You are a sentient magical item in the making. What are you?(Highest d100 roll is used.)
rolled 8 = 8breast pump.serious: coin equivalent to a penny
rolled 54 = 54Nose Ring
rolled 4 = 4baby carriage
rolled 14 = 14tuxedo
Do you want serious or silly suggestions?
rolled 70 = 70>>1657466788mm flak cannon.
rolled 65 = 65printing press
rolled 45 = 45A battle-axe forged in ice and tempered in tears.
rolled 77 = 77Pillow
rolled 34 = 34Codpiece of a magical suit of armor
rolled 64 = 64An ancient silver coin.
rolled 82 = 82tattoo gun
rolled 13 = 13>>16574712fuck I missed
rolled 88 = 88>>16574705Oh god THIS
rolled 92 = 92Spoon
rolled 95 = 95Sword of Rusting Grasp
>>16574721>rolled 88 = 88I like the way you roll.
rolled 35 = 35A cape
rolled 48 = 48I change my vote to a 88 cm flak cannon
rolled 30 = 30sentient socks
rolled 21 = 2188 cm flak cannon
rolled 14 = 14An unimportant-looking dagger
rolled 59 = 59>>16574705Gonna have to vote Flak cannon.
rolled 40 = 40A sentient, magical gorget.
rolled 25 = 25>>16574705Rollin for flak cannon
((Please stop rolling while I type up the next creation segment.))
rolled 32 = 32A pair of goggles
>>16574776YEAH, we're getting a cannon boys!
rolled 99 = 99There is only one correct answer to OP. You are an armoire.
>>16574794haha, dice agree with me. beat that motherfuckers
You are a simple longsword - though seemingly rusted at all times, you never fall apart or even dull. In fact, some say your strokes are even more painful for the fact of your corroded surface!>>16574765>>16574750>>16574735>>16574721>>16574705((SPECIAL ABILITY RESERVED - Cannon-type. ))Please choose and roll for a special magical ability in addition to your RESERVED ability.>>16574794((While your enthusiasm is appreciated, rolling after the agreed stopping point brings consummate penalties. RIVAL GENERATED.))
rolled 45 = 45>>16574813Rusts other metal objects on touch.
rolled 89 = 89>>16574813Infecting anyone we cut with a wasting disease where they slowly rust away.
rolled 17 = 17>>16574813Turn Women as a 20th Level Nerd three times per day.
rolled 81 = 81>>16574813Turns those it hits with true hearts into magical girls of justice. They now serve your in your army.
Nice Command Seal OP, in return Ultramarine Saber
rolled 38 = 38>>16574813We degrade any surface we touch. Metal rusts and corrodes like our own body, wood disintegrates, and flesh rots. Also, since I vote we're a kickass evil cursed item, that effect also extends out to the hand that wields us. The man that bears us will wither away but will not die, but slowly becomes a dried out husk whose only motivating force is our own desire to spread entropic decay to everything.
rolled 50 = 50Becomes stronger with every piece of metal it rusts
rolled 13 = 13>>16574813We fly and can attack under our own power.
rolled 21 = 21the ability to turn the user into an armoire
((Please stop rolling now, typing next segment.))
rolled 7 = 7The ability to turn anyone into a rust monster.
>>16574794The armoire of invincibility!Bane of adventurers with bad spelling and undergarment thieves!
>>16574829Your blade, mirroring the deterioration of its surface, acts to inflict the same pain upon mortal (And, some say, immortal!) flesh. Upon striking with the weapon, flesh begins to necrotize around the wound, and in hours, the limb is dead as the contaigion is carried over time to the rest of the body.However, like you, the afflicted never dies - in the end, they become a metallic, rusted skeleton covered in flaky skin, cursed with the same terrible pain you yourself carry.Roll for your cultural significance (1 is unknown to everyone, 100 is a religion-founding artifact. This does not affect power.)
rolled 47 = 47>>165749252
rolled 57 = 57>>16574925Here's hoping for religion.
rolled 12 = 12>>16574925Sounds awesome.
rolled 85 = 85>>16574925That is exactly the interpretation of that power in my head when a suggested it.
rolled 90 = 90
rolled 79 = 79>>16574925Sounds awesome.Is our number that we roll the number you take or are we supposed to choose it ourselves?
rolled 34 = 34>>16574925A religious prophet was murdered with this weapon.
rolled 90 = 90COME ON KINGSLAYER!
((Cease rolls now.))
>>16574965That's one happy eldtrich symbol.
