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  • File : 1317002664.jpg-(59 KB, 512x640, poster.jpg)
    59 KB Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)22:04 No.16425991  
    ITT those special little moments in tabletop rpgs

    >friend made a mad scientist for a 4e time traveling GURPS game.
    >Had disadvantage: destined to constantly encounter hostile versions of himself from other timelines.
    >Had disadvantage: compulsion to kill self whenever encountered
    >Half of his high tech items he had were stolen off future and past versions of himself from doomed timelines.

    During gameplay
    >I spot a future version of him while performing recon for the group.
    >Alert him
    >He immediately breaks cover, runs up, and vaporizes the alternate him
    >> Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)22:29 No.16426183
    Moar. I demand it.
    >> Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)22:39 No.16426270
    what if you had the same concept, but it was all hostile versions of yourself from the SAME timeline?

    now that's fucked up
    >> Indonesian Gentleman 09/25/11(Sun)22:41 No.16426300
    It would be settled with a raygun quickdraw duel. Are you the fastest draw in the quantum possibilities?
    >> Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)22:42 No.16426302
    It would be cool if sometimes the Alt version wins, in which case the player switches characters to the new him and replaces himself in the party. "You guys seem pretty cool, No wonder I hung out with you."
    >> Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)22:42 No.16426303

    >My character: a post apocalypse survivor who was a part of a gang that ensured that the world was suitably post apocalyptic.
    >That means no window went unbroken, and any small groups of subsistance farmers attempting to cultivate the land were rounded up, killed, and their food stolen, packaged into cans, and littered throughout abandoned bunkers and supermarkets. In fairness to the genre, it seemed

    >Mad scientist was heavily implied to have caused my apocalypse
    >My name was Thunk, my weapon was a bundle of rebar with concrete around it

    >Mission: Kill someone named Hitler. We were dropped in a german military base near Berlin
    >No one spoke German
    >Every social situation went downhill, and was then resolved by Thunk's club
    >People were beaten with the club until they spoke English
    >The functional equivalent of a barbarian was the group's social face.

    The game only lasted one session, of course.
    >> Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)22:43 No.16426322
    This was implied to have happened many times. The scientist's name was Dr. Omicron, though his raygun had an Alpha symbol on it.
    We had a plan that if he was ever killed, then his skill set would be randomized, his scientific expertise would change, and he would get a new symbol for a name
    >> Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)23:15 No.16426614
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    >Make a bear character in D&D 3.5
    >DM laughs
    >Make bear a rogue, put every point I can into disguise
    >Prestige class as a spy to get more disguise
    >DM says I can't speak english
    >Max out bluff
    >By growling and gesturing, I can fake speaking a language I don't speak (english)

    >use money to hire a butler NPC
    >Give him magical item to let him speak bear

    "An excellent suggestion, Mister Bearington. We really should ask the group to investigate the Black Marsh

    >Over the course of the game, be knighted as Sir Bearington
    >Queen holds a dinner in my honor.
    >A guest becomes the first man to ever make a perception check that can beat my disguise
    >Shouts out loud
    >Man is escorted out of the castle while the guards apologise profusely for the indignity
    "We're so sorry, Sir Bearington, very sorry for this man's behavior"
    "ROAR" *shrug*
    >> Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)23:18 No.16426643

    Holy. Shit.
    >> Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)23:18 No.16426644
    >Speaking English
    >> Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)23:19 No.16426655
    Fine. Basic. Whatever.
    >Implying Basic is any easier or harder for a bear to learn
    >> Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)23:20 No.16426660
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    >> Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)23:21 No.16426664
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    It's like you're trying really hard to hide the copy+pasta.
    >> Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)23:23 No.16426696
    I could not give less of a fuck what language we were speaking. We always called it English, whether the game world called it basic, common, or whatever.
    >> Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)23:24 No.16426704
    Who cares if he's copypastaing? It's not stale enough that I've seen it and the story is still awesome.
    >> Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)23:25 No.16426709
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    Common, not basic. But hell, excellent story.
    >> Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)23:29 No.16426753
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    It's not copy pasta, but the idea to make Mr. Bearington came from watching Chicken Boo on Animaniacs
    >> Duster !4kUgebheng 09/25/11(Sun)23:30 No.16426763
    "He's a giant chicken I tell ya."
    >> Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)23:33 No.16426799
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    screencapped for great justice
    >> Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)23:37 No.16426836
    o/` he wears a disguise to look like human guys, but he isn't a man, he's a BEAR o/`
    >> Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)23:39 No.16426857
    The best part is you ended up with a spymaster and a nobleman who was just a particularly clever bear.

    >International man of mystery~
    >> luffy316 09/25/11(Sun)23:45 No.16426890
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    >player has a 1/2 orc barbarian/bard
    >in kingdom where king's adviser is running an underground illegal slave trade
    >group splits up to gather further intel. bard marches up the front gates of the castle
    >proceeds to beat up the 3 guards before they can alert any others.
    >steals their clothes for form a tight but passable disguise as a guard
    >enters castle, passing by several check points with skillful bluffs
    >one last guardpost before the castle
    >"Figuring I'm basically inside at this point, I throw off my disguise. I look down, only to realize I wore nothing underneath but my warhammer. I pause, shrug and march up to the next set of guards
    >"Balthas Giggleberry DEMANDS to speak to the king!!"
    >shouts this while thrusting and posing explicitly
    >guards panic and don't care what his charisma is, he's a naked and armed half-orc in the palace. take a swing at him
    >Balthas holds his own until "Balthas Jr" is struck by a lucky shot by the guards
    >"....Balthas Giggleberry is not a man to run from a fight! But the situation demands it!' I grab my decapitated junk and leap out the nearest glass thing. Hopefully it's a window."
    >> Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)23:47 No.16426913
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    >Playing DH
    >After a long series of investigations track down the Logicians/Dark AdMech hiding in a ganger fortress
    >Huge battle with a rival gang helping the PCs, corner Logicians and their personal guard on the roof, firefight ensues
    >Gunship swooping in to pick up the badguys
    >Psyker in party tries to use unnatural aim to down one of the guards
    >Rolls a 9
    >Tech disable
    >Gunship has just reached the roof
    >Gunship falls on the Logicians and runs over the psykers legs as it skids across the roof and he fails to dive clear
    >Everyones faces when

    Best bossfight ever
    >> Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)23:53 No.16426952
    In relation to this, has anyone ever tried a group of nothing but Psykers?
    >> Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)23:54 No.16426967
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    >Fighting hordes of mindslaved menials
    >Librarian uses brain powers
    >Fucks it all to hell and back
    >Daemon Prince of Nurgle
    >Space Wolf Commander: "TAKE IT DOWN!"
    >Ultramarine Scout (me): "Orders received and understood."
    >10s. 10s everywhere.
    >One Shot Daemon Prince
    >"Target Eliminated."
    >And the greatest of them all are the Ultramarines
    >> Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)23:56 No.16426983
    I can't imagine that would last longer than one session. If the perils didn't kill them all, the fact that psykers are pretty much dead weight in combat for the first few ranks would
    >> Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)23:57 No.16426987
    >Now be very careful 007 this salmon is actually a cleverly disguised laser which will allow you to cut through any lock or rope
    >> Anonymous 09/25/11(Sun)23:59 No.16427014
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    D'OH HO HO. I love it.
    >> Painful Elegy 09/26/11(Mon)00:00 No.16427021
    >Playing 4e
    >In a low magic high xenophobia feudalistic setting
    >Am a human turned shade Knight
    >First session
    >traveling to get other character
    >passing the douchebag lord of house vayak, the shittiest lordship around
    >after paths cross, I say "what a vayak."
    >Lord hears me, insults me and says that this will not go unpunished
    >Enter alleyway
    >Encounter for evening
    >4 archers on the rooftop, 2 gladiators and an assassin
    >most are aiming for me until we start fighting.
    >We kill the archers, chase assassin off, and convince the gladiators to come work for us.
    >Out of character: "Those guys were sent by house vayak to kill me, weren't they?"
    >DM: "You don't know, it could have been a group of rogues for all you know.

    Second session:
    >Start session by finding out the hired gladiators have been assassinated
    >We start on a journey to a keep to tell them to get the fuck out.
    >we rest for the night, and halfway through I wake up, shocked.
    >knife in back, start combat stunned, bloodied, and losing 10 HP a round.
    >Others chase off the assassin and his henchmen, who were members of the crew we had taking care of non combat stuff for us.
    >I keep on spending surges to heal, bleeding increases from 10 to 20 to 30 to 40, each time reducing my surge count by 1 as well.
    >Die in the cart
    >wake up next day
    >Pissed as fuck, wanting the head of the head of house vayak on a platter and his lordship for me.
    >> Someone else. !!Qb2aRW+wCPO 09/26/11(Mon)00:02 No.16427035
    >Wake up
    Can't be very low magic...
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:03 No.16427051
    >Playing a fantasy game in GURPS
    >Being chased down on the high seas by a ship crewed by the dead and a necromancer.
    >The ship catches up and throws on boarding hooks
    >Me and fellow player promptly BOARD THEM
    >Because fuck them.
    >We pass zombie boarding party going the other way
    >The big bad head crew comes at us
    >First mate charges me
    >My character has a magic hand that does decay damage
    >Roll Critical. Roll Critical. Roll Critical. Roll critical
    >Cascading crits. All 4 were one attack.
    >90 damage to BBFM's face. In GURPS. A slight film is left where the head was.
    >GM laughs and turns to wizzard PC back on our ship
    >"Make a moral check. That scared the shit out of you."
    >Friend who boarded with me has every luck advantage. She humiliates other living crewman.
    >Necromancer looks at us, looks down at our cornered teammates on our boat.
    >"Sooooo, this never happened. Agreed?"

