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  • File : 1314466644.png-(81 KB, 350x350, HeresyStamp.png)
    81 KB HERETIC Quest Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)13:37 No.16084053  
    Congratulations, you've betrayed the Emperor. You're a dirty filthy heretic, and proud of it. How exactly you've betrayed the Emperor is up to you, and we'll be getting to that in a moment, but first we've got to get your other affairs sorted out.

    First we'll need to figure out what class you are. Just go ahead and pick any class from Dark Heresy, Rogue Trader, or Black Crusade. First post gets it.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)13:38 No.16084057
    Sage for shitty quest thread
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)13:39 No.16084061
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)13:39 No.16084063
    rolled 40 = 40

    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)13:41 No.16084084
    Ok then, you're a Sage. Also known as a Savant, or a Calculus Logi. Good for you.

    Now, select three perks. These can be anything. You want to be a Pariah? You're a Pariah. You want to by a Heretek? You're a Heretek.

    One perk per post, if you please.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)13:42 No.16084091
    Alpha Level Psyker.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)13:43 No.16084099
         File1314467004.gif-(1.29 MB, 214x153, AndHereWeGo.gif)
    1.29 MB
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)13:45 No.16084119
    Race is coming up, we'll see about your being a Squat.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)13:47 No.16084137
    God dammit.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)13:51 No.16084157
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)13:51 No.16084163
         File1314467508.gif-(710 KB, 140x130, 1275013939467.gif)
    710 KB
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)13:52 No.16084165
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)13:52 No.16084166
         File1314467523.png-(21 KB, 193x215, fallout_perk_sneering_imperial(...).png)
    21 KB

    Sneering Imperialist!
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)13:52 No.16084167

    I was taking the piss, but if you run with it then bravo.
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)13:54 No.16084185
    Your perks are:
    1. Alpha Level Psyker. Damn.
    2. Heretek.
    3. Sneering Imperialist.

    Now for your race. Roll 1d100, highest of three wins. Acceptable races are: Eldar, Squat, Human, Space Marine
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)13:54 No.16084186
    rolled 70 = 70

    Light-Sleeper. Also, rolling for ratling Savant
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)13:55 No.16084191
    rolled 92 = 92

    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)13:56 No.16084200
    rolled 5 = 5


    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)13:58 No.16084217
    rolled 3 = 3

    Eldar, but I'm not gonna beat 95
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:00 No.16084228
    Humanity, fuck yeah!
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:00 No.16084233
    Or a 92. Whatever fucking number that is.
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)14:01 No.16084240
    Fuck, I was hoping you'd roll up a squat. I miss squats.

    Also missed >>16084157

    You're a ginger Heretek Psyker. Amazing.

    So now that we've got all that out of the way, how are you a heretic? Same deal as last time, roll 1d100, highest is best.

    Possible Heresies Are: Joining Chaos, Joining the Greater Good, Joining some Space Pirates, joining some Orks. The sky's the limit though.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:02 No.16084251
    rolled 51 = 51

    Slaaneshi cultist.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:03 No.16084253

    >You're a ginger Heretek Psyker

    How does a Psyker work without a soul?
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:03 No.16084255
    rolled 16 = 16

    space pirates, slightly chaotic but not yet too far along yet
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:03 No.16084257
         File1314468235.gif-(287 KB, 480x360, clap.gif)
    287 KB
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:04 No.16084263
    rolled 64 = 64

    joins the crew of a Chaos Ork Pirate that robs from the rich to give to the poor
    >> Korosov 08/27/11(Sat)14:05 No.16084265
    rolled 69 = 69

    Omnissiah doesnt like psykers

    so we turned heretek to flip those nancy boys off
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)14:06 No.16084272
    Well then, this will be very... interesting.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:06 No.16084276
    rolled 19 = 19

    >saw how corrupt the Imperium is
    >Join Chaos
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:09 No.16084289
    rolled 87 = 87

    It does sound weird, doesn't it?
    On the other hand, this kind of thing should never happen to an Ork, so we can safely assume that he is insane, even for Ork-standards...
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:11 No.16084309
    rolled 35 = 35

    if i remember correctly it's possible that a Ork turns to Chaos, but the other Orks can immediatly recognize it because they "smell funny" and so they beat the shit out of the Chaos Ork
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:14 No.16084331
    rolled 74 = 74

    It's not the chaos part I find insane, even for Ork standards. It's the robbing the rich and giving to the poor.
    But it's okay, I think we can use this.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:16 No.16084345
    rolled 64 = 64

    to be fair i just wanted to utilize all the possible options
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)14:18 No.16084358
    You are currently serving on the hijacked Imperial Navy cruiser that the Orks on board have named Da Green Choppa, after its green tinted metal hull and general Choppa-like shape. The Orks who've taken control of the ship turned to Chaos after fighting a regiment of Chaos Space Marines. Those few Orks who survived realized that Chaos was a great warband to join, even if they were UN-ORKY GITZ, and so they converted to Chaos, and became Space Pirates.

    The main problem with the Orks is, even with their innate understanding of technology and ability to warp the laws of physics, they can't maintain any human technology for very long. As such, they've put you in charge of all the tech-related duties on Da Green Choppa, allowing you to experiment at your whim. This position has made you one of the most respected Orks on board, despite the fact that you aren't actually an Ork to begin with.

    It is currently twenty minutes past 6, though the clock on the wall has been modified to call it WAAAAUGH past WAAAAUGH. You are in your quarters, having converted the ship's chapel into a living area for your personal use. Outside, you can hear Orks headbutting each other and yelling about how they're surrounded by Gits.

    What do?
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:20 No.16084371
    rolled 13 = 13


    Find something to fight. What else do orks do?
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:20 No.16084372
    Join in on the headbutting to establish dominance.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:20 No.16084374
    rolled 54 = 54

    Get our Choppa an squash some gitz ta show em 'oz boss.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:21 No.16084377
         File1314469290.png-(23 KB, 193x215, SneeringImperialist2.png)
    23 KB
    >You don't take kindly to raiders, junkies, or tribals trying to "settle" or "stay alive" in civilized lands. Against dirty raider and junkie types as well as Zion's tribals you do +15% Damage and have a bonus to hit in V.A.T.S.

    Ok, so translated to 40k...

    We don't take kindly to anyone not from a forge world perhaps? PURGE THE PROLETARIAT
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:21 No.16084378
    rolled 16 = 16

    I'd like to know my abilities (especially psyker stuff) and my possessions, please.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:22 No.16084385
    >alpha level giner heretek psyker serving onboard a chaos Ork pirate ship
    >just another day in the 41st millenium
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:22 No.16084386

    Wait, I should elaborate. Headbutt the biggest ork in the room and explode him with your mind at the same time to establish dominance.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:23 No.16084399
    Wait for some of the weaker boyz to be knocked out by the head butting contests.

    Drag them away, and turn them into chaos cyborks.

    For Science. Chaos Science.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:24 No.16084404

    Why not anything not from an "Imperial World" so death worlds, feudal worlds, frontier worlds, ect. Anything that is beyond the pale to the average Imperial Citizen, although that would be damned near anything really.
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)14:26 No.16084421
    Alroight, youz gotz:
    >Some 'umie head ting dat lets you talk ta da captain
    >some 'umie robes, green ta be more Orky

    >Force Field
    >Mind Reading
    >Mind Control
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:27 No.16084430
    So my Infantryman's Uplifting Primer doesn't seem to cover this. What happens when an Alpha-level psyker starts hanging out around and supporting an ork Waagh?
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:30 No.16084462
    rolled 55 = 55

    Are we in the warp right now? I don't like using powers in the warp, it sounds like a bad idea. Then again, it could be fun. I want to see the boss, I'm bored of being on this ship, I want to rape and pillage... and give to the poor.
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)14:36 No.16084504
    Kicking open the door to your room, you look around at the carnage outside. Orks are beating each other up without a single reason why, as they always do. One Ork among the rest seems to stand out. Far taller and stronger than the other Orks, he throws several of the smaller Orks about like they're playthings, crushing them against walls and laughing. Thinking to assert your dominance by attacking him, you call him out.
    >"Oi, you git, come here so I can kick your ass."

    The massive tower of pure Ork stops laughing at this, and turns around. Glaring at you, he grins and pulls out his choppa.
    "Alroight ya 'umie git, let's see wut you'z got."

    The Ork charges you, choppa in hand.

    What do?
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:37 No.16084516
    rolled 74 = 74


    Charge him right back.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:37 No.16084518

    Casually dust off your robe, glance at him, and use Mind control.

    "Why are you hitting yourself, ya git? Why are you hitting yourself?"
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:38 No.16084527
    rolled 95 = 95

    Use Telekinesis to make him fall into his own choppa while making it look like it was me hitting him by punching him at the same time (or just as he's falling down).
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:38 No.16084531
    rolled 2 = 2

    Kick the Ork in the face using our Psyker abilities to make our kick more powerful.

    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:40 No.16084538
    rolled 85 = 85

    i use cryokinesis to frozen his knees, shoulders..etc

    all his articulations
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:41 No.16084542
    rolled 66 = 66

    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)14:49 No.16084610
    Charging the git right back, you stealthily evoke your massive psionic power to increase the force of your punch, while tripping the Ork and maneuvering the Choppa in mid air. Your punch connects with perfect timing, the telekinetic energy coming off your fist knocking the Ork and the Choppa back into the wall.

