/12(Sat)21:53 No.17808974
    Yeah... Though really it was for fanservice
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:53 No.17808978

    I love those randomly cheerful witches bouncing around in the background.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:54 No.17808980
    Something about magic going better through naked skin.

    But we all know the truth
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:54 No.17808982

    yes, though there is one witch who does wear pants just with two small holes in them for skin contact with the striker. her real life pilot was famous for flying without pants...
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:55 No.17808989
    why not wear shorts?
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:56 No.17808991
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    You have just explained all of Anime.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:56 No.17808994
    Oh, it's clearly fanservice, but it's such a flimsy fucking excuse I think it is up to us, as long as we're here, to point out all the little inconsistencies to Minna, aiding our quest to get the witches in pants.
    >> Papa-N !!z0ABcqUnNAP 02/04/12(Sat)21:56 No.17808997
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    >> SHIT planefag !!0ZviLFh59My 02/04/12(Sat)21:56 No.17809003
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    "Makes sense?" Sean says, shrugging. He hands the coffee to Eila, who hands it in turn to Sanya and begins coaxing her to drink.

    "Makes more then a little sense," you say, scratching your head. "But why now? After the attacks? Discussing their defeats? They didn't do too badly, damage-wise, but it was just more attrition. As a knockout blow, surprise attack, it was a failure."

    "There you go trying to analyze alien minds again," Sean sighs. "Nobody knows what the crazy bastards do, or why. They slack off one month, go full-court press the next, open great holes to exploit, then never do. It's almost like they're as confused as we are about them."

    "They've managed some pretty handy victories," you remind him.

    "Yeah, but for every brilliant move they do something boneheaded," Sean says. "It's almost as if-"

    Sanya suddenly coughs violently, and leans over as Eila slaps her on the back. The Finnish girl sniffs the coffee and shoots Sean a poisonous look.

    "It woke her up! It worked!" he protests, raising his hands.

    "You know..." a seed of an idea pushes shoots through your mind, seeking the light. "It always bothered me. Why didn't they booby-trap their ship?"

    "What?" Sean says distractedly as he edges away from Eila. "The submarine?"

    "Yeah. Made me wonder. We would've. For that matter, why didn't they bring a big bomb and blow the place to pieces?"

    "You saying they left something behind?" Sean says.

    The instant he says the words, the sofa underneath Eila and Sanya warps and buckles as something small and monstrously powerful starts tearing its way out.

    >WAT DO
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:57 No.17809006
    Get everyone out of the room. NOW
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:58 No.17809008

    >> Will 02/04/12(Sat)21:58 No.17809012
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:58 No.17809015
    Or just sweatpants, even. They're easy to take off quickly. But really, none of it makes sense. For instance, the fucking bath: if you need to be ready for combat all the time, why in fuck's name would you have a bath instead of showers? The less time you spend undressed and wet, the better. Not to mention the fact that it's in the frigging basement. You could take skinny jeans off faster than you could climb those fucking stairs.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:59 No.17809017
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    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:59 No.17809018

    Fuck yo shit
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:59 No.17809019

    >In before "Sunglasses at night"
    >> Papa-N !!z0ABcqUnNAP 02/04/12(Sat)21:59 No.17809020
    Make sure Lucchini wasn't napping in the couch first, if its not her/someone else, get shooty with the 1911
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:59 No.17809021
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    >> Crix !!nLvSV/0cRma 02/04/12(Sat)21:59 No.17809022
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    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:59 No.17809023
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    >> planefag !!0ZviLFh59My 02/04/12(Sat)21:59 No.17809024
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    >which one of us is the evil twin

    Depends on which one of us owns any plastic guns.... (no, not really.)