    >GM tells us later that we were supposed to loose hard over the next few sessions. We owned them in half of one.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:05 No.16427065
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    >Die in the cart
    >Wake up next day


    Also, it sounds like your GM had a hefty case of MAD going on. This story may seem cool, but from a GM's perspective it seems to be pretty clear he was gunning for a PC death.

    I mean, he's the poorest lord around, yet he has apparently infinite and highly trained assassins in his employ?

    I don't think so, Tim.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:05 No.16427070

    >Encounter for evening

    What the shit?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:07 No.16427091

    I did that a lot. At one point, I had the techmarine wire his auspex into my scout visor so I could aim by pheremone signatures.

    Those fucking tyranids had no goddamned idea what the fuck was going on.
    >> Painful Elegy 09/26/11(Mon)00:10 No.16427128
    Actually he was gunning for a character death, but that's what he gives fate points for. (I rolled my character straight through, no stat rearranging or point buy) so I get a fate point every level.

    Poorest lord, but the most ruthless. and He's still a lord, so he has a decent sized coffers.

    Also, it's technically the second time I've died. Session 0 was all about how I died when being possessed by a shade then exorcised.

    And it isn't so much as straight low magic as it is 'rare magic', as the world's backstory goes:

    >Antimagic goddess kills magic goddess
    >Kills rest of pantheon
    >Throws planet into far orbit cause she likes it cold
    >Goes crazy trying to be pantheon then leaves planet
    >Planet starts thawing
    >remnants of magic remain in some artifacts, but they're essentially uncontrollable forces
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:10 No.16427133
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    Some GMs (the lazy ones) will often impose a limit on the number of encounters per session, so they don't have to manage the combat on the NPC side as much.

    Other GMs (real GMs) allow action to be found organically within the game, and have no minimum or maximum number of encounters per session.
    >> Painful Elegy 09/26/11(Mon)00:11 No.16427143

    The large group we have tries to have each table get in one encounter an evening (usually lasts no longer than a quarter of the session) Does not mean there will be an encounter, just says there might.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:12 No.16427147
    >Create portal into the belly of a tarrasque. Portal empties most of it's stomach acids into a ravine.
    >Shoot it with arrows and throw explosives into it. Shit doesn't work.
    >Can't kill it, but it eventually starves to death because it can't digest food..
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:12 No.16427149

    I couldn't imagine placing a limit on the encounters for my players. So unnatural.
    >> Painful Elegy 09/26/11(Mon)00:14 No.16427173

    Oh, there is no maximum or minimum. That night just happened to have 1 encounter.

    Second session had 2 (The assassination and another involving some strange creatures)

    third had no true encounters (mostly preparation for a raid on the keep we were sent to tell them to get the fuck out of)
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:14 No.16427178
    >be playing 3.5 DnD
    >playing a fighter
    >party is high-enough level I am useless now, but DM is a bro and will let me re-roll
    >fighting evil wizard and waves of his mooks
    >being overwhelmed; turn to wizard:

    Me: "Oryn, you have to get in there and kill him - I've got these fools well in hand."
    Oryn: "I can't leave you here to die!"
    Me: "Only a wizard can kill a wizard! Do what has to be done and KILL HIM!"
    Oryn: "B-but -"
    >set my hand on his shoulder, look him square in the eye and say in my most fatherly voice:

    It became a meme with our group for a bit.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:16 No.16427191
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    >DM for the first time
    >Rogue gets the first stone key of two to get out of the locked room
    >Wallblade hits him
    >Asks if he can use his spider climb boots to get the next key to try to avoid the traps
    >Shrug and let him do so
    >Picks up the second key
    >Rolls a two on his dex save for the second wall blade
    >Roll a 19 on the hit for the trap
    >Point out he's on the wall so the blade isn't hitting him from the side like I planned
    >Takes 10 points up the ass
    > Really busy cleric that day.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:17 No.16427199
    >Beginning of new campaign shits
    >First dungeon
    >Enter forge room
    >3 people working on weapons, I stealth in and drag one to be interrogated
    >Steal his robe, (apparently its an enchanted version of a bag of holding as DM says)
    >3 of ushop in robe, one friend walks in disguised.
    >Other two don't notice, we make it to the end of the room and flank them.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:17 No.16427200
    >playing 3.5 d&d with a group of friends
    >by the time I ask to join, they've already been playing for a year and are 14th level, tell me to make a 12th level character
    >One of the characters (a guy's little brother, you know how it is with first time d&ders. . .) is named Grim Chaos, a wizard who uses only damage spells and is a total Munchkin.
    >for example, in the process of getting Ring of Shapeshift infinite times a day before we told him to fuck off
    >make 12th level paladin/shining sword of heironeaus because it looked cool (hah.)
    >build straight up burst, smite+power attack+leap strike etc etc etc, things to increase damage.
    >Talking to main bro about how I can make him the opposite of Grim Chaos
    >Eventually make Black paladin, complete with a possy, named Jovial Law, with a +6 Gold Chain of Charisma

    >munchkin gets mad
    >nobody cares
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:19 No.16427225

    Jovial Law. I am using the fuck out of that name.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:20 No.16427238
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    >Playing a gentlemanly, charming Rogue Trader
    >End up going Captain Ahab on a rapidly regenerating daemon whose skull alone is about the size of a house
    >Stab my way up its face, through its eye socket and into its head
    >Stab it in the mind (not brain. Mind.) with magical/archaeotech spear thingy
    >Climb out acting like my usual genial self
    >everyone including the Inquisitor who was along for the ride's face when
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:23 No.16427256
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    >Grim Chaos & Jovial Law
    You guys could make the most awesome rap group since DJ Phylactery and Drizzt Dro'Bizzt.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:24 No.16427260
    >In the game
    >"Alright so I say to Pat's charrie: Jovial Law, did you-"
    >(in best black voice I can do) "BOI DATS MAH SLAVE NAME"
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:30 No.16427305
    I recently joined a 3.5 D&D game acting as the bard to a party of a Knight, Warmage, Berserker, Healer and Shaper Psionic. Needless to say I was there for shits and giggles and being the last line of utilitarianism. I named him Gaeus of the Forgotten Road.

    At one point, we were kidnapped by dark dwarves and held captive under a mountain. Since we were on a big macguffin quest for a Psionic Guild, we were trying to be secretive, and since we refused to talk much, we were to be tortured for information, assuming our Shaper didn't talk first.

    The knight, being the party's de facto leader, gets the guards attention and tries to get some information from him about the situation. The dwarf just gets angrier and angrier until finally just numbing the knights legs to try and convince him to shut up, as well as to prevent him from any escape attempts. At this point, the knight invokes a fae contract he holds, summoning a Slaugh he had already sold himself into debt with and quickly signing a contract without reading it, so the monster will bring the group together again safe and sound so they can escape. After slaughtering the dwarf colony, the Slaugh brings back the Shaper, then leaves, having never promised to actually FREE us.

    It is at this point that I finally speak up.

    Me: So we're alone now?
    DM: Yes, you're all left in your cell, chained to the wall.
    Me: I'm gonna make an escape artist check. *After modifier, 25*
    DM: You all look over and see the bard as he announced 'This is getting boring' and slips his hands and legs out of the chains as though they aren't even locked.

    I then proceed to take my time unlocking everyone, berating the knight for a good 5 minutes about his stupidity in accepting help from the fae.

    The DM was laughing so hard that I even managed to get extra XP for it.
    >> Someone else. !!Qb2aRW+wCPO 09/26/11(Mon)00:30 No.16427307
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    Or Kap'n Bluddflagg and Maugan'Ra: Buddy Cops.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:36 No.16427346
    I'm saddened that I'm starting to forget all of my experiences. Here's a couple

    >Leap into combat as my Dwarven Fighter variant Berserker
    >Get surrounded, impaled, critically wounded, Berserk won't allow me to die until combat is over
    >Party Member in siege machine fires a fireball with me as the epicenter
    >Kills everything around me and me twice over
    >Combat target has switched to the living creature the siege machine is built into
    >I roll a new character
    >From then on every now and then we'd come across rumors a tireless raging madman rampaging the far kingdoms, for the moment his struggles end is the moment his life ends

    Another time I rolled a combat oriented Cleric and buffed myself to something like +9 Str and Large and wrestled an Ogre off a cliffside
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:40 No.16427371
    >I'm saddened that I'm starting to forget all of my experiences

    Keep a journal.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:42 No.16427386
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    >DMing for friends, they're all new to DnD
    >Investigating a necromantic cult
    >In a room filled with surgical instruments and a corpse
    >cultists are coming up the stairs
    >everyone hides behind crates, save for one player
    >"I want to hide inside the corpse"
    >rolls a natural 20
    >disembowels the corpse and hides inside a dead mans skin like Hannibal Lecter
    >my face
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:48 No.16427425
    >grimdark homebrew
    >Playing as SMITE EVULZ human pally
    >Vampirized by angry vampire guy
    >Silver sword through his face moments before I turn
    >can never touch my sword again
    >fallen pally, still fight alongside party, but only because of several enchantments and restrictions
    >can only go as full on mad as the cleric says so
    >claw, bite, and murder my way up to level 23
    >by then I have a hellhound grafted to my soul, drank the blood of 2000 some odd people, including other vampires
    >BBEG is a vampirized ogre
    >Wizard dies when he is thrown off a two hundred foot tower and then another 50 feet down a cliff
    >Fighter get pummeled, near death and bleeding out in an iron maiden
    >Theif just takes some loot and runs
    >cleric spamming spells
    >Im on roof of the tower fighting of ghouls
    >Cleric getting his shit kicked, gives me full access to my abilities for the first time
    >Come straitght down two floor by warping to shadow
    >Come into the room breathing hell fire
    >stab that fucker with a +7 bastard sword of undead bane and roll a one
    >I get smacked down to quarter health
    >Hit back with a natural 20, stacking roll, 20 again, then 16.
    >Dm: You stab him in the face, which spews green and red blood into the air looking like an exploding christmas tree. Oh, yeah hes dead, too."
    >Retrieve the bodies of the fighter and wizard.
    >Find theif. Cleric lets me kill him.

