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  • File : 1308461502.jpg-(31 KB, 500x334, 3_little_pigs.jpg)
    31 KB ITT: Fantasy creatures in modern times Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)01:31 No.15314489  
    Guys I have a problem... my boss's daughter asked me out. Now normally I'd be totally down with this, she's nice and pretty and, hey, if it gets me in good with the boss then all for the better right?

    Well yesterday I kinda found out she has lycanthrope. Yea. Apparently she got bit a few weeks ago, hasn't gone through her first change yet... and our date's on the full moon.

    Now, I'm HOPING that she was bitten by a good werewolf... but that wouldn't change the fact my church recently elected me as a paladin. Does anyone have any advice? I really don't wanna kill her.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)01:32 No.15314495
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)01:33 No.15314503
    I remember this Johnny Bravo episode.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)01:34 No.15314512
    Isn't transformation preventable through use of a silver injection or Cure Affliction ritual available at your local church? Or are you in one of the smaller communities without those kinds of resources.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)01:34 No.15314514
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    Bring a frisbee.

    Enjoy the fuck out of your new pet.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)01:34 No.15314515
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    Reschedule. If she's worth dating she'll understand. I mean, they have little control over the first time, right?
    If not, pack a little heat.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)01:36 No.15314526

    Our church is pretty small yea.


    She doesn't know! Neither does the boss. And if they do know? They'd probably freak the fuck out. None of them have been a werewolf before... I suppose I could give them pamphlets. But it wouldn't help.
    >> Brudkleiser 06/19/11(Sun)01:36 No.15314528

    You may as well be dating a girl with chlamydia.

    Lycanthropy can be cured.
    There's no excuse.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)01:37 No.15314532
    Dude, it's very simple. See if she's into bondage. If she is, date night suddenly becomes fun AND safe. Just make sure the chains are made of silver and you're golden.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)01:38 No.15314541

    Yea but...

    I'm big into fur :[
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)01:38 No.15314545
    It's REALLY irresponsible of her biter to do that to her. You head to the local hospital, they'll provide you the information you need, as well as a secure room for her first night.
    They can also provide courses in teaching control. But still, bring a gun. NOTHING SILVER, but enough to drive her off if she gets wild. But still be able to regenerate from.
    >> SUPER AGGRO CRAG !!7x7KzlxQrrH 06/19/11(Sun)01:40 No.15314559
    my girlfriend is an ogress and she keeps eating my fucking yogurts

    they're clearly labeled helen!

    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)01:44 No.15314587
    So much misinformation in here, Lycanthropes are not diseased, it's a hereditary genetic condition, my little sister is one and I'm sick and fucking tired of people treating her like she's some kind of rabid dog.
    >> SUPER AGGRO CRAG !!7x7KzlxQrrH 06/19/11(Sun)01:45 No.15314594
    your sister is an easy lay

    wolf bitches are loose
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)01:46 No.15314597
    It can be passed. As long as you knwo how to take care of yourself and don't bite others without their consent you're fine. But this chick was bit and left hanging. That;'s terrible.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)01:47 No.15314601
    if you're a paladin it's kind of your responsibility to make sure she doesn't get out of hand. you know what she is and are responsible for making sure she doesn't go around slaughtering people. especially with it being her first change and her auspice being the full moon, if she doesn't get to vent or get held somewhere safe (which since you're a paladin, i'm guessing your house has been at least somewhat outfitted) a rahu lycanthrope will kill until she's stopped.

    also, just incase you've heard otherwise, just because someone is a "monster" doesn't mean you go around slaughtering them. you'd think this would go without saying but there are plenty of religious zealots that think it's their job to just go around and smite damn near everything
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)01:47 No.15314605
    Oh, she'll still transform. She just won't be able to break the chains, no matter how strong or weak they are.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)01:56 No.15314680
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    I have a small problem. You see, I am sort-of... possessed. My/Our co-existence is not a hostile entity, mostly just a second voice in my/our mind and occasionally manifesting as a sort of illusory hologram-like thing only I can see/hear... she can even be reassuring when I/we feel alone... but she is sort of difficult to explain to others.

    Gow we came to coexist is, well, a bit of a long story that I won't bother repeating here, but, like I said, when folks learn about me/her/us, it brings up tricky questions that I/we don't really know how to explain.

    Do you have some advice? Other than exorcism - I'm rather fond of her, and worry what might happen to me/her/us if we were separated in such a traumatic manner.

    Pic related - it's me, with some picture-tweaking to show as best as I could simulate how I see her.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)01:56 No.15314684

    In certain cases the disease can be transmitted through saliva, it is important to note that not every bite is contagious, though you should probably be checked afterwards.

    >Important information for the OP
    Its ok to kiss her, unless you have a severe cut on the inside of your mouth you will not be infected, be warned though if the affliction synchronizes with her menstrual cycle you will be far more prone to infection.

    If she is unsure if she's been infected and trusts you, ask her to get tested.Though to be on the safe side you may want to delay your first date; tell her in advance and say you're not feeling well.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)01:58 No.15314701
    Just tell people you have a ghost passenger on you. I sold a few years to a ghost for money in college. He got to experience life again, through me, and I got enough money to pay for a semester. He wasn't able to take control of me, but I could hear him and he felt things through me.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:02 No.15314736
    lycanthrope here

    Do her father know about her?

    Anyway... keep it cool dude, she wont bite you.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:05 No.15314757
    I just try summoning magic and what I get was a succubus that's currently trying to steal my soul.
    How do I unsummon thing and am I going to be arrested by the Paladins?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:09 No.15314789

    It's only illegal if you make it public.

    If you keep it to yourself it's your own buisness.

    Like indecency.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:09 No.15314791
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    Option 1 might be looking for a new or alternative host; perhaps looking into some of the new technomancer business and seeing if she can be saved to your computer or some such so that you can still communicate and interact, but wouldn't need to be directly attatched.

    2, Talk to a telepath or enchanter, see if you can't just merge your mind with her's if you're both willing and end the posession through mutual existance. This isn't something that can easily be undone though, so think carefully about it.

    3, Just deal with it as is, take the quirks of your respective existances in stride and keep going. From the sound of it, it's just akward, not outright troublesome.
    That can be a blessing compared to what some posessions do to both parties involved, not to mention the ones that aren't posessing the living host as parasitically destroying them for their own purposes.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:12 No.15314808
    I've tried that, since, well, Karin is sort of a passenger... but stil, people don't seem to get it sometimes. It's frustrating.

    >Not to mention some of the questions they ask... how embarassing! I love Setsuna, but we would never do such things - it's not that kind of love! I'm not even sure how we'd do them even if we wanted...

    Karin! Stop borrowing my hands without warning - it's a bit unsettling seeing me type stuff I'm not meaning to type... not to mention you didn't need to tell them that kind of stuff!

    >Sorry, Setsuna.

    ... Okay, I'll forgive you this time, but only because you were quick to apologize.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:14 No.15314815
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    Look at the spell, get her True Name, say it backwards.

    Gosh, you'd think the damn books would have this written First, not in the frickin index. The death rate for these ought to be blamed as much on the idiot summoners that don't do the right research as the idiot writers who make a buck on the cheap by not hiring a proper editor.

    If this fails, do not panic, and for the love of all things magical don't summon an Incubus and expect them to keep each other company; you'll just end up dead and bisexual instead of just dead.
    Worse comes to worse, grab an angelic summoning kit and a bike. The former to deal with the demon and the latter to book it the hell out of there because it's going to be a bit dangerous to stick around and watch.
    >> S.T.A.L.K.E.R. 06/19/11(Sun)02:15 No.15314825
    >I just try summoning magic
    If you're not experience or being watched you shouldn't summon thing. So much problem trying to catch monster that got summon and run away.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:16 No.15314826
    I just found out that J.R.R. Tolkien was a half-elf.

    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:19 No.15314847
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    Karin, you're on the internet. If you're interested, look it up.
    Setsuna, you may want to look into some scheduling materials and a date book; it may work out for you both to just set up a system of times or days that either one of you has primary control.

    Additionally, you may have similar styles and habits after so long together, but I'd bet there's still enough difference in fasion preferences that you two could set up different clothing sets or a particular hate/accesory outfit so that it's obvious who's talking or acting on a given day.

    Just make sure to lay out some ground rules as to what's okay and what's not. If you're sharing a body you need to respect each other's limits and preferneces about how you use it.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:19 No.15314850

    >summon an angel

    >suggesting someone summon an angel

    This is the worst advice I've ever heard.

    Angels are far WORSE then demons.

    Sure the'll get rid of the demon and then the'll fucking kill you because you ate meat on friday.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:19 No.15314851
    My fiance is a banshee, these days going out with someone undead isn't as looked down upon as it was 50 years ago.
    Basically what I'm saying is that if you do feel "that way" about each other it's not that bad a thing
    >> Servant of the Emperor 06/19/11(Sun)02:20 No.15314862
    Allow yourself to be bitten by her in turn.
    Be an openly lycan paladin.
    The added power once you gain will be a great boon to you as a paladin once you gain control of your shifts.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:20 No.15314863
    so I won't be arrested aslong as she doesn't escape?
    about the spell...I kind of forget it and she stole the book that got it. she say that she'll give it back to me if I give her my soul.
    i don't have any summon kit in my house at all so no hope for angel.
    there's a summoning test coming up so i just have to try it
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:21 No.15314870
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:22 No.15314881
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:22 No.15314882
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    At least the one in question is interested in sticking around. You hear about that poor kid in Idaho last week? Big fan of MSPA decided to try contacting horrerterrors.

    Whole damn town's a wreck and they still haven't figured out what to do with the Shoggoth's remains. I hear something friendly managed to sneak through in the spell (shitty control sigils on the whole damn thing), and so they've got a helping hand in the rebuilding effort. A little worried that it's pulling some Nyarlothotep shit, but the Pallies are keeping an eye on it, and they said it didn't detect as anything outright malicious.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:24 No.15314895
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    Thus, Bike.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:25 No.15314908
    Actually, Karin rarely "drives"; she's mostly content just siting back and watching, unless I get into trouble or something, then she jumps in and helps me out until things are safe again... so scheduling or special clothes aren't really much issue.

    Argh! See, this is the sort of thing I'm seeking advice for - dealing with people getting the wrong idea about us... I don't know how to eply to such weird ideas, like them thinking Karin is some sort of voyeur of mine, or that just because I say I love her, that we want to ...do things... with each other.

    >Like you want to do with Midori?

