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  • File : 1325908982.jpg-(13 KB, 748x458, Megacorplogo.jpg)
    13 KB Megacorp Quest Corporate Advisor 01/06/12(Fri)23:03 No.17449318  
    So they finally did it, those suckers at the government finally called it quits and gave most of North America to you and your misbegotten kind. On the TV they're all fake smiles and thinly veiled escape plans, and vague promises of a better, privatised America, you've made damn well sure of it. But this is your world now.

    You are the CEO, President and majority stockholder of... well, what's the name of your large, expansive corporation that's no doubt only going to grow?
    >> Anonymous 01/06/12(Fri)23:04 No.17449326
    rolled 72 = 72

    Bastards Incorporated.
    >> Anonymous 01/06/12(Fri)23:04 No.17449333
    Johnson Shower Curtains, Inc.
    >> Anonymous 01/06/12(Fri)23:05 No.17449335
    Why are we playing real life but stupid people? Corporations are never going to stop hiding behind the government - it's too easy.
    >> Anonymous 01/06/12(Fri)23:05 No.17449340
    TriOptimum Corporation
    >> Anonymous 01/06/12(Fri)23:06 No.17449352
    Alvaris Techologies.
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/06/12(Fri)23:07 No.17449359
    Sssh, you're spoiling the moral of the story.

    Well, it's not like anyone's going to try to censor your name anymore, but you might not have the cloud to get away with that juuust yet.

    Perfectly meaningless, let's take it for now!
    >> Anonymous 01/06/12(Fri)23:07 No.17449363
    I think triples should take it.
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/06/12(Fri)23:13 No.17449405
    Well... to tell the truth, you weren't actually the CEO, President, or majority stockholder of anything until last week, when half the Board of Directors resigned rather suddenly, selling off their assets (giving you a bargain price too) and leaving for the not-quite-collapsed Eurozone. You still remember the warm handshakes, and the quiet snickering from behind your back as they boarded the company helicopter.

    Best not to infringe on copyrights now that Valve is legally allowed to send teams of heavily armed mentally unstable mercenaries after you to enforce them.

    But now you're looking at your business portfolio- til now the company's been mostly a finance corp, which is somewhat related to changing its name five times in the last few decades. You also own some mining interests and have recently acquired a mid-sized toy company. But if there's any time to diversify, it's now...
    >> Anonymous 01/06/12(Fri)23:14 No.17449415
    Clout? And what are the people going to do about it? Deny them flights. Deny them medical care. Starve and rape them into submission.

    The only reason it doesn't work yet is because guns. Your premise is that the corporations have finally replaced government, which means that all the guns are under their control, production, and distribution. All you had to do was recall them little by little, or replace them when they're being repaird, with guns that don't work. You can literally have made it so that every gun that anyone has bought from america misfires.

    And now you have no fear of the people.
    >> Anonymous 01/06/12(Fri)23:14 No.17449420
    What is the current year?
    >> Anonymous 01/06/12(Fri)23:17 No.17449436
    No, no, no. Customers will notice that their guns don't fucking work, and even if they're designed not to work, they can be repaired. Just modify the electronic firing system of every gun you make with the capacity to send and receive wireless signals. That way, you can not only track the guns wherever they go, you can also switch them off remotely whenever you want.
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/06/12(Fri)23:19 No.17449455
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    The common people are suckers, but your internship in Russia taught you that you should never quite assume they'll be lacking guns. Also, you don't own any major gun companies or arms interests... yet.

    Twenty... something... you don't have time for maths after all this cocaine, you have computers and monkeys and monkey computers to do that for you! Let's get down to business!

    Making people's guns so you can control them, eh? It's a brave new world...
    >> Anonymous 01/06/12(Fri)23:21 No.17449468
    We have a toy company. Let's practice by making toy guns.
    >> Anonymous 01/06/12(Fri)23:22 No.17449481
    Oh yeah, that'll work, it's not like people can just take the electronics off of them.
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/06/12(Fri)23:22 No.17449486
    Now that's the kind of out of the box thinking that got you where you are today! You order an intern to pat you on the back and call together your designers of... what's the name of that toy company again?
    >> Anonymous 01/06/12(Fri)23:24 No.17449496
    So you're saying that you're not a megacorporation, you're just a startup. You're not expansive, either. OP I want you to do a bit of research on the corporations currently running the world, and tell me why they wouldn't just buy you out in pieces.

    Again, if you're going to make a stupid premise for your quest, pleasepleaseplease make it at least a consistent stupid premise, so that simple questions don't need to be hand-wavium'd.
    >> Anonymous 01/06/12(Fri)23:25 No.17449506

    Games Workshop
    >> Anonymous 01/06/12(Fri)23:25 No.17449507
    Fun Fun Enjoyment Devices.

    It's Chinese.
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/06/12(Fri)23:26 No.17449518
    Startup with delusions of grandeur and nothing to lose. Where's the fun if you already own everything?