    Was a great way to end a session. We all died the next one though.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:51 No.16427448
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    That sounds AWESOME.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:51 No.16427449
    >In the first twenty minutes of the game we all figure out after a nice talk that a pearl is a missing piece of a macguffin statue we need to find and repair.
    >hours later at the end of the game, we enter a temple holding said statue, missing its eye.
    >BDF's player /genuinely/ shouts "Guys! I got it! The pearl is the eye!
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:55 No.16427485
    I love bards for this reason. Levity.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:57 No.16427499
    You know that backstory sounds really really awesome.

    Like a world not in blazing heat, or frigid ice, but like, the first week of spring where the snow is just thawing and you go out back and find your football iced over amidst chilled over blades of grass. And then you find out the football is full of magic.

    I may steal this setting.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)01:06 No.16427573
    >One of my first times gaming, I was young and rather, well, innocent.
    >At a tavern discussing battle plans. Waitress flirting with me the whole time.
    >I'm oblivious, shes just a nice girl.
    >Go to pay for a room for the night. Innkeep asks if there's "Any girl I'd like help me sleep?".
    >Point out nice waitress, thinking she'll just help me unpack or something innocent.
    >Innkeep frowns and insists I made a mistake, that's his daughter.
    >I insist she's the right girl, and that she's very lovely.
    >He lays a greataxe on the counter, saying I should reconsider.
    >I love weapons! Hey I'll show him mine. Draw my sword.
    >Bro catches up and instantly figures out whats going on.
    >Bro grabs me, apologizes to the Innkeep stating I've had one too many.
    >Leader comes from upstairs(away from table) just as SM describes my being dragged outside sword drawn.
    >Right as Leader opens the door after us he hears me get slapped.
    >but I didn't even drink anything!!
    >okay, Im drunk.
    >Leader just closes the door and leaves.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)01:08 No.16427583
    >aka "Am i cute ~uguu!"
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)01:08 No.16427590
    >And then you find out the football is full of magic.

    Is it just my imagination, or is there a movie like this?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)01:11 No.16427611
    >Level 2, clearing out a mine full of kobolds
    >Face off against their leader, who is a necromancer
    >Barbarian/Wizard throws a knife at him, scores a crit, stabs out his eye
    >Does it again the next turn
    >"The leader turns to you, glaring daggers..."

    And much laughter was had.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)01:14 No.16427648
    What's this about?
    >> Painful Elegy 09/26/11(Mon)01:15 No.16427658

    And then you bring your football inside, start messing with it for fun, and your house explodes.
    As for magic classes in the world, they weren't banned, but instead had to hybridize with psionics, as the magic is essentially psionic based (Though in general, those who train to become wizards are usually considered crazy, because magic is assumed to not exist).

    Also, there is a high density of wraiths out at night. Humans keep them at bay with runes, which are some of the only controllable magic left.

    Drow exist, they live inside glaciers, and they're treated with the same rank as Knights because they're known to be able to essentially screw over villages.

    Shades are usually exterminated on sight, but The higher ups know that they aren't demons and place them into training orders with Moles and make them Knight Errants.

    Some other magical species exist, but they are rare, and extremely dangerous (Looking at troll/orc/demon spawn that were bred by the people we're going to raid)
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)01:15 No.16427660
    >I search her bed. What do I find?
    eh... a pair of silk panties.
    >oh cool. I keep them
    wuh? okay.
    >Alright, let's loot her body. I trap check
    You trap check?
    >41, do I find any traps?
    What? You're checking a dead body. Um, fine. She had a penis. Check Success.

    Other player decides she no longer wants his/her panties anymore.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)01:18 No.16427688
    >GMing a Shadowrun game
    >Party making their escape from the yakuza in a stepvan
    >Samurai says he wants to be cool and flips up onto the roof, then starts blazing away with 2 pistols
    >Troll adept with a focus in melee clambers up after him
    >Troll gets shot and bear mentor spirit makes him rage
    >Says he's going to jump onto a yak car chasing them
    >Samurai jumps on trolls back for a ride
    >Troll botches the jump, goes about a meter, crash lands on some lady's car in the next lane
    >Samurai falls off
    >Gets hit by yaks, manages to hold on to roof
    >Stabs his sword in the roof and starts cutting a hole
    >Driver shakes him off, starts to get away
    >Samurai takes aim, kills driver with one shot
    >Sits down in median for a smoke at 1 health left
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)01:18 No.16427690
    Gaeus has basically become not only an incredibly good Jack of All Trades, he's basically the face of the party at this point since between him and the shaper, there's about zero tact.

    The shaper has caused fistfights over her honor, and Gaeus has managed to make friends with an Orc Druid based on the fact that he slept with an Orc Princess to save his own skin...and out of curiosity.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)01:21 No.16427722
    >Fighting two necromancers and a creepy little girl wizard.
    >Girl is losing badly, decides she's going to escape.
    >Begins to cast a spell
    >Party member lets everyone know she's about to turn into a flock of doves and leave the fight
    >I start barreling straight at her, jump into the air, and pin her child body to the ground with my sword.
    >This kills her, and I spit on the corpse.

    "That'l show you to try and turn into birds."
    >> Walker 09/26/11(Mon)01:24 No.16427748
    >I kill a little girl that was running away and spit on her corpse
    >Then I say a bad one liner
    I mean, you could have at least made a pun.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)01:26 No.16427762
    >Pathfinder game
    >Playing a human fighter, role play a giant tall red headed Irishman
    >We have a donkey cart to carry all our miscellaneous equipment
    >When we arrive in one town GM informs us that in the morning that someone stole our cart during the night
    >We go the guards and before the party face has a chance to talk and report I start yelling

    "Some wanker came in the night and stole me ass! Me and the lads were just sleeping and someone took it! Who goes and defiles the sanctity of a man's ass in the night like that! At least put a fight up in their face if yer plannin' on taking their ass!"

    >I cannot remember exactly what I said, but I was in the zone and went on like that for about 2 minutes
    >GM can't look away because I've locked eye with him, everyone else around the table clutching their ears screaming in pain and horror

    I had fun.
    >> Buzzclaw 09/26/11(Mon)01:26 No.16427765
    I accidentally a monster girl pic
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)01:27 No.16427774
    The 12th level Paladin, Kelso?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)01:33 No.16427826
    >Homebrew Cyberpunk game
    >We're ex-military mercenaries zooming about space fighting peoples' land wars and undercover ops for them
    >Get involved in Space Balkans right in the middle of a three way tech war between Cyborgs, Pure Humans, and Posthuman androids
    >Pure Humans get their shit blockaded by Space America and the Space UN because they're downloading cyborgs and androids into "Hell Programs" that torture the mind for a million subjective years and then delete it
    >Pure Humans kidnap some Peace Corps kids and hold them hostage until the blockade is opened
    >We get called in to try and free the kids since we're not military and our actions can be disavowed if we fuck up
    >We fuck up
    >Held at gunpoint by a bunch of Space Serbs
    >"Alright, we surrender."

    Three rounds of full auto fire later, we're dead as Caesar Chavez's radio host career. Our new wave of characters are a lot more cautious about the jobs they take.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)01:34 No.16427831
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    >captured by dark jedi?
    >it is mutiny time
    >gunslinger uncommitted to mutiny hesitates 2 rounds while the face takes brunt of damage
    >gunslinger finally commits to shooting
    >in 2 rounds, kills 2 npc allies through multiple natural 1s
    >"I see Darth Oops is strong in the clumsy side of the force"
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)02:07 No.16428118
    Well? Don't leave us hanging, so what happened to him?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)02:07 No.16428120
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    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)02:13 No.16428170
    Well you can't stop there. How badly did the Guardsman die?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)02:13 No.16428177
    >DMing Dark Heresy
    >"DEAMONS ON THE SHIP!!!!" session
    >Party kills most of the deamons
    >Tech-priest corners the last one in the air lock and closes the door behind him.
    >Tech-Priest plans to jestison the air-lock
    >This happens:

    Deamon: Wait Priest! You don't have to do this! Spare me and I'll make sure my lords grant you great power! Wealth! influence! Whatever you wish!

    >Tech priest pauses

    Deamon: Beyond your wildest dream!!!
    Priest: Wealth?
    Deamon: More gold than on Terra itself!
    Priest: Hmm.... interesting
    Deamon: And all you have to do is kneel before my dark gods!
    Priest: Ah... I see... Well, here, can these "dark gods" help me breath in the void?
    Priest: HA-HA MINE CAN!!!!