    Ack! Not funny, Karin! You guys, just ignore her, you saw nothing!
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:26 No.15314910
    Guys i am being stalked by a gnome.
    I don't know why, and he is really good at hiding.
    If i try to tell anyone else he just seems to goddamn dissapear, only to come back and threaten me later.
    What do i do?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:26 No.15314915
    If you're studying summoning then you should already know how to do a forced banish.
    She's probably told you that it won't work because she's too powerful but trust me, succubi are too low a level demon to ever be able to resist a forced banish
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:27 No.15314917
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    FFfff Damnit kid, I know you need to study but why a Succubus? Really?

    Freakin teenagers.

    Fine, no control system, but don't sell your soul. Surely you've got other methods to coerce her? How are you at Enchantmen...wait, no, forget that. Get her into a containment circle, go get a teacher, explain your mistake and get someone competent to fix this.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:27 No.15314924
    Is he trying to steal your underpants?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:29 No.15314930
    >Altered picture
    That is a screenshot of evil zone.
    Are you one of those people that pretends to be possessed for attention?
    Goddamn i hate you guys, my brother is actually in that situation and thanks to people like you most people don't believe him.
    >> S.T.A.L.K.E.R. 06/19/11(Sun)02:29 No.15314935
    >summoning test
    >summon succubus
    >they said it didn't detect as anything outright malicious.
    So that mean two thing.
    1- It's actually a friendly
    2- It's a high level monster that can hide its motive
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:30 No.15314936
    I don't know...
    But one of my shirts went missing.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:30 No.15314938
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    Figure out why he's following you, talk, ask questions, establish social contact.

    Srsly, why are folks so heasitant to just Ask the supernatural being why they're following you if they're not obviously slavering or breathing fire at you. Is a little social grace so far beyond you?!

    Realistically, he might either like you, you might have something of his, or that he wants, there's a number of reasons he could be acting on, and hardly any are problematic if you Just Freakin' Talk.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:30 No.15314945
    Oh, sorry about making such an assumption.

    It's just that what you said remineded me of myself when I first encountered Sara haunting my house.

    It took wayyyy too long for me to realise what I felt for her and I almost screwed the entire thing over because of it. I just don't want to see anyone else making the mistakes I did
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:31 No.15314958
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    Man, summoning outer entities is always a dumb idea. Cept bits of Yoggy. He's a true bro, but you still risk having something ELSE jump through as well unless your rune security is really good.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:32 No.15314960
    Every time he gets near me he talks about chewing my skin.
    But okay,I'll try.
    Maybe i just accidentally wronged him somehow.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:32 No.15314963

    Pretty much.

    As long as she doesn't escape you won't be in trouble.

    Also it might not seem like it or it may seem obvious.

    But sexual demons are very big on slow, emotional, romantic, sensual, touch.

    Cuddling, coddling, kissing, hand holding.

    They will eat up any sort of "gentle" emotional affection.

    Simply because they do not recieving any in their realm.

    You need to remember when working with demons that even they don't want to be trapped in hell. It's why they're so eager to get out. Use that to your advantage when dealing with them.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:34 No.15314980
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    I served with a few lycanthropes in '69, and it was the end of my third marriage. Well, that's not fair. My third wife was the issue, not her condition. She was an unequivocal bitch- in both senses of the word- who refused to act like an adult. She'd had me reforming by my phylactery on a monthly basis. Take my advice: plan ahead, use a gentle touch, hydrate. The last one sounds silly, but if she goes into heat you're not going anywhere for a while.

    My second wife, on the other hand? She was a real blood sucker...
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:34 No.15314981
    she's offering me tea and said she'll cook something for me since i might be hungry from the summoning
    what the fuck
    as i said, all my spell is in my spellbook and she got my spellbook
    i'll try and contact the teachers but i doubt any of them would be at school on the weekends
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:35 No.15314985
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    No kidding, that school must have a high fatality rate if they put goddamn demons on tests. Worst thing mine had us work with were fire elementals, and they were pretty happy as long as you gave them flammable stuff.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:35 No.15314989
    It's okay... I guess I kinda jumped the gun myself. Sorry.

    Okay, I admit it, I kindasorta edited a screenshot, but since they got the idea for the character from me/her/us (my Dad used to be a game designer in their employ before his accident), and as a nice gesture designed the in-game characters after us, it didn't seem like such a big deal - besides, it's not like a normal camera could take Karin's picture anyway.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:36 No.15314993
    OP, you're lucky. My boss is a dragon, and he wants to "breed" me. Either I father children on his half-dragon daughter to make an unholy army, or he'll make my life a living hell, like what he did to Accounts Payable last quarter. By Lathander I've never seen someone's hair bleed before.

    Oh, and before you ask, NO I HAVEN'T SEEN HUMAN RESOURCES. The boss ate them after the thatched roof cottage market bubble burst in '08. Said we had to "downsize."
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:36 No.15314994
    There is so much misinformation in this thread I want to rage.

    First of all, lycanthropy is both an inherited AND a transmitted condition. The HLV series of meta-virii are not fully understood, but are blood-borne. You can't get lycanthropy by sitting on a toilet seat or drinking from the same glass as a lycanthrope. It is transmitted by bite, needle sharing or high-risk sexual activity.

    If your date has been infected with one of the HLVs there is a chance of congential lycanthropy in her offspring, almost certain if her partner is also lycanthropic.

    What I don't understand is how OP detected her lycanthropy with her being seemingly unaware of same and why he hasn't informed her? (See >>15314526).

    As for colloidal silver injections? Is that ridiculous idea still floating around? The FDA would ban it if they had the power. Just because it is sold as a "dietary supplement" doesn't make it safe or effective.

    OP should inform his partner immediately of her status and consult a licensed physician for advice if he wishes to pursue this relationship.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:36 No.15315002
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    Yeah, like I said, they're keeping an eye on it. I'm hopeful that they'll get a Teep down there to get a better angle on it, but likewise worried that it's good enough to wreck a specialist like that and expand its influence, though tbh, the thing's been putting houses back together, clearing debris, pulled some folks out from under their up-turned car; if this is it's vile plot, I don't know that I should complain 'till the shit hits the fan

    Setsuna, that's exactly what I'm talking about; respect isn't being applied when you're Tossing People's Private Affairs on the Internet.

    Srsly, just because this is an open forum doesn't mean you have to spout random stuff. If you want to pipe in that's fine, but you've gotta take the paradigm of the living here; not everyone is beyond the state of caring about other's opinions, and talking about their personal matters isn't cool.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:37 No.15315011
    ...beside, how cool is it that I can say I'm in a video game... even if it is a kinda outdated one?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:38 No.15315012
    Hmm... check her colour.
    A lower level succubus (reddy-purple coloured wings) shouldn't be capable of making "sinful" food or drink (though she could still spike it so be careful of that)
    A higher level succubus (crimson-red or black wings) is capable of imbuing pure sin into foods so don't touch anything she gives you if that's her colour
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:39 No.15315019
    our school is not a demon user school, it's a goverment magic user school
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:39 No.15315021
    Well my dad works at nintendo and the boos were designed after my cousin.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:39 No.15315024
    Hey guys, I just got summoned by this idiot mage, barely knows a staff from a wand. Anyways, I managed to steal his summoning book, and I'm ransoming it for his soul.

    Ludicrous I know, but he might just be stupid enough to do it.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:41 No.15315040

    Neutral good here.

    >she's offering me tea and said she'll cook something for me since i might be hungry from the summoning

    I don't see how this is a problem.
    You're in college aren't you?
    A woman is offering you a meal.

    Go for it, she's probebly just trying to win you over.

    Demons are lonely man.
    >> S.T.A.L.K.E.R. 06/19/11(Sun)02:41 No.15315041
    I bet they even got higher fatality rate than most European Paladin school. I don't even have to fight demon until I finish Paladin school.
    Which country are you from? I thought it's forbidden to use demon in goverment work.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:43 No.15315051
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    Bah, talk to your Union, or drop out and see about a job elsewhere after quitting via e-mail from a public computer and starting your live over from scratch because Nobody fucks with a dragon and walks away (though some run like hell and are much better for it.)

    Seriously though, there are sexual harassment laws. Be a whistle-blower and then make sure to take notes and keep records of how everything goes down in court And outside it. If you wind up getting fired anyway, you can file even more lawsuits. Alternatively, see about any adversaries he has and find out if they'll keep an eye out for you just to tick him off; just make sure that the conditions of the deal include avoiding this sort of situation again, 'cause they'll probably want something from you later.

    It's too late not to meddle in the affairs of dragons for you, but I wish you luck none the less.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:45 No.15315059
    Slow to the party, gramps. Neat story, though. I'd like to keep calling you Gramps.

    Well, it's illegal, but he's not too bright. Can you skirt past the law on this one?

    Also illegal, but gods help me I laughed.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:46 No.15315072
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    It is; I think we know why he's come here for help instead of getting a supervisor.

    Might want to re-consider the angel and bike plan if you can't figure this out fast. Alternatively, see if you can't bum a holy avenger off of one of your upper-classmen or take a swing by the divine magic college to see what they can do for you.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:47 No.15315074
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    So... I met a warforged. He's a really great guy! I thought.

    And he was pretty nice to me too. Helping me carry my books... doing menial labour around my place. Apparently he was building up money to switch into a different body. I thought "Cool. You wanna become bigger and shit?" so I pay for the rest of it.

    And then... he... err... she... comes to my house next day like this. She's cleaning my room now. What do I do?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:47 No.15315077
    Oh hey guys the gnome was just mad because i gave him the wrong change when i worked at a local deli.
    Man he held that grudge for years, all he wanted was a dollar...
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:48 No.15315083

    What do you think I am, an erinyes?

    I don't care one bit for the law.

    Oh wow he's trying to draw a containment circle. Not only am I not in it, but he's using crayon instead of chalk and he's doing it by hand instead of using a compass. It's going to be so pathetic.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:48 No.15315088
    Oh for...

    Can you even begin to grasp how many deaths are people perpetuating this idiotic idea that demons are "really just very lonely deep down"? Every two-bit summoner hair-brained summoner starts thinking he can redeem one. Guess what? NEVER WORKS OUT.
    It's a stupid myth and it gets people killed, and then we have to deal with the demon on the loose.

