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  • File : 1319921105.jpg-(14 KB, 300x290, redtape.jpg)
    14 KB Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)16:45 No.16776761  
    Have you ever encountered a PC so moronic, so obnoxious, so annoying that you/the group/the DM got tired of them getting away with stupid shit so you forced them to face the consequences of their actions?

    I'll start with a story.
    >Guy with dumbass PC decides to use magic to seduce a chain of women. Party is vocal about how creepy he's getting but he keeps doing it. DM gives PC an STD, but he keeps doing it.
    >Same guy decides to bang a powerful nobelwoman by drugging her drink since his magic didn't work on her.
    >Guy bangs noblewoman. Noblewoman wakes up before Guy and alterts the guards, who arrest him. Noblewoman also gets the STD from Guy. She's pissed.
    >PC begs the party to free him. Party ignores him and the PC goes through court. The party testifies against him for a large sum of money.
    >Noblewoman has him publicly castrated and hung.
    >Player capslocks in the chat room, calling us all "DICKFACES" and calls the female players "FUCKING SLUTS" before ragequitting
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)16:54 No.16776859
    >That Guy has been running his mouth nonstop, trying to pretend he is some kind of special snowflake badass who broods silently, has a fancy long coat, and keeps a pet wolf.
    >Tries to roll intimidate on everybody who doesn't do what he says. Fails miserably.
    >One failed attempt gets him thrown out of a bar after he refused to leave his wolf outside.
    >He storms off, abandons the group and moves on without the rest of us to try to talk to some noble we had arrived at the town to speak with as a group.
    >The guards posted at the noble's castle don't allow animals. Ask That Guy to leave his wolf outside.
    >That Guy decides that he is such a badass that he doesn't have to listen to some nameless mook and draws his bow and arrow, fully prepared to start a fight over this.
    >That Guy is thoroughly trounced, getting lit up by a dozen guards with crossbows in one or two turns.
    >That Guy barely manages to escape with his life after he runs away from the castle, then bitches about what just happened to the DM, feeling he was being picked on.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)17:01 No.16776930
    If I were the DM I'd have the wolf attack someone the party was talking to/have it interfere at inconvient times to show it's more of a liability than asset.
    Unless he was a druid.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)17:10 No.16777033
    The trouble with in-game corrections is that the party is perpetually down one player, it takes time to correct him, so he _still_ gets the spotlight, and if he's particularly dense he still doesn't learn anything.

    Sometimes -- preferably before or after the first offense -- the DM or a player needs to say:
    "Okay, out-of-character: if this is where you're going with your character, you need to realize that just because you want to be special, not everyone in the world is actually going to _treat_you_ as special. Guards will still arrest you, you will still make enemies, you will get into fights, and you will lose. The same goes for the rest of us, too, so don't expect us to bail you out just because you're part of the party. Establish your asshole backstory if you want, but we're not getting dragged down with you. And if you die, we expect you to take the hint and roll up another character. That being said, let's resume."
    >> Magus O'Grady 10/29/11(Sat)17:14 No.16777056
    >OWoD mortal game, paranormal investigators.
    >Jackass (not the same) joins the party. He's playing 'idiot grunt'
    >Party is Wheel Man, spirit-seer, traumatized stab-happy girl, and aforementioned Grunt.
    >Investigating cemetery after dark.
    >Myriad minor ghosts wandering around.
    >We talk with a few, and they take a liking to Seer.
    >VERY POWERFUL ghost shows up, starts condescending conversation mixed with flirting and showing off (clearly a quest-giving NPC)
    >Jackass tells us that Grunt will open fire on her.
    >We all try to stop hi or shout him down, he refuses to listen.
    >Opens fire on her, she ignores it.
    > We yell at him to stop.
    >She starts getting annoyed.
    >We make a break for the car to GTFO
    >He calls us cowards and starts shooting the car.
    >The special, kitted-out car that the wheel man consistently refers to as 'his baby'
    >Wheel an stops, turns around, and opens fire on jackass.
    >Grunt dies and the Ghost claims his soul as a meal.
    >We ask jackass why he did that.
    >Jackass shrugs 'I always make my characters expendable and never invest anything into them because the party always turns on me for no reason.'
    >Apparently, this is his modus Operandi with other groups, and he doesn't think anything is his fault.
    >No amount of explaining will open his eyes to the fact that he brought it on himself. It's all our fault for being assholes and not-team-players.

    Stupidity is a hell of a drug.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)17:21 No.16777126

    Failing that, ignorance is bliss. Shoot me up with 150ccs of stupid.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)17:23 No.16777140
    >playing with lawful stupid paladin
    >getting annoyed by his constant smite happy attitude
    >end up dieing
    >roll new character, a lawful evil sorcerer
    >party enters tavern my character is in
    >paladin detect evils
    >sees me
    >draws sword, saying i'd pay for my crimes
    >i ask what crimes
    >he says he doesn't have to know them to know i'm guilty
    >i call city guard
    >they arrest him
    >have him charged with attempted murder, slander, disturbing the piece, and entering the country illegally when the guards noticed the big foreign crest on his shield
    >gets 20 years hard labor
    >i become party's new face
    >> Rent-a-roman 10/29/11(Sat)17:25 No.16777164
    I refuse to believe that story. its not that i think your lying, i just refuse to acknowledged someone that dumb!
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)17:26 No.16777173
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    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)17:27 No.16777186
    Whoa whoa whoa, a child and some fresh vamps killed a prince and sherriff?
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)17:28 No.16777194
    Whoops, I meant to link that to >>16777140
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)17:28 No.16777200
    Technically he's playing it as he should be, Paladin's abhor evil wherever they go.

    You make concesions though, especially if its another gaddamned PC. Personlly I just don't spam detect evil
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)17:28 No.16777201
    >Exactly as planned
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)17:29 No.16777207

    Not quite If you reread, you'll notice that I mentioned we'd been playing the characters for a year. As in real life year, not that they were fledglings themselves or whatever. Very well-established by this point, basically Elders in power and influence. At least until the new guy pulled a Leroy Jenkins on us.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)17:32 No.16777231

    You managed to play a hundred years worth of gameplay or more in a single year?
    >> Magus O'Grady 10/29/11(Sat)17:32 No.16777233
    Alas, 'tis all too true. Jackass's name is 'john', but insists everybody call him 'Raven'. I would have thought him a troll, had it not been for his complete lack of satisfaction or pride in his actions and our responses.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)17:35 No.16777260

    Holy shit, I think I know that guy. Or I did, lost contact with him years ago. Do you happen to live in the Maryland area?
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)17:35 No.16777264
    >Introduce characters to scene
    >They are riding a train into a small town to collect on a bounty
    >Male character makes advances on female character
    >Female character makes rolls to reject said advances
    >Male character tells me that he rolls initiative to attack her - is going to rape her
    >I inform him that we've not even officially started the game yet, does he really want to do this?
    >He does. They roll. She wins by about 10 points.
    >She wrecks on him - pretty much dead in one hit
    >He begins to bitch, complain, that I like female character and I gave her bonuses that I didn't tell him about
    >He proceeds to rage-quit

    Protip - when you go to rape another character, you'd better believe they're gonna fight back.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)17:41 No.16777312

    Yes we did, but we also played a lot more than I guess is normal for most groups because a bunch of us lived together at the time.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)17:43 No.16777327

    >"I roll initive"
    >"To rape her, duh."

    I'm going to assume you were doing this over IRC, because if I were sitting across the table from that guy I would've reached over and slapped him
    >> Magus O'Grady 10/29/11(Sat)17:45 No.16777340
    I live in Louisiana, though I'm given to believe he has traveled extensively before and after the event in question. Last I heard he was headed to Texas to live/work on an uncle's ranch (that doubles as a pot farm) in the middle of nowhere.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)17:47 No.16777354
    >Rogue Trader
    >playing titular class, have fully stacked party, one of each class
    >newbie to pen-and-paper based roleplay playing Missionary, seems to have a good grasp on the basic 40k knowledge
    >on hive world, party splits up to do different things
    >Missionary decides to try to "recruit the faithful to our cause"
    >Missionary finds little girl, she seems to be the only "faithful" one on the planet, citizens don't revere the God-Emperor daily, tells her to follow him and he'll see that she's taken care of
    >things get creepy, taking too much of a liking to the little girl, general creepy things said
    >player ends up getting her shot all to fuck and almost gets himself killed
    >sessions following, player is increasingly annoying, "I thought so!" to every startling revelation, DEMANDS that the captain give him the +10 bonus he can hand out
    >player ends up getting kicked out of the group for very unsettling moments between him and another player OOCly
    >NPC little girl became almost a mascot, PC was forever forgotten
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)17:49 No.16777370

    Yeah he was kind of a vagrant when I knew him, I'll bet anything it's the same guy. Blows my mind, I figured he was dead by now. I could fill a thread with stories about him, lol. When I first met him he insisted everyone call him "Cloud" after the FF7 character, later on he switched to Raven.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)17:51 No.16777389
    >I could fill a thread with stories about him
    This is a thread.
    And, why assume Raven would be dead...?
    >> Magus O'Grady 10/29/11(Sat)17:52 No.16777396
    Not the least bit surprised.
    >> Magus O'Grady 10/29/11(Sat)17:52 No.16777402
    You have a point. This would be the appropriate thread to fill.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)17:54 No.16777412

    Not the story guy, but in my former group, in the beer and pretzels DnD game, rapes used to happen occasionally. IRL. PC on PC.
    >"You rolled 4 on your penis size. She's not impressed."
    >"Welp, time for rape."
    >*GM turns to female player* "If you resist, roll for grapple."
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)17:55 No.16777423
    >IRL rape PC on PC
    >GM adjudicating it
    I'm sorry, what?
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)17:57 No.16777432
    pretty much this
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)17:57 No.16777439
    He's a bit of a sleezeball. Will probably serve in the parliament in the future.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)17:58 No.16777443
    That word. I do not think it means what you think it means, or however the damn quote goes.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)17:58 No.16777446
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    >rape used to happen occasionally. IRL. PC on PC.
    >IRL rape
    >PC on PC

    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)17:58 No.16777452

    I'd love to but I got to run for a bit. I'll post when I get back if this thread is still up, but it won't be for a couple hours. Maybe one story...

