http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/15770652/http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=AbaddonYou are Ezekyle Abaddon. The Despoiler, the Warmaster of Chaos, Son of Horus, leader of the Black Legion, and the galaxy’s second most eligible bachelor.Alright, here’s a brief summary of what’s happened so far:- got a pair of bionic arms- called the 14th Black Crusade- contacted Ahriman and told him you want to do some time travel- rallied some of the other champions- physically ripped Sindri’s soul out of the warp and bound him to your bionic arm- physically ripped Araghast’s soul out of the warp and bound him to your codpiece- had Eliphas steal a couple of hundred jokaero- got all the Crusading ships together, revealed that you’re back in time to kill the Emperor as a kid- traveled back in time to ancient Terra, launched drop pods- suddenly, Eldar and dinosaurs everywhere- realize you got sent into the prehistoric era- fought some Eldar and raptors- retrieved a t-rex, a female Eldar warrior, a senile Alpha legion dread and a mostly-dead terminator- got back to flagship, smacked Ahriman’s shit for fucking up- told Ahriman you want to convert the Eldar to Chaos, as they don’t seem to know about its existence- visited Eldar captive, beat her, raped her, got her pregnant with a Lovecraftian chaos tentacle monster that she gave birth to five minutes later, got her pregnant again, and brainwashed her using warp magic (HOW LOVLEY)- had chat with tentacle abomination sonaughter, smacked around for being a brat- visited jokaero, had power armour commissioned for sonaughter, had them fuse dreadnought and terminator into a two-headed terminought, turned t-rex into steed and had it outfitted with weapons(continuing)
- chatted with Eldar captive, brainwashed/seduced some more and planned to make her your waifu as part of yet-to-be-fully-realized scheme to convert Eldar to Chaos- called for war council, formed schemes- got attacked by Eldar ships- warpstorm got created and your war council was teleported onto the Eldar flagship- butchered a bunch of Eldar, captured about a dozen and converted one to Chaos- encountered the ship’s High Seer and her retinue- threw a dreadclaw at her, had Ahriman take her to ship- killed some more Eldar- encountered elite Eldar force, scared the shit out of them so bad they fled in terror- had Eldar fleet surrender, raped two Seers- found the wounded Noddaba, had half your boarding party wiped out by a Wraith-Giant- fought with Wraith-Giant that you eventually corrupted with warp energies- raped some bitches- found Master of Hounds with half of body missing, sent to jokaero to be turned into an FMA-style cyborg- got back to Spirit of Vengeance with Eldar captives- attempted to convert High Seer to chaos, got her extremely pissed- High Seer goes berserk and kills a converted Eldar, attacks Kharn- bloody/sexy/awesome fight occurs, you record the entire thing(continuing)
- got a bunch of champions and their retinues together to go on a mission to rescue Typhus- made planetfall using bikes, killed some dinosaurs while riding through the jungle, found a hostile Malal cultist- found diseased dinosaurs and followed them while rocking out in the jungle- discovered Typhus in a plagued jungleTyphus walks up to you and gives you a big nurglite huge. “It’s great to see you again, Abaddon!” He smells like rotting eggs mixed with animal crap, and you can hear buzzing as the flies inside him try to find a way into your armour.The traveler lets go and takes a step back. “I’ve been having the best time ever here!” he says “When I landed there were all this big adorable creatures and plants and flowers. They were also so pretty I decided to grant them Nurgle’s blessings!”You look around, seeing saurian plagued with disease, infections and broken flesh. Poisonous fumes emit from nearby flowers and corruption spreading through the trees like cancer. “Now this forest and all its life-forms are part of Papa Nurgle’s family. Isn’t it beautiful?”A sauropod then belches, spitting up acidic juices and chunks of it’s own decaying insides. You can hear some of the Eldar coughing or vomiting, and the Seer Asrah appears to have fainted.What now, warmaster?(rolls are 1d100 with higher being better, and any rolls of 66, 77, 88, or 99 will result in that action being chosen above all and "enhanced", as it has clearly been blessed by the Dark Gods)
rolled 54 = 54>>15818461Tell Typhus that we're here to get his fat ass back to the ships.
rolled 97 = 97>>15818461Get the eldar together. It's time to have them educated about the ways of Nurgle.
rolled 67 = 67>>15818505This, and mouth to the Eldar "He's just an old softie really."
rolled 16 = 16Ask Typhus if we can give that sauropod to Noddaba as a gift.
rolled 44 = 44>>15818505also call the ship, see if we can grab as many plague sauians on board and weaponized as possible
>>15818505With the Herald of the big green man himself here, you decide this would be an ideal time to teach your new Eldar friends about Nurgle.You tell the Eldar warriors and Seers to get over to where you stand. They fly their jetbikes over to you and dismount. The Seer Karanra appears to trying to get her fellow Seer back awake.Typhus walks over to them and you state that you're going to tell them about Nurgle of the Chaos Gods. You start by saying the aspects he dominates and he loves decay and despair."Excuse me, lord Abaddon." Seer Karanra says "But what makes this Nurgle a better god than Slaanesh?"
>>15818606"Because Father Nurgle loves you. You're all precious to him, each and every one. Nurgle *cares*. Slaanesh gives you a fun ride, but he'll just use you up. You know he isn't good for you, baby, but you keep going back to him."
rolled 53 = 53>>15818606BECAUSE NURGLE IS NOT A BITCHThen pimp smack her.
>>15818624No rolls?dice+1d100Tell them that there's nothing quite like family
rolled 41 = 41>>15818624>>15818647E-mail field bro.
rolled 6 = 6>>15818647Newfag here rolling for the first time.
rolled 67 = 67>>15818606You will never fear pain or death, and while slaanesh will give you great sensation, no one will love you like Nugle love his followers, these creature around us feel that love as I speak, all one must do is embrace and Accept the Decay.
rolled 30 = 30>>15818606Because Nurgle is a family man. You're still young and horny right now and as such you find Slaanesh and his world of sex appealing. But one day when you're older you'll want to settle down and have a nice little family of chaos worshipers. And when that day comes you'll be looking to papa Nurg.
rolled 60 = 60>>15818606Do you fear death? Pain? Despair? Well look no further than Papa Nurgle! Also if you never had a father figure, he's perfect.
rolled 56 = 56Because green is a cooler colour than purple.
>>15818660You tell Karanra that Nurgle gives love to all of those who follow him. The Seer looks around at the rotting forest and plagued saurians for a few seconds. "Yeah, I think I'll pass on love if it's going to result in me looking like those creatures." she says"Aw she's just anxious about her appearance." Typhus says "You know what'll cure that?"The travller walks over to Karanra. He wraps his bulky arms around her and squeezes. "A GOOD OLD NURGLITE HUG!"The Seer screams from surprise before passing out from Typhus' smell. The Herald drops her down and looks around at the other Eldar, arms extended. "Come on, don't be shy! There's enough hugs for everyone!"
rolled 69 = 69>>15818817Get Typhus to quit hugging and tell him that he's needed back on the fleet.
rolled 13 = 13>>15818817I don't think they're ready for the hugs just yet. Also, don't forget to remind the Eldar of Chaos Undivided
rolled 77 = 77>>15818817Command the eldar to let Typhus hug them all.They shall embrace Nurgle.
rolled 28 = 28>>15818817"I'd rather have them conscious. Now come we need to get to the fleet, much has changed in your absence and we need to discuss Nurgle's role in the conversion of the eldar." Then call for transport.
rolled 56 = 56>>15818849>>15818857Combine these
rolled 38 = 38>>15818872FUCKYES
rolled 1 = 1>>15818872<MFW
rolled 76 = 76Enough of this faggotry! Can we have a little more BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD?