    And why always demons anyways? You'd be better off with devils (baatezu if you don't want to make them angry), at least they're more polite.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:48 No.15315089
    she's a lower level
    i'm accepting her food and drink, I better not die from this
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:49 No.15315091
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    Hi there, concerned observer here. I know you're looking to stick around, if you give the kid a break and are willing to deal with some minor restrictions, I think I can see about a temporary visa to one of the mid-range planes, if not the material for a vacation. Sound fair?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:49 No.15315093
    This is where our problems began goddamn it. Don't take anything the Daemon gives you, hide if you can. The authorities will have picked up the echo from her summoning. They'll arrive shortly when they do do not resist and do everything they say. Consorting with Daemons is a life sentence. I hope you have a good lawyer.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:50 No.15315099
    Enjoy the company. It's not like warforged have a real gender anyways. If it starts putting the moves on you, well, make sure it's properly equipped. Splinters in the dick are a real bitch.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:50 No.15315100
    Gnome here, I've let myself go the past few decades. Between studying and working on the computer, etc.
    So I figured I'd go to the gym and all the equipment is sized for all the tallfolk. What do?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:50 No.15315103


    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:51 No.15315111
    Goddamn, you guys just let ANYTHING supernatural go unchecked.
    Seriously you have the most stupid laws relating to magic.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:51 No.15315113

    That's the thing.

    Apparently it purposefully WANTED a pleasure golem's body. Living metal and everything.
    >> Arcbound 06/19/11(Sun)02:51 No.15315114
    See about a transfer to Ogre Company. Guy I knew, Ned, was in the same situation and had it happen to him with his Griffon boss.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:52 No.15315119
    Have you tried hitting it with a stick?
    That worked for me.
    Some people say it only makes it angry, ignore them bro, this always works.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:52 No.15315121
    You misunderstand. This was a summoning. A SUMMONING! Not just a calling. I am already physically manifested here on the prime material. And there were no conditions, no constraints, no bindings.

    Once I get him to hand over his soul, I'm going on a fucking rampage.

    I don't mean a vicious, bloody rampage, but an actual rampage of fucking. It'll be great.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:52 No.15315126
    ask about the specialised gear they have available.

    Most of it will be for dwarves, but you should be able to find some halfling or gnome specialised equipment if the gym is halfway decent
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:52 No.15315127
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    You are an idiot, but if you survive dinner with her you may want to consider offering an alternate binding as a familiar or service-for-service sort of thing. Much as I hate to encourage it, demon pacts can be useful for someone in your career provided you're not stupid about it.

    Too bad you're being stupid about it. Improve fast and you might not get expelled and banned from the force.
    >> S.T.A.L.K.E.R. 06/19/11(Sun)02:53 No.15315132
    >i'm accepting her food and drink, I better not die from this
    You really are stupid aren't you. IT'S A DEMON. WHAT ARE YOU DOING.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:53 No.15315133
    I bet you attend one of those new-age liberal private schools don't ya? All those faggots do is preach about how misunderstood demonkind is. And look whats happening now, they're having under trained students summoning mid level demons! Maybe if enough of you students die and/or get your souls stolen we can finally have a fourth inquisition.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:53 No.15315134
    Seriously dude? You know what my first summon was? A turtle. Not some celestial, glowing, suv sized red ear slider and most certainly not a nine headed firebreathing monstrosity from the infinite depths of hell. A regular fucking turtle. Here's what you do, take a shoe and cut the sole off of it. Get her to agree to being dismissed in exchange for your soul. Make sure it is a verbal contract with no additional qualifiers. When she agrees hand her the shoe sole. Demonic law states that due to neither of you specifing the exact definitions of the terms then both the soul/sole contracts for her dismissal are valid. Since she won't dismiss for the sole of a shoe she violates your interpretation of the contract and since her dismissal is the prerequisite for her gaining your soul she can't collect on your soul. If she does dismiss herself you can litigate that she fulfilled the contract for the shoe sole and not your soul. This is possible due to demons being unable to take out multiple contracts for a single soul ever since the Realm of Hell v. D. Habits lawsuit.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:53 No.15315140
    We have a republican governor. All the temples and churches get tax breaks and there's no weapon control. Also most arcane schools of magic are banned or restricted. Feels bad man.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:54 No.15315146
    oh, geez. You've got my sympathy man, but they're an endangered species, you can't do anything about it.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:54 No.15315148
    rolled 80 = 80

    >she's offering me tea and said she'll cook something for me since i might be hungry from the summoning

    Oh fuck, seriously? Congratulations, you dumb shit. You did not summon an unholy creature of base desire outside proper binding and control circles. What you have done, is used a idiot trap. In other words, it's a succubus summoning ritual that does not actually summon a succubus (thus asking for your soul in return for teh spellbook, not taking it since you didn't bind it properly, or attempting to lure you into a Dark Contract). What you've summoned, is a homunculi designed to look like what people think a succubus is. It's a glorified sex toy.

    It's also highly illegal, since it violates all the international laws concerning creation of semi-sentient magical constructs, anti-slavery laws, and a whole host of Misuse of Magic laws. There are very few spellbooks that have spells tied to those, these days. They're been rather routinely hunted down and destroyed.

    Let me guess, a fifteenth edition 'Mastery of the High Artes of Summoning' or a copy of 'Rituals of Summoning for the Established Wizard'?

    In either case, you're completely fucked. Those things weren't meant to be banished or unsummoned. Hell, they're not even really summoned, they're more created. Good news: You just tripped about half a dozen scrying lists, and the authorities will be there shortly.

    Kids these days need to learn to research their spell grimoires.

    - Oh fuck, wait, a government school. Could he have gotten ahold of one of the culled copies of 'A Primer on the Summoning Arts'? You know, it made all the news, teh head editor fucking hid a few dozen highly illegal spells in basic spellbooks for governemnt training facilities to show the "lack of proper understanding of the arcane arts." Ha, he might get off with a warning and his book being confinscated.
    >> Arcbound 06/19/11(Sun)02:54 No.15315151
    Well, you either lucked out or he's the craftiest son of a bitch this side of Baator.

    And holy crap, why do demons always insist on playing with their food?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:55 No.15315155
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    Sup gents, plain ol' vanilla human here. Recently got inducted into the police force, supernatural crimes division. I've been really looking forward to this job, I know it's a little childish but I've always wanted to be a policeman since I was a kid. Training starts in a week and I was wondering if any of you people are or were in uniform at any time.

    I think I can handle most of the stuff they do, but some of the stories about rogue mages and berserk monsters is rather intimidating. I hear stories about invisible specters that can suck out your soul without you noticing, or weird female monsters that can beguile even the most steadfast man to an untimely end.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:56 No.15315164
    Wait, so arcane shit is banned, yet DEMON SUMMONING is on your goddamn tests?
    >International magic laws
    Since when do we have these?
    Oh do you mean the ones that England is always going on about?
    They are not enforced anywhere else.
    At all.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:58 No.15315169
    There's slime living in my bathtub. It's shaped like a female but it doesn't speak or do anything.

    Just sitting there in my bathtub.

    Who do I call to deal with this?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:58 No.15315174
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    Yeah, but you're going to get caught that way, and the fact that you're here physically means you're going to die when that happens, permanently.

    Kid screwed up his summoning, maybe he's earned his fate, but that's not my call. I'm just suggesting that you look into a way to spend your time that will last longer and be less problematic over all.

    That, and I'm pretty sure that the school he's at has moniters for this sort of thing. Notice a scrying system on the building? They probably know already and are letting him have the chance to pull his arse out of the fire, and I expect them to fireball the room when he fails at that too.

    But hey, you've probably got a dozen methods for dealing with that. I don't expect demons to be sensible any more.

    Take a look at some online exercise options and I think you'll find you don't need the extra gear to keep in shape. It's kinda messed up that they'd exclude you like that though, so you may want to talk to the manager about setting up something for you if they don't have anything as of yet.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:59 No.15315183
    Good advice, but trafficking with the Infernal Planes is not an automatic life sentence. It's covered under the Federal Immigration and Nationality Act if you want to look up minimum sentencing and aggravating factors.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:59 No.15315185
    Because pain makes the soul taste better.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:59 No.15315189
    This is my problem, I can't move myself without getting in trouble, and it won't stop calling until it finds a mate or the mating season ends.
    I need to find a way to either convince it to leave my backyard or find it a mate.
    Can anyone help me with this? Anyone?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:59 No.15315190

    Does it talk?

    Maybe you can... well, figure out what it wants.

    I mean, if it hasn't tried to kill you yet, it might not want to, you know?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)02:59 No.15315193

    >Neutral good

    >redeem one


    I don't understand why you people think demons and devils want to just outright murder mortals.

    You do know they need your consent to get your soul from you right?

    >people confusing demonic association with consortion.

    Well I hope his lawyer is better then you.

    We gained the freedom of association with all lesser sentient beings hundreds of years ago.

    He's having a dinner party with a succubus.

    Not the god damn blood king of the 7th realm of hell.

    I bet you people are all lawfull good too.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:01 No.15315202

    Witch Hunter here.

    This is about the twentieth case I've heard of this month of some horny little bugger "accidentally" summoning a succubus and they end up with these. It's really quite sad. They're looking for a good time and end up locked up till they're 60. Good riddance though. The less magic users the less problems I have to fix when they screw up.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:01 No.15315204
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    If it's sentient, you call the police and have it arested for unlawful intrusion. If it's not, you call a plumber. If you're not sure, call both.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:01 No.15315205
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    Drano recently came out with a product for your exact problem! If you have qualms about dissolving a slime remember, they are NOT sentient and thus not protected by any Sentient/Sapient laws.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:01 No.15315208

    Pull the drain dude. If its female looking don't let your stupid fucking dick get to your head and try to fuck it.

    Damn horomone-crazy teenagers letting themselves get seduced by random monster girls then getting eaten alive.

    Just remember the slime is probably acidic, so if it's either blocking the drain or is being aggressive I recommend dumping a lot of baking powder on it.
    >> Dan the Viking 06/19/11(Sun)03:01 No.15315211
    My neighbor's a bugbear that served back in the Gulf war against those asshole Persian zombies.
    We go to the range. He uses a .50 handgun.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:01 No.15315213
    rolled 100 = 100

    Not, not secular laws.
    You tell the Paladins their shit ain't enforced, and see what they have to say. The bastards can get away with almost anything, Angels and Divien Magic behind them. Only the fact they haven't completely herped the derp has kept them from full-on crusading against the arcane.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:02 No.15315214
    Wait, it doesn't do anything?
    That isn't a slime, thats just ectoplasm.
    Just clean it out, it isn't really dangerous.
    It is just a bit of magicky stuff that leaked out of you probably.
    Represents your inner self and all that.
    If it is female and you aren't you may want to think about that for a while.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:02 No.15315216
    summoner guy here, she escaped. I don't know what happen i ate the stuff she gave me and i lost my power for a bit
    the window's broken and she's gone
    i'm in texas
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:02 No.15315222

    Halfling here. I know the feeling. A lot of times, these places are run by Minotaurs, Ogres, and Orcs, and are usually meant for such people, or at least those of us not under 5'3''. Some of the more savvy might be convinced to expand and get equipment for short folk, but most will just pretend they didn't hear you.

