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  • File : 1317088649.png-(2 KB, 348x62, dice probability.png)
    2 KB What is the worst possible /tg/ based movie? Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)21:57 No.16437223  
    So, since they decided to make a movie out of Rock'em Sock'em Robots, have already completely fucked over an attempt at a Dungeons and Dragons movie, ripped off Vampire the Masquerade for a cliche riddled "Underworld", etc. ad nausium:

    I am lead to this question: what traditional game would make the worst premise for a movie and give an example of the treatment: e.g.
    >Hungry Hungry Hippos based movie "Insatiable" directed by Michael Bay
    >fucktardedly huge hippos swim to the med and cause all sorts of destruction in Greece.
    >main hero is Shia Labeouf and the latest piece of eye-candy
    >turns out that Shia is descendant of Leonidas and Eye-Candy is from the last Oracle at Delphi
    >Titsplosions at the Parthenon
    >Shia kills mother hippo with a gladius made of depleted uranium and manly tears
    >fade to black
    >fade back in, show bubbles rising in random German bottomless lake
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:01 No.16437258
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    The Rock'em Sock'em Robots one looks vaguely interesting, though. Have you seen the Battleships trailer? THE ALIEN SHIPS FIRES PEGS.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:04 No.16437283
    MtG, someone else had this idea, but I'll do my best to paraphrase

    JACE works at a Hydroelectric dam, until an accident gives him power over WATER AND MIND ELECTRICITY, and he must save the world from the exKGB mastermind NIKOLA BORIS, but then ALIENS known as the ELDRAZI show up!

    Directed by Michael Bay, of course. Oh, and Chandra is just a redhead who shows that she's a "strong female character" by kicking Jace in the balls for no reason, all the time.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:05 No.16437292
    Are they red if they're on target and white if not?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:05 No.16437295
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    >Alien ships fire pegs

    My fucking face
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:06 No.16437303
    Wait. What the fuck? I thought you threw together a fucking shop. That shit's real. Dear Christ someone kill us all now...
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:07 No.16437310
    >Implying I wouldn't go to the midnight release of 'Insatiable'

    That sounds fucking amazing OP
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:08 No.16437319
    Call of Cthulhu by Bay
    - explosions everywhere
    - tits
    - product placement
    - American Army thumping cultist
    - American Army thumping horrors
    - American Army thumping awakened eldrtich abomination
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:10 No.16437347
    I would too...
    >hangs head
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:11 No.16437355
    That distribution...


    I took my qualifier exams in statistics two weeks ago, I still can barely sleep...
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:12 No.16437375
    >Intro screen
    >'One Mic' by Nas starts playing
    >Two pimps strutting down a street, sign shows 'States Avenue' - a passing car opens fire on them and they duck for cover
    >Rapid actions cuts of the pimps dealing with hookers, finding drugs in the back of a car, shooting and running, in a knifefight, and finally pointing handguns at each other on a rain-soaked rooftop
    >Pimp bails out of a taxicab as it goes speeding towards a street corner hotel
    >Comedically obese black gangster gapes at taxicab as we see the bomb on the underside
    >Hotel obliterated in a massive explosion
    >COMING 2012
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:13 No.16437385

    Are you implying that would be BAD?

    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:14 No.16437394
    Don't forget a ludicrous number of helicopters fly too close to the tentacled horrors and get knocked out of the sky
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:16 No.16437424
    The premise is fantastically ridiculous, although the execution seems to be nothing but well done. The trailer was missing some AC/DC at the end so I'm not entirely sure just how seriously they're taking themselves.

    It has Liam Neeson, Taylor Kitsch, Alexander Skarsgard and for some reason, Rihanna.

    The idea is aliens come down on a naval excercise. A) they seperate the ships from the rest of the world with a force field. B) Radar can't see the alien ships, but they can use it to see their ships and then the radar jams anyway.

    Honestly? I just want to hear Liam Neeson say "You sunk my battleship."

    The pegs are black with yellow stripes.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:18 No.16437446
    Heh, my head still hurts from trying to build it into excel...about to say fuck it and try with minitab.
    hehe, awesome. but you left out the zoom into from a helicopter shot of some fat old white guy sitting in a gaudy, rich ass corner office wearing a monocle, handing the random pimp guy 2 large, the pointing out of his office and yelling "go"
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:19 No.16437449
    >I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for co-ordinates, I can tell you I don't have any co-ordinates. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for aliens like you. If you let my fleet go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will sink your battleship.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:21 No.16437479
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    Holy shit I laughed
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:22 No.16437487
    >Honestly? I just want to hear Liam Neeson say "You sunk my battleship."

    What would make that scene fuckawesome would be if he was in communication with the aliens when he said it and then it started some "i'm going to seriously fuck your ass up" monologue like in Taken.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:22 No.16437493
    >you left out the zoom into from a helicopter shot of some fat old white guy sitting in a gaudy, rich ass corner office wearing a monocle, handing the random pimp guy 2 large, the pointing out of his office and yelling "go"
    True. I should also have included some scheme where the railways are used to smuggle drugs.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:23 No.16437499
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    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:25 No.16437520

    Not Rock em Sock em Robots.

    REAL STEEL is a non-faithful adaptation of a Twilight Zone episode; STEEL, in which a former boxer turned manager for a boxing robot, Steel Kelly (Lee Marvin), is on his last legs. He and his mechanic spent their last dime getting out to Kansas for the only match that would take their fighter, Battling Maxo, an absolute B2 who will be going up against a B5.