>>15818872As the Eldar begin backing away, you give them the order to stay where they are and let Typhus give them a taste of the Plague God's embrace.The Herald walks up to each individual, giving them a nice strong hug while being carefully not to crush them. The hugged Eldar are forced to take in his stench, feel his decaying armour against them and watch as flies of the Destroyer Hive begin festering into their skin.Most of the Eldar pass out from the terrible rot and sights. Those who don't are hugged a bit longer, their skin being slowly infected by Typhus' touch and Nurgle's embrace affecting them.Once finished, the Eldar warriors and Seers lie on the ground. A few scream vomit, others say nothing as corruption can be seen slowly taking over their bodies. The Seer Asrah seems to have several flies trying to burrow into his arm.
>>15818945>>15818872 Nurgle is among us.
rolled 100 = 100>>15818983Now remember, though it is in they're nature to fued with eachother, you can accept the entire pantheon of, and worship Chaos Undivided.
rolled 19 = 19>>15818983Now that that's over with let's tell Typhus what's happening and that we need him back on the ships.
rolled 50 = 50Well, nice to see this thread off to a good start already.Get back to the ship, we've wasted enough time tramping around planetside, we have EVIL PLOTTING TO DO.
rolled 60 = 60>>15818983Get our sonaughter over here, so s/he can witness the gifts of Papa Nurgle in action.
rolled 27 = 27>>15819036also cancel the deep strike
>>15819036You tell the downed Eldar than even though the gods Nurgle and Slaanesh might stand for different thing, they can still both be worshiped as part of Chaos Undivided.Typhus walks over to you. "Hey Abaddon I just realized something." he says "Why are there Eldar here? And why are they working alongside chaos?"
rolled 22 = 22>>15819088"Ahriman fucked up and sent us back too far. We're properly educating them now."
rolled 8 = 8>>15819088"Long story, we'll tell you on the way back to the ship." call the ship, cancel the deep strike and send down more transports to pick these plague dinos.
rolled 16 = 16>>15819088"They're our bros and hos now. Enjoy yourself. By the way, you haven't run into any Malal warrior-types running around here, have you?"
rolled 44 = 44>>15819088"Much has happened my friend. Let's talk more once we are aboard my ship."
rolled 81 = 81>>15819113>>15819115Re-rolling and merging
>>15819118I've been seeing alot of 44's lately, does that numbermean any thing?
>>15819124You tell Typhus that these Eldar are your allies now, and that you'll explain more once he's on board the Vengeful Spirit.You vox your flagship and order that Josh' deep strike be cancelled, also that you need as many thunderhawks as they can spare to pick up some saurians.Remembering the Malal kill-crazy from earlier, you ask Typhus if he has seen any Malal cultists since he arrived on the planet. "Malice? I'm not sure about that, although some of my adorable saurians have been killed recently by some warrior running around in the jungle. Burned and burst open."
(I'm going to be off for about ten minutes or so, keep on rolling)
>>15819218That might have been Doomrider, should get him on the Vox and let him know we're leaving.
rolled 90 = 90>>15819252argh!
rolled 18 = 18>>15819218Interesting. We should keep a lookout in case there are more of them.>>15819252This is a good idea too.
>>15819284>He thinks he can troll Abbaddon Quest!>Laughing_chaos_entourage.jpeg
rolled 83 = 83>>15819218You tell Typhus to get back onto the ship, claiming that all the crewman have been crying because of the lack of love for them. Nurglite family love.Then you try to wake up the passed out Eldars, explaining that, while the gifts of Nurgle may look like plagues, the only true plague that exists in Chaos are traitors.
>>15819264(I'm back)Thinking that Doomrider might be the cause of this, you decide to vox him and inform him that you're going to be leaving shortly.The vox barks back. "ALRIGHT MAN! JUST GONNA HAVE ONCE LAST SNORT AND I'LL HEAD OFF TO YOUR LACTATION!" Doomrider shoutsYou look skyward and see several thudnerhawks descending towards your location. Suddenly, a large las-beam flies out from the jungle and strikes the lowest thunderhawk. The transport's engine is destroyed by the hit and falls downwards with a trail of smoke."WHAT HAPPENED?! WHO OPENED FIRE?!" you hear over the vox
rolled 36 = 36>>15819575Mobilize to the origin of the las-beam.
>>15819575Get that fucker with the las-cannon and beat the living crap out of him.
rolled 3 = 3>>15819575Order thunderhawks the unload their weapons on where the las-blast came from.
rolled 68 = 68>>15819635WRRYYYYYYY
rolled 83 = 83>>15819575Pat awake Karanra, "Is that your fault?"Eitherway, call up via vox, "Thunderhawks this is ground control, LZ is not cleared, i repeat, not cleared, pull back until we solve this issue.." Turn to Typhus, "Alright, get your pets on that firing position ASAP, Everyone else, asides from..." Pick out a few noise marines, Kharn, and our master of hounds, "You guys, we're going to bring the hurt to whoever fucking did that."
rolled 89 = 89>>15819575Find the moron who fired, and slap his shit!
rolled 50 = 50>>15819643I like this
rolled 21 = 21>>15819643I am in favor of this.
>>15819643Add Nodabba to the team. By the way, where is that little bastard?
rolled 82 = 82>>15819740>>15819643Also, rollan.
>>15819657Not wanting to let whoever shot down one of your dropships get away, you order your warriors rally together. You tell them you're going to find whoever fired the las-weapon and make them pay.Your entire squad, including Typhus, head off into the jungle towards the origin of the lasfire. You and your marines run, while the now revived Eldar get onto their jetbikes and hover alongside.As you and your group march through the jungle, something suddenly comes into view. A leman russ with the colours of the Black Legion. It has a hull-mounted lascannon, sponson-mounted heavy flamers, reinforced armour and a spiky dozer blade. The battle tank charges towards you at full speed.
rolled 68 = 68>>15819768Jump from your bike, sending it swerving away from the tank when you do, to jump into the air and land ontop of it and RIp And SINDRII inside
rolled 61 = 61>>15819768Let the Master of Hounds melt the front of it with his melta. Then rip open the hull and pull out the driver.
rolled 28 = 28>>15819779Seconding this.
rolled 28 = 28>>15819779followed by a blast from our new sonic blastmaster
rolled 20 = 20>>15819768Rip it open like a tin can and see who the fuck decided to run us down.
rolled 46 = 46>>15819779Take swift evasive action and attempt to imobilize the vehicle by having Sindri curse the machine spirit (or fuck with the treads,whatever.)If it comes to an halt, rip open the hatch and make Typhus vomit inside.