    >John/Cloud/Raven hangs out at my high school after it lets out with the goth kids
    >convinces the wiccan goth teenagers that he's some kind of "primordial" entity with immense latent magical powers
    >fucks a couple of the wiccan fatties, apparently he's terrible because ALL of them turn dyke shortly after
    >some kind of bizarre "war" erupts between his followers and the wiccans where they cast spells at each other and other stupid shit
    >John goes on some quest wandering around the city trying to find fragments of a magic sword to kill the wiccans with by reflecting their spells back on them
    >Shit only dies down once the wiccans graduate from high school and leave the area
    >Raven (at this point) proclaims himself the victor
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)17:59 No.16777461

    Uh, no! We're not LARPing! Honest!
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)17:59 No.16777463
    So let me get this straight: Your group had player on player rape (not characters, players) and this happened more than once? Why the fuck did anyone keep playing after that?
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:00 No.16777471

    >"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:02 No.16777484
    I would have ragequit the group if that happened to me. I know at least two rape victims and one who was almost raped. Not cool.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:03 No.16777491
    Fuck keep playing: How was no one ARRESTED?
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:03 No.16777492

    ITT: tabletop rapeplaying game and the people who are horrified
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:04 No.16777510
    rolled 85 = 85

    I think he's meaning it was not on IRC...
    >> Deathleaper's Fangirl !!YD/t8+iuFvd 10/29/11(Sat)18:06 No.16777516
    Uh, guys? When he says "IRL", I think he means face-to-face roleplay, rather than gaming over the internet or something. Not the GM sitting back and giving instructions on an actual, physical rape.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:06 No.16777519
    >implying we would not be horrified that >>16777412 watched actual rape happen in front of him more than once and did nothing
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:07 No.16777527
    I hope you're both right, that completely changes things.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:09 No.16777544
    Your whole town is filled with moronic dipshits.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:09 No.16777551
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    >this entire thread
    >but especially IRL rape

    You made my evening, Anons. Thanks.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:10 No.16777560
    Impressive, why don't you rape the one who was 'almost raped' to knock the count up to 3?
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:10 No.16777561
    He's saying the players were together in person, not that actual rape was going on, geeze
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:11 No.16777563
    I want more stories about IRL rape and/or John/Raven/whatever
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:12 No.16777576
    the fuck kind of nerd game are you guys playing?
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:13 No.16777593

    Yes. Like I said, we're not LARPing. And the female player's characters was an elf. It doesn't count, right? (Does it matter than the rapist was a halfling?)
    >> Fireman Prime 10/29/11(Sat)18:14 No.16777596
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    It's more entertaining to think of them having rules and dice-rolls as they actually have semi-consensual sex on the table, amidst the snacks and rulebooks.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:14 No.16777601
    Because I'm female and rape is henious. Go fuck yourself.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:15 No.16777611
    >worried that everyone thinks he's a LARPer
    >completely missing that everyone thought he was a rapist
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:15 No.16777614
    Thread needs more John Cloud Raven
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:15 No.16777616
    What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:16 No.16777622
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    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:16 No.16777623
    "John Cloud Raven" is now /tg/ for "moronic dipshit who thinks he's unstoppable"
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:17 No.16777632

    Me? But I never raped anyone IC! It's just these other guys in my group!
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:17 No.16777634
    >John Cloud Raven
    Way to make him sound like a badass Indian scout or something.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:17 No.16777635
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    >> Fireman Prime 10/29/11(Sat)18:17 No.16777638
    John Cloud Raven, the world's first living, breathing, walking Marty Stu.
    >> Deathleaper's Fangirl !!YD/t8+iuFvd 10/29/11(Sat)18:18 No.16777640
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    Funniest copypasta I've seen in a long time.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:18 No.16777641
    >closet LARPer
    it's ok anon. it'll all be ok
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:19 No.16777646

    ...you're 12 aren't you?
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:19 No.16777647
    That's some fast ass typing you got there, internet tough guy.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:21 No.16777667
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    >Internet Badass
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:21 No.16777674

    Uh, sure. If I ever feel like LARPing, which I won't, I'll know it's okay.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:21 No.16777677
    >Hurrr, I have a Vagina, I'm Super Special, Only Women can be raped, it's like male hate crime to the sisterhood!!
    Go fuck yourself.
    Rape is heinous, and it affects all sexes. Fuck you.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:22 No.16777682
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    >gorilla warfare
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:23 No.16777687
    By the way, I'm on 3G at my grandma's house. And I'm pretty sure the US military has better things to do than go after me.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:23 No.16777688
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    I laughed hard
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:24 No.16777696

    God I laughed had at this...

    Also, amen to John Cloud Raven as being a new /tg/ thing.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:24 No.16777697
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    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:24 No.16777701
    >both sexes

    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:25 No.16777705
    I didn't say male rape is any less bad than female rape. I think male rape should be taken more seriously than most people do, actually.

    Incoming 404 in 3...2...
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:25 No.16777712
    >had girlfriends, and gotten laid, and blowjobbed
    >gotten laid, and blowjobbed
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:25 No.16777714
    doesn't believe in transgenders or asexuals
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:26 No.16777728
    > Run mortal WoD game
    > Have players play as paranormal investigators on a series of cult murders that resulted in violent hauntings
    > Try to get group to role play something that doesn't just revolve around killing everything
    > Poltergeist activity
    > "I shoot at it!" Rolls before I can reply
    > "Won't work, dude.."
    > "But...I rolled!!"

    Campaign didn't last long, a few of the guys couldn't get the investigation concept and ruined it for everyone else.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:26 No.16777730
    This thread is solid gold, especially the copypasta troll having his way with everyone. Stay clueless, /tg/.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:27 No.16777732
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    >This thread
    someone archive it!
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:28 No.16777743
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    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:28 No.16777744

    I don't give a fuck who you are or where you live, you can count on me to be there just to bring your life to a hellish end. I'll put you in so much fucking pain that it'll make Jesus being nailed to the cross in the desert look like a fucking back massage on a tropical island. I don't give a fuck how tough you are, how well you fight, or how many fucking guns you own to protect yourself. I'll fucking show up at your house when you aren't at home. I'll turn on all the lights in your house, leave all the water running, open your fridge door and not close it, and turn your gas stove burners on and let them waste gas. You're gonna start stressing the fuck out, your blood pressure will triple, and you'll have a fucking heart attack. You'll go to the hospital for heart operation, and the last thing you'll see when being put under in the operating room is me, hovering above you dressed up like a doctor. When you wake up after the operation, you'll be scared for your fucking life, wondering what I did to you while you were being operated on, wondering what ticking time bomb is in your chest waiting to go off. You'll recover fully from your surgery. And when you walk out the front door of the hospital to go home, I'll run you over with my fucking car out of nowhere and kill you. I just want you to know how easily fucking destroy your pathetic excuse of a life, but how I'd rather go to a great fucking length to make sure your last remaining days are spent in a living, breathing hell. It's too late to save yourself but don't bother committing suicide either...I'll fucking resuscitate you and kill you myself you bitchfaced faggot. Welcome to hell, population: you.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:30 No.16777768


    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:32 No.16777785
    Keep them coming. I have a second cousin in the Marines. And a grandpa who was the equevalent of a Brigadier General in the Army Corps.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:32 No.16777788

    Like extrajudicial kidnap and torture of US citizens just because some retard in the DoJ declares them an "enemy combatant".

