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  • File : 1299997790.jpg-(32 KB, 475x675, A000019_L.jpg)
    32 KB Plot Armor Quest Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)01:29 No.14224018  
    You're not quite sure why you didn't figure it out until now.

    I mean, there was another survivor to that train wreck a few days ago.
    And it's not like EVERYONE died when the ambulance taking you to the hospital got hit by a semi-tuck.
    Maybe it was the fire at the hospital that gave you the inkling that you might be special.
    Maybe it was also the homicidal arsonist that lit that fire at your bedside.

    For whatever the reason, you seem to be unable to die. Now that you're out of your second hospital (Which was just struck by lightning after you left, killing 12) you need to figure out what to do with your newfound power.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)01:31 No.14224031
    Professional stuntman
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)01:31 No.14224038
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)01:32 No.14224051
    This quest needs wheels. What fun is being unable to die if we don't have a bitchin' car? Ergo, parlay our inability to die into the most badass car imaginable, whatever the cost.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)01:32 No.14224053

    You have no idea how to break into that line of work.
    (Speaking of which, you WILL need a job after the gas-line at the Taco-Bell exploded.)
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)01:32 No.14224057
    Arrange to meet Kim Jung Il in person. Fallback; Putin.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)01:35 No.14224084

    >you WILL need a job

    Why? I can't die, right? I don't really need anything. I can take whatever I want, damn the consequences.
    I go on a raep-spree.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)01:38 No.14224122

    You leave the smoking hospital behind as the firefighters close in. You wander into the dark allys of the city to attempt to find prey for your rape-spree.
    A young blonde girl, no older than 20, is wandering around in a dark alley.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)01:39 No.14224136
    Slowly go insane, get addicted to drugs, go more insane, induce myself into a kind of coma and be put into one of those coma machines like in Highlander 4
    >> (Amazon)ymous de Bergerac-Fleur !RZND91lf7s 03/13/11(Sun)01:40 No.14224144
    Raep! Then go rob a bank.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)01:40 No.14224154
    COWER behind a dumpster, and observe her carefully.

    Pretty blonde 20-somethings generally don't wander in dark alleys unless they're capable of fucking up your shit.

    >> (Amazon)ymous de Bergerac-Fleur !RZND91lf7s 03/13/11(Sun)01:42 No.14224165
    But immortal. So no can die.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)01:42 No.14224169
    lecture her on her stupidness, and tell her that she could be raped wandering around at such a time in such a place
    before she can react, pounce on her, slam her to the ground and start pounding your fists into her head until its all but gristle
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)01:42 No.14224176
    then we go rape another chick, right?
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)01:42 No.14224177

    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)01:43 No.14224183
    rape her corpse afterwards
    >> (Amazon)ymous de Bergerac-Fleur !RZND91lf7s 03/13/11(Sun)01:43 No.14224185
    No, go assassinate the entire senate using only a small duck.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)01:43 No.14224188
    I know OP is writing as fast as he can, but now I can't wait to see the next post. Either HILARIOUS CONSEQUENCES ensue, or we get to read a rape scene.

    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)01:44 No.14224199

    And my sincere hope is that the blonde girl rapes the protagonist.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)01:45 No.14224207
    Buy the blonde girl a nice present, walk her home and a wish her a good night.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)01:46 No.14224228

    You sneak up on her from behind. She turns around and looks at you unimpressed.
    "You here for the goods?"
    While you think about how to proceed, a black man with his pants riding so low he might not have legs comes into view. "YO! What da fuck is this? There ain't supposed ta be two a you!"
    The girl is confused and attempts to explain (in very foul language) that she thought you were the courier or something. The man argues back by taking out a gun, holding it sideways, and shooting her in the stomach.
    Before she keels over, she takes out a handgun of her own, and shoots him in the neck.
    The man drops a roll of 100 dollar bills and the woman drops multiple baggies filled with coke.