>>15819779As the tank comes charging you quickly throw yourself into the air towards it. You managed to land atop the vehicle with a metallic slam. You hear a scream as someone is run over by the tank.Pulling Sindri back, you ram the fist into the leam russ. You grab a hunk of metal and tear it back, making a hole in the tank's top.Suddenly the vehicle stops. You see someone inside through the hole, who greets you with hellgun fire.
rolled 37 = 37Jump off the bike and do a Flying Jump Kick toward the cannon, ripping it in twain and kicking whoevers inside in the face all while screaming DYNAMIC ENTRY!
rolled 90 = 90rip their hed off, drop a grenade in
rolled 83 = 83>>15819868Deflect with demonically enfused hip thrust"Get." Reach in"The" Grasp whatever little fucking just did that"Fuck" SQUEEZE"Out" Drag the unfortunate victim out"OF MY TANK!" Hurl the scum into the gapping maw of some plague dino.
rolled 98 = 98>>15819896supporting
rolled 35 = 35>>15819868Bat the gun out of his hand with a lazy swipe of our arm and pick him up by the neck with Sindri, holding him aloft and shouting: WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I AM, I AM ABADDON THE DESPOILER, WARMASTER OF CHAOS, TAMER OF DAEMONS AND THE MOTHERFUCKER WHO'S ABOUT TO TURN YOU INTO A CARNOSAUR PROFILACTIC IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE?
rolled 88 = 88>>15819868Cover our face with Sindri ( he's probably getting used to the pain anyway).Take a quick watch wether the person inside the tank is CREEEEEED, otherwise try to grab it and pull it out of the vehicle.
rolled 99 = 99>>15819868Beat his ass and then interrogate him. Find out who the fuck he is and why he's attacking us.
rolled 97 = 97>>15819922>>15819915
>>15819915Acting instinctively you guard yourself from the las bolts with Sindri. The shots scorch the daemon arm and cause it to whimper.You decide to check if the person inside the tank is Creed, as that bastard can infiltrate anything. That doesn't seem to be the case. The man inside the tank is a pale, gaunt warrior wearing black leather armour . He seems to be wearing a pendant with the mark of Malal on it.You grab the warrior and pull him out of the tank. You hear him scream. "NO! I need to kill you for Malice!"
rolled 74 = 74Cough.
rolled 31 = 31>>15820020do this>>15819896
rolled 53 = 53>>15820020Your god can't hear you here, pup. SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!At which point we physically pull off his head with Sindri and throw it to one of the eldar to catch.
rolled 13 = 13>>15820020Separate his arms and legs from his torso, cauterize the wounds and take him prisoner. Send him Ahriman, maybe he can figure out what the fuck is going on.
rolled 50 = 50>>15820020"Yeah well I'm gonna kill you for Khorne. Once you're done answering my questions of course."
rolled 76 = 76>>15820055I vote this
rolled 81 = 81>>15820020Tear out his spine
rolled 26 = 26>>15820020Burst into hearty laughter and say that he would actually strenghten Chaos by killing you,thus inflicting the wrath of his so-called Chaos God upon him.>positive. retaidisAlso, teach Typhus a new gift of Nurgle which will make the host retarded and give it space-aids.
rolled 79 = 79>>15820020"Tell him you failed."Throw him into a dinosaurs acidic mouth.
rolled 38 = 38>>15820047re-roll
>>15820073You grab onto the warrior's back with Sindri. The daemon arm fingers sink through his flesh, causing the Malal cultist the scream in pure agony. As you touch bone, you tighten your grip on the spine and yank.The spine is ripped out of his body. The warrior screams as loud as possible as his back is torn open, the back of his skull is ripped open and blood gushes out. Amazingly, after a few seconds it seems that he is still alive. The warrior looks at you with a mix of pain and anger, blood running from his mouth."Fuck...you...bastard....die...."
rolled 30 = 30>>15820181Now toss him to the plague beasts.
rolled 19 = 19>>15820181He's still alive? Get him to talk.
rolled 78 = 78>>15820181interrogate him. if he doesn't talk, ask typhus to give him a puppy to calm him down.
rolled 52 = 52>>15820181Try to keep him alive and torture him to gain addition information:-How the fuck did he get there-Are there other Malal cultists here?- Is he aware that his god is a living joke?
rolled 90 = 90>>15820181Tell him that you'll stop him from dying if he tells you who he is and why he attacked.
rolled 25 = 25>>15820200Shit, we needed to interrogate the bastard. If he's still capable of talking, demand some answers.
rolled 95 = 95>>15820229Something tells me that offer isn't going to work.
rolled 4 = 4>>15820226>torture...>no spinal cord
rolled 70 = 70>>15820226This, also - Tea Time. Call the Mater of the Hounds to set up afternoon tea. I expect cucumber sandwiches.
rolled 43 = 43>>15820255>still talking without a spinal cord>its magic bitch I aint got to explain shit
>>15820255>Champion of Chaos (including Tzeentch and Slaanesh)>Rational physics and anatomy
>>15820229You tell the warrior that if he answers your questions then you will let him live on. He spits a glob of blood in response."Better.....to die... f-for freedom...then.....serve a...t-tyrant..." he says lowly "Malice....and m-master will....be pleased...."
rolled 92 = 92>>15820181choke him to death with his own spinal cord.
rolled 87 = 87>>15820288: see >>15820289
rolled 56 = 56>>15820288WHO DO YOU SERVE OTHER THAN YOUR GOD, RUNT!
rolled 17 = 17>>15820288waitwaitwait, Malice /AND/ master? Who the hell is this master?
rolled 14 = 14>>15820288keep him alive. when we reach the ship, place him in a dreadnaught sarcophogus. never hook it up toan actual deadnaught
rolled 75 = 75>>15820288Master? For one thing, who the fuck is said Master, and why should they be pleased given that I am still lively enough to rip out your spine,scum?
rolled 1 = 1>>15820316this and this>>15820314
rolled 95 = 95>>15820318Seconding this. We need answers first, THEN choke him with his own backbone.
rolled 98 = 98>>15820316rolling for this
rolled 79 = 79>>15820288We'll talk to his master ourselves when we're bitch slapping him with his own dismembered tongue, hold him by his head in front of the eldar and shout. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO THOSE WHO WORSHIP FOOL GODS!
rolled 38 = 38>>15820267>>15820316>>15820309I can't interrogate cultists without my tea. Preferably lime blossom with madeleines for dunking.