>>16574958>>16574945Once there was a kingdom to the east. That is all that is inscribed within your final resting place - held in place by old, strong magics meant to cage you physically and mentally. Many-layered that they were, with hundreds of backups, protections, and millions of great enchanter's circles. Your jail is a massive structure - a magic circle so great it is in fact a building in and of itself. Your tomb sits on the eastern edge of the land that defeated your wielder and sealed you forevermore - a land of paladins and mages, a mystical powerhouse that knew no equal. The mountains were raised, filled with special metals, to cut you off from your former allies in the Rusted Kingdom, as it is now known. Once here was a kingdom, to the east. Your sentience waited for years. Decades. Centuries. Mortal magic is just that - and you knew in time things would change. You just had to wait. And so you did, in the tiny sphere of darkness left to you, forever and a half. Sometimes you played mental word games to pass the time. Sometimes you imagined whole worlds. Sometimes you schemed, but none of those old schemes mattered, for the world would change before you emerged. Wars would ravage the land, kingdoms would restore it, people would die. (Field too long)
rolled 93 = 93I can't wait anymore! Rolling for name.Xaver
Once there was a kingdom, to the east. You have awoken. The bindings around your sentience have fallen apart. You can see the world again! and it is dark. Dark and grey. You remember being placed here. It was bright. Colorful, even, with attuning crystals and mighty armored gaurdians. But now...Dust collects on old inscribings. Creatures or men have stolen the crystals. Light peeks in between cracks in the roof, and other cages nearby have already opened, or bent, or warped. Your abilities are as follows:CANNON: The gemstone in your handle gathers kinetic energy from the movements of your 'body'. In time, you can release all of this force in one direction, like a great cannon-shell.RUST DISEASE: >>16574925EGO: Representing your force of will, EGO is a single numerical stat. It rises as you maintain control, and falls as the situation leaves your influence. You may expend it for special actions, at my discretion.What do you do now?
>>16575106Can we move under our own power?
rolled 66 = 66>>16575106Swear to remember the SCP Kingdom who imprisoned us and then continue to wait for a daft adventurer to come along and find us.
Uh....Can we like, float around or something?
rolled 19 = 19>>16575106Well, if we just woke up, then the crystals must have been removed recently. Call to the poor, disenfranchised soul that did so, as any evil sword is expected to do. You have a kingdom to avenge.
rolled 62 = 62Wait for the next person to come then tempt them into taking you.
rolled 70 = 70>>16575148This. We can wait for a proper host to find us. They will come eventually.
>>16575124You focus your willpower, your strength... and find the simplest wards persist. Namely, you cannot move, unless removed. >>16575136The kingdom of Ultrex will know the pain of rust, you swear. However, to get back... You need...>>16575148A scion. Yes, looking out with your mind's eye, you feel one - young. Corruptable. Pitiably weak, but there. You could call out to him - it would be no effort. But what to say? The long years have made it difficult to interact with mortals once more...
rolled 30 = 30>>16575215"Hey! Listen!"
>>16575215Do not call for help. COMMAND the worm to serve his master. Promise power beyond imagining, but threaten neglect with dire consequences.
rolled 64 = 64>>16575233derp, forgot mah roll
rolled 27 = 27>>16575230Seconding this.
rolled 41 = 41>>16575215"Why, hello there..."
rolled 26 = 26>>16575215"We can give you the power you seek. All will crumble before our might... but only if your hand is that which wields us..."These mortals are so easily tempted by power. Make him feel special and bait him along with our promises of glory.
rolled 79 = 79>>16575215"Do you want to make a contract?"
rolled 81 = 81>>16575215Hello young one. Do not be afraid, I mean you no harm. My, my, you must be a desperate soul indeed to come here in search of treasure. I bet you've never known a hot meal, or a warm comfortable bed. Or, if you have, they were stolen from you!I could change that. We could change that! Free me, and I swear upon my peerless blade, I will make this world yours.
rolled 56 = 56>>16575269seconding this.
rolled 28 = 28>>16575215"Free sword! Absolutely not cursed. Double-promise."
rolled 98 = 98>>16575215"Why did the chicken cross the road?"a little humour might work...
>>16575310Of course the half-wit has to have the luck of the gods.
rolled 73 = 73>>16575215Oi! Prick!
rolled 14 = 14>>16575310No.
((I should have mentioned: Rolls will only be necessary if called for.))>>16575289You whisper out to the young one, who comes into view. And your first reaction, unbelievably, is one of pity. The boy must be twelve - at least - but he is small enough to appear four years younger. His limbs are weak with malnourishment, his skin, where it is visible beneath the many robes and cowls, is tanned dark and rough. He reminds you, in a strange way, of yourself. he stares at you."Kingdom-breaker." he mutters. "Nay, I must not touch you! You are curs-ed!" he says, staring upon you with fear. So much fear in his eyes, you notice, the way he slowly begins to step away. Such a reputation you've earned over the years...
rolled 28 = 28>>16575215Uh... Come over... wait, no, let me try again.Come forth, mortal, and become my champion!
rolled 32 = 32>>16575330>>16575322
rolled 76 = 76>>16575342>The boy must be twelveWe must be very weak indeed, for that is clearly a girl.What kind of sword would want to be touched by a boy all day?
rolled 22 = 22>>16575342No, that's my... cousin. I'm Kingdom... uh, Kingdom-Maker, we should hang out.
rolled 37 = 37>>16575342"Say, what have you been told about me?"
rolled 76 = 76>>16575342Cursed only by those who fear my power. Come now, I'm merely a sword, a tool to be used, think of what we could accomplish together.(Of course, the irony is that WE'RE the ones using HIM as a tool, but he doesn't need to know that yet, the peasant.)
