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    2 KB D&D Horror Story Thread That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)21:46 No.13634795  
    DnD horror stories thread. Things that happened to you that made you wanna throw your dice against the wall, things your DM does that make you want to slam his head into his table, things your PCs do that make you want to summon Cthulhu into your game.

    Just whatever.

    Pic related, my reaction when my DM says "You fell into a bottomless pit fitted with an anti-magic field.

    You died."

    True story, it actually happened when we were first starting out.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)21:48 No.13634824
    My party got ambushed by 5 Swarms of Rats when we hit our first dungeon. 2 dead players later and with just me left I wanted to quit forever. :/
    >> G. D. !!k1u7swmD0lH 01/23/11(Sun)21:50 No.13634835
    >"You fell into a bottomless pit fitted with an anti-magic field. You died."
    And you let him off with a slap to the face?
    If I were you, I would have stabbed him to death... with a butter knife... made of salt.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)21:51 No.13634842
    my dm actually used Cthulhu once
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)21:52 No.13634856
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    Again, I had just started, I thought maybe I wasn't perceptive enough and those were the dangers. If he were still around, the pic related.

    But we have a new DM now.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)21:52 No.13634857
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    >start new campaign with new GM
    >GM tells us we have to go to some mountain to infiltrate a camp
    >propose long, complex plan on how we can gather information about the camp and then pose as locals to get in
    >GM pauses
    >goes back to droning the read-aloud text for "the party walks up to the camp to fight their way in"
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)21:53 No.13634867
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    This was my first and only experience with Dark Heresy.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)21:54 No.13634869
    It's not exactly D&D, but a horror story all the same.
    As a prelude to the terror: This took place in a "God Game", which basically boils down to a game where you play deities, with points to spend appropriately. I mainly do this to train my storytelling and writing skills...but in EVERY game there is a resident retard.

    This is what the Resident Retard made as the "Chosen race" of his people:
    "Incredibly strong. Able to throw someone 1/2 up mount Everest. On Average

    Hive Mind. Every single Vampire knows everything about every other Vampire. They converse faster than sound with the entire population. Most of the time several dozen conversations are running at once.

    Incredibly fast. Going as fast as a car is NORMAL for a running Vampire. Also: Bullet-time=Yes for Vampires

    Incredibly tough. The only way to kill a Vampire forever is to sever the heart from the bite where the Vampire was first infected.

    Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. able to jump a Mile straight up without a run up.

    Stealthy. Able to land from a mile up and only leaving a mark a human would make walking normally. No imprint otherwise

    Psionically Beautiful. They have a thing in their brain that is basically a Charm Person that affects everyone in range. Can be trained to be even more powerful

    Year lengths. 500 days. Years are called Feedings. They have no start/end that is specific for everyone, Vampires have 2 ages, Host age and Vampire age. Host age is the age the Vampire was bitten (this uses Host's calendar as Vampire calendar can't really translate), Vampire age is how many Feedings (500 days) the Vampire has gone through.

    Bloodthirsty. Vampire must consume a Human of blood before every Feeding. If they don't they must within a week after the Feeding while becoming gradually weaker. If a vampire fails to do that they die of starvation."
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)21:55 No.13634874
    >the party walks up to the camp to fight their way in

    Fuck that, I'd use my clever plan anyways, haha.

    Similar story:
    >New campaign
    >DM starts by telling us the town is overrun by Goblins, and we have to get through
    >I notice a small hole in the wall, big enough for a MED creature
    >Well shit, I'll just sneak in
    >Goblin Berserkers on the other side
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)21:57 No.13634885

    It wasn't like the party ignored me. The GM stared at me blankly, then started reading what he had prepared.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)21:58 No.13634894
    Even so, if you circumvented his plans with a smart idea, I say it takes precedence, but in the end, yeah it's his call. :/
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)21:59 No.13634903
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    This sounds like a legitimate means of creating a progressive, meaningful story.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)22:01 No.13634923
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    >wandering through the desert
    >see some kind of temple
    >turns out it's a plague refuge camp
    >see far off monster
    >DM says it's the giant plague trolls from Demon's Souls
    >pic related to what happened next
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)22:01 No.13634930

    I get the feeling he's not finished though...
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)22:02 No.13634932
    It only gets better. His super-creative name for the leader of these ubermensch Vampires?

    "General Count Dracula".

    Right now I'm working on the description for an artifact with which to kick their shit in. A homage to Hellboy II's Golden Army, but with a bit of Tesla thrown in for shits and giggles.

    :U It is not easy to design a rapetastic army of automatons.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)22:03 No.13634947
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    My whole party played and beat Demon's Souls and my DM wanted to do a DS campaign.

    Party unanimously voted to "fuck that shit".

    Pic related.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)22:05 No.13634963

    As someone whos never played that game, whats so bad about it?
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)22:06 No.13634976
    The game is awesome, and sufficiently challenging. A DnD campaign would be horrendous, though.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)22:06 No.13634985
    It's punishing. Everything can and will kill you if you're not prepared. But it's not unfair either.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)22:07 No.13634989
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    Average Demon's Souls stuff.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)22:09 No.13634999
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)22:11 No.13635011
    Getting back on target, any more stories?

    I really love reading them , haha.
    >> Keats 01/23/11(Sun)22:11 No.13635013

    easyfix. Invent ancient civilization of human magi who perfected orchestral magic (as in, magic all cast in concert of one another to augment their power) and then gathered a hundred /or/ a thousand max (30th?) level magi together to create a set of uber artifacts. Or did something like funnel power opposite of the Retard's deity from one of the Outer Planes into the Sun, therefore making it poisonous to his "chosen people."

    Other Gods notice this and think it's a good idea to dampen these waaay-too-strong beings, as they're almost guaranteed to suppress their chosen people. They kick in the process on other Primes. Uber-vampires driven into the Night and because of their feasting needs, they begin to die off - except those who deviate and need to feed less often. It just so happens they also tend to be much weaker at the base level (but, as normal vampires, can ascend to great pinnacles of power as their unholy lives go on.)
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)22:14 No.13635030
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    >riding tenser's floating disc
    >because I can, that's why
    >not paying attention
    >cross over 50 foot chasm dropoff thing
    >my loot and I take a neat tumble into this pit
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)22:14 No.13635032

    And they sparkle.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)22:15 No.13635043
    I sense a de-rail incoming...
    >> Keats 01/23/11(Sun)22:17 No.13635059

    Whatever floats your boat.

    Because the other deities despise and fear the "UDV" or whatever they're called, they can be turned as undead.

    And because the Retard wouldn't want his "purist" species to be further diluted, he prevents them from having offspring with any other species, therefore removing the last "hey, wait, there's this deviation..." from the mythos of normal vampires.

    Except now you have a new origin story for your world.

    And to boot, it explains why vampires fucking hate humans so much.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)22:17 No.13635063
    You better believe they goddamn sparkle. Well, actually, they don't- but I will for the life of me insist that they do (Mainly because the player gets pissy in the OOC when people say that).

    I'd say it's a GOOD derail, especially since it helps me fix a small issue that's arisen with my fun and happy times.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)22:18 No.13635068
    My dm spontaneously decided that we weren't allowed to use healing surges.

    just because it made the game harder.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)22:19 No.13635080
    >I'd say it's a GOOD derail

    Couldn't you just start a thread, maybe? I'd appreciate it.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)22:22 No.13635100
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    Here, take this.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)22:22 No.13635101
    >PCs decide to go into town while necromancer hunting
    >Ask if there is some sort of Wizard's Guild
    >I say yes, at the south side of the city
    >they go in and attack the guild
    >no choice but to make them hostile against the PCs

    >later realize they got the idea from reading the DMG.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)22:22 No.13635103
    Was playing In nomine
    Was the only human
    GM was running and end of the world campaign
    Every single sign we tried to prevent had stupid counterpart on other side of planet that fit the qualifications anyway
    Got to one of the last signs which stated that the holiest man on earth would be killed by an angel or a demon
    Said holy man's village was under attack by demons.
    I got to village first and started chucking grenades in every hut to kill holy man
    GM makes angry face
    The Archangel Michael comes down from heaven to get in between me and the holiest man on earth so that demons could kill him
    I ask GM why an Archangel is helping demons to kill the holiest man on earth
    no reply given
    GMPC suggests and ennacts plan at the end of campaign that saves the day
    I never play game with GM again
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)22:25 No.13635131
    I like having to make a backstory for my characters, but my DM makes us have them be SOOO COMPLEX.

    Let me just be a street urchin, or down on my luck fighter. I don't really care what his 3rd birthday was like.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)22:28 No.13635162
    >My dm spontaneously decided that we weren't allowed to use healing surges.
    >just because they're a retarded mechanic

    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)22:32 No.13635207
    >with my dm at local comic shop, looking for a new module to run
    >dm is browsing other side of shelf
    >I find the Tomb of Horrors
    >hide it,hide it,hide it
    >dm comes back to my side of shelf
    >Tomb of Horrors was in two spots
    >dm puts it back
    >wait, there's hope
    >I go look at other stuff for a bit

    >>>one weekend later<<<

    >sitting down to play
    >dm pulls out ToH
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)22:37 No.13635260
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    rolling character
    roll a 12
    roll a 9
    roll a 13
    roll a 15
    roll an 18
    >fuck yes
    another 18
    >ZOMFG awesome

    DM says I can't keep my rolls and have start over because I got two 18s

    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)22:39 No.13635274
    That sucks, haha.

    I can see where Anon's frustration stems from though.

    If you were used to relying on a certain mechanic and then it's just gone..?
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)22:40 No.13635288
    But they're in Wisdom and Charisma... Unless you're playing a sorcerer, you're not likely to be using both that much.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)22:41 No.13635305
    no, we roll our numbers and then assign them to whatever we want based on the class/race we want to play.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)22:42 No.13635317
    Not necessarily, some groups assign their numbers to Scores as they deem fit, so they can use the class they want more proficiently.
    >> Keats 01/23/11(Sun)22:42 No.13635319
    Oh, and here, I have a horror story.

    So, my party of roughly 12th level (one 13th level cleric/druid - me and two 11th level fighter twins - we had a 12th level mage and a 12th level bard) finish killing off an age category 5 Black dragon.

    So we go through the treasure and the mage finds an iron flask. It's not Tuerny's, of course, but it's the kind that has a beastie inside it. We figure it can't be anything too powerful and so we heal up with some potions of cure serious, but don't bother to restudy/recoup all of our spells back. Bard opens it with successful read language roll. DM rolls randomly. Gets a funny look on his face. Rolls again and his eyes bug.

    Nightwalker* comes out. We all shit our pants. Instantly ruins the potion we were questing for which was in the possession of the dragon. Nightwalker kills off both fighters within the next few rounds. We manage to send him back into the flask when Bard manages to read off the "get the fuck back in" word on the flask.

    *old AD&D version. Not the shitty new one. I'll get stats in a new post.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)22:44 No.13635342
    >We manage to send him back into the flask when Bard manages to read off the "get the fuck back in" word on the flask.

    Oh my, I lol'd.

    Seriously though, that blows hardcore.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)22:45 No.13635364
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    Addition to my post, if I had a flask that I knew contained a Nightwalker, I would love to just slide it under the door of a room that I knew had some bad shit in it, and then shout the "let loose" phrase.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)22:48 No.13635407
    my dm purposely chooses modules that are higher than our level by at least 5.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)22:51 No.13635454
    One of my first DMs never wanted to actually flesh out dialogue and actions.