    Maxo hasn't been repaired in months due to their being no fights for an obsolete model, and even if they could get the money no one makes the parts for B2's anymore. Knowing that they'll only get the cash if the fight is good, and with Maxo breaking down, Steel, who has only been seen by the fight promoter, takes it on himself to pose as the robot Maxo and participate in the fight himself, to the protests of his mechanic and business partner.

    Steel gets beaten, jeered as an obsolete robot, and broken by the efficient and emotionless B5, while the audience members scream for his supposedly artificial blood and for the B-5 to 'kill him', even though they all 'know' that he's just a machine. It is safe pathos, the new American past-time.

    Only lasting two rounds, his mechanic collects the money - they were only given half by the management for it being such a bad fight - and no one besides the mechanic and him, lying beaten and defeated on the floor of the locker room, will ever know what he did - the courage he had.

    And they turned it into a movie about a little robot that could by copying the moves of the ex-boxer manager Wolverine.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:26 No.16437536
    Excel? Really? Oh dear.
    Get yourself access to SAS or R. Those are my packages of choice.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:29 No.16437562
    >Two kids a boy and a girl are sneaking through industrial steel corridors.
    >The children pass room after room filled with glass tubes and scientific equipment.
    >The boy whispers to the girl "This is it. Be quite as you can, you know what happens if he wakes up.
    >As the children sneak buy one last room a pair of red eyes suddenly illuminate, the camera pans over a metallic shoulder reading D.A.D.D.Y
    >The boy sees the eyes, "HE'S AWAKE!"
    >Disturbed's Down with the Sickness plays.
    >Quick shots of lasers, exploding buildings and a bionic man charging down a hallway.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:29 No.16437563
    Aw man? Seriously? The original premise sounds far more awesome, that really sucks.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:35 No.16437625
    I think I should be able to manage it in minitab (I hope so anyway), but I basically gave up on the excel version of it because the nice, simple, easy way of evaluating the binomial coefficient thing doesn't work for most of the values I was trying to look at (they resulted in division by zero all over the place)...

    I really need to learn minitab anyway...
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:37 No.16437640
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    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:40 No.16437665
    ...soooo what you're saying is that it's basically got more to do with rock'em sock'em robots?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:42 No.16437683
    Hollywood ran out of ideas, so they bought the rights to a ton of board games and stupid 80's toys in hopes of making shitty movies that will draw people in based off of name recognition.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:44 No.16437701
    uhh monopoly the movie is being made.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:49 No.16437734
    Damn, mousetrap would be better....
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:57 No.16437812

    I will only watch a monopoly movie if it is a docudrama about 19th century geolibertarians creating the game of monopoly in order to demonstrate the economic failures of land monopolization and spread political awareness and support for a land tax.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)23:08 No.16437897
    This begins playing, for suitable bleakness: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JA5rc4M-YrA
    >Settlers arriving on island
    >"We came here to start a new life..."
    > Children playing, farmers farming, lumberjacks lumberjacking, hexagons everywhere.
    >"But if we want to survive..."
    >People dying, empty homes and cities
    >"Well have to learn to trade..."
    >Ships coming in from off-island
    >"...and rob..."
    >"...And we'll need to ask one another..."

    >"Do you Catan?"
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)23:10 No.16437910
    Heh...wow. Didn't figure it would take this long. Props anon.
    >> Darth Itachi !!tNeHYqhngQr 09/26/11(Mon)23:11 No.16437915
    FATAL: the Movie
    >> The Inquisitor With No Name 09/26/11(Mon)23:18 No.16437954
    Thanks anon. Trying another one.

    >Soft guitar starts
    >"They wanted to play a game"
    >Dude #1: Come one, bro! It's only a list of one hundred! Half this stuff is on the internet!
    >"And for a while, they did"
    >Dude #2 and Girl: Alright, which ones do we cross out next?
    >Tempo builds, becomes bleaker
    >"But when did they stop playing the game..."
    >Dude #1: Okay, this is getting ridiculous!
    >Girl is spray painting, Dude #2 is in a fight
    >"And when did the game start playing them?"
    >Mom: This is too much, Morty!!!
    >Girl: I can't stop!

    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)23:22 No.16437992
    >Low key violin music plays as leaves blow across and old road.
    >The camera zooms moves up and throw the window of a hospital bed where we see a woman holding a baby.
    >Quick shots of that baby as a toddler, then a kid, then a teenager, then finally going off to college.
    >"Its been called charming."
    >Shot of the teenager laughing with some friends in college
    >Shot of a clearly aged version of the kid graduating, then getting a job, then at the wedding alter.
    >"You'll laugh, you'll cry."
    >Various shots of the kid, now middle aged going through various highs and lows in his life.
    >Quick aging sequence ending with him in a retirement home as the violin music pics up.
    >This February we all learn that nothing is ever simple in...
    >The Game of Life!
    >> The Inquisitor With No Name 09/26/11(Mon)23:24 No.16438016
    >From the author of "Gor"
    >Man lights torch in tunnel, starts wandering
    >And Koichi Kutsamoto, of "Tentacle Carnival 14"
    >Starts whimpering as he crosses the tunnel, audible sloshing.
    >He rounds a corner, light illuminates something behind him, unclear
    >All goes black, screaming starts, gore images flash

    >Kutsamoto's, From Another Time, Another Land

    Disturbing, unclear, and something that would only impress a 14 year old goth.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)23:34 No.16438096
    oh hell, and film it with a hand-held with bad exposure...wisps of fog randomly everywhere...and of course the one random shot of a dark puddle of water with water dropping into it...

    fucking money.