>>16575342"I am not cursed more any then any other sword! Do you people really have any right to judge me? I've done nothing wrong! I did only what was commanded of me by my wielder, and for that I was vilified, locked away in this darkness for ages. Tell me boy, how long have I been here, forgotten in the dark? What year is it?Surly a boy like you can understand? After all, you look as though you've seen your share of dank, dark, holes."
rolled 23 = 23>>16575373This
rolled 6 = 6I want you to touch my cylindrical protrusion.
>>16575342Wealth. Fame. Power. I was once wielded by the man who had acquired everything in the world. You can be that man. Everything in this world can be yours.If only you find the courage to wield me.
rolled 25 = 25>>16575342"The flee coward. Go back to the filthy hovel you cam from, but remember, I'll be here waiting if you manage to scrounge up enough courage to be a man and wield me."haarrrrr
rolled 40 = 40>>16575342Dominate him with our EGGOS.
If you leave here, you'll be forever wonder what could have been.What could you acomplish wielding an artifact as powerful such as I am?WHO could you become, had you found the guts to hold me?So. Will you let this chance escape, or will you grasp your destiny with your own two hands?
rolled 64 = 64>>16575414Oh, was I supposed to roll for that?
rolled 87 = 87>>16575342I have a free chess set for the first nerd to UNLEASH ME FROM MY THRICE-DAMNED ANCIENT PRISON.
You take some time to consider your rebuttal. >>16575414>>Cursed only by those who fear my power. Come now, I'm merely a sword, a tool to be used, think of what we could accomplish together.He stares at you once more, stepping forward with care. "You promise not to hurt me?" he asks as he approaches. >>Of course. We understand one another, don't we? I've been locked away for so long, in the dark, in the cold. Surely you sympathize...He looks around - ah, he cannot reach you, quite. he pulls aside a old chair, standing upon it precariously. "Then... Then I want you to swear to me. That you won't hurt me. That you'll only hurt the ones I tell you!" he says, imperiously as his platform wobbles slightly.>>Let me ask you: What could you acomplish wielding an artifact as powerful such as I am?The boy's hesitance vanishes compeltely, and he grasps your hilt.NEW POWER: With the wards around you broken, you may now move slowly under your own power, with enough force to pull about ten pounds. This is enough to assist the boy in combat.
rolled 60 = 60>>16575479Hey, I rolled for a girl!
rolled 28 = 28>>16575479>>16575489Use our EGO to turn him into a girl.
>>16575479>>16575479Tell me boy. What is your hearts desire?
>>16575479Alas, I can not swear not to harm you, but that depends entirely on how careful you are. On touch of my blade is endless agony. But I promise not to harm you intentionally.
rolled 14 = 14>>16575479>>16575512Use our EGO to turn his heart's desire into being a girl.
>>16575479Wait, OP, if I understand correctly, we can never actually KILL someone, can we? All we can do is turn them into a rusted skeleton, right?
>>16575479Well we should leave the area before someone with actual influence comes along and realizes what we are (maybe we should replace our position with an actual rusty sword).
rolled 7 = 7>>16575505>>16575489why the hell not. ROLLING just to see what happens
>>16575513"But enough about me. What about you, tell me your name and I will carve it in the heavens! State your wish and I will lend you all of my power to make it so."
rolled 21 = 21>>16575526>>16575518>>16575505>28>14>7All the rolls are being halved, we should succeed based on that.
>>16575553You mean they're all being multiplied by 2.
rolled 1 = 1>>16575566No, 28 was first, then 14, then 7. They were halved, unless this is low-rolls.
>>16575523((It all depends on your attacks - if you only cut them once, for isntance, they won't die. But if you behead someone, oh yeah.))>>16575505>>16575489>>16575518>>16575526You focus the power that houses your essence, in a bit of fey thought, and magics slide into the young man. "What... What are you doing?!">>You wished to wield me, yes? Kingdom-Breaker can only be held by a woman's hand."You n-never told me that!" he cries out, his voice going into a higher pitch. "S-stop! STOP!">>I am sorry. Once the transformation begins...He drops to the ground, letting out a quiet cry of pain, which eventually cedes. He rises again. >>Now tell me, young lady:"I am not a lady! I am Diometricus!">>What do you wish?"... I want to be rich."
>>16575579>1The dice gods seem to hate you.
rolled 75 = 75>>16575591"Don't worry. If you decide to stop wielding me, I will undo the change."
>>16575591>"... I want to be rich.">Easy! Find someone rich, and kill them! Then find someone richer, and kill them too! Hack and slash your way to fortune! Whoo-hoo!!Don't actually say this, I just wanted to quote lilarcor.
rolled 61 = 61>>16575602Don't tell her that, she'll just drop us.These same powers you've been inflicted with will be yours to command, this magic is but a taste of the force you now hold.
>>16575591Well, I could suggest something based on you new condition, but that would be in poor taste. But this is an old, magic place. I'm sure were looking for something here that would make you rich beyond your wildest dreams. I'll see if I can remember any treasure vaults, shall I?"
rolled 37 = 37>>16575616Then tell him/her it's on a timer and we'll be able to undo it in two months. At the earliest.