>>15820373As the warrior has answers to questions you need answered, and is currently not in the condition to speak, you realize it would be best to keep him alive for as long as possible. Putting him in a sarcophagus could work once aboard the ships.However, the warrior of Malal seems like he could die at any second. You'll need to find a way to keep him alive until you reach the Vengeful Spirit.
rolled 80 = 80>>15820419Force of will.Possibly ask eldar/typhus/doomrider for help
rolled 33 = 33>>15820419THROUGH THE GIFTS OF NURGLE I GRANT HIM EXTENDED LIFE!
rolled 97 = 97>>15820419Could we make use of magic to put him into stasis of some sort? Long enough to get us to the ship, at least.
rolled 43 = 43>>15820419we use the arm of course
rolled 79 = 79>>15820443Get Typhus over here - maybe he can pull off some Nurglish mumbo jumbo and keep him alive (enough.)
rolled 64 = 64>>15820443RERAWLAN
>>15820445An idea comes to your mind. Using some sorcery the warrior could be kept alive with a stasis field.You call over the two Eldar Seers. They ride over with their jetbikes and you tell them to create a stasis field to keep the mangled warrior alive. They comply, and use their psychic powers to form one around his body.Eliphas runs over to you. "My lord, are you alright?" You hear thunderhawks descending in the distance.
rolled 65 = 65BY THE WILL OF NURGLE, PICK UP THE CULTIST AND PRESS HIM AGAINST THE ASS OF ONE OF THE PLAGUEBEASTS, FUSING HIS FLESH TO THE CREATURE AND GRANTING HIM EXTENDED LIFE AS A LIMBLESS HEAD AND TORSO ON THE BUTTCHEEKS OF A SAUROPOD.
rolled 80 = 80>>15820520My throat is itchy and i'm hankerin for some fuckin tea, otherwise peachy. The fuck are you so jumpy about?
rolled 12 = 12>>15820520MORE MALAL WORSHIPPING FUCKS.THIS IS CAUSING MUCH ENTERTAINMENT AND FUN.ALSO, CAN YOU TELL AHRIMAN THAT I GOT A LIVE ONE WHOSE BRAIN HE CAN PICK
rolled 72 = 72>>15820520This Malice thing is turning out to be a real problem, we didn't bring these maniacs, SO HOW THE HELL DID THEY GET HERE!?!?!?!
rolled 68 = 68>>15820520"I'm fine, apart from being pissed off with this chucklefuck over here."When we get back on board the ship, get the cultist hooked up to the sarcophagus ASAP, call up Ahriman and have him help out with the interrogation.
rolled 52 = 52>>15820545They gathered with the rest of our fucks like every fucking crus-CRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
rolled 41 = 41>>15820540I like this response, rerolling.
>>15820532You tell Eliphas than you're fine, albeit thirsty. You also ask him why he's so jumpy."Sorry, I was just a bit worried when you charged a Leman Russ by yourself." he says "Anyways, do you wish to get on the thunderhawks now? We can get you some tea once we're aboard the Vengeful Spirit."
rolled 90 = 90>>15820583Yes, Eliphas. Then we will discuss our next course of action.
>>15820583SUDDENLY GAV THE OGRYN APPEARS AND FUCKS UP EVERYONE'S SHIT.
rolled 82 = 82>>15820625WHOOPS, FORGOT TO ROLL! FOR THE EMPEROR!
rolled 35 = 35>>15820583Yes. Call up Ahriman and get his help with the interrogation too.
>>15820609You tell Eliphas that you're ready to leave. He nods. "Very well, my lord."You and the rest of your group get aboard the thunderhawks and soar off into the sky. The remaining dropships begin picking up some of the nurglite saurians.Once your thunderhawk has docked in the Vengeful Spirirt the ship's doors open and you find Ahriman waiting for you once more."Listen Abaddon, you have been putting off shit for too long." the sorcerer says "Currently we have thousands of Eldar POWs, a warp storm coming out of our flagship, over a thousand astartes dead and missing, half of the most important individuals among the fleet dead and a pissed High Seer beaten half to death twice by you. Now, if you're done fucking around with saurians can we please getting some FUCKING SHIT DONE!"
rolled 92 = 92>>15820748"What's that Ahriman? You want me to bitch-slap you across the room?"
rolled 90 = 90>>15820748"Fuckoff Ahriman, I just pulled Typhus and his troops outta the shit fuckface. Now, where is my tea. Those madeleines best be ready."
rolled 13 = 13>>15820748Sure. As an apology gift, have a live malal cultist. War room in the next hour to discuss courses of action.
rolled 8 = 8rolling because ahriman gets enough shit from us already and as our most pwerful psyker could seriously fuck up our shit if he gets too pissed
rolled 10 = 10>>15820748Tell him to shut up and suit up. We're gonna interrogate a Malal bastard.
rolled 60 = 60give ahriman the guy we got, tell him to rip his mind to pieces and get information on any other cultists
rolled 79 = 79>>15820822supporting
rolled 99 = 99>>15820748Smile at Ahriman, smile as you have never smiled before, then tell him that we have gotten things done.We have found both Typhus and a Malal cultist. Who, by the way, we need to interogate once he is put in a sarcophagus.
rolled 31 = 31>>15820793Rolling for this guy, Ahriman is our only no-nonsense dude. Give him some slack.
rolled 85 = 85>>15820793>>15820891I agree. at the rate we keep treating him he's gonna go starscream on us. And beat us.
>>15820856You smile grandly at Ahriman and speak. You tell him that you have rescued Typhus and captured a warrior of Malal, who must be put in a sarcophagus.Ahriman sighs. "Well, it seems you did manage to get something done." he says "I'm still displeased though.You got half the war council killed, have ruined our chances of persuading the High Seer, and haven't looked at a single report of our space battle."He continues. "But I suppose this is better than nothing. I'll have my sorcerers bring the Malalist to my chambers. Meanwhile, I think we need to find a way to deal with the thousands of angry dangerous Eldar, among other things."
>>15820856KAIOSS WEELLS EET
>>15820921These eldar have proven mighty unreceptfull of Nurgle's blessing.As such, on our next move, we must bring Ahriman and the Slaneeshi champion. Not Kharn. Not because I don't like Kharn, but simply because these two are the best advisers to help us deal with the problem.C'mon, it's time we listened to the voice of reason for a while.
rolled 22 = 22>>15820921Just put the eldar farseer and Kharn in the same room, let things run their coarse.
rolled 42 = 42gather up all of our champions from every legion present for a war council to discuss what we should do next. If a fight breaks out, toss those involved onto the planet through an airlock
rolled 56 = 56>>15820959rolling for this.
>>15820959I...Is that real?Is that Ian Watson era thing?
rolled 29 = 29>>15820938We must bring Typhus BECAUSE they have been unaccepting of Nurgle, Chaos Undivided up in this.>>15820921Anyway, let's take a look at those reports while drinking our tea and then go take care of the Eldar.
rolled 11 = 11"Oh don't worry about the seer. I was beating her up for a reason. I think she'd make a good khornate."
rolled 1 = 1>>15820963Supporting, provided there is tea available because that cup is long over due.