    If anyone wants to try, I'd love to see what someone with better writing chops than I would make of a Paranoia movie...
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)23:38 No.16438135
    oh oh oh oh oh...do it like the movie sliding doors:

    Interspace all of the cuts of good shit happening to main character with him dropping out of high school, and the other various "bad" things that can happen to him. Use those smash cuts with a quick zoom in/out to make it kinda bounce on the screen a little bit when transitioning between the good and bad and have the scratching sound of a needle being ripped across a record -- no music over the bad parts...
    >> The Inquisitor With No Name 09/26/11(Mon)23:40 No.16438160
    I don't pretend to have better writing chops than anyone, but give me a second and I'll cook something up.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)23:47 No.16438231
    Heh, in your humbleness you prove you're better than me.

    Seriously though, I jump straight to purple prose like a mofo -- but then again, I really, really love that kind of aurthorial masturbation. And I suck balls at comedy.
    >> The Inquisitor With No Name 09/26/11(Mon)23:50 No.16438253
    >"This summer! From the director of Moon!"
    >Single man wakes up in a vat. Red clothing lie next to it.
    >"And the studio that brought you Minority Report!!"
    >Man is fully dressed, walks into room full of other Reds
    >Red #1: Well?
    >Red #2: Sierra's moving fast, and nothing new from Frie-
    >Red #1, #3: Shit! *both run outside*
    >*woman in white is shooting other Reds, runs down the hall*
    >*Reds #1 and #3 have Ultraviolet cornered*

    >And remember Citizen! The Computer is your friend!
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)23:51 No.16438257
    Camera pans accross a fantasy kingdom
    They were supposed to save the world....
    >images flash of sacked cities, corpses, Fires
    protect it form the forces of darkness...
    >flashes of horrible creatures
    Instead... They destroyed it.
    >Flashes of Evil looking adventurers killing and looting, burning and "molesting"
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)23:54 No.16438278
    heh. Awesome. Thanks anon.

    This thread is making me want to watch Clue again.
    >> The Inquisitor With No Name 09/26/11(Mon)23:56 No.16438296
    True story: I do purple prose like my name is grimace. 4chan is quite literally the only place I can write with any kind of coherence.

    As for the Paranoia trailer, I wasn't exactly going for a comedy, although I could do that next. What I actually had in mind was.

    >Reds are fed up with hunting Sierras and Commies for a computer that kills them for fun
    >After their latest TPK, they find one of the near-mythical Ultraviolets
    >She's planning a mission to go kill The Computer, and has documents that prove she's not just crazy
    >They go (try) to kill Friend Computer.

    Based on a game I never got to run. therearenogroups.png
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)23:56 No.16438299
    Paranoia: the Movie. Directed by Terry Gilliam.
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)00:01 No.16438328
    If they actually embraced the whole farce aspect, I would watch the fuck out of PARANOIA
    >> Dysphoria 09/27/11(Tue)00:02 No.16438335

    Uhhh... you mean Brazil 2?
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)00:03 No.16438348
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)00:07 No.16438377
    Hollywood would fuck it up by having M. Night Shamallaladingdong rape it. The twist at the end would be:
    >it's all just some kid playing Sims
    >who is actually a video game being played by an alien
    >who is you

    But yeah, Gilliam? FUCK YES.
    I can feel you on the nogroups.jpg, but it's mainly because we have one munchkin in our group who can't understand that if there is any RPG where there is no "win teh game" it's Paranoia.
    >> The Inquisitor With No Name 09/27/11(Tue)00:08 No.16438386
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    Holy shit, that gave me an idea:

    >Typical village, middle of desert.
    >Villager to Elder: Sir, there's more. I don't know how, but Aisha swears by the Empres-
    >Elder: Then send out the men! I'm not your general...
    >Villager: There IS no general, sir! And no men either...
    >Elder: Then arm the women! Are they all in labor? No? Then they fight.
    >*Villager gives a shocked expression* And... the child- *explosions*
    >*Elder turns to Villager
    >Elder: Damn... DAMN!!!!

    More in a bit.
    [reposted with more fitting image]
    >> The Inquisitor With No Name 09/27/11(Tue)00:09 No.16438400
    Gives me an idea for terrible twist ending:
    "SUPRISE! Ultraviolet was testing your loyalty to FriendComputer!
    >> The Inquisitor With No Name 09/27/11(Tue)00:17 No.16438454
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    >*large hall. room is dominated by massive loom, drawing strings from the wall.*
    >*gathered around the loom are students, overseen by teacher*
    >Teacher: And so my pupils, this loom is the entirety of Fate, concentrated in the Quishmal area, of course! Imagine trying to-
    >Student #1: Sir, are all the strings supposed to be silver?
    >Teacher: Hmm? Why yes, of course.
    >Student #2: And do they ever hum?
    >Teacher: *getting annoyed* Only once in a while, but why do yo-
    >*third student rises, points to loom*
    >*single string is vibrating, and turns gold*