    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:34 No.16777800
    >I am trained in gorilla warfare

    No, see, people thought you were talking about players raping other players OOC.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:34 No.16777803
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    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:34 No.16777808
    >requests troll copypasta on /tg/
    I respect you sir. Don't know how much else I have that is "military guy" but I am bumping for the sake of J.C.R.:
    oh look, its a high school dropout and a welfare queen redneck, how is it like getting blown up for irch douche-bag CEOs?

    and Bring it on bitch, Im an active Vietcong soldier, i have over 500 confirmed kills and am trained in every type of karate, small arms and traps. Ever since the war ended ive been in my tunnel/armory with my laptop scouting the internet for fat americunts like you that think they can talk shit, just come over here, and watch your step, i have my entire house booby trapped and i have a pet tiger that also knows karate
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:34 No.16777809
    I'm pretty sure if they only had good reason.

    All I did was tell him to go fuck himself for asking me to rape one of my friends.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:35 No.16777831

    Shitty copypasta is shitty.

    I'd rather read another 15 variations of SO CASH
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:36 No.16777842
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    you wanna fucking fight kid well guess what I just hacked your IP address. yea thats right you can't do shit you fucking pussy... if you try to start ANY MORE shit with me, I'll hack the shit out of your computer so be warned you terrorist piece of shit. and if you try to come to my house just be warned that I know Kung Fu and have a GUN so if you wanna start some shit I'll fuckin be ready to kick the shit out of you. You've been warned, motherfucker. don't FUCK WITH ME again.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:37 No.16777844
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    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:37 No.16777845
    dont fucking tempt him
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:37 No.16777846
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    "He" is a copypasta.
    He even admits it here. >>16777673
    >damn you guys caught me slinging copypasta

    For Fucks Sake.

    Why is /tg/ so fucking moronic!?
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:37 No.16777847
    you stole that story.

    from me. I posted that story like half a year ago.

    or maybe you just followed my lead and got inspired by the story.

    So, in the first case im sligthly annoyed that you claim to be me but happy that people remember my story, in the second Im proud son
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:37 No.16777851
    >shoot ghost with non-paranormal weaponry
    >expects it to do anything just because he rolled on it
    This is why WoD players get a bad name.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:38 No.16777858
    mother fucker you dont know who the fuck i am, you are a fag who likes sticking it in guys asses and you best believe that you'd be the one getting crammed in your fuckin rear by my Ukranian Fort-500 shotgun before i blow your fucking guts out your chest you faggit little bitch your fucking pathetic you best hope i never head to your town, i'll find yeah and shank you in your sleep, you wanna die motherfucker? faggit little cracker, hahaha I betyou aint ever even gotten and coochie, huh? ever got any pussy? i dont even keep count anymore, but it is definately past 35 cuz thats where i lost count bout a year or two ago, added a few since then, so ask yourseld, should your faggit no coochie gettin bitch ass maybe try to shut the fuck up, or do you want to hear more about how fuckin gay and lame you are? you cocksucking homo bastard go kill yourself you worthless chunk of shit, your useless and lame as fuck, and i cant wait to show your gay ass faggit no roastin abilities, you couldn't talk shit even if you ate shit, go slit your wrists you aint cool at all give up on your gay ass life
    >> sage sage 10/29/11(Sat)18:39 No.16777861

    Fuck knows.

    Maybe it's trying to keep the win-fail balance aligned after the spectacular success of the Humanity Fucks Everyone thread.

    Regardless, sage
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:40 No.16777872
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    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:40 No.16777874
    someone keep archiving this
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:40 No.16777875
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    Internet tough guys: You are fucking morons, and pic related if you are military.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:40 No.16777882
    I was kind of enjoying my first time on /tg/. I won't ever play a tabletop game (or at least pay for one), but the stories were funny, and context wasn't hard to follow.

    But goddamn, are you fuckers stupid.

    Wait, are you all just having a laugh at my expense?
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:42 No.16777898

    you should stick around, we always have good That Guy or That Gm threads.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:43 No.16777909
    Wolves very, VERY rarely attack humans. It's actually probably harmless, and I'd be comfortable petting one if I were outdoors.

    Oh, except for how he's keeping it in captivity, which makes them irritable, and if it were indoors, it'd be really, really uncomfortable and liable to bite.

    So, yeah. Total THAT GUY.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:43 No.16777918
    Soooo That guy thread?
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:44 No.16777920
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    >we always have good that guy/dm threads
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:45 No.16777931
    >Wolves very, VERY rarely attack humans.

    Unlike half-wolves, which attack humans all the time, and comprise the majority of dog attacks in the US.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:45 No.16777935
    This thread made my day, laughed my ass off.
    Fucking /tg/, never change.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:45 No.16777937
    Alright. It is time for the story of Captain America. I have a few stories involving him; was a while since I last told them.

    >Shadowrun, third edition
    >neophyte GM (myself), neophyte players

    One of the players is... special. I'm not sure how to describe him. Above-average intelligence, but catastrophic wisdom and charisma. In respect of his privacy, I will call him Neo, since at the start, he had yet to complete his metamorphosis into the defender of UCAS.

    >Neo's character is an ork adept, all muscle and unarmed combat.
    >Party, after meeting the Johnson, devoid of personal transportation, go by public transport to the place where their mark was last seen.
    >The sammie goes by metro. The troll elects to go by bus.
    >Neo elects to climb on top of the bus, and make rude gestures at passerby. The driver throws a fit.
    >Neo responds rationally, by ripping out the windscreen and intending to lob it at the pedestrians. The driver shouts for him to put it away.
    >Neo, naturally, puts it away. On the bus driver. The bus driver screams, crushed.
    >Neo intends to lift the windscreen with the driver. I say the bus driver doesn't hold it as Neo lifts it.
    >Neo, naturally, drops it again.
    >At this point, the troll disembarks, and pretends not to know the ork.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:46 No.16777947
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    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:48 No.16777965
    THAT DM kind of story.

    >Talking to my dad
    >He usually DMs, but he PCed in a campain once
    >Railroader, "rocks fall everyone dies", etc
    >Demands that the PC group go into a dungeon and retrieve Artifact for King
    >Artifact tied to king or something, PCs can't do anything with it
    >Wizard of the group(my dad) given crystal to teleport back to the palace.
    >Group goes through dungeon, grabs artifact
    >On the way back, they fight an Umber Hulk
    >Wizard screams "TO THE KING'S PALACE" and hugs the Umber Hulk.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:50 No.16777981
    That's because they're being forced to live in confined spaces. Wolves in the wild have been discovered to behave VERY differently than wolves in captivity. Fighting over the role of "top dog," so to speak, happens, but is much less common than the forced-to-live-together packs that were being studied for so long. Animals that aren't happy are going to behave in much more unpleasant ways. As I said, That Guy was an idiot. Even in a situation where he was able to befriend the animal, and make it comfortable around him, it would go fucking apeshit in an enclosed space with all those strange people around.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:51 No.16777993
    >running 3.5
    >everything is going good, until one guy decides to prostitute his female half-elf orphan rape victim with huge tits
    >rolls a 1, ends up getting cornered in an alley by a bunch of armed guys
    >he gets beaten unconscious and kidnapped
    >cue entire session derailed because the rest of the party is trying to find out what happened to Larry (yeah that was her name)
    >alcoholic thief finds alley, so drunk he destroys all evidence
    >party wanders from house to house smashing everything in the town, running from guards and searching for Larry
    >they find a crippled war vet with half his head caved in, his only possession is a holy symbol and his family has to take care of him
    >party member murders him and steals his holy symbol
    >finally save Larry, venture into woods after finally getting the campaign back on track
    >high level Paladin begins hunting down party for their evil deeds
    >he finds their corpses in the woods, slaughtered by hobgoblins and worgs
    Godamn they were stupid
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:53 No.16778006
    This is /tg/. We still remember the ancient ways of derailment. If you really want a "That Guy" thread, you post a "Paladin General" thread with thinly veiled references to the That Guy of your current group and how he plays Lawful Stupid etc. etc. Then you have to ride the wave of sympathy to eventually, around post 50 or so, declare "That Guy General." At that point people have warmed up and are in a sort of friendly camaraderie with each other.

    Starting a thread is like moving into a neighborhood and throwing a party to meet your neighbors. Sure, you may plan it as a luau, but if the neighborhood wants a pirate theme that night, there will be pirates.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:56 No.16778034
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    And god said, let there be gorilla pirates
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)18:56 No.16778041

    >Team has arrived an seedy bar, looking for their Johnson. The bartender gestures at a couple of doors at the back.
    >Team approaches. Before anyone else can do anything, Neo headbutts the nearest door, and wrecks it due to his abnormal Strength.
    >Room appears empty. Bartender glares at them.
    >The sammie demonstrates on the other door, how a door handle works.

    >During a run, an NPC decker was hired to crack a looted computer open. As it's a cheap decker, the method is brute-force. The team is bored.
    >Neo calls the sammie, on the phone number only to be used for emergencies, as was agreed upon earlier.
    >"Got milk?"

