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There's a difference there.
She doesn't need anyone else to take over for her in her serious matters: she's a powerful, skilled warrior and and a competent ruler (judging by the fact she rules several large cities). She needs neither regent, nor general, taking on both responsibilties herself and carries out the tasks with her own mind and body.
Sexual desire is wholly separate from the "I don't need anyone else, man or woman, to fight my battles for me." philosophy the OP is going for.
As for the op, the first mistake you're making here is assuming that you have to characterize her in any special way just because she's a woman. Start with a strong, competent ruler archtype, and then make it a woman.
Try to avoid making her stereotypically non-feminine; just because she is ruler material doesn't mean she has to be overtly butch. She should be able to wear armour and clothing that fits her feminine side, opting for gowns and the like for parties and galas when it suits her, and dress armour for other occasions. In the battlefield she fights and sweats and battles with the rest of them because she's pragmatic, but out of the frontlines she can still prefer to be bathed well and daily, as befits her status as a ruler, etc. She doesn't need to be denied, or to intentionally suppress, her feminine aspects to be a good ruler, or a good character.
In regards to her actual sexuality, it shouldn't come up at all unless the PC's make fairly direct accusations, but it should be discussed in a simple, offhand manner as having "numerous consorts". It's nothing shocking, nor corrupt, nor excessive, it simply is, and NPC's don't run around whispering in dark corners about it and giggling or frowning reproachfully (at least, no more than they would for any other ruler's sexual proclivities).