    >gun nuts

    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:59 No.17809026
    It's probably fucking Zucchini or something. All the more reason to SHOOT TO KILL SHOOT TO KILL SHOOT OT KILL.
    >> s 02/04/12(Sat)21:59 No.17809028
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    >"Kya! What are we gonna do at 20,000 feet?"
    >"Bounce =3"
    >"my ailerons are moving on their own!"
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)21:59 No.17809030
    Tackle couch girls off said couch.
    >> Crix !!nLvSV/0cRma 02/04/12(Sat)22:00 No.17809037
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    y u shoot at homura
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:00 No.17809039
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:00 No.17809041
    realizing whats going on just as the suprise pops out just dosent fucking happen. what is this, a crappy movie?

    its GOTTA be zucchini.

    shoot to kill.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:01 No.17809043
    Yank the girls off the sofa, yell a warning, and pull out the .45, the moment you see ugly pop out blast it where it will do the most hurt.
    >> Papa-N !!z0ABcqUnNAP 02/04/12(Sat)22:01 No.17809044
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    I lurve my ar-15, it is my baby
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:01 No.17809048
    Everyone. Guns. Now.
    No. Clear the room, then get everyone together. Don't want people getting carried off again. Depending on what's going on, we may want to take the witches to gather up the brass, and get a message out to other bases that were attacked the last time through.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:01 No.17809053
    10 get them off the couch

    20 point gun at couch

    30 if couch destroyer is not human GOT 40 Else end program

    40 SHOOT GUN
    >> planefag !!0ZviLFh59My 02/04/12(Sat)22:02 No.17809060
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    >"my ailerons are moving on their own!"
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:02 No.17809064
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:03 No.17809076
    Tell Sean to stab it, we grab the girls and throw them off the couch, then we pump it full of .45 caliber holes.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:03 No.17809083
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    I like to live dangerously.
    >> planefag !!0ZviLFh59My 02/04/12(Sat)22:03 No.17809084
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    I... that... is plastic... and... it's good.

    Perhaps we both ARE the evil one!
    >> Major Airlift 02/04/12(Sat)22:04 No.17809088
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    That was terrible...
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:05 No.17809093
    Yeah, and that would totally be awesome if it was Zucchini in there.

    We check our targets before we shoot. This is basic training sort of stuff.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:06 No.17809106
    If it is Zucchini, pistol whip the little bitch. She needs to fucking learn that she has horrible timing for her little "pranks".
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:07 No.17809109
    It'd be even better if it were Perrine, but I'd take Zucchini too. Stab it quickly!
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:07 No.17809111
    Either it's aliums, whereupon hooray for shooting them, or it's Zucchini, whereupon...hooray for shooting her?
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:07 No.17809116

    But we keep really close to shooting.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:08 No.17809123

    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:10 No.17809154
    You're going to love this thread then.

    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:12 No.17809164

    Look what I had in the bookmarks section of my internet browser
    >> Papa-N !!z0ABcqUnNAP 02/04/12(Sat)22:12 No.17809171
    works for me
    >> planefag !!0ZviLFh59My 02/04/12(Sat)22:15 No.17809211
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    Your course of action is pretty simple.

    Sean lunges, arms curling into a huge semi-circle that envelops and tightens around both girls. Twisting at the hip, he hurls them away bodily as something mechanical and earth-colored tears out of the couch and slashes at the girls.

    You draw your 1911 smoothly, taking a step forward to improve your stance. The "thing" in the couch stabs at Sean with something sharp and pointy, but he twists away just in time, only to be caught about the ankles by the monstrosity.

    You fire.

    What they don't convey in all those TV Westerns back home is how loud a gunshot is, especially a .45 ACP out of a five-inch barrel, when you're not already numb to it from adrenaline and battle and engine roar and all that. It's fucking loud. Things are happening so fast that Ian's still playing Sanya's tune when your first shot shatters the silence. You fire again, riding the kick of the heavy pistol again and again as you advance on whatever-the-hell it is ripping its way out of the couch, trying to buy Sean time to get out of its way.

    In theory. In practice the psychotic fucker rushes in the moment he's on his feet, thrusting his broadsword at the middle of the thing as hard as possible, screaming like a lunatic. The long, thin flailing appendages bend, block, and slam into him, throwing him across the room.