    >The team is having up to here with Neo. The sammie decides to occupy the retard with something so he and the troll can get something done in the meantime.
    >The sammie invites Neo to a fast food joint, and pays out of his Lifestyle, so that Neo gets an "all the kebabs you can eat" deal.
    >Sammie and troll go off to do stuff. Upon returning, Neo has eaten twenty kebabs.
    >Sammie's player comments that they are serving him the twenty-first. Neo makes some Body checks, finds that he's eaten too much. Once already out, he needs to hurl.
    >He rolls appreciably well on Quickness, finds a container to hurl into. A passing troll (not the team member), laughs at him.
    >Neo grabs the troll by the shirt, headbutts him, pukes on him, then throws him on the ground.
    >The sammie remarks that he shouldn't leave a job unfinished. Using Killing Hands, Neo kills the troll, then stuffs him in the container.
    >They walk away, leaving their kill sticking out like a sore thumb out of a container far too small to hold a troll.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)19:02 No.16778103
    This might be the best description of /tg/ i have ever heard
    >> Minifig 10/29/11(Sat)19:03 No.16778115
    >3.5 campaign
    >just finished killing some ratfolk
    >Rogue finds shitload of gold and silver
    >Tries to Bluff us into thinking there was only a few gold
    >My Paladin immediately reminds him what my god thinks of liars, whilst the Dwarven Barbarian shakes him down to see what he's hiding

    Before you ask, he's 15, he's the DM's son and he's friends with about half of the party - hell, he brought them along to the table! So yeah, can't really get rid of him. However, I have just given him a condensed version of >>16777033
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)19:03 No.16778116

    WOW SON, U BUT ANGREY I hav neer seen sum1 so pooper peeved u ned to tak chilpil and stop raping your ownasswit husband you are the gayest fgt in fgtopia no u r the mayor lol u troled so fukin hard u wan sum ice for the ASSBURN? U cry tears of blud and cum ur mom's penis out your angry butthole gb2 pussybaby land where u git own3d by dick "omg i love sukn dicks and crying to link park" -You ur butt is evaporating cum bcuz it is steaming wit angr SUMBUDY IS ANALLY ANGUISHED
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)19:05 No.16778136

    Eventually, Neo's shenanigans with killing people in broad daylight earn him a spot in UCAS's Most Wanted list. After seeing his face on trideo, he wisely decides to get a new face. The group's fixer helps him find a cheap surgeon.

    >We use a handy WFRP 2e PHB to decide how Neo's new identity looks like. He ends up an eyebrowless purple-haired freak.
    >Not content with his transformation, he decides that a disguise is also required. He visits a local used clothing store, and finds a Captain America costume (sans shield).
    >But wait, he's still using his fists! That's a dead giveaway! Through the fixer, he buys a shotgun. The fixer looks at him dubiously, "Do you know how to use this?", handing him the weapon. Captain America confirms.

    >One problem - he doesn't. He has no points at all in any shooting skills whatsoever.
    >While strolling back to his apartment, a couple of cops notice he's packing heat. It's a fucking shotgun! Stuffed down the front of a Captain America costume!
    >They corner him in an alleyway, as he tries to get away.
    >Naturally, he whips out his new acquisition. A firefight begins.
    >Now, being a combat-focused adept, he's doing pretty well at dodging shots. The problem, however, is that he keeps botching up his to-hit rolls.
    >Whoops, there goes a street lamp!
    >Whoops, there goes a hydrant!
    >Whoops, you shot yourself in the foot!
    >Eventually, he slays them in hand-to-hand combat, and walks away frustrated.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)19:11 No.16778182

    >Some run or other, team is investigating lone apartment building in the middle of nowhere - everything else was demolished in the area, then forgotten for a decade.
    >Place is trapped. Grenades on doors, tripwires, the works.
    >Sammie defuses doors by shooting them with his grenade launcher.
    >Meanwhile, Captain America decides, after one trap inflicted him a Moderate wound or so, that it's too dangerous within without some sort of ranged weapon.
    >He uproots a small tree, and starts throwing it at everything. The others tire of him doing this, tell him to wait outside.
    >Major scuffle starts as they find a banshee or whatever regenerating fuckwad it was, and repeatedly try to kill it. Captain America notices this, and does the only thing that can be of any help.
    >He hurls the three up two stories, at a window of the room the rest of the team is fighting in, filling the room in deadly glass shards. They survive.

    Captain America's position on the Most Wanted list grows. His associates, as accomplices, join him. This does not amuse them. At all.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)19:14 No.16778205
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    I can't decide whether he is awesome or an incredible asshole.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)19:16 No.16778216

    By this time, everyone has had it with Captain America. The GM, the other players and their characters. Following another run-in with the police, who by now got wind that he's the same guy as the cop-killing sonuvabitch ork from earlier, Captain America is chilling in the troll's penthouse apartment in Redmond.

    >Captain America is eating kebabs and watching trid
    >Captain America rolls for Perception, and botches
    >What he was supposed to have heard is the black ops helicopter landing on the roof, but he didn't over the trid blaring.
    >A wetworks squad bursts into the room. They get one free attack, as normal in surprise situations.
    >Captain America dies as he had lived, eating kebabs, acting stupid and pissing off the authorities.
    >The rest of the team go into indefinite hiding.

    Pfew. That's about it. I gotta go to sleep.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)19:18 No.16778233
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    We'll always remember you Cap...
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)19:18 No.16778237
    No, they really don't. You know the whole war in Iraq? That was literally just some 14 year old who called him dumb on the MyLittlePony forums.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)19:20 No.16778247

    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)19:23 No.16778274
    .....do you mean to tell me that consent isn't a boolean variable?
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)19:25 No.16778281

    Nowadays? Not really.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)19:26 No.16778291

    That's just the thing - he's both. An amazing achievement for an otherwise retarded player.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)19:28 No.16778313
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    What has this world come to.....
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)19:32 No.16778338
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)19:34 No.16778360
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)19:36 No.16778384
    John Cloud Raven is truly a god among men.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)19:38 No.16778394
    He's a hero to the world.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)19:39 No.16778402
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    text is from this thread
    pic is from this pic
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)19:44 No.16778442
    >after killing some vampires in the Midwest, find a WoD game. Subject matter is pretty close to my real life, so I join up
    >party consists of selfish assholes, one guy dedicates all his time pimping out his vehicle and bitches us out OOC if anything happens to it in-character.
    >party finds a slutty ghost, everyone drooling and getting boners over her
    >fucking neckbeard weeaboo faggots
    >start trying to blow the whore ghost back to the hell-pits she crawled from
    >DM hates me, my character dies and the party members rape my corpse and jizz all over the ghost
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)19:50 No.16778487
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    the evil...it spreads...
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)19:52 No.16778515
    Why would you post that again?
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)19:55 No.16778536
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    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)19:55 No.16778543
    What the fuck did I just fucking read?
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)19:56 No.16778559
    >> John Cloud Raven !XsDF5gCFNA 10/29/11(Sat)19:57 No.16778561
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    You faggots called?

    What do you think of my new black crusade character. completely original, called him boomrider.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)19:57 No.16778563
    I wonder how large of a boner he'd receive if I handed him a couple of her fingers after two days saying this was all I could recover.

    Anyway, more stories! They make me feel so much better about my groups.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)19:57 No.16778566
    Something that should never have been mentioned again
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)19:59 No.16778583
    >leave that group, kill some cultists before leaving town
    >the only halfway cool guy in the group seems kinda bummed that I am leaving, asks me where I'm headed off to now
    >tell him I'm going to go work my uncle's pot farm in Texas, should be fun
    >don't want to worry him by telling him that an ancient evil is at work in just a few miles down the road, and it is my destiny as a quasi-superpowered sorcerer to destroy it or die trying
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)20:00 No.16778589
    An elaborate piece of fiction based on a picture of cunt looking goth dude and the girl he keeps on a leash that crops up now and then. It has no basis in fact, it never happened. It's just writefaggotry.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)20:01 No.16778600
    >and every night I wonder - should I tell them the truth?
    >No. They can never know.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)20:06 No.16778622
    >sometimes I wish I had never been born with this burden
    >then, bathed in the blood and ashes of my fallen enemies in the dim candlelight at the site of an interrupted ritual to Nyarlethotep, I remember why I do this
    >It's not a choice. It's not an obligation to those I protect.
    >It's my birthright.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)20:10 No.16778654

    Why do you do this /tg/
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)20:11 No.16778672
    i consider it a role play exercise pick some thing you hate and loath then become it
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)20:12 No.16778673
    Because I have no choice. Because it is what I am --

    Oh, sorry. I was still in character there. I do it for the lulz. We still are on 4chan, you know.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)20:13 No.16778684
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    Because we love it. I wish that guy would come back with more stories though
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)20:13 No.16778685

    Just dropping in to say, very well put. I like you.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)20:27 No.16778798
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)20:36 No.16778906
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    >playing homebrew game with a modern military setting to introduce buds to tabletop
    >they play a pair of commandos who HALO drop nearby a military installation in Cuba, orders are to get data then blow the base, framing revolutionaries
    >broad daylight, one guy tries to take out a guard outside the base with a silenced pistol after I explain to him that the guns are realistic
    >everyone within 50 yards hears the gun blast and come running
    >base goes on full alert
    >PCs get killed during a crazy firefight with entire base
    >guy with suppressed pistol looks at me and says "that was pretty fun"
    Everything went better than expected
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)20:39 No.16778945
    >"that was pretty fun"
    If he gets into tabletop gaming properly I hope he doesn't lose such a good attitude
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)20:41 No.16778976
    yeah. only thing is, we both moved recently and he spends most of his time at college since he can afford to go. I rarely see him, but I always tell him to check out the gaming group at his school in the hopes that he will really get into it.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)20:51 No.16779063
    Some jackass in my group derailed our entire game. I'm new, so forgive me if my imply-fu isn't very good, but I'll try.