    Minor irk, but it completely killed my D&D experience until we found a new DM.
    >> Keats 01/23/11(Sun)22:52 No.13635465
    Night(shade)-- Crawler//Walker//Wing
    Armor Class: -4 -6 -8
    Hit Dice: 25-30 21-26 17-20
    Move: 120' (40) 150'(50') 30'(10')
    Flying - 60'(10') 240'(80')
    Attacks: 2(asb) 2(asb) 1(asb)
    Damage: 2-20/2-8(asb) 3-30/3-30(asb) 7-12(asb)
    No. Appearing. 1/1/1
    Save As: HD equivalent level fighter
    Morale: 12/12/12
    Treasure Type: Any/any/any
    Alignment: Chaotic Evil
    XP Value: 18.5k-26k/12.5k-20k/7.5-12k/

    below below below
    2-2012-8 and 3-3013-30 and 7-12 and see
    see below see below below
    Fighter: 25-30 Fighter: 21-26 Fighter: 17-20
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)22:54 No.13635486
    What did you guys do with the flask later?
    >> Keats 01/23/11(Sun)22:55 No.13635496
    Nightshades are all extremely clever and wise (effectively
    19 Intelligence and Wisdom).
    Nightshades prefer darkness. Daylight inflicts a penalty of -4 on all
    their Hit rolls, but other forms of light do not affect them. They can
    enter and leave the Ethereal Plane at will, but only do so if seriously
    The presence of a nightshade within 120’ spoils all consumable
    items, including normal food and water, holy water, standard and iron
    rations, and even magical potions (no saving throw). The items do not
    become poisonous, but do become completely useless. This presence
    causes all within the area to be chilled; this negates any chance of surprise
    if the victims have ever encountered a nightshade. The chilling
    feeling has no effect other than spoilage.
    Nightshades can only be harmed by weapons of +3 or greater
    enchantment, magic staves or rods, or by spells of 6th level or greater.
    They are immune to all forms of illusion, all magic wands, poison,
    charm, hold, and coldspell effects, all spells of 5th level or less, all normal,
    silver, and magical weapons of + 2 or lesser enchantment, Turn
    to Stone, and all non-magical attacks (such as fire, boulders, oil, etc.).
    They are somewhat vulnerable to dragon breath, taking 112 damage
    unless the saving throw is successful (indicating 114 damage).
    All nightshades can use the following spell-like powers at will, one
    power per round: charm person, invisibility, haste, confusion, and
    cloudkill (all as if a 21st level magic-user); darkness, hold person,
    cause disease, dispel magic, and finger of death (all as if a 21st level
    cleric). The effects of these powers are all identical to the spell effects,
    but are produced by brief concentration alone, not requiring the usual
    spell casting words or gestures, and can be produced in total silence.
    In addition, all nightshades can detect magic at will, and can read all
    languages and magical writings.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)22:56 No.13635508
    I'm in this Star Wars RPG and we have a group of 8 people along with a GM. And it takes place during Legacy era, at first everyone was picking solid people, Imperial Knight, Sith lord wanna be, Force of Nature Cat, Talk you into anything Zeltron, Four armed Doctor, Greedy smugler, karate kid, I played a Jedi Togruta with a bumpy past as a kid and was saved by the new jedi order. Then this next kid, I played a jedi who had fallen in the last game that we played (KOTOR Time), so he wanted to be a Jedi. His actual quote "I'm gonna be the bluest Jedi ever." My face froze for a whole minute then I faced palmed. Saying to myself "He is so fucking gonna die first." So as we play a couple of games he doesn't role paly and to this day still doesn't. Whenever something happens he tries to be funny and says a quote from Star Wars that doesn't even go with the stuff we're doing along with doesn't react at all. Just sits on his phone and texts. Then also uses his cell phone to roll a d20. Everybody else has a d20 except this clown. I stopped caring when he magically rolled high four times in row to stay alive on multiple occassions. But he doesn't get involved at all. He doesn't even act in the way of a jedi. One mission we went on that we met the sith lord wanna be, he got into a killing contest with him. How the hell does that make you a jedi of any sort? Plus he annoys the hell out of me asking how can I make my jedi broken? One time he talked the GM into resetting himself and he copied all of my force powers along with half of my talents that he remembered from my sheet. I'm called broken with jedi cause I can design the hell out of them, but I pace myself when in battles to make it fair and so everybody gets their own chance to do something and don't need me to save the day, so to speak. I want him dead.
    >> Keats 01/23/11(Sun)22:56 No.13635514
    If using one of its spell-like powers, a
    nightshade cannot attack physically during that round.
    A nightshade can also Summon other undead once each 4 hours,
    and often does so before attacking prey itself. To find the undead
    responding to the summons, roll ld6: 1-3 = phantom (shade); 4-5 =
    haunt (chaotic ghost); 6 = spirit (hand druj).
    This appears similar to a giant of some type, but jet
    black in color and without carried items, standing 20’ tall. It attacks
    with two swings per round; these terrible blows cause 3-30 points of
    damage each, and every blow is deadly poison, as with all nightshades.
    >> Keats 01/23/11(Sun)22:57 No.13635521
    Each hit by a nightwalker has a 50 % chance of crushing the victim’s
    shield or armor. Apply this effect to shields first, and reduce the
    chance by 10% per magical ‘‘plus’’-for example, a +5 or better
    shield cannot be destroyed in this way, a + 4 shield has a 10% chance
    of destruction, etc. No saving throw is allowed, and weapons are not
    affected unless the monster actually picks them up. The creature may,
    however, automatically destroy any magic item or weapon it captures
    (from a fallen opponent, for example), by crushing it.
    A nightwalker has the ability to gaze at one opponent per round, to
    a 60’ range. The victim may make a Saving Throw vs. Spells to avoid
    the gaze; if it is failed, the victim is cursed, suffering a -4 penalty on all
    Hit rolls and saving throws until the curse is removed. (A dispel evil
    spell will cancel the curse, but a remove curse spell will only work if
    cast by a 25th or higher level caster.)
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)23:00 No.13635562
    I would've quit the campaign
    >> Keats 01/23/11(Sun)23:01 No.13635574

    The DM very quickly decided he couldn't leave us with it, because were the type who would do this >>13635364

    So I received a dream from my God decreeing I freeze it in holy water, then place that in a cold iron cube, which was then (out of our new pocket change) permancied with bless and invisibility. We set it adrift in the ethereal plane and as a reward, fighters were both instantaneously raised as 13th level with half the experience needed to reach 14th. We had to only train three days for our level advancement and gained half the experience necessary for the next level.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)23:02 No.13635585
    Well I guess it worked out for the best, haha. I would've rather taken the XP than to just be able to clear a room of monsters.
    >> Keats 01/23/11(Sun)23:02 No.13635590

    They're legitimately one of the most evil fucking creatures ever. they're so powerful it's not even funny. I'd fucking take Soth and his skeletal warriors all on nightmares before a 30HD nightwalker.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)23:03 No.13635598
    For some reason I hate you more than I hate the person you are describing.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)23:05 No.13635626
    We had a particularly nasty taste of our own medicine when our DM had us confront out "inner demons" and fight our shadow doppelgangers (spelling?)

    He'd been on a Kingdom Hearts kick.
    >> Keats 01/23/11(Sun)23:07 No.13635653
    I kind of like that idea. I would have digged it.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)23:09 No.13635670
    Fantastic idea, yeah. And he had a great story behind it, he didn't rip off the KH thing, just the doppelganger thing.

    It sucks when I get hit with my favorite powers.

    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)23:10 No.13635684

    It's so f**king true. SO F**KING TRUE.

    (Demon's Souls is an awesome game, though stage 5 is a shithole)
    >> Keats 01/23/11(Sun)23:12 No.13635697
    Current campaign is one where we became embroiled serving a mighty age 11 green dragon sorceress. A ritual for Godhood had appeared on the Prime and she was trying to get the laundry list of items before the rival group (Called The Seven at the time) managed to do it.

    We were sent on a variety of errands to procure items. Got a number of levels. I was an antipaladin of the God of Undead/God of Long Vitality (fake church to attract followers) but then was converted by the Overgod of the realm, which the deities in power didn't know existed. So, we manage to steal an orb called the Orb of Ballador (an eleven artifact, we later realize) for her and use a gemjump she gave us to return to her incredibly defended lair - she was, after all, a max-level archmagi on the plane (36.) Well, we found about two dozen armed fellows gutting her, with three particularly impressive mages looking over her corpse. They were extracting her lung. They notice us... (continued.)
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)23:14 No.13635712
    This should be good...
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)23:18 No.13635745

    When I started out DM'ing Dark Sun (2nd edition version) with mates, we didn't have a full set of rules, and I completely fudged how Hit Dice for monsters actually worked.

    As a result, every monster I threw at the party was, well powerful in their abilities, always completely underneath the parties HP and we had a half-giant who could deal, like, 15-20 damage with each hit.

    The only time they ever, ever had a challenge was when I put the half-giant up against his doppleganger - which still lost.

    While it kinda sucked for me, the guys enjoyed most of the campaign, so it was all good in the end, I guess. And they didn't have a problem once we bought the rules and realised that the HP on the monsters needed to change either.
    >> Keats 01/23/11(Sun)23:18 No.13635748
    and we leap into her study, which was adjacent to the site where we usually came in. Now, just some information - Kazuul (my ex God) granted supplementary powers for accruing enough defilement points (like, 5 for destroying any undead-specific vs. weapon) and when you had reached 100 you were granted one. I did some particularly awesome shit for my second power, so my DM had given my the ability to 1/month cast Forbiddence. The Overgod did not take these away. I threw it up over the room and, now serving a much more powerful deity, was actually protected by the ridonkuluous amount of magical frustration they threw to break in. Luckily, the ingredients we had fucking brought her were all there, along with a few others and the ritual on paper. We grabbed it and got the fuck out like bats in hell. But her death had been the biggest WTF moment ever. She had done some crazy awesome shit to "wow" us.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)23:23 No.13635799
    Sorry, felt like I was ranting a bit there didn't it?
    >> Keats 01/23/11(Sun)23:23 No.13635804

    The leader of The Seven was throwing a conniption fit. He's our current arch-nemesis. He's a ridiculous fucking character. My DM is a dickhead who loves to play with multiclass rules when it comes to archvillains. Dude is (shit thee not)

    40th level Magi (older game rules go up to this point. To note, this exceeds the level cap on mortals in the current prime)
    36th level Invoker of Some God We Don't Know.
    25th level Fighter.
    18th level Monk
    18th level Necromancer. (Haven't figured this one out. It could be a specialized Amulet of the Archmagi. We don't know. We just know we found all this out with a shitfuck ton of Legend Lores. We're scared shitless. We're all level 20.)

    His name is Arcanus Blackmoor. He's six foot eight, tanked like a barbarian, wields a staff like Khelben and looks like Blackbeard from my DM's descriptions.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)23:25 No.13635812
    The lack of text breaks or paragraphs didn't really help.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)23:25 No.13635815
    >40th level Magi (older game rules go up to this point. To note, this exceeds the level cap on mortals in the current prime)
    36th level Invoker of Some God We Don't Know.
    25th level Fighter.
    18th level Monk
    18th level Necromancer. (Haven't figured this one out. It could be a specialized Amulet of the Archmagi. We don't know. We just know we found all this out with a shitfuck ton of Legend Lores. We're scared shitless. We're all level 20.)

    >> Keats 01/23/11(Sun)23:28 No.13635841
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    He's some ridiculous several-thousand years old or some bullshit like that. Our Legend Loring didn't tell us shit on his background. Just his power levels are over 900.

    Nightwalker btw.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)23:30 No.13635853
    My apologies.
    >> Keats 01/23/11(Sun)23:29 No.13635854

    Yea. He's some ridiculous several-thousand years old or some bullshit like that. Our Legend Loring didn't tell us shit on his background. Just his power levels are over 900.

    Nightwalker btw. And want me to find the laundry list of ingredients necessary for the whole Godhood-ascendant ritual? It's shit-your-pants insane.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)23:30 No.13635857
    What I hate the most, I think, is my group's lack of being able to get their shit together. I'll have everything set up and ready, and I'll be waiting for them for an indefinite time, only for them to cancel at the last minute.
    >> Keats 01/23/11(Sun)23:31 No.13635862

    Shit. Sorry. My computer is being a bitch for some reason. It told me I failed the verification...
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)23:32 No.13635873

    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)23:32 No.13635875
    >laundry list of ingredients necessary for the whole Godhood-ascendant ritual

    Go for it.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)23:33 No.13635886
    Yeah, it's in the process of happening right now actually. And it's always the two hipsters that bitch out.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)23:36 No.13635917
    shit sucks, bro.
    >> Keats 01/23/11(Sun)23:41 No.13635968
    Inspired by Karsus' Create Lesser God, which was an old TSR-fable 12th level story spell. (to note, we have no idea if this works - as it went, Karsus was in the middle of casting it, was stopped by Mystra, who destroyed him and sent the spell on a one-way trip to the ends of the multiverse)
    Material Prep list
    Step one: Cook the claw of a white, ichor of a wraith, crushed tooth of a balor, lip of a slaad, entrails of a pennangalan, Elder vampire blood and the contents of the phylactery of a lich in a fire beetle shell. Stir this as a banshee wails. Then spoil the mixture by exposure to a Nightshade. (This creates what my DM entitle a Potion of Eternal Death. No resurrection. Ever. You cease to ever be - the universe itself forgets you. It cannot be tampered with once made.)
    >> CA 01/23/11(Sun)23:41 No.13635973
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    Some guy on /tg/ a couple months ago mentioned he had the same problem with his group (all DMs do I think) and his response was to put it on the players. We DMs do so much shit for the game it's understandable to say to your players 'you guys work out a time to play, I'm too busy crafting your adventure.' The fa/tg/uy subsequently hadn't played his game in like 2 months or something, but he figured if they couldn't be bothered to get off their asses to plan a time, he shouldn't be bothered to write their campaign.
    Pretty risky, but sound reasoning.
    >> Titanium Man 01/23/11(Sun)23:42 No.13635989

    Oh yeah? Right now I've got the OPPOSITE problem. I'm super fuckin' ready to play, it's just my GMs that are flaking on me.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)23:43 No.13635996
    ....Wow, you wouldn't DM for 2 sessions in this entire state. You're the fucking DM, you do the fucking work. Oh boo hoo, you picked a monster out of the monster manual. Dear god, you rolled on a treasure table (and then picked something half as awesome anyway), and SWEET JESUS, YOU SCRIBBLED OUT A MAP THAT LOOKS LIKE A MEDICAL DIAGRAM ONTO A NAPKIN! Pace yourself dude, I don't think anyone can keep up such a rate of hard work!
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)23:43 No.13635997
    Yeah, I'm not the DM. All the stuff is at my house, though. So it's my DM and party that bail on me.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)23:43 No.13635998
    The biggest problem with my group is that they switch between three modes:


    2) Chaotic Stupid.