    The Ork hits the wall first, with the choppa impaling him on it almost immediately. The other Orks around you pause, and cheer about how dat was da Orkiest ting dey'd seen all day. The Ork now attached to the wall struggles to remove the choppa, to no avail.

    "Oi, ya git, you cheated! You ain't Orky!"

    Pulling out your shoota with a flash, you point it at the Ork

    >"You saying I ain't Orky?"

    The defeated mass of green turns away from the shoota slightly.

    "No, no, you'z Orky. You'z really Orky."

    You go to say something, but suddenly your headset lights up. It's the captain. Tapping the side of the device lightly, your ears are almost ruptured by the screaming voice on the other end.

    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:50 No.16084613
    Use Mind Control to make him hit himself. Proceds to talk about how awesome it would be to turn a planet into a ship. And procreation. Lots of procreation.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:51 No.16084624
    We're the Orkiest Ork on a ship crewed entirely by Orks, and we're not even an Ork. Fuck yeah.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:52 No.16084634

    Go to the bridge, be sure to put on an orky swagger.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:54 No.16084653
    rolled 87 = 87

    This. And then, when we've basked in our glory enough, we get to the boss. While we could obviously take the little git on, he's still quite helpful for the moment, so we'll follow his orders after only fooling around for a little while.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)14:59 No.16084692
    Make a mental note to acquire flash, gubbins, a shootier shootah and a choppier choppah. These primitive screwheads respect that sort of thing.
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)15:09 No.16084786
    With a sadistic grin on your face, you reach out through the warp and seize control of the Ork's mind. Forcing the Ork to punch himself in the face, you mock the primitive green creature as he angrily tries to stop.

    >"Why are you hitting yourself, ya git? Why are you hitting yourself?"

    Continuing to mind control the git for several minutes, you talk about how amazingly Orky it would be if you could turn a planet into a ship, and then land your planet on another planet and loot it. The other Orks are in awe of this idea, their feeble minds unable to comprehend the infinite Orkiness of a ship the size of a planet. Your intercom flares up again.


    Sighing, you release the Wall-Ork's mind and leave to go the da bridge, checking your Choppa and Shootas to make sure they're still there. A bunch of Kommandos have been hanging out near your quarters lately.

    Arriving on the bridge, you enter with an Orky flare, kicking several boyz off the platform to the deck below. The captain, a massive warboss dressed in the style of a Rogue Trader, shouts at you from across the room.

    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)15:13 No.16084819
         File1314472416.jpg-(97 KB, 500x500, WAAAAGH.jpg)
    97 KB
    So are we just some weedy little bastard, built like a brick shithouse, what?
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)15:15 No.16084828
    rolled 83 = 83

    "Just makin' sure that the boyz have enough respect for ya, boss!"

    I get to my post and try to find out what's happening.
    >> Korosov 08/27/11(Sat)15:19 No.16084860
    do we have some "lab boyz"?
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)15:22 No.16084880
    Walking over to your post, you seat yourself in the massive half-sphere and begin booting up the system. A dozen displays flicker to life all around you, readouts and charts blinking past like lightning. Were you a lesser Sage, you'd be unable to process it all. But you are not. Your mind, immense and unclouded, easily takes in all the information before you.

    The ship's engines are running too hot, but that's not the biggest problem. The biggest problem is the Eldar ship up ahead, turning about to fire on you. Looking around the side of your chair, you see the captain grinning insanely.


    Tapping on the curved keyboard before you, you enter a few digits and arm the main lance. Energy begins to fill its capacitors as plasma is redirected from the engines to the forward. With the engines already running hot, you have to rapidly compensate, using the sudden loss of plasma to cool the engines enough to unlock the vents.

    With the port and starboard vents open and pointed to the stern, the ship begins to pick up speed ever so slightly. The Eldar ship is now in range.

    You've got about thirty lab boyz working for you in the on of the converted hangers. They're trying to convert fruit into explosives at the moment.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)15:25 No.16084907
         File1314473145.jpg-(38 KB, 400x606, 1311260876263.jpg)
    38 KB

    Time to get "Orky" on some Eldar.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)15:30 No.16084954
    rolled 59 = 59

    Well, fire, obviously?
    Although if we're a lot stronger than them, we do remind ourselves to hold back. Yes, boomz are orky, but not as orky as going out there and pillaging in person. The others want some fun too, after all, and we don't want to destroy all the loot.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)15:30 No.16084958

    >> Korosov 08/27/11(Sat)15:31 No.16084966
    well i was thinking that we could show our lab boyz how to build some "rockets lawnchairs" or something on paper or something so when they actually build it its works.
    (using ork imagination to the max!)
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)15:32 No.16084979
    >in one of the converted hangers

    Informing the captain that you're in range, he yells out orders to the other Orks on the bridge. Telling them to form a boarding party, three dozen Orks wearing converted space suits run out of the room, locking their bubble-shaped helmets in place. Parts of the suits are missing, but for some reason that doesn't seem to bother them.


    You press pull the lever with all your might as the targeting Orks make sure to keep the ship aimed at the Eldar ship. A massive beam of energy flies forth from the starboard bow, impacting the Eldar hull and tearing through one of the ship's sails. The Eldar ship shudders as its remaining sails pull it in a lopsided course, the massive vehicle turning to your port before managing to compensate for the loss.

    The Eldar ship fires back at you as its Holofield begins to warm up. The Pulsar lances spread across the surface of the ship, melting parts of the hull. But the Ork modifications have made your ship far too durable to be taken out by a few glancing blows. The Eldar ship does not have the same benefits. With the loss of one of its sails, and the damage to its hull, it is rapidly bleeding power.

    According to your readout, it's dead in space.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)15:35 No.16084996
         File1314473709.jpg-(793 KB, 1000x417, Hate.jpg)
    793 KB

    There is only one logical course of action.

    Board the ship and get lootin!
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)15:35 No.16084997
    >press pull the lever.

    Argh, I cannot into grammar today.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)15:36 No.16085001
    Ask the captain if we can go lootin.

    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)15:37 No.16085008
         File1314473838.jpg-(73 KB, 683x684, ork SCIENCE.jpg)
    73 KB
    'Rite ya primateve gitz lissen up!

    Ya see dis? Dis, iz ma DEFFGUN! Da lotza dakka douba barrelz Big Shoota. Smart-Gitz top ov da line! Youz ken loot one from da BigMekz. Dat's roit! Dis sweet snazgun wuz made in Grandz Rapidz Fire, MeckboyzTown. Costs loadz of teeth. Iz gotta kustom stock, snazzy blue paintjob, anz a squig-hair trigga! Dat's roit. Shop smart. Shop Smart-Gitz.

    Youz got dat?!?!
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)15:42 No.16085046
    rolled 54 = 54

    Loot the ship. Loot it like a boss.
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)15:56 No.16085146
    >"The ship is dead, I'm going lootin."


    Flipping over the back of your chair, you rush out of the bridge, knocking the boyz off the platform once more as they climb back up. Running down the hall, you enter the elevatus and punch in the hanger's location. Falling in the direction the artificial gravity has determined is 'down', you soon come to a stop in the currently pressurized hanger. The other Orks glare at you and mutter something about 'umies. Lighting one of them on fire with your mind, you break open the void suit storage and pull one on as the Ork tries desperately to put himself out.

    Several minutes later, you're floating in space, flying through the void in an Ork-made boarding craft. A few pieces fall off as you go, but the pilot assures you that's supposed to happen. Apparently losing atmospheric pressure makes you go faster.

    Looking out the stained window, you eye your target warily. Several other Ork boarding craft have already attached themselves to the Eldar vessel.

    As your shuttle slows to a stop on top of the ship, five rusty claws reach out from the sides and attach themselves to the hull. The Orks scream with glee as the shuttle suddenly vents all its air, and the outer door opens. The creatures rush into the void with reckless abandon, leaping between the shuttle and the open airlock and firing wildly into space. You follow them in turn, using your psychic abilities to land flawlessly in the airlock.

    You are now onboard the Eldar vessel.

    What do?
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)16:00 No.16085174
    Get ta lootin, ya git!
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)16:02 No.16085199
    rolled 84 = 84

    Now this was fun, but no use getting into this unprepared. I ready a forcefield, and use my telepathic skills to try and seek out any non-ork souls in this place. Eldar slave girl would be sweet, and survivors might also point me in the direction of the best loot.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)16:03 No.16085203
    rolled 81 = 81


    Find and incapacitate any Eldar still alive. We need guinea pigs.
    >> Korosov 08/27/11(Sat)16:03 No.16085204
    shootan and LOOTAN as go look for tech (we are a tech priest after all) and try to shoot some eldar on the way
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)16:16 No.16085283
    Reaching out with your mental tendrils, you bring a forcefield into being around your body as the airlock begins to pressurize, an Ork techie having hacked the lock with a bit of toothpaste and some string. Pulling at the Warp with your thoughts, you form a sketchy approximation of the ship and begin to reach out for any Eldar onboard. Slowly, your mental map begins to fill with hundreds of distinct Warp signatures. The naturally psychic Eldar on board seem to sense your presence, however, and mentally attack you!