    That's when you hear Minna screech.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:17 No.17809232
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    Check on Minna. Sean can handle this.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:18 No.17809250
    Superhuman Witch strenght woul be appreciated now.
    OH Perrine better be somewhere around given the presence of Sakamoto.
    Call her for help
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:18 No.17809251
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    Gotta shoot faster, check for other targets, shoot them.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:19 No.17809256
    Yeah, we need to see if they're coming from anywhere else.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:19 No.17809262
    and then we just shot and killed a witch.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:19 No.17809266
    Tell Ian to pick up the tempo. This is getting exciting.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:20 No.17809272
    Clearly not a zucchini.

    Minna doesn't strike me as the panicky type, though. Might want to take a moment to figure out if she's rattled about the same thing we're dealing with, or whether our situation just got worse somehow.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:21 No.17809285
    >something mechanical and earth-colored
    >stabs at Sean with something sharp and pointy
    >caught about the ankles by the monstrosity
    >The long, thin flailing appendages
    Yup, sounds just like Perrine.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:21 No.17809286
    Reload pistol while looking over at Minna.
    If Minna not in immediate danger, continue firing on couch.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:22 No.17809292
    And nothing of value was lost.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:23 No.17809300
    This seems a reasoned option at this point.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:23 No.17809303
    Well at least he's out of the way now. Quickly confirm if Minna is in more immediate danger from something besides this monstrosity, if not the continue firing at it.
    >> planefag !!0ZviLFh59My 02/04/12(Sat)22:24 No.17809309
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    You twist to look and see Sakamoto, her katana glowing and swinging, in a sharp duel with what what looks vaguely like an anemic mechanical Martian. She's standing over Ian, who's bleeding from the head, sprawled on the floor near the piano. Behind her - and apparently unnoticed - Minna has another wrapped almost completely around her body, with one mechanical tentacle wrapped (sinuously!?) around her skull. Her entire body is glowing with her battle-magic, and she's squealing with what little breath she can spare, but it's clear the machine is a hairs-breadth from snapping her neck like a twig.

    You shoot it in the head twice.

    It's not bulletproof, or even resistant - the heavy slugs smash into it satisfactorily, making it jerk, but they seem to do little telling damage. Minna's chin moves a little more to the side, and the sinews in her neck tense as she struggles against the thing trying to twist her spine to the breaking point.

    >WAT DO
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:25 No.17809319

    Acquire knife, slash tentacle
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:25 No.17809327
    Get Minna out of it's arms and fight it Hand to Hand.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:26 No.17809331

    If we let our Wing Commander die, we'll never live it down. And fuck, we owe her big for saving our ass from Patton.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:26 No.17809335
    Sure is striker in here.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:26 No.17809336

    shoot minna in the head.dying of a broken neck or ending up a quadriplegic are both horrible ways to go out. she dont deserve that.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:27 No.17809343

    They are mechanical. We are some kind of passive machine wizard. If we still have ammo, shoot it like we mean it. Otherwise tackle that sumbitch
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:27 No.17809344
    Grab Seans blade and charge that thing
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:27 No.17809346
    shoot it some more, maybe in the arm-things.

    if she can't get out of it with her retar-- er, magical witch strength, then we don't stand a chance.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:27 No.17809348
    WAIT the fuck up. Those things are mechanical?

    So, can we break IT by hugging It really tight?

    Or by kicking It like the MC of DArk Messiah of Might and Magic?
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:27 No.17809349
    Shoot the tentacle's connection to the main-body. Wait. Do we still have ammo in the mag?
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:27 No.17809354

    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:27 No.17809357
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    Time to act like a badass, and rush in and make sure the thing doesn't snap her neck while its busy dying, once we've done that we can get back to shooting other martians.