    3) "Hey, did you call Anon?" "No, I thought you did!" "ANON HAS BEEN AT THE LGS FOR FOUR FUCKING HOURS NOW!"
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)23:46 No.13636026

    >2) Chaotic Stupid.

    Happens all the time.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)23:46 No.13636027
    Ever gone dungeon crawling in a haunted house?

    How about one where the ghost was of the master of the mansion?

    A real lecher of a man. That kept paintings of CP. And statues of himself "interacting" with said children. And said statues were switches that opened doors and chests by re-enacting the scene that it was depicting.

    Having to hear our DM gleefully describe this parlor of depravity with plenty of detail made his habit of forcing his breast expansion fetish on the lone female player's character seem classy.
    >> Keats 01/23/11(Sun)23:46 No.13636042
    My DM doesn't like 4Ed. I don't either. But we do have the new MMs for inspiration... and he made use of them in this.
    Cont. of step 1: Mix PoED with 1,000+ year aged elven wine. Bury on unhallowed ground for one year.
    Step 2: Preparing the ceremonial ritual powder - Stuff the beak of a pheonix, brain of a foulspawn seer, ear of a drow noble, fingernails from the left hand of a shadar-kai elite fighter (16lvl male+), toe of an efreet, tendril of mindflayer, feather of a solar and the eyelash of a nymph into a green dragon lung. Wrap this in the tail of a pit-fiend, then turn the entire thing to stone via gorgon (bull-kind, not the snake women) breath. Crush into a powder with a mighty (+5) dwarven hammer.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)23:47 No.13636044
    What in the fuck..?
    >> CA 01/23/11(Sun)23:47 No.13636049
    Well I stand corrected. I suppose the same principle might hold true though. If your party never seems to want to play, maybe they're not people you should be playing with. If I ask my friend to come hang out with me and others and he never accepts, I'm going to stop asking after a while.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)23:52 No.13636095
    They're the only people willing to play, and I can't really go out and meet new people to play with, I'm only going to be around for another 2 months, I'm trying to enjoy DnD while I can.
    >> Keats 01/23/11(Sun)23:56 No.13636128
    Melt down the tooth of a balor (can be from the same balor as earlier,) a fragment of a colossus, the hair of a doppleganger, a raksha thumb, *Part of The Epididymis and Pituitary Gland of a Tarrasque in a bowl of adamantite with black dragon acid. This will take three months. Distill it with clear oil.

    You will also have needed the sword of a deathknight, the central eye of a beholder, cambion wings and noble eladrin hair. Sow the cambion wings onto the eye with the hair, then carry it onto hallowed ground and pierce the eye with the sword. For six months, the totem must be Blessed by a cleric/paladin of 18th or greater level.

    You will also need an elven artifact, an artifact of your deity you wish to involve in the ritual, a ring of three wishes, universal solvent and an accumulative total of +20 in any number of items. (four +5, twenty +1, ten +2.)

    You also need to spend six months leading up to the ritual with the gizard of a gold dragon filled with 50lbs of pebbles from a Druid's sacred grove strapped to your back by adhering it with the web of a Blackspawn Gloomweb.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)23:56 No.13636132
    Last minute cancel confirmed. Fucking hate it. If they do it again tomorrow, I'll really be pissed.
    >> Anonymous 01/23/11(Sun)23:56 No.13636134
    Yeah. That was our reaction as well.

    The thing is, it came out of FUCKING NO WHERE! As I made allusion to before, the DM was always playfully perverted (making double entendres and occasionally trying to work his breast expansion fetish into the game), but no one expected our party to walk into "Uncle Touchy's Naked Puzzle Basement."

    Started off rather fun: Doors opening and closing/locking on their own. Stuffed animals and suits of armor coming to life. Paintings that shot magic at you. You know, the usual. But, after we entered one locked room, things went bad -fast-!

    I honestly have no idea what he was thinking. Maybe he thought that it would make the game more mature. Maybe he thought that, since we tolerated his other perversions, that this would just be another drop in the bucket. Maybe he was just trolling us hard and wanted to see how long we would play before we finally called it quits and told him to just stop.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)23:57 No.13636148
    >Maybe he was just trolling us hard and wanted to see how long we would play before we finally called it quits and told him to just stop.

    That's my guess.
    >> Keats 01/23/11(Sun)23:58 No.13636158

    Oh, forgot to mention. You need to be or have a 30th level magi to cast the spell that occurs at the end of the ritual. And a true enemy willing to do you three services. And someone who loves you who is willing to stab you through the heart.

    So that's all the prepwork. The easy part is the ritual...
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/23/11(Sun)23:59 No.13636163
    So one pregnancy duration later, you were done?
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)00:04 No.13636208
    Another general irritation is that I literally bought EVERYTHING we use. The three core books, the maps, tiles, modules, everything.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)00:07 No.13636234
    Fuck that, I would not have had the ability to allow that to happen. If they weren't ready with their own shit, they didn't play.
    >> The Bearded Bear 01/24/11(Mon)00:07 No.13636235
    GM openly states that he does not want us to create backgrounds for our characters because that would mess with the story (generic save the world from evil deity by means of mcguffin acquisition) and setting (generic D&D fantasy) he had in mind.

    Same GM doesn't understand why you'd willingly create a character that prefers to be blind or a mage that doesn't like to use magic.

    Maybe not the most horrible thing ever, but it's still recent and ingrained into my braaaain.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)00:08 No.13636240
    Yeah that's me too brah. Except I am the (perpetual) DM. Nevertheless, all purchases = mine.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)00:09 No.13636245
    All that it really means is that I'm not leaving it to them when I leave. I'll find some way to take it with me.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)00:11 No.13636257
    >Playing cleric of corellon
    >Another player makes a blood pact with a succubus for protection
    >I get angry with him that he is in league with demons
    >His succubus friend helps the group once, removes a bunch of mobs that were from combat that I could have easily taken down myself
    >They keep talking about how he saved me.
    >I get fed up and refuse to heal him after he summons the succubus again and furthers his pact.
    >When I confront him, we get in a fight and the other players join him and kill me because they thought I was being a douche.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)00:11 No.13636262
    While I have bought a few of them, most of my books on my selves are from my old gaming group. We pooled all our books together for oWoD and, whoever was DMing, got the whole pile to use as reference and inspiration.

    It got to the point that we couldn't remember who bought which books so it became a rule that, if you up and left the group (i.e.: Moved away, rage quit, what-have-you), the remainder of the group kept the books.

    So, now I have all these books and no group to use them with...
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)00:12 No.13636263
    "it" meaning "everything D&D related". And the worst part is, like I said before, I'm not even teh DM. I think that the DM should buy all the quest shit, and the PCs buy their OWN dice, and their OWN minis, and thier OWN everything else.
    >> Keats 01/24/11(Mon)00:13 No.13636274

    Pretty much. So, you're doublebent by the end of 6 months and carrying around roughly 65 lbs on your back. You conduct the ritual during a night where there is no moon.

    First wish: I wish that no entity, outside of these...<name the involved>, will view the ritual I which I am the subject.

    It's at this time that the enemy performers the first service, but drawing out the complex ritual circle with the powder you made.

    Second wish: I wish act which I am about to perform will be successful and the product retain it's eldritch might at the maximum potency.

    You then take your position pour the distilled acid overtop the elven artifact. It will melt the artifact and create a new oil, which is probably glowing neon-green.

    The enemy in question then does the second service for you - he uses universal solvent to undo the web binding the gizard to your back, then rips it off, spilling the pebbles through the circle. Supposedly they start flying around dramatically... (con)
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)00:13 No.13636276
    Well generally, having members of a party be drastically differing alignments will do that.

    My entire party is Neutral or Evil.
    >> Keats 01/24/11(Mon)00:13 No.13636278
    You then pour the eldritch(life-magic) charged oil over your entire body. You can't miss an inch, so once you're done, moving becomes a no-no.
    The enemy then performs the last service and brings you the dug-up PoET and lets you drink it. Supposedly, if the oil works, it staves off your death - at least temporarily. If the ritual works though, it wont matter.

    Third wish: I wish that the magic of this ritual act according to it's nature, despite all outside influences and enable the results to their full effects.

    You then begin casting (or the magi) the divine-level magic spell that is the catalyst of the ritual. You should be holding your divine artifact in question now. Your loved one will then, at a certain pause in the spell, pull free the death-knight's sword and stab you through the heart. The mage (or you) speaks the last syllable of the magic at this time and the +20 items melt away, rising up into magical energy that passes through the druidic stones, which explode and them pass through the artifact and into your body. At which point, the ritual is complete. Whatever it does though, we're not sure.

    If it does nothing, we imbibed potions of eternal death. So new characters. Our DM said he was going to roll. -tear.-
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)00:16 No.13636287
    >dragon's lair
    >epic fight, finally slaying the monster
    >get the treasure
    >move forward to get the treasure further in the cavern
    >fall through an ice layer over a bottomless pit
    >all Pcs die



    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)00:17 No.13636299

    Dude, if the DM did that to me, I would stand up, walk over to him, punch him in the balls, and then walk out.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)00:19 No.13636309
    WWell we kinda deserved it, he kept hinting at a better way to get it, but we insisted on just walking up and taking it
    >> Keats 01/24/11(Mon)00:22 No.13636330
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    mfw no one has any comments. :(
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)00:23 No.13636340
    we thought a corridor he kept mentioning would lead further in, and away from the treasure, but it was actually a circular staircase that went up and dropped off behind the stuff
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)00:23 No.13636342
    You did all that... so your DM made you roll new characters?!
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)00:23 No.13636343
    I was waiting to see what happened next, my bad lol.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)00:25 No.13636360
    >layer of ice
    >bottomless pit
    >ice forms on the uppermost layer of liquid water
    >pit would need to be full of water to get covered in ice

    ...where'd the rest of the water go?
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)00:26 No.13636373
    it was a magic trap. discharged when we stepped on the center.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)00:29 No.13636388
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    Yoinked the source block out.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)00:30 No.13636394
    >new GM
    >everyone rolls level one characters
    >"I'm going to have you run through a simple dungeon to get a feel for your play styles, then we'll get started on my campaign."
    >walk down a hall, doing spot checks frequently, nothing nearby.
    >turn a corner, go down the hall. come to a dead end.
    >turn around to head back, HELLO GELATINOUS CUBE
    >everyone dies
    >"lolololol how did you like that, guys?"
    >well, the campaign can't be that cataclysmically stupid
    >roll new characters because GM refuses to allow us to use the characters on our trial run
    >start out in a small village in a tavern, etc
    >Hear a loud noise outside and are compelled to investigate (literally, GM says "you have an irresistable urge to investigate."
    >step outside the tavern
    >Elder Red Wyrm
    >huehuehue, roll for initiative!
    >red dragon gets initiative, does cone of fire, entire town is vaporized along with us
    >tableflip, leave
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)00:31 No.13636403
    That's straight up bullshit.
    >> Keats 01/24/11(Mon)00:32 No.13636407

    We haven't done it yet. It's our current campaign.

    We're missing the feather of a solar and we need two more divine artifacts. And three more elven artifacts. (There are four of us.) And we have to try to force-feed our mage experience as fast as possible to get him to 30. But our DM is going to roll to see what the ritual actually does. The supposed intent is that you and a deity switch places. But it may just kill us. It could potentially do anything. I mean, the ingredients are awesomely powerful and the ritual is insanely intricate. And the spell itself is both.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)00:32 No.13636415

    that deserves a punch in the face...
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)00:35 No.13636450
    You were awesomely lucky you got a table you could flip over. Ours are all heavy-as-shit conference tables at the library.

    The way it worked out, you could EXPRESS YOUR RAGE.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)00:36 No.13636452
    I would give him a punch for every fist that I had, and then find more fists.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)00:36 No.13636459
    The ONLY way I can see that being non-shit is being raised by some third party somewhere else to work for said third party.

    But I think I'm giving that DM way too much credit.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)00:37 No.13636462

    That is fucking AWESOME.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)00:40 No.13636492
    A qualifier: The goal of the campaign should then be working to kill the Red Dragon, and the motives of the third party doing the raising should be working towards that end.