    >> (Amazon)ymous de Bergerac-Fleur !RZND91lf7s 03/13/11(Sun)01:47 No.14224231
    Or the alley rapes and murders both of them and than kills the senate with their corpses.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)01:47 No.14224244
    rape her in the bullet wound, then take the money
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)01:48 No.14224249

    She's gutshot. Means she's still alive, and will be for a while. RAEP TIME!
    >> (Amazon)ymous de Bergerac-Fleur !RZND91lf7s 03/13/11(Sun)01:48 No.14224250
    Pick up the coke and cash. Then go rob a bank after taking ALL of the coke.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)01:48 No.14224256
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    Race home, get passport. Pocket cash, buy ticket to Moldova. Once there, we find those sick slimy fucks who traffic women, and we... just hang out with them. A lot. And let nature take its course.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)01:49 No.14224265
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    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)01:49 No.14224266

    15 minutes passes.
    You feel very dirty, yet satisfied.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)01:49 No.14224270

    shove the money in her mouth while doing it, to silence her agonized screams. What do I need with a wad of hundreds? I can go get more.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)01:50 No.14224282
         File1299999052.jpg-(82 KB, 500x617, 1296518441899.jpg)
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    She was a drug dealer, not a PERSON. Then it would've been WRONG!
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)01:50 No.14224286

    You put enough coke into your system to kill ten men. The next few posts might be wierd.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)01:51 No.14224288
    dirty? more like satisfied.

    alright, let's rob that bank!
    >> (Amazon)ymous de Bergerac-Fleur !RZND91lf7s 03/13/11(Sun)01:51 No.14224294
    Take ALL of the coke at once. Then o rob a bank.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)01:52 No.14224301

    Your home was destroyed after the last tornado. All you've got on you is your wallet.
    And that wallet is full of 100 dollar bills, now.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)01:53 No.14224316

    You wander off, but remember that since they transfered you to a hospital in a part of town you're not familiar with.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)01:55 No.14224329



    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)01:56 No.14224337
    I'm assuming this isn't going at all like you'd hoped for, Command Squad.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)01:58 No.14224353
    This is 4chan. The land of low expectations.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)01:59 No.14224368

    You return from Mt. Kilimanjaro, having fufilled your duties as Tiger King, and bid the elephant, Bibbles, farewell.

    To the untrained eye, it might look like you collapsed on the sidewalk for 30 minutes.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)01:59 No.14224370
    Find a payphone with a phone book. Cross reference the hospital with the nearest bank in the map section. Then beat a random asshole with the phone book.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)03:00 No.14224386

    No, this is pretty much par for the course.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:01 No.14224391
    this plan is king

    after we rob the bank, let's knock over a gun store
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:02 No.14224395

    >>14224337 here.

    I know, but /tg/ is USUALLY (that being the operative word) a cut above this.
    Whatever, I'm having fun.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:02 No.14224406
    Ride out the rest of our cocaine binge using whatever we can get our hands on.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)03:03 No.14224407

    You find the candy-booth, and after talking to Mr. Weazle about your Pimping operation, he point you northward on your merry quest.
    Then you hit some bitch over the head with the phonebook, telling her she owes you money. She runs away, prolly to go get you your share.
    You're a good pimp.
    >> Gorganthos 03/13/11(Sun)03:04 No.14224417
    Walk around till you find a mexican convenience store or a shitty comic shop. Look on the front window or door for any posters promoting local and regional professional wrestling. Look for a number and write it down for future reference.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:04 No.14224424
    what the fuck, was this coke laced with some kind of super-lsd?

    anyways, onwards to the bank! we need something to rob it, though, I suggest we rip a street sign out of the ground and use that.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:05 No.14224428
    Northward, motherfucker. Strutting like a pimp and singing our pimp song. Then jump through the wind shield of a moving vehicle and ride that bitch through the bank's front doors.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:05 No.14224431

    I love this post. I love this thread. I love you, bro.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)03:05 No.14224434

    You ride out the physical manifestation of the cocain in you to the bank. It looked like a cross between a unicorn, unicron, a dragon, with a hit of naked woman.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:07 No.14224452

    >naked woman

    Whip it out. Start fucking.
    Rinse, repeat (minus rinsing)
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:08 No.14224460
    >"hit" of naked women
    Not a bad quest thread.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:09 No.14224468
    Ask the guard if he has a light. When he says no, leave. Then this:
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)03:10 No.14224482

    When I said it was enough to kill ten people, I goddamn meant it.