    Those aliens bastards have ruined the couch, long did it fight bravely to keep us pilots comfortable, we will not let this travesty go unavenged!
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:28 No.17809362
    Kiss Minna! Only the power of love can stop it now!

    Or, you know, shoot it until it dies.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:28 No.17809365
    We have booze and a lighter, right?

    >MC uses Flamethrower on Alium Scum!
    >It's Super Effective!
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:29 No.17809367
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:29 No.17809372
    Shoot tentacles holding her head, sever that bastards ARM.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:29 No.17809376
    Wait, it's mechanical?

    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:29 No.17809377
    Sareth was an ok dude, but I don't remember his kick being anything special.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:29 No.17809378
    Grab Beer Bottle, Break bear bottle, STABBY TIME
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:29 No.17809380
    I'm going to be honest, I'm not sure how our mechanical magic exactly works. But if we can't fuck them up with our power while kick ass with the gun then all the better.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:29 No.17809382
    Is she can't wrestle it off with magic, we don't stand a chance against it in close combat.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:30 No.17809386
    Minna doesn't deserve to die like that, whatever illogical Wizard bullshit we have, we better make use of it against the mechanical alium shit attacking her.

    Or throw Sakamoto at it. Literally.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:30 No.17809388
    Shooting dangerously close to Minna's head sounds like the best plan. We need to do that. And then do it again.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:30 No.17809391
    Correct. But we can get real close to shoot it more accurately. Aim for the joints.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:31 No.17809397
    Shoot the tentacle that's around Minna's skull.
    We don't have time to attempt to find a Martian vital organ.
    Just hit and damage the part that's trying to kill Minna.
    >> Starshadow 02/04/12(Sat)22:31 No.17809400
    Shoot the tentacle, break the tension!
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:31 No.17809401
    Order Chewbacca to shoot It so Han can shoot It from behind.

    We're Han, by the way
    >> Crix !!nLvSV/0cRma 02/04/12(Sat)22:32 No.17809410
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    >reading this while the /v/ vs reddit tribes match is on

    ooo maaii gaaaa
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:32 No.17809413
    But the martian hasn't shot yet. Everybody knows that Han only shoots at aliens that shoot at him first.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:32 No.17809414
    Check quickly to see if the couch monster has been disabled. If so, grab Sean and rush Minna's new friend.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:32 No.17809415
    No, not gnome powers. We're a pilot, after all.

    GREMLIN powers, activate!
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:32 No.17809417

    Yes shooting at her head is the best way to save her I agree.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:32 No.17809421
    you best be joking nigga
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:32 No.17809423
    /v/ better be fucking winning that. What's the score?
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:33 No.17809426
    Only Barkhorn has enhanced strength. The other witches get it from the Striker. The more you know!
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:33 No.17809427

    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:33 No.17809428
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    Pic related
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:33 No.17809432
    Point blank tentacle shooting sounds good.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:33 No.17809435
    The simple option as stated would be to close ranks, then shoot it point blank, maybe make a pun about it. Firing on a struggling captive can be tough from range, but if you put the pistol barrel right up against what you want to hit, then it should be easier.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:35 No.17809447
    Please tell me /v/ is winning that.
    >> Crix !!nLvSV/0cRma 02/04/12(Sat)22:35 No.17809449
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    2 games reddit 1 /v/

    but /v/ is winning this round
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:35 No.17809457
    Time to be a pinball wizard, play the silver ball, and take out the tentacle!

    (shoot the damn thing)
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:37 No.17809473
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    Grab Seans sword with off-hand.
    Close on alium while firing and then cut at the arm holding Minnas head.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:38 No.17809477
    Help the alien break Minna's neck.