    But again, too much credit and all that.
    >> Keats 01/24/11(Mon)00:43 No.13636522

    I know! =D It's one of the best campaigns we've ever done.

    We're hoping that it transforms us into Gods, because then we can have an Immortal-Level campaign. You see, the Gods are actively trying to stop The Seven now (actually the Five now. Funny story.) along with any other groups. But the fact the Overgod of the realm is my God, they can't directly find us out. (It's why the solar is so fucking difficult. We're clueless. We have to go to the Heavens to find one. In the realm of the LG deities, who definitely don't want a Divine War or to jeopardize Gods everywhere.) But anyway, I digress. So, to avoid attention, we're hunting the artifacts of the elder Gods of the realm (the Egyptian pantheon, 12 deities in all) all of whom were ousted several millenia back by 24 outside powers (a hodgepodge, including Miradin, Pelor, Bane, some homebrews and other Legends and Lore guys.) The elder gods were imprisoned, not killed for some reason my DM half assed. But we figured out, if the spell works like it should, the bonds on their energies will break, we'll be elder (more powerful) Gods, we'll have freed the mentalities of four deities who we can either destroy or enlist, then free the other eight and get ourselves a good-old-fashioned free-for-all on a divine level.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)00:50 No.13636565
    > I try and stay fair as possible, no metagaming
    > Other players metagame openly

    > I'm the one the DM targets as first victim and I'm threat number 4 of 5
    > DM has chance to knock out another player, instead opts to literally fire his gun into the air doing nothing.

    Sometimes its hard being a fair gamer when other players cheat and DM plays favorites
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)00:51 No.13636578
    metagaming -is- annoying as shit though, and should be avoided.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)00:53 No.13636595
    My Rogue partner rolled (no shit) 5 20's consecutively followed by 5 1's today.

    The 20's helped us so much, the 1's almost killed us all.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)00:56 No.13636618

    >lurk /tg/
    >read DnD thread even though I've never played
    >Solid Patton Oswalt Reference.

    Please sir, take my weekly allotment of Internets. You deserve them.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)00:58 No.13636634
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    You just said they canceled again.
    Someone is lying on the internet!
    Dr. Venture is not pleased.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)01:00 No.13636644
    No, we played, and then the Rogue's girlfriend got off work, so he had to go get her. The rest of the group left until he came back, which recently turned out to be "not today, she's tired".

    Sorry for the confusion.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)01:00 No.13636647

    Upload a malicious script into his hive mind. Maybe your chosen people can have limited telepathy, and were subjected to some sort of disease that abuses telepathic bonds to go from one host to another. Kinda like a telepathic/telekinetic prion or virus, it tells the telepathic recipient to start producing the virus.

    Upload this telepathic virus into the super special mary sue vampire race... and watch it evaporate. A hivemind would be absolutely destroyed without their mental firewalls.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)01:14 No.13636762
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    You and I are kindred spirits. Except I am post departure and now have no group.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)01:15 No.13636772
    ECL 15 game, party is hired to investigate a haunted mansion.

    We go in, place is larger on the inside than the outside, we cant get out. Okay so we head to the first room. DM says bunch of cryptic lettering, alphabets and a body is strung up between 2 pillars in the middle of the room.

    Everyone fails the knowledge rolls with pretty high DCs. Absolutely NOTHING happens for ages as everyone talks to each other, pokes around the room, but otherwise does NOTHING whatsoever. DM refused to give hints and just sits there watching us narrate our actions to each other.

    I am a ranger with good fort/ref saves. I try to get the plot movign by cutting down the body. DM says i triggered an epic trap with a save or die DC of something like 38. I fail. He cites the "occasionally some enconters will be tougher than normal" rule in the DMG. As far as i know the campaign didnt go anywhere because nobody dared to do anything, nobody could figure out anything and the DM refused to deviate from his carefully prepared plan and just sat there watching them do nothing.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)01:15 No.13636779
    Well we re-scheduled for tomorrow at 6PM, so maybe they'll show up on time, they know I'm upset with them, so we'll see.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)01:17 No.13636794
    >As far as i know the campaign didnt go anywhere because nobody dared to do anything, nobody could figure out anything and the DM refused to deviate from his carefully prepared plan and just sat there watching them do nothing.

    Which is shit, he should be more adaptive.

    DC38, in a do or die trap?

    That's as bad as >>13636287
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)01:28 No.13636895
    >Session 1
    >DM narrates a 4 hour adventure for 2 members of the party
    >finally includes me and our 4th member
    >ends session
    >Session 2
    >sent to investigate an island temple
    >get about half way through, no traps, no combat
    >try to open door
    >"roll a reflex save Anon"
    >"You get crushed by a boulder and die"
    >Rest of party tries to resurrect my character
    >DM makes it practically impossible
    >we end the campaign there, everyone goes home
    >DM ends up having to walk home 5 miles at 1am because no one would give him a ride
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)01:29 No.13636903
    >DM ends up having to walk home 5 miles at 1am because no one would give him a ride

    At least in the end, justice was served.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)01:31 No.13636920
    Indeed it was. I'm glad we finally decided to stop playing with him after that game. Looking back at it, I can't believe we put up with so much of his bullshit.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)01:33 No.13636930
    My DM is pretty good, but his engaging story is lacking. He uses numbers for everything, constantly asking us what our figures are, saying "you take X damage" when it could've been easily very descriptive.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)01:44 No.13637016
    rolled 8 = 8

    I guess I lucked out when it comes to a DM. He's a great guy, the group games at his place (which has plenty of comfy chairs and space), and he's a really good story teller. To those that must suffer the injustices of an unfair DM, I offer my most sincere apologies.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)01:46 No.13637028
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    So glad my DM isn't a complete douche and actually let's us do almost anything we want with our characters. He's even letting me put my character's homeland on the map and says if I can make the sheets for at least her family and the rulers of the island, our party may go for a visit. He's killed only three of our party members for purposes of the story, two of whom were revived, one of whom we let die because the player was an absolute dick. And, here's the kicker, DM lets us run ideas by him and he eventually puts them into the story (monsters, small encounters, some homebrew shit here and there, etc). And on top of that, he mixes the technical side of our stats and all that so well with the story that it melds almost perfectly. Only numbers taht are ever thrown out are when we're announcing our result on a roll or when he says how much damage we got (and how we got it)

    >mfw i fucking love my dm
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)01:52 No.13637070
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    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)01:56 No.13637093
    Oh, and whenever he wants to do something huge to a character (like killing those two characters that were brought back, or when he mentally raped my character because she NEEDED the alignment shift) he runs the idea by us first.
    >> ­ 01/24/11(Mon)01:59 No.13637114

    This sounds like me...

    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)02:00 No.13637126

    As much as you love him, your DM probably hates you guys (and/or himself).

    Readjusting your entire campaign a half-dozen times per session due to the whims of your players is NOT fun.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)02:03 No.13637153

    I kinda wanna hear some of his other shit.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)02:04 No.13637156
    That's not how we do it. If we absolutely can't do soemthing because it'd fuck up the campaign to much, he tells us right off the bat. And we all understand our party's goals and what we need to do. But let's say we have to go to city A, but pass through city B on the way there. One of the characters talks to someone and we have to end the sessino there. Said PC talks to DM and goes "I think this'd be cool for my character, could I take on the sidequest since it's on the way/a lil farther/would be helpful because of ___, etc, etc"

    It's not "Hey, we wanna do This" every ten seconds. All of our characters have established goals they want to reach before the end game and while we're reaching for those goals, and even adding small new ones, we're constantly moving forward for the campaign.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)02:04 No.13637164
    I do too, but I think that Anon left... Been a decent thread so far, though.
    >> ­ 01/24/11(Mon)02:05 No.13637170
    >Play Dwarf Fortress
    >Redefine personal definition of 'Fun'
    >These stories sound like lots of fun
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)02:13 No.13637236
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    >DM an Eberron 3.5 campaign
    >Trying out the taint rules from Heroes of Horror for the first time
    >Player has his rogue attempt to rob one of the two premier military instillations on the entire fucking continent
    >When he gets caught and imprisoned, says he starts trying to rape the other prisoner in the cell
    >Goes through a series of Chaotic Stupid troll shit so that he ends up as tainted as can be
    >Starts really messing with other players soon after; tries to tie up and force-feed a PC infected pus

    God fucking dammit you retard.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)02:17 No.13637267
    rolled 9 = 9

    This may surprise you, but this guy
    is in my group. He's actually a nice guy, but his writing needs work. He broke his jedi to the point we all make fun of him for it. It's become a running joke in our game that nothing is as broken as he is. The group gets along well for the most part, but some players still have qualms with others.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)02:20 No.13637276
    rolled 8 = 8

    This may surprise you, but this guy
    is in my group. He's actually a nice guy, but his writing needs work. He broke his jedi to the point we all make fun of him for it. It's become a running joke in our game that nothing is as broken as he is. The group gets along well for the most part, but some players still have qualms with others.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)02:20 No.13637290
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    >says he starts trying to rape the other prisoner in the cell
    >> King of Heroes 01/24/11(Mon)02:21 No.13637295
    >charge shit all day everyday
    >47 damage at lvl 3
    >one shottan shit he throws at us
    >gives us a CR 15 Ancient Black Dragon to fight when we are lvl 10
    >open field
    >Dragon's up in the air
    >after some distractions the Sorcerer manages to cast Move Earth to make a ramp
    >nat 20
    >200 damage (love spirited charge)
    >Dragon has been slain
    >GM: "You charge so fast you pierce straight through the dragon, but the speed at which you charged opened a rift in space-time and you are now lost in another plane"

    The entire campaign he never had us venture into a dungeon, jungle, or any other place with difficult terrain/obstacles to make it so that I couldn't charge. Always out in the open. He got mad that I kept one shotting everything, so he kept throwing higher and higher CRs at us. So we kept winning, and getting massively better xp and gear. Then he pulls this. At least I can say I pierced the heavens now.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)02:23 No.13637320
    Way to be an optimist about it, haha.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)02:27 No.13637360
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    >Pierced the heavens.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)02:27 No.13637361
    I had a campaign a while ago with a character like that. My solution? Guy with spear, hold the line, trip master. JUST LOOK AT THAT DISMOUNT, FOLKS
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)02:31 No.13637395
    Alright guys, it's 1:30, I'm going to sleep. If the thread's still up tomorrow, I'll come back and update you on our quest in as close to real time as I can.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)02:32 No.13637408
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    Same guy here, here's another.

    >Playing Pathfinder in the Forgotten Realms
    >I'm a badass ultimate magus philanthropist, chaotic good
    >Player is a badass frenzied berserker mercenary, chaotic neutral
    >Player is drunken, saintly oracle, neutral good
    >That Guy's character dies
    >That Guy: "I'll make a lawful evil warlock, lol!"

    Different player than the last post.
    >> Puck 01/24/11(Mon)02:33 No.13637421
    So my party is about, oh, 5th level at this point, working our way through a manor where we know for a fact a vampire is living and is going to be the BBEG. Im playing a halfling cleric of olidmara, whom due to rolling incredibly shitty stats for, was more of a gimick character than anything. He was just a drunk halfling in priest's robes. Anyway, we come down a flight of stairs and the sun goes down behind the hills, and of course we hear the booming voice of "BLAH BLAH BLAH HOW DARE YOU DESECRATE MY HOME." I tell the party to ready actions and that i got this. Unknownst (i assume) to my DM, I had prepared Daylight the night before. I walk out into the middle of the room, talking smack about how his sorry undead ass couldnt do squat about us stealing all his stuff and baiting him to attack, all the while clearly stating that i am readying an action. Vampire gets fed up, charges. I triumphantly cast daylight on my holy symbol and hold it up to the vampire when hes only about 15 ft away.

    >> Puck 01/24/11(Mon)02:33 No.13637432
    The DM frantically scrabbles through the rulebook to find the disarm rules. I, dumbfounded, ask him how a vampire in direct sunlight presented with a holy symbol is going to disarm an amulet worn around my neck. He decides you know what? youre right anon, thats dumb. The vampire sunders it instead. The amulet flies 40 ft across the room and is split in half, the sunlight imbued in it dies. My character is drained 2 lvls in the next round.

    Ok, fine... Its his first time DMing, im a fairly experienced player... I'll let it slide so he can have his precious climactic battle. Fine

    The rest of my party levels up at the end of the fight, while I fail both my fort saves to regain my lost levels. We go back to town to find a cleric and the town has been burned to the ground by the next BBEG. Im a lvl 3, poorly rolled cleric, in a group of lvl 6's. I tell him that this drunk little halfling has seen enough of battle, wants to retire and help the town rebuild.