    Some ladies like their men to be nice.
    Those lovely girl like to be treated right.
    I can't be sure what all the women want.
    But I know they better pay me my goddamn money.
    Also that Bibbles was a sexy motherfu-"


    *Chorus involves all singers puking a little bit.

    "And then we-"


    "So the weazel took my cake-"


    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:12 No.14224495
    Then we'll contact the spirit dragon! Maybe he can guide us to a weapon that will help us defeat the evil Jew bankers!
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:12 No.14224500

    >Also that Bibbles was a sexy motherfu-"

    Fuck you, you magnificent bastard. I can't stop laughing.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:14 No.14224515

    Clearly what we need is a WISH DRAGON.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:14 No.14224516
    Leave bank. Rob gun store with bare hands. Then >>14224428
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:15 No.14224525
         File1300000518.jpg-(54 KB, 600x450, Bibbles.jpg)
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    Bibbles: Sexy Muthafucka.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:16 No.14224531
    Hopefully when we crash into the tellers' counter, we fly through the windshield to punch a teller in the neck.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:16 No.14224537
         File1300000612.jpg-(55 KB, 450x376, Bibbles when you don't have hi(...).jpg)
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    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:17 No.14224539
    This quest is completely stupid.

    And I'm loving every second of it.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)03:17 No.14224540
    You notice that you're in front of a bank with some vomit coming down from your chin. Puddles of vomit form a trail leading away from the bank.
    A bird starts pecking at the puddles, then falls over, twitching.

    You can't remember much fo the last hour, but you have a sudden desire to name your firstborn son something that starts with a B.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:18 No.14224545
         File1300000723.jpg-(47 KB, 534x351, Bibbles and his homies.jpg)
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    >filename again

    Get a tattoo of this on your shoulders.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:18 No.14224546
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    >This thread
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:19 No.14224551
    Check our person. Did we already rob the bank? If not, fuck that shit up with a city metro bus. If so, go back in and demand security footage to commemorate the event.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:20 No.14224564
    >A bird starts pecking at the puddles, then falls over, twitching.

    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)03:21 No.14224566

    You take a look at a paper lying on the sidewalk. It appears to be two days after you were released from the hospital.
    Also, there is a tattoo of an elephant on your left arm. He's playing with a tiger in a pile of money.

    Fancy that.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:22 No.14224582
    Playing or "playing"?
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)03:23 No.14224594

    Aside from a change of clothes (Hawiian shirt, cargo pants, no shoes, odd underwear) and the bundle of singles sticking out of your thong, you don't seem to have anything you didn't 49 hours ago, nor parted ways with anything other than your last meal.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)03:24 No.14224600

    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:24 No.14224603
    Wow, we need shoes. Let's go start a fistfight with a hobo, GTA style.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:25 No.14224608

    See if we can find the closest Church of Scientology. We've got some MAD FUCKING THETANS going on, and we need to get expert help with them.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:25 No.14224609
    right then, let's rob that fuckin bank!
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:25 No.14224611
    Shitty hobo shoes? No thanks. We should go and beat up someone with nice shoes.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:25 No.14224614
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    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:27 No.14224622

    Why not take a bank teller's shoes while we're robbing the place?
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:27 No.14224628

    too busy raping her.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:27 No.14224630
    Why just the shoes? Take the suit, too... but the shirt stays. Preferably white.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)03:28 No.14224636

    No hobos are in sight.


    You decide to steal some shoes while you're in the bank.
    Speaking of which, you walk in. It's a medium-sized branch, with about 5 tellers working at the moment. No one else is inside.
    You turn towards a male teller with brown hair.
    "Do you need something? You've been standing outside waiting for us to open for a while."
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:29 No.14224644
    Just to clarify: male shoes (black) and suit (white). no tie, keep that hawaiian shirt.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:30 No.14224649
    Walk into bank, find guy with nice executive shoes.