    You manage to hold your psionic ground, but you can feel a few of the more powerful Eldar telepaths preparing another assault.

    What do?

    >For this battle, you must roll a D100 to measure success.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)16:17 No.16085298
    rolled 31 = 31

    Tell them to get bent.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)16:20 No.16085320
    rolled 75 = 75

    Dammit, was careless!
    Can I draw upon the energies of the WAAAAAGGGH!!?
    If so, I do. If not, go into defense mode for now.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)16:21 No.16085323
    rolled 32 = 32

    Counterattack! Knock them out with the Warp.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)16:21 No.16085326
    rolled 9 = 9

    Fuck this pussy defense. Shoot at them with MIND DAKKA!
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)16:22 No.16085334
    rolled 6 = 6

    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)16:36 No.16085420
    rolled 80 = 80


    Break their wills.

    All of them.
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)16:49 No.16085502
    Summoning up what images you can of the downfall of the Eldar, you pull as many minds as you can into yours, and begin to fill those on board will terrible visions of failure and defeat. The combined failures of the entire Eldar race are thrust upon their minds, as wave after wave of psychic pain emanates throughout the ship. As you strain your mind to manipulate all their thoughts, you feel the more powerful telepaths begin to weaken. With a final burst of energy, you give all aboard a single glimpse of the future of the Eldar: Extinction.

    Pausing to catch your breath, you exit the airlock and close the bulkhead behind you. Off in the distance, you can hear the shouting of the Orks as the Eldar of the ship cease their fighting and lay down to die. They sound more angry they can't fight more than pleased they've take the ship.

    Feeling outwards with your mind, you sense a few more Eldar still actively fighting the Orks. About a dozen of them, on the bridge. It seems the ship's commander was able to resist your powers.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)16:53 No.16085527
    rolled 36 = 36

    Fucking morons, I need some test subjects. Let's hope they leave some of them alive as I hurry to the bridge.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)16:54 No.16085538
    rolled 34 = 34


    Head to the bridge and bring along the biggest orks we can find, tell them there's "Lodes a good fightin n' krumpin ta do up near the upper bit o' dis ship."
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)16:55 No.16085552
    rolled 73 = 73


    try to find some Eldar girls, gonna be Jabba the Ork when I get back to the ship
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)17:02 No.16085596
    rolled 9 = 9

    Dis. We'r gonna have a roight WAAUGH on dis ship!
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)17:14 No.16085693
    Taking a minute to regain your focus, evoking the Warp having tired you, your strength soon returns, and you feel invigorated. You think you might be able to do that trick again, and more efficiently too.

    >Gained Power: Drain Willpower

    Stretching out your limbs, you run after your Ork comrades and pull out both your Shootas. Passing by a group of shuddering, unconscious Eldar, you realize that they would make excellent test subjects for your Heretek experiments.

    Yelling at several of the smaller boyz for muckin about instead of fightan, you tell them to start bringing Eldar back to the hanger bay, and to loot an Eldar shuttle for you to take. One of da boyz tells you he ain't doing nothing for a 'umie, so you shoot him in the face. The other boyz quickly get to work.

    A couple minutes later, and you've got about sixty Eldar captives packed like sardines into a looted Eldar shuttle. Laughing mockingly as one of them regains consciousness, you lock the shuttlecraft doors and exit the hanger. The engines firing within confirm that the boyz you conscripted are returning to Da Green Choppa with your new slaves.

    You can still feel the Eldar on the bridge fighting, though about half their number are dead as this point.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)17:16 No.16085709
    rolled 97 = 97

    1. Get to the bridge
    2. Become captain
    3. ???
    4. Profit
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)17:19 No.16085729
         File1314479956.jpg-(46 KB, 757x375, daedalustf7.jpg)
    46 KB
    rolled 89 = 89


    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)17:22 No.16085754
    rolled 71 = 71

    Yeah, the ship is half destroyed and we don't really do Eldar-tech...

    Still, get to the bridge, we want to kill some stuff now! Also recruit some other Orkz on the way to come and help. I want to find some stuff to loot, what good are all those test subjects if we don't have shiny experimental weapons to test out on them?
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)17:32 No.16085850
    rolled 1 = 1

    Eldar are the orkiest. They shoot choppy. I say we make a GIGANTIC version of their choppa-shoota, attach the blade to a chain, and make a giant choppy harpoon.
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)17:40 No.16085894
    Running down the hall towards the bridge, you turn several corners in the labyrinthine structure that is the Eldar ship. Passing more and more Eldar rendered comatose by your willpower draining abilities, you soon find yourself passing large numbers of dead Orks, with massive amounts of them easily sensed up ahead. You can feel them fighting against the Eldar, now five in number, all of them trying to breach their psychic shielding. The wraithbone floor beneath you pulses with hateful energy as you near the last turn towards the command center of the ship, the vessel itself seeming to hate your presence.

    Before your eyes, massive barriers stand, blocking off the Orks trying to enter the bridge. A few of them are crouched in cover, blindly firing as many rounds as they can at the Eldar, as the Eldar in turn fire back. A rough dozen Eldar lay on the floor, dying from their injuries, and those that remain standing seem to be faltering. Excellent.

    Yelling out your intent to kill them all, you rally the Orks with the cry of WAAAAAAAUGH! With your cry seeming to repeat itself as each Ork in turn screams for blood, a flood of green rushes forward, forced onward by their own genetics. And you charge with them, the swarms of Orks crushing through the bridge shields with their sheer weight. They are upon the Eldar within moments, crushing and stabbing and shooting them until there is nothing left but blood scattered across the floor. The Orks raise their weapons into the air in triumph as you seat yourself in the captains chair. Though the alien dialect is lost on you, you believe several of the displays to be informing you that the ship is repairing itself. Wraithbone technology. Amazing.

    The captain shouts at you over your headset.

    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)17:43 No.16085912

    Yes, the ship is in my capable hands...warboss.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)17:47 No.16085949
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)17:50 No.16085975
    rolled 9 = 9

    So we may actually be able to use the ship? Pretty cool, especially as it is unlikely that anyone but us can fly it. And without us, the weapons platforms on the warbosses' ship will be manned by some incompetent Ork...
    Still, for now, the ship has to repair itself, and will be vulnerable. Report back mostly honestly, perhaps downplay how amazing the technology of it is, offer to take care of things here for now, in terms of finding anything useful and stuff.
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)18:06 No.16086093
    Informing the captain that you've successfully captured the Eldar ship, you request that you be put in charge of the looting of their technology. While downplaying the true extent to which the Eldar tech is superior to human tech, you do impress upon him the need for someone with your expertise to remain on board. After all, if his boyz accidentally blew up the ship, a lot of loot would be lost. The captain takes a few seconds to respond, perhaps not quite grasping what you're saying. Orks, after all, are not as intelligent as humans, a fact you are well aware of.

    "Foin. Keep dat ship floatin in space till mah boyz are done lootan, den come back. I needz you ta keep da prisoners from krumpin us wit deir warp magic ting."

    Promising to do so, you relay the captain's order to the Orks on the bridge, and command them to gather all the Eldar tech they can find for you to examine. Some of them seem to want to keep the loot for themselves, until you violently remind them of their place on the hierarchy. After a few hours of waiting on the bridge, the Orks inform you that they've looted as much of the Eldar tech as they can.

    Da loot:
    >35 Shuriken Pistols
    >21 Shuriken Catapults
    >2 Shuriken Cannons
    >3 Reaper Launchers
    >1 Death Spinner
    >2 Sunrifles
    >7 Biting Blades
    >31 full sets of Wraithbone Armor
    >a bunch of random crap the Orks found on the ground
    >tons of broken Eldar tech the Orks stepped on
    >more random crap you can't use
    >What appears to be an Archeotech device, made for use by humans alone.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)18:08 No.16086113
    rolled 54 = 54

    examine the archeotech
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)18:10 No.16086133
    Disregard Farseers.

    Acquire archeotech.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)18:17 No.16086190
    rolled 19 = 19

    Yeah, we need to find out what the archeotech is for... if we can't find out for now, find a safe place for it and store it. Also, can we or can we not keep this ship? I'm kinda thinking about relocating the slaves here, having some of them help us fly it. Of course with quite a few Orks with large pointy sticks to poke them when they act up.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)18:20 No.16086213
    rolled 31 = 31

    I repeat my request that we make a GIGANTIC Eldar choppa-shoota harpoon by way of reverse engineering this technology. We'll have the orkiest boarding weapon in the galaxy!
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)18:22 No.16086230
    rolled 1 = 1


    examine archeotech, then go back to the ork ship to check up on the eldar prisoners

    kill, pillage, all that's left now is rape
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)18:23 No.16086246
    Picking up the strange device that had caught your eye, you examine it further. Its construction is impossible, seams ending where they should begin, and beginning where they cannot. Yet, for all this, it is amazingly simple, a mere tube attached to a handle, with a small trigger in between. At the end of the barrel, a blue mirror set in glimmering metal. It is a beautiful device, though its function is unknown. Until, of course, you test it. An Eldar corpse on the floor proves to be a worth subject. Aiming the weapon as you had so many others, you pull the trigger. The device pulses with dark energy, and for a moment, all the light in the room seems to vanish. The corpse has disappeared, and in its place is a puddle of organic slime. Somehow, you muse, this device must break down biological matter into its basic components, sending life forms to the protein from whence they came.