>>16575591"I don't know many richer than queens and princesses... But those whom I did know to hold more wealth than THAT? They were adventurers."Let's do this thang! Villainously quest into the Kingdom of Rust, and seize what relics lie therein from its ruins! We shall use them to acquire power in the new world we now enter!
rolled 23 = 23>>16575628Tell her she's stuck like this forever, unless she feels like hanging out with us a while more. We'll share our power with her, but certainly not so soon.
God as my witness, this boy shall be a queen.
>>16575591First, let us get back to civilization. Then we'll see about making you rich. Shouldn't be too hard with our powers.Also, you should probably figure out how far will you go to acomplish your heart's desire.
Think of what could have been...
>> Oh, and I can certainly change you back!"Really!">>Only if you give up my power, in a few months. And even then, you wouldnt be able to be rich."Fine." she says, stowing you by sliding you into the straps on her back, "What do you suggest?">>I've known many who are rich. But none richer than adventurers."... I'm just a boy! You rexpect me to simply walk into the Kingdom of Rust and take whatever I want from the Tomb Lords?">>...No. But you were brave enough to unseal me, and god knows what else."They've destroyed all the intelligent artifacts. Or at least, I thought they did. One by one, public breaking.">>... But then..."Well, I could get a sizable amount for revealing you to the Paladins.">>!"...But then I'd be killed for stealing you, so there's that. Let's get back to Big Green first..." she says, making her way through meadows.((Okay, NOW I want some rolls. At least three d100s, please.))
rolled 99, 22, 56, 49, 68, 49, 36, 83, 1, 63 = 526At least 3?
rolled 48, 3, 89, 22, 31, 20, 94, 37, 37, 98, 22, 94, 44, 13, 36, 46, 4, 43, 69, 11, 43, 81, 51, 99, 92 = 1227>>16575712Okay?
rolled 63 = 63>>16575712"What. WHAT!? They killed all of them. Barbarians! Heathens! No good, dirty, rotten, cowards! WHAT KIND OF JUSTICE IS THAT? The least they could have done was given us a chance to fight back! "
rolled 39, 97, 84 = 220>>16575712Suggestion one: Convince her that our magic will kill her if she says shit about us to anyone. As far as anyone is concerned, we're just a family heirloom that's fallen into disuse.Suggestion two: Ask her how, if they killed all us artifacts, we're still around? There must be others like us to find and acquire.Suggestion three: Figure out if she's already taken everything else that could be useful around here. If not, look around more.
rolled 59, 54, 85 = 198>>16575752A hurr durr, sorry, first-time roller
rolled 28, 72, 26 = 126>>16575712oh boy
rolled 65, 98, 15 = 178>>16575712"Who or what is Big Green?"
rolled 53 = 53>>16575823Let's go for a display of power. Show our girl here just what she's got now, both to inspire and caution her.
>>16575823well we made such a big deal about ourselves, i say we risk it and show the girl what we can do. it'll enourage her to keep us close and not drop us in a sewer or something
rolled 50, 15, 6 = 71>>16575823We are not certain if our abilities are up to giant-slaying at the moment, given our long imprisonment and our crappy transgender loli wielder. Fall back!
rolled 68 = 68>>16575823"My friend, can you think of the treasure the giant must have! I tell you, hide now! Then, when the giant passes, follow him to his home, wait until he falls asleep, then cut him with me. Just the smallest cut will do, and he will be doomed! Then you will be free to come back and collect his treasure.
>>16575823Heh.If we win, that proves our power. If we lose, we get to be wielded by a female giant.Win/win
>>16575823Use the cannon on it. If it isn't charged, make him wave us around wildly until it is. "Shake me! Shake me as if your life depended on it as it most certainly does!" If the cannon doesn't work, flee.
>>16575882 hereIn case that wasn't clear, that was vote for FIGHT
rolled 12 = 12Ditch Dio and get the giant to wield us.
rolled 95 = 95>>16575894>>16575882No, we wasted too much EGO on getting her to be "her" to just lose her.
>>16575894A giant would not be so easy to influence. We want to avenge our kingdom, built a new one from the shes, then rule that one! To do that, we need Dio.Also, Doesn't Queen Dio just roll of the tongue.