    >*cut to great Chinese-inspired palace*
    >*lone woman converses with blue bird*
    >Woman: Hmm? Why yes, I think he likes me too!
    >*second bird arrives. yellow bird*
    >Woman: Oh? Jeof, what are you doing here so ea-
    >*violent chirping, more birds arrive, all golden*
    >*rising* Woman: ... What?? That can't be....
    >*runs off* Woman: Milady!! The birds!! Listen to them!!
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)00:17 No.16438458
    >slow pan over the ocean
    >dissolve to submarine
    >voice over: "This summer...disaster will strike..."
    >sound effect: ping, crack, muffled boom
    >cut to propeller stopping
    >cut to interior bridge
    >voice over: "And only Captain Ranzwocket can save his ship..."
    >enter Peter Dinklage
    >voice over: "From it's crew."
    >cue wacky music
    >slapstick montage of little people crew breaking things, hitting each other, the Captain hitting them, crew fixing things, compartment flooding
    >dissolve to title "Red November"
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)00:18 No.16438465
    heh, and as is befitting PARANOIA, after the credits roll, it shows the UV in his private room:

    >wipes brow, heavy sigh
    "Phew, that was close. Next time Comrade Computer. Next time those Troubleshooters won't be able to save you".
    >> Inquisitorial Librarian 09/27/11(Tue)00:20 No.16438472
    Pan to a idyllic countryside. Birds are chirping, the air is sweet. Suddenly, a drumming is heard, acommpanied by a fife.
    Cannons boom and the rattle of musketry is heard in the distance.
    Calvary thunders past the screen, which is briefly obscured by the impact of cannon fire.
    Men in bright Red and Green uniforms march in wide lines towards each other.
    The halt at a couple hundred paces from each other and fire. They trade volleys until one side collapses and flees the battle.

    A title forms out of the mist.
    Risk, the Movie of World Domination.
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)00:21 No.16438480
    I'd definitely watch.
    >> The Inquisitor With No Name 09/27/11(Tue)00:24 No.16438506
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    >*back at desert town, children are running away from something*
    >*"something" turns out to be a small band of skeletons, led by fat, pallid man.*
    >*young man opens a door, steps outside with a spear*
    >Young Man: Hal! Get over in here!
    >*kids run inside. young man tries to fight off fat man*
    >*He fails, miserably.*

    >*The young man falls. The light hits him differently. It's not so different from how it hit him before, but it just somehow makes him look healthier...*

    >*He gets up, completely unscathed*
    >*Sees fat man leading warband*
    >*Young man gives a loud yell, and PUNCHES THAT GUY IN THE FUCKING FACE*

    >*huge dust cloud near village. Only the Young Man walks out*
    >*This appears on his back.*
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)00:25 No.16438517
    Brazil 2 (Paranoia)
    Somebody fund this
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)00:26 No.16438530
    >> The Inquisitor With No Name 09/27/11(Tue)00:28 No.16438555
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    Here's the last trailer:
    >*single Sidereal in an amphitheater, addressing other Sidereals and Dragon-blooded.*
    >"We tried to kill them all, we really did."
    >"We thought everything was just as planned"
    >"Now, we don't know if they're here to save us..."
    >"Or damn us..."

    >"All we know is that they've Exalted."
    >> The Inquisitor With No Name 09/27/11(Tue)00:29 No.16438562
    What do y'all think?
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)00:30 No.16438570
    DUUUUUDE! Work in Tom Hanks and you're a billionaire.
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)00:31 No.16438577
    >Darkness. Obligatory deep-voiced narrator speaks.
    >Shots of troops marching, drilling, fighting in trenches
    >Shot of map of Europe on parchment with a blood stain spreading across it
    >Shots of backroom deals, the poisoning and assassination of leaders, the killing of an officer by his men
    >Shot of a burning city, silhouettes of civilians being put to the sword
    >"THESE MEN"
    >Shot of an old, yellowed picture of a conference of leaders, which brightens as the camera zooms in and the men begin to move
    >Shot of a handshake between two leaders, immediate cut to a column of tanks rolling over trenches, accompanied by infantry
    >The Union Jack fades in. Letters rotate in, forming the title of the film. The flag burns. Fade to black.
    >> Inquisitorial Librarian 09/27/11(Tue)00:32 No.16438586
    Ooh... yeah...

    Now if only Mel Gibson hadn't gone completely off the deep end...
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)00:32 No.16438592
    I honestly don't know jack about exalted...
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)00:36 No.16438621
    Might have been a hard sell for him anyway, of course depending on how many British you let him kill.
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)00:37 No.16438636
    so...how fucked up will it be if we actually ended up seeing movie trailers exactly as described in here...
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)00:37 No.16438637
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    I was JUST thinking of an Exalted one. Totally saving that pic, too.

    >"They said his shoes were unworthy."
    >stirring of horses, mocking laughter of jerk bandits
    >camera pans to a man on his knees, head hung low so you can't see his face
    >rain begins to fall
    >"They said he was a fool for wearing them."
    >camera zooms to man, you can see a single tear from each eye slowly going down his face, before his blank face contorts in fury
    >we hear a thunderclap as the rain falls harder
    >"But those were no ordinary sandals..."
    >he says quietly "You have disgraced my footware."
    >laughter stops, noises of "huh?"
    >"...they were Iron Toes."
    >man leaps to his feet, begins beating the bandits up; in-between strikes we see a montage of the man's silhouette travelling to many different and amazing locales, standing before enormous mountains, hundreds of thousands of people, the great ocean, and staring down giant monstrosities
    >montage ends with man standing over bodies of the bandits. Close up of the dirt, then the man's sandaled foot stomping down