    A few of the larger cities have specialty gyms more accessible for our kind, but hard to find anywhere else. I would advise ordering equipment on-line.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:04 No.15315231
    Lower level demonic entities like the one he's dealing with aren't pure evil, that's why they're lower level.
    The thing is most lower level entities consider themselves indebted to whoever summoned them, so she probably won't hurt him, she'll just try to escape
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:04 No.15315235
    There are like seven paladins in all of Australia.
    We don't take shit from them here, support of heaven or not, they follow our laws or they get deported.
    They haven't called the angels on us yet, so i guess they must be pretty reasonable.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:05 No.15315237
    Get a fey lawyer. Hit him with a lawsuit and try to cut a deal. You've got an immortal, nigh indestructible attorney who will twist words and creatively interpret every word said in order to benefit the client. Six centuries will pass before your boss figures out a way to say "hello" without agreeing to stab himself in the balls while dressed as a cowboy.
    >> S.T.A.L.K.E.R. 06/19/11(Sun)03:05 No.15315241
    You're so dead. You're city/town/village is also dead. Enjoy your mini-crusade and destruction. US Paladins aren't as peaceful as paladin in other places.
    And Texas? Expect the civillians to join in the succubus hunt.
    You suck at summoning.
    Slime are peaceful. They won't do anything if you leave them alone. Just give them some water and they'll move on through the drain but if it like you then it might stay a while longer.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:06 No.15315246

    Hey a Witch Hunter, that's cool.

    Mind telling me a bit about your job? I always think you guys live really interesting lives. You gotta have at least one or two neat stories to tell.

    Oh, and I always wanted to what you think of those law abiding magical races who still always complaining about people of your line of work. I'd imagine the unappreciation can get to you.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:06 No.15315250

    Just call animal control.

    Tell them there's a bunyip outside your house, the'll be there within maybe and take it away to a more apropriate location.

    When I was a kid we had an owlbear scare near the schools- they tranquilized it and carted it off back into the woods.

    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:07 No.15315267
    Guys, you gotta help me.

    I'm dating this mage girl, she's still going to school or something, going to become a Magos.

    So, I get home today and she asks me if she can try a spell on me. So, sure why not, I let her do it. I pass out after she casts, and wake up like 4 hours later. Now heres the part I need help with.

    SHE TURNED ME INTO A FREAKING CAT. I'm not talking badass leopard or lion, I'm talk orange tabby house cat. She doesn't even know how to dispel it and she won't go talk to her teachers or anything.

    What the hell do I do, guys?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:07 No.15315268
    rolled 64 = 64

    I know, right? As if summoning a 'succubus' is anything like a simpler summons. Of course, the fact this shit exists at all creates more problems when some horny bugger with too much money gets his hands on a REAL succubus summoning spells in a properly hidden summoning chamber.

    Some dumb shit using daddy's sorcerous sanctum goes and summons forth a real demon. And those things don't play around. Less then half an hour and it's already loose and fucking over society at large. Usually with Daddy's expensive toys as well, costing good men to put them down.

    When will people learn to leave demons and devils alone? It never fucking ends well. Especially since it's even more reason to give authority to instituites that are willing to judge first, and ask questions never.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:07 No.15315270
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    Hold. The. Fuck. Up.


    You ran a Demon Summon in Texas?!

    Low gun control means that there shouldn't be too long before we see the article of a lynch mob killing some "Poor Girl", but you'd do well to drop and run at this point. Seriously, the police are Not going to let this slide down there.

    *sigh* Tell you what, set up a scrying becon and I'll see what I can do from here, maybe give you a shot at finding her.

    Though considering cantrips are the only safe thing to cast through it, you could probably do it yourself if not for the fact that you're pretty clearly not worth those stupid pointy hats they hand out at graduation.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:08 No.15315278
    It try to talk but there's no sound coming out.
    Calling both.
    It just kind of stare at me and doesn't do anything else but it can express facial emotion.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:09 No.15315284
    You little folk really need to stop bitching, you guys only make up like 10% of the population; any gym that specifically caters to you is going to be in the red until its forced to close. ALSO, any exercise worth doing can be done with free weights, and don't even try to fucking tell me your hands can't fit around the grip of a dumbbell.
    >> Aibaleet 06/19/11(Sun)03:09 No.15315289
    >my church recently elected me as a paladin
    Nigga that doesn't mean shit. You don't get your divine powers from people, you have to be CHOSEN into paladinship by a higher power. Bang that broad.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:09 No.15315290
    You clearly know nothing about bunyips.
    When a bunyip chooses a pond it will stay there unless it recieves a damn good reason to leave.
    Just moving it away won't work, it will just walk all the way back to my pond, and if it gets hurt or killed along the way then it's my fault.
    If it finds a mate it will move somewhere bigger to breed, but I have no idea how to do that
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:09 No.15315291
    So I think my kid might be possessed. He's been talking in a monotone and keeps referring to himself as "we" for the past few minutes.

    Unfortunately, I live in the middle of bumfuck nowhere so if I call a professional it might take some time. Anyone can tell me how to do a home exorcism, or at the very least how to keep him from doing something stupid before the Priest arrives.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:10 No.15315295
    >stupid pointy hats they hand out at graduation.
    pfffhahaha, Do they still do that? I thought that bullshit ended in the 70's.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:10 No.15315297
    >stupid pointy hats they hand out at graduation
    >stupid pointy hats
    >pointy hats
    Fuck you bitch, you have no taste.
    I bet you wear pants like a fucking moron.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:11 No.15315308
    Ah, if it is capable of movement it isn't ectoplasm.
    You probably aren't a woman in a man's body then.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:12 No.15315313
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    So many educational fuckups here tonight. Seriously, I'll bet you're american too.

    The spell should wear off soon. Polymorph effects shouldn't last past an hour, especially for a novice. If she's going for Magos, maybe an hour or two. If it lasts longer than that, you should consult an abjuration specialist in the next couple days; not because it's dangerous in and of itself, but because it'll be inconvenient for her I'm sure.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:12 No.15315317
    Give him a book or some toys, if there is still a trace of him inside he will damn well play with them.
    Most "Home Exorcisms" end up with the house burning down.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:13 No.15315319
    So how can I communicate with the slime?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:13 No.15315322

    As long as you remember what you're original form is it'll wear off within a day or so.

    It shouldn't last too long since it's difficult to "force" something to be something else- let alone something smaller then it's original form.

    If it persists though for more then three days you should ask your parents or close relative to take you to a physician who can treat "magical ailments."
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:14 No.15315335
    Remember when Priests were just old men who rambled for hours instead of pulling a gun the moment something makes a noise in the cemetary?

    Me neither
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:15 No.15315350
    Holy fuck, all this business about ignorant mages conducting demonic summoning before they even pass their graduating tests is just beyond idiotic. I had to get through medical school before I was given the green light to conduct a postmortem interview on my own, much less summon a earth spirit.

    I'm glad I live in a state that makes basic magical entity studies mandatory in all schools, and all demon/angelic summoning illegal unless conducted by a civil servant, and is under review by the governor from start to finish.

    Damn hick states. You're the reason the world thinks we're a bunch of backwards twats when it comes to matters arcane.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:15 No.15315351
    My grandfather said he knew some of the simpler priests.
    But even back then it was becoming more and more about protecting us from dark evils instead of preaching.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:15 No.15315352
    Refer to
    She is still just a student, so her spells shouldn't be that potent.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:15 No.15315354
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    Nothing's wrong with a decent pair of pants. I actually prefer to have some damn pockets.
    However, I have a bucket hat and a magically enhanced sweat-shirt, hiking boots of stepping and springing, and sun-glasses, so yeah, my taste is horrible. But so is your's, so there.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:16 No.15315359
    Fuck, no wonder. Australia? No wonder. They can't summon Angels in Australia, dude. I have no idea what's up with that, and quite frankly, whatever the hell you have down there is strong enough to fight the Church, I don't want to know.

    Yeah, it might not be evil. But I'm not going to chance it to find out. At least not as long as I'm not being threatened with a burning at the stake.

    Though if this Texas situation breaks the camel's back I might be seeing you soon.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:16 No.15315364
    Head to her school, find a teacher and start pestering it. They'll think you are a familiar that got separated from its master; when they hit you with mage sight to see the ownership rune they'll see immediately you are an enchanted human.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:17 No.15315370

    >call animal control

    >You clearly know nothing about bunyips.
    When a bunyip chooses a pond it will stay there unless it recieves a damn good reason to leave.
    Just moving it away won't work, it will just walk all the way back to my pond, and if it gets hurt or killed along the way then it's my fault.
    If it finds a mate it will move somewhere bigger to breed, but I have no idea how to do that

    >You clearly know nothing about bunyips.


    Sorry guys.
    Forget what I said.

    The paid proffesionals know absolutely nothing about wild animals.

    I guess you're stuck forever with a god damn amphibeas magical fucking mammal in your koi pond because the paid city proffesionals can't handle it.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:18 No.15315377

    It's a bad advice thread. We've got some paladin screaming about SKY LAW! and promising doom for what is admittedly a grossly incompetent summoning indistinguishable from criminal trafficking/harboring, but something any competent police department can handle.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:18 No.15315379
    >I'll bet you're american too.

    Wow, you're not an asshole at all. I mean, really. Are you going to say that blacks are inferior next?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:18 No.15315384
    Robes > Pants
    Well it is pretty great out here, most of our summonings are like... animal spirits or something? One of my friends summoned a snail with arms once, and he told us how to cook.
    I think the angels thing is because of something the aboriginals did a thousand years ago, but most people just call it a conspiracy theory.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:19 No.15315390
    It's the Rainbow Serpent
    It's a divine creature that protects Australia from any dark forces, and is the primary reason why trying to summon anything down here is pretty much doomed to failure.
    It can't really tell the difference between an angel and a demon, so it just stops all of them.
    >> S.T.A.L.K.E.R. 06/19/11(Sun)03:19 No.15315398
    If she can't speak yet then she might not be fully "grown"
    You can try giving her a pencil and paper for her to write. Slime in this state is extreamly weak so they need a safe place to hide a grow. If you take care of "her" she'll stay with you for a very long time but if you kick her out then she'll just find other place to stay.
    It's hard growing as a slime since you move so slowly and animals often mistake slime for drinks.
    >> Arcbound 06/19/11(Sun)03:19 No.15315401
    Okay, so, my new girlfriend is a medusa. Any tips? We've been on a date and it was pretty nice, but I keep hearing from my friends about how her eyeballs shoot stones. I find that utterly nonsense, but she DID wear her sunglasses the entire time. I didn't say anything because I thought it would be rude.