    And just kinda take his shoes and socks. Everyone will be so shocked after that display that we can rob the bank freely. Probably. Then leave.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:30 No.14224650
    Jump on the bitch and break her face with our cock. Then shout, "FREE MUSHROOM STAMPS!"
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:31 No.14224663
    You realize that OP specified it was a MALE bank teller.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:32 No.14224672
    Won't be after the back alley sex change we're going to give her before her rape.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:32 No.14224674
    Since we appear to have already stolen shoes do >>14224649 and steal his suit jacket. And his pens. And stationary. And anything else on his desk.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)03:32 No.14224676

    I'm not sure it matters to him.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:33 No.14224682
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    We are SO beyond fine distinctions like that.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:33 No.14224688

    OH GOD
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:34 No.14224695
    From this thread we are learning that immortality makes you lol so randumb.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:35 No.14224697
    I feel sorry for the teller now.

    For the record, I don't think we should rape his face.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:35 No.14224700

    I'm pretty sure that was the "enough coke to kill ten men" hit we took.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:36 No.14224706
    We just need to get this out of our system. Also, we may have been a horrible person LONG before this revelation.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)03:37 No.14224715

    You combine these two ideas, asking to see the exec of the establishment. You are taken to his office.
    He looks so goddamn smug sitting behind his desk.
    He looks less smug after you gave him a free mushroom stamp, giggling like a schoolgirl.
    "What in the-"
    >My arm is the arm that will punch the man in the suit!
    >Who the hell do you think I am?

    You miss, but in his hurry to flee from the deranged maniac, he trips and clocks his head on the desk, rendering him unconcious.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:38 No.14224730
    Steal his suit and jump out the window.

    ...I assume there is a window. Otherwise, find one.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:38 No.14224733
    Take his suit, socks and shoes. Eat three of his fingers and take ALL THE PENS.
    Also his car keys. Then head out to the parking lot.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:39 No.14224743
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    You call that a miss.
    I call that Result As Intended.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:40 No.14224751
    Pretty sure EATING HIS FINGERS will wake him up, d00d.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:40 No.14224752

    Leave the fingers alone, but TAKE ALL OF THE PENS. Even from his pockets.

    See if he's got any info that allows us to access the vaults.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:41 No.14224757
    My reasoning is that there's no such think as being invulnerable... we must be crazy, so let's see how far it can go.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)03:42 No.14224770

    You dress in a spiffy white suit, dark shoes, and Hawiian shirt. While taking you items from your cargo pants, you notice a gun. You must have grabbed it when you were tripping balls.
    Regardless, you have a gun, some car keys for a BMW (oh god, he WAS a smug bastard), and a killer wardrobe.
    No windows are in sight.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)03:43 No.14224776

    ALSO PENS! You have enough pens to write, like, stuff in places that don't have pens!
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:44 No.14224786
    rob the bank before leaving
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:44 No.14224792
    Strut the fuck out of there. Take the car and drive it into the nearest large body of water.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:44 No.14224797

    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:45 No.14224806

    These. Once we're done with that adventure, I suggest we call any family we have let. Do we have any living family members?
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:46 No.14224816
    Drag his smug ass out of the office, gun pressed against his head.
    "Either I get a shit load of money, or I inherit his kingdom and collect it by proxy!"
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:46 No.14224820
    Go back to the bank tellers. Ask if you "leave a deposit", and other bank-like innuendos.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:48 No.14224833
    Begin believing you are Benjamin Franklin
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:48 No.14224834

    Walk out with gun in hand, pens in other hand, exeu-guy over shoulder, and say something like "I'm here to make...a withdrawl."
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)03:48 No.14224841
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    He has a safe in his room to hold spare cash for the tellers. You try to clean it out, but you run out of places to put money on your person.
    You inventory is effectively full.
    However, you do strut your ass out of there like a boss, get in a bitching ride, and drive away.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:50 No.14224854
    Go buy more cocaine. And a hideout.

    ...we're basically playing GTA/Saint's Row here, aren't we?
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:51 No.14224859

    Park somewhere nice, with a view.