    Plus, for some reason the real big corps have all been really busy since the privatisation of the US, too busy to go around buying just everything when they suddenly have a country to run?
    >> Anonymous 01/06/12(Fri)23:27 No.17449523
    OK, so we are NOT a SuperCorp, just a regular one that has somehow usurped the US government instead of just hiding behind the government like other corps do.
    Sorry OP, I'm out.
    >> Anonymous 01/06/12(Fri)23:27 No.17449524
    Let's do SCIENCE! Specifically, biological Science! Pharmaceuticals mostly, with some genetic engineering and food production and whatever.

    I think we need long terms goals, also. Here's what I got:
    -Download brain to computer so as to not worry about getting old and dying
    -Make drugs legal within our economic exclusivity zone, sell to people for money
    -Also prostitutes
    -Also slavery
    -Corner ENTIRE WORLD MARKET on food, rule world through its stomach
    -Starve to death anyone that opposes us
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/06/12(Fri)23:31 No.17449563
    You said a TOY company, not a DIY Luxury Spacemen Model company.

    Now these guys you love, you've been turning their questionable quality products into makeshift weapons ever since you were old enough to punch your babysitter in the balls.

    Their toy guns segment is rather average, due to poor materials and a design focus on being cheap. However, you can change both of those. Did I mention you owned a mining interest?
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/06/12(Fri)23:39 No.17449662
    A little more info since there seems to be some confusion:

    You're in charge of a large and rich organisation, enough to be called a megacorp, but not currently as diversified as most corps by that name are expected to be, and nowhere near a household name. However, you have every opportunity to change that.

    You're currently situated on the US East Coast, in a city you can't be bothered remembering the name of most of the time, and your mining firm currently has claims in middle America and offshore with new undersea technologies, mostly going for heavy metals and rare earths.

    Unrelated newsflash: The Big Six megacorps that own most of the majority holdings in America are currently burying the news channels in a deluge of buzzwords and jargon. You get the feeling that nobody actually thought out this whole Privatise America thing too well.
    >> Anonymous 01/06/12(Fri)23:39 No.17449665
    Use the metals we very clearly mine to make toy guns that are more steel than plastic and closer in form and function to milspec weapons. Make them fire foam balls or something.

    We need a sweet-ass marketing campaign for these. Are there any media companies we can buy? Guns this good need a TV show.
    >> Anonymous 01/06/12(Fri)23:42 No.17449695
    Forget news channels. Go for the Internet.
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/06/12(Fri)23:45 No.17449729
    Your engineering monkeys agree it can be done, the marketing demon loving your idea for resonating with the current climate for children's mentalities or something.

    The internet's kind of a mess at the moment, the almost broke old media corps trying to figure out how to censor it when all the old channels of enforcement are being bought out by security companies. Your marketing demon suggests a multi-media strategy.

    There's quite a few TV channels up for grabs, including some very popular with the under-12 market. (and not doing too bad with the 12-24 market either)
    >> Anonymous 01/06/12(Fri)23:45 No.17449733
    "Yo dawg, I heard you like guns, so I put a gun in yo gun so you can shoot while you shoot"
    >> Anonymous 01/06/12(Fri)23:47 No.17449749
    Acquire some of those channels that appeal to children. Cartoons and horrible, horrible live-action shows with poor scripts. We will inject our mighty guns into them.

    Listen to the marketing demon. His words are wise.
    >> Anonymous 01/06/12(Fri)23:49 No.17449765
    >(and not too bad with the 12-24 market)

    My Little Pony: Corporate Whore?

    Let's do it.

    Unless it's Adventure Time. In that case, let's do it EVEN MORE.
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/06/12(Fri)23:51 No.17449790
    You're not sure if he's some kind of genetically altered internet freak, hallucination or actual fiend from the abyss from that deal you signed back in college, but he rarely steers you wrong.

    The Fun Fun engineers have barely come up with prototypes at the moment (beyond slapping metal on their original designs) but the TV studios readily work with you after a quick buyout, due to their parent company imploding as the CEO went on a chainsaw-wielding rampage at Disneyland, specifically the Pirates of the Carribean ride.

    It's Super Fun Fun Adventure Shooting Time!
    >> Anonymous 01/06/12(Fri)23:54 No.17449821


    If we're not mind controlling kids by this time next year, some people are getting F-I-R-E-D.
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/06/12(Fri)23:55 No.17449835
    ...speaking of the marketing demon, he suggests consulting more closely with the Fun Fun Enjoyment Devices designers. Seems mere projectile weapons are rather passe these days, with the recent commercialisation of energy weapons. (blame X-CEDE, that mysterious multinational paramilitary org turned mercenary group and energy weapons dealer)

    With some pirated blueprints and cunning, they may be able to make a kid-friendly variant of such energy weapons. While that does put into question the ammo selling profits, he suggests attachments and accessories will fill that niche.
    >> Anonymous 01/06/12(Fri)23:57 No.17449856
    Yes. Do this. We need not lose the ammo profits, for energy weapons require energy, and disposable batteries can provide that energy. They can also be collectibles.
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/06/12(Fri)23:58 No.17449865
    Oh, you're going to love the data the IT boys find just by looking at /bw/, but to get some more detailed research you may need some proper scientists.