    I just don't want to be accidentally pissing her off and a boulder flies from her face to flatten me.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:20 No.15315404
    God damn adventurers. Saw a party of shifty types the other day trying to ask a bunch of people at a bus stop if they had any "heroic work" needed to be done.

    Only difference between and a hobo is that an adventurer has less qualms about killing someone.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:20 No.15315406
    Call the priest, appeal to the kid-aspects of your child. Toys, loving songs, etc. Don't expect a positive result mind you, posessions suck for kids. Additionally, make sure the priest talks to it; may be that your child has a talent for spiritual communication and that he's just unwittingly channeling some local guardian; creepy to see and deal with as a parent, I understand, but potentially a very good thing for him if he embraces it.

    But yeah, if it's something malignant, just keep the paddy-cake up until the priest gets it out and then go schedule some therepy sessions for your child.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:20 No.15315411

    My favorite so far is the guy who implied calling animal control on a bunyip wouldn't work.

    This is fun and adorable and disheartening all at the same time.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:20 No.15315412
    Nope, sitting in Britain.


    Alright, thanks!
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:20 No.15315414
    I think there are online guides for this, do you remember what species of snake her hair was?
    That is apparently linked to anything like "shooting stone eyes".
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:21 No.15315420

    Apparently the environmental control guys managed to get a female bunyip that had settled in some other poor sods backyard together with the bunyip in my backyard and they've moved off to find a billabong somewhere to breed.

    Sorry for bothering you all
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:22 No.15315422
    That's assuming he was the victim of an unwanted polymorph spell. What he really needs to be worried about is the possibility she actually miscast a mind transfer spell. That would explain why she's so reluctant to get help, she'll be in deep shit if she transfered the mind of a lesser sentient/sapient creature into a human brain.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:23 No.15315432
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    Not quite as informal, but I also eschew the robes and pointy hats. I find a simple dress slacks, shirt, vests, and shoes both state that you are to be taken seriously as a licensed arcanist, but don't have a stick up your ass about it.

    If they complain about that you aren't what they thought of what a mage is suppose to look like, done a fedora/cloche and overcoat combo
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:24 No.15315438

    I think now is the time to panic.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:24 No.15315442

    What? Did you fail biology cla- wait a minute.

    >her eyeballs shoot stones

    >I just don't want to be accidentally pissing her off and a boulder flies from her face to flatten me.

    I audibly laughed in real life.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:24 No.15315448
    Okay, playing legos with the kid now. He's talking about "bringing the pathetic human race down to its knees", so I'm pretty sure it's not benign. At least he's still playing with the legos regardless of his vocal tone, though it looks like he's making a red pentagram and now he's drawing weird symbols with a sharpie.

    He... he can't summon evil magic or something using legos and markers, right? Just making sure...
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:25 No.15315450
    When dating any being capable of accidental lethal force make sure you carry an anti-magic rune.
    My banshee fiance gave me one as a gift on our second date so that she wouldn't hurt me with her voice
    >> Arcbound 06/19/11(Sun)03:25 No.15315451
    Uh, green, I believe. Is that common?

    I didn't look too hard. Last time I did that with my ex-girlfriend, a banshee, she told me to stop looking at her because she felt self-conscious. I found myself in the hospital having somebody tend to my ears for the next two weeks, and still have to take medication for the following two months.

    I just seem to attract overly sensitive girls.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:25 No.15315455
    no, he can't, he probably thinks he can though so just let him play around
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:26 No.15315456
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    I am a U.S. citizen. I'm entitled to call it when our educational system sucks compared to global averages.

    Fashion is like art, subjective. I think the hats look silly, robes are fine in my books. Great for when you want to hide a bag of holding but aren't keen on carrying a fifteen pound satchle around with you.

    A bit of mythology would do you well.
    Eye-contact with her can be dangerous for mortals, it doesn't matter why, but it'd potentially fatal if the situation is unfit for it.
    Don't press her about it, and keep blindfolds as well as condoms available.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:26 No.15315457
    Afternoon folks. I just found out today my wife was a kitsune in disguise and now I have no idea what to do. Any advice?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:26 No.15315459
    I don't know what green snakes mean, i just know that different colours mean different powers.
    Not everyone is some expert on every magical creature, jeez.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:27 No.15315464
    >>This is fun and adorable and disheartening all at the same time.

    I know. I'm tempted to make something up just to see how bad it can get. I actually do have a question, but it won't get answered here because of the no girls on the Internet rule.

    There is this centaur I know that I really like, but I'm human. I think I could handle the judgment if we started dating, but... you know? We get along great and we flirt constantly but I'm worried I'd be judged against her centaur boyfriends.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:27 No.15315467
    Its all empty threats, any sort of demonic force powerful enough to "bring humanity to its knees" wouldn't bother possessing some child and blab about his plans of world domination.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:27 No.15315468
    Was your entire marriage based upon a lie so she could use you to accomplish something?
    If so that sucks.
    If not, nothing changes, stop being stupid.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:27 No.15315472
    You wouldn't happen to be Sara's ex would you?
    Because she told me she had hospitalized her ex-boyfriend by accident, that's why she gave me the anti-magic rune
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:28 No.15315473
    say your goodbyes, kitsune leave when they're found out. seriously go check right now, she's probably gone already
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:28 No.15315476

    >That's assuming he was the victim of an unwanted polymorph spell.

    Oh shit, thats right. I forgot about consent.

    If you consented it might take a little longer- wait.

    >she'll be in deep shit if she transfered the mind of a lesser sentient/sapient creature into a human brain.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:28 No.15315477
    If you can find your body within the next 24 hours you should be able to auto reverse the spell by prolonged physical contact. If not your only hopes are 1.) she responsibles the fuck up and switches you back 2.) send an email to the appropriate authorities, get her arrested and enjoy the months of legal troubles and protests about uplift rights for existance.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:29 No.15315481
    I can't help you since I don't know much about Eastern magical beings very much, but I think the general advice of "Don't make deals with it, don't let yourself be caught alone with it and for gods sake don't fuck it" applies.

    Though since she's your wife and the last two probably don't apply then I guess she can't be all bad.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:29 No.15315482
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    i fucking love yardsales, this thing is pure platinum and it was only 7 dollars
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:30 No.15315486
    >>Afternoon folks. I just found out today my wife was a kitsune in disguise and now I have no idea what to do. Any advice?

    How about talk to her about it? What are you prejudiced against kitsune? She's your wife.
    >> Arcbound 06/19/11(Sun)03:30 No.15315488
    I think it was. That or her name was Bethany. I don't really recall her much, as everything gets hazy leading up to the moment.

    I only know what was said because I was informed by the clerics after waking up.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:33 No.15315505
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    > I married someone who I love and cherish and realized that she wasn't physically what I thought she was.

    You said I Do. Do you?

    Seriously, it's rude to keep that kind of secret, but this is not something you shouldn't be able to handle on your own.

    Please, before you use it or attempt to do something with it,
    1, detect magic,
    2, arcane sight,
    3, identify,
    4, repeat,
    5, take it to an artifacer After you're sure it's not lethal or potentially life-ruining.

    That said, I freaking love yard-sales.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:34 No.15315511
    I guess I probubly should just discuss it with her more properly. I got nothing against kitsune and I still love her. Just pretty suprised.
    She's been great to me so I suppose I shouldn't worry too much.
    Nothing changes? Good to know.
    I don't think she is leaveing because of the effect it might have on our daughter. I'll go check just incase though.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:34 No.15315513

    You can stretch that 24 hours over a longer period if you can manage to just remember who you "are".

    This may sound dumb now but it'll make sense later.

    But yeah.
    You're going to want to hurry.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:35 No.15315514
    Yes she will compare you to her centaur ex's. But don't be too disheartened, like human females most of the nerve endings are located in the first few inches of her vagina. To give her the length and girth just use your arm to warm her up and bring her to the edge then switch to your cock. Most centaur girls I've talked to like being with humans because sex doesn't mean having some guy draped across their back and not supporting his weight.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:35 No.15315516

    Oh for the love of-

    >7 dollars

    That alone should tell you not to pick it up, much less buy it, you dumb shit. Most often, when someone is trying to get rid of something that seemingly valuable for so little, magical or not, you're being taken for a ride. Get that shit to the nearest arcanoarchaelogist/police and hope like fuck you haven't already drawn something's attention.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:35 No.15315518
    Well, if it was Sara, she's very sorry and she feels utterly horrible about it.
    She told me about it a few times and I can tell that she really regrets hurting you
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:36 No.15315522

    So, I tried to leave and get to my body. Or find it. I found out something.

    SHE BARRICADED ME IN MY ROOM. She keeps screaming she's sorry and she's going to fix this in a moment.

    What... is the side effects if I don't get to a doctor ASAP?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:36 No.15315525
    Dude, I think you just made an alchemist very happy.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:36 No.15315526
    Hey guys, wizard here. I've been studying a bit of Evard's writings on necromancy and the like, and I ended up performing a ritual on myself.

    I'm now a shade.

    While this is cool, I'm wondering whether I should quit here, or go all out and become a lich?

    Also, the sun fucking burns. Why the hell did no one warn me about this?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:36 No.15315529
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    don't worry, i know full well what this thing is, thankfully california actually teaches you about this kind of stuff rather than just saying "it's bad" (though i'll admit the schools are still far from perfect). i'm just saying i fucking love yard sales, pic related, 4 dollars
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:39 No.15315551
    Just a quick question, more out of curiosity and everything before I go and have that chat with my wife. Whats the offspring of a kitsune and a human usualy?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:40 No.15315562
    Usually it's a human with magical capabilities, occasioanlly it's a full kitsune
    Never anything that you would call a half-breed
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:40 No.15315564
    Could be worse, you could be a lesbian. Lesbian human/centaur sex was the most awkward sex I've ever had and I've fucked a harpy - pureblood, not hybrid.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:40 No.15315566
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    So I heard there's this weird corporation or government agency setting up a little headquarters here in my town. They're calling themselves "XCOM Defense Technologies".

    Normally I wouldn't care, but some of the locals seem to have gotten really fidgety about this for some reason. What's up with these guys, and should I be concerned?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:41 No.15315572
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    Not sure what your nomenclature says about "shade" but last I checked they don't have bodies. Sorry for your loss.

    Lichdom tends to only work on living subjects. Again, I'm sorry for you.

    You will probably want to look into some incorporeal/corporeal gloves, carry an umbrella and look into other methods of interacting with the physical world.