    Take a deep breath as the last of the coke leaves our system.

    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:51 No.14224865
    Drive that car into a lake or something.

    Or into a random house if you can't find a lake.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:52 No.14224869
    I'm okay with this.
    I am, however, at a loss for what to do next... wait, wasn't there a luchador thing?
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:52 No.14224874
    This must be remedied.

    We should go get a duffel bag

    (we can also get a hockey mask and a bat)
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:52 No.14224877
    >as the last of the first half of the coke leaves our system
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:54 No.14224893
    >implying we need coke

    Because of the Plot Armor, our family is probably dead, as well as all our friends, co-workers, and lovers. We are torn asunder by grief and lonliness, which is why we went out to go a-raping in the first place.

    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:54 No.14224894
    yes, and then walmart for a hatchet and machete
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:54 No.14224899

    There was definitely a luchador thing. DEFINITELY. We're gonna need a lucha mask.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)03:54 No.14224900


    You drive off to the lake, and park where there is a nice view.
    You take a deep breath, calm yourself down, and realise that you just watched two people die, went on the biggest trip of yours or anyone else's lives, and robbed a bank-owner.

    You feel more bad-ass than the Goddamn Batman.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:56 No.14224913

    Now time to become luchadores.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:57 No.14224924
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    Ride the wave of our newfound Euphoria into the next state.

    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)03:57 No.14224931

    After flipping your shit over by the lake, you drive all the way back into town to go to a sporting goods store.
    While there, you buy a duffel bag...

    ...a hatchet and a machette (Shut up. It's a big store.)...

    And a Luchadore mask made to look like a hockey mask. You also get a matching white cape that now rests around your shoulders.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:58 No.14224933
    Go to the GAS STATION

    You need GASOLINE to LIVE
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:58 No.14224940

    NOW we are equipped to go into a waffle house.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)03:59 No.14224951
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    Let's do this
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:00 No.14224957
    Vamos a encontrar al presidente, porque somos la lucha inmortal!
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:01 No.14224966
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:01 No.14224967
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    On your way to the waffle house, you pass by a park with a gazebo.

    What do?
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:01 No.14224968
    I can't fucking WAIT for Saint's Row 3.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:02 No.14224971
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    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)04:02 No.14224977
    I just realised that I have skippy peanut butter, not JIF. That frustrates me.

    "Welcome to Waffle House, your one stop shop for waffles!"
    The greeter looks you over and shrugs.
    "Can I help you with anything seƱor?"
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)04:03 No.14224989

    You don't speak french.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:03 No.14224992
    Seek out a therapist and pour out your feelings about the things you've witnessed and the terrible price of immortality. Followed by rape, of course.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:04 No.14225000
    "I will take your finest table... FOR JUSTICE!"
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:05 No.14225007
    >That frustrates me
    What, you don't like being surprised with the best peanut butter around, instead of that jiffy other stuff?
    "jiffy" is an actual word apparently, I'm gonna look that up.

    Tell him we want -- waffles! Seven waffles, four loaded with maple syrup, three without.
    Tell him all this in ENGLISH.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:05 No.14225009

    both of these. the therapist is the person at the closest table.

    >real neettio

    indeed, catchpa
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)04:05 No.14225010

    He escorts you to a booth, whereupon you stand on the table, make whooshing noises, and flap your cape around.
    An elderly couple clap at your display as the waitress gives you a menu.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:06 No.14225012
    shout "I NEED WAFFLES!", kick the dude in the chest, and declare this the domain of Bibbles the Elephant King.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:09 No.14225035
    I feel obligated to make the old people part of the posse.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:09 No.14225042
    >shout "I REQUIRE ADDITIONAL WAFFLES!", kick the dude in the chest, and declare this the domain of Bibbles the Elephant King.

    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)04:12 No.14225070
    We're NOT high anymore, people!
    Just for the record.