>>15820986yes, yes it is. I made a neckbeard In collage cry with that image when he and me were argueing about old rogue trader era warhammer.
rolled 15 = 15Grab some tea and tell Ahriman we're going to pay a little visit to the High Seer.Also get Kharn to come along...
rolled 85 = 85>>15820963do this. provide a cup of tea or wine for everyone, along with some bread and other munchies>Logic supremacyCaptcha supports this as well
rolled 36 = 36>>15820959I support this
rolled 58 = 58>>15820921I think these Eldar need a double dicking from the representatives of Tzeench and Slaanesh. Let Ahriman get to work on the Malal cultist, followed by the Farseer. Meanwhile, Tea Time with Nodabba and our Eldar waifu.
>>15821037You say that you want to hold another war council with every champion available there. You also want the finest drinks available during the meeting.Ahriman nods. "Very well, I'll rally all the champions I can. Please try and not get this council killed as well." he says "It will take some time for all the marines to get together. Is there anything you wish to do beforehand?"
rolled 10 = 10>>15821089Yes, show the crew the little movie we filmed
rolled 1 = 1>>15821119This!
rolled 22 = 22>>15821089get ourselves some coffee-I mean recaff, hang out with kharn, confess our good deeds to the nearest priest etc
rolled 42 = 42>>15821119rolling for this
rolled 13 = 13>>15821119Better; we will play it during war council and then distribute it among the crew.
rolled 55 = 55>>15821089Well if those reports really are that important to Ahriman I guess we could take a look at them while we wait.>>15821119Also supporting this.
rolled 41 = 41>>15821119re-rollcome on slaanesh, help me out.
>>15821150sage? I meant noko, damit
rolled 51 = 51Freetime? Go drinking with Kharn.Also I find it funny that three times so far when someone has complained about OP not posting quick enough it is preceded by OP's post.
rolled 18 = 18>>15821119>>15821133>>15821150These things must come to pass. The crew deserves movietime. And I need a tasty cuppa tea so I can review those reports.
rolled 6 = 6>>15821201Supporting super merge
>>15821150You see one of the ship's mortal crewmen pass by. You eject the tape used to record your little fuck-fight from early and gesture the crewman over. The tape is handed to him and you tell him to play it in the mess hall. He nods and bows. "Yes, my lord. Thank you."As he leaves you turn back to Ahriman. You ask the sorcerer about the status reports. He pulls out several runes and begins speaking. "Well the fleet battle was an astounding success. We took less casualties than I predicted, mostly due to the warp storm knocked out the Eldar for a bit and several daemon tendrils things teleporting onto their ships. We still have 900-ish astartes missing from the drop onto the Terra, and lost 287 during the battle with the Eldar. Mortal crewmen are uncounted for and our Eldar prisoners number in the tens of thousands. We have lost no ships."
rolled 1 = 1>>15821201supporting
rolled 3 = 3>>15821248Excellent, tens of thousands of prisoners he says? Looks like we have a lot of converting to do after the meeting. Get your tea and go hang out with Kharn while waiting for everyone to gather. See how he feels about converting that seer to Khorne.
rolled 94 = 94>>15821248Ask how many marines we have.
rolled 58 = 58>>15821248Have the Master of Hounds continue leading the search for the missing Marines, see if a greater champion of Tzeentch and/or Slaanesh can help change the High Seer's mind, and get the Jokaero to weaponize the Plague Saurians.
rolled 23 = 23>>15821291Derp, I meant Daemon not Champion
>>15821288You ask Ahriman how astartes are still at your disposal. "Well you brought a quarter of your Black Legion, 25,000 warriors, for the Crusade. The other champions have brought along a total of 10,000 marines. That brought us up to 35,000." he says "Subtracted our current loses we have about 34,000 chaos marines."
rolled 2 = 2>>15821248"Once the seers receptive to the powers of chaos are feeling better, allow them to speak to their crews. As we've seen from the Typhus search, Eldar teams work very well when working in conjunction with our Marines. Send some of our better cultists and sorcerers, those that've proven successful with infiltration and conversion of imperial settlements in the past, to spread the good word of chaos as well. But None of Nurgle's widespread plagues, only those that accept the gifts will take them. We're running a PR campaign now, and keep using what you can with the High Seer. Ahriman, I know you can do this, you are far more powerful then some Eldar, Prove that to me."
rolled 20 = 20>>15821356>>15821382Rerolling and also"And what of the cultists, Dark Mechanicus, and daemons? Send some of the Dark mechanicus to the eldar ships as well, they'd loves some time to play with the technology there."
rolled 58 = 58>>15821356That's...a lot of astartes. Welp time to go drinking with Kharn.
rolled 100 = 100>>15821407damnit another reroll. this can actually get shit done.
rolled 20 = 20>>15821382This sounds great, too bad it got such a shitty roll. Rerolling.
rolled 82 = 82>>15821446But if we are busy getting shit done, when will we get our tea?
>>15821446You ask Ahriman about other non-astartes personal. "We have about 1-2 million mortals serving with us, an unknown amount of Dark Mechanicum servants, a Titan legion and a thousand daemons. However, the daemons seem to be suffering from the lack of a strong enough warp. They are in vegetable-like states and a few have died."
rolled 17 = 17>>15821516Thank Ahriman for his report and get that tea, then hang out with Kharn until the council.Unless this is a blessed roll, then we hang out with the champion of whoever blessed it.
rolled 26 = 26>>15821516Go drinkan with Kharn.
rolled 99 = 99>>15821516see if noddaba can help out with that, he seems to be made of unstable warp energy
rolled 9 = 9>>15821382>>15821516Wh- That was a tack onto the post directly above it!You missed the most important part damnit!
rolled 95 = 95>>15821504>>15821546We must drink the tea out of the skull of an enemy.
rolled 35 = 35>>15821516Well then, let's work on fixing that.Combination of these two: >>15821407>>15821382
>>15821563You tell Ahriman that you want the daemons brought over to your child. He clearly possesses amazing psychic power and could help them get their shit together."Very well, Abaddon." Ahriman says while adding a nod. "By the way....would you reconsider letting me tutor your spawn? Like I said before, there is a great deal he can learn from me and vice versa."
rolled 54 = 54>>15821640I think that sounds like a good idea. BUT just keep in mind, we're his father, and thus we have final say in any... issues that arise with his tutoring.
rolled 21 = 21>>15821640Ahriman will have his chance to teach our sonaughter, our spawn will be chaos undivided just like his old man after all.Then go hang with Kharn, and drink tea, from a skull, WE ARE THIRSTY DAMMIT!
rolled 52 = 52>>15821640No
rolled 87 = 87>>15821584>>15821591>>15821640You have other tasks like Blah Blah Blah and the high seer
rolled 49 = 49>>15821640"Fuck you Ahriman."Go drinking tea/booze with Kharn.
rolled 76 = 76>>15821671Could Slaanesh support this perhaps? Haven't seen him around today.
rolled 8 = 8>>15821640Tell him that if he gets within ten feet of our spawn we will personally kill his dick. The go hang with Kharn.
rolled 27 = 27>>15821671Supporting
>>15821679You tell Ahriman that he has more important things to do. You want him to organize some skilled cultists and psykers to spread the word of Chaos among the Eldar POWs, and get the techpriests to start studying the Eldar vessels.He sighs. "Fine. It seems I must do all of the work around here, but so be it. I'm one of the few actually good at doing it."As Ahriman leaves, you see Kharn approach you. "HEY MAN HOW'S IT GOING? THAT SURE WAS AN AWESOME RESCUE MISSION, FOR THE BIKES AND MUSIC AND SHIT!" he says
rolled 75 = 75>>15821816MANDATORY BRO-FIST
rolled 93 = 93>>15821816Fist bump and go drink some tea together.
rolled 73 = 73>>158218161 Brofist Kharn 2 Obtain tea/booze + skulls to drink from3 ???4 PROFIT!
rolled 86 = 86>>15821854YES!
rolled 85 = 85>>15821854>>15821850>>15821828Fuck yeah! Brofists and tea here we come.
