After a few years, during which he slept a lot and hung out in my room, Samwise snuck outside. After freaking out for an hour, he showed up at the door, quite content, and an executive decision was made; Samwise would forever be allowed to go outside, because he seemed to really enjoy it.
It was then that his true glory was shown. He was a hunter, despite being fat and fuzzy. Normally, our back porch was awash with the extra organs of mice, voles, and rabbits, but on occasion, he'd leave a few pieces of birds here and there.
One day, Samwise was late getting back home. I was worried, but I figured he'd end up back in the house soon enough. When he didn't come back that night, I was worried. We went out looking for him, but couldn't locate him even after checking the woods near to the house. Then, just as the sun was setting on the next day, I saw an orange shape, dragging something a bit bigger than him.
I ran towards it, and there was Samwise, cut up and looking rather ragged. What was he dragging?
A motherfucking badger. He'd killed a damn badger, all on his own.
We took him to the vet, got him checked out, and he was fine. Smug, even. He's gone on to kill a lot more stuff in his time, and one of his ears is permanently swollen due to an injury he sustained while playing with some horses. He's been with me for everything; when my family moved across the country, when my first girlfriend cheated on me and left for another man, when I learned I'd been accepted to a proper graduate school and was getting funding. He's still alive, he's still enormously fat, and he's still up there, relaxing for everyone.