    >Tech-Priest slams the Jetison button, launching them both into the void
    >Tech-priest is picked up by the ship 10 minutes later, perfectly fine with his "Void-safety" bionics and still laughing
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)02:17 No.16428217
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    Give that man my compliments
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)02:47 No.16428489
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    >Strang arrived in the Warp with the equipment I deemed to be part of his persona, part of what made Strang who he was
    >He arrived with power armor and a god damn heavy bolter, both of which his character actually had
    >I roll for the hit location of each round during a full auto attack instead of using the normal method, one of my house rules
    >This is before I know how daemon princes or greater daemons are stat'd out in Black Crusade, so I give Gyru 80 wounds, a 73 weapons skill, and a 56 agility
    >Next turn, Gyru lightning attacks and I roll abominably. Strang manages to dodge the one hit I rolled
    >Strang's turn comes up
    >NATURAL 03
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)03:18 No.16428742
    >post-apoc game amidst two warring factions
    >wander into town devastated by recent battle
    >seemingly no survivors
    >investigate intact building
    >old couple hiding upstairs
    >old couple asks us to leave with shotgun
    >bro wants supplies
    >watch bro in horror as he chucks grenade through building, blowing up old farts and supplies
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)03:21 No.16428765
    Why does a daemon care about going into space?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)03:30 No.16428834
    because it would be trapped in the vacuum until it is send back to the warp.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)03:48 No.16428936
    And that sucks.
    >> FAGGOT 09/26/11(Mon)05:39 No.16429675
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    this needs bumpage, it's fucking awesome
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)05:43 No.16429697
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    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)06:49 No.16430178
    >Blood Angels Devastator
    >Heavy Flamer
    >Jumped by Genestealer in narrow hallway
    >Can't fire without toasting party
    >"I punch it."
    >slug genestealer in the fucking face
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)07:15 No.16430279
    >Playing D&D Encounters as "Uthgarr the Barbarian", the giant 8'2" hunk of stupid with like a +13 to strength checks at level one.
    >Enter a bar, have to leave my weapons in a chest. The inn keeper has the key on his belt.
    > Uthgarr, smart man that he is, attempts to use the chest that the weapons are in as an improvised weapon.
    > Chest is bolted to the floor - roll a Nat 20.
    > Rip up the chest, including a portion of the floor and the wall, and proceed to bludgeon people to death with it.
    > Kill two men in simple bar fight. DM laughs his ass off.
    > Directly after the fight, things fall out of the chest as I move to put it down.
    > The chest was not locked.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)07:29 No.16430336
    >Playing Mutant, a Swedish game
    >I'm huge rabbit, no brain, all muscles
    >Giant robot terroizing the village
    >Hunt after robot (running fast as a motherfucker, the others get behind)
    >The others plan to defeat the robot and sell the parts, but I don't know that
    >I find the robot's "nest". It's an abandoned army base
    >I get in there, and find the ammo storage
    >I just happen to have some old pieces of dynamite on me
    >Ignite, throw and run
    >Get out, see my friends
    >Typical throw ourself forwards while the whole thing explodes-scene
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)07:51 No.16430469
    This happened just the other day.
    >Me and a friend get into a dispute in game about killing a town of elves or not.
    >He's an asshole elf, I'm a weak hero complex bard
    >I say that that we have clear evidence of evil doing
    >he doesn't care hes not about to kill a town of his own people.
    >so he pushes me down with a pushing spell
    >my friend the minotaur says he wont have me dying because then he wont have any one to sing with
    >minotaur misses his first attack
    >I use sound magic on the elf making him only able to speak gibberish so he cant cast spells
    >I keep it going for several turns but I faint due to using up all my fatigue by casting the spell over and over
    >The minotaur misses all his attacks some how
    >elf kills him with a single fire ball
    >I wake on the ground with the elf spreading my butt cheeks with his knees
    >he puts his palm on my anus and casts a fire ball.
    We were all dying of laughter out of game of course. no hard feelings, and with 2/3 party members dead the campaign ended.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)07:52 No.16430478
    how to not play dark heresy, by you.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)08:04 No.16430535

    Go on, explain what I did wrong.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)08:07 No.16430556
    not grimdark enough
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)08:11 No.16430572
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    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)08:12 No.16430579
    Just as a preface to this story: 3.5 DM allowed really cheap resurrections as long as the surviving party members could bring the body back to a priest.

    >Me (Dwarven Fighter) and a half orc barbarian are walking through a cave that tunnels through a small mountain
    >Pretty tame, only a couple minor encounters, nothing to really worry about.
    >Almost at the end of the tunnel. I'm taking point when the DM tells me to make a reflex test. 2.
    >ground suddenly opens up and I fall into a spiked pit. I landed badly and one of the spikes pierced right through my leg.
    >Spike is barbed, so I have to break off the end before I can slide my leg out.
    >Make strength test. Shouldn't be a problem. I grab the tip of the spike with both hands and start pulling back. 1.
    >Grip slips and I end up slamming backwards. Spike pierces my gut, luckily missing my lungs.
    >*Cough* Grab the torso-spike with my right hand and try to snap it off. 2.
    >Right hand slips off and slams against the wall. Spike pierces the forearm.
    >Glare down the forearm and torso spikes, starting to weaken from blood loss. Try to snap the torso spike again with my left hand. 1.
    >Left hand slips and the arm slams against the wall. Spike goes right through the middle of the hand.
    >Groan weakly and pass out
    >Barbarian has been watching this entire series of events with a growing look of horror on his face.
    >"I'm not going down there." Barbarian walks off as I bleed to death.
    >Have to make new character

    Worst place to get a series of bad rolls EVER.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)08:27 No.16430678
    It's fucking ridiculous man
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)08:34 No.16430721

    Gotta agree. You threaten the inquisitor? He shoots you in the face. Doesn't even break his fucking stride.
    >> Nephanim 09/26/11(Mon)08:36 No.16430730
    The problem is that the DM didn't understand how "burning a fate point to survive" works...

    You still apply all damage, and follow all critical effects except for death. Burning a fate point to survive a daemonhoast doesn't result in you getting up unharmed ready to quip about how you just survived. It results in your mangled and burnt body being found by an apothecary just in time to hook it to life support, giving the chance for a full recovery with enough augmetics.

    Of course, this is a bad on the part of the DM, and a common one at that, as the rules are written so vaguely there that it's open to interpretation.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)08:37 No.16430733

    Fellowship said differently. Deal with it.
    >> Nephanim 09/26/11(Mon)08:38 No.16430738
    Oh, yeah, also that, Many Inquisitors are shitty at their jobs, and totally blow away entire cadres of acolytes that are stupid enough to call them out on it.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)08:39 No.16430742

    Inquestion says even more different. You die like a bitch. The second you open your mouth, to say shit to him, he caps you. You don't get a word in.

    I hate to say it, but....badwrongfun.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)08:39 No.16430743
    That is amazing. I hope it really happened.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)08:41 No.16430759

    Just like all commissars always shoot everyone for minor infractions, right?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)08:44 No.16430773

    An Inquisitor can NOT be question, can not hesitate, can not EVER have his authority compromised. The second that happens, the rest will eat his ass alive.

    Situation's not the same, bro.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)08:44 No.16430778

    >It is impossible to talk anyone down, ever, because we generally assume it can't be done
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)08:47 No.16430795
    Yeah, if I was DMing and a player abused the "burn a fate point to survive" rule to kill something they shouldn't by rights be able to kill, I'd screw them pretty hard for that. That's metagaming at its utter worst. What's next, you're gonna strap a nuke to your chest and suicide bomb a daemon prince, then burn a fate point to survive it?

    And disrespecting an Insquisitor? Death. If he's feeling very, very forgiving, he might just mind-wipe you.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)08:49 No.16430808

    Except he was, and he did. He lost his cool and possibly doomed a world.

    He brought me on to the team because I can do more than carry a gun. He could have requisitioned any of the local feral world clowns to do that job. He knew who he was recruiting.

    He got exactly what he asked for. He was a limp wristed inquisitor, anyway. He'd deferred to my command several times before because he was an administrator, not a soldier.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)08:50 No.16430820

    It was the boss. It's not something you're not going to be able to kill, and cooking off ammo is not akin to a nuclear weapon.

    >Using fate points as intended is abuse

    Cool story, bro.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)08:55 No.16430849
    I think you guys are actually going to easy on him. He didn't "disrespect the inquisitor" he "Threatened to GUN DOWN the inquisitor" any GM who doesn't straight up have the inquisitor murder the pc for THREATENING TO KILL HIM is doing it wrong. Inquisitors are by neccesity paranoid. An inquisitor does not keep someone close to them if they think there's even a chance they'll betray him.You're expendable, he's not.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)08:56 No.16430851
    I see the problem here.
    There is no such thing. Only certain people ever get to become Inquisitors. They need the iron will, the drive to succeed at all costs, and the nerve to do ANYTHING it takes to enforce the Emperor's law. As he is an embodiment of the will of the Imperium until found guilty by his PEERS (key word there), he IS NEVER WRONG.
    If you walk into a room and he's fucking a baby's severed head, you had better not dare question him, because, odds are, he's trying to lure a Slaaneshi cultist into the open so he can kill them.
    Being an Inquisitor is a cut-throat job as well. Your fellow inquisitors are always looking to bump you off. Anyone who shows weakness is gotten rid of somehow, because that weakness is how Chaos, Xenos, and all other threats to the Imperium get in. If you can't stand up to your fellow men, how can they expect you to handle an Exterminatus order? How can they expect you to resist letting that one crying cultist with five children go? THEY CAN'T.
    Their world is a black and white one. White gets to live. Black gets shot. Make sure you stay in the white.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)08:57 No.16430863
    >>16430733 Fellowship said differently. Deal with it.

    Your guardsman threatened to kill an Inquisitor for executing an enemy of the Imperium, and your GM let you make a fucking fellowship roll to make the INQUISITOR back down?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)08:57 No.16430866

    He'd already ceded the point that he'd compromised the mission. I didn't put a gun to his head, but once he admits that he fucked up, he can't claim divine right any more.

    In fact, that's why he stopped accompanying us for the latter half of the campaign. The entire module was designed around his failings as an inquisitor. It was fucking written that way.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:00 No.16430877
    ITT: Neckbeards derail a good thread by enforcing a painfully narrow interpretation of the fluff

    Some inquisitors use daemons and hop around the galaxy with rogue traders who have goddamned orks on their crews. There is no mold they are all cut from.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:00 No.16430882

    Killing the daemonhost isn't the problem here (Ok, maybe a little bit, but not the main problem), it's that the guardsman killed it by holding a bomb to its face and detonating it. While it was in his hand. then walking away without much of a problem. That is not how fate points are intended to be used.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:01 No.16430886
    So Matt Ward writes modules now?
    Because that is terrible and goes against every other bit of canon I've read.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:02 No.16430890
    >He was a limp wristed inquisitor, anyway. He'd deferred to my command several times before because he was an administrator, not a soldier.