>>15821850As always, you greet you longtime friend with a brofist. Sindri whimpers once more as he is smacked against a ceramite gauntlet.You invite Kharn to drink some tea with you. He agrees, and the two of you head off to his chambers.Soon the two of you are sitting down at a table, sipping tanna from a few of Kharn's skull glasses. The Betrayer's room is coloured with the blood of his enemies and all furnishing is custom made from skulls, including the table."HEY ABADDON. THERE'S SOMETHING I'VE BEEN MEANING TO ASK YOU." Kharn says "YOU'VE GOT A WIFE SO I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE THE BEST TO ASK."The champion of Khorne pauses for a second. "HOW...DO I KNOW IF I'M IN LOVE?
rolled 100 = 100>>15821883It's classy becaus it's Tea, but manly because it's being drank from a skull!!
rolled 33 = 33>>15821918Ah, it seems that fight we recorded sparked something off between the two. Lovely.
rolled 19 = 19Grin."So, loved bloomed on the battlefield, so to speak?"
rolled 74 = 74>>15821918Smack him. Such thoughts are meant for Slaanesh and Nurgle.
rolled 44 = 44>>15821918"Well Kharn that depends. How big of a boner did you get when she jumped on you?"
rolled 14 = 14>>15821918Let me guess, the eldar farseer? Well a good way to tell is to look at them, see what you have in common. Honestly I think you and that farseer would be a great match! try talking to her again, maybe another fight (if you do, and ahriman asks, i had nothing to do with it), see if you still like her
rolled 69 = 69Tell him to make RAGE BABIES.
rolled 66 = 66>>15821961We don't smack Kharn, unless we are fighting, and last I checked we were drinking tea.Ask if it's the seer and offer your support.
rolled 9 = 9>>15821955supporting
rolled 86 = 86>>15822005Hey, Slaneesh is back and brining the blessings I see.
rolled 33 = 33>>15821918"For me, it a Fire that boils inside, keeping me from breathing as through i am being squeezed by a giant.Kharn. If you do love her, Run To Them."
>>15822005Understanding the feelings of desire Kharn is probably going through, you say you'll offer him your help. You ask him if it's the High Seer."UM....YEAH, IT IS. I THINK SHE WAS PRETTY, ESPECIALLY WITH ALL THAT BLOOD, AND HER VOICE SOUNDED SO NICE WHEN SHE WAS SCREAMING "I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!"." he says "BUT THE THING IS KHORNE DOESN'T LIKE LOVE BETWEEN PEOPLE. SHE'S AN ELDAR BITCH TOO WHICH MAKES IT WORSE."
rolled 66 = 66tell kharn that he is a piss poor khornate falling for a psyker.exile him for 10000 years to wonder the jungles by himself
rolled 86 = 86>>15822085Kharn, Khorne values the conflict. The war. He will appreciate the violence the two of you can bring together. As the champion of Chaos Undivided, I give you my blessing.
rolled 33 = 33>>15822099FUck that, Khorne's our bro, we're not going to turn our back on him. Just tell him that they both share quite a powerful bloodlust, he can help bring that potential for battle out in her and make the seer into a powerful ally.
>>15822099(I'M JUST GOING TO ASSUME THIS WAS REPLYING TO THE PREVIOUS POST)
rolled 85 = 85>>15821993rolling for this
rolled 61 = 61>>15822085Khorne would probably forgive you if you made her a khornate. And about the eldar thing, we are going to make them the biggest followers of chaos in the galaxy so I don't think that will be a problem for much longer.
rolled 66 = 66>>15822136FUCK YOU ASSHOLESI WON THAT SHIT FAIR AND SQUAREYOU ALL SUCKZORSalso screen caping this for future generations to know this entire thing is shit and rigged and lame and etc.
it is willed.>>15822152what in the hell...
>>15822152MadMad makes the roll nullSuck it
rolled 82 = 82>>15822152Yes. Go Screencap your RIGGED ROLL YOU FUCKWIT.Peace out.
rolled 20 = 20>>15822152>>15822099>double 66sGoddamn, Slaanesh is trolling the fuck out of this thread now. Hilariously, and appropriately enough.
rolled 39 = 39>>15822152>>15822099What the fuck!? That can't be right.
rolled 11 = 11>>15822085Well, from what i recall of the gods, Slaanesh just like excesss, not necessarily sex. But dude, You and her. best fighters on the ship. IMAGINE how much shit your kid(s) will wreak aross the verse. I'd say that while he might not like that particular deed, he'll love the outcome of it.Now, take a swig of this (strongest ale) and get down there and talk to her.And if Ahriman asks, we never discussed this
rolled 47 = 47You know, I think the most entertaining part of this quest is just watching shenanigans with the dice's blessings like this.
>>15822099>>15822152 double 66...
rolled 24 = 24>>15822186rolling to support this.
rolled 40 = 40>>15822152CHEATER!!!!
rolled 94 = 94>>15822186rollan for this.Seriously, i bet their kid would eat astartes and shit demon princes. Possibly literally
>>15822099>>15822152what has science done...maybe we can bring kharn back somehow
rolled 2 = 2>>15822186>>15822150>>15822134>>15822105I think we're all in agreement. Two people, twice the blood flowing, the more Khorne is pleased.
i thought this was an adventure where you rolled dice for the outcome, not what everyone agreed too. I will start playing games different now, i dont need dice! Peace out.
rolled 8 = 8>>15822217HYESSSSSS. VICTORY IS OUUUUUURS!
>>15822152In inform Kharn that he is a massive pussy and insult to khornates. You tell him he must travel alone on Terra for 10,000 years to redeem himself.The Betrayer just stares for a moment, not sure if he heard you right. Then he gets out of his skull chair. "VERY WELL."Kharn walks over to his skull chest and opens it, taking out a plasma pistol, Gorechild and a few bolters. He strides over to his chamber door and opens it.Before he walks out into the hall, he says one thing. "I SUPPOSE LOVE CAN'T BLOOM ON A BATTLEFIELD."Kharn leaves.
rolled 21 = 21>>15822262manly tears....
rolled 66 = 66>>15822262REGRET AND CALL HIM BACK, TELL HIM TO GO MAKE THE ELDER HIS, WETHER SHE WANTS TO OR NOT
rolled 57 = 57>>15822262those dice were rigged, double 66, againts that!?
rolled 59 = 59>>15822262NO OP THIS CANNOT BE. WE MUST CONVINCE THE ELDAR FARSEER TO GO AND INFORM KHARN THAT SHE HAS CONVERTED TO KHORNATE WORSHIP AND THE TWO OF THEM CAN BE TOGETHER AT LAST.
rolled 54 = 54>>15822262I move to declare this an alternate scenarioand go for supporting and helping kharn instead. all in favor?