    What? You know you want to.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:38 No.17809486
    Too much time. If we waste any time here, there will be unwanted neck-snapping.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:39 No.17809492
    well in that case then let's just manhandle the thing
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:39 No.17809493
    Not when we owe her for saving our ass from Patton.
    >> planefag !!0ZviLFh59My 02/04/12(Sat)22:39 No.17809494
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    Two things register immediately:

    1. Bullets don't faze it.
    2. Both soldiers with swords are otherwise occupied.

    This is particularly problematic because

    3. You don't have a knife.

    So you do the only thing you can think of - you charge like a raving lunatic, screaming bloody blue murder, hoping to distract it. When it doesn't so much as lift a tentacle, you jam the muzzle of your .45 against the base of the tentacle twisting Minna's head off and empty the magazine, blowing it off.

    The entire thing seems to roil, trying to shove you away with a few loose tentacles, but you keep close to it, furiously pistol-whipping it as hard as possible. You don't know what else to do. You drive it against a wall, where it finally releases a limp Minna and wraps itself around YOU.

    The tentacles envelop you and begin crushing you painfully. You manage to tuck your arms in close before it pins you, and manage to fumble your second magazine out of your shoulder rig and get it in as the monster crushes the air from your lungs. Forcing the muzzle outward just enough to clear your chin, you pull the trigger.

    Every fiber of your being expects to hear absolutely nothing as you pull a trigger on an uncocked gun with an empty chamber, but praise God, there's still one in the pipe, and the 1911 fires, the slide biting your chest. You manage to fire two more times before the gun jams, which you clear with a sharp shake and a nudge from your chest, and fire twice more.

    Something gives, and even as your vision begins to go black you feel the tentacles loosen. Martian tentacles join at the head, and your blind fire managed to chew up most of the ones holding you. It slithers sidelong towards a coat-rack, but there's a flash of blue magic as Sakamoto's katana comes down on it.

    That's when you see the spider.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:39 No.17809495
    Sean is using that sword to fight the couch alium.

    Do Sanya or Eila have useful magic shit for this situation?
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:40 No.17809515
    we owed her up until her antics in the closet; that shit's even
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:41 No.17809527


    >> Major Airlift 02/04/12(Sat)22:42 No.17809528

    Sanya has the magic radar.
    Eila has coulplesecond precognition.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:42 No.17809529
    Eila is precognitive and Sanya is radar, so Eila would be a good fighter with a weapon.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:42 No.17809533
    Mine! my Smalltime, you cannot has!

    Bite the spider in two.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:42 No.17809535
    Squish it
    >> Will 02/04/12(Sat)22:42 No.17809542
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:42 No.17809543
    Waiting warmly
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:42 No.17809546
    >That's when you see the spider.
    Spider? What fucking spider?
    Fuck our No Fucks Given attitude, we should have kept our Thompson with us on a sling.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:42 No.17809552
    Future sight, radar, telescope eye and enhanced spatial awareness. We have one of the best for the situation and three of the worst.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:43 No.17809556
    She didn't do anything in the closet because we were too fucking operator to give her the chance.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:43 No.17809566
    Squish the spider
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:44 No.17809568
    >That's when you see the spider.

    So the Martians are Drow. right? Explains everything. Also explains how they snuck all of the shit onto the island. They hid it in their vaginas.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:45 No.17809585
    Well Sakamoto has a sword so she should get some bonus points for that.

    Of all the days for Barkhorn to be moping around instead of ripping aliums in half for us.
    >> planefag !!0ZviLFh59My 02/04/12(Sat)22:52 No.17809648
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    It was the Thing In The Couch; you recognize the spindly appendages immediately. It's funny, what goes through your head when you're half-unconscious from oxygen deprivation, but you think it's the perfect design for a machine - exoskeleton, check, sensor cluster, check, centrally-located processing unit with multi-terrain limbs, check. It clacks along with a kind of laborious but efficient gait, and all you can think of is how it must've been designed to fold up, to hide in things.

    It bounds across the room. You vaguely register a Thompson roaring and bits of wood raining down upon you as the Spider bounds nearer. You know what it's going for.