    If your definition is just different from mine, just grab the umbrella, still probably no hope for lichdom, but you've got most of the undeath part done anyway, just no phylactery. If you take some of your now much longer lifespan(?) and study transmutation and a touch of alchemy, you can probably make yourself temporary bodies to use and jump to in place of the phylactery's utility.

    More expensive, but you're the one who jumped the gun.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:41 No.15315573
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    which is why i keep it in front of a preserved beholder eye
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:42 No.15315579
    I say go for it, but you may want to move to a place that is a bit more accepting of the post-living. And be sure to do as many kind acts to you community as possible, nothing scares the local folk more than a brooding corpse. Also make your phylactery something nigh invincible and nearly untraceable, like a coin.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:42 No.15315581
    Ah. Good to know. I wonder how my daughter's powers will manifest?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:43 No.15315583
    >Poster finds out wife is a kitsune.
    >>say your goodbyes, kitsune leave when they're found out. seriously go check right now, she's probably gone already

    No, they don't do that anymore. Not in decent countries. Kitsune used to run upon discovery because insane anti-kitsune prejudice meant leave or die, but now it is up to her.

    Admittedly the discovered kitsune wife is going to be very afraid right now. Cultural baggage from the bad times, heck they still hide don't they? Poster just needs to reassure her, or GTFO out with his family if he's worried about the neighbors coming around with torches and pitchforks.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:44 No.15315597


    Are you anything that could be considered, at all, alien or malignantly supernatural or supernaturally malignant?

    If not, no worries, you may be missing a few neighbors is all.

    If so, you may want to invest the next two days in getting out of town. Effective now.

    I'm under an NDA, or I'd say more.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:44 No.15315600

    The fact that you didn't even know that sun=/=undead means you fail beginning necromancy, much less basic biology. In fact, I can't see how you even did that much without fucking up so badly you're some freak accident that gets written up in the journals, or being taken for a ride by an actual lich.

    Take it from a professional forensic necromancer: take yourself to the nearest hospital, get help, take the fine like a wizard, and stick to whatever specialty you took up, because clearly you are not cut out for necromancy.

    BTW, send me a email: if the former of the possibilities, I so got to write up that shit.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:45 No.15315608

    Ah, no, my good man, you seem to be a bit confused. I do mean spectre, as in the incorporeal undead spirit, but a shade, a man who's soul is infused with shadow. I am still very physical.

    The question is, I am not sure whether I want to JUST be a shade, which will grant me a long, long lifespan, or just become immortal.


    The place I live in is pretty open-minded, for the most part. I already have a skeleton under my command who helps around the house, and the neighbors are accepting of him. It helps when most of your neighbors are non-human.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:47 No.15315621
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    Get her to a mage's school early and often. Sorcerers have a lot of potential, but if you let it come out naturally bad things can happen. A talented illusionist might wind up using them for criminal activity, or scaring annoying people to death. An enchanter could wind up Making people like them.

    Teach her control and discipline of herself, and your kid should be fine. I'd also recomment martial arts or the Scouts for more structure.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:48 No.15315625
    So I feel asleep last weekend at the beach and I was abruptly awoken by a water spirit entering my agape mouth.

    That was a week ago now and..... I have yet to ...... pass..... it....
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:48 No.15315630

    I'm more of a conjurer by trade, but necomancy has always fascinated me. And I must clear up the confusion. I am not yet undead, just a shade. I havn't been killed by the sun, thank Vecna, but it is quite uncomfortable now.

    I would, however, relish your insight on lichdom and other necromantic matters.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:49 No.15315635
    Um, she should know about the physical contact thing with mind transfers and if it's a polymorph you should be able to wait it out. So give her an hour or two before doing anything. If nothing happens by then start getting worried. She may have done something we haven't thought of and if polymorph and mind transfer isn't why you are now a cat then some serious shit went down while you were out. Send an email to a friend explaining everything, have them forward the email to the cops after a few hours unless you tell them otherwise. As for the doctor, a cat's brain isn't designed to fire as many brain cells as needed to sustain human thought patterns. You'll need about six times the daily recommended calories of a housecat and several vitamins and minerals that a cat's diet doesn't normally provide; the doctor will be able to get you proper nutritional supplements. Don't worry though, you won't be in bad shape for another 2-3 days.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:49 No.15315637
    Good thing most of my neighbors are pretty tolerant good natured folk. Mind you half of them are also some sort of Yōkai or the like.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:50 No.15315640
    >people still believe in the gods
    I seriously hope you don't do this.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:50 No.15315644
    >>Most centaur girls I've talked to like being with humans because sex doesn't mean having some guy draped across their back and not supporting his weight.

    Really? Well that does put a lot of the flirting in retrospect. She'd smile and say "Oh look at you. You are as light as a feather, why I could carry you around for days."

    I'm going for it. Thanks!

    My sympathies. It's tough out there.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:51 No.15315648
    Sounds like a good idea. I'll have to run it by her of course.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:52 No.15315650
    I dated a werewolf chick once. It turns out she was into me because she likes to eat fat people. It's like fucking Twilight but not nearly as glamorous.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:52 No.15315654


    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:53 No.15315658
    I didn't eat it!
    I just went in my mouth while I was asleep...
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:53 No.15315660
    I taste /tv/ on you, heathen.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:53 No.15315661

    That and you don't have to worry about getting her pregnant, so go hog wild my friend.

    You can beileve what you want- but you only get centaurs from other centaurs.
    >> Dr. Light, Mad Scientist 06/19/11(Sun)03:54 No.15315667
    Well /tg/, I showed them all. I told them I'd show them all and I did.

    Now what?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:54 No.15315668
    >giving humanity a run for its money
    The only way they're giving us a run for our money is if they stop letting us use their trees to make paper.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:56 No.15315679
    What exactly did you show them all? Did you bring back the dead? Gain control over gravity? Rewrite your genetic code?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:56 No.15315681
    Have yourself checked out you idiot, don't post on a forum about it and expect magic to happen and fix you.

    I mean, yeah, divination specialist might be able to do that, but this is a damn stupid way to do it.

    You've got a water elemental in your bloodstream by the way now. It's not something you pass, it'll just stay there 'till you die. If you didn't have inate magical talent before now and start to display it, that's normal.

    Don't try to force it out. Hell, I don't even know why it left the water, but if you force it out it's taking your blood with it, but at the momement it looks like this could be the start of a beautiful symbiosis.

    Too bad, because I kinda agree with the other poster about natural selection and you.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:57 No.15315687
    memes can cross boards
    >implying you can prove your deitie's existence
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:57 No.15315688

    Elfs have a pathetically low birth rate to begin with. Just drop it already.

    This is a serios problem.

    You need to get looked at as soon as possible.

    Are you sure it was a water "spirit" and not an elemental? The difference could mean death by explosion from the inside out and death by... well I don't actually know what a water spirit would do inside a body.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:57 No.15315690
    All's cool. I've actually got a minotaur chick that wants in my pants right now. She's pretty agressive, which is a plus, but I'm not too sure how I feel about the udders.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:59 No.15315696
    err... deity's
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)03:59 No.15315700
    You know, I always wondered how the Protean sorcerers at the institute came about. I guess I know know.

    Kinda disappointing really, I thought someone stuck their penis in an elemental
    >> fenrir7139 06/19/11(Sun)04:00 No.15315703
    Those are quite fun. I've had a few experiences with Minotaur ladies in my time...
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:01 No.15315707
    And back from a chat with my wife. Alls well that ends well I guess...and I guess I do like her tails. Their so fluffy and soft.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:01 No.15315708

    Okay, first off, you're not a shade. Shades are spirits of the dead who are infused with shadowstuff. A living mortal who is infused with shadowtuff is a revanant, or the half-dead, (it's why the day star hasn't killed you yet) and also happens to be illegal in most states if not done with licensed approval. Too much can go wrong. I've found newspaper archives that state entire counties had to be quarantined due to necrotic leakage from the would-be practitioner's lab.

    Seriously, if you wanted to be a lich, all you had to do was take the necessary course work, sign the legal paperwork, psychological testing, etc. If you're work is important enough, you should have been approved no problem. That it.

    I suggest just reporting yourself and taking the fine, and getting licensed. It will save you a hell of a lot of trouble in the long run.

    Otherwise, just get some health insurance that has Clone coverage. You get in a fatal accident, you just wake up an instant later in a medical facility in a band new, not broken body.
    >> Dr. Light, Mad Scientist 06/19/11(Sun)04:01 No.15315709
    That last bit. I don't actually own a computer, I'm just typing on my neighbor's with my mind.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:02 No.15315714
    <Just going to say something out of character here, but I have noticed that these threads follow various trends>

    <People roleplaying ordinary human folk either talk about fucking monster races or killing/arresting/subduing them>
    <People roleplaying mages generally talk about problems with the law>
    <People roleplaying uglier monster races such as dwarves or trolls or ogres tend to discuss things like equality and workplace rights, while people roleplaying "attractive" races like mermaids or elves or random-bland-monstergirl-#42 discuss relationships>
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:02 No.15315717
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    That's rather disturbing. Also, half right. Some times it's the other way around. Fem 'casters get lonely some times too.
    And scryers know way more than they should. I may talk to a mind mage about some brain bleach tomorrow.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:02 No.15315719
    I don't think I could resist making a handlebars joke in the middle of sex. I'm pretty sure doing that would win me a Darwin Award.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:03 No.15315722
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    Do it up man- wait a minute.

    >but I'm not too sure how I feel about the udders

    >how I feel about the udders

    >the udders


    Is this "minotaur" walking on two or four legs?
    >> Sweet Soul Bro !!H5XdMKmBv5G 06/19/11(Sun)04:03 No.15315725

    Half Human, Half Orc Wizard here.

    You got a problem with it? You wanna go outside so I can show you my signature spell "Cast Rock?"
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:04 No.15315730
    I feel like I'm the only person here who doesn't like my women with strange appendages, horns, fur or other such things.

    The vanilla-style person is the rarest being of them all, it seems.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:05 No.15315740
    So like, a rock then?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:06 No.15315748
    Two legs, she's got one giant boob that separates into two smaller ones thing going on.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:07 No.15315750
    ((Plain humans beating up the bad guys. David and Goliath fans.
    'Caster tend to get played by people with an appreciation for rules; from my basic study of state laws there's a lot of similarity between complicated rule books and law books.
    And of course, /tg/ is having fun with its less publically accepted fetishes; as long as they dodge the details and just talk like they would among interested friends, there shouldn't be a problem.))
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:07 No.15315754
    >>Don't try to force it out. Hell, I don't even know why it left the water, but if you force it out it's taking your blood with it, but at the momement it looks like this could be the start of a beautiful symbiosis.