>>1582231066!!!!O MY LORD
rolled 41 = 41>>15822262We exiled the biggest bro we had on this ship, what the fuck!?Someone slap some sense into us.
rolled 77 = 77>>15822310HOLY FUCK, another 66>also rolling to support this hopefully.
rolled 6 = 6>>15822310>>15822310FUCKING SLAANESH!
>>15822310HOW FUCKING LUCKY CAN I BE!?
>>15822310>The ElderOh boy! Men above 70, beware! Your husbando is on the prowl.
rolled 40 = 40>>15822310>>15822329I don't even know anymore
rolled 54 = 54Slaanesh is a bi-polar bitch, first supporting Kharn's love, then denying it and now supporting it again? WHAT THE FUCK SLANESH!?Also, hooray for regretting the exile.
rolled 97 = 97>>15822329>>15822310Two gods have blessed their love, can we get Khorne and Tzeentch in here too?
rolled 92 = 92>>15822376THE GODS DEMAND KHARN TO BE IN LOVE.
rolled 87 = 87>>15822376KHORNE, GET OUT HERE!
rolled 89 = 89>>15822376TZEENTCH!! WE HAVE JUST SPENT 10 MINUTES BEING SCREWED WITH BY SLAANESH, GIVE US YOUR BLESSING OR PISS OFF!!!
rolled 87 = 87>>15822390COME ON TZEENTCH WE NEED YOU TOO
rolled 55 = 55>>15822398>>15822397>>15822390...Fucking Trolling Chaos Gods being dicks about everything fuck fuck fuck FUCK
rolled 3 = 3>mfw this whole threadI don't even know anymore.
rolled 76 = 76>>mfw these rolls.
rolled 64 = 64>>15822404no shit. they feed off our rage and confusion.
rolled 63 = 63>>15822390>>15822397>>15822398Guys, I think Khorne isn't on board with this still.
rolled 18 = 18>>15822398>>15822390STOP TAUNTING US KHORNE!
rolled 75 = 75>>15822421IS IT TOO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK FOR ONE FUCKING HIGH DOUBLES TO GAIN THE BLESSINGS OF THE CHAOS GODS?REALLY?
>see this thread>hm i've been seeing these abaddon quest threads for a while now i guess i should check them to see whats the deal with them>read op>rape rape rape rapeah, nope
rolled 46 = 46>>15822436yes
rolled 54 = 54>>15822424>>15822432FUCKING CHAOS.I'LL FUCKING GO BACK TO PLAYING IRON WARRIORS. I'LL FUCKING DO IT.
>>15822310(WHY SO BIPOLAR, SLAANESH?)As Kharn leaves the room, you feel regret. It's not right to punish him for feeling the way he does.You bolt out of the room. Seeing Kharn, you run down the hall and grab onto his shoulder.The Betrayer is spun around to face you. You tell him that the only way he will truly redeem himself is if he marches over to that Eldar bitch and makes her his by. You tell Kharn that he must take her like a true Khornate, by force. He has to make her love him and smack her shit if she refuses.Kharn is stunned for a few seconds, but quickly nods. "YES. YES! THAT'S WHAT I'LL DO!SHE WILL FEEL LOVE FOR ME EVEN IF I HAVE TO PUNCH THE EMOTION INTO HER!" he says "AND IF KHORNE DOESN'T LIKE IT, THEN THE HELL WITH HIM!"Kharn drops his weapons and runs off as fast as he can. Lucius passes by and sees Kharn jolting across the hall. The swordsman walks over to you. "What's with Kharn? The way he was running you'd think heard he was heading to the battlefield."
>>15822448Yeah. It's a shame that it turned out that way, but what do you expect from the /tg/ crowd? Every once in a while I poke my head in just to get the summary, seeing as I was a giggling moron at the beginning of the adventure, but my interest is fading rapidly.
rolled 39 = 39>>15822436
rolled 13 = 13>>15822310>>15822329Has anything been tripple blessed before? Because I think this should be.
rolled 13 = 13>>15822481My friend, love IS a battlefield. I'm so proud of him.
rolled 18, 18, 13, 7, 63, 57, 9, 86, 55, 46, 66, 18, 59, 88, 78, 18, 40, 87, 99, 4, 63, 39, 84, 66, 100 = 1281Can love bloom on the battlefield?
rolled 46 = 46>>15822481Love is a battlefield. Also give Arhiman a heads up.
rolled 88 = 88>>15822492what the fuck did I do there? I swear I typed in 1d100..... fucking chaos...
rolled 5 = 5>>15822505I HATE THIS DICE GENERATOR SO FUCKING MUCH.
rolled 72 = 72>>15822481"That's because he is running to a battlefield, and I hope that he will master it just as he have all others"
rolled 99 = 99>>15822505>rolls 88>declaring no actions>mfw
rolled 11 = 11>>15822505>>15822492I think Khorne says yes... finally.
rolled 29 = 29>>15822532Oh the irony.
rolled 7 = 7>>15822532what.
rolled 48 = 48>>15822481"Oh it's a battlefield allright"
rolled 21 = 21>>15822532>>15822505KHORNE AND TZEENTCH, YOU ARE BOTH LATE!>>15822504>Supporting this in case I get a good roll.
rolled 55 = 55OK THATS IT. NO MORE BITCHING ABOUT THE FUCKING ROLLS!on to the plot....
>>15822481slap Lucius shit for feeling like slaanesh is fucking with you
rolled 25 = 25>>15822582
>>15822511You tell Lucius that Kharn is in fact heading towards a battlefield. He shrugs. "Whatever. Hey, shouldn't you be at the war council? It's about to begin in five minutes."
>>15822505>>15822532Fuckit, as you two are going to use your SWEET DUBS, I'm taking this shit off you.Pat Lucius on the shoulder, and say:"Get the Camera bro, we've got a sequel to film."
rolled 78 = 78>>15822592FUCK YOU I'M GOING WITH MAI WAIFU TO A ROMANTIC DATE
rolled 82 = 82>>15822592shit pants a little bit stare at lucius for a long 10 seconds not breaking eye contact tell"that was you"gingerly walk to war council
rolled 45 = 45>>15822481Kharn. Eldar mage with a hairtrigger temper.Work it out for youself.
rolled 1 = 1>>15822592GO GO, GET TO THE WAR COUNCIL!
rolled 55 = 55a much bloodyer and sex filled version of this gif is whats gonna happen.