    You've always wanted a Mad Science Division at your disposal.
    >> Anonymous 01/06/12(Fri)23:59 No.17449890
    I'm assuming that the government's been suffering for a while, which means budget problems (maybe). Could we pick up some down-on-their-luck DARPA scientists whose contracts turned out to be too expensive to retain?
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/07/12(Sat)00:03 No.17449937
    Newsflash: A conflict between two of the biggest timber firms relating to the clear-cutting of the Everglades has escalated into outright warfare, the CEO of the bigger company being brutally slain by ex-special forces mercenaries. Your head of security, from beneath all the tinfoil, suggests loudly and wildly that you look into mercenary protection yourself.

    Yes, yes you can. Any particular specialities you're after? And where should we place them, attached to existing branches or in a new one?
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)00:07 No.17449968
    Yes! Mercenary protection! Who do we know that's awesome at killing intruders and getting paid for it (but not too much)?

    Get us some weapons specialists. Small arms and exotic small arms. Also some general thinkers. I know for a fact that DARPA has a whole underground wing filled with nothing but conference rooms where people dream up exciting shit.
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/07/12(Sat)00:10 No.17450000
    ...while you're busy headhunting (in the corporate sense) ex-DARPA scientists in need of a paycheck, your toy division proudly presents you with the latest prototypes of the Joyblaster range.

    These toy guns, made from light new alloys and using far better materials than they're used to, are durable, customisable and fire weak energy pulses, toned down enough to flash and look pretty but not cause anything more than mild skin irritation... probably. They also present matching shooting sunglasses.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)00:11 No.17450008
    Oh shit, X-COM all up in this bitch!

    We need to get in good with these guys. Maybe supply them with a few hundred Rookies to absorb laser blasts?


    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)00:12 No.17450017

    Wait a second. Since corps are taking over for the government, what's happening to DARPA in the first place?
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/07/12(Sat)00:12 No.17450020
    If you want to be efficient, along with the DARPA crew you can probably find their ex-government security buddies to come along too. But there's also quite a variety of upcoming merc companies to choose from... CorpSeCorps, X-CEDE, Dial-A-Spetznaz...
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)00:13 No.17450036
    Make a whole line of them. Instruct the Fun Fun people to create vests that react to Joyblaster pulses. Essentially, laser tag, but better. Market these.
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/07/12(Sat)00:14 No.17450041
    We're happening, duh.

    Actually, it's getting pretty weird in Washington, some former federal services are being snapped up left and right, others are almost totally ignored. The big corps seem to be spending most of their time passive-aggressively bickering instead of getting stuff done...
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)00:14 No.17450044


    Have them start mass producing them, and modifying them to fire lethal energy pulses. Since they're toys, they ought to be cheap as shit to make.

    The US military is also no more! Hire as many of the grunts as we can, and equip them with Lasguns.

    By the grace of the God-Emperor, we will create the Imperial Guard!

    Also see about buying an Aircraft carrier and some other navy/air force stuff.

    We can be the world's largest PMC if we play our cards right.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)00:15 No.17450051
    I think it's a good idea to take some of that sweet ex-gov security. But I've also heard good things about Graywater, the Budget Buddies.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)00:15 No.17450053
    Take as much of DARPA as we can handle. Then take more, and make room.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)00:16 No.17450060
    Hire everyone we can from the NSA, CIA, FBI, and US military.

    Also every security guard and scientist we can find from DARPA.

    And get me pictures of Spider-Man!
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)00:17 No.17450074
    >Expect to restart that viking corporation quest
    >it's a new one
    >not sure if dissapoint
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)00:17 No.17450075
    >We can be the world's largest PMC if we play our cards right.

    We can OWN SEVERAL of the world's largest PMCs in addition to a number of governments.

    Think big!
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)00:17 No.17450078
    Start contacting the mercenary groups, and try to convince them to merge/get bought out by us.

    And see if we can't land some juicy contracts with other Corps to do their security for them.

    Hey, how is money being handled anyways? What is happening to the USD?
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/07/12(Sat)00:20 No.17450104
    Protective reactive armour? Already on the way.

    You admonish the science crew for trying to play DOWN the potential weaponisation of this toyline. The marketing demon suggests the drive for security and development of these weapons/toys may be a nice combination...

    Unfortunately, you've pretty much gotten everyone you could before other companies snapped them up or they mysteriously disappeared. You get the feeling you're not the only entrepreneurial type on the market.

    Most of them respectfully decline buyouts in this burgeoning market. Graywater is looking for contracts and an image improvement, though...

    Also, you can't really remember what's up with the USD, most everyone switched to the Universal Credit about a decade ago, though company scrip is getting popular.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)00:23 No.17450139
    >The marketing demon suggests the drive for security and development of these weapons/toys may be a nice combination

    What does he think about robotic drones and autoturrets? All the best corporate headquarters have hallways full of lasers, mines, and cyborg assassins.