    I joined a group in a politics-and-war heavy 4e campaign run by a friend over IRC. One dude (THAT GUY) is playing a human wizard, illusionist focus, kind of a snotty noble. The whole plot is that elves murdered the prince of the nearest human kingdom for trespassing on their lands, we get sent in as a scouting/strike force. While traveling through the woods, we're ambushed by some trolls, and apparently the fighting gets the attention of an elven hunting party, including...surprise...the supposedly murdered prince. We find out that the elves are actually innocent victims, the prince had been wounded on their lands and they took him in for treatment. He fell in love with the captain of the royal guard, and decided to stay with him in the forest while he recovered. He doesn't think his crazy, warmongering father will listen to an elf, especially since the human kingdom is a bit shady, allied with orcs and dwarves and practicing demonology, so he asks us to end the war for him. Instead, the wizard lies to the DM by pretending to be concerned about the possibility of assassins, and murders the prince in cold blood, for being gay and sleeping with an elf. In the middle of elvish territory. Then he makes fun of my Swordmage for being weeaboo. He gets away with it because of ILLUSION BULLSHIT. Everyone else thinks this is fucking great and all, even though he framed the innocent Elf the prince was in love with and (cont)
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)20:53 No.16779079

    Then apparently gets into bed with our Striker, because why not? Then he kills the lover, basically screws over the whole plot of purifying the human kingdom, and ruins the DM's enthusiasm for the game, while doing a bunch of bullshit to make sure he can't get caught. Fuck him twice, once for doing it, once for succeeding.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)20:54 No.16779086
    I wish this story didn't have a That Guy so I could read more. Got any others?
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)21:06 No.16779193
    hard to say, but I like to think we got past the trolling stage of this thread's life cycle early on. I don't think we're gonna be getting anymore John Cloud Raven stories though, which is disappointing
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)21:18 No.16779303
    I've gotta use that name next time I roll a Shadowrun character: John Cloud Raven, AmerIndian shaman. Of Raven, natch.

    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)21:52 No.16779579
    Fuck yeah, Elfslayer.
    How did that end, by the way?
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)22:01 No.16779643

    That was a great thread.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)22:12 No.16779744
    You wanna read more?

    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)22:15 No.16779775
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    thanks anon, have some random character art
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)22:40 No.16779988

    Here. Sorry it took me so long to get back to this thread, I see interest has maintained so I can throw out some more stories of John/Cloud/Raven if you guys want.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)22:41 No.16779996
    Please do.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)22:43 No.16780018
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    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)22:47 No.16780062

    >Year I first met Cloud
    >He tells me all kinds of completely crazy shit on our first day of hanging out together
    >Apparently he is undefeatable martial arts expert
    >"o rly? What style are you, Cloud?"
    >"All styles."
    >Undefeatable at Street Fighter 3
    >"o rly? Want to play a game?"
    >never played SF3 before, more of a Mortal Kombat fan myself
    >defeat him by mashing random buttons
    >Cloud becomes convinced that I must have latent magical powers as well
    >Trollface is a go, I milk it for all its worth
    >Within a week Cloud has told me I am to be his "Vizier" or advisor or whatever for his magical coven/ninja clan
    >Relentless trolling ensues
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)22:48 No.16780076
    Oh God this is magical
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)22:59 No.16780181
    watch yourself
    this is how religions get started
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:01 No.16780193

    Like I said earlier in the thread, I figured he'd be dead by now. I'm honestly surprised to hear he managed to survive into adulthood.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:02 No.16780201
    >2001, meet a pretty cool guy
    >doesn't believe me when I tell him I have had over 60 years to perfect my martial arts skills
    >seems pretty socially awkward, I decide to boost his elf esteem by letting him beat me at Street Fighter 3 even though I can read people's minds and get perfects every round every match
    >tell him he probably is a little magical himself after he wins, hopefully it will make him stop cutting himself
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:05 No.16780212

    Haha, I could be wrong on this one... it's been a decade, after all... but I don't remember immortality being on his lengthy list of magical powers and qualities.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:07 No.16780229

    I'm guessing you didn't know very many occultist/wiccan/magick goth types in high school.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:07 No.16780233
    >been hanging with Street Fighter Kid for a couple years now, trying to find the lich that lives somewhere in the city
    >gather a small group of hunters that were passing through, I've known some of these guys for years
    >go to Denny's, fuck yeah I love coffee
    >Street Fighter Kid is always laughing at my enchanted trenchcoat +3 and sunglasses of detect evil
    >some fag rolls up and tries to cast Death on me
    >thank God I'm a hundred times more powerful than this kid
    >kid runs off screaming, I can smell the shit running down his pants
    >oh yeah, forgot about coffee
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:10 No.16780247
    I knew plenty.
    They all had a pretty healthy grip on reality, aside from lighting a few candles to boost self esteem.
    None of them thought they were gods.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:11 No.16780258
    About 10-15% of them are like that.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:12 No.16780267
    Wait, do you mean 10-15% fulfil my anecdote, or 10-15% think they're gods...?
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:14 No.16780283
    10-15% just make shit up on the spot to sound cool and powerful. It's like they're constantly roleplaying IRL while living real life, and god-modding the shit out of it. A guy once told me he was "ascended." I was like, "Oh, does that mean kind of spiritually enlightened, or what?"

    Him: "Nah... it's kind of like being a Super Saiyan."
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:15 No.16780295
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    his face when
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:16 No.16780300
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:17 No.16780312
    >Him: "Nah... it's kind of like being a Super Saiyan."

    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:19 No.16780334

    This sort of thing is making some sort of modern fantasy setting seem cool. Pity its mostly "USE MIND BULLETS TO DESTROY EVERYTHING ALSO ATLANTIS," "reality is subjective everything is true everything is false WOOOO," "what if D&D races were around today?!"
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:21 No.16780346
    Jesus Fuck... That's sad.

    Though now I think about it, what was worse were some of the people I met at university who seemed like toned down Ravens... They were all in the same circle jerk WoD game. God it was awful. Put me off WoD for life.

    "Humanity should be wiped clear from the face of the Earth, to let those of us in tune with nature be free again... Like The Stand."
    Whilst we sat in a heated appartment. Watching cable TV. Eating processed food.
    "Like you, you mean?" Says I.
    "Of course like me, I'm smart enough to live as the goddess meant me to live. Smarter than all these other animals..."
    "Aren't you an animal as well...?"
    "The Goddess has made me more...."
    Needless to say, human genocide and self aggrandising bullshit didn't endear me to them.
    It also didn't help that the guy in question was more Grilled Cheese then Bear Gryls.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:22 No.16780359

    Dresden Files RPG as a platform, maybe?
    I don't feel it falls into any of those.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:23 No.16780362

    Well clearly they were merely fledgling mages at best, whereas John/Cloud/Raven was multiclassed in both wizard AND sorcerer.


    >I had finally grown bored with it, separated myself from John and his group
    >Run into him randomly one day at a park
    >He's with some fat chick (again)
    >"Oh hey dude, how've you been?"
    >John starts telling me about his recent possession by a demon and how he's mastered it and incorporated its power into his own, I remember this as the plotline from an anime he showed me a while ago
    >"Oh ok, sounds fun."
    >Fat chick is fawning all over him, clearly she's retarded or desperate
    >John says we should hang out again, I'm non-committal
    >Goes on to tell fat chick that I'm a vampire or some shit, which was news to me. Apparently I'm a daywalker since it was like 1 in the afternoon.
    >I just smile and nod, not going to cock block him by calling him on his bullshit to the hambeast he's trying to fuck
    >Last time I ever see him.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:24 No.16780376
    Was he greasy, tall, skinny, with chin-fuzz and medium to light brown hair?

    Because he didn't go by any of those names, but...
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:27 No.16780388
    Everyone seems to know him...
    Goddamn Quantum Derp

    John/Cloud/Raven derping from lie to lie, hoping each leap will be the leap home...

    Oh Boy...
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:28 No.16780394

    I'm pretty sure he was homeless by this point or crashing with whatever whale he managed to harpoon that particular month, so yeah his hair was usually pretty greasy.