    A lone Ork speaks up, breaking your concentration.

    "Oi, boss, wat we'z gonna do wit all da Eldar?"
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)18:24 No.16086254
    You make a mental note to begin creating this device later.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)18:26 No.16086273
         File1314484013.jpg-(201 KB, 1000x724, warhammer__black_crusade_by_tm(...).jpg)
    201 KB

    How about we turn the Eldar to CHAOS and have them crew the ship and leave the orks behind?

    Yeah, i like that idea.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)18:27 No.16086279
    rolled 59 = 59


    Time for some good old fashioned mind rape.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)18:28 No.16086282
    rolled 26 = 26

    go back to "Da Green Choppa". Hope the lab boyz haven't started experimenting on the eldar before I get there
    >> Korosov 08/27/11(Sat)18:29 No.16086298
    it kinda reminds me ABADDONS QUEST

    but yeah mind fuck them
    >> The Hero this quest needs !FAIwcQVJw2 08/27/11(Sat)18:31 No.16086316
         File1314484269.jpg-(106 KB, 600x848, Lorgar.jpg)
    106 KB

    >> Korosov 08/27/11(Sat)18:31 No.16086317
         File1314484275.jpg-(9 KB, 126x95, 14 KB.jpg)
    9 KB
    while we are at it lets make a Booty robot and get a eldar waifu
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)18:42 No.16086411
    When you say mind fuck them, do you mean 'make them more docile', 'drive them insane', or something else?
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)18:42 No.16086422
    rolled 100 = 100


    >And try to figure out which are the wenches and which aren't.
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)18:46 No.16086467
    >loot the Eldar
    >gets a 100

    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)18:46 No.16086470
         File1314485196.jpg-(118 KB, 495x1500, 1311260552019.jpg)
    118 KB

    There's ALL wenches!
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)18:46 No.16086471

    Does anyone have that pic of Macha being "looted" by some Orkz?

    Because it's very related to what I meant.

    >Eldar battle-mounts, anyone?
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)18:47 No.16086472
    rolled 63 = 63


    Crush their will. Servants and test subjects must obey orders.


    I should think you can definitively determine wenchitude with that roll.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)18:49 No.16086492
         File1314485385.jpg-(101 KB, 900x726, 1273862422390.jpg)
    101 KB
    I'm all for enslaving Eldar to the will of Chaos but let's keep our robe and psyker hat on.
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)18:55 No.16086545
    >"Begin looting the Eldar!"

    "Wut? Boss, dat d-"



    At your command, the Orks begin looting ALL the Eldar on the ship. Soon enough, they have determined the genders of every Eldar you've captured to be female. Kind of weird, but the Warp works in mysterious ways.

    Da Loot:
    >423 female Eldar
    >0 male Eldar
    >Another piece of archeotech, recovered from one of the Eldar. See your 100 hard at work.

    The archeotech seems to be some kind of shield generator, in the form of a small gemstone set in a blackened titanium necklace. How much damage it can absorb is unknown.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)18:57 No.16086568
    rolled 100 = 100

    Pray to Tzeentch for guidance on what he would have you do with the Eldar.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)18:58 No.16086575
         File1314485921.jpg-(81 KB, 450x268, 1287681396141.jpg)
    81 KB
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)18:58 No.16086576
    I'm not certain we will like the answer, but it will be exactly what is was meant to be.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)18:59 No.16086582
    Praise the Warp!
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)18:59 No.16086583
         File1314485999.jpg-(210 KB, 646x944, 1311262134146.jpg)
    210 KB
    rolled 6 = 6



    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:00 No.16086586
    rolled 35 = 35

    Nu-uh. Now you're cheating. That can't be real.
    >> helpful comrade 08/27/11(Sat)19:01 No.16086599
         File1314486088.jpg-(9 KB, 287x239, 1264838071133.jpg)
    9 KB
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)19:01 No.16086601
         File1314486107.png-(64 KB, 401x324, are_you_kidding_me.png)
    64 KB
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:02 No.16086609
         File1314486166.jpg-(265 KB, 769x976, f37c00670825b680f0c85b308d0d62(...).jpg)
    265 KB
    rolled 78 = 78


    Ask him how cool he is on trying to use a few of them to make female orks.


    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:02 No.16086613
         File1314486175.jpg-(81 KB, 683x476, Just_as_planned_tzeentch.jpg)
    81 KB
    >> helpful comrade 08/27/11(Sat)19:03 No.16086621
         File1314486230.jpg-(38 KB, 600x337, Eris_Ta.jpg)
    38 KB
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:06 No.16086638
    Let me get this straight, are we about to talk to the Big Guy himself?
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:08 No.16086658
    Well, I guess we'll get an answer.

    Chances that we're riding Looted Eldar into battle now?
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)19:08 No.16086661
    Praying to Tzeentch for guidance on the matter of what to do with all the Eldar, you feel an immense power pushing at your mind as you receive an answer from the Lord of Change. It is an awe inspiring, almost religious moment, filling you with a feeling of infinite humility as you feel your consciousness pulled out of time and space like it was nothing. You don't like it.

    "Have them become pirates."

    As quickly as it came, the feeling of psychic pressure is gone. You open your eyes and view the world around you differently than before. Everything seems to be more vivid.

    >Your touching the mind of the Chaos God Tzeentch has left you partially out of synch with time. How this will affect you, you've no idea.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:09 No.16086669
    rolled 16 = 16


    Our lord has spoken! Take the Eldar to their ship and begin the conversion process!
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:11 No.16086679
    >out of synch with time

    Teleportation, here we come!
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:11 No.16086681
    Tell Da Boss dat we'z just gotz a vishun from Mork. We'z makin' da Eldar join our crew!

    Any dat duzzn't make it az pirates, dey getz ta be wenches!
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:13 No.16086687
    rolled 97 = 97

    >"Have them become pirates."

    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:14 No.16086693
    I masturbated to the idea of a heavily modified-to-look-less-gross female Ork capturing a Sister to keep as a pet cause she thought humies were cute

    GUESS THAT'S HERESY. The Sister totally dug it.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:14 No.16086700
         File1314486861.jpg-(23 KB, 288x499, Kornheiser_Why.jpg)
    23 KB
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:17 No.16086719
         File1314487067.jpg-(31 KB, 403x371, klondike_canada.jpg)
    31 KB
    >You have betrayed the emperor, why?
    For the Unique relic from the pre-dark age era, the Klondike Bar
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:20 No.16086735
    rolled 16 = 16

    Not very specific on the details, is he... well, I guess we're still just some lowly human who has been spending too much time with Orks.

    Sooo, pirates... I guess we'll have to go on with the original plan of mindfucking them, preferably with our psychic powers, maybe destroying their... spirit stone things, until they're screwed up enough to become pirates?
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:22 No.16086761
    >>Your touching the mind of the Chaos God Tzeentch has left you partially out of synch with time.

    ..He alone has made a pilgrimage to the gates of the Underverse and returned a different being, Stronger, Stranger, Half Alive and Half Something Else
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:25 No.16086791
         File1314487551.jpg-(14 KB, 480x204, tmb_2060_480.jpg)
    14 KB
    rolled 27 = 27

    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:26 No.16086795
    this quest is going places
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:26 No.16086799

    "Every pirate before you, every one of the legion vast that just swept aside your defenses in a single night, was once like you. Fought as feebly as you. Every pirate that stands before you today, is a convert."
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:27 No.16086801
    rolled 90 = 90

    Mass Drain Willpower on the Eldar until they are ready to receive your vision.

    A million miles from nowhere,
    Dragon lamps burns hot,
    In the fire of a horse's ghost, a minnow would be lost,

    A fish
    A fish with tits
    Titty fish
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:34 No.16086856
    So apparently /tg/ dice don't regularly roll low, they were just saving /all/ the high rolls for this one quest.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:35 No.16086868
    Crap. I wasted a 90 on a Metalocalypse joke.
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)19:38 No.16086891
    Shaking your head to clear your thoughts of Tzeentch's influence, you feel along the side of your head until you find the headset. Activating it with a press of a button, you inform the captain that you've just received a vision from Mork. The Eldar are to join your crew.

    "WUT? You'z gota vision frum Mork?"


    >"Oi, dat'z weird. Gork an Mork don like 'umies, I thoight. Or dem Eldar. Odd, dat is. But foine. Set sail far... dat place wut you said. Ima send dem Eldar back ovar."

    It takes you a minute to understand what the captain just said, but you get the gist of it. Telling the Orks to prepare to receive the Eldar in the hanger bay, you take the time to focus your powers, meditating for the task ahead. As you feel the presence of the Eldar once more through the wraithbone of the ship, you reach out and once more touch their minds. Grasping the souls of 483 individuals at once, you will them with the same despair that you had before. The subtle changes in the warp around them make your influence practically visible, as you direct the twisting and bending of their psyches to your own ends. Whispers in their combined subconscious tell them of their new role, even as you shatter their petty hopes and aspirations for their race's salvation. They will become Space Pirates, under your command.