    You lurch to your feet before you know what's happening, knowing damn well you're too late, knowing damn well your remaining five pistol rounds aren't getting through that metallic hide, knowing you're fucked worse then a Thai hooker during a Friday port-of-liberty call, but you move. More shots, more chaos, you stumble and fall backwards over Minna just as the Spider stabs it's long, slender fore-limb through your body.

    You grab it with your free hand, pulling yourself along it a little more, keeping it wedged in tight, and reach underneath the spider with your pistol, ramming it into the hollow you knew you'd find, where the legs fold up like a landing gear.

    "THIS is what you need, you green fuckface," you hiss, and then there's gunfire, gunfire and nothing more.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:54 No.17809664
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:54 No.17809665
    Feels kind of badass
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:54 No.17809672
    Oh god, yes. We're the biggest hero. We'll have so many medals. Win all the medals!
    >> Will 02/04/12(Sat)22:56 No.17809687
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    Suck it, aliums.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:57 No.17809695
    >Save CO
    >Twice in the same fight
    >Acquire wound
    >Shoot aliens

    Rommel will like us even more when he hears about this.
    Also, all of the medals and commendations in the world.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:57 No.17809696
    Damn, we're good
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:57 No.17809697
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    >THIS is what you need, you green fuckface
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:58 No.17809702
    well, time to throw another alarmclock out the window of the medical ward.

    inb4 they put us in a room with no window this time. fucking cunts.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:58 No.17809704
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    >Minna's face when
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:58 No.17809706
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:58 No.17809711
    We're going to wake up COVERED in witches.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:59 No.17809719
    Scantily clad witches wishing to express gratitude may line up to the left, general officers seeking to award us medals may line up to the right.

    Haters can keep right on hatin. We don't give any fucks.
    >> Crix !!nLvSV/0cRma 02/04/12(Sat)22:59 No.17809724
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    >4chan wins

    holy shit this is what normalfags must feel like when watching the superbowl
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)22:59 No.17809727
    We are the best goddamn soldier ever
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)23:00 No.17809731
    And then we're going to give her a watch. This has got to earn us some leeway with her.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)23:00 No.17809733

    Is that all of them?

    Its is?


    >pass out
    >> Omega !Q7t.srvWZ6 02/04/12(Sat)23:00 No.17809738

    Mumble this when we regain consciousness.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)23:00 No.17809739
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    >reach underneath the spider with your pistol, ramming it into the hollow you knew you'd find, where the legs fold up like a landing gear.

    That's what happens WHEN YOU FUCK WITH A GNOME, BITCH.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)23:01 No.17809744
    Guys. Guysguysguysguysguysguys.

    I know this is going to sound strange but we need to slow the fuck down with all the heroics and shit. If we keep this up they're going to promote us and that would be fucking terrifying.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)23:02 No.17809755
    >In charge of a squadron


    Control, this is No-Fucks 1, taking off
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)23:02 No.17809761

    Right. After this is all over, I say we organize a base dodgeball game. Boys vs Girls.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)23:02 No.17809763

    naw, we just gotta keep pissing in higher officers cheerios. itll balance out.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)23:04 No.17809787
    once we get our official transfer, wear no pants while off duty
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)23:04 No.17809793
    looks like new thread
    >> planefag !!0ZviLFh59My 02/04/12(Sat)23:04 No.17809797
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    As long as /v/ loses, I'm happy. But if reddit wins, I will never be happy.

    Talk about a race to the fucking bottom.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)23:05 No.17809810
    Wait. We fell on top of Minna to protect her, right?

    We can cop a feel and absolutely nobody can blame us under the circumstances, as long as we make it seem just accidental enough!
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)23:05 No.17809812
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    One more story for the headlines and a couple more medals. Provided we survive.
    >> Someone else. !!Qb2aRW+wCPO 02/04/12(Sat)23:12 No.17809929
    Has this been archived?
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)23:16 No.17809990
    Looks like it.
    >> Anonymous 02/04/12(Sat)23:17 No.17810000
    THIS. The Generals wouldn't give us bullshit if we decided to do that after this.

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