    You ask for Waffles, while still standing on the table, seven in total. Before you can recite the rest of your demands, and kick the waitress in the chest, she inturrupts.
    "What kind of waffles, sir?"
    "This is the waffle house. We have every waffle you could imagine."
    You open the menu and find this is more than true, though the Fish Waffles might not be in season.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:14 No.14225087
    "You are truly wondrous. Steak waffles, please."
    >> Frosted Weasel !!dLUhj2yYgMt 03/13/11(Sun)04:15 No.14225094
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    Goddamnit, I want to sleep, but this is just so fucking WIN. Command Squad = Best Squad.

    And if we or the old couple do not receive our waffles in a timely fucking manner, our food is free! So says Tigre Elephanta, the Lucha prophet of BIBBLES!
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:15 No.14225095

    The buttermilk waffles. The ones that remind us of the days of our youth, when everything we loved was still alive and un-tornadoed, before the curse of Plot Armor thrust upon us a future with nothing but the grim, cold, empty satisfaction of the LUCHADOR, CHAMPION OF JUSTICE... and the GLORY OF INVINCIBILITY!

    Oh, and a side of bacon, please.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:16 No.14225104

    Wait... would that be a steak shaped like a waffle? Or an actual steak-flavoured waffle? I don't know which I'd prefer, but it sounds wondrous.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:17 No.14225116
    Try to figure out how many days have gone by since we left the hospital.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)04:18 No.14225125
    You order sever waffles, four steak and three buttermilk, as well as a side of the manliest bacon you can get. As she takes the menu from you, a pair of masked men bust in, waving gun around.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:20 No.14225140
    >masked men

    CLEARLY fellow luchadors! We must challenge them to LUCHA LIBRE!
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:20 No.14225142
    >also, who the hell robs a waffle house?
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:20 No.14225147
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    They interrupted our Waffle Time.



    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:21 No.14225151
    Throw our chair at one. Leap off the table and elbow drop the other where the shoulder meets the neck.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)04:23 No.14225173
    These guys.
    They were planning to rob a bank, but it was on high alert today for some reason.


    >YOU TWO!
    "The fuck do you want?"
    >I see you are fellow followers of the great sport of LUUUCHAAA LIIIBREEEE!
    "The fu-"
    >I will defeat you and take your masks!

    The elderly couple cheer for you as the two robbers point guns in your direction.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:27 No.14225212
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    Pick up nearby table. Holding it by the center leg, top in front of us like a shield, CHARGE.

    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:27 No.14225213
    Mask De Smith taught me this:

    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:27 No.14225223
    Whatever you do now. Focus on making it look very cool. You're bound to win eventually anyways, so you may as well do it with style!
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:28 No.14225224
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    >They were planning to rob a bank, but it was on high alert today for some reason.

    This kind of shit. Makes the thread gold.
    >> Crix !!nLvSV/0cRma 03/13/11(Sun)04:28 No.14225231
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    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:29 No.14225235
    Well, technically we could lose, but in such a way that we'd end up uninjured and completely fine.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)04:30 No.14225246

    You heft the mighty t- Oh wait, it's secured to the floor.

    Your plot armor causes all the bullets to miss wildly, though that might be the robbers having terrible aim.
    You appear to be listening to something very metal, and headbanging the SHIT out of it.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:30 No.14225248

    ie. Losing our mask and with it our pride as a luchador.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:30 No.14225250
    Rush at them, steal the guns, and beat them to death with it while matrix dodging the bullets.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:31 No.14225254
    Enough of this. Close to melee and lucha them into unconsciousness.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:31 No.14225260
    Fuck it. Flying tiger kick! (Chair would have been better, but fuck that too.)
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:32 No.14225269
    This thread really, really makes me want to play Saint's Row.

    Hopefully 3 gets a non shit PC port.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:34 No.14225283
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    You all see this?
    You are the elephant, avatar of Bibbles.
    Those two guys are the vehicle.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)04:35 No.14225288

    >Flying Tiger Kick of JUSTICE!
    You kick the one of the left suqarely in the chest, which does nothing. He looks somewhere between 6'5" and 6'7" and likely weighs 300 or more pounds.
    He looked smaller from across the room.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:36 No.14225294
    Grab cups of coffee with both hands, slinging them at the robbers as we leap towards them.
    If possible, grind their faces into waffles and pour syrup over them and their guns.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:36 No.14225297
    "You are a worthy foe." Then shoot him in the face. Point the gun at the other guy. "Are you a worthy foe?"
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:38 No.14225311
    There's a Just Cause 2 thread going on in /v/ that makes me think it's like Saint's Row, but with military stuff.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)04:40 No.14225327
    I am so goddamn glad that someone remembered that we were armed.