    Feeling utterly spent, you slowly regain your strength as the willpower you've drained from the Eldar flows back into you. It feels absolutely wonderful, so wonderful in fact that you barely even notice the Eldar being led onto the bridge by a few of your boyz. One of the Eldar speaks up, as they all kneel at the base of your chair.

    "My lord, I wish to, ahem, join your crew."
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:40 No.16086908
    "Suck my orkly penis."
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:40 No.16086913
         File1314488453.jpg-(9 KB, 380x380, star-trek-captains-chair.jpg)
    9 KB
    >kneel at the base of your chair

    It's not us they're kneeling before, it's the chair.

    Protip: It can control minds.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:41 No.16086915
    rolled 4 = 4


    "Awright, ya git, but foist ez foist."

    "Which does ya prefur: dakka or choppy?"
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:41 No.16086923
    rolled 13 = 13


    "ok, but first the initiation, guess what its is, that's right rape"
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:41 No.16086927
    "Excellent initiative. You'll be my first mate. What is your name?"
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:42 No.16086931
    rolled 76 = 76


    It is time to merge the componenets and alchemate the end times.

    Each Eldar is to be paired with an Ork. They shall prepare saddles of wraithbone and the two shall become one.

    The Orkz do da choppy
    The Eldar do da mind krump from afar

    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:42 No.16086933
    Well shoot one of em to get the point across, and have the rest get the ship under repairs again.

    Yell and rile up the orks while doing this.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:42 No.16086934
    rolled 56 = 56

    Forgot my dice
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:43 No.16086940
    rolled 74 = 74

    time for a orgy with 483 female Eldar, the orkz can watch if they like
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:43 No.16086943
    rolled 63 = 63

    Right, dice
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:43 No.16086946
    rolled 51 = 51

    Can we loot the Eldar ship and create some sort of half-looted-Eldar-ship-half-looted-Imperial-ship hybrid?
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:44 No.16086948
         File1314488654.jpg-(24 KB, 352x247, 1255699905415.jpg)
    24 KB
    >> korosov 08/27/11(Sat)19:45 No.16086956
    rolled 42 = 42

    Try to find smartest of eldar (tech) and try to get her to be your assistant/waifu
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:46 No.16086966
    rolled 80 = 80

    The ruinious powers finds these anons wanting and so set the dice low. Their low level aspirations will never bear fruit, for they are too set on personal gain and not pleasing the Dark Gods
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:47 No.16086976
    >wasting an 80
    >see pic
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:48 No.16086985

    >implying you wouldn't do the same if you find yourself in control of 483 eldar bitches
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:52 No.16087013
    It's not rape if it's a Space Elf.

    But we're heading to Commoragh, so I think there's going to be plenty of rape to go around.
    >> korosov 08/27/11(Sat)19:54 No.16087030
    rolled 35 = 35

    Hey boss did we need some of dem for experimentz?
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:55 No.16087035
    How well can Commoragh hold up against an unexpected attack from Ork raiders pledged to Chaos (seemingly holding Tzeentch's blessing)?
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:58 No.16087067
    They cant.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)19:59 No.16087073
    rolled 17 = 17

    Well, it certainly has the element of surprise.

    prepare all the eldar to join you in a giant psychic drain willpower the second you come into range of any enemy ship.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:00 No.16087082
    right, never rolling again.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:00 No.16087088
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)20:02 No.16087100
    >"Excellent initiative. You'll be my first mate. What is your name?"

    "Selena, sir."

    Allowing the Eldar to take her place in the First Officer's chair, you take the vows of service from each of the other Eldar in turn. For the next several hours, you instruct them on their new role in serving you. Pairing each Eldar with an Ork, you are not blind to the confusion regarding this decision among both parties, but the Eldar and Orks obey without question. Soon enough, the Orks and Eldar are at their posts, with the Eldar focusing on repairing the ship, even as it repairs itself.

    Two days pass, during which time you move your laboratory and all your gear from Da Green Choppa and onto your new ship, which Da Choppa's captain has demanded be called Mork's Klaw. You, in no mood to disagree, allow it to be rechristened, and take to your quarters to study the Eldar loot you've recovered. Those Eldar corpses that were to be thrown out the airlock are instead converted into ServoSkulls, armed with lasguns you've built from memory. You used to build them for the Imperium, but now you build them for yourself.

    It is 5 after 21 in the morning, also known as WAAAGH after WAAAGH in the WAAAGH. Taking your place in the captain's chair, you look around the bridge. It's currently empty, but the readouts show that you are ready to depart for Commoragh.

    What do?
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:05 No.16087115
    >WAAGH after WAAGH in the WAAAGH

    Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's how Orks measure time.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:05 No.16087124
    rolled 51 = 51

    >wat do?

    Set course for Uncharted territory, order all the eldar to kill all the orks in their sleep, and never fuck around with filthy green skins again.

    It's time to start working with a higher class of alien menace here folks.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:06 No.16087126
    rolled 12 = 12

    Hide your psychic presence, while at the same time randomly tickling members of the crew, eldar and ork alike.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:08 No.16087147
    rolled 11 = 11


    Disregard this, have the Eldar train with the Orkz so that the Orkz can actually hit the broad side of a barn.

    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:08 No.16087150
    rolled 64 = 64


    where is the first mate, the captains chair needs "cleaning"
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:09 No.16087156
    rolled 45 = 45


    Also, s[pse we should set sail. Got a city to loot and all.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:09 No.16087157
    rolled 94 = 94

    clearly not the dice gods
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:09 No.16087158
    rolled 32 = 32

    Experiment with Tzeentch's gift. Also, order some breakfast.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:09 No.16087160
    Fuck You
    Once a Ork Always a Ork
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:10 No.16087177
    rolled 97 = 97

    "Selena, eh? Your name is now Bubbles."


    "It's time to find out what this baby can do. TO ADVENTURE!"

    The Ork ship has no prospect of catching us, we simply run. Mind control the remaining Orks on the ship into the brigg, we can modify them and use them as shock troops for boarding actions later.

    See if you can fashion yourself an awesome hat.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:11 No.16087191
    rolled 47 = 47

    Have breakfast served on top of a naked eldar wench.

    If we are to be heretics, we may as well be as completely flamboyantly so as possible, to disguise our serving Tzintch by making all believe we serve Slaanesh.

    Then when we see through their plots they'll be surprised.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:12 No.16087198
         File1314490338.jpg-(24 KB, 337x297, 1313728019276.jpg)
    24 KB
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:12 No.16087202
    rolled 73 = 73

    You're the Ork weapons operator, aren't you? That Ork ship is slag without you on board.

    We should test the Eldar weaponry on it for good times and great justice.

    After we finish teleporting all our gear and gubbinz on board our new ship of course
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:13 No.16087210
    >See if you can fashion yourself an awesome hat.

    Out of pure warp energy.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:14 No.16087216
    rolled 60 = 60

    Wraithbone hat, check.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:15 No.16087229
    rolled 40 = 40

    Could always use one of them hair squigs-er I mean eldar.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:30 No.16087341
    rolled 58 = 58

    Include our lab boyz in the list of gubbinz, we'll want the orky WAAUGH to influence any upgrades to our tech that we attempt, and having lab boyz working on it will help the WAAUGH take effect on them.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:31 No.16087349
    rolled 78 = 78

    Fashion awesome Hat

    In order to build rapport between the crew, extra ale rations to the most efficent groups

    Make sure we cannot make that hat even better

    Begin piratical actions
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:31 No.16087354
    rolled 70 = 70

    We need to make the Eldar ship more Orky
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:34 No.16087376
    rolled 17 = 17

    Let's loot Commoragh.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:35 No.16087387
    rolled 36 = 36

    see if there are any choppa dakka faces on board (scorpions for the un-orky) if there are, use the mask guns in your hat
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:37 No.16087402
    rolled 95 = 95

    use vox to announce to all the eldar bitches that there will be some changes in uniform, all of them must wear bikinis while the first mate must be completely naked
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:37 No.16087408
    rolled 78 = 78

    these three combined
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:38 No.16087415
    rolled 100 = 100

    I like your style.
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)20:40 No.16087426
    Calling Bubbles to the bridge, you instruct her to activate the webway interface and prepare to depart for the nearest Tau Shipping Route. She seems puzzled at first, but soon figures out your plan and obeys without question. You can feel the ship buckling and straining as it begins to power up its engines once more, the repairs having only been finished a few hours prior. Taking one last look at Da Green Choppa out the port viewscreen, you laugh and press the button, as Mork's Klaw enters the webway.

    It takes merely a few seconds for you to reach your stop, time in the webway tending to flow oddly, but doing so more than normal in this area of space. You could have sworn you saw yourself waving at you from another ship, in fact, as you passed by a Hive World beyond the edge of Imperial Space. But it's of no matter. Your ship, Mork's Klaw, is currently floating in an asteroid belt surrounding a bright yellow star. And for some reason, the displays on the bridge are informing you of a large ship currently docked with a space station nearby.

    "We've got a ship on the sensors, sir. Tau, probably. Seems to be docked."

    Donning the fantastic and unmatched hat of the former commander of Mork's Klaw, you grin.