    "No man, i'd rather if you kept playing him for a little bit longer"

    ... I really need to find a new group to play with, I dont mind DMing myself, but christ...
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)02:35 No.13637442
    Glad I stuck around long enough to read this, haha! That is ridiculous, my DM would've given me a bonus for something like that.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)02:40 No.13637473
    The DM wasn't stretching any rules there to have the vampire sunder your holy symbol. Daylight doesn't instantly kill vampires until one round later, and I'm assuming he destroyed it immediately. Makes perfect sense for a BBEG vampire, even at level 5.
    >> Puck 01/24/11(Mon)02:40 No.13637474
    At least when we found the vampires crypt I got to strike the final blow... crying out

    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)02:40 No.13637484
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    >> Puck 01/24/11(Mon)02:42 No.13637502
    According to 3.5 rules, just presenting a holy symbol in a strong way holds a vampire at bay, meaning they cant come within 5 ft. of the holder...

    He sundered with his fists, so...
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)02:47 No.13637536
    his arms were clearly longer than 5 feet
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)02:49 No.13637540
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    Last story.

    >Same campaign in Forgotten Realms, slightly different character loadout
    >Spend three 8 hour sessions going through a plot arc of building an army and traveling to a devastated monastery now serving as an exit point for the monsters of the Underdark
    >Develop fairly deep report with multiple NPCs
    >Everyone PC has a vested interest in the outcome of the battle
    >Every player hooked into the storyline
    >Every player looking forward to the awesome, massive battle sure to ensue
    >Get to the monastery, open up combat with an epic speech, two sonic blasts, and an infantry charge led by a half-orc barbarian berserker who is literally foaming at the fucking mouth
    >DM: "Okay, now you guys have to go inside the monastery's basement and leave the battle behind."
    >Us: "Wait- what?"
    >DM: "As you descend the steps, you notice-"
    >Me: "Wait a fucking second, this doesn't make any sense! We're deserting the battle in front of the monastery that will literally decide the fate of three nations WHY?"
    >DM: "Uh...because...there's a plot McGuffin inside and I didn't plan for anything else..."

    That's pretty much what the conversation broke down to. Also, That Guy did some more retarded shit later, like antagonize one of the monastery's few remaining monks, who was two levels higher than us and could've helped us out.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)02:50 No.13637544
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    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)02:50 No.13637547
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    Full time DM here. Everything in my campaign has been a continuation of all campaigns before it. One of the earliest groups neglect saving another planet from orcus. The planet was taken over. The decide "oh, we should probably do something now." They finally get around to killing orcus. then they decide to go to a new planet and start questing around.

    They see that the planet is a shithole and decide to do something about it. the take it over in a matter of 3-4 weeks (30th+ level characters here), and get to work on making the world a better place. Stoped all wars, ended slavery, put in sewer systems, create an international communication system, create hundreds of "truth chairs" (if you sit on it and tell a lie, the chair glows. no save) to lower crime, and a dozen other things so that all in all it made the planet a better place to live. Then they became gods, so they could keep an eye on things forever and ever.

    >what's that? the gods neglected their old planet and took over a new one? they must be evil.

    but they did so to better the world! they stopped wars for the past 300 years, put in a free, and dirt cheap, healthcare system. There's actually a sewer system in most places now! This is one of the nicest places to live in the entire material plane!

    >derp. must be evil. i'm going to powerlevel past were they are, and kill them.

    but the planet will crumble. things will be worse than ever!


    my face when they actually do it.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)02:56 No.13637592
    Uh, this story was too abbreviated. It does sound bad, but there's not enough context for anyone to really get how bad.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)02:56 No.13637595
    i mean, that's a little oversimplified, but that's pretty much what happened
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)02:59 No.13637618
    basically, one group decides to make a world a great place to live because they sort of fucked up the last place. another group, years later, decides they must be evil and quested to destroy the godkings.

    just because they "knew" they were evil, and that bothered them too much.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:00 No.13637622
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    >Game with new DM
    >DM adds DMPC to party, name is "Steele Thunder"
    >steals every kill, takes credit for party's success
    >party hates this guy, runs him out of town
    >DM is pissed.
    >"Now what am I supposed to do about all the quests I was supposed to introduce through him!?"
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:01 No.13637632
    Yeah, I got that. But without a proper storytelling, it's not very entertaining.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:02 No.13637638
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    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:04 No.13637652
    well that's really the best i've got. sorry bud.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:07 No.13637673
    I'm surprised he let the party drive away the DMPC, instead of "Train falls, everyone gets aboard."

    Guess there's hope for him, with a little training.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:11 No.13637715
    >DM throws us in a tavern, offers no obvious plot hooks, party wastes 1.5 hours in the tavern and another half hour "travelling back home"
    >Second session has us escorting a gold shipment to the bank. We are attacked by hawks. This encounter takes 2 hours.
    >Third session, we arrive at an inn attacked by cultists. Instead of having us fight the cultists, he introduces a DM PC, and has us roll spot. All of us fail and we wake up in a cell with no armor/weapons. We are then stuck for nearly 2 hours on a puzzle. At this point the DM gets bored and does rocks fall, everyone dies.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:12 No.13637719
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    Not a DnD story, but Mutants and Masterminds is basically just DnD + Superheroes

    >Team full of idiots
    >Absolutely refuse to be heroic or look for people to help
    >Finally just have a villain blackmail them so that they would get off their asses
    >They burn down his bar and skip town
    >Later on I introduce Vampires and hint that they could team up with one of their villains to take down the other
    >The villain from earlier is The Sunslinger, a cowboy with the power to PROJECT SUNLIGHT
    >They decide to ally with the Vampires
    >Vampires get ashed
    >Team complains that I made the campaign too hard
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:14 No.13637740
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    >first CoC campaign online with my DH GM and some other dudes
    >investigating an apartment
    >partner finds a painting
    >barely makes his check, loses 1 san
    >sets in down in the corner of the room while I'm in the closet
    >make a san check
    >what, but he put it down before I saw it...
    >make a san check
    >but it's facedown against the wall and I had my back turned
    >make a san check
    >lose 6 san
    >go insane for 3 rounds, try to kill partner

    I don't really like CoC anymore. Kinda glad work has gotten in the way of me playing.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:16 No.13637756
    samefag here, if anyone's still interested I've got a few more stories about our DM

    During on of the last fights of the final session of our first campaign with him he decided mid-fight that our Bard had been a double agent the whole time and made him start fighting for the BBEG against us. Naturally this didn't go over well with anyone, least of all the Bard.
    >> Anonymous !ReTRo3w2h2 01/24/11(Mon)03:17 No.13637764
    Please, more stories.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:19 No.13637780

    said stories must be told
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:19 No.13637781
    starting a DH campaign this week. Will be the first time i've ever dmed, and only my second RP experience evar.

    This thread gives me hope, because, even if things don't go as well as planned, i KNOW they won't be as retarded as shit like this.

    Thank you /tg/, you give me hope and confidence.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:21 No.13637801
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    rolled 11 = 11

    Just watch out for the crazy ones buddy!
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:26 No.13637830
    DMing an online campaign right now, and it was going great until one of my players decided to become "THAT guy". I'm a really lax DM, let players get away with stuff so they can enjoy the game more, and we generally have a good time. Except one player is taking advantage of my good nature and I know it.

    He gets more critical hits than normal hits. Always finishes battles with crits when they're nearly over. Meta-games a fuck ton, trying to direct my campaign sometimes. Min-maxes the FUCK out of his characters using all the things that make people on /tg/ hate 3.5ed. I'm talking about his sorceress using feats and spells from like 5 books, somehow rolling two 18's and two 16's for stats. Fights aren't fun anymore because no matter what I throw at the party, his character's end up just raping everything. It's gotten to the point where the other, normal characters can't do shit because his sorceress or barbarian just rapes everything, or I have to scale the encounter so his PC's aren't raping everything. I'm new to DMing online, and the dude knows it and is using his anonymous dicerolling to cheat, and I fucking can't prove it.

    Right now I'm throwing in enemies that are WAY to high level just to fuck over his characters and go on their merry way afterwords.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:27 No.13637835
    i'm not to worried. My attitude right now is put the PCs up against impossible odds, and then help them in whatever way i can to succeed.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:32 No.13637859
    force him to use dice rollers on certain forums, they check for editing and tell ppl that the roll was edited
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:32 No.13637861

    record his rolls over a session or two, then do the math on his rolls probibilities. if he's that overt, present it to him and tell him to cut it out.

    Also, if he's sapping all the fun out of the game, kick him the fuck out of the group. No point in tolerating him, or even playing the game, if he is the only one having fun.
    >> Yggdrasill, The World Tree !!6hKhlthC1fp 01/24/11(Mon)03:34 No.13637876
    Hey bro. Mind if I ask how to go about joining an online campaign?
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:34 No.13637877
    rolled 1 = 1

    But fire a warning shot first. Maybe he'll straighten up and fly right after a good thrashing.
    >> Anonymous !ReTRo3w2h2 01/24/11(Mon)03:35 No.13637881
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:35 No.13637883
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    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:35 No.13637885
    If it is in an IRC channel then get a dice bot
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:36 No.13637888
    That reminds me. I've got a good Dark Heresy horror story.

    Our GM wanted us to do a combination Dark Heresy, Rogue Trader game, three players for each book. The premise was that our trader had been contracted by the Inquisition to ferry the merry band of asshole acolytes wherever it was they needed to go.

    I was playing a stumpy Arch Militant mutant who got picked up on a deathworld that had been invaded by Nurglites. His mutation was a massively overdeveloped chin and one of his hands had been replaced with a chainsaw. He was basically Warhammer 40k version of Ash from Evil Dead.

    Most of the party was pretty standard. Tech Priest, Navigator, Scoundrel, Rogue Trader. Nothing really stood out. Except for the motherfucking Assassin.

    Thomas was his name. No sur-name, just fucking Thomas. He took that character option where he had amnesia due to his training but showed up to the first session with FIVE PAGES of shitty fanfiction he had typed out about how Thomas was the most feared assassin in the galaxy and had personally destroyed countless greater daemons and overthrown a radical inquisitor and defeated an Eldar Farseer in single combat. (Remember how he is supposed to have fucking Amnesia?)

    He also made a point of threatening to kill every single character in the game. When questioned why he felt the need to do this he said that he had Obsession (Murder), we then pointed out that "No you don't." and he simply replied that he wanted to roleplay like he did.

    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:36 No.13637889
    I think my favorite story about this guy came from a game we played not long after the last one I posted. Sorry if there aren't a whole lot of details, this was quite a while ago.

    We had four of the players from our last game: I was playing a rogue and the other two were a hexblade and a warmage. We also had the bard from out last game, but I can't seem to remember what he played.

    Anyway the game starts with a typical "the duke is looking for brave adventurers" plot. After a few short jobs we start to get the feeling that something isn't right with the Duke so we decide to investigate his mansion. Eventually we overhear some sort of generic evil plot and we decide to confront him about it. The ensuing battle was pretty much just him walking up to each party member and knocking them down in one blow. As we lay there he tells us something about his plan to use dragons to take over the world or some shit. This whole scene took about 2-3 minutes, so the whole party was still trying to figure out what the fuck was going on when a dragon shows up out of no where and teleports our party away
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:36 No.13637894

    So we mostly ignored him as best we could and tried to get on with the game despite having an idiot with a sniper rifle trying to pick a fight with every single person in the game, including our inquisitor, a Space Marine, the other party members, a Tech priest Magus and a whole lot of Necrons.

    Eventually we get in a situation where it's just him and me at the very top of a mineshaft while the rest of our party is still coming back up with the magical necron tablet mcguffin that we needed to retrieve, and this jackhole decides he wants to use the mining explosives to seal the cave, killing the rest of the party and failing the mission. When I told him to fuck off this happened.

    Him: "Do it or I will kill you!"
    Me: "I roll to attack him"
    Him: "What you can't do that!"
    Me: "I rolled a 1"
    Him: "I want to parry it with my chaindagger!!"
    DM: "You still have your sniper out and you don't have quickdraw. Your head goes bouncing down the mineshaft."
    Him: "Wait can't I burn a fate point or something?"
    DM: "You already used all of them when you kept trying to kill that Necron."
    Him: "This game sucks, teamkilling asshole, why did you have to ruin the game?"
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:38 No.13637904
    Thanks, but I'm too much of a lazy bastard.

    Doing the roll recording, over two sessions he literally claimed to roll this series of numbers in a row. 20, 16, 19, 17, 20, can't remember, 20. Rolls like that nonstop.

    I don't want to kick him out the group because we're pretty good friend outside of the game, you know? He was also the one who pitched the idea of us first playing. But I may consider it, since now the girl who sometimes runs mini-adventures is complaining about his rolls too.

    Doing this with the next encounter. The group we're doing now (two different parties working together in different places), is going to start going up against demons and the like, and they're about level 7 now. I even threw shit from the d20 modern book at him, and he still manage to come out unscathed while getting shot at by M4 Carbines.