    Good advice across the board. Most especially see a doctor! But that's highly-unusual behavior for either a spirit or an elemental. The poster is omitting some details he absolutely must reveal to his physician.
    >> fenrir7139 06/19/11(Sun)04:07 No.15315758
    Ha! If I had done that, I'd probably be ripped in half. Luckily, I didn't, so I was just sore.

    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:09 No.15315764
    Scryers? You haven't seen horrible mental images until you've met an illusionist. It's a nice gesture, but live aboleth porn is surprisingly boner-wilt inducing.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:09 No.15315765
    That might be illegal. I'm not really sure.

    Hey, anyone know if telekinesis crossing property lines is illegal?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:09 No.15315768
    Different strokes for different folks. I mean I'm a vampire - Orlock, not Lugosi - and I go for "vanilla" human women. Does that make me some kind of fetishist? I don't think so.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:10 No.15315770
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    so what does everyone here do for a living?
    pic related, i'm starting as an intern in a month
    >> Sweet Soul Bro !!H5XdMKmBv5G 06/19/11(Sun)04:10 No.15315772
    Only if the party that was using the telekinesis, was tresspassing. Otherwise, No.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:11 No.15315776
    Uhhhh... Okay, how many of you knew that it was possible for certain types of undead to get pregnant?
    Sara just told me that she took a pregnancy test and it came out positive, I had no idea banshees could get pregnant.
    On top of that I don't think I'm ready to raise a child.
    On top of THAT I don't even know what the child would be! Would it be an ordinary human baby? Or would it be some kind of ghost child?
    >> Sweet Soul Bro !!H5XdMKmBv5G 06/19/11(Sun)04:13 No.15315792
    Detective, for the Local PD.

    Though not so much detecting. The Department likes to use the fact that I'm half Orc(The racist bastards) to get me to intimidate people into confessing, when they're stumped on a case.

    It's bullshit, and I don't do it unless the evidence adds up, tho.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:14 No.15315797
    Common misconception. Banshee's aren't undead; they're fairies. Death related fairies, but alive like most of us.
    >> Dr. Light, Mad Scientist 06/19/11(Sun)04:14 No.15315798
    Ok, so we're all talking about our social lives? Fun.

    Well, let's see here... I've spent the last five years alone in my death castle, working on altering my own genetics to increase my own mental attributes. Before that, I was your average 18 year old with thirty PhDs and five MDs. I was always a bit lonely as a child, sadly. Orphan, etc. And seeing as I could beat an Aboleth at chess at the age of ten, I never quite figured out how to relate to people...

    Any advise on dating? I'm pretty open about relationships. No real preference, but that might just be my brain chemistry settling.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:14 No.15315800
    she's either bluffing or has some seriously powerful magic behind her. restarting the body after undeath is something most people will pay millions for
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:15 No.15315803
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    Workin for VALKYRIE here. I'm glad the group has decided to increase transparency. It's about time realized we're just folks who want to protect everyone, not just just curb stomp the magical races because we are so racist and evil and yadda yadda
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:16 No.15315805
    Stay the fuck away from Mind Flayers. They'll go after you like an addict after a truck full of Meth.
    >> Sweet Soul Bro !!H5XdMKmBv5G 06/19/11(Sun)04:16 No.15315808
    Congrats, Ghost Dad. Be sure to buy a argyle.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:17 No.15315813
    Any other Artificers here? I'm thinking about opening up a local Construct shop; doing repairs/upgrades/re-infusions, heck I may even get into crafting specialized homunculii. I've also been doing research on how to get a license to do this and its pitifully easy to get; i'm talking about a 12 week course and passing with an 80% on the final test.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:17 No.15315814
    I'm fairly certain she isn't bluffing, I mean, we're already engaged, and she seemed really, really excited about the whole thing.
    So what kind of powerful magic? Now you have me worried that she went and spent a whole lot of money on some procedure that allows her to get pregnant
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:17 No.15315817
    Well if your intelligence means having trouble relating to people due to differing cognitive abilities you might want to consider dating a gestalt mind or perhaps a bio AI.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:18 No.15315824

    I've been a forensic necromancer for three years now, working out of the chief medical examiner's office.

    It's good work, using medicine and magic to bring justice to the dead.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:18 No.15315826
    IDK. Date an elder brain, I guess?

    I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I really don't know.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:18 No.15315827
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    tell you what Dr. Light, why don't you go to a speed dating service and let me look after your work for you
    >> Sweet Soul Bro !!H5XdMKmBv5G 06/19/11(Sun)04:19 No.15315831
    >Any other Artificers here?

    YOU ASSHOLES! You're the assholes that keep turinging your jail cells into little fucking workshops! Stop that shit! It's not funny to turn your matress into a working robot.
    >> Dr. Light, Mad Scientist 06/19/11(Sun)04:19 No.15315835
    Good idea. Half my body is technological anyways, so an AI might be a good choice. Not sure about the whole gestalt mind thing. How does that work again? Multiple bodies, one mind? That could get awkward.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:21 No.15315841
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    (It's dumb, the stupid fetishistic crap ruins the humor of these threads. I'm here for wziards being assholes, which is always entertaining)

    Why are there so many misconceptions about chronomancy? Everyone always thinks I'm going to shit all over the time stream, but every attempt at actual time travel thus far has dusted the chronomancer who was trying it.

    They're fine with necromancy, and summoners who half the time fuck up and let some demon on the lose, but the moment you start stretching, folding, or splitting temporal energies, they flip out about paradoxes.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:21 No.15315845
    Homunculii you say? Do go on. You have my intrest sir.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:21 No.15315848
    I'm a rodeo clown. Teleportation makes my job 70% less horn-filled.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:21 No.15315849
    So it will be a ghost child?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:22 No.15315851
    Huh. Over here the clerics just resurrect the guy and have a bard help with total recall, although I could see why you'd hold off with resurrection if you needed forensic evidence.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:23 No.15315854
    Chill out man. I have all my credentials, but I can see why so many wannabe Artificers are in prison. One wrong infusion and the construct goes from "I live to do the dishes" to "I like wearing my owners skin"
    >> Sweet Soul Bro !!H5XdMKmBv5G 06/19/11(Sun)04:25 No.15315868
    >Missed the Joke.

    The fuck if I know. I scare people for a living. With floating rocks.

    Or "I'll fuse these two pieces of metal" Becomes "I'll BLOW UP THE GODDAMNED NEIBORHOOD."
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:26 No.15315870
    ....Give me a moment, I have a screnecap for you. That said, some undead can get pregnant, and some can make spawn after consuming a certain amount of living energy or substance, so it might just be another banshee child....and crying might be fatal for you to hear. Start looking into exactly what you're dealing with.

    If the above poster is right and she's actually a Fae, then see my earlier post toward the Kitsune/Human couple's kid. Discipline, education, learning, and control of themselves. You might end up raising one heck of a 'caster there, and that power can either naturally develop into sating whatever want your kid has, or it can be carefully crafted to something that they can use and be proud of not just because it's their's, but because it's something valuable to them And to the world.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:27 No.15315876
    >beat an Aboleth at chess
    >age ten

    Jesus Christ man! What the hell?! Why aren't you fucking terraforming Mars or some shit?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:28 No.15315879
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    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:28 No.15315881
    Reverse it, multiple minds in one body. There are various types actually: consensus, where each mind has it's own personality and they function democratically, progressive, minds are organized in a hierarchy that add to the thoughts of the minds beneath them, multiview, each mind possesses a unique viewpoint but otherwise functions as one unit, dictator, one mind is in charge while the others just advise. There are a couple more put I'm not to sure how they work.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:30 No.15315889
    Creating a personal Homunculus isn't too hard, its making one for another person that is difficult. Its crafted with clay (I've gotten wicked good at sculpting) and a few other ingredients, including the owners blood. It can only be made for one specific task, or a small set of tasks. Any more than that and it has to be brought back to the person who originally created it to give it a new set of directives.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:30 No.15315893
    >>Common misconception. Banshee's aren't undead; they're fairies. Death related fairies, but alive like most of us.

    Repeated because there seems to be a lot of misconceptions about banshees out there. They aren't undead. They are fae.

    Fae-human conception is difficult, but far from unknown.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:30 No.15315894
    It's a compulsion. I don't so much consciously do those kinds of things so much as I just start doing them. If I don't build or modify something every few hours, I get antsy. If it keep going on, I get visibly distressed. If I go more than a day without tinkering, I flip the fuck out. And the worst part is that most of the things I make are virtually useless shitheaps that pique my attention. I once spent two weeks inventing a machine that was the size of a small car and did nothing but cut potatoes into miniature tiki heads.
    >> Dr. Light, Mad Scientist 06/19/11(Sun)04:33 No.15315907
    Right, so my way would be a hive mind. It's been a while...

    But then multiple minds would need to share processing power, thus making the intellect of the individual less than average.

    Unless they're not using the ordinary methods of cognition. Some kind of possession, or something similar? The individual minds need not share processing power, they need only share a body?

    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:33 No.15315909
    Dude. I'll pay you 5 grand for that machine.
    >> Sweet Soul Bro !!H5XdMKmBv5G 06/19/11(Sun)04:33 No.15315910
    Well at the very least, you've given me ideas for interogation.

    I'm gonna buy a good tool set, and a tool box, and a bunch of watches and watch parts.

    And when I get one? I'm gonna sit the toolset on the table, and hold the watch.

    He talks? he gets the watch and the tools to play with. Not talky? No Tinker.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:36 No.15315923

    It was found that too many clerics demand the resurrectee be of their faith, or screwing up bad because they knew next to nothing about medicine or the human body (nothing against clerics, but there's a reason why most people go to doctors trained in healing and not the church, since most faiths haven't made medicine a priority for the last few hundred years).

    That, and the public kept going on about the separation of church and state. So, they started hiring medical necromancers for the job, to handle autopsies, interviews, and if possible, resurrection (as the living if possible, undead if it was in their wills).
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:38 No.15315935
    Late on the response, but it seems like nothing else is pending. Divination specialist, contract work mostly. I usually wind up helping out on missing persons casses and such, which is part of my hang-ups about the law and such as you might have noticed above.

    I've done some work on the corporate side of things; giving company A advice about how well recieved a given concept will be in the market, but it's dangerous to be too specific; being vague as a seer isn't just out of tradition, if you're too specific and it turns out you were looking at the wrong part of the time stream or an unstable time-loop, your clients tend to be pissed off.

    Also, for those that are interested, as I think the Texan pallies have traced that summoner's IP now, the succubus is going for the bus station, not the red-light district. Seems she's smarter than I gave her credit for. I'll send your manager my bill if she gets out of town and I have to start working on this. Lucked out in that some reletives live nearby, so I kinda know the area for now, but that stops if she gets outside city limits and I need to start burning reagents.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:38 No.15315939
    Oh, really? I didn't know that.