>>16575883>>... Shake me."... What?">>Just do it! As if you life depends upon it. Because it does!She nods, pulling you free. Drawn for the first time, what a feeling. And... then she shakes you, hard. If you were man, you'd feel your brains rattle about in your skull, so instead, the world blurs disorientingly for a few minutes as the world shakes beneath Dio's feet. "This had better work, you rusted old piece of junk!">>It will! It will! just be careful not to drop me or something!You can feel a shadow fall over you. >>Ok... okay. Now just point me at the creature! Gem first! GEM first!She points. You release.((Roll 1d10000 for effect. Higher is better, best roll will be taken.))
rolled 5 = 5
rolled 5835 = 5835>>16575973AIM FOR THE EYES.
rolled 1 + 1 = 2Amidoinitrite.jpg
rolled 971 = 971>>16575973Aim for the heart.
rolled 28 = 28>>16575973
rolled 3691 = 3691>>16575973Aim for the groin!
rolled 2382 = 2382>>16575973>Roll 1d10000 for effect.I'm a firan' mah sword!
rolled 514 = 514>>16576006FUCK
rolled 5999 = 5999>>16575973Dickshot!Dickshot!
rolled 4534 = 4534>>16575973Roll for aggressive facial diplomacy.
rolled 6278 = 6278>>16576006>>165760251d10000, not 1d100 nor 1d1000.
rolled 4305 = 4305Unleash the fury on this giant! Aim for the chest!
rolled 7115 = 7115>>16575973Aim for the taint!
rolled 8507 = 8507>>16575973
rolled 3289 = 3289>>16575973>>16576016>>16576029Third.
rolled 4278 = 4278Fuck this giant!
rolled 9476 = 9476>>16575973Aim over the giant, shoot off into the distance and ditch both these idiots.
rolled 1373 = 1373rolllin
rolled 3386 = 3386>>16576016Seconded
rolled 8127 = 8127>>16576065NO, what the fuck did you do!?
rolled 5166 = 5166>>16576065Cut that shit out.
rolled 9314 = 9314>>16576065This better not be what wins. Derailing faggotry of the highest order.
rolled 8726 = 8726>>16576065No.
rolled 3586 = 3586>>16576111>>16576065Shit, so close to countering it.
rolled 2727 = 2727>>16576065Stop trying to do this shit!
rolled 8256 = 8256>>16576111Seconded.
rolled 6320 = 6320>>16576065Screw that, blast it so hard it gets amnesia.
rolled 6721 = 6721>>16575973>Loli shakes us until we're ready to blast>Aim for the face, duhNot hers, I guess, but anything else sees thematically inappropriate at this point. Blast our load on the giant.
rolled 2136 = 2136>>16576065fuck, Fuck, FUCK!
rolled 2051 = 2051>>16576065You're a terrible person.
rolled 405 = 405>>16576065I will hate you to death over the internet.
((For reference: 88 cm is 5000 ))>>16576065>>16576046((You'll note I said for power, not which suggestion. Hence, we're aiming for the head.))Oh god. This is a big one. You remember now: Your first and second owner, as well as yourself, never learned of the function. Your third did, but passed before he could use it. And now your most recent one just shook you up. >>GRIP ME"What?">>BOTH HANDS, AND MAKE SURE MY BLADE ISN'T POINTING AT YOU"... Okay?" she says, doing so, >>OH GOOD LORDThere is a loud, resounding thump. It's almost like an entire thunderstorm went off in one go. She doesn't quite manage to aim at the head, but... that's alright. The recoil sends you fliying from her hands, directly into a tree behind her. But even better is the effect on the giant. Everything from the centre of the chest up simply vanished, turned into red mist, and rest of it was blown back a few feet and up, to land with a resounding slam on the surrounding terrain. Dio falls to her knees and whimpers at the spectacle.
rolled 1548 = 1548>>16576065PISS!
rolled 2073 = 2073>>16576065Considering the near-universal opposition, can we nullify this just by popular vote instead of dice?
rolled 1982 = 1982>>16576065Stick with this if it does win, OP, please. But otherwise?>>16576035That. This is what I roll for.
>>16576159>mm, not cm. DERP
>>16576159Make ahegao face
rolled 625 = 625>>16576159Wait, shit, we don't even fly with the blast? >>16576065 here, I misunderstood.
>>16576159Schwerer gustav was my first pick, but I settled for an 88.
>>16576159Yes little Dio, Whimper. Do you need more proof than this? Do you still doubt the power of HOLY DIVER?Thought not. Now lets get that treasure while the gettings good, partner.
>>16576185A face face?>>16576159Well, see if we can get ourselves unstuck and float back to our wielder.
rolled 85 = 85>OH GOOD LORDthat cracked me up
>>16576205>A face face?Derp. Woops, my mistake.
rolled 82 = 82>>16576159Loot the giant, and see if our Chosen One here knows where the bastard lived so we can take his stuff.Then, ask her about Big Green.
rolled 7872 = 7872Ask if it was as good for her as it was for us.
Ask for a cig
>>Well then. Doubt me now, Dio?"N-no.">>Well don't just sit there, pull me out of this blasted tr-You realize a little late that your power works on wood and flesh, as you simply fall out, the tree rotting within to fall aside, blocking the road. >>Ah. Well, pick me up. We're not done yet. It starts to rain. Red rain. >>Ahahaha, I think I may have had a bit of a charge stored, there. Let's head back to his lair and get looting. "R-right.">>Now, who's Big Green?"He, uh. He keeps me safe. Keeps an eye on me."
rolled 92 = 92>>16576275The giant wasn't Big Green was it?I would find that amusing.
>>16576275"Yeah? Well not anymore he doesn't.""I was also lying about having to turn you into a girl, I'll change you back now."