    >Directed by M. Night Shyamalan

    Probably won't make sense unless you know of the Iron Toes artifact in Exalted.
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)00:50 No.16438744
    coming from guy who did Chaotic evil:
    That was epic, you are a god among men... or a solar among mortals?
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)01:15 No.16439001
    >guy walks into hole-in-the-wall bar, bartender pours a shot of whiskey
    >taps begins playing
    >fade to closeup of US flag, where the stripes meet the blue field
    >Camera starts to zoom out slowly
    >audio: "Soldier, what happened out there?"
    >camera is zoomed out enough to tell your looking at a coffin with a flag draped over it
    >While the soldier is replying flash quick images of poorly lit combat, lots of yelling lots of shooting, end it with an image of a deep one approaching a soldier raising up his arm about to knock the hell out of him -- let that image linger for just a little bit longer than the rest
    >soldier replies, "Sir, like the report says, it was an ambush. A damn meat grinder. We didn't stand a chance."
    <<more to follow>>
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)01:16 No.16439007
    <<the more>>
    >go back to the slowly panning out camera view, you can now make out more than one coffin
    >other voice: "So these back-water, can't rub too sticks together tribals [on this word flash another image of the deep ones] managed to get the drop on one of our most high speed units and kill practically all of them?"
    >soldier: "Exactly that sir."
    >other guy: "hurmph, what about the bodies? Burned beyond recognition?"
    >cut to showing an obviously same guy as in bar earlier pouring gasoline over a bunch of bodies
    >soldier: "I couldn't say sir [at "sir", show the guy striking a match], I had retreated to attempt to arrange dustoff"
    >back to the bar, guy slams down his shot while the bartender is pouring his next one, the guy's phone goes off
    >camera zooms in to show the text on the camera's screen "honey, we still on for a night out at the opera?"
    >the guy tells the bartender to make it a double, slams it and starts walking out
    >fades to show a younger version of guy in civilian clothes giving his oath of enlistment: "protect the Constitution from all enemies [flash image of Deep Ones on the word "foreign"] foreign and [flash image of large conference table with a seal that says "Majestic 12" on it on "domestic"] domestic"
    >splash title: Delta Green
    >> DO I HEAR DELTA GREEN TRAILERS Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)01:18 No.16439033
    (Ironically, New Order's 'Slow Jam' plays quietly in the background throughout.)

    [Fade in and pan down from the sky to a street filled with police cars, cops with guns drawn. A car arrives, and authority-type people get out. Their jackets say FBI. As one takes off his sunglasses, we see it is Matt Damon.]

    Choose federal law enforcement.

    [We see a Spec Ops team (led by Eric Bana) moving 2-by-2 with pupose through a shot-up and ruined Fallujah mosque.]

    Choose the military.

    [A tech-type guy (Jason Lee) sits at a computer screen, wearing big headphones. He looks confused, and turns up the volume.]

    GUY: "What the ..."

    [Cut to a forensic scientist in a lab (Jill Hennessey, who's been typecast for the rest of her life). She looks at something through a microscope, and jumps back, startled.]

    Choose NASA or the CDC.

    [Matt Damon stands meekly in an office. His boss proceeds to chew him out.]

    Choose lying to your superiors.

    [Matt Damon cleans out his desk. You see him putting an FBI coffee mug in a box of his belongings.]

    Choose to ruin your career.

    [Jason Lee sits alone in a very empty apartment with the lights off.]

    Choose no friends.

    [Jill Hennessey argues with her husband, who promptly storms out of the house. She looks over at the couch and sees her 6-year-old daughter start to cry.]

    Choose divorce.

    [Eric Bana gets drunk by himself at a bar. There are booze bottles scattered in front of him.]

    Choose life through the bottom of a bottle.
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)01:19 No.16439041
    [From behind, we see four silhouetted figures in front of a burning farmhouse. It's probably our guys, but we can't tell for sure. Some of them have guns.]

    Choose destroying evidence and executing innocent people because they know too fucking much.

    [Our guys get kitted up in black SWAT gear with gas masks in the back of a van.]

    Choose black fatigues and matching gas masks.

    [Everyone loads cool-looking MP5s.]

    Choose an MP5 stolen from the CIA loaded with glasers, with a range of fucking attachments.

    (The chorus to 'Slow Jam' kicks in.)

    [We see our guys in a warehouse, in a gunfight with some horrific looking tentacled something. You know, like the thing at the end of Hellboy.]

    Choose blazing away at mind-numbing, sanity crushing things from beyond the stars, wondering whether you'd be better off stuffing the barrel in your own mouth.

    [We see Jason Lee reading a book. Everything slowly changes and warps around him, but as he looks up, it all snaps back to normal.]

    Choose the King in Yellow and waking up wondering who you are.

    [Matt Damon puts a Glock 9mm in his mouth. He might have been crying.]

    Choose a 9mm retirement plan.

    [We see a black-clad squad marching through the snow with purpose.]

    [Cut to an old man (Martin Sheen) in a bunker at a computer. We can see a name plaque on the desk that says "Fairfield". There's black and white photos of groups of men on the walls. The computer looks like it's doing some kind of encryption-thing.]

    [We see the squad get to a snow-covered bunker door. They look eeeevil. The leader of the squad (played by Christopher Walken) kicks open the door.]