    What do?
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:41 No.16087431
         File1314492066.jpg-(28 KB, 388x275, 1263520892358.jpg)
    28 KB
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)20:43 No.16087463
         File1314492213.jpg-(48 KB, 607x346, AreYouForReal.jpg)
    48 KB
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:43 No.16087464
    rolled 69 = 69


    Fire the main gun, aiming to disable the Tau ship's engines. Than reroute all firepower towards the space station and remove any defenses.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:44 No.16087469
    rolled 27 = 27


    Also, battlestations, turn the cloaking field on and prepare to fuck over the tau
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:44 No.16087476
    rolled 8 = 8


    since Tau are always diplomatical, send a message saying we were attacked by orkz and that we have injured, once the Tau let us in we go in and pillage and see if we can take the ship intact
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)20:51 No.16087535
    Announcing the new changes to the dress code, you call all your officers to the bridge and tell everyone to get to their station. Waiting patiently as Bubbles undresses, you crack a joke at her expense. Soon enough, you are joined in the command center by the other Eldar, along with their Ork partners. They continue to seem at odds with one another, though you suppose that's better than their being at odds with you.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:54 No.16087563
    rolled 24 = 24


    time to fuck shit up , start attacking the Tau , let's see if we can get a crew of Tau and a bigger ship
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)20:55 No.16087570
    rolled 33 = 33

    As your orders are carried out, use Mind Reading on Bubbles.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)21:00 No.16087598
         File1314493219.jpg-(28 KB, 450x600, IMG_0029.jpg)
    28 KB
    >Oh boy another Chaos-related quest, hope this one goes a bit smoother than Abaddon Quest

    Oh goddammit /tg/. This is why we can't have nice things.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)21:03 No.16087629
    rolled 59 = 59


    Our dude has kept his pants on. There's that, at least.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)21:05 No.16087639
    rolled 90 = 90

    Ahh, good point.

    We should remove our pants, comfort before anything else of course!
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)21:05 No.16087640
    rolled 7 = 7



    see if they are stupid enough to allow us into their ship
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)21:08 No.16087657
         File1314493718.jpg-(32 KB, 407x405, scum.jpg)
    32 KB
    rolled 59 = 59


    No, damn you. Rolling to maintain pants on status.
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)21:09 No.16087670
    Ordering Bubbles to fire on the Tau ship, you specify that she is to focus on their engines. She obeys, as does the rest of the crew, powering up the weapon systems in a flash. The viewscreen announces the target lock for only a moment, before the Klaw fires. The ship shakes slightly as Bubbles lets off a salvo of energy beams, each targeting the Tau ship's engines. For a moment, it seems to have no impact, before half the rear section of the Tau ship explodes.

    Ordering her to begin engaging the Tau station, the Klaw accelerates to a better angle, coming out of the asteroid belt and maneuvering to face the station head on. Five individual lances streak across its surface as the station's defenses come online, melting the railgun barrels mere seconds before they can fire. With the station's defenses disabled, Bubbles manually turns the lancers to slice through its comm tower.

    You are not longer wearing pants.

    Really /tg/? Really?
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)21:11 No.16087698
    rolled 12 = 12


    In a howling display of pure guteral rage and impending fate we stand up from our command chair, drop our pants, and chop off our own Mork' and berries.

    We toss the remains to our first mate and instruct her to encase the appendage and sent it over to the Tau ship with a note.



    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)21:12 No.16087703
    rolled 82 = 82


    In addition, enjoy the breezy sensation of no pants. And do the no-pants-dance, for good measure.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)21:12 No.16087707
    rolled 44 = 44


    >you are not longer wearing pants
    don't worry we still have our green robes

    on to the matter at hand, prepare a boarding team to launch at the station
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)21:12 No.16087708
    rolled 90 = 90

    Being fair, I've been rolling low all night, i fully expected that to continue with the pants removal thing, which was supposed to be a joke.

    anyways, prepare a boarding action on the ship first as it seems to be more likely to have military forces and/or valuable loot.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)21:13 No.16087716
    rolled 31 = 31


    Wear something better than pants.


    Also, tell the Eldar/Ork equivalent of marines (not Spehss murheens, but the ones that do boarding actions) to prepare to board the enemy craft.

    Order them to take "maybe about a quarter of them prisoner."
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)21:15 No.16087742
    rolled 64 = 64

    >Loot the tau
    >check for wimmenz
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)21:19 No.16087777
    rolled 88 = 88

    Reach out and flay the mind of the Tau ship's Captain, surrendering its knowledge up to you.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)21:26 No.16087842
         File1314494770.jpg-(40 KB, 500x375, f8e1b6c0eca-boss.jpg.jpg)
    40 KB
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)21:28 No.16087867

    I endorse this message.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)21:33 No.16087912
    rolled 72 = 72

    We're super awesome with Technology, right?


    First order of business: Board the Tau station. Have the wraithbone grow into and intertwine with the systems.
    Second order of business: Find a Tau Ethereal
    Third order of business: Surgically implant yourself with his mind control gland.
    Fourth order of business: Combine Tau Ethereal hat with your Eldar Navy hat.

    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)21:41 No.16087999
    Reaching out with your mind through time and space, you sift through the Warp, searching for the small, almost invisible signature of the Tau. Finding them, you begin to narrow your search, looking for those in positions of authority. Finding them, you narrow your search further, and further, until at last you find the captain. To your Warp-augmented senses, he is all but invisible, gazing at him through the Warp being like looking at a candle from twenty miles away. In the rain. While surrounded by fire.

    Feeling through the confines of the Tau captain's mind, you mentally rip his memories from his body, as everything he knows finds its way into your brain. With that sudden action, you sense his thoughts cease, and what small warp energy he possessed fade into the warp. He is dead, and you now possess all the knowledge of Tau technology that he did.

    >"Bubbles, prepare to board the Tau vessel!"

    "Aye sir!"

    Grabbing the intercom, Bubbles orders the boarding parties to prepare to deploy, ASAP. Informing them of their target, she shouts out commands to the other bridge personnel to bring the Klaw closer to the Tau vessel.

    Soon enough, your ship is floating just over the craft in relation to the station's axis. As the Ork/Eldar boarding team drops from the bottom of Mork's Klaw to the ship below, Bubbles takes her station once more, having been at the Ops Terminal planning their route. As the minutes tick by, and the status updates from the Eldar and Orks continue, it becomes obvious that victory is inevitable. Within an hour of boarding the Tau cruiser, your away team has successfully taken it over and captured roughly half the personnel on board. The other half was, of course, killed.

    Now all that remains is the station.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)21:44 No.16088044
    rolled 81 = 81



    now we go to make the captured Tau into pirates
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)21:46 No.16088059
    rolled 19 = 19


    Fistbumps all around.

    Move into the station quickly before they realize that there's a raiding party knocking at their door. See if the Tau commander had any memories or knowledge of the station that we can exploit, like structural weak points or something.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)21:46 No.16088061
    rolled 72 = 72



    Got ahead of myself, apologies.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)21:47 No.16088075
    rolled 57 = 57


    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)21:48 No.16088090
    rolled 51 = 51


    Ah, why the fuck not. Third.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)21:49 No.16088098
    rolled 68 = 68

    wow, same roll as well, lucky day is today!

    Adding content in that I vote that once the station is taken, we use the Eldar Wraithbone technology to fuse the Tau station and cruiser together as well as grow some more engines to power the behemoth.

    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)21:52 No.16088127

    Are...are we consuming their techno-mass?

    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)21:52 No.16088131
    rolled 71 = 71

    Use crazy-ass warp shit (illusions, quasi-opened gates to the warp that allow even the Tau to see demons and all sorts of bad shit, not enough to make EVERYONE go insane, but some of the weaker-willed ones) to create an intimidating aura around our ship, viewable from the station.

    Then hail them (spam all frequencies, and their heads) to SURRENDER NOW AND JOIN OUR PIRATE CREW OR BE LOOTED BY OUR ORK BOYZ!
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)21:54 No.16088146
    rolled 63 = 63

    Shenanigans you say?

    Turn the female Tau into pirates (also I suggest we make this an all female crew, orks don't count cause they're fungus anyways).

    Give them the same uniform as the eldar.

    Use the male Tau for horrific experiments (how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? 426 you say? well do it again, the sample size is not yet large enough!)
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)21:58 No.16088188
         File1314496697.png-(6 KB, 194x204, OOTSEvil.png)
    6 KB
    rolled 68 = 68

    So we've got Orks and Eldar under our command, and now we're wrangling to get some Tau in there too?

    Chaos: an Equal-Opportunity Employer
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)22:08 No.16088282
    Weaving what warp energies you can over the Klaw, light and darkness seem to change their places, your ship's shadow on the station coming alive of its own accord. Visions of daemons and other monstrosities fill the hearts and minds of all nearby, whilst all the while you subtly drain their willpower. Illusions and partial warp gates in place, you take control of the Klaw's broadcasting terminal, and send out a message.


    Directing Bubbles to have your forces prepare to board the Tau station, you release control over the broadcasting terminal and wait.

    One of your bridge officers suddenly lets out a shout. Her scans have found several reactors priming themselves to blow. She estimates you have five minutes until the station self destructs.

    What do?
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)22:11 No.16088298
    rolled 93 = 93

    Use the Warp to mentally interface with the station computers and turn off the reactors remotely.

    It's fucking psykers, I ain't gotta explain shit.

