!vGu/RZnu3o 02/09/11(Wed)02:26 No.13834835|
Aberham goes tense; the fork halfway to his mouth, then practically drops it onto to his plate. He leans back pushing off the table with one arm, looking Found dead in the eye.
It harkened back to when they first met in medical, and if she had spent any time in the p-sec repositories there was no reason to suspect a delve. But still, the question cut to the core of the man, ruthlessly. Another hand in Abe’s mind reached for indignation, but he stilled it, and folded the impulse into his will.
Should I say ‘Spiders’? no, she is clearly...
“…Found, I don’t feel this fear, but I know it’s there, it’s always there in everything I do, and everything I say.” He clicks his teeth together, just hard enough to feel pain, like he’s trying to bite back the words as he says them. He starts to sound a little frantic.
“I’m always afraid of being alone. All the time, it’s maddening.”
“I look into myself and all I see is a dark spot, you can ask me ‘what are you Andrew?’ I could say a surgeon or I’m in the military, but I never believe it, it’s like nothing I do matters to me.”
“I’m… just so worthless, even though I –know- I’m not.”
“Then to deal with it I stick to people who I think like me, I take on what they are, that’s why I talk about Warsaw so much, I look to him on how to act because I don’t think I will get it right. I mean how could I?
“Then when they can’t take me anymore, can’t stand me, they leave, and I do stupid shit to make it happen sooner so at least I have some control…”
The medic takes a deep breath.
“I’m sorry, it’s, fuck it’s not even that simple… When I’m alone it feels like I fade, I get nervous, and a gust will take me away and no-one will know because I was never there to begin with.”