    Choose going out with a bang at the end of it all, PGP-encrypting your last message down a securely laid cable as an NRO Delta wetworks squad busts through your door.
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)01:20 No.16439051
    [Everything goes black. All we see are muzzle flashes from automatic fire.]

    Choose one last Night at the Opera.

    Eric Bana • Matt Damon • Jill Hennessey • Jason Lee • Christopher Walken
    With Martin Sheen as Reginald Fairfield and Naveen Andrews as Stephen Alzis
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)01:22 No.16439070
    Could you imagine Liam Neeson's character from Taken being DG?
    >> Inquisitorial Librarian 09/27/11(Tue)01:24 No.16439095
    >Camera pans over dark misty flats.
    >Shapes loom out darkness.
    >A soldier in an obisdian tabard runs full tilt ahead yelling.
    >Another soldier slashes at him from the side.
    >A knight charges around and behind the enemy soldier.
    >A Seige Tower lumbers infront of him.
    > A Priest appears next from an angle to Seige tower and converts it.
    > An armored Queen arises from the fog and slays the priest.
    > A golden King watches the battle calmly.
    >The Camera pans above the fields of battle, revealing a checkered pattern.
    >Chess, The Movie.
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)01:24 No.16439100
    He's too much of a Brit. And I wouldn't want PISCES anywhere near him.
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)01:24 No.16439103
    How have they not made a movie about this yet? Seriously.
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)01:24 No.16439104
    Uwe Boll's In The Name of the King 2: Wraeththu Attack Vector F.A.T.A.L.

    I'll just let you imagine how that would play out now.
    >> The Inquisitor With No Name 09/27/11(Tue)01:26 No.16439128
    I refuse to live in a universe where this trailer isn't turned into a full movie, at one point or another.

    Thanks, heh.
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)01:26 No.16439129
    Die in a fire for putting that image in my head.

    I mean seriously, how the hell was that movie that bad? I mean it had a stable of actors who are usually pretty damn entertaining, the sets were decent, but fuck all it was terrible and painful.
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)01:30 No.16439160
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    A wizard did it.
    A German wizard.
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)01:34 No.16439205
    so what relation is he to Mengle?
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)01:37 No.16439229

    He's one of Mengele's many failed, imperfect clones of Hitler.
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)01:38 No.16439247
    Impossible, not even Hitler was that evil and vile. Uwe Boll must be a successful concentration of all Hitler's worst traits.
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)01:39 No.16439252
    Dude definitely missed Hitler's aesthetic sensibilities.
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)01:43 No.16439285

    Depends on your definition of "failed," I grant you.

    All of Mengele's Hitler-clones have a thing for ruining the arts forever.

    For example, Tommy Wiseau managed to get several million dollars to spend on The Room,just as Uwe manages to get John Rhys-Davies and Jason Statham and Tara Reid in his movies...

    ...but why all these Hitler-clones in the film industry? It's not like Hollywood presents a threat, everything's filmed in Canada anyways. Hell, Uwe's got Canadian citizenship...

    ...oh god, it's all making sense now, the Third Reich is conquering Canada.
    >> The Inquisitor With No Name 09/27/11(Tue)01:43 No.16439286
    So he's like "Essence of Hitler"?
    Shit, we could sell that at White Pride rallies and make enough to fund a few of these trailers, if only to get a decent studio to pick it up.
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)01:44 No.16439289
    you meant i.e., e.g. is meant form situations where you'd say "and so on" i.e. means for example.

    The more you know...
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)01:46 No.16439311
    *cue party music*

    Jim and Todd are two wacky stoner janitors at the Smithsonian. When a CRAAAAZY mix up happens and they accidentally switch phones with their boss. When Todd answers the call inviting them to a night at the opera, they decide they better go pick up the tickets.

    Two losers like them can't afford to lose their jobs, but they can lose...their minds! *insert record screeching to a halt sound effect*

    This summer, they didn't choose the military. They didn't choose law enforcement. They didn't choose to lie to their superiors.

    They just chose to get a little high.


    Starring Seth Rogen as Jim
    and Aziz Ansari as Todd
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)01:49 No.16439335
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    >ad nausium
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)01:50 No.16439350

    i.e. = id est = "it is"
    e.g. = "exempli gratia" = "free example"

    You fail lots
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)01:51 No.16439361
    actually no. You got that backwards. I said exactly what I meant.

    i.e. stands for the latin "id est" or "that is" it's used for clarifying comments
    e.g. is exempli gratia -- I forget the literal translation of that, but it's basically "free example" or something along those lines and is used when providing a specific example.
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)01:53 No.16439380
    I accept that correction and blame it on dyslexia (which is code for I suck balls at spelling).
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)01:56 No.16439407
    I hate to bring scorn on my region of the country and perpetuate stereotypes, but to play a little deeper into your conspiracy of supremacy, a lot of movies are starting to be filmed in the South...
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)01:56 No.16439411
    Don't mind if I do:

    >The song that plays is low and mournful.
    >Some of us...are not the same.
    >Flashcuts: a woman, sitting on a bed in a room lit by the light from the hall loads a pistol. A Goth girl, crazy hair and piercings, checks a grocery bag. A man sits hunched over a desk, his lamp and laptop the only walls against the dark. Another man lights his cigarette, and flicks the match through a window. The house lights up in flames.
    >Some of us have learned that the dark is not a safe place.
    >More cuts: Two bodies, struggling in sheets, a woman's cry. A man falls to his knees before a burning building. A door opens onto a child's room, the bed is empty, a voice calls "Caroline?". A door opens on a woman with a gun pointed at a man, the gun goes off.
    >Some of us
    >Are Awake
    >The music is no longer mournful, but begins building, to an eventual fever pitch.
    >A hobo mutters to the Man from the Laptop, "There are always more doors, if you're looking."
    >A door, seemly built at a 80 degree angle to the floor, opens up.
    >And for the Awake, there's only one place left.
    >A city that defies physics, logic, and ethics in a single panorama.
    >But no one said the city was safe.
    >Greyhound-like dogs with pin faces charge down a street, bounding over stalls and cars. The gun woman pulls her pistol, and fires...down? But the bullet, miraculously, hits the ground, splits, and ricochets into the guts of the two leading dogs.
    >The goth girl screams, and where the waves of her cry pass, people and hounds just fall down.
    >The man from the laptop looks at the hound leaping at him, and closes his eyes. Mere inches from his skin, the hound starts to vanish, as if leaping out of reality.
    >The man opens his eyes again, and we're in a throne room, and the thing that rises from the throne is pale, waxen, and wears an iron crown.
    >This Winter
    >Don't Rest Your Head.
    >> The Inquisitor With No Name 09/27/11(Tue)01:57 No.16439416
         File1317103057.jpg-(25 KB, 335x363, 1311303134275.jpg)
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    >mfw I don't know how to feel about this.
    >mfw I'm posting a random picture, and I have no clue if this is even a face.
    >> The Inquisitor With No Name 09/27/11(Tue)01:58 No.16439425
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)02:07 No.16439499

    Whhoops, forgot what we were doing.

    WORST MOVIE, gotcha.
    I call mulligan.

    >A placid suburban street.
    >You call them Neighbor.
    >A man ways to a passing car, the driver waves back.
    >Two women talking while their children play.
    >and friend.
    >Four guys sit down to a pre-football game set-up.
    >But the Beast
    >The street at night, strangely more sinister than you would think.
    >Calls them Servant.
    >A dog barks, and barks, and then a shadow falls over it. We hear a yelp.
    >This Summer, Trust No One
    >A man walks out to find the leash that held his dog to the house empty. He looks around.
    >For anyone might
    >We see the man looking, but through blinds, as if we are spying on him from another house.
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)02:18 No.16439591
    >child singing a lullaby softly
    >Voice-over guy: "In a world where knowledge is power,
    >old person (man?) from above and behind reading a very old book
    >"where people believe truth is the light that keeps the evils of darkness at bay
    >quick series of images of various Mythos baddies punctuated by a scream
    >screen goes black, camera slowly pans to a guttering candle, a very large and very alien shape can almost be made out in the background
    >"Mankind will soon learn there is knowledge best unknown
    >cuts back to old man, but from the front, he's babbling something...blood streaked from his eyes then back to the candle, lullaby gets shaky and louder
    >"There are things that are best kept in the dark, things that slumber and dream
    >a massive eye snaps open behind the candle right before it goes out

    >Call of Cthulhu
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)02:29 No.16439694
    Heh, no worries, either way is fine at this point.

    >start off with a woman in a cloak, tear stained, fetal position on the ground
    >http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F1FQqSGxBso starts playing
    >voice-over: "in a world where nothing is sacred, where basic rights are forfeit, one woman has had enough."
    >woman sobbs silently
    >"Taken advantage of and discarded, she comes of age in the most vile conflict imagined. What choice did she have?"
    >/Raped By A Dragon: a FATAL Movie/
    >> The Inquisitor With No Name 09/27/11(Tue)02:37 No.16439761
    Anyone have an idea for one they want to see done? I wanna do one more before heading off to bed.
    >> teka 09/27/11(Tue)02:40 No.16439791
    Eclipse Phase?
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)02:54 No.16439921

    >> The Inquisitor With No Name 09/27/11(Tue)03:01 No.16439976
    Well, I know next to shit about the setting, and the little I've read so far has turned me off to the setting completely, but here's my best shot.

    >This plays throughout: (youtu.be)/(qMQNYd5r3Qw?t1m) sans parenthesis
    >*derelicts float past the view*
    >*distant radio signals can be heard*
    >Radio #1: -his Firewall, Confirm your [static]
    >Radio #2: -surgent cases continue to be reported. The Nonah has commenced ferrying survi-
    >Radio #3: -like I said, it's madness, ma-

    (at 1:20)
    >Your mind is software. - Program it.
    >*lone person sits in a ship drifting towards the largest derelict*
    >*person unplugs jack from forearm, deactivates monitor and reclines in seat*

    >Your body is a shell. - Change it.
    >*person watches as humanoid probe exits airlock on far side of ship.*
    >*probe jets toward derelict. The name "Nonah" can be seen on side*

    >Death is a disease. - Cure it.
    >*probe sifts through wreckage, finds single hardrive and scans it*
    >*person on ship smiles. close up of her face reveals it is prosthetic*

    Extinction is approaching. - Fight it.
    >*far behind the Ship and Nonah, another craft activates. It begins approaching the Nonah.*
    >*person notices an alert on her monitor. breif moment of panic crosses her face and "Eclipse Phase" shows.*
    >> The Inquisitor With No Name 09/27/11(Tue)03:04 No.16439996
    How did I do? I had to do some research, but I had fun doing this.