    Oh christ, I didn't think I was still capable of the level of pure NERDRAGE I'm feeling right now. This is like... This is like a low-level Adept bitchslapping a Space Marine until he cried, with the only explanation being: "For a Space Marine, he was kind of a pussy".
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:03 No.16430894

    It was an ammo pouch on a sling. He was holding the strap at arm's length, facing away from him, and shot it with a laspistol.

    Good god, just take a fucking story about how a guardsman succeeded by doing something other than hitting it with a stick.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:03 No.16430895

    ...That actually sounds pretty rad.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:06 No.16430914
    Yeah, and you know why?
    They have NO doubt that they are in control at all times. If the rogue trader gets caught doing any of the same shit bad enough, that same inquisitor will kill him, because he's not trustworthy enough to handle it.
    The Inquissitor sees it this way:
    "If I have a Daemonhost under my command, it's because I'm not wasting my time with a psyker because he'll eventually turn into one of these at the worst possible moment anyways. I'm cutting out they middleman AND keeping us all safe. Oh, so that guardsman once shook hands with a psyker that became a Daemonhost five years later? Purge! He could have been infected!"
    >> Nephanim 09/26/11(Mon)09:08 No.16430924
    Yeah, your GM was doing it wrong all over the damn place.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:10 No.16430936

    ...and, as stated, I had convinced him that he had fucked up and DONE HARM to the GOOD OF THE IMPERIUM. It was a discussion, not a yelling match, in his private quarters. He'd brought me on to handle the team and the investigation. I asked him to let me do my job and told him to not get in the way. He hired me. He came to get ME. If he wants me to do it, he needs to get the fuck out of the way. If he wants to lead, I'll follow, without question, but he's sending mixed signals and mucking up the investigation. If it reaches the point where he endangers the mission, I'll have no choice.

    It was a conversation. Not everything in 40k is screaming and shooting.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:11 No.16430940

    >GM doing it wrong
    >Reading the module straight from the book

    Not the GM's fault, bro. That would be you getting mad at fluff.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:13 No.16430953
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    >Not everything in 40k is screaming and shooting.
    You're right. Sometimes it's screaming and pointing. But it is never Inquisitors being told off by guardsmen
    >> Nephanim 09/26/11(Mon)09:13 No.16430955
    >Good god, just take a fucking story about how a guardsman succeeded by doing something other than hitting it with a stick.

    That's not what he's complaining about. He's complaining about how the guard set off an explosive in his hand, then got caught in arm's reach of the exploding daemon and was unharmed, hopped back up and tossed out a final word like he's Buggs Bunny or some shit.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:15 No.16430966

    The exploding demon did approximately no damage to anyone. He basically just shot it's head off.

    Chill the fuck out.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:16 No.16430974
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    >Humans interacting like actual people?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:16 No.16430982
    >Herr Derr, I want to reinvent the fluff and make it kawaii desu ne.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:16 No.16430983
    >>Playing 3.5 full orc fighter
    >>something like 20 str
    >>random encounter with a frost giant
    >>party wizard and druid both buff me for massive str and large
    >>grapple giant to death by ripping his beard off and beating him with it

    and not a single fuck was given that day
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:19 No.16430993

    Aww, and I was hoping you would tell the story of a giant-vs-PC arm-wrestling contest.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:19 No.16430997
    >>16430936 He hired me. He came to get ME. If he wants me to do it, he needs to get the fuck out of the way

    You do not understand the difference in rank. This is like a medieval serf threatening to kill the King. It doesn't matter if the King realizes he has done something wrong, the peasant is still getting tortured to death simply for the disrespect.

    You and the Inquisitor are not equals. He is not simply your employer. His word is the word of the Emperor.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:20 No.16431001
    The Inquisitor altered the deal. Pray he does not alter it further.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:21 No.16431003

    You idiot, he is taking the fluff directly from the book. As in, you are literally trying to rewrite fluff while taking the stance that somebody else is trying to rewrite the fluff.

    And that's terrible.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:23 No.16431009

    Thank you! The whole point of the module was that the inquisitor is an incompetent fuckup and that the acolytes have to figure out a way to get rid of him so they can actually save the planet.

    I actually pulled it off without killing him.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:24 No.16431016
    That would be like convincing a fire to stay burning without fuel.
    Inquisitors are a special type of person. IRL, we call them douchebags. The same people who rise to the top of the corporate ladder on the backs of his peers, cheat on their mistress with their mistress's daughter while his wife makes dinner at home, and parks in four spaces at once because he has a hummer and can't be bothered to make it fit in the damn square.
    Rationality has no place in this mindset. They do the things that they want without regard for repercussions. The ONLY thing that stops them is when their fuckups threaten their way of life, and then they use the same tactics to get out of it.
    Now, imagine that instead of doing this for themselves, they do it for God. That is close to how an Inquisitor acts.
    As long as they do no lasting harm to the Imperium, they're able to rationalize every mistake they made. Even if they didn't, they would never admit it was a mistake because they'd be executed for treason by other Inquisitors. An Inquisitor who fucks up is scrutinized for any sign of heresy, and sometimes they execute him anyway just to be sure. They can always find another.
    If dooming a world keeps the greater Imperium safe, he'd do it. In a second. He's probably done it a few times before. It's called Exterminatus, and it's only used as a last resort because if they used it every time, the Imperium would be small indeed. I'm sure some Inquisitors use it at every opportunity, because that way you don't have to deal with complications like confirming a body or upkeeping a cadre of acolytes. If he isn't okay with that, he wouldn't have been able to be an Inquisitor, plain and simple.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:24 No.16431017
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    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:25 No.16431022
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    >>2e playing dwarf paladin
    >>party has to cross a river
    >>nobody took swimming as a skill
    >>failed swim checks. failed swim checks everywhere
    >>I take empty booze bottle and suck air out of it while walking along the bottom of the river, picking up incapped party members

    never tell a dwarf he's wasting gold on his booze
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:26 No.16431029

    Seriously? Nobody else is going to point out that pathetically obvious attempt at samefagging? Your posts even follow the same basic pattern. At least put some effort into varying your sentence structure.

    Anyway, point us to this mysterious module that has incompetent, emo Inquisitors who can be bossed around by guardsmen.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:26 No.16431030

    I'm curious, did the module tell the pc to mouth off to the inquisitor and threaten to kill him? and if so, how was that conveyed to the player?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:28 No.16431036
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    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:28 No.16431039
    >I'm sure some Inquisitors use it at every opportunity

    Once again, you are directly contradicting written fluff, which states that exterminatus hardy ever happens and is only used for the most extreme of cases, and even when overrun by xenos or descended into Chaos it is still usually left just in case it can be retaken.

    Your rant about Inquisitors is also worthless, as the way the Inquisitor behaved is taken directly from written fluff.

    You argument is full trash.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:29 No.16431040
    Then your GM handled it wrong. The Inquisitor would not have backed down. The options are:
    A: Shoot him before he shoots you.
    B: Kill him in a sneaky way.
    C: Get proof (false or not) that he is a heretic and send it to another Inquisitor.
    D: Give him false information to lead him away from the mission, then perform one of the above because when he finds out you lied, he's going to murder you.
    You aren't even a person to him. You are a tool. An unreliable, faulty, horrible tool, but the only one that can do the task he needs to accomplish. Any sign that you are breaking down, and he'll toss you in the trash and find another that WON'T backtalk him.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:30 No.16431043

    Ultramarines omnibus has an inquisitor just like that. He even lies to the ultras and exterminatus' a world while they're off trying to save it.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:30 No.16431044

    This may be the greatest campaign story I've ever read.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:31 No.16431047
    In a universe composed of hundreds of thousands of planets, even a 1% Exterminatus rate is a thousand planets. It happens.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:32 No.16431050

    Do not use things like math or circumstance. It will only confuse and anger the grognard.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:32 No.16431051

    That's different. That was to prevent a hive fleet from consuming the world's biomass. Or am I thinking of the wrong inquisitor? I don't recall the inquisitor in the first book exterminatus-ing anything. I actually remember him being quite the bro
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:37 No.16431066
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:38 No.16431073
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    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:41 No.16431086

    People aren't criticizing you because they're grognards arguing over fluff minutae, they're criticizing you because your stories boil down to:

    > I threatened to kill someone of vastly higher rank than me who, by the fluff, should have killed me instantly, but the GM took pity on me and made him back down.
    > I set off an explosion in my hand to kill a very powerful enemy, and the explosion didn't harm me because I metagamed like a douche.

    Neither of those are awesome moments, they're moments when you were acting like That Guy.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:43 No.16431090
    Yeah, this thread turned so bad that I got over my procrastination and went back to doing my university assignment.

    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:44 No.16431094


    I'm going to stop caps locking now, and you should to. Neither of us are Mr Rage
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:48 No.16431110

    Gasp! Jesus Christ, man!

    I can't help it. The amount of STOP LIKING WHAT I DON'T LIKE faggotry in this thread is driving me to capslock. And it's getting worse all the while. Seems to have subsided for the moment, but...
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:53 No.16431131

    Maybe if you post a few more whiny rants in ALL CAPS the thread will get better. Because that shit's clearly helping.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:56 No.16431148
    I suggest we call a truce for now. Later tonight, if the thread hasn't 404'ed I'll post my own DH story that involved an inept inquisitor.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:56 No.16431149

    >use fate point

    But that's not what metagaming means, you fucking idiot.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:57 No.16431157

    I wasn't accusing you of samefaggotry, I just didn't realize it wasn't the one poster - you were both arguing the same point while both being anons. Don't go all drama queen over it.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:57 No.16431161

    That would be accusing someone of samefaggotry.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)09:59 No.16431173

    Hey I recognize this, this was the campaign at the end of the core rulebook right?

    guys if that prebuilt is any guide, then the bullets weren't a bomb, the demon just reacts REALLY badly to eye damage. and yeah, that demon will fuck shit up unless the eye damage is done.

    also a lot of "don't have fun" in here, wow.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:02 No.16431187

    Nailed it. Tell me that's not the most incompetent fucking inquisitor in the whole goddamned universe?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:03 No.16431191
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    >>playing Starcraft:Alternity
    >>protoss Zealot
    >>make perception check, notice cloaked figures in the room
    >>GM is douchebag aiming for character death
    >>roll blind attack anyways
    >>slice terran ghost in half, pick up the two halves and sling them around to cover the other ghosts in blood so my team-mates can see and kill them
    >>the 4 remaining ghosts open fire on me
    >>GM says my shields malfunction after so much damage so I can't make any more armor saves till I get them repaired
    >>Don't get hit again for the rest of the session
    >>GM's face when
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:03 No.16431196
    It was an accidental accusation. But it still hurts.