    Take Graywater. We will give them lasers, they will give us protection. We will also give them TV shows, because image is truly everything. Make them popular.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)00:24 No.17450141
    Who's in charge of the Universal Credit, then? The UN?

    See about merging or buying out Graywater. And try to get in touch with the other Corps.

    We need land, too! Lots of land! Great big tracts of land!

    Since there's no Federal Government now, let's try to get in touch with some State Governors. We can convince them to sell us their states!

    Florida, Louisiana, all the southern ones. They're more capitalistic and greedy, they'll go for it.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)00:26 No.17450168
    What about local/state police forces? Who's dealing with them?

    We've got to pounce on them before anyone else does! If we own all the police on the East Coast, we own the East Coast!
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)00:28 No.17450185

    This gives me an idea. Robocops. Laser Robocops.
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/07/12(Sat)00:30 No.17450202
    About the only thing the UN's good for anymore is keeping a steady medium of exchange, something even the finance corps aren't dumb enough to fuck with. Yet.

    Graywater's Executive General is... rather confounded at first by your suggestions... but quickly agrees to a contract. You've bought out your first PMC!

    State governments are a mixed bag- some have gone full isolationist, some disappeared with the feds, some have turned into corps themselves. California was made the first Private Territory last week, due to defaulting on a rather ludicrous debt.

    Most police forces have been replaced or merged with PMCs, at least in effect.

    Before you start any major purchases, you need some more capital- and your toys, TV shows, mercs and mascots are coming together to form a great big marketing bomb. It's set to go off in three days.

    Maybe some off time is in order? You just got a fresh shipment of your favourite... things. Expensive tastes, you have.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)00:31 No.17450218
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    These fools don't realize that there's no longer any government to protect them. The man with the strongest army shall reign supreme, as it was eons ago in humanity's past!
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)00:33 No.17450253
    Time off? We can have time off when the world is ours. Three days is plenty of time to plan...

    But maybe we can spare an hour or two. That super-cocaine isn't going to snort itself.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)00:34 No.17450266
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    The only thing we crave is VICTORY, fool! Drugs and women are mere distractions in our path to WORLD DOMINATION!

    Prepare for the marketing bomb! The fools won't know what hit them!
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)00:36 No.17450282
    Companies we need to buy:
    >EA (and through them Bioware)
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)00:39 No.17450304
    Let's start getting in on finance game once our media empire takes off.

    Also, Pharmaceuticals/Biotechnology. Because then we can grow dinosaurs in our secret underground labs.
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/07/12(Sat)00:41 No.17450322
    Oh, definitely. Just a few hours of indulgence...

    ...once you start seeing in the visible spectrum again and get the smell of komodo dragon ejaculate out, it's been about 36 hours. Things are going steady, though your coffers are a tad depleted from all your aggressive corporating stuff.

    There's also a major megacorp summit planned right on the day of the Joyblaster launch, by some weird coincidence. Apparently, they want to sort out all this crazy shit that's come up before it all goes to shit for them as well.
    >> I 01/07/12(Sat)00:41 No.17450327
    Wizards is owned by Hasbro. GWs? To appeal to a bunch of nerds who buy overpriced crp? Count me in. Bethesda? Not much ppeal beyond the RPG genre, which we already cover with GW. EA? Implying they won't absorb us first.

    Notch is where it's at. Or a thousand indie devs for 30K a pop, ONE of them must hav the next dorf fortress.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)00:42 No.17450336
    Go to the summit. With Graywater escort, of course.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)00:43 No.17450343
    Send them all giftbaskets full of sealed vials of Anthrax and AP rounds!
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/07/12(Sat)00:44 No.17450357
    Your security chief and the commander don't think it's the best idea...

    ...because you may not be the only joker who's had an idea like this.

    Plus, nobody really expects anything to get done anyway.

    It might be good for your marketing launch, but maybe it isn't the best place to shill toys to everyone.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)00:45 No.17450367
    >No Bethesda

    Yes Bethesda. Zenimax Media has iD Software too. Quake, Doom, all the classic shooters.

    We're bringing health bars and medkits back into gaming.
    >> I 01/07/12(Sat)00:46 No.17450374
    Terrible PR. you wanna blow your cover this soon, boss?
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)00:47 No.17450383
    What, they don't like free Anthrax?

    Fine. Telepresence it is then! Get one of those Mars rovers and stick a screen on it. We can visit the summit via webcam.
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/07/12(Sat)00:47 No.17450392
    Getting folks for the tie-in video game and luxury line sounds like a better use of your time.

    You do have some biotech scientists with some awesome ideas and data stolen from a mysterious project in the Carribean, just waiting for the right facilities.
    >> I 01/07/12(Sat)00:49 No.17450405
    Ok, you sure showed me. Plus, all the revenue due to Nostalgia glasses. Gonna be catching up. See you soon.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)00:50 No.17450406
    But tie-in videogames are shit!