>>16576275Oh, I had assumed you had know one. Well, he's going to be in for quite a surprise, isn't he?
>>16576314Stop trying to undo the only good decision /tg/ has made this whole quest.
>>16576275"Now, I may be a powerful artifact capable of things beyond imagining, but it'd still a good idea to train you in swordfighting. I AM after all, a Sword."
>>16576344We just blew a giant the fuck up!
>>16576275"You won your first fight, against a giant even! How doe sit feel?"
>>16576344Take your transgender fetish shit somewhere else, This "I want to be the little girls" shit makes every quest into "hurr I seduce him with my girly-bits durrhurr"
rolled 50 = 50>>16576314We made this bed (loli), and now we've got to lay in (with) it.>>16576275"Oh, does he? well, why don't you tell me more about him while we loot?"It may be prudent to leave for the Kingdom of Rust, or wherever our next destination is, WITHOUT alerting this kid's quasi-guardian hat he found a fabled evil artefact, was transformed into a girl, and plans to go on an adventure.
>>16576275Know where that giant lived? His stuff could help you greatly. While we go there or somewhere else, get filled in on the current political situation. We were gone for some time, need to find out our current foe.
>>16576275>>Well, after that, I think I rather do a better job.Dio remains silent as you follow the footprints. An eye lands in a nearby lake, splashing loudly. >>Well! You just killed a giant! Isn't that great?"I've... never killed anything before.">>...Nothing? Not even a meal?"Big green does that for me. He says he'll teach me, someday.">>Tell me about him."Well..." Dio gestures ineffectually. "He's big. And Green. And very strong. And nice. Has a big hammer. Talks about justice, a lot."
rolled 74 = 74>>16576396>Talks about justice, a lot.That could be trouble.
>>16576396Hey, that's great. He has a weapon, I'm a weapon. He loves justice, all I want is justice. He's green, I'm red. We complement each other!
>>16576396"Did you just say..a hammer?""You will not bring me near that abominable barbaric, infantile excuse for a weapon!"Seriously, fuck hammers.
>>16576396Oh great, a paladin, or worst, a paladin wannabe. "Hmm. I suggest you keep me a secret. It wouldn't be wise to invite undue suspicion."
rolled 48 = 48>>16576396Does he happen to be near here?
Well-meaning iron maiden
>>16576396Do we remember somebody, or some group that might fit that description?
>>16576444Yeah, we changed his charge's gender, and exploded a giant of some local nfamy. I think we're past that point. Let's just avoid him- he'll interfere with our own, far greater justice.
>>16576396"He's not a paladin, is he?"You should keep quiet about me; wouldn't want to answer too many awkward questions, right?"
rolled 94 = 94>>16576452>classy
>>16576396WAIT A MINUTE OP, I KNOW WHO THIS ISIS IT THAT JUSTICE ORC GUY FROM THAT NOBLEBRIGHT THREAD A FEW WEEKS AGO?
I'm sure the wielders ward won't notice that he is now a she... Right? Perhaps to go incogneto we might need to change our transgendered friend back, at least for now. How else could we talk our way out of someone who sounds like a paladin, judging from what the kid said, from the kingdom who put us in that hell hole?
>>16576396"Does he have trouble feeding you? You're.... rather slight."
>>16576473>>16576452>Pretty sure I've got this, what are the odds of someone beating 94 out of 100
>>16576396Just our luck, some do-gooder and our wielder is attached to them.When we get a chance to teach this kid swordsmanship,use the explainations to hide some more twisted morality we try to push on the kid."Well, it was you or the giant, and you still have so much to do with your mortality before you pass on."
rolled 39 = 39>>16576466>we changed his charge's genderYeah, we should probably figure out an explanation for this that doesn't reveal too much.How about "Bitch was pokin' ancient magic shit, what was she expecting; something magic did something magic"? Technically true, also.
rolled 54 = 54>>16574726>>16576499About 3/50.
>>16576500>use the explainations to hide some more twisted morality we try to push on the kidEh, we don't need to do that, it'd be best to find out what the kid believes in and work around that.Not all intelligent weapons have to corrupt the user y'know.
>>16576467>>He's... not a paladin, is he?"No... all the paladins died a while ago.">>Oh, that's just /terrible!/ (I didn't get to kill them myself!)"Yeah, now it's all Templars.">>...? Templars?"Yeah. They can't see evil like the Paladins do. So they have to, uh, investigate? Something like that." she says, climbing up some rather large steps. "But oh man, when they find something?" she laughs. "Shoulda seen what happened to Jameson! Caught him dine and dashing and the next thing you know, head-onna-pike.">>That's... rather grim."Yeah, Green can't feed me all that much, because his pay isn't so great, but he does what he can.">>... "Anyway, we're almost there."She stops at a large door. "Oh, by the Free Man's fingers, the big bastard shut it!"
rolled 60 = 60>>16576530Well, depending on how subtle we're being here we can just rot the lock.Alternatively, we probably have enough spare eggos to unlock the door with actual subtlety.