>>15822620At this news, you slightly soil your terminator armour. You and Lucius stare at each other for a few moments, before you declare that the stench he is smelling is coming from him and walking over to war council.------The champions of chaos once again stand in your throneroom around a circular table. In the inner most circle are Ahriman, Lucius, Typhus, several of your chaos lords and Eliphas. Nearby you can see the two Eldar Seers from before and the Master of Hounds."So." Eliphas begins "Once again, we have rallied the war council. This time to discuss....""Yes Abaddon." Ahriman says "What exactly are we going to discuss for this meeting? Is why is Kharn not here?"
rolled 80 = 80>>15822725at that exact moment a slight tremor is felt suddenly kharn and his woman burst threw the wall fightingfucking right onto the table
rolled 100 = 100>>15822747Rollan for this
rolled 89 = 89>>15822725Kharn's buisy declaring his love to the High Seer, we're discussing the use ancient terra's beasts to bolster our forces and the rescue of our remaning missing marines.
rolled 33 = 33>>15822725Hes busy negotiating with the eldar far seer.Make this face when you say it.
rolled 58 = 58>>15822725Khârn is fighting a very important battle right now.What we are here to discuss is the conversion of the tens of thousands of eldar prisoners we have gathered.
rolled 87 = 87>>15822725Kharn has some other buisness to attend to. As for what we'll discuss at this assembly....well thats the thing. We clearly went way to far back in time, far before humanity even existed. The Eldar still control a vast empire, and malal cultists have revealed themselves twice so far.Now, I believe we have three primary objectives: 1) ensure that terra exists in a state where humanity can arise.2) root out the traitors that work for malal3)cause the eldar to squick slaanesh into existance.Anyone have anything to add to this list?
rolled 93 = 93>>15822757OH SNAP!
rolled 92 = 92>>15822592'Oh yes, the council!'Smile and skip down the halls to the council like a little school girl
rolled 70 = 70>>15822782rolling for this to be followed by>>15822747
rolled 11 = 11>>15822757well fuck
rolled 76 = 76>>15822747>>15822747Rolling for this.
rolled 86 = 86>>15822725Off on a personal mission Ahriman, you're not to interfere unless you enjoy being minced by Gorechild.So, to start off, I've called for various speakers of chaos to talk with and attempt to convert the Eldar, and i hope that our gracious SeersNod to themWill assist in that fact, to talk to their people to make it known we mean no harm to the new children of chaos.
rolled 30 = 30>>15822747no, they have to come through the ceiling.
rolled 68 = 68>>15822826ceiling works too
rolled 44 = 44>>15822747ROLLAN
rolled 32 = 32>>15822747I am begging to see why this is the 14th black crusade, and why nothing ever gets fucking done.The chaos command structure is like a group of hormonal highschoolers, except with no moral structure in place to prevent them acting out their every whim.
rolled 1 = 1>>15822841Isn't that basicly cannon?
rolled 98 = 98>>15822841lolin hard,although this is just a fan fic, its not SUPER far off from the way chaos is in the fluff...(not to be confused with renegades)
rolled 21 = 21>>15822841>>implying we aren't moving towards causing the fucking EYE OF TERROR.Also another roll for fightfucking
rolled 47 = 47Rolling to detail our plans to protect terra, convert the eldar, and brainstorm until suddenly, in the middle, the kharn farseer fight breaks through the ceiling and exits through one of the walls before anyone can react
>>15822757As Ahriman speaks you feel the room suddenly shake.Shortly after, Kharn and the High Seer fly through a now shattered throneroom wall and land on your table. Both are bloody, fighting and half-naked. Kharn grabs the High Seer and throws her to the ground."I WILL CONQUER YOUR HEART WITH MY FIST!" he screams "FOR KHORNE!"He slam the Seer with a hard punch. She howls and blasts Kharn's face with a lightning blast. "RAPIST FUCK! I WILL KILL YOU AND ALL FUCKING CHAOS SCUM!"As the continue fighting the Slaanesh and Khornates start whooping and cheering. You see Ahriman shaking violently in his seat, not speaking a word.Suddenly you hear something snap in his head. Blood starts dripping down his helm."Abaddon." he says more calmly than ever before "Can we talk outside for a moment?"
rolled 67 = 67>>15822888Trust me, I had no idea what he was doing. this is bloody hilarious though
rolled 33 = 33>>15822888If you want to say something say it here, the council is the proper place for discussions after all.
rolled 7 = 7>>15822888we just broke Ahriman's rage, I can feel it from here.Sure let's talk, let him know that Kharn is buisy declaring his love.
rolled 43 = 43>>15822888Trust me you Tzeentchi bitch, your time will come. My plans are closer to Tzeentch's than yours ever will be.
rolled 13 = 13>>15822888nope.Kharn is in love, you chucklefuck.
rolled 69 = 69>>15822888Go outside with Ahriman.
rolled 52 = 52>>15822888Stare blankly at the sight for a bit before asking if anyone else sees it, or if you're going crazy
rolled 23 = 23>>15822888"Gentlemen, I believe we are all familiar with the path to being converted to Khorne worship?"Go up to the eldar bitch and go "ONE MORE THING!" And pimp slap her. This allows Khornes influence to finally overwhelm her. She then falls in love with Kharn, and the rest of the war council respects you like they fucking should.
rolled 44 = 44>>15822888>>15822932Seconding.
rolled 17 = 17>>15822941If only this had Khorne's blessing, and Khârn was the one who did the slapping.
rolled 38 = 38>>15822941seconding, Arhiman's reaction will be priceless
rolled 72 = 72>>15822888Order a serf to get popcorn, start recording, hold council session while it goes on, act like you don't notice it
rolled 90 = 90>>15822926>>15822914>>15822941ALL OF THEM
rolled 38 = 38>>15822941ROLLAN FOR THIS
rolled 4 = 4>>15822888tell ahirman now is the time for actionbegin fapping violently
rolled 76 = 76>>15822966damnit my post number was 66, why can't my roll?
rolled 86 = 86>>15822966WE GOTS A WINRAWR. I thunk
rolled 45 = 45>>15822966thread's auto sageing
rolled 79 = 79>>15822984Ok, now I'm just being trolled. Also, rerolling just incase of random luck. I don't trust this thread anymore....
rolled 7 = 7>>15822966HEAVEN OR HELL, LET'S DO THIS
rolled 78 = 78>>15822888I think I actually feel sorry for AhrimanTell him sorry, before you begin, I know we've not really done much CRUSADING, but this far from the warp, you've not been feeling yourself. Ask him what the matter is, and what I can do to help
rolled 73 = 73>>15822966fuck yeaaaaa, supporting roll
I'MMA MAKE A NEW THREAD NAOW
rolled 32 = 32making sure you looked just as shocked as everyone else, ask, kharn if he could take the fight somewhere else before starting again from the beginning
rolled 64 = 64>>15823022LINK LINK LINK LINK LINK LINK LINK IT PLOX!
rolled 27 = 27Is someone going to archive this while we wait for the new thread?
>>15823037GET OVER HERE
rolled 70 = 70>>15823045that would be you.
rolled 1 = 1>>15823058I can't write descriptions worth shit, else I would have already done it.
rolled 68 = 68http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/15818442/Boom bitch