    Not really on the skinny, I'd call him roughly "medium". He was around 6'1"-6'2", yes on the chin fuzz and yeah on the hair color. All of my stories occurred in western Maryland.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:28 No.16780399
    >haven't seen Street Fighter Kid in a while, I've been back with Damona, a super hot master of illusions
    >usually when we go out in public she maintains the illusion of being ugly as fuck and smelly to boot, just so people don't hit on her and start shit with me
    >Street Fighter Kid is at the park, I'm scoping the place out with Damona since I finally found the lich tomb underneath
    >Street Fighter Kid is looking bad, he's gained weight and has a full-on neckbeard, sweat stained armpits and God knows what else
    >I make up a story to make him seem cool and interesting to Damona, I don't want to embarass the poor kid
    >we talk for a bit, that night I kill the lich and then go home and buttfuck Damona
    >she steals my watch and is gone by morning, she's been doing that same shit for the past 15 years
    >get coffee at Denny's the next morning, on to another town I guess
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:29 No.16780405

    I'm convinced they're not the same guy, but a composite propaganda character built from many godmoding forever teenagers who name themselves after whatevers cool but default to a generic 'badass' animal name.

    Never Hippopotamus, though.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:30 No.16780411
    If it's the same guy, I met him in Evansville, IN. Possibly on his way to Louisiana?

    When did you know him? For me, it was fall 2008... He joined the military and disappeared.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:31 No.16780418
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    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:32 No.16780425
    I dunno, "Never Hippopotamus" has a nice ring to it.

    "Cower mortals, I am Never Hippopotamus. Wallow with me through the churning muds of reality..."
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:33 No.16780430
    The thought of John/Cloud/Raven being part of ANY official armed force is too terrifying to imagine.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:33 No.16780437
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    >Solar exalt that is obsessed with Chivalry and honor
    >Suplexes wind mills because he thinks they're giants.

    Not moronic, well yeah, moronic, but totally awesome.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:34 No.16780445
    >>16780411 here.
    Sorry, fall 2007/spring 2008.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:34 No.16780448

    I knew him from '01 to '04, roughly. And that's funny about joining the military, I ended up doing the same thing two years later.
    >> Glassberg Never 10/29/11(Sat)23:35 No.16780451
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    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:35 No.16780452
    We need... to collect all the lore about John/Cloud/Raven in the same place.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:36 No.16780459
    this thread is the best thing we have right now
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:38 No.16780478
    >collect all the lore about John/Cloud/Raven

    "The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age."

    H.P. Lovecraft, Another Alias of John/Cloud/Raven
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:40 No.16780488
    It would be better if it were H.P. Lovecraft, on John/Cloud/Raven

    Anyway, it's an individual, so it can't go on the wiki, can it?
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:41 No.16780497
    Matt Ward has an article, so why the fuck not?
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:41 No.16780499
    JCR isn't an individual.
    It's a concept.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:42 No.16780507
    John Cloud Raven isn't a concept.
    It's a way of life.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:43 No.16780510
    That's terrifying.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:43 No.16780519
    Okay, whatever. We doing this, or what?
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:45 No.16780530

    John Cloud Raven isn't a way of life.
    He's a paragon, a dream within an ideal.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:45 No.16780537
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    Listen here, Mr. Impatient Pants
    What exactly are we supposed to be doing?
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:46 No.16780540
    Ok, hold up there partner.
    I ain't about to go worshipin' no "Raven" feller.
    May as well wrap mah balls up for the manitous, ship me off to the huntin' grounds and kiss your california goodbye... That's wut I Reckon anyhow...
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:47 No.16780550
    Well said...
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:50 No.16780603
    Collecting all the stories of the hilarious IRL That Guy(s) that may or may not be the same person, involving casting invisible spells at each other outside chain restaurants in the middle of the night, wearing smelly trench coats that don't fit, and generally making an ass of himself while thinking everyone thinks he's awesome.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:51 No.16780611
    Oh, and putting them on the 1d4chan wiki.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:53 No.16780636
    I don't really have any stories about the guy, I've just been bumping this thread for the past few hours, plus updating the archive every so often. I leave the 1d4chan to someone who's done it before
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:53 No.16780641
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    Guys, stop this.

    If there's anything I know about Urban Fantasy (which is what I think John Cloudraven's genre is), it's that making stories like this ONLY GIVES HIM MORE POWER.

    Gaze into the future face of John Cloudraven.
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:54 No.16780654
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:54 No.16780655
    >trying to convince /tg/ to not give power to the Big E

    speaking only for myself, I wish I had stories to share about this mysterious individual just because of that post
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:56 No.16780666
    Screencap the relevant posts and put them in one image. Upload it in this thread. Everyone shall save it, and everyone shall post it at the slightest provocation.
    >> Vice/Versa !!nJa5PBp2E5K 10/29/11(Sat)23:58 No.16780684
    alright, but it's liable to take at least 20 minutes because I use MSPaint

    also putting on my trip, I like to use it to stroke my ego when undertaking projects that benefit all
    >> Anonymous 10/29/11(Sat)23:58 No.16780691
    So there we were at the model UN.

    Delegates from all over, our school was china. When suddenly, there was John Cloudraven. He steps proudly through the throng, trenchcoat flowing, his skull topped can clacking in tuen to every step. And aloft, he holds an american flag, luttering on a pole, and drenched in what looks like it must have been citadel paint spattered to appear as blood.

    I was taken ill that day, and never got to see his diatribe against the country he'd been told to represent. I'm told by others, it was mesmerizing.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)00:00 No.16780703
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)00:06 No.16780770
    Not as over the top as some of the John Cloud Raven stories, but here's what I've got.

    Playing Dogs in the Vineyard, Mormon gunslingers in the old west. One girl decides her character, Sister Faith, has a traumatic backstory involving rape, prostitution and a deep distrust of men. A little cliche, but hey- that stuff can, on occasion, be played well.

    The thing is, she carries her character's hatred of men and superiority complex into every damn thing. My character, Sister Charity, is also female, but I tried to play her as a more innocent, traditional girl. Faith mocks her all the time for being naive for not immediately assuming all men are out to rape us, and for believing in god the way our job description says we should.

    Now, Faith is a little trigger-happy, so our GM decides to throw us a problem where we'll have to come up with a non-violent solution. To that end, he has a town threatened by a man known as the Stranger, the scariest criminal in the west, out for revenge against the whole town for a wrong he feels they've done him. He's pretty unkillable, and the idea was that we'd have to actually negotiate.

    Being a fan of westerns, I recognize that he's supposed to be Clint Eastwood's character from High Plains Drifter. Faith, of course, is less than cowed by him.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)00:09 No.16780796
    Not mine story, told to me by one DM.

    >WoD capmaing, Vampire, New Orlean
    >PC are suppsoed to steal dead body bitten by a vampire from an ambulance and get rid of it.
    >They steal entire ambulance.
    >One of them is driving it, other rides on a bike
    >Police starts chasing them
    >They said they try to run away.
    >GM starts describing epic chase scene
    >One of the players looks uncomfortable
    >GM asks iff there's something wrong
    >"We're running away without exceeding the speed limit."
    >GM needs a whole minute to comprehend what he just heard.

    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)00:10 No.16780801
    Hey, guy with the Super-Saiyan story here.

    He also claimed he had two souls, one of which was leeching off the other. I met him at a weekly meditation thing, and made the mistake of once mentioning that I saw a sword when I was meditating. He took this to mean that I had a metaphysical sword I'd been given by some powerful entity. He asked me if he could have it. I "handed" him the imaginary sword, and he proceeded to "impale" himself with it, acting like he was in horrible pain, and disturbing other customers in the front of the store (our weekly meditation session was in the back, and the 8 or 9 of us who were part of it had moved to the front after we were done). He explained to me after he "recovered" that he had cut off the parasitic soul.

    He said he had to wear sunglasses even indoors if there were somewhat bright lights because of an eye condition (confirmed as true) but that the eye condition was actually because he was 1/3 demon and 1/3 angel (unconfirmed).

    He was dating a friend of mine at the time, and told her that if she broke up with him, he'd curse her.

    Oh, shit... possible way to confirm him as the same person or not:

    Did he wear sunglasses all/most of the time? Did he mention an eye problem from being not 100% human?
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)00:13 No.16780838
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)00:16 No.16780856
    >Police stops the ambulance.
    >Players asks why.
    >gM says "You see, it may suprise you a bit, but you don't try to run away without breaking the speed limit."
    >Police arrests PC riding the ambulance. Punt him on the floor and stuff.
    >Other guy, on a bike, very slowly rides pass them like if nothing happened.
    >Being 10-15 meters away from the scene, suddenly dude remembers he was suppsoed to help that other guy.
    >He tells GM he jumps from the bike on the cops.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)00:20 No.16780892
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)00:20 No.16780894
    Now to be fair, our GM probably should have expected that if you create a badass NPC to scare the players, they will try to kill him. But I don't think any of us expected exactly what went down.

    Before we even met the guy, Faith already started making enemies in a nearby non-faithful town when they wanted us to turn over our guns. ("They're men! They'll lock us up and sell us into whorehouses!") Keep in mind, this takes place in Utah in the 1800s. She insisted she was just being true to her character.