>>16576530I'm sorry, they executed a man? For dine and dashing? Wow...You know, I have worked for some real despots in my time, but none of us where ever that strict.Oh, just shove me in the door. It's made of wood, it'll melt. Tell him pixies stole it, or something like that.
>>16576530>>16576564Always spending our EGO the instant we have it.
>>16576530Just give the lock a small tap.
>>16576530Try not to scream "MAGICAL SUPER RUST MAGIC MAGICKY MAGIC MAGIC" and open the door with the greatest amount of subtlety we can muster.
>>16576569I don't think he'd listen. His ears probably haven't even hit the ground by now.OP, can we get some kind of canon meter telling us how much charge we have?
>>16576636If 75 was enough for a total physical overhaul of our wielder, I imagine 90 can get us through a door with quite a lot left over.Unless OP doesn't want us throwing EGO at everything every chance we get.
>>16576636((Right now it's a d1. You'll be notified on a digit-by-digit basis.))>>Just, ah... try to cut a hole, would you?>>Look for something organic..."The whole door is wood. Does that count?">>Yes, yes, just, shove me in there."Okay."You slide in as she pushes with a grunt, and you feel the door melt around you. Most excellent. She pulls you out and you stand back, watching as the door melts. It's probably best not to get in there early. "So... How am I gonna carry all this? All the gems are filling my bag... And Big Green wanted those for something special. Sounded important."
>>16576690The giant is already dead, we don't need to spend ego to open the door to his lair when we can just poke it and it'll melt.
>>16576530"Execution for a dine-and-dash? "I've worked for some real ball-busters in my time, but these Templars sound like they've got real sticks up their asses."Is the door made of wood?"Oh, the door? Just touch me to it. Anything organic I touch tends to...rust away."
>>16576704So, the gems had enough power to seal us, just what kind of shenanigans could this green fellow be up to?
>>16576704Can we use EGO to turn the loot-bag into a loot-bag of holding?
>>16576704>"So... How am I gonna carry all this?"Look for a blanket or something to wrap the most valuable stuff up in."
>>16576713That's not the giant's door, that's "Big Green's" door.
>>16576704"Well, it's not as if it's going anywhere. Take what you can carry to big green and then come back for the rest.Probably don't want to tell those Templar about it though. They'll probably tax you on it.
>>16576704For clarity, are we at the home of the dead giant or big green?
>>16576754((No no, no. It is the giant's door.))
>>16576770OH, still, perhaps we should try to keep our rather signature ability from being quite so obviously thrown around here. If this place gets found it could be quite a problem if our influence is easily identified.
>>16576704Wasn't she wearing excessive amounts of robes? Could use one of those as a holding thing, like tieing the arms to her shoulders and holding the bottom, and float about on our own for now since (I think) we're free to do so.
"Maybe you could leave me here to guard it until you come back. Then you and I are going to have a long talk about the state of the world."
Hmm... Perhaps the gems are an attempt to get back past power? Most likely though, it is just heavy and looks shiny so it might be worth a bit.Anyway, loot away! As for carrying the loot we get... We can move ten pounds, yes? Help out the poor la-girl I mean.
>>16576704"I'm cofnused... You want nothing more than to be rich, yet you are donating these mystic gems, which you secured at great risk to yourself, to the Templar?
So... No response for a bit. This thread dead already?
>>16576827>>You're just giving those gems away?"No... not exactly. I'm paying him back for beating away the mean men." >>Ah. Still, you could use one of these robes..."Yeah, I getcher." she mutters, as you float from the bindings as she peels off one layer, revealing that there's at least ten more beneath. She ties off the limbs and begins to scoop gold inside.
>>16576994Why are you wearing so many? Is it cold? I can't tell, being a sword and all.With me around, I doubt you've any need of protection. Point me at these "Mean men" and I'll send them to their maker.
>>16576704Big Green didnt kill the giant, we did. Adventurers take the valuables from the monsters they kill. After all, the monsters probably did the same and we cant track down the original owners, so they are ours. A swors has no use for money, so it is all yours. A fine haul for such a new adventurer, If I do say so myself. You must be destined for great things.Now that you have some money, perhaps you should get some food? You must be hungry after all that scavenging and running about.
>>16576994Ask what the lad... uh, what she means by "mean men". Preferably in a straightforward manner that involves no dancing or dodging the question.
>>16576994How much gold are we talking? I mean, keeping in mind value could have changed over time.Also: try to learn more about Dio and Big Green's repective beliefs. Learn how she feels about the dine-and-dash execution system of law and order, and whetehr Big green enforces this totalitarian bullshit. We may be evil, but that level of brutality is just pointless.Whatever they believe, make sure we spin our goals in the best direction to appeal to them.
>>16577067>>... What do you mean by Mean Men"Guys what don't care whether boy or girl." he mutters, "Jus' so long as they can't fight back. Always rich, always rude. I think that's all I can carry." she says, hefting it onto her back. It looks like about a thousand peices? It's still a hell of a windfall. >>What's your belief on this whole execution business?"I don't ask about it. I just follow the law, and they leave me alone. But then, the Law follows everyone, its how me and Green met. Some guy was lifting my robes, and Green saw. Next thing I know, the dumb sod's all over the alley." she sighs. "It was some noble. There was a hubbub, but it died down eventually. Green said something about a demotion, though. Whatever that is...">>Hm. You're exiting the Annex now.