    I want Doom 4 and TES 6, dammit! Not fucking ET!
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/07/12(Sat)00:50 No.17450409
    Webcam? What are you, a dinosaur? Holograms is where it's all at now.

    The secretary monkey (you haven't checked if they're products of your delusions or actual monkeys) sets your game company acquisitions for the morning, biotech conference for noon, and holographic summit appearance for the evening.

    You feel like something big is coming. And not just you during your last trip to Indonesia.
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/07/12(Sat)00:53 No.17450436
    You can patch in quality later, EA proved that you can launch a broken product that actually causes physical injury and no one cares if you patch in a completely different game later. Man, that was one weird Madden.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)00:53 No.17450443
    Don't forget Wolfenstein.

    What awesome biotech ideas?

    Jurassica Park ideas, or Crysis Nanosuit ideas?

    Either way, is awesome.
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/07/12(Sat)00:56 No.17450478
    Dinosaurs in nanosuits... note taken.

    The Fun Fun head suggests using VR shooters as a testing bed for new weapon and product concepts, as well as security (and possibly army) training.

    Summit appearance at six. What are you wearing?
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)00:58 No.17450508
    Pajamas, bath robe, slippers, sunglasses.

    We don't give a single fuck. These people need to understand that.
    >> I 01/07/12(Sat)00:59 No.17450515
    But keep using the EA name then, so that the few buttpained neckbeards don't catch up with us. Make fps to pander to them, like how nippon games pander to their weaboo small fanbase.

    Give them a modest budget but complete control. Actually, run both companies through the shadows so we don't become the next Ubisoft -or just become Ubisoft and give the middlefinger to nerds, your call boss.
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/07/12(Sat)01:01 No.17450532
    You've shown better business sense than the previous management of these companies has in years, really. And you're the drug fuelled power mad megacorp CEO with supervillain aspirations.

    You get your finest koala-skin pajamas and step into the holographic projector thingy...
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)01:01 No.17450534
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    Also smoke a pipe the whole time.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)01:04 No.17450556
    That's exactly why we've got better business sense. We know ho to relax. We don't get all tense and upset when things don't go our way. And we're detached enough to look at things objectively.

    Potheads make great CEOs.
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/07/12(Sat)01:05 No.17450576
    (okay, hold on for a minute, this is gonna be a big one)

    ...you appear in a huge projected boardroom, located in the recently remodelled White House, which currently looks like if the marketing demon's senile grandma teamed up with a paintball team composed of hipsters and tag-teamed the place. Most of the CEOs are there in person, and some are even worse dressed than you, though the fursuit on that movie mogul is pretty well designed at least. Everyone looks both frustrated and snooty, and they mostly ignore you as you appear.

    What do you do, say, ask or bring up?
    >> I 01/07/12(Sat)01:05 No.17450578
    It's not like we are doing it 'for the art'; it's just another disposable source of income from which we can bail ship if we see another 84 coming our way.

    I'm still all for sponsoring Indie devs, then backstabbing them with hidden clauses that make their projects OURS so we can milk them for all it's worth.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)01:07 No.17450591
    "So who here thinks we should annex Canada?"
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)01:08 No.17450602
    "Gentlemen. This is an awesome time. The most awesome time in years. You hold in your hands the power to make this country... well, region, into whatever you want it to be. WHAT IS YOUR DESIRE?"
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)01:09 No.17450608
    Don't back stab them, man. Then we'll just get a reputation.

    Let them have creative control, but take most of their profits. And make sure they know that.

    We want a reputation for telling it like it is.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)01:10 No.17450618
    "Oh, and Mexico."
    >> I 01/07/12(Sat)01:11 No.17450625
    So, Creative-Freedom for some retards in America while an indian underpaid think-tank shells out their retard games? Love it.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)01:12 No.17450638
    I honestly cannot tell if you're being sarcastic or not.
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/07/12(Sat)01:13 No.17450643
    Your motion to annex Canada gains shouts of agreement and a bit of 'I THOUGHT OF IT FIRST!' across the board, but it's postponed for later.

    EVERYONE stands up and yells at this- their own plans, maniacal speeches, pleas for sanity, harsh raps... and about half of them suddenly have groups of three to five visually diverse, heavily armed, questionably sane mercenaries spring out from behind them wielding laser katanas, super heavy plasma cannons, power pipe wrenches and cyborg cats.

    There is a moment of truly awkward silence.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)01:14 No.17450649
    Oh, wait, nevermind. Thought it was just the US, not all of North America.

    This guy >>17450602
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)01:16 No.17450661
    "THUS WE COME TO MY POINT - When you're this disorganized, all you'll accomplish is a lot of bitching and possibly some wars. What we need is a unified purpose, a common goal we can all work toward without getting bogged down in... exactly what is going on right now."