    How rare exactly is it? I mean, Sara seems to be really, really, REALLY excited about this, so just how unlikely was this phenomenon?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:39 No.15315942
    >>Only if the party that was using the telekinesis, was tresspassing. Otherwise, No.

    Incorrect. To use an American football term? Once you break the plane you are trespassing regardless of whether it is a material appendage or not. Also known as the "I'm not touching you!" rule.

    Well observed Anon. Well observed.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:41 No.15315952
    It's funny how Australia has this big divine being floating over it that's always there and visible to anyone with any sense of magic (which is most of Australias population) which prevents all summonings. Yet Australia still tries to be a secular nation.
    I wonder why Australia does that?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:43 No.15315963
    Yeah, we aren't talking normal human here. Not counting magic we're talking encephilic miniaturization, multiple cerebrum stacks, wireless connections to digital uploads, implanted AI and multifunction neurosystems. Though I hear small batch gestalts, like two or three minds, can function in an unmodified human brain.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:44 No.15315969
    As long as it stays in the sky and doesn't cause any trouble, it shouldn't matter what the human civilizations do provided they're likewise ambivilant at least.

    Just because there's a powerful entity living near by doesn't mean that it appreciates human worship or that mortals need to suddenly change their habits or attitudes about their lives and what to do with them.
    >> Sweet Soul Bro !!H5XdMKmBv5G 06/19/11(Sun)04:44 No.15315973
    >Incorrect. To use an American football term? Once you break the plane you are trespassing regardless of whether it is a material appendage or not. Also known as the "I'm not touching you!" rule.

    Yeah, but you gotta be tresspassin' in the first place to be tresspassin'. You can't tresspass telekinetcally if you wouldn't be tresspassin' physically.

    And Yeah, it's Kinetic. They get real pissy about that shit, start calling in ACLU Lawyers about being "Misrepresented". I almost hit that Naga lawyer, she was a real bitch.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:45 No.15315978
    I Really, Really hope that you're only planning to include volunteers in that pool of minds. Really.

    Not going to look in on it mind you, sounds like it would be noisy to even scry on your county or prefecture.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:47 No.15315993
    I don't think that would work very well; most of the other artificers I know get almost catatonic in stressful situations. Following that point, most artificers I know have something of a deficit in social skills; they'll blurt out almost anything if steered to it in conversation. Seriously - many of them will gush to anyone that will actively receive their conversation.
    >> Dr. Light, Mad Scientist 06/19/11(Sun)04:48 No.15315998
    I guess I'll try that then. Sounds somewhat close to my level of cognitive abilities, on the near side. Any advice for first dates? Discussion topics, etc? I'm not very experienced at dating. I understand you've got your own stuff, but I'd appreciate any advice you can give anyways. Then I can take the information you provide and bring it to its logical conclusion to ensure success.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:48 No.15315999
    I know that feel, bro. I had one of those fits after watching my girlfriend kill our garden with her complete lack of a green thumb. All I remember is grabbing our blender, a chainsaw, and a coat hanger and then climbing out of my workshop with the world's most ungodly automatic tilling machine. Not only was our garden perfectly tilled, but so was every yard on my block.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:48 No.15316004
    I'd think that a good lawyer could at least get you on unlawful use of the computer. It is someone else's property, so there's something to start with.

    Realistically, it shouldn't be a problem as long as you either ask your neighbor's permission and or the authorities never find out, though after that idiot summoner earlier, they'll be reading through this thread in about twenty minutes.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:49 No.15316006
    hmm... good point.
    It does interfere occasionally though, it sometimes stops fires that get too big, and it once completely removed a nuclear power plant from existence when it almost went into meltdown (that's why Australia doesn't use nuclear power anymore)
    It overall seems more concerned about the environment and ecosystem over the people though
    >> Sweet Soul Bro !!H5XdMKmBv5G 06/19/11(Sun)04:53 No.15316031

    Fucking Artificers. Oh Well. Granted, I'll give them credit, they're about as bad as the "Sunite" and "Sharessian" Co-eds, who just run around naked, disturbing the piece and shit. They don't cause any real trouble on purpose, they just generally do stupid shit.

    Like that artificer that tried to build a Nuclear reactor with Tin Foil, Lead shot, and Old Smoke Detectors.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:53 No.15316032
    Unlikely enough that your wife or girlfriend is really excited about it. Legitimately so. Congratulations.

    Another poster laboring under the delusion that banshees are undead warned you that your child's cry could be dangerous? You need to consult a specialist as the literature is mixed on that.

    Banshee cries are involuntarily released when they sense death but are also usable reflexively and voluntarily. In all cases the cries are distressing to injurious to non-fae.(as I am sure you are aware) but the strength of those cries from human-banshee infants is unclear. You must consult a specialist, but noise-cancelling headphones might be worth investing in before the delivery.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:54 No.15316041
    Nuke meltdowns are pretty damn dangerous, so it sounds like it did you an unwitting favor there. Same for the fires. If it really concerns you, you could try contacting a spiritualist to act as an interpreter for you and see what it's up to. If it doesn't care, it doesn't care, and life goes on. If it has something it's working toward, and you're able to help it, you might earn some favor with a local divinity, which seems to be a good posibility. If it's cranky and wants to be left alone, then leave it be; people deal with crabby nieghbors all the time.
    >> Sweet Soul Bro !!H5XdMKmBv5G 06/19/11(Sun)04:55 No.15316051
    >Realistically, it shouldn't be a problem as long as you either ask your neighbor's permission and or the authorities never find out

    Son, I /am/ the authorities. I'm the Half Orc Wizard who works for the Local Police Department as a Detective.

    So what's this about you trying to break into people's computers with your mind?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:56 No.15316055
    Did you get arrested? The cops came over to my house once because I built a machine that automatically killed, retrieved, cleaned and stored any rabbits that got into my yard. Unfortunately the machine relied a bit on gravity and my neighbors got freaked out when they saw a robot juggling a skilled rabbit in my backyard.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)04:58 No.15316070
    You're applying "Local divinity" to the Rainbow Serpent, which is a gigantic creature that covers thew whole of Australia.
    If I wanted to contact it I'd have to go to an Aboriginal tribe and train to be a spiritualist for decades, which isn't something I'm particularly interested in
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)05:01 No.15316086
    Multiple things, try to keep the conversation flowing and switch topics when things start to quiet down. Don't do more than 50% of the talking, you should wind up knowing as much about her as she finds out about you. Try to avoid going on about topics for any length unless she is interested in them. And if you are going to discuss things that might be a touchy subject, don't. If you somehow find yourself talking about them anyways try to word it as something more palatable; remember you aren't planning to take over the world, you're thinking of getting into politics.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)05:03 No.15316098
    That should be a *skinned* rabbit.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)05:03 No.15316100
    I did, but it turned out to be a good thing, as it was my first step towards >>15315813

    You reading this you half orc detective? The system works, I've been reformed! (I hope you can detect the sarcasm)
    >> Sweet Soul Bro !!H5XdMKmBv5G 06/19/11(Sun)05:06 No.15316118
    Hey, Fuck you Artificer. Don't call me when a thief steals all of your tools and tries to get you to buy them back.

    And speak of the fucking devils. I got a call about Vice Getting transed by the Succubus Streetwalkers, and we gotta go back their punk-asses up. Stay safe, and stay legal.

    I'm gettin' to old for this shit.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)05:07 No.15316120
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    Not myself officer, I'm the Scryer.

    Third bus on the right, the one that's going to pull away 20 seconds after you read this, so you'd better book it.
    >> Dr. Light, Mad Scientist 06/19/11(Sun)05:11 No.15316132
    Right, so rather than discussing making a giant fortress on the moon, I should talk about building up infrastructure outside of earth orbit. Gotcha. The goal is to balance the amount of information relayed between us as evenly as possible? That would be to test for personality compatibility, but seeing as the gestalt mind for have multiple personalities, one might be more compatible than the others. So that might cause problems.

    I think I've got some ideas now though. Thanks, Anon.

    I'm still surprised people haven't switched over to cold fusion completely.

    Actually, wait, have you other people figured that out yet?
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)05:11 No.15316137
    Sara is my fiance.
    As I said before Sara gave me an anti-magic rune to null banshee cries, so I don't think I'll need those headphones.

    Also, I asked Sara about the whole "banshees are undead" thing and she said she thought I knew she was a fae! Now I feel like a total idiot.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)05:13 No.15316145
    We wouldn't have to worry about having our tools stolen if our current laws didn't restrict booby-traps so much. We are perfectly capable of defending out own holdings in our own way - they just won't let us.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)05:14 No.15316149
    You are technically correct, the best kind of correct. You can not trespass unless you trespass, but unwanted telekinetics over a property line is still a crime. Criminal mischief and up depending on what the defendant does.

    Been reading the thread and done some googling and wow. I had no idea how much gear is out there for interspecies romance. That guy who wanted to bang a centaur? There's like a hundred sites out there selling specialty harnesses or tack or whatever it is called just for that. I also had no idea there was such a thing as naga lingerie.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)05:19 No.15316185
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    Nope, we're still having to work to keep some of the more upity human suppremists from getting conjurors legal rights to bind elementals and get them turning turbines without wages.

    I've been looking at some evocation operations and magnetic effects to see if I can rig up a self-sustaining, smaller one about the size of a fan, but Evocation still eludes me and since it's not my degree's in Div, I don't get much time at accademic facilities to really work on it as often as I'd like.

    Wrong bus guys. Damnit.

    It's been fun Anons, but this is going to require an actual mirror and not my watered down alphabet soup. I think I'll be off unless someone here has some fast suggestions on demon tracking.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)05:25 No.15316208
    <Can someone put this thread up on sup/tg/? I would but I don't know how to do it>
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)05:26 No.15316213
    Good luck man. And remember not all gestalts have multiple personalities, but I still wouldn't recommend seeing anyone with double digit minds. It'd be hell just trying to pick a restaurant.
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)05:31 No.15316238
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)05:31 No.15316239
    ((Meh, this was fun, but I'm pretty sure that sup/tg/'s method actually prefers that we not save silly RP threads like these.

    We can start another up tomorrow and continue then. If you want to have a crack at it yourself, just go to sup/tg/ and find the process for saving new threads via ctl-F))
    >> Anonymous 06/19/11(Sun)11:33 No.15318105
    Guys, I think I might have received a baby tarrasque in my mail. I'm afraid to turn it in to the authorities, what should I do?

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