    By the time we finally meet the Stranger, she's been endlessly haranguing Charity for so much as having a fiancee, and for not having killed anyone in her life. When we do meet the bad guy, Charity tries to talk and figure out what he wants. Faith interrupts the conversation by just shooting at him.

    Well, remember how our GM statted him as an incredibly scary motherfucker? Yeah, he takes her down like nobody's business and leaves her bleeding on the floor.

    The time for talking now being abruptly ended, I had to have Charity desperately defend herself and her fallen idiot companion. Praying, tripping him with her long Dog coat, kicking dirt in his eyes, and finally stabbing him in the back repeatedly after making him trip, Charity only barely made it out with her life, and took really severe wounds. Unlike the unconscious Faith, however, the traditional, violence-shy girl did manage to stagger out soaked in blood, having earned for herself the reputation of killing the baddest motherfucker in the west.

    We didn't play again after that.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)00:20 No.16780898
    To be honest, unless the other player was supposed to metagame -AND- was a fan of westerns, I'm not sure why its bad form to try a violent solution in a situation like that.

    Unless mormons are supposed to be peaceful to violent criminals? Who the fuck knows.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)00:22 No.16780912
    Mormons are supposed to be peaceful to violent criminals.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)00:23 No.16780919
    >GM was merciful and let them beat cops and run away with the body.
    >He describes New orlean, full of alleys and roofs
    >Ask players how they're going to run awway.
    >"Through allotments!"
    >GM needs another minute for himself.
    >GM decides to be a dick.
    >PC somehow, with big troubles gets through one fence, another...and run straith into big black guy in the middle of some midnight screen.
    >They try to scare him.
    >Dude has a gun.
    >"We run away!"
    >"GM: "How?"
    >"I jump through the fence!"
    >GM: "Carrying a dead body?!"
    >"Yes, I have [pulls out some ability from his card]
    >He jumps.
    >And lands on the other side.
    >Body left hanging on the fence.
    >GM gives up. black guy puts so many bullets into the body nobowy will recognize who he was or how he died.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)00:23 No.16780922
    A violent solution is indeed what ended up happening, and as I said, the GM should have expected us to think we were supposed to fight him. She did, however, rush blindly in, ruin an attempt at diplomacy and nearly get us both killed because she "wouldn't be intimidated by any man."
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)00:26 No.16780948
    Well, Dogs is only loosely based on Mormons in Utah

    But in the Faith (in the game) killing people is a sin. Killing in self-defense is a grey zone. The whole base of the game is playing young people who try to stop people from fucking and killing each other.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)00:33 No.16781006
    I think "running away without exceeding the speed limit" is one of the funniest damn things I've heard in a while.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)00:36 No.16781035
    >She insisted she was just being true to her character.

    You reminded me of the last time I ended up being THAT GUY for being too much into character.

    >Online campaing
    >Our characters are kidnapped and rescured by GM's other group of more experienced players and their characters.
    >One of them leads us to the exit.
    >Sounds of fight from one of corridors
    >My character fors an attack plan.
    >character from more experienced group tells us we go the other way.
    >I say that my character kicks his in the face.
    >GM, shocked: Do you really want to kick the only person who knows the way out and tries to avoid getting you killed?"
    >Me: "Yes. My charactr is a control freak, that's in-character".
    >GM looks pissed.
    >Other player steps in and knows my character out.
    >I miss the best part of the campaing by being unconcious.
    I deserved that.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)00:38 No.16781050
    In some ways, it doesn't matter, you know? It was Creed against a small nation of idiot elves, under the reign of a DM who was gradually realizing that it would be a lot of fun to just let him succeed.

    The actual events aren't important, the important thing is that he won.

    (But dammit I wish he would have posted VI)
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)00:40 No.16781074
    That's... actually pretty sweet.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)00:44 No.16781108
    Ahh I see, that's kinda cool. In theory. Still can't resist being antagonistic to the theme of every RPG I play ever though.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)00:45 No.16781124
    Agreeing. Sweet and innocent girl having, after desperate struggle, killed biggest motherfucker in the west all on her own...I would kiss that other player for making it happen.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)00:46 No.16781135
    It's a trap many of us have fallen into at one point or another- roleplaying a character is good, but it's important to keep in mind what kind of character would be appropriate.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)00:55 No.16781222
    Last I remember, the DM was trying to make him into the game's BBEG. He sounded like he was okay with it.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)01:06 No.16781347
    Well, it's still better than when I started. I was totally THAT GUY, having my character smashing his head on the wall, being total dick to everybody, casually telling a guy all his friends died with no respct whatsoever, starting a fight with local gang without even trying to negotiate, doubling taxi driver's money to get him loose a car that wasn't following us and generally being annoying piece of shit. Even I understood why GM killed my character and didn't complained.

    Few years later, having get more experience and even having few miserable failures at GMing myself, I joined another campaing by the same GM, mostly with the same guys who were around back then. I come up with creepy character so I was 100% roleplaying and even when I once had a little dickhish moment GM managed to turn this around rather well from narrative perspective.
    Generally most of people were much into roleplay and it tourned out very well, it was one of the best campaings I had been in. But, there was one guy who went to much into character and ended having her betray our team and fight with our leader. After everybody realized leader's character is too strong for his, he had her use her powers to crucify herself just to deny leader privilege of taking her life. Awesome from story's perspective, it was very climatic and all, but it was campaing where you don't roll new characters - you die, you're out, so guy went so much into the fun he kicked himself out.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)01:07 No.16781350
    >a DM who was gradually realizing that it would be a lot of fun to just let him succeed.

    That seems like conjecture, but you do have to give her props for sticking with it and not just giving him Rocks Fall. She actively continued to be a good DM.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)01:21 No.16781472

    more. actually interested in spaghetti western with bad player.
    >> Vice/Versa !!nJa5PBp2E5K 10/30/11(Sun)01:23 No.16781493
    dammit guys the file is too bag no matter which format I use. suggestions welcome, I've spent two hours making this damn thing
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)01:35 No.16781597

    >> Vice/Versa !!nJa5PBp2E5K 10/30/11(Sun)01:36 No.16781605
    thanks. I decided to just cut it into two images though, almost done. expect them soon
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)01:44 No.16781656
    Dude, get GIMP, it's a free photoshop-style program.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)01:55 No.16781734
    He means it's too large to upload on /tg/.
    At least, that's what I think he means.
    >> Vice/Versa !!nJa5PBp2E5K 10/30/11(Sun)01:57 No.16781748
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    exactly. also, it is in thirds now. sorry guys, I'm no technical wizard or master of the fine art of screencaps. here is the first one
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)02:11 No.16781873
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    The Mormons were more often the enemies in classic Westerns.

    Probably because so many of the real ones were murderous fucks.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)02:17 No.16781921
    Split it into multiple images?
    >> Vice/Versa !!nJa5PBp2E5K 10/30/11(Sun)02:18 No.16781934
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    2 out of 3 hopefully...maybe 4

    damn I suck at this
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)02:28 No.16782049
    Well, they entire origin, including the founding by a known con man, is so ridiculous that any non-mormon who hears it thinks it's terrifying how many latched onto it.
    >> Vice/Versa !!nJa5PBp2E5K 10/30/11(Sun)02:29 No.16782057
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    3 out of 4

    it's time for a fucking cigarette
    >> Vice/Versa !!nJa5PBp2E5K 10/30/11(Sun)02:31 No.16782073
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    4 out of 4

    I'm sorry that took so long guys...looking back, "20 minutes" is a hilarious estimate. If anyone can make compress these at all and make them less than 4 images (/tg/ postable) then feel absolutely free to do so
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)02:41 No.16782154
    did anyone ever put JCR on 1d4chan?
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)03:01 No.16782281
    >spends hours making a mediocre and overly long screencap of an archived thread
    >no one reads it
    stay classy, /tg/
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)03:05 No.16782317
    The guy's no Luke. And if there's not an article on Luke, I don't know why you'd need an article on this guy.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)03:26 No.16782509
    I saved it.

    I think you need only to search "Luke" on suptg.
    >> lol !DEATHaCxCg 10/30/11(Sun)03:31 No.16782551
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)03:32 No.16782561
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    this is literally the greatest thread I have ever seen. It has it all
    That Guy stories
    IRL PC on PC rape
    Do you Catan?
    some crazy shit about an ultimate That Guy who is probably a new /tg/ thing

    fucking beautiful
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)03:40 No.16782630

    I only made it half-way through the thread. But mofucker, A wolf invaded my beach campsite and was getting all up in my grill when I tried to shoo it away. Ended up beating it over the nose a few times with a hot stick from the fire pit after it tried to bite me.

    We had hung all our food that night and were out of his habitat. That motherfucker had no reason to come fuck with me.

    I'd still pet one in the wild if it approached me and appeared non-aggresive, but only because I'm a big boy and can deal with the consequences.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)03:44 No.16782672

    Dude! I remember that story. It was told by a guy at a talk in last year's Pyrkon.
    >> Sciencezam Von Sciencestein !!eh0Fgi0FQSV 10/30/11(Sun)03:56 No.16782784
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    >This entire fucking thread

    Jesus, and I thought the guy who constantly insisted on eviscerating opponents in my Feng Shui game was bad...