    "Anybody feel like owning a solar system?"
    >> I 01/07/12(Sat)01:17 No.17450671
    Greetings, gentlemen. I'll cut to the chase, [otacon]what are YOU fighting for?[/spoiler]

    It's their moment, make them feel badass. Maybe we'll get some info regarding their intentions. Naturally, all of this is being recorded, yes?
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)01:18 No.17450675
    Ok, so do we want to defuse the situation, or convince them all to kill each other so we can take over the country in peace?
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/07/12(Sat)01:19 No.17450682
    Just as you think everyone's about to open fire on everyone... they look to you. They smile. The heads of the most powerful corporations in the world finally find themselves in agreement- if there's not enough America to go around, then it's time to expand.

    You look up to the sky, feeling as a prophet in your pose and bathrobe. You see a plane fly over, and a bright light in the sky shining down on you.

    Wait. It's past six o clock. That can't be the sun...
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)01:20 No.17450684
         File1325917217.jpg-(15 KB, 214x314, MV5BNTU1NjM4MDYzMl5BMl5BanBnXk(...).jpg)
    15 KB
    "Look, guys, chill out. We need to work together, man. Otherwise the Chinese will come in an take over."
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)01:21 No.17450698
    We're being holographically projected, so if everyone is about to be incinerated, it doesn't matter.

    Warn them nonetheless.
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/07/12(Sat)01:22 No.17450702
    (to be serious for a moment: I'm glad this seems to be going well, but goddamn does it feel like a lotta pressure on me to deliver. Can be hard to read the mood, y'know?)
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)01:23 No.17450709
    "Hey, that's a missile! Or a nuke! Or something else!"

    "For those of you that die here, I promise to take good care of your companies and families and whatever. Your legacy will not be forgotten. Maybe."

    "Also, this totally not my fault, so don't blame me on the internet later. Thanks."
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)01:24 No.17450717
    Mellow out, man. There's no pressure. Just roll with the quirky silliness. Keep doing what you're doing.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)01:25 No.17450721
    This is exactly who I think our character should be.
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/07/12(Sat)01:27 No.17450734
    ...you're logged out shortly after, just as you hear the first gunshot.

    The screen quickly changes to a front-row seat of the Whitehouse being hit by an orbital laser strike, a plane, another orbital strike, three missiles from completely different directions, the USS Skylynx flying aircraft carrier, hundreds of Sequoia logs, and another plane.

    Even before it's finished, the news channels are overloaded with footage of various next-in-line CEOs, Commanders and other assorted usurpers delivering speeches that you mentally replace with various incarnations of Starscream.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)01:29 No.17450746
    Find out who's responsible for this shit. Also, take advantage of the horribly extreme chaos of the moment to grab more things we might want. Like a fast-food franchise.
    >> I 01/07/12(Sat)01:31 No.17450763
    How can we capitalize onto this? A direct attack on the nations capital, feelings of threat and uneasiness, a direct spike in aggression -only not united against some weird arabs and their 72 virgins-.

    So much violence, who will be the scapegoat? we should take steps so we don't become such, as the only surviving CEO. I'll be thinking but wanted to warn ya guys.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)01:32 No.17450767
    The stock market must be crashing like shit at the moment. I'd say we could buy out Hasbro, EA, AND Disney for chump change.

    Maybe even PepsiCola!

    Nanosecond Buyout, anyone?
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/07/12(Sat)01:36 No.17450792
    Quite frankly, the harder part would be figuring out who WASN'T responsible for that mess. But you do pick up Burger King, Wendy's, UPS and several porn studios on the cheap.

    By the end of the day, the Big Six are now the Fairly Large Thirty Five, or Thirty Four or Four Hundred And Three, now Thirty Six.

    And your entire first run of Joyblasters has completely sold out.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)01:37 No.17450801
    It was communists! They hate our freedom and fast food chains!

    But seriously, buy the shit out of everything. Also, call the various boards of directors/stockholders in the companies that lost people, and PERSONALLY offer your condolences. Sound sad, mournful even.

    We wanna be the Bro of CEOs.
    >> I 01/07/12(Sat)01:39 No.17450814
    Now staging an attack against one of our properties? 'Personally' affected, but if it comes to the light that we staged it that will be the end of our credibility.

    Launching accusations against multiple Vices? We could do it if we had any dirt on them, which is,sadly, unlikely.

    Blaming part of our company, then acting all 'sad' about their betrayal? Would be easier to fabricate evidence against them, and few people would believe them since they're 'terrorists'. But we don't have any assets capable of such destruction...

    Wait, how did Graywater knew something bad was going to happen? even if they are innocent(which I hope), maybe our last minute purchase of a PMC would seem suspicious in the light of these events?

    Time to prepare for damage control.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)01:39 No.17450821
    Scale up Joyblaster production. Get the Fun Fun guys working on a line specifically targeted at young adults, with corresponding marketing, TV shows, and Internet... stuff.

    Also, miniaturize them and put them in gumball machines and happy meals (or whatever the equivalent is). Extend our marketing tie-ins to Burger King and Wendy's. Improve the image of UPS with lasers.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)01:43 No.17450839
    Awesome! Our marketing bomb worked.

    Now, to reinvest the profits to make more profits. We need to diversify, so let's try getting into internet stuff. Facebook, Twitter, or whatever the next best thing like them is.