>>16577114>It's still a hell of a windfall. Hide the rest, if possible.
>>16577114"We never allowed that sort of thing back when my old master was in charge. He may have been an evil, corrupt, lying, philandering, dictator, but we didn't allow that sort of thing.How is it that an evil sword gets sealed away, and the world goes even more to shit. I could rule better than this. YOU could rule better than this!
>16577073WE SHALL REBUILD OUR GLORIOUS KINGDOM OF RUST TO HELP THE DOWNTRODDEN, FEED THE POOR AND HOUSE THE HOMELESS. And, you know, kill all these lawful evil/hesitant lawful neutral templar bastards. They just have to be up to something. Get Dio to give us a sit-rep on the current nations/large groups like templars.i
>>16577170"......You could rule better than this. HA! Hahahahaheheheh. Why didn't I see it before? Child, do you know what you have done? You have pulled a magic sword from a stone! You our destined to rule this land! Don't question it, it's how it always goes. Don't worry, we have destiny on our side, we can't possibly lose. By my peerless blade you will be a ki..., quee.....Monarch, you will be a monarch!
>>16577114>>16577170"That's rough. In my day, no townsperson lived in fear of being arbitrarily assaulted by the hierarchy. Even in the leanest of times, the nobles knew the value of the commonfolk."
>>16577143It's not. It's a great huge mound of shiny crap, some coin, some bullion, some thrones, some cups... you get the idea. >>Shouldn't we secure it?"Eh. No one goes to the Annex anyway, after it was cleared out. Then the giant moved in, and that was that." >>Still, this... this barbaricness, it roils me. These overly draconian laws, that clear favoritisim. It's all so horrid. We're going to do something about it!"We?" she asks, cocking an eyebrow at your floating form. >>Yes, we! We are going to put someone competent in charge!"Like who? Me?">>Possibly."... All that sleep make you nuts, old blade?" >>Mmm. Perhaps I am growing ahead of myself..."Whatever. We just convert this dosh to Garrums, and call it done."
>>16577271Do you know how long I've been alone with my thoughts? I may very well be insane, but that dose not stop me from being right.But fine, we'll drop it for now. Let's cash in this coinage and, buy you something decent to wear.Something in red....
>>16577271yo, OP. You should probably start a new thread. This one is past bump limit.
>>16577313And food, can't very well be a respectable intelligent weapon and have an emaciated child as our bearer. We can fix one and we can wait on the other, besides training amd indoctrinating children would give us a better end result than some random 30 year old. We can mold this one to be our perfect holder.Get some nice town clothes that look nice and some unrestrictive clothing for training/combat/travel.
Time passes as you approach the city. ... this is not what you remember. Where once there was glistening towers of ivory, there is now squat turrets of stone. Where once sat beautiful homes of marble, there is now wood and rock and mud housing. Where once the roads were perfectly cobbled, now there is mudded paths bordered by filth. The kingdom you knew, the one that sealed you?It's gone. You're almost certain of it.END OF CHAPTER ONE((Alright, folks, can someone archive this? I've got a bed singing a siren song, here. List it under INFLUENCE.))
>>16577423How the HELL are thing worse off them when I was active!
Oh, to whoever archived before I did:You suck at archiving, and should never archive again. The tags are all wrong.You saved them as one long tag instead of putting a comma and space between each one.
>>16577658You'll have to get the site administrator's attention and ask him to do it. Very low chance of success. I've never seen any corrections ever occur. It'll just get deleted for incorrect tagging during the next purging.
>>16577691Oh boy. Can we re-archive a proper copy?
>>16577753Nope. The archiving program checks to see if the thread has already been archived, and rejects any changes to name, description, or tags. Attempting to re-archive only forces the archive program to check to see if there are any new posts and to archive them.
>>16577770Goddamnit archive-noob. Leave this stuff to the professionals!
So the first thread of this quest will just be messed up for archiving and eventually deleted? Sucks.
GOD DAMNIT YOU FUCKING FAGGOTSEVERY SINGLE QUESTEVERYSINGLEQUESTYOU ASK TO BE A FUCKING WOMANIF YOU WANT TO BE THE LITTLE GIRL SO MUCH GO OUTSIDE AND HAVE THE FUCKING OPERATIONSTOP BRINGING YOUR FUCKING SICK FANTASIES TO THE INTERNETWE COULD HAVE TURNED THIS KID INTO AN AWESOME FUCKING WARRIOR BUT NOOOOOOOO YOU FAGGOTS HAD TO TURN HIM INTO A GIRL CAUSE THAT'S SO ORIGINAL RIGHT?FUCK ALL OF YOUINB4 HOMOSEXUALS IN DENIAL BEING BUTTMAD
Not a problem, just make sure to link the first thread in the second, so people can find it when looking back.
>>16578077I wanted to be an anti aircraft gun...
This is still here?