    Course that guy also ordered a tall, ice cold glass of Sake.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)03:59 No.16782808

    That sounds awesome. Did he get one?
    >> Magus O'Grady 10/30/11(Sun)03:59 No.16782810
    I can confirm that, yes, he does sleep in the damned thing. He shacked up at a friend's place for a few months because said friend was a sucker for a hobo (having been one in the past and now on his feet, he feels obliged to help underprivelaged gamers when he can [JCR and a few others ate him out of house and home, though]) And his modus operandi hasn't changed much. He follows Cons. He'll pick out one particular insecure overweight goth girl there, spin some BS story about how he has powers, mixed with enough wicca bullshit to give local wiccans conniption fits, makes a big stink about how they should follow him, cons a handful of local wiccans and/or gamers into putting up with him for a few months, then hits the road for the next con, or convention, whichever he finds first. Funny side note: so far as we can tell, he's burned his bridges with just about every community of gamers, wiccans, and goths on the east coast and throughout most of the central time zone. No idea what he's going to do when he hits the pacific.
    >> Sciencezam Von Sciencestein !!eh0Fgi0FQSV 10/30/11(Sun)04:00 No.16782818

    No, he did not. Even the sleaziest of bars in Hong Kong will not serve you that much alcohol at 8 AM.

    Oh, and it was 8 AM.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)04:04 No.16782859
    >No idea what he's going to do when he hits the pacific.
    Join the army, from the sound of things.

    Or maybe find a different country to fuck around in.
    >> Magus O'Grady 10/30/11(Sun)04:06 No.16782872
    Naw. My money is on stabbed-by-hispanic-drug-runners-when-he-tries-to-bs-more-weed-out-of-them-than-he-paid-for.

    As for still being here, I just got back. I work weird-ass hours but the money is almost-decent. Figured I'd check the thread to see if it was still up before crashing for the night.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)04:06 No.16782874
    >One day he's gonna finally get too old for the witchgirls to take him in
    Haha, nope. If he keeps the mage act up, it can easily last him to retirement. Girls don't think a guy is unattractive just because he's older.
    How old is now, on that note?
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)04:07 No.16782884
    How does he come by money?
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)04:09 No.16782899

    What's wrong with drinking a glass of sake? I've done that before at home, re: filling up an old fashioned glass with Gekkeikan.
    >> Magus O'Grady 10/30/11(Sun)04:10 No.16782918
    cons it out of suckers, and takes odd jobs 'so he can help pay rent' for whomever he's crashing with, but never pays anything. Gets whichever brainless slut he's boning at the moment to 'lend' him money. Also steals from those he crashes with.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)04:15 No.16782974
    Ah, good deal.
    I respect this, and hope he reaches my coast soon.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)04:17 No.16782992
    Why the fuck would you respect that?
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)04:18 No.16783003
    He's an adventurer. His life is a goddamn story. Why wouldn't I respect that?
    >> Sciencezam Von Sciencestein !!eh0Fgi0FQSV 10/30/11(Sun)04:22 No.16783035
    It just seemed like a bad idea. A really, really bad idea.

    In a game where the players stole a mob boss's car and sunk it thousands of years in the past, cut through walls separating rooms to avoid guards in hallways, and (briefly) attempted to lead one-man assaults on a fortress with a technically infinite number of guards, that made it on to the bad idea list.

    Well, so did the fortress thing.
    >> Magus O'Grady 10/30/11(Sun)04:33 No.16783120
    It's not a sustainable pattern. Sooner or later, he'll run out of english-speaking idiots. There's no shortage of idiots on the planet, but he'll have to go elsewhere to find people willing to put up with him. All the best adventurers I've ever seen have had a retirement plan. an opt-out clause that sees them living the high life once the quests are finished and the gold is tallied. JCR has none. No plan, no future. It's really not going to last long.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)04:48 No.16783242
    No, he'll keep going west and end up becoming a venice beach bum. Not the worst end
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)04:57 No.16783299

    I dunno. There's a sucker born every minute, and honestly if he hit one coast on his wave of bullshit he can just head north to canada or something and do it all over again.

    That's the thing, his plan only fails if the human race stops supplying so many stupid people.

    He can't lose!
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)05:31 No.16783515
    Maybe he doesn't expect the system to allow that.

    What if he thinks he's playing Call of Cthulhu?

    Oh god, now I want to use him as an NPC in a CoC campaign.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)05:36 No.16783537
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    do it, then storytime it after every session.
    do it for John Cloudraven
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)05:38 No.16783541
    It'll take a while. We're starting with The Haunting and proceeding from there.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)05:38 No.16783545
    John Cloud Raven seems like something out of Unknown Armies to me, more than anything else.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)05:43 No.16783565
    John/Cloud/Raven storyteller guy here, just checking on the thread again.


    I doubt you're still monitoring, but I'll answer (late as fuck) anyway. From what I remember, John said he was descended from the people of Atlantis and that's where most of his latent magical energies came from. He did have two souls that were trapped within and battling for dominance or something, and he would tap into the evil one and alter his voice to sound more scary or something.

    He did ALWAYS wear sunglasses during the day to go with his Matrix trench coat and indoors if the lights were bright. I can't confirm the 1/3 angel 1/3 demon thing, I don't really remember, sorry. But yeah, according to him he wasn't human. Otherkin, I guess.


    Good to hear he's still leeching off of fat chicks, I find that hilarious. And I agree with you on the getting stabbed part, that's why I originally said I figured he'd be dead by now. I was actually present when he got jumped by three black guys one time. It's part of the reason why I think he believes some of the bullshit that he feeds to people, he really has no idea when he needs to shut the fuck up.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)05:46 No.16783573
    He's like a random encounter that lasts for months to years!
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)05:51 No.16783600
    >I was actually present when he got jumped by three black guys one time. It's part of the reason why I think he believes some of the bullshit that he feeds to people, he really has no idea when he needs to shut the fuck up.
    This story deserves to be told.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)05:52 No.16783605

    That's why I hung around him for years, there was always some completely crazy melodrama going on with him. It was like finding the holy grail of unintentional comedy. >>16782810 put it best, his whole way of doing business could be described as a scorched earth policy where he'd just draw people in, fuck them over as much as possible, burn every bridge he can and then move to the next group. I'm probably one of the longest "friends" he's ever had, mostly because I refused to ever give him money and just stuck around for the trollgasm.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)05:56 No.16783631
    REALLY? Huh!

    >> Magus O'Grady 10/30/11(Sun)05:58 No.16783650
    >I can't confirm the 1/3 angel 1/3 demon thing
    I think he was still spouting something similar to that when he was in Louisiana. That was 2009, by the way.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)06:07 No.16783715

    Unfortunately it's more of an anecdote than a story, but ok...

    >Raven and I are wandering around the city at 2 or 3 in the morning
    >Spots the three black dudes loitering in front of my high school
    >Goes over to say hi
    >Black guys tell him to fuck off or they're going to beat his ass
    >Raven says they don't know who they're messing with
    >Sure enough they jump him, remember years back when he said he was master of all styles
    >Master of all styles ultimate fighting technique is to drop to the ground and curl into a ball while they wail on him
    >"Fight" lasts maybe 20-30 seconds before they run off
    >Raven gets back up, pulls a "Yeah you better run!" type of thing
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)06:11 No.16783746
    Damn, it'd be a better story if he was actually a decent combatant, or at least tried. Oh well, I guess reality isn't always like that.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)06:16 No.16783788

    Sorry to disappoint, I'm just relaying things as they actually happened.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)06:18 No.16783799
    I know, it's no fault of yours. It's John Cloud Raven's fault for not being more interesting in this particular instance.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)06:26 No.16783840

    I can't really say he bitched out on that one, because honestly I don't think I would've fared much better against all three of them at once. Of course, I've never claimed to be an Atlantian primordial assassin thingamajig, either. Anyways, it's 6:30 in the morning here, so I think this is going to be my last post for the night (morning?). Glad everyone got a laugh.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)06:28 No.16783858
    Good night, sir. If this threads doesn't remain by tommorrow, I hope to see other tales of John Cloud Raven in future threads.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)11:02 No.16785293
    He's not a random encounter, he's obviously a DMPC.
    You know what this means, guys: we have to derail this campaign. We absolutely have to, or who knows where we'll end up.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)11:14 No.16785376
    Then I can experience the magic.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/11(Sun)13:20 No.16786391

    >Wandering the city with Street Fighter Kid, looking for any suspicious activity.
    >See a few darker fellows, decide to see if they know what's up.
    >They try to fight me.
    >I give them one warning, but they persist.
    >I decide to be lenient and let them beat on me, see if Street Fighter will intervene for an ally.
    >He does not. Disappointing, but not unexpected.
    > Let the men walk away. Their use has ended and to kill them would be meaningless.

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