    Can we seize the USS Skylynx and all the other weapons as 'evidence', or better yet, 'compensation'?

    As the only survivor of this 'tragedy', we should try bringing legal action against those that attacked us.

    Also, good work OP, this quest is fun. The rarest kind of quest.
    >> I 01/07/12(Sat)01:43 No.17450844
    Maybe release the tape to the public showing how all these pathetic old men who play at running thee world were ready to shoot their brains out like some sort of low-life thugs just for little more power? beat the media to the punch, and mention that WE are the Future.
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/07/12(Sat)01:45 No.17450851
    Fat with profits and feeling like a god, you pick up more businesses than you can name, and spend a while on the phone... though things are clearly heating up, as two of the calls end with gunshots.

    You get a mental image of TriOptimum's former board of directors sitting around somewhere and laughing their asses off.

    Gun companies everywhere are showing record profits, and the surviving PMCs are quickly recouping their losses with new contracts. You quickly get years worth of back orders for Joyblasters.

    Currently, pretty much everyone from China to Afghanistan to Australia to Mars is being blamed, all of the above parties naturally denying it. Even your marketing demon isn't sure how to react.

    That doesn't sound like half bad a plan... show the world that there's a new world order, and TriOptimum is at the cutting edge. At the very least, it feels honest- when no government can control a corporation, anything goes now. And you got lucky. Very lucky...
    >> I 01/07/12(Sat)01:45 No.17450855
    We don't even need traditional media if youtube and the like are still around. Release the feed into the tubes, tap into the publics subconscious need for an answer, go viral.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)01:47 No.17450861
    "UPS now delivers LASER MAIL"

    Hey, the United States Postal Service is no more!

    I guess the other Corps need us to deliver their mail now. That puts us in a position of power.

    Start buying and retrofitting old USPS offices into UPS offices.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)01:50 No.17450879
    Thank the Greywater commander and our security chief for saving our lives. Give them a bonus.

    Also, start contacting state governments around DC and offering to buy them out. Be polite, and point out that with all the chaos, they'll lose control of their territories soon enough anyways.

    The East Coast will be ours!
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)01:51 No.17450893
    FUCKING MARS. Those bastards. Operation Red Desert Storm is a go.

    We're going to invade space.
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/07/12(Sat)01:53 No.17450905
    The internet corps are hard to seize at the moment, since they're naturally making billions. The remains of the Skylynx are fair game, though- your Graywater salvage crew moves awful fast.

    Currently, the world's going just a little bit crazier. The Eurozone, still crippled by their combined economic incompetence and inter-reliance, mostly just makes loud noises. China tightens its security, more wary than ever of predatory megacorps, and the Australian junta pretty much shoots on sight anything with a corporate logo.

    The postal service has been almost entirely a goods delivery platform for some years now, though mass driver technology could fill that niche.

    Your company's collective paranoia truly has paid off. The weaker state governments are open to the idea of a buyout if military protection comes with it, but they're currently being fought over by the fractured remains of the megacorps and PMCs. New Mexico pretty much belongs to X-CEDE, and no one wants to pick a fight with the guys who apparently fought off the 2010s alien invasion.
    >> I 01/07/12(Sat)01:55 No.17450916
    There'll be an increase into reckless abandon into erotica and childish escapism in these days of war. Haven't you read The Watchmen? Create a Rambo/Urban Warriors porn film and the world will be yours.
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/07/12(Sat)01:57 No.17450941
    You're not quite in space program territory yet, though it remains to be seen what you can glean from the Skylynx wreckage. And perhaps X-CEDE can provide relevant technology... or you could even go straight to the source.

    And the ratings boards are gone, you already own all kinds of media companies... you can make near anything you want.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)01:58 No.17450949
    Emphasis on fractured remains. Call the PMCs, offer to make them the state military of whichever state they're fighting over if they come to work for us.

    Have our PMC move in to 'protect' the citizens from danger. Leak footage of heroic Graywater soldiers fighting to defend the innocent. Make people think we're on their side.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)02:00 No.17450964
    Take all the technology and science we can. Magic too, if we can find it. Since there's so much chaos, we should be able to just walk into corporate labs and steal all their notes.

    Get Graywater on that. Go search for SCIENCE!

    Call X-CEDE, ask them how they're doing.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)02:02 No.17450974
    Anything we want, you say?
    Let's make child erotica. No government, nobody to stop us from making child porn, right?
    Just make absolute sure that the company can't be traced back to us, hide it among a bunch of shell corporations or something. Or however you hide the fact that you own something.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)02:03 No.17450983
    You sick fucker. We want the people on our side, and shit like that will only get us angry mobs swarming our HQ!

    Plus, it's a niche market, the profits would be really low.
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/07/12(Sat)02:03 No.17450985
    Graywater only has the manpower to directly secure the Washington DC area and most of the surrounding state, but some other smaller PMCs readily ally with you.