    Then torture those responsible for the self destruct for being dicks. How dare they choose 'die'!?
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)22:11 No.16088299
    rolled 32 = 32

    Quickly find out who has command override for the reactors and have them shut down the self destruct.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)22:11 No.16088302
    rolled 17 = 17

    Use warp/Eldar treachery to invade the minds of the Tau on the station and have them disarm the reactors.

    Barring that, back up and watch the fireworks/open a rift to the warp right in the station.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)22:13 No.16088324
    rolled 40 = 40

    Using the Captain's knowledge, send emergency override codes and shut down the self destruct sequence.

    Afterwards, prepare to board personally with your servoskulls and the deadliest of your warriors. Time for face to face diplomacy. By which I mean unleashing the full power of Chaos upon those who dare oppose you.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)22:16 No.16088349
    rolled 9 = 9

    Force bubble around our body and ram through your ship and into the asteroid. I'm sure some git will fix the hole in the bridge before everyone sufficates.

    Attaempt to locate or recall from the Tau memory a way to shut down the reators. If the clock hits 1.3 seconds phase shift out of normal time with Tzneetch's temperoal blessing then disassemble the entire power core piece by piece and reassemble it into a chaos star onto our flagship. Return to our command chair and restart time while looking off in the corner bored as if nothing had happpened.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)22:20 No.16088393
    rolled 61 = 61


    Seconding this!
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)22:35 No.16088548
    Enraged at the insistence of the Tau on dying to avoid capture, you cannot help but reach out with the Warp and disable their reactors. Who do they think they are, to deny you your prize? What insolence, to think that they might defy you and survive. As you channel the Tau reactor core energy out of the station and pull the bulkheads closed, you regain your composure, and nod towards Bubbles. Understanding perfectly, she orders the away team to breach the station immediately. Soon after, their transponder signals begin to move into the station.

    Your mind still linked to the station computers, you take a moment to look around. Scientific documents and experimental logs abound, painting a clear picture of the Tau experimenting with Warp Drives. Their intention, it seems, was to copy the technology they had recovered from one of their colonies on a world within this system. You believe it to be of human design, though you'd have to see the actual device to be sure.

    Distracted by these thoughts, and the mountains of heretical Xenos technology at your fingertips, you find yourself being spoken to by Bubbles. Looking around, you see before you several Tau prisoners, evidently officers from the look of their uniforms. You're not sure how long you were out, but given the fact that the officers are in chains, it had to have been over two hours. It felt like mere moments to you, oddly enough.

    "-remaining prisoners have been placed under guard on the Tau vessel we captured."

    Glancing at Bubbles, she signals that she's finished speaking.

    What do?
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)22:38 No.16088576
    rolled 96 = 96

    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)22:39 No.16088581
    rolled 2 = 2


    "You all saw how easily I captured your pathetic space station with but a thought. If you wish to serve under me and share in further victories like these, speak up now."

    All others that refuse, we use for experiments.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)22:41 No.16088586
    >looking at Tau science papers for over two hours
    >don't even notice when a bunch of Tau prisoners get brought on board

    Dammit Tzeentch!
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)22:42 No.16088611
    rolled 3 = 3

    "A meal, while our guests tell me everything they know. And everything they fear."

    Proceed to interrogate them on the warp drive and this colony. If they give you any lip, convince them to play along with psyker lightning.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)22:48 No.16088664
    rolled 34 = 34



    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)22:50 No.16088692

    Well dammit.

    I want a wraithbone eyepatch.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)22:51 No.16088699
    rolled 71 = 71

    Faggot do not delete your posts.

    Order Bubbles to get us an eyepatch. And one for her.
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)23:00 No.16088811
    Passing a note to Bubbles, you stare at the Tau as she leaves to get you both eye patches. You keep staring until she gets back, whereupon you put on your eyepatch and stare some more. One of the Tau goes to speak, but a lightning bolt to the face silences him. Finally, you decide you've come to a decision. Informing your crew that all the female Tau are to be forcibly inducted into your merry band of pirates, you tell them to take the male Tau to your laboratory, that you might experiment on them later. The Tau before you express their anger at being captured suddenly, but one of your boyz restrains them with ease. As they threaten to kill you and your entire crew, your Orks drag them off the bridge. One of them, your security officer, stays behind.

    "Oi, boss, I know we'z pirates an all, but you ain't bein very Orky. Dem Eldar gitz are alroight, wit their warp-krumpin tings, but dem Tau, dey's jus useless. Why we gotta have dem too?"
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:01 No.16088823
    This quest is awesome. Please tell me someone is going to archive this.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:03 No.16088845

    Well would you rather have me experiment on your boyz?

    The ones on my crew are just expendable tools. Some may yet prove themselves to be orky enough to survive in our fleet, and the ones that do not will not bother you for much longer.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:05 No.16088862
    rolled 87 = 87


    krump his arm.

    they'll do well as menial servants at the very least, and we can use them to trick other tau we come across.

    It's easier to krump enemies when they don't know who's doin' the krumpin'
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:05 No.16088869
    rolled 97 = 97


    "Because they can't learn to BE Orky unless we teach em right, ya dumb git"

    Than shoot him for mouthing off.

    Proceed with Bubbles to indoctrinate your new crew members. Since they did try to destroy your loot, there's no reason make the Drain Willpower less horrifying than you have too.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:05 No.16088873
    rolled 26 = 26


    Shit forgot my roll.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:07 No.16088891
         File1314500829.gif-(99 KB, 379x188, 1311814592282.gif)
    99 KB
    rolled 25 = 25




    Don't forget to vote it up.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:07 No.16088899

    >less horrifying than you have too.

    In retrospect that makes no sense. Anyway, you get the idea.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:09 No.16088923
    rolled 53 = 53

    >almost 4000 Tau captured

    Fuck yeah. Let's have an orgy!

    But not really.

    Let's do science on them!
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:09 No.16088926
    rolled 86 = 86


    " 'Cause dem's blue, ya GIT!"

    >Hit him on the head.

    "An' dey's gots shiny shootahs! I wunna combine THEIR shootahs with the ELDAH shootahs that shoot choppy bits and OUR shootahs so we'z gunna get a SUPER DAKKA GUN that shoots SHINY CHOPPY DAKKA!"

    >Hit him again.

    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:10 No.16088943
         File1314501059.gif-(1.63 MB, 314x226, 1309568789275.gif)
    1.63 MB
    rolled 21 = 21


    What's that you say, thousands of expendable bodies to use for human wave tactics? Yes, please!
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:11 No.16088945
         File1314501071.jpg-(17 KB, 223x226, images.jpg)
    17 KB
    and that's how the Orks eventually looted the eye of terror itself.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:16 No.16089011
    rolled 34 = 34

    Also get the Lab Boyz, the Eldar chicks who know science and shit, and the Tau tech officers.

    They will begin the operation to create the ULTIMATE BEING!

    The fungi and reality breaking-ability of the Orkz!

    The longevity, intelligence, and litheness of an Eldar!

    And the... blueness and inability to be possessed by demons (easily)/the ability to be controlled by Ethreals (us?) of the Tau!


    >And Ork wimmenz

    Also need to combine the tactics of all three to make CHAOS TERROR PIRATES OF WAAAGH!
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:18 No.16089029
    rolled 6 = 6

    We should also have a ceremony and sacrifice a couple hundred Tau to Tzeentch.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:20 No.16089047
    rolled 44 = 44

    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:20 No.16089054
    rolled 6 = 6


    And with a roll like that, we'll need a couple hundred to make him happy. Let's make it an even 500.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:21 No.16089062
    rolled 21 = 21


    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:22 No.16089078
    rolled 54 = 54


    Hmm. Two sixes in a row. Perhaps Slaanesh is trying to tell us something.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:22 No.16089083
    rolled 70 = 70

    How about we don't sacrifice anybody to tzeentch, we don't serve chaos, we serve ourself, chaos is just a bro that we chat with sometimes.

    also, brainscan bubbles, hopefully undetected.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:22 No.16089086
    rolled 15 = 15


    Do we really want to be getting the attention of the Chaos gods again? I mean, look how well it turned out with Abaddon Quest.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:22 No.16089089
    rolled 83 = 83


    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)23:29 No.16089170
    A week passes, during which time you begin indoctrinating the Tau into your army. Slowly, at first, with the Tau trying to rebel against your authority. But through use of the Warp, and careful application of horrible torture, you manage to convince them that your way is the right way. The Tau are ill equipped to deal with being under the command of the Eldar and Orks at first, but soon they are working as efficiently as any Imperial crew. Perhaps more so, given their dual motivations of pain and the promise of personal gain.

    You'd docked the Eldar ship at the Tau base soon after the battle, but it took you another two days to locate the engine within the structure. It seems that it had been under-staffed purposefully, so as to keep the secret of the warp drive closely guarded. It was all for nothing, sadly, as the drive you discover is no more than a cast off old Imperial model, rather than the archeotech you had hoped for. You convert the device into a hot tub on a whim.