    I know even less about RISUS, but here goes... (next post)
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)03:07 No.16440015
    >I know even less about RISUS

    That's because there's NOTHING TO KNOW

    I would be curious about a Dawn of Worlds movie though.
    >> The Inquisitor With No Name 09/27/11(Tue)03:09 No.16440030
    >Driving theme
    >*Guy (Zach Galafanikis) wakes up in the back of a taxi*
    >*taxi is speeding... somewhere*
    >*Guy rubs his head, and realizes he is wearing a class ring of some sort.*
    >*Next to him is an envelope*
    >*front of envelope reads "JUMP"*

    >*Camera pulls back to show taxi driving off partly built bridge*

    >*Guy successfully jumped out. You hear a woman cry out*
    >Woman: Hey Guy? You too?

    >> The Inquisitor With No Name 09/27/11(Tue)03:15 No.16440062
    >Laid-back theme.

    >*Hot girl wakes up in bed*
    >*Bras everywhere, no men.*
    >*Heavy implication that she's a lipstick lesbian living in New York*
    >*She walks to mirror*

    >*Our Heroine looks under bed, finds lone class ring. puts it on*
    >She realizes she is in Middle East, no where near her New York apartment.

    >> teka 09/27/11(Tue)03:15 No.16440064
    well, i like it.

    Seems like it would be a mid-summer release that promised to stick close to the source material, but ended up being forced into compromises that mean the resulting movie is mostly just Ok. Not able to spend quite enough time setting up atmosphere, it ends up feeling Generic Scifi.

    The two novelizations do well, but win no awards. A TV spinoff is considered and an early teaser pilot ends up leaked to great fan approval but nothing official is seen.
    >> The Inquisitor With No Name 09/27/11(Tue)03:19 No.16440095
    That's mostly world building, right? Not sure if I can do a trailer. I'd do the whole advertising for it as an ARG, though. Make a computer program that uses its rules, distribute it as research for a Liberal-arts college mythology department, and suddenly pull the plug. Track down the thousand or so best submissions, eliminate them through a scavenger hunt and the last hundred go to a screening for the movie itself.

    As for the movie itself:
    >It would be about God(s)
    >And they're tired of life
    >So they hand pick a few mortals to succeed them
    >And test them through world building.

    Shit, I know, but it's late and I'm sick.
    >> The Inquisitor With No Name 09/27/11(Tue)03:25 No.16440126
    Thanks man. Damn, that sounds terrible, haha.
    I'm gonna go ahead and archive this. Hopefully, something will come out of my screenwriter pipe-dreams, and I'll comeback to this thread in a few years and mine for ideas.

    Yes, I plan on thanking "The Elegant Gentlemen".


    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)03:31 No.16440145
    > completely fucked over an attempt at a Dungeons and Dragons movie
    The second D&D movie, while very low-budget, was actually pretty good.
    >> teka 09/27/11(Tue)03:41 No.16440210
    Don't worry, most of the real failures will be rightfully laid at the feet of the director, well, series of directors rotated in and out of the project. When finally released from any NDA or restriction from the studio, your slightly-defensive blog posts blossom into an examination of the screenwriting process from the inside and gets a fair bit of attention. This is how you score the writing role for the planned Series, before it gets shelved forever.

    The remaining bits of related writing gets hammered into a surprisingly respectable graphic novel series that carries your name (ok, not on the Cover, but you are on the inner page) and is published/digitally released by Transhuman.

    >one ok movie, involvement in a failed TV project and an ongoing graphic novel product.
    >better then most!

    >only time will tell if i am some sort of time-witch, revealing the future.
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)03:41 No.16440211
    >Peter Dinklage

    I don't know how /tg/ related it is but I would pay all of my money to see this made
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)04:18 No.16440461
    >"Doctor Doom is attempting to take over the American economy!"
    >Only one man has the smarts and wherewithal to save the U.S. market from being the mad doctor's latest conquest!
    >But he'll need the help of his team.
    >Fantastic Four Monopoly
    >Directed by the assclown who made FF2 the vile pustule on comic movies that it is.
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)04:19 No.16440466
    Witches are cool, man. I will shit bricks if this happens.

    Check back tomorrow anon. I'll hammer something out before work.

    >This is Iw/NN, by the way. Posting from phone.
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)12:12 No.16442854
    There was a 2nd DnD movie? I completely missed that. I just saw that campy retarded one from the 90s/early 00s (forget exactly when)...the one with the comic relief terribad black dude thief...
    >> pinkmawile !!BfgNt0j+IPD 09/27/11(Tue)12:16 No.16442881
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    All I can say is, have some Japanese company make a 'movie' based off of "Don't Wake Daddy"
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)12:27 No.16442936

    Here are some possible sources for someone to take to run with. Antler Island has great possibility as a romantic comedy. Blasphemy as a lovable loser. Pigeon Poop is, well, pigeon poop...
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)12:32 No.16442967
    Fuck you OP i liked the DnD movie.

    Although i diddn't understand the ending. Anyone care to explain?
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)12:33 No.16442970
    >(Ironically, New Order's 'Slow Jam' plays quietly in the background throughout.)

    I can't get enough of this
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)12:45 No.16443011

    Some more to jump on for those feeling inspired...
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)13:07 No.16443131

    >Game about optimising the number of people you send to the gas chambers.

    Massive hit in Poland and Israel!
    >> Anonymous 09/27/11(Tue)16:31 No.16444560
    bump to see if there's any new interest.

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