    Looking up at the pair, who look perplexed for some reason, you tell the large man that he is a worthy opponent.
    Then you draw your piece and pop his ass, homie.
    The other one shoots at you, his gun mere inches from your face. He misses and shoots the gun out of your hands. The bullet then rebounds off of your gun into his, shooting his gun out of his hands.

    You both look deeply into each other's eyes in surprise.
    He actually has really pretty eyes.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:41 No.14225348

    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:43 No.14225364
    Roll for anal circumference.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)04:45 No.14225371

    It becomes apparent that this man is only about an inch shorter than the one with a hole is his skull. If rape were to happen, you would likely not be the one on top.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:45 No.14225376

    "Wanna....get a room or somethin'?"
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:46 No.14225379
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:46 No.14225380
    We need...those eyes...

    Rip and tear?
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:46 No.14225383

    then rape
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:49 No.14225406
    Give him a kick in the balls... FOR JUSTICE!
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:49 No.14225410
    go for the optics!
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:49 No.14225416
    Then go for the gun and shoot him in the dick.
    Also, for JUSTICE.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)04:52 No.14225430

    You push yourself up off the floor and grab a plate off a nearby table.
    As he stumbles back, plate shards sticking out of his face, you ready your punch.
    He's on his last legs. It's time for your secret move.

    "OH CHRIST, they're in my eyes!"

    You grab the pens in the man's sockets and pull, freeing his eyes from his skull. You pocket them stealthily.
    Finally, you take both of the masks of the fallen.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:53 No.14225440
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    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:54 No.14225446
    "Steak waffles to go. And someone call the cops."
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:54 No.14225447

    Completely forget about whatever we were doing before.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:55 No.14225453
    Quickly steal a car and drive to the nearest terrorist cell conveniently located upstairs.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)04:56 No.14225461

    As the room falls silent, you stand triumphant. The open doors of the waffle house let in a gust of wind that fills your cape.
    The terrified waitress that would have served you looks at you. You respond, eyes on the horizon:
    >Make those waffles to go.

    So begins the saga of one of the greatest heroes of our time:


    Thanks for playing, /tg/.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:56 No.14225463
    Also, do this while drinking a martini.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:58 No.14225475
    >You grab the pens in the man's sockets and pull, freeing his eyes from his skull. You pocket them stealthily.
    This line. This line is the best line.

    You are a wonderful person, Command Squad, and I wish to participate in future threads you run.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:58 No.14225476
    The origin of a superhero.

    Or supervillain. We're not entirely sure.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)04:59 No.14225490
    >King Tiger King

    ...Normally I would be mad at such an abuse of language, but this is so fucking great.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)05:02 No.14225511
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    This thread.
    This fucking thread.

    >Who's awesome?
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)05:02 No.14225512
    It's like "Bond... James Bond." But substituted with a crazed asshole with plot armor.
    >> Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ 03/13/11(Sun)05:03 No.14225516

    I try to avoid doing quests and just stick to writefagging, but if there are any more, then you're more than welcome to join in.
    Glad ya'll had fun. I sure as hell did.
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)05:12 No.14225567
    man I love that vid, watching now
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)05:15 No.14225583
         File1300007707.gif-(932 KB, 253x197, 1296836549666.gif)
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    >ctrl+f "unbreakable"
    >0 hits

    I am disappointed, /tg/
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)05:34 No.14225677
    >insomnia, feel like shit
    >dragon age is being a bitch and keeps getting stuck, won't reinstall
    >see this thread

    Never change, /tg/
    >> Anonymous 03/13/11(Sun)06:14 No.14225828

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