    The remaining five days you spend on something even more Heretek than converting a Warp Drive to a hot tub: Combining Tau, Eldar, and Ork technology into a ship-scale choppa shoota. First having your Tau slaves build a forge, you begin to disassemble a Tau railgun, taking as many notes as you can as you go. Once you're sure you've memorized the blueprints, you begin to integrate Eldar gravity-tech into the railgun, decreasing the mass of each projectile so as to accelerate it to even greater speeds.
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)23:30 No.16089181
    With that done, you use several pieces of Ork technology to increase its firing rate, though in doing so you accidentally scald forty Tau to death with molten titanium. But who cares? You sure don't, as the sheer power of the weapon you've built blinds you to the cost. A Tau anti-ship railgun, capable of propelling dozens of blades per second at nearly impossible speeds. The only problem is that it overheats quickly, but with automatic shutdown gubbins built in, you needn't worry about actively monitoring its heat level.

    >Built Heretek: Supa Dakka Choppy Shoota Prototype, Ship Scale
    >Tau Killed By Molten Titanium: 40
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:32 No.16089204
         File1314502367.jpg-(13 KB, 319x174, U7LXGLVCVO3HTA5YLGQIBFIQQX2NKC(...).jpg)
    13 KB
    rolled 88 = 88

    >A Tau anti-ship railgun, capable of propelling dozens of blades per second at nearly impossible speeds

    Well don't just be muckin' about! Let's go find something to test it on!
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)23:33 No.16089209
    You're currently in your quarters, muckin about. What do?
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:33 No.16089212
    rolled 59 = 59


    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:33 No.16089222
    rolled 50 = 50



    Now, we need two things:

    A flag appropriate in representing our warp-fueled multi-racial pirate crew!

    Secondly, a GIANT BATTLE SUIT/SET OF POWER ARMOR, also made by combining Eldar, Human, Ork, and Tau shit. For us to use, so we can reinforce to the Orks that we're in charge CAUSE EY'M DA BIGGEST AND BADDEST, YA GITS!

    Now let's go find an asteroid/planet to make our base.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:34 No.16089224
    rolled 72 = 72


    get the first mate in here, I have a "spear" that needs a good polish
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:34 No.16089226
    rolled 19 = 19


    Mind Read on Bubbles for any potential non-heretical, non subservient thoughts that must be snuffed out
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:35 No.16089231
    rolled 18 = 18


    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:39 No.16089278
    rolled 61 = 61


    Why the hell do we want the Tau hand to be wielding the ax? We don't want to give anyone the wrong idea about who's in charge around here.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:39 No.16089279
    rolled 16 = 16

    Bubbles if she knows of any good target locations to raid/test our new weapon on nearby.

    she can feel free to have us target a particularly hated enemy at the same time if she so wishes, we are kind to those who serve us well.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:40 No.16089299
    rolled 4 = 4

    Hold an open debate on the relative merits of Tau ass vs Eldar ass.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:40 No.16089301
    rolled 72 = 72

    a human hand holding an ork blade with an eldar symbol on in impaling a tau?
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:42 No.16089316
    rolled 9 = 9


    That's better, if a little busy for a symbol.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:43 No.16089326
    rolled 89 = 89

    Wait guys, I just thought of a target!

    Why don't we raid the old ship?


    We must expand our fleet, and make a pirate base!
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:45 No.16089352
    rolled 63 = 63


    Excellent. Use our new technology to demonstrate our superiority, then use the expanded manpower to build a new base.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:45 No.16089355
         File1314503145.gif-(21 KB, 498x500, Fraser-spiral.gif)
    21 KB
    Pic related, let's do this. Hypnotism flag!
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:47 No.16089376
    rolled 94 = 94

    Why bother to take over the old boss' orks? we've already got a bunch, and eventually (read pretty quickly) more will start to grow from spores...

    actually, we should have a large room filled with soil artificial light and water, and have orks always standing in it, then indoctrinate the new orks into our warband.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:48 No.16089387
    rolled 38 = 38


    It's the spirit of the thing is all.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:53 No.16089434
    rolled 100 = 100


    Plus, we need to weed out some of the weaker Tau, if we plan to create a super-interspecies race of super soldiers/pirates.

    Plus, it's the proper Orky thing to do, right?

    >Also, what are the colors to orks? You think a stealth-suit painted blue will be even more... stealthy?
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:56 No.16089463
    rolled 86 = 86


    Blue is lucky.

    Purple is stealthy.
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/27/11(Sat)23:57 No.16089476
    Chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool, and all shooting some B-ball outside of the school, you think of a brilliant plan! What if you took over you old captain's ship? It would be so fitting, given you new holdings, to take over the ship that you formerly served on. Ah, but you'd have no guarantee you'd be able to find him. Never the less, you decide to look into it, when you hear Bubbles call you over the intercom.

    "Captain, the Da Green Choppa just appeared on our sensors. Captain Deathblud is hailing us."

    Lecturing Bubbles on the proper grammar of 'the' and 'Da Green Choppa', you leave your quarters and make your way to the bridge. Outside a window, you can see The Red Storm floating nearby, its railguns repaired by your Tau captives, and its engine block put back together using Ork teknologee. Painted red, as is befitting its name, both the Tau and the Orks swear its much faster than it was before, though you aren't convinced.

    Arriving at the bridge, you come face to face with your former captain, Deathblud. Or rather, face to viewscreen, his ugly mug being transmitted from Da Green Choppa via an interface you yourself designed.


    Bubbles speaks up.

    "I've disabled the audio, sir, he can't hear us, only see us. Want me to turn it back on?"
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:59 No.16089501
    rolled 21 = 21

    Engage in a rap battle for supremacy.
    >> Anonymous 08/27/11(Sat)23:59 No.16089502
    rolled 89 = 89


    Nah, leave it off.

    Flip the good captain the bird.

    Then signal for open fire with our shiny new toy.
    >> Anonymous 08/28/11(Sun)00:00 No.16089509
    rolled 50 = 50


    Engage in Ork-yelling match with Deathblud, while a Tau-stealthsuit technology-equipped Orks painted purple infiltrate Da Green Choppa and open the way for our assault craft/boarding parties covertly.

    Their craft covered by our fun new gun(s).
    >> Anonymous 08/28/11(Sun)00:02 No.16089535
    rolled 2 = 2

    Seconding this.

    Have the Tau captives perform a dance number in the background as well.
    >> Anonymous 08/28/11(Sun)00:02 No.16089539
    rolled 13 = 13

    gonna have to go with this, we can always have the tau fix it under our capable direction after we finish off the orks inside
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/28/11(Sun)00:24 No.16089753
    Holding one finger way up in the air for Kaptain Deathblud to see, you tell Bubbles to lock on to Da Green Choppa. As the captain sputters in anger, you cut the line, the screen before you displaying the black void of space alone, with the Choppa coming into view. As the cogitators of the ship sound the lock on, you give the signal.

    >"Fire the SDCS, Ms. Bubbles."

    A button press later, and you hear what sounds like an angry swarm of tyranids shooting out of the forward bow. Each bladed round accelerated to extreme speeds, they bypass the enemy vessels' Void Shields without a single thought, the gravitational warping of the railgun having encased them in a negative-mass bubble. Each and every blade impacts Da Green Choppa head on, as it begins to build up its own energy supply. For a moment, you think it's going to fire the lance, but with the several dozen holes in its hull, it can't bring the energy to bear. You realize the energy has to go somewhere, though. And just seconds later, your suspicions about where are confirmed, as Da Green Choppa's bridge explodes, taking who knows how many hundreds of Orks to their doom. Along with Kaptain Deathblud.

    With its hull filled with around three dozen tears, its bridge missing, and its weapons disabled, the Choppa floats aimlessly towards you, leaking atmosphere without anyone to activate the bulkheads and seal off the missing sections.

    "Test successful, powering down SDCS. Power efficiency... 15% less than we thought. Damn."
    >> Anonymous 08/28/11(Sun)00:28 No.16089798
    >dat anti-ship gun
    >> Anonymous 08/28/11(Sun)00:30 No.16089807
    rolled 59 = 59

    Ahh well, we shall simply have to do better in the future, prepare to board the vessel, we shall take it as our own once more.

    Order the Tau engineers to prepare to repair the damaged vessel.
    >> Anonymous 08/28/11(Sun)00:30 No.16089812
    rolled 17 = 17



    Let's latch onto the ship and send the troops in!


    And when we're done cleaning up, we drag it to The Red Storm so we can get the mech boyz to fix it up with Eldar/Tau technology fusions.

    >Unless we want to combine it with our ship to make one colossal awesome ship.
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/28/11(Sun)00:35 No.16089896
    AAAAAAAND the thread's autosaging.
    >> Anonymous 08/28/11(Sun)00:38 No.16089919
    rolled 59 = 59

    last part of this
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/28/11(Sun)00:38 No.16089928
    Since this thread is autosaging, I can either end this quest for now and restart tomorrow, or run it for a few more hours right now and then more tomorrow night.

    Which one shall I do?
    >> Anonymous 08/28/11(Sun)00:39 No.16089939
    rolled 40 = 40

    The latter as I most likely will not have power tomorrow night due to HURRICANE!
    >> Anonymous 08/28/11(Sun)00:45 No.16089983
    rolled 49 = 49

    >> Anonymous 08/28/11(Sun)00:46 No.16089994
    rolled 51 = 51

    East coast represent?
    >> Heresy !mxBDpej4rQ 08/28/11(Sun)00:57 No.16090099
    New thread: >>16090095

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