    And for those asking about joining an online campaign. We use Skype, since that's where we came up with the idea, and tangledweb for character sheets so I can see everyone's character.
    >> Yggdrasill, The World Tree !!6hKhlthC1fp 01/24/11(Mon)03:41 No.13637919
    Well yeah, I use Skype to talk to friends too, but seeing as my irl friends aren't going to continue their campaign online until god knows when (I played with them once over Christmas break, then they all went back to college), I'd like to join an online campaign seeing as I like the concept of DnD. As in, is there a website I can go to or some shit, or do I just have to get lucky and play with personal friends?
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:42 No.13637928
    Considering how much anonymous sex there is on the internet, you'd think there'd be anonymous DnD.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:42 No.13637933
    Then we find ourselves standing outside the town with said dragon who heals us and explains that the Duke was attacking nearby cities with his dragon allies. Cue a group of dragons flying over us and laying waste to the city we had just come from. This seemed to be the only part the DM really had planned out as he gave us a good 10 minute description of the devastation caused by the dragons. Somewhere during this one of the dragons noticed us and attacked. Of course our new ally had mysteriously vanished leaving four level 1s to fight a dragon alone. After a quick 2 round encounter our party was wiped out again only to be saved by the Duke's daughter (a 20th level ranger DMPC). Suddenly our (still nameless) dragon ally shows up and tells us the only way to save the world was to travel to some city of vikings. That's literally all he said: go to the city and find a way to save the world
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:46 No.13637950
    I just got lucky, My buddy (THAT guy) talked about wanting to play again, and we managed to get a few more people involved.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:46 No.13637951
    If he's a good friend, and you tell him to cut that shit out in a polite and mature manner, he should at least noticeably try.

    Otherwise, you should probably kick him out anyway.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:48 No.13637970
    If I do kick him out, it's not gonna be by forceful removal, but by glorious death. I don't allow raise dead spells in my game, because I want my players to actually be afraid of death. I know that would be horrible for some players, but I think it makes the game a bit more...I don't know what the word is for it, intense?
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:52 No.13638000
    was there any fun had in any of this? any at all? Or did you just settle with the knowledge that it would make for a good story about a terrible DM?

    on another note, if my friends bail out on DH again next week, I'm probably just going to recruit some players off here. With the sheer amount of players looking for games, coupled with all the terribad DM stories and threads i see, it would have to result in at least a decent end.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:52 No.13638001
    sounds like a dm who doesn't really plan anything out.

    idk how other people do it, but i plan out generally what's going to happen, and leave the rest for the pc's to decide. i believe that if you're going to make the whole adventure scripted, just write a book.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)03:54 No.13638012
    That was the end of our first session. The DM apologized about how unprepared he had been and basically told us that he had been making up the whole plot on the spot, but he promised that he would spend the next week preparing an awesome story for us.

    So a few weeks later we have the next session and the first thing he says to us is, "So I had this whole awesome story planned out for you guys, but fuck it, I'm just going to make shit up as we go" Naturally we all assume that he's just joking because he wasn't prepared for the last session.

    The session starts with us arriving at the Viking city and we get to work trying to find some way to supposedly save the world. Somewhere in here the DMPC ends up going missing. We end up meeting with the leader of the Vikings and explaining to him what had happened to us so far. He tells us that he'll try to find out what's going on for us and that in the meantime we should just relax in the city. Then he sets us up with a house and jobs while we wait. We assumed that this was just going to be a short role play opportunity and then we would get back to the action and the main plot so we went along with it for a few in-game days.
    >> Wander !ohw/m.Jgtw 01/24/11(Mon)03:57 No.13638032
    I don't know if you are still here but you really irritate me. NOt for this post but in general.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)04:03 No.13638080
    rolled 10 = 10

    Did this thread max out? I will be answered with this post.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)04:04 No.13638084
    So a few in-game days pass, but for some reason or another we're never actually able to see the leader of the Vikings for a lead on what to do next. As the session went on it was getting pretty obvious that he didn't have anything ready for us and he was trying to cover for it by having us role play everyday life, which is about as fun ... everyday life. It felt like he was trying to turn our DnD campaign into a game of The Sims or something. So to try and make things "interesting" he brings back the DMPC. Except now shes suddenly a massive slut who's trying to get into the warmage's pants (robes?). A few extremely awkward sex scenes later it's the next day and he asks me what I plan on doing that day. By this time I had had enough of his bullshit so I told him I was going to stand out in the street and wait for a plot to find me because so far the only plot we had was "sit around leader of the Vikings decides to have you do shit"
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)04:09 No.13638108
    I guess he should have thought about that before he tried to....Steele your Thunder.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)04:10 No.13638112
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    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)04:13 No.13638132
    It was pretty obvious that our group was getting bored fast so suddenly we hear a rumor about suspicious activity going on in the library. Eager to finally fucking do something we head over at night to check it out. At first we don't notice anything strange, but after a few nights of staking the place out we see one of the librarians using a secret passage. We follow him in and end up in the basement of the library where the whole staff of the library producing and selling CP. I shit you not, our DM had us bust a god damn child porn ring. That ended the session for the night and I honestly don't know why we even kept going after that.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)04:15 No.13638145
    so, this isnt really a horrible dm OR player story, but a player taking advantage of a lax dm

    we're playing 3.5 (its most of our first times playing DnD and i'm having a blast)
    story doesnt consist of much, a little backstory consisting of humans v. orcs, stuff like that.
    we come across a town where we can stay, ~500 people, nothing major.
    figure hey, we'll buy some stuff in the market, maybe rent/buy a place to stay, get some sleep.
    PC decides not only does he want to buy things in the market, he wants to buy the market.
    poorly set up dice game by DM ends in us buying the entire market for 2k gold.
    we go to the nicest house in town, which wasnt saying much, and meet the mayor.
    we effectively buy the entire town for work put into it, get 30 percent compounding interest on all of their profit
    we get leadership roles, we help fix up the place, and decide to inquire about our money acquired on interest.
    >315K gold
    figure it up to be 7.5 tons (literal tons) of gold.
    me and a few other PCs decide to start our own game after that stunt and the fact they played on their own without 6 of the 10 players.

    however, i'm going to prestige as a dragon disciple elf sorc and i'm pumped!!!
    >> Derse Dreamer !iQu/bbTn7k 01/24/11(Mon)04:40 No.13638358
    I have a bro great guy really.
    He has only one small problem of only ever playing ch.evil or "lawful"(bullshit) evil.
    Here is a quote from one of our games.
    "Ok you make it back to Ashgarle after your fight with the warring nation what do you do?"
    CE:"I loot the tents"
    Me"Ok you can loot the tents of the people aiding you sure why not"
    CE"Alright what do I find"
    Me"Standard military armor and sword"
    CE"I take those and go to the next tent"
    CE"What do I find?"
    Me"Standard military armor and sword"
    CE"I move on to the next tent"
    This goes on for a while...
    CE"What do I find?"
    Me"Golden armor and a War Ostrich"
    CE"Sweet I kill the ostrich and take the armor"
    Me"the gaurds hear the death cries of the Ostrich and storm the tent"
    >> Derse Dreamer !iQu/bbTn7k 01/24/11(Mon)04:51 No.13638441
    CE "I move to attack"
    Me"whats your carrying capacity because your carrying 15 suits of armor and swords"
    CE"I have a bag of holding"
    Me"Its lv. 1 how the hell is it holding that much?
    CE"no its lv. 3"
    Me"your lv 4 so no its not"
    CE"Fine I drop all the armor and swords and roll my iniative"
    Me"ok the gaurds get an attack of opportunity"
    CE"Bullshit why are they getting that?!"
    Me"Because your dropping a shit ton of equipment"
    The wizard gets tired of this and asks to roll a listen check
    He gets a 26.
    WZ"I throw my alchemist fire at the crowd thinking we are being invaded"
    Me" Yes at -6"
    CE"why negative 6?!"
    Me "Because you have a fucking forge worth of items on your back"
    CE"Ok I run to the next tent"
    Me"Fuck this I'm out"
    It most likely doesn't show it in text but this shit was beyond annoying after a fucking hour of this tent bullshit.
    >> Ragnarøkr !!etFTIhb34D1 01/24/11(Mon)05:32 No.13638730
    My DM had a personal grudge against me for no other reason than the fact that he's a fucking psychopath. One night, with no provocation, he swung a fucking flail at my head.

    So he had this awesome campaign running, only for one person in the group to find out that he had gotten if online. We fucked with him until he finally had to make stuff up on his own. Not the point.

    Anyways, I was playing a monk and he was complaining that i was OPed when i was doing about 40 damage a round. All the while, he had allowed another guy to run a homebrew class, where he did OVER 200 FUCKING DAMAGE TO A BOSS IN ONE ROUND. So the DM being wise and powerful, promptly took away all the magic shit i had that allowed me to be on even footing with the rest of the party.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)05:50 No.13638867
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    Being a poorfag, I do not have the money or computer powerful enough to play it. Back when I was in college, most of the people in my D&D groups played WoW. They played it to the point where either a combination of 3 things would happen.
    1. everyone shows up (usually late) and nothing gets done because they are talking about their characters.
    2. DM calls off because he/she is too busy playing to be bothered to interact with other humans.
    3. Entire game fizzles and dies because everyone forgot that it was D&D night due to raiding or some shit, leaving me foreveralone.jpg with my D&D books and dice.
    MFW this happens.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)06:05 No.13638957
    Doesn't sound like all of the story. Not buying it.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)06:12 No.13638997
    My character was a battle cleric that was sent out into the field to cool his temper with worldly experience. He was given a blade that when swung, would bite back at him to remind him that all battles should be avoided when they can. This blade was a promise to his master that he would learn to control his temper and become a better man.
    The DM saddled me with a sentient blade I didn't want, that ended up mind warping me into using it whet I didn't want to.
    Later, when a prisoner we had rescued needed a weapon, I gave him the blade from my teacher, warning him about it's bite. He then broke it. I went "D:" in real life. That was a sticking point for a long time.
    >> Ragnarøkr !!etFTIhb34D1 01/24/11(Mon)06:12 No.13639002
    You're absolutely right, I neglected to mention the part where he tried to light my hair on fire.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)06:13 No.13639009
    >Send an e-mail out to players, saying "Hey since we're all spread around now we should do a PbP game."
    >Wait a week, send again
    >Get one character, others say "We'll make one, sure!"
    >This was in August
    >Continue hearing "Oh we'll make, just can't find the time"

    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)06:30 No.13639087
    >>Send an e-mail out to players, saying "Hey since we're all spread around now we should do a PbP game."
    >Continue hearing "Oh we'll make, just can't find the time"

    Fffffffuuuuuuuck these people. The game that ensued was godawful, short, nobody knew the rules except me, I resign DMing until I have a group that gives a shit.

    The sad part is they probably don't mind and I'm the only one taking harm from this.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)06:36 No.13639111
    I have a pathfinder campaign that could use an extra player. Think you can do fridays at 9pm GMT-8?
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)06:47 No.13639143
    I once spent over an hour rolling up the sneakiest, thievingest, evilest, most awesome-hat-wearing rogue ever as an enemy for my PC's. I'd designed him with the thought in mind that there should be no way for the PC's to beat him without gaining a couple of levels each, thus this character was pretty much twinked to fuck. His name was Long-Tongue due to his primary weapon, a whip which dealt d4 electrical damage. Everything was going well for this rogue, he was managing to outrun the PC's on his way to freedom out of a third floor window. This is where it all went to shit for Long-Tongue. Just as he'd gotten to the window, he turned to get in a shot with his whip on the first PC through the door. Unfortunately for Long TongueThis PC was a Paladin, an Aasimar paladin to be specific, who basically laughed at the stupid thief trying to be Indiana Jones, soaked the d4 elec. damage with his 5 elec. resistance, then proceeded to bullrush poor Long-Tongue straight out of the aforementioned window onto the ground below, where he bled to death in a matter of seconds. Thus bringing an end to my BBEG in the first session of the campaign.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)07:43 No.13639410

    wow... that's amazing.

    something that made me want to tear my dice bag in twain with my teeth like an angry puppy... my cleric had this thing with an "enemy" baron who her party had kidnapped in the middle of the night, and kept captive while we raided and liberated his capital. She figured he wasn't that bad of a dude, her goddess is one who espouses redemption, so she visited him in prison and offered to give him his life back. He hit on her, since it was obviously in his interest to get her to like him...

    it worked. and she kept visiting him, checking on things, trying to work to get him out of the dungeon erry day. one occasion she goes down there without her paladin lover, and finds her new friend in the clutches of the BBEG, CE jalf-fiend Satyr bard/anti paladin who is choking the shit out of and basically mummifying him. She lobs an all out magical assault against the BBEG to free the guy, and only manages to mildly annoy him because none of her shit can get passed his innate spell resistence. Still annoyed him, though, so he fucking THROWS the guy at her head, calling him garbage.