    In the aftermath of the Washington Clusterfuck, as the incident has come to be called because of some idiot on the evening news, every part of your quickly rising corporate empire is working at full steam. Toys and media to capitalise on the crisis, weapons and technology to solidify your holdings, acquisitions to expand... the only thing left is to get some real intelligence on our many potential enemies.

    (ready to wind it down at the moment and call it a day soon, sorry.)
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)02:04 No.17450996
    Profits are profits.
    And again, make sure it can't be traced back to us.
    >> Inquisitorial Librarian 01/07/12(Sat)02:08 No.17451024
    Profits aren't profits if we spend more on production costs and keeping it hidden then we actually make.

    Best to stick to less fringe ideas than that. Besides, even corporate overlords have standards.
    >> I 01/07/12(Sat)02:08 No.17451025
    Hurts the sensibilities of the main crowd. If you're going to do it, make sure to do it through proxy companies and label it as exotic, luxury stuff.

    Not really sure how much profit in a market a niche as that though, especially with the underweb around. -1vote.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)02:10 No.17451042
    We'll just have to be satisfied with securing Virginia for the moment, then. Just get some sleeper cells going in the other states, so we can take them over as soon as we're able.

    Hey, since we own Virginia now, we've got access to all that sweet Pentagon/CIA stuff! Let's use it to our advantage.

    Expand our PMC's size and scope. Recruit former soldiers, national guardsmen, CIA operatives, the works.

    As soon as we've got the gear, use DEM CIA CODEBREAKERS to hack our opposition and get information on their operations. We want names, emails, addresses, and every person they've slept with, ever.

    Also, hire as many people as we can that are now unemployed because of everyone getting buttfucked. We're 'the hero', so let's save some peasants.
    >> I 01/07/12(Sat)02:11 No.17451056
    Besides, child pornography is more a of a side-business for criminal bands that are already running child-prostitution rings. Too much heat for us at the moment.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)02:13 No.17451065
    IF they cut into the profits. It wouldn't hurt to do some market research into this endeavor, yes?
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/07/12(Sat)02:14 No.17451077
    Everybody and their cyberdog has the same idea, but you do manage to grab all kinds of neat government stuff around DC no one else got their hands on yet. Genetic engineering, super-soldier programs, psychic research...

    (mental note: So THAT'S the state DC is in)

    Owning DC isn't just a great physical but reputation asset- the heart of the US now belongs to you.

    Also, the marketing demon advises that child porn is so 20th century, it's all about transhumans now.

    (sorry for taking a while, sudden flood)
    >> Inquisitorial Librarian 01/07/12(Sat)02:17 No.17451097
    Good. By owning DC and Virginia, we know own a hefty pyschological advantage. Now... what to do with it...

    I'd start with rebuilding the Whitehouse. In it's original decour. Not that horrible, tacky paintjob they slapped on it.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)02:19 No.17451115
    Actually, DC is sort of its own state, like the Vatican. But a lot of its limbs stretch into Virginia because of the DC retrocession.

    Of course, the same could be said of Maryland...
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)02:21 No.17451131
    Psychic Research/Genetic Engineering sounds right up our alley! I mean, we DO want to acquire a god-like intellect through scientific experimentation, right?

    Yes, rebuilding the White House sounds like a great idea.
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/07/12(Sat)02:21 No.17451135
    Well, most agree that the current state DC is in is 'a fucking mess'.

    And that's where you come in. No more that dinky corporate HQ in the city you never want to remember the name of again. Now you're rebuilding the goddamn White House. You are gonna be the CEO, primary stockholder, President, and God-Emperor of America, you swear by this fistful of cocaine.

    (and with that... I think we can call it a day. Thank you /tg/, this went way better and more interesting than expected)
    >> I 01/07/12(Sat)02:21 No.17451138
    Restrict access to the Library of Congress to our "associated" researchers, who have to pay a hefty institutional fee. Release some works into public domain to reduce the backlash. Knowledge is power.
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/07/12(Sat)02:24 No.17451166
    (So, I plan on resuming this at any convenient time, hopefully it remains in /tg/'s collective memory long enough. I wanna keep this thread for notes, should I try saving the page or something?)
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)02:25 No.17451176
    Sleep well this night, OP.

    For tomorrow you sail for the kingdom... of daggerfall!

    Also, expand it and the Smithsonian.
    >> I 01/07/12(Sat)02:28 No.17451200
    You can request an archival at http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/requestinterface.html?

    Good show. You remained cool and witty through the quest and gave fast updates.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)02:29 No.17451207
    >> Corporate Advisor 01/07/12(Sat)02:31 No.17451233
    Thanks, helps that I just got a 4chan extension for Chrome. Auto refresh is a life saver.

    Ooh, sweet, saves me some time.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)02:34 No.17451252
    So when are you running this game again? The best quests usual have schedules.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)02:49 No.17451395
    If you do not continue this I will be very dissapointed. This has potential.
    >> Anonymous 01/07/12(Sat)03:54 No.17451821
    Probably tomorrow. I'm new at this, so I can't guarantee anything, but I'll try.

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