    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:03 No.16431197
    >>But that's not what metagaming means, you fucking idiot.

    Yes it fucking is. Saying "Oh, OK, I'll just go suicide bomb this one guy, because after all it'll only cost me a fate point" is metagaming - your character doesn't know he has fate points, they're supposed to represent luck, or destiny. And another thing; fate points aren't supposed to just magically protect you from the consequences of your actions when you burn them - you don't just spring back up like Wile E Coyote.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:06 No.16431210

    why would you play with a douche gm?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:08 No.16431221

    To quote the book, fate points represent the watchful eye of the emperor. Literally, it's Emps looking out for you. Why would a character who believes this to be the case not take more risk than one who thinks he's 'just a man?'

    The emperor protects, very literally, in the 40k universe. It was either 'do something drastic' or 'world gets destroyed and it's inhabitants raped by chaos forever.'

    The choice is an obvious one for any loyalist.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:09 No.16431228

    depends on the GM really, are you referring to the old guy who follows you around? because he's actually just an acolyte like you guys, at least in the one I ran. I just had the inquisitor send the players down to meet this guy.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:10 No.16431235

    I was under the impression he was just a lower ranking inquisitor.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:13 No.16431245
    Which makes it interesting when heretics and xenos and witches, and even vile chaos sorcerors get the 'Touched By The Fates' Trait. The Emperor is looking out for them, too?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:14 No.16431251

    No, their gods are, you dumb motherfucker.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:15 No.16431257

    You do as a Sister of Battle. They have a talent that is 'When you burn fate you are cured of all injuries and regain all lost wounds+lose all fatigue'. That missing arm? Yeah, came back when you burnt fate.

    Emperor Protects.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:16 No.16431265
    >>16431251 No, their gods are, you dumb motherfucker.

    And rogue traders out solely for profit?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:17 No.16431270
    Tzeentch probably likes rogue traders, they are extremely flexible, and can be used in all manners of plans.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:18 No.16431274

    >implying you need to worship a god for it to fuck with your life
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:19 No.16431285
    Clearly they represent gods looking out for you, and not your luck or destiny. That's why they're called Faith points, and not something silly like Fate Points.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:19 No.16431286
    But they are Fate Points. They even get to Righteous Fury.
    And it disturbs me to think what gods are looking out for Eldar.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:21 No.16431295

    They have gods. One of them is Laughing at the PCs even now.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:22 No.16431299
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    This was almost the very start of the campaign.

    > Make a Sorceror with the Maestro Bloodline and has the Bloatmage Initiate feat. And also knows Wordspells.
    > Get Perform as class skill, put ranks in Perform: Singing
    > Buy necessary stuff along with Artisan's Clothes
    > Walking down street, other PC's haven't met him yet.
    > Low on money, so I decide to sing for it.
    > Wedge myself between two stalls and start singing. Roll 17 for a total of 25.
    > People are flocking towards me to hear my performance. Women are attracted to me despite my layers of fat. Obtain 25g from crowd.
    > Baker next to me offers 30g and fine loaf of bread for me to attract customers. Do so and roll a natural 20. Obtain 35g and delicious bread.
    > Attracted so many customers that other PCs get swept up in the crowd towards bakery.
    > Other player goes "Holy shit, you're Pavarotti!"

    Pic related. And also... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdTBml4oOZ8

    for reference.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:23 No.16431304

    Are you fucking kidding me? Really?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:24 No.16431307
    I actually think this is reasonable. But then, I did enjoy Ciaphas Cain quite a but.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:25 No.16431308

    That's because THEIR GODS grant them DIVINE FAVOR which is RIGHTEOUS in THEIR EYES.

    Jesus christ.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:25 No.16431311
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:26 No.16431314

    Yeah. It's nice to see humans acting with a measure of humanity.

    Of course this isn't GRIMDARK enough for most people. These are the same people who think battlefields encompass the entirety of the 40k universe.

    Because they are stupid.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:28 No.16431320
    >New campaign
    >Because of an oversight on the part of both me and the DM, I am not told what kind of game it is
    >Make elf ranger who was raised by a small herd of reindeer
    >Good with spears and knives, but have all the social graces commonly associated with someone being raised by wild animals
    >The game is city based. Low combat, heavy politicking.
    >Fuck it, play anyway.

    Favourite moments include, but are not limited to
    >Diplomatic meeting ruined by me leaving the table to take a leak in the corner of the room.
    >Putting a throwing knife through a mink stole because I thought it was alive and attacking a minor countess.
    >Not only stepping on every toe of a Duke's daughter during a dance, but also managing to bean her with my fake antlers.
    >Never, and I mean NEVER, removing my antler hood. Even in the presence of Royalty.

    The fact that we actually managed to get anything done despite me is a testament to the skill of the other players.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:31 No.16431332
    >bear passing disguise checks to feast with royalty?
    >Totally cool.
    >Guy having a civil conversation with inquisitor?

    This is why people hate 40k.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:31 No.16431335
    >listen to video, having been a fan of the Red Army Choir for a little while, thinking "this should be good."
    >Luciano fucks my earhole with his godly tenor voice
    >He died of pancreatic cancer in 2007.


    Do tell, though, how is the character doing now? I must hear more of opera-singing fat sorcerors!
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:32 No.16431336

    Many, many people have already explained why having an Inquisitor back down when a Guardsman threatens to kill him is idiotic. I'm not going to explain it again for you two morons. READ THE THREAD.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:35 No.16431351
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    >Roll Dwarf Paladin
    >Ranks in perform: Sing
    >High CHA, fuck the cha penalty, I put my 18 into it anyhow
    >Go into battle with perform: sing checks and sing dwarven battle hymns as I fight
    >I'm no songwriter, but I describe the themes of the songs as I sing and fight
    >GM lets me make free intimidate checks if I complete a perform and an attack in the same round
    >Righteous Dwarven Terror
    and that's the only time I enjoyed playing a Dwarf.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:35 No.16431352
    No, this is why people hate grognards. The problem is that 40k attracts a lot of them, and some of them bleed over into /tg/. 40k is an awright setting, I like it, but unfortunately it's just a magnet for the worst peoples in the hobby.

    Post a story, respond to a story that ISN'T the shitstorm-igniting one, or get out. Just stop. Right there. No. No mas.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:35 No.16431353
    And it's not like an individual inquisitor is supposed to represent all inquisitors ever. Inquisitors are given leeway to do pretty much whatever the fuck they want, and it stands to reason that every now and again you can get one who won't slaughter all of his servants/retainers/employees because one of them questioned his authority in private.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:35 No.16431355
    Wasn't "Strap a nuke to my chest, suicide bomb Monolith" part of the plan in Dead Men Walking?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:36 No.16431361
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    I did. Go fuck yourself. I like it. It's humanizing to see an inquisitor actually doubt.

    Not every inquisitor is an Eisenhorn. Not every space marine is a humorless cunt. Not every commissar is a merciless douche. Not every guardsman is a fool or a coward.

    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:36 No.16431362

    >bugs bunny fooling Elmer Fudd by wearing a dress and wig?
    >Totally cool.
    >Character in a WW2 drama cockslaps Hitler and is let off with a warning?

    This is why people hate historians.

    Also as an aside: in what world does threatening to kill someone = "civil conversation"?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:37 No.16431368
    Inquisitor was possessed by a daemon/influenced by a psyker, which caused doubt and weakness and generally being a pussy-ness.

    BAM, now shut the fuck up.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:37 No.16431369

    You leave Sir Bearington out of this, you blackguard
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:38 No.16431372
    You could have just switched it for your winter hood, which has no antlers on.

    Unless you were gilded.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:38 No.16431375


    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:39 No.16431378
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    Shut the hell up about the inquisitor already, you're ruining a good thread.

    Either take it elsewhere, or drop it.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:40 No.16431385
    Could we maybe compromise by having a long, protracted argument about not having a long, protracted argument about inquisitors??
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:41 No.16431392
    >>16431361 Not every inquisitor is an Eisenhorn.

    No, but there's a base level of paranoia, competence and ruthlessness they have to have to get the job. Becoming an Inquisitor is not easy. Having an incompetent, easily cowed Inquisitor is as absurd as having an openly irreligious pope. It just isn't going to fucking happen.

    Also, consider the difference in rank; this is substantially worse than a new recruit threatening to kill a general. Even if the general is incompetent, how is that threat going to go down?
    >> Bolo Mk.XXXIII/AS RDN-5263 "Russian Decepticon" 09/26/11(Mon)10:42 No.16431394
    >Playing Dark Heresy
    >One of players rolls up Psyker
    That is all, really.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:43 No.16431398


    >>16429859 Threaten to gun down inquisitor for endangering the mission
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:44 No.16431406
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:44 No.16431410
    >>16431378 Shut the hell up about the inquisitor already, you're ruining a good thread.