    Then since she had activated her ring of friend shield, her paladin flips the fuck out when she takes damage, gathers the party and rushes down, when the satyr plays his pipes and charms the ever loving stuffing out of them. Lookit my character sheet, fucking +17 will save... STILL FUCKING FAIL!! raaage inducing.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)07:47 No.13639448

    >this character was pretty much twinked to fuck
    >a whip which dealt d4 electrical damage
    >soaked the d4 elec. damage with his 5 elec. resistance

    So this character was 'twinked to fuck' but could only deal 1d4 damage? I'm not buying it.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)07:52 No.13639488

    He was twinked to be an annoying pest, not a murder machine.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)08:13 No.13639621
    Dude, that's fucking awesome. Hardly a 'horror story'.
    You have smart players that Bull Rush and seem to be creative, be glad. And props to you for killing Longue-Tongue instead of going all DMPC Mary Sue-bullshit and have them somehow survive.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)10:01 No.13640160
    Sounds like there are two groups going through this then, since I'm also trying to DM this game. Too bad I did all that work for a setting and nobody cares enough to spend ten minutes making a character!

    >and treetorg
    Yes thank you captcha, musn't forget.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)12:38 No.13641327

    I'm not who you are replying to, but i have friday open and some experience with pathfinder. last group broke up after a couple sessions and I miss my character.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)13:14 No.13641676
    I love how long /tg/ threads can be inactive and not 404.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)13:24 No.13641791
    Alright. come to Rizon.net #dnd.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)13:49 No.13642031
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    >Playing 4E with some good friends, great DM
    >Playing a Fighter turned Barbarian because of being possessed by a demon when he rages, still lawful good.
    >Working to save a corrupt kingdom with a groupf of rebels.
    >With a Sorceror, Cleric, Swordmage, and Bard.
    >Bard is unaligned.
    >Bard begins stealing from the rebel camp for no reason.
    >Bard kills a few citizens of the town for no reason.
    >For some reason, we let it go.
    >Few sessions later we ally ourselves with a Druid grove that want to help us save the kingdom.
    >Bard kills one of the druids because he refused to give him magical equipment needed to save the kingdom, free of charge.
    >Finally step in, Barbarian pins the Bard to the wall and asks him to calm down.
    "Make an opposing strength check to break out, Bard."
    >rolls a 1
    "You're completely at his mercy, Bard."
    >tell him to change his attitude or leave the party, his choice.
    "And what exactly will you do to me, Anon?"
    "I want to cut off his right hand."
    "What?!? Anon, that's my sword arm! You can't do that!"
    >DM says he's completely at my mercy, cut off his hand.
    >Bard stands up, leaves, and says that I ruined the game.

    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)13:50 No.13642041
    >Bard stands up, leaves, and says that I ruined the game

    What an asshole.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)15:15 No.13642611
    ahaha that's fucking awesome man
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)15:19 No.13642660

    >Cut off a characters hand for being overly pragmatic about how the kingdom is saved.
    >Ruin his character using DM fiat powers.
    >He leaves when he has no reason to stay.
    >Call him an asshole.

    /tg/ is fucking moronic
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)15:24 No.13642692
    Yeah, because random, senseless murder is "pragmatic"

    >No Anon, you are the moronic
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)15:24 No.13642695
    You just figured this out now?
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)15:24 No.13642697
    if the character was unalligned then he should have had no problem just agreeing to start being more lawful when the barbarian had him pinned.

    seriously he had a chance to save his character its his own fault
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)15:26 No.13642702

    Killing npcs doesn't hurt other players, intraparty conflict is fucking rpg cancer. The poster was 100% in the fault.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)15:27 No.13642713
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)15:27 No.13642724
    >herp derp it's okay to murder NPCs because they aren't "real". RPGS ARE TOTES LIKE MMOS AMIRITE
    No, anon. You are the RPG cancer.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)15:28 No.13642733

    Gimping someone else's character in a team game is never excusable. On top of that "change behavior or leave" doesn't imply hand cutting off. If the poster would have said "change behavior or Islamic law" it would be slightly more understandable but not excusable.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)15:30 No.13642753

    So you would rather have intraparty conflict than turn a blind eye to allowing npcs to die? I'm glad your not in my gaming group. I assume you feel the same towards me.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)15:33 No.13642764
    I think that the Bard shouldn't have been killing useful NPCs, and that if he rolled a natural 1, then yes, he was at the Barbarian's mercy. I do -not- think that cutting his hand off was justified though, unless the DM had some quest that would involve an archmage making him a new one or something.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)15:33 No.13642772
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    Wow, I can't believe people are having that argument. Oh wait, /tg/ will argue about anything.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)15:34 No.13642778
    I agree with you.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)15:36 No.13642792
    Confirmed for shit tier player who like ruining other people fun by gimping their characters.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)15:36 No.13642794
    Not every group approaches D&D as a team game.

    Interparty conflict has been at the core of some of the best games I've ever participated in. It might not be everybodies cup of tea, but by no means is it wrongbadfun.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)15:36 No.13642799
    Not the person you were replying to, but yes.

    Ignoring the behaviour is the same as promoting it because it allows the player to work outside the constraints of a normal game.

    Promoting what is effectively an unfair advantage is stupid. So is allowing player characters to senselessly do things that makes no sense. So is telling people not to actually roleplay, because you might hurt one person's fun by salvaging the rest of the group's.

    If someone has a strong sense of honor and law and then your party member stabs an orphan in the eye, there's going to be problems. It's stupid to think that should be ignored, you're basically getting down to "DnD is video games guys" except even DnD video games have better crap than that.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)15:36 No.13642800
    I once sent two Swarms of Drakes at my lvl1 group of 5. They are really easy if you have someone that can deal AoE.

    The party was no magic. I felt horrible as the spry little fuckers raped them one by one.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)15:40 No.13642818
    >The party was no magic

    In a party of 5? They had to have done that deliberately. Did they quit after that, or roll new characters, or what?
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)15:41 No.13642823

    >Not every group approaches D&D as a team game.

    Let me preface my next statement with the fact I've never been in a group that could handle IC party conflict without it spilling over into pettiness from at least one person involved IRL. If your group can handle it good for you for having mature players, otherwise:

    So then they are approaching it wrong then. Not according to me, according to the designers and publishers.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)15:42 No.13642833
    Pretty much.
    I run WoD mostly; having tensions between the PCs is par for the course. If it comes to blows I just let the dice fall where they may, no bias, no hard feelings when it's over.
    It's easy to make new characters in WoD, anyway.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)15:43 No.13642837
    My party of 5 will intentionally make a character for each alignment (playing with the condensed 5 Alignments LG, G, U, E, CE).
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)15:51 No.13642882
    Got distracted by family drama, so am a few hours late reading this. am in the channel now, if you are still interested.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)15:52 No.13642891
    What's going on here, eh?
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)15:56 No.13642928

    >Hurr durr, justice makes for a bad story because PCs can get away with anything EXCEPT PvP.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)15:57 No.13642934
    I love reading these threads. Makes me feel better about my dm and party.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)15:57 No.13642939
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    One of my players is obsessed with "succeeding by doing the wrong thing" like basically stumbling through the plot like a character in a bad comedy from the 80s. The problem is that this is impossible to do when the rest of the party is interested in actually doing the right thing and in my last campaign it came into serious conflict:

    >Plays half-field drow on quest to avenge death of a pope ranked Good Human Cleric
    >Takes side mission to deliver evil package to a crime lord.
    >Delivers the package at 3am to his house and kills his body guard in process.
    >Party leaves town on river boat.
    >Tries to kill allies the party meets en route to next town because they seem like a challenge.
    >Find the Thrall of the Thrallherd they are after for attack.
    >Kill him but party stuffs his soul back in.
    >Interrogates personer, DC 40 due to brain washing.
    >Rolls 51 after all modifiers.
    >Bypasses 2-3 sessions worth of material.
    >Frontal assault on dudes house without consulting authorities in the town, dude is legitimate in the town's eyes.

    I'm not even going to keep going. Basicly his took actions constantly that closed the rest of the party's ability to do their plans because he made them so many enemies or started shit that needed to be finished quickly without warning them. In the end I killed the character brutally.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)16:00 No.13642955
    >In the end I killed the character brutally

    How brutally?
    >> Naggarothian !!0S4L3hs2lkr 01/24/11(Mon)16:03 No.13642988
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    >In the end I killed the character brutally.
    Please, do go on. You have my ear.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)16:09 No.13643032
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)16:11 No.13643054

    The party was making its way to a fey court set up in a ruined palace in a city retaken by nature. They and the BBEG faction both want support of the Verdant Prince who rules it. The BBEG faction discovers the party's location when they see them across a river fighting some fey.that lured them next to a Roper (fey are epic trolls). They ambush them at the bridge that crosses the river, this is the BBEG force:

    Warblade 16 riding the
    Druid 14 in some form I can't recall that flys
    Bard Prc those "Magic Refrain" powers 15
    10 level 9 warriors

    The Warblade used her ring of spell battle to turn his casting of Many Jaws back on him, he rolled near max damage and tore himself to pieces.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)16:12 No.13643067
    That's brilliant.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)16:13 No.13643078

    I should add this was after the bard and his buddies swarmed him doing some damage but the party psion cleared most of the warriors off and the bard retreated when at 30ish hp. The Druid flew off with the party Ardent.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)16:18 No.13643128
    3.5 Game I'm running right now as a DM, things are going to shit because a player couldn't figure out the massive red flags I was giving him, and is probably going to have his character fucked for good.

    PC has this love interest who gets downed in a fight on these streets, and then dragged off. They get a mercenary who was working against them to change sides and help them track her down. They follow this obviously staged trail to this warehouse building. It has commoners inside, they kill them looking for her, she appears in the middle of the fight, healed up somehow, and punching people for like 9 damage each (She's a fucking wizard). What happened was that the bad guys replaced her with a succubus to get back at the PC and lure him into another trap for the BBEG to deal with him. This succubus has currently drained 5 levels from him, and has made it really damned obvious that somethings wrong. Other players know it, and are working behind the scenes to save him. I mean the signs were really obvious, she wasn't shy anymore, a lot of her quirks were gone, she was using spells at will that were WAY beyond her casting abilities without any somatic or vocal requirements.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)16:35 No.13643295
    bumpin for stories
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)16:55 No.13643494
    You fail at bumping. Watch me win!
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:02 No.13643565
    Not going to let this thread die.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)17:04 No.13643586
    I'm back from the store, and pleased to see posts such as these.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:11 No.13643657
    Bump, these stories give me hope that I can be a better DM.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:16 No.13643722
    Any advice for a new DM, so I can avoid being as bad as some of what I've read here?
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:17 No.13643736
    Don't do things you've read here?
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:18 No.13643747
    Other than the obvious. What mistakes did those DMs make that made them seem terrible (some just seemed to be douchebags, but others looked like it was lack of preparing).
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:21 No.13643770
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    Angry Tabletop Session: The Anime
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:23 No.13643793
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    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:25 No.13643804
    I laughed, because this has come up more than once in my game.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:25 No.13643805
    Don't put your fetishes into the game unless it's somehow overtly agreed that it's cool.
    Don't use the game as a vehicle to pump your own ego/kill your friends brutally

    Beyond that, a lot would be up for debate. Maybe even including those points for a few.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)17:25 No.13643809
    I laughed, but I don't know why.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:25 No.13643812

    Lack of preparation.

    Lack of caring.

    Lack of thought.

    Lack of fun.

    Anything in the game that's a minor plot point, sit down and think, 'would this be fun? would the players be interested in this?'

    For prominent events or descriptions, think 'does this make sense? does this mesh with the tone of my campaign?'
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:26 No.13643822
    Cool, thanks for the protips.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:26 No.13643832
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    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:27 No.13643834

    I need to keep up with things more often. What animoo is this? It has finally intrigued me enough to ask.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:29 No.13643857
    I'm the same guy as >>13643804

    This has come up too. Someone joined our group midway through a campaign, and decided not to give his guy anything beyond masterwork gear at level 7. He charged this demon, being that he was a barbarian, and nearly died in one round since his AC was 14.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:30 No.13643869
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    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:30 No.13643871
    As a follow up, you can turn seemingly mundane things into interesting ideas based on the interest it garners at the table. Maybe there's a rumor of a missing girl in the forest. Nobody cares, whatever. Somebody cares, adventure in the forest. Not every hook has to be a big deal. When DMs try to make every plot hook a big deal, players feel like they're being coralled into decisions.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:32 No.13643896
    I agree with this, and sometimes real subtle hooks won't work at all. Don't be afraid to have the standard quest giver guy sending them on missions. If you do it well, make the guy a total bro who pays them well and gives them cool shit, then the players will probably buy it.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:33 No.13643906
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    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)17:34 No.13643916
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:35 No.13643921
    The word armour existed before your country did.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:35 No.13643922
    that extra u sickens me
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)17:36 No.13643930
    Let's not make something out of this, please.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:36 No.13643931
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    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:37 No.13643940
    Americans sicken me.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:37 No.13643949
    Guys, stfu.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:38 No.13643959
    Reminds of "things you never want to hear your DM say".