    Meh, apart from Sir Bearington it was a pretty crappy thread.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:47 No.16431419
    You are now aware that the only reason you don't think bears are infact everywhere, disguised as regular humans is because you too have been fooled by their cunning disguise.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:48 No.16431422
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    >> BARBARIAN !!WXmd45ve+ga 09/26/11(Mon)10:50 No.16431432
    this thread is not archived... why?
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:52 No.16431443
    Don't you think it's remotely possible that the inquisitor could let it slide because the guardsman's heart was in the right place? We're not talking about a commonplace event, we're talking about the remotest of possibilities, maybe even for this inquisitor.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)10:59 No.16431481
    Ah, the inevitable decline of every good /tg/ thread, where nerds start arguing about whose "fun" is "better".

    Fuck you children.
    >> MountainWind 09/26/11(Mon)11:04 No.16431528
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    >Dming Star Wars with 1 Noble, a Gungan Scout and two soldiers.
    >Noble is father of scout and one soldier, all three min-maxed by eldest son to hell
    >Fighting Dark jedi who is owning ass
    .Un-min-maxed solider who is considered joke by party rolls knowledge tactics, which was called waste
    >Discovers stalactites on ceiling.
    >Begins shooting ceiluing in a way so dark jedi is bombarded with falling rocks while party is kept fine.
    >Dark jedi knocked prone and loses lightsaber due to failed Dex roll
    >Other soldier walks up and delivers Slug Thrower shot to face.

    God the looks they gave him...priceless.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)11:04 No.16431532
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    >Half-orc rogue in Pathfinder named Zug.
    >Not very bright, but can oddly be stealthy and knows which end is the pointy one.
    >Working for a casino as a bouncer, boss orders me to tail a drow.
    >Follow drow and lady friend (first adventure, introducing party members).
    >Pair enters a shop, Zug needs to keep an eye on them. Roll a 20 on stealth and approaches a high window and jumps up, hanging off the edge and peeking inside.
    >Doesn't even realize the window is facing the street, but nobody seems to notice the half-orc hanging off the side of the building.
    >Drow and lady friend get attacked by shop keep who was actually leading a group of bandits.
    >Boss told Zug to keep those two safe.
    >Rolling a 20 in Acrobatics, Zug pushes off the wall with his feet and flips forward through the window, landing on the ground inside with his daggers out.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)11:22 No.16431622
    Well, not much happened after that. It got up to the party (one of the other PCs managing to make Wolverine) boarding a dirigible and said dirigible being sabotaged and crashing into a forbidden forest before two of the players had to leave. Me and an Oracle were sliding all over the deck during the nosedive and the rogue and wizard were flung overboard (and saved because the wizard prepared Featherfall), all the while Mr Wolverine faced off against the saboteur who was made of fire and the Dragoon fighter stayed on his two feet and not giving a single fuck.

    And a side note about my character. He has awful AC, low health, even worse CMB, and due to his size, can't run very fast. But when he starts singing, he'll fuck shit up thanks to the BM Initiate feat, Varisian Tattoo feat (he was also a Tattoo Sorc.) and his Bloodline power of increasing caster levels of spells with only verbal components. Did I also mention he knows Words of Power.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)11:29 No.16431658
    and this is all at 1st lvl too
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)11:33 No.16431688
    Now I want a former monk singer turned wizard who sings all his spells, rather than speaking them. Of course, he'd also be batshit insane.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)11:34 No.16431693
    >Timon Rozsca, tacticool Ultramarines squad leader
    >mission to assassinate warboss in desert shanty town
    >playing MGS: SE theme while team sneaks about stealth-killing da boyz
    >barrel roll off a roof and pin a patrolling ork to the ground while assault marine skewers him with claymore
    >get burned within an inch of my life by burnas, have to be dragged away by two teammates
    >party surrounds warboss after massacring his boys, is in massive mek-suit
    >master-crafted combi-bolter, underslung melta
    >blast large hole in meks torso
    >BT apothecary charges in with chainsword, rams blade inside hole
    >righteous fury. Confirmed. Righteous fury. Confirmed. Righteous fury. Confirmed.
    >warboss is very much dead, apothecarys upper body covered in gore and viscera.
    >brofists across the table
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)11:35 No.16431700
    >> Hidersine 09/26/11(Mon)11:41 No.16431725
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    More stories!
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)12:10 No.16431869
    >Focusing on two players, gnoll scout and human rogue.
    >Gnoll is from the area and had been in the house they were investigation many times before.
    >Rogue is terribly paranoid.
    >"I keep telling you, there's no traps here."
    >Opens front door, triggering falling blade trap.

    >Rogue is detecting traps.
    >Realizes something's wrong with the rug in the hallway.
    >It's starched to the point that it holds its shape like a board, and placed over a pit trap.
    >Gnoll jumps it easily. Asks rogue if he needs help.
    >"Nah, I got this."
    >Rogue jumps. Fails jump check.
    >Barely fails reflex save to catch the edge.
    >Knocked to -2, passes fortitude save.
    >Wakes up a little while later.
    >Gnoll says, "You fucking dumbass," and backhands him.
    >He passes out again. Doesn't remember it when he wakes up the second time.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)13:04 No.16432242
    >"I hit the dude with the other dude."

    Made sense in context.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)13:24 No.16432440
    >Two-player DH session. Eccentric Priest (think Father Grigori) and Redemptionist Sister of Battle
    >Watch fellow priest die via warp spawn and COMPLETELY LOSE MY SHIT
    >Start chucking Angels (read: Fire Bombs) everywhere.
    >Sister kills the spawn with fire, but the building we're in is now burning
    >Look at large beautiful painting of the Emperor and shout "The Emperor always provides! Charge"
    >Run down burning staircase using picture as cover. Burn fate point to avoid stairway colasping
    >Emerge unscathed. Priest and Sister walk away merrily.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)13:47 No.16432620
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    >People are flocking towards me to hear my performance. Women are attracted to me despite my layers of fat. Obtain 25g from crowd.

    Bitches love Pagliacci.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)13:53 No.16432678
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    Check out this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPvAQxZsgpQ&feature=related

    And also search jewtube for him singing Vesti La Giubba as Il Pagliacci. Funnily enough it was Rorschach's eulogy of The Comedian in Watchmen that turned me on to him.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)14:47 No.16433055
    4e Eberron Shenanigans time!

    >Party are all "villains", in that they were all imprisoned in Dreadhold.
    >Released by guy looking for expendable, powerful individuals.
    >Party Striker is a Human Dhampyr Assassin of House Orien.
    >Party Face is a Changeling Warlock, who charmed an entire district of Sharn for a month.
    >Meatshield is a Goliath Warden, who failed to prevent the assassination of a prince, imprisoned mainly as political necessity
    >Many tales of shenanigans
    >End up in Feywild, assaulting Cyclops Fortress.
    >Assassin waits for opportunity...
    >Archer on roof fires at him
    >Assassin ability: Immediately teleport to attacker's side.
    >Several rounds of slaughter ensue.
    >Assassin Teleports back down to now-open door of fortress, covered in blood
    >Fills room with killing shadows.
    >"Friends" as become group by-word for "Kill Them All"
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)14:58 No.16433139
    Story the second
    >Knives in the Night or "How I learned to Stop Worrying and Kill Assassins"
    >House Thuranni sends their 4th best assassin after party face, because they hear he's free.
    >Party meets assassin while assaulting troll warrens.
    >Terrible battle ensues, party wins
    >next time group is in Karrnath, they attend state dinner.
    >Baron of Thuranni is there, with numbers 2 and 3.
    >Party is deliberately rude to Baron, he sends 2 & 3 to "teach them respect"
    >Party fights 2 & 3, beat them, but reveal who they are.
    >Next session, number 1 assassin finds them.
    >Party striker ends up #1 assassin in Khorvaire
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)17:59 No.16434744
    >Play dwarf.
    >At a bar.
    >Elf stands next to me, starts talking shit about my dwarf in elvish.
    >I know elvish.
    >Take a sip, then bash my beer mug over the elf's head.
    >He staggers up, cursing me under his breath.
    >I grab a second mug and bash it over his head as well.
    >Inn keeper frowns at me.
    >I give him a bag of gold and tell him to keep them comming.
    >Keep pounding the elf to an inch of his life with clay mugs.

    And that's how I met the the elf ranger of our party.

    We spent pretty much the entire campaign trying to find ways to screw with each other.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:23 No.16434917
    >steampunk magitech dnd
    >giant floating brass city filled with skyscrapers, juvenile white dragons have adapted and are effectively giant surly pigeons who occasionally set up toll bridges
    >battle on top of speeding suspended monorail with cyborg satyrs, some 600 feet up
    >monk/soulknife is hit
    >roll balance
    >falls off
    >rolls "fate", house rule, passes
    >dragon flies by
    >roll acrobatics
    >roll dragon grapple check
    >he fails, but I fudge it; he will never know this
    >jams extending staff into one wingtip, extends it, smacks it into the other, yanking dragon's wings out flat
    >proceeds to glide a cursing, snarling dragon through the city
    >smashes into window of trendy cafe
    >roll diplomacy
    >buys dragon a cake

    I am probably too easy on my players. I ain't even give a fuck.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:37 No.16435016
    >Playing swashbuckler
    >Decide to make him have an imaginary friend
    >Friend is a talking goat
    >Now am Daryl Dragon with his imaginary goat Tennille
    >Goat only shows up when drunk as hell
    >Would sometimes rely on goat to make rolls
    >To Daryl it looked like the goat was doing it
    >To other characters, Daryl would start bleating and become strangely competent for a moment despite his drunken nature
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:40 No.16435040
    >3.5 DnD game, GM is kind of loose with the rules.
    >About Level 8-9, can't really remember, party is crossing a large lake to because going around would take too long.
    >About half-way across, party spots a wizard working for BBEG, wizard is summoning something
    >From the depths of the water comes a Kraken!
    >Scout (Me) and the Barb decide to tie each other together and leap at the Kraken.
    >After lots of balance, jump, and reflex checks we get to the eyeball and decide to just cut our way into the kraken that way.
    >Kraken starts to dive, but we keep cleaving and chopping our way through it until we reach the brain, killing the kraken.
    >Both of us pass out from failed swim checks and fort checks and get fished out of the water.
    >This took about 4-5 turns to slay a Kraken.

    Definitely one of the better moments in a very good campaign.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:48 No.16435100
    I would punch a baby into the sun for a chance to have you as my DM.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)18:55 No.16435173
    The giants drink.
    hehe. I forgot how gruesome that chapter was.
    >> Nephanim 09/26/11(Mon)19:19 No.16435406
    I KNEW I recognized that from somewhere. Holy shit that's an awesome reference.

    Back from work, glad to see this thread still alive and that it has gotten past all the faggotry.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:22 No.16435432
    >a wizard who uses only damage spells and is a total Munchkin.
    >uses only damage spells
    >total Munchkin
    >> Nephanim 09/26/11(Mon)19:31 No.16435520
    Didn't say he was a COMPETENT munchkin...
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:33 No.16435541
    I remember renting 21 whores for one hour for pretty much everything because I wanted to fail. DM was boring as fuck so I had to spice things up.

    "What do you need 21 women for? You couldn't possibly have them all in an hour!"

    "I have 10 fingers and 10 toes don't I?"
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:40 No.16435616
    Running Dark Heresy, Tech-Priest is a killamajig on two legs.

    >Party needs to disguise him
    >He breaks into a nearby living quarter and steals something that would fit his gigantic frame
    >Only thing to be found is a floral moo-moo and a wide-brimmed sunhat
    >Later in the game, party is trapped inside a gigantic rave that's going on inside of an old warehouse
    >Warehouse is full of mindless workers who are constantly dancing until they die
    >Daemonettes, Daemonettes everywhere!
    >Tech-Priest enters kill mode and begins punching, lasering and drilling everyone around him, which is everyone.
    >All while in a fat womans floral dress and wide-brimmed sunhat.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:48 No.16435697
    MAN. Shut the fuck up. You know what he means.

    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)19:56 No.16435807
    AD&D 2e
    >I make a shy and kind of dumb but sensible orfan elf ranger.
    >GM makes custom Comeliness stat, which gives a number of "distinctive features".
    >Comeliness is to be rolled straight 3d6 plus bonuses by race. Every other score could be swapped. Not Comeliness
    >Rolled 18 + 2 due to Elf.
    >Game turns into Harem style manga fantasy. Apparently, my char was the child of angels.

    In the same style
    >Buddy rolls a 12 in Comeliness
    >1 "distinctive feature"
    >"My character has an spectacular and unforgettable dick!"
    >Facepalm forever

    To be fair, we were 15 and it was our first TTRPG experience.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:01 No.16435864
    > Quest is to get some adamantium samples out of a Gnome mine.
    >Clear out the mine without much difficulty
    >Find a Pentagram in a back room, with a Completely black circle in the center. It's a portal to somewhere.
    >Stick my head through the hole to find myself staring down at hell from about 600 feet up.
    >Balor demon looks up at me.
    >Player ask's what was in the hole.
    >"Nothing, let's go tell the gnomes that we have the samples."
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:11 No.16435981
    >Having travelled for days and battle countless enemies due to DM being merciless with random encounters arrive at destination
    >There to stop a king before a ignites a war
    >Party are well known we get into the castle easily
    >We are way late and king is giving a speech to the troops and his lords on a balcony high above the castle grounds
    >We reach the balcony and are let in
    >Paladin snaps because the king had sent soldiers and assassins to kill us
    >Walks up to king mid speech grabs him by the throat and lifts him up"Fuck you and fuck your FUCKING WAR!(yells this)
    >Throws king off balcony, king's body smushes into ground below
    >Turns to assembled nobles who are agasp "He was a bad man doing bad things, Get the fuck over it" and walks off the balcony

    same paladin later on
    >Found a child smuggling ring inside a major city
    >We slaughter a fair amount of them the run to a noble's house
    >We know this noble previously from an encounter with his armed guards over shopping incident
    >Child smuggers say they have prisoners and if anyone tries to get in they will kill them
    >Paladin pushes cart in from of door and takes three alchemical firebombs and hurls them at the house
    >Turns to onlookers, "Fire safety is important you never know when something like this could happen"
    >A smugglers jumps from the second story window and lands on the ground in a heap, he's on fire and is rolling around in pain
    >Paladin walks over and points to the smuggler with his sword while still adressing the crowd "Remember everyone Stop! Drop! and Roll!
    >He then thrusts his sword into the smugglers throat and twists killing him before walking off.

    Our party had some pretty sweet adventures tbh, some seriously cool shit.
    >> Nephanim 09/26/11(Mon)20:32 No.16436223
    DnD 3.5, setting is a homebrew taking place just after massive magical war has almost wiped out humanity. Arcane magic users are Kill on Sight to many of the remaining institutions of law and order.

    >roll up a Neutral Good Cleric of Boccob hoping to do social damage control and open peoples' hearts once again to the idea of magic-using society.
    >Have the Sacred Aura and Purifying Aura feats from Complete Divine.
    >Preach for Pelor, Zerul and St. Cuthbert, using Bluff to subtly weave messages of magical acceptance into the sermons.
    >Use Purifying Aura while everyone's eyes are closed to pray, Delicious superfluous healing healing prayer time.
    >Use more Arcane spells and Magic Items in combat than the party Wizard.
    >Get called out by a half-insane witness that I interrogated and let live.
    >He's almost killed by paladins of St. Cuthbert for slander against an honorable man of the church.
    >I bluff his way to freedom, and essentially take him in as my first follower.
    >Over time he turns into the Nameless Rank and File Soldier that becomes a true bro under my guidance.
    >He goes on to form his own party and save a city.

    Son, I am pride.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)20:46 No.16436391
    playing DnD 3.5

    >after several interesting conversations party comes up with a kill word of "Pretty Princes"
    >We are in a cave trying to raise an army to sack a nearby town oh we are mostly chaotic/neutral with no real plot to the game
    >we are talking the chief of the small town of orcs and he refuses to help us
    >PC talking to chief: "Oh so you wont help us... Well in that case your sir are a... PRETTY PRINCES!
    >we are all out side when he yells this so for a few moments he looks like a moron to the chief.
    >> Nephanim 09/26/11(Mon)20:49 No.16436423
    To note, in the same campaign, an alter server of Pelor found out about my true allegiance, I convinced her that though I was a heathen, my sermons were the best thing that happened to her church. If I leave without scandal, then the church will have doubled in congregation size without lasting ill effect. If I were called out and burned, then it would break the faith of the people and cripple the church for generations.

    She pretty much came to my defense later on in combat despite the crazy spell slinging.
    >> Nephanim 09/26/11(Mon)21:29 No.16436899
    I know I've told this one before...
    >Playing a Psyker Biomancer in DH, fairly high ranking, never use abilities at full power.
    >Party in in heinously deep shit, enemy has armor the likes of which the majority of us simply can't crack.
    >Most everyone is down in criticals, I just attempted a Shocking Fist-type thing, rolling shit for damage and not even scratching the enemy.
    >"Cute trick, have any better?"
    >I roll healing at my full three dice through a focus and with a centering check hoping to get the others back into combat, one of whom has a meltagun.
    >Roll 3 nines.
    GM: "You have fate points, you wanna redo that?"
    Me: "No, I like this, Let's do this"
    >Power effect happens first, Awesome rolls, EVERY ALLY is almost at full health.
    >First Psy Phenominon goes to Perils: Rain of Blood, all subsequent rolls go straight to Perils.
    I'm laughing my ass off OOC at this point.
    >Second Perils Roll: Reverse Gravity, Roll a FUCKING 100 on the radius, with an 8 turn duration, holy shit.
    >We're near the ruins of a Hive, though not in them. A kilometer radius chunk of Hive starts destabilizing and lifting into the air for damn near a minute.
    >Third Perils is the Warp Lightning Explosion, Everyone rolls their damage, ones everywhere, still, most PCs get reduced back down to 1 or 2 wounds from it (Including the Psyker himself.)
    >GM Rolls for the Cultists en masse, fucking sea of tens. Warp lightning completely bypasses Armor and Toughness... The big fucker I'm fighting gets an arm blown off and is incapacitated.
    >Standing on the ceiling of the ritual chamber, storm of blood and crackling death, with sounds of the fucking world ending all around us, "I have HELL!"
    >Remaining cultists shit themselves and flee, falling into the sky as they stampede out of the cave... Leader gets coup de gras'd in the throat.

    By the end, the rest of the party was almost as afraid of the Psyker as they were of the Inquisitor.
    >> TRADEM4RX !Ve9wMPrdBU 09/26/11(Mon)21:34 No.16436956
         File1317087252.jpg-(37 KB, 512x343, 1311666082173.jpg)
    37 KB
    D&D 4th edition
    >playing as a rogue mage
    >our party was waiting over a ridge to get the upper hand on a group of mercenaries that tried to kill us
    >the plan was for us to plant gunpowder barrels in the ground and shoot a fireball at it
    >right as they went by the barrels I yell
    >"Fireball time motha fucka" in my best samuel L. Jackson voice
    >mfw I rolled a crit
    >> Nephanim 09/26/11(Mon)21:55 No.16437188
    >Psyker Biomancer
    Pretty sure that's not the actual terminology, frankly, I'm too lazy to grab his character sheet.
    >> Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)22:05 No.16437294
    >starves to death
    Is it some shitty tarrasque variant or just bad interpretation?
    3e tarrasque can regenerate ANY damage.
    4e is (as far as I recall) some sort of elemental/outsider, so I don't think it needs to eat.

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