    "Alright guys, I wrote most of this campaign using the Book of Vile Darkness and Libris Mortis."
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:39 No.13643973
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    Everytime to a female player
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:40 No.13643978
    If America started using the Metric system and using proper English (In this case, proper English is what the majority of English speaking countries use) I'd forgive you for everything else. Like training people in the middle east to be "freedom fighters" against the Russians, and then having those same fighters turn against the USA, not to mention the rest of the world.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)17:41 No.13643995
    Well, the thread was fun while it lasted, thanks guys.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:42 No.13644008
    I guess the problem that arises is the metaconcept of main quests and sidequests. Every group is different in some way. Some people will struggle to avoid any seemingly structured event set before them. Others are confused without being told which direction to keep walking.

    To further boil down gaming advice, it can be knowing what the players want and knowing exactly how much of that to give them.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:42 No.13644017
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    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:44 No.13644041
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    This happens to be ALL. THE. TIME. No matter how gently I roll.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:44 No.13644045
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    >Party has several house rules regarding EXP, including leveling down if you make a new character, and combat EXP being worth less than roleplay EXP
    >I'm the only role-player in a roll-playing group, they can't seem to figure out that if I do all the interacting with the environment and NPCs, I'll level a lot faster than them
    >They just kill everything they can in a futile attempt to catch up
    >Finally end up killing a friendly, sentient animal AFTER I befriended it
    >At this point in time, I'm level 5 and they're level 3
    >I kill all of them
    >They come back level 2, enter into a conspiracy to kill me, and fail
    >Their new characters are level 1, they decide it's not a good idea to keep trying to get revenge
    >I'm now the unquestioned party leader
    >My face

    Let me make clear though, it was all in good fun (even if they were dicks to carry a vendetta to new characters). No hard feelings out of game.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:45 No.13644048
    >DM gives no point in game sept to avenge our destroyed homeland
    >Sends us to town near there... Like, fifteen years after the explosion
    >Gives no other point or direction
    >Decide to do some bounty hunting
    >Find bounty for guy who deserted army... 11 years prior
    >Take chase for money, and boredom
    >DMPC almost gets us arrested every where we go
    >Finally find lead. Night before we were to leave, Lead dies.
    >Check crime scene, nothing of importance sept a piece of paper.
    >Nothing on Paper, know DM is asshole, Keep it
    >Find out Paper has invisible ink on it
    >Find out what it says. All in Orcish
    >DM just killed only party member who knew Orcish
    >Manage to revive Party Member
    >Completely forget about paper
    >Leave to where the Lead told us to go
    >Almost get ourselves killed in Black Market Town for being "Army"
    >Track down someone who can get appointment with person we need.
    >Guy tells us to show up at location in two days
    >Show up, after DM decided that our Rogue is vomiting and Shitting himself from Food Poisoning.
    >Commence me talking to Informant
    >Informant refuses to lead us
    >Roll high Spot check
    >Spot 3 archers being retarded off in the distance.
    >Can't figure other way to continue, attack archers, hit him for tons.
    >As I attack another 17 archers appear, and attack me.
    >Less then half health left
    >Knight charges Informant, Rogue shits himself, Warrior charges archers, I attack archers.
    >Warrior takes an Archer down near death, I one hit one, Rogue shits himself more, and Knight continues Charging farther.
    >I get attacked again, pass out.
    >Warrior kills another few, and Knight manages to hit Informant, who is a giant Lizardman, and slowly kite him towards our Fighter.
    >Our Fighter charges him, taking down the Informant, all Archers run.
    >DM sent 20 archers of our level at us, and a Giant killing machine.
    >DM set up encounter to not be able to find man.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:46 No.13644065
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    >This thread
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)17:47 No.13644079
    Thanks for the saves, guys.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)17:52 No.13644122
    Any more of these?
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:57 No.13644194
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)17:59 No.13644220
    In DH I wound up being Lawful Derp by killing a DMPC beloved to the rest of party in DH because she was an assassin who had killed Imperials in the past. I think it was my hatred for the GM lashing out or something.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)18:21 No.13644478
    So anyone have more stories?

    Just trying to keep the thread alive for a full 24 hours.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)18:22 No.13644492
    So anyone have more stories?

    Just trying to keep the thread alive for 24 hours.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)18:23 No.13644499

    My bad, said I failed verification twice.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)18:34 No.13644593
    my gm is almost always late. never cancels, but always late. not a horror story really but it's a bump
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)18:42 No.13644671
    Bumping for a 24 Hour life. Dunno what I'll do then.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)18:53 No.13644759
    DM 'ere. These are the classes in my group...

    Druid/Wizard (my DMPC)

    Combat encounters aren't that fun.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)18:53 No.13644771

    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)18:55 No.13644790
    They fight with these weapons-
    >Great axe
    >Great axe
    >Great sword

    One of them dipped into fighter and took frenzied berserker, making him far and beyond the others in terms of combat with his fullplate armor and megaragefrenzy.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)18:57 No.13644806
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    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)18:57 No.13644810
    I would make a DMM Cleric and troll this group with Marks of Justice
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)18:58 No.13644827
    I told the group, "Just play whatever the fuck you want, I'll draft the encounters based on your classes".

    3 raging barbarians and sorcerors popping off explosions ends battles in 2-4 rounds no matter what gets thrown at them.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)19:00 No.13644842
    Did you learn anything..?
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)19:01 No.13644858
    Throw dragons, lots of dragons. Or balors, those are fun.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)19:02 No.13644875
    No real horror stories. Current DM is kind of new, constantly has to check rules and frequently fouls up minor things, but most of the group is fairly new to D&D, so it's been a really chill campaign.

    Although we do have a Chaotic Stupid member who is on a quest to kill every NPC we meet. Attackers surrender, he kills them. We come across a lone, unarmed prisoner? He wanted to tie her up and toss her in a river. The only way I was able to convince him not to was by insisting that the rope was still useful. We ended up bargaining him down to abandoning her unarmed and naked miles from any civilization.
    >> Kestler 01/24/11(Mon)19:03 No.13644885
    Playing our DM's D20 Modern Campaign. The story and all that is pretty cool, epic story. The descriptions were rather subpar, but I dont know if that was because of his lack of preparation, or the fact that we were kinda tired.
    So we make our characters, starting 7th level. I make a fast hero 3/ Gunslinger 4. Only use pistols and sneaking to my advantage. Want my two usp 45's and a desert eagle. DM thinks the Desert Eagle to difficult to wield so I drop the subject.

    Rest of party are a 7th level fast hero who is a sniper.
    A 7th level strong hero who dual wields swords, nothing else. (until he got his hands on a rocket launcher.)
    Then we have a 7th level Dedicated hero who kinda just does everything. Uses submachine guns.

    So far so good, pretty good party. We needed a leader so I took that position.
    1st mission was to infiltrate this building and steal some information and destroy the labs. Two people from the roof and two on the ground floor.

    Myself and the dedicated hero take the roof, the strength hero goes in through the bottom floor alone while our sniper character takes up a spot overlooking the court yard to help the strength character.

    >> Kestler 01/24/11(Mon)19:04 No.13644905
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    We were "supposed" to do this sneaky like. All goes good until I sneak up on some bad guy and on two epic successful move silently checks to get up to him, and another epic successful grapple check I take this guy in a head lock and put my gun to his head, to get some answers. Even after all that the DM states that the guy in the headlock "gets free" by sacking my character. So I go down and am sickened for awhile but when I hit the ground I was able to shoot the guy and kill him. Even after all that bullshit I still drop the subject.

    Then the sniper tries to kill someone, breaks glass, we get found out and all hell breaks lose.

    I shrug as we fight our way out off it, all sense of stealth obviously gone, I pull the suppressors off my guns and it all turns into a crap shoot. Strength character is subdued but rescued.

    We get to the labs, bloody mess, cool descriptions and all that. We get to the end, kill some weird beast and loot the room.

    We all roll search checks. I roll the highest with a 18. And low and behold we find a sweet nickel plated Desert Eagle in a desk.

    Strenght character takes it.

    DM allows him to take it, even though I was the one to find it

    Even after all my complaints and arguing he gets to keep it.

    I seriously wanted to flip the table and walk out.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)19:05 No.13644918

    Better to swap the original spelling of 'armor' with the 'armour' brought about because of the fucking french, right?

    It disgusts me how little you brits understand about the history of your own fucking language.

    o > ou.
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)19:07 No.13644963
    Shut the fuck up, we are not arguing over brits/americans.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)19:10 No.13644995
    It's been so long since I played a real RPG that most of my memories of it are hazy.

    It was in high school, and as you imagine, our DM was basically winging the rules the whole time. But he was less incompetent than the rest of us, so he got the job.

    We never played a game for more than one session. If you could call them sessions. We'd spend one night making characters, do a little bit of dicking around, and then it'd devolve into off-topic chatter. Next time we got together, without fail, he'd decide he didn't like the campaign and make us start over.

    The one horror story I recall, though, was when he decided to play D20 Modern with some Urban Arcana mixed in. We all sit down with our charsheets, and the DM says with his biggest trollface ever:

    >Stat yourselves, lol

    Apparently, we were going to be playing as our real-life selves. And in his mind, the only fair way he could see to roll characters was to have everyone stat everyone, and then average the scores. This quickly led to hurt feelings and in-fighting.

    >Wait, you actually think I'm below average intelligence?
    >You gave me WHAT for Charisma?!

    We did eventually move past that, and the campaign started at a bonfire set in my backyard. Then suddenly, vampires everywhere.

    In the end, we never got anywhere and it turns out that most of that group were twatwaffles anyway.

    >mfw I've never had a real tabletop group
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)19:11 No.13645003
    What was yfw?
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)19:16 No.13645065
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    Forgot my pic
    >> That Tiefling You've Heard So Much About !dTJiSCMdC. 01/24/11(Mon)19:22 No.13645122
    Alright guys, my group is getting together for another session, try to keep the thread up until 9PM /tg/ time.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)19:26 No.13645163
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    I've been reading and following this since last night at like 12, this is my first post the entire time. You can count on me! I have a purpose!
    This thread makes me feel glad about my DM that's for sure.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)19:50 No.13645435
    DM starts a campaign, It quickly falls apart for no apparent reason, he starts a new one.

    I have no less than 3 characters who were basically left hanging. DM has their sheets. I know sometimes things get in the way, but it's getting annoying
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)19:55 No.13645492
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    I'm part of campaign where the main purpose is to fight demons and devils basically. It's a modified 3.5.
    Three of the seven party members, including a recent addition of a DMPC worship the same lesser diety of the DM's creation (I'm a good incarnate). This deity frequently takes evil beings and purifies them so that they may see the error of their ways and serve the world for good. [The other PC and my character requested the DM play as an orc slave, we rescued from a stronghold, turned cleric for him]
    One of the characters in the party is a Neutral Druid with definite evil leanings. He has a ring that lets him steal the souls of beings we kill and barter with a Devil.
    This is starting to get to be too much for my character and I warn him in character about it, and the other two come to my side saying it's getting to be ridiculous.

    We also warn him OOC too.

    He breaks the camel's back with the sealing of a Succubus soul to his staff, forever marring his druidic staff making it an object of evil and thus making him an evil character. I become wary of him noticing a shift in my constant detect evil on him, shrugging it off. until he decided to kill innocents for their souls because he needed a few more to get what he wanted from the Devil. This made me step in and tell him to stop or he would die, my character can't tolerate Evil, once being evil himself.

    We check with the DM out of game and he okays it thus: Battle ensues, three on one (the other guy and gal sit out)
    >Good Incarnate

    All 9th level.

    he dies.

    MFW he says: "What the hell guys?! Why would you do that?! This is bullsht! I hate this! Not playing with you again!"
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)20:25 No.13645898
    Bump for 24 hr thread.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)20:25 No.13645899
    i've played one game of marvels and i must say, as a new player to the genre of rpgs i am fascinated by all of your stories. keep them up, the only thng ive seen that was silly was an omnipotent omniscient Man-spider, and that was just watching a game
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)21:00 No.13646395
    Bump, it's getting close.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)21:12 No.13646602
    I've been lurking around for almost 24hrs. now too.

    I've never even played RPGs and this thread amuses the hell out of me.
    >> Anonymous 01/24/11(Mon)21:28 No.13646802
    Bumpan for 24 hours.

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